#having similar struggles to my own
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i feel like i can relate a lot to Kieran from the Pokemon SV DLC but i feel like NOBODY understands his character correctly
#like there's a lot of stuff i noticed#and people will say like ohh he's on his evil arc#but i wouldn't call him evil#and i caught onto his character immediately. and as someone with anxiety and hyperfixations of my own like how he seems to have with ogerpo#and how anxious he seems to be#having similar struggles to my own#it's sort of disheartening to see him perceived differently#it was frustrating enough in a meta sort of way that people in the GAME didn't understand kieran#or what he's going through#but then people irl actually do it HEJGKRFG#i cannot start rambling about this LMAOO#idk. this kinda makes me sad#sock talk#pokemon sv#just my opinion really but. idk
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My brainrot today is thinking about just how incredible for a character Eowyn is.
Genuinely. The series might not have many female characters but the ones we do get go so fucking hard.
To me, Eowyn is literally the definition of defining being a woman for oneself. She rejects the roles she is given despite acknlowdging the importance and its mostly because she knows part of the reason is that she is a woman.
The reason why she is obsessed with Aragorn isn't because she loves him but because she wants what he has. She wants the freedom and courage and bravery that Aragorn has at every turn. She literally has multiple conversations during the Two Towers about how what she fears most is a cage. All this girl wants is the freedom to be and not be forced into a role. The best thing is that she literally gets that.
The segment of Return of the King about Eowyn and Faramir is literally about her piecing together what she truly wants. She doesn't want Aragorn. She wants freedom and the ability to choose. Faramir does nothing but encourage that in her. Their love story is literally one of the healthiest love stories I've seen in a long time because at the heart of it, their love is a place to return home to for both parties. Both go off to lead and help their people for a considerable amount of time before returning to each other but that does not diminish their bond. Even Faramir, I believe, falls in love with her bravery and dedication to her loved ones. The reason she went to Pelenor Fields and Gondor with the troops of Rohan was because she had things she wanted to fight for. She wanted to fight for herself, her people, and her loved ones. She is the one who protects Theoden after he is killed so that his body gets the treatment it deserves. She encourages Merry and helps him go to the battle because she sees her struggle in Merry. They feel helpless standing around when there are things to be doing.
Let's also not forget the fact that she was around Grima Wormtounge just as much as the King was. She was exposed to the same poison and awful words that eroded the king. It's even implied that her care for him is part of the reason why Theoden was savable when Gandalf showed up. She had the same power and bravery as everyone else even if she didn't see it in herself.
Then at the end of the day, SHE decides where she wants to go and what path she wants to walk. She walked the path of a warrior. The path of a princess/ruler. The path of a caretaker. But in the end she decides which elements truly mean something to her outside of gender definitions. That is what makes her character so incredible to me. In this she literally kills one of the biggest enemies in that battle with such a badass line.
#i could talk for ages about how i see the struggle of defining being a woman for oneself in her#she rejects the feminine roles given to her but she also doesnt quite want the masculine ones#she just wants the freedom to choose and have the same respect that men are given#she doesnt want to be belitted because she is a woman#thats literally what Faramir gives her and why she stays with him#Faramir loves her for her not anything else#he respects her as she does him#i am someone who is a woman but rejects the definitons of being a woman because they are toxic and caging#all i want is the freedom and respect of being a HUMAN being#i lend more masculine because that is where that freedom is more often but i also see how toxic that relam is too#niether side is good which is why i choose my own path and defintiom#the fact that eowyn gets such a similar story in a series written by a man in the mid 1900s is incredible#i am someone who would love to have more female characters but i do not want them at the expense of them being proper characters and humans#ive read a lot of fantasy women do not always get the agency they deserve#i would rather take fewer well written women then a bunch of poorly written female characters#lotr has that#eowyn arwen and galadriel are all given agency and the space to be their own individuals which makes them incredible characters#thats what i want out of books and ficition#god im making myself insane about my own thoughts lol#i could talk for ages im not kidding#eowyn#eowyn of rohan#lotr#lotr rambling#lord of the rings#the two towers#the return of the king
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pro tip: you can always put the bugs in little outfits :thumbsup:
#rain world#five pebbles#lttm#looks to the moon#no im not procratsinating what im actully drawing to put the bugs in fun outfits what are you talking about#anyhow uh yeah man been a lil since i uploaded anything huh. that will not be changing. stay tuned for as scarce art as always. we stay thr#anyhow! you know i have done similar scehctehs alot and i always do the undershirt longshirt for them cause i feel like moon would like it#nd pebbles got it from her even if hed hate to adit it. sometimes your older sister figure has good taste (subjective) and you will never r#each her high#anyhow also i like desiging tshirt prints even if its always a pain when i need to do it#ough#anyhow i have suns also if anyone wanna see that i suppose?#otherwise hmmmm well if anyones reading this who has an opinion i wokring on a comic and concidering if i should wait with posting and do t#e whole thing once i anage to struggle through adding the text#or if i will be weak and post my fave parts beforehand for funnsies hmmmm many choises someone tell me what to do i hate making choises#uh for anyone not intrestied in my long tag rabling music rec for today is cop car by mitski!!!! and not at all because ive been watching a#disco elysium aniatic with that song on loop on youtube for days#thats not soemthing id do#anyhow anyhow!!!!#my art#see i can remmeber that tag sometimes :)#oh also an its nice to go back to drawing these guys after weeks of my own rw ocs. strange experince man#^-^
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obsessed with your latest steddie au! steve’s relationship with his parents is so emotionally abusive and manipulative and my heart is breaking that nobody seems to recognise that
Thank you!!
I really wanted to focus on how Steve's parents are abusive in a way that is a lot harder to clock.
They're not out there screaming and kicking him out of the house. These people want you to like them, and they lie like they breath.
These are the adults who downplay serious issues, who make you doubt yourself, who smooth things over or even apologize on your behalf as a way to control and isolate you.
If everyone thinks you're terrible, and your amazing, doting, angelic parents are once again swooping in to save you, then your escape routes close up rapidly--which is of course, the whole point. They want their victims to rely on them and them alone.
For a lot of the Party, that's just not an evil they've encountered yet.
Throw in the fact that Steve does in fact, have a head injury, and things get muddy FAST.
It makes for delicious, angst-ridden scenarios and I am delighted everyone's happy to come along for the ride.
#its not as obvious in part one#but Steves brain injury does come into play a lot more in part two#t I gave Steve my own traumatic brain injury so hes just having a blast on all fronts#and you can see it more when both parts are together but he IS struggling to explain himself. The beauty of his asshole parents though#is that even if he DIDNT HAVE a TBI and six million concussions#hed still struggle to get his friends to fully believe him#because hes rich#hes outwardly “happy” or otherwise not showing signs of being abused in the way people tend to think of abuse#Steves fighting against public perception#his parents very good PR#and his own upbringing and mindset he was trained to have to break out of it#in his head he has no safety net#and his friends are proving that with each argument he has#its also why Tommy tips him off but doesnt “help” him because Tommy is in similar situations--he does what his parents want and doesnt caus#problems or else he too#will face the consequences of no safety net
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i feel like. theres designing a character with certain themes and motifs in mind, and then theres making a gijinka for the water bottle on my nightstand
#me when im the only person on the bus wearing a mask: i should make a furry plaguesona#its hard to explain bc. most of the time i try NOT to give my characters a 'strong' theme like making their whole design around#one thing like apples or even broad stuff like baking or cottagecore.. idk if its partly for flexibility or because i cant imagine them#making it their whole personality. not bc i find it cringe or overblown but more like ive learned to associate design with character depth#i had a cutesy uwu persona for most of highschool because i thought it would make me more. likeable? easy to remember? since#memorable character designs are easy to recognize. and one way of doing that is simplifying it with a theme or symbol so you form an#association. but since im a real person its exhausting keeping up that appearance all the time and denying myself things when they dont#fit my 'aesthetic' or 'theme.' i think ive grown past that bc i just collect stuff because i think it looks cool and dont let myself dwell#on how it might 'fit' with my image. but i cant help feeling bad doing it to my own characters bc it feels like im making them too one#dimensional. despite knowing that theyre not real and design alone doesnt reflect depth i cant help feeling like its wrong#despite that i love seeing motifs because it feels like it reflects the characters soul and paradoxically gives them depth. it makes them#interesting to look at too and honestly its pretty fun combining things that fall under a similar category when designing#i struggle find a balance between those two things#actually this reminds me of noelles christmas theme.. i dont remember her saying anything abt liking christmas despite a lot of#her design and character tying back to it. it makes me wonder if she would have feelings about that or doesnt think abt it too hard#or if its like a matching family shirts situation and shes just going along with it??#maybe i should just do whatever i want with my character designs since theyre not real and im thinking abt it too hard#although. this probably has something to do with deep seated identity issues huh#yapping#oc talk#oc
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ah, the trials and tribulations of alan alda's face
immediately get the nose right
meanwhile i am dying a slow death with this eyeball of his and the eyelashes thereupon
just so you know the equivalent for mike farrell is his eyes [easy] vs his lips [pain]
i do other art yes but i suffer from chronic 'cant accept putting real ppl in my cartoony style' so here we are gamers
#mash#mash 4077#bj hunnicutt#hawkeye pierce#mash fanart#mashblogging#mash art#work in progress#alan alda#mike farrell#m*a*s*h#its to the point where i am modelling my own damn eyes for these eyelashes man#i have similar colour and shape to mr. alda here so im voguing in my bathroom trying to get this shit done#i got longer lashes than he has though so either i'll fix that at the end or he'll be serving extra#unfortunately i dont have a mustache or else id be doing the same for monsieur farrell#my back pain is gone tho so i got that going for me#listening to chappell roan painting these idiots gazing heterosexually into eachotheres eyes#holding a human heart together. besties <3#update; bj and hawkeye just get to have beautiful fucking eyelashes this time#ive been here too long im not struggling anymore. they just get to be beautiful with their 50 lashes
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Maybe I'm not cut out for a PhD maybe i should just start drinking the chemicals with the scariest labels on them, lets end the charade that i have brain cells
#my stuff#i am really struggling this weekend i got such shit results from an experiment#and when i was reading a paper afterwards it described something that looks Awfully Similar to my own work#like not exactly but it achieves the same things#and i texted my mentor abt it and idk if we're just not looking at it the same or what but he responded back 'these are not at all the same#like ok i guess im illiterate. kill me now and save me the embarrassment of struggling on.#i don't like to be despairing but ive had headaches for weeks and my sleep schedule is in ruins from stress#every day i feel more terrified from imposter syndrome and ohhhh my god what if my heart just exploded i wouldn't even notice#i have like 2 weeks to smarten tf up or i feel like im going to get crucified and pissed on by my committee
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was playing the new TF2 halloween event, and someone noticed that my avatar was a flamingo and complimented me on it. things are perhaps good, i think.
#been playing for like... 8+ hours? i like a lot of the maps#freaky fair is probably the map i spent the most time on today. like god damn#dynamite. i only played one/two rounds of. it's a neat concept. ive played a map similar to it before#toxic seemed neat. only time i played was with like 6 people max. haven't queued for it again yet#circus is fine. player destruction isn't usually my thing. due to my ability to die constantly#outburst. its versus saxton hale. i can't really say much more than that. it's fine#blazehatten. really really messy. brushes you can stand inside. invisible clipping where railing use to be. missing textures.#iirc it was like that before zombie infection was added. like all of those problems (if not most). im sure they'll get sorted out soon.#dont really have much thought on it's gameplay though#darkmarsh. havent played yet. it looks neat from the screenshots ive seen.#happy to be doing contracts again. freaky fair has been really distracting me from doing more of them.#MVM upgrades in a normal match is weirdly addicting. i kinda wish the map was 5cp instead of 3cp.#mostly due to how sometimes we'll get steamrolled to the middle point and have to struggle getting currency if they have it locked down#since the only ways you make money are: killing enemies and capturing mid#wanted to play with a friend to do the contracts but they were busy all night and i got kinda lonely just playing on my own#normally its not something i think about#but yeah. updates good. messy in places. but not unplayable.
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Thinkin on it again and i think one of the reasons i liked Firmament chapter 2 so much, aside from the cool library plot aspect, is that it was so character driven.
Especially with the expansion on Tatterdemelion and the introduction of Summer (im obsessed with her but we knew that), it gave such a fun, chill way to have us bond with the characters well still advancing the plot in an interesting way
I've been so in want of NPC expansion and i really hope that the rest of the story continues along that line
and doesn't fall too far into the specific kind of body horror aspects i cant personally deal with lol
#i managed through light fingers okay so we'll see XD and ive kinda been through a weird brain place re: the body lately#i really liked it. i really liked those specific characters... i want more.#i always feel vaguely stuck creative wise when a story is in process#because i dont... idk. when i dont have a full image of a character i struggle to create?#like. similar reason i dont do a lot with SH. i still feel like im missin too much info#ill def draw summer at some pt i have ideas of the back brain#but i cant really form a full character dynamic with my own ocs quite yet until I Know#(and yall know what i suspect so IT would be a big doozy if true)#prophet's fl nonsense#firmament fl
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ship game,,, smalletho !! idk ur opinion on this ship but joel is my special intrest and I like hearing u ramble about him,, and also have u seen the clip about sausage talking about smalletho... if u haven't u need to watch it b4 u answer this,,,,,
I just saw it omg 😭😭😭
(half) Ship it
- What made you ship it?
Honestly i diid watch double life from both their POVs (ranchers as well actually) but never actually 'shipped' them until I saw all the fanworks of the two that sorta convinced me? One especially was the zombie apocalypse au comic by falconearring on instagram (i think they're on tumblr as well actually) (actually you have her art as your pfp so you probably know them already LMAO)
... honestly i think the era when secret life and decked out 2 happened around the same time was when I actually started seeing the romance of it all, with that one "I love you Joel" from etho and the neck kissing bit, ykyk. Then stuff with HC.10 made it concrete that they two were actually going for it! which i mean good for them lmfao!!!
- What are your favourite things about the ship?
everything Sausage said in the clip was so true. they're so shy about interacting with each other that it just ends up into flirting, like not even low-key about it as well. the fan art is also really good, especially that one recent animatic by mellozheist. really cool 👍
- Is there an unpopular opinion you have about the ship?
Not really an opinion? but:
im a diehard smallidarity fan and currently we're losing the war to smalletho 😭😭 LIKE,,, THEY'RE BOTH GOOD,, it just feels like a breakup YK...... 💔💔💔 (im petty and pathetic about it, yes)
edit: we are so back
#ship talk#i tend to be an “allocated characters” shipper? like i struggle shipping 2 ships with the same characters but different partners#so as long as smallidarity is in my heart others will have to come later </3#this goes for ethubs as well#probably similar to how grumbo shippers felt when 3rd life happened LMAO......#also fun fact i got my own tamagotchi because of that falconearring comic. teehee :3
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So I played through episode 12 yesterday and episode 13 today between my cleaning sprees and i only cried a little maybe dozen times through it all, so all I can say is that the main story continues to deliver. Wasn't very keen on the storytelling style of ep13 at first, but definitely warmed up to it along the way. Getting scenes from the wiewpoint and in the thoughts of so many characters in just one episode turned out to be pretty refreshing. I did feel a bit overwhelmed as well but i'll put that on me chewing through it all in one day. Sometimes I feel a bit worried that where is the main story going to go after a huge chunk of it comes to a conclusion, but at the same time... If the side stories have proved anything, its that there are so many things about the entire world and lore to explore. And I have to admit I'm still getting more curious about it all. if you told me 5 years ago that the story and universe in a gacha game(derogative) is going to be something i'm obsessing over, I would've been so pissed at you even suggesting that. Anyway, its a nice feeling to be so interested in something. I've lost interest in so many things and i feel like over the years its getting harder and harder for me to really get into something.
#i'm also pretty proud of myself with how well i've dealt with the whole gacha element over these 5 years with arknights#i used to struggle a lot with putting money into games for nothing#money that i didnt even have basically#i used way too much of my student loan back in the day to buy lootboxes and other similar shit#which i will continue to regret for another 15 years more before the debt is hopefully paid off#so i have purposefully avoided any games with -put in real money for random number generator results- options#and I really REALLY just dislike the whole gacha idea and model of monetization#it is your own damn fault if you put your money in and regret it later#but the model is still distasteful and also predatory to people with existing gambling problems#As much as i really enjoy arknights i also don't like to bring it up to talk about with random people because it is a gacha#and it will always first and foremost be judged by that factor
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...
#my dads back in ohio again so im back on my own. i still feel terrible but at least i have a plan#i have 2 weeks of this semester left. so i have to not fail my genomics exam and work on a group project plus grade a bunch#shouldnt be too hard but everything makes me so tired rn and i just feel this barrier between myself and everything else#even when my dad was here. i just dont kno how to feel happy. just varied levels of stress#but after the semester is over ill have to find a job for the summer. which super stresses me out bc i havent really had a real job outside#academia and im worried about how stressful ill find it bc im sure its gonna suck but at least i wont have to work on my project#i just think if i had a normal job that doesnt dominate every aspect of my life id feel a little less terrible. or at least i wouldnt send#myself spiralling so much. if i stay here i might not survive it#but what if ill just make myself miserable wherever i am? i dunno. but im gonna try to find a non academic job this summer with the epa or#maybe the usgs. i mean ive gota a bachelor's and a masters in environmental topics. that's gotta count for something#just get a government job. pray for a not terrible set of coworkers. and build something from there#it just sucks bc i feel like everythings falling apart and like i kno if i gave it my all i could pull thru and get my phd but im just so#tired of struggling against something everyone else can do. i just cant read at a level appropriate for what im doing#ugh. i dont wanna study for genomics. i just wanna sleep. i just wish i wasn't in this position#and now i a baby about it. i mean my sisters r in similar positions bc the youngest is currently looking for a teaching job. and my middle#sister is looking to move to new york city in the next 6 months and she'd be quitting her job for that. so we're all sorta in flux#i just wanna not be flailing. not watch my hopes and dreams collapse. be excited about anything. im just sad bc i have to make hard choices#even if i know theyre the right ones to make if i want to continue to exist. sometimes u cant have the things u wany.#and that sucks and i hate it. theme of the year: sometimes life sucks and theres nothing u can do abt it#unrelated
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i am genuinely so crazyyyy about lbruuuuu.... like Genuinely Genuinely. its pretty bad guise
#like. im crazy about the.m#unfortunately ive been touched by autism and therefore the pattern seeking. they are so dirkjake#and also so me nand my husband <3#its kind of freaky actually#my husband and kabru both have ptsd overthinking masking disease. he said he didnt like kabru (anime only) and i told him about those trait#and he was like is he me. is that why i dont like him. and i was like LOL#he was ilke i dont like that he says what he needs to get what he wants... and i was like sir we literally just talked about how bad your#Fake Conflict Avoidant has gotten bro dont even play#im laios ofc.... ofc... not only is our autism like. similar in presentation. but also the whole never fitting in#and getting told off by a friend granted i wasnt told she always hated me but i was told about how annoying i am and on another occasion#how unreliable i am so LOLLLL that entireeeee scene seriously wrenched my soul#anyway im gonna commit egregious acts against myself to atone for this#alsoooooohis relationship with falin... is really relatable..#now this may sound harsh against laios but im his number one fan i will defend him to death but...#he left his struggling sister to avoid his own pain and didnt reconnect with her for years#like. Yeah. wow. i will say i was much more cruel to my sibling than laios ever was to falin lol he was just kind of a normal brotherly ass#and ofc he was a kid when he ran from home! and i was a kid when i had severe unmanaged adhd (with tism) and had 0 hold on my emotions#and then i withdrew from my sibling once i got on antidepressants lol#it was really difficult to deal with the guilt of having mistreated them to the extent i did while also acknowledging i was failed by our#adults its hard figuring out what exactly youre sorry for#anyways#i love oversharing here. do you guys like it. does anyone ever read these rants#DM
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Thinking to myself “man it’s a good thing there nine mechanisms to project my disabilities onto, wouldn’t want people to think I’m headcanoning them to have an unrealistic amount of issues.” When it’s like, I have all these issues! And some people have way more comorbidities than me!
#the mechanisms#i don’t only hc my disabilties onto them#like the LM/MC. someone i am close with has that. not me#but still i project *mostly* issues i have or similar#like i definitely dont have ocd but i have enough similaries in symptoms and my anxiety has previously manifested with ocd tendencies#as well as anxiety driven delusions. that it makes sense to just. like. tick it up a bit more for the hc#obviously research is done re conditions i dont have#but also the words are easier that way#it *hard* to explain my symptoms that overlap and muddle with other disorders so it doesnt make sense to do so for a hc#not when im describing it for my own purposes and not typically if i were to be discussing it w#it with someone else#anyway its ivy. i think that makes sense#part of me also wants to headcanon her to be a hoarder#because i struggle with that#but i think shes a good archivist and those seem to be mutually exclusive#unless she is hoarding non library/archive things i suppose#this isn’t just about ocd this is about many many things#my body doesnt work right and it does so in ways people just Never Talk About….#the point is that if i headcanoned one character to have all the same exact problems i do it would seem excessive#when its not its just my life#and again other people have way more comorbidies than me!#fun fact: all your body shit is connected to all your other body shit
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it's looking more and more likely that just submitting to my parents' will and becoming a hollow empty shell to do their bidding is the easier way to exist
#like moving out into my own place and doing things for myself at my own pace? in this economy? yeah no#even tho this house has severe water damage and mold issues and the heating system is too old and broken#and there are no more replacement parts/options to repair if anything breaks again#and the structure is overall kinda shit and my parents are here and i only get a small room#and my parents are here. and i gotta pay rent a similar amount to what i'd have to pay for my own apartment. and my parents are here#but it is what it is. it is what it is. screw being myself. screw my individuality. been struggling with getting a proper grasp on it anyway#screw it all. empty shell to do their bidding empty shell to do their bidding empty shell to do their bidding
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quickly jumping into the discussion about Harry's voice I personally feel like younger Harry had a voice that very much resembled skills/thoughts voice, and thus it's the one that narrates his head. After years of drinking, smoking, drunk-singing, and destroying his vocal cords in every possible way his voice is more similar to Ancient Reptilian Brain's, but he could probably do the voices of the Limbic System and Spinal Cord if he'd like to.
#i know that not every person's narrator sounds like their own voice#but i think it's quite common if you have a narration in your head for the voice to be similar?#i struggled to find any proper research on the matter but me and most of my friends seem to have it like that#headcanon#disco talking#disco elysium#disco elysco#harry du bois#harry dubois#harrier du bois
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