#idk just kinda disheartening
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#i’m not gonna lie that was very anxiety inducing#i started getting weird anons without context while out with my family#i’d rather have handled it privately bc i’d already been reached out to privately and thought there was an understanding#idk just kinda disheartening#makes me kinda worried that people secretly dislike me when i’ve already got issues with that#i’ll prob just take a step back and focus on just my blog and fics now
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Feel free to ignore this but I think I might take a couple days. Just been feeling really shit about my writing the last day or two. Like it's... fine. But that's all it is. Bland one-shots, lukewarm takes, and overwrought poetry. And then I look at what everyone else is doing and I'm just... yeah
Anyways. I'll likely still reblog a bit here and there, but I'll probably be pretty quiet the next couple days
#personal#i'll probably delete this later tbh but i figured i'd say something on the off-chance anyone noticed me going quiet#i just. idk. sometimes it feels like smut is the only thing i'm decent at#and then i see everyone else writing all these deep emotionally resonant pieces and multi-chapter epics and it's hard not to feel inadequat#and while i've always been a big 'create for the enjoyment of it! numbers aren't important!' person#i have also noticed my stuff suddenly getting like half the notes it used to and it is a little disheartening#idk. it's not like my stuff is bad it's just. mediocre. it isn't amazing. it's never gonna be anyone's favorite. and that's fine but also..#well. i guess that's one of the things about gale i relate to. if i can't be great at what i do then what's the point of even doing it?#no one wants to bother with someone else's mediocrity#i'm not great. i'm not fast. i'm not prolific. i never finish multi-chapter stuff. i'm just. kinda boring
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There's multiple ways to self harm that aren't cutting. For example, liking female characters in a fandom that prioritizes the male ones
#og post#yes this abt project sekai#16/20 of the cast are girls#i say this as someone whos fave character is tsukasa#NONE of my other faves get SHIT in this fandom#haruka and mmj are literally so good#if your faves are just all the guys im begging you to pay attention when a girl character speaks#BEING GAY IS NOT AN EXCUSE BTW. IM GAY TOO IF YOU CANT APPRECIATE THE GIRL CHARACTERS CUZ YOURE NOT 'ATTRACTED' TO THEM#YOURE JUST LIKE AN INCEL WHO THINKS EVERY WOMAN IN A GAME HAS TO APPEAL TO THEM#i really dont mean to be mean to the guys i love them but i really hate how people push aside the girls#because 'oh well I'm only attracted to guys :/' or 'gheyre not as gay as the guys' or 'theyre just not interesting '#ALL of which are WRONG#all the characters are interesting and have something to offer and if you just refuse to pay attention to the girls cuz theyre girls-#-idk what to tell you#oh yea#self harm mention#anyways this applies to every fandom so feel free to tag which fandom youre apart of that does this i would love to know#also ik this comes off as super bitchy and i feel kinda bad about it but its so#disheartening yk?
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I really need some gravity falls friends I think :(
#idk im feeling annoying about talking to non gf friends about it again.#i just said a lot of stuff about stan and his memory loss in multiple discord servers im in today and nobody really. interacted with it in#any of them so i kinda feel stupid for wanting to talk about it ?#any time i feel like this i KNOW its because of how my ex treated me regarding it (can elaborate if asked) and its been hard to...#deal with on my own really.#ive been going through old gf content and such that ive forgotten about in the like? 6 or 7 years i kinda strayed away from it#BECAUSE of that one ex i mentioned#i tend to get on little tangents and talk a LOT about specific gravity falls things for paragraphs accidentally and... nobody who isnt into#the show rn like me isnt gonna like. read that. and respond to it.#i guess i need. conversation? instead of feeling like im talking AT people who just arent as interested as i am.#i think something that really got me down about how much i typed put earlier today is that in one server someone completely changed the#subject about it and the topic got changed without much interaction or discussion at all and in another it was kinda completely ignored#nobody talked over it or anything but nobody has said anything about it at all either. that channel has just kinda been dead and silent#since i stopped sending messages in it. its just#sad? i guess? disheartening.#to be super enthusiastic about something and just not have that enthusiasm met by anyone else. or even like. vaguely hyped up by anyone else
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since adding to that chocolate guy post saying that the tma tags are annoying i’ve had two separate people get upset because i’m “getting mad at them for liking things” or whatever when i literally never said that 😭 i said the tags were annoying and that’s it
#.txt#i’m allowed to be annoyed at a silly little thing i wrote about the chocolate guy#being constantly compared to something i only really know of tangentially#like it’s a shitpost just take it for what it is lol#if you find the fucking 4chan screenshot i added so disheartening#there are thousands of versions in the notes without it there#go reblog one of those instead#idk man you can do whatever you want i just also reserve the right to be#kinda peeved about it on my own damn post
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i think im gonna take a break from my fic to write my original work instead
#something something lack of engagement makes it discouraging for all artists and writers something something#i think the good thing about how i finished writing 'the stories we tell' before i even started posting a single chapter#is that the writing process was fun in the sense that i did it completely for me#there was no external pressure to write faster or try to write more 'interesting' chapters#whatever i wrote i wrote it for the sake of the story. because i wanted to#but posting a WIP and writing chapter by chapter? at least for me i def feel some pressure to please#and when i dont get much of a response on each update it's kinda disheartening#by response i mean people engaging with the actual like. contents. the lines i wrote. idk.#IGNORE ME IM BEING WHINY AND UNGRATEFUL#i genuinely love all my readers and commenters and everyone following along with the story#i just get too lost in my head and feelings sometimes#which is why i think its necessary for me to take a break and take my mind off it by writing my own original stuff for a while#at least for a few days#shut up haydar#on writing.log
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i'm ngl y'all, dissaponted in some of you for not sharing the palestine posts
#i mentioned this before but some of you guys are nitpicking my posts or rb's and only like the tokrev ones#of all of my followers?#maybe 5% interact with anything palestine related and i'm not exaggerating#makes me wonder what kinda people i'm posting to#like is it zionists or people who don't care#they're both just as bad#idk it's a bit disheartening#yes we're here for shits and giggles but pressing a button will not hurt you i garuntee you#funny posts will always be here#fandom content will always be here but palestinians? dying as we speak#ffs i'm begging you guys please just share a fucking post#i have a groupchat cooking but like i said what kinda people am i posting to exactly#tokyo revengers groupchat#tokyo revengers
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I have got to stop taking movie recs from white women on this site
#lady bird suckeddddd#yes the mother daughter relationship we're frothing at the mouth and so on wtv#but lady bird was just. not a good person?#and obviously the point is that she wasnt a saint but watching someone make so many shitty decisions back to back and face no real backlash#idk it was kinda disheartening#maybe im a fake critical analyst but if youre not going to make your mc sympathetic at least make her reasons understandable#lb just “woe is me”'d her way through her life
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aahh ahh im in love with him andd and
#llooks at you with my big autistic eyes#he like... actually wants to share things with me#and add to the things we share#thats kind of mind boggling to me.. like#my ex very very rarely ever added to the things we owned together#like genuinely#even though id really really want them to#idk... sab said it breaks their heart to hear that#i guess i had never really thought too hard about it#but it was definitely a majorly disheartening thing in my last relationship#because those were things that meant a lot to me and showed a lot of my passion#now i have a big mess to clean up of all my old shit... i still havent even really touched it#and i was looking at it because i had brought a stimboard of mine up and i kinda had to look at that damn blog again#and i mentioned wanting to make a new stimblog n that i wouldnt mind owning it with them n they were very like..#just very up for it in a way that i guess i was missing a lot#a lot of the things im treated to by others now are kind of shocking 2 me bc of how i used to be treated#aaaaaaaaaa
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i feel like i can relate a lot to Kieran from the Pokemon SV DLC but i feel like NOBODY understands his character correctly
#like there's a lot of stuff i noticed#and people will say like ohh he's on his evil arc#but i wouldn't call him evil#and i caught onto his character immediately. and as someone with anxiety and hyperfixations of my own like how he seems to have with ogerpo#and how anxious he seems to be#having similar struggles to my own#it's sort of disheartening to see him perceived differently#it was frustrating enough in a meta sort of way that people in the GAME didn't understand kieran#or what he's going through#but then people irl actually do it HEJGKRFG#i cannot start rambling about this LMAOO#idk. this kinda makes me sad#sock talk#pokemon sv#just my opinion really but. idk
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ik it’s my fault for making the edits, but i really dislike when ppl are like joking or funny on ones that are like extremely personal to me.
#not edits#like there's several on here about some pretty graphic traumas or near death experiences and ppl like cracking jokes#on the more serious posts. and idk it's kinda disheartening but also that's just how art goes huh
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ahh it's so difficult to not get discouraged with this project 🫠
#i know the fandom's small but i've been working on this for years now#and.....idk i'm not like a proper author at all but i've put a lot of time and energy into this. kinda disheartening to get hardly#any notes on a post about my outline process or y'know me just wondering aloud about something regarding it#she speaks#'86 au
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I know people have always been weird with fic updates but I swear recently people have been even more impatient and weird about it. I get comments on fics that have been updated WITHIN A MONTH asking if it’s been abandoned or when it’s going to continue. Like…. My guy…. Idk where you’re from that fics are apparently getting updated like fucking daily but you need to chill
#like generally if a fic has been updated within a year at ALL I don’t assume it’s abandoned???#and even if I did I’m not gonna ASK the author?#I’ll just happily read what’s there and enjoy it?#also like. it’s annoying when ppl leave comments like that on an older fic that really hasn’t been updated in a hot minute#but when it’s on aforementioned stuff that’s just happened to have gone a month or two without an update#idk. something about it is kinda disheartening#like if I don’t update things AT LEAST weekly ppl will lose all interest and my audience will be gone#because there’s no patience or grace for the writer#idk. it’s just.#maybe we shouldn’t assume something is ‘abandoned’ just cuz it hasn’t updated as quickly as you’d like#maybe we shouldn’t assume that at all but even if we do don’t fucking comment phrasing it like that??????#idk even if that’s not how ppl mean it it feels kinda rude and VERY passive aggressive#it’s just something I’ve noticed in uptick in recently and it kinda makes me :/#kaz rambles
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c.ai was fun and all until I started seeing yall post ur convos on ao3 and in the x reader tags
#Like… come on now#character ai#If you can’t write just say that I don’t need to see ur ai shit#idk#does this make sense#☕️!- clove speaks#Like Martha speaks#Idk it’s kinda disheartening to see (?)
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tmw you have to block radfems for being anti vegan and block vegans for being anti feminism.
#:')#i am so lonely#i have like 3 vegan radfem moots#which is more than i have ever had in my life#i love you girlies so so much really#but god#it is so disheartening to have to block big bloggers in an already niche community#it is sooooo severely isolating#imo you really cant be radfem if youre still supporting animal agriculture#cows and hens.#but just the act of raising an entire living being just to murder them as a toddler. not even reaching adulthood.#i can kinda get why all vegans wouldnt be radfem but like. idk.#like vegans fretting over making sure they have vegan makeup. and their 100+ step skincare routine is all cruelty free#why would you be worried about it when you could just not wear it at all.
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wowwww i got my first "you must have been on DRUGS when making this!!!!" comment on my abstract art. im in the big leagues now
#howling#genuinely that made me feel kinda like shit ngl!!!!#the mirror and the mimic is my most intricate piece and also my favorite oil paintings ive done so far#so posting it only to have the only response being one person saying 'shrooms' is just. ugh#ESPECIALLY since i put an entire mini essay about my process and the intention of the piece in the description#idk i might be overreacting but that was actually pretty disheartening to see lmao
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