#idk who to tag bc i was kind of absent for some time so....

[moontyuns]

Rules: pick a song for each letter of your URL and tag that many people.

thank u for tagging me, @fylithia <3

Moonwalker - seventeen Orbit_ - onewe Oh my - monsta x Never in vain - lucy The pool - stephen sanchez You - lany Uncomfortable - chase atlantic Notion - the rare occasions Sos - seventeen Tagging: eh if you want you can do this!!

[pregnantsecondo]

here to ask about Enoch's daughter(s) (literally any info about them i am Invested) (but also how. And when)

YAY!!!

Ok, so Enoch as you may know is trans, so its possible for him to give birth.

Her name is Hope, and she was born some time in 2006 (which makes Enoch 36 when he gives birth to her). She probably lives full time with her other father (idk his name yet, lets call him Matthew for now) and her older sister Phoebe (who was born in 2001 on 9/11).

Enoch probably visits her often, but with the nature of his work and his life, can't be with her all the time.

For the first year of her life, he tried to take care of her on his own but it was hard. He wasn't able to do it on his own, so he went to Matthew. He doesn't know if Hope will be able to live much of a life, because he is, in part, a demon as well. So he tells Matthew this and asks for his help.

Matthew is a decent dude, so he accepts. He's kind of obsessed with Enoch in the sense that he thinks he's very in love with him and also that enoch is somehow sent from hell for an important purpose but Enoch sees it just as an obsession that he can use. Dude jumps at the chance to take care of their daughter, and Enoch trusts him enough to take care of her. Plus he likes Matthew's other kid (the aforementioned Phoebe), and will often ask her to tag along on the things that he does with Hope.

Hope is fine, for the most part. Enoch's father is glad that she has a granddaughter and protects her. If Hope ever has children, the demonic influence is too small to do much of anything beyond small physical changes. Hope, btw, has small horns and a tail, but her eyes are normal and she has none of the powers enoch has.

Hope has a few interests. She really likes music, and can play the piano, the guitar, and the cello. She can also sing and is in choir, which is ironic considering her grandfather is a demon. She also likes history and has an interest in religion due to her family. She has some emotional issues stemming from Enoch's absent periods in her life, and she knows why he had to be gone, but they still remain. Enoch knows this, and tries hard to be there for all that he can. He is kind of a cryptid at her high school bc he shows up to all of her events and awards ceremonies and scares people (not on purpose of course).

[barrenceallence]

[Image ID:

Tags that read #reblogging this because I was instantly in love with August Heart the second I saw him #and now am looking up Manuel Lago #although unfortunately Manuel Lago seems to be a fairly common name. #really should have added 'comics' but well hon live and learn. #this is a not so subtle request for a primer #COUGH.

End ID]

@benbamboozled I have been summoned lmao

Manuel Lago was a character introduced in Brian Buccellato and Francis Manapul’s run for the New 52 Flash series in 2011. he’s there for a CRIMINALLY measly 5 issue arc called Mob Rule.

He’s repeatedly called Barry’s oldest friend — there’s all these flashbacks (THAT ARE CUTE AS HECK) that show Manuel and Barry’s history together, from first meeting in college right up until Barry’s gets struck by lightning. He goes MIA after that and the arc starts off with Manuel barging back in Barry’s life after all this time.

(lichrally flirting idk what to even say)

(AHHH Barry just looks so HAPPY to see him damnit)

He’s got a pretty wild backstory for a character who’s literally only there for 5 issues — his dad was killed in a plane hijacking so his natural course of action was to….join the CIA to track down the hijackers (a group called Basilisk). With the CIA he’s some sort of a deep state operative and subject to some experiments that give him a regenerating ability like a healing factor.

(That James Bond meets Batman line is the funniest thing in the world to me. No wonder Barry gets along fine with Bruce.)

he ends up getting captured by Basilisk after going rogue and they torture him for WEEKS by cutting off his hands and fingers. But those cut off pieces actually fully regenerate into straight up clones of Manuel and they start calling themselves Mob Rule.

(ITS SUCH A RANDOMLY METAL BACKSTORY LIKE oh yeah the dismemberment)

(In which manny is an absent father for his 52 clones)

(I honestly don’t even know what he was trying to do here. As far as he knows Barry is just a normal ass civilian how’s he gonna help you? He literally just wanted to see Barry)

I just really like his character bc I love the potential of what kind of friendship they must have had. They’re a bit of an odd couple but they consider each other ‘family’ and Barry’s actually knows and IS CLOSE WITH Manuel’s mom. The person Manuel calls when he’s got no one to turn to in a dangerous mission is Barry. When he thinks Barry’s dead, Manuel goes into a rage. So there’s this really close bond between that doesn’t get much spotlight besides those brief flashbacks that makes me so curious.

Honestly Manuel reminds me so much of that post that’s like men say they’re fighting their demons and then the demons are just bisexuality.

[maya-matlin]

I was reading your tag on the meeting with zaya in s11. Zaya definitely had a great first meeting arguably the best. I would agree I mean all of that scene is truly adorable and funny and it stands out to me.

I do feel a little bit that way for semmas meeting, where she'd been pining all day or trying to like figure out how she was gonna speak to him bc she maybe found him intimidating, and then finally she sees he's about to get in trouble bc he might fight jimmy, and kind of takes control of the situation even tho it's not really her business kind of like how maya went along with the rouse of pretending to be a jilted gf and improvising (lol scoundrel) without a script and did the first thing to come to mind. Both meetings seemed to me very like important.

Although with semma/Emma, she simply wanted someone to hang out with at the dance, but she had an opportunity to at least dance at the dance, and her intentions were good. I like that both zaya and semma had significant developments prior to dating zaya more than semma with the length of time. Idk people compare then sometimes the only real similarity is leading lady with a meet cute power couple relationship.

Both girls were intentions were good, for maya a new friend at her school, for emma befriending the cute new kid who she knew not much about. So it's cute to me as well. 😍💕 there is definitely overlap with zaya and semma but not that significant. Two awesome first meetings.

Yeah. I know Zig and Maya have way better scenes, but they got off to such a good start. Season 11 was overall a pretty weak season for them other than Underneath It All, but I really love that the writers made it a point to set up that pairing long before their romantic arc truly started.

Ooh, I never thought to compare those two scenes, but that's a good point about both Maya and Emma kind of needing to improvise to get their crush out of trouble.

Right. Ultimately, Zaya kind of borrowed from multiple ships while also having their own unique story. I don't think any other Degrassi pairing did the friends to lovers thing better than them. I think they followed the Semma pattern in the sense that it was the bad boy with the good girl, but I also feel like a lot of their story more closely resembles Joey and Caitlin's. Zig/Joey initially overlooked Maya/Caitlin for Tori/Liz. Maya and Caitlin had boyfriends who committed suicide (Cam and Claude). Joey cheated with Tessa, while Zig cheated with Zoe. Though thankfully, that was just one awful slip up in contrast to Joey kind of smugly repeatedly sleeping with Tessa until it blew up in his face. Personally, I'm just relieved Zaya didn't follow the Eclare pattern.

For sure! I think Zaya and Semma have some aesthetic similarities. Obviously later on, the writers kind of ripped off the Semma/Pemma triangle with Zaya/Matlingsworth. The first one was played more straight with Sean being the obvious troubled but ultimately good guy while Peter was the villain who used his privilege to eliminate his rival. With Zig and Miles, we weren't so sure how it would end up playing out because Zig had such a chip on his shoulder and was taking on this persona (kind of like season 3 Sean, but more aggressive) after being absent for most of the season. Miles had been introduced more sympathetically than Peter and had just come off episodes where we'd seen his home life and watched him stick up for Zoe. Based on what we'd seen of both (Zig in season 12, Miles in parts of season 13), it wasn't too shocking when things kind of reversed themselves and Maya decided Zig was the one she could trust and rely on while Miles was consistently letting her down. And of course, Zaya had the history and chemistry much like Semma did. Anyways, I digress.

[in-tua-deep]

Are you into my hero academia? What about an AU or crossover with tua?

UHHHH I am technically, like, peripherally? I watched some seasons of the show like two or three years ago and since then have simply absorbed all content through osmosis, reading fanfiction that has canon events, and my sister telling me about the arcs of her fav characters lmao

so a crossover hmmm

First of all you'd have to like, establish whether bnha is an alternate universe or just The Future If No Apocalypse with quirks being traced back to the descendants of the kids born without mothers

So let's say it's that - the glowing baby was the "first quirk" but the truth is people had powers before that. But - well, the Umbrella Academy was obviously a marketing gimmick to those in the future! There were even comics based on them

In the future, you might find some of those comics in museum exhibits dedicated to depictions of powers in the pre-quirk era, but they're just fun depictions and much less popular than, oh, DC or MCU comics which are also in the exhibits!

End of s2 doesn't happen I guess in this au?? No sparrow academy at least lmao. So, the Umbrella Academy stop the apocalypse (again) and the Commission threat is? Neutralized? Whatever. They decide to jump back to the future

Five warns them that time travel is a crapshoot, that he has no fucking idea when they'll land beyond some nebulous "future" because Five can at least control the direction if not exactly how long

Also, Five is like. Super tired. Incredibly tired. Homeboy still has a healing gut wound, time traveled twice, has been jumping all over the place, gotten even more injured, experienced paradox psychosis, and managed to undo time all in the space of like, two weeks. There actually more than that but we don't have time to get into how fucking tired Five is from his ~Month of Hell

Like genuinely this is like putting someone almost delirious from lack of sleep in the driver's seat of a car and expecting to get to your destination in one piece

But hey, the siblings are like "do it uwu" and Five has sacrificed everything for them already so why not get behind the wheel again

So Five jumps them, and of course something goes wrong because Five has pushed his powers like a great big rubber band and honestly it was only a matter of time before he lost his grip and it snapped back to hit him

So here be the umbrella academy: spilled out into the future like a cup of bad coffee.

Five probably isn't in too good of shape tbh, like they're hundreds of years in the future (but hey at least confirmation of no apocalypse am I right) in a world full of superpowers and Five is like. bleeding from his ears and nose probably idk

Let's handwave a little bit - Reginald made them all polyglots so the squad all speak varying levels of Japanese. Allison is the best at it, Five is second best but tends to use more archaic words bc he had missions in Japan back when he was with the commission, and Klaus is third best.

(Ben is the worst bc he decided when he was 16-and-dead that he didn't have to do anything regarding lessons and maintenance and hasn't given a shit since - but also he's dead so)

So you have a bunch of weird adults with a bleeding child in like, an alley who have appeared from nowhere

so of course heroes get involved

Anyway, the squad get taken in and Five is conscious but like, barely? And he's not going to let himself get separated from his siblings again fuck-you-officer and there is a lot of confusion

anyway detective tsukauchi ends up getting involved and ends up having to hear this batshit story and be like "...truth." which sends all kinds of people scrambling because fucking time travel? Like yeah, it's been theorized to be a possible quirk but there's no recorded cases of any sort of time travel that is for more than 24 hours let alone hundreds of years

"I'm an adult." Five says sourly, "I just happened to be returned to my 13 year old body when I time traveled one time."

"True." Tsukauchi says, feeling his soul leave his body, but like. absently. the way he does when he's called in at 2am after getting off of work at midnight.

"I'm 58." Five says.

"Lie." Tsukauchi says, because this is a headcanon hill I will die on.

"I'm probably 58, but it was hard to keep track. I'm at least 50." Five corrects.

"True." Tsukauchi sighs like these six (seven? they keep referring to another sibling and Klaus said 'ghost' like that was fine and it registered as true and Tsukauchi is not nearly paid enough for this) are not giving him a migraine by just existing

on the bright side there's like, probably protocols in place for individuals who are Legally Chronologically Adults but thanks to quirks are Not Physically Or Not Mentally Adults with tests to determine if the individual needs a guardian or not

though i'm gonna be honest idk if Five would pass the test bc he literally cannot take care of himself at all, has never paid taxes or understands how to exist legally, and also his emotional maturity is stunted as all hell. also like. we don't actually know how much being in his thirteen-year-old body affects his mental state but yeAH Five is vibing

anyway Tsukauchi probably phones a friend on this bullshit because Time Travel Child alone is probably enough for the Hero Commission to be like "find a way to control and use it or nuke it from orbit" and that's not even touching whatever the fuck Klaus is doing (shit gets real once 'dead men tell no tales' stops being true) let ALONE Allison's whole deal

on the bright side like, at least Vanya isn't getting side-eyed that much bc Big Destructive Quirks aren't exactly unknown? if vanya wanted to i guess quirk suppressors exist for that until extensive training on how to control a super powerful quirk happens

Tsukauchi in the group chat: Aizawa please I am literally begging you to take this bullshit on

Aizawa: in this economy? with my class?

RatGod: lol we'll take them ;3c

Aizawa: no

Anyway they probably end up having to live at UA while Five insists on trying to get them home still and everyone else is like "oh hey we used to be child soldiers as well! (:" and Aizawa is like "i hate everything about this and everything about all of you but also like nedzu is making me interact with you so :/"

nedzu is out here vibing like "lol i just don't want the hero commission to get their little paws on these time traveling fuckers, i think you should make then teaching assistants or something"

honestly the siblings are probably like. figuring out how to function in the bnha universe and getting like, legally registered and stuff while Five ferally refuses bc that's like saying he's giving up on getting them home and he can do this

Recovery girl tries to heal him a little when he arrives and he passes out for two weeks like, immediately bc homeboy is running on fumes and spite at this point

also i think on principle it would be REALLY FUNNY if the squad got to tag along with the class bc like. Five is thirteen and the class are all 15. this does not sound like a large age gap. anyone who has interacted with teenagers know that the class would squint at Five and be like "who is this sassy lost middle schooler."

I feel like when I was a sophomore we were still like "freshman... babie" even though we were literally only one year older.

i think the difference between the umbrella academy and school kids would be pretty funny like. objectively the bnha kids are lowkey child soldiers?? like they're 15 and fighting villains but like, there's all this red tape and laws and stuff but,,, deku still be breaking his limbs in a child fighting ring against equally superpowered children for like. entertainment and sponsorships sooo

but also like Five would be like "oh cool when is the experimentation class"

"the what"

"you know, when your powers are pushed real hard by putting you in different terrible situations while your dad and sibling stand by with clipboards writing down the exact voltage it takes before you can't use your powers anymore when being electrocuted"

"hound dog's office is right there. therapy is available to you at any time. i need you to know this."

all might calls Luther "my boy" like one (1) time and Luther just breaks down crying probably because he is starved for positive attention

klaus and midnight get along like a literal house on fire, aizawa tried his best to keep them apart for as long as possible but god damn

(klaus: your name is shimura nana??

all might: immediately dies choking on blood)

i feel it absolutely necessary to point out that aizawa, present mic, and midnight are all like, 30? and the umbrella academy are all between 29-early 30s? they are PEERS but like. the umbrella academy are more chaotic due to childhood trauma

the umbrella academy probably get offered to like. also train to be heroes. i mean,, there HAS to be some sort of track for people who change careers right?? you don't have to cement your future as a hero when you're 15 i'm sure there must be something and the squad already have experience if they want to go be legal heroes

diego probably does at least?? diego just vibes honestly. diego gets momo to make knives during a team exercise and they just go feral on everyone else and it ends with diego highfiving momo and someone getting way to close to being stabbed for comfort

Five might just be. legally enrolled as an Actual Student? But also i think it's funny to picture the entire squad just. all in the back of the classroom with luther trying to fit into a high school desk as they take notes on the laws of The Future surrounding heroics

every word out of the umbrella academy's mouths just make everyone more concerned on principal but like, five and klaus are probably the worst offenders. Klaus just says whatever comes to mind with no filter and Five doesn't get what people would consider to be abnormal anymore like

Five: yeah our dad bought us when we were babies and experimented on us throughout our childhood in order to make an elite team of child soldiers superheroes, it happens

Todoroki: ...have you heard of quirk marriages?

izuku probably has an aneurism bc he's is the only person who might recognize them from the comics because you know ya boy extensively researched the idea of heroics in pre-quirk eras (batman was an inspiration alright???) and might dredge up a memory of a less popular comic series

Five: I can time travel but it is very hard, which is why we are hundreds of years in the future. And why I look like a child.

Kaminari: so are you a kid or not?

Five, serenely: whatever is most convenient for me at any given moment

Mina: hell yeah game the system

they have a brief lesson on astronomy and Luther raises his hand like "ooh! i was isolated on the moon for four years and did SO MUCH research" and then just gets up and starts infodumping like way too much information on the moon

Izuku sitting there like "damn if quirks hadn't popped up we could have achieved so much in terms of space travel. please tell me more giant man who lived in pre-quirk era."

Vanya finds out about the quirkless and is like "oh mood that genuinely sounds like my childhood, being ordinary in a house full of extraordinary people, and then i found out that i did have powers but only much later in life after i had already been emotionally scarred by the experience"

deku: vanya we have so much in common

iida and uraraka: concerned noises

aizawa: hound dog. therapy with hound dog for all of you.

there's probably some conflict with like, the hero commission wanting to get their hands on the time travelers?? but probably especially five and klaus as a) time travel and b) ghosts (the hc def has bodies they would like to stay buried)

five has a pavlovian reaction to anything with 'commission' in the name and hates them on site, probably plays into his age in order to become a ward of UA or something to protect him from the commission a little bit.

(this makes nedzu Five's legal guardian. aizawa has his resignation papers all prepped in a drawer marked 'in case of emergency' but let's be real, if nedzu wants to take over the world aizawa should probably be on the rat-bear's side of things :/)

five: ah, i do recall the inhumane experimentation that we were subjected to

nedzu, who was experimented on: haha same hat! want me to dig up the location of reginald hargreeves's remains so you can spit on them?

klaus: nah no worries we dumped them out in the courtyard unceremoniously like, a while back. how long ago varies for each of us because of time travel!

luther: you said hound dog's office was down the hall and to the right?

on the bright side, Luther probably feels like. way less self conscious about his body, partially bc of his fighting and all that in the 60s but also bc !! now he genuinely doesn't feel like a freak. no one even gives him a second glance. one of the teachers looks like a slab of cement with a face. gang orca looks Like That. there is literally a student with an entire bird head and goth aesthetic. Luther does not stick out at all

allison and shinso bond over having "villainous" voice-based quirks

allison and shinso having worn muzzles at some point in their youth as punishment 🤝

aizawa probably helps train vanya as well with the whole, being able to erase a world ending quirk safely thing he's got going on which makes for a very nice safety net

i don't think vanya would want to be a hero at the end of things though. maybe the assistant teacher in the music class or something?? all vanya wants is to be able to not end the world

i feel like as time goes by, five brings up trying to get home less and less. part of that is because like,,, genuinely what do they have to go back to?? Allison has Claire, but like. I'm 100% sure the first thing she did in the future was try track down Claire's records and found out Claire was like. fine. became an adult, had a family, probably became the ancestor of the first "quirked" kids who officially popped up after light baby. had a good life, died at an old age etc. etc.

they start settling into the bnha world with like, "we can always hop aboard the five express into where the fuck ever" as a plan Z if things go completely pear shaped (again)

i'mma be real, five himself doesn't give a fuck as long as there is a) no apocalypse and b) his family is alive. Like that's it. His bar is so incredibly low and yet his life keeps fucking trying to limbo under it

i just think it would be funny to have like, Five trying to get along with his "peers" and make friends while the siblings do the same but like, in the staff room

also think it would be funny for five to just walk into the staff room and get coffee occasionally.

a teacher: why is a student in here -

Five, sipping coffee: i'm an adult

nedzu like "what kind of guardian would i be if i didn't teach my new son all the tunnels around ua so he can pop out wherever"

five like "hey new dad can i put stashes of supplies all around ua of weapons, money, food, and other assorted things that might be useful if one needed to fight or make a run for it" and nedzu is like "haha just put your list of what supplies you want in your go bags on my desk and i'll critique it later!"

anyway a bnha/tua crossover would be incredibly chaotic but probably very funny

[vonkarma2]

9 13 & 19?

9. What is one of your character's theme songs?

Very difficult to pick just one this is so much pressure. Does anyone have like only one song associated with them like a side character or something. Ok I couldn’t think of anything that wasn’t embarrassing so Im dodging the question. To make up for it here’s a playlist I made of ed ideas like if it was an anime these could be the ending song. Or an ending song if it was the same as like dorohedoro where they had a bunch of different ones 

13. Which OC do you make art/media with the most?

I think it’s actually Angel, like Rocio used to be the OC I drew by far the most but I actually think I draw Angel slightly more these days or at least like in terms of drawings that take more than 15 seconds. Probably bc there are more poses and outfits I can draw him in + expressions I can draw him with, whereas Rocio only does this 😐🧍and wears the same thing like every day of their life. But yeah he’s super fun to draw and I actually have written some things from his perspective as well which I also think is fun :) he has like a unique perspective like within the characters because of his personality and backstory. I feel like I haven’t shown like the negative sides or what he’s like enough so far though so I’m looking forward to doing that in the future 

19. Who is your most recent OC?

So I think like I’m not going to count people as an oc if they don’t meet the qualifiers of 

-Having a name -Having a solid defined storyline and/or personality -Having been drawn or written abt more than once By this metric I haven’t made any new ocs in a while 😔 I’ve done like character designs but none that have really stuck, probably because I like already have a lot of established ones that I’m focusing more on yk. Like there are a lot of storylines I already have, so I feel like a lot of dynamics + types of characters I find interesting are already covered, and I usually don’t really need to make new ones. Usually my motivation for trying to make new characters is like an aesthetic or tone I think would be interesting but that’s not really enough to base a whole character off of yk. I’d like to come up with more ocs bc I like designing characters but yeah I think I’d like to focus more on my older ones for now. Maybe I’ll try to come up with new like main ocs if/when I finish writing out their story. I feel like the side stories will be in minor character limbo forever bc I don’t really have a story with them and also bc I was picturing them as a comic or visual novel which I would never finish in a million years. Whereas I think I could eventually finish writing something yk.

But anyway time to actually answer the question <3. Actually now that I think abt it it’s probably Connor Armitage collab with @lycanthrology . Does he really count he like canonically exists (long story short he’s another character’s shitty absent father) but doesn’t ever appear or get directly mentioned or anything. Absolutely 0 relevance to the story at all. Also he might not count because Ive never drawn him + I don’t think anything had been written with him.

Before that it’d have to be Dominic Ortega from meat city which is also a collab with various people including @zipmode whose art you should check out <3 (the other people I’m not going to tag here because idk their usernames on this website). First and foremost he is a rabbit furry. But also he’s like an old man who used to be a lawyer but got incredibly tired of his life and so moved to meat city and became an evil wizard instead. Carnomancer specifically bc yk meat city. He likes creating monsters for fun and unleashing them among the populace also for fun, main goal is to escape boredom in life + find some kind of connection even (especially) if it’s negative. He used to have a sort of friend in thr form of James Bianco who was like. His Jesse Pinkman. But unfortunately he was accidentally killed horrifically, and Mr. Ortega’s (Im not on a first name basis with him it feels weird) attempt to resurrect him instead created a mindless zombie which eventually gained an entirely new intelligence. This person’s name is Rico theyre like their own character but the question didn’t ask to explain them as well so I’m not going to <3. But the two characters do interact I might give them like a goal they have to work together to accomplish that might be fun to write abt. But yeah he was created May 2022 so that’s when I have most recently made a new character.

[mackerly-monspop]

If you would be so kind, and if you have any, I would love to know any lore you have for your Luberto Corpse Bride au!!!! I just saw it and I love it!!!!

Hi! I´m so glad you are interested in this au :D and ofc i do, i have some thoughts about it.

I think things are very similar to what we saw in the movie, but i made some changes in Emily´s backstory to make them fit better with Alberto´s story.

Luberto Corpse Bride AU

No one knew about the identity of that man who had come to town. But what happened next was that he and Alberto's paths crossed, and the young brown boy had feelings for that mysterious man.

Alberto had no family to answer to and that was why Ercole's plans were made easier. Who would care or mind the absence of that green-eyed young man?

Alberto was alone and had many dreams and illusions for his life. His greatest dream was to travel the world with his loved one, Ercole knew it and cruelly did not care about that in order to carry out his infamous plan.

The boy had money because he had always been a hard worker for as long as he could remember. He also had some jewels and treasures that he had collected in his marine expeditions. He was an excellent diver. He had enough to be able to run away with his fiancé and start a new life together.

The relationship of the two men was not well seen by the inhabitants of that town and that was why they planned to escape. Alberto dressed in his absent father's wedding suit and took his life savings.

With it in hand, he waited for his fiancé under that tree with crooked branches and no foliage. He waited anxiously for him, counting the seconds until he finally arrived at the appointed time so they could escape together and go off to travel the world. To be free.

But nothing turned out as Alberto had so eagerly believed.

He saw a shadow.

A scream was heard.

And everything went dark for him.

Later, Alberto would wake up, with only one possession to remind him of his old life: a beautiful groom's suit that he could never wear to an altar.

-------------------------------------------

I´m gonna publish another drawings i've done with this idea and i´ll be thinking in more aspects of the story to re write bc i´m pretty excited to become this in a (at least) short fanfic. Anyway, if you or someone else are interested in write a fanfic o draw fanarts about this au pls tag me! i don´t wanna miss anything.

Luca chooses Alberto or Luca follows the original path of the movie and stays with Giulia? Idk, feel free to ship whatever you like most and give it an end to this <3

[laikuh]

Hi! Would you like to expand on why Lebanon is a manipulation? Or link to a post if you've already talked about it before, I'm intrigued (and have seen the episode only once, tbf)

hello! sure!

i have talked about this before, but i don’t mind doing so again, and idk if i’ve talked about it in this specific way anyway, so it’s all good. you can scroll through my meta tag (which i’ll use in the tags of this post) and see my various takes on john/the boys/”lebanon”/heaven, but basically this is what i mean.

first off, i was being flippant last night when i used the word manipulation, but i guess i don’t really want to take it back. i like “lebanon,” and i think it serves a purpose, but i also think it is...kind of a manipulation of the audience’s feelings specifically wrt john. “lebanon” is preceded by “prophet and loss,” which contains this conversation between sam and dean:

so, this is the first acknowledgement we get of sonny’s boys’ home since the s9 episode where we get the original story (”bad boys”), and it’s the first confirmation we get that dean was sent away more than once. sure, maybe not always to homes, we don’t know. but at the very least he was removed from the family unit as a punishment, which was hidden from sam and clearly framed by john and dean as something dean deserved to feel guilty for, or he wouldn’t have worked so hard during “bad boys” to excuse john’s decision to leave him there.

that’s super fucked up. like. undeniably fucked up. john did that. the show made an effort to remind us that he did that, and that it’s something that so stuck with dean that decades later as he mentally prepares himself to essentially die, he feels the need to confess his guilt over being absent repeatedly to sam.

john did that.

but right after “prophet and loss” we get....“lebanon.” which tells us that another of dean’s deathbed wishes, besides absolution for being an awful mother-brother to sam, is to have the whole family back together. to have john winchester alive and well. and it’s almost like this conversation is kind of wiped from our minds bc omg! they’re all together again! everyone is crying! so sweet! what a happy family!

and this gives me two follow up thoughts. the first i will just link to a post for, which is that i think it’s interesting to think about dean’s wish not really having everyone together, but specifically everyone together for just one night, which i talked about here and which either no one saw or no one liked lmao, going off the notes. i believe after i posted that meta i did get an ask saying they thought everyone in heaven would be fine bc john would have had time to change, and like, that’s valid. i hope so!

my second thought is that it’s not that i don’t think both of these understandings of john can exist at the same time, because i believe they can and should. and that’s what i meant in my post yesterday with that quick eta about sam’s and dean’s relationship to john. you can love the person who hurt you, and i don’t...like i’m not begrudging that because i know it personally to be true. and so i think “lebanon” is important because it gave sam and dean (and i guess mary) closure, and that’s huge. im grateful for that. but what i know i have also said before (tho idk where) is that my issue is that the show doesn’t (imo) give sam and dean enough breathing room and time to really address their conflicting feelings about john. like, idk if i think it’s addressing them to have that exchange in “prophet and loss” and then immediately follow it up with “lebanon” when there’s no connection made between the two.

i have also talked about this fic here, but there’s a lovely destiel fic where dean is a secret poet who takes a class from cas, who is an expert in dean’s poetry. and it’s a great fic, and i love the destiel stuff to bits and pieces, but what really sticks with me is the way it weaves in dean’s grief over the recent death of his father, and how it gives some room for sam and dean to gently talk about how they feel about john after he dies in which they get more explicit about what they feel then in the show itself, which just kind of dances around stuff. it’s not that i want my hand held or shit spoon-fed to me, but i just want them to talk and reflect now that they’re fully adults on what they’re upbringing did to them and the ways in which they do and don’t cope, the ways they have and haven’t moved on.

and maybe we could say, well, vin, that was “lebanon”! like, the closure in that episode is the final word, the final reflection. and, okay! i would buy it! except then s15 comes around, and sam tells dean that dean “protected” him from their father--PROTECTED?! WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?--and then there’s the deleted scene from inherit the earth, which like, i know deleted scenes aren’t canon i know, but still, dean wants to toast “to john” and sam is taken aback and says, “dad?" so, notable on two fronts, bc dean calls him “john” even though he calls mary “mom” and also bc sam seems genuinely surprised dean would even want to honor him this way.

so yeah. when i say “lebanon” is a manipulation i mean that in the scheme of things, it does give sam and dean closure, but for audience members i think it’s meant to rend your heartstrings and encourage you not think too much about all the terrible things he did, because he loved them! and they loved him! which! fair!!! true!!! valid!!! i sincerely believe john loved his children and that his children loved him!!! but!!! i!!! want!!! the show!!! to be!!! as obsessed!!! with unpacking!!! the mess!!! that is!!! john winchester and his boys!!! as i am!!! and not just!!! tug at my heart strings!!! like that’s adding!!! real depth!!!

lol does that make sense?

[honey-hippie-harper]

through the bleeding shell (Re-upload)

This was @obsidianfr3sk ‘s Feel Better gift asfghadsfghadfsghja. It turned out to be pretty depressing in the end bc idk how to write happy stuff but my good intentions were there, ok?

This is a Humon/Renegays fic :���). Which, basically, is about how the Renegays didn’t kiss during the trilogy...sort of. I can’t think of an specific reason why they didn’t besides bad writing and queerbaiting, but I’ve always seen Hugh as this...detached entity. Idk x’d. He shows a pretty dense attitude. And so, I thought that it was partly the reason why they’re not that affective during the trilogy. Not that they aren’t on a daily basis. I just think their relationship was in a bad place when the events happened, because, among other things, Hugh wasn’t grieving Georgia in a healthy way (I headcanon them as best friends </3) and wouldn’t allow Simon to help him. 

idk why I felt the need to talk about that.

tag list (tell me if you want to be in or out): @healing-winston-pratt @obsidianfr3sk @nodrianbcyes @alecjamesartino @everyone-has-a-nightmare @razzmooncake

through the bleeding shell

Being around someone for so long…

It allowed you to know things. Some of them important.

Others, not so much.

Simon had married a person he had been around his entire life; he had slept next to him almost every single day since he was very young. And his name was Hugh Everhart.

Simon knew every spot on Hugh’s body; he knew every mole, every random sun freckle here and there; how his body mass seemed to be well-distributed at plain sight but, in reality, his chest was naturally wider than the rest of his body, as if he had been born with the figure of a baseball player; how he scratched his nose because wrinkling it so much while laughing made it itchy; he knew the way his knuckles turned yellow when he turned them into a fist; he knew there was one single scar below his rib cage area…

He knew everything he had to know about Hugh Everhart, his husband, whom he loved so much that sometimes it hurt.

Yet, Simon was yet to know how and why, lately, he was so cold, despite still being a human furnace who was sometimes annoyed by the blanket on winter nights.

Kasumi frowned, and Simon wished she were misunderstanding, but whatever thing she was thinking, she was probably right.

Cold was a pretty wide term, which could basically mean anything. Being brutally honest, not even he knew what he was trying to convey by using that word, so he supposed he was referring to anything it could express, as a whole.

Thinking about it… yeah.

That option sounded about right.

Another thing that sounded about right, was the idea of Kasumi judging him because of it, which was something Simon knew wasn’t true and, instead, it was just his anxiety trying to ruin his day even more. But sometimes things were like that. He tried to avoid it, but never managed to do such thing. Ever.

“Not to be rude or anything.” She started, but before proceeding she seemed to realize that, maybe, that hadn’t sounded as intended, and her cheeks became extremely flushed, until Kasumi looked like she had ran under the burning sun while wearing a wool sweater for hours. “Really, Si. I don’t mean to be rude. As in...I’m...telling you this...so you think…”

She clicked her tongue, and then both Tamaya, who was also in the room, and him, stared at her as she talked to herself under her breath, making a couple of hand movements, as if she were writing her sentence in the air so she could phrase it correctly.

Sometimes, when Kasumi was nervous, she tended to struggle at putting her ideas together in a gentle, polite manner.

“...I was telling you that, so you don’t think I’m trying to offend you or minimize your pain.” She corrected herself. “Yeah?”

“...Yeah.” Simon nodded.

“Well…” Kasumi rubbed her hands together, more as a distraction than as an actual mannerism. “You know I’ve...never understood. Back at home...when we all lived together and...ugh. You know? Just...don’t mind me. Tam, you tell him.”

“No, no. What you’re saying is important too.”

“I want to listen to you, Zoomie.”

Upon the two pairs of eyes in the room being fixated on her, Kasumi kept fidgeting with the paper cone she now had between her hands, absently.

“Fine.” She whispered in a breathy voice, and then she stared at Simon, who stared back, not because he wanted to be polite or something like that, but because he genuinely wanted to listen to her.

Kasumi wasn’t a talker. That wasn’t an exaggeration or an act of fake modesty. It was just that Kasumi didn’t enjoy a lot of things, and one of them was speaking, to the point where sometimes she didn’t consider it necessary. There were days when she just...didn’t feel like speaking. And she didn’t. Because she didn’t want to. Because she didn’t need to. Because people could understand her anyway.

Still, everyone was willing to listen when she felt there was something she had to explain in a way that was verbal.

“I love my husband very much.” She said, placing a lock of hair behind her ear. “But, still, sex it’s not...a huge part of our relationship because I’ve never understood. When you joked about it back at home, I would just assume you were just doing that. Joking. I...literally didn’t expect you were serious when you talked about experiencing that type of attraction. Because I didn’t. And it’s not that I think it’s repulsive or anything like that. I just don’t get what the fuss is about. When I’m with him...it’s...usually not my first option. To think about that, I mean. And he understands and respects that, which I appreciate a lot.”

The more she spoke, the more confident her tone became. It meant she was growing more comfortable with the conversation, and that her train of thought was getting itself together, nice and slowly.

As for Simon...he was strangely comfortable, too, because this felt like a mature, adult conversation to him. Like a safe space.

After all, he was serious when he told them he needed to talk (now that Evander wasn’t here, because Evander was...not very sensitive). Hence, he was very glad they were being serious about it too.

“I understand that Hugh’s not in the spectrum.” Kasumi cleared her throat. “But...sexuality is fluid. Maybe, if you were talking about only that, it could be a good idea to talk it over. Only if he wants to, of course, because you never know; again, we can’t just assume, because one cannot do that. It’s rude. But what I mean...it’s that, whatever that’s going on in his head, maybe he’s trying to figure it out by himself. It might have nothing to do with his sexuality at all, actually, because, after all, that was just a comment...but it all comes back to the same point. Maybe he just...needs time.”

“Hugh’s pretty dense, Simon.” Simon saw the steamy cup in front of him, but he didn’t realize what it was until the smell of black coffee reached his nostrils. He hadn’t even noticed Tamaya was making coffee.

“Thank you.” He whispered anyway, as Tamaya leaned against the table, putting her weight on her elbows.

For all he knew, and all he cared about, it was pretty easy for people to judge Tamaya and label her as a bad person; she was quiet, although not in the way Kasumi was. On the contrary, she was rather serious, and her resting face was more intimidating than it was warm or welcoming. She was also really bad at controlling her temper, which didn’t help at all, but she wasn’t as bad as people wanted to portray her, or as bad as the recruits talked about her in the halls. Because, when it came to the recruits, Tamaya was strict, yes.

But somebody had to be, because being a Renegade was not a game, and the great majority of the advice she gave was extremely useful and clever.

Tamaya was caring.

Deep, very deep down. But she was.

“He’s pretty dense, but…” She sighed. “Most of the time, that’s not his fault. It’s not a good thing either. It’s not healthy for him and we shouldn’t condone it...but yeah. He can be pretty dense sometimes. He’s like that, most of the time it’s not his fault but...I don’t think you should feel like it’s yours either.”

Simon couldn’t help but flinch a little.

The thing was...he knew that.

It might’ve sounded crazy coming from him, but he knew it wasn’t his fault, even if his anxiety was determined to convince him otherwise.

Also, he was one to know that one couldn’t just fix a person. That’s not how mental health worked; of course, a romantic relationship or a relationship of any kind was a huge source of support and stability, but he knew it wasn’t enough to “heal” a person.

He knew about that, just like he knew that Hugh loved him and he loved Hugh, but that didn’t mean they could fix each other. They could make it a little better, yes; hold each other when things were rough; let the other know they weren’t alone.

But…”fixing” the other.

Not really.

They were humans.

They were people.

And the only thing people could fix, were objects, not other people.

“Like Kasumi said, sexuality is fluid, but it might as well not have to do anything with that.” Tamaya continued. Her voice sounded...soothing, strangely motherly. And she was calm.

Very calm.

It reminded Simon of someone.

They both reminded him of someone.

“Hubby and I, we both experience sexual attraction. It’s an important part of our relationship, and we enjoy it, but sometimes it’s just not the right time. He’s a doctor, I’m a Renegade Council member, and we have three wonderful boys together. Sometimes we don’t have time, so we just sit by the balcony to stargaze, holding hands, or we go out on dates like high school sweethearts, and I stand by the doorframe waiting for him to tell me I look pretty.”

Simon laughed a little.

It was evident she was trying to play it off as something dumb, but he found it absolutely adorable.

“And sometimes I’m too tired or he’s too tired, and that’s normal. It’s not our fault, and it doesn’t mean that we love each other less because…”

“Having sex doesn’t define love.” Kasumi said, and Tamaya nodded.

“Exactly.”

But again.

Again.

Simon knew that.

He really knew.

Hugh and him had busy schedules too. They both were Renegade Council members, and Hugh had it worse because not only was he a member, but also the leader of the Council. He had to be everywhere, at the same time, and people tended to think that just because he was invincible, it meant he didn’t have the right to feel emotionally drained, or at least tired.

Of course he was going to be tired.

He wasn’t a robot.

Hence, Simon understood what they were trying to say, and he agreed with Kasumi and Tamaya.

But the problem was…

He wasn’t referring just to that.

It was...part of the problem, yes.

But now that he knew their opinion about it, he had come to the realization that he still felt...empty and lost. And just...frustrated.

“We’re not only talking about sex, are we?” Tamaya asked carefully, and Simon refused to stare back at her, as he took a sip from his coffee, before answering:

“I’m afraid not.”

“Well...If you’re telling us this, it’s because you do want to talk about it, right?”

“I do. Yes.”

“Well. We’re listening.”

At the same time Tamaya spoke, a cold, little hand, laced between Simon’s.

A hand that felt like the sea and, even if he hadn’t known she was the only person in the room besides Tamaya and him, he would’ve recognized it as Kasumi’s.

So Simon squeezed her hand back.

“We’re listening, Si.” She confirmed. “We’re here for you.”

He knew that, and it was something he was extremely grateful about.

Now he just had to figure out how to put into words what he was feeling, because at this point it felt impossible for him to know.

There were just...so many things, but at the same time such a limited number of details he could recall.

It just felt...unreal.

And weird.

Very weird.

But Simon didn’t feel numb, unlike anyone would’ve expected from him.

In fact, he felt so sad he couldn’t even cry.

And it was the worst feeling ever.

“I don’t know.” He said, in a hoarse voice. “I just...don’t know anymore. It’s just...I…”

“It’s not your fault.”

“I know.” He clarified. “...But maybe that’s why I don’t know what it is.”

For the shortest second, Simon came to the realization he was talking to himself instead of talking to them, or perhaps it was something that, deep down, was giving him the answer to why this whole situation was making him so uneasy and upset. Like, of course it was making him this upset. It was his husband they were talking about. Hugh was his fight. Hugh was…

Simon didn’t know.

But what he did know was that, maybe, it had nothing to do with himself, and that’s why he just couldn’t…

He just couldn’t understand.

Why couldn’t he understand?

Why did it have to be like this?

“I want to know what it is.” Simon took a deep breath, trying to make himself understood; trying to make them understand what he couldn’t. “...So I can...make it better...So I can...help him. So we can...look for help together.”

Simon scratched his brow with his free hand.

“But he’s just… so cold. He doesn’t talk to me. He doesn’t come closer. He doesn’t...do anything. We don’t do anything. And I can’t help but feel like...he’s not here, even though he’s…” Simon scoffed, painfully. “...He’s right there, in front of my face.”

His eyes became fixated on a blank point, as if he were staring at an invisible Hugh, who wasn’t staring back at him.

“And I want him to...tell me. Because if he doesn’t tell me, then I have no way to know what’s wrong. And if I don’t know what’s wrong...then I don’t know for how long I can take it, you know? It’s just...I can’t bear to stand there as he pushes me away.”

Kasumi started running her thumb through his knuckles, and Simon felt Tamaya’s hands on his shoulders, massaging them, gently.

“I’m just scared...that when he finally wants me to come closer again, it might be too late...and maybe I won’t want to come closer again.”

Tamaya’s hands stopped moving for a moment, and Simon could almost feel her and Kasumi’s shock. He hadn’t even planned to say that. It just slipped.

And when Simon noticed it had slipped, it was far too late for him to hold it back.

“Maybe you should talk to him, after all.” Kasumi said, slowly, and Simon stared into her eyes.

He didn’t realize that was the thing he didn’t want to hear until he felt nothing but hopelessness.

Emptiness.

Fear.

A type of fear that became more intense in the moment they heard the door opening, and that’s when Simon saw him.

Hugh was standing right there, staring, and when his eyes laid on Simon, he arched an eyebrow, looking genuinely confused and worried.

“What’s happening here?” He asked. “...Si? Are you okay?”

Are you?

Simon didn’t want to answer. He really didn’t.

He didn’t want this to be about him.

He didn’t want Hugh asking him what was wrong if, harsh as it sounded, everything that was making him uncomfortable or upset had to do with him, not because Simon was blaming him, but because he was genuinely worried.

Let me help, Hugh.

“I’m...fine.”

Let me in.

“...Yeah. I’m...fine.”

Please, love.

Let me in.

Simon could see him hurting, but where he saw hurt, Hugh saw some type of burden that was meant to be concealed, committing treason against his own advice; dodging the sound of the voice of a younger Hugh, who guided a younger Simon through the dark, telling him it was alright.

That pain was alright.

And that pain didn’t make him less human.

Hugh’s pain, in particular, was a grey, bleeding shell that was so thick Simon couldn’t find a way to get in, and Hugh couldn’t find a way to get out.

So they just pressed their palms together through the bleeding shell, staring at each other's eyes through a polarized surface, that stopped their skin from touching, and stopped their lips from finding the other.

And the worst thing...was that Simon was craving that. He craved Hugh’s lips. He craved everything physical about him, just like he craved everything that wasn’t physical too. And he craved him so much he felt like dying every time he was close. He craved him so much it made him feel like a teenager again.

Which, in his case, wasn’t a good thing.

He wished it was.

But...teenage years weren’t fun if you had to spend them trapped in a closet. Things were never good when lived from inside a closet.

He didn’t want his life outside that closet to be like that too.

“Did you have an attack? ...Si, did you take your pills? … You did, right?”

“Hugh.” Simon heard Tamaya’s voice. “Is there...something that you needed?”

Hugh blinked, knowing that, maybe, he had interrupted something.

Mostly because it wasn’t like Tamaya was trying to hide it either.

“...Yeah.” He said, resting his arms on the nearest chair.

Tamaya pulled away from Simon, and Kasumi let go of his hand. They didn’t become fully focused, nor did they put on their “I’m working” mode either, but they did manage to...pretend. Even Simon managed to do so.

“Uh...I…” Hugh snapped his fingers in front of his own face, trying to remember what was it that he had to say.

“....Yeah.” He concluded. “Yeah. Uh… Tam. I need you to head downtown because they want you to supervise some of the floats for the parade. From...up, I mean. So you can check some of the details. I already checked from the ground and everything’s looking good, but now they want you to give them the green light.”

“Right now?”

“Preferably.” Hugh scratched his nose. “Were you...in the middle of something?”

Tamaya filled her cheeks with air, and then let it out, making a little trumpet with her lips.

“No.” She lied. “It’s fine. I’ll go. Just let me put some stuff in my locker, alright?”

“Be careful when you fly, okay? It’s kinda hot outside. If you get dizzy...”

“If I get dizzy, I’ll land. I know. I’m the one who’s flying.”  

Given that she was already heading by the door, Tamaya patted his shoulder, and they said goodbye with a very polite kiss on the cheek, before Tamaya left the room completely, and Hugh drew his attention towards Kasumi.

“Margaret White is acting out.”

Kasumi frowned. Deeply.

“Margaret...what?”

“Uh. White? You know? The Renegades’ ward? The kid?”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know who Maggie is.” Kasumi waved her hands in front of her own face. “...Who named her that?”

“Who named her what?”

“White. Who on Earth…?” Kasumi clicked her tongue. “Nevermind, okay? Just...what did she do?”

“Zoomie, I had already told you.” Hugh laughed, confused.

“I thought you were being rude, Hugh.”

Margaret White was the Renegades’ protégé. Her powers consisted of detecting and attracting metals which, evidently, was not something that was out of this world. In fact, she had been recruited at such a young age not because she had extraordinary abilities, but because she was problematic as heck.

She was Max’s age, more or less but, unlike Max, Margaret had no chill.

Her life was ruined from the moment somebody saw her and decided that White was a suitable last name for her, Tamaya used to say.

Margaret’s skin was tan, and she had slanted eyes. Naming her “White” almost seemed like a tasteless joke.

Simon himself thought Hugh was just being disrespectful the first time he told him her name, and he had to hear it a couple of times before he just...accepted he was serious (and that Hugh himself didn’t seem to like the idea of her being named like that very much).

Maggie was really problematic. For real. She had been kicked out of a couple of orphanages already, and maybe she would have been kicked out of this one too, if it hadn’t been a prodigy orphanage, which happened to be under Kasumi’s management, meaning it was directly related to the Council. And they were supposed to make sure nobody got kicked out of there.

Simon liked Maggie, because he knew that there was a chance that everything she ever did had reason behind it. An emotional reason. Perhaps she wanted love. Perhaps she wanted attention.

Perhaps she just…

Wanted someone who didn’t give up on her at the minimum inconvenience.

So he just...tried not to.

Hard as it was, because Maggie tended to make it hard; Kasumi had tried to canalize her to a psychologist many times, but her response always was that “she wasn’t crazy” (perhaps because kids her age were mean and “crazy” was one of their favorite words to use as an insult) and...well...part of the process in children, was understanding when it was the right time and when it wasn’t.

Sometimes forcing kids into treatment made it worse, and Maggie was pretty mature for her age, while painfully childish at the same time. Respecting her space and giving her time was their only option, if they didn’t want to turn her into a ticking bomb.

“Are you for real? I’ve been addressing her like that for like…”

“Just tell me what the little bundle of joy did now.”

“Pff.” Hugh scoffed. “Bundle of joy.”

Then, he cleared his throat the moment Kasumi fixed a glare at him.

“Well...the usual. She stole something from one of the nannies, Carrietta Ferland saw her and she locked her in a cellar so she wouldn’t say anything.”

“She locked Carrietta Ferland in a cellar.” Kasumi rubbed her forehead, and before she left the meeting room, she squeezed Simon’s wrist.

She didn’t say goodbye to Hugh.

Simon didn’t, either, when he excused himself under the sort of cheap white lie he needed to wash his face.

-.-

But one could only wash their face so much, before their partner suspected.

When Simon didn’t come back, Hugh didn’t go after him. He never did at first.

As in…

Hugh always went after him, just not at first; over time, Simon had grown to accept it wasn’t a pride thing.

When Hugh left, he never wanted anyone to go after him, and he was the type to believe that just because he didn’t want something, it meant nobody wanted it; Simon had gotten used to it, because Hugh was his husband, and they accepted each other just like they were.

What Simon refused to accept, was the bleeding shell Hugh was inside of.

He hated it.

He despised it, especially at night. It would grow around Hugh in slow motion, and then he would bleed through, and the whole room would turn red, overflowing it with unspoken, suffocated anger and pain.

Hugh turned his back at Simon that night, so Simon turned his back at him too, not because he was mad, but because he didn’t feel like staring at Hugh’s back today.

Their room became as cold as an industrial fridge, as they both fell deep into the notion the other was not asleep, and that they both were listening to the sound of a room that was currently filled with deathly silence.

Deathly as the bone-chilling cold penetrating their limbs, their organs, and their everything.

Deathly as…

Deathly as feelings.

All the stored feelings, and the way Simon craved something he knew was right there.

Hugh was right there. Right next to him. And his body, which he knew so well, was laying next to him, turning his back at him, with every mole, every sun freckle, a chest wider than the rest of his body…

And one single scar below his rib cage.

The same rib cage that protected his heart.

Say something, Simon.

The same heart Simon had felt beating so many times.

Say something.

Anything.

Maybe…

Maybe this had a reason too.

An emotional reason.

Perhaps love. Or attention.

Say something. Anything.

Because you do go after people from the very first moment.

Slowly, as if he had never moved before in his life, Simon rolled to the other side, and as his trembling hand rested on Hugh’s arm, he became alert, awake as they both were, and he looked over his shoulder.

“Hugh?” Simon asked, the name leaving a familiar firm in his mouth that tasted like home.

He didn’t answer, because that was his name. Hence, he knew he was trying to talk to him.

“Come here, Hugh.”

And Hugh came over, hesitantly, rolling to his side too, as they faced each other, and Simon ran his finger through his face, just...exploring every spot he already knew, as if he were visiting his comfort place, of his favorite bench in the park.

His blue eyes seemed to shine in the darkness, and Simon felt he could’ve gotten lost in them and never come back.

But he didn’t get lost.

Because he had to find the love of his life first.

“I’m never giving up on you.” He whispered. “...you know that, right?”

Perhaps he didn’t.

But, on the other hand, perhaps he did. And Simon was left with nothing but the mere hope it had meant something.

“I’m never giving up on you either, Si.”

But Simon did know that.

Boy.

Did he know.

-.-

What he didn’t know, however, was the answer to the what.

He wondered what that had felt like.

He wondered what Nightmare had felt when, the morning after, she tried to shoot Hugh in the eye from a roof.

Not because he were mad at her.

No. Not really.

She was young after all.

He just wondered what she had felt.

[sugarandspice-games]

I guess this is becoming a trend... I’m popping in before the actual intro to clarify-- if the text is in italic, it is me (Sugar) talking and regular is Spice. Alright? Cool. And so--

So, one night I’m going through youtube and I come upon this one shitposty video about some random anime that I’ve never even heard of. After doing some research, I discover that it’s actually based on a dating sim that I’ve also never heard of. As a joke I was like “Hey Sugar wanna watch this as a joke, it might be funny” and so we did. And uhm. Well.

Today we’re gonna be reviewing Brothers Conflict, aka Sweet Home Alabama 2: Electric Anime Boogaloo aka the anime that ruined our lives. [Again, disclaimer: neither Sugar nor I condone incest and/or pedophilia, two themes which are uh, very rampant in this anime which is why I cannot recommend it in good faith. It’s not good, don’t get me wrong. I can’t really say that I liked it even if watching it and ragging on it was kind of enjoyable, and I did get attached to some of the characters because that’s the kind of idiot I am. Also, we’re not shirking our duties to write I swear please don’t kill me--] Anyway, an obligatory SPOILER WARNING though this probably isn’t going in the main tag bc I do not want the fans to publicly stone me. Why are we reviewing this? Bc we need to talk about it somewhere. Though I say review lightly bc this... is really more of a critique.

ALSO we only watched the anime, idk if things are different in the game. There is no full english translation for the games and most of the LP channels have been copyright striked, so please don’t come at us for not knowing anything. I also know that otome games and dating sims don’t tend to translate well to anime, and I will be addressing this later.

So, dear god, where do I begin.

Where do we begin indeed? How about the fact that her name is Ema and I had to google to remember the heroine’s name? Also, she is seventeen.

Our plot, or well... what you COULD call a plot, I guess, if you REALLY wanted to give this anime that much credit, focuses on the aforementioned seventeen year old Hinata Ema, who has an absent father who apparently FOUND THE TIME TO FALL IN LOVE AND GET MARRIED BUT NEVER HAS A SECOND TO SPARE FOR HIS ONLY CHILD, RINTARO I SWEAR TO GOD I AM TAKING CUSTODY OF YOUR CHILD. HAND HER OVER-- Anyway. He’s getting married to a woman who has 13 sons (jesus christ ma’am have you ever heard of a condom?) and he decides to move her in with them because... I guess he has less braincells than I have balls, which is to say, zero. Hi, I’m trans.

So, Ema moves in with them... along with her talking grey squirrel, Juli. Juli is... interesting and by interesting, I mean-- ABSOLUTELY PUZZLING. He, apparently, has seen the majority of Ema’s life from babyhood to teenagerhood and can talk but is only understood by Ema (who he calls Chii) and Louis, the eighth son in the Asahina family. It is never explained why, or how Chii came across him or how in an episode, a single episode, he becomes human because why the hell not, I guess??? (Also, he is pretty. YES. I said it. Fight me.) [Quick Spice intervention, this squirrel can talk to people, transform into a human, enter dreams, and live way longer than a squirrel should since the average lifespan of a squirrel is like 6 years in the wild. Juli is apparently a god as none of this is EVER explained.]

And when she meets the Asahina family, it’s pretty much immediately chaos because these heterosexual (I guess? They look like a bunch of twinks to me but there goes anime trying to convince me that straight people are real and not a lie made up by Trump) men have NEVER and I mean NEVER known a woman in their entire lives, since they seem to want to bang their stepsister immediately. And most of them are GROWN ASS ADULTS. Only three of them are actually minors (though Iori is 18 and only one year older so I guess??? It’s okay??? But still weird) and one of them is a 13 year old who looks and acts like he’s 8.

Oh, and did I mention that out of these boys, only the adult triplets and the abusive asshole 16 year old get any kind of characterization AND character development? I mean, Subaru gets an “arc” if you can call it that, but really, they don’t give him much... personality. You could replace him with a cardboard cutout and it’d be the same. I feel bad for him (but not really because dude you are 20 and she is your sister, what the fuck--)

But if there’s anything good about this anime, it is the characters themselves. Several of the boys have redeeming qualities and interesting personalities and quirks, as well as interesting relationships and dynamics with each other. Yes, some of them are lacking in the plotline department while others may have decent plotlines and lack personality, and then some of them are just given absolutely nothing (COUGH Masaomi COUGH Ukyo COUGHCOUGHCOUGH Iori, and by the way, what the fuck is that game plotline bc I read the wiki since I wanted to know more about him. We don’t have time to unpack the mento illness luv. But you’re telling me they had all this meat to work with and they threw it in the trash and gave him nothing? What the hell?) And if anything, I feel as if the characters themselves are crippled by the plotline. If given a different story, perhaps, they may have room to shine, because a lot of them are compelling if not lovable (though some may not be... lovable. COUGHFuuto, at least not for me.) If you want to see our review on the characters, we’ll put out another post.

Iori... Iori has a hell of a plot in the game, according to the Wiki but I can’t blame the writers for not exploring all of it because whoa. It is dark and not in a good way. But back to the subject at hand... I agree with Spice. I do/did like quite a lot of the characters... provided the entire romantic plot is taken away but we will go into more of why the plot is problematic below. All I can really add is: There is a baby in this dumpster and canon has been taken out back to be shot like a lame horse.

This brings me to a point in which I would like to pause the character discussion and bring up a glaring flaw with this anime in general (aside from the... plot. Look, I’m not a huge fan of weird stepsibling stuff but I think that if you want to do something like that, there are ways to do it and ways not to do it. This was the way not to do it, which I’m getting to). The biggest thing that made this anime so uncomfortable was the imbalance of power dynamics. Why is the protagonist 17 when most of the love interests are 18 and older, and I mean much, much older? And she’s not any 17 year old... she’s a lonely, neglected girl who is starved for the love of a family. This makes her easily manipulated by the brothers, who clearly desire her for less than wholesome reasons, and that makes it skeevy. I’m not sure why there’s such a fetishization of nonconsent in media, as if it’s fine for as many men to lust after female protagonists as the writer desires BUT the woman can’t want a single one of them in return. It’s creepy, and quite frankly, I am very much over it. I also get that the age thing is probably a product of the protagonist of a teenager oriented dating sim not translating well to an anime (because really, all otome game MCs are meant to be a neat little pair of shoes for the player to imagine themselves in), but why are we fetishizing a teenager being groomed by adults anyway? Especially adults who have this much power over her to begin with? The power dynamics bring this plot from “Oh, this might be kinda trashy but it could be entertaining” to “This is extremely creepy and rapey and kind of a dumpster fire.”

This is also true. If we were to take age into consideration, Fuuto, Yusuke, and Iori would be the three candidates left for Chii. This is taking out the youngest as well, who is... thirteen, I think? But anyway, (I know I am probably going to get some hate for this but go for it), I am into stories that explore the stepsibling thing and it can make a good narrative-- but before everyone gets uppity: There is a line between FICTION and REALITY and I do not condone real life incest but a story is a story and there are ways to frame it that make it clear that it is not a romantic thing, or acceptable. This anime does not do that in it’s dynamics because some of the brothers do start off in that very firm caregiving, family role and it is a sharp turn into romance that makes you go, “?” or in Fuuto case, a blending that does lean into fetishization.

All in all I think the plot maybe could have been okay? I’m not saying it isn’t problematic, because we all know it is, who are we kidding? But I don’t think it’s wrong per se to explore family dynamics with romance and to understand where the line should be drawn, and maybe exploring the definition of family itself. I have seen fanfictions with similar tropes ask those questions and explore the concept beautifully without romanticizing or fetishizing incest and unhealthy power dynamics. It could have been good, and I get that perhaps I’m barking up the wrong tree by expecting mature themes in an anime based on an otome game, but it also could have been a lot less... creepy (I have used that word so much that it looks wrong now) even if it wasn’t the greatest thing ever. But again, what was I expecting? I watched this whole thing as a joke and ended up attached to the characters like a fool... That tends to be a trend here, and this is why we are so salty all the time. So anyway, stay tuned for our review of the characters! We may not cover all of them since some of them don’t really get anything, but we’ll cover what we found interesting.

[princeanxious]

“Egg-celent” TSS- Patceit

Warnings: Aphobia, sympathetic deceit

I was requested to write this prompt with anyship, i gave it a shot xD , all errors are mine, and i hope ya’ll like it bc it’s almost 1 am for me.

Prompt: “You’re famous and I jokingly left a comment on your social media post asking if you’ll go egg my ex-partner’s house with me this weekend, and I never actually expected you to respond, let alone show up Friday night with dark sweatshirts, toilet paper rolls, and three egg cartons tucked under your arm” AU

Prior/extra info: Patceit AU where Patton is Famous(and has a youtube and uses it for good) and just moved into Dimitri’s hometown, and Dimitri is also a youtuber but a much smaller one, known for amazing stage/costume makeup artistry and the peculiar way that one side of his face is covered in freckles and the fact that his eyes have heterochromia. Patton is also really tall(6’4) and Dimitri is really short(5’2).

———

‘Hey, /PatPuffballSanders, wanna help me go egg my ex’s house this weekend? I’d bet it’d be sp-egg-tacular.’

-posted at 10:23 pm, by /BoopDiSnek

The short makeup artist hadn’t expected things to escalate this far, and well, in all honesty, he hadn’t expected anything to happen at all. Perhaps it was the fact that Patton Sanders was famous, known well for his pretty voice, sneaky puns, dad humor, and growing popularity as a voice actor.

He was a ray of sunshine, and readily used that talent on every social platform he could to make people smile, but primarily on Youtube. The tall puppy of a man had a pun of the day, animal shelter promo of the week, and a monthly charity stream where he’d invite his friends and other youtubers of all kinds to play games and skits and challenges to raise money for all sorts of causes.

The puffball has a moral streak a mile wide, and has a segment for ‘Dad Chats’ in his videos with his viewers about how they should choose go about certain issues, and how their choices and feelings would affect their decisions, among other topics. He wasn’t good at words, but he tries to be the best influence he can, and that much was evident in any of his videos.

Perhaps it was the fact that Dimitri was still heartbroken, his boyfriend dumping him a week ago for someone else after a year and a half of dating. All because he was a ‘killjoy’ for not feeling sexually attracted to the man. It wasn’t even that Dimitri didn’t want it, he just hadn’t felt any of the sort towards his ex yet and didn’t feel the need to fake an act. It hadn’t sat well with his ex-boyfriends ego, apparently, as was evident in their last fight leading towards their breakup.

The words ‘freak’ and ‘prude’ had indeed stung, but not more than ‘unlovable’ had, the sentence burned into the forefront of his thoughts as his ex exclaimed it.

And maybe Dimitri had been a little out of it, typing the sarcastic message through his angry tears.

Even when pressing the post button had sent a jolt of nervousness through him, having tagged his favorite ball of sunshine, he’d never expected a response. It was evident in the comments his followers added to his post, concerned about his full week of silence, that the question had been silly. Patton? Patton Hart Sanders? The Patton Hart Sanders, egging a house? Sure, Patton had just moved into Dimitri’s hometown, but their hometown was big enough that he’d probably never run into the voice actor anyhow. And Patton just wasn’t that kind of person.

In any case, his phone had been left on the charger as he went to make some tea, and had almost spilled it everywhere when he returned 10 minutes later. A single notification from Patton Sanders himself sat, waiting to be read.

‘Now, I don’t know about eggin’ a house, Kiddo, but you sure have got me on the ‘Egg’ of my seat, ‘fryin’ to know whats eating at you. You feeling okay, Di?’’ It was a private message, sent two minutes ago, and Dimitri was barely breathing.

Okay, so maybe Dimitri was pretty gay for Patton, it was a popular type of crush, nothing very real, and that was all. He looked up to the man, definitely. However, there was no way in heaven that Patton Sanders had privately dm’d him. He could scarcely believe it, even after triple checking that this was an official Patton Sanders account. Perhaps it was unprofessional, but Patton seemed genuinely worried and was trying to reach out, and that made Dimitri feel guilty.

“Hey Pat! Don’t worry about it, I was just joking around.” He squinted at the sentence, scrutinizing it for any particular error before sending it, Patton’s response was almost immediate.

“Something tells me you weren’t, but i’ll let it slide for now, kiddo. The question remains, are you feeling okay?”

“Honestly? No, but i will be. Aphobia sucks, though. Some dude my ex turned out to be.”

It took Patton three extra minutes to respond, a hesitance present in his response. “Oh goodness, that sounds bad.. on second thought, that egging his house idea doesn’t sound so mean after all, Di!” Dimitri snorted, gently waving off the others suggestion through another message.

Back and forth they went for another hour, talking about video ideas and plans and possible collab ideas. Perhaps Dimitri was in over his head, he’d never collabed with anyone before, but he wasn’t going to turn Patton's suggestion for a stage makeup challenge for a charity livestream down.

Eventually they both went to bed, and time moved on.

Dimitri picked himself back up and threw himself back into his videos, breaking the silence with a short explanation video followed by his regularly scheduled videos. By the time Friday rolled around, Dimitri had all but forgotten about his question to Patton. Over the course of the week, both of them had gotten closer, talking about their town and suggestions of places to go, and promises to meet up that hopefully would not become empty.

It was mid-afternoon when Dimitri, who was currently mid-edit thankfully and not mid-makeup mode, got a knock on his door. Confused, he wandered to his front door and opened it, peering through his glasses at the outside world.

Well, attempting to peer, as suddenly Dimitri is met with a blue sweater-clad chest and a happy squeal of excitement coming from the man standing at his door. It takes two seconds for Dimitri to blink upwards at the taller man and recognize him as Patton Sanders, it takes Dimitri two more minutes for his brain to catch up with Patton’s excited rambling.

And to catch up with the fact that Patton is hugging him.

He notices Patton has a few things in one arm, most notably, a couple cartons of eggs. He can’t help but crack a smile, completely flabbergasted that Patton actually thought of going through with this.

Dimitri’s thoughts are going wild, and he’s pretty sure he has a headache coming on, but instead of addressing it, he plays it cool and invites the other in and decides to make tea for the both of them.

When Patton pulls out two black sweaters, one turned inside out,along with a mask and some toilet paper, Dimitri can’t hold back his giggles. He misses the way Patton lights up at the sound, and lets Patton know that they really weren’t going to egg his ex’s house. The relief is evident in Patton’s voice, “Thank goodness! I don’t think we’d fair too well in the dark!”

Dimitri can’t help but agree, adjusting his glasses. No, not even his contacts could save him for the depth perception nightmare that was aiming in the dark, plus, they’d easily get caught. Absently, Dimitri moves to hand the inside out sweater back, flipping it right side out now that the dark interior wasn’t needed, only to pause. His eyes caught on the graphic print on the front of the sweater, adjusting it in his hands so he could see it fully. He paused again, squinting at the familiar design.

It held a cute albino snake curled around a small round ornament, blepping contently with the words ‘It cold’ next to her. Under the graphic, the name of the snake was presented in pretty cursive lettering, ‘Nova.’

“Pat.. is this?? My winter merch??” Dimitri could barely hold back his disbelief, glancing up at a flustered Patton. Patton owned the merch of his pet albino python, Nova, and goodness gracious Dimitri needed to sit down.

“In my defence!! Nova is cute!! And she's even cuter when happily curled around you!” Patton huffed, arms crossed as he blushed, though unashamed at his remark. Dimitri’s mind went a hundred different ways at that, before just putting his face in his hands and sighing.

After calming down a bit, he had an idea, and glanced up at Patton who blinked at him nervously, afraid he’d messed up somehow.

“Wanna hold her?” Patton’s bright grin was worth the brief stuttering of Dimitri’s thoughts.

With permission, a picture was taken of Patton with Nova wrapped around his shoulders, captioned ‘Nova found her #1 fan, it seems!’ and posted on both of their social accounts.

And if the media went a little shipping crazy at the two’s meeting, that was fine by them.

(The End?)

I might draw somethink for this but idk yet.)

[forsakenflora]

THE POSITIVE & NEGATIVE; mun & muse - meme.

TAGGED BY: @dolcetters / ( thank you bb !!! ily !!! )

TAGGING (don’t feel obligated to do it!): whispers anyone who sees this !!

FILL OUT & REPOST ♥ this meme definitely favors canons more, but i hope oc’s still can make it somehow work with their own lore, and lil’ fandom of friends & mutuals. multi-muses pick the muse you are the most invested in atm.

—————————————————-

MY MUSE IS:  CANON / OC / AU / CANON-DIVERGENT / FANDOMLESS

Is your character popular in the fandom?  YES / NO

Is your character considered hot™ in the fandom?  YES  / NO / IDK  ( people have said she’s pretty? i mean she is, so ) 

Is your character considered strong in the fandom? YES / NO / IDK  ( by a good majority, if we go by 03 standards ) 

Are they underrated? YES / NO

Were they relevant for the main story?  YES / NO / MAYBE  ( again, by 03 standards; kind plot-device-y ) 

Were they relevant for the main character?  YES / NO / THEY’RE THE PROTAG ( i mean .... AGAIN, 03 .... ) 

Are they widely known in their world?  YES / NO / MAYBE

How’s their reputation?  GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL

HOW STRICTLY DO YOU FOLLOW CANON? not that strictly. she loses the pregnancy through a trauma-related miscarriage. back when i rped her years ago, i did not write in the fact that she had a child. i think i didn’t want to ... really write the parts with dante / the gate / etc. i could still in a separate AU where it’s strictly canon, but for just my writing sake, i decided no. she goes through having her rapist’s child, and that can be heavy for some. the assault alone is traumatic enough. but it’s real. so her story, at least in 03, does deserve to be told with sensitivity. 

SELL YOUR MUSE! AKA TRY TO LIST EVERYTHING, WHICH MAKES YOUR MUSE INTERESTING IN YOUR OPINION TO MAKE THEM SPICY FOR YOUR MUTUALS. do you like flowers? yes? good. do you like pretty, sweet girls? yes? ok great. please, allow me to introduce you to a person who combines all three !! rose thomas, a wholesome girl who, while living in a terribly hot city, will make you forget all about the heat with her charming smile and adorable laugh !! with her heart of gold, she will help out anyone and stand up for those that cannot !! while a little hot-tempered, rose truly has firm beliefs, but doesn’t mean she won’t learn from her mistakes and grow, flourish, like that of the flower she is named after !! so come visit liore and meet the city’s own pink-haired angel !! 

NOW THE OPPOSITE, LIST EVERYTHING WHY YOUR MUSE COULD NOT BE SO INTERESTING (EVEN IF YOU MAY NOT AGREE, WHAT DOES THE FANDOM PERHAPS THINK?).   .... well, first off, in 03, people disliked rose for the fact that she was seen as a threat to the pairing EdWin. which, ofc if you read the manga, doesn’t happen so. and idk if people couldn’t really relate to rose back then, much less in BH where she barely shows up (as story-line goes) and she isn’t as fleshed out as prior. umm. i think from what i’ve seen (even if it is canon) people didn’t particularly like that they “white-washed” her, even though technically she was meant to be originally light-skinned (she’s a desert child yet she’s white .... she’d burn but ok) and i think just how she came off originally really made people dislike her vs 03. and maybe her storyline in 03 wasn’t as interesting and maybe a little dark, given that she’s a WOC who is raped by a soldier(s) and had the child, then was used by scar, and then used again by dante, so maybe they figured she’s a weak person who gets manipulated a lot? (writing this is making me mad but from again, what i’ve read LMAO) and just the plot device with the child / gate opening. 

WHAT INSPIRED YOU TO RP YOUR MUSE? honestly? cause she was pretty LMAO. but mainly bc she (in 03) was a brown girl, like me. even though you don’t know her race, i saw myself in her, and she was so sweet and wholesome. she lost her first love and was desperate to do whatever it takes to get him back and i think she was lost, uncertain, and i really felt that. as time goes on and you find out that she changes her tune and grows and uses ed’s words to help herself back up again from being in a war-zone, it’s inspiring. she didn’t just stick to her ideals, she really changed. and then she is assault. and you just feel furious for her bc she didn’t deserve that, after having just felt empowered to do the right thing. i think initially it was out of vanity, but as i continued on with her, she just grew to be apart of me. she was one of my longest played characters, so i do have a sentimental attachment to her. 

WHAT KEEPS YOUR INSPIRATION GOING? umm. it’s hard more so now bc she’s no longer my main muse. so finding her voice now, a decade-plus later, can pose as a challenge. but i guess other than having writing partners who love her just as much as i do, i think just thinking about what would ( 21+) rose grow up into? what sorts of complex thoughts would she have? music helps me mostly if nothing else tbh. 

SOME MORE PERSONAL QUESTIONS FOR THE MUN.

give your mutuals some insight about the way you are in some matters, which could lead them to get more comfortable with you or perhaps not.

Do you think you give your character justice?  YES / NO ( MAYBE IDK )

Do you frequently write headcanons? YES / NO

Do you sometimes write drabbles?  YES  / NO

Do you think a lot about your Muse during the day?  YES / NO

Are you confident in your portrayal?   YES / NO ( MAYBE ) 

Are you confident in your writing?  YES / NO 

Are you a sensitive person? YES  / NO 

DO YOU ACCEPT CRITICISM WELL ABOUT YOUR PORTRAYAL?   tbh i think i’d feel a little hurt only bc i do feel attachment, but i’d have to be open to criticism if i want to get better at developing her. at the end of the day, she’s not my character. 

DO YOU LIKE QUESTIONS, WHICH HELP YOU EXPLORE YOUR CHARACTER? of course !! i’m rarely on, but if i get them i’d love them. 

IF SOMEONE DISAGREES TO A HEADCANON OF YOURS, DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY?   i’d be willing to know why, and see their pov, and we’d have to agree to disagree if it’s something that i personally feel in my heart of hearts that you’re allowed to have that .... but since this is my headcanon, then .... let it be? 

IF SOMEONE DISAGREES WITH YOUR PORTRAYAL, HOW WOULD YOU TAKE IT? i’d be like okay, then you write her? like. be a duplicate and write her. no one’s stopping you. write your own headcanons, do whatever you want. i think at this point it’s like, you’re right to your own opinions but then you’re kinda just being a dick about it. like. do i go to every other rose (or hinata on my main blog) and be like nooo you suck?? no, that’s rude. do i agree? not always, but hey if it makes you happy then fuck it be happy ?? LMAO but really, it’s fine, it’s for fun and i’ll try not to take it personally. 

IF SOMEONE REALLY HATES YOUR CHARACTER, HOW DO YOU TAKE IT?   i’ll laugh. grow up?

ARE YOU OKAY WITH PEOPLE POINTING OUT YOUR GRAMMATICAL ERRORS?  please ..... please tell me. i may have gone to uni but english is ..... tricky. even certain punctuations like this ( ; ) thing still consumes my nightmares when it comes to writing. if we thread and you see the error, please fix it for me and don’t let me see it or notice it. save me from shame. 

DO YOU THINK YOU ARE EASY GOING AS A MUN?   i want to say yes, but others may think otherwise bc i’m not them therefore i don’t know what you think of me. i may come off a type of way that may rub you the wrong way without my intention, and that’s just me being honest. if i’m not on this blog and on my main one, i’m sure by now you’ve gotten a decent sense of who i am ooc. i do try to be kind, but i know i can be absent at times only cause i’m overwhelmed and i use writing as an escape ... and then i get comfortable with whoever i write with, which i don’t want others to feel like i won’t give you a chance. maybe our writing styles will click, maybe not? but outside of rp i really am supportive (overly, disgustingly big-sister like supportive) and just quiet and chill, so please feel free to come to me if you ever need to !!! life just gets chaotic sometimes and i apologize for that !! but i’m super harmless, i’m awkward, but i am open and i welcome you all !! ;_; 

[beauzoleils]

ABIGAIL  COWEN ,  CISFEMALE ,  SHE / HER    →   according  to  the  school  records ,  NATALIE  LUCILLE  BEAUSOLEIL  has  been  attending  sacred  heart  for  the  past  three  years .  i  last  saw  them   hanging  around  the  john  bracken  library  ;  i  think  they  were  working  on  writing  her  novel .  at  twenty - one  years  old ,  natalie  has  been  studying  english  literature  and  get  this ,  i   heard  that  she’ll  zone  out  while  writing  papers  for  class  and  come  to  surrounded  by  pages  and  pages  full  of  archaic  languages  she  doesn’t  speak   —   figure  it’s  true ?  everyone  around  here  always  associates  them  with  a  moonlight  sonata  echoing  through  empty  halls ,  seats  in  the  back  row  at  the  opera ,  and  dead  flowers  pressed  between  the  pages  of  an  old  book .  in  the  time  since  these  strange  happenings ,  they  have  encountered  unexplained  occurrences .     

HI ,  hello .  i’m  hannah  n  this  is  like .  the  only  thing  i’ve  been  thinking  about  recently ,  aka  i’m  so  excited .  ok  anyway !  i’m  20 ,  kickin  it  in  the  est !  i’m  a  full  time  student  ( majoring  in  being  a  dumb  bitch  n  gay  rights  and  i’m  at  the  top  of  my  class  baby . . )  and  i’m  ALSO  a  preschool  teacher  so  if  i’m  ever  Not  here ,  i’m  with  my  babies  ! !  but  that  isn’t  the  reason  why  ur  all  here . .   ur  here  for  an  intro  post !  so !  

let’s  talk  abt  my  girl . . .  𝐍𝐀𝐓𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐄  𝐁𝐄𝐀𝐔𝐒𝐎𝐋𝐄𝐈𝐋 !

okay .  so .  first  thing’s  first .  i  have  some  Real  Things  prepared  for  my  girl ,  including  but  not  limited  to :

a  pinterest  board !

a  stats  page !

and  what  i  call  NATALIE :  A  TRAGEDY  IN  THREE  ACTS .  it’s  kind  of  a  bio ,  mixed  in  with  some  stage  directions  here  and  there .  it’s  a  quick  read  n  rly  gives  you  that  Natalie  Flavor  if  you  know  what  i  mean . .  so  if  you  feel  so  inclined  n  wanna  take  a  look . .  but  full  disclosure  it  rly  does  hit  different  than  just  reading  this  intro 

anyway !  i’ll  give  a  more  condensed  version  of  her  bio  here  n  some  info  abt  her  personality  n  some  random  headcanons . .  etc !

𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓  𝐈 :  𝑨 𝑯𝑰𝑺𝑻𝑶𝑹𝒀

alright  SO .  our  girl  natalie  was  born  on  april  13 ,  1952  to  michel  and  colette  beausoleil .  it  was  a  thursday ,  and  it  was  ALSO  eleven  weeks  before  colette’s  due  date ,  so  we  all  know  that  can’t  be  good 

( spoiler  alert :  it  wasn’t )

natalie  was  supposed  to  be  a  twin ,  but  the  other  baby  ( a  boy  named  pierre )  didn’t  survive .  they  didn’t  think  that  natalie  would ,  but  she did !  unfortunately ,  her  parents  were  too  wounded  by  the  loss  of  their  other  baby  and  it  was  all grieving  and  no  celebrating .  

also .  there’s  more  info  abt  her  parents  n  how  they  met  in  the  bio  but ,  a  sparknotes  version  is  that  michel  was  a  playwright  in  paris  and  colette  was  a  ballerina / his  muse  and  they  rushed  into  a  marriage 

michel  made  it  rly  big  a  couple  yrs  after  natalie  was  born  and  so  they  decided  to  use  that  $ $ $  to  send  natalie  away  to  an  expensive  boarding  school  in  london  called  our  lady  of  sacred  suffering .  it  was ,  of  course ,  a  catholic  girls  boarding  school  and  natalie  hated  it  there

but  they  hated  natalie  there  bc  she  was  just  the  WORST  catholic  school  girl  of  all  time ,  so  it  was  mutual

meanwhile ,  her  relationship  w  her  parents  is . .  very  complicated .  her  dad  is  just  kind  of  The  Worst  across  the  board ,  very  reliant  on  drinking ,  definitely  got  into  drug  use  at  some  point ,  had  lots  of  affairs  with  the  young  actresses  in  his  plays .  and  colette  was  just . .  very  sad  and  very  absent  so  the  support  was  Minimal

natalie  has  a  lot  of  issues  that  are  all  rooted  in  her  childhood  tbh .

somewhere  along  the  way ,  she  found  a  deep  passion  for  Writing  and  developed  this  sense  of  purpose  and  for  a  minute  things  were  going  very  well 

which  we  all  know  means  things  are  about  to  get  WORSE . 

on  her  eighteenth  birthday ,  natalie  receieves  a  card  in  the  mail  from  her  mother  for  the  First  Time  Ever .  and  she  immediately  is  like .  huh .  well .  something  is  Wrong .

she’s  right .

( tw :  nondescript  mentions  of  car  crashes  &  death )

a  week  later ,  she  receives  word  that  her  parents  were  involved  in  a  serious  car  accident  at  the  pont  de  l’alma  tunnel  in  paris  and  her  did  not  survive  the  accident .

( end  tw )

her  mother’s  family  is  not  convinced  that  michel  should  walk  away  from  this  without  blame  and  decides  to  take  legal  action  against  him  and  get  him  convicted  with  a  more  serious  charge  than  just  manslaughter . 

they  promise  to  keep  natalie  out  of  it  as  much  as  possible  but  when  it  comes  time  to  testify  as  to  whether  or  not  michel  had  a  history  of  not  caring  about  colette’s  life  and  well - being ,  the  only  one  who  can  speak  to  it  is  natalie .

so  she  testifies  and  it’s  her  testimony  that  is  the  metaphorical  nail  in  the  coffin .  

( tw :  suicide  mention )

michel  knows  it ,  too .  that’s  what  natalie  thinks .  he  turns  up  dead  in  his  jail  cell  the  day  before  he’s  supposed  to  be  sentenced .  she  never  knows  if  he  deserved  the  life  sentence  he  was  going  to  be  given .

( end  tw ) 

so  then !  she’s  an  orphan !  but  she  does  gain  control  over  everything  that  her  parents  left  behind ,  which  turns  out  to  be  a  lot .  

she  sells  their  house  in  paris ,  goes  to  wales  to  begin  university ,  and  hasn’t  gone  back  since  then .  but  like ,  she  grew  up  in  london  for  the  most  part  so  she’s  not  exactly  sad  about  being  away  from  paris  and  all  the  ghosts  there .

and  now  she’s  at  sacred  heart ,  working  on  writing  her  debut  novel ,  which  is  the  ( albeit ,  dramatized  and  fictionalized )  story  of  her  parents !

𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓  𝐈𝐈 :  𝑨  𝑺𝑼𝑴𝑴𝑨𝑹𝒀 .

so  basically ,  she’s  got  issues .

fictional  character  inspo  includes :  jo  march ,  alaska  young ,  cheryl  blossom

if  you  know  anything  abt  astrology . .  she’s  an  aries  sun ,  mercury ,  and  venus . .  and  a  scorpio  moon  and  mars . .  and  a  gemini  rising . .  i’m  so  sorry JKDSFM

she’s  very  emotional  but  does  a  super  good  job  of  hiding  it  and  keeping  all  those  emotions  ( esp  the  intense  n  darker  ones )  buried  away . .  deep  down  where  no  one  could  see  it

the  minute  that  ppl  kind  of  ? ?  but  two  and  two  together  n  realize  who  she  is  ( bc . .  in  my  head . .  her  dad’s  whole  trial  was  kind  of .  A  Thing  that  the  public  knew  abt . )  they’re  probably  rly  concerned  w  Little  she  shows  any  real  emotion  to  the  whole  thing . 

rly  she’s  just  the  queen  of  compartmentalizing  n  repressing !

she’s  very . .  Assertive .  like ,  when  she  wants  something  she’s  going  to  do  whatever  it  takes  to  get  her  way  

very  Very  reckless .  she’s  like . .  so  fucking  impulsive  that  it  physically  Pains  me  sometimes .

she’s  very  smart  but  like .  More  So ,  she’s  very  clever  and  very  sharp  with  her  words .  a  very  fast  thinker  and  a  very  loud  talker 

someone  please . .  tell  her  to  stop  yelling .  she  needs  to  Relax . 

she’s  very  charming  i’ll  say  it .  n  like ?  seems  cool ?  the  kind  of  person  that  you  meet  and  immediately  want  to  hang  out  w  them .  

very  flirty ,  has  always  used  that  charming  smile  of  hers  to  get  ppl  in  her  corner  and  she’s  not  gonna  stop  now !  she’s  very  good  at  making  ppl  feel  special  

but  like .  she  means  well  most  of  the  time  sdkfj  her  heart  is  in  the  right  place  okay

big  time  trust  issues .  big  time  commitment  issues .  painfully  independent  and  refuses  to  let  anyone  know  how  much  she  cares  about  them  until  she’s  like . .  Really  sure  that  they  aren’t  going  to  hurt  her

also  very  afraid  of  hurting  people ,  which  is  another  reason  why  she  struggles  to  get  attached  to  people .  she  definitely  has  this  deep - rooted  fear  that  Bad  Things  follower  her  and  she  doesn’t  want  to  drag  ppl  into  that

it’s  literally  a  toss - up  as  to  whether  she’s  going  to  seem  like  she’s  demanding  ur  attention  or  entirely  disinterested  in  it .  bc  she’s  all  over  the  place . 

but  like .  i’m  an  emotional  BITCH  so  she’s  probably  going  to  end  up  being  100000%  softer  than  i  intend  bc  i  project  too  much  soft  bitch  energy  onto  my  characters  Always .

𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓  𝐈𝐈𝐈 :  𝑪𝑶𝑵𝑵𝑬𝑪𝑻𝑰𝑶𝑵𝑺 .

so  many  things .  literally ,  anything .  just  a  disclaimer ,  if  u  read  thru  this  and  had  An  Idea  then  like .  yes  Pls  tell  me ,  i  want  it  xoxo 

but  here  are  some  i  have  up  in  the  old . .  noggin .

EXES .  please ,  please . .  for  the  love  of  GOD  give  me  some  angsty  exes  nonsense .  do  you  need  someone  who  broke  ur  characters  heart ?  consider  natalie  UR  GIRL .  she’s  Emotionally  Damaged  and  has  the  capacity  to  be  the  angstiest  ex  of  all  time ,  okay ?

give  her  a  weakness .  she  needs  someone  who  she’s  Actually  vulnerable  around  and  actually  sees  her  have  emotions  and  knows  she’s  not  just  this  huge  Mess  all  the  time

i  rly  want  someone  that  is  like .  from  the  same  ( ish )  bg  as  her  in  the  sense  that  like . .  they  also  were  surrounded  by  nice  clothes  n   expensive  private  schools  n  Luxury  but  like .  they  Thrive  in  it  the  way  natalie  used  to  wish  that  she  could .  n  just .  i  think  it  would  b  a  super  interesting  dynamic  bc  they  would  just !  clash !  so  intensely ! !  n  tbh  nat  would  probably  b  lowkey  jealous  Still  n .  spicy !

@ all  those  ppl  who  are  into  theatre :  i’m  Dying  for  some  connections  of  ppl  who  knew / knew  of  her  father  n  would  know  what  happened  w  him  perhaps  on  a  deeper  level  than  ppl  who  read  it  in  the  newspaper  a  few  yrs  ago . .  ( bonus  points  if  they  lowkey  idolized / looked  up  to  her  dad  bc  thats  a  Big  Mess  and  could  b  spicy  as  fuck  to  explore ,  u know ? ) 

idk  if  any  of  y’all  have  characters  who  grew  up  in / around  paris ?  but  if  there  are . .  then  Perhaps  someone  who  knew  her  in  her  youth ?

okay .  not  to  be  Trash  but  like .  i  rly  want  her  to  have  a  dynamic  that’s  jo  x  laurie  adjacent ?  do  they  have  to  be  in  love  w  her ?  no !  i  just  want someone  that  has  that  genuine  bond  w  her  and  they  care  abt  each  other  n  goof  around  n  like . .  i’m  already  getting  soft  on  main ,  huh , ,

she’s  soo  fucking  messy  that  like . .  all  the  messy  fwb / frenemies  with  benefits / one  night  stand  type  of  plots . .  yes  pls 

i  always  want  there  to  b  a  badass  girl  squad  like .  a  group  of  ladies  n  theydies  that  take  no  shit  n  get  in  fights  for  each  other  n  rly  truly  ride  or  die  w  each  other . .  we  can  workshop  the  name  ok  but  for  now ?  my  girl  squad  is  open  for  applications 

okay .  let  me  cut  myself  off  right  there  but  i’ll  leave  you  with  my  WANTED  CONNECTIONS  TAG  n  also  again  i’m 10000%  okay  to  just  brainstorm  out  something  else  completely  if  its  what  ur  feeling !

if  u  read  all / any  of  this . .  i  love  u . <3  either hmu on discord ( let's go 𝓁𝑒𝓈𝒷𝒾𝒶𝓃𝓈 ! #6227 ) ksdjfskm  OR !  like  this  n  i  will  come  to  u !  okay ,  that’s  all ,  bye 

[rxnningfreetoday-a]

A Series of Nice Things bc We Deserve Them

Set in Eliot's 'I got drunk married to a sports superstar wat do' verse, co-starring aftg's Kevin Day but honestly if you’re just looking for some Nice Eliot & Quentin content after that dumpster fire of a finale, i welcome you with open arms;; verse tag is here, the tl;dr is el accidentally marries a Very Famous Sports Guy while drunk in vegas and shenanigans ensue and they fall in love for real. dedicated ofc to @im-possiblelimits ♥

The 'what am I fucking doing for the rest of my life if magic never comes back' fear comes creeping back on him. 

He and Kevin have multiple important conversations. 

Kevin Day gives the best fucking pep talks ever. Eliot walks away from every hard conversation with him wondering how he got so lucky. 

 Eliot becomes a fashion designer 

 And hes fahcking BALLER at it !!!!!!! 

 He collaborates with Margo for a few collections; they become instant classics. 

 Margo models in like every show. 

Eliot watches in Absolute pride. 

Frankly???? El designs all his dresses for her specifically. 

Routinely he either flies Quentin and Margo out to Chicago or goes to New York and crashes on Margo's couch. 

Obviously Margo and Q stay in The Condo, in Eliot's old room which still houses a good portion of his stuff. 

 Once he starts raking in that Goöd designer cash, he gets them both stupid expensive gifts just cause. 

 "Eliot this bikini top is made from Swarovski fucking crystal" 

"Eliot I CAN'T accept this case of Moët" 

 ........"please just let me love you :( " 

Of fuckin COURSE he gets box seats to a T Swift concert & takes Q along. 

"How did you...?" "I'm making her a dress. Oh yeah, we're meeting tomorrow to consult and you're coming with." " .O." 

 This hurts extra good and cozy bc when Eliot moves from NY he makes Q promise him to always text him a singular emoji if he feels Bad(TM). 

Eliot tells him that he doesn't care what time it is or what he has going on or even how bad Q feels, he'll drop just about anything. 

El always texts back asking if hes up for a phone call. Usually he is; cue Eliot gently asking about what he ate last, how much he's slept, if he's taken his meds. 

One time Q's completely despondent and Eliot starts racking his brain on what the next question should be when it just.......comes out of his mouth;; 

I stay out too late. Got nothing in my brain. That's what people say... 

 "...I had no idea you knew that song." 

 Kevin totally hears him but thinks better of ever saying anything about it. 

 Margo however razzes the hell out of him (only lovingly) 

Suddenly its Eliot taking Kevin to events instead of vice versa and everyone loves him 

Eliot does some of his best sketch work at Kevin's practices. 

Just practices tho, games are too high stakes and theres too many people around.  

He always makes jokes at the end of the season about it being the end of the season for him too bc of that. 

Eliot does try very very hard to balance attending exy games & practices and his own shit. 

He's way more willing to go to a game than go to an event alone; he'd so much rather go with Kevin especially as he cuts his drinking back to almost nothing. 

The exceptions tend to be when Margo (and Q) are in town. He's been known to bring them both. 

 Since its years later and his romantic feelings for Q are p much buried he gets a special kind of resentful about the fact that he can't just take Q to an event without it being An Issue(TM). 

Even when it's the 3 of them, rumors fly. Eliot's extra conscious of his body language at that point and hates that he has to be. 

He gets completely mortified one day bc of a hickey-slip that the press asks Kevin about. 

 "We think Q left it, what do you have to say?" 

 Kevin, raising his eyebrows: "No that was definitely me...." 

Eliot, putting his head in his hands: "Ohhhhh my god....." -Can we get back to politics (please?)- 

Q thinks the rumors are kind of funny He gets asked about it and hes just like "you've SEEN Kevin, right? Like......there's no competing with that, El's a lucky guy." 

Really who doesn't think Kevin's hot?????? ofc Q’s not immune

Idk how but through sheer force of will Q and Kevin become friends 

(or at least friendly-ish, which for Kevin? Fucking huge.) 

Like obviously its nowhere near the level of friendship between Eliot and Q but Somethin noice happens there however many years later. 

Q goes thru a bad breakup sometime down the line. Eliot asks Kevin if it's okay to fly him in. 

Kevin patiently tells him that he doesn't need to ask that anymore. 

 Eliot's floored bc hes never actually been with a guy who was so secure????? It gives him a lot of feelings about being trusted and loved and accepted for who he is and how he expresses his affection. 

 Idk all I can think of is it being like Friday night and the 3 of them are on the couch together. 

Q's sad and sleepy, his head on Eliot's lap, barely registering the Buffy episode El put on. Eliot's leaning against Kevin's shoulder, one hand holding his and the other absently playing with Q's hair, snarking lovingly every few minutes about the campiness. 

 Q apologizes to Kevin privately later on because oh god his head was just in his husband's lap and that's Super Weird, sorry.... 

That's probably about the time Kevin decides earnestly that Q's alright.   

Idk how but SOMEHOW Eliot's left with a toddler for a minute and we all cry together in this chili's 

 I decided its Q's, let Q be a dad tbh. He's together with Eliot's makeup artist who was a single father before Q came into their lives. 

 Anyway Eliot’s sketching--like always. He hands over his notebook for color palette planning and a few colored pencils. "You wanna color with me?" 

 Everything's fine until bab starts Screamin.   

 (Gentle voice) "What's wrong?" [Screaming] "You hungry?" [No.] "Are you thirsty?" [No] "Are you tired?" [Soft affirmative noises] "Let's take a little nap then."   

 Eliot just picks bab up with so much care and love in his eyes, holding them gently and off on a mission to find either a guardian or a soft reclining chair. 

Kevin witnesses all of this and is probably pretty sure he's never seen anything more wholesome in his damn life. 

 Kevin's most likely the one who suggests kids  (I'm guessing he's retired) 

Eliot probably would have but he just doesn't even think about it?? And then Kevin says in so many words that he'd be a good father and Eliot just about loses it 

 I can't decide if their kid's definitely a jock or definitely not a jock. Maybe they're a dancer? 

Regardless, they're both endlessly supportive 

 Eliot of fucking Course joins the PTA. 

His gym buddies flip their collective shits. 

 He's really out here advocating for good sex ed & preserving arts in schools bc hes a fuckin hero 

 Also family vacations to Everywhere but especially beachy places!!

[maris-solstice]

Due to @odric-master-swagtician doing this, I’ma do one for my boy.

Stuff under the cut bc it is LONG

Character Name: Maris Solstice (Formerly Marius Celestus) Age: 25-26 ish, I always forget and I’m too lazy to double-check Appearance: As of right now this is the only art I have of him with one arm missing. It’s good tho, so here it is:

Armor colorscheme by @sigardaa

1. What do you know about this character now that s/he doesn’t know?

He’s gonna die on Bant a long time from now and have his soul reincarnated into an angel because why do I do this to myself. 

2. What is this character’s greatest flaw?

His pride. 

3. What do you know about this character that s/he would never admit?

He’s constantly in some form of pain or emotional distress. He’s admitted it to others when it’s gotten unbearable but for the most part he hides it so others don’t worry about him.

4. What is this character’s greatest asset?

His conviction.

5. If this character could choose a different identity, who would s/he be?

He would be a cathar, but events kind of...ruined that.

6. What music does this character sing to when no one else is around?

I like to imagine he absently hums old Ravnican lullabies.

7. In what or whom does this character have the greatest faith?

The course of justice, and the ideals of right makes might, not might makes right.

8. What is this character’s favorite movie?

Mmmkay so if movies existed he would be all in on the Adventures of Tintin. Mystery, intrigue, globehopping, a young red-haired protagonist with a penchant for investigation, bringing criminals to justice. It’s perfect. That or Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.

9. Does this character have a favorite article of clothing? Favorite shoes?

His favorite article of clothing is his belt. He wears it everywhere. His favorite shoes? I don’t think he really has a favorite so much as ‘only one pair of boots’

10. Does this character have a vice? Name it.

Alcohol. Plain and simple. He’s trying to beat it. 

11. Name this character’s favorite person (living or dead.)

His wife, Isolde.

12. What is this character’s secret wish?

To one day quit the guild. He views it as a sacred duty, but he longs for the day he can say he’s done his duty to the fullest extent. 

13. What is this character’s proudest achievement?

Getting married.

14. Describe this character’s most embarrassing moment.

When he was a child he caused a massive amount of property damage to a Lyev training ground and was kicked out of the Azorius’ recruitment program due to “use of chaotic magics and a willfulness undesirable in Lyev recruits.”

15. What is this character’s deepest regret?

He knows he likely would have died, but he can’t help but think if he’d been a little faster, he could have pulled his parents from the fire.

16. What is this character’s greatest fear?

Losing his wife and the rest of his found family.

17. Describe this character’s most devastating moment.

When his first love, a cathar named Ilsibeth, was cut down by one of the Flight of Nightmares in front of him while he watched. It was the event that prompted him not to leave Ravnica for several months and sent him into a downward spiral of alcoholism and throwing himself into his work.

18. What is this character’s greatest achievement?

Getting married.

19. What is this character’s greatest hope?

That one day his life will calm the fuck down and he can just live with Isolde and be happy.

20. Does this character have an obsession? Name it.

Not really, anymore. He’s recovered well from his depressive period.

21. What is this character’s greatest disappointment?

When he was a kid he thought Agrus Kos was still alive. That was a rough day.

22. What is this character’s worst nightmare?

Losing his found family. He has no family left besides them and he’s lost so much in his life.

23. Whom does this character most wish to please? Why?

His wife. Partly out of a fear of losing her, but mostly because he thinks she deserves to be happy and he loves her. 

24. Describe this character’s mother.

Aris Celestus was an Izzet inventor who was a part of the Warmind Initiative. She’s where Maris got his smile and his hair, and his Red. Her attitude toward him was one of vocal support and affection for her son, and she was a bright and happy person, a good influence for him when he was really young.

25. Describe this character’s father.

Martold Celestus was more of a stoic, quiet type, and he gave Maris a strong respect for the law and the process of justice, as well as his White. He was a constant strong presence for Maris, who looked up to him and wanted to be just like him one day, prompting his path to join the Boros.

26. If s/he had to choose, with whom would this character prefer to live?

His mother. It would come down to a simple question of “Who would let me have a little more freedom” because he loved them both very very much.

27. Where does this character fall in birth order? What effect does this have?

He’s an only child. This made him a lot more independent but also gave him a lot of reliance on his friends.

28. Describe this character’s siblings or other close relatives.

He has an aunt who works for the Izzet. He thinks she blames him for the death of her sister, and hasn’t talked to her in years.

29. Describe this character’s bedroom. Include three cherished items.

Well he’s got a pretty big bed, some bedside tables and dressers, probably armor everywhere. A graduation certificate from Horizon, a portrait of his parents, and a portrait of Isolde are the most important things he has in that room.

30. What is this character’s birth date? How does this character manifest traits of his/her astrological sign?

Well uh, hell if I know. I know he was born in the late summer-early fall on Ravnica, but idk how that works

31. If this character had to live in seclusion for six months, what items would s/he bring?

His sword, for defense, a few basic survival supplies like a canteen, a small hatchet, a bedroll. Wouldn’t need a tinderbox or anything because pyromancy. 

32. Why is this character angry?

Like, in general, or right now?

33. What calms this character?

A feeling of safety, and knowing his loved ones are safe.

34. Describe a recurring dream or nightmare this character might have.

He’s running, and running, and a building is on fire, but no matter how fast he runs, it’s not getting closer, and now the tears are streaming from his eyes as the smoke gets to him, and he collapses on the ground, choking and crying, and in the windows of the building his parents, Isolde, Ilsibeth, Ivaria, Alek, his mentor Pachymeres, his Wojeks, all stare at him in disappointment as the building collapses in flames.

35. List the choices (not circumstances) that led this character to his/her current predicament.

His choice to fight, his choice to join the Boros, his choice to follow his oath of service, not necessarily in that order.

36. List the circumstances over which this character has no control.

What happens to his family when he’s not around.

37. What wakes this character in the middle of the night?

He’s often woken up in fear, terrified to open his eyes and be alone.

38. How would a stranger describe this character?

He’s a happy man with sad eyes.

39. What does this character resolve to do differently every morning?

Not much, to be honest. He’s a creature of habit.

40. Who depends on this character? Why?

I would imagine Isolde does to an extent, as well as the other Wojeks like Petra, Nora, Zia, Belthor, etc, but I don’t want to speak for other people’s characters. 

41. If this character knew s/he had exactly one month to live, what would s/he do?

Take his wife wherever she wanted to go and spend the whole month with her.

42. How would a dear friend or relative describe this character?

He’s a conflicted man with a lot of internal struggles and pain, but he’s a good man and he’d do anything for the people he loves.

43. What is this character’s most noticeable physical attribute?

His sideburns, or his scar, or his auburn hair. 

44. What is this character hiding from him/herself?

His own fear. 

45. Write one additional thing about your character.

He’s still a werecat. Because I think it’s fucking hilarious.

Gonna tag @foxcoloredcat, @wojekrookie, @pope509 @hazoretspartyfavors and @bobstropajo bc of character mentions.

[queerpontmercy]

the whole thing is tho martin never called him repressed just stating that he's not emotionally open, which makes his whole knowing thing extra uncomfortable, bc jon just knows everything and martin has to outright ask, jon only offers his feelings and thoughts when he's backed into a corner and asked, which is valid based on his upbringing!, but his loved ones are equally valid in finding this frustrating!, especially given that the examples of his dead parents and emotionally absent grandmother are childhood factors, and jon is almost 30. these are skills he can learn and the only way he will is if he's called out on it, i'm speaking from the experience of being almost 30 and having been raised to not talk about my feelings, idk jon is valid but martin is toooooo,

hi you had really interesting tags and i have so many thoughts to bounce off, i hope it’s okay that i replied! 

honestly i think that you’re right in so many ways. one of the things i love so much about john’s relationships in this show is that it’s all kind of competing needs. there are no heroes or villains, martin isn’t evil for feeling uncomfortable or needing more reassurance, and john isn’t evil (and tries so very hard to remain that way) for the role he’s been thrust into against his will. their feelings are both valid, and i mean... a relationship is founded on the commitment to work through these issues together because you love one another and want to grow together. 

i totally agree that emotional awareness is a skill everyone can learn! but it takes time and space. i’m totally projecting on john here too lol; i’m in my twenties, i was raised in a similar way and it took years of therapy to get out of my trauma-survival-zone and start growing emotionally in the way he needs. being called out on my issues by close friends might have sometimes alerted me to the fact that i had problems, but it didn’t give me the skills or tools i needed to fix them. and in john’s case, didn’t we already see some of that “calling out” in his intervention in s4? ymmv, but i’d say it just isolated him further from his humanity at a time he probably needed that encouraged the most (which is what he did in turn to helen distortion, and i am sad). which, again-- isn’t to say that georgie, basira, etc. shouldn’t have set firm boundaries! simply that calling john on his “inhumanity” wasn’t going to fix these problems (the addiction themes hit really heavy here for me). 

...of course there’s no therapy in the apocalypse, and so people who can even begin to comprehend the whole of what he’s feeling, so he’s probably never going to get that emotional understanding. but that’s just as tragic as anything else, isn’t it? 

a take: john saying he's "very sad" isn't cause he's /repressed/ his feelings, he just doesn't have an emotional vocabulary that can fully encompass the guilt/shame/grief/honestly probablyunwilling satisfaction of the literal apocalypse! and where was he supposed to get it? from his dead parents? his emotionally absent grandmother? his evil boss? don't make me laugh. the man is drowning in emotions he can't name, he's doing his best