#if ur questioning ur sexuality my advice is just to explore

[babsaros]

How did you know you were gay?

ah, couple reasons i guess. some that only became obvious with like 15 years of hindsight, and only after pulling myself out of the deep dark pit of compulsory heterosexuality.

like. classic symptoms of lesbianism include shamefully staring at the floor when you pass the women's underwear racks in the department store, even though you're not quite sure why you're uncomfortable. that sort of thing.

i have memories from early elementary school of accidentally glimpsing down a girl's shirt at recess and then bottling up that feeling and refusing to think about it. any time i had a crush on a boy, it was from an extremely idealized and safely non-actionable distance. the one time i did have a boyfriend, it was just my guy best friend from middle school, we dated for barely a school year before i ended it and the most physical intimacy i was ever comfortable with was holding his hand when we walked to class. i went to a different school's prom because a guy i was kind-of friends with asked me, and spent the whole night uncomfortably avoiding eye contact.

basically i started questioning my sexuality towards the end of high school, when i noticed myself getting like. jealous about my guy best friend's girlfriends?? like. i wanted to date them. i wanted to steal them from him lmao. i thought girls were pretty and soft and nice and cute and i was too afraid of being a predatory creep to do anything about it besides have far-fetched daydreams, but there was no heterosexual explanation. like, i hugged a girl i thought was pretty one time and it did things to my brain. that memory got locked in for life.

i identified as ace/pan early on, but again- compulsory heterosexuality. the idea of being with a guy romantically or sexually was never actually appealing. i had just been told that was what i was supposed to want my entire life, and the movies do a great job of selling that fantasy. but really i was just a lonely depressed helpless romantic teenager that wanted to be loved lol.

a large part of why i identified as asexual was because i was so sex-repulsed by the idea of penetration, honestly? (which i have since gotten over, but specifically Only with girls. the idea of having sex with a man still icks me out, and my preference is definitely femme-presenting ppl) a bit of it was probably also because i hadn't unpacked gender yet either. it made it very difficult to actually imagine myself having sex with anyone ever lol. this is gonna sound so cringe to say, but reading gay smut did awaken things in me.

in conclusion, tldr, i just like to think about tits and kissing women sometimes, idk. thanks for coming to my tedtalk.

[justin-chapmanswers]

Sorry if this is a bit rude, but how do you consider yourself as he/they or they/he? I am questioning my sexuality and gender at the moment and seeing you (idk if ur lgbt) makes me find comfort, if you can, how did you realise you were not straight and how I can find mine! :3

Oh golly uh. Let's see if I can keep this short and then bury it under other answers. <3

Labels are fun cause they're so funky and ever-changing as you learn more about yourself. So, firstly, don't stress about finding something so perfect right away and bounding yourself to it. You're still you, any way you word it.

Gender-wise I'm in a state of def preferring they but being chill enough with he. Like whateverrrrr. It's hard to get around societal norms and perceptions, so my expectations are calibrated accordingly. I of course feel that for people who feel more strongly about a specific label, it's important to fight for it to be recognized whenever you're in a safe-enough environment to do-so. But for me, the concept of pushing for a specific label or, even more-so, of seeing other people pushing others to use a specific label for me is veryyyy anxiety-inducing. I tend to avoid spotlight when possible. But at the same time, a lot of it just comes down to not wanting to be grouped/perceived gender-ly at all. I tend to use the label agender. But I'm sure a lot of people have similar experiences with different labels. I just, ya'know, wanna be me.

Gender exploration is funnnn. There's no one right way to learning about yourself. Some people know from a young age, almost inherently, some people figure things out a lot later. It's never too late. Some people learn with outfits and styles, some with looking to people/characters who they want to be perceived more-like, some with experimenting through new names/pronouns and feeling-out how being called different things makes them feel. If you have friends you feel safe around with all of this, on or offline, can't hurt to say "hey would ya mind calling me x-name or y-pronoun for a bit?" And if you don't like it, you don't need to stick with it. But really be cognizant of it feels right to you.

Then on the romantic orientation side, that's been a much longer journey haha. I was calling myself straight through middle schooler, bi for a bit in early high school, gay starting in later high school, then for a long while. Nowadays I just say queer. Labels make things easier, until they don’t haha. For me, if you imagine a scale of feminity to masculinity with like little pegs running down the line from 0 to 10, with 5 in the middle, I tend to find myself attracted to people in like the 4 to 8 range? Something like that. But even that's not perfectly consistent! There's never going to be a perfect word for everything. That's why I like queer as an umbrella term. It's also just a cute word, I don't make the rules.

Hence earlier when I mentioned that you should just feel free to keep it open and not close yourself off. Maybe nothing'll change, but what if something does? But of course, I assume you're asking from more of a place of just starting this journey. I'm trying to get my mind back to where I started with that. I think the first time the not-straight realization hit was when a friend of mine didn't show up to an event and I was all like "why am I so miserably sad that he wasn't there?" And then a lightbulb appeared over my head and out-loud I said "aw damnit." And then things have been weird and confusing ever since.

But in terms of giving advice, it's hard to not just be like "uhh idk just hang out with people that makes you feel gooey." But obviously it's more complicated than that. A decade ago, I was taking random "am I gay" tests online. But they're kinda silly cause the questions on those would ask me to fill in information about how I feel, but how am you supposed to know how I feel without the test telling me how I feel??????? So realistically, I'd advise private journaling. Just take some time, even five minutes. Start now. Write out who you are drawn to, in any sense, and how they make you feel. Especially if you're like me and have trouble self-reflecting unless I force myself to. Like. In a Tumblr post.

There's so many ways to explore. It's also nice to look at relationships in life and media and seeing if you connect to any relationship or long to fit into someone's place within a relationship. That's why representation matters, baybeeeee! But also, ya'know, talking to people goes a long way to learning about yourself. Trial 'n error let's gooooo.

And above all: you got this.

[notzilon]

hello tumblr (specifically fws tag) I come to you, hat in hand, to ask for advice

A couple months back I said that I wanted to continue posting shipping content/shitposts/etc, then I disappeared without coughing anything up because

I let my pursuit of perfection get in the way of "good enough" (X isn't finished enough to post)

Increasing uncertainty of how to handle mildly controversial content in a fandom for children's media

Seasonal depression, babey

Specifically, I want advice for point two. Listen. I don't have an ethical/moral issue with drawing fictional adults having a sexual relationship. Unfortunately, tumblr will not allow me to post N enthusiastically eating Hilda out. Making occasional PG-13 shitposts about two characters having an intimate relationship is A-OK, though.

My issue is that ultimately, Pokemon is a children's series. While personally I have no issue with allowing characters to age/exploring adult themes with adult versions of characters, I understand that it's not only adults on this website. I'd prefer to keep suggestive material away from those that don't want to/legally can't interact with it. However, I also like tagging my stuff with character names to increase reach/exposure and make it easier to find similar content on my blog. I used to just be able to use character+appropriate warning tags for stuff but that doesn't really work anymore.

So my question is for people who use tumblr more than me: how the fuck do I keep things organized/tagged and allow people to opt out in a reasonable fashion. Is there even a good way to do that anymore

anyway thanks for reading to the end. here's an old sketch 4 ur troubles:

[disgustinggf]

hi :) i have some problem... i mean its not real problem but im so lost and stuck. lately i've been thinking and questioning myself about sexuality. i think im bi. but im so lost cause im not sure. what if its just a phase and everything its just stupid? i kinda dont have friends and cant talk with them about this. im sorry for bothering but do you have some kind of advice? im really stuck and lost and i hate myself :(

it's completely normal to be confused abt ur sexuality! i think u should explore it and then see how it goes (: i don't really have any other advice but my dms are always open if u need someone to talk to

[alotsgonnachange]

Fan apprentice Bios

for the alotsgonnachange/the arcana cinematic universe that eye personally believe to be better than the original game...

Name: Isabella Ciccino

Meaning: Promise of God

Gender: Female

Pronouns: She/Her

Height: 5′10

Birthday: October 28th

Star sign: Scorpio

MBTI: ISFJ-T

Patron Arcana: Justice

Sexuality: Lesbian

Favorite Food: Lemon chicken orzo

Drink: White wine (Vinho Verde)

Magical abilities: Plant care/recognition (green witch), Foraging

Ethnicity: A small rocky/mediterranean esque island off the coast of Venterre that would strongly resemble sicily and malta.

Family: Mother, Angela Ciccino (deceased). Younger sister, Annamaria Ciccino (deceased)

Backstory: WIP

Occupation: Seamstress/tailor

Hobbies: Ballet, reading, drinking wine, dancing, tending to plants

Familiar: None (for now i guess??)

Love Interest: Nadia

Description: Isabella is a mysterious and alluring magician. To most people she is kind and charming, but private. She is incredibly helpful and caring to those she is friends with and cares about and will drop what she’s doing to assist. Likes to do quiet introspective work like reading, sewing, knitting and caring for plants. She’s a bit of a homebody in that sense. She comes across as level-headed and assertive in formal settings and does not allow others to talk down to her. With friends, she is a bit more sassy and teasing. She hates answering personal questions and has strict boundaries, which can lead to her being standoffish and stubborn at times.

As a Love Interest: Very loyal and committed, generally very gentle towards whoever she is seeing. You are going to have to get her to open the fuck up though she’s not good at being vulnerable AT ALL. The type of gf who may or may not qualify as a therapist/mother which…yikes. needs to work through her fear of intimacy before she can have a healthy relationship awwww 5/10

___

Name: Danielle Dupont

Meaning: God is my judge

Gender: Female

Pronouns: She/Her

Height: 5′6

Birthday: September 7th

Star sign: Virgo

MBTI: ENFP-A

Patron Arcana: The Sun

Sexuality: Bi

Favorite food: Pain au Chocolat (Chocolatine for my canadians…)

Favorite drink: Espresso or a good wheaty ale

Magical Abilities: Sexual magic, chemistry/potionmaking, candle magic, topical balms/solutions

Ethnicity: Whatever the Arcana equivalent is of like. Western Europe germanic? A country including but not limited to Germany, France, Belgium, Luxembourg, Switzerland. Who cares really she is white and an Orphan

Family: Orphan!

Backstory: WIP

Occupation: Shop owner who sells potions, balms, candles and various other uhhh items usually of the purpose of sex (literally think a modern day sex shop with dildos and shit but also candles and skincare too)

Hobbies: Socializing, singing, making/testing potions, foraging, baking

Familiar: None, is in fact frightened of several animals due to trauma :(

Love interest: Lucio (Her taste is questionable and that’s okay!), also portia

Description: Danielle is a cunning and animated witch. She’s outgoing, bright and carries herself with confidence. In the past this has made her friends and enemies alike. She’s charming but can be a bit of a trickster. Her demeanor is generally calm and she does not often experience strong anger. She’s very smart and dedicated to her craft, and she is a perfectionist. As a worker, she gives excellent customer service and is a good saleswoman. To her friends, she’s teasing and wild, but loving and encouraging. On her worst days, she has the potential to be a bit more inconsiderate and is not the best at handling huge displays of emotions from others.

As a Love Interest: Girlllll…. first of all she needs to stop being emotionally stunted! My good sis cannot handle open displays of emotion at all and tends to shut down! The physical aspects are all there and excellent and she is going to be sweet, caring and loving but she needs to take things more seriously and be able to talk about feelings!!! 3/10

____

Name: Jia Song

Meaning: In korean it’s “clear” or “good”

Gender: Female

Pronouns: She/her

Height: 5’5”

Birthday: August 5th

Star sign: Leo

MBTI: ENFJ-A

Sexuality: Bi

Favorite Food: Pulled pork or a good seasoned steak

Drink: limeade

Magical Abilities: Potions/herbs and healing

Ethnicity: Her father is from the same country as Ki (in a modern AU, this would be like. Korea.) and her mother is from somewhere uhhhh near nopal or something. Warm tropical nice (in a modern au this would be Brazil), but she grew up in her mother's country.

Family: I don't currently have names but basically, her father, mother, aunt (deceased) and two younger brothers.

Backstory: will be linked coming soon

Occupation: Healer, researcher, linguist

Hobbies: Dancing, reading, adventuring

Familiar: None

Love Interest: Julian

Description: Jia is a bright and curious magician. She’s a bit nerdy and loves reading/learning new disciplines. She is an energetic and altruistic person who is liked by many. She comes off as kind and forthcoming. She is very helpful and if she can’t help directly she will find someone who can with her connections. To her friends, she is loyal and sweet and affectionate, but also has the potential to be grumpy and even a bit negative. She’s very determined in hard situations and won’t back down until things are made right. Despite this, she can potentially overthink and overestimate situations and is incredibly stubborn when she wants to be.

As a romantic partner: loving, but definitely also able to keep independence. Not necessarily a stage 5 clinger but somewhere in the middle. She will love just spending lots of time with a partner and just picking their brain and learning everything she can from them. The type to brag about them to her friends. A wonderful listener but give her a chance to speak too she likes talking a lot as well! 10/10 would recommend

____

Name: Ki (Kiyoung) Kim

Meaning: Debatable but Ki alone means arisen and i’m getting “Vigor and eternal” But i think names differ based on the characters u use i am not korean so take this with a grain of salt

Gender: Nonbinary i think...

Pronouns: He/him or they/them doesn't have a preference

Height: 5′8″ Short king

Birthday: February 27th

Star sign: Pisces

MBTI: INFP-T

Sexuality: Gay

Favorite food: Budae Jjigae or Yongeun jorim

Favorite drink: any alcoholic beverage where you can’t taste the alcohol and strawberry milk

Magical Ability: Divination and mediumship (idk what the proper term is) so he can communicate with spirits/the dead

Ethnicity: Think of a small nation veeeery far away from Vesuvia that's cold for a lot of the year (for reference, think Korea).

Family: a twin sister named Jiyoung, 3 older sisters (Jiwoo, Jeongyeon, Joonhwa), mother and father and paternal grandfather and maternal grandmother who are living.

Backstory: will be linked coming soon

Occupation: Musician - mostly guitar and piano. Enjoys instrument care, arranging and performing in large ensembles, not a soloist by any means. He’s a great singer but he’s shy and singing gives him anxiety

Hobbies: Playing guitar, composing/arranging, reading, writing, shopping

Familiar: a tiny white dragon named Egg. Idc if dragons exist in this world but i feel like they HAVE to..

Love Interest: Asra

Description: Ki is a perceptive and witty magician. To most he comes off as a bit anxious and shy, which he is. Once you get past that, he’s eager, forthcoming and empathetic. He is very kind and likes to believe people have good intentions. He is very helpful and always tries to make sure others are comfortable and happy. He enjoys music and learning musical instruments. He prefers to work more in the background so as to not draw attention to himself. With his friends, he’s actually very talkative, silly and goofy. He’s prone to anxiety and may tense up or feel attacked when put into frightening situations. Unfortunately he has self destructive tendencies and low self esteem and has a hard time due to that.

As a Love Interest: perfect little s/o shut the FUCK UP…. that is if u can deal with low self esteem and anxiety! He really really tries though! He’s also shy with physical affection but will warm up to it eventually with familiarity and trust. Very doting and randomly shows up with delicious food and takes care of u when ur sick. 8/10

____

Name: Mathilde “Tilly” LaRue

Meaning: Mighty In Battle? Lol

Gender: Female

Pronouns: She/her

Height: 5’11

Birthday: January 16

Star Sign: Capricorn

MBTI: INTP-A

Sexuality: Bi

Favorite Food: Lentil soup

Drink: Black coffee

Magical Abilities: Divination, telekinesis, herbs, defensive magic

Ethnicity: From a large urban area with a large population somewhere in an area a bit cooler and rainier than Vesuvia. (think like. England)(in a modern AU think Afro-caribbean)

Family: Mother and Mother and an older sister named Topaz

Backstory: will be linked coming soon

Occupation: Court Magician (but like simply a well rounded witch who goes wherever the money is)

Hobbies: Exploring, foraging, reading

Familiar: A white ferret named Elle

Love Interest: Muriel

Description: Mathilde is a gentle and thoughtful magician. She is soft-spoken and hates raising her voice, and is often making bizarre and thought provoking side comments in most situations. She is curious and intuitive when it comes to magic and often able to use several methods to predict the future for others. She carries herself in a dreamlike/contemplative manner and does not really care what others think - She’s off in her own world. With friends, she has a good source of humor and gives good advice and is a very good listener. She has an affinity for animals and nature, and would generally prefer to be outside. She can tend to be unrealistic and naive and loses hold on her emotions in tough situations (angry crier…) and feels misunderstood by those around her.

As a love interest: Downright adorable. Sweet, will bring you cool items she found and very endearing. She’s also encouraging and surprisingly cheesy. Not outwardly clingy but if you let her she will. but good fucking luck starting to date her! She is extremely pretty and gets asked out almost every day, turning down 99.999999% of applicants because other people do not particularly interest her and her taste is insanely picky! 10/10 but FAT CHANCE

[mallowstep]

I’m thinking about writing a short OC piece about Windclan and I’d love to see your notes about its culture and the hymns you’ve written so far, everything you’ve done for Windclan appreciation month has really inspired me :)

hello anon!

alright, first things first: please send me ur piece when ur done if you're comfortable doing so! i will publish it from you, or if you don't want to be associated with it in Any Way, i will also just read it and add it to the queue with no indication why it's there. or if you don't want me to share it at all, i'd still like to read it.

as for your ask,

hymns?

i'm working on it. however, underneath the read more, i'll include a few snippets for u.

culture

alright, i'm just going to post links with some commentary as i go. feel free to ask any more questions you have.

windclan (search) | windclan (tag) | wcam tag | five clans (narrative essays)

i would link the elders den, but there's no windclan stories in there ATM.

moving on, i'm just going to go through posts in reverse chronological order.

tallstar taking a mate admittedly, this is more about cats and sexuality than windclan, but i provide the commentary that windclan...has a particular view on sexuality and fluidity. one thing i haven't explored but should is the role visiting cats have in windclan.

whoops that's a code word, my plug for solacefruit has been activated. okay, as you may be aware, based on the fact that i have a whole tag for it, i'm obsessed with solacefruit. now, i love everything they do, but i would like to point you particularly to "make a mighty sound" for a fantastic exploration of this idea.

i don't want to spoil anything, but i do think windclan, and maybe cats as a whole, but windclan has a certain view towards relationships that very much breaks them into pieces. i'm a "love is a verb" person, so the idea that you can grow to love someone romantically by going through the actions of love makes sense. not to say you will, but you can.

(to be clear i'm not out advocating for arranged marriages just saying that they can work, they're not destined to be bad, and there's a difference between forced marriage and arranged marriage.)

anyway.

this was a lot of words to say, cats do not have a human (and particularly, western/american) understanding of relationships, which makes analyzing them in those terms difficult.

early hymn talk i'll probably say more below, but it is here.

general ibtwicm notes might get you into the headspace for some of my choices in ibtwicm.

i don't have a ton to say because this pretty much all holds, but uh, yeah.

poetry and language this isn't strictly about windclan, but it does explain some of what i think about when writing hymns.

obviously, i'm writing english translations, but these general themes are what i have in mind. it's also part of why i say i don't think i'll ever release a "full hymnal" for windclan, because i don't know if my weak worldbuilding heart could take it if i only had translations.

names part two very much not about windclan, but just some thoughts on names. as i've said before, i support all names and worldbuilding equally, but if you want my thoughts on names, go buckwild.

clan culture fic rec list just stuff i think does a good job, if you want other sources of inspiration.

general clan culture notes this is really old, but it mostly holds.

i've obviously expanded a lot on windclan since i wrote it, so shrug? idk man.

alright, i'm going to move into hymn discussion below the cut, but best of luck! and i hope u have a good time. it makes my brain shut down to read that i inspired you, straight up got brain juice pouring out of my ears, but i'm really, really happy to hear that.

windclan holds a special place in my heart. (i know my oc avatar is from skyclan shhh it's because of the backstory he sees ghosts.) but i grew up in this super sporty household as a lil asthmatic klutz, and running was a sport i couldn't mess up, so of course windclan appealed to me.

they're actually third on my list of favorite clans, but they. it's a special place in my heart that they hold, especially after reading dawn of the clans and moth flight's vision, where i got an asthmatic cat and an adhd cat, both in windclan.

god i should reread dotc it's good.

alright, here's the deal on hymns: i am not going to fight to get duets to post correctly. there's a 0% chance i can in tumblr's wonky ass new editor with no markdown, not to mention how difficult it would have been in the old editor. so i'm going to talk a lil about what i've got, and post some stanzas that i think don't get explored a lot in ibtwicm.

we're discussing these in the order that they go in. a reminder that these are all sections of one epic poem. that said, i don't know where the gaps are. like, i don't know what's between these, if that makes sense.

the wind

the wind, the very first hymn. this is an ode to, well, windclan. it's a song about everything that makes them them. it's filled with poetry about the wind, about the seasons, and it's just...well, it's a bit of a genesis, in a way.

The wind — like the rain, like the river — calls the name of each star in its breath. The wind — like the earth, like the stone — anchors us to our home. The wind — like the sun, like the sky — is knowable only by name.

i wanted to share this stanza because the last line doesn't show up in ibtwicm (at least so far, i cut the reference), and it really, really, makes a difference imo.

anyway, windclan is basically tying the wind in with every other fundamental part of their life here.

they are the wind, and that's that.

the hare

okay, this one has a line that comes up a lot in ch1, but i already talked about that, so instead, i'm going to talk about this stanza

Speak of the earth and the dens, and you will be answered: By the call of the howling gales, the open earth singing in response. But speak of that which grows above, of the grass and field, And you will be answered by the softness of the buds and the roots.

okay, we get deadfoot thinking about this when he's talking to yellowfang.

i like this stanza because it really tells us what the hare is about. now, hares are not something windclan catches. hares are huge, y'all, there's no way they take one down. i take liberties with ecology, but not that many.

(i.e., a team of cats definitely could take one down, but i know too much, and would prefer letting team hunting stay a plot thing, and not fundamentally alter the environment in the way it would.)

now anyway, all of these hymns come from the time of the tunnelers. and the point of this is, even though the work of tunnelers and moor runners is disconnected, they fundamentally affect each other.

a moor runner must trust the hollows of the earth beneath them won't collapse, and a tunneler must trust that the prey they chase up will be caught.

it's all very symbiotic and is, well, in a way, a love poem. plus i really like the line "the open earth singing in response"

of the warrens

so this has one line, one you might not even know is a hymn, in ch1, but i'll share the whole stanza.

And as for the subject of fallow fields: Fallowed fields make for hungry prey, Yet hungry prey makes desperate rabbits, Who leap into our claws.

and ig my big point is, the hymns are a cultural artifact. just like many of the rules in the old testament have to do with hygiene things being codified into religion, this whole hymn is about hunting advice.

the moon on the river

okay, out of all the hymns, this is the most complete, and because ashfoot and deadfoot sing it together, and deadfoot discusses it, i only have one stanza to share.

Under the coldness, you shine back at me, And I do everything to keep the clouds from threatening you.

now, this poem is about love, grief, and being separated. it's a particular kind of grief, and windclan discourages grief, so this is one of only a few ways to really, fully express it.

and this section, in particular, is about love in times of hardship.

i don't have. a lot to say here. but the way hardship changes how you love someone can be particular and intense.

(temporarily, this happens sometime before "Spare for my chosen few / All I have is given towards the distant ground.")

the gorse in the wind

oh shit! i have so fucking much to say okay first.

the series title does not come from this hymn.

second, this is a challenging hymn okay. fuck. i have so much to say. where to start so! moors are actually relatively wet. think british countryside, not, like, a cool desert.

this is something i always knew? i read the secret garden a lot as a kid. but. i've seen stuff about moors being dry, and it's just one of those things that really...starts to eat under your skin. anyway.

okay, so. gorse is a dry plant. it does not like rain. it grows in sandy soil, etc etc, and yet. aside from everything we know about gorse and warriors, it also grows in this moor. because i say so.

okay, so. so so so. the lines quotes here are really deceptive, and i bet no one understood why, and that makes me just a little sad, but i couldn't find a good way to explain it in text, so uh, yeah, anyway. there's an exchange between ashfoot and deadfoot: "THE GORSE: You called me the heather and I grew stronger. / THE WIND: I called you the heather and brought rain for you to grow."

so...so do you see? do you see the point? it's about communication, needs, challenging each other. fadskj;l i love this. okay, so. the point is that heather is fragile, soft, pretty, and gorse is the opposite. the part of the wind is trying to be kind and complimentary, but the gorse is saying, fuck that, you are not being kind to me by undercutting my strength.

anyway, this passage is sung by the gorse:

In what good company have I set down roots, That even through snow fall I flower. You called me the heather and yet I've weathered, Far more than your sweet-named love.

so uh, yeah, this adds context. gorse! gorse is a hardy plant that continues to flower basically all season round. it's cool. it's cool. gorse is super cool. fuuuck y'all it's such a small thing and i've contained talking about it until now, but now it's too much. the floodgates are open, and i thought about this small detail too much.

okay. deep breath. gorse is a really easy plant to grow, but it's still adapted for dry environments. so the "even through snow fall I flower" part is a little tongue in cheek: gorse itself will flower in the cold, but snow is a type of precipitation, which as we've covered, is not gorse friendly.

then we have some rhyming and puns in the next line, and finally, "yet I've weathered, / Far more than your sweet-named love." like. yes. love as a form of softness is not necessarily helpful.

i mean, consider the damaging "soft trans boi" problem. same energy.

right. okay. so we've got all that? now if you remember, this is sung when deadfoot thinks ashpaw doesn't respect him, and ashpaw says she'll sing with him if she can sing the gorse, so in essence, she's telling him...not to back off, per se, but that...she is the "hard part" of the relationship. like, okay, i refuse to even bring up gender roles in human relationships, but uh, her point is very much, "i am the gorse, and you are the wind," and it's a very monumental moment.

it's anchored, i believe, in the other scenes, but this is a small thing that matters a lot to me.

like a lot.

okay, now that i've talked about like four lines for the length of this entire post, moving on.

the heather and earth

okay, this is the last hymn i have in concrete terms, and i cut a bit of it from the latest chapter, so yeah. it's also, uh, okay everything i have for it is only a line or two, but i wanted to share this closing line (sung together):

Sing a song of forgiveness, of growing together, and we will make madness, And madness from hence will everything beautiful grow.

and i just like these lines. they got cut, it was initially part of an exchange between ashfoot and deadfoot, but i can't share the part of it they talk about, because i'm reusing it for a later chapter and i'll 100% spoil shit if i try to talk about it.

but these lines? mmm they speak to me.

i don't have a ton to say about them, but i just. i like it.

if we apply the same ecology discussion from the gorse and the wind, we see heather is a plant that grows in acidic, infertile soil, and heath (which is not the same as a heather, but also kind of is) is a defining quality of heathland, which is...i'm not kidding, it's hot discourse about the difference between moorland and heathland.

i'm not getting involved, but my point is, if the gorse in the wind is a hymn about finding a working relationship, about mutual respect, etc., then the heather and earth is a hymn about working well together in a terrible situation.

god.

uh, wow! can you tell i like plants? because while parts of my ecology are dubious (see: everything regarding the rabbits in ch1), the plants part are well thought out. this shit is carefully detailed metaphor.

and that's why i won't be releasing a full hymnal. it's hard to as on top of this as i want to be. i'm not kidding, writing even four lines of a hymn usually takes me about twenty minutes, because i pull up a lot of research about how things work, how they interact with each other, etc., and then there's wordsmithing, cat worldview filter, etc.

but i hope this overview of what i've got is a good insight into my general thoughts. and i will eventually release more and more of the hymns i've got written.

[freakynct]

I have a question like about masturbate stuff because I saw that ure an adult and maybe u could help me and give me some tips or anything like I have been searching on Google about it and I really don't get it how I can masturbate or smh and if you even masturbated did you find it hard? Or painful?

Like what age did u masturbated if I could ask? I wanted to try but I live with my family and we are too many members and it's kinda hard to do so and idk what to do if I get caught

I'm sorry if my question made u uncomfortable

ok so because im not sure how old you are and if you're underage or not im gonna try not to go too much in depth about masturbation and ill give you some big sister advice if you will instead. also disclaimer that this is not an appropriate blog for underage people and you shouldn't interact if you are.

first i just wanna say that masturbation is something normal and it's actually beneficial in order to learn more about your body and what you like and don't, if you're of age ofc. im not gonna tell you at what age i started doing it since i don't wanna promote underage sexual activities but i was young and maybe it wasn't the best idea to start so young cause it end up giving me some really distorted perceptions when it comes to sex. one thing i have to say is please don't watch porn as research when you're starting to dive into your sexual aspects because a lot of the porn out there is very unrealistic and shouldn't be your first perception of what sex or masturbation looks like. masturbation is something that should come naturally and shouldn't be forced and same thing goes for sex. don't do it just because everyone else is doing it. listen to your body and don't do anything that makes you uncomfortable. it is not supposed to be painful and if it is then that's a sign that you're not ready or you're doing something wrong and you should stop, like i said please listen to your body. hands are your best tool to start. i don't advise exploring your body for the first time with anything else and also i don't advise going straight into penetration, even if it's with your fingers. explore outside your body first and then work your way up. you mentioned you live with family so i also advise you to choose a moment when you're alone to explore. it's not gonna help you if you're in a stressful environment where you're constantly scared someone's gonna catch you and you can't focus so for the first times be completely alone.

i hope this helped in any way, once again i didn't wanna go into much detail in case you're underage and im gonna say this again, please only engage in sexual activities of any kind if you're of age! please take care <3

[artttho]

I sometimes find myself questioning if I'm a romantic. I'm not sure if I actually feel love or romantic attraction towards my girlfriend. I don't think I've ever felt it towards a girlfriend except once, but it may have been more of an obsession rather than love. I can say I feel more comfortable with my current girlfriend than anyone else. I enjoy soending time with her but I still feel void of emotions on the inside. Am I aro or just broken?

aromanticism is a very complicated question to answer, and i still havent asnwered it myself. I find it hard to differentiate if what im feeling is romantic, or just very friendly, and the culture around us doesnt help, i mean look at how you asked if you were broken!! of course not!! no ones broken, we all just operate differently, and that includes sexual and romantic attraction

i dont think i have a lot of advice to give when it comes to making that connection with yourself. I havent had a relationship last longer than two weeks, and in every single one of them in one way or another i was incredibly uncomfortable, but im not sure why. i think really, you just have to ask yourself ‘am i happy?’, and if the answer is yes without a girlfriend, then explore that. if it’s yes regardless, still explore it!! google it, ask your local lgbt group, go to discussion boards, but dont push it down, or say ur broken. you just have to find what makes u happy

[normal-thoughts-official]

Thoughts on rizzy 👀

jdndkdndidndidn ok so if u wanted a rizzy-positive answer...... avert ur eyes

the one thing positive (?) i can say about rizzy is that it really brought us some of the softest raphael moments, but i also lowkey hate that cuz wow, we really got him to talk about his sister, his past, see some of his interests, his softness, his pains, his smiles because of rizzy... so it's all related to rizzy 💀 which is why you might see some gifsets from rizzy scenes in my blog, i think this might have been what brought this on. i enjoy those scenes as scenes that establish raphael's character, but not as rizzy

and shoutout to sh as usual for only bothering with giving a coc depth, backstory, desires and etc when they were someone's love interest and then dropping them like a hot potato. like bro imagine if they had at least bothered with keeping raphael's characterisation consistent? id be over the moon already. if they had actually made him a person like when rizzy was a thing for the whole show on top of that?? fuck i think id explode in happiness

other than that..... i hate everything about it. and like, it being based on addiction aside (which is already, like, bad, but i could maybe ship them in an alternate reality where the addiction wasn't a thing and they were fine if it was only that), the whole thing was literally Izzy Treats Raphael Like Shit And Then Raphael Is Villainized For It

im not even gonna get into the whole "raphael is blamed for the yin fen thing for some fucking reason when that was not his fucking fault and no one questions this" thing because ive done it before and i might explode with rage if i do, lol. that fucking plotline would have never been handled like that if raphael wasn't latino and therefore a predator drug dealer stereotype. but ANYWAY

those are the two things that i see anti rizzy shippers talking about the most, but those are actually not what bothers me the most. what really drives me up the wall and is just vomiting emoji is the way izzy treats raphael. that's the dealbreaker for me and something that never gets acknowledged

like, for starters, raphael was once again shown to be one of the most caring and selfless characters in this piece of shit stupid show, when he saved izzy's life when she was stupid enough to actually go to a vampire den. she had done nothing but be shitty to him and the vampires up to that point, mind you (which some ppl in this fandom treat as like #GirlPower or something) but he still saved her life for no reason other than that was the right thing to do

and then she immediately, the same second, tried to trigger him into drinking her blood. and he kept telling her no and pushing her away and she was literally GRABBING him and slitting her wrist and then he caved, at great personal cost, which she didn't care about

fine

then we get her going after him again, and raphael, again, being the caring and selfless bastard that he is, does something so monumentally kind and dangerous that it still blows me away: he tells her about his addiction

and i know that ppl in this fandom love to act as if every single thing raphael did for the sake of other characters, particularly the shadowhunters and simon, is just, like, expected and no big deal. but raphael didn't owe izzy that. he didn't have to tell izzy that. hell, he didn't even have to save izzy's life when she went to the den, for all he knew it was all a trick or something. and telling her, someone he doesn't even know, a shadowhunter, not only one of his greatest secrets, not only one of his greatest vulnerabilities, but the single hardest and most painful moment of his life, a whole can of worms about his past that he just bared to her just like that, was just. so much. it was such a huge thing that he did for her, okay. and let's not forget that raphael is a private person, both for survival and because he just is

he basically opened up his biggest wound and showed it to her only because it could bring her some sort of comfort. it wouldn't even help her greatly. it wouldn't even change anything about her situation. it would bring just maybe a little bit of comfort and advice, at great personal cost, way greater than the good it would bring her. and he still did it, because raphael cares, especially when he sees someone going through something he went through as well. just so he could tell her that it gets better, that she's not alone. that he understands

and she fucking!! immediately!!!! uses that against him!!!!!! and continues to try to trigger his addiction again and again and again and again!!!! may i just say, WHAT THE FUCK

EVERY SINGLE TIME she tries to get him to drink her blood, it's not consensual, it's forced. he always hesitates, always tries to push her away, always turns his head. and she just pushes him anyway. even after she knows that he's been through this before. that it almost destroyed him. she knows exactly what she's triggering and bringing on, and she! does! it! anyway!!

watching some of the rizzy scenes, particularly the one where they are cooking together, makes me want to cry for him, because it's so obvious that what he's looking for is a deeper connection, someone to trust, to love, and what she's looking for is someone to satisfy her need. and look, i know addiction is terrible. but he's ALSO addicted. and again, i've met plenty of ppl who struggled with addiction, and they were able of, you know, not treating others like this

it drives me crazy! raphael lets her into his home, teaches her how to cook, opens up about the SINGLE SECRET ABOUT HIM THAT NO ONE KNOWS ABOUT EXCEPT FOR MAGNUS, and generally tries to have a good time with her, and not only does she immediately make his attempt at having a meaningful bonding time about him drinking her blood, but does it RIGHT AFTER HE TELLS HER ABOUT HIS SISTER??? it literally goes "here is my deepest most important secret that pains me greatly and is destroying me inside. oh, i said too much. i should have kept my mouth shut" "i'd rather you didn't *slits own wrist and makes him drink her blood*". like, girl, at least a word of comfort first??? a "you can tell me whatever you like"? an "i'm fucking sorry for your loss" maybe???????????? SHE TREATED HIM LIKE AN OBJECT

and also SHOUT THE FUCK OUT to "i didn't take you for a community service kind of guy", which granted is a minor thing to be upset about in the middle of this shitstorm, but still makes me want to rip my hair off. girl!! he's been doing nothing ever since you first met but helping you selflessly and getting only PAIN in return. like is she for real??? he went out of his way SO many times to help her, when he had NO reason to, not a single one. and she's still like "oh wow raphael cares about others?? im shocked" UDBDIDNDKSMSOSNSOSNSISBSUSBDUDBDIDNDIDNDI ARE YOU SERIOUSSSS

it's really such a revealing moment to me because it really shows that she didn't give any thought about everything he'd done for her. all the endless kindness and care, in the literal sense of TAKING CARE OF, that he offered her without a second thought. she never stopped to think about what it cost him. the fact that he didn't OWE IT TO HER, and thus it says something about his CHARACTER, because he CHOSE to help her. over and over and over again!!! AFTER SHE BETRAYED HIM MORE THAN ONCE. it never even crossed her mind! she just took it for granted, like it's what he was supposed to do, or something

and then!!!!!!! even after they go their separate ways!! and raphael is STILL caring for her and making sure she's okay! she decides to betray him one last time and have simon threaten his sister!!! and ill be honest i dont remember the reason for this, but i do remember that it wasn't fucking life and death, so like!!! it was just unnecessarily cruel and shitty of her and the biggest FUCK YOU to him and his trust. AND IT WASN'T NECESSARY AT ALL. like. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

and at this point izzy was recovering so it's just like. i get that before that we were literally seeing izzy at her ugliest, she even fought alec and said some shit that she definitely didn't mean at all and that was shitty and hurtful. so like obviously we were seeing izzy in her darkest, worst, most selfish, most hurt. which is why i can maybe cut her some slack for some shit (also i just realized i literally forgot that she straight up THREATENED HIM WITH A KNIFE god there is really So Much To Unpack Here), but at that point? at that point she had no excuse. she was recovering. this didn't even have anything to do with her addiction anyway. she was just proving that raphael's trust, his care, his fucking feelings, they meant nothing to her

like seriously! she could at least have the decency to go, after raphael was very obviously kind and considerate to me, maybe i should not conspire against him and bring forward his most important secret? i don't think i'm asking her for much here

and it also ends a circle of raphael opening up to her and trusting her and she betraying that trust EVERY SINGLE TIME! the literal single only thing he told her that she didn't use against him was his asexuality. which look, thank god, cuz that would have been way too ugly and uncalled for, but the bar is low here

(ok, maybe rizzy gets a shoutout for having raphael's asexuality be treated so naturally. especially coming from such an overtly sexual character like izzy. it was nice to have that. i also think that her whole line about how for the first time sex wasn't a big part of a relationship for her could have been explored in so many interesting ways. like it is obvious that izzy uses her sexuality as a way to gain confidence and prove her value and it would be cool to see that being addressed beyond throwaway lines, maybe talk a bit about hypersexualization of woc. but this is shadowhunters we're talking about so of course nah)

so like okay izzy gets a Not An Aphobe But Still Shitty badge for basically using raphael like he existed to provide her. and in short this is why i can't get into rizzy, not even in a very very alternate reality where it all went different and the way they met had nothing to do with addiction. because she really didn't care enough about him and he deserves so much better than this

and again, i know that izzy was at her damn lowest in that point, but i think that even if she weren't, ultimately their incompatibility still lies there - raphael is too selfless and izzy is not attuned to that. she would take what he offered and not really spare it a thought, even if she didn't mean to like, Use Him (cuz i dont think izzy meant to use him even in canon), like it was just expected. and he wouldn't point that out. and it would be. ugh

and yeah i think that summarizes my thoughts dudndjdn im sorry for the angry very long rant, i just started talking and it all was pouring out suddenly. i promise im not mad, i just...... have strong feelings about this whole thing

[lexgivesgayadvice]

hi! first of all i think what ur doing is amazing and i hope u also have time to take care of urself as well as helping all of us!

i was hoping for some advice, as i’m sure u guessed hahah so it’s kind of two fold one part more advice-y than the other i think

so i recently graduated college and moved away from my home town and the town i went to college which was only 2 hours away from my home town which has made my more comfortable to question what i know about my sexuality. pretty much all my life the majority of my friends have been LGBTQIA+ or otherwise confidentially queer identifying in some way and theyve always joked i’m the token straight or my best friend who moved out here with me always referenced the john mulaney joke, that when i was being created everything about my was made like a wlw but then they forgot to switch the flip that actually makes me like women…… ive always kind of wondered about my sexuality but honestly i never wanted to actually pursue anyone who isn’t a straight man bc the one occasion i kissed a girl, or had a work friend who i also hooked up with who was non-binary everyone made such a big deal and sensationalized it (which is also a whole other issue with how they reacted like i had to be gay bc i was hooking up with a non binary person and they got a massive talking to but anyway) and had this very almost like…. see we’ve been right all along attitude that rubbed me the wrong way and made me not want to “prove them right” out of spite and i don’t know how to juggle learning more about myself and that feeling and also struggling with like… i know i’m incredibly privileged to know i’m surrounded by ppl who love me and would accept me if i am not straight but the idea that they would have this “i was right u were wrong” vibe about it puts a bad taste in my mouth idk what i’m asking here but i just rlly wanted to say something to someone i hope that’s okay!!

and my actual advice portion i’ll try to make short and sweet since i rambled a lot above sorry again! i’ve been really thinking extra about exploring this part of myself that i know likes men but also i’m pretty sure that’s not all i like but i don’t want anyone to get hurt or offend or disrespect anyone in the process. basically i don’t want someone to think they’re my “big gay field trip” or my “gay experiment”. do u or anyone else have any advice on how i can interact with queer spaces and try to date women without making them feel like im a straight girl experimenting/toying with their feelings/any other hurtful or mean things

thank u again ur amazing!!!

Hello my friend!!! Thanks for your kind words - I'm so happy to be here helping you out!

I think that broadly speaking, your best option for everything going on here is to be honest. I'm operating under the assumption that your friends are decent people who care about you and aren't doing a good job expressing that. It doesn't make it okay that they're treating you in a way that clearly makes you uncomfortable, but if it's coming from a place of love and genuine excitement to welcome you into the queer community, then it's probably a lot easier to make them understand how you feel. Tell them that you're continuing to explore your sexuality but their past reactions are making you self-conscious and hesitant to let yourself freely explore your identity. If that feels like a lot, talk to one or two trusted people and let them help you get the point across that you're grateful for their support, but they need to chill. And if they aren't willing to make an effort to do that, well, maybe consider if they're really the friends you thought they were.

As far as having experiences with women, I think again just be honest! "I've been questioning my sexuality and I don't know exactly what I'm feeling or how I want to identify, but I'd like to spend some time with you/hang out/try some things if you're down." Let them know that you're genuinely interested in them but also still figuring yourself out, and then the expectations will be appropriate and they can choose whether that's what they're looking for at the moment. Just be kind and caring and respectful of everyone's feelings (including your own) and I think you'll do just fine!

I wish you the best of luck on your journey of self-discovery, anon!!! Don't let anyone stop you from figuring out who you truly are 💚🌈

[pbscore]

hi i just wanted to say thank u for being welcoming of aro and ace people i really appreciate ur support and for making me feel safe on your blog it means a lot to me 🥺 hope you're having a great day/night and thank you for being kind !!

Howdy, anon! 🤠

Anon, if it wasn’t for the ace and aro communities starting to develop while I was a teen, I would not have gotten to this point in my own identity and that’s really the truth! I’m still a questioning aroace person, so I’m always gonna be ace and aro inclusive. But I do know that there are unfortunately a LOT of exclusionary folks who also claim to be ace and/or aro and who constantly tell other ace/aro people that they ‘don’t belong’ in the LGBTQ+ community.

How I see it, anon, is this: if someone identifies as non-straight and/or non-cis and/or non-heteroromantic, then they belong in this community. This includes intersex folks who find comfort in the community, MOGAI folks with complex identities/neopronouns, questioning folks (regardless of whether they end up being lgbtq+ or cishet), and people who simply identify as queer or use no label at all!

This community includes so many different sub-communities and not everyone experiences their gender or sexuality or romantic attraction the same way and we need to acknowledge that. Being a part of the LGBTQ+ community ain’t about how much history you know or whether you’re being bullied every day for being who you are. It’s about people who have always existed finding pride and confidence within their own identities and being able to have a positive support group to be there to give them advice, to console them, to organize protests/petitions/fundraisers for the overall community, and to give them a safe space, away from bigotry, to explore themselves and the various sub-communities we have.

To allow exclusionary rhetoric to thrive, and I’m specifically talking about TERFs/truscum/transmeds/ace and aro exclusionists, in a community that should focus on celebrating diversity and acceptance is hypocritical and I don’t wanna be a part of a ‘community’ like that.

Ace and aro folks are always welcome in LGBTQ+ spaces and if y’all ever feel like people are still being gross and exclusionary towards y’all, feel free to ask me about actual safe blogs/people/groups/events to follow or be a part of.

I’m the small but mighty, queer butch bro that ain’t gonna let y’all be left out!🐻🌻🌿✨

[aro-ace-advice]

Hi so I saw a post saying that if you see sex or romantic intimacy as a need "you're being acephobic" and I wanted to ask your thoughts? As a queer woman when I say I see those things as a need I don't mean like food, noone is entitled to it and one can live a happy life without it. But I mean for the people who do want it they deserve a right to safely explore that and to not have it used against them (ex a partner withholding sex as punishment) Am I unknowingly hurting people by thinking this?

ree says: hi! sorry for late response! i don’t mind that y’all have been sending me asks here even though we’re inactive, but if you feel comfortable with it, you’re always welcome to direct your questions personally to me in my dm’s @cerydwynn ! it’s hard for me to post publicly rn for mental health reasons, but im coming out of retirement for like 2 seconds here to answer ur question because i like to talk about being ace. sorry to everyone else who’s sent us stuff over the past 6 months, i’m depressed and don’t have the energy anymore to do this consistently! again, feel free to message me privately on my personal blog if you’re feeling up to it! i will get back to you there definitely within the day!

you’re right, anon! sexual/romantic intimacy as a need in all walks of life, equivalent to food/shelter/water what have you is not a need by that definition! however, sexual/romantic intimacy as a personal need, defined within your own personal relationships? that depends entirely on your own personal preferences. you are correct, people deserve safe spaces to explore or avoid sex/romance, and not receiving safety in those environments can very much fuck you up, big time. healthy relationships of every variety need set boundaries regarding all sorts of things, including sex and romance, and it’s up to the people in those relationships to define their own needs. as an ace woman myself, i wouldn’t go so far as to say it’s acephobic to personally consider sex/romance a need for yourself and other people who feel similarly to yourself, but i do understand that op was likely referring to people who use acphobic rhetoric like “all humans biologically need to have sex and if you don’t want to or don’t feel attraction then you’re fucked up” (a disgustingly common thing i’ve heard from aphobes). it becomes aphobic when you start targeting the idea of sex and/or romance as a need for every single person alive specifically at ace/aro people who don’t feel that way (and also other folks who have gone through trauma related to these things, etc etc. aphobic rhetoric hurts more than just people within an aspec community). i think the problem here was just a little miscommunication! a lot of the time, generalized ideas and statements are untrue or possibly harmful to some of the people you’re talking about/to simply because it’s literally impossible for everyone to have the same experiences as one another, even within a singular demographic, so it was incorrect of the person who wrote the post to make such a generalized statement without specification, although i do understand their perspective as asexual myself.

it was good of you to examine your bias and ask for advice, though! next time you see a statement like that, where it’s uncomfortably generalized and unspecific, remember that it’s often a good idea to ask for someone else’s perspective and to hone your own ideas of what’s correct depending on the situation. generalized statements are not inherently incorrect, which is why when making a claim like that i think you should make an effort to specify what you mean so that your point is actually effective, but they’re not going to be correct 100% of the time either. it’s almost always a case-by-case basis, so next time you see/hear something like that, it might help to think about where the point actually applies and where they might be directing their argument so that it’s easier to understand where it doesn’t apply as well.

[loveisbraveandwild]

i'm questioning my sexuality a bit. i'm always like "wow she's gorgeous" and i don't know if i like girls romantically or sexually, or if i just like to look at them. any advice?

ok so firstly, an anecdote i have been ~out for like 5 years now but at the end of my freshman year of college, almost 3 years ago i realized i hadnt come out to my two best friends of 9 months so i txt one of them and im like “hahahah sorry im awk but thought i should let u know” and shes like really supportive ladadada and then shes like “i kinda knew” and i was like... how??? and she goes “well sometimes when we watch movies or talk abt actresses u comment on how hot the female characters r” and here i am clown makeup on suddenly realizing that all my hs friends were queer and i thought that saying that was “normal” and just like a thing women/girls said... but apparently its a gay thing??? which isnt exclusive and maybe straight ppl say it but perhaps this dumb story u didnt ask for will help??

my actual advice is dont rush it. let yourself be curious and ask questions and explore when ur comfortable! questioning is absolutely allowed and u dont need answers immediately and dont feel like u have to put a label on it!!! be honest w ur feelings as much as possible and try not to force it one way or the other!!! keep me posting!! ily and good luck!!

[darlingcharlie]

I'm having a fckin breakdown over the fact that i think I'm both lesbian and bi?? Like attracted to both but only to men when not femme and to women always. So, both? Because when I'm masc attracted It's only not as a woman. Or is that being both lesbian and gay? There a word for this?

pt. 1: congrats on ur piercing! I hope it's ok if I ask u a question about nb-ism if not np

first, i'm so sorry for the time i've taken to respond! i really wanted to take the time to think on your question. also, you (and anyone else for that matter!) can always ask me questions! just please know that every nonbinary person has a different experience with their identity, including myself, so please take my advice with a grain of salt.

from my viewpoint as an nb lesbian: if you can picture yourself in a happy and fulfilling romantic relationship with someone who identifies as a man without feeling weird about it (for lack of a better term), then i would suggest exploring other avenues. i don't know if by "when not femme" you are describing how you experience being nb or that you're describing the type of men you're attracted to, but either way, i would argue that lesbians, with all the complications of comp het aside, don't want a romantic relationship with someone who identifies as a man.

another angle to consider is that you could be experiencing comp het, which is a completely normal thing for lesbians to experience! you could do more research on how other lesbians experience their comp het and see if that resonates with you. but if you want advice from me, i'd suggest that if you can picture yourself truly, utterly happy in a romantic relationship with a man without feeling weird about it, then perhaps you're not experiencing comp het, but just normal attraction.

if you don't think you're experiencing comp het, then congrats, perhaps you're bi! bi ppl can experience attraction to anyone, not just those who identify as men or women! of course, who bi ppl are attracted to is a very personal and individual thing, so it all varies!

perhaps reaching out to some nb bi ppl who can answer your questions and talk about their own experiences, if they're willing, could be really helpful to you!

but, the last thing i want to say is that there's nothing wrong with experimentation or remaining unknown in regards to your sexuality. you can identify as a lesbian for now and then later realize your bi, or vise versa! or you can just let your sexuality be "???" for as long as you want. either option doesn't invalidate you!

[cowboyjen68]

Hey Jen! luv ur blog. I have a minor problem and you give good advice. I am currently in a summer term for college and am in the dorms. One of my roommates has expressesd intrest in me and we almost slept together last night. Theres only like 3 days left before I head back home. She also has a bf and thats why I wouldn't go any further. I also am not romantically interested in her really. It just kind of happened. I want to be her friend but I dont want to make it a awkward friendzoned thing.

You did the right thing stopping short. She sees you as a safe and benign chance to explore something new. Or she might even be mistaking her friendship with you as something more.

Many straight people assign sex between two women as “less” or just “for fun” as if our intimacy is not deep and meaningful with physical and emotion affects and consequences, good or bad. If they knew how it truly felt to connect with a woman as a women, they’d understand.

Her boyfriend is a real person. He has feelings of trust and caring for her (I hope). You should not be a part in breaching that connection. What she does is on her but you can control you. You don’t want, or need, to be “that” person”.

Lets say she is questioning. She needs to have that conversation with her boyfriend and the others she wants to have sex with. If she is unwilling or unable to do that, you don’t want any part of that. You can offer resources and support as a friend but make that boundary clear. Once there is intimacy, if she is a lesbian or bi, then she could fall harder than she’s ready for. Once two women connect physically it can make a crush feel like love even if it’s not. So steering clear protects her heart and your sanity.

Set clear boundaries. Preserve the friendship if you can. Support her if she is struggling with sexuality, boy friend issues or something else. But if you sense she is going to ignore or cross the line get out of that situation. You will probably have to be the one remaining in control of yourself. She might not.

[rockcandey]

7 and 26!! happy pride jared !!!!!! 💕🏳️‍🌈💕🏳️‍🌈💕

7. What is one question you hate people asking about your sexuality?

uhh idk ! i dont get many questions abt my sexuality these past few years. i do rly hate when ppl try n pick my labels for me or dig into how many girls ive dated vs how many boys ive dated etc.

26. What identity advice would you give your younger self?

just chill out abt it dude. u dont gotta kno everything yet, u can just exist how u are n find whatevers comfortable. n stop coming out so fuckin fast jesus let urself actually learn and explore in private bc ur not gonna b ready fr the questions everyones gna throw at u