does anyone want 800 words of nearly contextless dialogue, that is just shinsou and midoriya being weird friends? just pure self-indulgence that would not leave my brain until i wrote it? you're welcome
“You’re doing it again.”
“I’m not doing anything,” Izuku says, still staring at their server.
“You’re about to go try to save someone you just met from their own personal problems. Again.”
“Don’t you think she seems sad?”
“She’s sad because you’re not eating your dinner.”
Izuku pointedly grabs another bite of food without looking at the bowl.
“Try focusing on yourself for once,” Hitoshi tries, because apparently he loves fighting losing battles.
“I’m focused.” Izuku goes to grab some more food only for his chopsticks to clank against the table. He turns his head at last and notices that Hitoshi has moved his bowl away without him noticing.
Izuku pulls the bowl back. “You should come with me to talk to her once we’re done eating.”
“Why?”
“You’re good at talking to people.”
Hitoshi gives him his best blank, intimidating stare. It isn’t nearly as effective as it used to be.
“You are! Your quirk requires you to be.”
“My quirk requires me to be good at antagonising people.”
“Which means you’re used to watching people, gauging their responses, figuring out what makes them tick,” Izuku lists, gesturing at Hitoshi with his chopsticks. “You can use that to help people just as easily as annoying them.”
“Why, when I’m so naturally talented at annoying people?”
“Because you’re a nice person who likes helping people.” Izuku gives him his sunshiniest smile, and Hitoshi swears he dials it up a few notches just to be annoying.
“Our friendship was a mistake.”
“Well, it’s too late for that now,” Izuku says, entirely unphased, looking back over at the server again. He’s become immune to Hitoshi’s grumbling way too fast.
And yeah, it really is too late for that, which is why Hitoshi lets himself get dragged into talking to the server about what’s bothering her, which ends up involving a recently retired underground hero and an illegal fighting ring, because of course it does. This is just what happens when you hang out with hero course kids. Never mind that Hitoshi is one too now.
.
“You two are in each other’s pockets lately,” Aizawa comments. “What happened to not wanting to make friends on the hero course?”
“Midoriya’s an unstoppable friendship machine,” Hitoshi answers. “Plus, he’s secretly deeply weird.”
“You didn’t figure that out at the Sports Festival?”
“He’s secretly deeply weird in a fun way, not just a terrifying way.”
Aizawa sighs. “I’m not sure if I should be more worried about you corrupting him or him corrupting you.”
“Both,” Hitoshi says, and does his best impression of Aizawa’s creepiest smile.
He’s rewarded with an even deeper sigh.
.
Hitoshi can’t deny he’s a little nervous about facing off against Bakugou. Bakugou has been getting somewhat better at managing not to respond to Hitoshi’s taunts, and Hitoshi’s hand to hand has been improving fast but Bakugou is still a dangerous opponent to fight effectively quirkless.
Izuku pulls him aside right before he goes in. “Ask Kacchan how Hana-chan is doing lately.”
Hitoshi raises an eyebrow.
“Just say that, word for word. He’ll answer.” Izuku gives him a tiny, halfway to devious grin.
Hitoshi can’t help grinning back as he pulls down his cowl. “Got it.”
It works like a charm, and afterwards Bakugou strides over to Izuku. “The fuck have you been saying to him, Deku?”
“Word for word what he said to you,” Izuku answers, and there’s some of his old nervousness there but not much. “I didn’t actually tell him anything. I just knew you’d assume I had and freak out.”
Bakugou growls. “I have embarrassing shit I can tell people about you, you know.”
“Sure, go ahead.” Izuku manages to look absolutely unphased in the way most guaranteed to piss Bakugou off, and sure enough he makes a wordless noise of rage.
“All’s fair in love and war,” Hitoshi says, and throws an easy arm around Izuku’s shoulders to lead him away. “You’re a genius and I’m buying you food,” he says to Izuku, as soon as they’re far enough away.
“You’re a genius,” Izuku answers. “The way you snagged that mine with your capture weapon! And oh, I had some thoughts about increasing agility in your costume design…”
.
Aizawa snags Izuku with his capture weapon and deposits him next to Hitoshi.
“Man, I can’t wait to be able to do that. With anyone, but especially you.”
“Why especially me?!”
“You’re so scoopable, just as a person.”
“I don’t know what that means!”
“Both of you get back to the dorms or you’re spending a week cleaning up the support course workshops.”
.
“Hey, so I had a thought.”
“Oh no.”
“So, your mom probably has embarrassing pictures of Bakugou as a little kid, right?”
“Hitoshi,” Izuku says, already so full of dread.
“Just saying, I whip one of those out mid-battle and there’s no way he’s not letting me trip him with a brainwash.”
“Hitoshi!” Izuku repeats, face in his hands. “We’ll die.”
“Nah, did you see us in that last team game? We’re unstoppable together.”
Izuku eyes him, and even through the hands covering his face Hitoshi can see a pleased flush.
“So, about those pictures…”
“Hitoshiii!”
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you're grabbing lunch with a nice man and he gives you that strange grimace-smile that's popular right now; an almost sardonic "twist" of his mouth while he looks literally down on you. it looks like he practiced the move as he leans back, arms folded. he just finished reciting the details of NFTs to you and explaining Oppenheimer even though he only watched a youtube about it and hasn't actually seen it. you are at the bottom of your wine glass.
you ask the man across from you if he has siblings, desperately looking for a topic. literally anything else.
he says i don't like small talk. and then he smiles again, watching you.
a few years ago, you probably would have said you're above celebrity gossip, but honestly, you've been kind of enjoying the dumb shit of it these days. with the rest of the earth burning, there's something familiar and banal about dragging ariana grande through the mud. you think about jeanette mccurdy, who has often times gently warned the world she's not as nice as she appears. you liked i'm glad my mom died but it made you cry a lot.
he doesn't like small talk, figure out something to say.
you want to talk about responsibility, and how ariana grande is only like 6 days older than you are - which means she just turned 30 and still dresses and acts like a 13 year old, but like sexy. there's something in there about the whole thing - about insecurity, and never growing up, and being sexualized from a young age.
people have been saying that gay people are groomers. like, that's something that's come back into the public. you have even said yourself that it's just ... easier to date men sometimes. you would identify as whatever the opposite of "heteroflexible" is, but here you are again, across from a man. you like every woman, and 3 people on tv. and not this guy. but you're trying. your mother is worried about you. she thinks it's not okay you're single. and honestly this guy was better before you met, back when you were just texting.
wait, shit. are you doing the same thing as ariana grande? are you looking for male validation in order to appease some internalized promise of heteronormativity? do you conform to the idea that your happiness must result in heterosexuality? do you believe that you can resolve your internal loneliness by being accepted into the patriarchy? is there a reason dating men is easier? why are you so scared of fucking it up with women? why don't you reach out to more of them? you have a good sense of humor and a big ol' brain, you could have done a better job at online dating.
also. jesus christ. why can't you just get a drink with somebody without your internal feminism meter pinging. although - in your favor (and judgement aside) in the case of your ariana grande deposition: you have been in enough therapy you probably wouldn't date anyone who had just broken up with their wife of many years (and who has a young child). you'd be like - maybe take some personal time before you begin this journey. like, grande has been on broadway, you'd think she would have heard of the plot of hamlet.
he leans forward and taps two fingers to the table. "i'm not, like an andrew tate guy," he's saying, "but i do think partnership is about two people knowing their place. i like order."
you knew it was going to be hard. being non-straight in any particular way is like, always hard. these days you kind of like answering the question what's your sexuality? with a shrug and a smile - it's fine - is your most common response. like they asked you how your life is going and not to reveal your identity. you like not being straight. you like kissing girls. some days you know you're into men, and sometimes you're sitting across from a man, and you're thinking about the power of compulsory heterosexuality. are you into men, or are you just into the safety that comes from being seen with them? after all, everyone knows you're failing in life unless you have a husband. it almost feels like a gradebook - people see "straight married" as being "all A's", and anything else even vaguely noncompliant as being ... like you dropped out of the school system. you cannot just ignore years of that kind of conditioning, of course you like attention from men.
"so let's talk boundaries." he orders more wine for you, gesturing with one hand like he's rousing an orchestra. sir, this is a fucking chain restaurant. "I am not gonna date someone who still has male friends. also, i don't care about your little friends, i care about me. whatever stupid girls night things - those are lower priority. if i want you there, you're there."
he wasn't like this over text, right? you wouldn't have been even in the building if he was like this. you squint at him. in another version of yourself, you'd be running. you'd just get up and go. that's what happens on the internet - people get annoyed, and they just leave. you are locked in place, almost frozen. you need to go to the bathroom and text someone to call you so you have an excuse, like it's rude to just-leave. like he already kind of owns you. rudeness implies a power paradigm, though. see, even your social anxiety allows the patriarchy to get to you.
you take a sip of the new glass of wine. maybe this will be a funny story. maybe you can write about it on your blog. maybe you can meet ariana grande and ask her if she just maybe needs to take some time to sit and think about her happiness and how she measures her own success.
is this settling down? is this all that's left in your dating pool? just accepting that someone will eventually love you, and you have to stop being picky about who "makes" you a wife?
you look down to your hand, clutching the knife.
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