#idk just sleep deprived thoughts I had a while back lol

[puppetmaster13u]

Tags are from @phoenixcatch7's Kintsukuroi post

And it reminded me of a question/idea I had when thinking about things like Batman Beyond and all the future timelines, dark or otherwise. Because like, what would happen if the dolls got attached. Like before Bruce, before his family, they haven't been used, they've been rotting away in the tunnels, in the depths of the caves sitting half broken and unnused. So what happens if his body, his human body, starts breaking down. We all know that Bruce wouldn't, couldn't, stop being Batman. Honestly he's more Batman than Bruce most times as time goes on even outside that. At first he's only out at night, at Patrol outside an odd hour or two training and helping the kids. But then the Justice League forms and now he's using the Patriarch more and more outside of Gotham on top of his own usual schedule. So what if one morning, he wakes up, and it's not in his human body. In fact, he can't even feel it any more.

[babsaros]

How did you know you were gay?

ah, couple reasons i guess. some that only became obvious with like 15 years of hindsight, and only after pulling myself out of the deep dark pit of compulsory heterosexuality.

like. classic symptoms of lesbianism include shamefully staring at the floor when you pass the women's underwear racks in the department store, even though you're not quite sure why you're uncomfortable. that sort of thing.

i have memories from early elementary school of accidentally glimpsing down a girl's shirt at recess and then bottling up that feeling and refusing to think about it. any time i had a crush on a boy, it was from an extremely idealized and safely non-actionable distance. the one time i did have a boyfriend, it was just my guy best friend from middle school, we dated for barely a school year before i ended it and the most physical intimacy i was ever comfortable with was holding his hand when we walked to class. i went to a different school's prom because a guy i was kind-of friends with asked me, and spent the whole night uncomfortably avoiding eye contact.

basically i started questioning my sexuality towards the end of high school, when i noticed myself getting like. jealous about my guy best friend's girlfriends?? like. i wanted to date them. i wanted to steal them from him lmao. i thought girls were pretty and soft and nice and cute and i was too afraid of being a predatory creep to do anything about it besides have far-fetched daydreams, but there was no heterosexual explanation. like, i hugged a girl i thought was pretty one time and it did things to my brain. that memory got locked in for life.

i identified as ace/pan early on, but again- compulsory heterosexuality. the idea of being with a guy romantically or sexually was never actually appealing. i had just been told that was what i was supposed to want my entire life, and the movies do a great job of selling that fantasy. but really i was just a lonely depressed helpless romantic teenager that wanted to be loved lol.

a large part of why i identified as asexual was because i was so sex-repulsed by the idea of penetration, honestly? (which i have since gotten over, but specifically Only with girls. the idea of having sex with a man still icks me out, and my preference is definitely femme-presenting ppl) a bit of it was probably also because i hadn't unpacked gender yet either. it made it very difficult to actually imagine myself having sex with anyone ever lol. this is gonna sound so cringe to say, but reading gay smut did awaken things in me.

in conclusion, tldr, i just like to think about tits and kissing women sometimes, idk. thanks for coming to my tedtalk.

[theshslpumpkinghost]

Rose Ch2 Culprit Theory!!

(Spoilers for Ch2 Ep12! (and literally every episode before that too)

(i know it probably isn’t her, but i wanted to post my theory regardless! Also, this is unfinished, I just wanted to post it before Ep13 comes out- I’m so sorry to anyone who reads through my stupid little rambles-)

(reminder that all of this is silly stuff my brain thought of while i was sleep deprived after ep12 so- none of this is probably relevant-)

I was looking at DRDT culprit theories for Ch2 and randomly though what if it's Rose-? 'Cause after they found the body, Rose was right outside the room, in the hallway- She was the one who found evidence that nobody else would have found, since it was hidden in the trash can, and more than that, it was evidence that specifically framed someone else. She mentions not wanting to see the body, so she's unable to help with the crime scene, unlike in ch1, where she helps by using her photographic memory to draw a picture of the crime scene before it got disturbed.

But WHAT IF the reason she doesn't want to go in is because she doesn't want to end up accidentally revealing herself as the killer- Like- First off the BDA thing, where 3 people who hadn't seen the murder needed to set it off- This isn't actual evidence, really, but i thought i could mention it- uh- Anyways! Another way she might reveal herself as the killer is being too- useful- Like, how Min volunteered to help Teruko investigate in Ch1, but it was actually just to make sure Teruko didn't figure out it was her. So- Rose could've made a fair assumption that Teruko or someone else could be suspicious- And so she used the excuse of not wanting to see the body as a way to get out of it.

The reason she might want to escape is because of her family- Who she put into debt and also got them out of it- So she obviously cares about them, ergo, motive for murder. (maybe she was reminded of this when Teruko told her the secret she got-? idk lol)

Plus, she mentions the grippy tape in the gym, and how she used it to be able to do a pullup- So she could've used it to get a better grip on the spinny thing during the murder. (I know it’s probably just a way for the tape to be introduced before the murder) She could've taken it from the gym whenever, and since she's the one who mentioned it was missing- Could be to get rid of suspicion. although she wasn't there when the tape disappeared from the gym, you can't rule out that she might have an accomplice- Or she could be the accomplice, either or-

Also, I've seen a lot of culprit Eden with accomplice Levi, but what about culprit *Rose* with accomplice Levi- Just a thought I had.

Rose culprit with Levi accomplice theorists wya

Another thing is the fact that she hides her face when talking to Teruko in the hallway after Arei's body is found- which means we can't see her expression. And since her voice is usually monotone, even when talking about stuff she cares for, we can't get any clues about her emotions from that either-

She's also the first one to mention that the evidence from the murder is probably hidden on the second floor, since it would be difficult to make elevator trips without people noticing it- This isn't *too* suspicious, but also, it could be. Because sometimes Danganronpa is so fucking sneaky and hides stuff in obvious places-

None of this is really concrete evidence it's her, even though she *does* try and push everyone back to assuming the murder happened at night, rather than in the morning like Teruko proved it did, during episode 12- And in Ch2 in general, Rose has been- kind of derailing the trial a bit. Not too noticeably, but a few things-

1- She *did* agree with Ace somewhat when he brought up Nico being the killer. Which is understandable, considering that they *did* lie and steal from her- But it could also be evidence of her trying to blame someone else for it without being overly suspicious.

2- She spends some time in Ch2 Ep9 trying to convince people that Arei committed suicide and not murder. Maybe a normal assumption, but given that they're in a murder trial, talking about a murder, and Veronika had already mentioned that Arei wouldn't have been able to snap her neck by jumping from the swingset- Plus the rule that if it *was* suicide, MonoTV wouldn't hold a trial. And since Rose has a photographic memory, she should've remembered that, right? She even mentions this- in the trial- She then brings up the possibility of assisted suicide, instead of continuing with the murder assumption like everybody else- Rose could've helped Arei kill herself, but this isn't a theory about that, it's about her being a murderer so-

Also, she hasn't fallen asleep once in T2 yet. Which is- strange considering she did in T1. And plus the fact that she possibly uses sleeping as a form of escapism. Maybe because she needs to contribute more to this trial for it to work, but it's still suspicious- I might just be reading too much into it idk- Maybe the reason she isn't sleeping this trial because she doesn't have anything to specifically try and escape right now. Unlike T1, Rose supposedly didn't see Arei's body, so she wouldn't be trying to forget it by sleeping through the trial.. But that's also not really evidence, mostly just guesses-

(Another thing- When the fish in the playground are brought up, she seems like she's going to say something- But then J interrupts and Rose just stops talking. Probably doesn't mean anything but I'm putting every Rose trial scene in here- )

She also doesn't have a reaction to the note being brought up, but she joins in after Teruko asks to see the note for the second time. She mentions how she and Whit figured Teruko wouldn't mind as much if Eden was the one who had the note- probably so Teruko could easily check if Eden was lying.

Rose doesn't talk for a while after that, but almost at the end of episode 10 she mentions that she doesn't have an alibi. Of course, this doesn't mean much, considering what happened in episode 12 where they find out that they got the whole time of the murder wrong- Which leaves almost nobody with an alibi. But I had to mention it so-

After that, she doesn't speak up again until Ace is mentioned as a suspect, and then she only mentions that Ace being on the second floor is suspicious. Which, again, normal assumption, but just let me have this- And after that, she brings up David's 'secret' of family depression not being on the board- Which starts David's whole Nagito arc that apparently lasted 2 hours-

Okay! Now on to episodes 11 + 12! Rose doesn't show up at the beginning part but she does show up when the others are talking about David's real secret. She mentions that no actual good came out of David pushing them to share their secrets- And then after that her only line immediately after David's reveal was just her talking about her memory again- And then after David and Hu's whole.. conversation, Rose mentions how David is 'Definitely the killer.' Which is, well, what everybody else assumed, too- I just think it's interesting how Rose only shows up in this trial when somebody else is being blamed.

After David's whole 'I killed Arei, blah blah blah' moment, Rose speaks up and says they should just vote now. Levi agrees, and he actually almost tells MonoTV to start the voting time. She's really pushing for just whoever seems the most suspicious at the moment- I mean, plenty of characters have done it, but it's still really interesting to me. Mostly because if Teruko hadn't stopped them, everyone would literally be dead. David's plan would've worked-

Okay! Now Ep12-

Rose doesn’t show up for a lot of it- again- But her first appearance in this ep was when Teruko realised her mistake. All she does is say that it was kind of a big mistake and that’s it. Nothing else about it from Rose. She doesn’t speak up during Arturo’s rant either. Rose is shown when Charles asks if anyone has any counterpoints against Arei being killed at 7:30AM, but she doesn’t say anything.

And then they go back to alibis, and like before, Rose still doesn’t have one. She never has one, because she’s always asleep- But that’s not evidence, really, because nobody (besides 3 people) even have an alibi for this-

She doesn’t show up during David’s monologue either, but then nobody really shows up during that besides J, David, Hu, and Teruko, so-

She comments on how scary Hu is after she interrupts David, but Rose still hasn’t contributed much in this ep- Although it was more focused on David and Xander, so that makes sense. When they talk about alibis again, Rose still doesn’t have one. Which isn’t surprising. After that, but before Levi derails the trial, Rose speaks up and mentions not having any clues and not knowing where to go from here-

But that’s all for this theory so far! uh.. I’ll probably finish it at some point- but i wanted to get it out before ep13 so- I’m so sorry to anyone who reads through this absolute rambling bullshit-

[huckleberrykai]

hueningkai ~ video games

pairing: gamer bf!hyuka x sanrio gf!reader summary: ... idk what this is tbh i haven't slept in 26 hours and i'm obsessed w this trope soz THANKS MOON I HAVE SEVERE BRAINROT - gamer bf kai headcanons bcs idk how to write something proper rn but i must get thoughts out !!! texts too?? idk i blacked out this is probably bad i'm going to sleep now LOL warnings: NSFW ! minors dni i will block u <3 all links go to Pinterest lol. very much not proofread at all click here for my masterlist!

gamer bf!kai who just loves how cute you are, sharing his love of plushies and video games you're a match made in heaven >///<

kai who buys you soooo many of those little sanrio pajamas, thinking you look so cute and sexy :( soft tummy on show for him to kiss and cuddle while he toys with the soft fabric, pulling your shorts to the side~~ keep it on.. please?

just buys you a new one when he ruins it with cum stains <3

kai who loves his lil sanrio gf so much :( so sweet but so secretly dirty. he buys you so many cute plushies of your favourite characters bcs he just loves u so much <3 loves it even more when he gets pictures and videos of you in the middle of the day, desperately humping the plushies he bought u, endlessly complaining they didn't feel as good as him >///<

he has to take breaks from playing with his gaming buddies to text you back, always ending up with him in your bedroom or on the phone with you, important game be damned.

he's down so bad. ur both simps. it's probably impossible to pull u apart once ur together tbh. kai who gets in trouble all the time for spending time at your house, having sleepovers bcs he's obsessed with your big comfy bed and adorably decorated room ~ finally having you all to himself as long as you don't count the plushies watching you get railed from the end of the bed bcs u forgot to turn them around >.<.

kai who likes to communicate with his fav girl through silly Sanrio memes, all your texts having so many djksalsk~

kai who gets bullied by his members whenever they see your texts over his shoulder~ stupid memes and tooth-rotting sweetness that make them pucker their faces in disgust jokingly, but really they're happy he found someone so sweet and well matched, even if you can't seem to keep your hands off each other.

gamer bf!kai who insists you should live together so you can have a shared gaming room. lets be real tho you'd barely end up sitting in your own chair, having a few minutes to yourself before kai plucks you away from playing the sims and plops you in his own lap. he needs his good luck charm, you wouldn't deprive him of a win would you?~

needy bf kai who can't keep quiet when you squirm around in his lap~ his friends blissfully unaware of his cute gf wiggling in his lap for attention. he'd played too many rounds and you were starting to get needy, and kai's so soft for you he can never say no :((

OMG OMG COCKWARMING trying to be quiet while kai tries to keep his hands steady on his controller and voice steady through the mic, gently pulling your matching pjs down and watching you slide down on him trying to get some much-needed relief. His voice was cracking, and when you started moving against him, dropping kisses against the pretty mole on his neck he had to quit, saying he was feeling sick or something. they def knew what was going on. it's happened before, it'll happen again 😭

and big sweet bf kai, manhandling you into bed and fucking you so well. He won't stop until you're seeing stars~ hands clutched around a hello kitty plush he'd given you with your hair sprawled out on the pillow. his sweet sanrio loving princess <3

nsfw taglist: @subbyjvnnie @mazeinthemoon @n0-thisispatrick @banggyu0308 @majestyjun @bibibinnie @beom-pyu

[whumping-valentine]

🦌 Fawn and Hunter - Part 3 🦌

"Restless Nights"

Content: Paranoid whumpee, fear of being SAed, uhhh idk this is mostly setup for the next chapter which will be much more whumpy.

1,100 words

(Not) continuing on with my part-a-day challenge (to the fullest) but I'll try to get a part out on the regular! Congrats, you now know what I'm like as a content creator! Rule of thumb, if I ever say "I'll try to—" or "I will be—" you can count on me to never deliver!

However, in my own defense, I've been working my job a shit ton recently, and am also working on a 12 book series, and also working on the series for Valentine that I'll be posting here, and drawing a lot, so I'm pretty busy, lol. But as always, excuse my writing quality for this mini series, I just shit these out into Google Docs and then copy and paste them here.

With that said, I humbly bring you all part 3! The next part is where the whump is really gonna start coming through, so stay tuned for that (and the eventual off-the-rails plot I thought of at 3 am while trying to sleep)

       Fawn was in a state of shock, and they knew it, too. They didn’t feel very much besides the anxiety that coursed through their veins. They should be frightened, and feel disgusted. They should be crying, and panicking, and trying to find a way out. Yet all they could do was sit up right on the old dirty mattress, hugging their knees to their chest as they stared into the pitch black darkness of Hunter’s basement.

       Eventually they fell back against the mattress, hands over their chest as their heart beat wildly, yet they felt nothing. Not even tired. Sleep was nowhere near on their mind. All they could think about was their own stupidity. How they managed to walk right into a psychopath’s literal trap. Thoughts of the future wavered through their mind, and none of the scenarios were favorable.

       Were they going to be killed? No, Hunter alluded to it, but said they were too pretty, whatever the hell that means. Was that really the only thing keeping them alive? What if they accidentally piss them off? What if they grow bored of them? But… What do they even want with them in the first place? Something nice to look at? A pretty pet? Where they going to be raped? They didn’t even want to consider the thought.

       Fawn couldn’t hear a single sound other than the sound of their own breathing and heartbeat. They couldn't even see their own hands in front of them. There were no windows, no connections to the outside world. It was sensory deprived hell, and as the minutes ticked away they felt like they were going insane.

       They couldn’t take it anymore, and sat up, slowly getting up to stand on their one good foot. They wobbled and felt weak, but once they got their footing they slowly hopped to where they saw the light string. Reaching out blindly in the darkness, they felt it in their hands, and pulled it. A click rang through the air, and the basement was illuminated, albeit dimly, but they could at least see.

       The basement was full of all kinds of clutter, like tools, weapons, boxes, taxidermied animals, bones, fur rugs, and mounted animal heads. There were a bunch of spiders, cobwebs, and cockroaches scurrying around. Good thing they weren't afraid of bugs. At least they had some company.

       The mattress was torn and covered in blood and dirt. Lots of dried blood, actually. How many others were here before them? How many others spent their last nights on this same, tattered bed? It all felt too surreal. It couldn't be real. This was a horror movie, or a true crime documentary in the making, and they were the next subject. Why them of all people? Life isn't fair.

They began to carefully and quietly sift through the various things Hunter kept down there. Looking through the boxes, opening drawers, peeking behind furniture. Inside a metal cabinet were multiple folders and papers. The papers being....

       ...Missing posters?

First came confusion, then came the wide eyed terror and the sinking of their heart. In shock their shaking hands dropped the papers, and when they got their bearings, picked them back up, examining them.

       There were some from different places, but most of them came from the same nearby town that Fawn had just moved to. They could recall seeing some of them around town, or in newspaper ads. Even conversations with the locals about how people often go missing... The oldest one of the bunch was ten years ago. The most recent was only from 6 months ago.

       Fawn felt sick to their stomach. Asking how many people were here before them was supposed to just be rhetorical.

       Fawn grabbed a knife that was sitting on one of the tables, and turned out the lights. It was old and rusted, but just having a weapon in their hands at least gave them the illusion of safety. They clutched it tightly in both of their hands, sitting on the mattress. They were restless and anxious, with their wide eyes staring towards the door in darkness. They could hear the floorboards creak above them, and they hoped and prayed Hunter wouldn't come back down the stairs.

       Especially if they thought they were asleep.

       Though much like Fawn, Hunter wasn't able to rest their eyes, either. However, while Fawn's may have been from fear, Hunter was far too excited. They tossed and turned, but all they could think about was their latest victim. When they remembered they had a bag with them that they removed, they jumped out of bed immediately.

       Moonlight was shining through the trees, seeping into the decrepit cabin through cracked and boarded up windows. Hunter went to the kitchen and picked Fawn's bag up off of the floor, curious to rummage through their things.

       It was filled with snacks and water bottles. There was a change of clothes, a pocket knife, a book on plant identification, binoculars, and finally, they hit the jackpot. A phone with no passcode! Just who was their little Fawn, really?

       Their lockscreen was a photo of two cats cuddling, looking like they took it themself at a shelter. Much to Hunter's dismay, it didn't seem like they had any social medias, but they did have lots of things in their gallery!… though they were mostly just photos of animals. They couldn't find a real name or anything that was truly personal.

       It wouldn't matter much even if they did have socials, because there was no signal out here. It wouldn't connect to the internet. Maybe they had something in their calendar?... no, nothing. No birthdays or events, except for some things relating to the Animal shelter. 

       Their phone was so void of anything that it was almost frustrating. Either they didn't use technology much, or they had absolutely nothing going on in their life besides their volunteer work. I mean, they didn't even have a passcode, Hunter was disappointed, to say the least.

      A weak knock coming from the basement door startled them out of their dissatisfaction.

      "Uhh… Hunter?" A meek, muffled voice called.

      "What?"

       "I… have to pee."

      "Okay."

      "I need a bathroom."

       "No you don't. You have a change of clothes right here, you can change in the morning."

       "What?!" Fawn was appalled, "But—"

       "You should be happy you're alive and shut up. Piss on the floor and go to bed."

       "But—"

       "Piss on the floor and go to bed." Hunter repeated, much more stern. It was silent for a moment before quiet thumps could be heard limping down the stairs. Poor injured thing.

       Hunter had a feeling this recent capture was going to be quite an interesting one. They listen well enough, but don't seem to really grasp the situation they've found themself in. It wasn't a worry, that just meant training them was going to be all the more enjoyable.

       Hunter smiled.

       They were going to have fun tomorrow.

[sabo-has-my-heart]

Dear Astra,

This is two part anon. Hope you are doing okay. I've come back from hell (lol just kidding, I got a heavy fever for like a week, and then spent the next 2 weeks catching up with my homework). How are you? I've learned it the hard way that you should always drink enough fluids, so remember your daily water!

During my time in bed, I thought of a cute fic idea that I'd love to tell you (not that I'm urging you to write, I just wanna talk). Reader and Sabo are both serious workers in the RA. However, whenever they have time alone, Sabo'll turn into a huge size golden retriever, with the puppy eyes yearning for reader's touch and praise. (Aizzzzz I melted while fantasizing about this, like imagine Sabo goes "Y/N~ pat my head, please" while kneeling down hugging reader's waist. OH GOD I'M DYING). Oh I also have a fantasy for Ace, which is nsfw :^) (can't help it ig, I'm not telling it if you're not curious tho, since I know sharing these +18 thoughts can be a bit 'meh' to some people)

Also I've spent a huge amount of time gaming while being sick and found myself a new husbando alongside Ace ehehe it's Roland from Punishing Gray Raven if you wanna check it out.

I'm curious if you like listening to music or not? I've been into a Japanese band recently, which is a surprise because I've rarely heard any Japanese song. But I love them and I hope they'll get more love (just like the way I love you *wink wink* lol)

I think it's because I've done everything that I'm so hyped now. I feel like this message is too long and full of random bs. But yeahhhh boiiiii, I finished everything today, I'm so happy.

Oh yeah, recently you posted a delete announcement that freaks the loving Ace out of me. I'm sorry for what you had to go through but half of me was like "not the Ace fics, not the Ace fics, please please anything but the Ace fics"

Sorry if these topics are so random, I'm just sharing my 'highlights in life' with you. Idk maybe because it makes me happy I hope it makes you happy too. Aight my hype has calmed down, Imma take my leave. Have a great day/night. Best wishes to whatever you're doing and PLEASE REMEMBER TO STAY HYDRATED (sorry if it's too aggressive, I'll stop if you don't like it. It's just that I've been through the worst because of it so I don't want you to experience that) Aight, this is already longer than my project essay, see you!

I finally got around to writing something!!! So it's not as long as some of my others things and definately not as long as I would have liked, however, considering I'm sleep deprived, can't sleep, and haven't written in months, I'm not displeased with it!

Warnings: FLUFF!!!

Word Count: 980

     Smiling, you ran your hands through Sabo’s wavy blond locks as he snuggled his head into your stomach. While the two of you both worked hard, highly dedicated to the Army’s cause, you both sometimes wished to spend more time together like this. In the privacy of your room, you could both relax, let down your guards, and be vulnerable. Sabo never hid who he was, he was always true to himself, to his dreams and aspirations, to his desires, hobbies, and interests; that being said, this was a side only you ever saw. Here, in the safety of your room, he allowed himself to melt into your embrace, to yearn for your praise, and to nuzzle into your touch; as if he was a touch starved child and not the strong, independent, second-in-command of the RA. A blond haired, lovesick, human puppy. 

     “Did I do alright on the last mission?” he asked softly, nuzzling against you even more, arms tightening around your waist, making you laugh slightly. You knew exactly what he was after. It wasn’t like you minded and it wasn’t like he was purposefully seeking your attention and praise in an annoying manner, but hearing you say it always made his heart skip a beat and his stomach flutter.

     “You did more than alright, you did spectacularly. A perfect 10/10 like always.” you said, caressing his cheek as he let out a pleased, content noise as he attempted to snuggle further into your stomach.

     “You know I always try my best for you.” he said softly, his words muffled by your stomach.

     “Oh? So you don’t give your all simply for the RA?” you teased, making him whine. He knew you were teasing, but part of him felt a lump form in his throat, as if he’d disappointed you for only giving his 100% for you.

     “No, I promise, I give my all for the Army, I promise, I just-” “Shhh, I know, sweetheart, I’m sorry. I know you’ll always do your best, for me or for our cause.” You said, leaning down to kiss his forehead. Sabo sighed happily at the feeling of your lips against his skin, relaxing once more into your touch. You’d pull him closer and wrap your arms around him, comforting him if he hadn’t been cuddled up to you like he was at the moment, the both of you laying on the bed, his tall form curled up so he could fit on the bed while laying his head on your stomach. He reminded you so much of a golden retriever at moments like these. A sweet puppy curled up with their loved one, tail wagging softly as they snuggled up to them, eyes begging for praise and pets. Sometimes you liked to joke that he should have found a canine zoan devil fruit instead so that he could have a real tail to wag back and forth. Not that you weren’t happy that he’d found his brother’s devil fruit. In fact, you loved that he’d eaten the Mera Mera fruit, enjoying the warmth that radiated from his body on cold nights as you held each other close. 

     He’d loved how you’d spent the entire night telling him how amazing his new abilities were and how happy you were that he’d succeeded in tracking down and eating something that meant so much to him.

     “Thank you for always working so hard, for doing so much for everyone. You’re always doing everything you can and you deserve so much for what you do.” you said, making him grin like a mad man as he attempted to nuzzle his face further into you again, as if trying to hide how giddy your words made him. 

     “Can… can I ask you for something then?” he asked, looking up at you once more with those large, pleading, puppy eyes of his. You giggled and nodded, brushing his hair out of his face, “can we go out to my favorite restaurant later? I know it’s pretty far away, but they make the best ramen.” he requested, making you chuckle as you shook your head at his request.

     “Of course we can. We’ll get you as much ramen as you want and even something for dessert if you’d like. Afterwards, we can spend the rest of the day snuggled up in bed, or I can spend the rest of the day just running my fingers through your hair while you sleep.” you offered, drawing more happy noises mixed with excitement from his throat. 

     “Thank you, you’re so amazing.” he said, his large grin plastered across his face. At this rate, you were pretty sure his smile wouldn’t die down until morning, fairly certain that he’d fall asleep with that insanely large grin. 

     “Pretty sure you’re the amazing one, sweetheart. So strong, brave, and kind. Nobody could possibly be as astounding as you.” you praised, making him wiggle around on the bed in delight. You could practically see the non-existent tail thumping against the mattress. Pulling him away from your abdomen, you began to pepper his face in sweet kisses, bringing a loopy, delighted, love drunk look to his face before pulling him into your chest, resting his head just above your heart, its gentle beating easily relaxing him further as he began to doze off, too content to keep his eyes open. As much as he was enjoying the attention, thriving on your love and adoration, he was tired, comfortable, and at ease, “Get some sleep, you’ve earned it.” you said, arms holding him tightly, hand still running through his hair as he nodded sleepily, quickly falling asleep. He was the RA’s hardest worker, one of its strongest fighters, and one of its best soldiers, and he was your sweet little golden retriever, an adorable puppy of a man, and as soft and cuddly as the fluffy canine he resembled.

[epikhightechnology]

@kissporsche

I am sleep deprived and my mind is a mess so this might not make a whole lot of sense. Esp if you're not familiar with the musical. Do not expect greatness cause you wont find it lol

The story begins not with Pete or Vegas but with Porsche because he is Christine in this au. He joins the Opera House owned by idk.. Italians or something, as a dancer. All the bodyguards are ballet dancers in this universe (imagine Big as a ballet dancer and cry with me). They’re trained by Chan (madame Giry. Fits perfectly if you ask me). Porsche quickly becomes best pals with a fellow dancer Pete, they might even live together like in the show.

The Phantom is obviously Vegas. He has the mask and everything cause his asshole dad mutilated him when he was a kid and made him join the circus to earn money. It’s all very tragic and sad really. He spends years being laughed at till one day he’s done with it. He kills his dad and escapes. I’m imagining rain and thunder and tears and then finally peace and quiet that he finds in the basement of an old opera house. He puts on the mask & becomes the Phantom over several years, spending his days tormenting the owners of the opera and writing music in his dungeons. Living his best life lol

Back to the present. One day as Vegas is wandering the hallways like the creep he is, he hears Porsche singing and gets inspired. He is like omg I can make that man a star and make him sing my music. (Also the current primadonna sucks and their singing makes Vegas’ head hurt… lets say it’s Tawan cause we hate him lol. Vegas has been trying to get rid of the bastard for a while now) It’s going great - Porsche is easy to manipulate cause of his childlike dreams of an angel of music that his dead father (or mother?) would send him. Also Porsche is hot and kind and Vegas is kinda delulu for him. He hasn’t had any human contact for years and he is desperate for some love. Porsche gives him a taste of it cause he thinks Vegas is an angel so he speaks with affection to him. Porsche’s bestie Pete notices something is off and keeps an eye out but doesn’t do anything for now, cause Porsche seems to be doing well even if he’s acting a lil weird. Also who could imagine the reality of the situation lol. Pete does see more than the rest tho, he has seen Vegas in the shadows before, but he doesn't connect the dots. Yet.

Then out of nowhere the Italians decide to sell the opera house to Tankhun. Yes Tankhun cause imagine him running an opera. And Arm or something cause he needs a partner. Oh maybe Tay? Idk this needs more thought than I’m capable of at the moment. Anyways.. Vegas is mad cause Tankhun is even worse at running the opera than the previous owners. Even so he does manage to get rid of Tawan and get Porsche on stage, but then fucking KINN shows up and is like hot diggity dog.. Porsche is hot and I love him and Porsche loves him back (they are childhood friends like Christine and Raoul), which simply makes Vegas lose his last marble. He’s been spending months at this point teaching and seducing Porsche and it's taken a lot of work to get Porsche on stage and he’s not about to let Kinn steal him so he goes and kidnaps him (porsche). Takes him to his dungeon and tries to convince him that life there with him could be kinda nice. Cause look at all the good he's done for him. Porsche is listening till his curiosity wins and he tears Vegas' mask off and is disgusted much like Christine the first time she saw the Phantom’s face. Vegas is hurt and lets him go. Convinces himself that Porsche just needs more time, that he just needs to try a little harder. That he has to work more to get that love that he craves.

Porsche is traumatised after the kidnapping. Pete is worried, he sees that something is really wrong even though Porsche doesn't tell him what exactly happened. Kinn is an oblivious idiot, who at this point only cares about this Phantom dude sending everyone threatening notes lol. He and Tankhun decide to disobey everything Vegas is asking for and let Tawan back on stage which leads to no good. Vegas snaps and kills someone. Porsche runs to the rooftop, Kinn follows, they confess to each other and kiss and Vegas’ heart breaks and he brings down the chandelier.

Pete our best boy who has been watching everything go down from the sidelines is like ok this has turned from weird to FUCKED & he decides to investigate. Cause he is a sneaky lil guy and doesn’t like it when his friends get hurt for no good reason. He takes it upon himself to go find this opera ghost and stop him. He finds the entrance to the dungeons behind Porsche’s mirror and goes down there. In the dungeon he is greeted by a very sad scene of Vegas crying his heart out. What a pathetic creature. Except the creature is insane and once he notices and catches Pete he ties him up and spews all his anger and sadness on him. Vegas thinks Pete is a nobody whom no one will miss (and sadly he’s somewhat right) (but Vegas does know who Pete is cause he knows everything) and decides to keep him there to torment while he wallows in his sadness. Very unfortunately the rest of the opera don’t even notice Pete is gone (they’re too busy fixing things and getting their shit back together and Porsche is too busy with Kinn). After a few days of silence they’re thinking - finally we pissed off the phantom so much that he left. When in reality Vegas is planning his revenge. Pete is trying his best to convince him to leave Porsche alone cause obviously Porsche doesn’t like him back but Vegas being the man he is can not let his grudge go. And even though he doesn’t even like Porsche much anymore (cause his heart is opening up to someone else), he wants to take revenge on Kinn.

There’s mad tension between VP. Pete isn’t afraid of what's underneath Vegas’ mask because he has his own scars too. Both physical and emotional. They do share asshole fathers in every universe. They bond over it. And Vegas gets a glimpse under Pete's mask when he notices the way Pete reacts to him and his anger. Something inevitably does happen between them but it doesn't lead to any good because Vegas still thinks he is unlovable (boy thinks love has to be earned and is going about it in all the wrong ways) and he is obsessed with his revenge plot; and Pete our dear Pete thinks Vegas is in love with Porsche cause he thinks himself unlovable too.

The masquerade happens (oh imagine how happy Tankhun would be to throw this party), Vegas crashes it and promises to bring everything down unless they perform his opera. Realising all his efforts to change Vegas' mind have been in vain and Vegas still cares more abt Porsche than him, Pete escapes to go warn his friends about his actual plans. In a way he also rejoins the masquerade when he returns to his life. There is much to be said about masks and stuff in this au but again - my brain has not the capacity to do it rn. Finding out Pete is gone makes Vegas even madder cause he does feel things for him even if he's in denial about it. Cause Pete is the only person ever to not flinch when Vegas looks at him. There's that kindness he's been looking for in Pete but he doesn't let himself see it.

Kinn comes up with his shit plan to catch the Phantom despite Pete’s arguments that it won’t work. The opera happens and everything goes to shit. Vegas once again kidnaps Porsche. Kinn shows up at the dungeon and gets almost killed. They are yelling at each other when Pete arrives. He overhears Vegas making Porsche choose between him and Kinn and he can't take it anymore. He goes all out along the lines of 'you stupid moron, I love you, i can't sing, I'm a shit dancer but I love you and why am I not enough???' Like why is Porsche the end goal here when he obviously hates Vegas? Vegas, Porsche and Kinn are dumbfounded at this. Vegas didn’t really believe that Pete would like him for real. but pete goes on about how vegas ripped pete's mask off and now he's gonna leave him stranded in this world when they could have something together and for what?? It takes vegas a moment to understand what's happening. Kinn uses the opportunity and shoots or stabs or whatever Vegas, takes Porsche and runs. Porsche asks Pete to come with them but he refuses. Kinn is a dick and he drags Porsche away. Pete holds Vegas very fairytale like, very tragic and beautiful. "Say you'll share with me one love, one life time, say the word and I will follow you.."

When the others come to the dungeon to get the phantom, they find it empty. Vegas and Pete have disappeared but they live. Away from all this, somewhere else. Maybe not happily ever after but they live.

Also korn doesnt exist in this universe cause fuck him

[dandylovesturtles]

I had the most fucked up thought while reading your fic and I just had to tell you. Idc if it won't happen or if I give you ideas or anything like that. Just....hear me out...for the sake of just...idk saying it?

So at some point, the boys gotta fight the elementals to get Leo’s body back, right? I'm envisioning like a fight sequence where they're fighting n stuff and the elementals are blocking the body and all that.

So what if....(God this is cursed)....what if Gusty/Windy/wind dude used their wind powers to possess Leo’s body and make it seem like it's alive???

And like for a hot minute the brothers are like "oh yay Leo's back!" But then Leo is like "bros that's not me" and then that "oh shit" realization falls on the group

And now they gotta fight the body but not hurt it and justnaodmdldmskdmdsn

I'M SORRY. IK IT SOUNDS WEIRD. I'M A VERY SLEEP DEPRIVED ANGST WRITER LMFAO. HAVE A NICE DAY--

LOL that would sure be something!

I’ve mentioned before that I’ve written an “out of body” fic before for the one piece fandom and in that I made them fight their friend’s possessed body twice so it’s not something I’m necessarily against! But this time I didn’t really set up the mechanics for it. Splashy would have to do some blood bending or something.

The only way it could happen is if they successfully put the Witch of the Depths in Leo’s body. As for if they succeed there… we’ll see when we get there ;)

Though yeah the bros… would not be happy about having to fight Leo’s body oof. Any more than Leo liked fighting krangified Raph.

[space-blue]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love 💗

Hey, hi anon!! Thanks a lot for this, I enjoy gushing as much as any fic writer :3

#1 and closests to my heart, is Fathers and Daughters

You can tell I was mentally ill about it, because I'm forever struggling to finish WIPs, the ADHD constantly going "Oooh shiny new idea? Just take a break, this will be a one shot" only to lie to me, or do it X times in a row. But not with F&D. I stayed glued on to that one.

Yeah I had a couple long hiatus, but I'm finally working on the last chapter and I can tell you I'm going to be taking myself out to dinner to congratulate lol

I passed 100k words!!! I never thought I'd manage. I don't think I'll ever manage again!

#2 Then the dreadful night shall break

A Dark!Obi-Wan fic. I had for a long time this back and forth with a friend, where we kept gifting each other more and more tortured Star Wars fics. So I originally made this a one shot focusing on the horrors of sleep deprivation (from first hand experience…) and how it might break even the kindest of Jedi.

Things snowballed and got out of hand, and it turned into what I think is my best Star Wars story. It's also titled after a line in Cradle Song by William Blake. I am weirdly obsessed with naming fics from his poems. Only him. IDK why.

#3 Never Too Late

Another SW story but on the other end of the spectrum, focusing on H/C. Set right after Episode 1, with Obi-Wan reaching out to Dooku, who hasn't turned to the dark yet. It's my second most kudoed fic ever after the 100k words one, so you know I was cooking and people liked the taste of it.

In general I love writing reluctant father figures, and Dooku - Obi - Anakin, at that time and place, are like the holy trifecta of reluctant daddies lol

#4 For Always

My Elden Ring masterpiece and foray into Monsterfucking. I was very sauced for "pubber" Maliketh the Black Blade, even before I played the game. I owe a lot to my friend Spiced for this one--without them there wouldn't be much fucking in this fic! I just like tragic hee-heem-whimper men and Maliketh is that but also with a broken mind, rags, a raspy voice, and paws large enough to make a doll out of us sooooooooooo…..

The irony is that this story has some of my most purple and stuffy prose, despite how horny I make it out to be. I really enjoyed this writing style.

Would you stay with him, henceforth? Would you cast away your humanity, sacrifice your mortality to give him companionship? Would you twine your fate to his? How you'd laughed, naive little thing, telling him that it was no sacrifice. You hadn't known better then, and he, a god, knew even less. He kissed you and licked at your throat. He felt you shiver and asked once more if you truly wanted this. You wanted him and immortality at his side seemed close enough. So you said yes, and he clamped his jaws down on your throat and killed you—one last time.

The sauce stings my eyes to this day. This is the good shit. I wish I could brainrot on characters like this at will.

#5....

This one is impossible to pin down. I have stories where I'm really proud of the writing. Stories where, like the one above, I still really taste the sauce, and the dynamic really appeals to me. Got plenty like that which would easily fit in 5th place. I could also mention the ones I still have very much on the fire, simmering even if they haven't updated in a while.

Fuck it. I'll go for Chosen.

A one shot I wrote while in Florence, often sitting out on a little balcony… It was such a nice place and such a sweet time… And I packed the story with these (bitter) sweet feelings and tried to explore what would happen with Anakin died killing Grievous, leaving Obi-Wan lost, and Ahsoka fearing nobody will chose to take her on again.

It also has some of my favourite prose ever, in the way I wrote (for the second and better time) the backstory of major blorbo Taron Malicos. Nobody ever cares about this bit but I think it's the best part of the fic LOL

Thanks again anon! I'm spreading the love now in my mooties' ask box.

[dotster001]

Hello Dot! Congratulations on 1.5k followers. I am very excited for your matchup event! May I have a request for matchup type 1 with Ensemble Stars? I'm sorry if this is a little bit long...

My name is Dawn. I'm an INFP-T girl who likes cute and pretty things. I enjoy drawing and designing costumes. I like listening to music and singing. I'm rather wild if left to my own devices (because I like rock and niche edm), but if someone tells me to sing for them I'd be really shy (lol). I also like sweets, and sometimes I go on walks after school to find cute stores and cafes to visit. I like cute animals too, like cats and dogs and bunnies. I like all colors, but my favourite is pastel colors or bright colors like hot pink and cyan. I figured I crave cuddles and kisses too, even though I never really got a lover to test if I really enjoy these activities.

I dislike loud noises, and I'd get overstimulated and nervous if left for a long time in a noisy environment. I also dislike mean people, or those who act in a threatening behavior in general. I don't hate cold weather, but I get cold really easily and it's quite annoying. I have insomnia and find it hard to sleep and as a resuot I'm quite sleep deprived 😔.

Ummm small story about me, had a rough childhood because my classmates and parents were pretty mean to me, and for a long time I was afraid of being judged and hurt, so I bottled up my feelings and closed myself off. But I realized it would be lonely and sad if I just drown in negative feelings, and that instead I should heal and use my understanding and experience with being hurt to comfort others, and be kind and strong no matter what.

I seek a partner who is gentle, affectionate and loyal. And maybe someone who'd let me draw silly doodles on their hands or notebook (I'm sorry, it's one of the things I must to in my lifetime).

Thank you very much and congratulations again! Have a wonderful day!

(hey Dawn Idk if you're bi/pan, or not, but I genuinely thought this was the perfect match for you. If you want a different one though, let me know! I won't be offended!)

I match you with Arashi Narukami.

Just two cute girls living their cute girl life? Yes! Going to cute cat cafes, buying cute outfits for each other, living their cutesy life? Excellent!

Arashi enjoys making costumes! I can totally see you drawing and designing stuff together, then making them together. She's proud to show off her skills, while at the same time is more than excited that you are so creative!!!! Design matching cute looks for the both of you. She might die. (Or squeeze you to death in the tightest hug you've ever felt)

She's a cuddler. I've decided. She likes to hold you close, and feel your heartbeat against hers. In cold weather she'll do this to keep you warm, but she also just does this when she's noticing your having trouble sleeping. She'll sing new Knights lyrics she's been working on under her breath, and will rub your back, until you, hopefully, drift off.

Arashi's job means the both of you have to go to loud places sometimes. But she's really good at feeling the needs of those around her. So she'll make sure to keep an eye on you. If it looks like it's getting to be too much, she'll make her graceful exit, causing all the fangirls to swoon over your loving knight.

Your dream is to doodle on her notes and her hand? Sweetheart, she's so in! When she has music rehearsals, sometimes they can be long and grueling, especially if the harmonies aren't going exactly as they should. But it makes it easier when she flips the page, and there's a little gift from you. If you guys are in a loud place, and she can't get you out of there, that's when she'll offer a pen and her hand as distraction for the time being. Again, the fangirls are SIMPING.

Your face was pressed to her chest, so that you could hear her heartbeat. She ran her fingers through your hair and absentmindedly hummed a song. Sometimes this would work. Sometimes, her scent, heartbeat, and voice would help you drift off. Today was not "sometimes".

"Rashi?" You looked up and she opened her eyes, as though she was starting to drift off instead.

"Hm?"

"I don't think this is gonna work tonight," you whispered.

She nodded and shifted, like she was going to separate from you. So, naturally, you buried yourself deeper against her.

"Alright," she laughed, "What does my Dawn want to do instead?"

"You're warm," you muttered, making her laugh again.

"I thought this wasn't working?"

"That doesn't mean I want to stop cuddling. It just means I'm not sleeping!"

"Fair point. Do you just want to chat then? Or…"

She pulled out the pen she always keeps on hand, and gave it to you before brandishing the back of her hand.

"My perfect knight," you laughed, beginning to doodle.

"Don't forget it," she teased

[torivikachu]

I just realized this - and im embarrased i havent earlier - that my brain practically needs to multitask to get anything done. like, music helps (singing and working at the same time, or at least some background noise), watching smth and working - the greatest thing ever (tbh I can barely watch a show without doing anything while watching it so i just combine binge watching and binge working lol), but I also just realized - so I was kinda hurt by that one dumb thing and I kinda wanted to cry but not unless I really actively thought about it and as I'm exhausted and sleep deprived i thought that crying a little could really help me right now to kinda balance my nervous system (dont ask, its complicated), so I tried to actively think about crying (and cry) while working and yknow what. YOU KNOW WHAT. these were the most productive 2 minutes of my day until I came to this epiphany and had to write it down before i forget (because i always forget these things and i kinda wanna talk about it with my therapist). so. like. idk. by the end of writing this post i basically started doubting if i just made a dumb assumption based on a random correlation. but yes. i want to test it out. but then also i had to like put off my work so many time because of daydreaming because when thoughts run wild you just cant reign them in, like that one time i was working and my mind went - imagine if a missile stroke your parents apartment in Odesa while your dad is at work and now you get a message from your dad saying your mom didn't make it and your sister is badly injured-

i am not even going to reread what i just wrote. at this point i dont even really remember what my initial idea was and i need to get back to work so. enjoy my brain diarrhea

[creme-meme]

two 7 hour flights is a great way to catch up on marvel films that I don’t wanna pay money for so here are some ✨thoughts✨ that I got for free (or the price of a connecting flight through Doha)

watched Spider-Man No Way Home and even though he had 5 seconds of screen time Mysterio really was such a boss bitch. he served cunt in a gaudy green suit, ruined the life of a teenager, and then peaced the fuck out. and you know that bitch was watching the Daily Bugle with a pina colada in Costa Rica and then remembered fuck all after Strange wiped everyone’s memories

and the ending hot damn they finally made Peter poor as fuck hell yea

I got to see Charlie Cox back as Matt Murdoch 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

Venom 2 I would’ve paid good money for but that’s another story. anyway after the breakup and makeup (and also Venom wanting a poly relationship with Anne going “THAT SHOULD’VE BEEN US” when Anne said she was marrying Dan lol), it was great to Eddie and Venom getting ripped out of their universe and wandering around the multiverse, missing all the action because they didn’t even know Spider-Man while getting drunk in a bar, and then just peacing out without paying. like this version of Eddie and Venom is top quality and I commend Andy Serkis, Kelly Marcel and Tom Hardy for this

I thought it was kinda weird/ bad foresight for them kill off Cletus/ Carnage after 1 movie but idk maybe they’ll bring him back with the ‘a small part of the Carnage symbiote survived and regrew into a whole Cletus McFuckface’ reason, and it might also just be Woody Harrelson didn’t sign on for another movie who knows

I also thought it was very interesting on how Venom couldn’t keep a host alive outside of Eddie, like they just kept dropping and I would really like to see more of why that’s the case, if there’s just something about Eddie and Venom that make them compatible with each other or if Venom wasn’t eating properly because he didn’t want to chomp brains because he’s swayed by Eddie or both

Doctor Strange 2: Electric Boogaloo had all the bad CGI people were talking about with the 3rd eye but there were some top quality GCSE power point transition scenes too, which I don’t mind because it just makes the whole viewing experience more camp

I honestly didn’t mind having Wanda as the villain of the film because she was a sympathetic villain in the same way Loki was in the first Avengers film, which is way better than Thanos ‘I’m evil because of reasons’ so I’ll take it

and like despite this site’s view on Bindlebar Cuttlefish I do have to say he plays an arrogant campy wizard well enough to make it entertaining so like I’ll take this movie for free 🤷‍♀️

tl;dr - don’t pay for marvel films just pay for a flight half way across the world to see your family and then watch all the films in a sleep-deprived state

[seldaryne]

my formatting got really weird when i went to edit, i had more space but apparently im forbidden from keeping them thanks tumblr

possibly will just make additions to this post as needed, might make new ones?? idk lol

anyway, adjustment:

i actually think over time that she Should & does become more expressive, she just doesn't really realize it?

majority of the emoting is done with her eyes/the brow area, less so other parts of her face. so if you're paying enough attention, you can probably see her working out a thought in real-time before she opens her mouth. possibly you'll even be able to predict what it's going to be too, depending on your powers of observation. in that way, it honestly looks a bit endearing. the lack of conscious awareness keeps it organic, pushing aside the intimidating mask for brief moments.

she does laugh. very quietly, very reserved, but she does. it's not likely you'll hear her over a crowd of people, but she'll draw a hand up to her mouth & her shoulders shake gently. it's unpracticed & clumsy, but even she knows there's a very good chance this is probably the first part of her life where she's had the opportunity to do it. she still wishes her first instinct wasn't to hide and internalize joy, and she tells herself that it should come with time.

astarion very much enjoys that sound. after a while, he learns which words will bring it out & which will earn him an unimpressed gaze, and plays into the former more often than not. he may as well find some use for his internal warehouse of canned lines.

there are also the adored rare smiles. he likes the way they always, always start with a softening in the eyes, dropping a layer of her guard that she never notices she's holding onto still. she needs to glance away when it starts to reach her lips, curving gently up at the corners and perhaps offering a small flash of teeth too. that's very real, and so is the way she becomes nearly bashful (or maybe flustered is the word) if he insists on trying to see more of it. understandably, she's never been properly flirted with before (he honestly wouldn't even count his own early 'attempts'), but it's a shame. bhaal's chosen is painfully cute in these moments, and perhaps there's a small, smug part of him that enjoys knowing he's been the only one able to discover it.

speaking of other small tells--her tail takes on a very, very slight relaxed sway over the course of act 3 if she's feeling particularly content. due to the nature of what's actually happening at the time, this isn't spotted a whole lot, but considering how rigid she usually holds herself (she considers it to be disciplined), it's more obvious to the eye. watching velrith try to relax her posture if she's not laying down for sleep is somewhat amusing; she still doesn't know how to do that, and is, in fact, hyperaware that she resembles a dog attempting to get comfortable at best, which makes the whole act anything but comfortable. perfectly straight posture is her default, and there's no reason to change that (does she slouch?? can she slouch?)

she makes herself small when she sleeps. this is another recent change; in another life, sleeping lightly on her back was really the only way to do it. she's still not a heavy sleeper (the idea of having another sleep-murder to wake up to is a reasonably distressing one) but she'll curl up on herself now, facing away from any sources of light. she might even go as far as to put her entire body under the blanket, with the smallest part of a foot or hand sticking out for thermoregulation. she's gotten so good at this, it's possible to mistake the shape under the covers for an unmade bed.

clingy in her sleep. she gets pretty touchy over time in general, but this is more heightened. a lifetime of touch deprivation comes out completely unshielded when she's unconscious. this typically isn't a loose hold either. not suffocating, but it's solid. it doesn't have to be a separate person in her arms, but she's discovered that she needs something there. an extra pillow, a backpack stuffed with clothes, a rolled up blanket--just... something, really. again, kind of sweet, kind of sad. big spoon, little spoon, whatever. she's got no real preference, and is somewhat relieved to find that's normal.

the tail usually ends up on astarion if he's close enough. he still thinks it feels weird as hell & physically startled awake the first few times he felt it on his leg.

there's anxiety that comes with the initial co-sleeping on a more regular basis thing. she's absolutely concerned about the risk she poses just by being who she is, & everything she has still feels so damn breakable. there's no actual solution to this. all the reassurances in the world don't ease her mind or erase the possibility of an incident. she simply has to trust that the people around her will not allow it. (fortunately she's somewhat compact if restraints are needed. still Very strong, but she's not tall or broad by any means & can be folded up & subdued. this is weirdly comforting for her to know.)

haven't finished the durge pt yet (idc about spoiling anything though that has 0 impact on me enjoying the game fdgh) but i've been thinking Thoughts.

edit okay as i was writing this i went ahead and just read up on the backstory so i could continue my thoughts in a coherent manner lmfao

(lots of info here, apparently ive gotten Very attached to her in the last uh. three weeks give or take. kinda sorta chronological?? idk it makes sense to me lmao)

--

velrith probably definitely only settled on that name in act 2. prior that she was just called whatever people drifted to if they needed her attention. & she didn't really care, having a void for memories will do that to a bitch, but it can make introductions awkward or give them a weird 'im too good to even give you my identity' energy. not super great when paired with someone who doesn't really emote or put a ton of effort into masking tonal inflections. she pointedly allowed other people to do more of the talking as a result for a while & would get roped into conversations that way.

i'd like to go ahead and tie in astarion's frequent use of pet names here to this too. he's got a goal here, and can't just drop a 'hey you' every time he's angling for something. it's easier to fill in the blanks that way & make sure it doesn't come across as cold and calculated as the seduction actually is for a time. of course, the mental gymnastics weren't necessary here. aside from the fact that she's extremely intense about her oath & therefore is legally obligated to send cazador straight to hell on sight, he'd also have the same luck with a low-effort, straightforward 'do you want to have sex?' the lines are... usually fine, never actually crossing boundaries, but she does find a lot of them to be really goddamn weird & unnecessary when the point could be made in less than 10 words.

picture a distraught-looking sighthound & you have the general idea of the face she makes when he lays it on thick. she's giving her best shot at a socially appropriate expression. it's not working.

also on names, she can't say for sure if that's who she was before or if she just pieced together syllables that sounded like Something from memory. again, doesn't really matter either way, since she's not in any hurry to reclaim her former self. it's fine.

ketheric felt straightforward. a tragic figure who she did extend an olive branch towards, but ultimately felt nothing when it came time to bring her blade down (besides, isobel seemed like she knew what she was talking about when velrith confessed [suddenly coming back into her room just to point-blank tell her about the desire to spill her blood] certain thoughts of violence towards the cleric, and it felt like the sort of assurance she should be trusting, right? more than any of her own emotions, anyway.)

gortash gives her the ick. like, there's no other way to describe that one. he actually probably still would even without all the history (and the fact that he needed to repent for what he'd done to karlach), but the slimy over-familiarity was really the nail in the coffin there. velrith isn't smooth nor particularly socially gifted, but she has a certain air of formal pride she carries herself with. acting like you know her better than she does herself (even if it may very well be the truth!) is so beyond an overstep of what she's able to function with. stripping away everything else, if he even tried to touch her casually on the shoulder, he would have been liable to lose that hand.

orin troubles her. for the obvious reasons, but she also just... pities her. almost. pre-tadpole, velrith was honestly relatively similar compared to her current personality. colder and more able to justify slaughter, sure, but still staunchly refusing to compromise her own feelings for social games. she understood how the game pieces moved when she watched other people, even when she was younger, but if asked to copy the same techniques, she was only ever able to bludgeon straight through in a line. consequently, people don't really care how strange you are if you're just that good at your job. orin made a one-sided rivalry out of someone who otherwise just regarded her as a peer in the same arena, and now sees her as someone who wouldn't have been able to take the chance at redemption even if it had been on the table. she was too far gone, unable to stand on her own or cope with the fact that she would always be lesser than someone who genuinely could not have cared less about standings. maybe if velrith had feigned some interest, there wouldn't have been so much hatred. or maybe there would have.

either way, she sees orin in a depressing light. someone who had nothing and no one but the prospect of power, and who crumbled as soon as that chance at power was taken away. to let her live would have been to co-sign on her projecting those emotions outwards. velrith isn't stupid and knows there's a good chance she might have gone the same way if she hadn't been lucky enough to receive her parasite. in another life, she thinks that maybe she could have found a connection, and they might have saved each other (either genuinely or in a twisted version of the word). this isn't a thought she shares with anyone. she thinks about that death and their interactions for a long time afterwards.

her 'normal' childhood sometimes comes to her in fleeting memories that disappear out of her periphery if she focuses too hard. she thinks she liked her parents, and they seemed like nice people from what she can semi-recall. but she can also tell that there's always just been something wrong with her if she compares herself to other people. many of these snippets feature her looking anywhere but at her parents' faces, unable to express herself verbally in a way they could understand (the words were right, they way she used them was... her own, shall we say?). something flipped at some point, and all of the sudden she would stare too much at them, not blinking or looking away at the right moments. they'd seemed to squirm a bit under this. they always seemed a bit sad when they looked at her, as if they'd loved her but she was never quite as they hoped she would be.

she had to be taught what to do during a hug as an older child instead of leaving her arms limp at her sides. she knows that.

she doesn't remember killing them. she doesn't remember how it would have felt to receive her first order or how she was unable to do anything but listen to the violent urges.

there's more guilt for not feeling much towards them than there is for the killing.

the staring hasn't shifted again. she knows she looks at people too hard and/or too long, looks at them dead in the eyes and studies their faces, but she can't help it. one, it's good to be aware and alert. two, looking away doesn't seem to be the answer either. at least this way they know she's paying attention, right?

she thinks she shouldn't care about these things, that it's so ridiculous coming from her blood-soaked past, laughable that she'd wonder what it meant to have people relax in your presence instead of becoming more visibly anxious. but she wants to be good, she really, really does. she wants to be able to join a group like everyone else, slipping seamlessly into their words and laughing how they laugh instead of her own (the faintest of smiles and a soft rush of air running past her lips, blink-and-you'll-miss-it laughter that may as well not exist outside of her head). she doesn't hate herself for these things, because she doesn't know how else to be, but she does wonder. she wants to know what it's like for these things to be easy. bhaal's favourite hadn't been blessed with charisma, apparently.

consequently, she has a very hard time now figuring out how to actually connect with anyone, or what it should feel like to have friends.

it made her somewhat uncomfortable in the beginning to be asked questions by these people on a regular basis. not even personal questions, just things to signal that she existed to them in some capacity. gale remembers when she'd wrinkled her nose at a certain seasoning, and leaves it off her plate when he makes dinner going forward. lae'zel likes how she fights and asks her questions on technique, asking to spar so she could better understand the answers. shadowheart thinks they're alike with similar holes in their memories, and seeks out her company because of it. she doesn't understand, and for a while she even feels a bit suffocated by it. exposure therapy is really the only remedy here.

initially there are some reasonable assumptions on whether she just dislikes them all that much, or if she thinks she's better than them, or some other nasty reason. it takes approximately two conversations with her for everyone to understand that's not the case. it's like speaking to someone who only every studied social behaviour from an incomplete textbook and was visibly struggling to fill in the gaps in real-time. is she scary? yes, a bit. does she stare at you Way too much when you're speaking to her (at her, really, because you will be carrying that conversation until she's gotten her footing)? also yes. but she's really earnestly trying to sort herself out for the sake of the people around her, brain twisting around itself to learn things that were as easy as breathing to most. and it's sort of sweet, in its own way.

over time, she stops simply caring about these people based on her code of ethics. she starts to remember things about them too, her love language starts to show itself through gift-giving at an absolutely glacial pace, but it's noticeable to literally everyone despite that. a small trinket picked up at the market matching shadowheart's usual taste is pressed into her hand with only a nod before velrith is turning on her heel and almost running away. a tome is thrust at wyll with such startling intensity that the kindness actually comes off as a bit of a threat, but she looks visibly relieved when he takes it with a smile. so on and so forth. every incident like this, every blunt display of 'i notice you. i think you would like this. i thought of you today,' is accompanied by a hasty exit. task accomplished, but now the script has run out, so she's doing the same. she also finds it hard to look at people once the exchange has taken place, and is pretty sure this is an affliction only she suffers from.

she's going to push through it anyway, even if it makes her skin feel like its trying to recoil off her bones.

it also comes out in the protection. again, it's expected as a paladin of devotion, but no one is quite prepared for the molten fury that burns in her eyes or the weight of her voice whenever ghosts from the past arise. not only has she sworn her protection to those suffering from harm (and names like orin, gortash, cazador, viconia & more absolutely qualify as those who cause harm), but it feels personal. acting as shield and guillotine is when velrith is truly in her element, standing tall and embodying the virtues laid out in her tenets.

she is fighting internally just as much as externally, pushing back against base instincts to continue her sworn oath. driving her sword through the flesh of the emperor is just as much about defeating him as it is proving to herself that she is still capable of goodness. if she falls here, she can at least die knowing she was dedicated to rebellion until her very last breath.

this does not mean that she actually registers it when people like her, though. in fact, once she pieces together what her true nature is (she hadn't wanted to kick that poor animal, or make a spectacle of that nice bard's corpse, or try to rip out astarion's throat as he slept--but she had done those things, and more, and what's worse, some of them don't even to her like they would anyone else) she's pretty sure that the unanimous, logical choice would be to put her at a distance.

so she braces, prepares, makes peace with returning to the status quo & starts pulling away before staging her little ted talk. jaheira catches her first, though, and it gets to her. she's not spoken much to the woman, but she's... incredibly understanding, actually. so much so that it leaves velrith with a profound ache in her chest when she rolls over and tries to sleep again (jaheira's insistence, and her promise to stand watch all night in case she lost control again). being around jaheira hurts like hell, but she still seeks her out after that incident. she looks at her kindly but doesn't treat her with any more fragility than before. she's good-humoured when answering question after question about bhaalspawn, and stays honest the whole time too. she seeks her out when she isolates as much as she can on the outside of camp, dropping a sack of potatoes at velrith's feet and sitting beside her so that they can peel them in easy silence.

she likes that the most. sometimes it feels like velrith's head is too full; not from the parasite or the echoes of a murderous god, but from--she's not sure, actually, but it makes thinking hard, and speech tends to take a temporary leave as well. no amount of coaxing makes a difference, it'll return when it decides to. that's the bad sort of silence, the type that other people feel like they should fix so that everyone can be comfortable again. except jaheira, who apparently can figure out what she needs before velrith can even process that question. and sometimes, she just needs to peel some potatoes for a bit.

standing before everyone else, she prepares for the logical choice of rejection again. instead, she's greeted with shrugs, support, sympathy, but overall--not much of a change. that's the part that sends her off, only pausing just long enough to take a breath before excusing herself to the surrounding woods. it hurts so damn much, being loved like this. she wonders if any technicalities in her oath actually require her to slay herself at this point, just based on the implications alone. they should be appalled. fearful. cold. and she'd wound herself up so much inside determining this to already be the only end to her confession. bare your soul, lose what you'd only started to ease into, return to your duty.

the other shoe never does drop, though. it's gone so catastrophically well that she can't even make the tears flow properly (she's only done it once before that she remembers, but that should be adequate). instead, her sobs are muffled gasps against her hands, choking on her own confusion as she sinks to the ground, shaking.

of course, this comes out after the "incident", in the underdark, which means astarion has already seen her cry precisely once of something that seemed to her a similar scale. he's got a better handle on it, he'd like to believe, and he can sense that he's being silently volunteered for the 'fetch our bhaalspawn' quest. she's not hard to find either, an ice-white tiefling amongst the greenery with her head hidden in her arms, folded in on herself like she's not worth the weight of her own bones. it's sad, and a little annoying, actually, because if she was to insist that he possessed worth like it was the most obvious fact in the world, like he was strange for not feeling the same way, why shouldn't that same sentiment extend in her direction.

of course, there's little he can say to soothe in a way that matters, he's not going to make that mistake again, but he's at least able to bring her up for air. yes my love, perhaps it is foolish and unwise for any of us to stay around something so dangerous, but that argument can be made in many directions, not just yours. you would be the first among us to dismiss those very notions if they were coming from someone else, and have done so--multiple times, may i add--as bhaalspawn. if there's upset about the reveal, i'm confident that it's more to do with how you feel than anything else.

and really, what's she supposed to do with that aside from break even more (from relief, maybe? tension and fear of rejection that she hadn't known how to recognize, hadn't known she was holding onto? the understanding that this is not just from him, but on behalf of everyone else too?) and crumble into him.

against all odds, she is worthy of loving. despite her bloodline and her personal shortcomings, she is worthy of that much.

nothing in half-measures, as most paladins tend to be. does she remember when or why or even how she took the oath? not even a bit. but it's the only thing in her head when she wakes up on the mind flayer ship, the sole thing she's sure of, the only guiding direction she has. it should be enough to understand right and wrong, but it isn't for her. following the oath is a choice, something she can steady herself on when nothing else makes sense. devotion to her cause of protection, restoring some of the balance in the world that she lost before orin killed her. maybe that was why she lived; something needed her to right some of her sins before death arrived. or maybe a divine power was looking for someone who wouldn't be missed if they were lost in stopping the ithilids.

whatever it is, she does everything in her power to stick to it. until, of course, life happens (as it tends to) and she does something in the underdark. what did she do? she doesn't know, because she thought she was helping--that myconid was going to betray the colony that took him in when he lost all others. she raised her sword when it was clear a scolding wouldn't change his mind. and then... the sinking feeling that something was wrong.

something was missing. the only part of her that felt like it was anything was gone, and for the first time (maybe ever?) she gets emotional. there's no anchor anymore, no calming guide of tenets to follow.

the oathbreaker knight will find her later, she knows. at camp, she's distraught, and the little bit she dared interact goes out the window entirely. there's nothing anyone could actually say that would help, anyway. this does not stop astarion from trying.

glib as ever, were she in a more normal headspace she would have seen the dismissive comment for the hand-waving attempt at comfort it was. he probably knows there's nothing he can actually say to bring her down, but surely a joke (meant to reassure that she would be fine regardless, whether the oath stayed broken or was re-taken, she was competent on the field and he at least trusted her that much) would be alright?

it was not.

for all that he carried, he could not--did not--understand. of course he could be cavalier about it; despite all that was taken from him, he still had his own gods-damned name. he knew who he was, wasn't scrambling to put together fragments of his own ghost just to make some unimpressive small talk like she was. she has not yet chosen her name at this point, and that oath is where she begins & ends as a person.

he's silent when she snaps, unexpected. like a cornered animal about to tear its own leg out of a trap, daring anyone to come closer to 'help' so that they too can be maimed. a total loss for words, even when she stalks off to keep herself from acting out even further (who knows how prone she would be to violence now? not her!), raising her voice for the first time at him in pure grief.

he doesn't really get it, but he understand more in the middle of all that. the pieces click together in his mind, working themselves out during the berating. the gods never answered his cries, and so his outlook remained fairly bleak on the whole pantheon. paladins occupied a space at the opposite end of the spectrum, and he'd assumed that her more uptight habits were an offshoot from that (it's not like she gave him a ton to work with, either. he did his best from what he was allowed to see). for her, there may as well have been no gods involved in any capacity. it was simply the thing that kept her from fracturing entirely, now gone thanks to a misunderstood line in the agreement.

she still refuses to speak to him, even after she's begged for the oath back--she'll be good this time, really, she'll be good, she promises, it won't happen again, please--and received it successfully. she's not talking much to anyone, feeling both too exhausted and over-sensitive to even contemplate that. his apology isn't... good, exactly. but it's honest and that's really all she gives a shit about. things are still weird and cold for a bit, manifesting in a physical distance & reinforcing just how off his initial read on her was. but it's her first real brush with interpersonal conflict, so learning curves are expected. time and circumstance eventually help things settle, with there being bigger things to worry about.

she's quiet during sex. responsive and hyper-aware of her body, definitely, but still restrained. she enjoys the act, however, despite the lack of volume, and this shows through a readiness to explore and feel things. the ability to feel physical pleasure is something that at least seems to be something she has in common with most people. but she's overly permissive too, sometimes uncomfortably so; she's simply not attached enough to her body to have real concerns or strong preferences. at first glance, this seems to be deference, the need to be agreeable in every situation lest she tip the scales too much in her own direction.

he puts his finger on that after the third encounter, and finds himself taking a break from her for a while after as a result (once again, an act that she's absolutely fine with--god, has the thought of challenging him ever even crossed her mind in this department?). Further observation, however, reveals something else. her actions are exploratory. experimental. there's no frame of reference, she needs to establish preferences all over again for this version of herself. in fact, he sees that this extends to other tasks people ask of her as well. every action or accompaniment is met with the same reserved curiosity, considering what's being asked of her before ultimately deciding to try something new. perhaps that was why he felt like he was being intensely studied if he squints.

there's no doubt that she does see him. but she only sees enough to know that she lacks the connections to actually do anything with that. an unbalanced, vexing sort of safety net. (still, there was probably no one better for him to glue himself to than a paladin, and he tells himself that's why he spends so long trying to figure her out. because surely, her motivations can't be as obviously honest as they come across--can they?)

it's only after she tells him on the name she's privately decided to give herself (private for now, since everyone else will be informed in the morning) that he starts to realize just how much he enjoys kissing her. she's not nearly as practiced as he is, but gods, there's such a single-mindedness to the kisses it actually leaves him dizzy. her focus is so all-encompassing, the world around them may as well have been unravelling at its seams and she still wouldn't break contact. chasing pleasure but holding back just enough to keep her head above the water, prolonging the act as much as she can. he's been kissed before. many times, actually, but not like this.

there is... so much disappointment when rejecting bhaal doesn't actually change anything fundamental in her. on one hand, that really does mean that it's been her personality the entire time. that the good choices she made were hers, and they were worth fighting for.

on the other hand, fostering even that small seed of hope that she might become less of herself and more like other people had been a dangerous game. the distance remains, along with the lack of understanding and knowledge that some things would always be more hard-won for her, while others would simply be entirely beyond her reach. knowing this logically is one thing. accepting it is... entirely different. it will take time, and she will at least allow herself as much so as to properly grieve a version of herself whose body knew how to laugh freely.

she'll be okay.

[st6rly]

a guide on how to fall for your enemy.

synopsis: going for the throne, for the pulse that beats under your skin (or in other words, the world of academic rivals) | wc — 2.4k

[ !! ] — masterlist.

characters: ayato x gn!reader

categories: fluff + a bit of angst, modern au, tbh idk what the fuck this format is but imma say it's a one shot atp

warnings: insulting each other (bc banter is fun), my version of ayato/ooc ayato (there's no way someone is that composed all the time even when feeding someone disgusting food so ive taken matters into my own hands)

notes: "you started this thing with me, you’re ending it with me” - my piece for @bluexiao's sweet 'n spice collab with @anantaru. this fic was not the idea i originally had in mind but after letting my brain run on autopilot to write this while being head empty, it turned out to be ok

also just wrote this to spite my original style of writing bc poetic writing hates me right now and it needs to lodge itself in my brain soon before i file a divorce lol.

didn't show up in the tags the first time so we're trying this again | reblogs >>> likes

Maybe thinking twice about having a rivalry with Ayato is something that should be considered more often. Especially when it comes down to academics. 

Teachers love him, and he takes great smug pride in that fact, his ego fed with every bit of small praise. So when one of them hands back his test without a word and you get the comments instead, his curiosity grows. Is it mean of him to say that you were invisible to him and probably would’ve stayed like that if this had never happened? Maybe so. But perhaps it was a fluke. While he didn’t do his best on this test, a 92% is nothing to bat an eye at so he should have nothing to worry about, right?

Wrong. Is he losing his touch with what he considered the perfect method to the top? Your great surge in grades had rumours spiral around the hallway, things like you taking his place as top of the grade, maybe even surpassing him and weaving yourself into the chair of student council president. 

With a thin-lipped smile, he makes his way over to you, giving his congrats with a pat on the back that seems firmer than necessary. If anything, he could look past all of this since truth be told, it is becoming a distraction. But the mirth in your eyes and the smug, yet tense, grin on your face tells him this is no mistake, this is a proclamation of war against him. 

His papers are perfectly crafted with the utmost professionalism but still holding onto that scholar charm. Projects are well thought out and thoroughly researched and yet you still seem to gain an upper hand with your “finished-one-sitting-the-night-before” papers and projects that the teachers love. Ayato will read every fine detail, eyes glued to each word as he tries to find your secret. 

“Sleep deprivation and constant loads of caffeine can seem to bring out the best parts of a human sometimes.” you state with a smirk. 

From there it should be known that things increased. Students, and even a few teachers, began to catch on to the situation through harsh glares in the hallway or across the class and the smug glances when test scores or big projects are handed back. Ayaka and Thoma can only sigh as he groans to them about how you’ve become insufferable to work with, even if you aren’t actually working together. Not yet at least. 

The teachers who haven’t got a single clue what’s going on between the two of you are curious at what sparked the heavy rise of grades. Even in the subjects you and Ayato aren’t the best at, you’ve still somehow managed to raise your average by a noticeable amount. Perhaps Ayato has them to thank for the turn of events, but at the moment it sure didn’t feel like it.

Already most of the school year gone and a rivalry like this lasting for almost that same amount of time, it’s not wonder you both were buzzing your seats at the notice of another big project, the last one you’d be doing for this class in the year. While you both scowl at the idea of having to work in pairs for this, those deep set lines become even more imprinted onto both your faces when you find out you’re working together as assigned partners. Ayaka only sighs at her brother’s apparent woes, sternly telling him how this is his chance to apologise for starting this whole mess in the first place. 

It’s amazing how you two both manage to somehow stay angry when typing in each other’s phone numbers, not trusting the other with their phone. 

“If you think I’m going to let you personally type your phone number into my device, you’d be widely mistaken and I think the caffeine is starting to screw with your brain,” he says, voice level and cold. 

“Likewise. But you don’t need to tell me your number. For a guy who considers himself so smart, you really didn’t think to check the grade group chat first did you?” you scoff, “It would not only save us both some time, but also my eyes from that thing you call a face.” 

Yet you manage to set up a meeting place and time through gritted teeth, each of you storming away as composed as possible, not daring to look back in case you were to lock eyes. 

Silence is all that can be heard at first, with the faint ticking of the library clock filling the space. Ayato buries himself in the textbook, quickly picking out the details needed for the topic at hand and swiftly writing them down. For what felt like the longest while, neither of you said a word; too busy trying to avoid the other and get the project done. He groans quietly, stretching out his back and sighing as the joints pop. Sparing a glance towards your direction, he takes into account the way your brows furrow slightly in concentration and how you bite at your lower lip. Maybe it’s his brain running on overdrive after looking at the same couple of chapters for the past hours or maybe it’s just him finally noticing things he’d never taken the time to before. He shakes his head, throwing himself back into the deep end of things and letting himself be drowned by text and small graphs, thoughts to be left for another time. 

Earning a grade that would make the teachers either cry in pride or in fear, Ayato finds himself back to square one when it comes to his emotionally inept self. Although he himself thought he buried these ideas and theories deep enough to where they wouldn’t resurface, Ayato finds himself smiling sincerely more often towards your direction. 

Well, as sincerely as he can be when still bitter about you being just below his title as top student. 

The way the malice that his lingering glance holds when you walk by fizzles out when your back is faced towards him doesn’t go unnoticed by the two closest to him, teasing remarks thrown his way when confronted and he can only sigh in return. Distance is what he needs. A change of pace instead of constantly searching for your eyes and grin in the class when results are handed back. Yet in doing so, he couldn’t help but feel a tug that made him want to look back again just this once; not because of grades or anything school related, but to just see you. 

The changes, while subtle to the outside, are noticeable to you. Insults grow to be more sly and on the flirtatious side with the coming weeks though still ecliting the same reaction from you. The lines between whether the heat you feel on the back of your neck is from anger or being flustered by his cheesy lines. Yet he’s been drifting; as if this were all just some elaborate scheme of his to prove himself worthy of whatever it is that he wants. With a faint bruise on your forehead following the effects of slamming your head against a wall repeatedly, you ready yourself to face him. In the most appropriate way possible, of course. 

“Kamisato.” at the sound of his name, Ayato raises an eyebrow at your sudden appearance. 

“(L/n).” walking up to stand in front of him, you stare for a second or two, making him sweat internally at your gaze. Ayato gives a shocked yelp as you pull him up by the ear, dragging him away to a more private place. 

“So, mind explaining to me what that was all about or are we just goin-” gripping his collar and pulling him closer, you stare into his eyes with such determination that he can’t help but melt slightly. 

“I wanted to do this rationally but when it comes to us, nothing is ever done with a clear conscience in mind.” you said.

“What-”

“Do you truly hate me?” He blinks at that comment. 

Does he hate you? He definitely felt some sort of bitterness to you at first; the way you smugly spoke about your latest grade and how you held yourself infuriated him but hate? Surely not. If anything, admiration was greatly masked behind all that saltiness he carried with him at the fact that you were able to seem so carefree and rise the ranks of the grade ladder without so much thought. Maybe it was borderline, and did overlap, into envy at some point but even then, going as far as to wish ill-will on you was something he wasn’t inclined to do. You brought out a side of him he never knew he had until this whole competition started and he could never specifically hate you for it. 

Perhaps all that time spent reflecting did do good for him, it made him understand what he was actually feeling and why he acted so irrationally. Perhaps that is why the answer came so naturally.

“Yes. I do hate you.” A flare of understanding and anger lit your eyes as you released him from your grip, head slightly downcast. 

“As I thought,” you sigh, rubbing the back of your neck. Bidding him a farewell and a sorry, you turn to leave before he lightly takes hold of your wrist. 

“Please, let me finish.” 

“What else is there to say? I got the answer I was looking for.” you look towards him, Ayato’s pleading eyes meeting your gaze as you reluctantly nod.

“I hate you, (L/n). In fact, you could say I practically despise you.” He holds your wrist a little tighter, feeling you start to pull away. “But not because of some fighting over grades and the constant banter. I hate you because of the way you make me feel. I-” He drops his arm, letting go of you. The words die out on his tongue, not making a peep as he opens his mouth to try and continue. Running a hand through his hair, Ayato’s face twists into one of frustration. 

“Fuck I can’t do this.” he sighs out, “Who was I kidding.” 

It’s only awkward silence from there as you both stand aimlessly in the small area you had found. Ayato can’t help but groan at his own misery, the sound catching your ears which makes your jaw tense up further and fist curl. What could he possibly be whining about? He said all that there needed to be said about what was going on between the two of you; it was just some sort of silly entertainment to him. 

Taking in his stance, you rub the area between your eyes, not knowing why you even care so much about this. It was bound to happen eventually anyways, drifting apart to figure out new things, so even if you knew it was coming, why did it hurt so much?

“I've had enough of this.” you mutter. You close the distance between the two of you by marching up to face him, glaring with a sharp stare and pinning him against the wall.

“Now listen here, sweetheart,” you grit out, tone dripping with honeyed sarcasm, “You’ve got guts, I’ll tell you that. Starting this whole thing with me all because of a test score. But truth be told, the banter, the teasing, it was starting to grow on me. But for the past weeks, I’ve been dealing with your avoidance and I don’t think you understand how much it actually hurts. My fault for thinking we were actually becoming friends I guess!” You jab a finger against his chest. “You started this whole thing with me, Kamisato. You’ve had your fun stringing me along with your teases. So now, you better end it with me while you can still look me in the eyes.”

One fracture led to another, a crack in the dam he had built so carefully over the past weeks to keep the barrage of feelings at bay. Yet of course it all had to spill over now, 

“Me? Hurting you?” Ayato retorts, his composure finally crumbling, “This is why I can’t be friends with you! You’re so oblivious to advances that my heart couldn’t take it anymore!” 

“So you avoided me instead of confronting me?” 

“What else could I have done? Confessed and spilled my heart out to you while we were still at each other’s throats?” he grunted, “Oh what a wonderful idea that is.” 

“And you say you’re intelligent.” you muttered, “I gave up on caring about our dispute over school work a while back. I went along with your moves because I thought that maybe, we’d get over it and actually do something. I thought you would’ve noticed when I dropped from my position.” You lean in closer to him, tugging him to you by his mangled necktie. 

“Ayato. You started this whole predicament. Now get us out of it.” Your breath fanned across his nose and before he knew it, he was caught up in it. 

Hesitant and longing would be the best way to describe the way his lips crashed onto yours. Your shirt all balled up in the grip of his hands as his chest buzzed and cheeks burned at the feeling, yet none of it registered as Ayato felt like the butterflies in his stomach would fly him away. The way your hand laced itself in his hair and the one on his waist had him sinking further into the sensation before you both broke apart. 

Pants escaped both of your lips as you gathered your senses back. A dazed expression was soon shook from your face as you tried to smooth out your shirt and collar as best you can though Ayato just rested his head on your shoulder, stopping you from fixing it any further. 

“We’ll have to talk about this more later, Kamisato,” you whisper, “Classes are about to begin soon and-” A gentle press of lips against your cheek halted your words as a sheepish and guilty smile crossed Ayato’s face. 

“We can afford to miss one class,” he says, “Besides, we’re star students, aren’t we?” 

The look on your faces says it all as you shake your head with a sigh. 

“Fine, fine. Though one thing before we go,” He raises his head off your shoulder and leans in closer to your ear. “Call me Ayato now, would you? You did say you wanted to be closer, didn’t you?” He traces a finger along your back. “So here’s your chance, sweetheart.”

[petersnya]

SOMETIMES PT.2

---NOT MY PIC--- PETER PARKER X FEM!READER

Warnings: SMUT, Fluff, Angst?? Idk lol

Word count:2145

COMMENT IF YOU LIKE THE STORY AND WANT ME TO CONTINUE! SHOULD I START WRITING FROM PETER OR Y/N’S POV?

[A/N]Heyyy! Soooo this is part of this series (I’ll link part one). Hope you guys enjoy it! PLEASE COMMENT AND TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK AND IF YOU WANT YOU CAN SEND ME MESSAGES AND ASK QUESTIONS I'LL ANSWER LOL. Anyway, I had fun writing this chapter so I hope you like it! -J.T.S xxx

PART ONE

During physics class, Peter was working on an upcoming project with Ned, but he spent most of his time sleeping. He was basically sleep deprived from patrolling the town and stopping crimes.

“Late night huh Pete?” Ned asked, nudging Peter's arm that was supporting his head in the palms of his hands as his eyes got heavy, starting to close. 

“Yeah, had to stop some petty theft last night,” he began, a yawn interrupting him, “took longer than I thought.” 

The bell rang, dismissing the students to their after-school activities, if you had none you would just go home. Peter and Ned gathered their things and headed to the school’s front doors- MJ catching up with them how she usually did. 

“Man, you look terrible,” MJ said with a slight chuckle. 

“Wow, thanks. You're such a great friend.” Peter retorted sarcastically. Ned wasn’t riding the bus home today, he had to go with his mom for something he refused to share with anyone but Peter; so Peter just decided to ask MJ to walk home with her. 

“Sorry Parker, Y/N is picking me up today. You’re welcome to ride with us if you want though.” 

Peter didn’t respond for a while, debating if it was worth the anxiety attack of being around her. Y/N was the only thing that was on his mind now. His attraction grew even more when she wore those glasses. He zoned out for a while till MJ snapped her fingers in front of his face. Blinking rapidly, his vision focused on MJ who was now reaching out to grab the handle of a car door. Y/N’s car. His breath hitched in his throat once he saw Y/N wearing those same glasses from last Friday, her hair in the messiest high-ponytail he had ever seen- but it was cute to him.

“Ya coming lover-boy?” Y/N said, looking Peter right in his wide brown eyes. He blushed at the nickname before answering. 

“Yeah… I’m coming.”

The three teens got into the car and started on their way. “Hey losers, wanna go shopping?” 

“Y/N you only wanna go to the mall to eat,” MJ said to Y/N who was now laughing loudly, throwing her head back in agreement with her. Suddenly, in the middle of her laugh, she let out a loud snort. The car went silent as Y/N covered her mouth with her hand. MJ and Y/N burst into laughter, Peter soon joining. They all joked and sang to the songs that played on the radio all the way to the mall. 

///

“Dude!” 

“Jeez Y/N, you scared me! What is it?” MJ said to her, clutching her chest from being startled. They all had gone to the food court and were now just walking around the mall and into random stores. 

“There's a Build-A-Bear Workshop here!” she exclaimed excitedly, pointing at it like a child. Peter couldn't help but smile at how adorable she looked freaking out over a child’s store. 

“Let's go in,” Peter said to the two of them. Y/N looked at him wide-eyed with a goofy smile on her face. Her eyes looked like they twinkled with excitement. She shoved her drink into MJ’s hand, fixed her glasses, then grabbed Peter’s hand while running into the store. 

“Oooohh, I should get an H.P-themed bear!” Before Peter could even answer, Y/N dragged him to one of the workers, asking if she could get a custom bear. They went over to the station and started to build. 

As Y/N was finishing up the bear, she turned to Peter, “Ok, I have a very serious question. What accessories should I get?” they were standing in the Harry Potter section, looking over all of the things they had to decorate the bear. Peter shrugged, but then, he had a great idea, “I-I think you should get the uh, the glasses. The ones like your dads…” he said in an unsure tone. Y/N looked at him with a soft smile on her face. She couldn’t help herself, she had no idea what came over her as she pulled Peter into a tight embrace. Peter hesitated before putting his arms around her waist- her arms draped over his neck. 

At that moment, Y/N inhaled Peters sent heavily. She felt so… safe in his arms. Like nothing bad could touch her. She never wanted to break away- MJ’s voice brought them back to reality.

“You guys done, I need to get new converse,” she said with a smirk plastered across her face. Y/N quickly pulled away from Peter, a million thoughts running through her mind, but only one seemed to overpower the rest. 

I would be in his arms forever if I could.

“Ma’am, would you like to add a voice to your bear?” the lady said to Y/N, causing her thoughts to disappear. 

“Actually,” Y/N paused looking at Peter and MJ, “yes, I would.” She grabbed the recorder from the worker’s hand and sent her a small smile. She looked at the curly-headed girl and the brown-eyed boy was on either side of her. She explained her plan, “Ok, I want all three of us to say ‘Mischief Managed’, ok?” 

“What does that mean?” Peter questioned, looking at the two girls. They both sent him a deadly stare. “Nevermind,” he mumbled. 

“Ok, on three, one… two… three…” 

“Mischief Managed!” the trio yelled, causing some customers in the store to turn their heads and stare at them. They all mumbled small sorry’s as they laughed. 

///

“Ok, Peter what's one thing you hate?” MJ asked, turning to face him. They were all sitting in the car at a drive-in movie. Peter was now in the front seat while MJ was in the back. They all decided to just talk because the movie was pretty boring to them. 

“Uhh, I can't stand sleeping with socks on.”

“I don't think anyone can Parker,” Y/N said, laughing slightly. 

“Well what about you then?” he asked her, turning his full attention as he anticipated her answer. 

“Easy, liars. Ugh, I hate liars! What’s the point? It’s not like I’m gonna judge you,” Y/N answered confidently. “See, that’s what I like about you, Parker. You are very honest,” she said with a genuine smile. Peter just loved her smile, the way it lit up her whole face.

“Welp imma go get some pizza from the stand back there,” MJ said as she got out of the car. Y/N and Peter sat there in silence for a moment- comfortable silence. 

Y/N was the first to break the silence, as usual, “Hey, Pete. I just wanna thank you for the whole glasses thing last Friday. It really helped me realize that I should’ve worn the glasses the moment he gave them to me. It’s like I have a part of him with me now... And I love Harry Potter, obviously. Ya know, I took a quiz and found out what house I’m in! Can you believe that I’m in-“

“You’re welcome, Y/N” Peter interrupted her rambling, sending her a small smile. They stared into each other's eyes for a while, admiring one another. Peter got this warm feeling inside and had that same surge of energy he had when he first met her. Before even processing what he was about to do, he grabbed her hand without breaking eye contact. He fiddled with the ring she had on her thumb. 

Y/N breath became shallow as her heart pounded at her chest. 

“I’m in Slytherin,” she said randomly, looking down at how Peter’s hands played with hers. He let out a breathy chuckle. Their eyes met once again. 

Y/N gathered all of her courage and quickly reached out her hand to grab Peter’s cheek, pulling him into her. Their lips were centimeters apart. She ran her thumb along Peter’s bottom lip, slightly parting it as she leaned in closer, catching his lips with hers. Their lips interlocked and it felt like heaven to the both of them. 

They pulled apart from the soft kiss and slowly opened their eyes, starting again into each other's eyes searching for the words that weren’t said. Peter couldn’t contain himself anymore. His large hand grabbed the back of Y/N’s neck, pushing his lips into hers in a lust-filled kiss. Just like the one he had imagined. 

This was the moment he had dreamt of and it was finally happening. 

He ran his tongue over her bottom lip, begging for an entrance. She gave it to him without hesitation. His tongue slowly slipped into her mouth while her tongue ran into his. 

Peter snaked his hands to her waist, lifting her from her seated position in the driver's seat. She complied and started to adjust to where she was sitting in his lap. His hands ran from her waist to her butt and gave it a tight squeeze.

Y/N let out a soft moan into Peter’s mouth. She slowly started to trail kisses down his neck as he massaged her thighs and ass. 

Y/N hands got tangled in Peter’s brown curls. She began to suck on Peter’s neck, wanting to leave a mark. Peter let out a low groan at the sensation of her soft lips and wet tongue on his skin. 

He lifted her head and connected their lips together once again. His veiny hand slipped between their body making its way down to her core. 

Peter never did stuff like this, and neither did Y/N. all of this was new to them but their connection was so strong that they were willing to push the limits.

As Peter’s hand reached Y/N core, he placed two fingers right on top of where her clothed clit was. He began to draw circles against it. Y/N started to rock her hips over his fingers, yearning for more friction. She started to let out moans uncontrollably, whimpering at the euphoric feeling of his fingers pressed against her dripping core. 

“Peter,” Y/N breathed out trying to catch her breath. Peter hummed in response while moving his lips down to kiss her neck. 

Suddenly, Peter snapped out of the trance that he seemed to be in. This moment was the best moment of his life, but his damned mind couldn’t help re-play Y/N’s words on a lope: I hate liars. Why? Before they went to the movies and were still at the mall, Y/N had asked Peter about his Stark’s internship. And, of course, he couldn’t tell her the truth. So he just lied. Y/N looked so intrigued in the conversation but Peter couldn’t bear lying to her over and over again. He felt so guilty...

“Y/N,” Peter let out. “Y/N, we can’t do this.”

Y/N head snapped up, her glasses left crooked on her face. She looked stunned by his words. Her shoulders slumped as she started asking questions.

“What? Why? Am I not a good kisser? I’ve only kissed one person before but I don’t even really wanna count that. Does my breath smell bad? Ugh, I knew this was a bad idea- wait no! I didn’t mean it like that, I just knew you didn’t like me how I liked you… I’m so stupid.”

After Y/N was finished rambling, she put her face in her hands, trying to avoid eye contact with the chocolate-eyed boy. 

Peter was speechless. He didn’t know what to say, because what he wanted to say was: no Y/N that’s not it at all. You are the most amazing girl I’ve ever met, I- I lied to you… 

No. he couldn’t say that it would absolutely crush her and he couldn’t bear to hurt her. Peter put his hands on her waist, making Y/N jerk her body in shock. She let a small smile spread across her face, thinking Peter was going to hug her or make a cute gesture or even continue what they had started. He lifted Y/N and slid her back to the driver’s side.

Her smile dropped from her face and she pushed herself the rest of the way to the driver’s side. Peter sat there awkwardly, praying she wouldn’t say anything. It killed him to see the gloomy look on her face as she fixed her glasses. 

“I’m back with pizza!” MJ announced as she made her way into the backseat. “Woah, hey, cuz what’s wrong?”

“We’re going home,” Y/N replied with a cold tone of voice. This shocked Peter and MJ. Y/N was usually so smiley, even after her dad passed. She always tried to find the light in every situation. But something was different with this. One thing Peter knew for sure,

I fucked up…

[A/N] HEY GUYSSSS SO I HOPE YOU LIKED PART TWO. SORRY, IT WAS UP A BIT LATE, IVE BEEN HAVING INTERNET PROBLEMS. ANYWAY, SORRY FOR ANY GRAMMAR MISTAKES (IM GONNA GO BACK AND FIX THOSE) 

-J.T.S XXX

@love-granger​

[kiwibirbs-library]

alrighty, these two are a bit simpler and not as long. Maybe a one shot where you and MIdOrIyA are cleaning out y’all’s kitchen cabinets and there’s music in the background. You guys are kinda just mindlessly organizing until you hear your favorite song come on. Then, you kinda half heartedly are like “ooo, my favorite song” so then Midoriya comes over and offers his hand out to dance. And you two just end up dancing to the song. Idk, sorry if is dumb….

a/n: I wanna be friends with you. Like so freaking bad. Can we be friends. Please.

Caught in 4K

After living in the dorms with Midoryia for almost a year and a half now you’ve learned three things.

1. This man LOVES All Might even more than you thought.

2. He is willing to lift up the fridge for you to get a penny.

And finally,

3. He can’t work in silence.

So it’s not not uncommon to find him doing paperwork on the coffee table in the commons and hear some kind of music playing.

His music taste never has been solid so normally it’s just whatever anyone else was listening too or, if he’s alone, a playlist you made him a while ago. Before then it was just the radio.

Midoryia also has issues with loosing track of the time

And the playlist and long as I’ll get out

So when it finally ended and he looked up and around him the commons are dead silent and dark

Well ya know except or the kitchen which still had the lights on and had some noise coming through

So he got up and went over to see who it was

And low and behold it was you his wonderful girlfriend

And for the reasoning of coffee, sleep deprivation, and that sudden 2am hit of motivation you had the pantry open and emptied

“Love? Whatcha doing?” He asked as he got closer

He could see all the food on the counter tops and it seemed like you were only throwing expired items

But still what were you doing?

“Huh—oh babe! I came down for a snack and saw you working and thought I’d wait for you and then I got distracted and thought I would organize the pantry. Are you done?” You smiled and went to hug him

Midoryia smiled and hugged you back before really looking around

“Want help?” He smiled down

“I would love it!”

And now you two were almost done while your speaker played out your playlist

You were starting to feel the burnout of staying up late

And then you heard that opening note

After a second you stopped to listen better

“What’s wrong?” Midoriya asked, seeing you stop

“Oh ya, I’m alright. It’s just this is my favorite song,” you smiled

Midoriya stopped and mirrored the look on your face

He took a few steps back and did a dramatic now and stretched his hand out to you

“Shall we?” He glanced up to see you laughing a little

“I’d be honored,” you giggled

He pulled you in and pulled your arms up to wrap around his neck before pulling you against him

You giggled as you both swayed to the beat

You both just went around in circles for a majority of the song

And then this dork suddenly spins you out and dips you

“Oh hello... come her often?”

this idiot that I’m helplessly in love with

Literally it’s a wonder what being in a relationship with him long enough for him to be confident does man

He gently started pulling you back up when you pulled him down to meet him half way to kiss you

You two kinda just hung there for a hot minute after pulling away

I mean we all know he has the strength lmao

So you two were just there

Very very close

Whispering and laughing about random shit and how cheesy his line from before was

When there was a clicking sound

“Ahem”

I mean probs to Aizawa for finally checking in and making sure everyone was on curfew

But like

It was 3am by now

And when I say Midoryia SCRAMBLED

It was so funny he went ghost white my guys

So you just laughed and followed behind him as he threw himself down the hall

“Sorry Sir, goodnight” you gave your teacher a bow before going up to deku’s dorm

Lol like that’s not against the rules too

Aizawas just to tired to deal with you

For the next hour you got Midoryia basically suffocating himself in your chest and bright red all the way tot he back of his neck