#unless im taking her too literally but I dont see what else she couldve meant. it feels kinda mean to hear that actually bc-

[phagodyke]

also not my flatmate earlier being like wow I forgot u were into scifi....... girl. like sorry for not being into star trek/star wars I guess but????

[savnofilter]

okay so im just gonna my tingz and whatever since people can believe what theyd like.

whoop its more drama. 😅

so if you hadnt already seen it, great if you havent great. ahh im literally shaking oops but this is serious so i'll only what i have to say, and she blocked and deleted all my apologies and explanations.

i wasnt going to post anything because i replied and had said my words and left it at, if you dont want to like me thats fine, i'll live.

i one, would like to say that she even removed it so like rip me. uhhh i would make a video really to talk it because im bad at words and me typing it makes it worse ahahah.

essentially it was just a bunch of screenshots of me being mean so yeah that was it. er um wooph this is too much for me, the only account i can properly say was that i can say i was harsh was that christmas thing with someone who i havent spoken with in months and its that i said i hate people who celebrate it mad early. and yeah i can harsh because ive already explained that sometimes im blunt about it and when im in a bad mood i dont care.

on the other accounts let me say which i dont remember cause she had all the screenshots and i deleted all the chats because it was turning my already sour mood, even more sour.

so she said i didnt greet her properly which i even talked to you once before so idek what she was trying to get at there. 😅 ahh i asked who she was because i had been having on and off issues with a writer and that was already in the server. she suddenly added her to the discord after it being open for many months so naturally that added suspicion and i also have a great deal of knowing when something was up so yuh... call my instincts right cause it was in the messages that were sent to me. 😅

ahhh (ignore my many ah's when i get anxious it just happens ahahah) but those were taken out of context and like were set up to make me look bad. and even just in the whole post, the whole reason why they talked to me was to venge for something to bring me down LMAO.

just like before ive cooled down tremendously so im done from my mental breakdown to properly say this:

1) i didnt know it was even a slur. i just thought it meant dumb and it was only yesterday i had found out that it was bad.

now i'll say this again because people like being on this sav hate train to even read my words LMAO, im sorry for the words i said.

literally the person that i used it on doesnt even fucking like me so the fact thatd they were rude to me and then get shocked that im rude. i even said that day i had not been fine, i was not well. and if you got your secret santa friend you could also get screenshots saying that i said at the point in time i did not care what i said to people because i was planning on killing myself so i didnt care what i was going to say because you know id be dead.

2) may i say again, i had suspicions of other party friend talking about me because she even messaged me on many times and even brought up one situation that i took piss poor shit in handling. 😂

and may i mention she (christmas person) left because she didnt speak up about other issues that couldve been talked out with and decided to leave.

not only that i thought we were talking about our opinions on celebrating christmas so stop trying to feed word into me mouth m8.

AND ALSO, YOU KEEP SAYING THAT I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH CELEBRATING CHRISTMAS LIKE THAT WASNT EVEN THE THING. 😂

and also the conversation had lack of communication so everything was jumbled up, and i didnt even know she was actually leaving the server i thought she was going "tata" for a bit and i was going to talk to her, i eventually did but we do not speak anymore.

3) the main reason why she spoke to me was to basically catch me red handed LMAO. and she got what she wanted. 👏🏽i literally had people message me, asking why she was even asking for peoples ages.

one how do you even know i was referencing you?! i... but anyways... again you want to make me out to be a bad person lmao. i have bad moments just like everybody else. but because i like to be nice and uplift people i cant make mistakes? like what flawed logic is that?

how am i supposed to grow if i dont make mistakes and learn from them. it woudve been a whole different story if i used it multiple times and didnt give a fuck. and no, its not every day that im a "dumb fucking cunt" to people.

4) you legit deleted my responses and apologies. 😂 and people are just jumping on this and dont even

know me.

ever talked to me.

not even in the server.

so now the "brought to tumblr" again i was just sharing my damn sadness dude. your call-out post makes no sense. trying to make it sound like im out here trying to ruin peoples days is not even close to the truth... i myself hate making people feel bad about themselves.

im not some sociopath, and youre mad because i was bummed i realized that someone that i thought was amazing doesnt like me??? like youre telling me that you snapping at me everytime we talked im just supposed to take it? i just...

and ive said it on my blog, im not in the best place. youre gonna get me off on my off days. i even said that me even interacting is not even a good idea but i choose to make the conscious decision to even talk to people just makes me feel even worse because someone was mean to me first.

you cant take me being my worst and saying its my fucking whole. you dont care about me wanting to "fIx My WaYs" you just want to fucking embarrass me and have people hate me.

if youre trying to show character, youre doing a terrible job at it.

i tried adding you as a friend to even talk to you but you had even BLOCKED ME on discord. you dont care. at all. stop pretending youre some knight, if all i was even trying to talk it out to you and youre response is "youre mean you suck" like what the fuck...

you and your friends and your followers my "followers" who havent asked for my side just show how much you guys really want to pUrIfY this erotica for anime community,,

and also you were a massive prick to my friend because she was sharing her own thoughts so i dont even know why youre trying to act like youre an angel. unless you can tell me that you have never been wrong, i will just crucify myself on the cross and apologize to jesus for being such a sinner.

the more i type, the more i get spiteful so i will stop myself here. have a wonderful night/day/whenever you see it dude or never see it cause you blocked me lol.

EDIT: also i never even hinted that it was you so it just confirms this was only for malicious purposes... and i now just feel like you made it because you feel like i shouldnt have feelings either.

~

apologies if its all over the place, i wrote this in a state of panic to a slow burn of being mellowing out.

[afmasters]

How I broke my true love

Hey Tumblr got a sad story for you. Keep in mind I am not at all a writer or ever aspired to be one. Everything that is said in here is true and I want to share with you my story to help make others aware because I definitely was not. The beginning: It was a hot July day. It was the summer right before my senior year. I was at warped tour with a buddy wearing a ridiculous t shirt to take pictures with random girls who thought it was funny. The wind blew a paper at my back legs so i had to twist to get it off of me. As i was twisting down i caught a glimpse of you. You were wearing your jean booty shorts with a white tank top sort of thing. I recognized you as the new girl in school from the previous year. I instantly smiled and told myself that one day you'll be mine. That right there is where it all started. It shouldn't have been my choice for you to be mine. It should've been a mutual decision but I was too selfish to care. Later on in that July day i found you at some sort of pizza place. I purposely rubbed against you so that way youd notice me but i still kept walking. You turned around and said "OMG hey christian." I turned around and say "Hey." Not going to lie i was nervous. I walked up and saw you had a piece of pizza and i asked how it was not noticing you hadn't taken a bite yet. You lied anyways and said its pretty good and i offered myself a bite as you responded with a smile and said sure. After that bite i said thank you and left. You had me hooked, but i also knew i had you hooked. Fast forward to the start of school: I hadn't talk to you since that day. I had seen you around town, like our local target/pick n save but never added you on facebook ever to talk or anything along those lines. First day of school we end up in the same home room together. We lock eyes and smile. Your perfect dark greens eyes were so irresistible. We did this everyday for almost 2 months, never said a work to each other. Just randomly locking eyes in home room, in the lunch room, and in the hallway. It was always accompanied by a smile which made it so much better. One day i was in a shitty mood. I had heard some jock, some douchebag that was not me had asked you to the fall dance. i remember looking at you and locking eyes and you smiled but i didn't. Later on in lunch that day, same thing, we locked eyes, you smiled but i didn't. You took it upon yourself to text a mutual friend to get ahold of me. Our mutual friend was communicating for us and we agreeed to meet in the hall the last hour of the day. I had class and you had a free block. I stepped out and the first thing you asked was "is everything okay?" From that moment i knew, i knew you cared for me, that after never really having a conversation you asked that, that you were a caring person. I replied "i guess. I heard "x" asked you to the fall dance." She replied "well yeah but i haven't really given him an answer and i'm waiting for someone else to ask me before i tell him anything." At that moment i knew she was talking about me. Fast forward a couple days i had asked her to the dance with chocolates and flowers because she's not one who wants anything flashy. We hangout everyday together before the dance. The day after the dance we hung out again. I leaned in for a kiss and got one back. This was not my first kiss but it was yours and i had no idea. Going to fast forward and give quick summaries of the next couple months for you so that way we can get into the title of this. Now we hungout almost everyday of senior year except family events or whatever. When i say everyday i mean literally almost everyday. I told you i loved you after 3 months in and you didnt reply. After 5 months on your 18th birthday you told me you loved me. We wrote love letters back in forth to stick in each others lockers throughout the day ( i still have a majority of them). We did a lot of stuff throughout the summer before college. We drank, we went out on dates, we watched a lot of rooster teeth. You were the perfect girl. Then College move in day came. We grabbed a lot of stuff from your room and put it in your dorm room. Even though your school was 15 minutes away from your house you still wanted to stay in the dorms to experience that college lifestyle. Seeing your empty room it set in. I was going to see you everyday, you were going to have friends who i didn't know, you might even make guy friends....Now that. That haunted me. You were mine, i couldnt let some hot college boy with mommy and daddy money ruin what i took months to establish. Once again i was selfish, i had forgotten about how i was your first kiss which led into a lot of first everything's. Your first week in college a guy from your physics class asked you to lunch. You told me, at the time i was going to a community college and working part time, so i saw that and instantly got upset. I yelled at you and said "why would you go to lunch with another guy? Don't you know his intentions?" Which you replied back "sorry i didn't know it would upset you. I will cancel lunch with him." I ruined what couldve been your first college friend other than your roommate. This is where the damaging started. I had issues being away from you. Even though you were 20 minutes away and probably swamped with college homework i still bothered you to hangout and sometimes you would. Sometimes I understood what why you couldnt hangout. Sometimes i called you a cheater and threaten to break up with you because i would do anything to see you. Well that worked. You would drop whatever youre doing and force yourself to skype or have me come pick you up. You did so much for me and all i didnt notice it because all i cared about was myself. Fast forward to October 31st 2014. It was our one year of dating. You had a shit ton of homework that night but still managed to get prettied up and go out to dinner. We got into an argument on how much the steaks were and how we couldve gone to a chain restaurant instead of a fancy restaurant and saved so much more money. I continued to argue with you to tell you it was the thought, not the price. We didnt even go to a movie after that. You came back to my house put in some sweats and fell asleep. I think this was the first time you were realizing that this is not a relationship was suppose to be. Fast forward 5 months we're still arguing and fighting almost everyday we're not together or skyping. This day was the release date of Fast 7. You had never seen any of the fast and furious' but you still wanted to go see this one because you knew how much Paul Walker meant to me. We were the first ones in line that day. We watched the movie, cried our eyes out at the end and all the way home. It was one time we had cried together. We stayed up that night talking about life and our future together. It then reached 6AM. My parents were leaving for work and we had the house. You leaned over and asked if i wanted to have sex. I would be taking your virginity. You were saving that for the person you were planned on marrying. I asked if you were sure. You said 100%. That morning i took your virginity. What came next i did not expect. You wanted to hangout everyday again. You didnt want to be in college anymore. You took the city bus to the closest stop by me everyday. Bringing me dinner every night because you had free meal swipes. Everything seemed great. Then i mistakenly started taking to other girls while we were still dating. I lied to your face and you believed me but knew i was lying and in your eyes i could see you were still hurt. The nights you stayed overnight at school you always made sure i was home alone and not with another female. This starting eating at you because you didn't know unless you were there. Well i never hung out with girls other than you but the whole talking thing was enough to damage you. You grew depressed and tried self harm. You later came over and told me what was going on and that our relationship of almost 2 years was over. Instead of waiting and supporting you. I left. I went and had sex with random girls and only drunk texted you. Sometimes id even vent to you about the girls j was having issues with. I could only imagine how much more that fucked you up. I didnt care though. I was selfish and blamed you for leaving when im sure once you got better and i realized how much of a dick i was to you, we couldve started our future together. Now when i text you, you ignore me and i dont blame you. Ive accepted that im a fuck up. Im sorry and i will always love you. Today marks the 1 year the last i heard from you. Forever and always