woah, it’s just so easy to be sentimental
– an alhaitham x female reader, fwb au
overview: this conversation with him was eventually coming—it’s alhaitham, after all.
wc: 1.3k
notes: this is a modern au! also, implied smexy times but nothing explicit happens. c:
“What do you even benefit from this?” You finally speak, after two minutes of catching your breath.
You’re currently laying on top of Alhaitham, with the side of your head buried on his enormous chest. He places the plush quilt on your lower body, and his hand stays on your back.
You hear his heartbeat calming down.
But now, yours is the opposite. Forget about regaining your composure, now that the question is out—a question long overdue by the way—you have no choice but to swallow your anxiety and face it. You finally asked him.
And this is a good thing, right? At least, even if his answer will probably shatter you just like how Cyno broke Tighnari’s window, the annoying questions in your head can finally shut up. Right?
Who are you kidding? You feel like you’re going to combust. It's Alhaitham. Who knows what he’s gonna answer?
“. . .You could actually choose other people than me to be your fuckbuddy, you know. There are far better candidates out there.” You remark, and you feel your chest tighten. Why is this so hard? You feel like breaking down. “Like, like. Um. I don’t know. Maybe that one girl from your Darshan? She seems really nice. Real gorgeous, too.”
Ah, yes. Here it comes. Comparing yourself to other women. Great. Now it’s harder than before. Sooner or later, you’ll have to participate in your own solo 'Try Not To Cry Challenge In Front of The Man Who Literally Folded You in Half Moments Ago.'
You feel Alhaitham’s pec vibrate on your cheek when he replies, “I have my reasons.”
Damn him and his reasons. You need his answers. Unfiltered answers. “Then give me one.”
You tense when his thumb of his hand—that’s still remained on your back—begin to rub through the fabric of the blanket. As your cheeks steam, you shut your eyes tightly from the sensation, wishing that Alhaitham won’t notice. But since he continues his ministrations anyway, it’s safe to conclude that he did. Sometimes, he’s a bastard. ( But you like him, though. And that sucks. Maybe. Maybe not. )
He supplies, “Our bodies are already familiar with each other. I’m not interested in getting intimate with another and testing the waters. That takes too much of my time.”
Right. During your first and second sessions with Alhaitham, he seized the moments and explored what worked for you and what worked for him. What worked for the both of you.
“Okay.”
Perhaps, what he has said is already enough for you - but it’s bullshit in your own opinion if you think you’ll only be satisfied with that. You need to know more. Even if it’ll probably lead to your doom. Why can’t you just be relieved for once? Why are you always curious? Ugh, you really have it in you to become one of Vahumana’s top students! “What are the other reasons, then?”
His caressing comes into a halt. “Do you really want to know?
Wow. Now that sure is ominous. You open your eyes at that. The blunt Alhaitham asking you if you want to know? You lift your head from his chest and blink up at him in disbelief. You try to think of other things just so you can ignore the nervous ache in your stomach.
But it’s all pointless! Everything inside this room is all Alhaitham. Everything reminds him of you, because this is his room, for archon’s sake! You sigh heavily, and stare at his irritatingly handsome face. You, sadly, have no choice.
Even if you’ve seen this sight a hundred times already and even up close considering you’ve, ahem, with him, he still makes you flustered. One gaze and you’re out. One gaze and all your clothes are on the floor.
Not to mention, it’s just so unfair that despite all the activities you’ve both shared, he’s still so attractive. And he’s glowing. How? Why are you so lucky? And out of all the people in the world, how did you end up in his bed?
The curiosity itches.
You poke at his skin repeatedly. “That’s why I’m asking? Why are you being sus, Alhaitham?”
He sends you a flat look. “Do you mean ‘suspicious’?”
You grin playfully at him. It’s hilarious to see him get offended whenever you use some slangs that he finds nonsensical. This is what he gets—you provoking him with words that he thinks are embarrassments to the languages.
Alhaitham exhales through his nose, then resumes on rubbing your back. “Give me a minute. I’m trying to weigh the pros and the cons. Apparently, it’s hard on my part because you are an unpredictable one.”
Your eyes sparkle. Now that the anxiousness has dissipated away, it’s replaced with excitement. “Ooh, this is new!” Alhaitham doesn’t open up much regarding his personal thoughts, so you’re relishing on this. “I’m a challenge to you?”
“Very much so.”
Really? A challenge for the intelligent Alhaitham? You? You chuckle, “Maybe you’re overthinking this!”
“Maybe I am.”
Then, you return to your position once more, content on making his chest a pillow. “So do you think I’m complicated?”
“Do you want the truth?”
You huff. So many short questions and responses. You’re literally giving him the hint that he has the permission to tell you. “I didn’t reach out to you for nothing. What I like about you is that you’re brutally honest.”
Then, it’s quiet.
Alhaitham’s thumb is still rubbing on your back. You grow a little worried, wondering why he has stopped answering. You’re about to raise your head again, until his available hand rests on top of it, preventing you from taking a glance at whatever expression he’s making.
“I have read a lot of books that are incredibly complicated—books that make people drop immediately because they find it hard to grasp and comprehend. Fortunately for me, I am not that type of person. I like the challenge, especially if it requires critical thinking. And in return, I gain new knowledge. I gain new lessons.”
Trying to make sense of it all, you hum inquisitively, “So, your point is?”
“So even if you are a mess—”
“Hey!”
“—Even if there are times that I find it difficult to understand your intentions or your actions, I have no plans of leaving you.”
Your heart performs somersaults.
Oh.
Oh.
All this? Coming from Alhaitham himself?
Impossible. There's just no way he said all that.
The words that you do not want to disclose reveal itselves anyway. “And. . .” You murmur, “. . .if you’re satisfied? W–will you abandon me like your other books that are gathering dust on the top shelves?”
“I’ll give you a chance to reflect on what you’ve just said. Your claims are as false as what the flat earthers fight for.” Alhaitham admonishes.
You are now the one who is rendered speechless. You don’t know if you should laugh again because the flat earthers became an example or if you should just stay silent. You don’t think you can take what he’s about to say next.
The organ inside your ribcage squeezes, and gradually, you quiver. The nervousness makes its grand entrance again.
You detach yourself from his chest once more, and meet his indifferent gaze. It’s expected, but your heart begins to pound when you realize that his eyes seem too intense this time.
“Alhaitham. . .?”
“For the record, I don’t abandon the books. I read them once a year. And again, don’t compare yourself to bad similes—if you want me to revise it, I will be more than glad to construct one now.” The hand that’s on top of your head slides down, and he grabs your chin with his thumb and index finger.
( Him and his habit of correcting your figures of speech. He always finds a way to insert this in every conversation, even in the most ridiculous and most serious of scenarios. )
“So,” Alhaitham lowers his eyelids, and you swallow. “Do you get what I’m trying to imply?”
You do.
And you’re not sure if you want to say yes.
Because once you nod or affirm, there’s no turning back from this.
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Is skk abusive? Other than the name calling and banter that I just don't take seriously, I've seen people say that Dazai is abusive since he planned for Chuuya to be tortured in stormbringer and didn't help because it would be boring, despite having the ability to do so. There's also the whole manipulating the sheep thing.
I've also seen people say that Chuuya is abusive because of how violent he is, how he punched Dazai to wake him up in Dead Apple and called him inhuman(? Ngl, I don't remember that part) and because Chuuya shot him more times than necessary in Meursault.
Personally, I struggle to see them as abusive r toxic, if only because of how much they trust and understand each other, and how they rile each other up for fun without letting it actually impact their relationship, but I may just be biased? What do you think?
Ok im just gonna say - dont take this post ad some 100% real wisdom or anything. It's just my personal opinion and it's definitely biased as well because of how much these two mean to me but yeah
I wouldn't call them abusive in relationship terms because all that banter and most of their fights are just, as u said it, unserious.
They're both fucked up a bit tho, so yeah there's definitely some toxic behaviours anyway.
Dazai manipulating Chuuya to join the sheep always made me real sad, but if you think about it more - Dazai knew The Sheep aren't any better for Chuuya. Plus if not like this, Mori would get Chuuya to join PM anyway in one way or another, since it was a plan from the beginning.
Dazai planned the whole 'helping Verlaine' thing to buy time so the PM forces could get ready to protect Mori and Chuuya later. That's mafia they're in - lives are not equal. Also Dazai wouldn't put Chuuya in danger he knew the other wouldn't be able to deal with. Either way, his whole yapping about wanting to see Chuuya being tortured is yet again that stupidly weird banter of theirs. After all, he's trying to find him and literally stop him from doing something he would regret. (Sab is trying to make some points but that still doesn't make whatever Dazai did something good. Just sayin. I just don't feel it's a black or white situation.)
I said it some time ago but lord, Chuuya is not abusive. Look, he knows when it's alright to fight Dazai and when he should stop himself not to hurt him. Even if they fight, he never does it seriously. Basement scene? He could've very well just punched Dazai without warning there. But instead he literally invited him to fight - and Dazai very much agreed to that sht with a smile on his lips. They're just very much not okay in the head on both sides. Later when Chuuya actually got angry, he himself threw his knife to the ground, which only shows he doesn't really have any intent of hurting Dazai seriously (In the manga. In the anime they changed it for whatever reason and he did strike him with the knife. But anime skk is just. Anime skk.).
That Dead Apple argument is so funny bc??? Chuuya was literally UNDER CORRUPTION AT THE TIME??? Corruption literally makes him lose control. He could kill a person with one touch. Instead??? Corruption Chuuya in dead apple somehow managed to hold himself back just enough not to actually hurt Dazai. Also, Dazai f knew he's gonna punch him anyway. I mean, bro kinda deserved it atp tbh /j
Cant really tell much about the shooting thing in Meursault - i stil have no f idea if these were even real, considering the fact Dazai is moving normally and there's no wounds/holes/blood visible on him or his clothes. These were probably just a play like the whole headshot thing?? (Tho dazai's scream and expression after that arm shot say otherwise),, really don't know, call it a better impression on Fyodor or Chuuya actually paying Dazai back for the other times
Ok so ,looks at all that sht i just wrote and tried to still excuse it somehow, I wouldn't call them abusive anyway just bc I've seen actual abusive relationships in real life and that's just uhh different in a way i cant really put my finger on,, there's some toxicity simply from the fact they're emotionally constipated and won't talk things thru like they should but,,, welp. Tbh i see most of their usual fighting as something unserious that both of em r okay with. Usually when they actually get into an argument about something it's because one actually got hurt by the other's words (for example that scene with Chuuya punching Dazai after he made jokes about Colonel's death). And they apologize without really apologizing, too (Dazai going to find Shibusawa and trying to take revenge on Colonel's death and later Chuuya going to rescue Dazai and saying to 'wait for him').
Unpopular opinion but i honestly feel that in the future they could very well form a normal, healthy relationship. They just really need to talk. Bickering and calling each other names for fun isn't imo really a form of abuse, when both sides know it's not meaning to hurt the other fr (if it was, then me and most of my friends would be fr abusing each other unfortunately) (and I don't feel abused even if we call each other names and say we hate each other, while watching cat reels together at the same time) (consider this some sibling-like stuff)
If nothing of whatever i just said makes sense, don't eat me please, it's just really hard for me to explain what i really think without being able to just talk for 5h straight while considering every ppint of view
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