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elronds-meleth-nin · 7 months ago

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Never Too Late - Part One: The Awakening

This is something entirely different from the things I've written before. I don't know what made me want to write this beyond hearing one of Adar's lines from S2E8. For those who stick around for this ride, thank you in advance. I know this might not be everyone's cup of tea, but here we go nonetheless! Things will begin (I hope) to make more sense in the second chapter.

Disclaimer: I know this is not how the Maiar or the Valar or any of canon works. I do not care. This writer is playing in a sandbox.

Cross-posted to AO3 here.

~*~

Adar (RoP) x Maia!Reader

[A/N: There will be smut in future chapters, so 18+ ONLY, MINORS DNI!!!]

Warnings: An exploration of Adar's origins, discussions of the first Elves, Elf x Maia romance, he falls first, feelings of unworthiness, fear, Morgoth's manipulation (discussed further in later chapters), brief mentions of pain, regret.

~*~

The whisper of the wind in the trees was hypnotic to the Elf with no name. He was among the first to wake. He'd tasted the sunlight as it spilled across his lips in gentle caresses for the first time. Warmth had trickled into his limbs, and soon he'd found himself wandering happily, joyfully through a meadow full of flowers.

For a time he continued in that manner, exploring the world around him, lying in the sun on a riverbank, tasting the sweetness of berries as they hung ripe in the sunlight. Occasionally he would encounter others who looked like him. Other Elves who did not yet have names. Though they did not know it, they would earn them in time.

A small group formed together, giving each other names and forming a small community in the newly-made world. In time, he found that he enjoyed crafting words into set structures, playing with them as one of the other Elves toyed with carving wood, and as another painted pictures.

As he tinkered, he found that the name given to him was not right. It did not fit him correctly. The meaning was not how he saw himself, but he did not argue it, choosing instead to string more words together. They could know him however they wished, but that name was not how he knew himself. The land, the light, and the beauty of the world inspired him to create stories and poems. After a time, however, he found that the flow of his words had slowed in favor of simply experiencing that which he found so lovely.

So, when the thought struck him to walk along the riverbank he favored so much and listen to the birds singing in the trees, he did not hesitate to strike out. Familiar sights and scents surrounded him, wrapping him in a veil of contentment.

Then a different sound met his ears: the gentle whisper of fabric amongst the breeze. The Elf's green eyes opened curiously, and he looked around him for what could have made such a noise. His own clothing - brown leggings and an off-white tunic - were too silent to have done so.

That was when he caught a glimpse of her for the first time. She seemed to glow of her own accord, despite the brightness of the sunlight streaming down upon them. A dress that seemed to glimmer in the light adorned her, translucent and bright. But it was her eyes that drew him to her. They met his for barely a moment, but in that glance, the Elf felt as though she called to his fëa.

She gave him a small smile, and flitted back into the trees as quickly as she'd appeared. So amazed was he by the appearance of such an ethereal creature that he could do no more than follow mutely in her path.

But, he did not find her that day, nor the next. For nearly a fortnight, all he had to remember her by were the dozen-or-so poems that had poured forth from his mind the night after spotting her. He read them aloud to himself by the riverbank amongst the swaying sage blossoms as he tried to perfect them. She - whoever she was - had captivated him and deserved no less than the most perfect tribute.

The way she'd smiled at him made him long for more. To see her laugh, to watch a sunset with her, to feel the rain dampening his skin as he held her in his arms. Undoubtedly, this was something important. He'd seen other Elves feel this way about each other, but never about one who was so clearly Other. Granted, their existence was young, but without a precedent, the Elf wondered what he was to do about these feelings.

Midway through the revision of one the poems he'd written for her, he paused his reading and scratched out a line in favor of a correction. He was so lost in his work that he did not register the sound of approaching footsteps until someone knelt in the grass beside him. The Elf looked up and–

Paralyzed by the warmth in her gaze, he was amazed to find the very woman he'd been writing about was less than a hand's breadth from him. The wind swirled around them, blowing a few strands of his dark hair into his face. Before he could fix it, however, she reached up and brushed it carefully behind one of his pointed ears. Her touch lingered for a beat longer than it should have, and the Elf felt his heart beating wildly in his chest.

Her skin was softer even than that of his own people! He could write for years about the simple sensation of being so close to her.

"Such beautifully-crafted words." Her praise was more nourishing than even the most filling meal.

"For you, my lady," he admitted in barely a whisper. "All for you. No greater beauty have I seen in all my days as a part of this world."

His voice was so quiet that he was afraid the breeze might spirit it away before it reached her ears, but she heard him. Of course she heard him. A warm smile stretched her lips, and a silvery laugh spilled from her throat.

"Oh? And what have I done, kind wordsmith, to earn such a gift?"

'Existing' was the simple answer, but he could not say that aloud. It was too honest, too forward. She would surely be offended by such a low creature's desires. He shook his head quietly.

"Wonders deserve to be praised, híril vuin," he murmured dropping his gaze to his paper.

"Then, should you not be writing about yourself?" He question drew an incredulous laugh from him, but she was entirely serious. "The light of the Valar lives within your people."

He shook his head.

"You are light itself," he asserted. "I could hope for no greater a muse than you."

They spoke for many hours that day and for many days after. Those days added up, and the pair continued to meet beside the river or amongst the trees, speaking of everything and nothing, wandering where they wished.

He did not mention having seen her to the others, but he did overhear a few of them, one night. They were speaking around a fire, taking turns speaking about the Valar and the Maiar. He paid no mind until one of them mentioned something familiar.

"One of the Maiar hides within the woods near the river," the blond Elf said. "She has been glimpsed, but none have spoken to her. I witnessed her eyes glowing from deep in the trees, but before I could approach, she disappeared."

"Why would one of the Maiar hide in the forest, much less take a physical form?" One of the others with brown hair asked.

"Who can tell? It is not our place to know the minds of the Valar or the Maiar," the blond said decisively, and at that, the group began dispersing for the night. Only the blond Elf and remained when the Elf with no name approached him.

"What does she look like, the Maia in the forest?" He asked, knowing in the racing of his pulse that it was her to whom he'd spoken and about her whom he'd been writing. It was as obvious as the leaves on the trees and the sun in the sky.

"None can see any details beneath her glow, but that is not unusual. Those who have caught sight of the Maiar say that they only show themselves to those whom they wish. They can hide their visages, only taking physical forms when they choose to do so."

When he retired to bed that night, he clung desperately to the secret of their conversations together. She had chosen to reveal herself to him and only him. Even if he did not know why, he was honored, and he hoped he could one day prove himself worthy of her trust.

As the days became months, then years, there was a particular bend in the river where he would meet his lady. Wandering for hours, sometimes days, he became as close with her two people could without delving openly into the realm of romance, though, he did harbor those feelings for her. His heart raced whenever she was near, and he knew that should he ever have a family, he would want it to be with her.

But, he was not worthy. He never would be. No matter how much he may want a daughter with his hair and her eyes, or a son who favored his mother's light, an Elf could never be worthy of one a Maia's love.

As he returned one night, musing over his situation and feeling his heart twist itself into knots over the futility of his love, he found the others in an uproar.

"What has happened?" He called as he neared the group of terrified Elves.

"Three of our number rode out earlier. They were meant to return at sundown, but it is near midnight and there is no sign of them," one of the painters said, twisting the sleeve of his robe compulsively.

"They could simply be late." One of the others said trying to calm the group, but the painter wasn't swayed.

"No, they are lost! Taken! There was something dark at work this morn. Two of the three who left expressed misgivings about the Valar ere they left." With their numbers added, that made seven so far who had disappeared. "'Tis the darkness! The shadows seek to blot out the light, even that within our hearts."

That was the beginning of his trouble. Hearing his kin speak of such darkness ignited within him a curiosity. He wished to understand why those who left chose to do so. Why would they willingly put themselves at risk when they had everything they needed here? The Valar provided for them in abundance. Why should they seek the bleak nothingness of the shadow?

So, in his attempts to understand, he began to study that which he should not. The shadow no longer seemed as dangerous to him, but a welcome respite from the perfection of the light.

In his zeal, he began visiting the river bend less frequently, but his lady appeared no less glad to see him when he did make the trip to see her. On the last of such occasions - which he had no way of knowing was the last - the sun was gentle, the river babbled away happily, and the trees shivered beneath a soft breeze. Everything was sweet and lovely...perfect.

Even the way she looked at him was particularly tender. He read her his latest composition, but he found midway through that his words, as excellently chosen as they always were, did not adequately express how he felt about her. Eventually, her fingers laid atop his arm, and his breath caught in his throat.

"Darling wordsmith, what troubles you?" She asked, and he felt exposed before her. Guilt wound its way through his heart for having explored what he ought not. Would she recoil from him? Cast him from her sight forever? Instead of a confession, however, a question slipped from his tongue without his permission.

"It has been said that one of the Maiar wanders this wood. Are you she?" He asked, and she did not hesitate to smile up at him.

"I am, but you have known that for quite some time." Brushing a few strands of his dark hair behind his ear as the wind shifted, she lifted an eyebrow. "Now, what truly troubles you?"

Swallowing nervously, he caught her wrist lightly in his grasp, laying a reverent kiss upon her skin. He had never been so bold before. He had never dared touch her or express his adoration so openly.

She did not object or move away.

"I trust you have heard about the Elves who have disappeared?" She nodded her head even as her expression became solemn. "I have been considering a course of action for some time, and...I intend to seek them out."

The Elf with no name looked for the woodland Maia's reaction only to find tears gathering in her eyes and spilling slowly down her cheeks - sparkling, diamond droplets seemingly glowing of their own volition. The sight lit a spark of alarm within his breast, constricting his lungs and urging him forward until he'd gathered her in his embrace.

With a bit of adjustment, she sat in his lap with her face buried in the crook of his neck and her arms around him. He held her close, but he could not find the right words to say to her. Ultimately, he murmured to her his apologies and felt one of her hands glide onto the back of his neck. Her lips brushed against the shell of his ear, and she spoke barely above a breath.

"Should you need me, you need only call my name." She told it to him, and he could not help clutching her tighter at the sound of that word encapsulating all that she was. Eventually, she pulled back just far enough to press her forehead softly against his own. "I will always come when you call. All I ask is that you do not surrender your own light. You will need it ere long."

Her nose touched his briefly as he swore to her that he would do as she said, and grief coiled in his heart when he felt how damp her skin was. He had not meant to make her weep. Reaching carefully up, he cupped her face in his warm palms and whispered quiet comforts. She deserved more than this - every happiness in the world, in fact - but he would still give her all that he was able.

Not for the first time, he wondered what it would be like to be bound to her as her husband. An Elf could never be worthy of a Maia, but he imagined what it would be like to be entangled with her like this every day. Her tears or her laughter, soft sighs or pleasure-filled breaths - anything she chose to give him would be a gift beyond measure, just as this moment was.

She allowed him to comfort her, to hold her. He savored the contact, even if he did regret bringing her unwelcome news. They stayed there on the riverbank until long past midnight. The moonlight, gentle and cleansing, caressed their faces as they lay down in each other's arms. Quietly, he caressed her face, tracing the bridge of her nose, the curve of her lips, the softness of her smile.

When they eventually parted, it was only after she'd placed her hand over his heart, whispering words in a language which he did not understand. Her fingers had begun to glow, and that light bled slowly into his chest, floating seemingly beneath his skin until her touch retreated. He did not know what she'd done, but the determined glint in her eyes made him wonder if it was some form of protection.

With great reluctance, he returned to his home. Before the next morning dawned, however, a call trickled into his ears, rousing him from his rest. It was time. All that he ever desired awaited him. He need only seek it. Low, guttural, and tugging at his very being, the voice - if it could be called a voice - dug a tendril of shadow into his mind.

He and five others rode away before daybreak.

The journey was a blur, and when he came back to himself, he found that all six of them were in a cave. Their horses were gone.

The Elf with no name looked around him but could perceive only darkness. Only shadows writhing and dancing before him. He'd been tricked. This was not the liberation he'd been led to believe the others had sought, nor was this something from which he could save them.

"Who are you? What do you want from us?" He called into the oblivion surrounding him, and a sinister laugh curled from its depths scratching fear from deep within the Elf's heart. The other five shuddered as well, but smiles broke across their faces. Was he alone in his regret?

"I am Morgoth." The voice seemed to echo and twine through the darkness, through the air, and bury itself deep within his heart. The Elf with no name dropped to his knees along with his kin.

He assumed that the voice in the darkness, the being who called himself Morgoth, would kill them. Mournfully, he recalled the face of his lady, his muse, his joy. How disappointed she would be with his actions! When she visited the river next, she would not find him there. No longer would he be able to write and recite poetry for her. Gone were the days wandering through the forest with her, seeking its privacy for their conversations.

He had not been worthy of her - his current position proved that - but he still lamented the thought that his death would sadden her. Her gentle spirit would not allow the death of a friend - low creature though he may be - to pass without notice. He had seen her weep before and it nearly shattered him to pieces even as he comforted her. He would not be there to do so this time.

The darkness rumbled again, and this time, pain streaked up his legs, making him crumble to the ground as he cried out.

"Six you are, and seven have come before you. Those who survive will be rewarded, but live or die, you are mine, now."

What had he done?

~*~

Taglist:

@asksizworld @bigblissandlove1 @gandalfthepimp @horta-in-charge @zoya-olenko

#elronds-meleth-nin fic #Adar x Maia!Reader #idk what this is but my brain made me write it

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xxplastic-cubexx · 7 months ago

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cant stop thinkin bout charles and erik readin together on the couch but instead of reading with him charles is listening to eriks thoughts while he reads. Live mind commentary ……..

#xmen #cherik #charles xavier #erik lehnsherr #snap chats #the rare time i post an idea of mine only because i really cant think of a way id draw this #usually i hoard my ideas cause i like surprising you guys but this aint really one i feel like drawing so. For You my friends #like i COULD but. idk just isnt particularly something im itching to draw it just seems cute #but anyways no chat let me cook alright hear me out cause i talk in my brain all the time while i read #sometimes i stop reading just to think about a bit i read yeah #i want charles to listen in on all of eriks side comments or observations he makes while reading something #like if he wanted to charles could read the whole book in less than five minutes- maybe shorter than that #and that aint fun that aint cool …. so time for Audible: Husband Edition. With Commentary #ITD BE SO COZY just hangin out by the fireplace …. maybe its snowin outisde … if snow even exists anymore atp #a light fire cracklin and the study SEEMS totally quiet otherwise and yet…..#charles has been locked in to erik’s off-the-cuff literary analysis and mild comments for the past twenty minutes. its simple but its bliss #charles doesnt have to worry about being seen as invasive .. he doesnt have to suppress his powers …#the rare occasion erik lets charles into his mind for somethin so innocent .. ive made myself sick i fear #see now i wanna try writing a fic but 1.) have written in years 2.) id have to really think hard on how erik would commentate on a book #hm…… actually i do wonder what erik’s commentary on The Fable of the Bees would be …..#IN ANY CASE. maybe - at the very least- i can draw cherik by the fireplce someday ….#thatd be cute … hm …. depends on if i get in the mood for it down the line #anyways i have to drive back to my dorm !!! boo !!!! so good night everyone !!!!!

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im-kinno-hello · 1 month ago

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and if i made a comic about them making a blog for the weird demon dog they found in the woods just because they are being brainwashed by it and it told them they need to spread the word of what word they don’t even fucking know?

#i really won’t do it since 1 i don’t know how to make comics and 2 i don’t have time to do it and i’m busy #but i could try it maybe idk just because i’m bored and would be my first comic i guess #i don’t wanna do my finals #kino art #like it totally was smile who find them and that dog probably has another name in my au with them totally isn’t smile her name #and the first one of course to seem very convincingly manipulated was nina since it was her idea taking the dog. but also #jeff since he like it at the end even if it was a weird ass looking dog #so nina got brainwashed don’t know how because the freaking dog is weird and she said hey…#and if we made a blog for her? and jeff so weirded out and be like… why? and she’s like well i don’t know would be funny scare people #so still unconvinced smile had to dig into jeff’s brain also manipulate him and be like yeah alright maybe we should #so they went kill some college student stole their car and stuffs. they aren’t the most intelligent killers #oh but nina knows how to drive. jeff no won’t even try because he knows he would drive them both to their deaths. he so would #so yeah nina does know (kinda) how to drive so it’s all cool. jeff gets to use the stolen computer and don’t care if he deletes everything #and same for the phone but since he never got an iphone or any advanced phone nina teaches him how to use the new stolen phone #so uhhhh yeah got a bit far from that. they hacked the computer (they didn’t it was their luck it didn’t have a password)#so their dumbasses were like wait… what we were gonna do and then was like oh yeah! the blog!#they went back to the freaking dog took a very ugly picture in some abandoned house they will stay there for a while #since they were homeless for now. anyways took the picture of the demon dog and used it for #their blog and yeah did it scare some people thinking wow that’s a good photoshop but no one knew was a real haunted picture #and jeff be like hey… let’s send the photo to scare the friends of the person we killed and both they be like hehe alright that’s funny #at the end well they did enjoy making the stupid blog and scaring people with the picture they thought it wasn’t real and just a bad prank #from the… real demon dog they literally own (in reverse the roles here to be honest but they are stupid they don’t know)#while not knowing what even is that picture causing around the internet aaand… probably just probably they cursed to death some people #but for now they are too happy they have a job at least. with smile just watching them #lol this is too stupid WHATEVR #i would be a happy child in me while writing all of this shit in class idgaf #creepypasta #jeff the killer #nina the killer #smile dog

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invinciblevalentine · 4 months ago

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atp i would snort reeve tuesti fic like cocaine.

if anyone knows any fics that put reeve through the blender like “Son” by She_sees_in_the_dark or “Through Another’s Eyes” by CorsairOriginal—

i need to see that man under enough pressure to make a diamond crack. For my health.

#reeve tuesti #ff7 #ffvii #txt #nah if anyone’s got fic recs PLEASE slide them my way #even if you’re like ehhhhh it’s not exactly what OP was thinking #because i WAS NOT JOKING ABOUT SNORTING REEVE FIC LIKE COCAINE. ITS GOTTEN TO THE POINT WHERE IM CONSIDERING SYNTHESIZING MY OWN REEVE FIC #LIKE WISH DOT COM CRACK. ALIEXPRESS CRACK. THE KIND OF CRACK THAT MAKES YOU RECONSIDER YOUR LIFE CHOICES.#fluff is great and all mad respect to our confectioners in fandom #but i think i’d actually suck dick to feed the part of my brain that needs to see Reeve pushed to his limits #comedy is great too love me some comedy. but yeah i’m fiending for reeve fics and i don’t think that’s even an exaggeration.#*deep breath* SO IF ANY REEVE TUESTI FIC WRITERS ARE OUT THERE LISTENING #IVE GOT 50 BUCKS AN ENGINEERING DEGREE AND I WORK AS A FIRST RESPONDER.#hit me UP #stg ill answer any question you have abt those topics.#idk if i’ve made it clear how desperate i am for reeve fic #I’m writing some reeve fic myself but i’m not a particularly fast writer when it comes to fiction #OH #i can also draw! the pfp is my work but that was like a rly short thing #not exactly representative of my full abilities.#so if you want to see what some of my high effort work looks like hmu i do digital and traditional.#i’m dead serious abt all of the above. i’m kind of broke so i got maybe 50 $ a month to drop on this at most.#but everything else is a free resource baby.#hi you’ve made it to the end! thanks for reading my deranged tags #i’m clinically unwell about reeve tuesti.#anyways live laugh reeve!

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bananaguyboi · 3 months ago

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idk how to spark the fire within me- I truly need that spark.

My passion for writing is fading, and I want it back in my head.

#Tried to reread rotmhs but its not coming back and its pissing me off #I dont want to force myself either because yeah- I want it to be made passionately #but my imagination keeps screwing with me and now i have to rest my mind from the rotmhs for like a week or 2 idk?????????#I NEED THAT SPARK BRO WHAT ARE YOU DOING BRAIN #SIGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I HAVE TO FUCKIHUR3REFDVJFER #writing #writing life #creative writing #writing community #writeblr #writers #writerscommunity #writing is hard

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sukugo · 1 year ago

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sukuna and gojo use binding vows for sex, taking things like orgasm denials or touch deprivation steps further, where the other is contractually bound to not be able to do certain things, like touch themselves or touch the other etc etc

one such instance being a vow where gojo has a vibrator up his ass, but he can't touch himself or remove it, until sukuna specifically, pulls it out.

he keeps the vibe in throughout the day, with sukuna controlling it remotely, even as they both go throughout their separate days.

gojo goes to have his usual breakfast, and meets yuuji at the dining room, they greet and sit next to each other. yuuji is, as always, energetic and excited to see him

they make conversation, until gojo gives a jolt and starts twitching and huffing. sukuna has turned the vibrator up all the way. yuuji worries and panics and asks him what's wrong. gojo gives a breathy laugh and reassures him. he motions low and tells yuuji about the vibrator inside him, through sudden jolts and soft whimpers.

satoru complains about it, and yuuji advices to remove it or go and take care of himself.

except gojo states that he can’t and yuuji puzzles.

"it's... a pact—mmh!"

"a pact???" yuuji's voice rises in volume, but he visibly calms, shoulders dropping into a fond sigh. "sensei, you really are..." that's all he can manage to say. reprimand is useless. gojo likes it, yuuji is well aware, he is enjoying every second of this, even as he complains.

gojo gives a few odd jolts, undoubtedly an odd pattern of intensity from the vibe, yuuji can guess. sudden irregular ups and downs that are not taken well by the man.

satoru clicks his tongue. "what is that guy doing?" he actually looks irritated for a moment—a look yuuji doesn’t get to see often—until it’s broken with a sigh and his pleased, calm demeanor returns, mimicking the soft waves of pleasure across his thighs.

still, yuuji can see his hands crumpled at his sides, undoubtedly wishing to use them.

that's when satoru perks flares up all of a sudden.

"actually, yuuji,” he turns to look at him, grinning. “you can help me" he opens his legs and lifts the edges of his kimono, his dick peeking out the fabric. yuuji gulps at the sight. satoru motions to it, giving yuuji a wordless look. yuuji hesitates for a moment, but complies, taking his hand to the cock, and starts stroking.

satoru crumbles under the touch, immediately breathing out his nose and muffling moans. he leans into yuuji, wrapping an arm around his shoulders, fingers clasped in yuuji's kimono, nuzzling into his hair and whining in his ear.

satoru's sounds fluctuate in pitch and volume, making it known when his vibe's gotten stronger. yuuji keeps his pace and satoru spills in his hand. he twitches and sighs, soft breaths against yuuji's flushed ear.

yuuji stares at the cum in his hand.

"you can wipe it on me,” satoru tells him with a breath that's calmed much too fast. “my clothes are already soiled anyways". and yuuji feels bad for it, but he obeys nonetheless.

satoru takes a hand to yuuji's chin and turns his face to him and gives him a kiss. short and sweet.

"as a reward." he smiles at yuuji. the boy surprises but takes it happily, cheeks warm and eyes softened, albeit a bit timidly. a tinge of disappointment colors the edges of his face.

"you want more?" satoru brings his face to yuuji's again. the vibrations have reached a slight plateau, so his voice is steadier.

yuuji’s face widens a bit, but he nervously chuckles, pulling back from gojo's face. "no, it's alright," he lies. "i don't want sukuna to kill me"

but satoru’s already pulling into him, breathing into his lips. "i won't let him <3"

"that's...actually reassuring......" yuuji’s eyes flutter shut as satoru's lips meet his again.

and with that, they're kissing and slowly the vibrations and gojo’s twitching start again. satoru moves atop yuuji's lap to straddle him, and while they kiss, yuuji takes his hand between them and jerks him off again. satoru moans and gasps into his mouth, each jolt mirroring the pulses against his prostate.

they separate for gojo to bury his face in yuuji's shoulders, arms hugging his neck. he humps into yuuji's hand until he comes against him again.

he pants and huffs atop the boy, catching his breath. yuuji's gentle arms hold him, fingers rubbing slow circles at his back.

satoru's breathing calms against yuuji’s neck.

"yuuji, u're such a good boy."

yuuji's heart and dick swell.

#f.txt #scenario that has been plaguing my brain and i needed to share #just when they're done nobara and megumi come into the dining room #nobara twists her face. 'geh. itadori. taking advantage of a married man'#yuuji squints his eyes at her 'like u're one to talk'#nobara: still. at the breakfast table. could u be any more shameless #she says that but still makes her away to sit across them megumi following suit #megumi: go easy on him. it’s probably gojo-sensei’s doing anyways #gojo: oh megumi~ u know me so well #jjk #sukugo #yuugo #悠五 #sukugoyuu #ns4w #the moment of random ups and downs is sukuna drawing out “satoru” in the vibrrator app bc he wants his gojo :c #meanwhile gojo's all irritated like 'what is wrong with him 😑' bby boy ur husband MISSES U #for context this is in my post-canon everyone lives au (well. one of them) where everything is good and happy and sukugo get married and #sukuna gets domesticated (?)#well more like. he's still bad and evil. but he's tamed i guess #he (begrudgingly) coexists with everyone else and behaves lmao #also everyone kinda lives together? it's a bit of a weird situation idk #anyways #this kinda made me want to write again. i havent written in so long #tho i suppose this does count as writing #i also have more stuff to add to this ill do some rbs !!

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ganondoodle · 2 years ago

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i often really do feel like an .. unwanted part of the fandom, i dont draw beautiful landscapes, i have unpopular but strong opinions im constantly annoying about and rarely change, dont like/dont draw the pretty young popular twinks and hot gurls to fanboi over nor do i turn characters into one, the opposite moreso, draw only one ship no ones heard of really, got little energy to interact with the few people that are nice to me and send me asks so it probably looks like im ignoring everyone and unfortunately but still rarely get so stressed i get overwhelmed and emotional about pehaps seemingly minor things and spiral almost into a breakdown feeling super embarrassed about it afterwards but the damage is already done and i look like a freak or agressive weirdo

#ganondoodles talks #also probably sounds like self pity #but this feeling hits everytime i see a super popular artist be the popular cool artist #i am a little weird i know that and thats not somethign bad i think #but the internet never gets to see that much of me #i tend to write posts when i am at my worst bc it has to go somewhere #so the image it tells people is that im a weirdly strong opiniod freak that gets breakdowns over nothing #i also dont feel like im otherwise -cool tm- enough to balance that out #i dont think my art is as stylized or as inventive as others nor am i cool to interact with bc idk how to be cool to interact with #i feel double bad when i misstepped with someone i used to talk to bc of something stupid ... or just dont know what i did wrong #im guessing its especially when i am in that spiraling state of mind where i really am not myself tbh #it still feels very bad bc i feel like i can never make it up to anyone again #sorry i acted like a jerk my brain was exploding in emotions in a desperate attempt to deal with something idk how to deal with-#-and made me not act like myself but now i feel really dumb about it #doesnt sound like a good excuse #... i want to thank those that do stick with me #even if i acted strange sometimes- even if i disappointed sometimes- even when i couldnt keep a promise #there are little things that still make me angry at myself #like that one time i asked in the tags whod read as long as the end of them and if someone did shoudl send me an ask so id draw a lil thing #and i got two #and i kept trying to remeber oh shit i need to do that and forgetting again/not having energy for it in a loop #i still feel like a jerk about it but now its probably too late #i wish i could answer all asks i get but man my energy for that is always rock bottom #no matter how much i enjoy the ask #and i love getting asks!!!#im sorry :((

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vacantgodling · 1 month ago

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i really can't fathom people that only work on one wip at a time tbh. like whenever you need a break from your main wip what do you do?

#talking #like i love my wips but i get burnt out of them sometimes #like i love paramour to death but i haven't been working on it for like a year #bc i spent 3 years straight being insane about it #and so my brain rn just needs to Do Something Else #like i get its like how do you finish anything? and like #before i finished cage i woulda told u i dont <3 #but now im like #i finish things by allowing my brain the space to work on what it needs to #ie: my word counter for the year is for ALL writing i do throughout the year #any prose i write it doesn't matter what wip its for #and that has taken the pressure off #and made me more consistent writing #in general #idk #ik ik everyone does shit differently but im like #my guy my dude how do you live #i used to get so frustrated trying to only do one thing at a time lol

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wackywatchdotcom · 2 months ago

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i think what i NEED to do is stop drawing character standing #437 and i need to slow down on comics and i need to make a deeply symbolic piece for this show that i spend 10+ hours on

#the issue is the previously mentioned sleepiness but like. ive done it before i wanna do it again #i havent done it for tadc. i mean ive tried a few times but ive been verrrry tired...#idk how much it shows considering i post like once a day . but rest assured i am often in a state of some level of exhaustion #its normal and fine . what bothers me more is that i need to make more like. abstrct or 'deep' art for this show #but my brain hasnt fully gotten there yet #dont know whats stopping it #even the wips i have like that are still a little too like. on the nose #i think maybe im still in an early phase of interest-having #where im getting used to writing and drawing the cast which makes it harder to do more abstract things #like how ppl learn anatomy THEN stylize things a lot #get the fundamentals down n whatnot #so i guess im still doing that w this show on some level....#my brains gotta speed it up i wanna make more art i havent made enough art #but well i guess that doesnt solve the issue of 'i am so tired all the time' but . waves hand #ill cross that bridge when i get there i just wanna do more things #im not really upset or anything it is what it is im mostly just being impatient HAHA #i get excited abt art and im excited abt this show so im like. itching to make things all the time

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bell-swamp-fitzjames · 2 months ago

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mcdonald goodsir talking scene but its like an hour bc i just would like to see them talk more

#oh fics i must write things i must think #not to imply im not giving my two current fics my all i just am doing varying degrees of brain power on writing #i want to do a refresh on my one college gothic course bc i'm going to be doing ghosts in my next #multichapter fic where idk if this will change talk about things i need to pin down but #i think it will be collins crozier and eventually tozer who are able to see ghosts and they exist but i'm #going to be keeping it where generally ppl don't think this is real at all slash like #idk the spiritualism movement etc is like our real world but the thing is ghsots REALLY DO exist i guess osrt of just furthering #the yes and of tunnbaq actually eating these guys souls #but i also dont know what else im changing bc like rn its just like ok everything the same but i get to describe how to certain characters #its MUCH worse actually like imagine tozer seeing irving in camp only for him to later see his body being brought back idk #i think im gonna combo i tmaybe with the one wild thing i started back when venus in furs had me GOT #where tozer makes his own mutiny but ugh we shall see #i'm considering letting manson also see ghosts idk man i know this fic cant to everything but im also like #oh tee hee i can write morfin and collins and oh tom hartnell is here and of course tozer #and then new we are also saying fuck it and adding crozier which opens #lots of things #ENSEMBLE CAST CURSE YOU like looove this show but why are there so many guys #if i want to write a sick and cool fic i have to think about too many guys and then i shoot myself in the foot by going #yeah ok..... and what if we explored so much in this one thing #says the guy who also has to go through hoops to write terror fic sorry i forget my roots #i act like i didnt fucking make fictional show mickey's sister the same as his real life one and made her a lesbain in high school #LIKE MY BROTHER IN CHRIST it doesnt matter #i guess its just bc i worry i dont get these guys and again theres too many of them #like what if i write c #well they are all fictional #anyways i shouldn't put in the tags so much if you read this im giving u a kiss

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johnslittlespoon · 10 months ago

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ok 1. these are my tough and sweet drafting docs, i have never been this insane about outlines in my life this is what getting on adhd meds does to a man. someone sedate me (i have also Never drafted out a fic until i started writing for this fandom jfc) (also sry i forgot to mute spotify b4 making the vid and i cbf to reexport)

and 2. i think i've mapped out the whole storyline for TAS gahhh my heart already hurts. i'm pretty set on an ending and it's gonna rip my heart out to write (in the best way) but leaves space for a long epilogue (or possibly even a second fic lol we'll see if my interest holds, i either fixate for a few weeks on an idea or i'm locked in for a year). as of now the fic will be set from july 2005 to june 2006 + the epilogue aughghgh but i gen have sm more i could write if i were to do a time skip and write a second fic, i just have so many other aus i wanna write if i can prove to myself i can commit to chaptered fics like this so :')

all the major events are plotted, most gaps in between are filled with the scenes i've been brainstorming in my docs, but i'm sure i'll come up with plenty more as i go knowing how i operate rip lol. esp going thru asks, i still have so many to get back to regarding tas i'm sorryyy!! honestly sometimes i read them and have to go straight to my doc to plot and then i forget to respond to the actual ask lol y'all are cooking <3

this fic is gonna be sooo long, def longer than yadiym. i'm thinking minimum 12 chapters if i end up sticking to this stupid long wordcount per chapter but the story/plot keeps expanding as i write so i'm probably gonna eat my words and idm as long as i can keep myself fixated/inspired lol :')

also don't mind me i'm just yapping to myself atp bc it helps me to post my progress somewhere other than in my notes app so i can refer back easier and also bc it makes me hold myself accountable if i speak it into the universe lmaoo i'm peer pressuring myself xoxo

#tough and sweet fic #johnslittlespoon yaps #it's so srs in my docs and for what like when i tell you i made tables to map out calendar months with the actual days lined up to 2005 #imagine fixating on smth idk. useful. productive. couldn't be me <3 i need to know what day labour day fell on in sept 2005! clearly!#i need to know if other writers are insane ab outlines/drafts like this bc i've never got the appeal until i suddenly Got it #like as soon as i started seriously compiling everything for yad(iym) it clicked in my brain that Oh. if you follow ur own rules #drafts actually /can/ be useful. don't gotta do them how other people tell you to do them. and now my writing method is forever changed

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withthewindinherfootsteps · 11 months ago

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pov you’ve just reread the yi city arc… except that clearly wasn’t ENOUGH because of course your analysis brain had to take over and search for parallels, so you have to go and reread and save the most depressing WWX scenes right after…

i’m fine :))

#catalyst was “at that momrnt wwx saw himself in xxc”#brain: but was there a specific moment on wwx’s end too (or was it more general)? which instant?#(the description made it seem more like a specific moment but it doesn’t ABSOLUTELY rule out the other option)#my money’s on nightless city just post jyl death but it’s not 1:1 #of course seeing as it’s describing a feeling. it does NOT have to be 1:1 #but you have the parallels between xxc finding out he killed the person he was closest to (sl)#and then wwx seeing i’d say the person he was closest to (jyl) die for his sake #while accusations from others are being thrown #and they’re currently not denying #i was wondering if it could be referring to some time during the siege as well but i’m not sure wwx would be-#unable to “do anything except silently acknowledge the critiques and accusations” then? since he does have sth he’s fighting for there #unlike nightless city #(though that specific wording is partly why i doubted nightless city as well…? since it doesn’t seem like he’s silently acknowledging them)#(instead “he could no longer hear any of them”)#not sure that’s a big enough point of contention though bc context around NC definitely fits the best #of course it could be right afterwards (when he came back to proper consciousness anyway) too and it’s thinking ABT the accusations???#but idk #i do think referring to that moment is most likely #…anyway pictured above is the brain that MADE ME REREAD NIGHTLESS CITY (and “what am i supposed to do now” + wn wq giving themselves in as-#(-other points of comparison)#so thank you very much for that brain….#i’ll probably write sth short about it when my thoughts are less scrambled #or i may keep it to chapter by chapter analysis when i do that #but right now it’s too late #skye rereads mdzs

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skunkes · 2 years ago

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unsure how to word this but there is something about having ocs with unsavory events happening in their past where it's like. talking about it, even when asked, seems almost gratuitous and inappropriate. and i'd much rather describe it through the oc themself and/or draw Them saying it. which is like. fitting for the subject matter? like of course its weird to talk about somebody else's business...!

and falls back into humanizing em/exploratory writing and development where u consider the impact of words said/words unsaid/HOW those words are said etc etc

#because not all real persons would give u every detail of their trauma obviously #which makes sense but im an overexplainer but also it feels inappropriate to overexplain when it comes to dis #i hope that makes sense #talkys #i once described what went down with al as just directly as possible and it still felt weird. ykwim?? idk why.#well i do know why! i dont want it to seem gratuitous or like That Cheap Writing Element. fine line #same with talon so he'll just keep implying it thru text + dialogue which is how it should be !#the only difference is i think with al i wrote it like he would've said it bc he has more access to that side of himself #and is aware of how it affected him #whereas characterwise talon absolutely would just speak in riddles about and around it #i don't even think he's conscious about the direct effects of it #(but i wouldnt know bc he hasn't made that known to me in my brain)#people respond differently to different things and all that #also im so sorry if half the shit ive said recently is so like. Well Duh. i havent made a new oc in a decade gimme a break LOL #also i realize the. irony? of me even vaguely talking about it in the way i did but 1. i think that's also realistic when you #dont want to do a whole deep dive on someone else's business and 2. people are becoming #curious about my oc(s) and im just thinking about well; significant events and how to handle not speaking about em #FOR them. <- weirdly #idk. they're real to me.#its just so much more interesting to leave it up to them! people can lie people can downplay

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mintleafkitty72 · 10 months ago

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Okay, random thoughts about ROTTMNT regarding a "what if" scenario:

I saw this post and it got me thinking about what if the last back up plan of all back up plans for the bad future timeline in the Rise movie was supposed to be Both F!Leo AND Casey Jr. going back to the past to stop the Krang?

(Really really (that's two reallys) long talk about my thoughts on this under the cut)

Like, they both go back and it roughly follows the same timeline as the movie but so much would still be different just because f!Leo is there too with CJ. Which would be nice for CJ specifically because then he wouldn't be alone after the events of the movie and f!Leo and CJ would have someone that could talk to from the bad future, but I just can't stop thinking about how everyone would react and how differently conversations would go during the events of the movie specifically. There is just so much that could happen and it could go more into depth on how CJ feels about the events and how f!Leo would react as well. And every time Mikey tries using his mystic mojo, f!Leo and CJ's hearts break just a little and that also happens every time any one of them does something that their future selves would do in the bad future. (I wish we got more into CJ's character and how he was feeling during/after the events of the movie and I'm so glad that there are so many writers and artists who have dove into his character, thank you guys)

Just imagine f!Leo seeing his younger self come back from the initial attack on the Foot where he's panicking and Raph isn't back yet and f!Leo just gets a flash back to when he lost his Raph. And then past Leo would still go after CJ (and possibly f!Leo too) about how they knew this would happen and then both Splinter and f!Leo try to talk to p!Leo (or maybe it could go a different way, there's just so many possibilities). And then from that point on, f!Leo sees what p!Leo is doing and deciding as the leader and f!Leo is simultaneously irritated that his past self is being reckless and not listening to anyone's input but also realizing that he is a 16 year old kid and that he was too when the invasion first began in the bad future. (I personally don't think f!Leo would hate his past self if he ever went back in time and that he wouldn't act hostile towards his past self, there'd just be a lot of feelings that he never got to really acknowledge during the apocalypse and a lot of realizations and thoughts occurring that he also wouldn't be able to properly address until after the invasion is stopped. Plus, both Leos I feel like have a lot of self hatred but I don't think f!Leo would take out his hatred on his past self).

Then when the bros are going to the turtle tank, f!Leo either stays with Splinter and April while the bros and CJ go to where Raph is or f!Leo goes with the bros and CJ. If he goes to help find Raph, they'll all still get separated in the subway system but it would still be p!Leo and CJ and the PB&J duo + f!Leo and after that, the final fight would happen. How? Idk lmao, but it would still lead to p!Leo alone to fight Krang Prime and his self sacrifice. And it makes me wonder how f!Leo would react to his past self's decisions, knowing what he was getting himself into? Knowing he would have done the same? Understanding how CJ felt every time he made a similar decision in the bad timeline and barely made it out alive? Knowing exactly how p!Leo feels but also knowing exactly how everyone else feels when losing someone close? The dread of knowing that they're gone but not wanting to accept it? Thinking about how he is going to be the last of their family to die from the bad timeline but the first in this one? Then once a few minutes pass, Raph uses his comm to reach them.

And he tells them to get to Staten Island asap, his voice urgent and filled with worry, but not grief. Questions are asked and eventually Raph says that p!Leo is alive, awake (barely), but severely injured and needs medical attention like now. Then one of the four (either Splinter, April, CJ, or f!Leo) ask Raph how p!Leo isn't in the Prison Dimension anymore and he answers by stating Mikey made a portal with his mystic mojo and CJ and f!Leo's hearts stop. Because they think that Mikey died making that portal just like their bad timeline Mikey did.

So, the four of them head to Staten Island as fast as they can and CJ and f!Leo are confused but relieved to see that Mikey is okay and not dead (but they take note of the markings on Mikey's hands, Donnie's right hand, and Raph's left hand). Then, they see Leo's extremely broken body, they make their way home, and they ALL start their healing processes. How all of that may occur can go in many different ways and I'm down for any of them.

I'm sure others in the Rise fandom have also thought of f!Leo going with CJ to the past to "find the key and stop the Krang" but I just had that thought occur and I had to just talk about what that could entail and all my thoughts about it. Because there are a lot of works where f!Leo goes back in time but I don't think I've seen one where he goes back in time with CJ in order to stop the Krang and is there for the events of the movie. If any of you do know of something like that, would you mind sharing it? I'd love to see it.

#okay in the middle of writing all of this my phone glitched and it didn't save the changes I made so I went from like seven paragraphs to #three and it made me want to scream. BUT I think I was able to recall everything that I wrote so it's all good 👍#(I'm really hoping I didn't miss anything of what I first wrote)#if you read the entire thing thank you 😅 I didn't realize how fast my brain was turning until I started writing all of my thoughts down 😂#rottmnt #saveriseofthetmnt #rise season 3 #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rise leo #rise donnie #rise raph #rise mikey #rise casey jr #rise april #rise splinter #I also would like for Casey sr. to be more involved. how? again idk 😅 but I think that would also add to CJ and f!Leo's emotions and #thoughts and literally anything in the movie in general. but also so we can see a more in depth version of her character #Casey deserved so much more screen time and development #mintleaf posts

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