#idk. i can do deep shit too.
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uhhh i don’t know how this works, but, in case i haven’t specified, my writing requests are open! idk, send me an ask, idk, i literally don’t know, and it DOES NOT have to be in my specific AU, im down for anything!!! I have some more free time now & this is a good exercise!! if u want me to write stuff, 🫡 here i am!*
* no promises i get to ur ask. But I will try my best.
#tried to think of example prompts and couldn’t so really im down for anything#does NOT have to be in my specific au#like if you give me icemav + 🌸 or some shit (feeling emojis rn idk) i would probably write 1980s in love icemav#cymav beach outing#idk. i can do deep shit too.#god icemav poetry….. hoooo boy i could do poetry#i don’t care.#or request icemav 1812 au so i actually finish it#icemav cowboy au#well im giving you ideas now. supposed to be the other way around.#this is in lieu of wip wednesday#icemav at the presidential inauguration.#top gun Christmas party.#icemav + longing 👀#idfk.#it can be in my specific au too 🌝😇#easiest for me to write by now#just uhhh know that i try not to do corny. whatever that means to u#if it’s in my specific au it might go in my extras im gonna post to ao3 soonish#still working on em#at like 80k now. i am mentally ill
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2024 is gonna go down as the year my dogs Fucking Died, both my parents had major surgery, my sinuses collapsed for no fucking reason and the first woman who matched with me on the dating app i was just trying to get a haphazard and unideal little hookup on only matched with me to check if i was alright bc my bio was a little too alarming
#like. shit is fucked and on top of it all i can only pull butches who are either merely concerned about my wellbeing or think i'm lying#about my age. good god#i'd simply pretend none of this happened but again. i put both of my puppies in the fucking ground and then i hallucinated pippin barking#for me at least once a day for like 3 weeks which. um ok wig#god AND i'm out of vodka#whateveeeeerrrr#once again as a disclaimer i am not going to kms. i'm too excited to see what's going to go to absolute shit next#i'm fine i really do just need to pull myself together a bit and like. idk start eating breakfast earlier or something#it's all actually probably kinda funny deep down. there's a joke in there somewhere about how the night i realized pippin was only going#to make it a couple more days max i dug him a grave in the dark and despite how good i am at digging holes for myself i couldn't dig one#quite deep enough for him and had to get him cremated when he carked it the next day#but again things could like. be a lot worse i guess. congratulations to my dad for not dying of cancer#and also to my mom for gaining a reputation in the gynaecology post op ward for throwing up exorcist style lmfao#it's FUNNY please laugh#better luck next year and all that
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sorry for only saying this type of shit lately but i kinda wanna drive a car straight into a brick wall at the highest speed possible
#trying to keep it together so bad because i already know the problems and solutions and whatnot but i cannot do anything#i desperately just need to do something. accomplish any task. actually several would be nice. but i cannot stand just letting life go by#while i watch other people have the things i want. or even metaphorically living my dream like. that should be me why am i settling for thi#i hate even talking about this because i feel so stupid when i know it's not even a real tangible problem and that i actually DO have real#problems to tackle and the ability to do so but i'm choosing to be upset over the stupidest things i could possibly be sad about#and i can't even be sad about it in a normal way i'm cycling through like several different reactions to smth that isn't even real#or if it is real i literally do not have tanglible evidence for it one way or another like i'm driving myself insane for no reason#i can't even get catharsis because all i'm doing is digging a deeper hole for something i never should've gone back into in the first place#because i KNOW how i am i KNOW how i react to things and i still chose to do it lmao.#and i continue to choose to go through this shit instead of actively trying to change my life because... i'm lazy? and stupid? idk#negative self-talk isn't gonna get me to do anything either so let's just say i'm feeling particularly unmotivated like usual#i hated being a teenager but i really do miss when all my problems just amounted to 'someone was mean to me on tumblr today :(' or i failed#a test in chemistry or something. like i yearn for that simplicity becasue at this point all i'm doing is ruining my own life LMAO#i'm too scared to live i'm too scared to die so i just sit here and fantasize that life could be amazing if i wait#and i'll magically get everything i've ever wanted if i just wait long enough. and i know it isn't true and i still wait for it to happen.#because honestly like. i think deep down i am just convinced i will fail at anything i do when that shouldn't be what scares me.#what scares me should be never even allowing myself to fail because i never tried to do anything at all with myself or my life#like. wake the fuck up. get off your ass and put in the effort. learn some skills. gain independence and stability and discipline and do it#just live please i'm begging you just live so i can be happy don't i deserve to be happy... why am i not letting myself be happy#i'm literally keeping myself trapped in this negative feedback loop ON PURPOSE because teehee shiny toy#and it doesn't matter if the love is real it doesn't matter how i feel like i'm just using it as a distraction i can't say it's motivation#because it's barely motivated me at all. i have to start being realistic. 25 & just realizing you actually have to participate in your life#anyways. i've cried i've agonized i've pictured killing myself in 30 different ways. i think the only way i'm gonna feel better is#to just actually try this time without giving up. wish me luck
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i genuinely need to be put down like a dog i cant do this anymore man holy shit
#yall dont know the meaning of terminally online til u meet me#i hate myself so much its not even funny i am the most miserable worthless scum#my sleep schedule is 7am to 3pm all i do all day is rot on the couch and sometimes draw if i have a drop of motivation#depression is completely kicking my ass and im not even fighting back i give up what the fuck man#theres not even a point for me to keep trying i just want to stop feeling such deep despair 24/7 please#i dont want to die i just want the pain to stop so i can peacefullylive out the rest of this year before i turn 18 and its all over for good#but i cant even have that! im just gonna suffer the whole time thanks great#i wish i could just get better and fix all of this but i cant its not working we dont have the money to#actually get me the help i need to make it work. i just have to figure it out or die#i just wanna go back to ***** ** *** i just want to stop being lonely and useless#i dont know why im posting this shit to tumblr. its so stupid i should just be journaling or something#probably because im worthless selfish scum. idfk.#the last 6 months have been a complete blur. just rotting on the couch or in bed occasionally seeing friends once every other month or so#ive already wasted half of being 17 abd im probably gonna waste the rest too. ill do nothing of worth before i die.#even my art is ugly and horrible and not worth leaving behind. people tell me to work to improve it but i dont have the time left#ill never create any of the things i wanted to create ill never be a good artist im just going to die exactly like this#an absolutely terrible person.#the only people i can talk about the things that make me a terrible person with are people who are terrible in even worse ways#no one can comfort me except them because theyre the only people who know what ive done and actually do see it as less than absolute evil#because they know absolute evil because it is them. but i actually don’t believe that i think theyre bad but could be good#idk what im saying anymore#someone shoot me#please im not kidding#just make it stop#tw vent#tw sui#delete later
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its so silly that at the start of arcane s2 i was trying to avoid things like headcanons because i solely liked canon compliant / post s2 hcs but now here i am.... being fully immersed in fandom culture again...... this is such a downgrade for me
#i think the reason im embarrased about it is cuz ive only ever been deep in fandom culture for percy jackson#and obviously percy jackson is not written well so i associate fandom culture w like subpar media#i mean obviously ive reblogged posts from other fandoms too like adventure time and six of crwos#but i dont think ive actively searched shit out for those fandoms in a while and i certainly did not feel as strongly about them#as i did percy jackson. but now im starting to feel strongly about arcane#idk man this show is doing things to me#all i can hope for is that i dont start reblogging incorrect quotes thats how we know im gone...#arcane
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on another note
#4-5ish months i’ve been the main (i’m pretty sure only) person cleaning every weekend#my only days off and through the week clean dishes or load up the washer and pick them up#occasionally someone else w load it but not pick up or vice verse#november i lost all motivation i ask for help i get told they’re tired or they work or later or im met w but i did xyz the other day blah bl#blah blah yk#i tried to clean in nov but i just can’t im tired it’s constant that im cleaning i want to do things not go from work to home for chores to#also cook and then clean up dinner because i also have a job#and when i do something im not like OH well i did xyz! so i won’t do that …no i just say okay because why bring up what i already did things#need to be done why are you arguing with me like we want to bring up receipts? i’ll bring them up#i’m cleaning up clothes that’s not mine i’m cleaning up shit piss ans throw up of a dog that is not mine i walk said dog occasionally#but nope not the other way around why would they do any of that when it’s not theirs ?#i ask them to pick one day to make dinner nope i can’t i’m busy i have xyz …okay i have work gym appts errands too#and since i have cleaned in like a month or over it’s a mess but no one has taken action to fix that it’s just it’s messy in here#that’s why i hate if you need help ask. .#I ASK I DONT GET HELP you ask i help but god forbid i ask#‘but you clean weird’ ‘you do a deep clean’ it’s a regular clean i clean to clean not to light dust and see it be back to how it was in a#day or two. deep clean is i’m up in a ladder cleaning the vents cleaning cabinets shelves i can’t regularly reach or are hard to get to and#honestly that should be a monthly thing#weekly is wipe down appliances. sweep swiffer vacuum and mop the floors. wipe countertops and flat surfaces. flip the chairs around tighten#bolts wash the tablecloth clean the table. vacuum the couches lint roll any cloth surfaces. clean or wipe down the stove/microwave depending#on how dirty. clean bathroom tub toilet sink floors mirror. this is not a deep clean w that you get the fridge and dishwasher windows move t#the furniture to clean under that. i am tired and i dont ever get to finish everything#bathroom stays last and weekends are only so long i also go to the gym or need to go to the store or have ot to do#and ik i brought up here that im depressed but im not bring that up to them because regardless these things need to get done be it a the#worlds slowest pace but does need to happen and i don’t want to use that as an excuse because i will just let myself lay in bed and not show#shower or move does this mentality eat away at me maybe idk but it’s what my parents gave me and it’s not changing i don’t think so here we#are.#we can wait another month and i might be on the up but ill be down again so 🤷♀️#like actually i can use a lot of things as an excuse but that doesn’t help anyone does it ?
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*shaking violently* the reason you feel like shit is probably because your brain wants to be doing something but you are instead using it as a reason to continue not doing things. you have gotten yourself trapped in a terrible cycle that you refuse to take steps to break in the name of self-care and protecting yourself but all you are doing is causing yourself more harm. write a stupid story with no plot and bad characterization. draw a drawing with shaky lines and fuck up while coloring it in. try to figure out how to crochet something and stare in confused horror when the yarn starts pulling because you missed a stitch 3 rows back. failure sucks and it can maybe make you feel bad. but for the love of fuck please try to create something anyway even if it turns out terrible because you will never break free of this feeling if you don't start trying to. and who knows? maybe once you finish your stupid plushie with a sizeable dent in its head from that missed stitch, you will look at it's ugly face and smile because it looks terrible but it exists and it only exists because you made it.
#*DEEP AND AGGRESSIVE BREATHING* DEPRESSION IS A MOTHERFUCKING BITCH AND SHE SUCKS ASS#BUT YOU WILL NOT GET BETTER IF YOU DO NOT TRY TO GET BETTER#AND TRYING CAN SUCK TOO BC YOUR BRAIN IS IN SHUTDOWN AND DOING ANYTHING CAN FEEL LIKE WAY TOO MUCH#BUT AFTER SO LONG OF THAT FEELING YOU HAVE TO COME TO THE CONCLUSION THAT THERE IS NOT GOING TO MAGICALLY BE A DAY WHERE YOU FEEL#WELL ENOUGH TO DO SOMETHING#YOU KINDA HAVE TO DO IT EVEN WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE SHIT#OK? OKAY????#YOU'LL BE ALRIGHT I PROMISE BUT YOU DO HAVE TO PUT IN THE EFFORT TO GET THERE. IT SUCKS. I WISH YOU DIDN'T BUT YOU DO.#SO PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF FUCK WRITE SOMETHING. DRAW. SEW. COLOR. GLUE. CROCHET. KNIT. FELT. IDK AND IDC JUST MAKE SOMETHING#shh ac
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im exploding into a million pieces i found a reddit thread about butches in video games (specifically looking for them) in hopes that there was some kind of lesser known dream daddy-esque butch dating sim or SOMETHING cute like that and guys the fucking crumbs we have to live on you're actually killing me. im withering away why are there no kissable butches in video games im going to throw up and kill everyone. nobody wants a butch dating sim apparently. im gonna go weep in the fetal position
#everybody ignore this it's so stupid but#it's like heres a stard.ew valley mod where you can make leah butch and um idk starf.ield bg characters#and a baldgate3 character. IM CRYING WHERE ARE THE BUTCHES#'why is this making me emotional' (<- very understandable why it would make me emotional)#howling into the night sky ripping ny shirt in twain transforming into a big hairy beast bc i love butches sm#GUHHHHHHHHHH CMONNNNN#i just wanna see people's cute drawings of dykes ok. where is our version of bara#where is it please#im begginbg the universe generally#i need a hero (the song) is emanating from my pores rn. where are they we deserve so much better than this#gahhhh it's all overly palatable softgirl yuri fuckk. where are my big sweaty hairy braless deep voiced dykes im going to kill someone#when is it my turn to be happy wuagghhh#not to say i dislike softgirl yuri but i do not want to kiss them!! sorry but that is a big motivator for this#is wanting a 2d boyfriend (/dyke) because everyone else gets to have one :((#and also like. wanting to see dykes reflective of irl dykes rather than yuri for representation purposes that matter to me personally#and the gender euphoria that can often come from that but also FUCKK#nguhhhhhh oughhhhhh ahhhhhhhhgh. im such a fucking faggot im sick of this#a large chunk of the sapphic population is just completely not represented it's like they only exist in my mind#i never seen them around me either this shit sucks fuck my stupid baka life. wehehhh#exploding into a million pieces#im never expressing any kind of gay yearning again after this im done#is it too much to ask that i see people like me out there?? in many ways but tonight specifically in a butch way#ppl when they even think for a moment of making lesbian media where the dykes aren't sifted through straight attractiveness filters: 😱#again a lesbian dating dim w femmes would rule as well but it's all high schoolers and vaguely anime-hot women#and thats not good enough. it's like if they give a girl a big nose they'll fucking die immediately#maybe the real reason i consume so much homoerotic buff guy media is because SOMETIMES ppl draw them as butches#(<- not the reason but maybe loosely vaguely part of the reason)#anyway this was inspired by me watching ppl react to like. a popular pretty boy dating sim#and trying to figure out some equivalent experience for me but i can't bc none of it is made for me#killing everyone and then killing them again. hatred
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on the one hand i want to try for a second wind to stay up and get really into something but on the other hand im sleepy and im pretty sure my husband went to bed without me so i honestly might as well
#back in godot learning thingssssssss#trying to do anything i can to distract myself from the abysmal lack of work ive been able to find lately LOL#genuinely ive had 1 commission in the last 2 weeks like its so joever im so hungry#not to be like “the economy” but man i used to be doing upwards of 20 coms a week when i was really nuts#making a couple grand a month etc#but shits gone so to pieces between ai and the cost of living crisis that like i get no work anymore at all ever#the bone deep resistance i have to having to get another shitty day job is insane tho after what the last one did to me#idk but ive been losing a ton of sleep over it lately and ive been having nightmares every night again#so i guess i really gotta solve that sooner rather than later. esp bc we cant buy groceries indefinitely like this#ive cut back to eating cereal in the morning and then something for dinner after having a really good streak of eating 3 hardy meals a day#which sucks but what can you do#gotta stop being a big fat failure if i want to eat like a. not failure. a succeeder#ig theres the ego of it too bc coms have been my fulltime job for years so like the dead dropoff lately is so#what if it ends tomorrow right. what if it ends next week. what if it doesnt end until next year#what if it never ends and im just unemployed sitting on my ass pretending i still have a career doing what i love#which is already what it feels like bc ive been scrounging for pennies to put food on the table for months now#like idk man. its joever let it go let it die. but that means getting a shit fucking job somewhere and god i do not want to LOL#i wont have the energy to do anything anymore and im such a brittle person this time of year anyway#whateverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr#im gunna try to sleep bye o/
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...
#i am only typing this because im tired and feeling more loosey goosey than i usually would i guess#but ive just been debating something for a while now#so basically i used to just openly talk about like. everything on this blog but then due to a multitude of reasons#i stopped posting about certain things 1. because irl people found my blog and probably still could if they Really tried#2. because i didnt want to post about certain things and have absolutely anyone know shit about me#like as much as it can feel like a cosy wee community. just me and my mutuals <3 etc. its like. actually the fucking internet djdbdjdhdhjdh#anyways whats prompting me to type all this is that i used to post kinda negative stuff on here i guess you could say. like just my feelings#and shit. but i stopped because i want this to be a positive blog and i do feel like you can manifest shit you know? if i constantly reblog#posts where im like “i feel worthless and i am a piece of shit” that isnt helping anything you know? i think what really hammered it home#for me is when i saw a mutual rb something from me like that and it made me so sad tbh. because like. no youre not. youre amazing and ily#you know? anyways. overall i think it has been a decision for the best and i enjoy that my blog has become a more positive space. but i#do sometimes just feel like im kind of going the opposite direction where i act a certain way when im really just. feeling crap.#like all the time. idk maybe tumblr isnt the place for it but it used to be my outlet you know? and i have other things like my diary and#art and even a sideblog lmao. but i guess i do just mourn my whole self not being on this blog. idk what im trying to say by all this#is it this deep? am i thinking about this way too much lmao. idk. idk.#le text post
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I've had a stupid merlin au idea stuck in my head for days now and I know I'll never get around to writing it the way I want it written but I kinda wanna try anyway even though I am 100% of the target audience
#it's an f1 au btw#so I feel like a merlin x f1 crossovee is very niche#but I just have this idea in my head pf arthur as a driver and merlin as an aerodynamics engineer#and arthur starts off as an ass (as per usual) and thinks that he's god's gift to motorsports and all his good results are because of his#skill and bad results are because the engineers fucked up bad#and lowkey people don't like working with him BUT uther is giving red bull absolute mega bucks to keep him and he is actually a fantastic#driver in his own right. deep down he's not super satisfied though because people keep saying he's only winning because of his car#and his dad's money which is why he's a grumpy ass to most people and tries to claim good races as his and blame engineers for bad ones#also because uther probably taught him that attitude#in this au I think either Newey didn't exist but rb dominance still did or this is far enough after Newey that I haven't got arthur blaming#him for a bad car because y'all I can't do that it's too unrealistic no one would believe it#(yes I am aware that max and checo are currently complaining about a car newey made but shh)#anyway he secretly goes to sign for like. williams or something who currently suck so he can prove to himself and everyone else that he IS#a good driver and can drive a shit car well. he's admittedly doing fairly well in a tractor when merlin joins the team as the new head#of aerodynamics and arthur is giving him shit because he's so young and how could he possibly fix this shitbox#then Merlin's first big upgrade packages comes and makes a pretty big difference and arthur has to rethink a bit#the next season is the first car that merlin was actually mostly in charge of and it's a massive difference and suddenly it's competitive#meanwhile merlin's pov is that arthur sucks ass and he hates him but he keeps being told that arthur is his destiny#he refuses to believe this though and even though he has magic he point blank refuses to use it on anything that would help arthur even#somewhat indirectly like using it to help design the car. his official reasoning to people who know about his magic is that the fia wouldn't#allow it but personally he also just wants to say a fuck you to fate because he doesn't like arthur. but then they get to know each other#more and he realises that maybe arthur isn't that bad and they become friends like in the show#arthur is leading the championship (pendragon dominance could bore fans) but then he has a big crash and is out for a couple of races#by all accounts it's a miracle he's even alive (it's the only time merlin has used his magic for arthur). when he comes back he still has a#chance at wdc but it's way tighter than it was. maybe there's only a few races to go. he gets some podiums and his competition has some bad#luck (genuine not merlin) or something but then at like the second last race he can guarantee wdc if he wins regardless of where anyone else#places. he does it and merlin is the one to go on the podium with him on behalf of the team (maybe not for winning wdc but just his first#win after the crash idk) and it's this big emptional moment#also morgana was as good as arthur as kids but uther only supported arthur so now she works for sky or someone in a role like nico rosberg
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lowkey do not agree with the take that deep cut got sidelined in their own game
#before octo expansion I feel like off the hook had it worse#literally no story relevance#they’re just there#then octo expansion saves them#but deep cut#while they don’t have any relevance in side order do have a lot more relevance in story mode#like they’re pretty essential to it#they don’t have to be like the driving force of story mode to be good in it#idk deep cut got a lot of shit outside of story mode too I feel#by far the most tunes out of idol groups if I can count#anarchy rainbow in the plaza goes crazy also#like I think all the idols are treated pretty well
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TME PMV frame thingie WIP
I absolutely adore Helene and Lyla's relationship in both iterations of TME's story and i NEED more qpt gal relationships like theirs is i s2g
it's really, REALLY hard to get me sincerely invested in relationships between female characters but damn am i invested in this one.
Something about a do-good heroine who is abnormally hostile only towards her own half-sister for seemingly no reason (read: "no reason") is a dynamic i can't get enough and seeing Lyla constantly make efforts in both the manhwa/LN to reach out to her is so bittersweet and yet amazingly well done
(and i can't praise enough how amazing Helene is handled as a deeply flawed female character!!! She's genuinely the best written female character ive seen and i wish more gals were written as amazing as she is TwT)
#TME art#i love how i started this PMV before I read the LN and yet this still reads as canon-adherent#to both the manhwa and LN at that#also behold: the reason why i rely on CSP's head models to draw#technically i have a Paris-centered PMV im working on too but i flip between that one and this depending on my time and mood#fun fact i technically have a fake ending i've started working on too but idk if ill get to finish that one#point is i LOVE TME and i wanna keep giving it love even despite my wandering attention span and lack of time to draw#my favorite thing is watching people hate on Helene and clearly miss the point of her character in that she's just a young woman-#greatly traumatized by her childhood and has no proper way to cope or come to terms with her own feelings while surrounded by parents who-#hate her or want to manipulate her + with a sister who betrayed her + siblings who are morally bankrupt#+ literally her only friend (read: “friend”) is a psychopathic dragon whose dubious behavior towards her is more harmful than helpful#+ she's still the child whose own actions led to the person kindest towards her getting killed bc of her & her little sister “betraying” he#and she's never quite been able to grow up or come to terms with those feelings hence why she lashes out while longing for love#(and god do i hope it's Paris who helps bridge the gap between Helene and Lyla and in doing so we see him grow as a person)#(look i just want Paris to get kicked in the ass with character development and for him to truly see Helene as someone he cares for)#(bc as he is now he clearly just has surface-level puppy love towards Helene that has the potential to go somewhere and i hope it does)#(ESPECIALLY BECAUSE THE LN GIVES MORE THAN ENOUGH MATERIAL TO HAVE MADE THEM CANON)#(UGH IM STILL UPSET ABOUT THAT THE LN /LITERALLY/ SAID THEY MATCH EACH OTHER AND THEN DIDN'T MAKE IT CANON COME ON)#anyways it's like midnight now but yeah i LOVE TME can u tell#and could probs write whole character studies on all the characters with how deep they are in the manhwa alone holy shit
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tfw you are trying to Limbus Pull but the game's only Bonus Units™ are the ones that freak you out/irritate you lmao whoops
#Mini tag rant hello everyone#Idk man I just think they make me uncomfortable in an Extremely Unique way#The group is already terrible and I mean. yea. its the city. there is terrible shit everywhere#But Its The Ableism For Meeee#Like ok they say they don't like the prosthetic users but does it end there?#this may be a personal thing but where does the line of 'ok amount of unorganic materials in your body' actually go#Is it just external? What do they do if you have inorganic materials inside you- does that still count?#'You're overthinking this' ok maybe but also-#I uhhh#If its ANY inorganic materials that may make you impure then I also kinda count (long story that I don't need to make tumblr's problem)#Like excuse me for having a deep rooted hatred of the characters that not only antagonize my main fav (Danteeeee <3)-#-but also would probably. you know. maybe target me too depending on where they draw that line#So yea-#I hate the N-corp units. (Heathcliff can stay since he's clearly reluctant) BUT-#Other three gotta pack their bags#only even pulled since there aren't exactly many Good Units at the moment#but be sure I'll yeet that crazy eyed freak back into her stupid little pit the MOMENT I have a better Faust unit#ok anyway rant over thanks for reading if you got this far#limbus company
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i genuinely don’t know how i’m supposed to act at my age
#like when i have to talk to ppl my age irl they sound old af 😭 and im like are they old or just actual adults?#like i know when to act mature but when in the same age group i feel like i should have my adult voice on#like a customer service voice but more casual???#like for this get together i’m fear i might be one of the youngest ppl there besides like the children of everyone else 💀 like i can go#can’t***#hangout w them and later ima go see my friends and it’s more relaxed but it’s not like we talk about random shit#like we don’t listen to the same music watch the same shows or movies anymore#or they say oh i don’t have time for that or i don’t watch/listen to that many more#????? what do you do? and they’re not on social media besides fb or twt#like unfortunately i’m part of the chronically online 💀💀💀 but i can’t just be like oh im knitting this or crocheting that because that’s my#old lady hobbie i picked up in hs and they were like that’s old ppl shit#they talk about work but i find that so boring idc about what i do everyday that shit stays the same 😭#like it’s interesting to listen to them because i don’t do it but my job it’s same day in day out#and if we talk about fitness it ends up at oh i gained some weight or i lost x amount that means i can have a xyz and not care ….#we are mid to late twenties when tf did you get heartburn 😭 and wtf is that ??? i’ve heard about it but what do you mean??? when did that#start??? like yeah old bones and body aches but damn another meme post about it 😭 stop#like what did i miss when did i stop looking where did yall learn all this#at this point i think im just immature#like my random shit is gonna be ceo/luigi and sk then what i can’t bring up rap kpop spotify wrapped anime my excitement for some local yarn#how i don’t think lady gaga is a good actress or that im lowkey upset about the wicked movie#or that there’s gonna be an american psycho remake like they’re not gonna care#and i can’t be like tf is an appetizer ? that isn’t just restaurant and tv show shit ?#I CANT TELL THEM ABIUT MY PERIOD SHOES I FEEL LIKE THEYRE TONNABNOT LAUGH#my talking points are work (boring and same as always) old car accidents most recently accident (but not too deep) shoulder and back pain#progress maybe complain about grocery prices 😭😭😭#omfg wtf am i supposed to where to the get together with appetizers FUCK#is it chill to go in shorts and a tshirt ????? i’m sure they know we’re the ones smoking outside they can just assume i’m too chill#let’s hope someone has a baby and i can distract them w my ability to somehow charm babies 😭😭😭😭#omg what if their kids are blaming us for the weed smell !?? like imma not narc but i’ve seen them out there too#like idk if they’re college age but i don’t think they’re open about it and im the freak taking walks past midnight 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀
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i look at some of u guys talking abt a new show u watched or a new thing u read and im like. holy shit thats a thing u can do. im in awe of u. i spend my time slowly ping-ponging between several interests whose base componants i can never experience because i get scard
#right now its danganronpa again grin. did u know ive been into it on and off for lets say 7 years at this point#and ive never once played it myself. i have it installed on this laptop ready to go and i just! never open it!#because if Im the one playing it then i have to pay attention and i get scared#but if im watching a lets player i just naturally pay attention without the pressure#ive talked before how i always feel i need to have the smart cool takes on shit#n this deep plays into that#idk boti was good for me bcos nobody fucking knew what it was so nobody could judge me for pardoning anotsu's crimes bcos he was hot#so i probs need to do that again#yknow a thing where i disconnect from anything that anyone knows about and get really really into some dipshit manga from 2008#but also like. i get a lot of my media recs from people talking abt what they like#which then means i defacto have someone who is gonna know if my takes are shit#and like even now. im watching mop cycle w dri and im having fun w it#but i feel bad bcos i see so many ppl like This Is The Best Anime Ever and i just like. dont get it#like i can actively feel the messages and shit whooshing over my head#its a fine anime! i'm having fun watching it! but i don't get all the commentary abt pacifism or whatever#idk. something something my need to be The Smart Kid The Bookworm Kid that went unchecked too long without peers to challenge me#so now im here like Uh Oh#and like this wouldnt be the end of the world (save for its impact on my mood n stuff)#but also like. i am an english student. i should know this shit. but i stragiht up do not feel smart enough to sometimes#i keep coasting by on the assumption that im a smart kid and i'll automatically be better than my peers#and im being disproven#i got an english exam back tonight and i got like 63%#and i like college! i just dont like. college.#anywho its approaching 3am and i have a 9am tomorrow morning which means bedtime
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