#idk--yeah i probably would have. i was like 'idk if i would have taken this quiz if the person i'm reblogging from hadn't mentioned
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Silver would be a very different person if he was raised by Shadow. Silver is naive precisely because he wasn't raised by anybody.
yeh you right!
i think the way i imagine dadow is different from how most other people imagine it; where silver still grew up on his own and it was only after he first went back in time he meets shadow in the future n he becomes his dad, basically to explain why the first time silver came across shadow in the past he wasn’t immediately like “dad?”
so i imagine silver comes across old man shadow at fourteen and is like “shadow??? wtf???” and from there the father-son relationship begins, so silver’s naïveté would still make sense ‘cus he wasn’t raised by shadow from day one
#thank u for de ask i like discussing stuff n hearin’ people’s thoughts on stuff. especially about my boy silver <3#and yeah i think i have a weird interpretation of dadow that’s like totally different from everyone else’s lol#seeing fanart of lil baby silver being taken care of by shadow is rlly cute#but i imagine they only meet in the future after silver first meets shadow in the past#idk why. i just feel that#i think it’s so it could KINDA work in canon? i don’t believe it’s canon but like#they meet in the past first which explains why silver doesn’t know shadow the first time#then he sees him as an old man n is like “yo wtf” n shadow’s like “aw fuck. this time traveling CHILD is back. and ofc he has no parents”#and they kinda just stick together until the relationship becomes very familial#n they both agree it’d be too messy and weird if silver told their friends in the past about this#and teenage shadow would probably have a Time trying to comprehend this information#dadow#silver the hedgehog#shadow the hedgehog
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Yk what’s really fucked up? I was more masculine before I realized I was trans. I’m short and I’m skinny and I’m gay and that makes me a fuckin twink according to everyone else. And yeah sure sometimes I love a cute skirt and makeup and yeah sure maybe I am but that also means I fucking had to bury the girl who did archery and wanted to be on American ninja warrior and was always called on for being strong. Boyfriends say it’s awkward when I’m curled around them with him as the little spoon. “It feels weird for you to be the big spoon” “woah this is weird let’s switch” you do realize just because I’m short and don’t work out anymore this doesn’t mean I’m just this little cute bottom who is the twinkiest of twinks. I just wish I were taller so that maybe for once in my fucking life I could be taken seriously
#I’m so fucking done with this#I’m actually incredibly fucking masculine#Even my own mother#I’ll say “yeah if i were born a cis guy I might have used he/they” and she buts in “and probably she sometime”#And I’m like “…yeah#sure”#No#not at all#I’m a bastard with a shot gun and a bow and arrow#i spent my childhood trying to get as muscular as possible#But no#i got fucking sick and now I’m tiny and now I’m just another twink#I often wonder how much would be different if I hadn’t gotten an ed at 12#Maybe id have grown#Maybe I wouldn’t have developed such severe anemia that I had to drop all sports#Maybe I’d be taken seriously#I’m just so done with this#I need someone to not laugh at me when I talk about that side of me#I’m from the fucking south#I grew up around a bunch of beer drinking bastards with guns and trucks#I’m not your fucking doll#And no one seems to see that#Idk#transgender#trans men#transmasc#transblr#trans problems
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"An awkward gesture" like yeah. And that group of guys who gathered around in Portland ME in full Nazi paraphernalia on April 1st that one year were just joking. Right.
#bro. sorry WELL I DON'T KNOW IF I SHOULD EVEN SAY SORRY?????? but i am gonna bitch for a second#like that shit was so jarring (second example i provided) bc not to dox myself but that's like. home.#vaguely not specifically speaking. but that is home.#i don't even remember what happened/what was done about it other than like. seeing an article or two about it#but literally this is just part of the nazi playbook. it's just a joke. or a mistake. or an accident. not that serious. ect ect ect#bonus points if like well they're a really nice person. yeah. i bet they are To You.#and hell less me being a bitch about it even if they put on a nice face towards the people they want dead#like bitch. i was raised christian. i know a thing or two or one hundred thousand about The Duality of it.#conscious or subconsciously. i know first hand what it looks like to be loved and abhorred at the same time.#and this is a loose comparison maybe. but what i'm SAYING here is That's How They Get You.#also fuck man the more i think about that 'stunt' (idk if i even wanna call it that but for lack of a better term)#like. the stupider it fucking is. like yeah a joke. a prank. okay. and you just had all that shit laying around because.......???????#idk it's so jarring. esp when it's close to home#but it's also so fucking jarring and terrifying to see it play out Like This. not some fuckasses in fucking maine#but someone with a disgusting amount of power. in front of the entire world. TO the entire world#god i'm getting flashbacks to that one guy who in front of a whole ass crowd (some preacher? politician?#idk sometimes the venn diagram is a circle. i don't fucking care to find out) said some shit about#eradicating transgender people from public life completely. to like a LOUD fucking applause#like it's sickening and exhausting and god i'm privileged. technically speaking. i'm white#and am taken care of by family so i don't have to work (when like. idk if i can. as time goes on i really feel like i can't.)#like. i'm acknowledging that all things considered i'm probably going to be safe. in all likelihood.#but it's disgusting and horrifying and like. maybe i'm safe. relatively. but so many people are not and will not be.#like idk it's just looking really fucking bleak. and that's coming from the shut-in.#i feel like i could say so much about that too. how i exclusively live through my art and art alone.#is it maladaptive daydreaming if the conditions are inherently hostile to life itself?#again i feel like i'm lucky that i'm able to opt out. but i also feel like. i feel like these shouldn't be my only options.#i don't know. i just wish we had more political assassinations. it wouldn't fix the system.#but it would fix the issue of one really stupid and genuinely evil guy. this goes for many of them
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aaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
#brain is being weird again. i miss the person i thought you were before i found out how truly truly horrible you are#but that person doesn’t exist! i never met them because they aren’t real!#i just wanna meet my person yk. like yeah i don’t want to be in a relationship bc that sounds exhausting but also#it wouldn’t be exhausting if it was my person. i wanna know someone. i wanna learn how someone works.#i wanna take care of someone and be taken care of without asking.#and like the thing is is i definitely have my people in my friends like i already have them in this way#and i appreciate that so so much which is why i won’t settle for anything less ever again and why i’m no longer actively seeking something#but i really do just miss clicking that well with someone right off the bat. and i know most of it was probably 1) me being lied to and 2)#me trying to make myself palatable for him#but i haven’t felt that truly blatantly appreciated in a long time#i just wish that fate would work a little faster at putting my person into my lap is all#i’m not even gonna say that it doesn’t have to be The Person i’ll end up with and can just be One Of the people along the way#because now that feels like settling and if the universe doesn’t want me to settle then i won’t#and i’m not trying to be impatient because i know that it’ll happen when it’s supposed to and i can’t force anything#i just want it to happen so badly. i want to have my cute love story. i want to have it last longer than a week. in a good way this time.#and i know i vent a lot about this in my tags but this time feels different#i just want what is supposed to happen to happen. and i want to feel comforted knowing that it will.#i just need a sign that it’s gonna happen someday so i don’t lose my mind waiting for it#that i’m in the right place. and i’m right where i’m supposed to be#idk. i just know i don’t deserve to feel alone anymore. especially when i know i’m not.#this feels like a prayer. maybe it is. whatever.#mari is irrelevant
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I do find it so funny that I will graduate college days away from my birthday. Like my birthday is literally in between the end of the semester ("graduation") and commencement
It really will be like a joint graduation & birthday party for me lmao
#speculation nation#i dont really do birthday parties anymore. havent in a long time. mostly just go out and do smth fun around my bday. ya kno#also have cake but like not in a party way. just like. here's cake lol#but im probably only gonna graduate from college once. which means i might as well live it up and all.#invite all sorts of extended family and people who have known me. etc etc.#actually it just kinda sunk in that i am. Computer and Information Technology (Systems Analysis and Design focus) w a minor in Communication#like those are words. it's a lot of words but actually it really is pretty accurate?? like that's indeed what ive been studying.#now how much i *remember* is another question. considering how long ive taken to get thru school lol#but that's what people will see on my degree. that's my Thing. graduated in Computer Systems and Talking.#idk it's just weird to have spent so much of my life on this and like That's the culmination. it took so much work.#even beyond a normal 4 years. i switched my major *twice*. switched my minor too.#first year engineering to undecided liberal arts (as a temp major trying to switch to computer science bc i couldnt stay in FYE)#but then computer science sucked so i switched to trying to get into computer & info tech. which is different. and better.#and ive been in it long enough now that ive kinda forgotten but it did take some fuckin work to switch into it.#like i had to take certain classes first & i couldnt take them during the semesters that in-major students would take them#and i had to have my gpa up to a certain level etc etc. so many hoops to jump thru. i think it took me at least a year. or more. idr#but i made it in and thats my major. thats my thing. computers and information systems and communication.#doesnt FEEL like im an almost-graduate. but then i think about all the things ive taken and learned.#and maybe i dont remember a lot of the more specific things from these classes. but i took core lessons away from each one.#wont be able to recite the theories but i can live them. and thats the point of an education i guess.#anyways im gonna have to start job searching before too long and eughhbb. need to get my license first tho probably.#which i will... i will.... i have so many things to deal with... my life will be So Different in a year...#it will require me to put in the work now. but i can do it. and then a year from now. i'll hopefully be in a better spot.#living somewhere else. graduated from college. with a license and a car. maybe even an IT job of some kind.#kind of scared of trying to find a Big Boy Job. aka a job that requires a degree and networking and all that shit.#rather than just showing up and being like Hi i can do this job. i am not a total drain of a person. hire me please 👍#hfkahfks so many things to think about. and through it all i am still dealing with DEADLINES...!!!!#but yeah this is why my writing has largely been put on hold. idk i have a lot of things im dealing with rn.
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GIRL HELP WDYM I REACHED 30 TAGS??????? OMG???? I WASN'T EVEN DONE YET
ANYWAYS 31st: and that compared to a relationship where the communication lines are basically none or very fucking weak then yeah it is an upgrade I think. Idfk I was never in a relationship I'm just picking from the ones I've seen in my life
#it's like that one image i saw#under read more too bc i don't wanna get jumpscared#anyways i wanted to say#one thing is that I've been kinda into hlevpeka (how do you even call that?) for like. 2 years? 3?#it's just that it kinda fell off for me once i started thinking about the possibilities of hlevteo (which was around the end of 2023 so)#but ig the myth hunt trio as a whole is kinda making me pick it back#definitely the most underdeveloped out of the 3 tho. i have no idea what could lead to the same guy have weird shit going on with himself#well probably it is a want to learn about himself or something#they were separate for a good while so ig they wanna pick things back and learn together#what makes them them and what they like for themselves#and who can know you better than yourself (?) idk it's weird i need a good excuse still#anywayyyyys#I've also been thinking about something for hlevteo#like bc i want it to have significant differences over teopeka (healthier ones at that) and i think one of them would be like. transparency#and sincerity and “truth” (if you really wanna tie it back to myth hunting)#bc i feel they'd reach a point where they like. can be open with each other right#and i feel that'd amount to like. knowing stuff nobody else does#like teo would tell hlev like. oh yeah me and peka have been around for almost a decade now. yeah it was a very weird thing for those times#i think the reason why im even here with you is bc you remind me of him. ig i just gravitate towards you#and hlev would be like yeah dw it's fine. y'know you also kinda remind me of someone. of like- oh that's gonna be weird to explain#and then he explains to her the whole. Thing. about being a protagonist#and she'd be like “oh huh well alright. that's one more existencial crisis for me. anyways what does that have to do with anything#and he'd be like “yeah ok so the reason why i think im also around you is bc of the power dynamic(?) we have#like you're my boss still and i honestly like that? I think all those years of feeling helpless and powerless have kinda taken a toll on me#and she'd be like “oh huh alright i guess that makes sense. that's kinda sad tho”#(heavy projecting there with That Man™ but it's whatever)#anyways what im trying to say it's that like. it's not that the motives behind the attraction are healthier?#it's moreso the fact they explained them at length to each other that kinda is? bc then they can work from there right?#like they can like. at minimum make them not devolve into something obnoxiously bad
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Been working on it all day but... Finally conquered the scary spreadsheet
#twist rambles#you would not expect the insane complexities from ga/iman comics. which i don't want to read btw but wanted to make a comprehensive sheet of#the horror comics from dc. idk if anyone WOULD be interested in the sheet itself bc idt theres a comprehensive list out there like this? im#sure im missing stuff but. id say i probably grabbed like 98% of it. which is wild. I'll prob post recs as i read :) esp once i hit the morr#more obscure stuff*. like the old stuff is popular for that crowd but some of the 90s stuff ive never heard anyone talk abt lol. not#planning on reviewing every issue publicly but i will post like... rec lists/posts talking abt single runs that i found enjoyable :)#its a lot less hard to read 3 issues than like. 1k for a character imo. but anyways yeah. my god it should not have taken me that long but#im very proud of it. first time ive ever done smth that comprehensive and it was rly fun to gather info :)
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i'm so bummed i accidentally turned town a job interview for a job where I could have worked with a good friend and mentor 😔
#i was telling her abt the preschool i got hired at and i was like yeah im worried bc the other teacher doesn't seem nice#and the student teacher ratio is really bad they're really understaffed and underfunded im just really worried it will be too much for me#and she was like oh you should apply to the school i work at bc we're hiring snd the ratio is great and the pay might be better also#and i never knew the name of the school she worked at until then#and its one i DID apply to but i told them nevermind after this one hired me 😬#but now i really wish i'd taken that interview#i'm going to call or email first thing on monday tho and hopefullyyy i can get in for an interview before i start my new job on thursday#so i wont literally have to take time off for it#and then if they offer me i will be able to tell the new job nevermind while its still early#either that or i'll try to stick it out a few months then apply to the other one for summer or something#but im not sure whether its best to quit immediately or let them think im dependable and staying then leave in three months lol#but mostly for the other job idk if it would ruin the opportunity to tell them nevermind i want the job a week after i said no#compared to a few months later#they might have forgotten me by then which would probably be good#idkkk#my first reference literally works there which will hopefully help and maybe they'll give me a break#the pay scale looks the same as the one i just accepted but i think they'll offer less bc they're not as desperate#but i literally dont care its such a better working environment#and the pay scale is the same so they would give me a raise after a few months#and the work will be so much easier#and the commute#and i Definitely know i can work with my friend#vs the co teacher at this new job who seems really intense and unfriendly#anyway!!#im really anxious abt this new job and i'll stay if the other place wont take me now#but i really hope they give me another chance#also its super close and easy drive and the commute for the other one scares me a bit lol#this has been a shitpost
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as a certified Aromantic Asexual (I should make myself a certificate) I genuinely don't Believe there is systemic oppression that specifically targets Aromantic or Asexual people.
I do however believe that people Cannot be normal about ppl who don't have sex or romantic relationships, and that can Really Impact Aromantic And Asexual People.
Also like. Aros n aces are still. Experiences Other forms of oppression that can interact with the aro and/or ace-ness
#Like. Woman doesn't get married. Maybe aro maybe illegal for her to marry who she wants maybe no fuckin reason. She's probably gonna get#Some shit for it but that's primarily misogyny. While it does affect aro ppl disproportionately bc. Yeah. It's not based on them being#Aro it's a conicindental intersection. Also can y'all be normal about sex and virgins#Anyway slightly related dreaming of a world in which it was better acknowledged that sex repulsion while common for ace ppl#Was not synonymous w being ace so we avoided the ace discord phenomenon that a bunch of gay/lesbian/bi ppl mis identified as ace#Bc they couldn't deal w the idea of having sex w a person of the same gender#With the idea of actually having sex bc it was treated as gross (sex repulsion as a result of society) or that trauma survivors#Misidentified as ace bc they had issues w sex bc trauma. Also that sex repulsion wasnt like an identity but rather a Symptom that could be#Either a problem or neutral. Who else's brain was boiled by ace and also inclus/exclus discord and came out thinking everyone was fucking#Stupid. Like both sides had Points but it was mostly just bullshit and no one fucking talking. Also ppl kept talking about ace ppl#''stealing resources'' and multiple ppl joked Abt that which is a problem bc that means. A BUNCH OF LGBT PPL DIDNT UNDERSTAND WHAT RESOURCE#THEY HAD (anyway looking back on it. Idk if ace ppl were even taking up resources or anything like the common example was LGBT shelters#Bc like if u were gay u might be kicked out of a normal shelter but if u were ace u would probably not get kicked out so if an ace person#Went to an LGBT shelter then they might've taken a bed from someone who needed it more which. I guess is theoretically possible but also id#If that ever fucking. Was something to actually give a shit Abt. Correct me if I'm wrong)#ALSO the idea of ''all gay ppl should go to hell'' ''oh do bi ppl only half go to hell?'' sure thats probably a problem but also. A LOT OF#THOSE WERE EVERYONE DOING IT INCLUDING GAY PPL? LIKE THE FUCKING ''ALL GAY PPL SHOULD BE ON AN ISLAND AND THE POPULATION AUFNFJNSAJ''#like does anyone else remember that. Everyone was making those stupid fucking jokes. This is just a rant Abt me being on Tumblr without an#Account for years and the psychic damage I've accrued. Anyway fuck AO3 goodbye
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thinking about plunging into rereading WoT, I think I made it about halfway before I gave up
#and that was the second attempt#idk I always thought it was one of those series where I'd have to be a guy to get it honestly#very bro fantasy tbqh#I still like some of the female characters like Nynaeve is great. love her. I liked Lanfear and Moiraine a lot too#otherwise RJ was just such a Man about everything it was kinda embarrassing#idk my litmus for good female characters is probably a little different tho lmao#like to me the best way to ruin your female characters is to have their lives revolve around a man with NO respite#I understand Rand IS the plot for a good chunk of the series but also. lmao#and then none of the female characters are able to do things simply because they want to do them#they have to be dedicated at all times to facilitating the success of a man#idk it rubbed me the wrong way I guess#“oh but everyone has to do that hype dragon” yeah but also the men get to engage in typical man fantasies on top of that lmao#and the women? they do shit because they have to. complete dedication to duty at all times#and if they have a little bit of fun they get smacked down both by the other characters and the narrative#maybe it changes as the series goes on but the first six books were just. constantly reminding me of this lol#I don't think it's wrong to have duty-bound female characters or female characters that are that dedicated to something#but it just stood out like a sore thumb when the other half is “guys get to do cool shit and look miserable about it”#whereas there was some weird dominance/control thing going on constantly with the women#and idk even my pickme former self would have taken issue with this sort of thing lmao#also yeah the gender essentialism is weird af#also one line about Elayne feeling like she had to compete with her mom for Thom's romantic affections stuck out to me#and has haunted me ever since I first heard it on the audiobook#like it buried itself into my mind and it's all I remember about these books sometimes#all that said there are things I liked about WoT but not enough to make me read the whole thing lmao
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#reigen arataka. i don't know who this is.
my result:
everyone take my 114 result ‘which character are you’ uquiz
#i'm taking my result as both a personal attack and a compliment even tho i know next to nothing about Phoenix#except for what i've seen in random YouTube silly videos.#gonna queue and revive this quiz for myself and like two other people in three months or smth LOL.#if i check the notes when this leaves my queue when will the last notes be from?#will it still be getting actively circulated? 'cause this POPPED OFF at almost 20k notes in like a day#idk--yeah i probably would have. i was like 'idk if i would have taken this quiz if the person i'm reblogging from hadn't mentioned#reigen arataka#'cause ''reigen idk who that is'' ' was a sight for me to see LOL#(not a bad sight. i'm just a#mp100#nerd and i sometimes forget people don't know who reigen is lol)#aND HAVING REIGEN AS A POTENTIAL OPTION IS GREAT#also hi op idk if you'll see these tags or--hOLY MOLEY YEAH YOU PROBABLY WOULDN'T HAVE EVEN NOTICED MY TEXT BOX RAMBLE AT#THE END OF THE QUIZ 'CAUSE YOU GOT /WILDLY/ INUNDATED WITH PEOPLE TAKING THE QUIZ PROBABLY#anyway i was the person who left the 323 word ramble about Hazbin Hotel#i expect the disclaimer at the start of the quiz about not supporting all media the characters are from maybe had to do with Hazbin Hotel#also fun fact: the percentages changed from that screenshot to when i took the quiz. the top two were Jughead Jones at 4% aND#MILES MORALES ALSO AT 4%#HECK YEAH MILES#rose lalonde was at fourth place at 3%#gale boetticher in third place at 3%#misc.#funny#pinkiepiebones#veggietale#yasashiinaya#homestuck#planandexecution
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i think ppl were hoping me becoming poor would make me as bitter as they are but... nah
#i move about the world different sorry#i have my reasons to be upset but i dont let it consume me and become my personality#going to therapy ever since i was like 12 has done wonders for me#you hafta realize that- i could- if i discarded all my values and desire for wellbeing- probably get whatever money from my dad.#my conservative dad who wants me to not be myself and would probably try to black mail me about it like he did when i was a kid#you dont understand how much i have to hate someone. to not be around someone. to PREFER to be poor than interact with them.#im by no means comfortable. sometimes i have periods of comfort other times i have no money and barely anything to eat.#id rather starve than go back to that abuse. you might feel different but thats bc like i said i move about the world different.#you dont know what that abuse was like. after experiencing it you might choose the same.#and no i personally dont consider that me 'having options'. i really dont see sacrificing myself and living as a shell of my former self#as an option personally. its either die by starving or die by sacrificing myself and quite frankly atp im choosing the former.#ive already tried the latter and hated every second of it every time#the only bitterness i have about being poor rn is at yall who wanted me to become poor. so no. it didnt work out in your favor.#not sure why you thought it would. i hate yall.#dont get me wrong- i hate the rich too for this- but ig i dont see them as subhuman or whatever since i lived like that#the uberwealthy though? yeah idk. still dont like the nazi rhetoric of calling them subhuman but i dont have any real#sympathy for them. most of my sympathy for rich ppl anyways is when they're kids and how that fucks em up but if they become#corrupt selfish adults i dont have sympathy for them atp.#and to be clear- im not saying the benefits of having money somehow hurts them- there are negatives to it though if your parents#suck and think buying you things = love. and make you dependent on your parents bc you've had everything taken care of for#you your whole life so you have no real life skills so you cant as easily leave. which is worse if your parent is abusive.#also dealing with other rich kids? sucks! depends but it almost always feels like a dick measuring contest.#being isolated your whole life + not knowing how to take care of yourself- the number 1 thing animals teach their children first +#not having any genuine friends + not receiving genuine love? kinda turns ppl into super villains ngl#if i didnt have dogs who taught me a lot of shit id probably be a super villain too ok lmao
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incoherent post, as always <3
will always be funny that i made a post about literally unaliving myself, and it flopped 😂
#using ‘unalive’ to trick my brain#it’s ironic#technically#when almost every thought is about that you gotta get creative#and ‘unalive’ can never be taken seriously#whereas the other is too triggering#i also deleted said post bc it felt too ‘vulnerable’#like yeah gwen i’d say a post about one of your worst nights in recent history is probably gonna be vulnerable#will probably delete this one too bc it feels dumb#like idk i don’t really have a lot of places to talk about stuff#and i’m scared of telling my family the really tough shit#and it all comes down to being fiercely independent and not wanting anyone to help me#but also desperately needing someone to help me#and it takes a long time to unlearn that shit#so maybe i’m subconsciously asking via this blog or something#also half the time i don’t remember posting certain stuff and i delete bc like yeah#or it’s impulsive or self sabotage etc#like the amount of stuff i hold back on bc it would definitely ruin my life is like…a lot#i could impulsively ruin all my friendships forever but i won’t#i’ll just wait for them to bored of me/leave me behind bc there’s no room in their life for me anymore <3#could get back with my abusive ex bc i have probably worse self esteem than i did while dating her so it’s not gonna make much difference#could do with a thrill#and i think her being controlling and horrible to me would be fun for a hot minute#also the sex that makes me hate myself ✌🏻#maybe my hot girl summer can be me self sabotaging and destroying my life? ☺️
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Actually it was surreal as hell to look at my transcript today. I've got all but 3 classes done or in WIP. I'd have to Severely fuck up to fail any of my classes this semester, by this point. Which I don't think will happen. Honestly I might even get straight A's for the first time in college. Which would be cool!!!
So just three classes left. Just three. It's so wild. I'm pretty excited.
#speculation nation#for the first time i actually glanced at the 'apply for graduation' option#to graduate at the end of spring id have to apply by sometime in february.#idk i'll bring it up with the advisor tomorrow. make sure im actually good to graduate with these 3 classes.#part of the problem is the fact that i didnt see the classes i have to take 2 of on the offered list#which makes me nervous about whether theyre even available next semester. and what id have to do to take them.#alternative options? or *waiting*? thatd be even worse. so im not sure yet.#the other thing is that my major started requiring students to take an internship in order to graduate#but since ive taken a long ass time my index year aka when k started doesnt have that as a requirement.#at least that's what my last advisor said :p so im nervous about if this new one says differently.#an internship would certainly be useful for getting work experience and resume padding#but i never wanted to before bcus i needed to work my job. that paid me Money. unlike the probable internship.#and also i dont have my license and i DEFINITELY dont want to TRAVEL. what would i do with my cats#?????#so i havent done an internship. and i dont intend to. but if he says it's actually required then id have to work to get one over summer#etc etc. then graduation would be delayed.#i really really hope it doesnt turn out like that. i really Really want to just be done already. by the end of spring.#spring 25 give it up for graduating spring 25#i was originally class of 19 lol but i like 25 better. in terms of numbers.#class of 15 for high school and 25 for college... yes#and YEAH it's taken me 10 years😭😭😭😭 thats why i dont want it to take any longer 😭😭😭😭 im so close i just wanna be DONE WITH IT!!!!!!#so fucking close i can taste it. im halfway done with my current semester too. So Fucking Close...
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thrashing around on the floor. ignoring Colette's voice claim. oh fuck she's sua and ivan coded. kinda. if I did an alnst AU with her and [REDACTED] she'd. yeah. oh god.
#➳ the fool speaks#no little french girl..#i mean would she#she isn't Super the self sacrificial type. or. wasn't. cough. but like#personality wise she's very similar to sua and i think the only reason [SPOILERS IDK IF OCGRAM PEOPLE ARE ON TUMBLR.HELP JSHDJAHAAUH]#happened was because it was so sudden. if she knew it was a life or death scenario for [REDACTED] she probably would have#taken a few shots to the shoulder/side/etc and/or exploded a tiny bit. she'd do that. yeah#oh also [REDACTED] is till-coded#so that's also fueling some of this
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It feels like half the people in my life forget I'm fucking well-versed in being a patient, just because I'm not being taken seriously anymore. Everyone is always talking down to me, saying shit like "oh yeah, that's just what doctors are like, you'll get used to it eventually," "did you know [some statistic about ableism in the medical field that I've literally personally experienced]," "you need to do xyz thing," etc. and I'm fucking sick of it. Like. Just because all my doctors have written me off as a lost cause or not really sick enough to warrant help anymore, that doesn't suddenly mean the fact that I spent the majority of junior high AND high school in and out of doctors offices, hospital visits, labs, studies, specialist phone calls, etc. suddenly didn't happen. Like I'm sorry but I'm more knowledgeable about this than you are and nothing you're saying is new to me. Not in a "woe is me I'm more sick oppression Olympics blah blah blah" way, just objectively I have seen more doctors, have a longer list of diagnoses, and have spent more cumulative time doing this than you have. I'm sick of everyone fucking dismissing or straight up ignoring my years of fucking struggling because I'm being neglected now which means I'm obviously actually fine and nothing before this happened.
#this is a long post and probably incoherent I'm just venting lmao#it's so fucking annoying I'm sick of people dismissing how much of my life has been spent in the presence of doctors#simply bcuz they no longer care about helping me anymore#as if I'm not fighting tooth and nail to be seen still bcuz im having the same or Worse problems still.#idk man I'm just. I'm so tired of not being taken seriously. I'd like to at least be acknowledged if they're going to dismiss it anyways#like. 'yeah u went thru a lot and know what ur talking abt. but we just dont care'#that would be better than 'you actually have no idea what ur talking abt so I'll explain it to you'#armchair speaks#and when I say 'you' in this post it's not anyone specific just btw lmao /g
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