#idk. its probably not that deep im just sleep deprived + thinking too much. its not like im mad or anything anyway just kinda confused

[phagodyke]

also not my flatmate earlier being like wow I forgot u were into scifi....... girl. like sorry for not being into star trek/star wars I guess but????

[cactuupng]

I was staring at your Mounders fanart where they're all falling last night (...for far too long while just a liiiittle bit sleep deprived)

And I was curious if you have any notes or thoughts behind the various details to maybe share because there were just so many little things I noticed, and idk how much I missed or how much was me reading too deep into it, but it would be very cool to hear what your intent and thought process was if have any thoughts / remember them

Either way I just really liked that fanart and have Many Thoughts and Feelings! So Many ! I could probably make my own list of notes and observations and reading too deep into its at this point tbh

KEK HELLO THANK YOU if i'm being honest, there aren't than many details (at least i think so), but here are some that i added in conciously that i could remember:

- The falling order is intended! From bottom to the top, it's the order of who died first, so it would be that Mumbo died first, then Bdubs, then Joel and then Pearl.

- The colored squares behind each Mounder is the color they said was their favorite during the episode where Joel (i think) asked everyone what their favorite color was (or what color they would be, i dont remember fully)! The filter makes them look more silly and different though

- Mumbo has fire on him because i associate traffic!Mumbo with fire and burning (mostly due to LL, i can talk about it if anyone is interested /silly)

- I see the whole composition of Mumbo falling into the darkness and away from the light in two different ways:

Him falling into the darkness of death, away from light as everything goes dark yada yada basic perma death stuff, hence the more glitchy feel (basic, boring /j)

Him falling into the darkness of his own mind, feeling like he's alone and doesn't belong where the light is (Mounders) as he falls deeper and deeper (cool, makes me depressed /pos /j), it makes Bdubs reaching out to him more meaningful, with the rest if the Mounders falling to catch him

- Blood coming from Mumbo's head because Warden beat his ass lmao im coping

- traffic!Mumbo makes me incredibly ill so the falling anvil and the task holder thingy is meant to be his :-) or at least stuff that was tied to his character or to the red lifers in general

OTHER THAN THAT i dont think there are any stuff that i fully intended to be small silly details? I would GLADLY listen to any if your thoughts, i love it when people read into my art and see possible references or details that i've accidentally added and didnt even notice :-) also makes me feel so smart actually because i am in fact not

[celestialmancer]

🌫️ // 4:41 pm, tbd ;

Feeling really disconnected from a lot again, though I guess this is just… expected

I’m still not… much better bc of everything bc even if yesterday everything I’d been repressing finally spilled, that’s just… the start, I guess, in actually processing that shit that I intentionally kept to myself all because of fear

& even now I still feel this guilt for having it spill because, I never intended to even unveil any of it. I always had planned to carry that weight alone by myself but ig that just… Wasn’t how things panned out I guess. In the end it always comes out, in the end emotions always spill & its just more a matter of when, I guess.

I don’t think I’m ever forgiving this person, my mind sees them as nothing but a parasite w how they were w me (on top of everything else they did) & that’s that. That’s all they’ll ever be to me. Idc what anyone else thinks abt em, whatever, but when they actively pulled the shit they did to me that was specifically @ me & were hurting me in ways that were insidious, top of the other harmful shit they did (tho this being not just to me but others) ? you cannot expect me to ever have any care for them nor forgiveness ever.

I don’t forgive possessive self-entitled parasites. Esp when I have a history of ppl like that who always hurt me.

Regardless.

Tired. Sleep deprived. Not sure where my head’s at, im still hurting & hurting. & I’m probably not gonna be over it for a while given it hasn’t been somethn ive bothered being open about.

But at least actually finally talking about it is… A start to processing it. Idk.

Downside is it’s … It’s going to be something I probably talk about more over time or talk about again, to process it, because I’m not over it, which makes me antsy abt how that’d be taken, i only just recently finally even started to first ever talk about it & its just… I don’t know.

It feels frustrating too, because I can’t help but feel like I’m somehow manipulative for expressing my hurt or like I’m in the wrong or like I have no right to any of this hurt that runs deep for me thanks to them but… things to ig work through, I don’t know.

Also, unfortunate that now seeing a specific shade of a color & name attributed to a thing tied to said parasite now makes me feel ill to look at, but i’ll just… have to find a way to reassociate somehow…

[tenyacore]

dads when you have depression

-> father figure! present mic, aizawa, and all might.

i didnt know what to title this lol. i back. i uhhh have not existed for the last idk how long. i might explain what happened later if you guys are curious, its nothing interesting just my journey with trying to better myself 💆🏽‍♀️ [EDIT PRE POST: GAH DAMN WAIT IVE BEEN GONE A WHOLE MONTH... UM... IM SO SORRY]

warnings: uhhhh. homie idk obvious one is depression ig?? and language.

word count: 198 (present mic), 223 (aizawa), 225 (all might).

alternative title: i do not have a father figure so i must substitute my absent dad for a 2d dad LMAO ....

check out my masterlist for more of my works!!

PRESENT MIC

♡ the overly enthusiastic father figure.

♡ offers to drive you to the pharmacy for refills, therapy sessions, visits to your psychiatrist, anything you need.

♡ always makes sure you know that you can tell him anything, but also that he understands if something is too recent or uncomfortable to talk about, and gives you your space.

♡ tries to brighten the place, and makes your surroundings clean and lively so that your environment does not further depress you.

♡ is supportive of any type of way you try to cheer yourself up.

♡ you decide you’re going to try to eat healthy since you’ve heard a good diet can impact mental health? he’s all in with you, he’s giving up junk food too.

♡ is loud and boisterous to a certain degree. If he sees that its just irritating and frustrating you more than it’s making you laugh, he quiets down (dw, he’s not hurt by it).

♡ all in all, rather than just being understanding, he gently nudges you towards the self care route.

♡ no, not the face masks and bubble baths type self care, the cry it all out and dig deep to find what really is the issue type of self care.

AIZAWA

♡ the experienced and tired father figure.

♡ one of his ���kids” is a traumatized little girl and the other is a sleep deprived homosexual, so he knows his way around dealing with trauma, depression, and pain.

♡ he’s much more chill than present mic, but he still worries his ass off because of you three.

♡ because of this little mentally ill found family you guys have, some days everyone is too emotionally drained so i feel like you guys have started a tradition of cuddling up on the couch to comfort each other without further stressing one another out.

♡ these cuddle sessions are very private though, because shinsou is probably one of those tsundere mfs.

♡ aizawa certainly has a unique and sarcastic way of joking around (as does shinsou) so i think he picks up on cues that today you’re just not in the mood and gives you a break.

♡ he’s much more of a sit back and observe type of person, only jumping in if he sees that you’re digging yourself a hole you might not be able to dig yourself out of in the end.

♡ he lets you take care of yourself because he wants you to learn how to be independent and form healthy coping mechanisms rather than depending on him.

♡ he still loves you and takes care of you willingly, though.

ALL MIGHT

♡ the inexperienced and stressed father.

♡ his ass probably reads books about depression because he just doesn't have a clue as to what to do.

♡ you know izuku’s broccoli ass probably has anxiety too so all might has a plate full of things to learn.

♡ he lets you explain and teach him what you think you need him to know and help you with, and never oversteps boundaries.

♡ he's very cautious about what may or may not hurt/affect you but doesn't show it all that much.

♡ it may at some times feel like he’s a bit distant but that's not because he doesn’t care about you, rather he is unconsciously putting space between you and him so he doesn’t accidentally do something wrong.

♡ lots of trial and error, but he takes it seriously and with some time and experience he gets the hang of being a father figure to you.

♡ he isn't the type to be visibly anxious or fretful, rather his worries are often things in the back of his mind or things he thinks about lying awake at night before falling asleep.

♡ he definitely seems like more of a serious/low energy person when out of his big muscle version so he goes out of his way a bit to ensure you know he cares even if he physically looks like he doesn't.

[all-hail-the-witcher]

hello, this is your fbi agent

okay so i have no explanation for this im sorry

____

ship: ralbert

genre: crack with memes

warnings: first person (????), memes, more memes, this is not related to spies, the worst crack and even worse writing, idk fam

editing: ha

words: 1099

____

*record scratch*

*freeze frame*

Yes, that’s me, Albert Dasilva, sitting behind a desk, spying on someone through their phone camera for the FBI. You’re probably wondering how i ended up in this situation. Well, frankly, I am too. I always knew that I was a walking meme, but I never thought that I would actually become one.

See, I had just finished college and, like most college graduates, was looking for a job. One of my friends who asked to remain nameless *ahem* jAcK keLLy, told me to apply to work at the FBI because apparently you only need a college degree to do that. And me, being the dumbass that I am, decided to do it as a joke cause fuck it, why would they ever hire someone who had been arrested for stealing oats and cream cheese from Target when they were 14? (Alright fine, I technically wasn't arrested, the cop was clearly caffeine deprived and let us off with a warning. Although they didn't catch us the one time Jack and I stole one of the Target balls in broad fucking daylight. Wait. Forget I said that. I’m a good wholesome Christian child and have never stolen anything, anything I may or may not have told you was a blatant lie.)

Plot twist, they fucking hired me.

(Jack got a real kick out of that, believe me.)

And, as part of my intern training, I had to do only the most memey job on the whole internet:

Watch people through their phone cameras.

Yes! We actually exist! This is not just some dumb meme that the internet made up! And I would know, because the idiot I’m assigned to watch doesn’t sleep so therefore I don't sleep and I have the dark undereye circles to prove it!

God, I want a fucking nap.

But no, instead I’m watching an idiot look up fucking lazytown quotes at two in the fucking morning.

*muffled shouting* Oh, and he’s hot. Thanks for reminding me, Jack. Not like that's WHY IM WRITING THIS YOU ASSHOLE!

*deep breath* Okay, anyway. Back to the story.

Why am I doing this?

Right. Cause I hate myself, that’s why.

Anyway. The kid that I have to watch through his phone camera. His name is Race. And no, before you ask, I do not know why he goes by Race. It’s not my business. I only watch his every move on the Internet, I don't know his whole life story! What kind of organization do you think the FBI is, huh?

Just kidding, we definitely know your whole life story and its definitely recorded in three different places, one of which is a vault hidden under Argentina. But you didn't hear that from me.

*more muffled shouting*

Jack is telling me that I’m “beating around the bush too much and need to get to the point.” Fine. I know that’s what you came here for anyway.

In short, it was a stormy night and the power had gone out, but I, a dedicated FBI intern who did not want to lose my only source of income, was using my rapidly dying iPhone to watch my assigned civilian through his phone camera. That night, the man had looked especially enchanting, the light from his phone illuminating his luscious blonde curls and accentuating his deep blue eyes, making it seem as though I could drown in their-

Okay this just sounds like shitty Wattpad fanfic. Is tHAT WHAT YOU WANTED JACK?! Also I don't know what Wattpad fanfic is like because I’ve personally read any. I spy on people through their phone cameras alright, I’ve seen a whole lot of weird shit.

Essentially, what happened was I caught some feelings. And, my supervisor figured this out by reading my weekly reports and told me essentially to “tell him you like him so you can go on a date and I can reassign you so that I don't have to keep reading these lovey dovey reports because they make my brain turn to mush.”

Thanks for that Katherine. Love you too.

And now, here I am, having this fan tas tic  monologue while trying to figure out how to compose a text message.

(Before you ask how I have Race’s phone number, I work for the FBI. There’s a lot of information I have that any normal citizen would want. Like what is actually kept in Area 51 (baby iPhones), if mothman is real (he is and secretly is the president of the United States), and if Canada is real (its not). But you shouldn’t trust any of this information because I work for the FBI and I could be lying to you.)

Here’s what I have so far:

Hi Race. My name is Albert and you might not believe this but I am actually the FBI agent in your phone...yes, we exist. I’ve spent the last 5 months watching you and I think you're kinda cool and pretty cute and was wondering if you would like to meet up some time. (Also stop looking up lazy town quotes at 2 am, I now have the whole show memorized because of you.)

Overall, it’s not bad, but there’s some things that I think could be improved and- wait, Jack, nO! WHAT ARE YOU DOING STOP GIVE THAT BACK I’M NOT FINISHED!!

*10 minutes later*

He sent it. Jack sent my fucking message before it was fuking finished and now Race isn’t going to fucking respond and I’m going to be alone forever and Katherine is going to reassign me and I’m never going to see Race’s angelic face ever again and-

Oh.

He responded?

What the hell?

Honestly, I guess I should have seen that coming. Race has no common sense.

What? I’m allowed to say that! I spend my days looking at what he googles, alright!

Anyway, I’m sure you're dying to know what he said, so here it is:

Hi Albert! You better not be trolling me because this has been the biggest and I oop moment I’ve ever had. Please tell me that you haven’t exposed my two am lazy town search sessions to the public. No one is supposed to know about that. And yes, I would love to meet up with you. Mostly to apologize for my google search history and for the memes (hehe) but also because anyone who can spy on me for 5 months without going to therapy than maybe you can actually put up with my craziness! Xx Race.

Huh.

Maybe this job isn’t so bad after all...

____

im so sorry please dont unfollow me

feedback is always appreciated, hmu to be on the taglist

tag list

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@well-the-kids-do-too​

@racetrackcook​

@ughwaitwhat​

@aw-jus-let-em-try​

@voice-foundshoe-lost​

@stopthe-presses​

@ridin-in-style​

@pinecovewoods​

@i-got-no-clue-what-im-doing​

@getchapapes

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@stellar-alpaca​

@saxoph-ella​

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@carryyourownbanner

@warmwoolysweaters

@spot-the-brooklyn-pirate

@writing-makes-me-antsy

[zepdeans]

there’s not a lot I can say about s3 that hasn’t already been said (and articulated 200x better) but! here are some of my (albeit dumb) thoughts :~)

ep1 -isak leaning against the bathroom wall gets me EVERY time its such a powerful scene esp introducing you to s3 and tarjei..... spare some talent for the rest of us please -LiTeN gUtTeN fRa StRaNgEr tHiNgS -isak rly ties his pants w a shoelace...... -isak noticing even for the first time bc of his laugh.. whew.... also. i love this intro SOOO much bc its so non-monumental? theres no dramatic music or whatever but its not subtle.... like you know right away o shit love interest!! hello sir!! bc isak’s expression watching him :’) i could go on -isak is a bad liar HOWEVER this only applies to stupid nontrivial things e.g. the black sweatshirt. but when you look at him lying about like, his sexuality, he hides that shit well -”c00l” isak. i hate u so much -honestly all u have to do is look at even for .2 seconds and u can tell this boy has had a crush for a solid month bc he just looks awestruck (HOWEVER henrik’s acting is *chef’s kiss* bc its subtle enough to go undetected b4 you actually know eVEN SAW HIM ON THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL) -even isak and emma all sitting on the bench together is funny enough on its on but then a song called threeway comes on and like. julie sdshjsfdjfkjskd ep2 -there’s something so endearing about even’s handwriting idek what -i LOVE even’s video w mikael it reveals so much about him to us- how weird (ok we saw how weird he was w the paper towel thing but) and dorky he is? and his love of film! his view on love stories and how he sees the world :( but it also shows a lot abt isak because he saw even making stupid jokes about vladimir putin and was like yeah we about to fall in LOVE love -isak not using headphones to watch even’s video or r+j?? bde or general incompetence what’s the verdict guys -the isak watching r+j scene hits so hard like yall ever think about isak lying in bed at 3am staring at the ceiling probably thinking about how he’s never gonna get a beautiful world-shattering romance like that like ..... also him changing positions skam get out of my life go away ur too realistic -not to make this even more self-projection-y but isak simultaneously being the least emotionally vulnerable person ever but crying during r+j > -i made a post abt this already but even’s INTENSE staring vs isak’s “i have never looked anyone in the eye in my life” gets me it says so much about their characters -even said i see your bde move (asking me to buy you beer) and i raise u with my own (inviting you to my house after faking not having my id) -”if you listen to music” even is such a dick fsdjhsdff -when the message comes on...... i rlly do owe julie my life huh -”have you heard about my rapping?” “I have actually” have we talked about this enough????? 1. isak finally feels comfortable enough w even to flirt and his first move is to RAP for him jesus christ. keep in mind this is the same man who pulled that smooth af ibuprofen line w emma like...... 2. even has heard about isak’s rapping. either this means im-not-on-social-media even went out of his way to go thru homeboy’s instagram OR isak’s rapping is actually talked about. i- -the group chat messages. cant believe i forgot about the 2016 clown epidemic

ep3  -mahdi is a good friend and i love him. thank u -even wearing isak’s cap until he chucks it at him sjksfjsdjsd -how much yall wanna bet isak’s been listening to illmatic on repeat since last friday thinking abt even (even tho meeting sonja shattered his heart a lil) [also kinda an aside but i think a lot about how isak n even bonded over rap and how some homophobic lyrics in 90s etc rap might have impacted them? or how that little detail ties into julie’s story? e.g. halftime by nas, which is on illmatic] -whats worse. even staring into isaks soul wearing a size xs see-through white t shirt or isak staring at even for five (5) seconds before chugging his beer and immediately making out w emma. OR even crashing that party before it can start “i think you guys are bonding too much” cheesy ass shjhfsdhskdf -yall act like evak didnt invent hands. did even shaking isak’s shoulder telling him his apartment is nice mean nothing to u -im convinced robyn wrote call your girlfriend for this scene specifically bc how could anything fit so perfectly by coincidence -is anything better than egging isak on- even bech naesheim (2016) -idk if yall have read the scripts but i love the sock thing so much bc its soo true to how isak thinks and it makes everything so much more interesting and !!!

ep4  -i will never get over even sending isak bad seinfeld memes -even smacking open isak’s locker. first of all whew second of all u think as soon as he got into the stairwell he lowkey cried bc ow -parallel of isak saying “it’s 2016, why are you religious?” to sana vs. emma’s “it’s 2016, get out of the closet” to isak anyone :( -”takk sanasol!!!!” thank u isak for my life -I wanted to be with you aloneeeee -even’s face when he sees the pool like we get it youre a director -how many times do i need to say even is such a dick sjkfsd “does it look like i care about my hair?” “usually but not right now” like this would only work on isak i love soulmates!! -even just.. fully choking isak out ssdhgfd got em -when the first notes of im kissing you start ooh boy -even going in for the kill kiss and isak going from huh to oooo shit and pushing his lips out at the last minute. phenomenal 

ep5 -ngl as soon as im not in love comes on my heart goes uwu bc like!!!! that song the meaNING.... them......... i jus love this scene sm like theyre in their own little bubble and they both feel so comfortable and at peace :((  -even leaving isak comics about an inside joke of theirs like yall mind if i scream -isak feeling left out from the conversation and his friends whew i felt that... and having them talk about how gross it is to makeout with a girl w facial hair?? blease :( -taking stock of isak’s nicknames: issy k, isabell, izzy, baby jesus, -im not even gonna bother trying to articulate thoughts on Pause bc it’s a literal masterpiece. thank u tarjei henrik and julie for inventing television with this one  -MAGNUS SDFKJSDFJKDSHK "oooh my name is Jonas and I love idealism and reading klassekampen and I don’t like plastic and I skate on a skateboard made of sustainable wood and wear old clothes because new clothes are bad for the environment and I only drink recycled water” screAMMM -what i said abt pause also applies to pride ugh its such a powerful scene and!! the beginning of kicks to isaks stomach. honestly what i fucking love about this episode is how it goes from hell yea best day w even ever to crying in the street within one week (s3 had the best balance of angst and payoff thanks) -even’s Soft Party Flannel... forever tainted by this scene rip -not knowing why even kissed sonja keeps me up at night -speaking of. how used and stupid isak must’ve felt when he saw even completely unbothered, hooking up w his ex at this party?? whew :( -bros is one of my all time favourite clips solely bc of the music?? lift me up gives me chills and when hold my liquor starts i LOSE it -ep5 and 6 remind me of that quote “to see what your characters are really made of you have to break them” because julie rlly goes all in and god it hurts so good

ep6 -never have i ever seen insomnia portrayed as accurately as tarjei did here and i remember when i first watched the cantina scene i was like. winded bc its SO true to sleep deprivation whew -i really like that isak wasnt together with even when he reached out for help and came out to jonas. bc it was him, on his own, being strong enough to talk to his friends and then eventually he was confident and secure enough in himself to be in a good place when even started reaching back out!! -i have no idea what its like to come out to someone, to be afraid of your friends rejecting you, everything isak went through. but tarjei’s acting of when, like, you have something you KNOW you have to tell someone, and youve put yourself in the position where youre going to have to tell them, but youre terrified and eventually just force yourself SAY the words??  -and isak’s smile when he realizes jonas is gonna be his bro no matter what :’)))

ep7 -weirdly one of my favourite isak looks (black t-shirt grey snapback c-c-c-combo) -”what’s your name again?” have i mentioned i love sana and isak bc i love sana and isak -jonas truly is the best friend oh man. perceptive, thoughtful, loving, laidback, a friggen BRO. tbh i was wary of him in s1 and thought he didn’t treat eva well (tho I recognized he loved her a lot, he was just bad at being a boyfriend) but jonas in s3?? just goes to show how powerful your perspective of someone can change viewing them in a different role!! because while jonas was a crappy bf, he literally is SUCH an incredible friend and his actions and words and just! him! in s3 completely redeemed any illwill I had towards him :’) -maybe im a little gay (up there with other s3 comedy classics such as “thats a boys name”) -mahdi season WHEN ugh a legend -’when someone asks isak if hes going to a family party’ literally what other reason for living do i have if not to read the boy squad text convos -isaks locker finally opening and his smile at evens drawing whewwwwwww!! also even rlly is that guy who wont text you back but will leave hand written love letters in ur locker -also. another stellar look from valtersen -slutt a meld meg is a whole masterpiece like what other piece of media has the RANGE -eskild: play hard to get. jonas: no smiley!!! isak: nah fam im good B)

ep8 -this episode is BEAUTIFUL bc you feel practically euphoric?? like hell yeah theyre finally together!! isak is out and accepted and even is done with sonja! but theres also this unsettling undercurrent of worry bc you know deep down something isnt right? why is sonja calling isak? why is even acting kinda strange? whats going on? yknow?? -literally never going to get over 5 fine frokner :~) even is such a goddamn nerd and he’s the man of isak’s dreams can u believe!!  -sana’s little speech is SO important in so many ways ooo i love her so much -also have we discussed eskild making evak do a photoshoot for him. highkey those are my favourite pictures of ALL time u can tell even was like hm strange but im down while isak was more omg guys stop🙄 omg haha eskild i cant believe youre making me cuddle with even for a photo🙄 i cant believe ur making me snuggle this dude for a pic!!!! definitely would not have done this otherwise!!! -magnus only realizing it’s THAT even after seeing how isak looks at him. whew -isak is so brave i rlly love that kid! his text to his mamma <3 -no r*make will EVER nail text conversations like mari/julie did w evak’s this week thanks for coming to my ted talk. i'd quote the best ones but it would literally double the length of this post (ok ill cave. “hahaha shut up❤️” GETS me) -you dont know whats in store but you know what youre here for. hallo -isak running around oslo with even’s clothes looking for him :( his heart is so big he cares about even so so much -when Part II (on the run) comes on in the credits its like a kick in the teeth honestly

ep9 -ive already screamed enough about cherry wine but god it fucks me up -cannot put into words how much I love eskild and how good of a person he is, he just has so much love in his heart  -”wait they have waffles here? see ya” -this convo is why i love skam so much!!!! magnus giving insight and good thoughtful advice to isak was such a brilliant move by julie (also truLy heartwarming) bc like. magnus is a flawed layered character! he’s dumb and ignorant and not very careful with his words BUT hes also such a sweet guy. i genuinely dont think he would hurt a fly and him talking about vilde (in ep10) is ;-; bc he really likes her and respects her and wants to be a gentleman! hes so loving and just. yeah. also i wonder if isak and magnus (and vilde) ever talked about having mentally ill parents and lent on each other for support bc like....<3 [sidenote- this is why i HATE b***** like they absolutely massacred magnus’s character and magnus did not deserve that!] -det er bare slutt........ very cool of tarjei to invent acting here. also the character development makes me WEEP like at first isak lied and told his pappa it was over bc its easier to brush stuff off and say you were joking than be vulnerable especially about 1. having a boyfriend and 2. saying youve already broken up?? but then isak was like hey im done with lying about who i am bc i want my life to be REAL and he told his dad the truth even if it was hard and even if he was trying rlly hard not to cry  -isak reaching out to even<3 standing up for even<3 -o helga natt. another scene i genuinely cannot comment on bc u cant really put into any written language how magical and breathtaking and heartbreaking and powerful and brilliant this scene is. so. -jk. obvs i cant say anything intelligent enough to give this scene justice but probably the most stunning piece of television i have ever had the privilege of watching. even’s text breaks my heart every gd time (esp since we never really see this side of him before finding out he’s bipolar? his guilt, insecurity, feeling like a burden, being scared of losing everyone in his life because he thinks he’ll hurt them). the music is SO beautiful i cry real tears as soon as the strings start. also the brilliance of JUST o helga natt playing and no dialogue except for isaks one line? isak’s realization when he sees the cross. him RUNNING across oslo to go to even. the FLASHBACKS all going backwards in chronological order until them smoking on the bench. isak looking at the bench and not seeing even and u can feel his heart breaking and urs breaks too! but then he remembers the bathroom and he turns and theres even and whewwww. du er ikke alene<3

ep10 -minutt for minutt is THE most healing clip im telling u. and like.. seeing even depressed really is hard and as someone who was very very depressed for 4-ish yrs of their life it rlly hits me? like when youre in an especially bad funk and you cant get out of bed and youre just numb and exhausted and feel so shitty and u want to be alone but you really dont???? could go on but literally i owe henrik holm my life for his portrayal of even  -not to be a soft bitch on main but when isak tucks the blanket over even and it keeps getting pulled off his back so isak just. covers that spot with himself? -i do love that call between sonja and isak bc once again! a flawed (realistic) human being -and isak thinking its his fault even is depressed? it means a lot that sonja told him its no ones fault, even is just bipolar. and i wonder if isak felt that way about his mamma as well, guilty for her being ill, and if what sonja said made him feel better about that situation too :( -lowkey random but when isak is rambling really fast and he goes “maybe we’ll get bombed tomorrow and talking about all this is a waste of time” it continually punches me in the throat bc that is /exactly/ how i ramble and think like tarjei........ pls -like eskild said. there really is so much love in isak’s little grumpy teenage body<3 -isak no longer just passively accepting life as its given to him, now he fights for him and even!!!!!  -isak is such a forgiving person and seeing him able to just accept things and move on? incredible -i remember when i first watched ep1 i was like oooo even and isak are gonna be kosegruppa partners and thats when theyll first get together, cooking food or smth!! but lmfao after episode 3? kosegruppa whomst???? also hilarious vilde thought isak of all people would willingly sign up for kosegruppa just to go to revue parties -even and linn friendship!!!! -cannot articulate how mf heartwarming it is to see even smiling and being more himself after being depressed (also thank u julie for having ups and downs coming out of his depression- its so true to life having one day when youre feeling awesome and then the next you feel awful again for no reason and its SO frustrating) -I had to stop watching passe pa meg cause it made me toooooo crazy! it would just be like: “I like seeing you laugh” and I was like: *SCREAMS* -im the fucking master of lying 😤 -literally don’t know why isak and even ragging on kosegruppa is so funny but “did you think I joined to have fun” gets me every time -I SAW YOU THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL -also even literally radiating love @ isak watching get snarky w vilde on the phone bc it reminded him of the first time he saw him! even rly is that boyfriend who thinks isak being pissy is the Best Thing he has Ever seen -halla boiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiz -literally the glo up of isak telling his friends the order in which he’d bang them -No filter! wow I love symbolism -so nice to see the girls together for a lil bit :) -the boys hyping up mags while also telling him to be respectful awwwwww -take desperate to a whole new level- Confucius  -who’s going to show isak how to properly hold a beer can -literally evak banter gets me thru the day. thank u tarjei and henrik for having phenomenal chemistry + improvisation skills + making isak and even the dumbest nerdiest boys i have ever seen -biology partner. and friend. ;-; -even literally is the biggest stoner blease -isak’s talk with eva is just sooooo<3 and not to be emo on main but every single word of the last few sentences he says hit me so gd hard because i feel the exact same way in my BONES -livet er nå 💛

final thoughts :( <3 -this season is so special. it feels like one really long oscar-worthy movie or smth?? i cant even exblain, its just magical. ALSO very dear to my heart. -julie really said you guys have seen isak sad and alone and repressed for the past two seasons so heres him falling in love with the best person in the world and coming to terms with who he is and being brave and opening up and finally being happy and living a real life -this season definitely feels different from s1/2/4 to me editing or production or music smth wise? as in, its got a lot fewer aesthetic shots and the cinematography seems a bit different if that makes any sense???? I also think this is the season most focused just on the main (i.e. not many- if any? sideplots going on) -literally will never get over the thought, love, and detail put into this season. when i say there is literally nothing i would change about it, i mean it and coming from my nitpicky ass??? means a lot lmfao. the acting, directing, music choices, symbolism...... sublime -s3′s cold rainy autumn aesthetic makes me ACHE for fall and also nostalgic for a highschool experience I never had lmao?? also. all the nighttime clips >>> -don’t know what else to say except thank u skam for my life

[glamswift]

21 questions

okay i’m super fucking late because i’m probably the biggest procrastinator on earth but better late than never. I was tagged by my favorite little nerd @blue-lilac-boy (love you)

1. Nickname: umm my most common nickname is julie but some call me jules or JJ (my actual name is juliann) 

2. Height: 5′4 (little legs gang!) 

3. Last movie I saw: um aquaman I think? which I didnt really like but I could be biased because its DC comics and Im a marvel stan idk

4. Last thing I Googled: “Nicki minaj merch” LMAO honestly I was listening to her ‘barbie going bad’ freestyle and I thought to myself “what a fucking legend’ but I didnt buy anything because the merch was pretty meh

5. Favorite musician: I think this one can speak for itself? Taylor alison swift the keeper of my entire heart. whats not to love? HOMEGIRL is talented in every form of the word. Shifty is a straight up lyrical genius. The best part about her? her heart shes so kind and she loves us so much. I could go on forever but I’ll spare yall. 

ALSOOO cant forget my BOI the one and only Troye sivan. this guy also owns my heart. his voice is just so calming and hes so fucking funny and just all around a gentle loving person. also hes a living meme tbh and his music slaps?!  Jokes aside he makes me feel understood.

6. Song stuck in my head: GOOD AS HELL by lizzo

7.  Other blogs: okay so I do have another blog but I havent used it in like 6?7? months its a pile of shit just like this one HAHAHAHAHA I mean I guess ill link it anyways @acciojulianne

8. Do I get asks: never lmao 

9. Following: 208 peeps

10. Amount of sleep: I’m most always sleep deprived especially this past week Ive been sleeping like 4/5 hours a night. YIKES.

11. Lucky number: Idk dude probably 13 and yall know why

12. What I’m wearing: A black long sleeve shirt and pink underwear ITS MY DAY OFF I AINT WEARING PANTS ALRIGHT. also my TS initial necklace(I know its v romantic of me)

13. Dream job: I really want to do makeup for film and television 

14. Dream trip: Tahiti (I KNOW IM FUCKIN BASIC)

15. Favorite food:  soy mexicana so literally all mexican food but tamales are probably my favorite favorite favorite out of everything

16. Play any instruments: I played saxophone for a minute but thats the old me HAHAHAHAHAHA

17. Languages: english and some spanish

18. Favorite songs: okay this is so hard because how can you choose but whatever I’ll list a few 

call it what you want by taylor swift-This is one of the only songs that I instantly bawled when I first heard it I was deep in depression when it came out and the lyrics “my castle crumbled overnight, I brought a knife to a gun fight, they took the crown but its alright” just stabbed me in the heart but then she said “all my flowers grew back as thorns” and then I told myself “shits crazy and youre struggling but you’ll grow and become stronger” and here I am over a year later still depressed but im alive BITCH

26 by paramore- This song also instantly spoke to my heart idk man your 20′s are pretty rough and these days this song is helping me survive... my favorite line is “hold on to hope if you got it, and dont let it go for NOBODY”

blank space by taylor swift- its a bop and thats that

my my my by troye sivan- also a bop

save rock and roll by fall out boy- The ultimate fuck you Im gonna be me anthem well kind of? idk its full of iconic lyrics “wherever I go trouble seems to follow” + “you are what you love not who loves you”

what a heavenly way to die by troye sivan- listen to this song if you want to feel like youre in complete love and relaxing on a warm summer night

19. Random facts: IDK man if theres something youre curious about just ask?

20. Describe yourself as aesthetic things: okay hmmmm idk probably pink glitter, face masks, a wine glass with tequila in it, super dark lipstick, umm the light that pours out into the dark kitchen when you open the fridge, wild sunflowers, mascara tears and hugs that are wayyy too long

there was only 20 questions so I’ll add my own

21. Why are you like this: the world will never know HAHAHAHAHAHA

okay so theres prob hella typos SORRY I’ll tag @fearless-wishing , @itsenchantingtomeetyou and @theenchantedwonderrland

[whatifwechange]

Journal Confessions: Love and Letting Go (Late Night Denny’s Memoir)

August 15/16, 2017

“Why wasn’t friendship as good as a relationship? Why wasn’t it even better? It was two people who remained together, day after day, bound not by sex or physical attraction or money or children or property, but only by the shared agreement to keep going, the mutual dedication to a union that could never be codified.”

This entry might be long, it could be shorter, but I'm just gonna word vomit everything I need to say right now. It all started when I got to work yesterday. Obviously I was aware it was James’ last day, but I wasn't trying to get a hug or a “goodbye” picture like everyone else. I was just annoyed and wanted the day to come and go as fast and as painless as possible. (Boy, was I wrong). First thing, I wanted to host inside so I was able to hang with him all night and soak up whatever I had left, but only Vanessa was inside. Skip through the horrid process of a 6 hour shift on Karaoke Night (seeing Krista, Andrea and Megan being overly annoying). Nicole text James around 11:30 and says she hungry and wants to chill and that she’ll be at Jacks soon to pick us up! Tahyla decides to join the ride because she already OTLED and Megan decides to come as well. NOTE: The entire end of mine and Tahyla’s shift we decide to just rip up James’ host uniform and he has the gaping hole in his shirt.

Fast Forward: We are leaving Jacks and all of us are on our way to Denny’s because its a 24hr restaurant that I assumed sold decent food. James’ insist that we stop by his house to get a new shirt, comb his hair, and maybe shower, but Nicole declined, typical. When we got to Denny’s, we were THE loudest group and probably the most annoying in the restaurant. We got our food and talked crap about Astor’s, what else is new. My milkshake was surprisingly very good, but when the rest of our food came out I could barely eat. Everything was so bad and honestly I could have thrown up right there…. But luckily only Megan did. Tahyla went home early because she started getting hives. James’ shirt was half open, and Megan was straight up puking in the Denny's bathroom. Note to mention, both James’ and I went into the women’s bathroom and swapped shirts, but my shirt was too small for him and I had to switch back. (Lowkey, I thought that was a ride or die moment, cause if he wanted my shirt, fine, I’ll take it off my own back for you).

Fast Forward, its only the three musketeers in Denny’s around 2:30 maybe 3:00 am. We talk about polygamy, marriage, kids, and my flings with Dimetri that we should have ended talking about very quickly. We learnt about James’ Bajan past and the cheating and I learnt about the two sisters back at work. It was like pulling teeth out of this guy, he would budge until the sun finally ROSE! Tbh, I feel like the real reason we didn't wanna go home or go home when the rest did is because we didn't want the night to end. And as the hours past and our hearts felt void and empty and anxious and regretful. I couldn't get up because I needed to feel everything and let everything go, even if it hurt or sucked or caused me this much pain.

Nicole and I finally get James to talk and when he started at said his emotions and began his sentence and pointed to me saying “You see, this girl” my heart literally fell out my chest because honestly I wasn't expecting him to go all out already. We switch locations and move to the car while we watched the moon and THE SUN WHICH HIDES BEHIND IT slowly start to come up. That's when shit went deep…

5:00 am…

Juice?: We talked about everything and anything and I honestly felt relieved that I was saying this and we were all saying things and that I could even stomach this emotion in the first place. He told me that he felt like we should have met a long time ago and maybe we could have worked, and we could have worked if he grew up here and was.. Dimetri. He openly said that theres no way that he could separate a friendship like mine and Dimetri’s, but it would be selfish to that but ultimately is “intimidated” by it. I understand the logic of him getting cheated on and history would repeat itself but I'm not that girl and I’d never do that to him. I guess when something fucks you up that hard you can't ever really come back. We talked about how our relationship was one of a kind though. How can people that like each other so much and go out and hang out and talk everyday, stop and then continue to become friends for work and still pick up where we left off. Its incredible that we are able to do that, that our bond is so strong that no matter what happens we can still jump back from it. And I love that about us.

He said he felt anxious because he was leaving and sad because he's gonna miss us and the one that was the kicker was he was “relieved” because he didn't have to see me again and feel this way. (Then proceeded to cry) which really hurt me because I don't want him to ever feel hurt because obviously it hurts me when he says shit like that. He said he knows I see him as a kid which is partly true but id like to think we’d work out better in the future when we've gotten older and he said when he allows himself to grow and stop thinking that his past relationship could possibly affect ours. Then James just asked a bunch of final questions like what was I thinking during this time and why did we stop talking…

My Final Thoughts: It could be sleep deprivation because I'm up only 4hrs after I came home but. God, I love this boy, so much. Idk how to explain it, he makes me so happy and I'm always happy, even if I don't show it, when I come to go to work and he's there. He knows me better than a lot of people at Jacks. Even if I share how much I care in Boston Creams, I want him to know I do and that I'm thinking of him. He was my Jacks ride or die and this is apart of my life I can't ever get back. James is the Jude to my Willem (or other way around). I don't know if I could call this my first “heartbreak" or “love” because you know I don't touch that shit.. but maybe it was. Im not sure what this was or what this feeling is. I just think it wasn't our time. But my God man, this guy changed my life fort he better (ew, why does it sound like I'm writing vows… ew marriage, gross). Also if James truly has kids at 23… I’ll rip my hair out.

Sincerely, Danielle

shit… I guess Kyle was right.

[We almost dated is such a sad relationship to have with someone. Almost is such a weird title to own. As if you almost could have tasted his lips and you are almost pretty sure they taste like pink roses. And he almost loved you back and was ready to water your dry ribs and plant flowers in between your lungs.

Almost has become a habit for me. I never really possessed something entirely, and so when I tell you that I am hungry and that I need more than a taste… you have to understand that I have been starving for eras.

Almost is all I know and I wish it wasn’t like this. I want possession and cold pure nights of nothing but the drunken taste of love in my mouth, in my throat, in my veins, in my brain, and in my blood.

I almost had you. Almost. ]

[jesuschristlivedinamotelroom]

1. Who was the last person you held hands with? my sister

2. Are you outgoing or shy? outgoing!

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? my friends after the summer

4. Are you easy to get along with? yup!

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? i dont crush :/

6. What kind of people are you attracted to? funny people and cute people

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? no

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? no.. well actually my manager at least only now bc i am extremely sex deprived and im disgusting

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? no

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? my ex roommate!

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? its my location

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? yes

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? no

15. What good thing happened this summer? i have a job

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? yeah

17. Do you think there is life on other planets? yes

18. Do you still talk to your first crush? no

19. Do you like bubble baths? yes

20. Do you like your neighbors? neutral

21. What are you bad habits? pessimism to the point where it’s ruining my life and being too lazy to talk to and build stronger bonsa w friends

22. Where would you like to travel? asia— china korea singapore thailand japan taiwan south america— brazil, columbia, and argentina, mexico, bahamas, africa— eygpt, nigeria, some south african city.... europe the general. and cali for coachella

23. Do you have trust issues? i guess ? not sure i think i do

24. Favorite part of your daily routine? sleep

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? my skin.

26. What do you do when you wake up? get ready

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? like either one?? im kind of a in the middle color and its hard to do weird hair colors

28. Who are you most comfortable around? my friends i live with

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

30. Do you ever want to get married? idk

31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail?

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? uhhhhhhhh gonna give a FEW different combos bc im. yea keanu reeves+aubrey plaza, gong yoo+steven yeun, son naeun+irene, ,,,, megan fox+anne hathaway, doyoung and **

33. Spell your name with your chin.

34. Do you play sports? What sports?

35. Would you rather live without TV or music? TV

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? all times

37. What do you say during awkward silences?

38. Describe your dream girl/guy? funny cute n intelligent

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

40. What do you want to do after high school?

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean? im tired or stressed or burnt out

43. Do you smile at strangers? yea

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? space

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? obligation

46. What are you paranoid about? everything

47. Have you ever been high? ya

48. Have you ever been drunk? ya

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? ya

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? white

51. Ever wished you were someone else? ya

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? the prev worst things about me shit

54. Favourite store?

55. Favourite blog?

56. Favourite colour?

57. Favourite food?

58. Last thing you ate?

59. First thing you ate this morning?

60. Ever won a competition? For what? i think i won a guessing game one

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

62. Been arrested? For what?

63. Ever been in love?

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

65. Are you hungry right now?

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

67. Facebook or Twitter?

68. Twitter or Tumblr?

69. Are you watching tv right now?

71. Craving something? What? IDK MAN

72. What colour are your towels? all over

72. How many pillows do you sleep with? 1

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? ye

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? like 5

75. Favourite animal? idk anymlre

76. What colour is your underwear? navy

78. Favourite ice cream flavour? chocolate chip cookie doughhhh or anything peanut butter/caramel/nuts/choco ALSO azuki

79. What colour shirt are you wearing?black

80. What colour pants? black

89. Name a person you hate? ****

90. Name a person you love? my family uwu

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? the guy i last hooked up w bc he has blown me off THRICE and i just wanna get laid man.

92. In a fight with someone? yeah

93. How many sweatpants do you have? iono

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? like 15 probably

98. Do you tan a lot? no

99. Have any pets? no

100. How are you feeling? sleeepy

101. Do you type fast? average

102. Do you regret anything from your past? yea of c lol

103. Can you spell well? i think?

104. Do you miss anyone from your past? yeah plenty

109. Is something irritating you right now? i keep getting bug bites

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? no

116. Are you listening to music right now? yes

120. Are you afraid of the dark? yes

121. Are you mean? no!

122. Is cheating ever okay? eh

123. Can you keep white shoes clean? no

124. Do you believe in love at first sight? no

125. Do you believe in true love? yeah! just. its really hard for me

127. What makes you happy? SLEEP

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? unless they confront me about it be ghe same just be wary of leading on

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? my sister

135. Dumbest lie you ever told? fmdjjdkxsk ive told so many..

142. Favourite month? august?

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? closed wtf

141. Night or Day? night

143. Are you a vegetarian? i would like to be.

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? milk! but also dark.

145. Tea or Coffee? tea but i love both

146. Was today a good day? yea? mediocre. im sleepy