#idk where i wanted to go with this!!! i just have a lot of Thoughts after watching nosferatu and. i need to put them Somewhere

[ghostieboy28]

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

one of my friends probably

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

outgoing

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

my friends on sunday

4. Are you easy to get along with?

i'd like to think so?

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

i think so yeah

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

kind people? idk

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

no but i wish smh

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

nobody smh #lonelycore #ihavefriendsiswear

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

depends on with who

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

my friends or my counsellor

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

‘fire sex song’

12. What are your 5 favourite songs right now?

toothache - james marriott

i dont want to live like this - james marriott

 undone (ep version) - station six

rhiannon - fleetwood mac 

i just learned the f word - SARIAH.

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

i guess so

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

no but i believe good things can always happen

15. What good thing happened this summer?

road trip w friends

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

maybe? idk

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

absolutely, maybe not in this galaxy but the next.

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

my first real crush yes

19. Do you like bubble baths?

absolutely

20. Do you like your neighbours?

theyre fine? idk

21. What are your bad habits?

phone usage, messy room, and being a dick.

22. Where would you like to travel?

everywhere but especially europe (italy, france, spain, england, germany) and america (for the food)

23. Do you have trust issues?

i dont think so

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

going to bed 

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

all of them

26. What do you do when you wake up?

try to not go back to sleep

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

no, i like my skin tone

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

my close friends

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

no

30. Do you ever want to get married?

maybe one day if my partner wanted to, otherwise no to save money- marriage is just a title not a declaration of love.

31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail?

a very small stubby one maybe

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

none of them! 😭

33. Spell your name with your chin.

jnzasx;pedrtf5

34. Do you play sports? What sports?

basketball and tennis

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

tv

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

all the time

37. What do you say during awkward silences?

‘so, the economy, huh?’

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

someone kind and funny

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

countdown and second hand shops (alone or w friends)

40. What do you want to do after high school?

not sure- maybe a drama teacher, a y1/2/kindergarten teacher or a counsellor

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

yeah absolutely

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?

im never really quiet

43. Do you smile at strangers?

yeah a lot i think

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

as much as i love the ocean i'm also terrified of it so space

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

the thought of seeing my friends

46. What are you paranoid about?

loved ones dying or being kidnapped

47. Have you ever been high?

nope

48. Have you ever been drunk?

nope

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

haven't we all?

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

grey

51. Ever wished you were someone else?

yes, a man

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

become a man

53. Favourite makeup brand?

don't have one

54. Favourite store?

didn't you ask me this before

55. Favourite blog?

dont have one

56. Favourite colour?

deep green

57. Favourite food?

butter chicken or hard shell tacos or cookies

58. Last thing you ate?

cake

59. First thing you ate this morning?

cornflakes 

60. Ever won a competition? For what?

i won a diversity award out of my year group if that counts as an award?

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

nopee

62. Been arrested? For what?

no 😔

63. Ever been in love?

i think so

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

HAH no

65. Are you hungry right now?

always!

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

my tumblr friends basically are my real friends

67. Facebook or Twitter?

.. neither

68. Twitter or Tumblr?

tumblr

69. Are you watching tv right now?

no i'm writing these stupid answers

70. Names of your bestfriends?

all of them? no way jose

71. Craving something? What?

love

72. What colour are your towels?

lots of different colours- the one i'm using now is dark blue

72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

2!

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

yup- six of them, bacon the stingray, patches the cat, no name the sock cat, edgar the reindeer with a christmas hat (yes it is march), tsuno the sock frog, and no name the sock monkey

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

like 15 maybe scattered throughout my room? i can see 11 right now

75. Favourite animal?

elephants stingrays whales and frogs

76. What colour is your underwear?

i am NOT telling you that

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

chocolate

78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

cookie dough 

79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

black

80. What colour pants?

dark purpley black (pj pants okay)

81. Favourite tv show?

the rookie or tetro pink

82. Favourite movie?

heathers the musical? if a jack whitehall comedy special counts then that?

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

mean girls

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

mean girls tf is jump street

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

idfk maybe karen?

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

dory my bbg

87. First person you talked to today?

my mum

88. Last person you talked to today?

my dad

89. Name a person you hate?

idfk hitler??? 😭

90. Name a person you love?

most people

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

no not really

92. In a fight with someone?

newp

93. How many sweatpants do you have?

2 pairs

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

only 3, aka not enough

95. Last movie you watched?

maybe all of those voices?

96. Favourite actress?

emma stone is very good i liked her in cruella

97. Favourite actor?

dont really have one maybe ryan reynolds?

98. Do you tan a lot?

nopee

99. Have any pets?

a cat!! her name is fifi

100. How are you feeling?

like this is a waste of time

101. Do you type fast?

not really

102. Do you regret anything from your past?

lots of things- it would be weird not to itk

103. Can you spell well?

pretty well- i say after i just wrote ‘wep’ instead of well

104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

my nan

105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

new years eve one w family friends when i was like 7

106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

i hope not

107. Have you ever been on a horse?

nope

108. What should you be doing?

sleeping smh

109. Is something irritating you right now?

my arm hurts and my leg is itchy but thats it

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

FREQUENTLY

111. Do you have trust issues?

itk you asked this before too

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

probably my friends when watching a sad as shit movie

113. What was your childhood nickname?

i am NOT giving you that its awful

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

been to bali so yep

115. Do you play the Wii?

nope

116. Are you listening to music right now?

nah im locked in

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

absolutely not

118. Do you like Chinese food?

some of it im a bit picky tho

119. Favourite book?

the many half lived lives of sam sylvester

120. Are you afraid of the dark?

very

121. Are you mean?

jokingly mean but mean regardless

122. Is cheating ever okay?

on a partner? no

123. Can you keep white shoes clean?

personally no but its a thing you can do

124. Do you believe in love at first sight?

hah yes

125. Do you believe in true love?

kind of?

126. Are you currently bored?

always

127. What makes you happy?

people

128. Would you change your name?

already have

129. What is your zodiac sign?

scorpio

130. Do you like subway?

LOVELOVELOVELOVELOVE

131. Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

tell her i don't like her back sorry?

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

im [pretty sure you asked this too

133. Favourite lyrics right now?

‘theyll tell you that youre special just enough to keep you boring’

134. Can you count to one million?

if i tried yeah

135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

that i can count to 1 million

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

open dark scare

137. How tall are you?

5’11

138. Curly or Straight hair?

straight

139. Brunette or Blonde?

brunette

140. Summer or Winter?

winter

141. Night or Day?

day

142. Favourite month?

november/december

143. Are you a vegetarian?

nope

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

milk duh i have taste

145. Tea or Coffee?

neither

146. Was today a good day?

average

147. Mars or Snickers?

snickers

148. What’s your favourite quote?

149. Do you believe in ghosts?

sometimes

150. Get the closet book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

‘He’s singing “space oddity”. billy’s favourite song.’

yes i am this bored yes i will be going to sleep now. maybe.

150 questions - You must be curious about one of these things!

[ask-whitepearl-and-steven]

Where do you learn to do comics? What books did you read or watch?

That's the answer.

What did I read? Comics.

There wasn't a single video or book or blog that taught me what I needed to know. I have seen GREAT video tutorials and guides, sure. But it's my belief that you can consume COUNTLESS How-To guides ad infinitum (good ones! Useful ones!) and still not get a single useful thing out of them if you don't know how to learn from watching people do what you want to do.

Reading comics can be mindless and fun. You don't have to think a lot when reading comics.

But if you want to MAKE comics, you have to also read comics like you're listening to a lecture. You have to be willing to do the mental brainwork that it takes to understand comics on your own.

You have to read comics like the comic itself is a TEDTalk. You have to look at the pages and, instead of just going "haha, that's cool" ask yourself "Why do I like that panel so much? What makes it POP?"

I don't consider myself a huge comic connoisseur or anything. I haven't read as many comics as some people. I haven't read a great amount of varieties. I read Calvin and Hobbes, and I read manga, and I read Young Avengers, and XKCD and Stand Still Stay Silent, and a lot of Ryan Andrew's works.

And every time I read those comics, I thought 'why are there panels HERE, but no panels THERE?' and 'why is there no text here?' and 'why is this colored, but this isn't?' and I tried to come up with the answer to all of those questions.

I can't recommend guides. They're out there, many of them - great ones, incredible ones. But I can't recommend them.

What I CAN recommend is reading comics.

Comics that expand the panel and push boundaries of what a comic can be:

Comics that have an incredible narrative and a strong sense of theme:

Comics with horror themes that do creepiness and suspense really well through pacing and layout:

Also horror, but with fantastic architecture that teaches you about scale and backgrounds:

And there's, idk, TONS of others! I'm sure others can recommend in the comments. :)

[sleepincrow]

contains: toxic behaviour, toxic!reader this was itching my brain, idk what to tell you. i like having morally ambigious reader... or idk, is it too tame? i have no idea where the line meets and ends when it comes to dark shit cus i usually stay in the other side of the line. whenever i think of dark stuff its in a comedic-ish light and everything turns fluffy in the end idfk. tell me what else i should add in the warnings 😞

edit: i made it readable, i should really start readproofing.

hear me out..

reader who doesnt do anything when their boyfriend is mean. like theyre just generally pissed off and huffing at you when youre trying to greet them with open arms and a warm smile when they come home.

reader who doesnt confront them about their horrible behavior and how it affected them. no, just stay silent, take in whatever your boyfriend had to say or do and leave him be.

ohooooh, you mightve done nothing but youre going to give them something much worse than a silent treatment.

youre not a doormat. youre not a crybaby.

i want reader to be absolutely menacing. if that man doesnt come back crawling, apologizing to you, youre gonna make him.

do you understand me? the anger, the absolute disgust that bubbles in your stomach, that claws its way up your chest like an animal looking for a fresh breath of air before it starts to hunt.

youre silent all of the sudden, giving him the driest texts known to man, leaving him on seen with texts that dont technically need a reply instead of dragging the conversation longer with a picture of a cat you saw on your way home. youre picking up more work than usual, unable to cut some time, telling him youve got things to do—things more important than having to watch some tv with him, be in bed with him.

youre clever. you know your schedule, and you know his. rearrange everything, make sure to make as much commotion in your life that doesnt include him, so when he confronts you, youre technically telling the truth when you say youre busy.

because why bother coming home early, greeting him, surprising him with dinner and a loving kiss?

then watch it all go down. technically, youre not doing anything wrong, youve got your plate full with a screenshot of your planned calendar to pair with it as sweet, sweet evidence.

youre watching him slightly deteriorate. watch him panic. he'll buy you flowers, in which you put in a vase but never take care of like before. he'll buy you jewelry you wont wear because "theyre beautiful but i like the old ones too! ill wear them on a special occassion" that wont ever come.

the frustrated, panicked look on his face is priceless. it feels so good. he cant even be mad because youre not even cheating! you have all the alibis, all the witnesses. youre perfectly happy and sweet as before! just.. not as responsive, not as present. but thats not your fault, thats your job's!

if he pays for you, slowly start paying your half of everything. shows that you are stable and everything would be perfectly fine if he went up in left. in the end, thats why he got angry with you in the first place, right? he's so okay with being angry, not telling you his problems, that he can keep it to himself, right?

he doesnt need your lap to lay his head on, not your food that you prepare for him when he comes home, not the soft touches you leave on his overworked skin and definitely not the words that you coo at him everyday before he pissed you off.

make him know what the once delicious thought of takeout tastes like once he's left to fend for himself while you go out for overtime at work! trust me, its gonna taste a hell of a lot more bland, a lot more dull. depressing, really.

dont even get me STARTED on sex. (i wont, not now)

this is all justifiable, right? after all, this is how you communicate your feelings right? this is how you can show him how you felt when he showed you a cold shoulder at your warm embrace! let him have the full experience when you felt pathetic, miserable, useless.

plus, youre not wrong, arent you? you can leave whenever you want! who is he to tell you that you cant leave? as if he owns you—is that what he thinks? is that what he thinks of you? just a not-so-significant other that he can come home to whenever he wants and project his feelings unto?

no, no youre not. youre not gonna take that bullshit. he can roll it up, pack it in a bag and beat it if thats what he's thinking. no, both of you are holding an end of a rope in this relationship. a big, thick rope which you can cut off with that large ass scissor you both have.

this is just you telling him, reminding him that you can cut it whenever you like! its not threatening, not manipulation, straight truth! you CAN leave any relationship you like! its his problem if he doesnt like it, right?

your poor little boyfriend has to get his act together! start thinking straight! unless he wants to deal with your unyielding, harsh wrath for the rest of his soon-to-be miserable life.

after all, he made the first threat to your relationship, right? its just a reminder!

[justabeewithapen]

Twiddling my thumbs. Would Doey draw bella and Lucas on the walls of safe haven, perhaps

This actually made me realize that in the in-game Safe Haven art the two bigger heads right in the middle look an awful lot like a Bobby and a Kickin

Lost Files AU Canon?!?!?1?!? (Silly!)

Anyway ehehe

Yes, he would, but not apart of the main mural. Up above the area are office spaces, not particularly useful supply wise and not nearly as protected, but generally empty and left alone. He has a corner up there where he keeps his sadness.

Even before becoming the only caretaker of Safe Haven left, Doey was always very quiet and secretive(?) reclusive(?) with his mourning. In a sort of "selfish" (put in quotations bc obviously it is very nuanced) he does not want to share these memories, particularly this sadness with anyone else. Not many things are *his*, not even his own thoughts or feelings. The wounds are so raw and fresh when Safe Haven is established and anyone those he might have learned to entrust this with disappeared/died off one by one (like everyone in his life). A few bigger bodies did know, even just sorta, and a few toys probably were vaguely aware of Lucas and Bella, but it wasn't something ever talked about. Then of course Safe Haven became his responsibility, fully, and obviously he can't put that on anyone else!

I'm having a hard time articulating it almost, my poor boy who has so much going on in that doughy body,,, As he gets comfortable in Safe Haven he becomes willing to share his feelings with everyone, but they aren't always real or full. He'll be mopey or grumpy, heck I'm sure some of the snark leaks through, but they're like... one note if that makes sense? The depth of his feelings are kept to himself.

I don't think it is particularly different from how we see Doey act in game, I think about he talks about Poppy's plan and there is a level of casualness that feels so controlled...idk! I suppose one advantage of his botched creation and being trapped in an even more dire position of responsibility for a decade is he is very aware of what is going on inside and he has a very tight leash on it. Mm maybe I got off topic a bit, I have to get back into the groove of explaining my thoughts again ^^;!!

[daisyvisions]

Not Like the Rest - (j.cm)

➺ Pairing - fuckboy!Changmin x fem!reader

➺ Summary - For you, friends with benefits should never drag out this long. Use each other til one of you wants to call it quits. So why was Changmin still hanging around?

➺ Word Count - 1.2K

➺ Warnings - Smut (18+, minors DNI), friends with benefits, mixed feelings, p in v, unprotected sex, creampie, squirting, overstimulation (?), aftercare, riding, slight angst (ish? idk), fluff, mentions of bad past relationships, hookups, etc., pet name (babe), let me know if I missed anything!

➺ Author’s note - yippie another one (even if I wanted this to be longer huhu 🥲) but it's been in the drafts long enough, finally letting this one out in the wild. this is my very late bday gift for Changmin's bday, story was originally an ask I had for a different fandom but decided why not write it myself? Proofread once, enjoy!

➺ Taglist: @deoboyznet @winterchimez @snowflakewhispers

Thinking about fuckboy!Changmin, who you’ve been hooking up with for the past couple of months.

To be honest, this was probably one of the longest and most steady friends with benefits agreement you’ve ever had in your life. Usually the others would drop you after the first month or so and ghost you. But not Changmin.

At first you thought he would be like the rest. Just a one time fuck or whatever the hell these guys go for, especially given his track record and all (or so you've heard through the grapevine). You’re used to it by know you think and maybe you should stop this vicious cycle.

But old habits die hard, especially when you’ve had a string of bad relationships that it made you too afraid of commitment. Too afraid of getting your heart broken time and time again.

That’s why you resorted into flings. At least if ever it ends, you’re not so attached right? Well that’s what you try to tell yourself so it hurts a little less.

But that’s why with Changmin, for some reason being with him leaves you with all these mixed feelings. Oh god especially when he does things that make your heart beat fast and the butterflies raging in your stomach?

Or how he makes that rope within your abdomen tighten each time? Like how he is right now as he grips your hips, helping you bounce on his length as you try to reach your high.

It almost seemed too good to be true, that’s why by the third month that past of whatever you wanna call this continued, you did your best to please him almost all the time both in and outside of the bedroom. You wanted to hold onto this one as long as you can, even if there have been moments where it made you tired, especially physically as you continue to bounce on him.

Riding wasn’t really your forte when it comes to sex positions. Though you enjoyed it a lot, it’s just that your knees and leg muscles would eventually give in. But of course you wouldn’t tell Changmin even if it made you drained out. You were worried you might turn him off because in past relationships you would get criticized for it (because they expected you to do all the work).

So as you try your best to ignore the growing ache in your knees and the burn in your thighs, Changmin could tell something was off. It wasn’t your movements slowing down or when you would try to pause in between but with the way you knitted your eyebrows together (and not the kind that’s done because of pleasure).

“Babe, you okay?” He huffs out as his hands continue to guide your hips up and down his throbbing member.

“I-it’s nothing.” You breathe out, trying not to feel the pain in your muscles. You suddenly yelp both out of surprise and pleasure as Changmin suddenly pushes your hips down and halts your movements, his entire cock sheathed inside you as the tip kisses that sweet spot deep within.

“Why’d you stop me?” You whine.

“We need to talk about something-” Changmin says with a serious tone. Was he finally going to break things off with you?

“About what?” You try to keep your composure, not letting your emotions get the best of you.

“You have this face every time you’re on top.” Changmin gets straight to the point. “What’s wrong?”

Oh… so your discomfort does show.

Out of embarrassment, you lean forward and quickly hide your face at the crook of his neck.

“Hey- you can tell me it’s alright.” The warmth of his hand caresses the back of your head.

“Please don’t make fun-” Your voice starts to quiver ever so slightly. “It’s not that I don’t like being on on top it’s more of…” You life your head to face him, you cheeks growing warm from feeling flustered.

“I get very tired from it easily. My legs are- they’re kind of weak. I’m- I’m sorry…”

At first, there’s an awkward silence that fills the room. Changmin’s eyes trying to search something within yours before his chuckle breaks the tension.

God, is he seriously laughing? He’s the first guy to ever laugh at you for this. You should've just kept your mouth shut. Now he thinks you’re a-

“Well why didn’t you say so babe? Hold on.”

“Huh? Oh!” You squeal as his arms wrap around your waist, plants his feet on the mattress and thrusts himself into you like a jack rabbit. As the sounds of skin slapping against one another progresses, you can’t help but let out a string of erotic moans as you bury your face into his neck once more (God how he wishes he could play your sounds on loop forever).

The pleasure was starting to overwhelm you that your vision starts to blur from the tears forming in your eyes. You’ve never been fucked like this before. You practically feel him everywhere. You don’t even realize you’ve already reached your high and now you’re squirting all over him, your cunt gripping his length like there’s no tomorrow.

You reach your second wave of high much faster than you anticipated, igniting something very primal within Changmin to just keep on thrusting up into you. His arms tighten around you suddenly as his release suddenly bursts within your walls, coating them in his hot load.

You suddenly have no energy to move after all that, so Changmin helps you lift your hips, releasing a pool of your mixed essences as lay on his chest for a moment.

For some reason after being honest with Changmin about how you were feeling, it was like you were seeing a totally new side of him. He was usually the type to give aftercare but something seemed different tonight, you just couldn't place your finger on it.

He made sure to prepare a warm bath, help you lather your hair, and made sure you were settled in before holding you in his arms, leaving you a warm goodnight kiss before he went to sleep.

You stayed up for a moment, replaying everything that has happened between you and Changmin from the moment you met. This was very different from your usual hookups, and it made you feel a lot of mixed emotions.

While he made you feel all these exciting things, you couldn’t help but feel scared about how this will turn out in the end. Maybe these are the early signs of him ending things? Will this be one of the final moments you'll ever have with him before you become strangers again?

You mentally shook the thoughts out of your head and decided to focus on what was right here in this moment, snuggling closer into his chest as you slowly drift into sleep.

But little did you know that Changmin’s feelings for you were already reciprocated, ever since you two met. It was only a matter of time til he took you out on a proper date and finally asked you to be his girlfriend.

[williamaltman]

On Lochlan, his sexuality and incest

Ok, so the following text was written with reddit in mind, so my tone is a bit more... idk, serious and cautious than it usually is, but I decided to post it here as well, cause this whole topic has been eating me up. I'm also aware that I'm kinda preaching to the choir when it comes to how tumblr sees this situation, but still.

Ok, so I was thinking of waiting for the end of the season to talk about this, but to be honest it's been kind of driving me mad.

For a while now, there has been debate about what exactly is going on with Lochy and his relationship with his brother and what exactly is the truth behind this whole situation. After all the debate about him supposedly being an evil predator who spit the pill (which he didn't!) so he could take advantage of Saxon, it seems that now most people have settled on "he was just genuinely trying to help and the handy was bad but not actually incestuous in nature", and I kind of understand why because this is pretty much how the actor is explaning his character away, but I'm gonna be honest, I don't think that's really the case.

I don't want to discredit Sam entirely, cause I do believe that actors' opinions matter as it affects how they play things, but he's still not the writer/director/anything with actual input in the story, and both he and Patrick have also said that Mike White decided to leave things up for interpretation, and he hasn't given any interviews or explained his thoughts himself (well, apparently he mentioned something about a "gay storyline that is truly satanic", as that's mentioned in a couple articles, and if that is true, the fact that he's even referring to it as a gay storyline kinda supports my point).

I actually agree with most of what Sam has said, which is that Lochy is a people pleaser who is desperate for approval and attention. As of these last few episodes, he has basically followed his brother's lead and done everything that Saxon has told him to. I do believe he did not have any malicious intentions.

However, this doesn't necessarily negate the idea of him being sexually attracted to him. I think the way Sam talks about it, as well as a large part of the audience, comes from the idea that it has to be either one of two extremes: Either Lochy is a creep and a freak and predatory, or he's actually just a teenager helping out his brother in a no homo way... Which honestly just doesn't compute.

If you pay attention, there has been a lot of stuff suggesting Lochy is queer. Whether he's gay or bi I don't know, and I don't think it really matters, but I just can't possibly think he's straight. I'm gonna list all the ways that I think indicate that, and I will warn that some will probably be considered a reach by some, but others imo are very clear, and I ask you to read this with an open mind.

1 - From the beginning, he has the dilemma of going to Duke or Tar Heel for college. As in, will he follow the same path as the men of his family or the women. He doesn't know himself. This could mean different things, like does going to Duke makes him more masculine like his father and brother, or does it mean that he's choosing their side as in... choosing men? And vice-versa. Not like it's an actual choice, but again, as a storytelling device.

2 - Both his parents (but particularly the dad, I think) are adamant on him fixing his posture. Straightening his spine. Making him stand up straight. Saxon also encourages this, on the same situations where he encourages him to hook up with women or drink his protein shakes to get buff.

3 - If you think the last point is a reach, in the very session that he takes for said issue, the therapist tells him that he sits in a defensive posture because he's "protecting himself with his female side."

4 - He's the one who notices the "ladyboys" and asks "Dad, are they women?". When Saxon makes his joke about them, "you never know which one is gonna have nuts", he looks visibly uncomfortable. He tries to laugh at it like he does with most of his jokes, but for that one he can't. You can see that he's affected.

On his mother's dream, she also sees him sitting with two "ladyboys" as he talks about the tsunami.

5 - When Saxon is getting drinks for them on the Full Moon Party, he says "pink one for the lady" and tries to hand it to Chelsea. When she refuses and goes to take her call, Lochy takes it instead.

Now, to kinda go back on the Saxon/incest-related.

If you're a straight guy, losing your virginity to a woman, would you really be so focused on jerking off another man? Even if it's like, some guy you really like such as your best friend or your brother? I don't know. And he didn't seem to be actually that interested in Chloe to me. Not grossed out either, so I don't think he has to be gay necessarily rather than bi/pan/whatever, but still.

Chloe also mentioned how young virgin guys get all flustered and shaking with their hearts beating rapidly when they take off their clothes and etc, that she wanted that kind of attention. Yet we don't see any kind of excitement from Lochy over her, really. If you look at Saxon's memories, Lochy only smiles when he's looking at Saxon and Saxon looks like he's about to come (as he jerks his body up).

Going back to the first episode... Many people have rationalized that scene as not really being sexual. I know what Sam has said about it on interviews, too. But I just don't think it checks out. There is a real focus on Saxon being naked and Lochy staring at him. That soundtrack, which seems to be one that plays when something kind of spicy and perhaps unsettling is happening, starts playing right as we get the shot of Saxon walking naked with his ass on full display. It continues as Lochy is looking at him.

And then Saxon notices, and even him, who has no boundaries and was talking about porn and sex, seems a little freaked out when he does. As Saxon closes the door, Lochy looks like he's either embarrassed for being caught looking, disappointed that he closed the door, or both.

And then on episode 2 we have the scene of him waking up. And again the first thing he sees is Saxon's ass, and then he goes wash his face and looks in the mirror. Yeah, this isn't quite proof of anything, but what is the purpose of the scene then, why was it written and shot and kept in the final edit? Especially when you consider it in addition to the previous one.

And lastly, spoiler alert, in one of the trailers/promos,there are scenes where he says to Piper "I don't want to give in to my dark shit" and "if everyone gave in to their base instincts, it'd be total depravity."

If he does not have any incestuous feelings for Saxon, what is this "dark shit" he has in him that he's talking about? For the second one there could be some other context, but even then it seems like he's thinking of his own "base instincts" as depraved.

To go back to what Sam has been saying on interviews a bit, I think a lot of it comes from the fact that he wants to defend Lochy and believe that he's a good person, especially after the reactions to episode 5 where so many people were saying that Lochy was a creep, a predator, some kind of evil mastermind/manipulator and theorizing that he had spit out his pill and was perfectly sane.

I think he feels the need to defend him and not paint him in such a negative light, and because incest is a thing that is considered, well, bad by most people, he's denying that as well. In another interview he also said actors need to find a way to love and connect with the character no matter what, and I think this is a big part of it, not seeing him as fully incestuous if one thinks that incest is something irredeemable.

Both he and many people watching also seem to think that Lochy thinking of the handjob or even the kiss as him wanting to make Saxon happy and impressed automaticaly negates him being attracted to him and having any other feelings about it, but that isn't necessarily the case. It can be both, it makes sense that it's both imo, and I think that's part of what makes him and this storyline as a whole so interesting, that there are so many layers to it.

But in my mind, with all of the context we have for the character in relation to both his relationship with Saxon and in regards to how his own identity and individual arc is portrayed, I think Lochy is definetely queer, and indeed attracted to his brother. And when you put these two things together, it can easily be explained as something similar to, if not straight up the same thing, as the Oedipus/Electra complex.

Lochy, even though he's legally an adult at 18, is clearly still developing in many ways, including his sexuality, and Saxon is the closest male figure in his life, not to mention one who's showing up naked in front of him and talking about sex.

If you're grossed out by it and want it to be explained away, or get some comfort about it in general, I think it would make sense for him to sort of grow out of that as he gets older and more secure in himself/his sexuality, especially after the confusion and guilt he feels over what he did as seen in the monastery scene when he remembers things.

[batmanlovesnirvana]

THE SHRINK

THOMAS SHELBY X FEM!READER

synopsis : After constant pressure from Polly, Tommy finally gives in and goes to see a therapist … though he’s not happy about it.

A/N : idk what to think of this ☹️ english isn’t my first language so sorry for any mistakes

"GO SEE HER, THOMAS. YOU NEED HELP."

The hell he did.

Thomas Shelby didn’t need a fucking shrink.

He didn’t need some doctor picking apart his brain like it was a puzzle missing half its pieces. He had his own cure, neatly tucked beside his bed, waiting for him every night.

A pipe. A flame. A breath. Oblivion.

It was faster. Easier. It made him forget. And it sure as hell didn’t cost him a fortune just to hear some fool tell him what he already knew.

Opium simply didn’t ask questions. It didn’t tell him he was broken. It just worked.

But Polly had a way of getting what she wanted. And when she threatened to take her complaints straight to Campbell ( about the guns, about everything ) he realized she wasn’t bluffing.

So fine. One session. That’s it. No more.

Here he was. Not because he believed in this. Not because he wanted to be here.

But because he had no fucking choice.

And that’s how he ended up here.

The room smelled of roses, wood polish, and paper.

It was modest, no, functional. Homey, too.

Not luxurious, but not rundown either.

The kind of place meant to put a man at ease without making him comfortable. The walls were lined with books, the sort of titles Thomas Shelby had no patience for.

A neat desk sat in front of a window, its surface practically empty, save for a lamp and a single stack of papers. In the center of the room, two red-cushioned chairs faced each other, positioned like opponents in a quiet war.

Tommy had been in rooms like this before.

Police stations. Intelligence offices. Places where men sat behind desks and asked questions they already knew the answers to. He didn’t trust this one either.

Even if Polly had sent him.

The woman sitting across from him was young to be telling people what was wrong with them.

He had expected someone older, sterner, with glasses perched on their nose, asking him about his deceased mother and cursed life.

Instead, you were composed, patient. Watching.

"Mr. Shelby," you greeted him.

He didn’t return the courtesy, just leaned back in the chair, one ankle resting over his knee. His cigarette sat between his fingers, unlit. He rolled it, eyes flicking across the room.

No clocks ticking, no visible crosses — nothing that would give away a bias.

"You don’t have to be here if you don’t want to," you said evenly.

He scoffed through his nose. "I don’t want to be here."

"Then why are you?"

He glanced at you properly now, eyes sharp, calculating. He could tell she already knew the answer.

"You know Polly," he said.

"Ah," you nodded, "so she insisted?"

"More like threatened." He exhaled slowly, shifting in the chair. "She’s been on about me talking to someone since we got back from France."

A pause.

He could see you weighing the information, deciding how to approach him.

"You did fight in France."

"Everybody did," he said flatly.

You didn’t argue.

Instead, you shifted slightly in your chair, crossing your legs, taking a notebook and pen.

"Did Polly say why she thought you needed to talk to someone?"

He smirked at that, shaking his head. "I imagine you could guess."

"I could," you admitted, "but I’d rather hear it from you."

He studied her now, properly.

He had met a lot of people who wanted to get inside his head; inspectors, lieutenants, officers who didn’t give a fuck about the men they sent to the trenches. But this one was different. You weren't prying.

Not yet.

She was waiting.

When he didn’t answer, you took a different approach.

"Most men who come back from war experience changes in their behavior," you said casually. "Some struggle with sleep. Some feel like they can’t slow down, like they have to keep moving. Some — "

"I sleep just fine," Tommy cut in.

You raised an eyebrow. "Do you?"

He didn’t respond.

Silence stretched between them.

And you let it.

He realized you weren't one of those people who filled the air with noise just to make the other person uncomfortable. You were fine with waiting.

He licked his lips, tapped his unlit cigarette against his knee.

"'Olright then," he said finally. "What do you want me to say?"

"It’s not about what I want. It’s about what you need."

Another scoff. "I don’t need anything."

"I see." You tapped the pen lightly against the notebook, considering him. "Then let’s start simple. Since you’ve been back, what’s the most noticeable change in your life?"

He ran his tongue over his teeth, staring past her now, out the window.

The city had changed. Or maybe he had.

"Things are different," he admitted finally.

"How so?"

"Before we left, everything was... smaller. More predictable." He paused, tilting his head slightly. "Now it’s like everything is moving too fast and too slow at the same time."

"Too slow?" she echoed, intrigued.

"Nothing’s... loud enough." His fingers twitched slightly against the chair. "Not like it was over there."

You watched him closely. "You miss the noise?"

He turned to you then, fully, blue eyes sharp. "You think I do?"

"I don’t assume," you said simply. "But a lot of men who come back struggle with silence. It’s unnatural after years of war."

He gave a short, humorless chuckle. "Yeah, well... it’s not just the noise."

He didn’t elaborate.

You nodded slightly, letting his words settle. "And the fast part?"

His jaw tensed. "People talk more. Ask more questions. Things that used to be simple aren’t anymore. Some days I wake up and it feels like I have to figure out how to do it all over again."

"How to do what?"

He hesitated, rubbing a hand over his jaw. "Be normal, I suppose."

Your expression softened slightly, but you didn’t let sympathy cloud your approach. "And what does normal look like for you?"

Tommy exhaled slowly through his nose.

He should have expected that.

But he didn’t have an answer.

Normal was a house by the cut, Polly at the kitchen table sipping a cup of tea, Arthur throwing a punch to John in the yard, Ada rolling her eyes at both of them. Finn imitating them.

Normal was the factory, the pubs, the streets they grew up on.

Normal was before the war.

And that wasn’t coming back.

No, that was the past.

He shifted, looking at you with that guarded expression he always wore.

"Look," he said finally. "I get why Polly sent me here. But I’m not one of those men who needs fixing."

You studied him for a moment before responding. "I don’t think you’re broken."

That made him pause.

His fingers stopped rolling the cigarette.

You seemed confident, certain. No pity, no softness. Just ... truth.

For the first time in the whole session, he didn’t know what to say.

You leaned forward slightly, meeting his gaze. "But I do think you’re trying to outrun something. And that only works for so long."

Tommy clenched his jaw. "You got all that from one session?"

You gave a small smile. "No, Mr. Shelby. I got that from the way you keep looking at the door."

Silence.

Then, Tommy exhaled, shaking his head with a smirk. "Jesus."

He pushed himself up, straightening his coat. "I think that’s enough for today."

She didn’t try to stop him.

Just closed her notebook, standing as well.

"Will I see you next week?" she asked.

He didn’t answer immediately. Just gave her one last look before heading to the door.

Right before stepping out, he paused.

Then, without turning back, he muttered, "Polly’ll make me."

And then he was gone.

part 2 ??? this is awful

[woundedsoul12]

Look been tagged in several games. I'm out on vacation and having a good time so not going to play necessarily but you all have inspired me to write a little morning blurb. So thank you to @transmasc-tabris @vorchagirl @sageadvice and @weaveandwood

Have some more Varric x Trevelyan and Rookanis mixed with maybe a little Davrook? Idk I'm building a whole world over here on Tumblr for the AU where Varric doesn't die

“I just- don't know how he feels about me, Varric.” 

Rook doesn't have to say exactly who he's referring to. The dwarf has done this enough times to know what's happening in the quiet moments passed in the kitchen. Though, he's also aware another is trying to throw his hat in the ring. And while Varric is never one to tell another how to live his life, the Warden would definitely be the easier choice.

“Oh come on, kid. You know Wings has been through a lot.” He shrugs as he continues to oil Bianca. The steady rhythm keeping him from betraying any thoughts to his protege. 

“Yeah but… I don't know Varric. I don't want to pursue a man that doesn't want to be pursued. Especially when there are other-” he stops short there. Not finishing his sentence though Varric sees the way he runs a hand through his hair and stares off. Thinking about a muscular elf with big brown eyes even if he doesn't say it aloud. 

“Look kid,” Varric says as he sets Bianca aside. “Did I ever tell you how I got the Inquisitor to fall in love with me?” The old dwarf cocks his eyebrow as Rook rolls his eyes. 

“Only a hundred times,” he groans as Varric chuckles. 

“But did I tell you I wasn't the only one interested in her? Honestly it wasn't until I caught Curly and her almost kissing that I got off my lazy tail and did something about how I felt.” Rook's eyes go wide at that admission. He had never told anyone of how he stole his Sparrow from the Commander. But this seemed like the right time to let his secret out. “Hell, I had to watch Hawke go through something similar with Broody and Blondie. All I'm saying is, maybe take the Warden up on his offer.” 

Rook rubs his chin for a moment. Considering the dwarf's words as he leans back in his chair. “I don't know. Seems kind of wrong. Especially to Davrin.” 

Varric leans over and pats him on the knee. A reassurance as his eyes twinkle with mischief. “Eh, not if you keep an open mind. You might find something you weren't expecting if you really give that Warden a chance.” 

Rook nods slowly but says no more. Varric not bothering to tell him that his Inquisitor was initially only interested in Cullen. Or that Hawke was initially only interested in Fenris. He could figure that out on his own. And maybe, find a similar ending to theirs. 

[boofeine]

seventeen members current energy (dated: march 28th, 2025)

warnings: tarot is not one fixed truth, you're in charge of your life decisions. / this reading was made with the major arcanes only.

tags: @huen1ngk4i @aaniag @svteensworld @kooqitas @unlikelysublimekryptonite @bewoyewo

seungcheol: the tower — he is in a really thoughtful time, where he knows he has a solid career, so he's contemplating what are going to be his next steps. he's thinking of a beginning.

jeonghan: the sun — he is not happy or sad, just stable. he's very racional and comforting himself, knowing better days always come and everything is temporary.

joshua: the emperor — he is in a really closed up energy. he seems pretty confident and a bit more aware of himself. he is really listening to his wants and prioritizing himself, and that for some people might be coming out as being cold.

junhui: strength — he's just going with the flow. he's not thinking too much or overthinking the future, he's just living right now. thinking next steps might get him anxious currently, so he just decided to let it be and let time says.

hoshi: the hanged man — he feels pushed back, like he wants to do things he can't or is being stopped to do. he could make a decision that could ease this feeling, but he doesn't.

wonwoo: death — he's needing a new beginning. he might be having a bit of a hard time right now, his energy is looking very dark. considering he's enlisting, i think that's big part of it. he's really in a bad mood and ends up acting like he doesn't want to because he's too sensitive and on his feelings. he might have hurt some people on this process, but he's also trying to cope.

woozi: the moon — he always needs something new. he's been thinking a lot and understanding everything has pros and cons in his life right now, he's trying to make the right decisions.

seokmin: the world — he's closing a cicle right now or finishing a project or this moment in his life. he feels mature and grateful, he feels quite relieved actually, something like "i can't believe i made it, it's finally over" but he's also proud.

mingyu: the magician — he's trying and looking different things, he has a lot of tools but doesn't know yet what he wants to come up with it. he's having opportunities but lacking taking action.

minghao: the charriot — he might travel soon, he's also trying and looking for different things but not like mingyu, hao knows the moves he wants to make and is doing so.

seungkwan: the empress — the man is just overflowing. he's taking care of himself, being a lot with his family. i honestly don't see any work here or looking for new work since svt is preparing a comeback so technically there's work. (there's just raw sex energy in this reading, i can't explain it, idk if this man is trying to have a baby, but honestly, it feels like it.......)

vernon: wheel of furtune — well... he's having ups and downs financially and trying not to let it impact his work. he feels lucky on work (with his idol/public figure life) but lost in his personal life.

chan: judment — he feels left or looked down on work, for the superiors more specifically. maybe he's feeling left out for future projects and doesn't have any expectations to it to change, but he's staying silent about it... here's advice from the cards, speak up, communicate, it might make a huge difference.

i wasn't planning that but just ended up doing a reading..... i won't wait for saturday, here's your gift :) !!

[ahollowgrave]

OK SO THE THING IS -- (Its DT spoilers all the way down folks.)

I've talked about Odette and Sphene and The Endless and Living Memory and the Use of Souls before so I'll try not to repeat myself too much. (<- Lying.)

But when we first meet Endless Sphene, Odette is SO curious. She clocks that woman isn't Alive (TM) right away and it's always a little !! when you meet someone who might be like you. You know? That first bit, Odette is so intrigued and welcoming and naive. She's never been the head of a country before, you know? And yeah maybe there is alarm bells, so to speak, at the back of her mind but those are so easy to ignore when you are Lonely in a Very Particular Way.

This doesn't last long !! Honestly, the second regulators and their (their main I suppose) purpose are introduced a wall goes up. Gone are all those warm and curious feelings and whats left is a growing dread.

This is where Odette and Wuk bet heads for the first time. Any other plot and Odette would agree, they should just!! Keep being nice. It's just their way of life, etc etc etc. But this is wrong. This is perverted, this is corrupted, this is aberrant, this is harmful. It needs to be stop.

And it just gets worse from there.

A lot of Prudence covering for Odette. Holding her back like a trembling, neurotic chihuahua from savaging any ankle she can reach. When they defeat Endless Sphene she is simply!!! Sad!!! It's a sad all around!!!

And then.... she's....... back and not dead and actually even more off-putting. And people don't seem toooooo remember??? that she??? died??? Like for real??? We had a whole funeral, Odette had to hold everyone's hand through the funeral rites!!!

AND THEN....... 7.2....

MAN. She's alive, she's been asleep 400 years and the world moved on without -- except it didn't. It had a... version of her. A version she cannot possibly live up too. And 400 years is so long. Idk idk. She's not a living-dead girl but she's close, you know? So again, that sense of "oh you're like me (again)" but it's all a bit tainted now, you know?

They share a feeling of "I am out of step with the world around me and yet I must do my best to keep up."

At first Odette cannot help but stare, she is having a lot of emotions at once, she looks like she's gonna vomit all the time. (Partly because S9 just does that to her but also because... Sphene.) And MAN imagine being Sphene, you've got so much going on an also this weird nun won't stop staring at you. Sphene thinks Odette hates her for a while but eventually...

The coffee scene. I know some people thought it was silly and maybe it was, but that first moment where Odette and Sphene are sitting alone just talking. :pacha: That's when shit settles for them, that's when Odette becomes Sphene's comfort. Where Sphene realizes "Oh, she doesn't hate me..."

Idk idk idk! Odette is slow to build of romantic feelings but at the very least she feels for Sphene. She understands some of the uncomfortableness of Sphene's position, and maybe she can't understand the weight of a crown but she knows the burden of Duty. She is an empathic creature -- how could Death not be? -- she wants Sphene to know she isn't alone, that Odette will help in anyway she can.

ough. anyway... this is very much a ramble but man...

But Pigeon, I hear you cry, what about Odette and Prudence!?

omg first of all thank you for you question!!! This isn't about them.

(But also they are never actually like A Couple they are a very complicated strangers to coworkers to lovers to ????. Prudence tends to be in a lot of off again/on again relationships! Odette is one of the more painful ones, for sure.)

As much as Prudence loves/is obsessed with Odette, she's not a very... good at expressing herself. She's not good at relationships, she's not good at a lot of things. She is insanely jealous of Sphene and Odette - be it endless sphene or evil sphene or living sphene. She wants to be the one on Odette's mind she wants to be the one making Odette look like that. Alas !! She'll be ok.

genuinely abuzz with ideas about sphene and odette but also gotta............ wait a bit.......... see what happens...... you know?

[egophiliac]

don't think I'm not still obsessing over 7-12

[itsmeimcathy]

faust (1858) by charles gounod | le fantôme de l'opèra (1910) by gaston leroux | wuthering heights (1939) by william wyler | la belle et la bête (1947) by jean cocteau | labyrinth (1986) by jim henson | van helsing (2004) by stephen sommers | the phantom of the opera (2004) by joel schumacher | crimson peak (2014) by guillermo del toro | consumed (2014) by david cronenberg | nosferatu (2024) by robert eggers

[incisorconfiture]

laios and kabru being very explicit narrative and character foils of each other means you're primed to expect some extent of honesty and candor from laios at every turn throughout, even if it's to negative effect, while your impression of kabru means you expect his every action and word to bely ulterior motive or manipulation, even if it's out of good intentions. and how thoroughly this is subverted in the end, when kabru is forced by pressure and circumstance into painfully, awkwardly honest confession and conduct, forced to stand back and spectate instead of trying to pull strings and control. and laios rises up out of nowhere with an underhanded scheme so shocking and thorough it tricks everyone, and suspends them into inaction and speechless disbelief, clearing his path to the throne. i just think it's neat how they're foils and opposites until they embody each other's core traits at some of their most pivotal developmental moments

[in-asterism]

wheee

[marimbles]

It seems to be pretty well established that most fanfic authors don’t mind when readers leave comments on old fics and in fact welcome it. But what about authors replying to old comments?

Do readers care in general whether an author replies? Is it expected and seen as rude if they don’t? Is it nice when they do but not expected? Is there a time limit to the welcomeness of replies? Like is it nice if they respond within a few weeks but if it’s been months or years it feels awkward because you don’t remember the fic anymore? I’m curious!

[fumifooms]

Makima, devils and self-fulfillment

Dumping some Makima and CSM thoughts after a part 1 binge bc I think about her forever and ever. I’m sure I’m forgetting some devil lore, feel free to correct what i get wrong/what’s been confirmed. On the table of contents there’s why & how Makima got fixated on Chainsaw, her revealing liking for the country mouse and discussion of her nature & emotions & desires. Was the scorpion doomed to be a scorpion?

The most of this post was thought of during a conversation with @saccharineomens and I don’t think it makes sense to jump into the spiral it sent me on without first laying down the interesting groundwork theorizing she did:

"Thinking about how makima herself wants to be deified. I wonder whether she recognizes the difference between Love As Worship and the love that Aki, Power, and Denji had. She says she wants to help humanity by having Chainsawman eat the “bad” devils, but why does she want to help humans? Because she was ordered to by the Prime Minister? No, her drive seems much more personal than that, it seems like she teamed up with the PM for contractual reasons. (In the most recent chapters we see governmental members wanting certain devils to be eaten, too. What was Makima’s relationship with them? She’s too independent to just follow THEIR orders, she’s Control.)

So is she wanting to better humanity for the accolades, or out of the goodness of her heart? She sees the big picture. She sees any small sacrifice as worth it for the end result, and she’s ruthless. Perhaps she thinks that a more sedate human race would be easier to control? But Makima doesn’t loathe humanity. She never acts like she sees all humans as lesser. She loves humanity’s creations, like good food and movies. She just wants Good Things all the time

She says she prefers the country mouse BUT adds a story where she helps exterminate country mice like vermin. She likes the simplicity yet rejects the idea of being simple. Makima the complex individual you are"

~

The story itself seems to prefr the country mouse. Well- it strikes a balance, shows that a risk to live good & fully can be very worth it, but still that stability over ambition is preferable, proning having a simple happy life over fame, a simple job instead of a dangerous one, etc etc. And I do find Makima’s answer on this so so interesting, she prefers the country mouse, but this preference isn’t out of affection or sympathy but because of how relaxing it feels to exterminate them when they cause problems.

Order satisfies her. Her order satisfies her. She likes the action of rooting out disorder. Maybe this is the devil part, like how Power especially wants blood and drinking it, I feel there’s an itch to every devil, and for Makima it’s a very rigid world view/morality/standards & making things follow her rules and submit to her order.

And maybe this is why she’s attached to humans too, why she felt it was worth it to stick with the government- because devils are chaotic by nature (it’s a whole plot point that hell is essentially a free-for-all battleground for example), meanwhile humans are the species that universally rule Earth with systems they invented and instilled. They made then enforced rules, complex and intricate webs of them. She feels alienated amongst devils but she understands the humans’ need for an orderly organised society, and now she wants to be part of it. Control and conquest require social dynamics after all, requires civilizations or groups. War is chaotic while peace is, well, peaceful— Makima resents her sisters for being death, famine and war, things that throw the world in such chaos. She wants a world of perfect order, no matter how much collateral damage there will be if the end result is control.

This is even more interesting if you consider that yes, Makima is untouchable of her own design, she deifies herself with her omnipresent amount of control and the sway over others that she seeks and encourages— There is this urge to dehumanize her for it, that yes, she is the devil of control and that means she was never going to be any different, have any more feeling be any less uncanny. And I love part 2 so much for this, because it shows us the war devil and the famine devil and we see how frankly uncharismatic with poor self-discipline they are, Nayuta too, and it helps us realize just how much Makima’s success was self-made.

She admires Chainsaw Devil, the Hero of Hell, because he had his own code and his own rules and he made Hell, the chaos pit, submit to them unfailingly. Wherever he goes he decides what he does and what happens to the people he encounters but does so consistently, he has his mechanism and his rules that he always obeys, and he fulfills them every time. It’s still a mystery the why of Chainsaw Devil’s behavior back then and how it works exactly, maybe Pochita left hell because he was tired of these rules he lived by like chains, but still, he was a servant to his code. Makima would have been glad being killed and eaten by Chainsaw Devil because it’d have been becoming part of his design, his conquest, his domination, she’d have been part of that —his— order. Through her death she would be shaping his world and be part of a conqueror’s making history. Like how she appreciates the country mice that die for the sake of order. Like how sacrifices must be made to herself, like listing the name of every person whose life was lost to the Gun Devil— All for the ~greater good~, for her vision for the world. Conquest always thinks its reasons are justified.

And she does mention with the country mice thing that she goes out to a friend’s farm every year! She has a human friend?? That she visits yearly and she genuinely likes it?? Ultimately she lives a busy city life because of her goal and drive and her urge & satisfaction with overseeing shaping the world herself, but part of her, like so many characters including Angel and Aki and Reze, wishes she could live a slow peaceful country life. Moviegoing and dogs and mice in a farm- Wouldn’t it be so much simpler if Makima could find fulfillment and happiness in being a farmer, in keeping control of her own farm, getting satisfaction from exterminating vermin and expertly getting everything right, the right crops grown at the right time on the right soil? Here, too, in a way it’s trying to have full control of an ecosystem, but her goals would be easier to achieve and better, without ceaseless sacrifice or much pressure. But Makima wants grandiosity and her goal does matter to her on a fundamental and moral level, she does think she knows what’s best for the world, and with the power to change it why wouldn’t she strive to? Visiting the farm is just a break, just something she does in fall to help out and just in time to see the vermin extermination. It calms her, then it’s back to actual work.

In capitalism, even the one at the very top of the ladder is ultimately alienated from others and often unsatisfied by their lifestyle, always wanting more and more power because surely that’s the extra edge they must be missing to be content— like how Makima thinks she wants to dominate Chainsaw Devil instead of being his equal. And she says it herself too, she likes humans the way humans like dogs…….. And she keeps so many dogs :( Makima prefers the country mice because they’re calming to root out, maybe because she usually mainly deals with city mice. It’s very easy to equate humans to the mice in this allegory because it’s pretty direct and she’s already likened humans to lesser animals compared to her. She’s self-isolating by design for her design but she still craves relationships and contentment, and the dogs are the embodiment or her want for bonds and occasional simplicity because there is no possible ulterior motive, no way they tie back into her wider plan. They’re her personal life— something that feels so alien when speaking about Makima. Personality and individuality and likes and preferences and friends they visit every year. She likes how easily she can train a dog and how they become putty in her hands, at her beck and call, how much they love her and how much she enjoys their love. How simple and straightforward and easy it is. She keeps them because she likes being loved by them and loving them, and she’s gotten and raised so many. A conqueror always wants more and more and more, is never satisfied.

Devils and agency

Like Power the blood devil wanting blood and having a fixation on drinking it like with Denji’s, or how it was shocking that the violence devil was pretty tame and nice and how he himself theorized it was because he was a fiend and possessing a human body… There’s something to be said about nature vs nurture with the devils. The way they reincarnate and always embody their fear makes it seem categorically like nature, that they always always end up fulfilling the role they were named after and born to fill… Outside influence they’re helpless but to conform with. Like the humans accepting their spot in the social ladder and the shittiness of their living conditions and job under capitalism. Makima craved being equals with someone despite being the control/conquest devil, Angel Devil despite claiming to be a devil who likes to see humans dying was haunted by their deaths and wanted to avoid ones like Aki’s. The Ghost Devil being ironically haunted by Himeno, seemingly helping Aki in her memory out of… Lasting affection? Or maybe it was less about being haunted itself and more about it recognizing how Himeno haunted Aki, and acknowledging that, with the memento, paying her respect to the ghost of her. It’s Angel Devil’s devil nature that makes him like human suffering, so then is it his angel nature too to still care about their deaths? Is there truth to this or is that just personality, just our confirmation bias haunting every part of their identity like it might in their own view of themselves too? We do know different reincarnations of devils do have different personalities after all.

Yoru, war devil, is the most interesting one when talking about the nature vs nurture debate with devils. There is how through her we see the perhaps the most the consequences of a devil stopping being feared— we see a horseman for a concept as universal and horrifying as war be reduced to some bird who needs a contract with a human to have any power even just on the situation when meeting Asa. And through the story we get to know her better, and it becomes clear that her goal is fueled in good part by simply wanting to be remembered and respected through fear. Liked, validated, seen a powerful. But what is more isolating than war? Or control? We also see Nayuta accepting others’ house rules. If part 1 shows perhaps the futility of running away from the truth, with Denji’s memory, with escapist coping mechanisms, with passivity and denial under a corrupt system and with abusive relationships- running away from your own feelings and from the reality of things and from all that you are, more complex than simply human or devil or both or neither— part 2 builds upon the theme of cult of personalities, the chainsaw church, etc. The apocalypse is coming, but this celebrity superhero might save us all, or doom us all uh, dunno. The hero of hell reliving the cycle of pressure from responsibilities and expectations, maybe the part will end with Denji running away like Pochita did~

But yes, on the reverse, I think Famine is a very interesting example of how a devil’s namesake may be more innate than coerced by circumstances. One would think that a famine devil would only like inflicting famine upon others, not being famished itself, but Famine has a bottomless stomach that can never, ever be satisfied, sated. I struggle to find a psychological explanation for this, except that maybe instead of her being hungry it’s her feeling empty when she’s not eating, tasting and having that high sensory experience that releases serotonin in humans, sort of like drugs? But I do take this as a step towards the compulsion theory overall, feels like a reach in the consistency otherwise. And compulsion does not mean it’s something that they like nor that it’s something that they fight against, pretty neutral, just a nature that nudges you towards one path. Maybe it’s even just their go-to for entertainment. Maybe it’s the only thing that makes them feel right and whole. But still the debate remains, what is it, a compulsion or an urge or an itch or an active desire or a conscious chosen want? Does it change anything in practice?

And because of all of this earlier, devils being self-fulfilling prophecies with their role is not in unsignificant part nurture, because doing their atrocities is how they stay remembered— feared, powerful, known— hell and devils are a very isolating place and breed after all, and we do see devils can want companionship. Existentially, it’s their purpose and how they justify their place in the world, in the terrifyingly vast and unknowable cosmos.

We still know so little of what makes Chainsaw Devil so special, why his carnage is so self-controlled. Despite a chainsaw maybe being possibly one of the most "nature" thing you can be— a tool to cut things, a human tool that can be helpful for many things, something to be wielding by another at their judgement on what they decide, but mainly something to cut, a tool suited for carnage, to hurt and to destroy. A blade with a toothed chain, spinning around and around and around endlessly on the same road at the same pace. Such a…. Innately circular concept. And yet the Chainsaw Devil is his own, not driven by an urge or by chaos but his very own brand of order, his own unique assigned purpose, a "if you call i’ll come running to help" policy equalizing everyone. He chooses to withhold his destruction and interference otherwise, and then he chooses to be used. If it’s a choice, of course.

Maybe this is what inspired Makima so much, that Chainsaw Devil could decide what to make of himself despite expectations or innate role. Because even Hell he decided & managed to subjugate under his will and whim, with a precise vision and process. When Chainsaw Devil acts like Denji or is defeated, Makima clicks her tongue and loses her admiration and respect. Makima admired and liked Chainsaw Devil, but only as long as he matched her great image of him in her mind, as long as he followed he rules for what she thinks he should be like. She admired him for his unrivaled self-made success, but once he stepped out of that to truly embody self-fulfillment and agency, disappearing from hell to live on his own road at the beat of his own drum… Well. Surely that was a mistake she has to correct. However their second battle ends, the better conqueror will have prevailed and she’s happy about that, all in the spirit of domination and subjugation.

Imo Makima’s biggest tool, similarly capitalism’s most helpful effect for its own purposes, is complacency. Resignation and passivity helps uphold the system and go along the flow of the will of the people in power. Aki and Reze go along with orders even when knowing their job is trash, etc. In Angel Devil especially we see him go along with the flow uncaring about anyhing, and we discover it was in part due to Makima taking away memories that motivated him. If every devil decides this is just how things are and how things should be that’s what they’ll continue to be and do mindlessly, not pursuing a better life like Chainsaw Devil and Denj and not seeking to change the world like Makima. I think even Makima veils herself to a lot of things, she doesn’t like to think deeply about some things, like her desire for connection, or how making bad movies disappear is strenuous and unsustainable and requiring sacrifices at best— how her judgement is as subjective as anyone else. How liking the country mouse and her friend back at the farm and her dogs could be not devoid of sentimality. Wanting bad movies erased is her one biggest show of selfishness, of pettiness and individuality, it’s about her tastes, simple as. About how she can have tastes, and cry seeing a scene of people hug, and want things that aren’t logical, her ideology and mind twisted into a pretzel to avoid acknowledging that she doesn’t live and breathe purely for the mission she’s made a single-minded robot out of herself to accomplish. Nayuta is assertive and selfish and loud, Makima is manipulative and strategically both for her goals and for coping hollow.

Everything in her plans and goals she says is for the greater good, necessary evil, manufactured happiness the way she’ll have decided for people— and that’s the thing isn’t it, like with War, it’s the crack that shows it was all truly about herself after all. Her self-made deification still had the flaw that a self made it. Makima is not omniscient, and it’s not Chainsaw Devil the not-so-fellow-kindred-soul conqueror who gets the best of her, but a city mouse, a dog, someone she would have never thought to respect, Denji.