#idk what else to tag this as LOL ill keep it simple

[sinningtamer]

little preview of my pieces for @seahorse-collective! it’s a mpreg themed charity zine; go check it out!

[shhh-no-ones-home]

raising the bar bucky barnes x reader

+++++++++

me and a friend have been re-watching the marvel movies and have started calling him Jamie because its another nickname for James. idk why we thinks its cute/funny but I'm running with it and you get to see some of that here. enjoy lol

song: i cant handle change by roar

tag list: @cynic-spirit

+++++++++

Date night. Finally! It had been so long since we'd been able to just sit and relax at some random restaurant or bar or diner or wherever, and God it felt so good. Every weekend for the past month was "get in, get out, no questions asked", mission after mission. But now we were cut off. The government wanted to handle things themselves. And as excited as I was to have my Bucky bear all to myself, I knew he was more so happy he didn't have to fight anyone any time soon. He could just relax with 'his best girl' and live his life like a normal person. And that's what we were doing, sat in a booth in the back of the diner, enjoying each other's company.

"No, no, you mean to tell me that he actually did that?"

Bucky asked, looking over me intently before sipping his coffee. I nodded enthusiastically.

"Yes! And by god he was so embarrassed."

I let out a loud laugh, him shaking his head in amusement.

"I just can't believe Sam would actually do that. I mean don't get me wrong, I believe he'd be stupid enough, but to actually pull that off? No way."

I watched as he shook his head.

"There was water everywhere."

Then the door chimed, signaling someone's entry and taking both of our attention. A whole group of large, bearded men, came in talking loudly. Bucky looked a little more uncomfortable now that there were many more people in the room, something that happened a lot more recently. i knew how this usually went down, we had talked about it the first time it happened and came to an agreement. we keep the conversation going, he doesn't have to engage if he doesn't want to and if he feels uncomfortable we leave. simple as that.

"uh, but uh, he kind of recruited me. per usual when he gets himself into a mess. and it was a big one."

"ill bet."

he said quietly, looking over my shoulder and swallowing hard. i frowned, looking to the table in front of me.

"but uh we got everything figured out. the plumbing department was furious when they got to the house. and i still dont know how he got the insurance company to pay for all the damage. i mean damn, there was water running down the stairs."

i laughed a little at the end, watching his gaze shift back and forth. after a second i reached across the table and took his hand in mine.

"james..."

he sent me a look, his jaw tightening.

"jamie."

i tested and he looked to the table.

"talk to me."

"of course she has to give him permission."

i heard from behind me, all the men laughing. he sighed hard, looking over my face. they had been chatting about us since they sat down and i was trying hard to ignore them. clearly we both were.

"maybe we should go."

he said just above a whisper.

"ill ask the waitress for the check, yeah?"

he nodded as i stood.

"oh so now she gets up, gotta give him a break."

they all laughed and i paused, my face straightening and buck giving me a look.

"you got a problem?"

i asked, not turning around.

"I wasn't talking to you."

he said gruffly, still holding a laugh. i clenched my jaw.

"No but you're talking about me and someone I care about."

"Let's just go."

buck tried but i shook my head, finally turning to face the man.

"No, not until he apologies."

i said sternly.

"We both know that's not gonna happen."

bucky defended, his presence looming behind me as he stood.

"He's right darlin, why don't you just buzz off."

"I'm not your darlin, asshole."

i watched intently as he stood, moving to stand over me. he and bucky were probably about the same height but in the moment i felt bigger than both of them combined.

"What was that?"

he fumed.

"Apologize."

"No."

i clenched my fist and felt buckys hand gently against my arm.

"y/n just dont."

i looked back to him.

"you may not enjoy violence but i have no problem with it."

i growled. he looked between my eyes.

"lets just go."

he tried to pull me towards the door but the man stopped him.

"hey i wasn't done talking to her."

the man said, bucky starting to challenge him back.

"we're going man, just leave us alone."

the man looked back to me with a smirk before pushing bucky. he just sighed and shook his head.

"God damnit."

bucky said under his breath. i was already staring daggers into the guys head.

"that was a mistake."

"and whys tha-"

before the word even got out of his mouth my fist was colliding with his jaw. he had stumbled back, Bucky tripping him as he went and grabbing my hand.

"time to go."

he said, and without even thinking i was letting him drag me out of the diner.

"we didnt pay!"

i protested as he lifted me onto the back of his bike.

"im an ex assassin, not a thief, i put a twenty on the table."

he said quickly, getting on and starting it. when we both looked up the gang was coming out into the parking lot, all looking rather angry. the man stumbled out the door last.

"shit."

Bucky kick started his bike before pulling out of the space. a few of the guys were quick to get on their own but we were already gone, the diner fading into the background. i clutched onto Bucky for dear life as we wizzed down the street. you could hear the rumble of a few of the other men's bikes behind us but Bucky was weaving through traffic so much i was sure they would lose us, and then he turned down an alley way slowly.

"can we not have one day off?"

he grumbled, stepping off the bike and looking over me. i closed my eyes and shook my head for a second before swinging my leg around and sitting off the side of it.

"we had today off, its the break we need."

i mentioned, annoyed, picking my hand up to look at. the pain was starting to set in now that the adrenaline was wearing off. i looked up to him and noticed him staring down at my hand as i opened and closed it slowly.

"Shit, I hope that's not broken."

I looked down over my knuckles again. They were definitely bruised but it didn't hurt as bad as it could've. I just shrugged and slid off the side of the bike, shaking my hand out.

"I'll be fine. How are you?"

He gave me a look.

"I'm not the one that just punched a guy three times bigger than them."

I shrugged again.

"Words hurt buck, I know you. How are you doing?"

I persisted but he just sighed. When he leaned forward, trapping me between him and his motorcycle, his hands at my hips, I felt a little bit better.

"With a pipsqueak like you to defend me I'm doing just fine."

I raised my brows at him, smirk on my lips.

"You mean that?"

i tempted and He nodded solemnly.

"you know i do."

he pressed his forehead to mine and breathed deeply.

"i love you Jamie."

i said softly, pecking him on the lips. i could feel his thumbs rubbing circles into my hips as we stood there for a second. this was something that happened a lot too. the nickname had become one of those things that tended to calm him down, ground him, make him feel new since no one else had ever called him that.

"i love you too."

he whispered before pulling away. he took my bruised hand in his and kissed my knuckles.

"ready to go home?"

i asked and he nodded.

"yeah, lets get some ice for that and cuddle up on the couch."

"watch a movie?"

i inquired. he smiled a little bit before kissing me softly.

"absolutely."

[bangtanger]

CONTENT CREATOR YEAR IN REVIEW

was thinking for 84 hours where should i post it but as its my creator blog i m doing it here <3 i was tagged by @taemaknae @suhdays @ynki @honsool @jjeongukie @taeyungie @dearbangtansonyeondan @lifegoesmon @everythingoes @flipthatjacketjiminie @yoongi-bts @jiminslight @hopekidoki @cowboyjinbop @yoonqiful @jcngkooks @pjmsdior @hobeah @balenciaguks​ @jinvant @hobibestboy @vjimin @yoongikook AND THANK U SO MUCH FOR INCLUDING ME T_T ik maybe its not a big deal but its a big deal to me and im touched :(((((((((((( also gimme some time to check all ur posts 👉👈 also im in a mood to say that ive collected many pokemons here djfksfhsakjddld ok nvm 

also sorry for a long post ik tmblr fvcks things up sometimes when there is keep reading so dont fight me plz <3

❀ first creation and most recent creation of 2020 

ok this is the fist one (still very pleased with colouring here T_T the stage lighting was,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, well yeah as always lmao) and this is the most recent (TBH DKJSKDSDK I WISH MY MOST RECENT POST COULD BE A DIFFERENT ONE THE ONE I WANNA MAKE FOR A MONTH NOW THE ONE ID PUT A LOT MORE EFFORTS IN SO IM A LIL FRUSTRATED i literally just missed giffing but couldnt watch anything new so took an old vid i wanted to gif once I DIDNT EVEN USE MYCOLOURING PSD IT LITERALLY HAS ONLY COUPLE OF LAYERS uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh :( but whatever,,, it just kinda doesnt show the difference -_-)

❀ a creation u r really proud of 

well 👁👄👁 there r quite few,,, and the main reason is colouring most of these r comps and i a b s o l u t e l y sucked at comps and esp at making the colouring consistent there lol so lets begin lol  1 (u have no idea how muchi love this set) 2 (i fucking mastered it i wanted to remake it for two years and i finally did!! 60 fps smooth good moments iconic performance iconic hair colour his attitude bruh and ofc the fact that i could do sth with colouring,,,,,, and chose such an unusual colour scheme that i doubted jckdckfdk and it still worked out 🥺) 3 (lol i had this idea written down since 2018 as well and this year i could finally collect all moments i needed and oh boi yeah,,, AND COLOURING I COULD ALMOST yeah almost do sth decent with it there r still couple moments id changed but im pleased) 4 (im so happy whenevr i see this CUZ IT ALL WORKED OUT it was such an impulsive comp i literally only saw couple moments for past few years as well where i could see three of them in one frame and suddenly I WAS LIKE I FUCKING MUST POST THOSE MOMENTS SOMEHOW and im so proud of colouring it looks so well T_T) 5 (the colouring ofc im still :o that i could get rid of that shitty shit dkksjkj AND THE MOMENTS ITSELF?????? AND BLACK SWAN???????? EVERY PERFORMANCE???? HAIR?????? OUTFIT???????? EVRERYHTIGNM???????? HIS FUCKING STARE? FACE??? DONT MAKE ME CONTINUE AAAAAAAAAAA also if im not wrong this set in particular made me start my before/after posts 🥺) 6 (i jujst love everything about it e v e r yt h i n g also i could made ppl believe that jin fr has purple hair here when in reality its brown djhfdhskdf one of blending modes or adjustment layers worked this way lol) 7 (i wont even comment this tried a great tutorial with great beautiful resuls for the first time ever and it worked out so well and i like it so much and the whole yoongi here,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, also love me some borders that add cinematic feels to some gifs or just make them pretty in a dif way just like i did with prev post i mentioned imo lol) OK LAST ONE 8 (I USED A VIDEO OF STARS AND ADDED IT TO THE GIF FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER I FUCKED WITHMASKING FOR 3 HOURS GRRRRRRRR THIS IS SO HUGE FOR ME!!!!! i cant even explain whew IVE NEVER DID ANYTHING LIKE THIS BEFORE SO I WAS REALLY PROUD TOO even tho i fucked masking up on some layers lmao but lets not pay too much attention to it 👀)

❀ a creation that took u forever

ohhhhhhhh i think this one cuz the moments were long i couldnt decide what do i want to include + it ts file so u kno,,, the speed,,, of processing,, + somehow decided to put them all together + fucked with colouring + had to get rid of the logo and as we know japan likes a lot of big braight text around haha and draw hair in moments where logo made it look blurry + had to adjust the order and all that stuff but getting rid of logo was the longest part 

❀ a creation from 2020 that received the most notes

whew this iconic one im still amazed tbh they looked soso incredible and im glad how everything turned out here <3 (could change some colouring on bg tho so it could look better and more hq :c)

❀ a creation u think deserved more notes 

lol this one cuz i was so hyped to make it cuz their concert in saudi arabia is one of my fav things in the world and i waited for so long to have mood and energy to go throught it to find jk moments and i couldnt choose some for this comp for so long and just,,,,,, overall,,,, the way he looks here............................................................... its a special comp to me haha ill def gif more of it i have shit ton of clips left and also there r other members and i just want to sit and enjoy yhe whole thing to so may find more stuff to gif here lol

❀  a new fandom u joined an a creation u made for it 

i didnt join anything heurheru

❀ a creation u made that breaks ur heart

OKAY LISTEN DSJAKDJHFDKJ THIS ONE IF U KNOW U KNOW AND IM SURE IT BREAKS ALMOST EVERY HEART tbh whenever i see soft smiles or soft interactions or anything like this im just :’( <3 even my serotonin boost tag does it to me cuz its too precious T_T

❀  a ‘simple’ creation that u really love

this one cuz everything about it ah and this one 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

❀ a creation that was inspired by someone else

ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm idk maybe this one ? cuz i never did anything like this before and maybe i saw someones beautiful headers and decided to try one too ? i could do a lot better there is not enough depth but oh well,,, lol

❀  a favourite creatin created by someone else

oh its gonna be hard :) dear every conten creator i hope u dont mind if i wont go though the whole 2020 gif tag but choose form the most recent ones i loved? u know how much i appreciate ur content cuz i never stop screaming about it in tags but truly there r more content makers and i want u to know that i really love ur content :(

@syubb welllllllllllll i wont even comment this is iconique.....

@jinv T_T val i miss u but there should be bday comps with that BIG ASS IMAGE THAT HAS ITS PARTS ON EVERY SINGLE GIF I CANT EVEN EXPLAIN that icant even find dfjksfskj

@jung-koook i literally couldnt choose ehdskjdjksd but i decided this one cuz its sososososososososososososososososososososo well made every single detail here is chefs kiss

@kkulmoon i truly really cant get enough of ur colouring lately T_T

@minhope !!!!!!LITERALLY EVERY PANTONE COMP OR ESPECIALLY 7 YEARS WITH BTS PANTONE ONE IM AAAAAAAAAAAAA and lmao i think this is one of the most reposted things ive ever seen on internet T_T

@jjoon hng amy u know how i feel about ur content T_T decided this one cuz f l a w l e s s 

@hopekidoki stuff like this makes my jaw lie in the floor dsjkdj

@flipthatjacketjiminie idk whats up but it makes me scream like a madman every time i see it.........

@lifegoesmon i cant even explain why i chose this one but everything here is so incredible !!!!!!!!1

@hobeah one of those good fucking bye ones.....

@taeyungie this made me feel so many things and a whole ass a w e so cool T_T

@jiminfilter i will never shut up about bts core jungkook one should also be here

@seoksjin THE COLOURS I SCREAM OH MY GOD O HMY OGD I JUST WENT TO CHECK OUT AND SAW THIS AND IMMEDIATELY DJKSJD DECIDED THIS IS CRAZY THE PASTELS THE PINNKS AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA EVERYHTGIN but also those birthday posts ahhh T_T

@jinvant i wanna YELL but also u know how much i love ur quality and blacks  T_T and gfxs too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

@yoongi-bts i love everything here with my whole heart!!!

@everythingoes SHOUWLD I EVEN EXPLAIN WHY

@hobibestboy THIS IS SO COOL AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA THE COLOUR SCHEME

@joenns  I WONT EVEN EXPLAIN IM SO HURT HES SO THIS IS SO T____________________T 

@jjeongukie idk i cant get enough of skin tone!!!!!!!!!!!!

@chaylani i really love the colouring and love these posts with highlights T_T

@eklipxe COLOURING AND EVERYTHIGN

@oncupid cant get enough of every colouring ive seen <3

@jiminslight THIS WHOLE GIF RIGHT HERE

@6dis-ease COZY AND PRECIOUS T_T

@ofkimtaehyung I LITERALLY HAVE NO WORDS ITS SO PRETTY

@taee it was really hard to choose too T_T decided to go with this cuz,, u kno

@yoonqiful CUZ THESE COLOURS DRIVE ME INSANE

OK THIS IS GETTING TOO LONG KDSFJSAKDL I WOULD ADD A LOT MORE CUZ THERE IS A LOT MORE TO ADD BUT IVE BEEN DOING THIS FOR THREE HOURS I BETTER CHILL 

❀  some of your favourite content creators from this year

ok i may forgot someone + in no order in particular + literally every creator that i follow/whose content i reblog @taeguks @tearuntold @cyphertaehyungie @love4hobi @kimnamtaejin @taejoon @jimiyoong @namkook @taeyungie @jinvant @jinv @6dis-ease @jiminrolls @daechwitas @syubb @syuga @jjeongukie @cowboyjinbop @hope-film @minhope @hopekidoki @joonie @namgination @jung-koook @faerieth @kooksv @lifegoesyoon @yoonqiful @j-sope @chaylani @jiminfilter @jjoon @everythingoes @varietae @seoksjin @dearbangtansonyeondan @ofkimtaehyung @yoongi-bts @gaypeople @seokjinyoongis @agustdfeatrm @joenns @houseofarmanto @namjoon (will miss forever) @thebtsgenre @honsool @vjimin @seokjinite @jiminswn @taee @hobeah @lifegoesmon @taemaknae @gukgi @kkulmoon @flipthatjacketjiminie @jintae @jcngkooks @ynki @yoongikook @yoongiandthebiaswreckers @jiminslight @gwkie @oncupid @eternalbulletproof and many more <3

OK SO i wanna say a special thanks to every content creator ever and also i wanna say that im really glad to be a part of this community all of u r so cool and creative and make such beautiful things and many of u made me feel EMOTIONS with ur sets or not only sets ill be forever grateful that i discovered bts and for everything they do to me without even knowing ALSO THANK U FOR STILL BEING HERE ON TUMBRLDSDFKJ yeah this year was less active there were few issues many ppl went on twt but thank u for still being here also happy new year <3333333 i think i sounded deeper and more emotional when i was commenting ppls gifs :| but its almost 2 am so i hope u will understand dkfjkfsjk im happy there is this corner on the internet that feels cozy and so welcoming <3 i love u i wish u a better year ahead <3 ok for checking notifications purpose ill tag my blog lol @eternal-bangtan

[oboevallis]

lost

sorry this is so long, i don’t know if it really makes sense but i was talking with him grandmother and she told me this story about how we went to the beach with the family and we went walking and it was late and high tide and we got absolutely completely lost and she didn’t speak great english and had no phone and we were just walking trying to find the hotel which all look the same while everyone was looking for us and that kinda inspired this story (lol sorry i feel like i do a lot of stories based on events that have happened to me so idk if that’s boring or not ill stop talking now tho)

Amelia quietly slipped out of bed once she realized her son was awake and babbling to himself, and she knew if she didn’t quickly attend to him, he’d start wailing causing the rest of the house to wake up. As much as she savored her sleep she enjoyed the early morning feeds, no one else was up, allowing her to be solely focused on her son. She quietly slipped out the back door to get settled on the lawn chair, and was startled when she saw Maureen, almost forgetting the two had come to visit.

“Good morning.” Maureen smiled, nursing her thermos of coffee.

“Morning.” Amelia reciprocated settling in the chair next to her.

“Hope you don’t mind I came back here. Eric is in a work call and I tend to distract him, and I just found myself out here.”

“No not at all.” The neurosurgeon responded truthfully as she guided her son to her breast, which he eagerly latched onto. “Thanks again for taking the kids for the day, it was much appreciated.”

“Of course. We had a great time with them.” The older woman smiled kindly, putting Amelia at ease. She tried so hard to make a good impression on her boyfriends parents and now felt at ease knowing they thought she was good enough for their son. “I don’t know how you and Link do it, especially in a pandemic. I mean you can’t take em to the park, museum, or anything.”

“Me either.” The woman absentmindedly chuckled, she was just taking it a day at a time. The women turned around once hearing the door open to reveal the oldest child.

“Auntie Amelia, I have a proposition for you.” Zola smiled as she walked further into the backyard still in her pajamas.

“A proposition huh?” The woman chuckled, it always impressed her when her niece would use a vocabulary word out of reach for a girl her age in the proper manner.

“Yep, I think we should not do school today, stay in our pjs, build a fort in the living room, and have a movie marathon.” The girl announced jumping on the balls of her feet, as much as Amelia wanted to oblige she knew she couldn’t.

“We can this weekend, but I’m sorry we can’t just not do school.”

“Ugh, but mom would let us.” This caused Amelia to laugh.

“We both know your mom would not in any capacity let you miss school if you weren’t sick.”

“It was worth a shot.” Zola shrugged.

“It was, but I’ll let you pick what we have for dinner tonight.”

“Pizza?”

“You’ve got it.”

“Do you think Link will still help me with my report.”

“I’m sure he’d love to, just let him sleep a bit more and once he wakes up ask him.” Zola nodded and ran back into the house, Amelia sighed in relief there wasn’t a tantrum.

“You’re good with kids, especially remediating a situation.” Maureen commented, admiring the younger woman more.

“I try.” Amelia chuckles, Maureen has only seen the kids well behaved and not in their tantrum state.

“So, I hate to be blunt, but my son doesn’t tell me a thing, are the two of you planning on getting married?”

“Oh, umm.” Amelia blushed awkwardly shifting her son. “Not at the moment, we’re going to wait until things calm down a bit.”

“As long as it’s in the cards.”

“I think it will be.” The neurosurgeon smiled, thinking about Links plans to get married in the French Quarter of New Orleans.

________________________________________

Bailey had an hour break before his next Zoom started up, so Link took the opportunity to take him out on their daily walk and get his energy out around the block while he tried to lull his son. This time though his father tagged along, he still had a lot of resentment towards his parents but was trying his best to be civil.

“That kid almost has as much energy as you did before..” Eric trailed off, but Link knew what he meant. Before his cancer tore his family apart, and made him a shell of the kid he was,but he was determined to only talk about the good things.

“Yeah he keeps Amelia and I on our toes.” Link quickly said, so no talk of his cancer came up.

“I know your upset with your mother and I, but we just want to help. And rebuild our family.” The ortho surgeon did his best to not roll his eyes at the statement, he couldn’t understand why they couldn’t have worked it out in the first place, why they decided to track along across multiple states during a global pandemic, and why they had to keep freaking his girlfriend out with the concept of marriage.

“I really don’t have the energy to talk about this right now, why don’t we just change the subject.” Before Eric could agree his sons phone started to ring. “Crap this is the hospital, I’ve gotta go in. Bailey! We gotta get home” He called up ahead to the boy who was scootering.

“It’s alright I’ll keep walking with them.”

“You sure?” The man asked wearily.

“Of course you know me I love a good walk.” He took the baby out of his sons arms and Link wrapped the baby snug across the older mans chest.

“Thanks dad!” He smiled as he jogged back to the house to grab his car and head to the hospital, while Eric caught up along side of Bailey as he turned another corner.

________________________________________

After Amelia finished helping Ellis with her math homework she realized it had been well over an hour since the boys had gone for their walk it typically lasted 40 minutes and the house was wearily quiet. She made her way downstairs to be met with Maureen folding the pile of laundry.

“Oh I’m sorry, you don’t have to do that.”

“Please, I don’t mind.”

“Do you know where the boys are?” Amelia asked feeling her anxiety start to rise as there was no indication of them being home.

“I assume they’re still walking, they haven’t walked in yet.” The neurosurgeon pulled out her phone and tapped on her boyfriends contact to be met with a scrub nurse who informed her, he was in fact scrubbing in on an emergency surgery.

“Link is at work.” Amelia informed Maureen rather confused, Link always told her before he left the house, but assumed he was so excited by the notion of a surgery and left the boys with his father.

“I’ll try Eric.” Once the older woman dialed the number they heard ringing coming from the coffee table where he left his phone. “I’m always telling him he needs to carry his phone around, he’s terrible with remembering it.” The woman huffed obviously starting to get a little startled.

“Okay.” Amelia took a deep breath. “I’m going to go look for them, would you mind staying with the girls?”

“Not at all.”

“Thanks.” Amelia quickly made her way towards the door and grabbed her keys from the hook, noting her boyfriend failed to bring the diaper bag as it was next to the door. Nonetheless she got into her car and tried the best to calm herself down, though all she could think about were worst case scenarios.

______________________________________

“Do you have any idea where we are?” Eric asked Bailey as he walked beside him, the boy had gotten tired and now just tracked the scooter along side them.

“No we usually don’t go this far.” Baileys fearless persona faltering, he assumed by this point he was late for class and was going to be in big trouble with his aunt and teacher.

“Everything kinda looks the same huh?”

“Yeah.” Bailey nodded nervously biting his nail, a habit he’d recently picked up from his aunt.

“Hey bud, it’s going to be fine we’ll find our way home.” Internally he was cursing himself for not bringing his phone along with him. After some more walking they found themselves on a street with convenience stores, Merediths house wasn’t far from the heart of Seattle but they were definitely far from where they were supposed to be. He was tempted to walk into a store and ask someone for directions but he didn’t have a mask and had two small children so that wasn’t an option. “Alright, let’s go back to that last street and make a left, maybe that right was a bad idea.”

“We’ll never get home.” Bailey said hopelessly.

“We will don’t worry about it.” And if things couldn’t get any worse the baby had started to fuss which in no time would turn into fill on crying.

Amelia slowly drove through the neighborhood looking for the three, not knowing she was on the opposite part of the neighborhood from them. Meanwhile after aimlessly walking and multiple turns Bailey started to recognize where they were and lead the way home.

“Where the hell have you been?” Maureen immediately asked as they walked through the door taking the now crying baby from her fiancé. “You need to have your phone on you!”

“Just strolling.” Eric responded nonchalantly.

“No we were lost. Really lost.” Bailey corrected as he ran into the kitchen to find something to eat since he missed lunch. Maureen followed taking out a bottle for Scout and calling her daughter in law informing her they were home, she heard a large sigh of relief through the other line.

Amelia happened to pull into the driveway the same time as Link, she wiped her stray tears as she had gotten herself into such a state and slammed her car door.

“Hey, where were you?” The ortho surgeon smiled brightly, he had just completed a rather simple surgery but just being in the OR at any capacity was heaven.

“Where was I? I don’t know, where was I?” Amelia chuckled on disbelief. “Where the hell were you? I spent two hours driving around trying to find your father and the boys.”

“What they never came home?” Link asked in a panic.

“They just did. They were lost and struggled to find their way home so they were aimlessly walking around while I aimlessly drove around in the wrong direction.”

“Damn it, how could my dad do this?” The man ran a stressed hand through his hair.

“This isn’t your dads fault it’s yours!”

“Huh?”

“Oh don’t act stupid. First you don’t even take the diaper bag in the walk with all the essentials and a first aid kit and then you up and leave for a surgery without even texting me.” The man was about to interject but Amelia held up her hand. “And you let your father continue the walk, even though the man has been to Seattle like two times and doesn’t know his way around.”

“I thought they were just gonna go the rest of the way up the block and back, and that he’d tell you where I went. That’s what Bailey and I do everyday.”

“Have you been living with Bailey for the past four months? Or has it just been me? Bailey will just keep riding that scooter no matter what and go any which way paying no attention to his surroundings, of course Eric is just gonna follow him around since it probably seemed he knew where he was going. You know what I can’t even look at you, I don’t want to say something I’m going to regret.” Amelia walked past him and quickly made her way into the house, to be met with her sons cries and quickly took the baby from Maureen cradling him closely, the baby immediately calming.

“I am so so sorry Amelia.” Eric apologized obviously upset.

“It’s not your fault.” Amelia forcefully smiled, she wasn’t entirely mad at him mostly at her boyfriend. Link then walked through the front door to be met with his mother scolding him.

“And what the hell were you thinking? Not telling anyone you were going to the hospital, and leaving your father with two kids in a place that’s foreign to him. Is surgery really all you can think about?” For the past couple of months he’d been complaining to his mother how much he hated not being able to operate.

“She would’ve done the same thing.” Link quickly pointed to his girlfriend who was cradling their son in the couch.

“What are we five?” Amelia asked when her boyfriend accused her in such a manner. “And I would’ve had the decency to tell you I was leaving and made sure you had the kids handled before I left.” Link backtracked and took a deep breath.

“Alright how about we just take a moment, they’ve been found so it’s fine.” The tired mother rolled her eyes and walked up the stairs with her baby, not in the mood for her boyfriends best case scenario talk.

“This could have been prevented by the both of you.” Maureen pointed to the two men who’s heads hung in shame.

“You should’ve made it clear to your father it was just up the block and back, and you should’ve texted the mother of your child.” She then directed her attention towards her husband. “And you need to pay more attention and keep your phone on you.”

“Sorry.” The two men answered in unison, ashamed to have messed up so greatly.

_______________________________________

The rest of the night was foreignly quiet, Bailey was exhausted and the couple was avoiding one another. After everyone had dinner together Maureen and Eric retreated back to the RV and the kids were all tucked in their beds. Once Link walked into the bedroom after his shower he sighed realizing Amelia wasn’t there. He quietly trekked into the nursery to be met with Amelia asleep in the rocking chair and her hand inside the crib, their sons hand was loosely holding her index finger. He would’ve smiled at the sight of he didn’t know what she was doing, her plan was to sleep in here tonight to avoid having to be in the same bed as him. He carefully removed her hand and picked her up out of the chair.

“Nooo.” Amelia sleepily groaned. “I’m sleeping in here.”

“No you’re not, your going to sleep in our bed.” He softly affirmed as he laid her down on her side of the bed. Once he moved to the other side of the bed and got settled his girlfriend was now wide awake and turned to face him.

“What happened today can never ever happen again.”

“It won’t I promise.”

“You know we’re so good at communicating within our relationship but not so great outside of it.” Link chuckled nodding in agreement. “You need to tell me when you get called in, and you need to let others know what the plan is, so they’re not getting lost in Seattle woth two small children.”

“I promise.” Link grabbed her hand in a reassuring manner. “I am so so sorry for what happened today, I was just so excited to be operating and I just lost my mind and didn’t think about anything outside of that operation.”

“I know this is hard for you, your not used to kids in the capacity that I am. You didn’t grow up in a loud house and you don’t have a large quantity of nieces and nephews. Your used to dealing with the occasional peds patient for like twenty minutes. I’m not saying your bad with kids I mean the peds floor loves you, it’s just this is a lot really quickly and non stop.”

“Wow you just articulated how I feel perfectly and I haven’t been able to even form a cohesive thought of what Im feeling.”

“Hmm, maybe that’s because you just sleep so you don’t have to think about feelings.” Link chuckled, sliding over to kiss her sweetly.

“I love you.” Link affirmed. “And I’m so sorry about today.”

“Tomorrow will be better.” Amelia agreed. “And I love you even more.”

“Impossible.”

[diamondcitydarlin]

I am just...honestly fascinated by this sudden ‘change of heart’ with Guillermo tho in regards to being a familiar and becoming a vampire, there’s a lot going on there and a lot to unpack, and I’m hoping somewhere in the depths of what is about to be a long, directionless rant I’ll find the clarity I haven’t seemed to quite grasp yet. 

ALSO I’M SORRY THIS IS A LOOONG ASS POST BUT I DIDN’T WANT TO PUT IT UNDER A READ MORE AND SUBJECT INNOCENTS TO MY BLOG LOL, BUT I’VE TAGGED ACCORDINGLY 

So, I already made a post about ‘Collaboration’ and some of the interesting subtext we get within that episode. Mainly, that this episode is an interesting one for Guillermo because he finally gets what appears to be and should be (at least at first) the opportunity he’s always been waiting for. To this point, across seasons, Guillermo has driven home that his one and only aspiration in life, the reason he tolerates an endless, shitty position, is because he hopes to become a vampire. He’s wanted it since he was a kid. IF HE CAN’T BECOME A VAMPIRE, WHAT HAS THIS ALL BEEN ABOUT?? 

If it was as simple as just wanting to become a vampire by any means necessary, leaving Nandor for this golden opportunity should have been as easy as taking off an ill-fitting pair of shoes...but it wasn’t that, was it? When Nandor pretended to shuck him off as if it didn’t matter, Guillermo got angry and sad in equal measure and only really brightened again when Nandor came back and promised to do better by him. Not necessarily set down a concrete timeline for the ‘becoming a vampire’ thing though, but Guillermo didn’t seem to care about that all that much anyway. Interesting. 

Now we’re able to see a version of things in which Guillermo is being treated better as a familiar, but rather than this development improving his mood he seems all the more aware of the fact now that...maybe he doesn’t even want to be a vampire anymore. Maybe he’s wasting his time here. Maybe he needs to swim towards open waters, so to speak. 

Very similar to Nandor, Guillermo, I think, is not really aware or fully accepting of the inner workings of his own mind. He strikes me as a character that does a lot in the way of burying the truths of himself so far down, he even convinces himself that part of who he is doesn’t really exist- even when it does, and drives a lot of his actions. The show plays to this by only ‘showing’ us concretely how much Guillermo wants us to know, with only small hints and nods to other things going on. That fits and rings true to the norm for a mockumentary style of filming/writing, in that the audience has to rely on a lot of subtle cues from the subjects to figure out what’s ‘really going on’ with a character or plot line; the ‘camera’ in a mockumentary style piece is as much of a visceral, present character as anyone else in the cast and is treated accordingly (but then, like 99.99999% of human beings have seen the entirety of The Office and Parks and Rec, so yall know this already) 

I think part of the way to figuring this all out is to ask why Guillermo wanted to be a vampire in the first place. His answer to this would probably be something along the lines of ‘because they’re cool’ which, you know, valid. That would be a fitting and satisfying answer if, say, I had given it because there was a time when I was about 4-6 years old that I, too, decided I would grow up to be a vampire. Because it was ‘cool’ and aspiring to anything else seemed boring. Again, valid. For someone who has dedicated pretty much ALL of his adult life to apprenticing into vampirism based on a childhood dream that never died? THAT begs a bit more of an in depth reason, I think, to which for now we can only guess. 

I’ll try to make an educated one based on what I believe is going on here, that Guillermo himself is either not aware of or not ready to share with the cameras: I believe his drive to want to become a vampire, given it was based in childhood flights of fancy (and probably some Guillermo-self insert/Armand fanfics, let’s be hONEST) was rooted in a need to feel respected and powerful, at the heart of things. When we first meet Guillermo, and for much of season 1, we see that he’s quiet, subservient, meek, and we learn briefly about how he was bullied in school. I think Guillermo was raised to be this way and use silence/subservience as his only defense mechanism, which may also go a long way to explaining why he’s so reserved. For 10 years, I think it was enough for him to tell himself that everything would be better for him once he became a vampire, he’d have all the things he never had as a human. Respect. Appreciation. Power. Control over his own life.

That said, things have changed quite a bit for Guillermo since season one. While learning that he had Van Helsing blood came as an unpleasant shock, embracing and exploring that side of himself proved that he’s actually kind of a bad ass even without being a vampire. He only ever wielded this power to protect Nandor and others so far, but it is a power nonetheless, this agility and strength that is too great for even VAMPIRES to successfully fight back against. He’s also a smart cookie that knows how to manipulate a situation, something that he’s been using a lot this season too. So, power, then. He has it already. Respect he received from his vampire-hunting group. 

But that still leaves appreciation and, dare I say it, maybe even affection/love. I think there’s a part of Guillermo that wants to feel like he’s accepted and cared for, but even when it’s offered (by groups like his vampire hunting clan, or Celeste’s vampire community lol) he seems to shy away from it going too far, like it’s just too much or ill-fitting coming from people he barely knows. Given that he’s a private, introvert type this makes sense. 

One thing has remained consistent for Guillermo though, across both seasons and episodes, and that’s his seemingly unwavering concern and affection for Nandor. Even in this last ep when he’s unashamedly shucking off duties that don’t fit his job description and maintaining those professional boundaries like a BOSS, he still snaps to and gets to work the moment Nandor is kidnapped. Laszlo’s gone? Meh, who cares, not his jurisdiction. Nandor’s gone!?? Fuck it, he’s getting the keys. A ‘vampire’ offers him the opportunity of a lifetime to become a vampire quickly and live within an accepting community of likeminded people and Nandor told him ‘go for it’? He’s upset that Nandor didn’t fight harder to keep him. 

So now he’s back and Nandor’s making a consistent effort not to abuse Guillermo’s position. This seemed the ideal resolution at the end of ‘Collaboration’, but after a couple of weeks it becomes clear that it wasn’t. For some reason. Guillermo’s no longer satisfied and thinks maybe it’s time to do more with his life. 

I’ll try to sum up the points I’ve made so far into a concise version of where I think Guillermo’s at right now, at least subconsciously; mostly all the things he hoped that turning into a vampire would grant him, have already been granted. He’s learned that he’s strong, smart, capable as is, more than he or anyone else had ever given him credit for. I think it makes sense that his burning need to become a vampire has begun to ebb into a quarter-life crisis of questioning who he really is and what he really wants, because the dream he nursed for so long has turned out to be pretty shallow and maybe not even necessary. He realizes there’s more he could be doing than working tirelessly to an end goal that no longer seems so sweet. 

But that leaves the ‘affection’ and ‘acceptance’ elements dangling in space, held up by his own affection for Nandor that has yet to be really defined. It’s pretty clear that Guillermo is nursing it hard, but what is the nature of it? Even as his sense of loyal devotion to a cause has started to fade, even as his view of Nandor as this unflappable role model has begun to disappear too bc he’s starting to see Nandor for who he really is (a himbo idiot that he can outwit, outmatch without even trying hard) this raw affection still remains. It’s still important that Nandor fights for him. It’s still important that Nandor is safe and protected.  

And, as with the rest of these things I mentioned, I don’t think Guillermo is even really aware of how much he cares about Nandor, how much it drives his actions and thinking, how important that relationship is to him. It’s easier to just sort of...ignore that and pretend it isn’t a factor, that’s Guillermo’s modus operandi when it comes to complicated feelings. 

I think back to that line from season 1, wherein Guillermo’s kind of musing wistfully about how different his life might have been if he’d stayed at Panera Bread/in a stable job with pay and benefits, but then handwaves that all away with ‘The heart wants what it wants’. By this point in the show he was already kind of drifting away from the goal of becoming a vampire (whether he realized it or not). 

The heart wants what it wants indeed, Guillermo, but maybe it’s not really ‘becoming a vampire’. Maybe it’s something else entirely that keeps you tied to this house, this thankless ‘job’. 

At this point, I really cannot say for 100% certain what I think will happen next with Guillermo. This show has proven solid at pulling out unexpected plot twists I wouldn’t have seen coming, but then, I also have been pretty good at predicting where they’re gonna go with things. Like 7/10 lmao. My two theories right now are: 

He’ll become a vampire in the series finale- unwillingly, maybe by accident. This one I think is plausible because it’s a bit of a kick in the pants. It’s the outcome he’s wanted for SO LONG but has just realized maybe it’s not all he can do or wants to do. I could see a situation where, idk, maybe Guillermo expresses to Nandor his thoughts lately about moving on from this and, in an act of stupid desperation, Nandor thinks maybe if he changes him that’ll keep him in his life, so he does it while Guillermo’s asleep and then surprises him when he wakes up...only to find out maybe that wasn’t actually what he wanted anymore, but UH OH what’s done is done. This could provide a lot of tension in the next season, I think. But as it’s a bit of a ‘shocking’ twist type route to go, I can’t be certain this is what they’ll do. Kind of a toss up. 

Guillermo leaves to pursue something else, which the camera crew will follow and document. This is the ‘sensible’/’safe’ route that most scripted shows would take, I think, in this situation...but again, I’m not certain about this one either because Shadows is known for throwing us for a loop and this seems a liiiittle predictable. It’s also very similar to what JUST happened in episode 8 and, were I writing the show, I’d worry it would come across as redundant. Like, maybe we already did this angle and should explore other options to keep the audience on their toes. Also, as much as they love putting Harvey with new casts of characters for episodic stories, I’m not sure they’d transplant him from the main cast for an extended period of time because he’s part of what makes that dynamic run so well. But then, the synopsis of the finale does say that vampires have to ‘survive without Guillermo’ while preparing for an event, so this may happen in some small, episodic measure again.   

Anyway, to wrap this up into a conclusion, I don’t think I’m wrong in predicting that Nandor/Guillermo’s relationship has been set up in such a way as to keep us guessing, sort of a Sam/Diane, will-they-won’t-they type thing that will remain a constant throughout whatever happens next, but will require both characters growing independent of each other in their own respective subplots. At this point, it has always remained consistent that Nandor and Guillermo prioritize each other even when it doesn’t make sense, but I don’t think either of them are ready to realize, accept, and sort through the layers of what they feel for each other. The master/servant dynamic makes that difficult, I’d imagine, so I think inevitably we’ll see the show start to pull them away from that. All I’m saying is, if whatever is going on between them wasn’t VERY complicated it would’ve been resolved as whatever it is a long time ago. Nah, there’s some deep, repressed shit they’re ignoring collectively for whatever reason, and usually that points to something that will, at some point, become romantic. Either way, to understand Guillermo is to keep a close eye on how his dynamic with Nandor grows and changes and I’m, as ever, VERY eager to see how it does. 

[neo-shitty]

toffee!

hehe glad i could make you laugh, oooh that sounds awesome! yeah id love to be tagged it sounds great :)

YES the differences are so fucking weird. like, they do know they're the same age right? i feel like its just an exagguration of how much the persons role in the group matters, like we see chan being held up as such a mature, old leader while jungkook who is literally the same age, is still babied etc. like enha hyung line is basically the same age (if a bit younger) as chenle and jisung but somehow the rules are different?? as you point out, still legal but still bizarre. hehe yeah, i mean where else are we going to rant? quora lol. mmm, hopefully more people can just write less smut abt people who are barely adults

ah, no prob it didnt take long. yeah i think thats right (i keep forgetting you know my url lol) mmhmm :( i think if that happened irl there would be some major trauma going on. knock wood it never happens to you or me lol (/hj)

hehe same! oooh glad Redemption For Cheese was realised! yess we cant rllycomplain that theyve written/produced too much good music lol. yeah, ive dragged him into being a stay so *dusts hands off* mission accomplished. mmm yeah, they tend to have a certain vibe but tbh it couldve worked if they were any other group but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ahh ur one step ahead of me on the stages of listening to ssick i think, still not convinced but thats okay! hehe, it had to be said. yesss the itch in the back of my brain is very satisfied by sorry i love you, felixs vocals deserve to be appreciated! (side note i feel like hes trying to sing more like his speaking voice, sorta husky, but tbh i wouldnt be mad if he sang like in glow, his sweet honey vocals made my life lol. but i think ive heard him say he doesnt like singing like that cos it makes his normal voice less husky, so what can you do)

> YES SOMEONE SAID IT. seungmin rap KING, he sped thru that rap like it was nothing, he deserves more rap lines. i do like how they gave minho some melodic rap lines this comeback, my guy deserved to show off those skills that made him not be eliminated (flashbacks to stay collectively wanting to murder jyp) and we already know changbin can sing, my man murdered masked singer. hyunjin can obviously sing as can jisung and felix, and i want to hear chan rap more! i feel like he started as part of 3racha (as a rap unit not producing) and then just became a vocalist (which im fine with, but it could be nice to hear him flex his rapping skills) and was partially replaced by hyunjin. anywayyy

back to album talk. lmaooo sad music to twerk to PERFECTLY describes silent cry. yes secret secret is and will always be, a masterpiece. hehe glad i could make you laugh :) i just felt like they have similar vibes. putting off skz stuff bc of not having time to cry IS the kpop stan life summarised. oh my beloved track, red lights. ahh thats okay, we can have different opinions, but by god the lyrics are *chefs kiss*. *banging on table* TWISTED AU TWISTED AU TWISTED AU. yess id love to see ur take on it! sdfghjkl it would have been glorious

no no! not stupid, just able to predict my brainwaves. ooooh thats so cool! makes me want to go there (wherever there is lol) yeah the waves are pretty good here, but none of my familys a surfer, so we dont rlly enjoy the full potential lol. YES moving on to gone away, it is indeed a heartwrenching track, but the vocals and the bloody key change? makes me want to brave being sad just to listen to it. mmm yeah, good point :( i feel like ive just gotten used to overthinking so much so that it doesnt matter what mood im in, ill do it anyway, so might as well just do what i feel like doing anyway.

yeah i think ur right! it is quite comforting knowing that all the tracks will get the love they deserve. i feel like also people assume kpop is just one genre which is utter bs. there are so many different vibes and feels and songs, i couldnt get into kpop (of which i thought only the bright cheerful present day bts stuff existed smh) until i heard gods menu so... idk where i was going with this but yeah. :)

YES FUCK YG, theyre literally on the brink of being kicked out of the big three and they are holding their salvation hostage without letting them do ANYTHING. idek what thought process goes thru their minds but arghhh its so infuriating. yess lisa's cb will be awesome but ot4 is the gold standard here.

hehe, glad u could get to this point. no no! u dont sound like a cult member at all lol yeah, i loooove some of their songs but the whole 23 members thing is getting to me. thats prob a common problem with nctzens but what can i say? im a simple girl with a limit to how many korean boys i can give my money to. atm im just trying to get into ateez and finish memorising enhypen's faces. also kard is kinda sucking me into their fandom atm, as well as eric name lol. ah what can you do? ooh thats good!

hehe i love it too! its exactly like online penpals, that was rlly well put. aww ty! hmm im okay, recovering from a bad case of rsv so thats fun. im doing okay mentally, starting therapy soon (after having to convince my mother that its not just smth i can brush off). physically i wont go into, basically i should be doing stretches to help but they dont completely fix it so my lazy ass doesnt do them, plus i got told recently im going to be stuck with this condition for the rest of my life so thats fun! ah, before you type smth dw abt me ill be fine. the weather atm is cloudy but warm, its been raining on and off today which is good for the garden. uhh i just finished reading sunburnt veils and im in the middle of prom theory which is rlly good. ummm ive got a concert tonight? that i may or may not be able to sing in (bc of the whole rsv thingo) and uhhhh idk. my dog is cute? im drinking tea rn? ive got a school dance coming up?

wbu? hows ur day going, how are you? whats the weather like on ur end? done anything interesting lately? found smth that makes you rlly happy? just any random thing youve been dying to tell someone?

no no! dont apologise, i love these exchanges. i think im happy to continue them for a long time :) on the other hand, if you get tired of them, feel free to just not answer at any time. goodness gracious this was a long ask haha hope it isnt too annoying

<3 w.a. 🐺

sorry it took me a bit to reply, i was fixing my theme ;n;

yeah, i figured it was because of the roles too. my friends and i still get taken aback when 3rd gen idols are the same age as 4th gen ones. in my head it doesn't add up sometimes. PLS THE RANT AT QUORA SKJDK tbh tho it's just going to be normalized as the years pass? esp that the boys are growing older and the amount of explicit fics will just increase. i might have to start blocking tags.

i had to look up the previous ask to remember what we were talking about xd i hope the events in champagne problems never happens to anyone. realistically, it probably happens a lot. damn i really won't wish that pain on anyone. dragging your brother into being a stay i whEEZED JFKSA additional noeasy music enthusiast o.o and ALL I CAN SAY WITH YOU GUSHING ABT FELIX IS AHA WHIPPEEEED OML can't blame you tho, i also want to hear felix sing more in other shades (if that makes sense HAHA) i really hope they'll do the role exchange in the next comeback :( or like in the near future bc i know they can do it :( the day i hear seungmin rapping it i will respectfully pass away. minho was given more lines this comeback thank fUCK i could rmb my irl being vocal abt her frustration. i don't get why minho barely has center time/lines in title tracks??? like the line distribution in the past eras just made me ???? if seventeen can balance lines with 13 members why cant a group of 8 do the same? moving on. i haven't watched the stray kids show simply bc i don't want to cry HAJS but i've seen clips. imagine if skz debuted without minho and felix?!?!? i rmb another irl catching bias feels towards changbin bc of the masked singer only to find out that the man's a rapper. i love how skz's vocals were highlighted this comeback :c there were a lot of mellow tracks! i find it cute when chan sings/raps bc it gets kinda obvious that he's a foreigner? the accent (im not even sure if it's the accent) it just shows. "putting off skz stuff bc of not having time to cry IS the kpop stan life summarised." CORRECT.

abt the twisted au o.O i'll inquire my irl if she wants to write it or not. if she doesn't want to, i'll do it. i miss writing twisted aus <3___<3 and i also miss going to the beach with my friends :' ) but it's starting to get cold here and i don't think i'll be able to enjoy the beach as much as i would if i went beaching in the summer. so maybe next summer? gone away really has an sm-ballad vibe. the thing about skz being a self-producing group, their songs don't sound like typical jype songs? and i just appreciate that bc in all honesty im not a fan of jyp groups at all. PLS the overthinking. i wish i could mute overthinking.

anyone who assumes kpop is just one genre obv hasn't listened to a single track. if kpop was just one genre why do i like some tracks more than the others??? oh you've only recently become a kpop stan? tbh im not a fan of the bright songs of bts either. i liked their older ones *chefs kiss* really matched high school vibes. yg has good artists and they're just wasting the talent ~.~ that strategy they have will get tiring eventually. people will stop waiting on blackpink and move on to newer more active groups ://

HAHAHAH yeah the 23 members is pretty overwhelming! it was the reason i didn't bother stanning before quarantine started. i don't regret stanning tho, met my ult bias in that group <3___<3 i don't really purchase albums unless i like the tracks xd ohhh getting into ateez just in time for the comeback! let me know what you think about them! i was fond of them at some point but grew out of it. good luck with memorizing enhypen! it took me a while to distinguish to people there XD i haven't checked out kard yet but chan plays their songs during lives and they're sexc hype music me likey *u*

i had to look up rsv im sorry. i'm glad you're recovering! please rest more and don't stress yourself out. bro i wish i could go to therapy too bc i have weird issues i can't justify and i need a professional to tell me what's the reason behind it. stuck with what condition btw? what happened? i'm sorry in case i just forgot. yesterday was a bit rainy for me too :(( it's not the type of rainy that makes me anxious so B) oh concert! good luck and i hope you'll be able to sing but i also don't think it's best for you rn :c what's your dog's breed? and yes i just finished drinking tea too. AAAAA i miss school dances :(( the last one i was supposed to have was cancelled bc of covid.

i was less productive today and i'm teetering between being mentally stable and becoming a hermit again. i'm anxious with a lot of things atm so like : D not the best state. today it was a bit sunny but not hot hot which was nice. i changed my theme today bc i couldn't wait for sept. 1st. and no i haven't found anything that makes me happy HAHAHA shit like that's hard to identify. don't have anything to say too, i'm just thinking about why i'm procrastinating too much atm T_T and i'm listening to this rap song atm and one of the rappers sounded like han.

it isn't annoying! i enjoy the long exchanges but i do admit it takes me awhile to type down a reply. so if i get more busy, it'll prolly take a bit longer for me to reply.

[nataliamaximoff]

tagged by @castelllans thank u caroline ♡

do you prefer writing with black pen or a blue pen? black

would you prefer to live in the country or in the city? city

if you could learn a new skill, what would it be? coding or playing the guitar

do you drink your tea/coffee with sugar? of course of course

what was your favorite book as a child? besides harry potter, i really loved animorphs and the edge chronicles and the deltora quest series

do you prefer baths or showers? showers, baths are uncomfortable on the hard tub

if you could be a mythical creature, which one would you be? a mermaid

paper or electronic books? paper

what is your favorite items of clothing? i don’t really have one... i like my easy jersey dresses bc they are simple to put on and wear

do you like your name? would you like to change it? i love all 3 of my names, i wish i could keep my surname forever

who is a mentor to you? my grandma and even my friends sometimes

would you like to be famous? if so, what for? i’d like to be moderately famous for designing a successful and wonderful building

are you a restless sleeper? not really, but i do move around a lot

do you consider yourself to be a romantic person? not at all

which element best describes you? air and water for different reasons

who do you want to be closer to? wish i still talked to my friends from high school

do you miss anyone at the moment? my friends from college

tell us about an early childhood memory. i have a really vivid memory of when my cousin’s friend who played glinda on the national tour of wicked took us backstage at the fox theater and she told me i’d be a great director someday, which sparked my love of theatre

what is the strangest thing you’ve eaten? i think it’s probably still escargot...

do you like spicy foods? not particularly, i just like flavorful foods but not spice for the sake of spice. i order everything mild

have you ever met someone famous? i don’t think so, not that i can remember

do you keep a diary or journal? yes, i keep an assortment of journals in various places, as well as a bujo for my studyblr @archetect

do you prefer to use pen or pencil? pen

what is your star sign? i don’t understand this question, but i will go with i am a virgo

do you like your cereal crunchy or soggy? crunchy

what would you want your legacy to be? something positive hopefully

do you like reading? what was the last book you read? i love to read, but i haven’t read many actual published books lately. last thing i read and completed was the star-touched queen and crooked kingdom

how do you show someone you love them? i hug them or tell them so

do you like ice in your drinks? no

what are you afraid of? becoming a disappointment/failure, and injuries/illness

what is your favorite scent? i’m not sure, i don’t really like smells, maybe book pages

do you address older people by their name or surname? name

if money was not a factor, how would you live your life? traveling everywhere i possibly could and experiencing everything i can <- same as previous op

do you prefer swimming in pools or the ocean? pools, less sandy

what would you do if you found $50 on the ground? i used to have a different answer but these days i’d pick it up and put it in my pocket

have you ever seen a shooting star? did you make a wish? i don’t think so

what is one thing you would want to teach your children? integrity

if you had to have a tattoo, what would it be and where would you get it? i hate tattoos, i would never want one. if i had to, it would be a very small drawing of something maybe on my ankle where no one will think about it. perhaps an abstract or minimalism shape? idk i don’t want to think about it lol, idc

what can you hear now? taylor swift’s new album folklore on my google nest hub by me

where do you feel the safest? at my friend’s house with my friends or alone in my bed

what is one thing you want to overcome/conquer? lack of motivation, self-discipline, fear of failure

if you could travel back to an era, what would it be? 80′s or sometime before america existed cause eff this place

what is your most used emoji?  💗

describe yourself using one word? reflective

what do you regret the most? not taking enough chances and being bold enough

last movie you saw? the old guard on netflix

last tv show you watched? wish i could say atla like previous op but since then i’ve also watched some episodes of “the great” and “down to earth with zac efron”

invent a word and it’s meaning. this is too hard, i don’t have a brain at 3:33 am.

tagging: @durmstrangs @justtinfoley and anyone else who would like to do this

[queenharumiura]

The elite: Ponsol and Kyouya~

Send me a ship and I will grade it: ||Still accepting||

C: Not a bad ship

Since I already touched upon Kyouya earlier i’m going to skip ahead to this one;;;;;;;;; Since I’m typing this up, I see no need to tag myself kek

I see that their relationship would be… better off as friends, perhaps. I mean it really all depends on the verse that I’m playing, but if I go with the usual one, which is highly headcanoned (due to him only showing up for like what, 3 chapters? lol) he’s— he’s an ass. Plain, short, and simple. 

He’s an ass. 

With the way he grew up, he grew to think that he has to be better than everyone else. He’s above other people. In his mind, people have to be used or they are useless to him. Similarly, he has to be used, or be useless. 

If there isn’t a benefit involved, then there is no point to a continued relationship of any kind with him. He’s very untrusting of others outside the mindset of business. He likes to be in control and will not tolerate anyone telling him what to do. He’s stubborn and he’s very vindictive. If you get on his bad side, he’s more than willing to see to it that you rue the very day you laid eyes on him. 

Now, he is very understanding of how messed up he is. He was raised to be this way. Power is the ultimate and that’s all you need. The more powerful you are, the less likely people can rise against you. It’s that kind of mindset that he had drilled into him since young. Additionally, he was taught that he himself is nothing but a spare. 

Due to this, he has difficulties making any true bonds with people. He hardly trusts people in his own family. The only people who showed him any care are his grandmother, his mother, and his brother (in his own way). His relationship with his brother is a bit strained because of the whole ‘you are a spare’ and the whole ‘i’m partly the reason why my brother is this messed up’ thing. 

That’s just how I headcanon things because I wanted for something to explain why they turned out the way they did as humans rather than demons. Yay human AU’s. Boo given absolutely no canon information about them, so I gotta pick up the slack. 

So yeah, Ponsol doesn’t trust a lot of people and knowing how messed up he is, he can’t trust that anyone would truly like him for who he is. The only way people can like him is if there is some kind of a gain from it. Business is something he can trust. The give and take relationship. Law abiding contracts that hold people to their word. 

Ponsol isn’t a good person. Outwardly, he may smile and be polite, but he’s usually ruthlessly tearing into someone mentally. It was the way he was taught to tear into people, to see them as lesser than him, but that conflicts with the way h was taught from his mother. She taught him to not judge people and to be kind to people. 

He really loves his mother, and respects her greatly. So there is always this huge contrast between the ideals his mother taught him and the lessons he keeps getting drilled into him by the strict and cruel upbringing by his grandfather. His grandmother tried to help but she passed away while Ponsol was still young. 

From this, he turned into this person who only cares about profits, and being very vindictive in the way to give people a warning to not act against him if they know what’s good for them. If they touch anyone in the family, he has to enact vengeance because how dare they think that touching his family would keep them safe? There is no such thing as ‘if you care for their life, you will do as we say.’ABSOLUTELY NOT. Ponsol is supposed to not care. Do what you want. For every scratch you put on them, he adds another step to his ultimate evil plan to make your life a living nightmare. Your loved ones will not be spared. You thought to touch his family, so why shouldn’t he stoop that low as well? In fact, he’ll do far worse. It’s the family way to return favors double fold. 

He’s very cunning and he’ll figure a way to get away with most things. His brother is sort of the only moral backbone he has when they are near each other. Even then, we know that Shugarl himself isn’t exactly a model citizen either. They’re just asses in their own right tbh. 

So with all that, you can easily say that Ponsol is messed up. He knows this. It really affects his mentality, and it’s this clash of his emotionally and mentally that makes him such a horrible person. He’s got a horrid and angry temper from this clash, and he can lash out if you do the wrong thing in front of him. 

I don’t really see Kyouya being interested in Ponsol when he’s like this. Maybe business partners, but given how he is… I truly wonder if Kyouya would give him the chance. Kyouya is meticulous so he’d do his research. I can see him looking into some of the stuff Ponsol did and not being impressed. 

However, another part of me wonders if he’d look into the past and realize some concerning things about Ponsol’s upbringing. After all, Kyouya also had instances with his own siblings, and maybe he can relate to a certain extent, since he’s not supposed to be the heir being that he’s the younger brother of the family. 

Ponsol is also the younger brother of the family. He’s to consider himself the placeholder for whenever his brother finally ‘opens his eyes’ and decides to take over as the heir himself. Ponsol works hard because he wants acknowledgement. He’s not just a placeholder. He can do this job and do it well. He hates the fact that people think he’s just a placeholder and they look down on him or even try to undermine him. 

That goes against the idea that he shouldn’t let anyone look down on him and so it’s always a rough battle in the corporation. He always has to look strong and be strong. He has to be the best, even above his brother, but still be told that he’s nothing in comparison. So it’s this weird thing where he’s got a lot of pride, but it can so easily shatter the moment his brother comes into the picture. 

It’s this weird borderline of him being so prideful and haughty, but also having nothing. Yep. He’s fucked up. He honestly needs help, but he doesn’t ever reach out for it because that’s ‘weak’. 

Having not grown with a lot of affection, he secretly craves for it on a subconsious level, even though he doesn’t think he needs it. That’s why I write it that when he’s sick, he sort of is a bit childish. He’s weak, he can’t think properly or hold himself to his usual standard. Being cared for when he’s sick reminds him of the time when he was very sickly as a child and it’s like this subconsious plea for help that he never knew he felt. 

He thought he gave up on all of that to be frank. It is possible that perhaps Kyouya can notice all of this and think that Ponsol needs help. He may not like him, or agree with his methods, but he understands he needs help. 

Both can b of use to the other, so while they have a business relationship, Kyouya can try to unravel some of Ponsol’s deep hurt. 

It would take a lot of effort and fighting as Ponsol has his guard up, but he does crave for comfort and affection like I said. So, if done right, he would actually fold a lot easier than one would think. He’s very weak to people who are loyal and sincere. If one were to show him sincerity in some form, he would take note of that and deep down start to form a kind of trust and or affection for the other party. 

This can grow to the point that he can see them as a friend. With continued effort, it’s possible that something else can come out of that. Ponsol is a willful guy who is selfish. He thinks of himself first and foremost. He really doesn’t care much for other people. He only does for the sake of appearances. 

Still, he’s quite sensitive to emotional and mental abuses since he suffers a lot from that himself. So he is a bit sensitive to that too when he interacts with other people. He may be prone to showing a bit of kindness in a situation like that. 

So depending on how willing Kyouya is to give Ponsol a chance and to work with him, it could work out. Maybe. 

Like I said, Ponsol is a messed up piece of work. However, IF he actually manages to find somone he cares for, he will do whatever it takes to keep them safe. It’s like a greedy dragon who will protect his treasures. This treasure of his will be someone who he will be considerate to. 

Basically meaning, this will be one of the only people (aside from a few of his family members) that can tell him what to do, and he’d actually consider it. 

He doesn’t allow a lot of people into his heart, so if you managed to worm your way in, you best be grateful. 

If Kyouya somehow managed to get into Ponsol’s life in a positive manner (and not business), he’d see the deeper part of Ponsol that most people don’t get to see. It’s because you somehow managed to get past his defenses, and so he’ll let himself be open with you. 

Deep down, he wasn’t a bad kid. He can be a bit sassy and bratty, but he was caring for people. As an influence from his mother, he loves flowers. He had to grow up seeing people bash his mother for reasons, and so he’s very protective of his loved ones. He felt helpless because he couldn’t do anything about it as a child. 

Now, if anyone had something to say about his mother, he will flip shit. He still can’t say anything against his grandfather though, since he knows from experience that it has the opposite effect. 

Idk how willing Kyouya would be, but it could happen, but with a LOT of work. Ponsol would think well of Kyouya’s character, but he would also probably feel a bit… self-consious around him? He’s more upright and moral than Ponsol is, after all. 

So it would be a reminder of how shitty of a person he turned out to be and it would make him feel a bit bitter on the inside to be honest. Still, he wouldn’t hate Kyouya over it. He would just have more inner depressive escapades because of it. 

He respects Kyouya for his work ethic and his charisma. He wouldn’t think ill of Kyouya. Given that he’s from a line of doctors, which have the duty of healing people, there is a sense of care that he feels. There is respect from that, since it’s the opposite of how he sees his family. They are cold, conniving, and cruel. 

Businessmen usually don’t have a very good reputation so ahahah—

All in all, if a lot of work was put into it, I think they would be an interesting pair. They would be that power couple that no one could lay hands on. Everyone would have to tread carefully around them. I’m sure they would be able to support the other in regards to business. They would have a lot of trust in the other and I think that’s precious. Would be so difficult though and i’m honestly not sure if Kyouya would even want to put forth the effort into trying to tame this asshole lol. 

[youthblamed-a]

character sheet

BASICS.

full name.  maxim levi ilyichov pronunciation.   mak-sim lee-vigh il-yich-ov nickname.   goes by his middle name to those outside of his family for most of his youth because he thinks it’s easier for english folk to pronounce. his family ( and anyone else who’s very involved in his life outside of school ) often call him max, and he probably starts going by that as an adult, but he has no real preference for what people call him. may also sometimes use his mother’s maiden name ( blotts ) for the same reason gender.   male height.  5′11 age.   all of the ages but my threads usually end up being either around 17-19 or like 35 zodiac.   cancer ( and it shows ) spoken languages.   russian ( first ), english ( second )

PHYSICAL CHARACTERISTICS.

hair colour.   brown with copper undertones  eye colour.   dark brown skin tone.   on the paler side, but not notably pale.  body type.   very slender with decent muscle tone and long, long and limbs,  moderate hyperextension in the knees and elbows, naturally flexible spine accent.   british ( standard + a touch of east end london ) with a little hint of foreign-ness that is only audible sometimes and you probably wouldn’t be able to identify dominant hand.   right posture.   very natural, if that makes sense — straight and proud in the spine, but relaxed in the shoulders. he doesn’t use his posture to try to stand out or to blend in with the background, he just allows his body to exist in the space it takes up without too much thought tattoos.   a hummingbird ( his patronus ) on the left side of his ribcage, and a small, simple line tattoo of the golden gate bridge on the back of his right shoulder blade most noticeable feature.  cliche but his smile is quite radiant. other than that he lets his hair get a little long more often than not

CHILDHOOD.

place of birth.   st. petersburg, russia ( at the time named leningrad ) hometown.  london.   manner of birth.   natural  siblings.   one brother older by two years, mikhail, who doesn’t lack kindness, but is much more cerebral and introverted.    parents.   isabella blotts and alexander ilyichov parental involvement.      he went to boarding school like apparently every witch and wizard, but otherwise, his family is pretty close-knit. though he’s close to both parents, levi is closest with his father, since they are both the emotional type, while his mother and older brother share a more intellectual bond. levi knows how lucky he is to have two parents who love and accept him unconditionally, and will often welcome people who aren’t so lucky to come home with him so that they can feel the love

ADULT LIFE.

occupation.   i’m still kind of figuring out how medicine fits into the wizarding world, but they must have something roughly equivalent to a family medical practitioner rather than having only the healers for emergencies that we see in the books,,, either way it’s still being figured out but he has some sort of hospital related career and then teaches medicine after that current residence.   depends on age but after he finishes school at hogwarts he stays lives in san francisco for the rest of his education before settling in another british city ( at the moment it’s edinburgh ) close friends.  still figuring that out lol, but if anyone wants to plot a close friendship, please let me know!! relationship status.   single / depends financial status.   middle class driver’s license.  yes, he gets it at 19 or 20 years old ( + also a license to apparate at 17 ) criminal record.   none but trespassing and class b drug possession should probably be on there vices.  an occasional-semi frequent smoker even though he’s very aware of how terrible it is for you

SEX & ROMANCE.

sexual orientation. bisexual, like a kinsey 4 romantic orientation. ^ preferred emotional role.   submissive  |  dominant  |  switch  |  unknown preferred sexual role.   submissive  |  dominant  |  switch  |  sex repulsed ( whatever makes his partner happy ) libido.    average to high turn ons.   mostly emotional intimacy, lots of kissing and a good bit of eye contact where possible, and a tiny bit of having his hair petted/pulled, but he also does enjoy being bitten. he mostly enjoys sex that is loving + intense where he and his partner just get lost in each other ( even if they aren’t necessarily “in love” ) turn off’s.   tbh he’s pretty vanilla so a lot of things would freak him out especially if sprung upon him, like anything that involves causing genuine pain with an object that isn’t part of ur body, or anything involving uncertain/ambiguous consent either way. love language.   soft touches; small, silent favors that make his partner’s day better with no grand gesture; kisses behind the ear and on the back of the shoulder; devotion that doesn’t need to be spoken or flaunted; always holding hands; plenty of praise, but love that doesn’t need words to be expressed relationship tendencies.   always wants to be the caretaker/emotional protector of his relationships; usually the first one to say “I love you”; can sometimes struggle to differentiate between whether he’s feeling something platonic or romantic because he just has a lot of love for a lot of people; also can be very easily manipulated with the promise of love; tends to let the other person dictate the dynamic/speed/seriousness of the relationship - he’ll go with just about anything to please someone else

 MISCELLANEOUS.

character’s theme song.  there are So Many but colourway by novo amor and holocene by on iver do a good job of capturing his energy (catch the whole playlists here) hobbies to pass the time.   he’s definitely the notebook keeping type, but they aren’t pretty lol, more just a collection of thoughts written very messily ( he might not even know what they say when he reads back on them ) in a mixture of languages, cut outs and photographs tucked between the pages, musical notation that he’ll probably never develop further, and bad ( b a d ) drawings. he also loves to fly, not only for quidditch but just to be in the air/around nature, and he’s alright but not well practiced at playing the piano. also just a total daydreamer.  mental illnesses.   none  physical illness.   needs glasses to read idk if that counts left or right brained.   probably left fears.  being unloved/unloveable, instability/loss of peace self confidence level.    for the most part, healthy + realistic. in terms of talents and abilities, he’s aware what he’s good at and what he could work on ( although that doesn’t necessarily move him to do anything about it ) . being incapable doesn’t concern him too much, but rather his insecurities instead center mostly around the fear of being an unlikeable person.

tagged by.   @kindheir​ (thank you sm!)  tagging.   not sure who’s done this but @pluscharmant @nikolacvnas  @wasntallbad @corpsepaintd  @hadncchoice  @murios ( for max and/or klaus ) @withoutchoice ( i had astoria or ginny in mind but for any of ur blogs!! ) anddddd i’m also tagging myself @prcdiigal 

[slowbladed]

HOW I RUN MY BLOG

SPEED.

i get to it when i get to it. its as simple as that. i try not to force myself to write, sometimes i kind of have to with certain threads in order to get over a hump. but really i go through what i need, see if something inspires me, then write. things tend to domino effect afterwords and ill be able to spit out replies in quick succession before needing to sleep/do something else. because of that im all over the place with who i reply to. i also like to actually do things other than rp (draw/vidya gayme) alongside school work so... speed is really not my thing. lmfao

REPLIES / DRAFTS.

i draft everything and, like above, get to it when i get to it. my replies are extremely affected by music and what i’m listening to at the moment among other things (books, quotes, etc.) i will literally spend 10min in finding a song for me to write to that matches what i want to get (and if i really cant find any i just slap KAIRI on). a lot of my writing is winging it and i dont particularly plan stuff out. i might think about certain ways to reply in the shower or when i’m idle, but often it comes to me on a spur of the moment and i just WRITE and hope for the best. but hey, it hasn’t failed me!

STARTERS.

i’m quickly learning that i’m awful at starters and i’m now kind of avoiding making them. now i just go off of ask replies/ask memes and generally go from there. it isnt that i dont like putting in the effort but im just Awful at starting stuff unless i am PARTICULARLY INSPIRED by something thats been in my head. unfortunately these tend to be for specific rpers and at that point i just go to them and shoot it back and forth (i am also very bad with keeping up at messages on tumblr so if i ever just dont reply back its me being extremely forgetful). overall? im awful at them. does this mean i wont do them? no, but don’t expect something amazing. 

INBOX.

i have a lot in my inbox. stuff i save for later or just didn’t get to. if i need to i’ll delete older asks thats just been growing dust and are way past their expiration date. it isnt that i dont want to interact its just that nothing has hit me that i will produce something worthwhile. i dont like clutter and even though i have a lot of asks in my ask box right now, it hasnt gotten to the point where i wont reply to any of them. art asks are ust going to be kept in my back pocket in case i need a warmup or im feeling particularly motivated but uninspired to draw. i also tend to keep asks from people that are positive in case i need a pick me up.

SELECTIVITY.

i will follow pretty much anyone. if i like your characterization ill stay, but sometimes ill unfollow if i a) become uninterested b) you are starting shit or c) im just not feeling the waves anymore. it isnt so much to insult but i like keeping a dash that i enjoy scrolling through when im bored. we dont really need to interact but it would be a plus. generally i just ride the waves and see what happens, as with everything on this blog. 

WISHLIST.

ive a couple. but one thing i want to explore is the what ifs. specifically if marluxia managed to control sora and take over the organization. alternatively broke away from the org and created his own organization for himself. it would be interesting to see how different things would have gone with 5 different groups (xehanort, maleficent, trios, MoM, mar) going for largely different things. especially how having sora out of the mix would completely ruin some ppl’s plans. idk. i’d just like to explore that. and another thing i’d like to explore is just talking about how marluxia is doing awful things for an ultimate greater good. not excusing his shitty manipulative actions but how he just wants his heart back in the same way (kh2 characterization) xemnas wants his heart back and having to do ultimate evils to accomplish it.

HONEST NOTE.

although i love talking to others and sharing in the fun i am just as human as the rest of you guys. i get overwhelmed, i have a lot of school, and that takes priority over everything. im here to have fun, get better at writing, and make some friends. if i ignore you, drop a convo, im not mad at you im just actually busy lol. be nice to me and ill be nice to you. 

tagged by:   i stole from @critsnipe

tagging:   i dk take the thing

[tobespecial-a]

HIYA  FOLKS  WELCOME  TO  MY  BLOG  HERE.  GONNA  KEEP  THESE  AS  SIMPLE  AS  POSSIBLE  SO  LETS  GET  TO  IT.  ---  this  blog  is  dash only  for  now  but  may  change  in  the  near  future. 

first  things  first.  i  am  a  student  in  school  monday -  friday  from  1-5pm  so  expect  some  slowness  on  my  end.  i  am  studying  to  be  a  mental  health  and  addictions  worker  &  am  really  passionate  about  the  field  i  am  in  so  i  will  be  obviously  prioritizing  school  &  also  irl  commitments  over  rp.  please  respect   this  &  we  shall  be  dandy

now  that  thats  outta  the  way.  HI  THERE  I  AM  ES  !!!! (  well  technically  its  ESTELLE,  but  you  can  call  me  either  or  i  do  not  mind  !!! )  YOUR  LOCAL  NON-BINARY  GAY (  they /  them  pls  )  who  is  in fact  straight  af for  a  certain  gay  icon  zachary  quinto  ---  i  hail from  the  pst  timezone  in  vancouver  canada.  fun  facts  about  me.  ANYWHO  ON  WITH  THE  RULES.

REPLIES

this  is  not  my  only  blog  folks,  it  will  be  one  of  my  more  active  ones,  but  it  is  not  the  only  one  i  run.  please  be  patient  in  terms  of  replies.   i  usually  try  to  stay  on  top  of  my  game  but  sometimes  i  miss  shiz.  pls  poke  me  after  2  weeks  if  you  are  wondering,  i  may  have  missed  it  !!  however  it  is  likely  in  my  drafts.  PRO  TIP  THOUGH,  i  like  each  reply  or  starter  posted  to  me,  if  i  didn’t  like  it  there  is a  95%  chance  i   did  not  see  it.  so  please  feel  free  to  remind  me  after  the  2  weeks.  

also  personals  do  not  reblog  my  threads,  ooc  posts  or  anything  thats  not  a reblogged  photoset ,  its  annoying,  just  don’t  do  it.   --  i  also  have  minor  case  of  dyslexia  so  please  be  patient  with  spelling  errors.  i  catch  most  of  them,  but  sometimes  i  don’t  get  them  all.  if  something  becomes  an  issue  please  tell  me. 

FOLLOWING  AND  UNFOLLOWING

i  am  mutuals  only.  please  keep  this  in  mind.  i  will  only  take  ooc  asks  from  non  mutuals.  if  i  am  not  at  least  following  you  (  cos  i  know  some  people  who  i  write  with  /  have  written  with   don’t  follow  everyone  cos  they  want  a  clean  dash,  but  they  still  wanna  write )  then  please  don’t  attempt  ic  interactions.  this  is  your  first  &  final  warning.  i  will ignore  attempts  &  block  if  it  persists. 

do  not  follow  &  refollow  me  repeatedly  its  also  annoying  &  will  likely  get  you  blocked.  i  take  a  while  to  follow  back  sometimes,  please  be  patient. i  rarely  unfollow  so  if  you  see  it  happen,  please  poke  me.  however  i   have  the  right  to  ignore  it,  or  not  answer.  you  have  the  invitation,  i  just  don’t  have  to  invite  you  in  if  i  chose  to  revoke  it.  

disclaimer  i  probably  will  not  follow  blogs  that  romantically  ship  peter/claire.  incest  normally  doesn’t  bother  me  enough  to  mention  it, but  this one  just  really  is  a big  nope  for  me.  sorry  in  advance.  

CHARACTERIZATION

gabriel  is  based  off  nbc  heroes  &  my  own  personal  headcanons.  at  the  point  of  writing  this  i  have  seen  the  first  &  second season,  i  am  making  my  way  through  the  rest  of  the  show  at  present.   don’t  worry  about  spoilers  though  as  i  pretty  much  know  most  of  the  major  plot  points  for  gabriel  during  the  series,  just  not  all  the  specifics.  ---  threads  will  generally  take  place  in  aus  &  content  i  have  seen  however,  until  i  have  caught  up.  though  idk  how  big  the  fandom  is  so  i  sense  a  lot  of  aus  my  way  any  ways  lol

***  REGARDING  HEROES  REBORN

i  have  no  plans  to  watch  it.  sylar  isn’t  even  in   the  show  so  its  really  just  not  required  of  me  to  view  it.  any  plot  lines  transpired  in  that  canon  will  never  be  seen  in  any way  on  my  blog.   sylar  reforms  himself  post  series  &  just  goes  on  from  there.  when  i  officially  make  it  through  the  whole  show  i  will  write  proper  headcanons  on  that.  

ACTIVITY 

because  of  school  &  other  blogs  i  won’t  always  be  around.  however  i  can  always   be  reached  by  mobile  if  you  need  anything,  just  hmu.  thank  you  for  your  patience  in  this  regard.  also  fair  warning  i  do  have ADD  a  low grade  form  of  ADHD  so  i  get  a  lot  of  the  fun  extras  that  come  with  it.  please  respect  there  are  times  i  may  need  to  step  back  or  times  when  i  become  disassociated ,  its  been  happening  a lot  lately  so  i  wanted  to  inform  people  so    they  don’t think  i  am  ignoring  them.  i  promise  its  not  you,  its  me,  i  just  need  space.  FOR  THE  MOST  PART,  i  am  usually  always  around  to  answer  ims  &  messages  so  do  not  be  afraid  to  message  me  or  anything.  

SHIPPING 

ah  yes  everyones  fave  category.  if  anyone  has  questions  you  can  always  im  me  or  hu  my  ask  box  for  more  deets.   GABRIEL  IS  PANSEXUAL   BORDERLINE  GRAY  ROMANTIC  (  hes  between  demi  &  gray  )     

imma  start  off  by  saying  that   i  ship  syelle  as  well  as  petlar.  a  note      about  the  later, from  what  i  have read  &  seen  i  will  only  really  ship  them ( petlar )  during / post  the  wall,  which  at  the  time  of  writing  this  i  still  need  to  view.  i  would  be  open  to  pre  show  aus  to  start  at  this  point. 

anything  else  is  fair  game  at  this  point, just  be aware  sylar  isn’t  looking  for  anything  serious  really  during  heroes  canon.  plus  hes  not  exactly  a  nice  guy  so  like  be  warned  there.    ----  honest  to  god  if  your  interested  in  shipping  with  sylar  or  gabriel  (  yes  there  is  a  difference  )  pls  come  @  me.  the worst  i  can  do  is  say  no.  

i  will  also state   i  don’t  ship  sylaire  because  well…. shes  underage  ???? &  before  you  leap  down  my  throat  about  heroes  reborn,  most  of  the content i  have  seen  is  her  being  underage. but  i’m  not  gonna  accuse  anyone  of aging  anyone  up  for  a  ship,  cos  there  is  canon  where  she  is older.   i  am just  not  interested.  don’t  see  the  appeal,  i’ve  read  way  too much meta  &   just  don’t  see  it.  

it  is  also  worth  noting  that  post  3x01 the  second  coming,  sylar  can  no  longer  die.  he  is  immortal.  save  for  one  weak  spot  which  he  aint  about  to  tell  anyone  where  it  is. 

finally ummmm  i’m  22  guys  so  no  lying  about  your  age  to  smut  with  me.  i  will  block  your  ass  if  you  do.  don’t  make  me  be  the  bad  guy. 

GODMODDING

pls  do  not  god  mod  my  muse.  you  wanna  write  him  ??  make  a  blog  of  your  own,  or  go  write  some  fic.  i  play  three  strikes.  first  time  is  a  reminder,  second  time  is  a thread  drop  third  time  is  a  partner  all  together  drop.  THESE  CAN  BE  EXERCISED  AT  MY  DISCRETION  HOWEVER 

also  i  think  its  worth  mentioning  cos  some  might  see  this  as  potential  godmodding.  sylar  is  not  a  nice  guy,  hes  a  type  of  serial  killer.  he  will  kill  you  if  it  benefits  him,  or  if  you  piss  him  off  enough.  hes not  above doing  it  just  to  prove  a  point.  he  will  hurt  you  if  you  make angry,  might  not  kill  you  but  he  can  hurt  you  if  you  anger  him.  so  if  your  muse  riles  him  up  enough ??  just  be  prepared  for  potential  violence,  that  might  follow.  ---  i  will  not  exercise  my  muses  strength  cos  you  think  its  funny  to have  yours  poke  the  hive.  --  if  you  don’t  like  this,  please  don’t  attempt  to  write  with  me.  my  muse  is  a  villian  for  most  of  the  show  &  i  won’t  be  watering  him  down  for  you.  

OOC  VS.  IC  KNOWLEDGE

at  the  point  i  am  in  the  show,  the  only  people  who  know  what  sylar  looks  like  are  the  people  that  have  seen  him,  furthermore  only  those  who  have  heard  the  name  know  he  is  even  a  thing.  so  its  safe  to  say  a  lot  of  normal   savillians  don’t  know  him.  HELL  a  lot  of  the  heroes  don’t  know  him  either.  ---  keep  this  in  mind  when  interacting.  if  your  character  has  special  abilities  to  know  who  he  is,  thats  different,  but  don’t  just  assume  you  know  who  he  is  or  what  he  does.  

FURTHERMORE  TO  GO  OFF  A  TANGENT  i  am  not  gonna  be  too  keen  to  see  a  bunch  of  starters  of  people  begging  for  their  lives.  gabriel  is  a  hell  of  a  lot  more  then  just  a  random  serial  killer.  he  is  a  complex  character  who  has  feelings  &  issues  of  his  own.  hes  not  going  to  kill  just  anyone  for  the  sake  of  it.  please  bare  this  in  mind.  i  will  likely  not  reply  to  those  kind  of  random  interactions.  ---  by  all  means  if  you  wanna  plot  something  like  that  i  am  game  for  it,  but  please  give  me  the  heads  up.  i  will  not  reduce  my  muse  to  a  stereotype  killer,  cause  hes  not  & thats  the  tea.  he  only  kills  when  it  benefits  him,  its  not  a  sport  for  the  hell  of  it.  

TRIGGERING  CONTENT

given  the  nature  of  my  muse  there  will  be  some  triggering  themes  on  this  blog.  such  as  murder,  gore,  suicide, manipulation.  if  anyone  is  bothered  by  this,  please  blacklist  accordingly.  i tag  “  insert  trigger “ tw.  i  will  not  be  posting  heavy  gore  on  this  blog  in  visuals  at  least  &  i  ask  you  tag   it  if  you  post  it.  i’m  fine  with  a  bit  of  blood,  but  too  much  makes  me  a   little  ill.  writing  is  fine,  anything  like  a  photoset  with  heavy  gore  needs  to  be  tagged  for  me,  &  i  myself  will  not  be  posting  such  content.

MAINS  &  EXCLUSIVES

i  will  only  be  doing  exclusives  for  ships  &  crossover  fandoms  at  this  time.  if  you  are  interested  in  being  mains  lemme  know.  i  do  however  require  previous  interaction  ic  or  occ,  preferably  both.  if  you  wanna  be  exclusive  i  ask  you  return  the  favour  otherwise  i  drop  the  exclusivity.  

AND  I  THINK  THATS  ABOUT  IT  !!  I  PROMISE  I  AM  LESS  SCARY  THEN  THESE  RULES  MAKE  ME  SEEM,  I  AM  GIANT  NERD  WHO  IS  HELLA  FRIENDLY  &   LIKES  TO  GUSH ABOUT  HER  FAVES  ALWAYS !!  MUTUALS  MAY  ASK  FOR  DISCORD  IF  THEY  WISH  TO  TALK  THERE

NOW  HURRY  UP  &  ATTACK  MY  INBOX  OR  IMS  OR  LIKE  A  STARTER  CALL  LETS  WRITE  !! 

[rancidbunny]

I got tagged in a thing!! by @bill-nye-the-bi-guy  👉😎👉

Name: eeeeh i really dont like my real name and im kinda flip floppity with nicknames, but right now i really like Cal!

Gender: nonbinary

Star Sign: virgo, tho im not much of a virgo imo lol

Height: 5 feet and 4 inches

Sexuality: bi

What images do you have set as your desktop/cellphone wallpaper?i change my wallpapers a lot but rn my phone screen is velma from scooby doo and my desktop is a minecraft squid floatin around in outer space lol

Have you ever had a crush on a teacher? no

Where do you see yourself in 10 years? i dont tend to look that far ahead so idk? hopefully somewhere cold, rainy, and with lots of forest!

If you could be anywhere else right now, where would you be? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ mcdonalds probably

What was your coolest Halloween costume? i thought my lumberjack costume was kinda cool, tho it was really simple, just a flannel and a beard lol. i dont ever go all out with halloween costumes

What’s your favorite 90s show? i wanna say rugrats cause i grew up with it but im also really really into star trek voyager rn

Who was your last kiss? ive never kissed anyone. unless family counts? but then i still have no idea its been so long, im not really a kissing sort of person

Have you ever been stood up? no

Have you ever been to Las Vegas? no

Favorite pair of shoes: probably my black and white high tops, all i really own are converse lol

Favorite fruit: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Favorite book: waaaaay too many to choose!!

Stupidest thing you’ve ever done: ooooh im so stupid!! so so stupid!! if i have to choose one event tho! one that keeps me up at night! one that just really gets me mad at myself!! i was bidding on this really cheap lot of like 2500 yugioh cards on ebay and i was winning and the auction ended in like a half hour and i thought “ill just do a bit of homework while i wait” but then!! i got distracted by the stupid homework and lost track of time and the auction ended!! and i lost!!! it sold for so cheap!!!!!! id spent more on less cards than that before so i would have gone higher but the stupid homework distracted me and i missed my chance!! yall may be laughin at me rn but ill regret that till i die tbh

im gonna tag uuuhhhhh.... @agriculture-lesbian @scoot-the-furbs @weeaboop @bonniespacearcade @hte-spagheti

[moonlitstories]

tagged by @fourseasonsofastro

answer 11 questions, tag 11 people then set 11 questions of your own!

What are some things that make you really happy?

Puppies, Astro having fun and smiling, Jinjin, ice cream, my cousins (when they aren’t being annoying), ill stop there lol

2. Are you a multifandom type person?

I’m baby to kpop! i know of a lot of groups but stan 5 (Astro, SVT, Honeyst, SF9, B1A4) so i guess multi

3. What other social media platforms do you use?

facebook, instagram, twitter, snapchat(?), linkedin.. I have them but im not active on them. I’m mainly active here on tumblr oops haha

4. Are academics easy for you?

math was but i dont have anymore math classes :( sometimes it can and sometimes not. I think it depends on the content

5. What’s your favorite hobbies?

reading mangas/webtoons~, games (very random games), and working on my fics and thinking of new ones~

6. Have you ever learned a kpop dance before?

no… i want to but… im very uncoordinated person and told to be very stiff😅

7. Talk about someone you love (can be a bias, irl person, family, etc.)

dang… I can’t choose haha! I’ll go less personal route: Jin Jin is so sweet and caring not just to arohas but especially with his members. He puts up with a lot just from them messing with him but he never gets mad at them. Even the little things that often go unnoticed by the members shows how much he cares for them. He’s so playful and such a dork at times. OMGosh i love his smile and his laugh! and how he has such high self-esteem even though the members always say he’s the least best looking of them (which i think with or without makeup he is handsome)! More than his looks tho, his personality shines so much! I could keep going but ill stop there 😅

8. Fav content creator?

like fics wise? then FORSURE @vonseal I love her fics! I won’t even list cuz I honestly love them all!

9. Can you do a handstand?

I can barely stand straight without somehow toppling over 😂 so no

10. Something you like about yourself♥

I dont have much self-confidence but when it comes to what I wear I stay with my style no matter what? People always tell me i should wear this and that but I like just being simple so it doesn’t bother me when they complain im too simple? Idk how to explain this haha

11. Do you have any funny habits?

sometimes when i’m bored and im wearing something flowy and im alone/no ones look i randomly twirl 😂 or when i get really happy/excited or hyper i either start jumping up and down in place or if im close with someone id start hitting them

tagging: @min-syubi @mysticalheartnerd @astros-turf @b-ace not 11 but whoever else wants to do it can!

What are you like when you get hyper or excited?

Only child or have siblings?

What is something you “oddly” get excited over or obsess about? (for me its snowflakes or a full moon)

How long have you been an aroha?

Who is your ultimate bias and when/how did you realize they were?

Do you have a collection of anything?

What is something you have on your bucket list (or would add if you dont have a bucket list)

What song got you into kpop (and/or group)

Multilingual or just one?

Do you like your birth stone?

Favorite food?

[crypticcharmander]

Personal post

Other friends in person have been telling me to block that person I’ve been arguing with because they say I’m getting too worked up, the high dose of medication I’m on makes me more emotional than usual and I don’t think as clearly before I type :/

Maybe that’s why a lot of the things I said were getting misconstrued??? Like when they thought I had the opinion that Bi and NB people didn’t belong in the LGBT community when I was saying the exact opposite??? Like, especially because I’m Bi and NB why would I say that that my identifiers were not apart of the LGBT??? Why would I even disrespect other people’s identifiers if they WEREN’T also mine??? That’s so rude??

And like?? I’m just so confused because they sound so mad, mean, and condescending?? Calling me gross and talking rudely in the tags as if I can’t see them, too 🙄 I get it sweetie, you’re trying to be edgy and mean to appear intimidating and cool and hip.

Talking to me like I don’t know what TF Systematic oppression is. I know what TF systematic oppression is. I’m Biracial, Bi, NB, was DFAB, I’m clinically diagnosed with mental disabilities, and Chronically ill. I know what it is and I know how it personally effects me, my family, and the people in my communities.

I simply believe you cannot deny that Oppression and Systematic Oppression have come to be two separate things. They both have two separate definitions. Literally everyone can be oppressed for whatever reason, even if that reason is “not a real reason”. Like crap man, by going by the definition you could be oppressed for liking, IDK, pears 🍐 . But like… That’s where there’s a difference. Because you CAN’T be Systematically oppressed for liking pears! Which is a “duh” statement! Obviously no one’s being systematically oppressed by things like that! If Oppression is “unjust treatment” for “ whatever reason” then that’s what Oppression is. Systematic Oppression is large scale, it’s the whole society and government giving a group of people unjust treatment. And until that thing happens it can’t happen Systematically. Like. White people cant be Systematically oppressed because they’re not. It would have to take A TON of years for somehow that system to flip. I don’t think it could ever magically flip to where the Whites were somehow the systematic victims and other races the Oppressors like- that just can’t happen???

And White people always argue “Well, you CAN be racist to white people. If someone says they hate White people because of their race, then that is by definition racist!” Well fine! Okay! That is technically racist. It’s not SYSTEMATIC racism though. You cannot be Systematically racist to a white person!

All Systematic Oppression is Oppression. But not all Oppression is systematic ( see back to my pear example, you can’t systematically oppress a group of people for liking pears ).

All Systematic Racism is Racism. But not all Racism is systematic. ( See back to the white people example where they cry that it’s technically racist against white people to say “I hate white people because of their race” or whatever. You still can’t systematically be racist against white people.)

Okay. And next thing. Modifiers??? This is seriously the first time in the 4 years of me being apart of the tumblr community and hearing about this term- and that’s really really strange that I’ve apparently never heard of this.

From what I’ve known growing up in the LGBTQA+ community, going to LGBT+ youth groups, LGBT+ school clubs, rallies, and participating on here…

There are the different Sexualities, different Gender Identities, different romantic identities, there’s platonic attraction, and presentation. When and where did the modifiers show up??? What are modifiers???

And even still if there is a modifier on say, heterosexual, doesn’t that STILL mean they’re not simply heterosexual??? Literally meaning they’re not simply just straight??? Thus meaning they’re LGBT???

I’ve always been told being Asexual was a separate IDENTITY. Now I’m being told that Asexual is an identity modifier???? What else is considered modifiers??

Agender is still Agender and not a modifier. Aromantic is still Aromantic and not a modifier. Why is just Asexuality suddenly a sexuality modifier??? Was it always one and somehow I never read it or was just not told during my many interactions with Individuals who have said they are Asexual???

Why do I need sources when I say Ace people have always existed??? Like??? There are no sources for that really. It just is.

They’ve been apart of the community just as long, but quiet. They weren’t heard because they weren’t acknowledged to speak. Just because none of them became famous doesn’t mean they didn’t participate and help.

And how am I suppose to source myself?? How do I source me saying “Yes, I know Ace individuals that have participated actively in LGBT+ activism”? Like um: Source: Me??? This is a personal experience??? There is no link I can provide you with??? I am the link??? lol Hyperlink to my blog??? Me??

Ahhhhhh

And like. Why do they have to be so damn condescending??? They’re literally so unnecessarily mean about what they’re saying? Instead of yelling at people why don’t you politely try to make them understand??? Because the smug responses only repulse me AWAY FROM WANTING TO MAKE CONVERSATION. lol

I really, sincerely wasn’t trying to be mean with any of my responses??? I’ve re-read my stuff like a hundreds times even before I posted it because I was paranoid of it sounding rude (And even then I missed a lot of typos but I’m just gonna blame that on my current mental state, and medications I took today). I apologize if I was unintentionally rude in my conversation with you, stranger! I didn’t mean to sound like I was fighting or wanting to keep fighting- was it my long paragraphs??? Because I swear I wasn’t irritated or angry until the last two responses! I just naturally write a lot of words and paragraphs in my response!!! That was me using my normal talking flow!

I don’t know. I’m honestly still looking for answers.

Even if Asexuality is considered a sexuality modifier wouldn’t it be a sexuality if someone literally was like “This is my sexuality not a sexuality modifier”? Because I swear all the Asexuals I know say that that’s their sexual identity. Not a modifier of their sexual identity. If someone says "this is my identity" doesn't it make it their identity by simple rules of respect? What right do you have to tell them "No, you can't identify as that"?

I’m open to new opinions and such this is just what I currently think at the moment and have been thinking for a while. I’m just upset because that person could have gotten their opinion across much more nicely and I would have better understood. Part of me feels like they weren’t even fully reading what I was writing because I feel like they really confused a lot of my arguments with other ideas- like they just picking a choosing things I said and going off of easily triggerable words and phrases as "gotcha" statements.

And them just assuming I’m a stupid person and telling me I’m stupid and gross and talking down to me instead trying to politely “educate” me was just plain ableist in my eyes. It was like almost all of their responses were basically like "haha you dumb poor thing :^) how could you not know _____ , how could you not collect sources constantly all the time to always support every single one of your opinions like I do, I am superior haha!"

I don’t know. I feel a lot better now though after writing all of this, though! :)

I guess this counts as venting??? But I am seriously looking for advice and clarification. Should I block that person?? - Maybe I won’t have to and they’ve decided to stop replying on their own.