#idk though. i am a little shy about even posting these drawings so i may not do that at all!!

[comfymoth]

quick question— how do you guys feel about seeing healed self harm scars in art? specifically just healed scars, like, maybe some faint white or pink-ish lines. they wouldn’t be the subject of the drawing at all, but they’d just kinda be there

[howtosingit]

I haven't had a chance to fully dive into all the goodies last nights video has produced.. nor have I had a chance to read all your thoughts which you know I crave love . I was dumb and watched 3 911 episodes last night ignoring my ig notification that ronen had shared anything so then I had to go to bed bc of work and work has been crqzy. But anyways I just wanted to hear some of your thoughts and say Tarlos officially fried my brain and I really want to write in the spare time I don't have bc of work 🙈🙊 their soft smiles, kisses, possibly meeting the fam, their date (and let's be honest Carlos was hot as fuck sauntering up to the bar announcing he was tks boyfriend... you know someone got laid that night) sorry not sorry 🙈

Anyways hit me with your thoughts when you're free if you want ❤

LISTEN, LAUREN. I am always up to share my thoughts because they never end and they just keep coming and I have to unleash them somehow or I will definitely explode.

My brain was just like, ALL CAPS SCREAMING, for about 7 hours yesterday, so I’ll leave you to explore that hot mess on my blog if you want. 😅 But, in the time since, I’ve seen a lot of discourse and stuff about the moments that we’ve seen, so I’m going to use this ask as an opportunity to weigh in on everything under the cut...

FIRST, CAN I JUST SAY that at the moment that I am writing this post, we are still trending at #5 and we’ve been in the 4-7 range for at least the past, like, IDK, 18-20 hours maybe?! I LOVE THIS FANDOM AND HOW WE LOSE OUR SHIT AT THE SMALLEST THINGS

Okay, so let me go through this thing and comment on the parts, and then give some general thoughts below:

LOVE that this is a promo entirely about the LGBTQIA+ characters and characters of color. Not exactly surprised that they still tried to put as much Rob Lowe in it as possible (that’s Fox/the writers’ M.O. it seems - to squeeze Rob/Owen in whether he fits or not). Some of his comments were a little awkward, I thought (referring to Paul’s trans storyline as “stuff” makes me go 😬), but whatever. He’s not the point of all of this, so that’s the last I’m going to talk about him.

TOMMY VEGA. I AM READY TO STAN. I love Gina Torres, I already love how much heart and soul she is giving just in these quick peeks, I cannot wait to see her in action!

Also let me use this moment to say that while it’s obvious I’m not getting my Grace + Carlos friendship (that’s fine if it stays in fandom, I’ll live), I’m SO GLAD that her and Tommy are gonna be friends! One promo mentioned that Judd has known Tommy before, so it would not surprise me if they’ve been friends for awhile. LOVE THAT.

SPECULATION: This gives me a good time to just throw out a theory that I’ve been thinking about... We know Owen and Gwen are hosting Tommy at their place for a backyard dinner. I assume her husband may be there as well, and I wouldn’t be surprised if Judd and Grace are there too. 

I ALSO would not be surprised if this is when one of the nights at Carlos’s place happens, like a parallel of the two dinner parties. That at least keeps every main character involved in both locations. We shall see though.

So this gathering at the firehouse seems like it’s going to be a pretty big scene, probably for episode 1. I think everyone’s gathered so that Owen can announce he’s in remission (we’ll hear him tell TK first, which is the hug that they share earlier in the trailer, I think). 

But this gathering also includes a Tommy/Grace moment, a Tarlos moment, the others doing other things kind of moments. It’ll serve the same purpose as a lot of the season 1 bar scenes, and I’m so glad they’ve moved those to the firehouse. I want that place to really start feeling like a home this year. 

(I want all of the locations to feel a little more grounded and special, if I’m being honest. Like, I’m SO GLAD that Carlos’s place is going to be a key location this season.)

There are now two instances of Carlos being next to Gwen (standing next to her while Owen makes an announcement and now sitting next to her at the table), so we better get some dialogue between them or I WILL BE SO UPSET. I WANT GWEN TO STAN CARLOS AS MUCH AS I DO.

EVERYONE IS SO CUTE IN THIS SCENE OKAY

TARLOS TARLOS TARLOS TARLOS

Like, WTF is TK’s face in this moment?! He looks so shy and bashful but also so happy and mushy and soft and in love. And then the way that Carlos softens because of how soft TK look?!?! WHAT IS GOING ON?!?! WHY AM I CRYING.

Seriously, I have to know what they’re talking about though to make TK fucking melt like that. 

Emergency stuff blah blah blah

TARLOS KISS TARLOS KISS TARLOS KISS TARLOS KISS

IT’S SO FUCKING CASUAL AND PERFECT AND NATURAL AND LITERALLY JUST LIKE A “I came over to grab this food from you but since I’m here I might as well grab a kiss because I can’t help myself”

AND LIKE... Carlos just leans right into it?!?!?!? like it’s something that they do all the time?!?!?! WTF I LOVE THEM

Mateo watches this kiss and kind of looks like he was talking to Carlos, TK, or both of them, so I love that they’re like in the middle of conversation but still like “wait let me kiss my bf because he’s close by and so hot and I love him” SCREAMING

ALSO LET ME BE THIRSTY BUT CARLOS’S SHOULDERS AND BACK?!?!?! TK’S FUCKING ARMS?!?! I’M SO DAMN GAY

Speaking of arms: this rando bartender at the wrestling match (so Covid doesn’t last long on Lone Star, I’m assuming like 2 episodes maybe?) -- I love that they tried to put him in a tight shirt and make him look like a possible threat or something and I’m just like 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

IT’S LIKE THEY’VE NEVER SEEN CARLOS REYES BEFORE

AND THEN THE FUCKING GREEK GOD HIMSELF SAUNTERS UP WEARING A TIGHT FUCKING POLO - CHEST OUT, ARMS JACKED, HANDS IN HIS POCKETS TO DRAW ATTENTION TO HIS DICK AND I’M JUST SCREAMING AT THIS POINT

BOYFRIEND 

BOYFRIEND

BOYFRIEND

But, like, seriously, there is no comparison. Carlos is fucking Hercules over here and this no-name wannabe boyband member could be a sand-colored rock for all I care. 

YOU CANNOT COMPETE WITH CARLOS REYES, DON’T EVEN TRY IT

I do feel like these two clips (the calendar line and then Carlos’s line) are spliced together but they might not be back-to-back, and I would love to see how TK responds to the flirting before Carlos comes over

HIS FACE IS KILLING ME THOUGH WHEN CARLOS COMES UP

BLESS RONEN

I feel like I *think* I know what he’s thinking, but I also feel like I don’t. Certainly, the scene seems to end with them both smiling and happy, but I wonder if there will be a conversation about jealousy or something?! IDK BUT THEY’RE DEFINITELY GONNA TALK. I NEED TO KNOW WHAT THEY SAY.

Someone posted how happy TK is going to be to have a boyfriend who is committed enough to him to be jealous, unlike Alex who didn’t care and cheated on him. I certainly think this could be a great moment for them to establish what this new relationship means for them, and I’m excited to see what they writers have planned.

I JUST LOVE CARLOS REYES THOUGH OKAY I LOVE HIM SO MUCH

How many times is Fox gonna use that clip of him holding his gun though? We get it, he raises his gun. I’ve seen it like 7 times at this point. 

I’m not complaining, really. I’ll take his face where I can get it.

LOVING the Marjan clips

LOVING the Grace/Judd clips

LOVING the Paul clips

I LOVE ALL OF MY FAVES

CANNOT WAIT TO SEE THEM DEVELOP THIS YEAR

Hearing Rafa talk about using his voice and speaking for his community just slaughters my heart, I love this man so fucking much and I’m so happy to be discovering him at the start of his career because he is going to go on to do big things and make the world a better place with his positivity and light and love and I’m so excited to follow him on that journey I just love him okay

ALSO THE MAN LOOKS SO FUCKING GOOD WHAT ARE THOSE ARMS I WANT TO DIE

THE FARMER’S MARKET SCENE

Are they shopping for food for the dinner party they’re hosting?! Maybe!

WE MEET SOME OF CARLOS’S PEOPLE

There is so much speculation surrounding who these two people could be, and I’ve heard some super interesting theories about Carlos’s backstory.

I’m gonna be basic though and stick with the fact that I think they’re his parents.

AND IF THEY ARE HIS PARENTS, THEY SEEM SO HAPPY TO MEET TK.

His dad/the man, like, shakes TK’s hand with so much gusto, a giant smile on his face

And Carlos smiles as he hugs his mom/the woman, and she’s smiling too

THEY ALL JUST SEEM SO HAPPY

I CAN’T BELIEVE WE MIGHT ACTUALLY BE AVOIDING THE HOMOPHOBIC PARENTS STORYLINE COMPLETELY

Y’ALL DON’T EVEN KNOW HOW MUCH I DO NOT WANT TO SEE THAT TRAUMA

I mean, I don’t know for sure, we’re going to have to wait for the episode. But god, do I hope for it with every fiber of my being. I want their trauma, if they have to have it, to be separate from their sexuality. They’ve done so well with TK so far, I want the same for Carlos. Let the story be fresh, let it be different, LET US HAVE DIVERSE GAY STORYLINES.

Y’ALL THE TEAM HANGING OUT AT CARLOS’S PLACE

I CANNOT

I’LL NEVER BE OVER IT

HE’S PART OF THE CREW. HE’S PART OF THE FAMILY.

IT’S EVERYTHING THAT I COULD EVER WANT FOR HIM OKAY

I’M SO FUCKING HAPPY

THEY ARE SO HAPPY

WE ARE ALL SO HAPPY

I’M CRYING

I’M DEAD

LOL that was a lot but so was this promo.

Now, some somewhat sobering thoughts...

We all know season 1 had a real diversity and inclusion problem, we’ve seen the numbers. We also know that during the promotion for season 1, we ALSO got a diversity promo focusing on the LGBTQIA+ characters and the characters of color. I love that Fox wants to highlight the incredibly talented actors and characters that they have, but all of it means nothing if they are still tokens on the show. 

I have full faith that season 2 will be better, that some of the justified anger and frustration made it back to the writers and they internalized it and then make some real changes. However, because we did get a diversity promo last year, I have to remain a little cautious. This promo doesn’t really mean anything and if, somehow, season 2 goes the way season 1 did, it will be another instance of Fox using the characters of color to draw people in without actually giving them screentime and development. Which is a HUGE PROBLEM. So... I’m very excited and very hopeful, but also slightly wary.

Similarly, I’ve seen people say that they’re worried that, while there is so much Tarlos in this promo, this might be all the Tarlos we get this season. I don’t share the same concern, but like the diversity issue, I understand where that comes from. There was a lot of Tarlos in season 1′s promos and, as we now know, they got screentime in episodes 1-3 and then virtually nothing until episode 10. 

I kind of lost track of the filming schedule, but I think before they went on the holiday/extended hiatus, they filmed the first 5-6 episodes? Maybe? And we know that we’re getting 14 total this season, which means it’s possible that they haven’t even filmed half of them. 

I think the footage that we got in this promo is from, like, 3 or 4 episodes max. Definitely episodes 1 and 2, maybe 4, possibly 5. The crossover is episode 3 and I am still expecting to barely see Carlos in it - I just think it’s going to be very fire heavy one, especially with the members of the 118 coming in to steal screentime. He could be in one scene, maybe? Idk, I’m just not expecting a lot from that episode. 

And sure, we could get a lot of Tarlos at the beginning and then nothing for a whole string of episodes, but that also just doesn’t seem possible with the way they’ve restructured the relationship dynamics. Like, it really does seem like Carlos is going to be a part of the family this year, so I think it will be easier to include him and harder to delete him entirely. (Please let him at least appear in every single episode, I don’t want to be so fucking angry like last year.)

Also, if all of these scenes stay in the episodes, we are getting AT LEAST 4 Tarlos conversations - the firehouse, the wrestling match, the farmer’s market, the flirting by the truck - and other scenes of them being in the same space as part of a group. I’m sure there will be even more that we’re just not seeing. I’m very optimistic for this season and for the Tarlos content, and I really don’t think we’ll see the front-loaded imbalance that we saw last season. I think when they get back to filming the later episodes, there will be a good amount of Tarlos content in those, too!

I will say, though, that I am worried we’ve just seen the only kiss that they’ll share in the first 5 or so episodes. I’m just so used to network TV placing a limit on gay kisses, and Idk how much that has really changed in recent years. I truly love this kiss, and I hope there are more, but I would not be surprised if we end the season having only gotten like 2-3. (PLEASE LET ME BE WRONG.)

ONLY TWO MORE WEEKS UNTIL WE FIND OUT FOR SURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[nightowlgunner]

Her

It was like June 2020 when I started playing with Kristine. That was also the time na she got laid off so we got the chance na magkalaro sa game full time. It was also the time na, I slowly opened up to her. Because I have strong walls eh, I do not let people come in my life easily. Since Kristine looks sincere and a listener to me, I gave her the way to get in. I talk about my rants about how my day goes and my relationship status with Joan. There is something about her that makes me want to know her more. There are many things na napagkakasunduan namin that leads to laughing and feeling na magaan lang kausap. I also liked that she is interested in the Game that I am playing, We shared things from the moment she started playing pc games back then, her ex gf's, her dramas in life, her fam, her girlfriend but not too much of it. She shares her problem too, the same goes with me.

Back then, I got curious about Kristine because of the stories that I have heard from Joan about her and her ex-gf and the toxicity of her relationship with Rose.

I admit she got my sympathy. Reminded me of my past relationship and how she handled it. Later on, whenever Kristine goes back here in Manila for a vacation, she always invites us. So I have no choice but to go with Joan though I am way too shy na makihalubilo sa mga tao.

By the first time that I met Kristine she was with her ex-gf Siena. There was nothing special or any thing that I felt. I was just nervous meeting her. Idk. Because I feel like she is intimidating. It was just a stage of knowing her, but she was nice naman. That time I remember Joan blocked her on my fb friend's list because of some reasons that i am not sure of, like Jealousy. Joan is always jealous which make me feel like hindi ako katiwa tiwalang tao. Lol. Grabe lang. And since then, Kristine unblocked me.

Way back 2018, I casually message her, like saying Hi, Hello, a little update of my day, and a little sharing of how me and Joan is doing.

I remember that it was also the time that she is trying to open up about her problems with Siena and so i made a GC where me, Joan and tine are messaging so she will not think too much back in Dubai.

I think she was on the verge of breaking up with Siena?

I have work back then so our exchange of messages was not that constant.

Joan used to rant at Kristine about me and how our life have been, which I do not like. Kasi nahihiya ako na kailangan pa ilabas ang mga bagay bagay na hindi naman dapat. There are times I feel uncomfortable kapag sinasabihan din ako ni Tine about our probs. But i just shrugged it off na lang.

It was also the time that I am focus to Joan too.

'Til Pandemic came. I am so happy may kalaro na ako sa game and that is her. Most of the time we play during afternoons, we also got the chance to try voice call each other on Messenger.

Then there goes the story, we talk a lot, shared a lot and our game time is way fun because she is a good team mate.

She was a good listener. And she understands me. Not all the time she is in favor of me, there are times she helps me understand things.

But most of the time, She makes me feel valid.

August came and Joan celebrated her birthday.

September and I celebrated mine, and I received a gift from her, it was a cake. She told me in Whatsapp that it was for me only. She just made it look like it was also for Joan since she never gave her any present last month.

October came, and I decided to make a surprise for her birthday, I'm talking about Kristine here. And so I did. We call her through VC in Messenger and I greeted her in my Facebook Gaming page, and made an appreciation post for her in my IG, which she really liked.

November came and I broke my thoughts to her. It was my nephew's birthday, Ethan.

I told her through Whatsapp that I liked her. That I liked her back then because of some reasons like, She went through hell in her relationships yet she stood up, etc. and my curiosity ate me.

I told her I might not feel uncomfortable talking to her because she already knew my secret that I like her. Then Kristine said, Bakit naman?

I asked her am I not likeable? She answered me, it's not that I am not likeable, she also said that she knew that I am a good person, and she reminded me that it was wrong. I told her I have no intentions of ruining her and Kamille. I just wanted her to know that I liked her, period.

Then we played a game, shared some secrets and stuff, because I started to trust her na.

Then as days goes by, we play constant and we talk mostly.

She even shared to me the time she went to sleep over with workmates because Kamille and her had an argument. We had our first Video Call in Messenger the next day before she go to work. Send me photos that I asked her too cause I am not seeing her lately.

We still talk even at her work hours, I listen to her work rants and stuff.

Then came an issue of this gaming headset that she wants to give me without malice as claimed by Kristine. Joan did not like the gesture. So, we talked secretly and talk about it. We agreed not to pursue the headset anymore.

December came and yah, we still play. I found out she resigned at her work.

I had an issue with a basher of my page, so I have to deactivate my gaming page and make an investigation who the hell is she.

So my attention draws closer to the game itself and also Kristine. and stop streaming for a while, She decided to install the Global server instead of using Garena for months because she is running out of VPN's to use for free anymore.

I felt like we have this kind of understanding where she gets me. And she agreed. But sometimes she sends me mixed signals.

I came to a point where I became confused.

I felt the need to share this because I am having these "time bomb" like feelings that if I cannot find a way to consult it to other person i am gonna explode and became clingy at her.

So I brought my classmate back in High School named Annarie, who prefers to call herself Pacsy. We play in Garena sometimes and we chat in Messenger too. I shared her my thoughts about Kristine. And I decide to her to be like the observant of the girl I liked if she feels the same way to me.

There are times that I felt jealous whenever there is a guy flirting with her on the game and sometimes she makes me feel that she is jealous too when I do the same.

And then came February, we had an argument.

My thoughts went confused, concern at Pacsy, and at the same time jealous.

Felt bad because we made a promise to each other to be open and not keep secrets. But things fail.

I broke down and cried.

Then came Joan who confronted Kristine, and Pacsy without me knowing it because I was asleep when Joan hacked my phone. I lost all of my phone datas and apps.

And I did not like it. Joan should have talked the proper way but instead choose to hysterical all the time.

She discovered that, there is something between me and Kristine based on our exchange of chats in Messenger.

Since I'm woman enough to admit my fault, I did.

I admit that I fell to Kristine.

Joan blocked her in my Messenger first.

And next is IG.

CODM became an exception.

It was a week of pain and confusion and discoveries.

I have discovered that She admits that she felt the same way for me.

That she doesn't want to lose me too.

That I am important to her, that she thinks of me by the time we lost our communication for like a week and more.

She was the one who initiated a contact.

I knew in my heart she wants it.

Let me just have a detailed flashback:

FEB 17: That night, we played, me, Pacsy and her. Dhanush invited me. I said sorry to them. And Kristine drop this line that it will be the last time she will talk to US. So I distant myself.

FEB 18: It was like 5pm, I called Pacs and I apologized to her of what happened and I cried because of what I feel in my situation. I told her, it was so hard to tell Joan that I fell in-love with her friend.

I asked Pacs not to update Kristine about me anymore because I wanna distant too.

FEB 18: 10:30 PM Pacsy texted me that Ktine asked her a favor to tell me that Joan is attacking her on messenger. I just said, it was noted.

FEB 19: Vertigo attacked me.

FEB 26: I received an XP rewards from Kristine. Just to be clear, giving away XP rewards is customized, you are the one who will choose who to give it to. And with that gesture, I knew in my heart she wants to talk and play with me. The past days Dhanush has been chatting me whenever he is playing with her. I told Dhanush I cant because she does not want to talk to me anymore and I wanna keep my distance too.

FEB 27-28

I played in CODM that night and I message her in the app, and invited her to play. Just a duo. At first she said, "Hi joan." then I told her, "Hindi nuh, hahaha." Then we play both off mic. And I notice she is messaging me while playing and says she misses me. "imy" I asked her "Kumusta" etc. At first I did not want to answer back I miss her too, because I am doubtful that it might be Kamille who's playing, but again, I knew it was her. So I told her, I miss this duo. Then she replied ":(".

Its like we had 2 games only, I said goodbye yet she tried to invite me again for another round for a squad with Dhanush but I have to leave the app and so I did.

FEB 29

We talked in CODM Global server app. We did not play instead we just talked. She told me she created an account in deviantart.com which is a website for artists, I actually have account there for art purposes. However she cant find my account there so I suggest how about Twitter. She opened up to me that day, as I remember, she apologized to me of the things she have done like how she cracked my secret to Joan etc. She said she does not normally say sorry to anyone yet she is doing it for me that day. I asked her if, "hindi ba kapani paniwala kapag ako ang nagsabi na mahal kita?"

She answered, she feels things the same way. She understands that my IG stories was for her mostly, and I claimed it. She told me she was scared to lose communication with me, that sometimes she feels like she's using another person just to get connected at me. And I get what she is saying. She said that she felt something for me.

I am sorry but the words we shared felt like... there is something.

Days have gone by, We played again. However I am hiding it.

I made a letter for her by using a website app. I told her everything there.

We also both made a Twitter account. Obviously, we missed each other.

[itsakpopalypse]

Lou/Kim Hosung Astrology: How He Loves

OML he’s so precious i wanna squish his cheekies

As always 18+ under the cut

“omg i loved your astrology ask - romantic breakdown with Ayno so much! Can I get one for Lou, please?😊” - @randomkpopfiction

A/N I'm so happy to hear you’ve been enjoying my posts ! Here you go , I hope that you like it !!

Let’s talk tall boi

okay so his big 3 by our best estimation is Aries Rising, Sagittarius sun and Taurus moon, 2 fire and an earth

His chart lean is pretty evenly split between fire and earth, with one more earth and one air. no water whatsoever

that’s notable because water is the emotional element, so that suggests he isn’t prone to big emotional driven actions

we will get into that more as we go 

it’s just something that sets the tone of his chart

also his perfect split between mutable and cardinal suggests he can take the lead or be incredibly adaptable

so he actually seems very chill just looking at those facts 

for the romance-y stuff lessgo

Aries are confident go-getters, so he will seem pretty sure of himself in all situations

whatever he does he puts his WHOLE DAMN ASS INTO IT

we do not half ass anything in this house we whole ass it

can be a little brash, but his moon will help stop that from being too prominent since Taurus is basically the slowest moving most careful earth sign. 

since Aries is a cardinal sign though, he may seem a little intense and take charge in situations where others don’t seem to have their stuff together

Sun in Sagittarius, he is adventurous, lacks fear, and longs for intellectual insights, like he will ask you so many questions and fire back anything he thinks fits his own life

is really interesting to converse with

probably really laid back but still willing to talk to anyone

the kind of person who could make friends anywhere and with anyone

probably super curious and less cautious than he should be 

Taurus moon is affectionate but a bit shy and likes things to be very familiar

they are generally uncomfortable with change so his sun is a great balance to push him into more outgoing settings and to try new things

even if his moon will be a little filled with butterflies 

aw im soft

since your moons is the depth of your feelings he is steadfast and intentional

slow moving but once he has chosen for himself it is his focus

he will be a steady and reliable partner, but still be fun and spontaneous since his sun is so fiery. 

honestly looking through this chart I’m like he would be anyone's coolest best friend and just vibe in the most interesting way what a neat person?? where do i get one ???

let’s translate these and his other signs into a relationship starting with 

FLUFF

listen Sagittarius is the peter pan right? 

he doesn't WANNA grow up 

he wants to experience life and DO THINGS

but his Taurus moon will probably make him shy away even though his heart is BURSTING OKAY

Taurus is also one of the more artistic minded and sensual signs 

so he is creative and romantic and probably loves a cheesy rom com with cuddles

you may have to encourage his courageous side when emotions hit but you may have to chill him out where danger is involved

since his Mercury is Capricorn which is the cardinal of earth he will be really smart about his communication

so he will think things out well and be incredibly clever and quick witted

it suggests his humor is a bit sarcastic and savage and honestly 

like i consider Cap the most ‘millennial’ humor 

as in sarcasm and self deprecation 

but since that Aries stands proud he will probably still simultaneously know he’s pretty fantastic

like he knows he is awesome but also judges himself really hard probably

Venus in Sagittarius so this is interesting

of the fire signs it’s kind of more reserved romantically

Has REALLY high standards when it comes to what he wants in a relationship and intends for them to be met

not like how you look or sound or whatever

but will not tolerate disrespect of degradation on either side

has a lot of pride in keeping his relationships solid and communicative

an enthusiastic speaker, once he has set you as a comfortable person to communicate with he will lean into that and probably has a zillion incredibly interesting things he has pondered over about life and love that he wants to have deep conversations about

he would be the coolest to have talks about really relative things

might need some pushing if you want to discuss emotions 

that Taurus moon will win out only if you nourish and validate his feelings

so if you meet and he likes you somewhere a long the line, it will be a push and pull between Sagittarius wanting to love everyone and Taurus wanting to be sure of someone

the philosopher mind of a Sagittarius will draw him to you platonically and if you are affectionate, steady and warm his Taurus will basically flop down like a huge dog and beg for pats-metaphorically

His venus suggests that he would love to entice you with his wit, his spontaneity and his laughs,

He knows he is charming and full of life and he will use it against you 

and probably tease the ever living shit out of you for it

say he is cracking jokes or being adorable and you stare at him fondly, or giggle at a joke

he will be playful back

expect him to call you out

he is going to say something like “Oh I know I am beautiful but you’ll wear my face out staring like that.” with a wink

honestly a little shit sometimes wtf

doesn’t get jealous and doesn’t tolerate jealousy

so if you start as friends it will be this seamless fit into his friend group and he won’t even care if Ziu lays all over you or whatever

it won’t even seem abnormal to him even if he likes you

in fact he will probably just join the cuddle huddle or make sarcastic jokes about it

Sagittarius venus love fun and new experiences but they are not about to enjoy a shallow relationship

expect him to solidify boundaries and ask you out officially pretty quickly 

They are not a flighty sign even though they are a bit in the clouds sometimes 

the love an intense and passionate love and will not settle for less

Get you those healthy boundaries Lou

so i imagine as adventurous but thoughtful as his blend of signs is, especially with a Virgo Mars

he is going to think of the most interesting and sincere way to ask you out

maybe plan a day trip somewhere special

idk a hike or the beach or something 

and after he’s spent the entire day building memories with you 

he will ask you if you want to keep making these memories

maybe show you a little album on his phone of the selfies he’s taken with you for the last few months

wow soft and cute i love it 

and if you say yes he is going to start by being like oh yeah okay cool

then he will walk a few steps away and turn his back and start freaking out about how happy he is

a bouncy giggle mess over there and you’re like.... are you okay

he’s like.... *cough* yes I am FINE

sure you are

his north nodes is Libra so he is likely to need you around as he accomplishes goals

basically he wants to experience life with you and not separate from you and will work to make sure those goals align with each other

probably neither against nor particularly for public displays of affection

it will matter most to him that you are there with him, and if you want to add affection into it he won’t be opposed

but expect snark

“If you need to hold on to me you can.”

I also see him as the type to fall asleep on you during movies and really relish if he wakes up still in your arms

really low key affection is his thing

probably writes i love you on your leg with his finger when you are in the car or around people but he doesn’t wanna shout it out

likes to put his chin on your head and kiss the top of your head so gently

gently cups the side of your face and stares into your eyes all dreamy 

HAND KISSES

so cute I’m soft 

soft hours are closing

18+  below the cut

must he do this I’m scared

WOOOP 

spicy talk 

INTENSE

playful but intesnse

Sagittarius are exploratory signs  so that will probably make it into the bedroom ngl

like they like new experiences

so he is going to be learning things and sitting you down to talk about hard yes’s and no’s

we stan healthy communcation

maybe a little switchy?

I think he prefers to be in charge of your pleasure but I think he would be down to try laying back and letting you take the reins

to be honest he seems like he would really be into blindfolding ?

like blindfold him and tell him he has to make you cum but he has to do it with just his hands

jfc those hands i think you’ll be okay

lives for excitement and trust in a relationship

it has to go both ways, the Taurus moon demands it

he wants you to trust him with your whole being and he will give that in return

he wants you to be greedy with your own pleasure

“Touch yourself for me baby, I wanna see you”

looks at you like a work of art he wants to paint with his hands and tongue and cum

probably nasty but in the absolute most intimate way

hey you know what he sounds like saying give me more already I expect that’s what you hear after your third orgasm sorry I don’t make the rules

with a Virgo mars (his actions) mixed with so much Sagittarius expect him to treat you like his own personal experiment

really wants you to be as vocal about it as he is 

communicate what you like and don’t

wants you to ride him so he can watch you and comment on how beautiful you are

“you want me to fuck you hard you have to earn it.”

teasing little shit i stg

the Taurus makes me think he is kind of really intimate about it all

the kind of guy who might spank you , but will massage it gently after, 

holds onto the back of your neck and pulls you into his thrusts 

probably furrows his brow in concentration

and he has this like.. excitable side with all this fire energy that makes me feel like he gets really energetic about the whole ordeal

like he is SO AMAZED you are letting him touch you that he just kinda 

implodes

probably makes the softest little groans when you run your nails down his chest

wants to be marked in places no one else can see

doesn’t think of it as ownership or “marking” in  a traditional way

thinks of it as little reminders on his skin for only you two to know about 

that’s kinda beautiful tbh 

aftercare is probably haphazard but it will involve a lot of touching,

like none of his signs are particularly care-taker-ey 

but he will be sure you get lots of affection after more intense sessions so  you feel loved and protected

probably kisses your face all over and pulls you into an embrace

mumbles about your future together as you fall asleep 

it’s really cute aw

TWO MORE MEMBERS and both have been requested, expect them soon!

thank you for requesting and while I have a few more astrology posts and one request for a short story coming down the pipeline, I also have a oneshot I wrote on my own and am currently editing coming. Expect some stuff!!

Requests are open !

[fatebreaking-a]

Tagged by : I am a thief. ( Stolen from @starthieve​ ) Tagging : steal it from me.

THE POSITIVE & NEGATIVE; Mun & Muse - Meme.

fill out & repost ♥ This meme definitely favors canons more, but I hope OC’s still can make it somehow work with their own lore, and lil’ fandom of friends & mutuals. Multi-Muses pick the muse you are the most invested in atm.

( I will not, I will pick all my muses, how dare- I’ll leave everything except this blog + my other Sona blog out, for length’s sake.) long post, so it’s under the cut.

My muse is:   canon / oc / au / canon-divergent / fandomless /

Is your character popular in the fandom?  YES-ish / NO. ( people who like her like her, and people who don’t... really don’t. )

Is your character considered hot™ in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK.

Is your character considered strong in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK.

Are they underrated?  YES / NO.

Were they relevant for the main story?  YES / NO / MAYBE ?

Were they relevant for the main character?  YES / NO / THEY’RE THE PROTAG.

Are they widely known in their world?  YES / NO / MAYBE ?

How’s their reputation?  GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL.

How strictly do you follow canon?  — lol. I take inspiration from canon, let’s put it that way.

SELL YOUR MUSE! Aka try to list everything, which makes your muse interesting in your opinion to make them spicy for your mutuals.  —  Your local patron saint of lost causes, a heroic entity who has overcome betrayal and judgement to become an existence that can save the world. Also she’s tall and strong and hot and nice, what more could you want? Huh? You want more than being hugged by a 6′4″ lady??? Sona can also be in various countries, and can participate very easily in fluff, angst, and all sorts of other types of threads.

Now the OPPOSITE, list everything why your muse could not be so interesting (even if you may not agree, what does the fandom perhaps think?).  —  Lots of angst and drama, a bit of a loner with a distant vibe. Having no etwahl and not playing music kills the interest and ‘usual interactions’ for a lot of people, and being mute & not jumping to telepathy can make threads dry and slow. Being a ‘sexy boob lady’ ( u g h ) also has painted her in a certain light - I’ll never forget that someone said that ‘ofc everyone ships with Sona, she’s the village bicycle.’ I’ve made her exceptionally strong ( almost overpowered ), and that doesn’t jive with people sometimes - shoving in all these themes that I personally like and crafting an interesting story of a divine / demonic seer witch who doesn’t know what to do with herself, is finally ‘too strong’, and finds power distasteful... The themes can be a little depressing and cold, even when she acts nice. And seeing “Even though she feels nothing, she still acts nice” in character can feel... tiring. A mute is not an easy person to write with, and I don’t shy away from trying to give the impression that ‘waiting for Sona to communicate can be tiring’ - because I want my readers and mutuals to feel the kinds of things she goes through everyday. While I try to make the blog accessible, Sona has a speech disability, and that can be tiring.

Also that she doesn’t act like a fancy noble... I don’t know. I feel like the way that I write her is very, very different to the fandom’s impression of her, and that leaves people disillusioned. “This isn’t what I expected or signed up for.” She’s just not that person... And because she doesn’t speak, a lot of prompts are off limits. I’ve also recently reset because I wanted to emphasize that she is patient, grim, and secretive while still being kind. I’ve toned down her tendency for mischief a lot, she used to be an absolute gremlin.

A lot of these things also apply to my other Sona blog ( @virtuous-dignity​ ), where she is extremely structured and self-confident and a bit of a recluse, so while she’s much much nicer, she’s also a complete hardass. It’s rough stuff, especially since I make sure to point out, “hey this Sona practices music over 8 hours every day.” “Hey this Sona finds it morally wrong to play music for small audiences.” There are certain traits that just cut ideas in the bud.

What inspired you to rp your muse?  —  I played Sona a lot in bot lane. Multiple years of sexist remarks, shitty writing, and bad characterization made me frustrated. A lot of things were left unexplained and the etwahl felt like too much of a focus that I could not answer, “who is Sona besides a musician with a fancy instrument”. She has to be someone, right? But we never get to that in the story ( nor in the apparent upcoming lore rework either... ). She has to be someone, her being a famous musician is not everything. So I forcibly tossed aside the music part, especially to also prevent accidentally being pulled into ‘your music is so pretty’ plots. Plus: I wanted to write a character with an internal conflict who was going through some things but wanted to be nice anyway - I believe in that idea a lot. And I wanted to write a character that, tbh, could ship and flirt and just... be flirty and easy going more ( hah! didn’t work out so great now! ). My first canon characters were a ‘left by the void Malz’ dealing with his sins and Ori, who I talk about below, and neither were really great for getting that flirty vibe out. I also really wanted to emphasize that... Well, to be blunt, that if I wrote Sona as sexually promiscuous, that wasn’t a bad thing. That ‘being sexy’ and ‘sex positive’ did not equal ‘objectified tiddy witch’ and ‘perfect candidate for oppai mouse pad’ and other things I’ve heard directed at me in my league experience. Many, many things. Ugh. It kind of did end up turning into a thing where Sona herself draws an interesting line between ‘haha I can tell everyone’s looking at me with those eyes and it’s the fucking worst’ and ‘ok but I trust you and am in bed with you, so I want you to grab me’ - but that’s getting more into ns/fw topics so I’ll leave it there. 

What keeps your inspiration going?  —  All my characters tend to be expressions of myself, as well as answering important thematic questions, like “What does it mean to be rejected by your home and no longer have a place”, and some other stuff. I usually go back to that. Plus, exploring concepts around abandonment and loneliness is something I do a lot with her - feelings of neglect and disillusionment, and ideas surrounding “do I need to like someone or be liked by someone to treat them with dignity”. ( virtuous-dignity, on the other hand, was created because I wanted to write something as soft and uwu as possible, and then it turned into something about ‘balancing dignity for oneself with duty to others’ and handling those kinds of conflicts. )

I also really do enjoy, on some level, turning people around on these characters. “You made me care about character x” is such high praise.

My muse is:   canon / oc / au / canon-divergent / fandomless /

Is your character popular in the fandom?  YES / NO.

Is your character considered hot™ in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK. ( idk, how many of you think robots are hot- )

Is your character considered strong in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK. ( I think people downplay Ori’s intelligence a lot, but Riot also casually implied she did open heart surgery on herself so??? )

Are they underrated?  YES / NO.

Were they relevant for the main story?  YES / NO / MAYBE ?

Were they relevant for the main character?  YES / NO / THEY’RE THE PROTAG.

Are they widely known in their world?  YES / NO / MAYBE ?

How’s their reputation?  GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL.

How strictly do you follow canon?  — hahahahahahaha. hah. hah. Sorry. Everything I write is divergent by default.

SELL YOUR MUSE! Aka try to list everything, which makes your muse interesting in your opinion to make them spicy for your mutuals.  —  A genius inventor and cute spherical robot duo who speak to other robots and shoot lightning, run around acting cute, and try to save their city one step at a time - all while dealing with deep existential dread and fighting off a fate that decrees Ori’s death. Between ‘pancake bot’ and Ori being an accidental flirt, there’s plenty of variety and development here as my oldest canon muse. Not to mention that the blog ‘grows’ and ‘changes’, and in the last year, Ori has taken to dying her hair pink ( because Vi is cool is why, just don’t let her near a rifle or she’ll try to imitate Cait ). I also regularly think about / draw different hairstyles and clothing styles. Ori is very much ‘alive’, the most so out of the three muses on this blog. A human that has the memories of being a robot, trying to live on and live a good life. Also, there are bird, angel, and time themes. So many clocks. Mega clocks!

Now the OPPOSITE, list everything why your muse could not be so interesting (even if you may not agree, what does the fandom perhaps think?).  —  Deep angst and existential dread, because she knows her fate is to die and she’s cheated time. Themes of dysphoria and other troubling topics abound. Being stuck in time loops, thinking she’s an aberration, needing crutches because her legs stop working, etc.

Also, removing the fact that she is a robotic automaton is a bunch of the appeal of Ori. Or well, it’s what makes her character ‘interesting and unique’ to many. Without that, she is ‘yet another Zaunite’, as the thing that made her most interesting was her death and rebirth. ( Nevermind that her entire story is that she’s a selfless person but- I’m supposed  to act like she’s bad, right? )

What inspired you to rp your muse?  —  Hey remember when institute of war was a thing? And then when it wasn’t? And Ori’s lore was “died to a turret shot trying to be a champion”... and then it was up in the air for two years?

That’s why. If no one else will love her, I will. She deserves better. And then the lore became close to my lore so I rewrote everything a second time trying to stick to the themes I had.

Ori’s thematic question is, “What do you do when you don’t recognize yourself anymore? How do you get back to ‘okay’ and what do you do from there?” It’s a pretty dim question that has a lot to do with body image, but also to do with abandonment and neglect, and  just dropping out of people’s lives. I think that’s something that people can really relate to. I originally wrote her on a multi with a ‘post void Malz’, who was dealing with the trauma of being puppeted around for years and all the things he had done, trying to get back to ‘okay’ without getting killed. More below:

What keeps your inspiration going?  —  Themes as noted above, Ori is super cute, and a lot of my art & general ideas. I’ve kind of turned these three characters in borderline OCs and keep developing them as they grow... Sometimes I think the stories and concepts I’ve written have outgrown the fandom. And thinking about her, and how she would live, and what her story is... mmm.

Also, the themes I write... I think they matter. Maybe it’s not obvious to anyone but myself, but writing a character who feels dysphoria and hates their body for ‘betraying them’... is relatable. It’s not nice. It’s not simple. But it’s relatable and it matters. Ori’s theme on this blog has a lot to do with “fighting a fate that says you’re going to lose and defying expectations” as well as “coming back from something wicked and rotten in your psyche/body”. And I do write some other skin verses for her but they’re all adapted to meet that theme. ( For example, in SG, she rises to guardian after finding out she’s fated to become a dark star and fights that fight alone, because ‘hell no she’s not going to go dark’. This was 5+ years ago back when there were theories SG and DS were same universe. )

Mostly it’s writing about these themes of expectation and reality. Overprotective parent, absentee parent, dealing with trauma... All my writing is like that. It can make my characters seem overly tragic, yes, but these ideas are not so far gone that they’re completely irrelevant and beyond belief. I’m sure many people have experienced emotional exhaustion and problems with body image. Even though I do write ‘polite but ready to fight’ characters only... Well, I believe in exploring and expressing these kinds of problems. Inner conflict and all. But also fluff! Fluff is really nice! Talk to her about pancake robot.

I also really do enjoy, on some level, turning people around on these characters. “You made me care about character x” is such high praise.

My muse is:   canon / oc / au / canon-divergent / fandomless /

Is your character popular in the fandom?  YES / NO. ( post rework??? oh my god )

Is your character considered hot™ in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK.

Is your character considered strong in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK. ( hard to consider ‘martial’ characters strong when Xer/ath and Syn/dra exist )

Are they underrated?  YES / NO. ( she’s a little overrated, isn’t she?  )

Were they relevant for the main story?  YES / NO / MAYBE ?

Were they relevant for the main character?  YES / NO / THEY’RE THE PROTAG.

Are they widely known in their world?  YES / NO / MAYBE ?

How’s their reputation?  GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL.

How strictly do you follow canon?  — I still draw from old lore with her big four blades of doom and ‘reviving’ with the help of Raka ( though I leave it vague / easy to gloss over ). I also had a lot of ideas about music and rhythm and tradition before the update ( drums were a big thing for her, so strong percussive beats and motions reign over the more silk and ribbon dances that flow more, drawing on things like Zelos existing, Lito’s lessons & harsh behavior, and her own internalized habits of trying to calm herself ), so I draw on those a ton. For me, the progression is ‘classic’ -> ‘infiltrator / nightblade ‘ -> ‘aviator’ all as one timeline. Also wrote her as being ‘missing in action’, which makes the awaken cinematic weird. I also really try to emphasize that she’s an emotionally stunted wardog with scars and not ultra pretty, so.

SELL YOUR MUSE! Aka try to list everything, which makes your muse interesting in your opinion to make them spicy for your mutuals.  —  A world traveler and a wardog, you can find her anywhere, any time, ready to kick some butt and enjoy the local food. Her simmering fury is a counterpoint to her relatively muted demeanor and adventurous spirit. However you may find her, there’s a definite charm to being flown up above the clouds to watch a sunset and talk. She will fly you where you need to be.

Now the OPPOSITE, list everything why your muse could not be so interesting (even if you may not agree, what does the fandom perhaps think?).  —  I’m a little stuck on old lore and writing Lia as a character that has “left behind” her past and is pretending to be dead does make certain interactions tough. She’s also a deeply stunted character, emotionally, and I write her ten years of experience as having chilled her to a cold, ever burning ember rather than a passionate flame. Also, ‘aviator’ is kind of weird to handle for a lot of people.

What inspired you to rp your muse?  —  This one is really simple. When this blog started, the only splash where Irelia was smiling was the aviator splash. That’s it. That as the whole reason. “I want her to be happy and have found her happiness.”

What keeps your inspiration going?  —  I will admit that Lia is the character that I give the least attention to out of these three, and part of it is because I don’t really do flirting or shipping with her as much. She’s not one to reach out to others, and there are a lot of popular Lia blogs to the point that when I, as a multi, write with someone... She probably isn’t the first pick.

But I just... want her to be happy. That’s it. As I mentioned with the Ori section, what I’ve worked out for her has kind of outgrown the fandom itself, she’s become a different entity. Her themes largely involve recovery and finding oneself anew, and writing a character that is passionate about others while still being cool-headed is some of the variety I need. Because Lia is ace/homosexual, she sits out on a lot of the flirty content, but the chances I get to write her being romantic and caring... my god. Just a few posts back and forth with @unholyshe​ ‘s Akali and a So/na I used to write with....... Unforgettable. ( On that note go follow @unholyshe​ what a good writer, gosh dang. ) It’s these small interactions I find intensely compelling, and having a ‘quiet intensity’ and really thinking about her body language...

Also it’s nice to write a character with little secret agenda, who is just straightforward. “Will I enjoy kissing you? Only one way to find out. ‘It was okay.’ “ A ‘the only way forward is through, just do it’ attitude is refreshing.

------------------

Learning to write all three characters helps me write the others: The little things I think about that are specific to each person really help me out for the others. The depth of using body language from Sona bleeds into how Lia uses body language, and how Ori doesn’t ( even common ticks ), etc etc. Ori’s blunt, observational style of speaking ( telling you that you look good like it’s an observational fact ) helps me understand how to be straightforward with Lia.

Some more personal questions for the mun.

Give your mutuals some insight about the way you are in some matters, which could lead them to get more comfortable with you or perhaps not.

Do you think you give your character justice?  YES …? / NO. ( sometimes I do get very anxious abt it, esp. since I’m so divergent and do things like ‘so/na is one part succubus lol’ )

Do you frequently write headcanons? YES / NO. ( do excerpts count? less headcanons and more musings, since I’m on like 5+ years with 2/3 of these. )

Do you sometimes write drabbles?  YES / NO. ( time is not a thing but I used to write a ton, my drabble energy goes to novels now )

Do you think a lot about your Muse during the day?  YES / NO. ( this is why you see mobile posts from me constantly, and so many excerpts / musings ).

Are you confident in your portrayal?   YES / NO. ( It’s what I want but it can also be disillusioning / disappointing to people so. Dunno. Anxiety. =/  )

Are you confident in your writing?  YES / NO. ( It takes me a bit to warm up to a character again, but yes. I know my writing is not bad but I can be a little insecure about it. )

Are you a sensitive person?  YES / NO. ( Very. I cry a lot and I get upset pretty easily. Sometimes I end up being really cold instead but idk. )

Do you accept criticism well about your portrayal?  — To a point. Sometimes criticism is irrelevant or meaningless, or is just personal taste. “Sona shouldn’t be that strong” isn’t helpful ( but thinking about ways to pare down the complexity is good! ) Sometimes I get criticism that is the equivalent of tasting a chocolate cake and going, “It should have been vanilla, I like vanilla better.” That’s cool, but that has nothing to do with the taste of the chocolate cake I made. ( Ori as a human isn’t interesting, talk more about Sona & the etwahl even though it’s broken, Lia flying doesn’t make sense, etc - these are foundational flavors, so what can I do? ).

Also sometimes people make comments that make me feel they’re just being petty / catty and not sincere. I’ve seen quite a few hypocritical comments and it’s hard to take them seriously. So, yes, but ‘to a point’... Mostly I take suggestions, which I then talk about for the muse. Exploring those ideas. Unsolicited criticism is... hmm. In my experience, about half of it isn’t constructive. And from the wrong person, it can sound judgemental. 

Do you like questions, which help you explore your character?  — Of course? I love asks. Always. Great. Awesome. If I have a chance to draw to answer these asks, even better.

If someone disagrees to a headcanon of yours, do you want to know why?  —  Not really. I’m divergent, they probably disagree because they have a different vision for the character. I’ll be honest here and say I’ve had enough people tell me that “my portrayals are not what they expected” that this can be... disheartening. I usually have a good reason for 80% of my hcs. If we’re talking in IMs though or just conversing, I’m totally fine with it. This comes back to unsolicited criticism - to be a little blunt, some people just straight up don’t know what they’re talking about. And given that I put a bunch of effort in trying to make sure most of my headcanons can be glossed over, so it doesn’t cause conflict and my ‘ultra grim take’ doesn’t cause the end times... I dunno. I’d rather that someone tell me “the kind of interactions they want”, so I can lean into that direction. If you just want fluff, I can leave most of my darker hcs for So/na at the door... But you need to tell me that, so I can work with you. 

If someone disagrees with your portrayal, how would you take it?  — just leave? huh? I mean, I already know people disagree. If you’re not rude, then we’ll just move on and be chill. Otherwise... well, we won’t be chill and you can still go, but I’ll consider you a dick. I don’t expect everyone to agree with “Ori is a human”, but why bring that up to me?

This is why a lot of the time, when people talk about characters and my muses, my brain defaults to “Well that has nothing to do with me.” Why should I invest any time being upset that people are disappointed with my portrayal or I’m not what they expected. It’s exhausting. People have some really strong opinions about Lia and Sona sometimes, but... ‘that has nothing to do with me.’ There’s no point in trying to convince someone to try your flavor of ice cream when they’ve already decided what flavor and toppings they want. It just leads to tremendous insecurity. I should not have to argue that ‘my portrayal is worth paying attention to’. 

Ugh. I might be too sensitive about this. There was a point where people really got in the habit of saying, “this is how character x is” ( not their muse ), and it felt like someone trying to enter my kitchen. It did not feel like a suggestion or an idea. It was an assertive, “this is how Irelia is” by, say... a Ry/ze or Ken/nen blog or something. That felt extremely isolating and alienating to me, because it felt like I could not participate in that conversation at all. Or stuff after. I had to sideline myself, because... that has nothing to do with me or my interpretations. Ofc griping at them is wrong because I know they mean, ‘this is how I see it’, but ye. I’m short tempered and easily upset. Working on it.

If someone really hates your character, how do you take it?  — um? bye? hello?

god I used to go “ ok that’s cool you don’t like my portrayal, here are some other great So/na blogs that I love” but I realized that I was directing someone who felt the need to tell me my portrayal or character is bad to those people... and no. no no no. I still feel a little guilty about it, because thinking I directed a toxic person to my duplicates...  yuck.

If you don’t like the characters, or you don’t like my divergent takes, that’s fine. I get it’s not for everyone. Just unfollow me. You’re not paying me. You’re not under any obligation. To an extent, i don’t mind being critical of the character, but there’s a difference between being critical and being hateful to someone’s muse? And it depends a lot on how close I am with a person. For example, I think Sy/las is a complete scumbag and I hate him, but I don’t go yelling that to every Sy/las blog I see. C’mon.

Another bit of salt but it’s... kind of a sad topic, really. There are some characters people love to hate, whereas other ones get the ‘protection squad’. And in general it’s really disheartening to see someone shittalk Lux every two weeks, but go ‘these other champs are off limits’. If you have that attitude, it makes me think you’ll shittalk my characters the moment they get popular ( COUGHIRELIACOUGH ) and that’s kind of sad. And mean. So general advice on this is: Probably just don’t tell someone you hate their muse, you know? Idk. Everyone has their own tolerance level too so. meh.

Are you okay with people pointing out your grammatical errors?  —  Somewhat.  Not much to say here, sometimes I am very tired, sometimes I comma splice like a madman, sometimes I overuse hyphen dashes to avoid deciding whether to use a comma, period, or semicolon - like this. I don’t need an editor. English is my first language. But if there’s something egregious or you have tips, let me know? I’m someone who looks up grammar rules regularly, and breaks teh rules just as regularly. Knowing when and how to break grammar rules is useful. Though I do tend to... overuse something once I’ve learned it. Hyphen dash, I’m looking at you.

Do you think you are easy going as a mun?   — Yes and no. I’m chill, I can be a little overly passionate, and I’m pretty quick to apologize... But I have certain moral standards and if you break those, you’re done. Also I can be a vengeful bastard. I try to give as much benefit of the doubt as I can and many chances, but I’ve noticed that I really... have a sour attitude towards a lot more people than I expect. Sometimes people who are very well liked, just because they said or did something that ticked me off. Luckily, I have the special skill of not being a jerk even if I don’t like you, and overall trying to be nice to most people, so it usually won’t matter. 

Ah and I can be a little selective in who I talk to / play favorites a bit. I’m a busy person with an adult life and a stressful job, I only have so much patience. I skip from “tolerating it” to “leaving”, and that can seem like I ghosted, but that’s not always the case. Just better to leave than to pick fights. I have some pretty strict standards and harsh opinions. Short temper. Vengeful. Alas.

Somehow people think I am very nice and baby, so take that for what you will. Pft. I just want people to be happy and feel comfortable and okay. Wrong is wrong, blah blah blah ok I stop now.

That’s about it, congrats for filling out!

( If you managed to read all this, with 3 full muses... Let me know, I want to hug you??? )

[vampexx]

I have tried a few times now to write this post but I just couldnt go forward with posting it, thinking its too personal...

But...here it goes...

I have always been a painfully shy, paranoid and self conscious person so being this open is really scary for me to say the least due to my struggles with confidence and self esteem...

And drawing has been something I did for as long as I can remember...and it was something that helped me growing up...

However, ever since high school in 10th grade, I have had almost all my drive and love for drawing drained from me from comparing myself to the other, "better," students in my art class and from my own art teacher who at first, in 9th grade, started as a somewhat positive influence but then the next year being really negative and rude.

I was the student that was told, "youre not done, go back to your seat, keep working," when going to my teacher for advice. When he said this, he would only glance at my work before turning me away. All while the other students received kind, positive and constructive criticism when I did not.

He even addressed me, out loud, in front of the class, regarding my low grade, saying, "the only reason you arent failing my class is because you did your homework last night."

For context: the homework assignment was some drawing exercises...and the reason my grade was low was because, it was towards the end of the year, I had completely given up on myself and my art so I didnt turn in a project. One, because I never cared enough to finish it and two, it was an act of rebellion on my part.

That was the first and only class where I actually had an F-....I didnt even know it was possible to get that low of a grade...but trust me, it is. My math grade was never even that low.

Now, this art class was something you had to submit a portfolio for it to be reviewed so these 2 art teachers could decide if you were accepted into this art program or not. (It was exoensive too, if I remember correctly, it was like $200 per semester, and I did this for 2 years).

And against my own self consciousness, while feeling like I was far less qualified than others, I challenged my self doubt and fear of rejection and tried out anyways...

And a few weeks later, I found out I was accepted. That moment went down as one my top, most proud moments. I was proud of myself for a change.

Only for that to change a couple years later...where the little pride and confidence I had left in not only myself, but my skills in art, just dropped so low.

On top of that, my academic grades while in this art program, were also dropping considerably due to the amount of stress I put myself through trying to meet everyone elses expectations and standards.

My painting and drawing teacher (the nice one, not the rude one) would encourage my love and skill for cartooning, charcoal and shading. My digital art teacher (the one who ended up being so rude to me in the following year), helped me realize my strengths in photoshop and with a tablet. He did praise me a few times, which did help, but it didnt last very long.

My downfall was the art class that I took in 10th grade, with my previous digital art teacher, which was "figure drawing." Basically, it was learning how to draw anatomy and being anatomically correct which I found out very early on, was not my strength....and it was the whole focus of the class for the entire year so I was screwed. My strengths were cartooning and caricatures, not anywhere near anything anatomically correct. I kean, I could draw a skeleton, but when it came to human figures and poses....I dont know why but I had a tough time. So that was the year that things really went downhill fast.

It just took the fun out of drawing and turned it into something that felt too forced.

However, in my experience with this class I learned something about myself that Im actually glad that I did...

Its that art is just a hobby for me. I learned that I hate drawing on demand, in a certain time frame, and drawing what someone else wants me to draw.

I want to draw only on my own terms and at my own pace.

I couldnt see that about myself because I was too concerned with everyone else and their skills in drawing.

A few years after I quit the art program, I really didnt draw all that much aside from little doodles and unfinished sketches on the edges of my homework and class notes. I didnt like anything that I drew anymore.

And when you lose love, drive and interest in something you were once so passionate about....it leaves a gaping hole in you. It makes you feel pointless, like there nothing special about you. Nothing that sets you apart from everyone else. It really is as depressing as it sounds.

I was lost.

However. I FELT FREE. I didnt have a constant reminder from several different people that I wasnt as good. No one to make me feel lesser than someone else. No one to put me down.

As a result, my academic grades improved back to As and Bs (excluding math in the 11th grade, I had like a D).

---

And I realize now that maybe I didnt learn all of this the hard way for no reason. Maybe its to also help someone so they dont have to learn the hard way like I did. Or maybe, its to reach out to those have experienced the same or similar things as me so that they dont feel alone. So that they know that them and their skills are still very much valuable and valid.

Because everyone goes at their own pace, no two people are ever the same.

Anyone can be good at anything.

Now I didnt want this post to discourage anyone from taking or considering an art class. Please understand that my experiences are unique to myself. Art classes are actually very helpful as long as your surrounded by positive and encouraging influences.

Just remember to be careful. Respect yourself and your abilities. Be patient with yourself. Have faith in yourself, dont give up. And last, but not least, know your worth and what you deserve when it comes to treatment.

---

Anyways, so up until a couple of years ago, I slowly started to get back into drawing.

I do love to draw, along with architecture and interior/ fashion design.

Im working to rediscover myself, even though I dont want to do it professionally...

So as I did years ago, I will challenge my self doubt again and try to put myself back out there.

So as anxietal as I am, I want to ask...

Would anyone be interested in seeing something I drew?

Might be an odd question and it might sound attention seeking but Im really just testing the waters....

I will add one little doodle I did the other day just to see....

I know its not that great and thats its nothing amazing but....its something Im proud of...however small it may be.

Im not sure how I feel when it comes to reposting...

I feel like I dont want people to repost it...

In case I ever feel like taking it down...

Idk.

Anyways....Im literally shaking Im so nervous...

But...Im trying to repair some old damage.

Have a miraculous day and thank you for your patience.

Again, please dont repost. At least until Im a little more comfortable.

Thank you

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #248

“i was unprepared for fame, then everybody knew my name.”

Are you more positive or a debbie downer? I don't think I'm either, honestly. I'm realistic. How many meals do you eat a day? Since getting a calorie & macro counting app, I try to aim for three, but sometimes I only manage two. I have to be conscious of how I'm spacing out what I eat. If you could have any talent in the world what would it be? Be realistic. Draw exactly what I see in my head. Do you brush your tongue with your tooth brush? Bitch you better brush your goddamn tongue. I didn't know until I saw this as a survey question a while back that there were people who didn't. How many times do you brush your teeth a day honestly? Once. What are you favorite type of jeans? I don't wear jeans anymore, but aesthetically, dark, skinny, torn jeans. Do you pop your bones, crack your knuckles? NO it disgusts me omg. There's this girl who sits in front of me in Women Writers class who cracks her back ALL the time and I have to fight cringing so, so hard. Do you eat your nails? YO NO. I may peel my nails when they get long (to me, anyway) but who the fuck eats their nails. Do you eat the ice in your drink? If it's that good cronchy type, fuck yeah. What do you order at Chic-Fil-A? I used to just get the classic sandwich and fries, but I stopped going there forever ago due to their connection to anti-LGBTQ organizations. By now I can't even stomach the thought of eating something from there. Damn are their sandwiches good, but I'm not giving them business. If you had to go to Mcdonalds what do you order? "Had to" lmao. I have no problem with McDonald's, honestly; you couldn't make me go, because I'd be quite willing. I love their cheeseburgers and, of course, their fries. But because I'm a fatass I have to at least get a double cheeseburger. Have you ever been addicted to cigarettes? No. Which do you use more? Facebook or Instagram? Facebook. Are you a student? If so, what classes will you take next? Yes. "Next," I don't know, considering I haven't chosen classes for next year. Currently I take Painting, Women Writers, Psychology, and Biology. Are you a good kisser? I don't know? How many real bf/gf have you had? Two. Did you enjoy your past relationships? Sure, save for the one with Tyler. That was pointless as shit. Would you ever get back with your ex? Sara, if certain conditions were right. Jason, I honestly don't know and hope I'm never put into the position to need to decide. Other exes, no. Do you like 80’s music? Rock and metal, absolutely. It was a great decade for the genres. Name a comedy that you like. Rush Hour 2 popped to mind first because we mentioned it in school yesterday. Do you like homework? ??????????? WHAT IS THIS QUESTION???????????????? NO??????????????? Something you want to buy real bad? Ugggghhhhh a lot. Being unemployed is a BLAST!!!!!!!!!! Something you would buy a friend as a gift? It depends on the person, of course. I try really hard to give very personal gifts, so what it would be would greatly vary. What is something that would be a good birthday gift for you? Donate Big Bucks to my tattoo fund and I'll give you smooches. Something you would gift yourself? Still tattoos lmfao. Favorite candle scent? Cinnamon rolls mmmmmmmmm. Do you watch beauty videos on YouTube? So here's the tea I genuinely love Jeffree Star and I'm digging NikkieTutorials lately LOOK idk I guess because I find makeup to be an art, I like watching that stuff. My YouTube interests have become seriously diverse lately. Have you ever questioned your sexuality? Ha ha obviously. What is the best thing about life? Man, that's a loaded question. I suppose having people in it that make it worthwhile and a true privilege to simply be here. What do you think will happen when you die? YO, HONESTLY, I don't know, man. I've even questioned reincarnation lately. I 100% believe we are not hollow bodies meant to just decay after death, but creatures with spirits that live on in SOME form or way afterwards. I don't believe in the concept of a "Hell," but I don't really think I accept there being a true "Heaven," either? I think there's just... something. What, I don't know, but guess I'll figure it out at some point. Are you superstitious? No. What kind of surveys do you like the most? Random ones, especially the ones that make you think. Do you go to church? No. Do you like Christian music? No. I get frustrated from just bad memories/associations. Have you ever skateboarded and failed at it? Never really tried. What show/concert have you went to that you didn’t like much? N/A Is sex a must in your life? Nah. Could you wait until marriage for sex? Lol I was the abstinent one years ago, so obviously I could, because I understand it. What do you think about weed? Medically, it's fantastic. Too much evidence of it being so to argue it anymore. For other use, I feel the same way about it as I do cigarettes: bad idea, but whatever. I personally don't care if it's made legal for recreational use or not, so long as it's treated similarly to alcohol, ex. illegal to drive while high. If you found a baby turtle on the side of the road, would you pick it up and keep it? With it being a baby, I'd probably take it to an animal rescue or something. Did you and your mum ever have a big fight that caused you to move out? I stayed at Dad's for a handful of days. Has the last person you kissed ever been to your house? Yes. Does anybody have a tattoo with your name on it? My sister has my initial, anyway. Who did you last see shirtless? My mom. Do you like to make the first move? NONONONONO I'M SHY. Do you think you will ever be married? Probably. If the last person you kissed saw you kissing someone else, would they be mad? I don't think she'd be mad, no. Do you understand football? Nope. Who last called you beautiful? Probably Mom. If you fell pregnant to the last person you kissed, what would you think? We're both female so like- Do you think the body is the most beautiful thing that was ever made? No. Name five things you did today? Stayed at the hospital for my beautiful niece to be born :'), slept far too little after getting home, and that's... kinda it. What kind of phone do you have? It's literally a Tracfone, BUT WAIT! I actually wanted it, ha ha. Mom has one and it is *genuinely* a good phone, so I got one for my birthday. Hell, it's cheaper than paying monthly, so I'm fine with it. When was the last time you talked to one of your siblings? 5 in the morning when we were all still with Ashley. Do you like fire? Sure, I like watching it. Have you ever been to a spa? Noooo, not my jam. Do you know how to do a cartwheel? No. Who’s the funniest drunk person you know? Ehhhhh. When he drank, my dad was either hilarious when drunk or hateful and short-fused as fuck. 50/50 shot. But yeah, if you got Version 1, he'd crack anyone the hell up. Now that he's sober and happy he's always like that. What would you do if your partner still kept pictures of their ex? Well, I'd say it depends on the picture's context. Like, a picture of you two kissing, then I'd be uncomfortable as shit. If you have prom pictures or stuff like that but don't like go looking through them regularly, idc. It was a special event. What if your partner went through your cellphone? BYE, CUNT. What if your partner was flirting with another girl/boy? BYE, CUNT. Is there really a difference between Coke and Pepsi? YES. I can absolutely taste it. Pepsi sucks. Are there any mistakes with your recent ex you wish you could have changed? Stupid and/or impulsive shit I'd said, sure, but for the most part, no. We had a good relationship. Has anyone ever been with you while you were throwing up? My mom always is if she's present. I am terrified of vomiting and even at my age still want her there, even though she can't do anything, obviously. I turn into a baby when I'm about to throw up. Background on your computer? My favorite picture of Teddy. Who has hurt you the most? Jason. Or hell, my own head, idk. Are you happy with where you are relationship-wise now? Sure. What language do you want to learn? I wanna be fluent in German. Who’s the last person that came to your house? A family friend. Is there anyone you would like to fight? God no. I'm not a fighter. Who did you dance with last? Sara. Who is your best friend(s)? Sara. Song playing? "It's A Raid" by Ozzy feat. Post Malone. The album's out T O D A Y , B O Y S. Who is your arch-enemy? I don't have one. What's the most attractive thing on the opposite sex? GODDAMN shoulderBLADES Do you want platinum or gold for your wedding band? Not normal gold, I know. Rose gold is my ideal one, but I really don't care much. Have you ever paid to have your eyebrows waxed? I mean my mom has, seeing as I didn't have an income then, either. Got that done regularly in high school. Not because I asked, but because it was just "normal" since my two sisters did it, too. Do you think that the tobacco companies should pay for people’s medical bills? No, it's not their choice to use the product. Sure, they're making it, but it's really too late to cease production of tobacco. It'd be catastrophic in terms of the job industry. Do you curse in average conversations? Yes; I have to actually make an effort to not curse if needed. Have you ever bought a shot glass? No. Do you have a therapist? Not anymore after my previous one that I loved and trusted gave me every reason to break her jaw. I kind of want another one, but also don't. I'm supposed to, considering my history and that I'm on a lot of medication, but I just do nooooot want to go through the whole trust process again. Do you ever fall for spam mail? No. What color do you wear the most? Black. Do you only eat cough drops because you like the taste? No. Have your parents ever walked in on you having sex? No. Do you like getting stoned? I've never been so and aren't interested in ever getting there. Have you ever gotten a bloody nose from snorting cocaine? YOIKES THAT ESCALATED QUICKLY lol no, I wouldn't touch coke with a ten-foot pole. Red, white, yellow, or pink roses? Pink. What’s the worst name your mom has ever called you? I don't know. She hasn't called me anything too awful that I know of. Have you ever done acid? No. Were you at a rave? Never been, definitely not my scene. Do you post pictures where you look good but your friends look bad? Well, I don't hang out with like... anyone, so, lmao. But I wouldn't. Are you friends with any of your exes? Yes. Would you ever dye your hair pink? ACTUALLY! Pastel pink is on my list. I tested some soft colors out in Photoshop on me and it actually looked really cute. I think I wanna be a smaller size first, though. Do you ever masturbate? I haven't since I came off that godawful birth control that drove me batshit insane in terms of libido. I still don't think it's a bad thing, my interest in that is just, gone. Are you embarrassed about your sex life or lack there of? No. Who’s the last person you said I love you to? My sister. Did you like your life when you were in middle school? Actually fuck middle school with a maul. If you went on American Idol, do you think you’d go through to Hollywood? Nope. Have you ever received an anonymous gift? No, I don't think so. What kind of laugh do you have? A loud and obnoxious one. Do you hoard anything? "Hoard" isn't the right word, no. Are you afraid of flying? I am, but I feel it's only a realistic apprehension. Especially going back and forth to Sara's a few times, you kinda have to get used to it. Most recent Facebook ‘like’? Shit man idk, I "like" a load of stuff. Have you ever camped out somewhere for an event the next day? No. Do you do anything regularly that could damage your body? Can someone please eliminate soda from the face of the earth???? What do you love most in the world? Those closest to me. What woke you up this morning? Ugh, the sun. I need to put my curtain back up after Roman tore it down. Who was the last person you rode in a car with? My mom. Is anything bothering you? There's always *something* bothering me to some degree, but nothing seriously at the moment. Are you in a good mood? My niece was born overnight and is gorgeous and healthy so I have to be. :') When were you the saddest in your life? 2016. Do you own more than one cell phone? Ha ha, I have two old ones. One I used for pictures because the camera was good, and the most recent old one, I just need to get some pictures and contacts from... but I'm lazy. Have you ever had a song written about you? No. What songs make you happy? Depends on what I'm feeling. Next concert? No clue now that Ozzy had to cancel his, bless his old heart. As a child, did you ever get the chance to go to Disney World/Disneyland? Yes. When was the last time you fought with your significant other, if any? I’m single. Do you know anyone, personally, who is in an abusive relationship? Are you? No, thankfully. When was the last time you were on a boat? Where did you travel on it? Not since I went fishing with my old best friend a few years back. We were just in a pond. Are you planning on going anywhere with someone, some time today? Probably not. Do you like cereal? What would you consider your favorite kind of cereal? Hell yeah. Cinnamon Toast Crunch is *maybe* my favorite? Idk, I like a lot. Are there any people you don’t like for your significant other/crush to talk to? This doesn't apply to me, but even if I had one, they're not my damn child. I'm not gonna police whom they talk to. I mean I guess there are exceptions, like, talking to a drug dealer to name one, but talking to most people, that's their business. Just don't hide it from me. Have you ever forgotten your birthday? Did you soon figure it out? No. What color are the curtains in your room if you have any at the moment? Maroon. Is there anyone you are currently trying to get out of trouble? Why? No. Have you ever wanted your significant other to get rid of a friend? Well, calling back to that other question, there was one in a previous relationship that I really couldn't stand, but it wound up working out. If you have siblings, have they moved out or do they still live with you? It's just me and Ma now. Do you ever go to Blockbuster? How frequently would you say you go? WHAT A CALLBACK!!!!! Omg did I love BB. Went like every weekend to rent a game, and sometimes we'd go there Fridays before a sleepover to grab a movie. Do you ever listen to music so you can actually change your emotion? Sure, sometimes.

[demyrie]

What appeals to you about EraserMight? I used to ship them, but was turned off. Too many fics gave me the feeling of watching a beautiful, talented kind friend with low self-esteem get in a relationship with an asshole that takes out his own issues by using friend as an emotional punching bag. Friend insists the asshole is a sexy, perfect guy because he's a great lay and can occasionally not treat him like crap. I can't find such a dynamic sexy, even with the narrative pushing that view.

hmm! This makes me wonder what fics you’re reading! I’m sure the first chapter of Bandages and Bravado encapsulates “yagi as a punching bag” to a t, but that’s not what attracted me to it. I couldn’t get behind that dynamic either, and as you’re describing it, Aizawa is clinically unshippable if healthy relationships are your thing haha. They’re def my main kink. (i’m guessing mic stands up to his abuse better in this scenario? unsure)

Short Answer: The lure of Erasermight to me is that of hidden natures, healing and authenticity, and mawkish, horrendously vulnerable old heroes learning really important lessons very late in life and trusting each other with their wounds, both mental and physical. 

Long Answer!

The whole intrigue of the ship is that Aizawa seems like a crusty ass hat, but is secretly the softest man alive, and any harshness he turns toward Yagi (either planned, or out of split-second frustration) is in service of getting him to Stop Hiding from himself and others. He has anger in him, very true, but I think the main thing that hit me about writing him (my version anyway) is that pointless cruelty isn’t part of his nature. He doesn’t give the kids homework or extra classes just to fuck with them, after all, but because he wants them to be prepared to be heroes and survive and thrive (though he may flash that evil smile? Maybe? Because can’t he have his little indecencies when he’s dying from the stress of planning that extra training camp you damn kids?). 

Everything he does and says has a point, one as sharp as Occam’s razor, and the man really is So Tired. Maybe he shouldn’t care about the fact that All Might is really a fretting, wistful shell of a man underneath all that boisterousness that he so hates, but once he sees it, he can’t forget it. He starts trying to parse where All Might and Yagi intersect and how much is an act. After that, he starts seeing things: noticeably, how miserable Yagi is for a man who is always smiling and being the person he thinks others need. And he Does Not Care for That Shit At All.

On the other side, you have Yagi, who is indeed a “kind/talented/beautiful friend” but whose struggle goes far beyond low self-esteem and reaches self-immolation. At UA, he’s learning that he exists beyond All Might, and deserves to actually, physically live beyond his hero role. He is trapped in his and others expectations of what the Symbol of Peace should be and constantly finds himself wanting, knowing his time is drawing to a close and incapable of imagining what could exist beyond it except a useless shell. 

In teaching, he sees that Aizawa does not give a flying fuck what others think and is aggressively, shamelessly himself (fuck maybe he’ll bedazzle his sleeping bag this week you don’t know) and that captivates him once he begins to see what Recovery Girl sees – his heart, stern but simple. While others on staff may pull back and continue to treat him like a golden hero or like he’s untouchable, Aizawa, astutely realizing the Number One Hero has a Fucking Problem with Daily Life, slouches through the lifelong haze of alienating prestige without even blinking and yells HEY WHY AREN’T YOU EATING YOU DUMBASS GO EAT HEY and … it works?????

That’s why I love them, they’re so unexpectedly good for each other! That said, I don’t know if I’ve ever read a short/one-shot fic of Aizawa just … verbally or otherwise abusing Yagi to take out his anger? Yikes? He’s surly and slow to warm to people (and hey I am not saying that Yagi wouldn’t just sit there and take the abuse, that’s a definite problem he has and i weep for him, he’s working on it ok) but the whole charm of Aizawa is that yes, he talks crap to his friends who have known him for years in classic tsundere style … but later down the road, maybe post-Kamino, when Yagi flinches back and expects harshness from an instructor who seems to have no other attribute, Aizawa is kind to him. Weirdly, freakily, unexpectedly kind, or just understanding, when their whole premise as co-dads of Midoriya/1-A is that they couldn’t possibly understand each other or their lives because of all the things separating them. They “just don’t get along”, and yet somehow, they both value the same things (the children, the future, peace) with their whole hearts. That’s where they find each other.

Erasermight to me is about misunderstandings and the world-views we build from them – both about ourselves and other people, both as light as irresponsible gossip and as deep as trauma. It’s about identity and personal veracity borne from fire and loss and how internal truth can free you up to be so much more than you ever thought. It’s about worthiness and healing and deserving happiness, and not just because you’ve saved the world a dozen times, but because you love so hard, with your whole self, that its the only natural conclusion to things if you just let yourself be seen.

I!!! really!!! dig!!! healthy and transformative!!!!! relationships because the people!!!! you love should challenge you!!! to love yourself!!! even the parts!! you think are ugly!!!! aaaaaAHHHHHH GOD IM SO IN MY FEELINGS RIGHT NOW I GOTTA GO ROLL AROUND ON SOME CLEAN SHEETS OR SOMETHING IDK 

anyway thanks for coming to my tedtalk, tired weirdly shy supportive old dads forever, peace

[ccarats]

Hi! I wanted to request a reaction for the performance unit where their S/O is not into skinship and not a fan of pda (would prefer that in private). Thank you :)

asfoihsdo yeah, totally, love!! i hope you like it, and sorry for the wait!! like my last request, i tried to add a little more depth for my apology ( finals preparation really did kill me :c )

ps sorry they got gradually shorter lol i wrote this at 2 am after work and am v tIRED

junhui: i think jun might get a little pouty about it- never actually something he would get mad or upset with you over, but i think that he would definitely get a little pouty every once in a while, and it’s one of the cutest things you’ve seen- the way he scrunches his nose up and whines a little bit about it. i just see jun as a guy who tends to be really into physical affection- the physical closeness and intimacy doesn’t do much to prove your relationship in any sense ( especially to the public- that doesn’t really matter to him ). however; i think he just naturally leans toward being physically close with the people he loves, and you’re no exception. he would just reach out for you- holding your hand, putting his arm around you, hugging you, etc. but if you made it clear that you weren’t a fan of showcasing pda or skinship in public, he definitely wouldn’t try to push for it. he’s one of the most empathetic and kind members to me, so i think he would quickly put himself in your shoes to try and understand your perspective and how you’re feeling. he would try his best to refrain from being overly touchy, but a part of me feels like he’d have a bit of a difficult time adjusting to that sense of restraint- he’s just so naturally touchy that there’s no thought for him to reach out and have a degree of skinship or pda with somebody close to him, but he would definitely try his best to limit it for you.

but best believe that he’d be so touchy with you when you two were private. he’d completely understand if you weren’t a fan of pda in public- some feel like it’s flaunting the relationship, some are just simply uncomfortable with so openly displaying your relationship, whatever your reasoning may be- so long as you were comfortable with it at home, he wouldn’t hesitate to cuddle up with you, like your own giant koala bear. he’d do everything he would want to do with you outside behind closed doors, which i think he believes is a great middle ground between one another’s wants- especially if you enjoyed skinship, just in a more private degree than right in the eye of the public. “i don’t mind it, i guess. so long as we still get to cuddle at home together. i’d be sad if i couldn’t cuddle with my honey.” insert jun’s cute pout.

soonyoung: i think soonyoung would whine a bit about it first, but overall he’d be pretty quick in understanding your feelings and making an effort on limiting the pda between the two of you. he’s not as naturally touchy like jun is to me, but i think that he would definitely enjoy pda between himself and his partner- holding hands, forehead kisses, etc. so it was a little disappointing for him to hear that you weren’t a fan of pda in public. it wouldn’t be a deal-breaker for him, nor the end of the world because you weren’t a fan of skinship. he can understand that some people just aren’t a fan of displaying their relationship, so he’d pretty easily limit his pda with you. i think that he might try and convince you to wear couples outfits every once in a while- i feel like he would never admit it ( correct me if he has ), but the concept to him is just adorable and well... soft. and ksy is soft as heck.

he’d enjoy skinship behind closed doors with you, but he wouldn’t be as overbearing, in a sense, as jun would be with it. he’d just like some simple hand holding, maybe a little bit of cuddling with one another during movie nights, but i think he’s pretty relaxed at home during vacation or break periods. any skinship with him inside of your apartment or home wouldn’t feel forced, it would just feel natural and comforting, i’d imagine. his relaxed presence is comforting to you, and if you were somebody who enjoyed skinship behind closed doors, i’d imagine the physical closeness between the two of you in combination with the warmth that just kind of flows from him could quickly create a sense of home and comfort when the two of you could just lay down, huddled up next to each other and sharing kisses. 

minghao: i think that hao would be more than okay with it. he comes off as very introverted, and so i think that he could easily understand your viewpoint and why you wouldn’t want to showcase your relationship with pda or skinship. i know that we have affectionate!hao, and it’s very natural for him to just reach out and touch you, but i think it would be just as natural for him to not do that. he doesn’t mind you being uncomfortable with skinship, and easily refrains from it. he’s able to sit next to you or walk around with you during a date or something along those lines without constantly needing to be physically connected to you, whether it be hand-holding, an arm around your waist, or kisses. i attribute this to, in my opinion, his introverted personality. he can get shy sometimes regarding some topics, as anybody would, honestly, so he wouldn’t protest or be upset about it when you brought up how you would rather keep pda within the confines of your living space.

in regards to skinship and affection at home, i feel like minghao isn’t very touchy even then- not because you mentioned your discomfort with it in public ( obviously, since this is at home haha ), but just because his touches tended to be subconscious. he naturally reaches out when he’s feeling affectionate, or if you’ve done something particular that he finds cute. just reaching out to rest his hand on your back, like gently grabbing your face ( idk how else to describe it sorry aaaaa ) and going on about how you’re super cute. i also think that he could be very, not necessarily skin-shippy, but in the general umbrella of affection, cute in nicknames. a part of me feels like he has at least ten different terms of affection for you, and he just alternates through all of them throughout the day- i think baby is his favourite. “flower, we should go out for lunch today.”, “baby, come look at this post- isn’t this piece stunning?”,

chan: i think that chan would be fine with that, without any form of disappointment or sadness because of it. not necessarily because he doesn’t want to be affectionate with you   ( because he does! ), but because he isn’t necessarily one for skinship himself- at least in public. i don’t think it’s because he’s introverted, or he’s embarrassed because he’s young. he’s one of the most confident members in my opinion, and he’s very sure of himself in many cases ( though not to the point where he becomes dickish or overly cocky ). i just feel like he wouldn’t find it necessary to be overly touchy with his significant other in public. i wouldn’t say he finds skinship to be bad or anything, especially with you, but i think he finds couples who are overly open with their pda kind of funny. a part of me lowkey thinks the two of you laugh and make jokes out of the super touchy couples- you know, like the ones who you feel are attached by some invisible umbilical cord. holding hands no matter how awkward or tight the space is, being overly cuddly in cafes or restaurants, etc. ( like this lol just more subtle )

inside the comfort of your home, i think he can get a little touchy, though. not super touchy like jun, but he definitely just likes to hold you when the two of you are sitting together. his arms wrapped around your waist, his chin resting on top of your head, it’s cute. he likes to hold your hand and run his thumb along your hand when the two of you are talking, too- just drawing small circles with his thumb while the two of you talk about your days. it’s very soft and subtle for skinship, but he appreciates it nonetheless, especially because it feels very natural to him.

[captainfantasticspastic]

Intro/Part 1: Know Thyself

       Before I wrote a post saying how I was going to address how one LIVES with epilepsy.  As there are many types of epilepsy, and seizures within those forms of epilepsy, and INTENSITIES within those - *BREATH* - I decided I may be best to break this down into a series of posts. As I also mentioned, I’ll be drawing from my own personal experiences - so, I’ll be breaking this up according to epileptic/medication intensity, (or much my life was disrupted by neuro divergency, respectively).  As I start feeling better currently, and if this does anything for anyone, I think I’ll move into brushing up on my research and addressing each individual form of epilepsy :) 

     This is for my Middle Ground People. Those whose seizures are controlled about 60-80% of the time, but also find a way to get by.  Those who may not live in constant danger, but exist in chronic uncertainty.  Those whose medications may work, but question if their side effects are too high of a cost.  

So, without further ado. Part One!

Epilepsy can be overwhelming.  (Well, duh Cap.)  Okay.. but why? Just stay with me for a moment.

Seizures, yes.  But they last for a few minutes and you’re done.  I know it never gets easier.  But if we listen to ourselves, we can cope better.

Recovery period  - This particularly sucks. Never knowing what factually helps, or how long it will be.  Especially while living in the age of screens, your eyes and brain can’t get a break.

Rules - All the miscellaneous rules that come with seizures that aren’t 100% controlled. I don’t about you, but having to lead a regimented life to prevent a my already disorganized brain from becoming more chaotic proves near impossible.

The Loneliness

The side effects

the lack of power, freedom, and control

Being so misunderstood, as you try to explain what you do not fully understand yourself.

The depression, anxiety, and memories lost.

The Lack of grounding

the confusion and lack of facts.

So now that I’ve thoroughly depressed you, let me tell you the good news.  You are more intune with your body and brain than you realize.  If you think something is up, guess what, chances are something is up.  No, you’re not crazy, but no, you probably don’t have Parkinson’s either, okay? 

So bring it up with your doctor, and do not take no for an answer! Doctors are not terrible people, they do actually strive to help.  Remember these are people who spent their entire youth studying and working so they could take an oath VOWING they’d do whatever they could to help their patients.  So help them remember that!  And for as much as they’ve studied and learned, they can’t read minds.  Well they can read brains, but not minds haha.  Be as explicit as possible.  Be as assertive as possible.  I know you’re tired.  I know you’re discouraged, and probably a little gun shy, but God damn it, this is your life we’re talking about.  If you ever felt like epilepsy stole your ability to think for yourself, or that seizures wrongfully claimed your way of life - This!  This is your way to take it back! 

………….So how to do it without yelling at your doctor… Ha! 

I practiced in front of the mirror.  It sounds silly, but seriously, it helped.  I spoke clearer, I was more confident, and I could remember what points I wanted to make.  

I also did a lot of research.  I looked up medicine side effects,  reacquainted myself with what comes with simple and complex partial seizures.

I wrote.  I wrote a lot.  Not so much journal entries but more like hypotheses, data, and general notes (somehow the idea of keeping a journal irritates me now. Idk why, probably because I see it as just one more activity that I’d never do that everyone around me seems to want me to do - just one more way epilepsy separates me from who i am.  Sorry, I digress lol).

I made many mental notes.  I looked for patterns, what was irregular, what time they all fell under, did my diet affect any of it.  

Basically I treated myself as a giant test subject.  I was always sure to stay on my medicine - that was my constant.  I started by following all of the rules; low carb diet, plenty of sleep, scheduled lifestyle, little to no alcohol - then I’d throw in variables such as different eating habits, stress, different sleep schedules, alcohol intake etc.   I learned a lot about my seizures, and I continue to.

The most valuable lesson I learned though was that a good portion of these “rules” you get online, from your family, or even from some doctors, aren’t all completely accurate.  BUT WAIT! HOLD ON! I’m not saying don’t listen to your doctors! Lol What I am saying is, you have an entire team of people who have your back. A whole crew of folks who want so badly to keep you safe!  But it’s hard when what works for one brain doesn’t work for another.  When you get frustrated, and angry, and feel that the entire world is against you- please remember that we are in uncharted territory here.  Yes Epilepsy is an ancient disease- but we are only just getting started in neuroscience.  

What’s I’m trying to say is, instead of getting angry, and suffocated by all of these rules, make your own and stick to them.  Listen to your body.  I mean you are at an advantage!  You have front row seats to all of this data that only you can access! So harness it, use it!  focus on it when you can, and play with it, see what works and what doesn’t.  Your doctor’s the only one who can prescribe proper treatment; but keep an open dialogue with her/him.  Their YOUR neurologist.  They work FOR YOU!  Be the boss!  (A nice boss lol) But a boss, all the same!  You have more control than you know.  You just need to listen to yourself.  Remember, Julius Caesar would violently convulse, yet managed to lead a good third of the globe, okay?  If he could figure out epilepsy and an empire, I think we can figure out epilepsy and our individual lives of modern convenience. 

I hope this was of some help.  there was much more I wanted to write about, but I think I’ll give your eyes a rest for now.  Hopefully it made some sense.  It’s been a good long while since I’ve posted like this.  Hope you all have a wonderful evening, and a fabulous Epilepsy Awareness Month!

Sincerely,

       Captain Fantastic Spastic

[jggukgcf]

Serendipity

Gerne: Fluff

Soulmate!au

Characters: Jimin/reader(fe/male)

Words: 1.2k

Warnings: None

A/n: The black ink dance across your skin the words popped up. But what a coincidence it’s name of the poem you just talked about in English class. Or all this is no coincidence at all.

Anon Request: Could you do a soulmate au reactions where when you write on your skin it shows up on theirs, and they find out you're their soylmaye when they see a conversation the two of you had on your arm or something, idk I thought it would be cute 😂. I did request this once but I don't know if you saw it, and you recently said you needed some inspiration so I hope this helps ❤.

Serendipity.

The word rang in your head as you stared down at your arm. The black ink that randomly appeared on the back of your wrist stared back into your eyes. You knew you had heard the word before.

The occurrence and development of events by chance in a happy or beneficial way.

What was the purpose of it? It’s quite the coincidence you just studied the poem in English class the other day. Or is all of this no coincidence at all. The universe seemed to stop in its track as you looked at the word written across your forearm. The blue ball point pen that laid on your desk caught your gaze. Almost tripping over your calico cat to get to it, you opened the cap and held it against your skin.

I’m just as afraid as I am anticipating.

The stanzas’ dance across your mind as your hand wrote the words on your wrist. The blue ink popped against the black, showing the whoever you were talking to had better penmanship even you did.

Now we wait.

Leaning back onto the gray office chair as you soaked up the classical piano music that played through the speaker on your computer. Closing your eyes, letting the music take you away from you white painted bedroom. The bright yellow sheets being the only pop of colour in the room. The feeling of a maker on your skin brought you back from your daydreams.

Fate keeps being envious of us.

You quickly grab your pen, reciting the next stanzas as you wrote on your forearm.

I am just as scared as you are.

When you see me, when you touch me.

The person on the other end of this conversion continued the poem.

The cosmos moved for us.

There was nothing slightly out of place.

Our happiness was meant to be.

Cuz you love me.

And I love you.

Lifting the pen from your arm, finishing off the line that was written before. The little game you two play, going back and forth, writing the words and stanzas on your arms for the other one to see. It made you wonder about who you were talking. Whether it was a male or female. Or if they were your age, or where they lived. They spoke the same language as you did so there was that barrier out of the way.

You're quite the poet aren’t you?

You never really thought of yourself as a poet, although you did dabble in the literacy from time to time.

I guess you could say that. You don’t seem too bad yourself.

I write lyrics that come to my head, don’t really call myself a poet though.

A songwriter. Seemed like you were talking to yourself in a way.

Songwriting is a form of poetry.

Guess you have me on that.

You looked away from your arm for a moment, thinking of what to say next. But they beat you to it.

Do you live in Korea?

Yes, in Busan.

Meet me at Alice’s Table tomorrow? 9:00am?

Sure.

It was left at that, leaving more to find out tomorrow. You made up ideas in your head of what this person may look like, act like, talk like, anything you could possibly think about as you stood in the shower, making sure the writing on your arm didn’t disappear with the warm water. You got dressed after you dried off, deciding to let your hair air dry as you walked out of the bathroom turning the light off behind you.

You sat down at your desk look down at your arm again, seeing that the blue ink had faded a little but then black writing was still sharp and clear to what was written. You grabbed the blue pen from before, taking off that cap and placing it to your skin. You started drawing, the blue lines started to form a flower. As your drawing the picture, you see words start to form just under it.

When you called me I become your flower. We bloom until we ache.

From the poem. You never even realize that the flower on your arm was starting to like the one that was in the story. You go back adding to the illustration when you see that they’ve started writing again.

Why are you drawing it?

Why were you drawing it? You didn’t even know why you were. You just picked up the pen and started drawing lines, not even knowing it was going to form a flower.

I am not sure of it myself. I guess that way I’ll know how to find you.

That seemed to make sense. Who ever also had the same flower on their arm tomorrow was the person you were talking to.

Okay, now I know what to look for in the cafe. It’s getting late you should go to bed.

You hadn’t even looked at the time, only just now realizing that it was almost midnight. The stars and moonlight shining into your bedroom, the beautiful night sky providing the light for your room at the moment.

I’ll go to bed but you have to as well.

Of course. Goodnight my penicillium, saving me.

Goodnight my calico cat.

You set down the pen, closing your curtains, shutting out the light from out. Tucking yourself into bed, as you begin to dream about the day coming.

8:55am, your phone read. You showed up early, not on purpose, it just kinda happened. You ordered your drink, taking it and moving to the back of the cafe where the tables were. Sitting down at one that was away from the rest, off in the concer. You took out the blue ball point pen that you shoved in your bag this morning.

I’m here.

It didn’t take long for you to get a reply.

Where are you?

In the back.

You took off your gray cardigan, showing the flower that you drew on your forearm the night before. You looked down, fixing your cream coloured top that was tucked into the light blue jeans shorts. You get thrown from your thoughts when you hear a smooth, almost high pitched voice, reminded you of the way bells chimes.

“When you called me I become your flower.” You looked up to see who belongs to the honeyed voice that was ringing in your ear. You come face to face with a statuesque male. He wasn’t too tall but just the right size. He’s blonde hair become almost golden in the sunlight that radiated in from the open windows. The more you looked at him the more you noticed things that made him stand out. Like the way his eyes twinkled, changing them from a dark brown to a hazel. You never knew how perfect a person could look till now. “Wow. You look...woah.” The words left his mouth before you, now knowing that you were thinking the same about each other. “I’m Jimin.”

“I’m Y/n,” you spoke, a little smile forming on your face as you kept look at him. There was a little bit of blush peeking through. He looked down at the floor in a shy manner. By this point, you know that there’s also blush on your cheeks.

“Such a pretty name,” You looked up, his eyes staring into yours. “perfect for such a pretty face.”

I’ve been listening to this song on repeat since I started writing this. I’m so happy with the end product of it. 

I’m going to left some links to the lyrics and a post the helped me understand them.

-Masterlist

-Inbox

[ka-za-ri]

Galene (Prompto x FemOC)

Genre: Slice of Life Rating: SFW Pairing: Prompto x Female OC????  Wordcount: 2,113 Suggested Listening: 月に照らされ、風に揺れる華 -- Hanafugetsu Tags: @roses-and-oceans @r-e-g-a-l-i-a @sweetchocobae @rubyphilomela @thirsty-angst-lord @hypaalicious (???? Is this ok??? IDK if ppl wanted to be tagged bc lmao it’s not Ignis) Notes: Yeah, that’s right. You CAN believe your eyes. It’s not Ignis. My muse is out of control and wanted me to do a character study on Prompto. Because of that one post floating around that said he was neglected as a child. Hooo buddy, I had feels. No beta in sight, more experimental stuff. 

GALE′NE (Galênê), a personification of the calm sea, and perhaps identical with Galateia, one of the Nereides, is called by Hesiod (Theog. 244) a daughter of Nereus and Doris.

--

Prompto Argentum lived on a borrowed name and made up time. What he wished to belong to him was created for a purpose not his own. He hid this fact through a smile that was brighter than the sun and wider than the skies along with a laugh and louder than the storms. Prompto Argentum was made up of fragments and of broken promises.

As beautiful as the city was, the world beyond it seemed so dreamlike to him. What photos he could take of the jagged horizon were always too blurry, imperfect, idyllic, manufactured. He wanted many things in life, trust, friendship, acceptance, but more than anything, he wanted sleep. Tucked into the corner of the city, a commoner dressed as a Crownsguard in training, he wished for space, a place to think to hear what thoughts could be his and his alone.

Loneliness was something he was familiar with. In a gated community filled with older folks who kept more to themselves than their neighbors, he found solace in capturing moments in time through his camera when his heart skipped a beat at the beauty that surrounded him. Through the click of a shutter and a shy glance up to make sure no one was watching, he hoarded images, hoping, praying that they would live for him. Life for him was perfectly serene, and he had warm memories of trying to take pictures of the void of stars at night above the water.

Prompto found himself walking a lot. Most of the time, it was in the dead of the night when it was quietest and his thoughts almost seemed to collect correctly. Strolling the streets, he learned the corners and the quaintness of his neighborhood as the critters of the night scampered off, eventually leading him to the beach. He never needed music to listen to when his feet lead him to the water. The sound of gently lapping waves accompanied the beating of his heart and provided the booming baseline to his footsteps being the only sounds that he needed to think, to breath, to believe that he was real.

He often counted stars during those long walks, thinking them as a reflection of the freckles on his face. Each constellation he matched fell from the heavens to kiss gently at his cheeks and take a little bit of the stress he felt away from him. As the waves caressed at the corners of his consciousness, he could almost believe he was once born, and not made to be human. As the tide fell when the moon retreated, so did the tension of being and all that was left was his ability to believe.

Fondly, most fondly of all, he remembered the first night to the beach. He sat on a rock that was still holding onto the last vestiges of warmth from the sun, staring out into the darkened waters as moonlight rippled and played across the surface. It was the first night he didn't need his camera to capture the magic of the world around him. As tempting as the water seemed to be, the first nip of autumn air prevented him from dipping his toes into its inky depths. As brightly as he shone during the day, he could not let anyone know how weak he was to illness. That night, he recalls most fondly of throwing the windows to his room wide open so that he could continue to listen to the restless ocean just past his reach.

--

Six weeks of regularly walking at the beach and Prompto Argentum began to hallucinate.

There's no way she's real.

Thursday night, just past 3 AM on a routine walk, the peaceful lull of waves was interrupted by the unfamiliar sound of splashing and a voice that shone brighter in the dark night than his smile in the sun. Someone, laughed and sang during his hours of the dead when he was sure no one was awake.

Down by the pier she danced in the dark, glassy waters of the night, laughing and squealing at the fish that darted and danced by her legs. She sang loudly, off key and off tune to songs from at least three decades ago. The way she moved smelled strongly of chrysanthemums and orange blossoms in the summer. Despite the chill of autumn setting in, she flailed and swam in the darkened water as if it was the middle of summer.

Under a waxing moon which nestled between Castor and Pollux, Prompto Argentum met a goddess who was drenched in the light of the stars while moonbeams dripped heavily from her eyelids.

She didn't notice him until he was only about thirty paces from the end of the pier.

"Oh, hello! I didn't think people were up this late! What's up? Couldn't sleep?" Her first interaction reminded him of a wide-eyed curious child, naive to the world.

"I usually take a walk down by here to help me go to sleep" He replied, skeptical, and sure he was still strongly imagining everything.

"No, no. There has got to be a better reason why someone like you would be up this late, walking around here like you've never seen water before." She disappeared underneath the dark surface of the water and Prompto felt himself sigh in relief, realizing the moment was over. When she appeared again, at the edge of the pier, arms crossed on the wooden planks, hair swirling around her face in a tangled mess, he felt his heart stop. "Come on now, there's got to be a story behind all of this."

"There really isn't a story to any of this. It's just... nice and quiet here." He shrugged before coming to his senses that yes, there was someone there and yes, they were speaking to him. He couldn't help but wish that his camera was with him to catch the way the moonlight made her hair looked curled and wild.

"Quiet is the only good thing about this place, really." She scoffed.

"Well, I mean, it's better than during the day when it's all noisy."

"I guess you have a point there." She sighed and shifted her weight a bit, making the planks of wood groan slightly. "There's literally nothing to do here though. All the people are old and no one ever swims in the water during the day. I mean have you seen how much trash there is?"

"Wait, then why are you in the water now?"

"Because I want to be. But that's beside the point. You never really answered my question. Why are you here? There's no way a pretty thing like you grew up here. All the old grannies would be spoiling you rotten to the core. Did you move here recently?"

"I... I grew up here. I just, don't really go out much. But I just started coming to the beach recently. How did you figure?"

Maybe it was just the way the water lapped at her waist as she clung to the edge of the pier that made her seem like a sprite straight out of a fairy tale. Or perhaps it was the moonlight casting a glowing halo around that made her seem absolutely surreal and ethereal to him. Still, a deeply skeptical part of him truly wanted to believe he was imagining this whole scenario.

"Well, first, there are no younger people here. I'm just visiting my folks for a little bit. Been away for a while. I'm an ornithologist y'know. Most of my studies are on chocobos, but I really like to run around finding the big ones, like ruhks! So, my reasearch takes me all over the place." She let out a dreamy sigh and settled her head back down on her arms. "It's nice though, coming back for a bit and taking a dip every now and then. Secondly, if you need to take a walk around here to lull you to sleep from the city sounds, you must be one hell of a light sleeper, kid."

"I'm not a kid! I have a name. It's Prompto. And you'd best remember it. I'm training to be a Crownsguard." Prompto huffed, crossing his arms over his chest. "Look, it's just, nice to walk around here at night. It's like you, coming back to your parents' place."

As much as he tried not to show it, he felt a twinge of envy that she even had a place with parents to come back to. What with how often he saw his own folks, it was difficult to swallow the bitter feeling that was rising from the back of his throat. She, as carefree as the world, had the one thing that he wanted.

"No, no." She countered, shaking him out of the foul mood that was sinking through his skin. "You see, those are two different things. I'm coming back here because I have a familial obligation and it's a free room for a few days before I have to head out again. You, on the other hand willingly bring yourself to walk around in the dead of the night so you could experience 'peace and quiet.' Prompto. You may be a Crownsguard in training, but man, you're weird. Have you ever heard of earplugs? They work miracles on loud noises, and you'll get a lot more sleep that way 'cause y'know, you're not up and about in the dead of the night."

Any chance Prompto had to reply was cut short as she floated off to play with more invisible fish in the impossibly dark water. Prompto didn't really have much of an answer to her question. He could have easily found the quiet he wanted in other ways, but he chose to seek the water as if it was the only place that mattered to him. Perhaps it was that magnetic draw to it that eventually brought him to her.

How sorely he wished he had his camera to catch the stars as they flickered in the night sky while she laughed and sang songs he had only briefly heard in snippets while browsing radio stations.

The rest of the night, he sat at the edge of the pier, feet numb and dipped into the water, watching as she swam around, laughing and talking to her fishy friends. The part of him which thought it was all an illusion at first became the part of him that yearned for her to talk to him and not her silent, swimming friends.

By the time the night waned and Prompto got himself to bed, he refused to open his windows. The sound of waves that night were too loud with the sound of free will and singing fish.

~~

In the morning, at his front doorstep. His shoes and a bright pink sticky note with a message scrawled on it:

Goofball, you left your shoes at the end of the pier. At least the grannies here were nice enough to point me in the direction of your place. You're lucky I'm not your shoe size because I would have made these mine if I could.

The place her name should have been was smudged and illegible. His shoes had been spitefully filled with sand and he couldn't help but laugh at her petty nature. Six, I should have asked for her name...

The rest of his day, the whole scenario of their conversation haunted him. The scrap of paper with her written note burned in his pocket and he found himself constantly fidgeting with it. He found himself forgetting most of what he was supposed to be training for and ending up with more bruises that day than he cared to talk about. Not that there were a lot of people he could talk to about them in the first place.

By the end of his scheduled day, out of sheer frustration and impulse, the weightless note became an unbearable burden to him and he threw it in the garbage.

He destroyed the one and only memento he had from a conversation with a water goddess. Though the object itself was temporal, the memory of her moon drenched figure lived forever in Prompto's mind. And he would chase that image forever move with his camera in hand.

Prompto Argentum lived on borrowed time and makeshift memories. However, he'd now count the pictures he's taken and they would more than make up for the lost time that wasn't his.

[gabbalot]

Another ask meme 👀

So I was tagged by the one and only @merriemelodie who has a knack for making me feel valid on the worst of days, and also who I NEED TO COME UP WITH A SWEET NICKNAME FOR???❤️

The rules are: Post the rules, answer 11 questions, make up 11 new questions, and tag 11 people.

(Or just break the rules like I do. I tag the same people every time I do these so I’ll give everyone a break. If you want to, but don’t feel obligated: @plsetski, @zestyfiretruck, @stregina, @dednout, @vityanikiforova. For everyone else, I’m just being shy but if you see this and want to do it, CONSIDER YOURSELF TAGGED BY ME! And @ me in your response.)

My questions for people are:

If you could, would you choose to download your consciousness into an artificial simulation of life, where nothing really bad ever happens, and all the good things that you want from life happen in a believable way? Or would you rather live your life as it is now? Why?

If you could pick anything to do for your career, without having to worry about money, what would you do?

If you had to describe yourself with a Wikipedia article, or an article from The Onion, what would it be? 

What is your favorite gif/meme??

If you could say anything to your younger self, what would you say? Would you say anything at all?

If humanoid androids became normalized and easily-accessible in the future, would you choose one as a companion? If no, why not? If yes, who would you like them to be based on?

What is the weirdest thing someone has every told you they like about you?

Which would you choose, and why: Bring your favorite character(s) to life? Or transport yourself into their world?

If you had to become immortal, what age would you choose to “die” and remain forever, and why?

What are your thoughts on Pluto? Is it a planet? or just a rock?

What is one thing you wouldn’t trade for $1,000,000 (or equivalent in your currency)?

And here are my long-ass answers for Melodieee:

Q1. Have any unpopular opinions? Now’s the time to say them. It doesn’t matter what they’re about; whether or not you think people will care about them, or if it’ll change people’s perceptions of you. Just let ‘em fly.

a:- Okay so…I don’t…really like Autumn…and it might…MAYBE..be my least favorite season…?? ? (I’m sorry, I know). I feel like this is particularly offensive coming from me, since I’m currently living in New England, which is well-known for having the most beautiful foliage during Autumn. But there’s only so much pumpkin spice and scarves I can indulge in before I have to face the reality that The Darkness™ is coming. Funny enough, I don’t have much of an aversion to Winter. (That’s a lie.) (I can’t manage during late February - March). (I barely make it to the end of Winter every year). All in all, this article pretty much summarizes my exacts feelings towards Autumn. Beware though, ~* 🚫 Autumn-lovers DON’T Interact! 🚫 *~, you will be enraged. ☕️🐸

Q2. Do you cling to summer, or are you typically more than excited for autumn? (Or do you not have a strong opinion either way?)

a:- Wellll I guess I sorta addressed this in the first answer? Hahaha. Aha. H a. (I still feel bad about it). But I suppose I don’t really cling to summer, because I have this icky tendency to…spoil good things before they are ready to be ruined??? Like “Ahhh, well am I going to feel bad eventually? Might as well get started on that right now!!”. Feeling Bad is the only thing I don’t procrastinate, lmao. But yeah, I don’t cling to summer (I mourn its death prematurely), and I don’t get excited for Autumn, I just do my best not to feel Too bad overall. I definitely don’t cry, because I Am A Big Kid Now.

Q3. What’s something that you’ve been wanting to tell somebody, but haven’t been able/felt ready to? (Of course, if you’re still not comfortable saying it in a public post, then you definitely shouldn’t feel obligated to do it. This is just for fun. ♥)

a:- The funniest thing is that a lot of the things that leave my mouth nowadays are things that I haven’t been ready to say. But I’ve been lucky enough not to word-vomit anything that’s been truly detrimental to my mental well-being. I’m also lucky to have a few amazing people in my life that I’m able to be quite vulnerable with. 

Q4. What would the soundtrack for the film of your life look like? (FOR THOSE WILLING TO TAKE IT UP A NOTCH: if you were to write a Broadway musical about your life, what would some of the songs be titled/be about?)

a:- Let’s see if I can be as dramatic as possible. In terms of a movie soundtrack, I definitely think that the opening scene would be to Tame Impala’s Let It Happen. Once things calm down and fall back into the natural rhythym of grey, expect to enjoy tunes from Radiohead, in particular their track Daydreaming, which plays on repeat in my dissociative head on a regular. When things get desolate, we enjoy The Postal Service’s This Place Is a Prison. When they’re comedic (see: manic), we’re jamming to some Manfred Mann’s Earth Band!! If I could be selfish, I would find my Big Love and/or purpose, and the soundtrack would lighten up with sounds from Coldplay and Active Child. Also, because I am quietly just as dramatic as our favorite witch Georgi Popovich, a few of my Broadway musical song titles include “Sometimes Fireworks Are Silent”, “I’m Sorry For A LOT Of Things, But This Isn’t One Of Them”, “Some Of Us Taste Colors”, “Tequila (TEQUILA)”, and of course “2D Drawings Are As Strong A Medicine As Any”, which has a b-track “Music Is Morphine (Which is Also a Poison)”.

Q5. What’s a poem, story, or song lyric that you think about often? What about it captivates you?

a:- I’ll give you an entire song full of lyrics: The song Bloodstream, which is so aptly named for how deeply I feel it whenever I listen to it. It epitomizes the concept of soulmates for me, which I don’t believe is always a “happy-go-lucky” scenario, sometimes soulmates are just that - a split of your soul, a piece of you in another body, no sparkles and lovehearts, just another self in another form whose destiny is entwined with your own. As someone who isn’t sure they believe in soulmates irl, here’s why the song strikes me - The vocals are a bit eerie, and ever-so-slightly tired. It must be exhausting searching for a missing half. The recurring piano chords in the verses of the song make it feel a little bit like a memory. I imagine that’s what Deja Vu sounds like, which I find to be fitting when you think about all the subtle instances that have connected your life with someone else’s without you even noticing, but sometimes you just feel it. Then comes the chorus, more profound in its intensity, and all of a sudden it’s the realization hitting you like “Ahh, yes. This is the one I can’t live without. I see it now”. And then there’s the bridge, the melody changing again, acting as a flashlight as you wade through the murkiness of Doubt and Uncertainty, and leading you finally to the door of Acceptance. And once you’ve accepted it, and really digested the fact that you aren’t alone, you just float along - adrift but comfortable, because you realize that you aren’t drowning like you thought you would, or like you’ve been all this time. (That was cryptic AF, what does All That even mean??). Idk. I just feel the song deeply and I’m not really sure how to express why. 🎭

Q6. If you had to epitomize yourself with a Wikipedia article title, what would it be?

a:-I think may be Learned Helplessness.

Q7. What do you daydream about?

a:- I have two persistent daydreams lately. One is to lay in a meadow and just rest in a shady spot with the sun’s warmth peeking through the foliage, probably for the rest of my life. I wouldn’t mind being stuck in a time loop if it meant existing somewhere like this or this. I actually have this one saved as my desktop wallpaper at work. I stare at it throughout the day and it brings me peace. The second daydream is imagining what it would be like to go out and get roaring drunk with Yuuri and Pichit. Like…can you imagine the shenanigans??

Q8. What’s your go-to character/kart/track in Mario Kart? (ANY ITERATION)

a:-Toad…..and raiNBOW ROAD BINCH!!! FIGHT ME. #ChaoticEvil

Q9. What’s something people would be surprised to learn about you?

a:- IRL? People would be shocked that I’m pan/bi. Literally no one knows. Friends and family respect that I consider myself asexual, or at least non-sexual, but no one actually knows that I’m not straight. I have hinted on occasion, but growing up in one of the most homophobic and heteronormative societies means that if people haven’t seen you date anything but cis-gendered men (even if it was only for 6 months when you were 14 years old??) then it means you’re straight. Straight until proven otherwise (and simultaneously shunned by extended family for being The Gay Cousin™ ).

Q10. If you could name a crayon/nail polish color, what would it be, and what would the color be?

a:- Tbh, I’m the least creative when it comes to these things, so most likely it would be some sort of holographic sparkly fluorescent pink color, and the name would be “Trophy Husband” (because it reminds me of Victor).

Q11. What’s a question you wish I would’ve asked? ASK/ANSWER IT HERE.

a:- AHHHH THE PRESSURE idk IDK. Ummmmm how about “What do you like most about following me?”. And the answer would be that your tags and writing in general just hit me right in the feels, every. damn. time. Your sense of humor is also A+, it’s never mean-spirited, and you just generally provide a safe space for me to exist comfortably at the end of each day. You’re also incredibly observant, and I feel like I’m a slightly bigger and more important speck in this universe because of you. Thank you for being here ❤️.

THE END.

[seleniumd]

college & the future.

I’m really set on the idea of going away for college. I never know how to formulate my thoughts (says the girl who spontaneously types 12 page posts on tumblr every week lmao), but I think that it’s something I really need to do. I, in an odd suffering kind of way, like to push myself to do the things I’m afraid of. I think of all the long term benefits that moving away while I’m still young and have time to make mistakes will give me. As of right now I feel way too dependent. I’m not talking about living with my parents or whatever because that’s fine, but it’s with the smaller things. I’m usually so introverted/shy/awkward and I feel like I haven’t done enough of the basic human things, like return things in a customer service line or book a lot of appointments, etc etc. I’ve always just had someone to do it for me and now that I think of it, I hate it. There won’t always be someone to do it for me, nor do I want that. I’ve been so set on becoming “me,” whatever that means, but it starts with the little things. I can’t expect myself to evolve into the person I expect to be when I’m not making any changes.

I’m an all or nothing type of person, so the average guy or gal would probably just start doing these things, like making appointments, until they get used to it and bam, problem solved. But me? I think the only way is to move away, lol. Long story short, going away and being all on my own will get me out of these shy/introverted/reliant habits. Maybe not completely because I believe those are just parts of who I am, but enough. It’ll prepare me for all the networking and communication to come in my future years and will help me become my own person, something I’ve been desperate to do. I overthink and shy away very often. I’m like a turtle in a shell, whenever I start to come out of my shell it draws attention and I go right back in. I love my family but they’re so used to me being all quiet and shy so the minute I do anything outside of that everyone’s attention is on me. Not in a completely negative way, but as someone who overthinks, is shy and hates attention it feels like harassment even though they may be kidding. It just makes me go back in my shell and keep me to myself and I don’t think that’s good. It’s not like I have some wild desires and I’m lowkey some party animal lmao, but it’s the little things. I’m still a quiet, book loving, bad dad jokes person, but I’m also so much more than that. I want to be able to rap along to a song and not have my entire family be shook and make a scene the entire time. They’re so accustomed to who I was when I was 13 and so anything outside of that rattles them and they get all “When did you get like this?” Once again not in a full on chastising type of way, but there is some seriousness to it of course. Even with clothing I wear, as if I’m not supposed to have my own sense of style and I should like to dress like a nun. I get that you can’t get into your kids head so when you see them go from really shy and start becoming more social, listening to all types of music, wearing different types of clothes, etc etc, a parent may assume their kid is being tainted by the world? idk how to say it, but I can totally understand a parent’s perspective. Watching your kid change from what you’re so accustomed to has to be scary, but they need to realize that it doesn’t mean I’m being influenced or evolving into everyone around me. While I understand it, it frustrates me. I know who I am and who they raised me to be. I have a mind of my own and I do what I choose to. That’s it. So any changes in me, which are really never even drastic ones, are just ME. I totally just started ranting, oops. This whole post is a mess. No one harasses me, I just hate all attention and it prevents me from being myself. and “myself” really isn’t even a big deal, it’s just a slightly more outgoing version of who I am. Once again, it’s more a me thing. I just need to become comfortable with who I am and what I like and I feel like I haven’t been able to do that. Using the turtle analogy again, once I start to express myself and feel comfortable enough to get out my shell, there’s a bunch of attention thrown my way and I go back in. Going away will be my fresh start. No one knows me but me, so there’s no pressure or expectations. Just show up, be me and that’s it. After a while that will set in and I’ll get used to being away, being myself and then the “being myself” problem I feel like I’ve been struggling with for years is gone.

I think about what will happen if I stay home my entire 4 years of college before I’m expected to go into PA school and it just seems like a disaster. I live the social life of a 12 year old and that needs to come to an end. This is a big step I want to take and I’m excited to see what happens. BTW if anyone for some odd reason reads this, I post little things like this for future reflection. So like, maybe a year or so from now when it comes time for me to go away (if i do it) I’ll see this and be like “omg” ya know?