#idk what I signed myself into
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Hehe.. I'm okay, I mean.. Either way, it means I have one less thing to worry about.
If it is how it is, then I don't have to worry so much about what happens in this piece. If it somehow goes the way I want, I'll have something to keep on loving.
I honestly really still don't picture what point the plot would have and how the story would make sense if they decide if this is how the story would go in this direction,(it's a chapter, I still feel things should be seen in full and have some sort of good theme that wraps it all together) but I'm not saying that the author is wrong. They decide what to do with the story and their characters, I believe that for a creator, their characters can sometimes be like their child.. That's how it is for me when I write them, it depends on the creator, but I believe they will have a degree of affection for what they've brought into this world.
I wouldn't like it, it's underwhelming, and whatever this new chapter suggests could have made sense and fit better like 50 chapters ago and would have had better catharsis if it happened much earlier I feel, but that's my personal opinion I form after having read it with my own interpretations. I could say that I tried my best and put very careful attention to it in my own way.
You really don't need to try console me, it's getting really annoying.. I'm sorry, but being spoiled every single time for the past.. Month or two after having been very attached to a ship had been so rough for me, I think it was even worse than seeing how the chapters play out for myself and forming a clear opinion on it. Don't warn me or say you're sorry, I can handle it on my own. I'm really used to doing it for myself. why??; I'm just going to read or drop this series if I'm not satisfied with it, I want to keep giving it a chance and keep loving it if/while I can. It's fine. If I need it, I will organize my thoughts in a post, draw it out, or talk to my friends. I'll tell you if I NEED to talk! I'm having fun.
The really interesting thing about this work is, while I get really frustrated about how wacky and bizzare things turn out to be, I always find something about these chapters that.. Give me hope still? Idk if they are false hope though XD it's ridiculous, but I keep reading. I'll keep my hopes brightly lit if I can find them and I actually... Still kinda do. I wonder if it'll hit even more rock bottom than this lol. If you forget about Kamiki and Ai maybe this isn't the worst either, but honestly, I really, really am rooting for Ai in this one and her love. I like that about her and hey, if I'm the one who writes this story, I'd make her every choices worth it.
I feel the author really loves her character, she's well-crafted, so I want to believe that!
So there. Until next chapter drops!
#oshi no ko#hikaai#oshi no ko spoilers#as I keep saying.. read this after it's complete guys#idk what I signed myself into#but I... why do I think I'm still right? I must be really stubborn#it tells me a lot about myself
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Old man yaoi kill me old man yaoi…
#fiddleauthor kill me#or ford^2 idk#I have not read a single sweet fic since I got into gf#I think fic god hates me#or i hate me#ik billford is trending but I have not read a single fic that can get bill’s character right…#I’m picky as hell don’t take my word for anything#i can’t get his character right either#you’ll know#there be signs#I would be drawing so much#you know what happens when hyperfixation hits me#20 drawings a day🙌#anyway#sorry#i’ll see myself out#bearz rambling tag
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dgaf about egg jokes they're harmless and at worst mildly stereotypical do your thing im sure ive made one before. however. i do feel like the whole discourse was kicked off by that "egg behavior to wear women's deodorant as a man" tweet and we all collectively need to agree that that tweet was dumb & stupid and women's deodorant is objectively superior to men's. actually men's hygiene products in general just suck more except razors. apparently its manly to smell like shit and have dry skin. if i had my druthers id force every cis man to use dove deodorant. id mean id still do it if it made them transgender but i see it as more of a public service in terms of smell than in that regard.
#men's clothes also are all Fucking Beige.#they fit better and are better quality material but fuck me they're boring unless you're willing to drop major cash#also i don't really get the egg thing bc i came out at 11#so for me being an egg was just like i want to crawl out of my skin and i can't picture myself as a happy adult woman#but that's puberty right? oh.#and all these jokes are way more for like early 20 somethings that didn't have an inkling i guess#and i just don't get it bc i was always mixing male and female stuff growing up so i didn't care or see it as a sign#but if you DID have a gendered childhood and adolescence then yeah small gender experimentation like buying different soap would matter#i also did have some experiences more similar to what trans women seem to recount though so idk#like i used to privately (chastely) crossdress and take pictures of myself#and i don't think ive ever met another trans guy who did that unless they were from a strict religious backgrounf#or like religious women trying on jeans for the first time#anyway. I think it can reinforce gender roles a lot but not horribly so. Like mostly idc. Maybe don't say that to ppl you don't know well
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i know astrology is fake but i'm not too keen on how a lot of people on this website seem to be clowning on it as a hobby a bit too hard. i swear the woman who thinks it's neat how she and her friends with the same sun sign are all similar isn't trying to say that you are who you are born as and there is nothing you can do to change it. it's a hobby. an interest. what happened to finding meaning and joy in the small things. does it affect you if someone enjoys tarot reading or crystals. does it make you upset someone has interests that they enjoy.
#im not saying astrology/tarot/crystals/etc. get clowned on so much bc theyre hobbies mostly enjoyed by women But....#i saw a post about some astrology study and made the mistake of opening the notes on that bad boy#not fun. and that reminded me of that old post that was basically like ''liking astrology is transphobic''#anyways idk maybe its just that my bestie is very much a ''crystal girl'' but like. stuff like that are such neat hobbies#she makes some cute little jars with pretty rocks and they make her feel better bc if you believe in something you can make it happen#when it comes to small things#like yeah if you pick up a stone that's like ''this can help you be more open with your emotions'' and you are like ''oh hell yea!''#ofc that will be on your mind and the item will be a constant reminder and actually help you with your goals#and its like. ok what really stuck with me was when i was talking with my bff and i was like ''i think all this stuff is interesting but i#feel bad bc i am superstitious and believe in some signs like lucky numbers but i know that logically its just. if i pick a lucky number of#i pay extra attention to it but i want to believe its lucky but i know how human brains work in that aspect''#and she was just like. ''so? those things dont have to exclude each other'' and it clicked#if i have a little tigers eye with me it does not make me feel more grounded magically#but if i decide (or believe) it's grounding then it will b bc it's a reminder for me to calm down#and stuff#like. ah idk how to put my thoughts into words#but i just think its unfair that a few rotten apples have ruined the perception of fun hobbies for a lot#not every astrology enjoyer is trying to sell you mlm essential oils or genuinely believe peoples entire lives are dictated upon the stars#or something#idk i just feel like these things are v misunderstood even tho im not personally like super into them myself#but ppl super mean about that stuff arent invited to look at my medieval themed fortune telling cards#idkk im sleepy and cant articulate my points someone else say this but better#leevi talks#im just saying. i dont think its bioessentialism to decide to believe you personally have a season for growth when the stars are in a#certain position or whatever
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"There's nothing wrong with dreaming. Wishing for the impossible is just human nature. That's how I got started. Just a pencil and a dream. We all want everything without even having to lift a finger. They say you just have to believe. Belief can make you succeed. Belief can make you rich. Belief can make you powerful. Why with enough belief, you can even cheat death itself. Now that... is a beautiful, and positively silly thought." -Joey Drew.
[OPEN YOUR EYES]
-Line-
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I mean, at the end of the day, he wasn't so wrong about that last part.
This one also took a little longer to finish. I wonder why /s.
I usually don't like drawings where I have to create a design for a character I've never drawn before. It ends up making me force myself to come up with ideas and sometimes I end up not liking the design anyway. At least this time? That didn't happen (thank goodness).
At first, I didn't know what to do for this prompt. What I originally conceived was a more "joke" drawing with Joey and Sammy, with Sammy literally drawing the line between him and Joey with a big pencil. No big deal, right? But then the phrase "end of the line" came to mind and then… this happened. Funny. A while back I had an idea for a drawing about Joey's afterlife. The idea was much simpler, from what I remember. And compared to what we have, quite different.
"Death" is what came for Joey, and it's what comes for everyone. What he faces is nothing less than what will determine his fate. It is the very Arbiter itself - the eye that sees all - who decides where souls whose lives are over will go. The heavenly gates in the great beyond? The burning flames in the darkest pit? The void of vast nothingness? Somewhere else beyond? Reveal your soul and the Arbiter will decide. I have a certain guess as to where Joey is going, but I'll leave that up in the air.
Maybe I thought just a little bit too much about a character that I probably won't draw in a long time,but i don't mind giving a little lore even to characters that i don't see using much in the future, you know.
(Also, since I used Joey's audio log from BATIM CH3 in the beginning, did you know that Dave Rivas (Joey's current VA) did his own reading of that audio? He's going to be a guest on the Indie Horror Talk Podcast, and the video they posted teasing Dave's appearance there has him reading this same audio log, only with his Joey voice. So now we have Joey's first audio log in the series voice acted by both his first VA (David Eddings) and his current one. I thought that was cool, you know. I found this out a while back and wanted to talk about it for a sec.)
(Alt. without the text):
#bendy and the ink machine#batim#batdr#bendy and the dark revival#the ink demonth#joey drew#bendy oc#batim oc#i think????#crookedsmileart#cw eyestrain#cw bright colors#tw eyestrain#ask to tag#I don't know if I would consider the Arbiter as an angel; despite the very angelic design#Idk; in my head I wouldn't put them as an angel; you know.#despite the way I described what they are and do; it should be clear that I'm not the religious type lol far from it#I just wanted to describe them in an interesting way#I don't know why I'm explaining myself that I'm not the religious type#I like Bendy; that should be enough of a sign that I'm not lmao#anyway;welcome Arbiter;an OC that we probably won't see again in a Bendy context any time soon;#but I'll probably reuse it in one of my og stories that's running around in my head#it probably fits more in a context of my stories than in Bendy I think#Even though Joey's life has come to an end; it doesn't mean that he's not still out there; somewhere#After all; “An ending don't mean it's over”; don't you agree?
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fellow afab genderfluid people yall ever get feelings of masculinity so strong that you fear you just be a trans guy in denial bc you're scared
#i literally just had the desire to tip a cowboy hat at a group of ladies in a bar and say “ladies” in a thick southern accent#yes it came out of nowhere no i have no idea where it came from#also. ive been imagining myself more masc as of late#chat is this a sign#genderfluid#genderfluid pride#lgbtq+#lgbtqia#lgbt pride#happy pride 🌈#trans pride#transgender#nonbinary#non binary#transgender pride#afab#send help idk what going on
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If my family and friends learned ASL I would talk so much more.
I can't even explain it to them but it's like even though I know all of English and I can express myself with it a lot faster than I can with ASL (exclusively bc I'm new to ASL and only have like a year and half of learning it under my belt) I'm so much more comfortable with ASL.
I hate talking so much I get like word vomit and everything comes out wrong. I hate the way I sound and people almost never hear me. Either I'm too loud or too quiet and it angers me. I get frustrated and then people think I'm upset with them when I'm not.
But in ASL, I'm so much more comfortable. I don't have to talk and I just use my hands. Things can come out wrong but not because my mouth is slower than my brain but because I'm new and sometimes your fingers move in the wrong way. I don't have to hear myself talk and I just like the way my hands can move and the words fall off my fingers and I don't have to think so hard about it
Uh but no one around me wants to learn so off I go with stuttering and running out of breath
#im not apart of the deaf community or hard of hearing or literally anything but im leaning it in school#its the only class im comfortable in and even when im at home and sign by myself i like dont want to shrivel up into a ball and never move#but idk i also like to try crack my back in the strangest way i can think of so wtf do i know#asl#american sign language#idk whats your thoughts
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Porter better have nemesis alert on because I’m coming for his ass with so much bureaucratic WRATH and ANGER and RAGEEEE and I will fucking disintegrate him.
OOOOOOOHHHHRHRHRBSBSB I can’t get over it I’ll fucking show him rage let me at him. Let mE AT ‘IM.
#dimension 20#fantasy high junior year#fantasy high#Zac’s ‘You’ve got to be fucking kidding me’ had so much rage hiding behind it#we’ve been through some heavy and frustrating shit over the seasons but I’m dangerously close to being Actually Mad at Brennan for this#I’m gonna have a conniption. an aneurism.#I cant FUCKJNG believe OOOHHHHH the way porter points at gorgug like#that’s a C- student right there. I’ll only sign your meat if you get up to an A+#ARE YOU IGNORING HIS THREE YEARS WORRH OF A+ HES MAINTAINING RN?!?!#I GUESS NOT BC ITS NOT FOR BARBARIAN#BUT FIG CAN POKE HER HEAD IN AS A GOOF TO SKIP HER ACTUAL CLASSES AND GETS FULL CREDIT AND A SIGNATURE#and I feel like Gorgug’s section even poetically got cut short and overshadowed by fig going to his class with him#fig is right. Porter is weird about this. grossly unfairly cruelly weird#fuck I’m so mad idk what to do with myself#fhjy#gorgug thistlespring#fig faeth
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fr tho i think SLTs is actually such a good concept because im just thinking like yes we had the biology sex education of hormones are a thing and if you dont use a condom this is what your penis will look like but if anyone ANYONE had been open with me about what sexualities are and how they feel then maybe someone wouldve said 'hey this is something that you actually feel its not a thinking thing and yes, some people actually DO start this early. if you dont relate maybe look into the words asexual and aromantic' then i would have maybe felt less like a freak and not forced myself through both guys and girls trying to find something that actually felt right because right now nobody talks about it especially not when it comes to teenagers which is fair enough but also it really really would have been beneficial to me and im sure other people if it was discussed in a respectful controlled manner
#sorry if anyone doesnt know what SLTs is its a reference to heartbreak high#like i come from a very progressive open left family and surroundings#my school had p much a 0 tolerance policy for all things discrimination#yes we had a gsa but you dont sign up for that unless you already know something is up#so like i knew about the gay straight bisexual everything#and i even knew the word asexual#but since nobody ever actually explained anything about anything i just figured oh whatever itll happen im only 15 anyway#and ESPECIALLY on being aro i didnt know that was a thing and even if i did i never would have identified myself if it wasnt for tumblr#heartbreak high#idk if i should tag that#asexual#aromantic#aroace
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i might've fucked up -.-
#idk what's wrong with me#god im so tired of being stressed all the time and im tired of it#just being fully my fault ugh why do i keep fucking up this entire uni thing#im just so stressed i freeze and i don't do the things i have to do i dont send documentation#i didnt sign up for ANY class yet because i just couldnt get myself to look at them and i think i fucked everything up and its going to#be a whole thing#idk i would just rather stay at home and do nothing but i cant so i gotta go#but i feel sick at the thought ugh#i dont feel any energy to do any assignments of even go to class already and im not even there im still at home#ughhhhhhhhhhhhh#im so tiredd i cant do this#i have to pack and i cant get myself to do it either#vent#sorry sorry sorry#i need to talk about it i cant talk to anyone here cause ill just get yelled at or something my fam doesnt get it it just makes me#feel worse ughhhh#idk if i should even go#i feel like im wasting people's time and money and my own sanity just to underachieve and feel like shit all the time but the one thing#that therapist told me was that i shouldn't drop out because it's gonna solidify my views that im constantly failing at everything so this#has been one of the main reasons im still trying idk maybe itll do something one day#but heyy if i keep at it maybe next month my uni will give me money so i can go to a psych appointment or something#tho tbh the more i think about it the worse i feel about THAT like yeah i feel like shit but i feel like if just was better and stronger an#less lazy i could do it all easily
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The art that I adore is either "most beautiful and creative combination of colors and shapes and motifs you've ever seen in your life that you will spend hours picking apart" or "warning sign"
#rambles by this machine#and i think that's wonderful#i forget what's considered normal sometimes and embarrassed myself by stopping to take a picture of a blue stop sign#or this other sign about tripping over stuff ?#i look young so to white older adult I just look like a silly teen#not a neuroweird young adult#(saying neuroweird cause idk what's going on with me mentally and i'm not comfortable self diagnosing cause idk medical things that well)#anyways the stop sign was blue and that's so cool#there's a stop sign that has lower case letters out there and i really want to know how that happened#my art inspo folder is just the art described above#mostly fanart#and ten like a dozen that's just warning signs#i can't tell if tumblr likes them too or if i just managed to find my niche
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being your father’s favorite child is a burden not often talked about
#fiji ramblings#Don’t mind me ajjsjsj#[name] go ask for this thing he wont get mad at you!#[name] tell him the bad news you always know how to do it right!#[name] see if you can make him feel better he’ll just get mad at us!#Idk what it is but hasjjssk#Im dying here#Something something why is being the favorite the equal but opposite of being the least favorite#Why does it suck man#Get me outta here#I feel separate sometimes#Ive wanted to be liked but#Not like this idk#might as well have put up a neon flashing sign that says PSYCHOANALYZE ME or something XD#But I gotta talk to myself somewhere and I don’t have time to write it down smh#Audience of a few online mutuals and random strangers it is a guess#yelling into the void
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I think the team are all from different cultures btw
Like they're all dwarves, but they(to me) obviously come from different backgrounds and such. Places with different social expectations and ways of communicating.
Like an accent or the use of slang. They're all speaking the same language, but the details can get lost if you aren't in the know.
Like. Idk. Gunner comes from a place where being stoic is seen as the norm. Not much emotional availability, but a very heavy emphasis is placed on caring for your community and protecting your family. He was raised to take care of others and sacrifice his needs for the good of the group. This made it hard to accept that sometimes he would need help. Thankfully being with the team has opened his eyes, and while he still works tirelessly to protect those he loves, he knows sometimes he needs someone to lean on.
Engie comes from a place where the dwarves are friendly and hospitable. Very calm and open, and being a capable, self-sufficient dwarf who helps your comrades is seen as the ideal. He was raised to treat everyone like family and to be polite and kind-hearted. He still holds onto his more wholesome values of course, but has learned that sometimes being harsh has its place.
Scout comes from an area where friendly roughhousing is very common, along with jabbing at your friends in a joking way. Being self-sufficient is expected, and being a well-rounded dwarf with the ability to take care of yourself and others is ideal. He was raised to carry his weight but always be ready to help others with their load. This has led to him being hyperfocused on being helpful to others while completely refusing anything in return, viewing it as weak. Over time he's gotten over it, mostly thanks to the team, and will now readily jabber on until he gets what he needs.
Driller is from somewhere. I have no idea where it would be, and I don't think there's a whole culture of dwarves out there that act like him. I think he spent a lot of his life alone and doesn't really understand how others work. That leads him to overanalyze how other dwarves act from an outside and then interact based on how he operates. Basically he thinks everyone processes things exactly how he does, and he has trouble remembering that the dwarves around him may not enjoy the same things he does. This led to the team perceiving him as unnerving and aggressive, which although true, doesn't fully encapsulate his person. He enjoys roughhousing that borders on actual fighting, he likes quiet and darkness and warmth, and doesn't realize that not everyone shares that. So he bites and burns and bombs, stands in dark, quiet places and ambushes others with his unnerving silence. He doesn't mean any malice, not really, he's just showing his care in his own unconventional way. It's taken a long time, but over the many years he's worked for DRG, the team has managed to show him how they operate, which makes for less uncomfortable situations. He still blows up Scout though. Some things don't change.
They're all from different places and have had different experiences in life, and they've all had different amounts of time to work on it. It wasn't always easy, but they're all in agreement that doing things together is much better than trying to go forward alone. Through thick and thin, through the fighting and the peaceful times, they've vowed to stick together, to support each other. And for that, they're the strongest dwarves around.
#just some of my personal headcanons for like#behavioral stuff?#how they act.#I was mainly thinking about Driller#because i firmly believe he shows his love through what most would see as signs of aggression#he loves violently#and then i asked myself#“why?”#and now we're here.#idk if anyone will agree or even care#but i wanted to share#so here#have some dwarves#<3#deep rock galactic#drg#drgposting#rock and stone#driller#driller drg#gunner#gunner drg#engineer#engineer drg#scout#scout drg#can you tell Driller is my fav yet?#hes my babygirl#oh also#deep rock gaylactic
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Dammit I've thought of another joke comic type thing but idk to leave it as a comic or try animating it
#but if i animated it i would need to either voice it myself or get friends to help bc i don't like animating without voicelines#but everyone ik is generally camera shy#im not i took an acting class for 2 years not even god can stop me#at one point#i had to play a homophobic protestor and i got to scream STOP THE GAYS and stuff like THEY'RE CORRUPTING OUR CHILDREN in a southern#accent#i suggested this be put in btw#i made a sign with an american flag and a bald eagle as the background to “STOP THE GAYS” in that flame text you see everywhere#we had a audience for this aswell#i got full marks#anyway yeah#idk what to do#moxx's contemplations
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Yeah, I also want to see 2 season, especially Destiny and my favorite Delirium, but I'm also curius who will play Remiel and Duma.
[i think this ask was pre-s2 announcement bc 2022 but YEAH]
i'm a HUUUUUUUUUGE duma stan you dont even KNOW
#sandman#the sandman#duma#asks#answers#continuing my trend of answering asks from 2022#anyway im on my duma sign language train#i consider duma's domain to be the *concept* of silence. like as an audio phenomenon. that doesnt mean he cant talk!!#i'm glad that in the lucifer comics they respect him and usually seem to be able to understand him without oral speech#potentially bc (per canon) he *can* mentally project what he wants people to know#but i think they missed an opportunity to actually have duma tell lucifer in *words* that he is both deeply loved And a little bitch#like creatures like lucifer know every language so????#(also. signed angel conlang anyone??? with WINGS???)#(actually i think that's impractical since it needs to be usable during flight. but having different forms is also awesome.)#lucking out on this that the sign for me too/same seems to be the same in asl & bsl#ultimately i don't think that duma should need to speak a human signed language at all -- but for clarity idk which to pick you know?#considering that this is an english-speaking comic with a british writer with a largely american audience#*probably* asl bc i am american and don't want to mix myself up but#anyway if you are a native speaker of asl. if i ever do more comics with duma and others i Will need help#i know a few asl words but i do Not have a good grasp of grammar#so please feel free to correct or suggest or dm me idk !! i really want to interact w the d/Deaf community more#always open to language critique#and i kind of would love help designing angel sign conlang. bc the concept of duma giving lucifer a name sign lives in my head forever#fwiw i'm fully on the duma/lucifer qpp train by the way. like duma has been PINING.
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I am so beyond ready to quit this job. Wednesday cannot come fast enough.
#to be fair it's bc school starts again in a few weeks#but idk. every day at this office feels like sandpaper on my skin. people always ask me shit i dont understand#and every case is so individual there's no set checklist to follow to troubleshoot#so most of the time I just grind my gears and get stuck#it'd busy more days than not.#and it was advertised to me as data entry only. client interactions was not what i signed up for.#it's all client interaction.#we're short staffed so nobody gets to take the back office and have a break.#when we weren't short staffed i was the new guy and only got 1 day in the back a week while everyone else got 2.#all my coworkers are conservative but talk like they're apolitical.#i thought it'd be fulfilling bc im helping people get benefits#but many are rude or impatient as any other service job. I'm constantly trying to direct people that don't want to listen#or explain the intricacies of something i barely understand.#and i don't want to lead people astray bc you have to start over if you blow a deadline.#but there's just nothing redeeming that i enjoy.#i hate customer service. i hate constantly asking questions. i like seldom few of my coworkers.#i can't be me at work.#and i don't care about the work itself anymore.#this job made me cry every day for weeks last month from sheer stress and overstimulation.#i almost cried myself sick several times.#the only reason I'm not there anymore is bc i dont fucking care anymore.#it took me 2 months to burn out. 2 months!#i was training for half of that!!#idk. everyone decided i was smart and could pick it up quickly so. even though everyone else got 4-6 weeks of shadowing#you can make do with 3 before you start doing stuff solo.#which feels unfair. i wasn't ready for it. and i resent the decision quite a bit.#plus it's been a nightmare for me in terms of external stressors and my generally deteriorating mental health. so.#all in all. i hate it here.#and i can't wait to turn in my notice so i can gtfo in 2 weeks#i am so tired. free me. let me go back to my music please
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