#idk not to mention that pitting all these things against each other to find the 'best' is kind of antithetical anyway

[greentypewriters]

why is homestuck even on that poll. like. and this is coming from the dave strider kin guy. why is homestuck on that poll . homestuck should not count. homestuck does not count. did everyone just. forget the entire comic ? and who made it ? like. having some lgbt characters does not make a thing Gay Media. why is it in a poll with the watermelon woman and pink flamingos and paris is burning and dykes to watch out for. and WINNING. IN THE LEAD!!!!!!! can i take away everyone's gay card at this point like jesus fucking christ WATCH A FUCKING MOVIE AND READ A FUCKING BOOK PLEASE

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

One thing I am curious about is how much Chuuya is important to the central story? Like he just appears when he needs to be here and then just gone

You know, at first my answer would've been just this: "Chuuya is not a main character and is not important to the central story but I am convinced he will be going forward."

But then I paused and thought about it... and realized something.

Chuuya hasn't shown up very much in the main manga, that much is true. However, the timing of his appearances is interesting because he always shows up during or slightly before a turning point in the story. Take a look at this:

Chapters 10 + 11, Port Mafia Arc: We are introduced to his character - he's one of the major character's (Dazai's) old partner. At the same time this is happening, Atsushi and Akutagawa are having their first real fight and shortly after, Chuuya tells Dazai that Akutagawa has the information on who placed the bounty, which brings the Guild into play.

Chapter 16, Guild Arc: Chuuya, along with many other mafia characters, is present when Mori is revealed as the boss, another significant event.

Chapters 21 and 22, Guild Arc: Chuuya is part of Mori's plan to pit the Agency and Guild against each other. Shortly after this, Q is released, marking another turning point.

Chapter 29, Guild Arc: Atsushi sees Chuuya ordering the protection of Yokohama from Q's curse. It is highly likely that his decision to form a temporary truce with the Mafia was a result of seeing Chuuya's actions.

Chapter 31, Guild Arc: The well-known Double Black chapter. Not only is this the first instance of the truce, but it is also the template for Dazai's later plan reveal - that he intends Atsushi and Akutagawa to be another Double Black.

Chapter 47, Cannibalism Arc: It's Chuuya who makes the first move and kickstarts the actual conflict. I believe this is the only time his actions and choices directly affect the main plot (which is... interesting actually...). Unfortunately in chapter 49, he is immediately sucked into Poe's book with little fanfare sidjcn

Chapter 62, Hunting Dogs Arc: Chuuya rescues the Agency members from the Hunting Dogs, which is the first semi-decent turn of events for the Agency in that arc.

Chapters 98 and 101, Vampire Infection Outbreak Arc: Chuuya shows up as a vampire (rip man). I don't know yet what the consequences of this will be but there will absolutely be consequences.

Idk, I do find it interesting that Chuuya appears to show up at transitory spots in the plotline, despite not playing an especially active role. I find it difficult to believe that's not significant in some way; after all, I've already commented on how Chuuya influences changes in Dazai. I'm starting to wonder if Chuuya's role from a meta sense is to induce change in some way - that would be a tad ironic, considering Chuuya... hasn't really changed much, and is still very much stuck in the same place he was, but now without a personal drive.

Whether you agree on the above though, I feel really confident that we're building up to something with him in the main story. What's more, I think this actually was always the plan, and not a decision made because Chuuya became really popular. While I don't think Asagiri is the type to really plan future events in any detail, I do think there is some general sense of where the characters are going. I have a few reasons to believe this.

Chuuya was in the manga before he even made his first appearance. If you check out Dazai's profile, Chuuya is mentioned as... one of his dislikes. Lol.

Chuuya was always going to be Dazai's ex-partner. It was the first thing decided about him, to my knowledge anyways. I've also noticed that Dazai, despite how much he appears, doesn't undergo a lot of development in the series proper (most of it's in the light novels, same as Chuuya). I suspect their development in the main series will once again run parallel as soon as Chuuya winds up with a more major role.

Asagiri and Harukawa spent the longest on Chuuya's design. And Asagiri always felt he was going to end up as a popular character, which is part of the reason why it took so long - he needed to look perfect.

Fifteen's afterword implies Chuuya's backstory was always going to be told eventually. Yes, the story was requested, but the response from Asagiri was "it's finally time to write this" not "oh ok if that's what the fans want".

Chuuya and Atsushi haven't even met yet, which is weird. Remember that Atsushi's decision to suggest a truce was likely influenced by his observation of Chuuya's actions. Also I find it strange that the Atsushi-Akutagawa duo are meant to be a new Dazai-Chuuya but one of each of the pair have... never met each other.

Chuuya's story is tied closely to the concept of singularities, ability user experimentation and the government (as well as the war's aftereffects by proxy). These themes run all throughout the world of bsd but have yet to be truly expanded on in the main manga.

Adam and Shirase are in London where the Order of the Clock Tower is. The Order is highly likely to play a major role going forward.

"His destination is still a secret" and "his will not be a peaceful, easy path" from the Stormbringer afterword. So, he's going to suffer more in the future. Yippee?

Anyways. This was a very long answer to your question anon but yeah. Chuuya will be important to the plot going forward and I believe that this was always the intention. It just doesn't make sense to have all this backstory and then not have any kind of payoff for it.

[hydrasaura]

now that i think abt it, looking back, srmthfg did a lot of stuff that i liked so much, let’s say regarding the main character. I find Chiro’s case so interesting because despite the fact that he is never given any backstory whatsoever, he becomes meaningful through his actions and becomes established and distinguished through his interactions with others. I think he is such a likeable character but not in the way that he’s perfect, he has his flaws and fears that he overcomes or struggles with. He is shown multiple times being kind towards others, even towards hideous creatures or animals (i mean it would be ironic for him to hate animals given that he lives with monkeys) which at the time was like such a breath of fresh air for me. Also the way characters constantly belittle/make fun of him for hanging out with animals and he just pretty much tells all of them to f off which is great. The majority of times the villains aren’t even naturally evil but corrupted by the evil force and the main characters recognize that and try to help as much as they can. Another thing that i like abt Chiro is that he’s supposed to be ‘’the chosen one’’ but he isn’t overpowered, he has several established moves which he uses throughout the show or improves and that’s it. and he loses, A LOT. Like there’s this great accent placed on the fact that they are a team and on how they are constantly saving each other.

AND GOD let me tell you, i dislike mechs, among all animals primates and monkeys are my least favorite and yet this show has somehow managed to make me love BOTH. The way they made me care so deeply abt each freaking technicolor monkey, about this pink mary-sue-ish robot-girl, and about that plain-ass looking super robot is INSANE. The writer somehow managed to give them so much personality. When Antauri [redacted] I was literally not okay for several weeks. I related to Gibson so much and his beef with Sprx was so fun and his relationship with Otto so nice. Nova was badass and funny and i loved the big sister kind of relationship she had with Chiro. I can’t even chose a fave out of the monkeys because they complemented each other so well. Jinmay seemed sorta boring at first but the fact that she was a robot made everything so much more interesting, i absolutely loved all the times when they would pit her against the heroes. I also loved that she was established from the beginning and kept being a recurring character even becoming a member of the team but not in the way that it would break the team’s mojo. The super-robot was so plain but the way they constantly showed us it was sentient was so eerie. AND god the villains where compelling, terrifying and idk felt like a constant looming threat. Idk maybe it’s nostalgia speaking but this show had so much shit that somehow newer shows/anime constantly miss and it makes me sad when i remember how it ended and how it has been literally forgotten by everyone. Sometimes i think it’s a fever dream because nobody ever mentions it, not even when they are talking abt ‘‘forgotten shows’‘ :’)))

[zoguy1]

So, fun fact about me, I never actually watched Gravity Falls. I mean, I did. But I only watched it by proxy to my siblings, who were obsessed with it and watched it all the time. I'd also catch some reruns on TV from when the show was originally airing on Disney Channel or XD or something.

Anyway, now that the fandom is reignited with the release of the books, I've been seeing some things that dose kinda make me wanna rewatch the series. But I also kinda don't want to watch the whole series just for the few characters I'm interested in knowing more about. So instead I'm going to read fanfics of some of the ships that piqued my interest and *then* rewatch the show. Cuz I learned from doing the same thing with the Venom series was such a wild ride.

But first, I wanna document my memory of the show and what I've seen of fan content, cuz I kinda regret not doing that with the Venom movie before I watched it.

So, first starting with the main twins: Dipper and Maple. Two autistic siblings. Maple is all rainbows and sunshine and is so deep into escapism that she's drown in it while Dipper is a huge nerd. Maple has a few crushes here and there throughout the whole series, while Dipper has a crush on this high schooler. I thought they were in elementary when I first started watching the show and was surprised to find out they weren't and were starting their first year of high school by the end of the series. Idk if I remembered that correctly, though.

The next pair of twins is Stanley and Stanford. According to my friends, Ford is an absolute ass hat and Gruncle Stan is a single mom who works two jobs. Ford was the 'gifted child' autistic growing up and his special interest is the triangle man. Supposedly he had a bf, Fiddle, whom he accidentally traumatized and just left for Triangle Man. Meanwhile, Stan has an ex-wife, Edna the Owl Lady who misses him, but her aim is getting better. They are also soulmates who belong to each other and deserve each other. He's also dated Pickle Rick at some point. Possibly after Edna. But I refuse to believe that Stan and Rick were ever serious and that it was just a fling. Stan x Fiddle is also piquing my interest, I want to see Stan singing "You Only Want Me 'cause You Want My Sister" by Evelyn Evelyn.

Dipper and Maple's parents are never mentioned, despite the show being heavily family focused. So I imagine they had no fucking clue what the hell happened during their kid's summer trip to see their uncle and had one Hellova story when they came back.

Another notable characters is Wabbles the Pig, who's apparently better than Fat Nuggets. Guys, Wabbles, and Fat Nuggets came from the same litter. This show is all about not pitting siblings against each other, why are we putting Nuggest and Wabbles against each other? They're chill.

Zeus, who's just kinda there. He's the twins' autistic friend. Wendy, Dipper's crush and girl boss. Rodney, Wendy's emo bf. Maple's friends, and then that one bully character they tried to pair up with Dipper, but like, honestly no.

Oh yeah and Bill. Bill's whole ordeal is that he wants to take over the tri-state area, and absolutely fuck with everyone, including the audience, making them believe that there's old man Yaoi where there isn't. At least not in the way the fans think. Now I don't ship BillFord, but I am curious to know if there's any fanart of Ford and Bill's cannonical human design.

There's also the gay police that pulled a Bubbleen. Random ass Chomsky gnomes. Mermaids, vampires, and shenanigans. and the Mystery Shack, which kinda just exists.

I will now dive into fanfics and revisit this post to see how much my memory aligns with the fics.

[aadmelioraa]

Hello, my friend! How are you?

I'm reading the Aldarion & Erendis chapter of The Fall of Númenor and I have so. Many. Feels. GOD

I feel this in my soul? Erendis longing omg... Aldarion being so ughhhh he made me think of Isil a little, though Isil isn't in love with the sea but with, maybe, the idea of far away lands and the true Númenor etc, Idk...

Do you have comments on them?

Have a nice day!

Hi hello!! Thank you for the ask!!

The Mariner's Wife is my favorite, I genuinely find it so compelling even (maybe especially) in its unfinished state. However most of my thoughts boil down to FUCK ALDARION ALL MY HOMIES HATE ALDARION. Tbh I think half the reason I love the story so much is the rush of pure rage it gives me.

I do also find him interesting but at the end of the day he's the worst lol. He wore Erendis down, when she was rightly wary, and then he did exactly what she feared he would, wasting her significantly shorter lifespan :(( He was never around!! Too busy off sailing and colonizing!! Even when they had a kid!! After the birth of Ancalimë in her heart Erendis was glad, for she thought: "Surely now Aldarion will desire a son, to be his heir; and he will abide with me long yet." NAME A SADDER LINE!!!

I won't even get too deep into the narrative bias of it all (like…let's NOT blame Erendis for being "bitter" or pit her and Ancalimë against each other, etc) but every time I see a take from the fandom like "Aldarion was a better ruler than his wife would have been" (irrelevant?? and what's your metric there?? HMMM??) or "Aldarion is Eärendil 2.0" (just...no) I want to S C R E A M lol.

Anyway Ancalimë is fascinating too and the one good thing Aldarion did was change the laws to allow his daughter to be the first ruling queen. I stan a lesbian icon who neglects all her father's policies out of spite, it's extremely sexy of her. Side note: Fuck Hallacar.

Re: Isildur I definitely think there is an aspect of longing there like you said, not for the sea but for the "real Númenor," so kind of an inverse Aldarion situation. I have also wondered if the tree which Aldarion is given as a wedding gift is meant to be the White Tree of Númenor aka Nimloth? I haven't seen anything conclusive on that but that is a HUGE connection between him and Isildur if so. 

Also! in one of the first interviews of Ema Horvath's that I listened to she mentioned reading The Mariner's Wife to help inform her idea of Eärien as she was preparing to bring an original character to life, and how she related to both Erendis and Ancalimë, which is fascinating. There's definitely an element of women at odds with their families and a certain conception of Númenor as well! 

Do you have more thoughts? 

[cuthechicane]

I spent way too much time trying to find this post but: https://www.tumblr.com/goldenharbour/720576178351636480/me-and-my-brother-were-racing-with-george-and?source=share

I think there's a bit of idolization from Lando's side, that's never really mentioned for their dynamic, and imo that's one of the things that makes them so intriguing. Because while Alex was never really an outright rival for Lando, yes, they did drive together in F2 - like Alex said, the "big dogs" were George and Lando.

But the thing is, George and Lando apart from that weren't racing in the same category, and I think George has mentioned too, that for a while Lando to him was known as "Ollie's little brother". However when they're fighting for the title it's a different situation, or it's *supposed* to be a different situation, but they grew up thinking about each other in a way, that wasn't meant for rivals. And then suddenly they're exactly that

thanks for the addition! yeah if we're being pedantic about it lando technically belongs to the mick/zhou (both of whom are actually older than lando lol) generation of juniors except he speedran all the categories by the time he reached f2 he'd caught up with george/alex/nyck. (sth sth never meet your heros etc). alex calling them the "big dogs" i think has more to do with the hype given lando had just won f3 & george had just won gp3 the season prior, even though f2 2018 was already ridiculously stacked.

but yeah you do have a point re: lando & george were made out to be rivals relatively late; then when they both got into f1 and proved very quickly they were the real deal (+ both of them now driving for competitive teams), that was when the rivalry really solidified, both in the eyes of the media & to themselves i think. whereas lando was never really pitted against alex. idk if that maybe helped to...preserve?? lando's adoration/idolization of alex or if it's just because lando really really likes alex who's just. one of the nicest guys you'll ever meet. unlike george who — much like lando — can be prickly & prideful & Not So Nice when backed into a corner.

P.S. also this grossly oversimplifies things but basically every time george & lando were fighting each other alex was too busy fighting his own demons, and that's probably one of the main reasons why their dynamic(s) is the way it is. or something.

[goblins-riddles-or-frocks]

here's some grishaverse ships!!!! darklina nikolina zoyalina genyalina zoyanikolina zoyalarkling nikolarkling? darkling-nikolai-alina? i'm out of names jesper and kaz jesper and wylan just bc they're normal

Darklina

Already did this one!

To give some more opinions, I like it most when he’s either at his cruelest or most pathetic. The best scene was when he threatens to skin her 🤷‍♀️

I love the pettiness of them having a telepathic bond and using it for fucking psychological warfare. Or well the Darkling does. Alina takes way too long to catch on and needle him as much. I wish she’d gotten the chance to fuck him up more. But anyway I generally find it so funny how much of the dynamic relies on her just being… fairly normal and then he’s Like That.

I love Alina as the constantly weirded out, narrative and comedic straight main to his supervillain melodrama.

Nikolina

This has been my TGT OTP for awhile, me and like five other people lmao. I like it most in AU and canon divergent scenarios tbh, partially because their dynamic is really chill and I love conflict and angst. I like it when there’s some aspect of pining, unrequited feelings, or just the shadow of other issues looming over the relationship. Like I love this ship in situations where they’re PerseveringTM together despite The Horrors, basically?

And I mean I’ve already talked a few times about how I really like their polar opposite priorities and ambitions. They contrast each other fairly strongly while still getting along very well. And that’s something I usually find very compelling. I like this ship most for AUs where they like self actualize/compromise/learn to cope with shared trauma etc. I want them to work through shit and learn to be happy!

Zoyalina

Rivals to lovers is soooo fun! Alina can’t go two minutes without mentioning how hot Zoya is. And I think LB genuinely meant it more for reader info/to get into Alina’s insecurity but it reads SO gay.

There’s like two main dynamics I really like for them. Okay three. But one is like a riff on early SAB era, where they bond while still both under the Darkling’s thumb, despite being pitted against each other. The other is like leaning into a devotion, saint and warrior/bodyguard/devotee type thing. Third is post R&R Alina retreating to her orphanage and it being explicit in the epilogue that Zoya visits and writes and even gives her a kefta because she’ll always be Grisha. And idk I’m just obsessed with Zoya, who’s so unused to that sort of kindness, being gentle or drawing her out of her shell in her own gruff way.

Genyalina

I love them!!! But also the plot just doesn’t give me much to work with past SaB. That inherent conflict of Genya lying to her and never sending Alina’s letters, while genuinely connecting with her is SO good. I love it, and that’s my favorite dynamic for them. And I also love the explicit comparison drawn between Genya’s own trauma and being exploited by the king, and Alina being groomed by the Darkling even if Alina’s not herself fully like cognizant of it. (Kind of similar to the SaB era Zoyalina dynamic, girls connecting over being manipulated and controlled by men/the same man even is a dynamic that I find very compelling) But past that point in the series I don’t have as much like… thoughts about them? I still love them and love when they interact but it doesn’t intrigue me in the same way.

Zoyanikolina

Okay okay maybe this is the real OTP… OT3… series ship of all time. KoS (more the idea of it than the execution) did convert me to Zoyalai to an extent, the pining is soooo good. And I already love Zoyalina and Nikolina separately so obvs the best way to go here is to smoosh them all together lmao.

My fave take is facilitated through a Nikolina political marriage that’s kind of complicated for everyone involved. And meanwhile Alina seeing all the insane pining going down and being like. Well. Are you going to do something about this or???

I may be writing this lmao so I’m generally thinking about it a lot. But Alina being the most emotionally intelligent one while simultaneously very NOT self aware about her own feelings is just very funny to me.

Zoyalarkling

So having confirmed that this is Zoya/Alina/Darkling hm! Hm! Not sure I can see this one except in very very particular circumstances. I feel like the Zoyalina dynamic when they’re both still into the Darkling is defined by rivalry and being in competition with each other. So I don’t think they’d be… happy about a poly scenario. But also the Darkling’s probably TERRIBLE enough to be like Ah yes here is my teenaged harem. So I could see a very fucked up version. Meanwhile I just don’t get the sense that Zoya harbors like any attraction whatsoever for him the way Alina does after Everything Goes Down. I could see some kind of insane hate fucking scenario, but like only very particularly?

I can’t help but make Hannibal comparisons when I think of KoS type scenarios/anything where they keep the Darkling jailed. But I could see Zoya as his jailor being very interesting (Chilton or Alana Bloom esque) And we canonically have him like demanding to see Alina, though again canon didn’t do nearly enough with it. So could I see a weird psychosexual SOTL/NBC Hannibal arc for these three? Mayhaps.

Darknikolina

Love them! I’m generally a fan of Darklolai and I think there’s a lot of very interesting unexplored territory in terms of what the dynamic between Nikolai and the Darkling even is. LB, even in KoS, tends to skirt around how they perceive each other fairly carefully? I think probably because she knows how much it’d expose the painfully thin politics and court set up lmao. But I think there’s room for very personal loathing —> fascination.

Anyway I am really interested in circumstances where like Nikolina get married For Politics and then the Darkling’s just in jail 5ever and things get weird. Or alternatively (I basically wrote this already) but a bad ending scenario where the Darkling wins and they’re both basically his captives.

I think there’s also a lot of mileage to be gotten out of the Darkling basically lying dormant inside Nikolai lmao/at least some of his power remaining there. And there are interesting body sharing weirdness places you could go with that. And complicate it even further by bringing Alina into the mix.

Kazper

This was probably my favorite SoC ship dynamic lmaoooo which I mean I knew was never going anywhere! But then gets further tanked by the clear comparison between Jesper and Jordie. I just really liked that initial pining set up where Jesper was desperate to prove himself to Kaz, to just get him to at all give him the time of day. And Kaz is just… frankly kind of cruel to him! Idk the conflict was really interesting. I would’ve loved to see the dynamic explored

Wesper

Eh. I didn’t really like them in the books tbh? I think they had some effective scenes in CK particularly but also like it wasn’t effective in a shippy sense to me necessarily. I did actually like them in the show a lot! So that’s made me more partial to it. But it’s still just not something I’d bother to think about outside of actually watching the show/reading the books.

[lateiii]

This, BUT also can we please be more understanding towards people who mean well and care for us, but for some reason aren't able to follow the discussions around gender?

Like, yes, you can be mad and sad if you're misgendered. That's not what I mean.

What I mean is that I'm only 31, and within my lifetime the word transsexual was changed into transgender in the common discussions. And even though these days the changes happen more quickly (a way we speak is changed in English, and then adopted quickly to different languages trough the internet), there's still some delay in how fast different people in different countries adopt new terms.

Now, imagine being a disabled person with severe dyslexia, who has a very limited access to internet and doesn't meet a lot of people. Or someone who has just moved to a different country, and doesn't even know the language properly, not to mention the terms and the way a new languege describes gender in the more subtle ways.

Imagine, in this fucked up world, being a single parent who uses all their time working different small jobs to provide for their family. Or somone, who has had severe health issues for years, being on and off of hospitals for decades, and they may not have had energy to follow any news or discussions, because they felt that the healthcare and society left them down, when after the second year, no one came to look after them in the hospital.

I know, I KNOW it hurts when people are horrible to us trans and other rainbow people DELIBERATELY. But maybe we should try to move away from the assumption that the people who don’t know something want to deliberately hurt us.

Knowledge after all, is and always has been, a priviledge. We know these things, because it's about us. We know, of which "information" to be sceptical about, because the knowledge is about us. Someone might not. And more often than you know, that someone is a well-meaning person, who just doesn't know how to find the information. In today's fucked up digital world, which is filled with things such as algorithms that feed on the views you and your friends already think, and which takes quite a lot of knowledge to navigate, is it any wonder that people might not find the correct information?

ALL I'M SAYING is I believe we could do some healing as a society if we took a moment before we assumed that the person before us wants something bad, and is being deliberately mean.

This being said, no one gets to be a dick on purpose. But you know. It sort of saddens me that all the different marginalized groups of people get pit against each other in these situations only because we might now know of the newest things happening in each other's minority groups.

And I know that when you're like.. 14, 3 years of discussion feels like an eternity, but that's not so much the case when you're 30 or 50, and living your everyday life. I mean, someone can easily be in a coma for the 3 years, and idk.

Okay, I'm rambling.

[cobaltcarbonpotassium420]

sorry this is a totally rambly (real word?? idk if it not then I've just made it up you're welcome) little train of thought kinda post about the girl, so confusing version with lorde because I've seen so many posts about it on tiktok either from people who are just trying to go viral with rage bait and being purposely obtuse or from people with absolutely zero media literacy. this is mostly my own thoughts on it (mostly lorde's verse) because im not at uni and I don't have my pookie to talk to about it over a bottle of wine and a pack of cigs at 2 in the morning :(

anyway this is mostly about these four lines from lorde's verse

I never thought for a second My voice was in your head "Girl, you walk like a bitch" When I was ten someone said that

there's def TONNES of discourse about it elsewhere online and what I'm saying is likely a repetition of it and this is just my interpretation voiced really badly but I need an outlet. the lines are separated by phrasing in the music, but I think there's for sure there's a connection between them (I mean of course there would be, but I think a lot of people are separating the latter two lines from the former because of the change in music and it being a better hook in ways?). it's the fact that lorde mentions how "Girl, you walk like a bitch" is something that was said to her when she was super young, and yet it still plays on her mind, which ties back to her not realising how her own music and success was probably on Charli's mind a lot because women are pitted against each other constantly, to the point where it's something I think that comparison is something most of us do subconsciously and on a daily basis. I know I compare how I look to random women walking down the street, or I compare my academic success to my friends.

also weighing heavy on my mind is the fact that lorde mentions that she was only ten when someone said that. of course we don't know whether this actually happened, but from the perspective of the speaker in the song it did. girls are taught from such a young age that they are constantly being watched and judged (what is it that Margaret Atwood said about women being their own voyeurs? slight sidetrack but its another thing to think about in connection to how girls are raised) and the way you walk at that age isn't something you're actively thinking about. in fact, it isn't even when you're older. you just walk the way you walk, but such minuscule details are picked apart because girls are expected to live up to an unrealistic standard.

I saw a post where someone was criticising (I think) the song because the insult "Girl, you walk like a bitch" is such a stupid insult?? I mean, what does it even mean?? but to me that's the whole point. even the song title points it out - how confusing it is to be a girl. women and girls have such high, even contradictory, expectations to live up to, and when they somehow manage to achieve them, people will come up with a new insecurity for them. we see it all of the time just with the trends surrounding women's appearances and bodies, but it comes up in other aspects of women's lives too.

the language that line uses is also so important. referring to someone as "girl" like that is a typically more familiar way of talking to them. it's not a term you use with total strangers, or even acquaintances (I personally wouldn't anyway) but rather someone who you know well-ish. and it goes back to how women are taught from a young age to see all women as competition, as someone to compare yourself to and as someone who you should try to be better than. even now I find myself comparing myself to close friends, and they've confessed that they do the same, because that constant self reflection is something which young girls are taught to do. girls have to be self aware to some extent so that they can continue scrutinising themselves.

anyway ramble over!! if anyone has thoughts pls share!! I'd love to hear what others think since my interpretation is coloured by my experiences in the world. much love <3

[vro0m]

I thought we had that narrow window because of our suspension which we were supposed to change this year right??

Unrelated but I really don't want to sound like a worried fan, God knows we have enough of those these days. Alex Brundle said recently that Lewis has an attacking style of driving that the loose rear just doesn't give him the confidence to push. But I've also seen a lot of this theory that George was stuck in a Williams and forced to make those awful cars work which has given him an advantage to work with that narrow setup window over Lewis who has been in relatively good cars over the years and I can see where the idea is coming from I guess but would it be better for both mercs to just flat out give out the same optimal setup and let the drivers chase each other's positions. I do feel like Lewis is always chasing perfection and it hasn't really worked in these regulations imo. Not that I know more than him or anything . But maybe I am too short sighted to believe both drivers would just be a couple of tenths ahead of each other I mean wasn't that what Toto said, the difference in setup is just a couple of secs. Bahrain; a race centric setup which we didn’t see materialize but maybe if you factor in the many issues then idk.

Take a shot every time setup is mentioned. I've been watching f1 for 3 years now and all I've heard from Merc is setup

There can be more than one reason for a narrow window. I'd even say there usually is more than one reason. These cars are like these suspended mobile deco thingies :

All the parts are interlinked, and they're trying to find balance, but if you touch or change one part, like the suspension or the rear wing or the setup or whatever, it impacts all the other parts as well as the balance between them.

Honestly I can only speculate about the rest of your ask. I do think that 1) George is a very good driver and 2) he did learn a lot at Williams. I do think pitting his time at Williams against Lewis' years of domination is kind of reductive because he also had to struggle with bad cars and it underrates the vast amount of experience he has. Maybe Lewis did get a bit rusty from being on top but even then I doubt it would take 3 years for him to shake it off. Maybe he is trying more daring things, but it's not working. Maybe he is trying too hard and taking it too far. Maybe he is not as adaptable as people thought. Maybe these regs just don't agree with him, it's happened to other drivers in the past. Also do keep in mind that in races, it's not only down to the car-driver pairing, it's also down to what the others are doing, strategy, pitstops, etc. In the past two qualis, they weren't that far off each other (0.225 in Bahrain, 0.144 in Saudi Arabia). The whole field is closer so smaller differences have bigger effects. Finally forcing a setup on a driver is probably not a good idea. They have personal preferences when it comes to how the car behaves and it can impact their confidence and driving skills. On top of it, if things don't go too well in the race, the driver will blame it on the team forcing the setup on him and that's not good for relationships. Lewis has spent most of last year criticizing them for not listening to him, can you imagine what would happen if they decided on his setup for him?

[oh-no-boi]

its sort of.. eh? seeing the post abt like how figuring out ur identity to all the micro identities is uh individualistic and we should focus on what we have in common and stuff.... and i mean i agree

but its so weird bc i struggled with it and tried to dissect it all so much bc i felt like i didnt fit in with the ace community lol like it literally felt so isolating feeling like im ace but not emotionally connecting with what a lot of people were saying

im rly happy there are a lot more micro identites that are under asexuality and aromatism now and i can see myself in them better

finding the aces who wrote/drew porn, who also were facinated by sex, was just so comforting. and like there many of us, kinky aces are known as a thing now. i didnt see that when in high school, i saw more abt how oh aces dont want sex, and aros dont want relationships, and actually its so progressive to not want these things that even if u want them, u should not want them as a way to rebel. maybe that was a single post and many didnt feel this way but this *was* a pretty popular blog or at least it felt like it! and it fucked me up a bit lol

the day i did see a post of someone mentioning the same thing of like "oh daydreaming sex between ur ocs is hot but thats bc ur not in the equation and thats the only way u enjoy sex" with a name for the identity.. lol there were plenty of shitty replies that just diminished it as "lol no one cares abt ur sex fantasies, like we all have those, its not a sexuality/indentity" misunderstanding the frustration of like what it feels like to be into that and then left confused by not being turned on by like porn and actual human beings and just in relation to urself

i dont go by that micro identity, i dont need it anymore but teen me did

so i guess i just have a lot of emotion and stuff abt micro identities and figuring those out and feeling like ur not alone

i do just say im queer or gay and ace/aro spec these days, and of course trans nonbiney and also just dont rly care that much

i very much agree that a lot of shit gets used as gatekeeping and also pitting ppl against each other.. but i rly cant help but feel like sometimes it feels dismissive of figuring out wtf is going on with urself even if thats prob, u kno, not the point at all

idk i think when ur identity is complex and u feel so weirdly out if the loop of the rest, it matters a lot for self discovery.. but i guess with a focus in just what we have in common.. like i guess a bunch of this shouldnt have mattered if the focus from the start was just "oh yeah im queer and thats chill" but also like how do u seperate it from a journey of discovery of urself? even something like are u bi or just gay, does it matter? maybe not but it probably will to u.

u kno, its also funny but i feel like— well first i chilled out of sexuality bc i got all explorational and ?? with gender so mumy focus shifted— but a huge part of what helped me sort of figure out shit further is... masturbation haha and like please understand, im still a somewhat sex repulsed ace who has also been a bit sex/smut obsessed. it used to not make much sense in my mind, now maybe its still just as complicated but also eh simple enough. im still a kinky and smut obsessed little weirdo?, and im still sex repulsed and probably still wont end up having sex with anyone, i even look away from ppl kissing bc i find it gross, but heyyyy i also fucking love to jerk off 😏 and its all just been... thanks sex toys! bc the thing is, i still find it kinda gross, but also not as much now.. and also i cant do anything without sex toys bc i guess they give that distance my brain needs? but basically figuring this out and coming to be able to enjoy my body has also quieted the part of my brain that kept being curious abt sex and fully unsure if i could ever have it. im still not fully sure bc i feel like i can still change but its made me understand a lot more abt myself.

theres also still a lot im ?? abt.. my mind abt top surgery swings so wildly from yes to no, even like thoughts of micro dosing t is like yes i'd like to but also i like what i look like as well?? and as a friend kinda laughed at me, im most nervous abt facial hair, something that is not that hrd to deal with but im just ,,shaving 😱 lik3 buddy i havnt even shaved anything in years! (tho i used to hate armpit hair.. tho mainly i guess society 🙄 and now im.. ok with it but also yeah u prob wont catch me wearing a not tshirt in the summer lol)

..this post has gone nowhere

uh im gonna post bc i spend too long typing even tho i got a headache (tho hey the ice pack has helped! thanks google) but we can pretend i never did lol

[brynn-lear]

Pierro watches you all night, checking your pulse every so often.

Hello hi yes welcome back to my TEDTalks. This will NOT be organized cause HHAHAH since when has my thoughts been organized? Anyways the orange lines were stuff i screen shotted on like my 1st read thru weeks ago but I forgot most of the context as to why HAHAH anyways blue lines are for today. Ps: i can't find my savior drawing i am sad all over-

EVERYONE PLEASE WELCOME MY WIFEEEEEE!!! THIS IS SAVIOR!!! MY PRETTIEST KINDEST WONDERFUL-EST BEAUTIFUL-EST ("brynn, most is a word.") GUARDIAN EVERRRRR IN ALL UNIVERSE MWAHMWAH MY BELOVED MY DEAREST OH THERE'S MIST IN MY EYE

OKAY THIS PART I JUST SIMP FOR SAVIOR: idk why i absolutely love how she hits so much different- like, it's 100% a matter of tastes I'm not pitting your bad bitches (darlings) against each other, but beauty is in the eye of the beholder and I just??? Love her so much??? In her as well??? She's so sweet and so kind and not at all discriminatory AND SHE SACRIFICED HER POSITION TO SAVE PIERRO??? LIKE??? YOU CAN REMOVE THE YANDERE TAG I REFUSE TO BELIEVE THE FEELING ISN'T MUTUAL AND THAT THEY'RE NOT BOTH DEVOTED TO EACH OTHER IN SUCH A BEAUTIFUL WAY NU UH I'M NOT SEEING RED FLAGS WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT-

She's so... She's so!!!! Wonderful. She's like "this poor guy... I'm gonna accompany him!" What a pure soul... Literally. What a pure soul...

FIRST: i love this line for the dumbest reason cuz I imagined Pierro just raising an eyebrow and going "you REALLY think I need a guardian angel I'm not THAT geriatric—"

SECOND: lmfao ngl if I'm in pierro's position I'd cry and thank Savior for caring about me. Me and my affection denied ass. This will turn out differently if I'm her soulmate-

THIRD: another damn reason why savior is best girl like she doesn't care what other angels think she's just there to support...! So beautiful... So much grace... Oh I love her...

Yeah, add me in there and it would be the worst reunion of the century. Not as terrible as Fodlan's class reunion with my beloved but like— yes. If I was there I'd throw hands I'll side with Savior let's mess em up my queen. There's also an arle SS save on my phone but the photos are limited so let's pretend I sent that one with multiple heart scribbles. Yes. I know. There's none for dain. He doesn't deserve my lov- /silly. I also had SS of dottore with me writing down "AHEM." on the first mention of the angel killer but alas there's only 10 pic limit on tumblr and this ain't about u dottore /JJJJ

I'm kidding also dain ily, but in a "you're dimitri in the genshin art style" way- /shot

Like I said, orange lines are my first reading. I don't remember the damn context as to why i highlighted that. But I'm willing to bet I yelled "OH SHIT" LMAO

Today: okay reread- yeah it was definitely an OH SHIT moment HAHAHAH- also I'm gonna hiss loudly at this fallen guy. Nu uh. You're not separating my parents this is a happy family you're in the WRONG HOUSE, FOOL-

Another instance or "idk why I highlighted that but I bet girlie was absolutely shooked" HAHAHHA

Today: yep. I am definitely disorganized cuz this comes first before the one on top but anyways SAVIOR IS SUCH A QUEEN LIKE WHAT MORE DO YOU NEED TO CONVINCE ME SHE'S THE GREATEST OF ALL TIME??? SHE'S SO..AAAAAAAAAHHHHH- I WANT SOMEONE WHO WOULD DO THIS FOR ME, PLATONICALLY OR ROMANTICALLY I DON'T CARE I JUST WANT A SAVior in my life because I'm usually surrounded by "sorry, no can do. Ps if you tell ur family theyll scold u" so I've learned to do most things alone even on dangerous scenarios lmao savior why aren't you real and savior why not pick me. PICK ME. PICK ME I'LL BE A PICK ME GIRL FOR YOU WHY NOT ME SAVIOR-

I LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS LINE- i do not know why but honestly couple goals HAHAH (note: i am not endorsing yandere behavior in real life-). I lowkey wanna be at his mercy too because all I'm seeing for the entire fic is a green flag man who will take care of you??? And you guys are established friends??? Honestly wouldn't take that long for me to give my consent??? Honestly savior you got one of the better yans??- /shot

Ngl i chuckled rereading this part because I tried reading it as a self insert and not me reading my parent's love story and damn 💀. Earlier today I was playing an otome game and sent videos of me sobving about how another husband of mine is fricking dying and Estella replied to me (copy pasted) with these messages:

"i love how hes a brunette just like oda and gallagher."

"he dies too."

"the brynn lear curse."

"itsa good thing u dont have a crush in real life cuz imagine the next day he gets diagnosed with cancer /jjj"

And you know what? I can now understand you savior 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀

Okay I've ran out of space to screen shot but you get the picture hHAHAHA ANYWAYS YEAH FIRST READING I REMEMBER GIGGLING AND KICKING MY FEET WHEN SAVIOR SAVED PIERRO AND I STILL GIGGLED THIS TIME AROUND SO YOU KNOW THIS IS A CERTIFIED SAVIOR X READER MWAH THANK YOU JESSAMINE FOR THE SAVIOR CONTENT THERE IS NO ONE ELSE IN THE WORLD WHO CAN DO SAVIOR LIKE YOU, BLESS YOUR SOUL-

⋆˚♱ଘ Annular Eclipse ଓ♱˚⋆

A long time ago, I binge-watched The Ancient Magus’ Bride and that decision came back to haunt me in my Church AU…… *evil laugh*

As always, thank you to @diodellet for beta-reading this piece!! And to my dear mutuals, I hope you all suffer enjoy the sinful story of Cartaphilus! Pierro x Angel! Darling ଘ(੭*ˊᵕˋ)੭

Tw:: yandere, blood, violence, death, suicidal ideation, religious abuse, MDNI

Note:: fictional depictions of religion

♡ 5.7k words under the cut ♡

♡ Among God’s creations, His favorite is granted a special fate. Though all lives end in death, only humanity is blessed with salvation and afterlife. Those who live righteously may thus ascend to Heaven, whereas sinners are condemned to eternal suffering in Hell. There is, however, one exception—a fragment of humanity whose sins may never be forgiven.

♡ Legends speak of Khaenri’ah, the nation of sinners. Once the pride of humankind, its citizens challenged God through their creations in alchemy and technology—and the entire nation was subsequently destroyed in a sea of flames. In the wake of the Cataclysm, pollen from the Tree of Life rained down upon the survivors, afflicting them with their final punishment, immortality.

♡ Since then, Khaenri’ahns have roamed the mortal plane in a perpetual state of living. Denied a place in Heaven and Hell, they are cursed to live forever no matter what harm befalls their body and psyche. Due to their wicked reputation, they must also live in fear of their once-fellow humans, lest they face persecution. For this reason, eternity differs among Khaenri’ahns, with a unique fate reserved for the one who goes by the name of Pierro.

♡ After the Cataclysm, Pierro led a group of survivors to Snezhnaya where they established a new home. For three centuries, it was a peaceful haven hidden from the divine gaze of God and the Church…until it was exposed by a traitor and destroyed with manmade flames. In the ensuing chaos, Pierro was the sole “survivor” in the sense that he managed to escape. The rest were critically wounded, buried alive, and left to suffer for all eternity.

♡ Having lost his second home, Pierro began a search for other Khaenri’ahns, only to be further disillusioned. Many communities had also fallen to ruin, if not from persecution but by their own madness. Others, blinded by dreams of death, had resorted to violence and witchcraft in their fruitless attempts to break the curse. And several individuals had embarked on quests for the Tree of Life, only to disappear far away from their homeland. In two more centuries, Khaenri’ah was reduced to a forgotten myth, and Pierro had lost all hope for his people.

♡ So when he gets into an accident, he sees no point in saving himself. If he were younger, he’d be horrified at the thought of falling off a cliff. At best, he’d end up with more scars albeit another permanent reminder of his tragic fate. As for the worst-case scenario, he’d become paralyzed, trapped below the cliff, doomed to eternity as a living corpse. But now, hanging off the edge by his fingertips, he considers the possibility that his head takes the brunt of the impact. A coma would be the closest thing to a reprieve from his waking hell.

♡ Just as his grip weakens, a hand reaches out and catches his wrist. The action is so sudden, so forceful, that Pierro has no time to think before he is pulled up and his back hits the grass. Above him, eclipsing his view of the sun, is the face of a stranger. A tearful expression. A kind gaze that seems to pierce through his soul.

“Are you hurt? Why didn’t you call for help?! You poor thing, I’m sorry for only seeing you now.”

“I am…” He averts your gaze and instead focuses on the sky. It is the color of twilight—a harmony of blues, oranges, and reds that pale in comparison to the crimson skies of his nightmares. “...fine. Thank you for your kindness.”

♡ Once the shock wears off, Pierro takes a careful look at his savior. You have the appearance of a typical human, roughly the same age as he was when his body stopped aging. Definitely not a Khaenri’ahn, given your lack of cursed marks and star-shaped pupils. Neither are there any religious symbols on your clothing, which is a relief. As for your tears shed on his behalf…he’ll chalk it up to pity.

♡ At your insistence, you treat him to a meal at the nearest inn. When Pierro introduces himself as an ordinary traveler, you make a similar claim and suggest journeying together. It is a tempting offer—the both of you are alone with no destination in mind, and you seem harmless. So against his better judgment, Pierro accepts your proposal.

♡ Over time, he warms up to his new companion. You are kind, competent, a bright presence in his life. Traveling with you is like seeing the world with new eyes—you lead him to bustling cities, picturesque forests, places teeming with life. The only downside is your visits to the Church for prayers and chats with the local priests, but you at least seem to be an open-minded believer. You always tell Pierro that he doesn’t need to follow along but he does so anyway, if only to evade suspicion and admire the religious art with you.

♡ Other than that, you don’t reveal much about yourself. But you aren’t one to pry into Pierro’s past so he gives you the same courtesy. At times, he finds himself looking at you fondly, feeling a spark of physical attraction, dreaming of a happy future with you. But those delusions are always dashed by the fact of your humanity, so he instead resolves to cherish what little time you have left before death claims your soul.

♡ That was his goal until he begins to notice certain…oddities. It’s common for the two of you to share a tent, a room, sometimes even a bed. Neither of you are fazed by it, especially when Pierro’s main concern is concealing his cursed marks with makeup. But a few months into your travels, he makes a quiet realization: In those nights of shared slumber, not once has he fallen asleep without feeling your gaze on him.

♡ At first, he assumes that you merely sleep later and wake up earlier than him. But every time Pierro wakes up in the middle of the night, you immediately sit up and tend to him, acting as energetic as usual. Neither do you appear lethargic after nights when it is difficult to sleep. So he puts it to the test by regularly chatting with you late into the night; you always follow along, not once sounding tired nor in want of sleep. Once, he talks to you all night long and in the morning, while Pierro is plagued with fatigue, you look perfectly awake. And only when he subtly points it out do you yawn and go back to bed.

♡ Other mysteries follow. There is the time the two of you trekked through a barren wasteland and ran out of food. It took you two days to reach civilization and while Pierro was starving, you never complained about hunger. If anything, you still managed to walk and fight off beasts at your usual energy levels. And on the rare chance that Pierro is injured, you are the one who treats his wounds…and they always heal at an unnaturally fast pace.

♡ A year into your travels, he decides to look for answers. One night, he shares a bed with you and feigns sleep. For the next few hours, he just lies there and takes note of your unnatural way of sleeping—no slowed breaths, no involuntary movements, yet the persistent feeling that he is still being watched. Shortly after midnight, he pulls out a dagger from under his pillow and aims it at you.

♡ It was only a test to see if you’d react quickly and reveal your ruse. Which is exactly what you do, eyes fluttering open and your hand catching the dagger before Pierro can stop short of stabbing your chest. The look on your face is calm, utterly devoid of fear, and you make no move to leave the bed. You just stare at him with the same piercing gaze.

“Good morning,” you tell him. “Are you going to explain the sudden wakeup call? I don’t believe this is rooted in any Khaenri’ahn practices.”

At the mention of his homeland, Pierro’s grip on the dagger tightens. “So it appears that my suspicions were not unfounded. Answer me, are you a spy of the Church?”

Your answer is a benevolent smile. A soft light shines from your body as a halo—silver, pierced with nails—appears behind your head, followed by a wispy veil. Luminous wings emerge from your back, caging Pierro in a feathery embrace.

Your hand, marked with a bloodstained scar, wraps around his wrist.

“I’m your guardian angel,” you whisper.

♡ Technically, your statement is untrue. In a calm voice, you explain that Khaenri’ahns can’t be assigned guardian angels due to their immortality. Moreover, most angels harbor contempt for his kind though you are a rare exception, having taken pity on Pierro and chosen to become his unofficial guardian. The last part triggers an offended response—are you mocking him?

♡ As for your true nature, you’re the leader of the Archangels. As an angel of the Third Sphere, you are one of the closest to humanity, a divine messenger with the additional tasks of providing blessings and guiding humans towards the path of righteousness. Only, you’re currently on a ten-year “break;” it just so happened that you noticed Pierro at the start of your sabbatical.

♡ Once he is confident that you won’t smite him in cold blood, he goes to sleep—it’s been a long night and fatigue will only dull his senses. When he wakes up, he can almost believe that last night’s events were a dream…until you loom over him in your true form, wishing him a good morning. After a long conversation, he decides to continue traveling with you. That way, he can keep a close eye on you and gain some useful knowledge.

♡ Thus resumes your journey. In addition to Pierro’s distrust, there are major changes to your dynamic. You still travel in your human guise but you switch to your true form when it’s just the two of you. Since angels don’t need food or sleep to sustain themselves, you stop eating with him unless you’re in public. At night, only one bed is needed and you simply watch over Pierro, wishing him a peaceful slumber. Your gentle gaze is always the last thing he sees each day, though it takes months before he can fall asleep comfortably.

♡ He also learns about your nightly pastimes. As it turns out, while Pierro is asleep, you like to fly around the city to help lost souls. Just small acts of kindness in your human form…and if needed, divine interventions in the Church. It explains why he often wakes up to news about corrupt priests who experienced “visions of an angel” and publicly confessed their sins.

♡ Along your journey, you also stop by the homes of the humans previously assigned to you. At the beginning of each visit, you go to the cemetery and speak to their grave. Afterwards, you bring Pierro to their favorite places and reminisce about their lives. When he asks why you can’t simply see them in Heaven, you give him a sad smile and explain that the deceased reside in a realm beyond the jurisdiction of angels. In a paradise where every soul is purged of sin, what use is there for an angel’s guidance?

♡ You mourn the lives of angels as well. It comes as a shock to Pierro, the idea that even an angel is susceptible to death. To which you explain that many of your divine siblings were killed by demons. And because afterlife does not exist for spiritual beings, both species simply cease to exist once their lives have ended. As for your former brethren, they cut all ties with you after their descent.

♡ Slowly, Pierro grows to trust you again. It helps that you were able to prove yourself a year later by saving him from your own kind. Granted, he could suspect that it was merely an act but the sight of a Principality cowering before you, their cassock staked to the floor by silver nails, is quite convincing. Not to mention your cold gaze overflowing with wrath.

“So tell me. Why exactly did you attack my dear human?”

The room is silent, save for the younger angel’s whimpers. To think that a few minutes ago, Pierro had been sleeping peacefully. Now he stands beside you, blood trickling from a cut under his scarred eye, still gripping his unused sword.

“I…” Despite being a rank above you, his attacker is clearly terrified. “But ______, that man…he is one of the accursed sinners! He—”

“Now, now.” You kneel to their level but all kindness is lost in your tone. More nails appear out of thin air, all pointing towards the angel’s body. “Look me in the eye when I am talking to you.”

♡ In the end, the angel kneels before Pierro and begs for forgiveness. He accepts their apology, but not without harsh words and a swipe of his sword against their face. After they leave, you worriedly turn to Pierro and heal his injuries. Thanks to your powers, all of his wounds close up without a trace. Still, when you take your hand off his face, what he sees in the mirror is not his healed cheek but the cursed marks exclusive to Khaenri’ahns.

*✧･ﾟ

“I’m sorry,” you whisper.

Despite the nature of the attack, you are the one acting emotional. A tear rolls down your cheek as you trace the cursed side of Pierro’s face.

“You need not apologize on behalf of your brethren,” he mutters. He glances at his right arm, sleeve pulled up to reveal a similar pattern of blue veins and black markings. “...or your Heavenly Father. And I believe I’ve told you countless times not to waste your tears on me.”

“Still.” Shaking your head, you look him in the eye. “How can I not cry every time I gaze into your soul? I wish I could save you, put an end to your pain…but it’s impossible.”

“So why do you still devote yourself to me, ______?”

______. It is the false name you go by in the human realm, spoken by every person who has known you as their guardian angel. As for your true name, it remains a mystery to Pierro.

Still, he’d like to believe that he is the human who knows you best. He knows that you are the First Archangel, one of the oldest beings in existence. He knows that you were opposed to the Cataclysm but powerless in stopping it. He knows that your decade of rest was caused by an accumulation of stress, an endless cycle of giving and saving and sacrificing which will only continue in a few years’ time.

And what then? At the end of your journey, will you still have time for him? Or is he truly cursed to drift aimlessly in eternal solitude?

His half-mask rests on a nearby drawer, a relic from his second home. He picks it up, thumb pressed against a painted gold tear.

“You astound me,” he continues. “You, of all people, know that salvation is forever beyond my grasp. And yet you continue to spare me absolute grace. Anyone else would have deemed me a lost cause.”

“That is because I love you.”

At that, Pierro nearly drops his mask. He turns to you, starry eyes wide with wonder. “Can you kindly repeat that?”

But the moment he sees your face, he realizes his folly.

“I love you,” you tell him, a soft look in your eyes, “as I love all humans.”

Has kindness ever sounded so cruel?

“...I understand.” He puts down his mask, pride shattered. “Such is to be expected from a being for whom the love for humanity is inherent.”

A love which he and his compatriots are no longer beholden to.

“But of course.” At that, your countenance turns reverent. Your wings fold inwards, and you place a bloodstained hand over your chest. “An angel’s purpose is to serve God and to save His creations. Beyond that, there is no other point to our existence.”

Silence. This time, Pierro doesn’t bother to hide his judgment.

“Well, that is our initial reason,” you add, noticing his expression. “After all, what’s not to love when your kind is capable of so many wonderful things? Really, you never fail to surprise us.”

“How so?”

“I’ll confess, many of us angels were once in awe of Khaenri’ah,” you admit. “Think of it: Your people found a way to create life, sorcery, powers that were once exclusive to God. Had I met you during your days as a royal mage, I surely would have been impressed.”

Hard to say. Despite his previous status, Pierro hasn’t practiced Khaenri’ahn sorcery in years. It’s likely that his powers have eroded alongside his spirit.

“Then only a century after the Cataclysm, there was the Angel-Killer who performed miracles using our flesh. As a matter of fact…I made the mistake of assigning his first victim to him.”

Your grief isn’t lost on him. The bed creaks as you take a seat next to Pierro, adjusting the chain of mourning lockets around your waist. It bears mementos of both humans and angels.

“Thirteen angels lost their lives to him, including two of my dearest siblings. Needless to say, we were all relieved when Il Dottore finally died, though I had to be given a century’s worth of rest to recover from grief. Sohreh, Pasithea, Oizys…I still think of them to this day.”

Il Dottore. He is an infamous figure in history, a priest whose sins rivaled those of Khaenri’ah. And yet even he was granted the mercy of death.

 “And there are the humans I was blessed to watch over,” you tell him, eyes shining with tears. “I remember all of their names, their smiles, every achievement they made in their short lives. And I’m sure that there will be more in the future.”

That is the final nail in the coffin.

“You are right.” With that, Pierro leaves the bed. “As such, there is no need for you to dwell on how the world is now. I have no doubt that many souls owe their salvation to you, ______, and anyone would be a fool to dismiss your efforts.”

“...Thank you. It means a lot.”

You don’t let him leave, however. A hand around his wrist is all it takes for Pierro to stop, to yield to your embrace. In the dim room, you are the only source of light, an idol of unparalleled benevolence. Divine, beautiful, yet never within his reach.

“Eight more years,” you tell him. In your eyes, his reflection has never looked more hopeful. “That is the amount of time we have left. And until then, I will never leave your side.”

*✧･ﾟ

♡ The next eight years are content. More travels. Deep conversations. Peaceful nights. Another angelic encounter, in which a subordinate merely reported to you and avoided Pierro’s gaze. At one point, you reveal to him that the Tree of Life is no longer in the human realm, eliminating any hope of breaking the curse. His devastation is softened by your comfort, and he can only imagine the reactions of his compatriots if they knew this truth.

♡ Not that he has anyone to share it with. In the Church of Fontaine, Pierro is surprised to recognize the head priest as a Khaenri’ahn. She is only a descendant and thus spared from the curse—a blessing for Arlecchino, a tragedy for her ancestor who likely mourned the generations between them. After their chat, Pierro leaves without divulging her lineage. It’s enough to know that one of his kind is leading a fulfilling life, though he finds it ironic that a Church ended up in a Khaenri’ahn’s hands.

♡ Other than her, there is the familiar face he spotted in Inazuma. Blond hair, blue eyes with star-shaped pupils, a distinctive half-mask…but before Pierro can approach Dainsleif, you grip his wrist and enable him to see the eagle-winged demon clinging to his former comrade. In a fearful whisper, you explain that she is one of Hell’s strongest demons, the slayer of countless angels. And when she turns in your direction, Pierro feels the weight of her crimson-gold glare. In the end, the two of you walk past them, preventing what could have been a bloody reunion.

♡ As your sabbatical reaches its end, Pierro finds himself making the most of your remaining time together. He smiles at you, holds your hand first, asks you more personal questions. Your travels also end in a surprise destination—a forest near Snezhnaya, concealed with divine mist. Leading the way, you explain that it was a meeting place for you and your closest siblings until they all perished, including the Virtue who created it. And when you turn to Pierro, asking if the area suits him…he accepts the gift with full gratitude.

♡ The last year is spent constructing a humble house in the heart of the forest. On the day of your departure, the two of you enjoy a final meal together. It’s bittersweet with recollections of your travels, though the mood dampens when Pierro asks about your angelic duties. With a sad smile, you tell him that you have a lot of work to do. At some point in your journey, you even laid eyes on a young human and applied for a position as their guardian angel.

♡ At midnight, Pierro goes to bed and you wish him good night for the last time. He only closes his eyes when you disappear, when he no longer feels your gaze on him, when the residual warmth of your embrace has been chilled by the night air. When he wakes up in the morning, you are nowhere to be found.

♡ In the following months, Pierro develops a new routine in the forest. Hunting, foraging, visiting the neighboring cities, admiring the aurora-colored sky, even practicing his Khaenri’ahn sorcery. He doesn’t see you again but there are hints of your visits—a luminous white feather, seeds for fauna exclusive to Mondstadt, a wound that healed overnight. Eventually, he gets used to sleeping in solitude again.

♡ One day, he decides to visit his old home. He knows it is futile to seek out his people; after two centuries, their bodies must’ve fully decayed and mixed with the soil. Still, he might as well see what the Church did with the area…and if he can take revenge on the traitor. So he packs his bags, leaves the forest, and travels to the other side of Snezhnaya.

♡ …There’s nothing left. When he reaches his destination, he finds a glorious city built over the mass grave of his people. Only the cold of eternal winter welcomes him back, but the entire city—the devout Snezhnayas, the stories of the city’s origins, the magnificent church in place of his old house—is unfamiliar. Not even the traitor remains. Perhaps they, too, were given a coffin, forever trapped below layers of ice and concrete.

♡ He gets an answer on his way back to the forest. Near the border of Snezhnaya, Pierro is ambushed by a group of heretics…and when he demands an explanation, their leader holds up a preserved eye, the pupil shaped like a four-pointed star. As their fight continues, Pierro deduces their motives—to achieve immortality using the flesh of Khaenri’ahns. It’s pure mockery to hear those fools refer to his curse as a blessing, but his warnings fall on deaf ears as he is outnumbered.

♡ Just as he is about to lose hope, a bright light shines above him. It’s you, in all of your angelic glory, commanding the heretics to let him go. Most of his attackers fall to their knees, in awe of your divine presence, but their leader interprets it as a sign that Pierro is truly the person they’re after. They swing their sword at him…only for their entire group to be impaled by your nails.

♡ It’s a bloody sight. But once your wrath has subsided, you fly down to Pierro and check his condition. You’re incoherent, healing his wounds with trembling hands, apologizing for your late arrival. He assures you that he is fine, only to be interrupted by a sudden ray of light. But this one is blindingly bright, coming from the sky, the same holy light which shone upon Khaenri’ah during the Cataclysm.

♡ It hits him just then: In harming those humans for his sake, you’d violated one of God’s orders. Yet in the midst of His divine wrath, you muster a false smile and tell Pierro to go home. Then you fly up into the sky, disappearing above the clouds along with the holy light. He does as he is told, but not without killing all of the heretics to ensure that they won’t come after him or more Khaenri’ahns. As for the traitor…he doesn’t bother to ask for their location.

♡ The forest is the same when he returns. The next few hours pass by in a blur—unpacking,  checking the animal traps, cooking dinner, and so on. The whole time, he can’t stop worrying about you. He doesn’t know if God would listen to his prayers but he tries, anyway; it’s not like he can help you in any other way.

♡ He goes to bed early, only to jolt awake when a flash of light illuminates the bedroom. When he rushes to the window, it’s just in time to see a falling star. It shoots through the sky, outshining the auroras, a beautiful sight if not for the fact that it seems to be drawing closer to him. It disappears from his range of vision, followed by a deafening sound and a severe earthquake. Then the world falls silent, returning to its tranquil state.

♡ After a few minutes, Pierro leaves his house to investigate. Seeing how the meteor bypassed the divine barrier of the forest, he doubts it was a natural phenomenon. You once told him that the Fourth Order of angels, the Dominions, are in charge of the celestial bodies—could they have been ordered to destroy his third home?

♡ Thankfully, the destruction is limited to a crater at the edge of the forest. But instead of a meteor, he finds you curled up in pain. Fragments of your halo pierce your body. Your right wing is gone; all that remains of it are clipped feathers and sawed bone. Most prominent are the curved horns jutting from your head, covered in a mix of blood and torn skin. You became a demon.

♡ Your half-conscious cries prompt him into action. Carefully, Pierro carries you to his house and treats your wounds. When he notices your hand on your stomach, he remembers what you said about demons needing food and sleep to survive. So he heats up some soup and feeds it to you; and once your hunger has subsided, he tucks you in bed. In your delirium, you can only muster a single sentence before falling asleep.

“Pierro? I’m sorry…it’s my fault, not yours.”

“Silence. We may talk tomorrow. But tonight, you must rest.”

♡ That night, you sleep for the first time. Pierro watches you all night, checking your pulse every so often. When you wake up, the sun is high above the sky and Pierro has already cooked lunch. You’re more coherent now, able to feed yourself, though you wince in pain every so often. And when Pierro asks about your descent, your expression darkens.

♡ In a shaky voice, you explain that the heretics’ ambush had been a test from God. It was fated to occur at the same time as an important event in Heaven, the decennial meeting between God and the leaders from all Nine Orders. As soon as Pierro’s name was brought up, you were quick to defend him. And when you were informed of the attack, you stormed out of the meeting to save him, fully aware that it would bring about your downfall.

♡ And despite it all, you’re the one apologizing to him—for your late arrival, for the danger he was put through, for the “burden” of taking care of you. At the last part, Pierro finally finds the words to chastise you, to say that you won’t achieve anything by wasting your tears on Heaven.

“I wish you would not think so lowly of me. After all these years, do you truly believe that I would harbor anything but gratitude towards you?”

♡ That shuts you up. For the next few weeks, you meekly accept Pierro’s care—he cooks for you, dresses your wounds, lets you sleep in his bed. There is only one problem: Your body refuses to heal. Blood continues to seep from your wounds, and you’re in a perpetual state of pain. Still, he faithfully tends to you day and night. It’s the least he can do for you.

♡ One day, he leaves the house to pick fruit and comes back to find a dark silhouette in his bedroom window. He rushes inside, armed with a weapon, to find a demon. Only, they’re kneeling by the bed, holding your hands, shedding tears of joy. That is when he notices the bloodstained scars on their hands, their tattered veil, your kind words for them…they, too, are a fallen Archangel.

♡ All peace, however, is dashed when your former subordinate tells Pierro that they are bringing you “home,” in other words Hell. As for the matter of your health, they claim that while your divine punishment is unheard of, they should be able to find a cure…from Il Dottore of all people. And despite your conflicted expression, it’s clear that you are seriously considering their invitation. Only for Pierro to take that choice away from you.

“And what makes you believe that I would allow ______ to leave our home?”

♡ Prior to you, Pierro never would’ve dared to challenge a spiritual being. But now, after all he’s been through, he takes a step forward and tells the demon to leave. It doesn’t take long for their argument to turn physical. But before the demon can smite him, Pierro defends himself with his Khaenri’ahn sorcery. They’re a formidable opponent, however, and the fight continues until he aims a galaxy-like aura at their heart. Quickly, you protect your former subordinate with a shield of rusty nails, only for the element to refract and hit you instead.

♡ Much to everyone’s relief, however, it has a different effect on you. Your feathers take on a black tint and a deep blue iridescence. The same thing happens to your horns. Most importantly, all of your wounds close up, leaving scars identical to Pierro’s cursed marks. And when he rushes to your side, asking if you are all right, you breathily tell him that you feel so much better.

♡ That is what convinces the demon to leave, but not without promising to return once they’ve informed the Devil. With peace restored in your home, the two of you go downstairs for lunch. You still need Pierro to support you, but it’s the first time you’ve managed to walk in your new form. And your appetite is bigger, healthier compared to your previous portions.

♡ After a few days however, the effect wears off. Your body loses its blue luster, your feathers fade to their original color, your pain returns. Once you’ve fully reverted to your original state, Pierro decides to try out his Khaenri’ahn sorcery again. This time, he holds your wrist and carefully channels his power into you…and it produces the same healing effect.

♡ For the sorcery which doomed his nation to save the life of his beloved…the irony leaves him at a loss of words, on the verge of laughing. But it does explain why you landed in Pierro’s home instead of Hell, and why God allowed the two of you to reunite. The knowledge brings a dark smile to his face. You’re at his mercy now, dependent on him for all eternity.

♡ When he faces you, he can tell that you’ve reached the same conclusion. Still, you entertain the thought of moving to Hell—surely, there must be a way for you to live without forcing Pierro to expend his energy on you. That is when he grips your hands, pulls you towards him, and tells you that you aren’t leaving him. If the two of you are truly fated to suffer, then it is only right that he returns all of the love you have given him.

♡ It’s easy to persuade you. After all you’ve experienced, you’re tired so you just nod and lean into his embrace. And in the following days, you slowly adjust to your new life. You help Pierro around the forest. A new bed is built, to fit two people. At night, the two of you engage in your usual bedtime conversations but you’re the one who falls asleep first.

♡ When your former subordinate returns, Pierro stands his ground. With you asleep, he is able to fight them outside and easily subdue them; he even had the wisdom to enhance his weapons with blood from your used bandages. And with his argument that any attempt on his life is equal to risking yours, they have no choice but to accept your situation.

♡ You’re still asleep when he returns to your shared bedroom. Careful not to wake you, he changes out of his bloody clothes and leaves his sword on the table, next to his old mask. Then he takes off his glove and traces your features with his cursed hand. And when you open your eyes, the look he gives you is one of pure hope.

“Pierro? What time is it?” you mumble.

“Far too early,” he replies. “Go back to sleep. I will join you shortly, ______.”

“...All right.” Yawning, you snuggle into the pillow and close your eyes. “Can you wake me up later? I don’t want to oversleep again.”

He smiles, caressing your cheek. “If you wish.”

It doesn’t take long for you to return to the world of dreams. Your sleeping face is truly a wonder to behold—an expression so tranquil, well-rested, vulnerable to his kiss.

“And when you awake, I want you to tell me your true name.”

♡

More Church AU here!! Dottore ๑ Capitano ๑ Arlecchino ๑ Pantalone

Note:: Please do not send me any Church AU asks/ requests involving characters or dynamics not included in my masterlist.

..…Don’t ask me how Pierro ended up with the highest word count in this AU. All I can say is that it was very cathartic to make him suffer, which is a recurring theme in his fics. If y’all enjoyed his story, do let me know (๑･̑◡･̑๑)

Also, soft launch for the next couple + story!! I’m rlly excited to write for Dainsleif, and just know that he’s in for a lot of surprises <3

Tag a Pierro enjoyer!! @leftdestiny-posts @beloved-blaiddyd @naraven @euniveve @stickyspeckledlight @harmonysanreads @oofasleep @mistymem0ryy @lazyroseart @teabutmakeitazure

[kimnjss]

tricky part | knj

⤑  series: plot twist

⤑ pairing: rapper!namjoon x rich girl!reader

⤑ genre: fluff?? (idk, man. i think they’re cute.) ahem, some smut... nd we get a little angsty, of course.

⤑ rating: explicit

⤑ word count: 8.1K // unedited.

⤑ warnings: (mentions of alcohol abuse). slight dirty talk, cursing, fingering, nipple play, handjob, unprotected sex, cumshot, doggy style, light hair pulling, multiple orgasms... i think that’s it.

⤑ chapter song: tonight (i wish i was your boy) - the 1975 (the entire song is namjoon is swear...)

⤑ A/N: hiiii! this is wicked late ., i took a nap today nd it was amazing . let me know what you think !! x

MAY 10TH, 2020 | 17:09

It takes longer than usual for you to get ready, stuck in the mirror contemplating whether or not what you're wearing is good enough. If maybe you should put your hair up instead of letting it fall freely. Would it be showing too much? But you wanted to show a little, right? This was a date after all, who didn't tease a little on the first date?

But this was Namjoon. Sensible, cautious, easily frazzled Namjoon. Would it turn him off? Or fluster him so he's showing off that cute dimpled smile of us. The one that he let slip when without even noticing it, cheeks flushing pink as he tried to avoid eye contact. Gosh, he was so cute!

Okay! Perfect solution, you're thinking as your eyes find the hair elastic on your dresser. You'd bring the hair tie and feel things out, read the room, and with the first desire to jump his bones, you'd tie your hair up. Giving him a perfect look at your shimmery collarbones, thank you Fenty, and the slope of your neck. No doubt he'd find himself thinking about pressing his lips against your skin at the sight of it.

Boys were simple. All of them. A mere flash of skin and they were putty in your hands. Joon was cute with it, though. So you'd let it slide. 

Your phone lights up, humming against your sheets. His name flashes in bold, waking up the butterflies in the pit of your stomach. Weird. He must be here, no doubt outside waiting for you right now. He'd think you looked nice, right? Grant you one of his lingering stares that he's always so quick to avert.

That's when you knew you caught his eye. Pride warms your chest each and every time you're catching him. It took a little bit more effort to get Namjoon to turn his head. Yet, he was still a boy at the end of it. He'd end up looking at you one way or another, it's all about how you present it.

Which is exactly why you were yellow. A yellow two-piece that highlights the best parts of you. And you're sure you've made the right decision when you catch the stutter in his step, eyes flickering from your face to your legs then back again. Forcing himself not to look away the entire time you're walking up to him, black platform heels carrying you with ease. Only a few inches below him with them on.

“Hi,” You're saying with a grin, hand reaching out to grasp his bicep. Giving it a little squeeze and watching the way his eyes go wide. He's wearing sweats but still looks so good. As if he's stood in front of you in a three-piece suit, although you might be exaggerating.

He doesn't shake you off but doesn't exactly relax in your touch either. Fingers tapping against his thigh and you can't help but wonder if he's holding himself back from touching you. Lame. “You're wearing yellow,” He says after a moment, stating it as fact rather than something that was intentionally done for him and his attention.

Eyes rolling on a laugh, you're nodding your head. “Yeah. You like yellow,”

“I do,” His nod is curt and his tone is military.

Huffing, while stepping forward, easily pulling him a bit close to you. “Okay, rule number on to this date...” Lifting a single finger for reference. His eyes flicker to it before he's looking back down at you. “You're not allowed to think tonight, got it? No analyzing, calculating. Weighing the options. Just do and talk, get loose.” Giving his shoulder a playful shake, you're shocked to hear the laugh that falls from his lips.

Like an actual, really pretty laugh. “Alright, deal.” A proud smile threatens to split your face when you feel his hand lift, hesitant at first but landing on the small of the back. Albeit, just to guide you, but it's still something. “Let's get going,” He's guiding you with the gentle hand on your back, barely touching you but you're stomach was doing backflips.

How quickly the roles reversed. Hands clasped in front of you, urging yourself to calm down. To stop acting like some thirteen year old who still hasn't had their first kiss. You were twelve years and eighteen kisses past that. Get it together.

“Where's your car?” Stepping on your tiptoes, attempting to peak up the street to spot it. “Actually, what kind of car do you even drive? I've never seen it?” Eyes shifting up toward him, a quizzical look on your face.

You're missing the soft, “I don't...” That falls from his lips because you're brain is working overtime to guess what car he could possibly drive. “Hm, you kinda look like a Chevy guy... maybe a Honda? But, I could be wrong. Definitely not a sports car, though.” You couldn't imagine Joon in one of those loud, low to the ground car.

Whipping through traffic as if where he had to go was much more important than all the other people on the road. Yeah, that didn't fit.

He's taking offense to this for some reason, nose scrunching, and hands finding his hips. His steps even come to a halt. “Hey. Why not a sports car?”

You're letting out a laugh, not at him, of course. Just at how adorable he looks right now. Actually pouting, with his arms crossed in the middle of the sidewalk. You've never seen him like this, not even sure where this new Joon came from. But he might be even cuter than the Joon you knew and had a huge crush on.

Moving toward him, not even bothering to stop yourself from poking his pouted lip. “Come on, that's totally out of character. You're practical and sensible. You wouldn't splurge on a sports car, that's not even durable. Those cars get torn apart in accidents,” He's not really mad, obviously. Which is why it doesn't take long for him to lose the face.

“So which one is it? Honda or Chevy?”

A large arm is dropping around your shoulder, tucking you into his side as the two of you continue your timed steps down the sidewalk. “Neither. I don't have a car. Or my license,” Eyes nearly popping out of your head with his words, stopping in your tracks to get a good look at him. Just in case you might've heard him wrong.

But he shows no signs of correcting himself or clarifying what he had just said. “Wait. So how are we going to get there!?” Did he expect you to walk!? All the way to Daejeon? In these shoes... they were cute, but not the most comfortable. And they didn't need to be because they weren't meant for walking 100 miles at a time!

“We're gonna take the train, of course. How else?” He's not even looking like he knows he's talking nonsense.

Like, honestly. Did he expect you to ride a gross train dressed like this!? What if you got robbed? Or kidnapped? Or worse, thrown up on!? This outfit was irreplaceable, one of a kind. No way could you take it on a train, that wouldn't do. “No. That won't be necessary. I'll just call one of my drivers, they'll come get us,” You've got your phone out before you're even finishing your sentence.

Namjoon is quick to pluck the device from your fingers, a sly smile playing on his features as he tucks it into his pocket. “Let those people spend time with their families. It's Sunday. There won't even be that many people,” Two firm hands placed on your shoulders, he's turning you effortlessly. “The train, it'll be fun.”

“You're the only guy, in the universe that thinks riding the train will be fun.” He's laughing again and it's not cute as it was a few minutes ago. “Oh no, I meant fun for me. You're gonna hate it,”

MAY 10TH, 2020 | 17:37

Just as you predicted, the train is gross. And sticky. Crowded and sweaty. Joon holds you close as you weave through the sea of people, fingers laced with yours. Although you know it's purely for survival purposes, the flutter in your heart still rises from feeling the warmth of his skin against yours.

You try not to make a huge deal about it. People rode the train every day and considering how many of them were in here, they've all survived. You'd be fine. Especially with this six-foot angel clearing the way for you at every turn.

Joon finds a seat for the both of you against the wall. Close with your thighs pressed together and he still hasn't released your hand from his grasp. It's cozy beside him, warm. Leaning your weight on to him, you try to be subtle but probably fail. He's concentrating on something on his phone and from the quick peak you were able to sneak, you see he's checking on your reservation for tonight.

Stomach flipping at the tiny fact he made a reservation for you two. It's so Namjoon to want to be triple prepared for anything, but the fact that it's in your favor makes you happy. No idea why, but that was the truth of the matter. More often than not happy when you were around him.

Even cramped in this stinky train, his hand in yours was enough to convince you, you were in the back of a limo. The unfocused chatter around you replaced with soft music that you'd play. Probably something he likes to listen to. His taste in music was quickly becoming yours the more time the two of you spent together.

He's dropping your hand for some reason that you don't realize until you're looking up to see him standing. Offering his spot to some brat with a broken leg. What the heck? Were you supposed to hold hands with this kid? Up without a word, didn't even bother to ask if you wanted him to get up.

Joining the other people standing, holding on to the railing and you're quickly deciding you don't like the distance. He watches as you stand to your feet, nose brushing against his chin. “Sit,” Gesturing to your now empty spot, earning a raised brow from him. 

“Come on, Yn. Your feet are gonna hurt. Just relax,” He tries to lower you back into your spot, but you're moving to the side with a shake of your head. “I'll be fine. Just sit,” Catching the stubborn glint in your eye, just begging him to argue, he chooses to drop it. Switching spots with you and sinking into the empty spot.

Not even a second after he's settling into the cushion, you're dropping yourself onto his lap. Arm wrapped around his shoulders, legs between his. Bum pressed firmly into his thigh. “Did you really think I was going to stand?” You laugh. He doesn't even look the least bit surprised, eyes rolling – but you catch the smile on the corner of his lips.

His hand finds the outer part of your thigh, holding your body steady as the car jostles. He doesn't move it even after the machine has settled, has even taken to tapping out a rhythm against your skin.

It's nice. Your new favorite song.

MAY 10TH, 2020 | 21:17

You had to hand it to the guy, Kim Namjoon knew how to put a date together. Pure perfection from beginning to end, you're not sure if it's his careful attention to detail or the small possibility that he wanted to impress you... you've decided to go with the latter.

The entirety of dinner was spent talking about everything and nothing. Actually getting to know each other aside from the surface level, 'I make good music and you screen it while balancing your massive crush on me,'. He was telling you about the time he first met Yoongi: second year of high school, Yoongi was a really cool Senior, the type of cool guy that everyone knows, but like doesn't talk to anyone. He found Joon making out with some cheerleader in the band room, her hand down the front of his jeans... and made it all of his business to tease him about it for the rest of the semester. 

Never would you have deemed Joonie as the type to take part in such excessive PDA, and although he insists it was not his idea... well, agree to disagree.

You were even telling him about the first time you got blackout drunk, which resulted in you being banned from every last Shake Shack. The only thing you remember from that night was getting in the car to head to the club, already started pre-gaming beforehand. But as Jungkook likes to tell it, you were a melting pot of 'types of' drunks. 

Started the night trying to fistfight the bouncer, after only fifteen minutes in the club, which resulted in you... and all of your friends being kicked out. Went from not-so-discreetly trying to mount your boyfriend at the time, Jackson, to crying on the bathroom floor Shake Shack all before you were puking in the booth, after swearing (a million times) that you 'weren't gonna throw up'.

Followed by a screaming match between you and Hoseok as he apologized a thousand times over to the employee he had to call over for the mess, trying to assist her while she tried her best to keep a smile on her face. Jungkook carried you to the car, full-blown had to haul you over his shoulder as you screamed curses at your brother.

You don't remember any of that, though. Next thing you remember from that night after getting in the car to leave, was waking up to the sound of loud video games, hanging half-naked off the side of Jackson's bed.

You're more embarrassed than you though, telling that story out loud. how bad you used to be. That was the worst of it, but the other times weren't too great either. Of course, you've calmed down a bit. Really tried each and every time you were sent away to clean up your act. And you were good for a few months after you came back, and then you were not.

Surprisingly, Joon doesn't look disgusted when you tell him. And you're not sure if that's a good thing or not. Either he's extremely understanding or he was expecting your most embarrassing story to be something of the sort. You hope for the former but suspect the latter.

In reality, though. Namjoon found himself trying to figure out just what could've been going on in your life that you felt like any of that would help. He now knew with you there was always something hidden, a reason to your behavior that you oftentimes liked to brush off. Must've been bad. You probably had a hard time.

The highlight of the night, though, was hands down the play. You're not even sure if he knew what it was about when he chose it, but you were falling in love from the moment the current went up. Characters so vivid and engaging, dealing with real-life shit all while living in fear of the darkness that looms over their tiny village.

It wasn't hard for you to get totally immersed in the show, laughing along, getting upset, crying. And Joon stays seated by you the entire time, holding on to your hand. Not so sure when he picked it up, but he hasn't let it go in a while. Not that you were complaining. You liked the tiny shocks that followed every brush of his fingers.

He smiles when you laugh, laughs when you get upset, and wipes your tears when you cry. You're so sure, he missed the entire show.

MAY 10TH, 2020 | 21:20

“You know, my best friend's an actor. Kinda a big deal at his agency... I could talk to him?” Joon throws in casually as the two of you make your way out of the theater, talking as he tosses his empty popcorn carton into the garbage. As if he didn't just drop some life-changing news.

You've heard of his friend, Kim Taehyung. Was an extra in his very first big drama role, a historical one where he faced an untimely death. The two of you never crossed paths and shared zero scenes together, but it was still pretty cool. To you. He didn't know you from a hole in the wall and the last thing you'd do was act like anyone's biggest fan.

But, this? What Namjoon was offering... that could be huge. The start that you needed and you wouldn't even have to go through your father. You could do it all on your own... kinda. “Oh! That would be amazing, Joon!? Why didn't...”

As quickly as the excitement hits you, it's being knocked right out of your body. The job that you already have and everything else that surrounded it. No way could you accept this. “Actually,” You're forcing a smile for Namjoon to see, “Let's put a pin in it. I want to focus on the company,” You wonder if it sounds as robotic as it feels.

“Why? You hate that place?” His hand has found yours again, arms swinging slightly as you walk. There's this curious look on his face like you're not making any sense. And you're not.

Why wouldn't you jump on the first chance to ditch that hell hole? The opportunity was right in front of your face, so why wouldn't you take it? You must be an idiot. Stockholm Syndrome? “Can I tell you a secret?” You're whispering despite the fact it's just the two of you on the street.

“Sure,” Gently, he's pulling you just a bit off of the path. Figuring whatever you have to tell him might be something he wants to sit down for, so he's getting comfortable on a bench, tugging you down beside him.

Not once letting go of your hand. “Hoseok is putting out an album in a few months. He's been juggling that and work-work. The time when my dad came down to talk to me... about the whole Hyungwon thing, he said he'd tank the album if I didn't start acting right,” That actually does surprise Joon, eyes going wide as a barely audible gasp leaving his lips.

You can just about guess what he's thinking, 'what kind of father...?'. And the easy answer was, yours. Your type of father would. Your type of father has. “That's why I need to stay focused. I can't screw up, he's been working so hard. I wouldn't be able to live with myself I ruin everything for him. Again.” That was a story for another time.

“Yn. That's fucked up. Does Hobi know?”

Scoffing, your eyes roll automatically. “Of course not and don't tell him. He thinks our dad is the best. 'Strict, but the best'.” Your tone changes slightly to mock his deeper voice. “Thinks he's hard on me only because of how I act and while I know that doesn't help, that wouldn't change anything. We're all just pawns in his game. His stupid Legacy.”

It's weird because you don't even sound sad. Just numb. Like you've accepted that this was how the way things were and this was how they were going to be. He wished there was something he could do, stand up to your dad for you, tell him all the things you're afraid to. But that would be stupid, for him and for you. It wasn't his place and he'd only make it worse. No matter how badly he wanted to just step in, there was really only one thing he could do.

Your hand is much smaller in his, soft and cute. Nails painted a pretty deep blue to compliment the yellow of your dress. Squeezing softly, he's lifting his lips into a smile for you to see. And since he's been trying to take your advice and stop thinking so much, he's lifting your hand. Pressing feather-like kisses against your knuckles.

The gesture so sickeningly-sweet, you're not sure if you should puke or cry. Or both. He's looking up at you, smiling really wide before he's moving closer, lips finding your forehead making you feel warm all over. Butterflies holding a wrestling match in your stomach and you might just burst into tears.

“I can't interfere with your family. Especially when you're not asking me to. Just know, if you ever want to start doing what you really want I'll support it. I'll support you.” You feel the pressure building behind your eyes, the thickness in your throat. All over three stupid words that you had no idea you've been waiting to hear.

It's overwhelming. Desperately fighting back the wetness that teases your waterline. With a hard blink and a huff of air – you're pushing a smile onto your face. Aware of how fake it looks, but it'll have to do as you lean in to press a soft kiss to his cheek. “Thank you,” You're grinning, hand patting his knee before you're hopping up from your spot beside him on the bench.

A hand extended down to him. “Come on, dessert on me!” You giggle because it feels right. And he takes your hand, allowing you to pull him from to his feet. Tugging him along behind you with your face pointed to the night sky. Not saying anything until you're sure your voice won't break.

And even then it's a quiet mumble, “You've earned something sweet.”

MAY 10TH, 2020 | 21:59

Your hair has gone up. Revealing the slope of your neck and the shimmer on your collarbones. And as you predicted, Joon watches you through the entire process. Lips wrapped around your ice cream cone, holding it in place as your hands move quickly to pull your hair out of your face. His gaze dropping to your mouth as you lick mess the treat his left from your lips.

Hook. Line. And sinker. 

“Do you have any weird kinks?” You don't even look at him when you say it, focus on creating a peak on your ice cream cone.

Joon's choking a cough out around his shaved ice, eyes blinking hard as he clears his throat, lifting his gaze up to you. “Excuse me, what!?” An easy laugh falls from your lips, shoulders shrugging slightly. Taking pride in how easily you could fluster. “You know... weird kinks. Things that get you going, but are kinda weird,” 

“Like a fetish?” You're shrugging, barely interested in the choice of word. “I'm sure there's a difference, but for the sake of this. Sure,”

He had to have something, there was no way he didn't. Everyone had something and you refused to believe that he was even composed and well thought out in that area. There had to be something that made him lose his cool. Had to be.

“Uhm,” He's clearing his throat, cheeks seeming to grow darker the more time you spent staring at him. “I wouldn't say it's weird, but I like...” His attention falls to his dessert, twirling his spoon around in the frozen shavings. Would you think it was too weird? Consider it a deal-breaker and decide to not talk to him again. You probably wouldn't even care, there wasn't much that you cared about he was finding.

But, you could surprise him. And what if... wait, why was he even stressing about this in the first place!? “Why are you even asking me this?” Such a random topic interrupting your peaceful silence staring at the water.

Again, you lift your shoulders in a shrug. “I'm curious. Here, I'll tell you mine.” You pause to flash a breathtaking grin up at him. “Put your hand up,” Joon doesn't even hesitate to lift his palm, heart stuttering when you're pressing yours against his. As if you're comparing sizes and he can't help but curl his fingers down into the space that's left.

“See that? What you just did? Drives me crazy. And also...” Hand dropping from his to lay flat on his chest and on reflex his muscle is tensing, pecs jumping underneath your touch. It's actually so sexy you contemplate dropping to your knees right then and there. You suppress the urge, but don't make any moves to lifting your hand. “Big hands? And muscles. Phew. Throw in a pair of cute dimples and it's over,” 

It's obvious at this point that you're literally referring to him, not intentionally of course. He just happened to check every last one of those boxes. “Why's that?” He's staring at you with these eyes that you've never seen before. Dark and filled with want.

You liked it.

“Makes me feel cute and small, I guess. Like if you... or any guy, but let's just say you, were to use your big hands to pick me up and hold me there while we-” His eyes go wide when he catches on to the end of your sentence, rushing out a frantic, 'Oh okay, I get it!'. Watch as you bursting into a fit of giggles.

He ignores you, taking to peering around the bridge, checking for anyone within earshot that might've heard what you were about to say. Only to find that you two were the only people out here. Unless he was worried about judgmental glares from the birds, you were fine.

“So...” He's starting only after he's done his full scenery check. “You like feeling small, then? That's interesting,” Forever impossible to read, no idea what he meant by interesting, but as always you were running with it.

Steering this night, which had been an amazing date, in a direction that was a little less PG. Brow arched and a smirk playing on your lips, you move into his space. Hand sliding down the front of his body, meeting his waist. Holding a soft grip on the fabric of his sweater, you rise onto your toes, nose just inches from his.

“And? What do you plan to do with this information?” Could swear a small gasp falls from his lips, feeling your free hand tug on the long drawstring of his pants.

There are a million and one thoughts running through his mind right now. Every last one of them revolving around you. How good you look underneath that skirt, how good you smell standing this close to him. The way he could see the faint freckles on your cheeks, faded from your makeup. Yet, through all of his mangled thoughts, there's one that stands out amongst all of them.

You're so beautiful.

And not in the ways that you'd think. Yes, your face fit the standard, and the confidence you carried yourself with was more than deserved, but there was more. Beautiful underneath all of that and he could see it and even with this new stiffness tenting at the front of his jeans, it's all he can focus on.

Soft giggles fill his ears, coming from you realizing the way he was staring at you. Not saying a single word, just looking. “You're stalling. What's yours?” Taking a step back, you allow him a chance to breathe. Just barely noticing the twitch of his arm, ready to pull you close to him again.

“Okay, fine.” Joon's saying with a roll of his eyes, not the annoyed one that you've grown used to. It's playful, cute paired with the smile on his lips. “I like...” Large hand reaches out, landing firmly on your hip, effectively catching you off guard but he doesn't even give you a second to react before he's twisting your back toward him.

A shiver dancing down your spine as the tips of his fingers gently trace the link in the middle of your back. Actually having to bite down on your lip to keep from any noises slipping out in response to his light touch. “That. It looks sexy,”

Now you know how he feels when you tease him. Breathless and flustered all because he touched your back!? Come on, it was about time you got your shit together. Turning in his grasp, your features morph feigning confusion. “You like backs?” 

“No! Not just backs. I Mean the dip... and if there's dimples back there. That's always a plus,” He says with a shrug, but you know exactly what he's doing. It was your game, basically invented it.

But judging from the flutter in your chest, he was better at it. “I have dimples back there,” It sounds dumb to your ears, like 'duh, he knows that stupid.. that's why he said it,' but you can't think of anything else to say. Thoughts clouded with how good being touched by him felt and coming up with ways to get more of that.

And he's moving as if he's read your mind, arm wrapping around your waist. Pulling your body to him with this newfound boldness that has a shocked gasp falling from your lips. “I know you do,” His voice is so deep and so sexy, only loud enough for the two of you to hear. You could spend hours just listening to him talk, no doubt. God, you needed to get it together.

“Oh, yeah? You've been sneaking peaks?”

He nods. Like, doesn't even bother to try and hide behind some half-assed explanation why he might've noticed, just owns it. He's so hot. “I'm very observant,” His words have you wondering what else he's noticed about you. How much time did he spend just 'observing', as he liked to call it.

You could figure that out later, there were much more pressing matters at hand right now. Kissing him. Through with the back and forth, you needed to feel his lips against yours. The fragmented memory of the first and only time was quickly fading, you needed something fresh.

With your fingers tangled in the hair at the nape of his neck, you lean into him. Chin tilted up and eyes slowly falling closed, you're just inches from his mouth when that deep voice of his is breaking through. “Are you gonna kiss me?”

“Wow, you are observant,” Breathing out a laugh, you're nodding eyes lifting to find his. He even looked good from this close. “Wait.” His quick movements startle you, a not so cute squeal filling the night air as he bends to lift you, effortlessly wrapping your legs around his waist.

You're both laughing, like side aching chuckles. And you're certain you've never seen him like this before. Eyes forming crescent moons as loud snickers fall from his grinning lips. He's pretty. You're so dazed by that simple fact that you don't notice the way his laughter has died down into soft breaths.

Not until silence is falling over both of you and he's leaning up to press his lips against yours. Large hand lifting to tangle in your hair as he kisses you.

MAY 10TH, 2020 | 23:29

And he doesn't stop kissing you. Not on the train home where you sit on his lap and he swallows every last one of your whines. Not on the walk to your place where he keeps his arm around your shoulder, occasionally leaning down to press kisses against your cheeks. Even stood at your doorstep, you're still like teenagers who just discovered making out.

“Do you want to come up?” You're murmuring against his lips, sentences barely coherent through the push of your lips.

He's registering your words a few moments after you've said them, pulling back to reveal the worried expression on his features. Doesn't say anything, though. Like he's stuck between taking you up on your offer and whatever concern is plaguing his mind.

And then it's hitting you. “Hoseok's out with some girl. Just in case you're worried about that,” You don't miss the way his face relaxes, a sigh of relief leaving his lips. Pulling a blase expression, moving into your space again. “Why would I be worried about that?”

Eyes rolling, you let out a laugh. “Oh, my mistake.” You mock, turning to unlock your front door. Joon is following steps behind you into the house, no sign of Hoseok in sight. Not like he'd really care, on Namjoon's part. Just give you an ear full about how your actions would affect the company.

So, you're glad he's out. In no mood to hear any of that tonight. “Do you want a glass of wine?” Namjoon is following you into the kitchen, nodding along to your words.

He just can't seem to take his eyes off you. Followed your movements from the pantry to the cabinets all the way to the island where you poured alcohol into glasses for the two of you. Watched the way your lips tickled the neck of the bottle, sucking up the droplets that had spilled, dark eyes finding his the moment you're pulling back.

Daring him. To do something. Anything. Joon knew he needed to be bold. Impulsive. Throw caution to the wind and deal with the consequences later. It's how you got what you wanted all the time and right now, he wanted you.

Before he can talk himself out of it, he's rounding the island. Closing the space between the two of you. Hand cupping the side of your face as he wraps an arm around your waist. His gaze flickers from your eyes to your lips, rhythmically. “I don't want wine,” Your heart hammers in your chest.

“What do you want?” You ask, although, you already know the answer.

He takes to showing you rather than telling you, using the grip he holds around your waist to lift your body onto the counter. Stepping into the space between your legs before he's covering your mouth with his. 

This kiss is much different from the others, no longer testing the waters. There's determination behind each movement of his lips. Both hands gripping your waist, pulling your body forward until his hips are pressed to yours. His tongue slips past his soft lips to graze your bottom lip. And you're opening up for him without a moment of hesitation, fingers tangling in his messy locks, and pulling – a low groan emerging from the back of his throat.

He's pushing his body flush against yours, hips lifting rightly and you feel the twitch of his cock through his sweats. Sweet moans fall from your lips with every roll of his hips, deliberately pushing down desperate to feel more of him. Your senses are filled with him. The taste of his tongue, the sweet smell of his cologne, how good it feels to have him pressed up against you.

Strong hands roam around your body, gripping the fabric of your skirt tight enough to have it inching up the smooth skin of your thighs. Gently cupping the back of your neck to hold your head steady as he licks into your mouth. He can't seem to make up his mind, greedily wanting to touch all of you at once.

You're meeting everyone of his upward thrusts with a downward roll of your hips, moans growing louder between the two of you with each brush of your most sensitive parts. And you want more. Legs wrapping around his waist to pull him closer, you needed more.

“Fuck, princess.” He's gasping out, not leaving a moment to spare for you to marvel at the pet name that fell from his lips so easily. His mouth makes steady work on your neck, suck red blotches into your skin as the palm of his hand moves down the front of your body. Sneaking underneath the hem of your skirt, your body jolts when he's pressing the tips of his fingers to your slit through the soft fabric of your panties.

Pretty moans fill the room as he teases you, fingers tight in his hair. Heady becoming heavy for your shoulders as the pleasure he's ensuing washes over you. “Namjoon,” You're gasping, hips bucking up when he's pressing his fingers against your sensitive clit. Above the cotton, but each stroke has electricity cruising through your veins.

He chuckles as your whines become more insistent, hips following the movement of his fingers. “That feel good?” Head bobbing frantically, your legs spread wider for him. So sure, you're soaked all the way through from the way he's palming roughly at your panties. He's confirming your thoughts with a groan and a breathy, “You're so fucking wet,”

“Please, Joon. More.” Panting as your hips lift up toward him. He's grinning wide, pressing a soft kiss to the skin of your neck before he's nudging your panties out of the way. “So greedy,” He teases, at the same time his fingers find your clit. He's pressing lazy circles into the sensitive nub, taking his time despite the needy roll of your hips. “Tell me what you want,” Dark eyes travel up the length of your body to your face, you don't even bother to mask the moan that slips at the sight.

An experimental finger teases your entrance, sneaking in past the first knuckle before quickly pulling out and repeating the same action. If it wasn't for the solid stiffness pressed against your thigh, you'd guess that he was torturing you for the hell of it. But judging from the steady rut of his hips, he was enjoying this just as much as you were.

You couldn't wait any longer, though. This moment has plagued your thoughts since the first time you were meeting him. What it would be like to be with him like this. Have him fuck you. You'd surely die if it wasn't now. “Fuck me,” The words come out more whiny than you originally intended but, hey. “Please, Namjoon.”

“Soon, princess.” He promises, sinking his middle finger into your tightness. Eyes flickering between your bodies so he can watch the way the single-digit disappears within your walls. So fascinated with the movement of his own fingers and egged on with your pretty moans, he's quickly pushing another finger in.

Namjoon's mouth finds yours, swallowing every last one of your hushed moans as he fucks into you. Scissoring you open with his long fingers, free hand tugging at the bottom of your top until it's around your waist, tits spilling out. He's groaning against your lips as his palm cups you from underneath, thumb lifting to brush against your nipple.

His head is lowering until he's able to latch his lips around the hardening bud. His sharp teeth graze over it slightly, gentle tongue washing over the slight pinch of his bites. You're whimpering at the feeling of his thumb pressing into your clit, back falling against the cool countertop as your hips move in tandem with his fingers.

It's not long before he's nudging a third finger past your walls, lips moving to mouth on the other side. Thumb moving expertly over your clit while his fingers provide such a delicious stretch, you're squirming beneath him. Searching for something to grip onto as the pressure begins to build in the pit of your stomach.

You take to tugging his hair, pushing his face against your chest as your back arches off of the counter. Wanton moans filling the room, you're being so loud but you can't find the strength to quiet down. Not while he's making you feel this good. And then all at once, he's pushing in deeper, fingers curling and brushing against that rough patch of skin hidden deep inside of you.

“Oh, fuck! Don't stop, don't stop.” You're chanting over and over, hips rocking into his palm and Joon has no plans of stopping. Not when you sound like that, each whine and whimper shooting straight to his cock. He feels the way your walls flutter around his fingers and he's quickly lifting his head to watch your face.

There's a sheen layer of sweat on your forehead. Eyes rolled back as your lashes flutter, lips slightly pursed. Jaw falling slack, a breathless gasp slipping at the same time he feels a gush of wetness surrounding his fingers. Incoherent mumbles of thanks fall from your lips as your body shakes. He keeps his fingers buried inside of you, thrusting slowly until your words are dying down to soft breaths.

Opting to give you the time you may need to regain your composure... which only lasts a few seconds before you're sitting up. Arms and legs pulling him toward you. “Fuck, that was so good.” You say through a laugh, mouth finding his in a sloppy kiss as you work to pull his sweatshirt from his body.

Joon follows your lead, working on tugging his sweats out of the way. Your soft hand meets his, gently pushing it out of the way and dipping into the front of his boxers. Palm closing around his thick shaft and your eyes are going wide, fingers not being able to meet around the base.

“Holy, fuck...” Your hand drags over his length, more so measuring him than anything. Excitement igniting in your chest the longer it takes for your hand to meet the tip. Which is leaking with precum at this point, you feel it when your palm finally covers the tip and then use it to make moving your hand back down easier.

His hips follow the movement of your hand, attempting to fuck into the opening your palm created. Spaced out as the pleasure slowly clouds his mind. He looked so good. Chest and stomach flexing as he moves, shining underneath the dull kitchen lights. Brows furrowed and jaw clenched, making dimples appear at the sides of his mouth.

Your free hand slides down the front of his body until the tips of your fingers are brushing against his balls. Massaging them underneath the slight pressure while your wrist twists over his cock. “Yn, baby. Wait... fuck,” His hips are stuttering to a stop, hand reaching down to still the movement of your palm.

“I won't last,” A soft pink dusts his cheeks as he looks up at you, eyes glossed over and barely focused. He's letting out a breathless laugh before he's leaning forward to press a soft kiss to your lips. “I wanna fuck you first,”

The admission is waking up something entirely different inside you. Something you can't easily place and are in no mood to decipher. Instead, you grin, returning the kiss to his lips before grinning. “Fuck me, please.”

That's all he needs to hear before he's taking a step back from you, not giving you a moment to feel his absence before he's sliding you from the counter. Hands on your hips to turn your back to him, his large hand resting on the middle of your back. “Bend over,” Voice deep in your ear, you'd very much walk off the edge of a cliff if he was asking you like that.

You bend forward without any protest, the cool granite pressing against your exposed nipples. Joon holds a hand just above your ass, the other wrapped around the base of his cock – guiding himself toward your aching core. His thick head nudges against your tight hole and you both gasp as you swallow him in.

He takes his time, allowing you to feel every inch as he slips in. And you don't miss the way his thumb has moved to rest in the indent just above the swell of your ass. Pulling your body toward him with his grip. His huffed breath tickling your back the moment he's bottoming out.

Palms formed fists beside you, concentrating on your breathing as you get used to the feeling of being stretched this way. Slowly, he's pulling out until the head is catching at your entrance then he's pushing his way back in, your body sliding up on the counter with the movement. The stuttered movement of his hips slowly shifts into a steady rhythm that has a string of moans falling from your lips.

Strong, bruising thrusts into your backside paired with the gruff groans that escape his throat. He's so deep, the tip of his cock nudging against your g-spot with each thrusts forward. “Fuck, look how perfectly you take my cock, baby.” He groans, eyes glued to the way your lips are wrapped around him.

All you can muster back in response is a weak whine, a garbled cry of big he was... or how good he feels. Mind nothing but mush at this point, the overwhelming pleasure from the way he was fucking, softening your brain. Either way, he takes the incoherent noises as a compliment, speeding up the snap of his hips.

You all about lose it when he's reaching down to grip your hair, lifting your body onto his, keeping a steady movement of his hips as he reaches around you to find your clit. Rolling it between his knuckles until he's feeling that familiar squeeze around his shaft. Soaking up every whimper and every cry as he brings you closer and closer to release.

“You gonna cum again for me, baby?” Gasping out, your head bobs up and down, back arching in hopes to steal more than what he was willing to give you. “Please, make me cum.” He can feel the way your walls flutter around him, the whine in your voice. And since he's inclined to give you whatever you want, Joon's angling his hips in a way that he knows will make you cum.

And it's not long before the pressure is snapping in the pit of your stomach, loud cries filling the room as your hips lift into a shake. Walls clenched so tight around his cock, it's enough to nudge him over the edge. He fucks into you with great fervor, leaning your body back onto the counter as his hips snap against yours.

Thrusts becoming sloppy and untimed as he feels himself falling apart, an odd mixture of curses and your name falling from his lips as he feels his body tense. He's pulling out as a hurried afterthought, hand acting as a lame substitute for your wet core as he strokes himself to completion. Spilling onto your back with a strained groan.

And then the kitchen goes silent, nothing but the sounds of your heavy breaths and the hum of the fridge filling the room. Neither of you says anything, both trying to come back to your senses. A few moments pass before he's hearing the soft sound of your giggle, body rising off your stomach to turn and face him. He looks so dazed and fucked out, cheeks flushed and eyes blown. Hair a mess and breath ragged. He looked so hot.

A hand finds the back of his neck, fingers tangling into the soft hair there. Joon's grinning when his eyes find yours, an arm wrapping around your waist. Pulling you closer, because it never felt like you were close enough. “We just fucked,” You state the obvious, can't find it in yourself not to.

It was nice. You liked it. You liked him. Everything about him, you just found yourself liking. His laugh. His smile. How easily he was annoyed. The cute dimples. The sound of his voice. You liked him.

“Yeah, we did.” He's replying, a little breathless but he still manages to lean down to capture your lips with his. A short kiss that has you leaning up, silently asking for me. He denies you with a cute shake of his head. “Let's go upstairs. I wanna go down on you,” Okay, bold Joon was something you were definitely going to have to get used to. 

He's twirling you around when you don't move to lead him, large hand dropping to tap against your ass cheek, pulling a giggled squeal from your lips. “Ah!” You're laughing when he's reaching to do it again, instead taking hold of his hand. Fingers easily intertwining as you tug him behind you.

His back pressed to yours, cock growing hard against your backside as you lead him up the stairs and into your room. The sound of laughter only growing between the two of you.

Yeah, you liked him a lot.

MAY 10TH, 2020 | 23:58

Your body is warm against his, back pressed to his chest. Soft moans filling the air as he holds you close, pushing into you, chasing yet another release. This time in your bed. With you in his arms and it feels different. It feels nice. It makes him wonder... what's next? If there's something more for him to hope for.

He wanted to be with you, to put it simply. Never would've imagined it'd be you, but now he can't imagine it being anyone else. But things just sometimes worked out that way. Namjoon wanted to be yours, but in turn, he wanted you to be his.

Somehow, he felt like that might be the tricky part of it all.

— daughter of the ceo of the biggest record label, it’s obvious she’d get whatever and whoever she wants. but what happens when she’s meeting the one person that refuses to play into her spoiled brat act?

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A/N: timestamps make sense throughout the fic. if u want to be added to the tag list, send me an ask! + if you’ve asked to be on my permanent taglist, you do not need to ask to be added to this one !!

[lucianalight]

We are always talking about how the MCU has a thing for bad fathers, but can we also talk about how it also has a thing for giving its female characters horrible traumatic childhoods....Like Natasha, Yelena and Melina and all the other girls (women) from the Red Room and also Gamora and Nebula have the worst childhoods out of all the MCU characters. Maybe the Red Room Girls even more so than Gamora and Nebula...idk, maybe its more about the fact that with Dreykov and the Red Room the implication of the way he thinks about girls and women in generall is far more horrifying than with what Thanos did to his "daughters"...Thanos took these two as little girls and raised them as assasins but it was more in a " I took over your home planet and saw you and thought you had spirit" kind of way. While Dreykov genuinly believed that girls are not worth much and are interchangeble because theres always more. I mean 90% of the girls dont even survive training. And the fact that they forcible remove all of their reproductive organs. And what Dreykov says to Nat at the end of BW: "I built myself an empire with the only natural ressource the world has enough of, girls."....As someone who hasnt read a lot of the comics and so only knows Movie canon I just find it a bit "weird" that while the males also have childhoods that were bad, it just doesnt come close to how most of the major females had horrifying childhoods....

This is a very interesting observation you made and I'd never thought about it. I tried to google to see if this is a sexist trope regarding women but I couldn't find anything.

I guess what matters to me in case of telling stories about women who were abused, is how the movie handles the arc around their abuse and what message it sends.

With Gamora and Nebula, their abuse wasn't because of their gender in the context of the story. But it's worth mentioning that as far as we know only these two girls were forced to fight each other. One was tortured and her body parts were replaced to make her better, and the other also has enhancements implanted in her body. Which reminds me of domestic violence by controlling fathers in a world that validates patriarchy, pitting women against each other, taking away their agency and never considering them worthy no matter how they try. And what the story did with their arc? Gamora was violently killed by her abuser and it was portrayed as a sign of true love. And as if that wasn't disgusting enough, she was replaced by another version of herself as if women are interchangeable if they look like each other. And an abused and tortured Nebula was killed by her future self, instead of helping killing her abuser.

Another character that I like to mention is Mantis. She was practically Ego's slave. And her trauma and abuse was treated as a joke. And empathetic woman being abused by an egotistical man.

But then we have Black Widow movie which in my opinion portrayed certain things very well. The scene where they're trafficking little girls, was honestly the most terrifying scene I've seen in MCU. It's probably one of the things every woman fears. And the way girls were treated in the Red Room and how Dreykov saw them, even his own daughter, is a metaphor for how women are seen and treated within a patriarchal world. disregarded and objectified. They're expected to always obey the patriarchy. Even their own reproductive organs aren't their own and patriarchy system decides how to control them.

And the movie doesn't put these abused women against each other(unlike Nebula and her 2014 version). Even when they're sent after Natasha and Yelena they aren't treated as enemy. The heroes and narrative treats them as the victims who need healing and their death is tragic. I specially think the ending fight between Natasha and Antonia(Taskmaster) was done really well. It was so easy to make her blame Natasha for her situation, instead there's an understanding and sympathy between them.

So while the Black Widow movie still easily redeems abusive parental figures, I think unlike the other examples in MCU it has done a great job in handling the arc surrounding the violence and abuse these women went through. And I don't think there is an issue in portraying violence and abuse, if the story ends with the message of healing, freedom and empowerment.

[hwangsies]

[10:56 pm]

lee minho x female reader (smut)

warnings: mentions of alcohol, piv, choking, magic wand (vibrator) play, fratboy!minho i guess lmaoo, dom!minho, slight degradation, praise, a little daddy kink (idk it just happend ufbiskhbi), slight dumbification, overstimulation, multiple orgasm

wc: 2.1 k

enjoy <3

-

You feel the buzz of the gin tonic you had ten minutes ago slowly make its way to your head.

The loud bass is pounding in your chest as you sway your hips to the music in the crowd that had formed itself in the middle of your boyfriends spacious frat house living room.

Wondering where the hell that boyfriend of yours was, you take out your phone to check if he sent you any messages, your body still moving.

As if on cue, a muscular torso presses itself into your back and a strong thigh wedges between your legs.

You gasped softly and clutch onto your phone.

“there you are” plump lips press against the shell of your ear, the whispers that are escaping them send shivers down your spine as a big grin etches across your face.

“I’ve been looking for you” your boyfriend continues, swiping your hair to one side of your neck, his signature grin detectable in his voice.

“I got here like 10 minutes ago” you lean your head back against his broad shoulder as his hands tighten around your waist.

Your lashes flutter and a shaky moan leaves your lips when his open lips press against your jugular.

“missed you” his wandering lips mumble, your hand reaching up into his brown locks as he grinds his hips into yours from behind.

“fuck- you did, huh?” you giggle shakily when you feel him get hard right above your ass.

Minho sucks the soft skin under your ear in between his lips and you feel his fingers digging into your hips; when you tighten your fist in his hair in response and roll your ass against his crotch he lets out a low growl.

The vibrations against your neck make you giggle and you feel your panties getting damper.

Releasing your skin with a soft pop, he twirls you around and steadies you with a strong grip on your waist.

“fuck” he mumbles before a smug grin tuggs at his lips and he leans down to roughly connect yours with his.

His tongue invades your mouth hurriedly as you cling onto his shoulders and deepen the kiss even more.

He had been away with felix and hyunjin to attend a dance competition on the other side of seoul and you didn’t get to see him for two weeks, until now.

One of his hands find its place underneath your jaw as he pulls you closer to him, you can feel how needy he is for you and it drives you crazy.

His groans are being swallowed by the intense kiss you’re sharing as your one hand moves down to clutch his shirt for dear life and the other one cards through his hair.

The adrenaline that minho triggers inside of you, rushes through your veins as your tongues roll against each others.

Once more, he kisses the corner of your mouth before travelling down your neck, his grip on the back of your neck holding your head angled back.

You moan when he starts sucking a bruise into your skin and lightly grazes his teeth over it, you’re loud enough for him to hear through the blasting music but not for anyone else.

He chuckles lowly at your heightened sensitivity, which comes with the heat of his body against yours, the alcohol and probably the fact of him not touching you in two weeks.

“seems like you missed me more” he quips and nips at the soft skin on the base of your neck.

“shut up, lets go upstairs” you manage to breathe out before his lips are on yours again.

“mm-okay” he grins against your lips, teeth clinking together and breathing heavily before he presses a last peck to your kiss swollen lips.

He grabs your smaller hand in his and leads you through the crowd before walking up the stairs to his bedroom.

Opening the door to his bedroom, he lets you walk in before closing the door behind himself.

“I have a surprise for you” he grins.

“oh no” you chuckle “why am I scared” he rolls his eyes playfully before walking around his bed and patting his sheets, signalling you to sit down.

SO, you sit down and look up at him.

“okay, close your eyes and hold out your hands” he grins when your frown.

“c’mon babyyy”

“ugh alright” you give in, holding out your hands and closing your eyes.

“okay” he mutters before gently placing something heavy and long into your hands.

“open them” minho suddenly says, startling you just a little.

You blink a few times before your eyes fall onto the big massage wand with a just as big bulbous head in your hands.

“wha” your eyes flicker in between it and your boyfriend “is this…?”

He snickers and lowers himself onto his bed as well, leaning into you and kissing your lips.

“I wanna use it on you” he whispers, cocking his brows up when you just stare back at him.

“okay” you blush furiously, never before used something of this size nor seen in real life.

“would you want that?” he asks, gently caressing your waist.

“yea- I just don’t know if I trust this thing” you huff, at which minho places a kiss to your cheek before moving to your ear.

“do you trust me?” he pulls back to look at your face, taking the large toy out of your hand and placing it next to himself.

“of course” you smile before he presses his lips to yours again, making you lay back down as he hovers over you.

He is quick to tug your jeans off your legs once your lift your hips for him, his fingers finding their place rubbing over your thinly clothed core.

Your head drops back onto the sheets as he circles your clit “minho” you moan, grabbing his face to connect your lips again.

“fuck” you moan when he flattens his hand over your core.

“can I use it on you?” he whispers into the skin below your ear.

“yes” you exhale without second thought, your boyfriend grins and reaches back for the wand.

Resting the big round head on your thigh, he flips the switch to the lowest setting.

Already pretty strong vibrations tickling the skin of your inner thigh as he moves the head up and down your skin.

You moan when he gets closer to the apex of your thighs but he moves away again, teasing you.

“please don’t tease” you pout earning yourself a smooch on your lips.

“just because you asked so nicely” he grins, gently lowering the vibrating wand onto your clit.

Your thighs jump at the first contact, head getting thrown back as a startled gasp leaves your lips followed by a drawn out moan.

“oh my g- fuck!” you cry out, grabbing onto your boyfriend who’s by your side, holding your legs apart.

“tell me how it feels babygirl” he sneers.

“so good oh fuck!” your eyes scrunch together when you quickly feel your high approaching, the vibrations hitting every sensitive spot you can think of.

“m’ gonna cum” you whine, clawing at his shirt.

“already?” he chuckles at which you nod desperately, locking eyes with him.

“cum, baby, let go” he groans when he sees your eyes roll back and your toes curl in pleasure.

You cry out when your orgasm hits you, shockwaves rushing through your body as minho gently rubs the wand up and down your core.

You flinch when the vibrations hit your clit again “ahh-shit” you groan.

“I know you can cum again, doll” he mumbles, gently circling the big wand now.

“fuck” you cry out “fuck fuck”

“that’s it, good girl” he kisses your temple when your thighs start shaking.

“yes-yes” you chant feeling your next high bubble up in the pit of your stomach.

“cum for me baby” he mutters, too caught up in how ethereal you look.

Head thrown back, sweat clinging to your neck, thighs shaking and your pretty lips with the pretty sounds they make.

The knot in your abdomen snaps and you cum again, trembling with the power your of high.

“you did so good babydoll” he kisses you after turning off the wand and lying it to the side.

You connect your lips and kiss him hard, his hand soothingly rubbing over your lower stomach.

“you gonna fuck me now?” you look up at him with doe eyes and he feels his cock twitch in his jeans.

“of course baby” he grins “be good and take off everything yea?” he eyes you pulling your shirt over your head before unclasping your bra as he stands up from his bed, ridding himself of his clothes as well.

“how do you want me?” you ask when he crawls above you again, palming one of your breasts.

“hmm” he thinks out loud, lowering his mouth onto your nipple, gently suckling it when you thread your fingers through his hair lovingly.

“on all fours baby” he mumbles when locking eyes, he doesn’t miss the excitement in your gaze, grinning “sound good?”

You nod “yes”

He moves so you have enough room to turn around, resting on your forearms and knees and sticking out your ass.

“so perfect” he mumbles, smoothing his hands down your back and leaving goosebumps in their wake.

“please” you wiggle your butt “please fuck me daddy” you whine, knowing full well what that name does to your boyfriend.

“fuck” is all you hear before you feel a smack land on your right butt cheek and his thick tip sliding through your soaked folds before pushing inside slowly.

Once he’s sure you’ve adjusted, his pace his ruthless.

His dancer hips not missing one beat as he snaps them against yours, leaning forward to press your whole torso against the mattress and holding your neck from behind.

Your cries are muffled but he feels how tightly you clench around him when he passes that one spot inside of you.

“you like it when daddy fucks you like this, yea?” he grits through his teeth, you can barely hear him over the sound of his balls smacking against your clit and your ass against his hips, not to mention your own heartbeat and moans.

Suddenly all friction stops and he bottoms out fully, leaving you clenching around nothing as a disgruntled whine leaves your lips.

Before you can look behind yourself, you get flipped onto your back.

The sight of your boyfriend almost knocks the air out of your lungs; his jaw is clenched, hair damp and sticking to his forehead, his chest and abs are glistening with sweat.

“cant even answer my question, hm?” he grunts, resting on his shins and lifting your hips before pushing inside of you again.

“no” you pout, hands scratching at his neck.

“no?” he huffs as he picks up his pace again “to drunk off my cock baby? is that it?”

Your eyes roll back when he spreads your legs and thrusts into your further “fuck” you whimper.

“huh?” he repeats, grabbing onto your jaw and making you open your eyes and hold his gaze.

“yes, yes” you cry out “love your cock”

Minho releases your jaw in favour for the abandoned wand next to him, flipping the switch again and pressing it to your clit.

He hisses at how tight you get all over sudden.

“fuck!” you yell at the intensity, pulling at the sheets.

“fuck, you’re so pretty when you’re cockhungry like this babygirl” he rambles.

“I love you “ you moan “love your cock- love you” you arch your neck when his other hand wraps around your neck.

“I love you baby” he groans, trying to hold off his own high but the way your walls suck him in and hold him hostage is almost too much.

“love how you get when I fuck you dumb” you lock eyes at his words, a cry tearing from your throat when he presses the wand harder against your clit and squeezes your neck.

“love it when you fuck- ah- fuck me dumb” you breathe, teetering on the edge of no return once again.

“yea?” minhos jaw cleches and his rhythm falters slighty, hinting that he’s close himself “you like being daddys dumb little baby girl?”

“yes- oh fuck yes” his words send you tumbling over the edge, you dig your nails into his forearm as you shake and cry out for him.

White pleasure blooms behind your lids when you feel minho twitch inside of you and release with a shudder and a drawn out moan.

He flops down next to you, switching off the wand before gently dropping it onto the ground.

“you good, love?” he looks over at you, flushed cheeks and a blissful smile on your lips.

“so good” your limbs still tingle when you turn to him.

“lets take a shower yea?” he kisses your browbone.

“alright” you sigh “in two minutes okay?” you suggest, snuggling into his chest and feeling your eyes droop, his warmth lulling you to sleep.

“yea” he holds you, his eyes closing as well “two minutes”

-

a/n: its 3 am so i just know there are tons of grammatical errors and typos in there but hey here u go, ty for being so patient with me lol i hope you like this.

i was inspired by owen gray ngl (if you dont know who that is, go on inkognito mode and google him...thank me later skijisbejshdudbdobzf)

[1ddotdhq]

🍌Wed 2 Dec ‘20💚

Harry Styles Reacts to Banana Innuendo Rumors by Making EVEN MORE Banana Innuendos part TWO

Good morning/evening/night to Harry’s post and Harry’s post ONLY! (Okay that’s not true but it was definitely a highlight of my day). In case people haven’t seen it yet, it’s Harry in a light blue custom made suit putting a penis banana in his mouth. The picture is captioned “Bring Back Manly Men” so take a suck on THAT Candace Owens! It was only one of many great pictures in his variety shoot (including another, um, fruity picture of him biting into a pomegranate okay Persephone we get it), but Harry did indeed choose That One to post on This, the day after banana necklace dickscourse, BLESS. Harry’s interview was a little more in depth than they have been in the past, touching upon his feelings on race (“Historically, I can’t think of any industry that’s benefited more off of Black culture than music. There are discussions that need to happen about this long history of not being paid fairly. It’s a time for listening, and hopefully, people will come out humbled, educated and willing to learn and change”), as well as his tattoos (the only time he regrets them is in the DWD makeup chair), his love of reading, fashion and art, his exercise routine (Kid Harpoon couldn’t keep up!),  and his feelings on success and acclaim (“It’s never why I do anything...it's always nice to know that people like what you’re doing, but ultimately — and especially working in a subjective field — I don’t put too much weight on that stuff...Fans are the best A&R”). 

The problems arose - as they so often do - when One Direction was mentioned. The article said that “The proof [of the band’s benefits] is in the relatively seamless solo transitions of at least three of its members- Payne, Malik and Horan in addition to Styles- each of whom has landed hit singles on charts in the U.K., the U.S. and beyond”. Leaving aside the bad math (that's 4 people!) one name, of course, is notably missing: Louis has in fact enjoyed quite a lot of success both with Walls (remember when his album went #1 on iTunes in the UK AND the US literally 2 months ago?) and his pre-Walls singles like “Back To You” and “Just Hold On”. It got worse because the author tried to back up her claim with Harry’s quote, “When you look at the history of people coming out of bands and starting solo careers, they feel this need to apologize for being in the band...but we loved being in the band...I think there’s a wont to pit people against each other. And I think it’s never been about that for us. It’s about a next step in evolution. The fact that we’ve all achieved different things outside of the band says a lot about how hard we worked in it”. By linking her own words with Harry's quote she made it seem as though Harry said it to agree with her biased take, which we'd know he didn't even if we hadn't heard him say this exact quote without that slant multiple times before. Fans were quick to point out both to the author and to Variety that they were wrong (to describe the reaction mildly), and the author rather than fixing the mistake, doubled down and began blocking fans. Plenty of people were quick to say that of course HSHQ and Harry had approved this content, despite more knowledgeable fans trying to be heard protesting that that is not how it works. (Remember how just recently Vogue got Harry’s whole ass FAMILY situation wrong and it was not corrected until after print, for example?) In fact, even the magazine didn't really proofread this- the print version of the article is different and says, “The proof is in the relatively seamless solo transitions of at least three of its members - Styles, Malik and Horan”, effectively erasing both Louis AND Liam. It's an annoying take either way, but it's one the author more than likely picked up by doing her research on harrie twitter, not on orders from Jeff.

And because we DO NOT STAND FOR LILO ERASURE ON THIS BLOG, let’s talk about Liam’s Web Summit panel! It was 25 minutes of Liam and Marian Dicus (VP of Spotify) being interviewed about the current and future state of the music industry. Both of them, of course, noted that things had changed very quickly in their careers back at the beginning of lockdown, and how it had seemed surreal, at first, but that Liam had found that the way he was operating now (with Veeps and Tik Tok and Instagram lives) had made his platform a two way interaction with his fans. “For a long time I've been living in a dream world where I thought I was speaking with my fans but really I was just talking at them whereas we as artists ask a lot of rhetorical questions... I wanted to start a conversation”. Marian discussed how engaging fans differently WAS one of the most difficult things to puzzle out at the beginning, but that as months have passed, it seems artists like Liam have found a viable virtual future in the music industry (Liam tells us that he's been doing “stadium size shows” on Veeps which is an exciting clue about the mystery of how many tickets they're selling). They also went into the way music trends change as a response to social and political occurrences, how comfort songs gave way to protest songs this summer. Liam said, “People want their artists to have an opinion nowadays it's not that we can stay out of the conversation anymore-- and nor do we feel that we should in many places-- but for me it's a fine line because I realize what I do for people is an escape, people don't want things rammed down their throats every day and news messages from me about things that they don't want to hear about if they've come to listen to music, so its a real fine line that we kind of teeter on”. And about his opening acts, he acknowledges that his fanbase are mostly young women (based on the data breakdowns he gets from his team), and so he feels a responsibility to mentor young female artists in the industry so that more people like his fans have a voice. In an interview full of really fascinating music and technical discussions, this remained my favorite moment from Liam. Just like we won’t erase HIM, he refuses to erase US! And let's not forget our Liam alarm of the day-- it starts out absolutely adorable (“good moooorning!”), is hilarious in that apparently he just rambled completely unscripted and then they awkwardly cut it into 25 parts, but today's installment is frankly not relaxing! “only 23 sleeps til christmas have you done your shopping are you prepared” excuse me Liam YOU ARE STRESSING ME OUT. The promised relaxing sleep story affirmations are still 'coming soon'-- hurry up please I need them to decompress after that alarm!

Now for a lightning round of epic proportions: DWD darling pictures and vids keep comin’ and Harry and Florence are both looking GORGEOUS as Jack and Alice,  after the Variety shoot dropped ‘THE CAPTION’, ‘BRING BACK MANLY MEN’, and ‘LOUIS IS SUCCESSFUL’ trended worldwide on twitter, Tan France said “yes please” to Harry's banana post, Harry reiterated that London was home and he didn’t want to be in LA for longer than he needed to,Variety has its virtual show tomorrow at 5 pm PST so see you there! Veeps is sending out emails promoting Louis’ show to people who bought LP show tickets, fans have already started to receive their Louis Tomlinson Live From London merch, Trinity College in Dublin’s Law society presented Niall with an award for, uh, his Irishness, I guess? (Just kidding, it’s for “his incredible talent and work ethics which is famously underscored by a distinct humility despite unthinkable success”). It looks like he will be giving a talk when he’s presented with it, and I’m honestly really interested to see what it’s all about - is he...gonna be talking to law students? Idk but tune in on December 7th at 12 pm GMT to find out!