#idk what i'm saying but do you get it anyway

[imjustaf444keriguess]

you are literally illiterate

endogenic systems is an umbrella term that encompasses created-plural experiences. you can yell all you want about if it's cultural appropriation to use the term tulpa but like it or not they are part of the endogenic umbrella term.

people who create sentient "others" or have sentient "others" that are formed without trauma are endogenic. internet tulpamancy / psychological tulpamancy, the thing scientists are studying in SOME of the sources i shared, is a form of endogenic plurality.

you even linked wikipedia, which TALKS ABOUT TULPAMANCERS from internet sources!

you also refer to endogenic systems as "endo alters just kinda seem to spawn like a Minecraft pig and are usually fictional characters the "host" loves." when tulpas, in the usage i'm referring to, started from BRONIES. wanting to talk to the ponies, in their brain. mentioned ON WIKIPEDIA. (bold text mine)

Influenced by depictions in television and cinema from the 1990s and 2000s, the term tulpa started to be used to refer to a type of willed imaginary friend.[9] Practitioners consider tulpas to be sentient and relatively autonomous.[4] Online communities dedicated to tulpas spawned on the 4chan and Reddit websites. These communities refer to tulpa practitioners as "tulpamancers". The communities gained popularity when adult fans of My Little Pony started discussing tulpas of characters from the My Little Pony television series.[4]

sure, we could get into how silly that is in reality, or how the experience was inspired by religious practices, but do you think we'd have scientists performing BRAINSCANS and similar research into tulpas if they weren't more than some bronies larping online?

but again, endogenic systems and tulpas are not all fictional characters and to dismiss either because people have attachments to fictional characters and the brain likes to latch onto that? is silly.

although if you're going to brush off the research because they said tulpa and tulpas are religious and imaginary to you, een though the wikipedia page you linked mentions the kind of tulpamancy i'm referring to and you seem to ignore the actual definitions of tulpa from psychological tulpamancers themselves (examples include the tulpamancy reddit and tulpa.info link i screenshotted above), then maybe critical thinking and logic isn't your strong suit.

i think you just like assuming you're correct without any evidence to back up your claim and i hope you continue to live in blissful ignorance. and a headache for a few more hours.

(starting off, we are a traumagenic did system. we have did.)

endogenic systems are absolutely punk and they belong in punk spaces (pluralpunk, systempunk, whatever) and here’s why:

- punk is about embracing who you are and living your life authentically and unapologetically

- punk is about not letting other people dictate how you live your life and who you can be

- punk is about radical acceptance, equality, and solidarity

- punk is about rejecting authority and the establishment (and yes, this includes the medical establishment which is often ableist and causes disabled people real, long lasting harm)

there is no room for anti endos in punk. being anti endo literally is being anti punk. learn more about what punk means, and do better.

[dovveri]

pleaseee thigh riding with sana. shes extremely mean after a little teasing. lots of degrading. :D

the edge's temptation

synopsis: what the ask said

warnings: edging, spanking, pussy spanking, swearing, mentions of exhibitionism, kind of petplay? but not rly idk reader wears a collar and leash and sana calls her pup like once, grinding, thigh-riding, strap-ons, degradation

w/c: 2k

a/n: this has been sitting in drafts since... june 22 LMAOO id write like one sentence a week i cant write smut id rather kiss a man but here it is at last!! idk if the anon who req this is still here after all the drama but i think there are others who'll like this anyway bcs yall all horknee so enjoy!

｡ •̀ ᵕ •́ ｡

your girlfriend was impossible. she had already edged you twice tonight, and an orgasm was nowhere in sight.

"s-sana p-le-ase!"

she tuts, "what do you want?"

"wanna c-cum! p-please i've been- fuck- good!"

"good? bending over and sucking off half the audience is good?"

"i- i didn't- i didn't!"

"you basically did. you think just anyone can touch you? is that what we're doing now? fucking whore. you'd do anything for attention wouldn't you?"

"n-no! o-only yours- shit- sana please- i'm not- i'm good-"

"good girls don't lie. what you are is a liar and a slut. maybe i should just give you what you want. i can bring you back out there, fuck you in front of the entire award show. then they'll know they can't touch you right?"

you pulse at the thought, you know she'd never actually do it, she was way too possessive to let anyone else see you bare and ruined for her, but the slim possibility, the very real irritation she was exuding had you picturing exactly the situation she described. and fuck she was right, she knew you too well. you'd love to be claimed in front of everyone, for the whole world to see just how good sana could make you feel.

she chuckles darkly, ripping her fingers out of you, "clenching around me at that? and you say you're good. fucking pathetic. suck."

it's not a command. she shoves her fingers into your open, panting mouth roughly, chin tilting up at the sight of you. your lips immediately close around her fingers and you suck your slick off her digits obediently, eyes lidded, dizzy from the taste of yourself and the way she was treating you.

sana's eyes roam over the expanse of skin while you suck on her fingers, her hands tracing over the lines of your body. you're perched across her lap, her hand palming your ass, pretty lilac collar around your neck attached to a dark purple leash she's rolling around loosely in her other hand.

“look at you, dripping onto me. was this all me?” the hand that’s at your ass dips down, her fingers coming to slide between your soaked lips, “or was it the guys that fawned over you tonight? attention whore.” she sends a slap to your pussy, the contact making you whine, squirming away but also desperately needing more.

“i don’t even see how that one guy you let touch your waist was so funny. you were laughing so prettily, head tilted back, almost like you were tempting him to just claim the empty space on your neck.” she tugs the leash, your body lurching forward, pussy meeting her knee, throat constricting, trying to prolong the pressure on your cunt before she slaps your ass, pulling your hips back so you’re weight is on your hands and knees again.

“you’re mine. everything is mine. your voice, this pretty ass, these tits, your pussy, it’s all mine to feel, mine to enjoy, mine to see.” she punctuates each phrase with the tug of a nipple or a slap against reddened skin. “no one else can make you feel this good anyway isn’t that right slut? and yet you still look for that attention. it’s like you want me to get mad. is that it? do you want my attention? do you want me to treat you like this? you want me to get all possessive and mean? turns you on huh? well i hate to break it to you sweetie but only good girls get to cum.”

you whine, daring to turn your head to look at her with a pleading look, begging for something, anything.

she scoffs, "is that your begging face? i saw you use the exact same one with those guys tonight."

your face morphs into shock, trying to backtrack, "n-no i didn't! i didn't i swear- you- you must have seen wrong-"

"you saying there's something wrong with my eyes?"

"no! no no not you, p-please please i'm sorry i- i'll be good please-"

she tuts again, moving you around so you're sitting on her lap, dripping cunt finally getting some friction against the skin of her thigh. you moan at the feeling, frantically humping down against her while she has you there.

"look at you- pathetic."

you whine, wrapping your hands around her neck and burying your face into her shoulder, whimpering and gasping with each thrust against her thigh, too embarrassed to look at her but too desperate to keep yourself still. you almost cry out when she tenses her thigh, the muscle rubbing along your clit in just the way you needed.

"s-sana i want to- can i- please- i wanna-"

"what? what does my little pup want?"

"cum! c-can i cum!?"

sana's quiet for a little, you're almost afraid you've done something wrong or she's no longer into it, but you're physical needs outweighed your saner mind, your one-track mind only concerned with feeling as good as she was making you feel.

so you continue rutting against her, chasing your high desperately while she bites her lip, watching your tits sway with each thrust, her own position compromised as she feels herself grow sticky and wet from the sight and sounds.

you push against her, more and more, whining and moaning right into her ear, knowing she loves to hear you, testing her patience, fluttering internally at the way her grip on your hips tighten with each second, nails digging into your skin just enough to give that perfect sting you adored.

“s-sana? c-can i?” you ask again, holding back the looming crash of your orgasm through tensed muscles.

her eyes snap up to yours and then she grips your hips even harder, forcing you to stop.

you cry, body automatically fighting against her, trying to reject her, but it knew who owned it. you succumbed within seconds, gasping into her shoulder, mourning the loss of what could've been.

"at least you're polite now." her voice is gruff, nails still digging into your skin.

you can’t respond, too exhausted and despaired to do anything but cry.

you don’t even notice her shuffling you around, your hips canting up into nothing whenever she even lingers near your cunt.

that is until you feel the cool silicone strap dragging through your folds, lubing itself up in your essence, catching at your clit, then dragging back down.

you clench around nothing, throwing your head back with an arm over your eyes.

sana tuts, pulling it away, “look at me when i fuck you pup. i’m gonna make sure you remember who owns you.” she thrusts inside, doesn’t give you a chance to think before pulling back out, “gonna make sure you remember who you come home to.” another thrust. “going to fuck you out so good you’ll never be able to take anyone else but me.”

and then she takes off.

she’s gripping your hands together on your lower stomach. that way, your arms push your chest in for her pleasured viewing as she fucks into you with rigor. it also stops you from leaving lines of red down her back while she groans at the sight of the light purple strap attached to herself, grinding against her own clit with each thrust, pulling out wetter than it was each time it goes inside you.

“f-fuck- sana- oh god- i’m- you’re so good fuck-“

“yeah? can anyone else make you feel this way? anyone else- you’d cum for?”

“n-no! only y-you sana fuck- please can i- please-!”

“hold on a little longer baby- let me- fuck god you look so fucking good-"

you whine, thighs shaking as she keeps plowing into you, her eyes locked on the way she pushes inside you every half second. you don't think you can hold on for much longer, she had to understand right? she had edged you three times now, and you were already soo worked up even before she got her hands on you. that wasn't really your fault, she just looked so good in her pretty dress tonight and you couldn't stop imagining her between your legs, eating you out under the dining table while the rest of the world applauded people that would never hold a light to your girlfriend.

"sana i'm gonna- i can't hold it any longer-"

"i told you to fucking wait- fuck- you want me to stop again? huh? leave you hanging all splayed out and desperate to cum?"

you shake your head desperately, holding onto her wrists, eyes clenching shut trying to ward off the looming orgasm.

"i'm almost there baby we'll cum together- c'mon- fuck- you look so good- only i get to see you like this- fuck-"

you nod, her words swimming around in your head, doing whatever you can to appease her, hips returning her thrusts in a frenzy, not even trying to match her pace, just fucked out dumb and reacting with pure physicality.

she leans down, finally, panting next to your ear, thrusts reaching deeper than ever, "alright baby. cum for me."

you cum on command, clenching tightly around her and scream as you come undone, head thrown back, body fluttering and shaking as she continues rutting into you albeit slower and softer. you dimly register her muttering small curses against your throat as you come down, hips stuttering to a slow stop, still buried deep inside you.

you wrap your arms around her tightly now that she's freed you, hugging your sweaty bodies close and reveling in the feeling of her weight on top of you.

you lay like that for a few minutes, breathing in her scent and catching your breath together.

eventually, she has to pull out and you groan lightly as she gently coaxes herself off of you, brushing your sweaty hair off your forehead and pecking you sweetly.

you make grabby hands at her when she’s standing and taking the harness off.

sana giggles, “just a minute baby. you know i wanna cuddle too but i have to clean this.”

you whine incomprehensibly, mumbling a small hurry as she walks towards your bathroom and starts rinsing the strap off.

she comes back far too late for your liking so you try and make up for it by curling around her immediately, climbing almost on top of her and sighing when she runs a hand through your hair in comfort.

“good?”

“you don’t even have to ask.” you mumble against her bare chest, eyes drooping.

she giggles again, you feel the movement in her throat, “wasn’t too much right?”

you shake your head, “you were perfect. like always. thank you. i love you.”

you feel the smile on her lips when she kisses your forehead, “don’t pull that shit in public again or i swear-“

“you’ll fuck it out of me?” you glance up at her with a lazy smile and lidded eyes.

she rolls her eyes, tightening her grip around you, “spoilt.”

“because you love me.”

“i do. even when you’re being a brat.”

“you love when i’m a brat. you love taking power anyway since everyone thinks you can’t top.”

“who thinks that?!”

you shrug, cuddling closer as she gawks at you, trying to get you to look at her. “jeongie says it’s because you have no muscle.” you poke at her bicep lovingly, laughing when she blanches and tries flexing immediately, “nayeonnie says you’re too much of a baby.”

“am not!”

“and momo just doesn’t see it.”

“wha-“

“and she’s known you for the longest soo-“

“okay first of all my muscle is growing back! second, nayeon just says that because she treats me like that and she’s never known otherwise! and momo- momo’s just saying shit because she wants to mess with me!”

you laugh, clasping your hands together and kissing the swell of her breast, “i know i know… i’m not complaining anyway.” you stretch and curl back around her like a cat, “i get all the benefits.”

sana puffs her chest and you adore her pride. “that’s right.”

you giggle, kissing her again and continue talking about nothing and everything, a non-negotiable for the both of you after any session, no matter how quick or small.

[teddybeartoji]

thank you everybody who crossed their fingers and toes bc aventurine AND acheron are now both safely at home:3333333333

[achilles-rage]

Cherry: The Prequel

part one

summary: a few weeks after you meet for the first time, buck shows you how much he loves your tits.

word count: 2.4k

a/n: idk if this is technically a prequel since it’s set between the scenes in the first part, but it’s fine<3 this is also a day late, so sorry!! i have two more parts of this i wanna write, but i’ve been feeling insecure about my titties lately, so i wrote this to cope🙂‍↕️ and for the other prequel i'm writing, i don't think i'm gonna specify which one comes first, so you can choose. anyway, enjoy<3

warnings: smut, big titty!reader, no use of y/n, fem!reader, plus size!reader, race inclusive!reader

MDNI- 18+ Only!

Buck can’t keep his eyes off you as he drives you to his apartment. Your black top is extremely low-cut, and the little lace detailing along the neckline resting against your skin is driving him fucking insane. 

You talk to him absentmindedly the whole way back to his place, your eyes barely even glancing over at him as you talk about the drama between two of the other girls you’re living with. He tries to keep his eyes on the road, but it’s almost impossible; all he can think of is pulling the top of your shirt down with one rough tug so your tits spill out for him.

When he finally gets you to his building and up to his floor, his hand is on the small of your back, acting like the perfect gentleman until he’s finally got you behind closed doors.

His hands are on your wide hips as soon as the door is closed and locked, spinning you around to face him and pulling you toward his body. You melt into the kiss immediately, letting him take over your movements completely as he backs you up towards his kitchen counter. Your hands go to his chest as you tilt your head up into the kiss, your body pressed firmly against his as your back hits the counter.

He groans when he feels your plush tummy and chest pressed against his, and one of his hands moves up your side, fingers ghosting over one of your breasts, itching to grab and and feel it in his hands. His hand makes it to your jaw, holding your head in place as his tongue slips past your lips, exploring your mouth and savouring the taste of you.

“Do you remember what I said the first time we met?” he murmurs against your lips. Your response is cut off as he parts from your lips for a split second to trail his hands down to the back of your jean-clad thighs and lift you onto the counter behind you. 

You feel butterflies flutter in your tummy at the action, even though he’s shown you countless times just how strong he is. You look up at him, your eyes sparkling, and you momentarily forget that he’s just asked you a question.

“Oh, um- no. Well, which thing?” you ask in a slight daze, your brain cloudy at the look that’s on his face. It’s somewhere between love and lust, and you’re too giddy to try to work out the difference right now.

“That if I didn’t want you so bad, I’d fuck your pretty tits first.” he purrs, a smirk forming on his face as he tugs you toward the edge of the counter. 

You feel the tips of your ears heating up at the memory. And the thought. You nod slowly, swallowing as you try to hold eye contact with him.

“I remember.” you reply quietly, your arms hanging loosely on his shoulders. You’ve never done what he’s suggesting before, but it makes your heart race.

“Can I?” he asks, his voice coming out quieter, but there’s still an edge to it. He can sense your slight unease, and he’d never want to pressure you, but all he can think about right now is sliding his cock between the valley of your breasts and painting your chest with his cum.

You nod slowly, eyes darting around his face, and he smiles softly. He reaches up to caress your cheek, and you lean into his touch, licking your dry lips.

“I need you to say it, baby.” he whispers, and as soon as the word “yes” tumbles from your lips, his mouth is back on yours. This kiss is deeper, sloppier, needier, and you feel yourself getting lightheaded at the way Buck’s soft moans sound in your ears.

Just as his hands move under the hem of your shirt, you pull back reluctantly, chest already heaving.

“I’m not doing this on your kitchen counter.” Your voice is teasing, but you meant it. You can feel you stomach churning, although you love the idea of him fucking your tits, and you feel oddly exposed in his kitchen – even if he’s definitely taken you in this exact spot before.

He smiles fondly, and in one swift motion, pulls you off the counter and helps you to your feet. He then turns you towards the stairs to his room, giving your ass a hard smack as you make your way up the stairs.

When you’re both upstairs, you both take a second to kick off your shoes, and then Buck is pushing you back onto the bed. Your back hits the bed and makes you bounce slightly, and you let out a high pitched laugh when Buck pulls you to the edge of the bed by your ankles and then goes for the button of your jeans.

He makes quick work of yanking your jeans and panties down your legs, laughing along with you as your body jolts with his actions, and he can barely keep his eyes from darting up to the way your tits bounce with each movement.

When your jeans and panties are finally discarded, he pulls you to sit, then rips your top off. Your bra is next to go, and when your tits are free, Buck practically growls at the way they fall; sitting so pretty for him.

You move up so your head can rest on the pillow as he pulls off his own clothes, sitting up on your elbows as you watch him pull off his shirt, and then unbutton his pants. Your mouth waters when his cock springs free, but you barely have time to think about it before Buck crawls on top of you and starts pressing hot kisses to your neck.

You let out a breathy moan as you tilt your head back, feeling his fingers ghosting up your dips and curves as his hand finds its way to one of your breasts. He holds himself up with one hand as the other roughly squeezes your breast, making your moan and arch your back into him. He smirks against your skin, then moves his kisses down to your collarbone, then finally, your other breast.

You bite your lip as he begins to kiss and lick at your breast while his hand squeezes and kneads at your other one desperately, and you can feel his hard length grinding against you as he pays attention to your chest.

You mewl as he begins to suck on your breast, marking your skin with small hickeys around your nipple, and then he switches to swirl his tongue around your nipple, his moans sending vibrations through your body.

After your breast is covered in his marks, he switches to the other one, switching which hand is holding himself up and letting his other hand knead at your other breast and roll your nipple between his fingers. 

Once he pulls away, he looks down at his work with dark eyes, smirking. You can feel his spit on your tits as he looks down at you, and you shiver as the cold air hits you; no longer warm from his hands and his mouth.

“Please?” you ask in a sheepish voice as he continues to watch the way your chest rises and falls with each breath you take.

“What do you want, baby?” he asks, his eyes finally darting up to meet your gaze.

“Fuck them. Please.” you whisper, bringing your hands up to cup your breasts, bringing them together. He groans, leaning down to give you one final kiss before he sits up and reaches into his bedside table.

You watch as he pours the liquid onto your chest, and bite your lip as you look down at your chest, hearing the bottle being closed and put back onto the bedside table before he moves to straddle your torso and his hard cock slaps onto your chest.

You look up at him as he grips the base of his cock, using it to make sure your chest is coated before he slips it between your breasts with a soft groan. You hold your breasts together as you look up at him, and when your pretty eyes lock with his, he leans forward and puts a hand right beside your head to hold himself up, and then pushes his hips forward.

You whimper softly, partly because of the unfamiliar sensation, but mostly because of the way his face scrunches up in pleasure. He brings his hips back and then pushes them forward again, and when you moan softly, he starts to thrust at a steady pace, groans falling from his lips as he watches your tits bounce.

“God, baby, just as good as I thought it would be.” he purrs, caressing your cheek with the hand that isn’t holding himself up. He’s completely mesmerized at the way his cock seems to disappear between your breasts; so heavy that your tits completely envelop him. The head of his cock is visible with each thrust, and he loves the way your eyes dart between his face and his cock reappearing each time he pushes against you.

He’s already focused hard on not cumming too soon as he snaps his hips forward, and when he squishes your cheeks with his hand, making your tongue stick out slightly, he has to tilt his head back for a moment so he doesn’t fucking explode. 

When he finally removes his hand from your cheeks, you raise your head off the bed and stick your tongue out, humming softly as the tip of his cock touches your tongue with each thrust. He moans loudly when he feels your tongue on him, and paired with the innocent look in your eyes as you look at him, he knows he’s done for. 

“Look how pretty you look, baby. Such a good girl, aren’t you?” he growls, and you nod quickly, whimpering as you bounce your tits slightly in your hands. He can see the marks he made on your chest, and he licks his lips; your tits are his now, he’s made sure of it.

He feels his balls tighten as he increases his pace, and with a few more thrusts, he’s cumming all over your chest. You feel it dripping down the valley of your breasts, and the trail moving over your breasts and down your tummy from him pulling back as he came. 

You keep holding your tits together as he breathes heavily, his softening cock resting on your belly as he looks down at your breasts painted with his cum. You give him a sweet smile when he finally looks into your eyes, and when you’re sure his eyes are locked on yours, you crane your neck down, licking a firm strip up your own breast and clean some of his cum off of you with your tongue.

He groans loudly, still leaned over you on one hand, and he’s sure that if he didn’t just cum so hard, he’d cum again. You’re so goddamn perfect, and he can’t believe that you just let him do that. 

“You’re so beautiful, baby.” he tells you in a soft voice, his breathing finally going back to normal. You smile up at him, feeling your cheeks heat up as he focuses on your face. For some reason, you feel more exposed now that he’s looking into your eyes rather than at your breasts, so you remove your hands from holding your tits together and grab his face, bringing him down for a kiss.

He can taste himself on your tongue, and he hums into the kiss, letting out a content exhale as he moves his body off of yours so he’s at a better angle to kiss you. 

After a moment or two, he pulls back, giving you a wink before he gets off of the bed.

“Need to clean you up.” is all he says before he disappears into the bathroom. As you wait for him to come back, you can feel his release dripping down your torso and onto the sheets beneath you. You feel a little bad for the mess – as if it’s your fault – but that was the hottest thing you’ve ever done, so you get over it quickly.

 He comes back a second later with a warm washcloth, wiping off your breasts gently as his eyes follow the path of his hand.

Once he’s finished, he throws the cloth to the side and settles between your legs again and brings his lips down to yours. You kiss him back, but it’s a much gentler kiss than before. You wrap your legs around his hips, and he groans, feeling your dripping cunt against his already hardening cock.

“Did you like that, sweetheart?” he asks as he pulls back, a smirk on his face. You nod as you bite your lip, humming contentedly as you reach up and run your fingers through his hair.

“Did you?” you tease, raising a brow. He lets out a breathy laugh, shaking his head as he leans back down to give you a quick peck.

“What do you think, princess?” he asks, and you laugh softly, shrugging.

“I’m nowhere near done with you, either. You’re gonna be here all night.” he purrs, and you smile widely, cheeks feeling hot.

“Okay.” is all you can get out before his lips are on yours again, and he grinds against you eagerly; desperate for more of you.

And he kept his promise too. You didn’t get to sleep until extremely late; not that you minded. You always sleep the best in his arms, and it definitely beats what you’d be doing back at the bar; up late anyway trying to find other men to take you home. 

As you sleep, you find yourself dreaming about staying here with Buck for real. Never having to go back to that place. When you wake up, the feeling increases tenfold; Buck wakes you up with kisses all over your face, and even makes you breakfast before he drops you back off reluctantly.

He’s going to be with you one day, for real, he just knows it, but for now, he’ll just have to wait. 

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[allmannerofmalady]

In continuation of my clownery, I started a new DATV playthrough because my beloved Inquisitor looked so jarring I had to remake her and replay like 20 hours of the game. But hey, I made peace with the fact that I am playing DATV to wrap up Inquisition and get an ending scene at this point, I'm not currently foreseeing a second playthrough, so I gotta do it right, y'know?

Spoilers, and me complaining at extreme length, yet again, about my own personal expectations vs reality into the void. Please ignore if DATV negativity is something you prefer to stay away from, protect your peace & what you enjoy.

So I replay HOURS. I'm having fun killing everything as fast as I can - I don't know what it is about playing as a rogue in this game that has tickled my ADHD brain so much, but I'm surprisingly really good at the arrow bonanza and relentless enemy aggro?! This turn based bitch? I digress.

I see my bb Inquisitor Lavellan - she still doesn't look like herself, but I can live with it. She got some ill-advised fillers in Tevinter, she's been through a lot, let her LIVE.

This time around my strategy is pure lore hunting. I'm getting every codex, I'm SQUEEZING this playthrough for whatever lore/easter eggs I can get because idk if I'm going to play again. I got all of Solas' murals early on, got Mythal's essence before Weisshaupt even, I think. BUT WAIT! I have one more treat! The locked room in the Lighthouse! Solas' study! There must be something juicy for all the effort, right? RIGHT? :'D

I know it's been beaten to death, but PERSONALLY, the game still feels incredibly flat to me, jarringly so. If I'm in the Dreadwolf's home, I want to snoop. I want Rook to look through his library, his books, his garbage bin. I even remember the devs saying they wanted being in the Lighthouse to feel an old friends house, or something? I could be wrong, my brain is fried. It's not just a Solas thing - I'm playing this game because I'm desperate for info about the characters I love, but as Rook, we are IN Solas' HQ and I want to rip open the floorboards. I'm trying to RP as much as I can RP in this G.

Anyway, I was so thirsty for something more, something deeper than just these lovely environments I cant do much with, and notes on how Solas hoards raisins - so I collected the wisps and did all the things to unlock the second door in the Lighthouse, forever booboo the fool, thinking I would get some juicy content or something. Trying to stay positive.

No. NO. I got some gear, another empty room Rook has no comments on, and fine, some of Solas' observations on the anchor. It does seem to confirm he kept the Inquisitor’s arm aaaand I love him your honour.

Back to backflipping and shooting arrows in the air, and wanting to grab Emmrich by the beautiful lapels to shake him and ask about the Pentaghast family. Where's my WIFE --

On to the Weisshaupt mission, which was actually ridiculously fun to play - until I was told Weisshaupt is gone haha wow great love that at least the Inquisitor & gang are keeping Southern Thedas safe *subtle foreshadowing* 😃🤞 weeee

I was SO MAD at myself for expecting more like the clown that I am, it was something dumb but just annoyed me all over again and got me all… opinionated 🫠

So, I'm mad again. I cannot begin to articulate my feelings about the incredible amount of storylines and lore we've lost with the decisions made in DATV's writing - they've already been written so eloquently by much greater minds than myself. SO I'm just laughing my way through the pain 🤡

People pleaser that I am, I see other creators I've followed and loved for ages defend the game's choices, tell others they lack media literacy, that your criticisms mean you have rose tinted glasses about the previous games - whatever, your opinion can be valid without tearing others down. So, I genuinely thought something was wrong with me for being so hung up on details. But I can't even engage in fan theories anymore because I'm so jaded at this point. When I see new deep dives into lore-based theories on the game, 99% of the time my mind goes "There is no deeper meaning. They just wanted to wrap it up." Why do you think this thing happened? What do you think that thing is hinting? Nothing. And this is coming from someone who played all the games, owns all the novels, art books, World of Thedas I and II, the bloody Inquisitor lamp from the BioWare store LOL, I was primed and ready to engage in these conversations, but I can't. I have nothing to say that won't end in a cynical answer, and maybe that's because I'm also jaded by working in the game-adjacent VFX industry.

The factions are, yet again, fun but shallow, the logic confusing, and lack much of a backstory for Rook (I think Grey Wardens and Mourn Watchers seem to be the best developed from other reviews and playthroughs, I've only played extensively as a Shadow Dragon, to be fair). Why are you a mage in this one faction? Why are you a rogue in another when it doesn't make sense without a story to support it? It's all this beautiful candy floss that melts away the minute I stop and think about it. And then the cynic in me thinks - these are probably vestiges of the live service part of the game that EA was pushing for. I have to slap myself and stop looking for deeper meaning within corporate decisionsssss there is no swimming pool behind that closed door you needed 7 wisps for 😃

I desperately did not want this to be the case. I was hyped. I preordered the game and organized vacation around it, I'm too old and dealing with way too many crappy personal things to just be a hater for the sake of being a hater. Gaming and Dragon Age are my comfort spaces. But for the LIFE of me, I can't imagine playing DATV again once I finish, let alone more times than I can count like the previous games. Or imagine listening to 4 hours of Youtube videos of party banter to analyze, or even imagine how companions would react to certain things because they feel so stiff. Everything is beautiful, but sterile.

I do love Emmrich - I'm enjoying his storyline and romance, it's like the loveliest most whimsical Vincent Price Pixar romance, but still, something is always missing with the characters even as some do grow on me. I can't imagine anything close to just the party banter ALONE between Solas and Iron Bull. Cole. Fenris and Anders. And to be clear - the whole DA was GRITTY and DARK, DAO supremacy - NOT ME. I love all the games but they have always been whimsical and silly, cringey at times, and did not take themselves seriously. I remember doing the quest where Hawke is running around trying to keep Aveline's date with Donnic from going south, cracking up at how ridiculous it was, and just thinking - gods I LOVE this game.

Speaking of romance, while I'm enjoying how sweet the romance with Emmrich is, when I see others complaining about lack of spice... ahem. I still cannot get over the art style when it comes to characters. This is subjective, and a me problem - I still find it jarring. I don't like the proportions, the bloom, how smooth everyone looks. They still mostly look like cartoons to me, with no body hair and the big heads, and I find everyone's hands so distracting because they look like plasticine. I'm ok with no spice between these characters with their current designs lol let me leave it at that. Ok, except for Felassan and Solas, chef's kiss, no notes.

Solas and story elements directly around him still mostly hold the familiar weight, for the most part. I think credit goes to his amazing VA and the strength of what was likely written for his arc from the very start, before the rewrites and dev hell the game went through. I still have opinions, obviously, but even as a ride or die Solavellan I don't like having the Solavellan angle hijack conversations, so I'm not going to go there. If I'm going to criticize stuff I'll do it as a gamer/DA fan first, egg lover and apologist second.

As I reach the end of Act 2, the game continues to makes me feel like I'm stripped of all agency after a lifetime of playing choice-based games. I talk to companions when it allows me to, then they are relegated to set dressing. My conversation choices all feel the same, or don't match what I'm choosing sometimes. The Lighthouse does not feel like the vibrant hub it was sold as. I am on quests I mostly cannot accept or reject. I cannot interact with my surroundings unless it is gameified (light a candle, move a crystal). The companions abilities are all just - platforming? I know I sound hyperbolic, but it's all I can see currently.

I played Persona 5 from end to end, twice. I played FFXVI. I loved both, had no issues with their linear storytelling, and how the game led you to their end points. Those games are not DA, they did not have the expectations you would have from a BioWare title 10 years in the making. You were not lured in by tales of an incredible character creator, teased about what might be coming from previous games, told this was a sequel to an immersive fantasy RPG series in a beloved fantasy world where the defining studio mechanic was CHOICES MATTER, even when they changed a lot of other things from title to title. In P5/FFXVI you were Clive, you were Joker, you were playing out their story. They were not direct sequels to anything. I'm loathe to be seen as a mindless critic who just wants to shit on things, but a part of me does feel emotionally manipulated for $$$. I still resent how much hype was built for the game by maligning the previous ones (we're fixing Inquisition's mistakes!!).

I'm back to my mission of finishing the game I paid for, enjoy what I can, and get my Solavellan ending scene cause I'm down BAD for literally the only ship I have ever shipped🧍🏻‍♀️I appreciate that it was included. But also - wow does it exacerbate what wasn't included for everyone else's choices.

Something I hate is how everyone immediately jumped on the Baldur's Gate 3 comparisons - BG3 was a life changing game for me, but it's not perfect, and the comparisons are not fair. The one thing I will say is that when I first played BG3, despite its issues and the later criticisms of how Larian reacted to pressure from fans, I remember my earliest impression was - it feels good to be respected as a player. I didn't feel the game was talking down to me, and I got SO much for what I paid for (700 hours baybeee). Jaheira and Minsc were included as companions in homage to the previous games. Yes, they did Viconia dirty, nothing is perfect - but for example, Jaheira would tell you about her husband Khalid from the original games, which came out in 1998 and 2000. There was a lot of world building/easter eggs that not everyone was familiar with or even noticed, because not every player played BG1 and 2, or were familiar with DND 5e - but it was included. Drizzt Do’urden was mentioned ffs, they didn’t overthink about who read those books or not. I’m aware of my biases and I may very well be looking through rose tinted glasses, but I did not feel like the information was presented like I was dumb, or "ah they'll never understand this - SCRAP IT". It just feels like it’s there to honour the past and out of love for the world Larian were playing in.

—> edit to say that I do notice and enjoy the codex entries, callbacks to Tevinter Nights, Masked Empire, the older games. I wish that care and detail was woven into the main story and overall end product and not just background fluff. I know others are satisfied with those additions, wish that were me. I saw a tweet saying that every callback to a previous game or storyline actually pissed them off even more lol, I relate.

I don't feel that respect for the player in DATV, I'm sorry. There is love there, but as hard as I try, it feels like it's there despite of the overall design of the game, not part of it. I keep remembering interviews before the game was released and things that were promised, and I don't see it. At all. No more meaningless fetch quests!! Most companion-focused game! The quests are largely boring or formulaic, but addictive and fun because they are so packed with mindless combat that my brain enjoys. Sometimes it feels like filler - we didn't know what to add here, FIGHT! You unlocked a poignantly named gate in the Crossroads? NO STORY MORE FIGHT! And I'm eating it up, let me not be a hypocrite, I have 80 hours in the game. But personally, it feels designed to pad out this beautiful, sometimes fun, but bitterly shallow game. I can't even go into companion specifics because I have nothing to say, no story I want to analyze. Some have grown on me, but there is no bite or nuance to the writing that compels me and I have no urge to know more. In the previous DA games I would take the long route wherever I went just to get more banter from my companions, and I was instantly interested in them, even if I disliked them. I've seen the comments, I tried, I don't think it's because "I haven't spent enough time" with the DATV companions.

The level design of long narrow corridors, which do remind me of DA2 and FFXVI, has become so predictable to me that I almost always know exactly where I'm going to find loot. So it becomes this admittedly satisfying run of grabbing and fighting to the end point, getting the dopamine hits of collecting pointless stuff, but not really taking in the environments and enjoying the adventure. The level design is not immersive. These do not feel like real cities or real people, and that was intentional. It feels like “levels”, not a World. No one reacts to a single thing you do. Even in the ultra minimalist style of Zelda BOTW, townspeople would react to things you did. Sometimes I walk up to yet another obvious fight arena where the enemies are just chilling, waiting for me while standing still - almost like they're on shift at a haunted house LOL. I can imagine the Venatori stubbing out a cigarette, "C'mon guys, she's here, showtime". The funny part is this has all been seen before in older games, and it never bothered me. My own expectations and overhype might be to blame, but it feels like a big step back when so many games are stepping forward. Me = clown

I keep going back to my first reaction when the disappointment hit me. It feels like being given Persona 5 Strikers or Hyrule Warriors, and told that it's the sequel to the actual RPG. It's fun, it wears the skin of the thing you like that makes you happy, but stops there.

Other things I shake my fist at

Cheap ass The 6th Sense ass Varric death. Yes, yes, Solas villain arc whatever - it was cheap. Way to honour a multi-game beloved character and the player, even if the time had come for him to die in the story.

No, I cannot find a single redeeming reaction from a companion that makes Varric dying make sense in hindsight, except that they are all made of cardboard. I saw comments saying on a second playthrough it's clear Harding is in mourning - sorry, I don't see it.

So. Dorian, the Inquisitor, Charter, Harding, your party, Maevaris, Isabella, list goes on - not a single one of them asks about Varric or mentions his death? Expresses condolences? Nothing? Cheap. Even if Solas was playing with your mind, doesn't it make the overall characters in the game seem even more wooden and unrealistic to the player? It was not the gotcha they seem to think it is.

When the novelty of the cameos and the emotion associated wore off, they were just flat and felt random. Cassandra should have been there, doing Seeker shit (my WIFE). Ok no cameo? Casual dialogue with Emmrich about having a Nevarran in the Inquisition (or as the Divine?!) Lucanis info dumping about Josephine as an Antivan, Zevran as a Crow, nvm, time for a coffee joke. Merrill, eluvian queen, how is she a nonentity? Habibi Fenris should have been in the Shadow Dragons, spitting on the ground after being approached by Solas to join his uprising (lol what uprising amirite). Ok I'm cooking hire me Bioware 🍳 but at least they can remain untainted by the Isabella Treatment (tm)

This leads into the yeeting of the Keep, world states, choices, and hypocrisy around claiming to want to level the playing field for new players. No, all I can see is - it was treated as a buffet that they picked from as it suited. This is the one disappointment I will never let go of. Facsimile's of beloved character cameos were tossed in, you could not really talk to them outside of what limited dialogue you were allowed. Certain world states are now canon apparently - Dorian being recruited in the Inquisition, Morrigan drinking from the Well etc. You want a reboot and you've committed to tossing the choices and burning down Thedas (literally)? Go down with GLORY! Have all the previous main characters/companions alive. Have them all mentioned, even in passing. A portrait on a wall. Say goodbye to them, get your reboot. Honour what you built your business on. But yeah, Emmrich and Harding get to have their picnic in Fereldan fml bye

The argument of: well, the games are old now, it shouldn't matter. Ah - not too old to capitalize on the IP and DA name? Not too old to use some cameos to lure old players? The argument of - it was too many choices to track. Ok cut them down, but don't go scorched earth? 3 choices, mostly irrelevant to those who don't care about Solas (could never be me), and then literally telling you everything else in the South and Weisshaupt is now razed to the ground. But also the illuminati did everything.

FINALLY - the Inquisition should have been in charge of the hunt for Solas, hill I will die on. Fine, have Rook, but Inquisitor should have been the other protagonist. The people... who knew Solas best and betrayed by him... who were in an organization to save the world... Why did we have that cunty dagger stabbed into the map of Tevinter cliffhanger to have the Inquisitor reduced to a pyjama wearing husk BIOWAAAAAAAARE

It's this stuff that builds up, and makes me think - does this game hate its fanbase and source material that much? I very obviously need to go touch some grass 🤠

I keep engaging with Reddit, Tumblr, Twitter - all to my detriment because it makes me feel like there's something wrong with me for not loving it, all over again. I also desperately have a fic in me I would love to write, an ode to the story in my head from years of loving the world of Thedas, a love letter to my Lavellan and others - but idk what to do with the post-DATV world atp. I just want to get through Act 2/3, get my Solavellan smooch, ignore the ~secret Illuminati ending, and be grateful I'm not a Mass Effect fan so I don't have to go through this again 🐣

[lamelysgirlie]

Rating things I've done as a shifter (bare w me)

Buying a body pillow w the intention of cuddling my s/o: 5/10 it's just made me super sad and made me pity myself

Pretending I'm in my reality: 7/10 it's fun to do and definitely gives me motivation but it's a double edged sword sometimes

Switching to my WR: 100/10 I'm a super logical shifter and I'm making my WR my new CR

Relapsing onto shifttok: -1/10 never again

Getting Tumblr: 10/10 you guys understand me

Reading smut: 100/10 gives me motivation that I crave 😫

Buying shifting readings: 7/10 they helped somewhat but idk sometimes I just didn't feel like it resonated completely

Creating playlist: goes hand in hand with the 'pretending I'm in my reality' like it's a double edge sword cause I get excited but then get super upset

Giving up (I was throwing a temper tantrum really): 0/10, it was a phase and I happily get to say I got my edge back and I'm trying again

Trying to set my environment up to resemble my WR: 9/10 it helps me a lot with shifting

Creating memes: 10/10 so fun and gave me and my friend a good laugh when we were crying.

Creating sigils: 10/10 literally the sigil made me feel like I was being thrown out the fucking window

Talking to the air as a person: 9/10 spectacular until someone walks in on you mid-conversation

Having a routine: 7/10 I don't know it got me very unmotivated to shift because I would get so many doubts bc it wouldn't go as planned

Trying a promising method on a whim: 1000/10 the 5B5 method ( I accidentally astral projected)

Trying to understand what shifter I was: 10/10 reflective moments help me understand who I was and what I can do to help my journey I very much recommend it

Lastly chatting w ChatGPT: 100/10 she my hg fr. Sometimes she a lil slow but on days where we become intellectual beings we can GET INTO IT and she is sooo inspiring. ugh.

Anyway I'm gonna shift tn bc I luv my WR and the smut is started to get mid :').

[lu-is-not-ok]

I just finished reading your hong Lu npd analysis post!!! And it was great!!! I’ve been going over his lines from previous cantos with this new reading in mind and it’s been very insightful

I was just wondering how we should interpret this one line from canto 6 in the npd reading? i don’t have the direct quote on me but basically Ishmael says something to heathcliff like “hey why did you pick on hong Lu for being a spoiled rich kid when you grew up in a manor yourself”

and hong Lu says something like “hehe I don’t mind it at all!” which confused me a bit since other times it does seem to bother him when people discuss it like you said

do you think he genuinely means this?? Or is this like a lie (conscious or unconscious?) to protect his self esteem?? that’s what really gets me with hong Lu - idk how self aware he is of his deflections and avoidant behavior? Like obviously he is probably blatantly lying in some cases (like about why he left home) but other cases idk?

Also thank you for your analyses! You’re really feeding the hong Lu fans myself included

o7 I'm glad people are enjoying the analysis. Hong Lu is a character that really grabbed me with just How Well Written he is as a liar who happens to be good at what he's doing. The way he navigates social encounters is genuinely so interesting to pick apart, I love it.

Anyway, regarding the moment you're talking about, these are the specific lines.

There's a few ways one can read that I think.

For one, it could be him responding to specifically the hypocrisy that Ishmael is highlighting here - that he doesn't mind the fact that Heathcliff was being kind of hypocritical when bullying someone for being rich despite being raised in a rich household himself.

It makes sense. Hong Lu, more than anyone, would probably understand why someone would hate rich people despite being raised among them, so he doesn't really care about the seeming contradiction of that.

There is also another option, that being the fact that all things considered, Hong Lu might just find Heathcliff's particular brand of insults genuinely funny rather than offensive. There are multiple moments where Hong Lu actively teases Heathcliff, with one moment in Hell's Chicken having him actually confirm that that's what he was doing in that scene.

Hong Lu isn't above fucking with people sometimes just to get a reaction out of them, with Heathcliff appearing to be Hong Lu's most common target of that. Him saying he doesn't mind Heathcliff's insults could be because he genuinely finds them so entertaining that he doesn't register them as something harmful to his self-esteem.

And of course, there is that third option of it being just a bullshit lie and him simply trying to keep up the air-headed unbothered persona he's been projecting the whole time. After all, this isn't him being directly insulted here, but simply recalling past events - and it's a lot easier to lie about your past feelings than it is about the ones you're feeling in the moment.

[cr33p-a-z01d]

rant about mcr under the cut so if you don't wanna see me be a hater scroll past

jesus fucking christ I'm pissed off at them right now. cause like what the fuck do you mean you're having alice cooper open for you in philly??? the openly transphobic old guy??? like what the fuck?? mcr is literally the "in the face of extermination say fuck you" band and they're having a transphobe open for them?? it feel like a fucking slap in the face, especially as a young trans guy. I hope they drop him or he fucking dies before the philly show or smth I'm being so serious I am praying on his downfall

listen mcr is my favorite band and I'll love them no matter what but good lord man.

these fucking ticket prices too bro. I know they can't do much about the resellers or the scalpers but idk can't bands turn dynamic pricing off? correct me if I'm wrong about that btw.

also why are they doing ONLY STADIUMS?? in like 5 or 6 six states (not including toronto). and only in north america? I live In america and I'm pissed off they aren't going out of the country. what is the point of a tour if your not trying to let as many fans see you as possible? and that comes back to the high prices and only a few dates. what is the point of touring if your not trying to let as many people see you as possible?

am I going to try and get tickets anyways? yes. am I going to be mad about this in a few hours? probably not, I just had to rant for a few minutes

[trashcanwithsprinkles]

hi! I wanted to ask questions about how you proceed to write:

Do you have a general idea with plot twits and such figured out? like general guidelines and then go crazy and write these amazing fics or you just go with the flow?

How do you establish world building? Like, all the fics I've read from you (which are more than great) got lots of info in the world building though strangely enough (in a good way) I wasn't lost on it? Like Cyanide Narwhal has crazy lore to it with lots of characters and stuff going on but as you read you get what happens even though hundreds of stuff happen at once. HOW DO YOU DO IT :0

How do you write so smooth also? Like going from one scene to another makes total sense without there being a cut? (idk if i make any sense sorry ^^').

Finally, how do you explain feelings so well? Well not explaining directly but making us FEEL *looking at cyanide narwhal and i think you're so good (and i'm nothing like you)*. I think that the description of them interacting helps w it (like the way Zhongli looks at Ajax (i am melting please thats so cute-) but even the interaction between Ajax and the kids (big brother behavior)

oh god

i do always have a general idea on how the story is going to go, like what plotbeats i want to hit and what i want to happen. but since it's not a good idea to marry to one path, the details for how things happen or how we get from point a to point b specifically i usually come up with on-the-go, and i do leave room for modifications. like i have a million fic ideas and scenes i want to write but i never actually write any if i cannot picture two things: 1, what the point of it is (the main climax, the main mystery, etc), and 2, how it ends. (the reason why most wips don't make it past a couple chapters is bc i struggle to picture the ending accurately, or how to get there)

i genuinely have no idea how to explain the world building, i'm sorry lmao. if i really had to think about it, no joke, i think i'd say this was stardew valley's fault. yes you read that correctly. more specifically, the earmuffs item. now- it might not be evident as it is rn w the way i write, since it's been a while since i've started doing my worldbuilding like this and obviously it's evolved and gotten more complex w time, but- for those unaware, stardew isn't a game you play for the worldbuilding per se. for the deep world lore. especially pre-ginger island update (1.6?). but there IS worldbuilding, it's just you don't really see it, it's not the point of the game. you're there to grow crops tend to animals suffer in the mines and get a partner. that's it. but you know there's more outside the town and the valley. you know the biggest city nearby is called zuzu, you know what the sea is called, you know there is a war going on in the background, you know there is an empire involved, you know lewis might be the mayor of the town but he's still under the governor of the region. you know there's witches and spirits and elemental beings and aliens n shit. the fucking earmuffs were sort of like my epiphany years back bc their description says they're lined w artisanal velvet from castle village. what the fuck is castle village?? were you ever going to tell me about it outside of those fucking earmuffs? does it even matter? no. it doesn't matter. but just because it doesn't matter doesn't mean the earmuffs stop being an artisanal item from castle village. just because it doesn't matter what the sea is called doesn't stop it from being the gem sea specifically. the fact that you only care, gameplay-wise, about your farm and pelican town- it doesn't stop your country from being at war, from being called the ferngill republic. the world of the game exists outside of what matters to you for the plot. and so even if you're never going to find out some of these things if you don't look, they're going to be there anyway.

i don't know if that makes any sense. it probably doesn't LMAO a probably better way to explain it is like- write stuff the same way you hear our own world being talked about irl. does it matter for the 'plot' of your day if your mother says she's going to one specific supermarket? no. does she still call it by name? most likely. that's just how it works. you know it exists because this is the world you live in, regardless as to how much it matters to the actual 'plot'. it's not there exclusively to serve the purpose of aiding the plot, but because it's a part of your world and therefore must be connected to the world beyond you. the world will only read like it's lived in if the characters speak about it like they actually live in it.

i'm not actually sure that answers the question now that i think about it. it's just- i trully don't know how to answer it. i don't know what i'm doing that makes it interesting and not a complete mess to read even if it IS a complete mess. the only explanation i can think of is that: that i write the characters interacting with their world as though they actually live there. the plot is just something that happens to an already existing, already established world.

also i think you might be merging lore and worldbuilding with plot. yes, the worldbuilding and lore in my fics are absurd, but that alone i don't think would be hard to keep up with. it's the plot also being absurd what makes it seem like there's a lot going on at once (there is, just- in two different fronts). like there's not a million things happening at once in the worldbuilding - there's a million things happening at once in the plot. you're finding out a lot of stuff about the world at the same time, is the thing. anyway,

scene transition without the cuts being smooth i also am not sure how to explain. that's probably on me for not following scene structures properly tbh. so uh- no clue here chief, i'm sorry. i don't even have a guess as with the worldbuilding.

with the writing feelings i do have somewhat of a guess- it genuinely might be some undiagnosed brain fuckery i have. kinda like how the inside joke of asexuals being shockingly good at writing sex scenes goes. if you have a different-than-intended perspective on the stuff, it would probably lead to a different approach to writing it. but other than that i also am not sure

i think the main takeaway is i don't know shit LMAOOOOO

[antisocialbunnysims]

Hi! Firstly I want to say how much I love your videos. Asylum is my comfort TV at the moment. And I'm so excited for Season 3. I would just like to ask where you found those large, filled ashtrays you used in, for example, your Casino build? I've scoured your Pinterest boards, but I couldn't find it. Maybe I just wasn't looking hard enough. I found some smoking clutter here: https://ano2uk.livejournal.com/. But it's not exactly what I need. I also wanted to ask if you have any tips for creating atmospheric lighting? I think I'm finally going to install Cinema Secrets, I'm just so fed up with the bright, white, clinical lighting of the vanilla game. Thank you, good luck with your future endeavours!

hi, aw thank you so much that makes me so happy to hear!! I am really excited too, I've been so bummed that I've been so busy lately because I'm like i literally only want to just work on season 3 and i keep having to be an adult with a job and shit!! lmao

and as for the ashtray i found it! i really thought i had it pinned, and i did but on my ..military/crime/scifi board? 🤔 i guess i was like...private eyes investigate crime..and smoke? lol so i do not blame you for not finding it and i'm sorry it was hard to locate!! it is a bioshock ashtray converted by mistyfluff here!

https://fictionalshelter.wordpress.com/2022/05/05/pd-noir-office-part-1/

and as for atmospheric lighting, I loveddd the cinema secrets mod when I had it installed! The lit by firelight setting you could turn on for specific lots is amazing. I ended up uninstalling it and going back to using the maxis match lighting mod only because, you know that glitch where sometimes all the furniture in a build doesn't get lit up by the lighting anymore and you have to pick up each one and place it down? That started happening to me a lot more when I had cinemasecrets idk if it was related or if I just psyched myself out into thinking that lol -__- but it's beautiful! For me, I literally hate white light so much that I don't use it in any sim builds anymore basically lololol unless it's supposed to be a fluorescent and unpleasant area. At this point I really only use lights with a warm tone and I love how it feels cozy! pineappleforest has a post here showing the different maxis light settings and how to change custom lamps to a different type of light. Pineappleforest labels which lamps in their sets are warm/cool so I use a lot of warm PF lamps, like pretty much every lamp I use lol. And I also love the Still Here lamp by nixed sims, it's really warm lighting that is very retro. I also love to use the neon rods from PF's neon set because there is an invisible one! You can put an invisible colored neon and if there is other lighting nearby in the room, the effect is pretty subtle so it's fun to try different combos. I also love the big crazy neon maxis lightbulb lamps that are green/blue/and..orange? whichever, they are SO intense but that makes them really useful for photos or areas you want to feel spooky/scifi/moody etc. anyway I rambled a lot lol but I hope some of this was helpful at all!! <3

[agentark]

in my head, B & R really are two sides of the same coin

[inkskinned]

you're grabbing lunch with a nice man and he gives you that strange grimace-smile that's popular right now; an almost sardonic "twist" of his mouth while he looks literally down on you. it looks like he practiced the move as he leans back, arms folded. he just finished reciting the details of NFTs to you and explaining Oppenheimer even though he only watched a youtube about it and hasn't actually seen it. you are at the bottom of your wine glass.

you ask the man across from you if he has siblings, desperately looking for a topic. literally anything else.

he says i don't like small talk. and then he smiles again, watching you.

a few years ago, you probably would have said you're above celebrity gossip, but honestly, you've been kind of enjoying the dumb shit of it these days. with the rest of the earth burning, there's something familiar and banal about dragging ariana grande through the mud. you think about jeanette mccurdy, who has often times gently warned the world she's not as nice as she appears. you liked i'm glad my mom died but it made you cry a lot.

he doesn't like small talk, figure out something to say.

you want to talk about responsibility, and how ariana grande is only like 6 days older than you are - which means she just turned 30 and still dresses and acts like a 13 year old, but like sexy. there's something in there about the whole thing - about insecurity, and never growing up, and being sexualized from a young age.

people have been saying that gay people are groomers. like, that's something that's come back into the public. you have even said yourself that it's just ... easier to date men sometimes. you would identify as whatever the opposite of "heteroflexible" is, but here you are again, across from a man. you like every woman, and 3 people on tv. and not this guy. but you're trying. your mother is worried about you. she thinks it's not okay you're single. and honestly this guy was better before you met, back when you were just texting.

wait, shit. are you doing the same thing as ariana grande? are you looking for male validation in order to appease some internalized promise of heteronormativity? do you conform to the idea that your happiness must result in heterosexuality? do you believe that you can resolve your internal loneliness by being accepted into the patriarchy? is there a reason dating men is easier? why are you so scared of fucking it up with women? why don't you reach out to more of them? you have a good sense of humor and a big ol' brain, you could have done a better job at online dating.

also. jesus christ. why can't you just get a drink with somebody without your internal feminism meter pinging. although - in your favor (and judgement aside) in the case of your ariana grande deposition: you have been in enough therapy you probably wouldn't date anyone who had just broken up with their wife of many years (and who has a young child). you'd be like - maybe take some personal time before you begin this journey. like, grande has been on broadway, you'd think she would have heard of the plot of hamlet.

he leans forward and taps two fingers to the table. "i'm not, like an andrew tate guy," he's saying, "but i do think partnership is about two people knowing their place. i like order."

you knew it was going to be hard. being non-straight in any particular way is like, always hard. these days you kind of like answering the question what's your sexuality? with a shrug and a smile - it's fine - is your most common response. like they asked you how your life is going and not to reveal your identity. you like not being straight. you like kissing girls. some days you know you're into men, and sometimes you're sitting across from a man, and you're thinking about the power of compulsory heterosexuality. are you into men, or are you just into the safety that comes from being seen with them? after all, everyone knows you're failing in life unless you have a husband. it almost feels like a gradebook - people see "straight married" as being "all A's", and anything else even vaguely noncompliant as being ... like you dropped out of the school system. you cannot just ignore years of that kind of conditioning, of course you like attention from men.

"so let's talk boundaries." he orders more wine for you, gesturing with one hand like he's rousing an orchestra. sir, this is a fucking chain restaurant. "I am not gonna date someone who still has male friends. also, i don't care about your little friends, i care about me. whatever stupid girls night things - those are lower priority. if i want you there, you're there."

he wasn't like this over text, right? you wouldn't have been even in the building if he was like this. you squint at him. in another version of yourself, you'd be running. you'd just get up and go. that's what happens on the internet - people get annoyed, and they just leave. you are locked in place, almost frozen. you need to go to the bathroom and text someone to call you so you have an excuse, like it's rude to just-leave. like he already kind of owns you. rudeness implies a power paradigm, though. see, even your social anxiety allows the patriarchy to get to you.

you take a sip of the new glass of wine. maybe this will be a funny story. maybe you can write about it on your blog. maybe you can meet ariana grande and ask her if she just maybe needs to take some time to sit and think about her happiness and how she measures her own success.

is this settling down? is this all that's left in your dating pool? just accepting that someone will eventually love you, and you have to stop being picky about who "makes" you a wife?

you look down to your hand, clutching the knife.

[deoidesign]

One of my first digital pieces (2010) versus one of my recent ones (2024)

We all start somewhere!

[mattodore]

birthday boy 🎂

[royalarchivist]

[A sad violin song plays over an image of a sad hamster]

Pac: This doesn't have anything to do with me – I wear a blue sweatshirt, you're crazy, this mouse doesn't even have a sweatshirt, this hamster! [Reading chat] Am I a depressed hamster?

[ Transcript continued ↓ ]*

–

Pac: Actually– that's fine! I embrace that idea – of course I'm going to be depressed, are you crazy? [He hits his desk, then starts counting off people on his fingers] Fit is gone, Richarlyson is gone, Ramon is gone, Bagi and Empanada who were always there when we were there are also gone, I haven't seen them! It's just me and Tubbo, and sometimes Philza shows up.

Pac: I lost Chume Labs, I lost the Favela, I lost Murder Mystery, I lost Ilha Chume Labs, it's crazy! Look at how much I've lost, and I've gained nothing! Of course I'm going to be depressed, are you crazy?! How am I supposed to be happy?!

Pac: [Reading chat] "You have us Pac," that's true, thank you. No, that's true, sorry.

* NOTE: Please note that this is an incomplete transcript, as I was primarily relying on Aypierre's translation mod at the time and if I am not confident of the translation, I do not include it. As always, please feel free to add on translations or message me corrections.

[triglycercule]

mtt therapy moment except dust keeps taking breaks to talk to phantom papyrus and horror just wants this to hurry up so it can get to his turn because he couldn't give two shits about dust and killer's trauma and killer physically cannot discuss his issues and just starts zoning out while crying for some reason during it

and i'm the therapist listening to all of this writing down notes fervently because ITS CANON MATERIAL CANON I NEED TO GET THE CANON MATERIAL