#idk this is a vent but not rly a neg one?

[witchqueen]

Does anyone have any tips to help stop yourself from comparing your artwork to others, or equating your value as an artist with likes and reblogs?

I've struggled with this for a while and it's getting old, I don't know how to just shrug it off. Any genuine advice would be nice

[dukeofthomas]

I feel like you were circling it with that post but I haaaate reading/listening to people talk about Jason when they have the view that his character started with winicks red hood. Like something about it just leaks out and I’m like “oh, okay, I don’t have to listen to anything you say because you aren’t even talking about the same guy as me.”

And like yes, exactly like you said, it’s hard to reconcile the two iterations but it’s the result of massive trauma, which I don’t mean to be snobbish about the pop psyche we apply to our blorbos here but trauma does not mean “bad thing” it means “thing is so impactful that it changes your brain” and like as someone who went through a personality shift from being a happy friendly outgoing kid to a teen/young adult with a lot of fear anger and resentment like. It’s just how life is. Part of Jason that we all love to mull over is that you aren’t the same person even after you heal and you’ll never know how it would’ve been if that hadn’t happened but it doesn’t matter because you’re here now and you matter and the way you are isnt wrong. Thats why I think “oops Jason got turned into a kid” fics are so popular, we just all like to roll around in “you’ll never be that kid again” with him.

Anon you are so correct <3 but i'm also reeling over the fact i didn't even realize the shift from 'happy kid' to 'angry, deeply hurt and traumatized teen/young adult' was something i shared in common with Jason. For some reason jason is a character i relate to so so strongly but i suck at identifying which parts

[systelon]

it feels kind of weird being an artist that mainly draws animal people n anthros & that being the main kind of thing people usually come to my page for, but not being able to relate to like most of the furry community in general (specifically when it comes to art + kind of characters i draw)

[scaryfilm]

Hi. good lord.

[cryptidapprentice]

eep!

[celestialmancer]

⛈️ ❌ ❌ ❌ // 2:09 am, tbd ;

[arolesbianism]

In the newest patch notes for the beta it says that additional lore entries were hooked up but I'm sure as hell not finding anything new. I swear if this just meant that they made the new logs that were already in game uncoverable outside of debug mode I'm going to cry, don't tease me like that klei my heart can't take it

[reanimated-owl]

((might delete tbh

[genshins1mpact]

.

[fasolabean]

warninggg this is a long one ,,,

(Okay so I started writing this uhhh vent before more posts on the n//fts appeared later so plz keep that in mind hah)

So I haven’t been too active on here for the past month – a bit personal start, but I’ve moved to a different country whooo!!!! (its terrifying) (my brains been involved in fandom stuff as usual but physically I wasn’t lmao).

But I wanted to talk ab the n//ft (censoring bc idk ab bots here) thing bc while some people on here provided some great context and threads, most of the talk has happened on twitter. So like. Since it was first confirmed what the raffle thing was I was veryyyy disappointed, especially bc K has made fun of this very thing on stage previously. And like yea, the nature of what hes doing is different than the n//ft crypt0 scams, since the cost of the paywalled content is set and not fluid and the raffle thing was free to enter, and I know there have been threads about the website not being the worst on twitter (link) (edit: now here on tumblr too). But still man. Both of these could’ve been done on either an independent website or through stuff like youtube members or patreon. Or hell, even just on the merch store? Like buy a promo code that buys you access to the material?

Also like I get that this was probably a contract that would be rly hard if not impossible to terminate. STILL though, I wish we just got an even short thing like “hi sorry I wasn’t aware this is gonna be a one time thing we’re not doing it again”. I don’t mind extra content being paywalled personally, I know some people do, but I just really wish it wasn’t don’t with that technology. And yes, I also now know it’s a safer way to handle shit like that but I just cant see this excuse being used for commercial use? Like maybe I can see why I could be made to use it for like idk an important document, but a raffle ticket? Nah

I also, ugh. Felt weird about mikke in the team since the winter. This whole thing seems to be – at least to a large extent – either done or influenced by him, judging by even the fact that the europass thingy webpage has oy photomikke marked (no im not buying it but i did look around curiosity was stronger). Also the previous thing that had made me go hmmm about käärijä as a brand was the bnb, which now seems to be ran entirely by mikke and his wife. Like stick to your photos man? That being said tho, Jere IS an adult and he IS the face of this brand. If he doesn’t think hes qualified to make business decisions all by himself (which I get, this shit is hard), nothing is stopping him really from getting a professional to help him with those things. And if there IS something stopping him then hey man I think you should go to the press with that lol. From any interviews ive seen or read, you can feel he feels this responsibility to keep his friends and family that initially helped him afloat. But I wish he understood that not letting people who in the end are not professional about business and PR and having them stick to their own thing does not have to mean cutting them off.

But now I just wanna share a thought that to some might seem like me defending him – which, in case you didn’t get I am very much not lmao. The thing is, im really glad the fandom is able to call him out on a shitty thing – like a bad baaad business decision. You can like somebody’s art, hell you can even like the public person they are, while not agreeing with everything what they do. What annoys me though, is that apart of the kä fandom, he is also often talked about (usually negatively) in the wider esc fandom. Over the past week I’ve seen multiple threads on twitter from people that rarely ever mention him about this. That would’ve been like, not that much of a deal (though sometimes it really got… engagement bait-y) but the amount of bodyshaming and shaming of his fans that comes up with every valid criticism is making me wanna pull my hair out.

Especially cause he’s neither the first finnish esc-related artist to do that (Robin and Cyan Kicks are mentioned on the kollekt website) nor is he the first esc artist of his influence to do it either. Last year Loreen and Alessandra have released n//fts last year, and Loreen did a very similar raffle a couple months ago. Now I wanna be very clear: I don’t want this to be like. Cancelling these people, that would be so hypocritical of me. I also don’t want this to be like a fandom war like oh youre mad he did xyz?? Well THIS and THIS person did THAT!!1! I’m just merely annoyed that these people doing essentially the same thing went with no echo at all, but now I’ve seen us (the fandom) be literally called the r slur and the most vile things being said about jere and, for some reason, his appearance???

Idk man. I really try to  make it clear im not trying to excuse his decisions and I think being angry and/or disappointed at him is absolutely understandable. Im just angry that every single time he fucks up, every single time he makes a mistake, my timeline is filled with a wave of people rejoicing in it. I know he’s a controversial figure, he’s been one since day one, but I just wish he’s gotten the same amount of shit his peers do for the same actions? And this happens every time, and each time im like “well ig I can see why hes so bad when it comes to criticism”. Because imagine doing a thing that your peers have done with no/minimal criticism and then the moment you try it out you get people calling your fans slurs and commenting how stupid you are. Like ngl id also think any criticism was hate lmao.

Again I wanna be very VERY clear im very critical ab what he chose to do. I wish he took some responsibility – and hope he maybe does, at some point in the future. This year has been a whole lot of bad business decisions for the käärijä brand in my eyes, and I hope he can actually see where its gone wrong and do something about it, both for his and our sake. I am also happy to see fellow fans who are able to call out their fave. But man I am TIRED of him just getting all the shit (from people who very visibly fans are not)?? And now I have the proof that it is comparably more than other people and not just my bias towards him because wdym there’s been at least 4 esc artists, 2 of which more famous than him, and 2 umk artists doing exactly the same thing with almost no echo??

TLDR (thishasover1kwordsfuckshit); I wish he did better, simply. I kinda cling to some hope that maybe hey finally this time he will see that criticism can be constructive. I think this is still a level of fucking up that you can like, come back from. Pity it’s connected to the eurotour since kinda souring my excitement ab my first concert in a new country a bit :(

[twinknote]

venting cw serious illness, parental end of life shit, vague abuse mention, vague alcoholism mention

sooo i just learned that my stepdad has approximately one billion serious medical things going on (his bloodwork is shit, he has big issues w several important organs, they don’t know the cause yet) and a couple weeks ago my dad told me his cancer has come back And my mom has been in cancer treatment for years now.

it’s just really difficult to process and very complicated bc i’ve only recently (semi) come to terms with the fact that my stepdad and mom are emotionally abusive and neglectful in many aspects. and honestly i think my stepdad is a piece of shit and his alcoholism has given me Sooo much trauma. Which has part of me like Ha ur kidneys are fucked up, wonder why!!! but obv on the whole it’s still really sad and makes me feel like i need to put energy into comforting and helping him when i barely even have energy for myself (i KNOW my cfs/me is gonna be completely overshadowed by their health issues and they’re probably gonna push me to help out more when it would really negatively affect my health) and i also still rly need to get Several forms of medical treatment that now i’m like Hmm is this as important as theirs, is it worth the money?

i also just fucking hate being 24 and having parents going into their 70’s bc idk anyone else who’s going thru smth like this. i feel rly alone and altho i’m v thankful and looking forward to being able to process w my therapist (love u diamond xoxo) i just feel so heavy and alone yk?

it’s also just hitting rly hard rn bc i Really love my bio dad So much and he has Actually been trying really hard to improve his health and i just value his presence in my life So much. and i feel like i never have the energy to see him or connect with him and it makes me feel like i’m missing out on so much that i’m never gonna be able to get back and also like i’m a shit child. and then i’m over here stuck living with my stepdad who has hurt me so much and has not given a shit abt his health for Decades and is p much resigning himself to rotting away in his recliner and i’m supposed to be nice to him???

idk thx for reading if u got this far and if you’ve been thru something similar i would love some solidarity/support 🖤🖤🖤

[xx-cherrypie-xx]

Hello there!! This is my blogs intro post!! :D

Idk how to use this app too well but i am learning ^_^ In my blog i will post art and my random thoughts on things that are happening!

READ DNI/BOUNDARIES BEFORE FOLLOWING‼️

☆ Boundaries! ☆

‼️DNI if:

You post NSFW, like/support the dteam/wilbur soot/jshlatt, pro/comship, zoophile, paraphile, ZIONIST, if u support/post about ai art and/or nfts, u like/post about south park, anti neo/xenopronouns & genders, anti furries & therians (& alterhumans in general), think age/pet regression is weird + basic dni (racist, homophobic, transphobic, sexist, ableist, white supremacists)!

Do not call me cute, attractive, etc on photos i post, instead saying "u look cool" or "i like ur outfit" is better :D

Do not ask how old i am specifically, u will be insta blocked‼️

Do not ship my ocs with anyone or anything (unless it is stated they are dating some1), speculate on ocs identities, sexualize my art or make headcanons pls!

Do NOT repost my art‼️ Tracing or copying is ONLY OK FOR LEARNING PURPOSES. Do not post this art, keep it to urself pls!

Using my art as a pfp is ok just ask for permission first and credit me! Refrencing is ok but if u are posting the work DO NOT claim it as your own and pls give credit to what u referenced from my art!

Do not bring up drama or bring unnecessary negativity to my posts! (This will most likley get u blocked)

Dms are welcome but do not vent to me unprompted, as well as in the ask box (it makes me very uncomfortable)!

♡ Quick intro ♡

My name is Vixen! :D

I use ANY PRONOUNS💥💥💥 This includes neos so u can refer to me with anything! :D

I am QUEER and currently identify with the agender and asexual labels! ^_^

Im a minor (Dont ask for my age)‼️

Im 99% sure i have adhd and autism, but im not diagnosed! Tone tags are appreciated<3

My current hyperfixations are: art, journaling, Ranboo, Aimsey, ClownPierce, Murder Drones & The Mechanisms💥💥💥

I also like: Generation Loss, mlp, lps, animals (wolves, cats, rats + more), plushies, metal family, invader zim, nimona, scrapbooking, minecraft, kandi, sanrio, hatsune miku, scene + emo culture & other things that im probably forgetting rn :P

Ive been doing art for a very long time! (I dont remember exactly when i started bc i was rly young LOL)

I am just a silly little creachur and IDC that im cringe!!! x3 Just trying to be as silly as possible before the world explodes ^_^

☆ Tags i will use in my blog!! ☆

#meirlxd - irl posts, photos :3

#ideas wowie - concepts & ideas✨️

#random silly - thoughts and random shit xD (most used bc my brain is silly!)

#my art!! - art, doodles, wips >_<

♡ Socials ♡

Here is my link tree!!! XD It has all my socials on it neatly laid out in one place :3 (BEING REDONE‼️)

> https://linktr.ee/xx_cherrypie_xx <

☆ FOLLOW FOR SILLY LITTLE POSTS AND ART!!! :3c

[ascendent]

rly don't understand how even my most covid-aware friend is throwing up their hands and going "idk" basically about their ""'"cold"'"" they got after we both went to an unmasked wedding over the weekend like... girl you have covid. you definitely have covid. and so does our other friend who got a "'"'cold"'"' this monday !!! just because you are testing negative on rapid tests does not mean you don't have it!

also and this is a separate gripe but like, you would know for sure whether you have covid by getting a PCR test, and i know it's less convenient, but in our city it's literally free to send one to a lab for overnight results and in other states you could at least ask for a drive thru doc appointment, you don't have to self-administer one if it's too expensive/not covered by insurance. BUT ALSO, why WOULDN'T you go to inconvenient/expensive lengths to confirm whether you have fucking covid?? lIKE COME ON AM I INSANE OR ARE YOU JUST BEING WILLFULLY IGNORANT OF REALITY HERE oh my god.

i need to stop thinking about this bc the only real consequence is that it's giving me lesser opinions of my friends and i don't wanna do that to myself. so i'm just gonna vent this one time and. fucking drop it i guess. on your heads be it if you get ppl sick because you couldn't be assed to get one (1) more accurate test done to 100% confirm you're covid negative.

(they definitely do have covid tho)

[chososcamgirl]

OCCASIONAL RANT ‼️‼️

Hey sigma😈😈 I needed to rant but this didn’t really fit in the daily check in (which I will be uploading soon) so I decided to start these random occasional rants 🤗🤗

WARNING ⚠️ I YAPPED HARD + I WAS A NEGATIVE NANCY IN THIS ONE.. KIND OF A VENT(?) SO IF U DONT FW THAT SKIP THIS AND ILL TAKE THAT AS A SIGN TO STOP YAPPING ABOUT HOW EMO I AM 🔥😈

I WENT TO A GAME TODAY AND U GOT INTO SOME BEEF WITH MY 4LIFER AND OMFG I WAS SOBBING 😭 I TRIED TO HARD TO KEEP IT IN BUT I STARTED FUCKING CRYING IN THE MIDDLE OF A GAME THATS SO NOT SIGMA 😔💔🔥

AND THE PERSON I RANTED ABOUT IN MY LAST CHECK IN (not the girl that carfished as me) SHE TALKED SHIT ABOUT ME N SNITCHED ALL THE STUFF I SAID WITH HER WHEN WE WERE FRIENDS BECAUSE SHE THOUGHT I WAS GIVING HER BAD VIBES.. THE WHOLE DAY WAS A BLUR I DONT RLY REMEMBER WHAT LED TO THIS BEEF BUT NOW WERE TAKING A BREAK ‼️‼️

My friend saw me crying and drove me to the mall for retail therapy… and she payed for me cus I was sobbing the entire time… 💔💔 I FUCKING LOVE HER WNRNENEN SHES SO SWEETTTR… we left the game early just to go to the mall bc she wanted me to feel better 🙁🙁 I’m FUCKING SOBBING THATS LEGIT SO SWEET and she got me a figure im THROWING UP UBEBENENENEKENE 😞🙁💗

I have another social event tmrw idk if i can do it anymore gang.. I’ve been PACKED this entire weekend and my social battery is DRAINEDD + I have a reunion with this old friend tmrw and we’ve been planning it for a while so id feel bad canceling but GOD am I tired.. was already drained from all the social interactions and classes I had and meeting this friend is gonna feel like such a chore 😔😔💔 anrenne i wish I had a high social battery 😢

I think i fucked up the rest of my school year which kind of scares me but we ball ig 💔💔😞 and I kindddd of told ppl my secrets and things I wasn’t supposed to say (about me) so…. 😢😢 someone NEEDS TO STOP ME FROM YAPPING / OVERSHARING

OKOK SORT FOR RANTING POO POO.. DIALY CHRCK IN COMINF SOON‼️‼️ STAY TUNED VRO ILY 😍😍

- 🐺

HII ALPHA!!!! 🐺🐺

RESPONSE UNDER CUT!

i am more than willing to read your rants/vents🙂‍↕️ IF YOU EVER NEED TO MY ASKS R OPEN!! <33

omg no not ur 4lifer that’s horrible :(( i hope u guys made up and she apologised ☹️ being in a fight with ur bff SUCKS and don’t worry crying it totally sigma #NOJUDGEMENT

okay FUCK that friend because why would she say that after you ranted to her HELLO?? she’s an OPP bro don’t engage with her she sounds like a hater😒 but i’m sorry that u had a bad day angel :(( hopefully this week is better for you <3

okay the other friend is an actual SWEETHEART!!! i love her i just know she has a kind soul. i’m so glad she did that for you she’s actually an angel. also don’t feel pressured to go to any more social events if you’re drained because it’ll just end up with you feeling shitty and a waste of time </3 don’t worry about it! i don’t think you have! i think it was just a misunderstanding. it’ll blow over in a week trust me, all school things do it’s not the end of the world. also the secret thing 😭 if u feel like u can trust them definitely yes but girl don’t go telling just anyone!! i say this with genuine concern because it CAN bite you in the back if they decide to use it against you.. but you should be fine🙂‍↕️ i have faith in you!!! DONT APOLOGISE!! ILY VRO‼️‼️😈🫵 i’m missing ur asks this was the last ask i have got from you.. pls tell me ur okay…

[coridallasmultipass]

Vent / personal / s.i. / sh mention / long post / extremely negative dont read

I rly wanna fucking stop existing man life is too fucking hard I cant do this shit

My grandpa basically blamed me for the house's electricity usage when i literally only used my computer for one week last month and like 2 days this month. Anything else this month has just been phone charging or running my 2 small aquariums. Idk why i have to take the blame for that just because im a young person when my grandpa literally has been using large machinery in the garage and we rent out our guest house which has an a/c unit running ALL the time (our house does not have a/c or any internal system. Utilities are included in the guest house we rent so we pay for that person to stay cool while we sweat over here lmao.)

Ive been suffering for weeks in the 90-100 degree weather with no fan because my bathroom flooded due to grandpa installing the wrong fixture in my toilet (i literally only needed to replace the flap which required no disconnections! But he insisted, and now my only clean fan has been stuck in my bathroom with the window open letting in all the heat). Like. I enjoy the heat. Im fine with no ac. I tolerate it fine. But i need an occasional few minutes of being in the fan if the windows have been letting in all the heat. Normally id keep my blinds closed and the shower curtain closed so the heat doesnt get extreme but because i need to air out the bathroom i cant do that ((Literally when i lived in nyc w no ac, i would just go out to the living room and turn a/c on for like 1 minute while i stand in front of it, and then off again and i was fine for the rest of the night, i cant sleep with ac or a fan on or else i get hypothermic - i actually started getting hypothermic the other night because my blankets fell off the bed on a cooler night, it sucked lol))

Im so sick of having to wear shoes in my bathroom due to the carpet being pulled back, its uncomfortable to traverse that mess while having an injured back. Im sick of all the wildfire ash thats poured into my bathroom and probably my room too. (I had JUST changed my last air filter the day before the fire started lmao probably used up the whole thing already, i never got to keep my clean air room i had just started).

I had to deep clean the kitchen and deep vacuum the entire house with my back thats been injured since MAY since grandpa wont clean up after himself, and apparently my mom has also not been cleaning for years in her room (and my mom has the nerve to judge me for having a clean but cluttered room! Its her fault its cluttered because im not allowed to have anything of mine except food downstairs!). I havent been able to get treatment for my back because my mom has the only car and shes been out of town for the past month+.

Im fucking scared as fuck because i couldnt get ahold of a doctors office for a prescription for my endo and so now ive been having to take the leftovers i had of a lower dose. I live in a dead zone so a lot of the time i cant make phonecalls, idk if the issue was my end or the doctors and im just too stressed to try again bc if i think ab endo im gonna have a mental breakdown, its already bad enough having EXTREME phone anxiety due to not being able to understand people when they talk especially over a garbled phone connection. Im supposed to quit this med at the end of the month and idk how im gonna survive. I might not. I was completely su// ici// dal during the last couple flare ups. Endo is incurable and apparently im resistant to medication and surgical treatment. So its untreatable for me too.

Then theres my whole depression. This just fucking kicked off a really terrible mood swing and ive been like crying and moping in bed for hours trying NOT to think about where i know the things i used to s.h. before are packed. Bc that hasnt ever stopped being on my fucking mind since before i even started as a teen lmao. I cant stop thinking about how im existing against my will. Theres just no good way to die. Id feel guilty too because of how expensive my jaw treatments are and i havent even finished.

Speaking of, my jaw is still fucked and not getting any better lmao. Im in constant pain and headaches because of the aligners on my teeth. Im making myself sick from eating depression foods because by the time i take the things off my teeth to eat and drink, my mouth hurts, my jaw hurts, my head hurts, my tummy hurts, and after i eat anything i feel sick and tired and lightheaded from not being able to snack or drink when i want at my own pace, and then suddenly having to eat a whole meals worth of food in one sitting. (Not that i do that lmao ive been eating really lightly bc i am not physically up to the task of cooking or eating anything. I CAN cook. Just not physically, or mentally any more). So ive been eating terribly within my already limited diet. (And my jaw wont stop popping and cracking painfully every time i chew anything which is so humiliating and frustrating and painful and i cant eat a lot of foods i used to.)

There just too much going on all at once and im fucking sick of everything. I was already at my fucking limit before my mom fucked off to do pet sitting for a relative and went back on her word that she'd bring the dog to stay at our house. Which means ive gone since May without treatment for my back except for the chiropractor i see right after my therapy appointment. Which i dont think is doing enough. I dont know what more can be done when i constantly have to do back breaking things around the house. And when i told my mom ab how im not able to get the care i need because of her leaving, she turned it on me and said it was my fault for not making an appointment. Fucking gaslighting asshole. How the fuck am i supposed to get to an appointment 30-40 minutes away when i dont have the car? (Because theres no where local that will take my insurance, and i dont think even the places 30-40 minutes away will take it either.)

I dont know how anyone manages to live. Just existing is constant pain due to fibromyalgia and arthritis. Its constant hypervigilance and fear from the endo. Its extreme treatment-resistant depression (i fucking wish antidepressants worked on me lmao but that was the most miserable 5 years of my life trying every class of them). Its gender dysphoria and i cant transition because i cant work or live independently (its not safe for me to come out or transition while living in grandpas house hed kick me out). Its loneliness because i have like 2 friends i occasionally talk to online but no one close and were not on the same circles even, not like i even have a stable internet connection to do anything more than just over messaging. I dont have the mental energy to be friends w anyone either bc i have nothing to offer. Existing while alive is a full time job with no pay or benefits. I dont even know anyone irl thats not relatives (im not close with anyone in my family at all) or a doctor. I dont have a license or car because family wouldnt let me practise when i did have permits and i certainly can't afford the $12k a year it costs to own a car in Cali, let alone to purchase one. I cant work but im not disabled enough to be legally disabled. Certainly wouldnt be able to afford to live in this area/county even if i could do some work beyond an occasional online resale, which sucks because this is where my tribe is and i just wish this area was a better fit for me. Just doing things around the house is what caused my back to go out in the first place and now its a chronic fucking issue, and i can barely walk to the mailbox or do grocery shopping. Its not safe for me to live alone either, probably, even tho i cant handle living with roommates because im too asocial for them.

Im so sick of everything. Why do i have to be blamed for the electricity. Im an artist and apparently using the skills i spent 4 years learning at college and countless hours improving on my own is using too much electricity if i turn on my computer to participate in a week of a drawing challenge. What if i had a fucking work from home job?? (Not like that would ever happen, grandpa wouldnt choose the cheaper and faster internet plan i told him to go with and instead chose a more expensive plan with a different company that has a data cap, so now it sucks for no reason other than that he doesnt want to take advice from either a woman or a young person! [Im not a woman but he doesnt know that]). I cant even try to apply for any kind of work from home job bc of the internet. Its hard enough trying to make a call over data, having to put it on speakerphone and reach my phone against my room window while i lean over the counter. I was already unemployed before the pandemic due to the same mental health issues i havent stopped suffering from.

I wish that i wanted to live and do better for myself but whats the fucking point any more. I dont even want to live. I have no fucking reason to. At all. Im only alive bc there's no good way to die. Every day i think about how much i wish i didnt exist. It sucks and theres no fucking treatment that works. Therapy probably helps but its not making improvements for me when there are too many things out of my control making my life completely fucking miserable, its just damage reduction at this point.

I even exercise. Often. Despite the pain in my back and everywhere else. It does not help when i have fibromyalgia. Im in extreme pain even with the lightest exercise. But ive been exercising since the last endo flare up in fucking march in the hopes itll make my next endo flare up a little less worse if im stronger. Who knows if its working. Guess ill find out after the end of this month. God im so fucking scared.

I dont want to do anything rn im just so fucking miserable. But now my room is heating up since its the end of the day and im sweating too much to keep lying in bed being miserable. Idk what im gonna do. Besides ignore the ideation and knowledge about where my sharp objects are. I was working on sewing but i lost steam because of grandpa blaming me for the electricity sending me down a spiral. As if im not already doing enough cleaning up the whole fucking house and trying to prevent mold growth from the leak he caused and then laughed it off and wouldnt help me move (not my) furniture to prevent water damage.

Fuck i still have to measure the carpet padding so i can buy more later. At least the carpet itself is safe. Its getting dark out and i threw that padding shit outside and forgot about it last week so i dont wanna deal with measuring that right now. Ugh.

What do i even do when im too fucking depressed to do anything at all?? No one fucking prepares you for how fucking miserable being alive actually is.

[narwhalandchill]

[chiori kit leaks, negative]

mannn i have such mixed feelings abt chiori like. idk im still pulling her obvi i have to like shes Actually in the top 5 character designs in the entirety of genshin for me i cant Not. and her personality was so fun in the 4.3 event too

but at the same time its like... even if shes worth running in navia teams at c0 without accessing her second puppet bc no geo construct (& at least jstern calcs seemed to suggest that) it just. feels fucking bad that her actual synergies are with. goddamn mono geo bc of that stupid construct requirement.

man im trying so hard not to unnecessarily hate on itto just bc i feel personally let down abt chioris lack of navia synergy and just generally rly dislike his teams and playstyle and character (at least the flanderized version of him thats in events) JSJSJSISOSISI but. its just. stupid. i hate this

and like the way they rly just put her c1 as the direct solution for this too. want chiori to get access to her full damage potential in navia teams? just pull cons!!

i dont have albedo n dont care abt him much so like chiori being a directly better version of him isnt sth im like particularly invested in but also its just so boring. why couldnt chiori have been a geo healer with teamwide buffs based on crystallize or sth. that way she wouldve been an upgrade to both navia and itto teams and an actually interesting new archetype not just. albedo powercreeping sub dps that requires using one of the worst designed mechanics in the game to get her full kit online at c0??

like. man. at least she has some navia synergy despite everything like im still definitely going to run them together if it works at least decently. and once her kit animations leak im sure ill feel more hype for her since those will be stunning for sure but. its just a shame. like this is toxic im sorry but im kinda just? who the fuck cares about itto teams. navias like. p much Universally agreed to be the most fun geo unit theyve released who actually feels so satisfying to play whos suffering from a lack of team options so why the hell are we buffing an old ass outdated ult dependent boring hypercarry who already has a signature support in gorou?? like this shit sucks man

anyway her splash art is fucking stunning tho. and i still love chiori too much to skip her so ill get over this eventually i just needed to vent but 😭😭 geo healer with teamwide buffs we couldve had it all...... part of me just wants to try for her c1 too just to get her that full damage potential with navia too but idk if i can afford to w arle on the way. ig if shes another on field pyro carry i might skip her and go for rerun lmao like. if arle scales w atk its just another in the pile of . bennett wanting carries but Youre not ajax 💀💀💀