#and ESPECIALLY on being aro i didnt know that was a thing and even if i did i never would have identified myself if it wasnt for tumblr

[palehottubchild]

fr tho i think SLTs is actually such a good concept because im just thinking like yes we had the biology sex education of hormones are a thing and if you dont use a condom this is what your penis will look like but if anyone ANYONE had been open with me about what sexualities are and how they feel then maybe someone wouldve said 'hey this is something that you actually feel its not a thinking thing and yes, some people actually DO start this early. if you dont relate maybe look into the words asexual and aromantic' then i would have maybe felt less like a freak and not forced myself through both guys and girls trying to find something that actually felt right because right now nobody talks about it especially not when it comes to teenagers which is fair enough but also it really really would have been beneficial to me and im sure other people if it was discussed in a respectful controlled manner

[arolegos]

im over it but if she messaged me now i would respond in a heartbeat

[libbytwq]

would love to know about your silly headcanons for characters!! i think it's interesting to hear how people see characters and interpret them! for example, i like to think meggy would have similar little aspects to inklings, even if she's a human!!

i have probably a million other headcanons swimming around in my brain as well with things relating to specific characters and how to interpret that into their designs !!

I hope your day gets better, always love your art as well and I'd love to see more lore about SMGL:E !! especially SMGLoren art!! :D

ty! Your headcanon is neat too ooo

anyway, hc time weee (they arent very good or original, bear with me hjdbfj) (its mostly smg4 and smg3 cuz they are my favs lowkey)

SMG3 is slightly shorter than SMG4, SMG4 is slightly taller than Mario, but they are all still roughly 5'1

SMG3 paints his nails black (EMOOO)

SMG3 is pansexual and on the asexual spectrum (not me projecting-)

SMG4 is bisexual

SMG4 and Mario bully each other daily, but its like the friendly goofy ahh bros making fun of bros way yk, its a thing my friends be doing too, where we shit talk each other and do goofy shit but we still care about each other lol

Mario is aro :)

Meggy is bi

Bob is trans ftm lol (he canonically has ovaries so i mean)

Mr. Puzzles aro/ace woo

uh uh shit most of my hcs are sexuality related, one more sexuality hc cuz i have to

Karen is pan

there we go last sexuality hc, now im gonna try and restrain myself from those

SMG4 is so good with kids. Hes not really the best type of person to be a helpful responsible caretaker but hes 100% the goofy dad that makes kids laugh

On the contrary, SMG3 is the responsible helpful caretaker (as seen with eggdog)

basically smg4 and smg3s tendencies swap as soon as they are put in charge of kids

Karen had a husband and both were doing assassination missions before Karen had kids, Karen wanted to stop being a part of it after her third kid, her husband didnt want to leave the biz so ✨divorce✨

Currently all the ones i can think of

some of these were not originally ones thought up by me but ones i saw and thought were neat so i absorbed them lol, so if some of them were concocted by you and you want credit lmk

[ganondoodle]

i kinda want to read books again, i havent read any in .. more years than i know to remember but idk how to find anything i like, especially these days (i dont read fanfiction either .. , i tried a few times but it never really caught me q-q)

even when i was young i was somewhat picky (though there are plenty books im sure i finished but just .. dont remember) the last series i think i read was skullduggery pleasant (as i said, its been many years) but dropped it after it got a little 'weird' (in like .. i guess the shonen powerscaling problem, at least thats how it felt back then) and the annoying love interest boy that was seemingly only introduced so protag girl could do what normal girls do tm (i know theres many more books in the series so idk if hes actually more than that but eugh)

funnily enough i only seem to remember the books i loved so much i kept rereading them (the bartimäus trio, though i loved the forth prequel more than the others .. still sad i lost my copy of it in school) or the ones i stopped reading bc something completely threw me out of it-

there was one i literally only remember it was a protagonist (teen?) girl (is that a general common thing for the fantasy genre?) and she was travelling via a ship in that scene, idk if it was a flying one but something was different magical tm i think; and left it or ran away or so and sought shelter from the rain at some point and annoying boy caught up to her and they uuh .. started making out of nowhere?? (im sorry i literally only remember i felt rly uncomfortable and awkward, didnt like the boy, thought they had zero chemistry/felt forced AND i did NOT see it coming, like at all, maybe its my aro/ace/autism .. ness (that i wasnt aware of except being def different for most of my life, haha fun.) but i rememebr feeling like i got flashbanged by what i read, the only actual sentence i (think i) remember was "she felt the weight of his hips shifting onto hers" bc it weirded me out so much and i might just have stopped reading it at that point and never looked back lmao)

another one was one with a setting of having dragons and they were used like horses, also feathered! (though the cover picture, i think, was a big dragon eye surrounded by scales, pretty sure it annoyed me constantly but i might missremember, again its been so long and i went through things my brain wishes it could unlive) and the protagonist worked at a stable or soemthing (also girl? idk), last thing i remember was that all dragons started to go mad and kill themselves .. idk if i read any further

(honorable mention to uuh .. dämonenzeit (demon time), was a demon protagonist and it was a little brutal for my taste but when do you get a demon as the main guy, apparently there were two entries and i only read the first one, also lost that copy- Xarors (an OC of mine) first designs were based on the cover of that book and the thing the band 'disturbed' tended to use (the hooded guy with red glowing eyes) i was very original)

maybe all those were super well known ones and i just never knew (grew up without/extremely limited internet and tech in general after all.... the only one i knew was popular and also read all of it and had all parts .. was a certain bad wizard series that should not still be so popular *watches in horror as my niece gets into it and wants nothing but merch for it*) or really bad peepoo baby books, im possibly confusing or mixing some things bc i read quite a few ones with dragons and similar themes, but thats just what i remember/remember feeling like

(maybe i should see if i still have them somewhere and see how much is true of any of this .... though a part of me also doesnt want to)

[borzoilover69]

(tampers with the gas) dirkjake for the shipping bingo

as you can see my thoughts on them are varied and i can write entire essays. a gas leak made my obsession with them hit an entire level i didnt know was possible. They're everything and nothing to me and i dislike most of fanon abt it and i hate this ship but also i have never cared this much about a ship in general for the doors it could open into messy straight relationship type bullshit with they give me the mic. I find myself often looking thru the tag just to see what people say on it because either theyre completely annoying and wrong or relatively right it really depends.

WARNING: THE FOLLOWING SECTION CONTAINS EXTENSIVE RAMBLING ON A TOPIC NOT MANY PEOPLE ARE INTERESTED IN:

i will both simultaneously defend this ship with my fucking life but also i will take any chance to shoot those two fuckers dead i genuinely wish jake english and dirk strider ill they are teens with attachment issues and i think the demonisation of it w/o looking at it as just a relationship that sort of is messy sucks and i think fanon should leave them the fuck alone. if given the chance i would kill both of them simply so i wouldnt have to see them at all but also i wish there were more meta writers for dirkjake bcus i find it so hard to find people that extrapolate at length abt it because its so wild to me the guilt and the feelings and the way they tear and grate at each other is so interesting to me.

every relationship is worse with them anyone that gets caught in the crossfires and tries to sort it out is basically doomed because whats probably going to happen is that dirk and jake are going to gang up to either a.) try to use the person as a weapon against the other or gang up to hurt this mfer theyre essentially doomed but in like a way that everyone is partying and those two are stuck together with awkward air.

im. not going to check over this ramble im just going to keep going. i have so much shit to say.

i hate the villainisation of dirk i hate the villainisation of jake they both suck in the way that teens and most young adults will theyre both at fault i hate the "jake never felt anything towards dirk because hes aro" yes he fucking did aro people can still feel levels of attraction and its very fucking obvious how tied up in each other they are and there are like a million and one reasons i could name it if you gave me a day and 15 pages of text.

i hope they both kill each other the idea of them being happy together is endearing but i dont want that for them most times unless im feeling especially sappy the fandom sort of ruined dirkjake for me heres my big old fuckyou to OD anyways heres a few song lyrics that make me think of them

They would literally be the subject of so much fucking talk in publications because theyre never over not even close theyre stuck together theyre going to be doing this dance for fucking years and either end up as the strangest but happiest freaks in some janked up mansion with a million different things that the normal person would think is fucking weird and strange and unnerving but which they think is completely normal or theyre just going to end up killing each other and nobody is going to be safe in the crossfire theyre going to key each others cars and send pipe bombs and poke at every single hole and flaw in the others facade blah blah blah.

people who just focus on the good parts of dirk and jake dont get it people who focus on the flaws only dont get it i think there should be more discussion but also the idea of being exposed to someone who doesnt get it is hell for me ive read their pesterlogs like so many fucking times and ive written extensively abt their selves and what flaws they have and i could prolly kick the shit out of them anyways mic drop im done.

[transmascpunk]

i do absolutely think "love negativity" does exist, especially for queer people. being yelled at for holding my boyfriend's hand in public isnt love positivity, thats for sure. even the influx of aros and aces saying they dont want to see people kissing at pride isnt love positivity. i know people like to deny that happens, but as an aromantic who's been openly aromantic for over a decade and in many aromantic spaces, i have followed several aro people who've said they dont want to see people kissing in public, even at pride. which, again, sounds like love negativity to me. specifically directed at other queer people, which also leads into homophobia and biphobia.

i completely understand being loveless and all, but gay people have and do experience oppression for the love that they have. "love wins" is played out, but was vitally important. saying "comraderie wins" doesnt have the same ring to it when im not being comrades with someone im getting married to, im in love with them.

the concept of being loveless, subverting the expectations society has for what being a good person is, and enjoying life without love arent mutually exclusive to people experiencing oppression for their love. aro/ace people arent immune to being homophobic the same way gay people arent immune to being aphobic and the people i have encountered in the aro/ace community have just about the same proclivity to call gay people gross for having sex as gay people have the proclivity to make fun of asexuals for not having sex. ive been shamed for having sex, enjoying romance, and having a long term relationship as an aromantic more than ive had people shame me for being aromantic.

essentially, there's nuance to everything and saying broad sweeping statements like "X doesnt exist" about anything having to do with the queer experience is a massive pitfall in every discourse space. i wouldnt say aphobia doesnt exist just because ive experienced it less, or lesbophobia doesnt exist because a lot of governments didnt know they were real so they couldnt illegalize them, because it negates all the breadth of nuance that the world provides for us. in the good and in the bad.

"No more asks about this" ignored again. Okay okay

And it's funny that if, you read my post again, I was talking about a very broad concept of love, not just romantic. I in no way denied the oppression what people who date the same gender go through! Which would be a funny thing to do! Because I'm a same-gender attracted person and I identify as lesbian in the past! You'd be surprised how much I know about these issues, so you don't need to explain it to me at all! Funny thing, isn't?

I was referring to the fact that, even though certain forms of love are demonized, people still expect us to love. People still expect us to experience family love. Friendship love. Love in general. And we have to love in the right way, in the neurotypical, white way, built according to western standards. And if we don't live up to these expectations, we are ostracized and dehumanized. Love is a requirement for humanity. This is not a problem specific to just one context.

And about the "camaraderie" thing, I was just responding to the argument that "love wins" is an anti-war slogan, which honestly, seems very reductive. Love is not something inherently revolutionary. And it's not the only positive emotion there is. Also, love, in technical terms, says nothing about what someone thinks of another person. In a christian context, people often say that God "loves the sinner, but does not love the sin". My shitty father also says he loves me, like many shitty fathers. Okay, you love me. But do you respect me? Do you understand me? Do you perceive me? There must be more than just love to change the world. But anyway, this is just me commenting on my personal view on love.

I think I derail a little, but whatever. I'm not in a good mindset to provide an answer. I just want to say that I think you didn't understand me at all and at this point I'm too tired to explain myself.

[something-familiar-lost]

Okay Im gonna ramble about my sexuality and gender headcanons for the choir bcs of june doe :)

Ocean-honestly, Idk?(ocean is the one I'm most unsure of atm) I mean. I really like the asexual headcanon, and could honestly see her being somewhere on the asexual spectrum! (I mean she also reminds me of myself when I was a kid a lot. Especially the fact that she seems to be repulsed by sexual stuff altough I'm not really like that anymore). I could see her as being aro too? I dunno. I honestly could see her being heteromantic honestly. Or a lesbian. Or biromantic.

Uses she/her pronouns.

Noel-gay obviously. Uses he/she pronouns. Cis male. I could see him getting into drag and stuff in a universe where she doesnt die and like gets to leave his town. I dont have a lot to say about him sorry. Okay actually i can see her being on the aro spectrum, y'know?

Mischa-pretty obvious what I'm gonna say, but here it is: bisexual. It's like, not even a question of whether he is or not. He is. I think he sorta always knew but didn't want to think about it and really only came to the conclusion after he died. This may be me projecting, but like, some sort of genderqueer? I can see him identifying as a man because that's what he was born as, it's easy and simple, and he didn't think there were other options besides that(he knew trans ppl existed but didnt know much about them, like the fact that there are other genders besides man and woman. He'd later learn about other identities but didnt look very much into it). Anyway, he doesn't experience gender dysphoria but does experience gender euphoria when using other pronouns like they and it or presenting in a non masc way so that confuses him even more. Like, he does feel comfortable using he/him prns and presenting masc but there is a but. Eventually with the help of Noel and Talia(and the rest of the choir maybe) he figures out he is not cis. But he doesnt really know what he is. His gender is like a mess(totally not projecting) Uses he/they/it pronouns. (One day I may decide on my headcanon for his gender indentity, maybe, or just leave him as genderqueer but maybe greygender?)

(Wow I wrote a lot for mischa lol)

Im gonna do Jane and Penny separately btw

Jane- probably somewhere on the aro and ace spectrum. I could see her as being quoiromantic/wtfromantic. And quoisexual. And quoigender. She/They/It

Penny- Idk. I havent read the entirety of Legoland yet but I think maybe bisexual? I havent given her much thought unfortunately. She/They. Probably genderqueer.

Ricky-He/They/She/It. Genderqueer! Pangender perhaps? She is def multigender. Also pansexual. I could see them using xenopronouns and identifying as xenogenders(probably related to cats and space).

Constance-my girl! She/They. Omniromantic and I could see her as being on the asexual spectrum given the whole wanting to get virginity out of the way thing. Though I dunno what. (I really should make up my mind on what they identify as before making my everybody lives au).

[diamonds-dont-sparkle-they-shine]

So

Because we need conflict

Let's try and have the Romanians cause up some shit - they wanna recruit vampires to take on the Volturi, and well they kinda liked Adam because Adam was a pretty fun guy

And at that moment - Adam wanted to get Evangeline as far away from the Volturi as possible so when they were like ayo let's meet up, he was like eh okay maybe in like a month or two ? (Bec that was when Evangeline had to turn)

So they just pitched up - and were like very threatening or idk the idea was for then to recruit Adam by threatening to kill Evangeline for good

So Adam was like okay fine but no harm comes to Evangeline

Evangeline gets info from Adam and then she goes and quickly emails the Volturi from a fake phone to get Demetri to track them and like save them

But Demetri doesn't come

Aro is back at Volterra like : give them some time. Let's see what they can come up with.

Meanwhile, Evangeline is trying not to die inside all the while playing secret assassin

But shit happens even more when her time is up and she has to turn (Adam doesn't turn her) so boom demetri is there and is like "yeah the kings want Evangeline." And Felix is with him, and Evangeline and Adam are like ???? Because what are they gonna do.

Plan is for Adam to be the two timing bitch - so he goes to the Volturi and obviously because Aro is tehre he figures out everything.

But oh shit. Then the Romanians know that Adam isn't on their side.

Okay no so wait, when Adam says he'll go with Evangeline, then Demetri is like, hm, how about no. And so Evangeline is the only one to go there.

Turns out baby Evangeline has to be the two timing vampire bitch (lol she SO asks Caius for tips - how to two time a coven)

Anyways, when she gets to Volterra she is (1) pissed because "DIDNT YOU GET MY EMAILS???" And (2) IF YOU GOT MY EMAILS THEN WHY DIDNT YOU REPLY? And (3) she's stressed about Adam especially since he's still with the Romanians and okay she thinks they started trusting him a bit because they didn't seem - okay no they seemed alarmed when Denetri and Felix got there but she's still so stressed.

Anyways Aro doesn't really like Adam because Adam is like a rebellious son you know (not to mention he knows Adam a bit from touching Edward's hand but now touching Evangeline's he obviously sees a different thing.) But Aro is old enough to know not to blindly trust people.

But oh, Evangeline? Thank god she doesn't have a mental shield because this means he can use Chelsea on her - and also, he thinks that it's a good thing she has such a good familial relationship with Adam, because that would mean the Romanians would believe if she played their side.

Damn, this whole war thing is gonna take a goddamn time - like a long time - because I liked the idea of the Romanians making a half vampire army - that'll take them, what, like, a full year from conception for the babies to be trained into being warriors?

Okay so it won't take that long but I think it'll take somewhat five years for Evangeline to adapt to vamp-hood and to also integrate herself into the Romanian ranks, because the Romanians won't trust her if she keeps on going back to Volterra (because Aro will wnat to touch her hand)

So oof the drama

Is dramatic

Because can you imagine essentially Caius and his mate being torn apart by war?

Like ooofffff I love it but poor Evangeline she just hates it and wants to cry

I think this whole arc for her will really shape her into the character that wanted to write - like the lowkey person who doesn't want to fight anymore, and to have Caius understand that part of her (understand just why she is like that and just - you know? Be able to relate to her a bit, except he still wants to fight because his mind just works better that way)

[teddy-feathers]

I graduated highschool in 09.

I remember wanting to go around topless like the boys as a child and it being akward af when i tried.

i remember making fun of anyone who didn't conform to the norm from my best childhood friend liking pink as a boy to laughing at a boy who told me he was ace in college because that "wasnt allowed".

i remember my parents giving me talks about dating and always being told it was okay if i brought home a girl instead of a boy and me insisting that i was straight because "i wasnt anything special" like being gay.

I remember never being girly but being told Id be so pretty if I just tried.

I remember wishing I'd been a boy as a child to wanting to be one of the boys as a teen to wishing Id been born a gay guy in highschool.

I remember telling the guys who liked me they didnt know what was in my pants to get them to leave me alone.

i remember my best friend testing her girl voice on me for the first time and me telling her it was weird and scared me.

I remember having sex because it was something to check off a list - and then litterally making lists in my head while it was happening because it held no interest.

I remember loving stories where girls disguised themselves as boys and being disappointed when the ruse was discovered or revealed or ended.

I remember hating when people got crushes on me because it felt like my friendship just wasnt good enough.

I remember knee jerk reactions to anything outside the norm and i remember doing and trying things i didnt want simply because they were "supposed" to be happening.

I remember learning about things and feeling small minded and stupid and over compensating.

i remember being jealous no envious of people being trans.

I remember figuring out that being aro and ace were allowed and realizing if i had the words i would have labled myself so long ago and been happy and never gone though the mess of relationships and experiences i did.

I remember waking up every day telling myself that im not special that im not trans because its still happening even though ive never wanted anything more.

"no one labled themsleves or said they were another gender or or or before"

they did

they would have

they didnt but

they were punished for it - in big ways yes but in small ways too.

i laughed at the first person who told me he was ace - im ace

i was scared of my best friend hinting she was trans - im trans

theres so much shit weve internalized. and like i get the knee jerk reaction to people labling themselves differently - people weren't allowed to be these things and even when they were they were considered special (bad) or rare and like were now seeing that it isnt rare its just not been allowed like being lefthanded wasnt allowed

and yeah maybe there are those who are confused or stright up lying. maybe im one of them. but despite what youve been trained to believe its not a bad thing to be special or want to be special

especially in a time where we're trying to change it from special (bad) to normalized.

[readingoals]

I feel like I say this a lot in regards to aspec books but I really wanted to like this more than I did.

Now, maybe my problem is partly that a lot of aro and/or ace books are YA and I typically don't pick up YA anymore, but I think I feel justified in giving this book 2 stars even taking that into account.

Apologies, but it's going to get long and ranty so I'm putting this under a cut.

I hated the writing style. It was written in third person but to me it felt very clear that the author wanted to write in first person and was talked out of it. There are constant interruptions throughout the text of little side comments in brackets. (They looked like this.) (Often with two or three or even more in a row) (I think it was meant to come across as cute and quirky because oh boy is the MC supposed to be adorkable but fuck it annoyed me). And because it was written in third person but at least half of these bracketed interjections felt as if it was the MC commenting on things or they were her thoughts, the tone ended up being confusing. Every time the text said "Alice did this" or "Alice went there" I was like surprised because I expected it to be more from her point of view.

Speaking of Alice. Though she's like 19 or 20 in the story, she reads as quite a bit younger. Half of what she says sounds as if she's quoting the most annoying tumblrina possible. She says squee and has a "cutie code" which she uses to rank everything and her reactions to so much of what happens in the story felt like how a high schooler would react. Her only interests seem to be Netflix and food, but she refuses to learn to cook because she injured herself a couple of times when she did try. She writes analytical essays about the shows she watches which is fun except she says it's because shes like too sophisticated for fanfic or something which feels kinda shitty. And when a friend dares to suggest she might like dating someone who is also ace, she dismisses it out of hand.

The love interest was boring - his most defining feature was how hot he was - and more than once he seemed to overstep boundaries Alice had set (bugging her at work when she'd asked him not to, taking photos of her while she slept even tho shed made it clear she didnt love having her photo taken) but it was always positioned as him being cute and showing interest in her rather than it being creepy or rude. Similarly, the secondary characters were all pretty one dimensional.

As for plot. It was pretty weak. I kept waiting for anything to happen. Theres a whole thing about Alice being pushed by her family to become a lawyer even though she doesn't want to. And shes always going on about how she loves decorating rooms but as soon as someone suggests she should get into an interior design course she seems surprised it's a real job. Sorry but by the time I was 19 I knew what a fucking interior designer was! Especially for someone watching as much tv as she does....theres so many shows about decorating houses.

And then we get to the real big issues. Alice is asexual, which is great. Except that she's written so fucking badly. The way she talks about and explains her experiences with sex are contradictory. She frequently quotes tumblr when explaining being ace but doesn't seem to understand any of what she says. The author fell back on tired tropes and misunderstandings of asexuality. In fact Alice is barely a character who happens to be asexual. She is asexuality dressed up as a character. All she thinks about is being ace and not knowing if she wants sex or not. It's boring.

This isn't a spoiler since it's in the blurb and like chapter 1, but Alice's girlfriend breaks up with her because Alice doesn't want to have sex as much as she does. She is then positioned as evil through the whole rest of the book, completely demonised for it, even though Alice literally never told her she was ace. And then when the love interest says some similar things at one point, then it's glossed over and fixed in a day. They never have a real conversation about it, or about how to navigate a relationship when one of them is ace (and seemingly sex repulsed? Altho maybe not for him? It's never made clear) and the other is allo. In fact no one has any proper conversations about anything through the whole damn book.

At one point I thought we were going to get something real. Theres a scene at a party. Alice is hit on by a drunk guy who says some pretty gross things based on her skin colour. It would have been a fantastic opportunity to start a dialogue about how Alice's experiences as a black woman intersect with her asexual identity, especially in regards to being fetishised and sexualised because of racist stereotypes, and how experiencing that would feel as someone with no interest in sex. Instead it was glossed over and forgotten. And then a couple chapters later we got a pointless deep dive explanation into the idea of platonic soulmates which felt like the author was once again trying to prove her characters were friends without really doing the work to show it.

Look, you can tell the author was trying hard but she completely missed the mark, especially in regards to asexuality and what that means. She hit all the big dot points - that arousal and attraction are two different things, that there are multiple types of attraction, that asexuals can have and enjoy sex, that you can love someone romantically and still not want to have sex with them. And yet it felt as if the minute it was on the page, she totally forgot about it in order to manufacture the drama.

A total disappointment.

[lonlonranching]

ok venting bc i dont have therapy until friday tw: weird dudes being creeps, drinking, idk people not respecting me being aro

oh im losing my mind actually. told some dude i thought i was becoming friends with im aromantic today after he asked my sexuality (which, first of all, thought that was weird, but figured it was important to tell him in case he was interested)

he was interested. literally responds “interesting” when i tell him. couple hours pass. he tells me hes crying at work. i assume its a work related thing so i make a joke about the downtrodden proletarian struggle. he goes on to send me mass amounts of texts basically saying (paraphrasing) he got his hopes up for a crush that isnt reciprocated and now hes empty. then tells me hes day drinking and just weeping. i dont know what to fucking say so im just like im sorry. reassures me he still wants to continue being friends. bunch of other stuff. i dont text back right away (still havent bc im still figuring out what TO say) and hes like can you text me back so i dont think you hate me. this is unhinged behavior actually and heres why:

i understand someone you like not liking you back sucks. its even fair to shed some tears over it. but its completely inappropriate to make them feel guilty about it? to really hound into them that basically they hurt you emotionally because they didnt satisfy the reason behind you talking to them for the last couple weeks. because of how my own fucking brain and heart works. what the actual fuck is wrong with people.

also it sucks. bc im not fucking dead? wtf? you can have just as meaningful friendships as one can have meaningful romantic relationships. im fucking tired of people not understanding that. im sooo fucking tired of having to make others comfortable at the cost of my own comfort. thats what i did for years in so many ways, but especially around allo people interested in dating me. everything about this conversation made me not want to talk to this person anymore.

completely fucking ridiculous. people dont owe you your own feelings if they dont feel the same. deal with them accordingly.

[arrow-jsy]

Hello, to respond to a comment which i ran out of space to or i would just yk reply in the comments

First of all thank you for being nice!

i use asexual as an umbrella term in this case, as i myself am ace (and sex repulsed) i dont know much in the area of being sex favorable which is a possible.

Its also possible edwin isnt anywhere on the ace spectrum and is just, as we all know repressed, what i didnt express with the historical context edwin comes from where i don't believe sex was reallt talked about openly in any context (homosexuality aside). Im no historian but victorian times brings to mind gossip and scandles im regard to relationship sexual and not- given the time has sense been so perpetuated by manners, properness, the more formal and covered attire, the courting practices and so on. Edwin died young and as we know hadnt even been kissed before monty, so its entirely possible he just lived unaware - which would also explain his confusion to the more modern openness and the whole "what is a hand job"

That being said i think victorian england or not teenagers are going to teenager and explore the many aspects of life. Of course not all but the majority. Especially with how much edwin reads, after his death he would have been exposed to the topic of sex even under a scientific lense.

From personal experience and what i saw alot of from my time questioning, its common for aspec people to question why people have sex, that its made up for the movies etc, edwin could also fall into this mind set and see sex as a scientific, reproduction thing until it that narrative gets pressed by the Cat King.

I dont want to completely throwout canon and aspects that are vital to a character, i am simply explaining my reasoning more as asked. I see alot of aspec-ness in edwin, maybe im projecting hungry for repsentation but thats the joy of head canons. I love edwin and the queerness of dbda and im always hopeful for the more complex and shyed away from indentities.

Often a character who is ace will also be aro perpetuating the narrative that romance=sex and the more complicated (demi, grey, throwing in the romantic spectrum and all the intesecting identies that follow)

I will get off my soap box of sexuality and romance in media

Head canon edwin as asexual (not taking the hints of charles/crystal, "what is a handjob" etc) and demi or grey romantic (never really saw the appeal of kissing "until recently", but definitely having some attraction or interest towards monty and the cat king - both worked in edwins gay awakening etc)

I dont disagree at all that edwins gay but that doesnt mean he cant be on the aspec

[tmabutlesbian]

also thinking abt my tma band au, ive been thinking abt it so much, jsut cause i love making martin deranged?? i love it, so imagine. they start the band around 2010, like the covers, just testing things out, introductions whatever.

it is clear, from the start, that jon does not like martin. ppl dont know why, but it did inspire some fans to do the same. they'd notice how he never posts any covers on his own while the others do, jon with his vocals, tim with his guitar, sasha with the bass, etc. so the natural conclusion was either 1) hes lazy to do so or 2) hes shit at playing the drums. ppl also hate him for more prejudiced reasons

the reason why jon isnt martins biggest fan is because he wasnt supposed to be on the band, gerry was!! but at the time of the auditions n stuff, he got his cancer diagnosis n obviously decided to heal n maybe do his own thing. jon n gerry were close friends at the time, so this saddened jon greatly. he alludes to this too much whenever he talks abt martin that ppl start to hate on martin for that too, especially when ppl find out how gerry looks like and, again, hate him for more... superficial reasons

so martin is not having a good time! he doesnt have a lot of music experience n kinda went in on the audition as a joke, thinking his shit playing would not lend him anywhere, but elias picked him, n since elias is basically the boss n gives the funds for the band, what he says, goes. (if youre wondering, yes, elias only hired martin so they could have more drama right at the beginning, knowing it would drive jon MAD to see such a noob right there on the drums.)

tim n sasha n this au have their own thing going on, sasha is figuring out her aro identity while also feeling great affection for tim n not knowing what to do abt it or what it means, n tim is very much in love with sasha but that scares him, big emotions like that scary him, especially when hes not even sure she likes him at all, n now his friend jon is being an asshole, n his brother danny was supposed to be on the band to manage sound n shit, but right now he cant, n its a mess, n hes stressed!!

but tim is also the only one who believes martin can n will learn how to play drums so, he n sasha put their issues aside n teach him as much as he can.

meanwhile, they decide a great way for fans to learn more abt them, not just through concerts or interviews, which might take a while, especially at the start, they start doing lives! they all have their own accounts n have decided that each of their live streams r their own, in other words, thats how they want the fans to see them; to know each other, they'll do it the old fashioned way. so, they dont watch each others livestreams at all.

so. martin starts his own lives. gets basically no views n a lot of hate comments n is 2 seconds away from killing somebody in his pain, but doesnt, cuz he doesnt want the attention on him. the live streams, per the band's request, r also not to be talked abt at length in interviews, its more between the members n the fans. martin, already feeling like a burden, is relieved that they dont have to say anything abt their streams if they dont want to, cause fuck hes not doing so hot there.

until one day, on their first concert, afterwards where they get to talk to the fans, on fan comes up n (half-jokingly) begs martin to just start being mean. just block ppl n be mean on his streams cuz its terrible in there!! martin is delighted n This Will Be Remembered but his bandmates r horrified, even jon. they didnt know martin was getting harassed like this, n jon feels kinda guilty abt it, which results in him just. avoiding martin for a while. mentions of him turn neutral n profissional cuz hes embarassed.

but now??? martin's true power is UNLEASHED!! he does not give a shit!! u say shit? u get blocked!! fuck u!! he starts just doing whatever on his lives, asks for challenges, for videos to react, and further down the line, starts playing games, which just means he's only getting recommended horror games, the poor guy

he treats the fans like his friends n the fans are DELIGHTED they love martin. hes just a freak!! just a weirdo!! also hes kinda hot!! also hes getting so much better at drums, omg!! look!!!!

thankfully, they do have a mostly chill fanbase, n they just interact with each other pretty comfortably as the years go by; if there is idolazation happening, it is minimal, or they just dont see it.

also the other three OF COURSE also get weirder as the years go by, but martin is the one that shocked everyone, since hes always on the shadows, never appears much, keeps to himself, n then u go watch a stream from him n its just him screaming at fnaf or reacting to smut fanfics of them (horribly written, requested by him n tim specifically, n they dont read it out loud, they just react. yes tim is there, n its a delight, halfway they get drunk n suddenly everybody's meme folder got 10x larger)

anyways, band shenanigans. love them. also love that i get to listen to audios n imagine what ppl would edit of them n im just staring off into space thinking abt hot band ppl, im living the dream

[aro-culture-is]

romance-postive aro culture is feeling unsafe in the aro community because it feels like 90% of aromantics hate romance... and anyone who likes it. i love romance in fiction and im a big fan of romantic tropes when theyre done well. but i dont want to be in a romantic relationship myself! the thought makes me so uncomfortable, i hate it.

in the five months ive openly identified as aro, ive received so much hatred and invalidation. my inbox is full of death threats from other aromantic people. ive gotten asks saying things like, "you're lying about being aro for attention/to be trendy! you're a faker!" "you shouldn't talk about (insert fictional relationship here), you're making REAL aros look bad/fake!" "you're stealing space in a community that doesnt want you!" "people like you only claim to be aromantic because you hate us and you want to get into our community so you can hurt people." "if you like fictional romance then you aren't aromantic, you're a predator trying to target REAL (romance-repulsed) aros!"

i didnt even realize i was aromantic until six months ago. now, five months after coming out, i feel like i have to choose: do i hide what i love so i can fit in, or do i hide my identity so i can't be pushed out? calling myself aromantic feels right. the term fits me like a glove. but people are saying im a danger to them. theyre saying that my behavior is harmful to the community. theyre saying that i am a threat. theyre telling me that i dont deserve to be part of it.

i dont know what to believe anymore and i wish i could just disappear.

oh anon... for one, any person who sends death threats? report them and block them. I firmly believe that anyone who thinks sending death threats on the internet is okay should seek deradicalization resources and cease interacting online. also? those people are so, very wrong.

i'm not strictly romance repulsed myself; most aros I've known irl aren't either - in fact, I've known somewhere around a dozen aro-spec people irl, and most of us are somewhere between romance favorable and romance averse.

The unfortunate factor that I could see here, is that individuals who don't believe in aro (or, for that matter, ace) folks existing, are perfectly willing to pose as aro folks who mysteriously hate us for... whatever reason they think they can get away with. if you've ever posted about hating terfs, for example, it's not uncommon to suddenly receive a wave of hate messages after it posts, especially as an aro individual. I've personally blocked every terf blog I've ever seen on tumblr and "mysteriously" stopped receiving ALL of these messages.

While this isn't to say that none of the messages you've received could be from aro folks, they are not our community. BLOCK THEM AND REPORT THEM. I certainly would; they are not individuals I will cater to.

- mods kee and axel

[theyassificationofbrunomadrigal]

general madrigal family neurodiversity/lgbt headcanons based on observation

disclaimer: im not throwing labels around all over the place. the majority of these characters in my eyes are pretty much straight and neurotypical, because a lot of the reasons people headcanon them with other things are for reasons that have more of a reflection and people are instead misinterpreting it for something else. im taking note of everything that makes me think “is this a mental illness/gay/gender thing or is this a cultural thing?”

- abuela obviously has ptsd. she was forced out of her home and watched her husband die in front of her while holding three infants that she had to raise alone. other than that i dont see anything else. i believe that she is straight and there is no way for her to be anything other than cis.

- pepa is a little neurodivergent, but im not sure in which way. her emotions are /extremely/ erratic, especially for a person who focuses a lot of her energy on leveling it. she is cis, as proven in the flashbacks to the triplets receiving their doors. i headcanon her as straight but i wont argue with people who claim she is bi.

- bruno is the most obviously mentally ill character. even before the wall decade, his description reflects a lot of traits that carried over to his time in the walls. so its safe to assume not much changed about hi,, he just got a lot more depressed. that being said,the most obvious one is definitely ocd. while his rituals are definitely a reflection of his culture, the amount in which he does them and the rhythmic and repeated way that he acts them out doesnt seem very normal. they seem like compulsive rituals that have gone from a way to ward off bad luck to something he needs to do to prevent the crippling anxiety of something enormously bad happening. he also very much shows quite a bit of symptoms for anxiety and depression, especially in the ways he copes with his situation. lastly, he is most definitely on the spectrum. he has a bit of a hard time with people skills, coming off as creepy or weird or a bad luck charm. in reality he just doesn’t really understand social skills and is very literal with his actions and words. he has a hard time putting himself in others shoes, he sees the world through his eyes only even though he does understand why people see him the way they see him. he just doesnt know how to confront it. also the way his sentences are strung together???? this man is AUTISTIC. i headcanon him as either a gay man or ace aro. i won’t argue with people who see him as bi or straight but i have to say. i cannot even fathom that man being attracted to a woman. i dont know what it is about him but like i cant see him being attracted to anything other than another man, if he can even feel that type of attraction at all. again could totally see him as just. none of it. no attraction thanks. he is cis, as proven with flashbacks to when he received his door.

- julieta is neurotypical, cis, and straight from my observations. and no this does not make her less lovable tumblr just has a habit of being biased to neurodivergent and lgbt characters. we love u for who u are mama julieta.

- félix and agustín cis, they literally have biological children, and i didnt get enough information on them to deduce much for their neurodiversity. i don’t really have a sexuality headcanon for either of them, i just know they love their wives more than life itself. what good lads. we love félix and agustín madrigal.

- isabela is neurotypical, cis, and straight. maybe bi. she is not a lesbian because the reasoning for that that everyone is giving is that she didnt wanna marry mariano. SHE DIDNT WANNA MARRY HIM BECAUSE IT WAS AN ARRANGED FUCKING MARRIAGE NOT BECAUSE SHE WAS GAY. headcanon whatever you want but PLEASE dont erase that part of her character as it is a very important part of her culture.

- luisa is not trans. luisa is not trans. LUISA IS NOT TRANS. all these latina women and you headcanon the one that looks the least feminine as trans. come on. you dont need an expert to see the kind of cultural erasure that is ensuing. i dont have a sexuality headcanon for her either i dont care. she is possibly autistic. you can see it in her communication skills ESPECIALLY and her emotional fluctuations. however it could just be a sign of sensitivity.

-mirabel is cis. i dunno man i just dont think shes anything else. she probably has adhd, seen especially in the certain breed of “thinking out loud” that she has. i don’t really have a sexuality headcanon for her either. i do like the idea of her being bi!

- dolores is cis and straight. however i think her gift causes some mental issues for her. i dont know WHAT she has but her brain is a little funky due to the amount of overstimulation she has experienced for the past 17 years. she moves in a very robotic way almost. she’s got somethin.

- camilo is neurotypical but definitely has gender issues. hes the only one i headcanon with gender issues. and its not just because his character design is a 15 year old pretty boy that looks like hes wearing makeup. his gift has probably given him the biggest identity crisis of not knowing who he is. hes been constantly told to be other people to be useful that he probably doesnt think the real camilo has much significance, so this creates a lot of identity issues. he is definitely bi. look at him.

- antonio is five years old. (i do not see anything neurodivergent about him though)

anyways! heres my fun little thoughts do with this as you please

[riddlesmoon]

TWILIGHT META FROM THE HP META BLOG? the twilight x hp fans phenomenon... ever since the dawn of time... but yeah twilight is fucking insane innit. i have so many thoughts as someone whose favourite twilight book is the illustrated guide LMAOO

in Carlisle's case, being a vampire hunter makes him resistant to the pull of human blood.

i think its supposed to be his, uh... compassion and possibly willpower that allows him to resist the pull. hes just built different

He falls in with the main vampire governing body in Italy, with what I have to assume is a very useful skillset, since their thing is hunting down rouge vampires. Also, having a vampire who is good enough around blood to be a doctor must be extremely useful when it comes to sourcing blood/victims.

okay i started typing stuff but then i remembered you only mentioned watching the first movie so idk if youre planning on reading/watching the other books, but it is revealed later how the volturi [is their coven name even revealed in the first book? its probably on the wiki anyway] source their victims. unfortunately no carlisle isnt very useful so hes really just their guest. aro's guest specifically. i think everyone else was just like "ur a weirdo but aro likes you so i guess you can stay"

at some point has a falling out - not sure exactly what the catalyst was there

this is really funny by itself. no i dont know why the so-called vegetarian vampire might not get along with/want to stay with a normal vampire coven who eats humans

(Do people ship him with Aro, the touch-telepath vampire leader???)

wow i actually mainly follow two other hp/twilight meta blogs who make it seem like aro/carlisle is quite the rarepair but ive never personally checked the stats. but yeah they really have some roommate energy going on. as livrelady says, "Aro/Carlisle feels very much a one way street to me". especially as the series goes on. hoooo boy

So... does this mean she and Carlisle knew each other before he turned Edward? Is she a mind reader the way her son is, and just pulled the knowledge out of his head? Does Carlisle have a thing for telepaths????

yeah i guess you could say she and carlisle knew each other, in the sense that carlisle was like. her doctor. treating her for the spanish influenza. she didnt meet him on her deathbed presumably sdkjhgsdkg

though ive actually never considered whether his mother might be psychic. its possible since there is at least one instance of someone whose relative has a similar "ability", only half-baked... vampirism is supposed to "enhance" it though so edward was just supposed to be. really intuitive as a human. which turned into actual telepathy. his mother mightve just been very intuitive as well. fully-fledged abilities dont seem to exist in humans except in alice's case

I have to assume their relationship has… a lot going on, since Esme totally remembers the handsome young doctor she met when she was 16, and has a kind of fixation with him. Considering the suicide was the result of the death of a child and an abusive marriage… she almost certainly regards Carlisle as some kind of savior.

im so amused because the books gloss over this so much that kid me totally did not even think about it any deeper. like yeah the guide essentially says this but 11yo me was really like "ok cool theyre married! im sure theyre perfectly normal" and the books do act like they are normal but yeah if you think about it any deeper youre like Hm.

And like, Edward was 17 when his mother died, he remembers her *just* fine, so it's not like Esme is ever going to be a mother replacement. Would love to know more about what their relationship is like.

tbh i feel like edward has sort of... made peace with his mothers death? im pretty sure he thinks of esme as the perfect mother archetype (kind, caring, sweet, etc) so idk about replacement but i think hes fine treating her as a mother. and their relationship... hahaha... i have yet to read midnight sun (twilight from edwards pov) but from what i hear... shes very... very indulgent to him...

So it's honestly very similar to the relationship between Carlisle and Esme, only gender-flipped.

this is wild i never thought about it that way but youre so right

(Is this a common take in the fandom? Because Rosalie and Carlisle seem like *very* similar people. They're the ones who seem to dislike their vampiric natures the most, they have a body count, they both were violated/murdered. They want children, and love that they can 'save' their innocent partner in a slightly parental-coded way. They're also the two platinum blondes. Is that why Carlisle turned her? Did she remind him of himself?)

hm well most of these similarities only arise after shes turned so i doubt he turned her because of that. it was probably just because he felt bad that she died so horribly. (and yes, i guess a little because he wanted to matchmake but i like to give him some leeway and assume it was just an offhand thought like "damn edward must be sick of thirdweeling me and esme maybe he'd also like someone to spend time with") also i think edward probably hates his vampiric nature the most out of anyone in the family lol hes always talking about how his soul is damned and hes a monster and he cAaNt SubJEcT BeLLA tO THis and the whole time shes like please turn me right now please please please 😭 carlisles probably made a bit of peace with it...

on body count: whether carlisle killed anybody as a human is up in the air, i think its only confirmed that he definitely killed less than his father, idk if it was zero. and yes rosalie did kill her rapists after turning, but funnily enough, of the whole coven they are the only two to have never eaten a human. everyone else has had slipups, and edward went on his little batman spree, but theyre the only two who have never drunk human blood (rosalies actually insane for that because she killed her rapists as a newborn who notoriously have much less self-control!!)

rosalie wanted children for sure but i dont think carlisle did. he just wanted companionship after being alone for years and it just Accidentally became a whole family lol. "saving their innocent partner in a slightly parental-coded way" is so 😭 i mean i guess that really did happen and dgmw that does sound interesting in a messy way but i feel like theyd be fairly normal about it

but he definitely attracted the interest of at least one coven of vampires, who were threatened enough by *something* that they weren't able to finish killing Carlisle. (like I doubt Carlisle was in the state to escape a vampire at the time...)

i think it was just one vampire! after carlisle took over the witchhunting job he (unlike his father) managed to find evidence of vampires in their area and so they went hunting. i think he was probably the first or one of the first to be attacked, so the vampire didnt have time to drain him because he got distracted/attacked by the rest of the hunting party. and then idk i assume the vampire got too full or just like. forgot about him lol.....

geez that was a lot of yapping. ive always loved the twilight like... worldbuilding... like wdym these vampires have psychic powers forget the romance i would like an adventure story??? not sorry to say the guide is my favourite because i got to read about all the other side characters' backstories and powers loool

the life & times of Carlisle Cullen

So how come I was not aware that the Cullens' backstory is like... INSANE? Sorry if this is all an extremely cold take buuut... I've been on a vampire movie kick lately, my sister and I just watched Twilight... and we had questions. I did a deep dive on the wiki, and like... is there some seminal fanfic I don't know that dives into this?

Because like. Okay.

Mid 1600s London. Carlisle is a son of a vampire hunter/witch hunter. Gets turned into a vampire, and runs away because he knows his father will kill him. The lore in the Twilight universe is that whatever your main *thing* was during your human life gets buffed into your extra vampire superpower... and in Carlisle's case, being a vampire hunter makes him resistant to the pull of human blood.

He falls in with the main vampire governing body in Italy, with what I have to assume is a very useful skillset, since their thing is hunting down rouge vampires. Also, having a vampire who is good enough around blood to be a doctor must be extremely useful when it comes to sourcing blood/victims. Carlisle hangs out with them for a good chunk of time, but at some point has a falling out - not sure exactly what the catalyst was there, but they *definitely* have history.

(Do people ship him with Aro, the touch-telepath vampire leader???)

So Carlisle goes to America, ends up in Ohio in 1911, where he meets the (teenage, human) Esme, fixing her leg after she falls out of a tree. Then in 1918 goes to Illinois, meets Edward (nee Masen) and his mother Elizabeth, both dying of Spanish flu.

Elizabeth 100% knows that Carlisle is a vampire. Which is wild. She also asks him to turn her son: "You must do everything in your power. What others cannot do, that is what you must do for my Edward." So... does this mean she and Carlisle knew each other before he turned Edward? Is she a mind reader the way her son is, and just pulled the knowledge out of his head? Does Carlisle have a thing for telepaths????

(I have decided I do ship Carlisle/Aro. And possibly Carlisle/Elizabeth Masen. Will check AO3 after to see if this is a thing.)

So Carlisle, who is 270ish at this point, ends up with a 17 year old psychic Edward, in kind of Cosette situation. They travel around for two years before running back into Esme, now 26 and in the hospital after a failed suicide attempt. Rather than let her die, Carlisle turns her. I have to assume their relationship has... a lot going on, since Esme totally remembers the handsome young doctor she met when she was 16, and has a kind of fixation with him. Considering the suicide was the result of the death of a child and an abusive marriage... she almost certainly regards Carlisle as some kind of savior. *Edward* is her contemporary though, since he's only six years younger. And like, Edward was 17 when his mother died, he remembers her *just* fine, so it's not like Esme is ever going to be a mother replacement. Would love to know more about what their relationship is like. Honestly though, these kind of odd, ambiguous ties are what I want from my vampire media.

Carlisle, Edward, and Esme travel together for about twelve years. Then in Rochester New York in the early 1930s, Carlisle finds the 18 year old Rosalie, gang-raped by her fiancée and his friends, and left to die. Carlisle turns her, but Edward is unhappy with this decision, as he interprets it as Carlisle trying to match-make. (And like, read the room Carlisle, come on.)

Rosalie goes and revenge-kills everyone who raped her while wearing her wedding dress. Then she skips town with the Cullens.

Two years later she finds a young man in Tennessee who's just been mauled by a bear, and wants to turn him because he reminds her... of her old best friend's son. She carries him back to Carlisle, who seems to be (ironically) uniquely good at turning humans into vampires, because he won't accidentally drink too much blood and kill them. Carlisle turns Emmett (he is the sire of all the Cullens so far) but Emmett... seems to regard Rosalie in specific as his guardian angel. So it's honestly very similar to the relationship between Carlisle and Esme, only gender-flipped.

(Is this a common take in the fandom? Because Rosalie and Carlisle seem like *very* similar people. They're the ones who seem to dislike their vampiric natures the most, they have a body count, they both were violated/murdered. They want children, and love that they can 'save' their innocent partner in a slightly parental-coded way. They're also the two platinum blondes. Is that why Carlisle turned her? Did she remind him of himself?)

Anyway, two years later, Alice tracks down the Cullens with her psychic powers, Jasper in tow. Alice can see the future and Jasper can manipulate the emotions of the people in whatever room he's in. So they're both insanely powerful, and fleeing bad situations. Jasper is also considerably older than most of the coven. Edward, Esme, Alice, Rosalie and Emmet were all born within 15 years of each other, Jasper is fifty years older. He is of course still 200 years younger than Carlisle, and much worse at controlling his bloodlust, so Carlisle gets to remain the unquestioned leader.

And this is the situation that 17 year old Bella Swann walks into, wearing her long khaki skirt??