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bigskydreaming · 5 years ago

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One of the changeling communities is protected and hidden by a powerful changeling, Naomi, a dark skinned black girl with frosty blue hair, eyes resembling a frozen lake's surface. She can create snow that not only produces frigid cold but can cloud the minds of those she chooses, warding off any potential intruders. The town resembles a snow globe, even if everything around it is spring. There's an ever present flurry of snowflakes dancing around her

Oooh nice, I dig it! Can she have blue lips too, but kinda like a blue shade of lipstick almost - idk, I’m just picturing like, what if her hair, eyes, and lips are all different shades of blue or gray, the way ice is never one specific shade but kinda tends to be a gradient of various hues?

And I’m not sure why, but something about this made me think of Harley and her fairy wings and her swarm of atomic pixies (maybe because its you, lol, so from the second you described Naomi I couldn’t help but picture her hair as being this unnaturally vivid shade of blue that just pops, much like the idea of Harley’s pink cotton candy-esque cloud of hair, but I could just be assuming hahaha).

BUT the connection was made, and this did remind me of Harley, and so like I said, that made me think of her swarm of atomic pixies and then from there I hop-skipped to Mason and his monarch butterfly wings and his butterflies with various abilities, and sooooooooooooo, I’m thinking……what if we combined the idea of Harley’s pixies and Mason’s engineered-to-have-a-different-power-everytime-he-goes-back-into-a-cocoon-and-emerges-with-a-new-swarm-of-them butterflies……

Because okay, so if Naomi has an ever present flurry of snowflakes dancing around her….what if they’re not actually snowflakes, but just look like snowflakes from a distance…..and they literally are dancing little fairy type creatures somewhat similar to the ones Harley creates around her……but…..also are still like actual snowflakes, in the sense that no two snowflakes are alike?

So altogether, these little snow fairies resemble a constant snowstorm swirling around Naomi, but up close, you’d see that each of these little snow fairies would be their own unique shapes, slightly different sizes, shades, with differently shaped wings, features, maybe even different numbers of oappendages, some might have tiny horns, others antennae kinda…..

But also…..if they’re all manifestations of Naomi’s magic, rather than have them all have the same ‘function’ en masse……then like, what if each and every one of these fairies had or represented a different kind of psychic ability, as distinct and one-of-a-kind as any of their appearances?

Because again, I’m still thinking about Harley and Mason, since they’re two of the only Changelings whose magic manifests in the form of what look like external beings separate from them…..but are still just extensions of them. Their sprites and butterflies aren’t independent entities the way Ajay’s imaginary friends are, with minds and personalities of their own, they’re more just extensions of their will.

And Harley’s sprites all kinda just do the one specific thing….I mean, she can combine them into any configuration she can imagine and make them kinda ‘building blocks’ that seamlessly meld together to be whatever she wants them to be….until she reconfigures them into something else, or just disperses them back into their usual buzzing swarm….but even though they can become anything she wants or needs, that’s still their only actual function….that act of combining to become something that’s the sum of their parts.

And then in contrast, there’s Mason’s butterflies, which again are still all just little pieces of his magic given external shape and form…..but unlike Harley’s sprites, they can do a ton of different things, whatever ability he engineers his latest crop of butterflies to emerge from their cocoon….but like Harley’s sprites, they all do just the one thing, each time. So he can do his cocoon thing and while in there his magic grows a new swarm of butterflies according to whatever kinda ‘design specs’ he gives it….and when he comes out again, along with him come the whole new cloud of new butterflies with specific wing patterns and colors, and say, a bioluminescent ability. So that this current swarm all glow, and he can direct them to go anywhere he needs for as long as they live out their allotted ‘lifespans’ of days or weeks or whatever…..because of course, that’s the other major parameter of his magic….he can design his butterflies to have any one singular ability he wants, across the whole swarm…..but once they emerge, they are his magic, existing outside of him in the form of that swarm.

So he can’t make new butterflies, with a new, different ability, until the current ones all ‘die off’ and live out their full life-cycle…..at which point the magic that he’s put into them returns to him, he can do up a new cocoon……and then he can reshape his magic into a new swarm of butterflies distinct from the last crop, and with whatever new power he wants this next swarm to have…..if say, he needs something a little more destructive for a change, he can make ones that have black wings dotted with orange and red spots like sparks or embers, that anywhere they land, they set fire to. And something like that, he’d probably give a very rapid life cycle, maybe only aim for them to last like 24 hours or so, before sending them out and directing them…..and once his magic comes back, make the next swarm able to act as telepathic couriers, where anyone they land on, it opens a mental channel between him and that person, so he can hear their thoughts or send thoughts to them, etc. But again….like Harley, in that he externalizes his magic in what look to be independent beings separate from him, though really they’re not, they’re all still kinda…him…..but unlike Harley, in that her sprites just have the one function, and the many forms she can shape that function into……but his butterflies all have just the one form at a time, but a different power shared between them with each new swarm.

But going with the idea of ‘every snowflake is its own unique and distinct shape’…..that would allow Naomi to be both alike and unlike both of them, all at the same time. I’m thinking like…..okay, so she doesn’t make ‘new’ fairies the way Mason makes new butterflies, she always has the same flurry of snow fairies to wield and direct, however many that may be……..but there’s enough of them that there’s such a vast array of abilities between the whole lot of them, its not like she ever needs any more than she already has.

And that way, she’d have enormous versatility, but still have specific parameters as to how she can use her magic. Say one of her fairies is a channel for telepathy, like Mason’s courier butterflies…….landing that fairy on someone would let her hear that person’s thoughts or send thoughts to them…..but she only has the one fairy that can do that, so she can only do that particular thing one person at a time. Gotta take travel time into account too, lol. She needs to spy on someone else’s thoughts now, cool….but she’s still gotta send that fairy flying off in search of that next person and wait til it lands on them before she can use that telepathy on them now instead. And the same with a telekinetic fairy……she can mentally control and move around whatever that particular fairy lands on, but because of the one at a time rule, she can’t just go flinging whole crowds of people through the air all willy nilly.

But while that fairy’s perched on whatever she is moving, she’s still got the whole rest of her flurry to be sending about and making use of their own unique abilities…..maybe one that ignites ‘cold fire’ wherever it touches, like a blue flame that freezes things like nitro-glycerin rather than actually burns them. And another that’s her clairvoyant fairy, letting her see whatever it can see, no matter how far away from her it is…..maybe a teleportation fairy that acts as an anchor that can draw her to it instantly, just as soon as it reaches wherever it was she sent it, so she could step through to somewhere even miles distant.

So what she lacks in scope, she makes up for in range. Affecting only one thing at a time would be pretty limiting….if she were limited to only having just the one thing she could do. But when she’s got a whole snowstorm of these little snow fairies, each of them molded by her magic to be one distinct thing at all times…..then its not really all that limiting at all, lol.

Cuz in fact….even other Changelings who can do the whole ‘fling an entire crowd of people through the air all willy-nilly’ thing with their magic…..can still be countered and outmatched by someone or something that just so happens to have the right kind of power to withstand or negate that one particular effect, no matter how potent that effect might be.

But when Naomi doesn’t have a bunch of her snow fairies all off elsewhere ‘running errands’ for her or whatever, when they’re all just zipping and dancing and falling through the air around her like that full-fledged snowstorm…….and someone, any one, any number of someones, all try attacking her or her Faetown then?

Like, when she unleashes her entire blizzard of fairies in one direction all at once, sends them all zipping off in front of her to sow chaos as far as her eye can see……how does anyone really counter or withstand a whole blizzard of fairies each packed with their own distinct power…..when its pretty much impossible for anyone to tell which is which, when they’re all flying straight at you, and the next thing you know, people are being telekinetically smacked left and right, cold fire is shattering a big wall and sending chunks of ice spewing every which way, people are randomly (as far as they can tell) being teleported one at a time but fast enough it seems a hell of a lot more than that, you feel a snowflake land on your shoulder and two seconds later someone’s shouting in your head…..

I mean, way I see it, pretty much the only sound options in the face of something like that, are pretty much what anyone with sense does in a big enough blizzard. Hunker down, try and take shelter, and just try your best to ride it out without getting buried alive or freezing to death.

#changelings 'verse

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comicteaparty · 5 years ago

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February 22nd-February 28th, 2020 Creator Babble Archive

The archive for the Creator Babble chat that occurred from February 22nd, 2020 to February 28th, 2020. The chat focused on the following question:

How do you deal with people shipping non-canon ships for your story?

Deo101 [Millennium]

To be completely honest, I've only had one person ever ship a non canon/endgame thing. I kinda just ignored it. I think I would in general just ignore it, no matter how many people did ship a non canon thing. But it does make me uncomfortable

carcarchu

I once had a professor tell me "once you release your story to the world it no longer belongs to you" and i think he was right. once your story is shared with others it can no longer be said to be solely your creation anymore. you can't stop other people from shipping non-canon ships and even if you want to discourage it it's kind of beyond your hands at that point. other people's interpretations of your work is something you have to accept as a creator even if you find it unsavoury

Tuyetnhi

this is always in the back of my mind so uh, I let folks be and try not to search up fandom pics of my comic. at the US at least, I remember reading that creators who are currently writing/creating a story and it's not up to completion, anything like viewing fanart or reading fanfiction of alternative interpretations is not advised. So you have to stow it away till the story is thoroughly done, then you can just check out what fans are doing rip. I think it's aimed towards creators who have like NDA thing they're working on or if they're working with a publisher. still, I thought that's an important thing to keep in mind.

though I do get folks send me like single character fanart and really doesn't interfer with the story anyway so I accept those lmao

carcarchu

@Tuyetnhi that's for creators to not get sued for having their story turn out similar to people's fanfics

Tuyetnhi

aahhh :0

still er lmao. if the possibility is there, I rather not uh.... seek it lmao

especially like shipping fanfiction of my characters when the story isn't over yet lmao

eli [a winged tale]

I totally agree carcarchu. Readers can interpret character interactions through their own lenses and sometimes what we as creators intend in the story may be seen as a potential ship to varying degrees. I actually just had a conversation about this within my beta circle where a friend who hasn’t seen the whole script shipped a non canon pair and it was interesting! I personally don’t feel disturbed by it unless the pair had a large age difference/can potentially be unhealthy etc. There is a threshold I won’t cross but that tends to be quite high. Otherwise I just think it’s interesting and continue the actual story

Eilidh (Lady Changeling)

I haven't come across this with mine yet, but given that my story is deliberately non-romantic and the whole cast is aroace, I wouldn't be comfortable with anyone shipping any characters romantically. But that's very specific to my comic.

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

To me, there are four levels of "non-canon" with regards to shipping. 1. You were supposed to ship this and get disappointed, so good job. The obvious example is the Mizuki-Cahe-Pejiba love triangle. Mizuki x Pejiba doesn't work out in the end, but it's not like it was a non-viable ship - if Mizuki x Pejiba wasn't compelling at all, it wouldn't have been much of a love triangle, now would it? 2. Didn't think of it myself, but I get the dynamic you're going for. One surprisingly common ship in the shipping contest poll was Taci x Coruby, which isn't a ship I was deliberately teasing... but, like, I get it? Coruby is outgoing, loyal, and makes lots of dad jokes. Taci is prickly, self-absorbed, backstabbing, and was (is? probably is) literally afraid of dad jokes. I can definitely see why people would want to see more of that dynamic. 3. ...Why? An example of this is Zaxaty x Mr. Enetoro, which showed up in the poll. Even ignoring the bad age gap (22 vs 50 which is like... all right... she's half your age but ok...) and the sexuality incompatibility (Zaxaty's only into women, Enetoro's not into anyone)... these two have literally never spoken to each other either on or off screen. Literally what drew you to this pairing??? Like I'd almost believe it was a mis-click on the poll over anyone actually thinking these two work together. 4. Bad, bad, very very bad. AKA "they're related", "one's underage", and/or "i know exactly why you want this ship, and I don't like it". For a while during the shipping poll's running, the third place ship was Mizuki x Nothing. First off, the age gap there is pretty gross, but I guess I can't expect readers to know that (Nothing is an immortal demon, but relative to other demons it's a kid so... someone's underage there). And second... I know exactly why people were shipping Mizuki with the giant demon that uses tendrils to mind control people, and I do not like that dynamic.

As for what I do about the ships in #3 or #4... so far, nothing, because they've been contained to the poll. If someone drew actual art of them, though, I'd probably tell them to stop, and I for sure wouldn't post the art on my fan-art page.

kayotics

I don’t have a very present fandom, at least in the sense that there’s any amount of shipping that’s unexpected. Or maybe it’s tucked away? I think the people who read my comic aren’t ones who make their own content. Either way, I’m pretty ok with shipping non-canon ships. I’d encourage it, really. I love the idea of people having fun with my characters in a way I didn’t expect. As for ships that are taboo... as long as they’re not hurting real people, I just don’t want to see it really or be made to be part of it. It would make me uncomfortable.

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Yeah, how pushy/not pushy they are with Weird Ships is a big factor for me as well.

As long as they keep it to themselves, they can ship all the ships they want, no matter how icky. I'd prefer to not know if it's really icky.

So far there is only one Potentially Viable ship in my comic, though. And that Viable ship is very, very important to me. So if anyone ships one of the involved characters with someone else, I would seriously hope it's not because I've failed to develop the Viable Ship in a compelling manner. People are free to ship whoever, but don't let that be because of my own failure as a storyteller?

I've actually had anti-shippers against that Viable ship though lol, which may be relevant to the topic. What do you do when you get vocal anti-shippers of canon ships

I do think it is related, like another variation of "people sticking to their own thing with regards to ships."

kayotics

As a shipper: any crack ships I come up with is usually just because I like to explore the dynamic. Some people are more extreme about hating ships but... idk it’s probably just because they don’t like one of the characters for some reason

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Believable crackships can be a lot of fun to observe, as a non-shipper. Like I look at this amazingly well-written crackship and I'm like, wow, this is sorcery

sagaholmgaard

I haven't had it happen yet (my comic is less than a year old and doesn't have a lot of followers haha) But I'm really open about shipping! Much like @kayotics I would probably encourage it. I'm personally aroace and in my original writing I like to explore non-romantic relationships, but I know the appeal of shipping and tbh i ship my own ocs that aren't canon to the story/don't get explored in the comic because they're background characters for whatever reason. It would be genuinely fun to see if other people started exploring those ships on their own! Or things I haven't thought about! If something made me really uncomfortable, I would likely ignore it. If someone tried to get their non-canon ship to become canon that would be worse, no matter if i personally liked the ship or not, lol.

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Yeah, people need to respect boundaries, always

kayotics

Yeah, definitely. It wouldn’t make me uncomfortable unless someone was trying to break into my personal boundaries

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

It doesn’t happen so much currently with Phantomarine, because I just don’t have enough shippable characters yet (related, underage, or otherwise just kinda squicky). I wonder what will happen when I introduce more. But as long as people are interacting with my characters in a fun healthy way, but still respect my choices in the end, they can ship away in any (legal) direction. It’s honestly not a ship-heavy story. It’s far more about friendship and healing and rebuilding strength/trust after trauma - if any shipping were to happen, it would probably be in a sequel or continuation when everyone is... feeling a lot better

DanitheCarutor

Depends on the characters. 90% of the time I don't care, I may even make jokes. There's nothing wrong with people wanting to see my hideous characters getting together, although there are two things that would make me a little salty. 1. If there is a scene going on that I want readers to take seriously. Such as if there is a part in the story where someone is overwhelmed and having a mental break down, then another character comes over to help calm them down. It would be kinda rude to get a bunch of comments screaming "KISS THEM!", "KISS NOW!" Although that could just be me being a stick in the mud. 2. Anything involving Julian. They are currently not mentally stable enough to properly consent to any romantic endeavors, so when people try to ship other characters with them it's a little... eeeeh! Kinda non-con, and it feels a little gross. I try not to get on anyones ass about these, realizing no one means any harm, they may not even be full aware of the situation. (Especially with Julian since they're still functional enough to talk to people sometimes and hold down a job.) Normally I leave the comments be, they just kinda irk me sometimes.

em.rowene

Honestly, I think I'd be flattered to see more fan interaction with Fractured Magic. Even if it's a ship I don't really get, it would just be nice to know people are engaged with the story and like my characters enough to interact with them beyond just reading (though this answer's definitely coming from a place of having been publishing it only half a year and not having a huge readerbase yet) Someone making fanfic with my characters is actually a major goal of my writing, but I agree with the above people who said reading it before the story's done probably isn't a good idea. I don't think there's much legal risk to it (I actually wrote a major paper on this in law school) - there's only been one case even remotely analogous in the US. Someone wrote a Rocky fan script and sent it to the writers, and then the next Rocky movie had a similar plot and the person sued. The judge said if you make a derivative work (like fanfic), you can't sue the creators of the original copyright for infringement. But I do think it would be bad form bc it is really easy to be influenced by stuff like fanfiction of your own story, even if you don't mean to be

Mei

Thankfully I haven't had to deal with people shipping my characters from MHIAC with anybody else. But that's mostly because I've only actually introduced the two main characters, who are husbands, and one friend. I think it'd be super interesting to see how people view the character relationships once I introduce more of the cast. I'd be really curious too! I mean, I don't want people to try and break up the canon couple that's for sure... but I guess all the side characters are fair game for shipping if people choose to. I'd honestly be super flattered if people shipped any of my characters, it would feel like I'm doing something right. As long as there's no NSFW stuff because boy that'd make me uncomfortable.

chalcara

Shipping‘s fan stuff and just for fan, as long as you do it in your own space, go hog-wild. Have fun! Not gonna watch/read/view it, but have fun! People taking their headcanons as fact for the main-comic might end up a problem, but I‘ll cross that bridge when I come to it.

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

So far, I've only had people ship the canon main couple, so I haven't had problems yet. But honestly, I don't care who the readers ship for the most part, unless it's gross and/or illegal. For example, if they are related or underage... Other than that, I don't mind. It's all in good fun

Deo101 [Millennium]

I actually wanna add on to my comment: non canon ships only make me uncomfortable if they go against the Characters sexuality, or if it's an abusive ship or illegal. If it's not one of those then it doesn't bother me! My Characters are generally friends so I totally get someone wanting to ship two who won't be endgame

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

I dunno. I just can't be bothered by stuff like that for multiple reasons. 1) Most of my characters don't talk about their sexuality in the comic. 2) Because of setting and time period, everyone expects everyone to be straight (which of course isn't true). 3) And I don't think readers typically mean anything bad by shipping people with each other that won't be together (again, unless it's gross or illegal).

One of my characters, for example, is aroace, but he doesn't even know that's a thing, because sexuality and mental health is not understood in this time period. So of course he hasn't mentioned that he's aroace at all. He is married to a woman, because of societal expectations, so likely he will be shipped with her. But their relationship is horrible, and it was definitely a marriage of convenience. So if readers decide to ship him with other people, I can't fault them, because they simply do not know.

Him being aroace is only in the subtext and in my heart.

Deo101 [Millennium]

I make my Characters sexualities pretty clear, so I consider it akin to homophobia to want to see my gay man with a lesbian

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

In your case, it's definitely a bit different, because you have made it obvious.

Capitania do Azar

Too bad @Deo101 [Millennium] i am preparing problematic ships right now (no I'm not)

I don't care about what people would ship, and I would be curious as to why people think this or that pair could work it's a very interesting way to see how people are interpreting the story and the characters

Deo101 [Millennium]

LMAO

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

I'm definitely scared of people shipping incestual relations in my comic, because there is a situation where characters are related, but it isn't known to the audience (yet)

And I really don't want that mistake to be made

Deo101 [Millennium]

Lia/luke shippers before the last star wars movie came out...

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

Yep

I'm like... soooo nervous right now

I can just feel the bad ships encroaching

Capitania do Azar

If people don't know can you blame them?

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yeah I think it's only bad if the ships persist after it's revealed

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

I can't blame them, but I just don't want to think about it

sagaholmgaard

ack, good luck cronaj! I wanted to add that when it comes to shipping and canon sexualities i'm the same boat as you cronaj. I have my own idea that my main characters are pan and ace respectively, but it doesn't come up in the comic and they don't have the lingo for it during this time period, so I can't blame readers for making up their own headcanons and ships

I have comic ideas that are a lot more centered around sexuality and getting into a relationship. If i ever make them happen I'm sure I would mind a lot more it people's ships went against the characters' canon sexualities

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

Lol, haha, I also have a pan character whose sexuality isn't revealed in comic XD

Like... A little bit of subtext, but not explicitly said

FeatheryJustice

I actually don't mind people shipping things in my comic that is non canon, because it just proves people read my comics. I myself love crack pairings and dumb things, so I treat their ships like crack pairings. I think an example in Teasday was someone joking about shipping Vander with Spyder, two characters who never met and I was like "Haha that's funny." Because it just proves they read my comic to even know the names at least.

Capitania do Azar

They never met but... If they did

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

I've had more readers want to date the characters themselves then ship them with another character, so it's hard to have a solid thought on how I'd feel with ships so far That being said however, i don't really mind ppl shipping as long as it's respectful to me and the readers boundaries. There's been people honestly wanting more interactions between characters that aren't shippable in my eyes, so i most likely would advert them if i saw ships i didn't agree with. That said, go wild!

Kat - The Yuri Canon

I get a lot of non-canon shipping, mostly because there are so many possibilities. Mostly I allow it, as long as they don't get too extreme or overly sexualize my characters. But I did have to stop some when they kept insisting my Ace go out with one of my characters. I finally had to say it just wasn't happening.

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

Its never happened to me, but if it did that would be fine I guess. I’m not about to change plans in how I write the story to spontaneously put characters together unless there was good chemistry maybe

I would be happy overall that people were engaging with my characters on that level

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

I have only had one single ship comment in the 14 years I’ve been doing webcomics, and it was over a decade ago. But it was also an intensely uncomfortable one, where a reader was trying to ship my 14yo gay character with an adult female villain. Needless to say I put the brakes on that right away, and have never had a ship comment since.

But secretly I wish readers did occasionally ship my adult characters, because so long as they don’t get toxic, I think non canon shipping can be fun. If the reader doesn’t demand their ship be made canon or fight with people shipping a different pairing, I’d be all for it.

Ash🦀

Honestly I would love to see ships. I've never really had an audience for Foxes with Machine Guns, so seeing people care that much? I think I'd just be grateful. TBH I cried when I got a comment so someone having a whole ship? Of My OCs?? I'd probably end up sobbing like an idiot. They're all adults, ship away, you have my blessing.

Nutty (Court of Roses)

I personally love shipping, and in regards to my comic, I'm excited, but also nervous. I have a main ship that I push myself that so far a lot of readers have been really receptive to (Merlow/Nocturne <3). I also have a few more ships coming up... but in the meantime, I like to see theories, but I worry that either a) the ships I end up with will make folks unhappy, or b) folks will ship things that ignore a character's established orientation. Like, it's fairly clear Diana is a lesbian, but I already had a casual suggestion from a rl reader of her and Merlow getting together and I'm like. N no. No please. Please, just let them be besties, they will be best friends I promise but Merlow is not a lady.(edited)

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

See, I don't care about people having ~gross~ ships. I might not want to hear about it -- and if you expect it to become canon, you're probably out of luck -- but if a reader enjoys imagining or exploring it on their own time? I'm not gonna police them over that.

Just because a thing is illegal to do IRL, that doesn't mean it's illegal to imagine it or write about it. (If it was, I'd be in a whole lot of trouble...)

...not that it's really come up, since with my comics it seems like most people are happy to go with the canon mostly-healthy ships anyway, but.

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

Same with shipping against orientation -- if some reader wants to imagine an AU where the character realizes they've been bi the whole time after all, why not? The canon representation you wrote is still there. It's not gonna be compromised or erased unless you write that happening.

(And if the reader's imagination is more like "everyone is actually straight and some people, including these characters, just get temporarily confused"...I mean, at that point they have waaaay bigger problems than which webcomic characters they like to imagine kissing.)

kayotics

I think I gotta agree with Erin here. I’m not gonna police what people want to imagine. It’s not my business. They can do what they like in their free time.

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I assume most of "I don't want X" folks mean "I don't want to see X." I can't even imagine policing what people do in their own time! I mean, what are you gonna do, be like the NYC library parking sign?

(That sign is real and I have seen it)

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

"I don't want to see X" is definitely true for me

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

Yeah, any time someone's clear that they mean "I don't want to see X" or "I don't want readers telling me about X", that's a different story!

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

And if said illegal/gross ships are perpetuated on the internet, I'll probably try to step in

ESPECIALLY WITH UNDERAGE CHARACTERS

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

...see, that's getting back into "policing what random people do with their free time" territory.

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

I WILL FIGHT YOU

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

um, there's a difference between things you do on your free time, and things you post where children can see

it's an important distinction

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

I specifically have one character who is a small child who I do not want to see in ANY romantic situations

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

I mean, we don't have psychic filters on "check this box to confirm that you are over 18" filters, so in theory "children can see" just about anywhere...

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

unless, of course, the character is aged up significantly

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

And cute ships with young characters having crushes on each other have been around since forever.

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

oh young characters having crushes on each other is one thing

but there are far worse things on the internet

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

Yes

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

Right, but we're talking about "shipping" as a general thing, which includes the cute crushes.

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

I don't want any weird pedo crap

keep that aaaaawaaaaay from my characters thank you

Deo101 [Millennium]

on the subject of what people do in their free time, it's pretty obvious that I can't control what people are doing but that doesnt mean I support any free time activities.

I'm not gonna say I'm okay with adults shipping adults and children even if they do it where no one can see

like they CAN and I can't stop them but I wont say i'm okay with it just because I can't control it

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

Sure, but, we're not talking about any "free time activities" -- we're talking about people using their imaginations. That doesn't cause me any harm. And if nobody ever sees it? Geez, plenty of people have waaaay darker thoughts than that in the privacy of their own heads.

Deo101 [Millennium]

I think it causes harm to how they interact with the world, though. and just because it could be worse doesnt mean it's okay

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

If they are interacting with the world in a specific harmful way, that would be a thing we can discuss on its own merits!

FeatheryJustice

I feel like if you police people from not doing something, they want to do it more.

So by not drawing attention to it, it might be a better move? For Ships, if someone ships something you don't like, don't draw attention to it kinda thing?

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

Also true!

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I think "I won't say I'm okay with it" and "I will actively make an effort to police it" are two very different things?

You can definitely have this... area where the distinction isn't clear

FeatheryJustice

For example, if someone is like "Don't draw this character as X because I don't like it" People might do it because you said something?

People are weird, I wish they will listen to author wises but not everyone will.

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

I mean, yeah, but "I won't make an effort to police it because that would be physically impractical" is also different from "I won't make an effort to police it because that's not my job."

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

Well, if they do that, then they are an asshole(edited)

because they aren't respecting the creator's barriers

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

@FeatheryJustice Not spreading ideas you don't like in the first place is a smart move, yeah. Put your energy into promoting and spreading the things that make you happy.

FeatheryJustice

Yeah! Promoting things that make you happy might be better. Like "I like the fact you guys enjoy drawing my characters" Something like that that's more positive

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

Sure, they can do it, but if you do something like that, which is also illegal in most countries, then you are disrespecting the creator, the character(s), and the law

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

Wait, what are people doing that's illegal?

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past) Today at 11:19 PM And if said illegal/gross ships are perpetuated on the internet, I'll probably try to step in ESPECIALLY WITH UNDERAGE CHARACTERS

FeatheryJustice

Oh yeah that's something different. That's just illegal.

RebelVampire

I'm just admin stepping in here to remind people to remain respectful. Cause this is the sort of conversation that can quickly go out of hand.

FeatheryJustice

Got it Rebel

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

Doing bad things is illegal. Writing about bad things happening isn't illegal. (Again: I have written fiction about soooo many illegal-to-actually-do things.)

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

I think there is a difference between writing about a terrible thing happening and putting it in a negative light and shipping pedophilia(edited)

Deo101 [Millennium]

I think writing about underage characters with the intent for sexual pleasure counts as CP

FeatheryJustice

I mean drawing and writing about murder is okay, actual going out and murdering someone is not okay. But I think for this context we are looking at something that is a bit more worrying.

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

But I wouldn't want to read a story where murdering for pleasure is glorifed either

FeatheryJustice

Yeah, that's why I think context matters.

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

and I frankly think media like that shouldn't be shared with the world

Like, i guess write it and stash it away on your computer somewhere

but don't show it to people

Tuyetnhi

i can hear the police sirens blaring from the sound of someone writing cp lmao

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

Lol

FeatheryJustice

Back to talking about shipping (Sorry I got this conversation derailed here), I think there will be people who will never announce their ships as well.

Or have it so open ended no one knows what's what.

And maybe we can brainstorm good ways to tell people we would like them to not ship certain things?

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Probably don't say anything unless it does become a visible problem

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

...I get that nobody wants to go into this too closely, and I sure don't either, but I also think someone should say -- legally speaking, a work is only CP if a child is harmed in its creation. If there's a living, human victim. Conflating that with other things is not beneficial to anyone, and can itself be hurtful to survivors.

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

Honestly, I don't feel the need to warn people not to write inappropriate ships about my underage characters, because it should be common sense not to do such a thing

I really won't say anything about it unless someone actually posts it on the internet

Tuyetnhi

rip I hate to burst it but under us law, even drawn cp is considered illegal

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

I think it depends on the country

but in some countries, yes, it is considered CP

RebelVampire

But see that brings in the complecation of international law. If an artist is in the US but the fanartist is in say Japan where they have a much different relationship, whose laws apply?

Tuyetnhi

it depends on the site host i think?

like if it's a US based site

and there's CP there, it's under US law correct?

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

the fanartist can't be be punished if they live in a country like Japan where that's legal, but I would still try to contact them and ask that they take it down(edited)

FeatheryJustice

(I wasn't talking about CP in my post I was just like if you don't want these two characters to be shipped together what can you say? Didn't mean to spiral off like that sorry)

RebelVampire

But it might only apply to US citizens. For example, some sites specifically alter themselves so part of their site follows European GDPR laws but tell the americans they suck

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

But that is also the difference between law and site terms

the person might get banned from the site but not sued

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

I can't speak for every country, but it's genuinely not illegal in the US -- and, yeah, I don't know why a general discussion about shipping had to go this far either! You don't need to go right to the most disturbing possible interpretation when thinking about hypothetical shippers...

RebelVampire

Yeah. All my point is is blanket saying its illegal just cause it is in the US is inaccurate.

Deo101 [Millennium]

also morals =/= law, and a site is allowed to say no to that even if it is legal

they are not owed a platform

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

Individual site TOS can be stricter than national laws, yeah.

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

@Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn) I think the reason people discuss the worst case scenarios is because those scenarios are precisely what they have issues with, as opposed to other kinds of non-canon ships

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

@Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn) In my case, I mentioned it because that's where I draw the line with shipping. Other stuff, no matter how much I disagree with it, I don't really care enough to do anything about it

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

I get that people have those lines in their heads, but when you don't describe the distinction, when you talk about "shipping" as if "everyone should understand that I exclusively means graphic photorealistic sexual content"...that's a big leap to make!

Tuyetnhi

@Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn) agreed but er.... I still do believe that the US has a law about drawn CP being illegal. it's something that I found out when I had to help a friend out from a situation (I won't go to details rip)

but yeah it's a big assumption lmao

I know shippers in good faith won't try to push that onto others

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

And it seems unfairly harsh on any shipper with literally any other interests or activities.

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

Honestly, even if someone only commented about a ship with an adult character with a child character, I would still ask them kindly to delete their comment, or delete it myself

Tuyetnhi

^ye

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

It doesn't have to be a visual representation for me

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

And when you're talking about your own website, I think setting rules like that is completely reasonable.

Deo101 [Millennium]

again, I wont say im okay with it even if it's only in someones head. Just cause theyre not sharing it doesnt mean I'm okay with it

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

If I have the power to remove their comment or report them, I would

but if I don't, I will ask them to refrain from such comments

That's all the power I have

And as @Deo101 [Millennium] said, I also don't have to agree with people's filthy thoughts

Deo101 [Millennium]

I understand they can think them and i cant do anything about it but i wont offer support for it i dont think

RebelVampire

As a reader, I want to second that it's important to distinguish what you mean when you say you don't tolerate specific ships. Obviously, no one think pedophilia is okay and that would be a fine ship to not tolerate. However, if all you say is you don't tolerate specific ships, readers will also jump to the worst conclusion possible, which in this context is you don't tolerate anything that is non-canon (vs. what creators think is the worst possible conclusion when they hear non-canon).

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

see, this sort of thing is exactly why i have four tiers of "non-canon"

Deo101 [Millennium]

please elaborate!

Tuyetnhi

4 tiers? :0

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

Oh yes, definitely

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

i mean it's in my post a few days back To me, there are four levels of "non-canon" with regards to shipping. 1. You were supposed to ship this and get disappointed, so good job. 2. Didn't think of it myself, but I get the dynamic you're going for. 3. ...Why? 4. Bad, bad, very very bad.

with more detail explaining specific ships that ended up in my poll that fit into each category(edited)

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

Even if stuff is noncanon, or goes against a character's canon sexuality, I don't really care, because fan AUs exist

and it's pretty hard to offend me

mostly the pedophilia thing is the only thing I'm passionately against

So yeah, #4 is the only place where my hair stands on end

Deo101 [Millennium]

oh sorry I did read that but I didnt realize thats what you meant by the tiers ^^;

Tuyetnhi

its helpful!

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

It is indeed

I read it before, and I still find it useful

I'm sure #1 and #2 is where most of the WotP shippers will reside

And there will definitely be a few #3s

FeatheryJustice

That's very useful, the tiers XD

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

@RebelVampire absurdly late, I know, I just wanted to second that "obviously, no one thinks pedophilia is okay" is really important to keep in mind. No matter what anyone says about any kind of shipping -- people should be able to feel comfortable that nobody's gearing up to call that into question. We're all on the same side with that one.

spacerocketbunny

There's a few characters I'm a little protective over regarding their sexuality, but most of the characters are bi/pan so it's pretty free game! I'm so here for random crack ships honestly

Capitania do Azar

Get ready

AntiBunny

Personally I enjoy seeing what random ideas fans come up with. It's all part of being a creator.

meek

lmao i'll try to get one comment in before the discussion closes As a creator, a lot of my feelings about shipping is related to how I am as a reader/audience member for media? Character dynamics and relationships are one of my favorite things + what'll usually hook me for a series, and definitely exploring relationships that either didn't receive any attention or were completely non-existent in the original material is one of my favorite things to do! And that'll inspire me to create or make certain choices with my original characters based on that "Well, what if [this] happened in that story?" So with that, I don't find myself get super-attached to canon/endgame ships and I'll just do my own thing, regardless. I always respect the original intent when it comes to character's sexuality or preference (unless it's a case of 'everyone's straight' lol), but I'm a rabid multishipper in fandom anyways so I'll carry that energy over to my own works LOL And let it be free for all, even if I have an 'end' goal in mind. After all, I'm the biggest multishipper for my own characters too!

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

>I always respect the original intent when it comes to character's sexuality or preference (unless it's a case of 'everyone's straight' lol) @meek Just for the sake of argument, why do you respect the characters' sexualities unless everyone is straight? Personally, I don't mind sexuality swapping in fan ships and such, but I do wonder why there is this specific stipulation for you.

meek

Also input as a reader: sometimes it's good to be completely upfront about where your boundaries are as a creator! And also being explicit about certain character details or relationships can help, because a lot of times readers don't.. really know.. I can't tell you the number of times I've started reading a comic where the ages of the characters are very ambiguous with: - specific ages are never said - the art style is stylized in a way that unless they're explicitly a child or an elderly person, everyone looks like they're the same age - the context clues on their age is limited to.. they worked a minimum wage job - in-story they are treated with the same level of respect and authority status as everyone else around them - characters that are older than them that act the same age and that's led me several times to thinking a character was at least 18-23+ and actually they were supposed to be 14.....

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I assume it's for the same vein of reason why we don't have a Straight Pride Day. This is getting into the weeds though, so I'm very hesitant to approach further

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

Sure

meek

The short answer is that there's no harm in adding more gay or trans representation to a work of fiction

but erasing canon gay or trans representation to make it cis or straight is bad and homo/transphobic

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

I mean, I don't think there's anything wrong with respecting characters's sexualities or messing around with possibilities, but it just seems rather... odd

meek

also just straight up it's complete white-washed fiction that LGBT or POC did not exist in history until [convenient time here] so acting like you're being "historically accurate" by exempting them is just.. bad

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

Well, depending on location, that would be incorrect

But again, I'm not particularly upset to see "straight" characters depicted as gay(edited)

meek

well i'm a queer nb person so i've encountered innumerable works of fiction where everyone is straight, cis, and white so i'd much rather diversify that then perpetuate it

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

You're not wrong about there being a numerous amount of straight, cis, and yes, white characters in media

But I feel like it's destructive to society as a whole to suddenly decide to be more courteous toward LGBTQ+ groups than toward straight people

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

This is getting too political for me and I feel it could get out of control quickly

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

Maybe it is political

You don't have to participate

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

It also feels off topic

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

But I think it's important to politely discuss it

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Maybe not in this channel specifically

meek

i'm going to be honest, i feel incredibly uncomfortable to be asked to continue this conversation

if you want to talk more, then write a DM but this has nothing to do with the main part of my comment or the topic for this channel

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

If you feel uncomfortable, then I respect your decision not to continue this discussion

I've said my piece

Spring-heeled Jack

Jumping in before this closes: I'm not there yet but I'm in the camp of "whatever floats your boat!" If someone ships my characters I think I'll be flattered that they are that invested in them to have those feelings. But also I'm super new to this and the only comment so far is my friend jokingly saying she ships herself with one character.

Ash🦀

I'm in the same boat as Spring-heeled Jack- the idea that people would even be invested enough would be flattering, yes. It would be really cool, but I doubt it will happen since there's a limited cast and it's not a romance. I do have personal ships, but since romance isn't a factor, shippers... Just won't be canon, kinda no matter what they ship. Maybe if my story was more romance-centered I'd care more, but as it is... Do what you want, it's not going to hurt my feelings if you think Ren and the Oni would be a power couple or whatever.

kayotics

I’m just gonna pop in here and say this: shippers making queer content of (presumably) straight characters is a large part of how I figured out I was queer, because for the most part (especially when I was younger) that doesn’t exist in the public eye.

Spring-heeled Jack

My comic isn't romance based, it's horror but I feel that really good horror is best built off characters you can connect to. So I have some families. I have some married couples. The older two "children" (they are in their 20s) are dating. I made one of my main non-binary and their partner is ace. Another main is a transman. In my heart my characters are all pan anyway so I like just putting them with who I think works best lol

I also low key ship one of my married characters with another character that is coming in later. I do enjoy shipping so I might be biased lol

Deo101 [Millennium]

my comic is pretty romance based, it's not a romance but there are pretty strong romance threads in it, and my characters arent all pan so I feel differently, so I do see why you would feel differently than me on this subject!

Spring-heeled Jack

I can also respect a creator having an idea for a character and not feeling comfy with people going different directions with it.

Ash🦀

Oh definitely- How individuals interact and feel for their characters varies from person to person.

Kabocha

I don't mind people making changes for shipping purposes or shipping non canon stuff -- so long as they don't expect me to change my writing to suit them. And like Snuffysam, I kind of have similar tiers for ships, too. I don't want to (and can't, really) control what other people do, but I'd prefer that if a reader knows it's going to make me upset or something I've expressed wishes against, that they not share it with me. Besides, if what I'm writing doesn't meet their needs, I'd rather see shippers search out, celebrate, and elevate work that better matches the values they idealize in pairings. (and trust me, romance is FULL of it if you look. :D)

Spring-heeled Jack

I thought about my only canonically het character that I have (I only rp him now, I have a comic planned for him down the line) and even with him all I can think is "if someone wants him to kiss a boy, I super don't care."

Ash🦀

Wait, hold on, have people actually asked to change the story based on who they think should get together? Is that a thing people do? (Forgive my ignorance, I’m not really a fandom person? I’m p shy and keep to myself)

FeatheryJustice

I seen it happen. Which in itself is pretty rude soemtimes because people get angry if their ships aren't canon kinda thing

Ash🦀

Oh my. Thank you for the warning then, I’ll keep it in mind. That’s very rude! Would probably fill me with spite, to be honest. The “well now I’m not doing it” haha. I’m... disappointed but not surprised this happens. Still, it won’t change my mind. XD

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

I have run into more than one person who hyperfixates on a ship (in any media, not just comics) that's... honestly, truly, never going to happen? Like, a main character crossed with a background character who had no lines and showed up in a single scene. That sort of thing. Then they implode/explode when it doesn't become canon by the end. If it happened for my own work, I don't know what I'd say. Apart from telling people not to put all their eggs in one basket, I guess I fear that kind of manic fanaticism.

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Wasn't that the reason behind that infamous blackmail incident, the Voltron one

or am I mixing it up with a different fandom?

Spring-heeled Jack

Looking at fandoms in general, there are people that get over invested and become possessive. It's a shame.

Deo101 [Millennium]

the fact that it could be more than one fandom says a lot, i think :P

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

yeeeeeah ugh

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

If it's not, I'd still believe it (edited)

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Also the needle in the cookie one (though this was given to a fan artist who drew a ship they didn't like, not the actual author)

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

Hoooooooly hell, I feel like I remember that, but not specifically what it was for. NIGHTMARE SCENARIO.

Deo101 [Millennium]

thought that was because they didnt draw a character fat?

again, the fact it could be multiple things

hugely concerning

Spring-heeled Jack

Just, please, never take consumables (food, drink, ect) from strangers.

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Yeah, I think the "you didn't draw her fat enough" was a different one

Deo101 [Millennium]

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Scary world we live in -_-

Spring-heeled Jack

There are people who get too invested in things and don't know how to process those feelings. Be smart and careful, but don't let those people stop you from making your comic, art, fanart, or anything.

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

ngl, I'm honestly legit scared. Not quite terrified but lowkey fear in my mind... I'm not at all active in con circuits, etc. so I don't think any physical harm will happen to me, but I do worry about potential online harassment.

Deo101 [Millennium]

Me too, to be completely honest

Spring-heeled Jack

Conventions are usually really great. I've been at some for about three years now and everyone has been so kind. Online, however, is more of a concern because people can post anything, it's easier with that distance.

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

Even with a low likelihood of something happening, common sense is definitely good. Don't take food, have a buddy nearby, have an 'out' if you feel uncomfortable. But yeah, cons seem to be lovely so far. If anyone causes trouble, staff usually does a good job wrangling them

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

Yeah, I've had great experiences at cons for the most part. A few creepy people that camped out at my table for a bit longer than comfortable, but otherwise it's been great

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

Oh yeah The campers. They mean well, but man... they CAMP.

Spring-heeled Jack

I get a lot of lingering people and returning people,. but only once so far did I really have someone just stand there and block others. But he was a bit older and was putting his change in his wallet from a sale, so I didn't want to say anything

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

I love the people who return! I usually get people returning the next day to buy something (or to buy more stuff). Those people always seem so invested in my work.

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Yeah, it's more the online stuff I worry about

o(-<

Deo101 [Millennium]

me too, I've been real lucky to have people mostly be very kind but theres always new fear with new readers, or every new thing i introduce that someone will be mad about it

Spring-heeled Jack

Lemme clarify, returners are okay, but the ones the are weird and linger and block the booth. That makes me a little stressed out

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Oh man, Deo, I can feel those fears in my bones.

Deo101 [Millennium]

ahahha a bunch of new people show up and youre just like thats a lotta people who could be pissed at me huh?

I had someone get very upset with me over something once, in a way i never imagined someone would, and im coming up on a scene I've been planning for like a year now which canonized my characters trans identities, and I worry some people will think i am hmmmmmm doing a bad job

or not the job they want

Spring-heeled Jack

Forget them. Do what you have planned!

Deo101 [Millennium]

yup! but if people do get very upset with me I will still be hurt, even if I think I am really doing the best job I can

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

hard same

I won't bend my story, but I sure as hell will be hurt

Spring-heeled Jack

I understand. I worry that my queer characters aren't queer enough, but then that's a worry I have about myself IRL, sooooooo, I get you

Deo101 [Millennium]

someone once got upset with me over that ;) so i worry about it too

Spring-heeled Jack

It sucks because the opinion of others both don't matter and SUPER matters

Deo101 [Millennium]

or, sorry, they said I was blase my bad

and yeah like, im gonna do what i want but it still sucks when people are mean about it, regardless

which ^ is kind of how I feel about this shipping topic. Im gonna do what I want but Id really prefer people not be upset over not getting what they want.

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

I think everyone's mileage varies on what 'the right representation' of relationships and characters is. Barring obvious no-nos, I don't think everyone will ever be 100% satisfied. I do very much dread that one person coming into my comments to tell me "You did this character/ship wrong, thus, you are a bad writer, and probably a bad person - gonna write an article about you now kthxbye" At that point, I would just hope enough people come to my side to go "Um... no?" because I would definitely want to recede far into the nearest dark corner and think about what I've done

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yeah. when I did get that comment of someone kind of telling me off about how Ive chosen to represent things. I really kind of started... not overthinking, because I dont think that worrying about doing a good job and taking comments into consideration is BAD, per se, but I started really worrying about whether or not i DID do something wrong. my friends came to my defense, which was very nice, and the person did actually end up changing their mind and kind of rescinding their comment. I think places like this and having people that support you to back you up when stuff like this happens is really important

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

It happened to me and it did absolutely suck. I'm genuinely unsure I can take another one if it happens again

Deo101 [Millennium]

yeah idk what I would do if someone went... that hard..

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

I think there are some reactions that not even sensitivity readers could predict. Like, things that are so out of left field, but also still make a bit of sense if you really, really stretch your brain? Arguments that would make for excellent thesis papers someday, tbh

Spring-heeled Jack

:( I'm really sorry it hurt you that much, Keii. I know I can say "don't let it get to you" all day but you will feel how you feel when someone pulls that kind of stuff. I hope it doesn't happen again and, if it does, I hope it doesn't hurt you!

I hope it helps to remember that there will probably be many people out there that see your work and see the characters and go "That's me!" or "I feel seen!"

Spring-heeled Jack

We get a new topic tomorrow, yeah?

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I think so

Spring-heeled Jack

Nice!

#ctparchive #comics #webcomics #indie comics #comic chat #comic discussion #creator interview #comic creator interview #creator babble #comic tea party #ctp

2 notes · View notes

chonideno · 5 years ago

Note

hi magali! i hope your day goes/went well. as someone who recently (?) finished grad school, do u have advice for choosing + applying + getting through grad school? if that's too many, please feel free to answer just one!!

Hi! I take it you’re about to start grad school? I hope you find what you’re looking for, grad school sure is Something.

idk if any of the advice I can give you will be relevant, I applied to/got in grad school in 2015 and graduated in 2017, so it’s been a little bit. Also I bet things vary depending on where you live and what’s your exact situation. I went to grad school in a foreign country and my experience throughout the whole process was largely impacted by the fact that I was an expatriate, idk how it’d be for you.

How to choose your grad school: don’t hesitate to branch out! I was a biologist after I got my bachelor’s, grad school made me an engineer. It’s the right moment to broaden your horizons. Of course check the tuition fees if applicable and think about your budget as a student but once you’ve established what money you can/cannot spend, only aim for what interests you the most. I would also highly encourage you to move away and discover a whole new place if you can. To pick a grad school you should at least consider letting go of all petty things that hold you back. It’s going to be a whole show no matter where you go, so go big and far.

How to apply to grad school: of boy. Late at night? Desperately? With mozzarella sticks? I have no advice to give you besides - make sure you have other people re-read your cover letters (teachers, family, friends). Go out and ask your professors and internship supervisors for a recommendation letter as well, I know it feels Bad sometimes but fuck that, just do it because you really need it. Polish that resume (learn LaTeX!) and talk about how This Specific Grad School makes sense in the path of your education, it’s the natural continuity of your projects and would be the perfect transition between what you’ve done until now and what you think you’ll do in the future. Bring them in your story, show that you’ve thought this through, make it personal to the point where you feel like you’re talking to the selection committee face to face, pointing a finger at them and telling them “I want you in my life”.

How to get through grad school: uh. By not counting your hours? I won’t lie to you, it will be really hard. The first month or so will be super nice and full of parties but once the first hint of mid-semester exams shows up, please figure out how to book private study spaces on your campus library and get in there at 9 in the morning at the latest every Sunday. Your life will be studying and studying only for 10 months a year. In this mindset, please please please take care of yourself,and by this I mean:

keep a water bottle with you always

stock up on multivitamins

exercise! gosh I know how it sounds but the endorphins will seriously keep you alive and in the worst times will be the only thing allowing you to get up and go to class

accept that sometimes your social life will be sharing a table with friends at a library and that’s all

eat a vegetable! please!

look up how to reach out the mental health services of your school and don’t hesitate if things go south

I had a thesis to write and I spent 3 months straight working 7 days a week in the lab (I wasn’t supposed to be there but uh I got a key and told no-one about it), and another 7 months writing and coding and being on the verge of either falling asleep on my desk or burning out. After graduation I slept for 20 hours and I was unable to function for a month. Do better than I did and don’t ruin your health over an additional point on a grading scale. For the love of god take care of yourself.

This being said I don’t regret going to grad school at all, and I would do it all over again (just, with more sleep). Good luck!

#also i am not the voice of wisdom #please keep in mind this is my own experience and you might learn entirely different lessons #but yeah #grad school was Something #anonymous #mag answers

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nonsimsical · 5 years ago

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Has your financial situation improved at all? We haven't had an update in a while..

Hello Nonnikins,

I haven't updated because we weren't sure where we stood with the new house. I have a picture of the letter the owner had his manager write that said they wouldn't rent it out from under us and that we would have it no later than July 1st. I also have a screenshot of the text message I got from the manager after I asked him for a compromise with the rent. I will post an update hopefully some time today, but I have to admit that my spirits are pretty low and I'm mentally and emotionally exhausted so it may or may not be today. I will try, I promise, I just tend to lose focus when I get like this, among other things, what little energy I can muster I put towards my children. Which is what happened yesterday when I tried to write an update after we got home from doctor's appointments. I couldn't get past the first line, so I just shut my laptop and went outside with my kids. I hope you understand, or can try to put yourself in my situation. I'm naturally a happy/positive person, so when a bunch of things start to happen that leave a negative affect on me or my loved ones it sucks all that light out of me and it's hard for me to function normally. And generally when I get like this I tend to become antisocial and stay away from people so that my mood doesn't affect others. Idk if that makes any sense, lol. It's taken me almost 20 minutes just to reply to this.

Anyways, I will post an update soon and I will aim to post it today, but no promises 💙

Always,

Dani

#replies #anonymous #nonsims

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kae-karo · 5 years ago

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[1] hi!! so idk if you've seen dan speaking at the mental health panel or not, but there was one part that hit me really hard and id love to know your thoughts on it! basically he was saying that often content creators, and people in general, are struggling with their mental health the most when it seems like they're thriving (uploading constantly, getting good grades, etc) but everyone thinks they're fine. which is literally my life rn but i can't take a break from overworking myself bc i need

[2] to get into college. do you have any advice abt how to provide for my future while still taking care of myself? also, i just want to thank you for running such a healthy and positive blog bc it has helped me thru some difficult times, and you seem like such a thoughtful and caring person!

hi dear! oh no :( I'm so sorry, that's such a hard position to be in - I havent been in school for a few years, and not in high school since 2012 yikes lmao, so I'm sure things have changed a bit but hopefully I can still give some advice that helps?

I'd say first and foremost, talk to a trusted adult you know in person about how you're feeling - whether that be a parent, older sibling, favorite teacher, advisor, etc. they may have advice more specific to your situation that might take into account details I dont know. and while this is my first piece of advice, it can also be the hardest? sometimes facing our demons and being honest about them with others who have only seen our "good side" can feel impossible, but it can be a crucial step to help build a support system that you can go to when you feel you're struggling

the next thing I'd say is, on a small scale, start taking time for yourself. I know that's like. the hardest thing to do when you have like 6hr of homework a night, minimum, plus clubs or sports or other activities that take time, but literally even sneaking five minutes between some bits of homework to do something that's calming and centering for you can make a difference - if you can grab five minutes to go sit in a space you feel comfortable, away from your work, to breathe and think about something other than your work, that can be helpful

the next one is sorta like. tangential, but take care of your body as well - you're still a growing and developing human, so this is ESPECIALLY important, but drinking lots of water (and not too many sugary drinks/chemical drinks) and eating veggies and getting enough protein can literally make such a big difference in your brains ability to function at it's best. the other important thing here is sleep - every body is different, so keep in mind what your body does best on and (when you can) aim for that. between hydration, good nutrition, and sufficient sleep, you're laying a foundation that can help your brain be more successful throughout the day

I wish, ultimately, i had a perfect answer for the fucked up school system (esp in America which is what I'm most familiar with), but it honestly sets you up to fail. what (unintentionally) worked well for me was having a blow-off class or two - classes that were easy for me (like sign language, or French 1 after I'd already taken Spanish for several years) and could help boost my GPA without stressing me out as much. if you can find those classes- and definitely look for the ones that are easy for YOU, don't just ask around for the easiest classes - that can be a really nice break in your day and help relieve you of some after-school stress

here's another "honesty is the best policy" situation - if you find yourself struggling to understand a concept, or homework is taking you so much longer than some of your peers (or the teacher says theres only an hour of hw a night and you end up spending far longer on it) talk to the teacher! tell them you're struggling, and ask if you can get some help understanding a topic. be specific about what you dont understand (dont just go "I dont get it") and explain your thought process - this can help teachers understand where you're veering off the path and what you might be missing. and, more importantly, if you're coming in for help, they're more likely to be lenient with you because they know you're trying (yes I'm aware that was more a "school help in general" bit of advice but in case that's something you're struggling with)

now heres....maybe some controversial advice. take calculated risks. example: if a teacher has a policy where they drop your lowest homework grade in a class and you're doing alright in that class, but you have a day where you're saddled with WAY too much work for another class where you're struggling, it's okay to say "okay, today I need to go to sleep by 10pm, I can either finish this difficult homework or complete homework for the class that will drop a grade", sometimes it makes more sense to skip that one homework and get a zero to spend time dedicated to the class you're struggling in and get rest. in a similar vein, there is also a limit to studying - there is a point where you physically cannot absorb more knowledge. it is so much better for your brain - both from a focus and memory standpoint - to get a little extra sleep than to stay up late studying well past the point where you will retain knowledge.

now....again, I havent been applying to colleges in ages so my advice might be a bit stale, but colleges tend to look for good grades but also challenging classes, or improvement over time in classes, etc etc. they want to know you're working hard, and that you have diverse interests. college apps are a bit like resumes honestly, except you cant lie about your GPA. but like. you can fluff everything else. literally EVERYTHING becomes fair game with college apps. you can talk about fanfic or a fandom you're in if you phrase it the right way, like there are barely rules lmao. and you can make yourself sound very appealing

so my advice would be basically this: work hard, but learn your personal limits. figure out how much sleep a night makes you feel awake and focused the next day (again, it varies!) and aim for that as much as you can. try to eat nutritiously when you can, and drink lots of water. dedicate time to your homework and studying, but be sure to take regular breaks and ACTUALLY shift your brain away from your work during those breaks. and it's also good to dedicate time to life activities - like I said, colleges want to know you're a diverse person. spend time in clubs you like or playing sports if that's your thing, or do things unconnected to school. and remember, you can fluff that all up on a college app! but also remember - you have to live with you for the rest of your life, and there are so so many paths to a good job or a college education if that's what you decide you want, be sure to prioritize your health as much as you can. the education system tricks you into this never ending cycle of "if I just push through ___________ I'll get to ___________!" and taking that through your life can be really challenging and exhausting. I need to acknowledge that some of this is easy for me to say - I was a good test taker in high school, I went to college, and I bullshitted my way through (that's a whole other story lmao) but like. I need to acknowledge that, by some privilege and luck, I do have a college education. so when i say this next thing, please take it with a grain of salt, but there is more to life than chasing what society tells us to chase - there is family, there are friends, relationships, hobbies and interests and love and dreams and spending hours playing video games and SLEEP and getting sunburned cause you spent too long out under the sun photosynthesizing and collecting pens or shiny rocks and ANIMALS there is so so so much in life and I hate with such a burning passion that, for the first 22 years of our lives, we are told the ONLY thing in life is getting through college, getting a degree. again, I need to acknowledge that I say that with a background of privilege, and that education can help people get out of bad situations, etc, but there are many paths to education and they dont all require you to put life on hold to get there

let me tell u a story real quick, cause my education looks (from the outside) "easy" (turns out I had depression and eating disorders of all kinds yeehaw !!!!). my sister did NOT have an easy time in school - my parents could afford it, so she had a tutor for some of her challenging subjects, but she also dealt with anxiety and depression the entire time. she didnt get into the college she wanted to, but got put in a sort of program where, if she got good enough grades in some community college courses, she could get into the school. so she worked her ass off, dove even deeper into her mental health issues, but eventually did get in. and then she had challenging classes and didnt have a great support system, and she ended up failing out of many of her classes, to the point where she got put on academic probation. so she took a year off, got a job at a daycare, and I have literally never seen her happier or more well-adjusted. shes going back to school now, for early childhood education, and working part time at the daycare while she takes a light course load at school

another story for you - my aunt graduated high school and went straight into the workforce. she came from a dirt-poor family and couldn't afford it. she bounced around a bit, but eventually found company that she worked well with. they paid for her to go to school, and she finally got a degree many years after what we would consider "traditional". she had a few other jobs, but shes been at her current company now going on 20 years, has been through several promotions, and works directly with a c-suite employee. she is also the only woman in her office, a very traditional trucking company where she works with engineers on a daily basis

there are many paths to education, if that's where you want to go, and it's okay if it ends up looking different from the traditional path were told to follow. do what you can to avoid sacrificing your mental health for an education - if its what you want, you will get there. and remember to ask for help along the way!! I hope that helps a little, dear

#advice

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wellkepteden · 6 years ago

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Prompt 01: Questionnaire

(content warning for: suicide mention and uhhh brain washing? kind of? idk how to warn for that, and some mild like.... referenced medical gore idk)

01. Tell us about your character’s name. Was it given to them or chosen? Does it hold any special meaning? If your character has aliases or nicknames, how did they get them and what do they mean?

“What do you want to be called?”

“I don’t understand the question, sir.”

“Well, I can’t just keep calling you Sixteen.”

“Technically my full designation is PM-16-21A.”

“That’s not a name, you need a name, kid. What do you want to be called?”

The Keeper wasn’t really a man that cared for names, so he never bothered naming his charge either. It wasn’t until Eden reached the cybernetics expert, Sargo Hemmel, that she received a name. It was a long discussion, but ultimately she begged off deciding on a personal name for long enough that he gave up and named her after a dancer he’d known in his youth.

As for surname, Eden had a stronger opinion. It’s really just a pun on the fact that she was partially raised by the Keeper. She thinks she was very well kept. Hemmel tried to convince her to pick a more common name, but she does have her stubborn moments.

02. What is your character’s relationship to their homeworld? Do they hold fond memories of it, or do they hate it? Are they still here, and if not, do they miss it?

Eden didn’t get to see the outside very much while she was on Dromund Kaas. She remembers frequently listening to the rain, but even before she was stolen she was kept carefully away from public view. Now, it’s just a place that’s too dangerous to ever return to. A wistful dream that was never really a reality.

03. Describe your character’s relationship with those who raised them. Was it positive? Negative? Neutral? What sorts of ideologies were they raised with, and do they still stand by them now?

Even without the extra mental programming, Eden is a pretty naturally friendly person. She got along well with the scientists that watched over her in her first few years, and she absolutely adored the Keeper no matter how hard he could be to read and reach. Even though she was almost an adult by the time she reached him, she always considered Hemmel to be just as much of a parental figure, too. Luckily, she’s allowed to keep in contact with him even if the others are now far out of reach.

Growing up, the message was hammered into her that she should never trust anyone and that the world was a harsh place where you could never relax your guard. It never really took. Somehow, Eden remains a font of optimism almost no matter what happens. Just about everyone that helped raise her is convinced it’s going to get her killed someday (if they don’t think it already has).

04. What is your character’s relationship with the Force? Is your character Force-sensitive? Whether or not they are, do they believe in it? Do they lean more towards the dark or the light or are they somewhere in between?

Eden is force sensitive!! Not extremely, but enough that had circumstances been different she probably would have been picked up by either of the large force sensitive organizations. Hilariously, though, despite her own sensitivity to it she’s still not completely convinced it actually exists. She has a hard time with things that she can’t quantify in a way she’s comfortable with, and the implications of the force’s existence and so on make her Very uncomfortable so she tries not to think about it.

For the most part she only really uses it to convince people to help her, or to grab things that are out of reach. She doesn’t do much fighting, and was never really trained, so that’s about the extent of her abilities.

If she was trained more, though, she would definitely lean towards the light side. Not necessarily because of any inherent goodness, but because she’s not near as in touch with her more unpleasant emotions as she would need to be to harness the dark.

05. What three word would you use to describe your character? What three words would your character use to describe themself? What three words would someone close to them use?

me: bubbly, absent, brittle

eden: tall, pale, blonde

hemmel: never shuts up

06. Describe your character’s aesthetic. Do they tend towards fashion or function? Do they like to accessorize? How does this extend into their own personal spaces, such as their home or their workspace?

Eden tends towards whatever is going to help her complete her current job. That pretty much always comes first. Outside of that, though, she does very much like dressing up in things that make her feel good, and will often spend paychecks on nicer clothing. Textures tend to be more important to her than looks, but feeling like she looks good is important too.

Since others are rarely welcome on her ship it’s become one big cozy nest though, honestly. She likes to keep trophies and anything, really, that catches her eye. It’s important to her that she gets to do Whatever she wants with her space, after having grown up without a real space to call her own.

07. What are your character’s vices? Guilty pleasures? Bad habits? Weak spots?

A love for all things luxurious has followed Eden since her first time inside a rich person’s living space. Not that she ever wants to go as wild as so many of them do, but she does have a serious weak spot for the finer things in life. One of the quickest ways to her heart is well crafted gifts, whether they’re food or clothes or something else.

Outside of that, she has a particular fondness for cybernetic modification and loves to be filled with the latest tech. (in more ways than one ;D o god what did i just say)

Also there is her habit of sleeping with... Just..... A Lot of the people she works with. And the people she doesn’t work with. She doesn’t consider any of that a bad habit, though, so I’m not sure it belongs in this section.

08. Tell us about your character’s relationship with food. What are their favorites? Do they enjoy cooking? Are they adventurous? Will they eat absolutely anything or are they hard to please?

Growing up, food was for nourishment exclusively. So, of course, now that she’s on her own she’s abandoned that philosophy completely. Good food, it turns out, is delicious and makes her feel good and Eden is happy to indulge whenever she can. That being said, she doesn’t have all that much experience cooking because she would much rather let others do it for her, BUT she has helped others out a good few times and she loves working in tandem with people in the kitchen.

Also, she’s unlikely to try something new unless someone has specifically recommended it. Getting her to eat something she dislikes is very difficult, and she would much rather avoid doing it to herself.

09. How does your character feel about engaging in relationships—romantic and / or sexual—with others? What is their history like? Do they fall in love easily? Are they constantly in and out of relationships?

Eden loves easily and lightly, and her attitudes about romance and sex are basically identical. Both are very fun! She loves people, and she loves affection, and for her sex is not much more serious than dancing (though she’s never pushy about it, either). Commitment is never on the table, though. From the start of any given encounter, it’s very clearly stated that Eden is probably going to be moving on in days or weeks, off to the next planet and the next job.

She does have a few off and on partners that she falls into familiar patterns with when they occupy the same space, but even those fall much more into a friends with benefits area than anything more serious. If asked, Eden will say very dismissively that she’s loved many times, and it’s true that she comes to love and adore people very easily, but she’s never related to the poems and songs about romance. She’s never really missed someone when they were away from her, or had her heart ache for them. Frankly, she thinks it sounds unpleasant.

10. What is your character’s pain tolerance like? Can they hold their own in a fight, despite injury? If someone hurts them with the aim of gaining information, how much can they take before they cave?

Don’t hurt Eden !! She hates it and will do anything in her power to avoid it. She’s not even particularly into spanking in the bedroom.

Poor Hemmel has to like fully knock her out every time she comes in for an upgrade, too, cause she’s very.... Reactive. Horrible at staying still.

That said, lying and disobeying direct orders already literally physically hurt her so someone wouldn’t need to torture her much to get information out of her. Although, on the other hand, she’s also physically incapable of sharing certain information. Regardless, in the event of an emergency she has several kill switches set up that she can activate to remove herself as a liability if it becomes clear that she’s not going to escape.

11. What is your character’s weapon of choice? Are they more skilled as a melee fighter or do they have more skill with ranged weapons? What’s their fighting style like? What sort of training do they have behind them?

No weapons!! If Eden is in a fight then she’s already failed, no weapons! She keeps a knife on her but it’s a utility tool not for fighting. The Keeper and Hemmel both tried to teach her to fight so she has Some training in blaster handling and etc, but she mostly refuses to even entertain the idea. If there’s any chance of avoiding a fight she’ll take it, every time.

12. Does your character have any words or catchphrases that they say frequently? Tell us about how they picked them up.

When on autopilot she tends towards Very Polite, so between that and her time spent with Hemmel I’m sure she has a number of stock phrases. I just don’t know what they are yet, so I’ll get back to you on that.

Outside of that, though, she does have kind of a particular way of speaking about her. Often, when speaking to someone she'll have an air about her like she’s sharing a very special secret with them, or a joke that no one else gets to be on. A hushed, amused tone comes to her most naturally.

EDIT: i forgot sometimes in the middle of a conversation she’ll get a strong urge to drop in a “For the good of the Empire” but usually she manages to resist...... it’s just muscle memory honestly

13. Tell us about a negative experience your character has had with either the Jedi or the Sith, and how this has affected their standing. Whether currently aligned or unaligned with either faction, if forced to choose, how would they side?

Eden was raised on horror stories about the Sith-- though he worked with them, in his private moments the Keeper was not very fond. Perhaps because he worked alongside so many. However, out in her daily life Eden hasn’t had the opportunity to meet all that many Sith or Jedi individuals, and so remains largely neutral on the subject.

That being said... You can’t miss the destruction that a Sith leaves behind, and that is something she’s witnessed on any number of occasions. So, between the Sith and their horror, and the Jedi who she views as similar to any other authority figure, if forced to choose she would lean towards the Jedi. At least, as far as she knows, they kill people less.

14. How would your character react to seeing a relative or friend on the opposing side of a battle or mission?

If a friend is on the opposite end of a mission, then either Eden is currently working a con with them, or she has royally screwed up. Regardless, it’s not as though she’s going to be any more willing to fight them than she is anyone else.

15. Describe a memory that your character finds embarrassing.

Shame doesn’t actually come all that easily to Eden-- she’s not self conscious about many things. However, there were a couple of moments in which she deeply regretted not doing more research ahead of time. Though he taught her many things, there were ways in which the Keeper neglected her education, and Hemmel didn’t necessarily know that she had those gaps.

What I’m saying is she had Absolutely no idea what she was doing the first time she had sex and was very much trying to learn on the fly, which is a terrible idea and resulted in a very embarrassed and giggly end to the evening.

16. What goals does your character hold for themself and what steps have they taken towards achieving them? How far are they willing to go to reach them? What is their be-all and end-all?

Though she would say that survival and fun are her only goals, Eden is also fervently searching for a way to undo what the Empire did to her head. Cybernetics have proved unhelpful in that area, and it’s difficult to find any experts that don’t have pre-existing Imperial connections. At the moment, her search has stalled and she’s trying very hard not to think about it, but she would do almost anything to de-program herself, barring hurting someone she cared about.

17. What is the one thing your character would change about their life if they were given the chance? What other lives could they have lived as a result?

Honestly, Eden doesn’t much regret the way she was born or the way she was raised, at least not in any way that she would admit to herself. But she does sometimes dream of a universe in which her head and her actions were entirely her own.

18. Living in such a high-conflict time, how does your character feel about doing what they must to survive? Will they hurt or kill others—either directly or indirectly—to protect themself and / or those close to them? If so, do they regret it when all is said and done?

This is an area in which Eden is Highly Conflicted! Honestly, fighting is a very bottom of the list Last Resort for her, and in 99.9% of situations she’s convinced that there are alternatives and that she’ll find them. Usually, she’s right. A good stealth field can solve a lot of problems.

19. What is the biggest problem your character is currently dealing with?

Well! Her head isn’t entirely her own! But that’s more of an ongoing issue. Right now she’s low key wrestling with the morality of continuing to stay aggressively neutral as the galactic fighting seems to be only getting worse instead of better. This may be something she solves by going Robin Hood sometime in the near future, but that’s still hugely up for debate.

20. Give us 3+ headcanons of any length or subject matter.

1. Programming: As referenced multiple times in the questions above, before she was stolen away the Imperials did manage to fuck around with Eden’s brain a fair amount. It’s mildly experimental tech, but so far largely successful. Unfortunately, they didn’t finish in Eden’s case which actually leaves her in considerably more danger than she would be otherwise. To avoid doing damage (psychological or physical), they were moving slowly with the Watcher kids, implementing broad ideas at first and then refining them once they had really settled in.

Eden never got to the refining stage, so she’s left with broad strokes programming like “no lying, no hurting others, no disobeying a direct order, no sharing government secrets”. Had she managed to keep going for another few years, these things would’ve been refined in scope to things like “no lying to a superior officer, no hurting others unless threatened,” and so on. But, it is what it is.

Violating any of these rules, as it is, leaves her with a blinding headache that is very rarely worth it. Luckily, her Keeper was careful to teach her ways of talking and thinking around some of the programming, as like many things of this nature it can be finicky and there are loopholes to be found.

2. Seams: Eden has very many scars, all of them thin and almost invisible, which she affectionately refers to as her ‘seams’. They’re almost exclusively surgery related, long thin lines down her torso and along her limbs where skin was peeled back to allow for cybernetic enhancements. They’re faint enough that it’s uncommon for anyone to notice them unless they’re in bed together, as her doctor does very subtle work.

3. Enhancements: Speaking of the reasons for the seams, though-- having partially grown up with Hemmel, Eden is fully stocked up on high tech enhancements. There’s very little of her body that remains completely untouched, and she does have a fondness for experimental tech which has led to mild short outs in the past. Every few months she returns to Hemmel for a check up and maybe an upgrade, so her list of capabilities is ever-changing.

Some of the things that she’s had for a very long time and will probably always keep, however, include: False eyes to allow for enhanced vision and a useful HUD, several stealth systems that range from masking body heat and vital signs to cloaking her entirely, enhanced hearing and sensors in her fingertips that allow her to collect very specific information, and a few types of ‘kill switches’ as she calls them that can either knock her out or kill her completely should the situation call for it (none of these are able to be activated by anyone but her and maybe Hemmel). None of her tech is dangerous to anyone but herself.

bonus. Give us a list of any length telling us why our “fave is problematic.”

i’m not convinced that she is !!

sure she steals a lot but is that really that bad?

maybe she’s accidentally broken a few hearts but that’s not rly her fault is it?

so what if she has just decided she’s friends with a good number of people without asking for their input??

who cares if her ship is a mess and she might not be able to fight to protect the ones she loves!!

#sidereal prompt 01 #2 #3 #4 #5 #prompt #musing

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surveys-at-your-service · 6 years ago

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Survey #189

“why are the children all marching into the desert to die?”

What does your trick-or-treat bag or pail look like? Pretty sure mine was usually just a plastic orange pumpkin. How old will you turn on your next birthday? 23, wow-ie. What are your plans to celebrate? Dinner with the fam, and I don't think I could possibly pass a birthday without getting a tattoo. :') Which X Factor audition(s) was/were your favorite? Don't watch it. Were you a straight A student in spelling and grammar? Yes. Were you a straight A student in math? No, I got Bs sometimes. Were you abused or do you know anyone who was abused? I know people who were. What is the name of your favorite coffee shop in your town? N/A What is fall weather usually like where you live? Usually warmish and breezy, but sometimes super cold. Do you think you have an accent? Very slightly. Do you use plastic, wooden, or wire hangers? Plastic. What is your favorite shade of yellow? Pastel. Are there any shades of blue that you don’t like? If so, which ones? No. Are you afraid of getting yelled at? YES YES YES YES I WILL CRY PLEASE DON'T Who has the best-decorated house in your town? *shrugs* What is your favorite part of Halloween? Dressing up. Is there a cemetery in your backyard? No. Did you decorate a pumpkin this year? No. ;_; What are some fall activities you would do with your kids? If I actually wanted them, take them on a hay ride (spooky one if they're older and want to), decorate pumpkins together, obviously go trick-or-treating, let 'em play in leaf piles. Have you ever seen a fox? Yes. What color are the squirrels where you live? Brown. Is there anything about Halloween you find offensive? Um no. What do the trees look like where you live? There's basically a shitload of pine trees, some dogwoods in spring (which fucking stink, btw), and then there's other trees idk the name of. Did you like field trips when you were a kid? YESSSSSSSSSSSS Do you find museums boring or interesting? Interesting! What was your school’s rival team’s mascot? Uhhhhh idr. What are three issues you are passionate about? Gay rights, gun control, and immigration. Would you ever wear a shirt with your country’s flag on it? I mean if I had to? What’s a medicine that makes you sleepy? Klonopin, back when I had to take two a day. I was just barely able to function at all on three. Do you like bath bombs? Never used one, but sure. What was your favorite girl group when you were growing up? Pussycat Dolls lmaoooooooo Do you like Disney movies? Only heathens don't. In what type of area was your first sexual encounter? A house. What do you occupy your time with on flights? Listen to my iPod. Do you ever realize how ridiculous you’re being yet continue on anyway? Sometimes in anxiety-type situations. Have you ever seriously vandalized someone else’s property? No. Have you ever been punched? No. What do you usually order from Olive Garden?  Spicy shrimp fritas oh my gaaaaaaaaaaaah How do you like your steak cooked?  Medium well. How do you feel about bats? I'm love them. Is anyone in your family artistic? Me. Have you ever suspected anyone of cheating on you? No. Are you emo/gothic/punk? I AM the Thicc Goth GF in my head. I'm just too poor and lazy for the wardrobe. :^) Would you date someone 20 years older than you? Nooooooooooo that's way too big a difference for me. What is your father’s middle name? John. What was the last food you got a random craving for? Sour gummy worms lmao. What is something you enjoy doing, but aren’t good at? Singing, sometimes. Name some healthy foods that you enjoy eating. Strawberries, apples, peaches, corn, cucumbers, green beans, bananas... What is your favorite Studio Ghibli film? Don't think I've watched any. If your best friend was a fictional character, who would he/she be? Why? This requires too much thinking. What was the last song you listened to? Does it mean anything to you? Ninja Sex Party's cover of "Africa" is on now. No. What flavor was the last cupcake you ate? Chocolate. When was the last time you complimented a stranger? Idk. Do you know how to text without looking? Not well. What about typing without looking? Yup. Have you ever thrown rocks at a girl/guy’s window? No. When was the last time you bought a bathing suit? Like, a year back? Do you like eggnog? NOOOOOOOOOOO. How often do you see your mother? Every day. When was the last time your living room furniture was rearranged? Long time ago. When you were little, did you like watching Cartoon Network, Disney or Nickelodeon more? Disney. When is the last time that you experienced rejection–literal or imagined? By no means /serious/ rejection, but I suppose it fits the definition. Asked the tat/piercing parlor I go to about working there at the desk (the place isn't busy and I'm v comfortable there, so I think I easily could), but they let me know they currently didn't need anyone. When you are feeling down are you more likely to cheer yourself up by shopping, eating, or drinking? I've gotten loads better about it, but eating. Do you think there will be a time when our current age of rapid innovation comes to a standstill? What do you think is the limit of human technological advancement? No, honestly. It may stall, but I don't see it stopping any time soon. In hindsight, what was the most misguided/unhelpful assignment you had to do in school or college? Uhhhh idk. On any blogs or social media you may have, do you try to maintain a certain aesthetic or persona? Is this consistent across platforms or just specific to one? Not really. My less-appropriate sense of humor comes out more on Tumblr, and in some areas I type in all lowercase because I find it more aesthetically pleasing. Is there an artist or celebrity whom you admire for their craft but take issue with their personality or politics? Marilyn Manson, very easily. He's talented and unapologetically unique as all hell, but I do noooot like him as a person from what I know. What is the last party or event you were invited to but declined? Why? Are there certain events that you might be invited to which you are likely to decline? An old friend's Thanksgiving-ish friends party. I was tempted, but it was explicitly stated to BYOB and weed and I just didn't want to be in an environment where there was lots of drinking and smoking something that's still illegal in the state. I was already uncomfortable enough last time I went to a party at her house and there was so much smoking. You were also supposed to bring a piece of Thanksgiving food to contribute, but I can't cook and I didn't wanna bother Mom about it. For the last question, it's just about a "never" situation where I'm invited to a real event besides family birthday parties or meet-ups with Dad and his wife. Off the top of my head, I'd never go to a club if I was invited. Imagine your life three years from now as if things have gone perfectly, better than you would typically predict. What do you see? Living with a happy Sara in the mountains, very successful in photography and thus financially stable (or hopefully a bit beyond that), excelling in school, back to my healthy weight, my mental health is great and I'm on way fewer meds, Sara's able to breed snakes and write as a real career, COVER ME IN TATS BITCH, more piercings, a treatment/medication for hypotonia has been discovered, my niece and nephew have met Sara and been taught our relationship is not wrong (I doubt it though :x), I'm happy, it'd be nice to write with more people, I have at least one poem published, Teddy, Venus, Kaiju, Roman, Mitsu (now totally comfortable being held), and Sara's babies are still alive and kickin', Venus and Crowley have had a clutch, Sara's PMDD is under control, Dad's stopped smoking, Mom is in a healthy, fulfilling relationship, both Mom and Sara are at the weights they aim for, Nicole is with a guy she truly loves and he reciprocates properly, Mom has been treated for depression and has forgiven Dad... Man, lots of things. This question really made me look forward to creating this future. What about your personality makes you good at your job? Alternatively, why do you find yourself uniquely suited for or drawn to your ideal career path? No job, so I'll just respond to the second. Photography is pretty surprising as it requires serious communication, which y'all know isn't my forte in the least. However, I'm so passionate about it and feel knowledgeable enough on it to be confident. Plus I just love showing how beautiful the world is capable of being. Do you find it valuable or important to respect those in positions of authority simply because of their position? Does this vary based on what that position is? Nope. I'm not gonna respect an absolute asshole just because you're of a high position. It doesn't vary to me, either. Do you find that you often desire and/or enjoy sex? If not, why not and how do you negotiate those feelings with your partner? If so, what is it that you enjoy about it in particular? I'd say I desire it to a normal degree, and yeah, I enjoy it. Why, #1, it's such a passionate and intimate way to communicate how much you love and trust your partner. Then I mean it feels good so. How many times have you seriously injured yourself? Idk. Seriously... three? When was the last time you were a passenger in a car and sat in the back? In the back, idk. Did you attend Sunday School as a child? Yes. Are/were you in the school band, and if so, what instrument did you play? Yes, flute. What is the best thing you’ve ever bought at a thrift shop? This cool crashed ship lamp! It's beside my bed. Have you ever ordered an unusual drink at a bar? No. What is your favorite thing about summer? Swimming. That's it. When was the last time you went to your local library? Whew, years. Can you do a proper cartwheel? No. Have you ever been pulled aside by security at the airport? No. Are you a fast-thinker or a slow-thinker? Slow. If you were to donate to charity today, what would you donate to? The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention or The Trevor Project. What is your favorite card game and when was the last time you played it? Magic: The Gathering and not since my PS3 broke (I had the Duel of the Planeswalkers store game on there and I WANT IT BACK). Who was the last person you cuddled with? Sara. Did you ever go to summer camp when you were younger? No. What is your favorite seasonal candy? (only available at certain times) Gingerbread men!! Are there any television shows you own in entirety on DVD or VHS? Meerkat Manor. How far away from your house is the nearest gas station? Like, two minutes. Do you know anyone who is fluent in a second-tongue? Yeah. What is the scariest movie you’ve ever seen and who did you watch it with? The Rite, but only because the whole "raped and impregnated by a demon" shtick is a fuck to the no from me. Watched it with my younger sis years ago. When was the last time you had a bubble bath? A looooooooong time ago, I don't like baths. What was the last strong scent you smelled? Poop. Good job, Bentley. What did you buy the last time you went shopping for new clothes? A bra, I think? How did you discover your favorite band? Mom's CDs. When I was getting into my rock and metal love, I went through them and listened to albums with cool covers or bands I knew she loved, and the first happened to be Ozzy. :') Does the weather affect your mood? If so, in what ways? Yes. I have a greater tendency to feel down when it's real cloudy and sometimes rainy. If it's really hot, I'm in a worse/cranky mood. When are you most likely to be bored? Late afternoon/evening. What was the last big decision you made? Hmmm. Going back to school, maybe? Where was the last place you traveled to, and what did you do while there? Illinois. Hang out with my bby. :') What is your favorite thing to go shopping for? Clothes at Hot Topic ahhhhh. What was the last thing you received in the mail? Something for VR. What is one of your wildest dreams or ambitions? Become a well-known photographer. When was the last time you performed in front of a group of people? Years ago for dance. Who was the last person to upset you? How about the last person to cheer you up? Mom; Sara. Is there anything or anyone you’re trying to get over or let go of? No. What was the subject of your last phone conversation? Uhhh something short with Ma that I don't remember. How close do you have to be with someone before you’ll consider them a friend? I have to feel decently comfortable around them. How do you feel when a mostly unheard of band (or tv show, movie, etc.) that you love suddenly starts to gain popularity? I'm happy for them! I just hope they don't change. When was the last time you listened to new music? Uhhh recently. Do you think it is strange when a couple says “we are pregnant” rather than “I am pregnant” or “my girlfriend is pregnant”? No, I actually prefer it. You're in that shit together. Do you ever feel like you were born in the wrong era? What decade would you most like to have grown up in? No. I'm good with the '90s. What was your most memorable concert experience? Only been to one. :| But Alice was great. If you have any, are you close with your sibling(s)? Has it always been that way? Not very, and no, at least with my younger sister. We were pretty close. Do you require “closure” after things like break-ups or do you move on easily? I. Need. Closure. How long does it take for someone to earn your trust? Good luck. Do you like peanut butter? Yesssss. Have you ever had to wear a uniform to school? Do/did you prefer wearing it than regular clothes? In middle school. Hell no. What’s the last thing you got really excited over? Going to Sara's. Is there a genre of movie that you just can’t watch? Action-y. What was the last song to give you nostalgia? "Holiday" by Green Day. Do you have a certain color grape you like the most? Purple. What’s your signature thing you do when drinking that will make your friends say, “Alright, they’re drunk”? N/A Have you ever been on a hot air balloon? No. What’s your definition of weird? I try to keep the mindset that "weird" doesn't exist as I'm not one to talk about things being so, yet I'm hypocritical about it and do find some things, ex. fetishes, extremely weird. Do you use shaving cream? For my legs. When was the last time you cleaned your room? Is your room clean? I dusted my whole room a while back. I need to vacuum baaadly, but ours is broken. ;-; Have you ever personally known any girl who shaved their head? Yes. Have you ever known anyone who committed suicide? Sadly. Have you ever tried to commit suicide? Yes. Have you ever coughed up blood? No. How do you wish you could die? Surrounded by family and painless. Do you have any apps on your Facebook? If so, what? No. What kind of mouse pad do you have? Don't have one. What color is your mouse? Pink. Do you know any who might be anorexic? Do you know anyone who has bulimia? Maybe? Did you ever want a pony when you were little? Idr. What’s your favorite dessert food? Ice cream. What is the closest thing to you right now that is alive? My dog. Do you exercise? I'm starting to again. Do you dislike writing school essays? Not if it's a subject I like. Are you a very open-minded person? Yes. Are you modest? I believe I am. Do you skate? No. Are you in a band? No. If you were to make it big with your own band, what would its name be? *shrugs* It depends on the members. Would you rather a friend come over to your house or you go over there? I go over there. Have you ever had rabies? No. Do you know anyone who ever had to get a rabies shot? Idk. Have you ever gone hunting? No, never would. Ever eaten deer? Duck? Squirrel? How about lamb? No. Have you ever received a note in your locker? I think once from Aaron?

#survey #quiz #questions #random

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assholemurphy · 6 years ago

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it’s 7a. i have 5 assignments i have to do before mon, plus several others i should be doing to get ahead/back on track. i also need to clean up/take out all the trash in the house and (probs) do dishes (even tho they aren’t my responsibility). i also need to do a significant amount of organizing via planner/calendar/etc. i have all of my folders, planners, and other assorted school things spread out in a semi circle around me on the floor of the living room. i’m on my second monster. i woke up at like, 11:30p from my last nap (i slept from 9a-5:30p, then took a nap from 9p-11:30p, i think, idk, time is confusing and means nothing to me atm). i should be doing all of those assignments and things. i should have been doing them all day/night/time expanse. i have not and i am not. instead, i’m currently trying to convince myself to stop talking to myself and begin writing the next chap of tal. i’ve read enough of it to remind myself what’s happened and what should happen. now i just need to actually begin writing. i rly need to do my hw, but i’m just so goddamn distracted and out of sorts, so i’m hoping that by writing, i can trigger a little bit of productivity in myself and shit. writing is my self care, so i’m hoping that it’ll also help me out mentally and get me to a place where i can get some stuff done.

that is not to say i haven’t done anything. i’ve sent several emails, cleaned up my opened docs (bc there were so many it was bugging me), and finished one of my assignments (the shortest one), except for a tiny bit of info i need from the playwright, but i sent him an email (see: above). there’s a fuckton i need to do, but i’m rly, rly out of sorts rn.

my roommate has decided that since we fought (once) that we are ‘bad for each other’ and that she ‘wants to salvage what she can of our friendship’ and therefore, once our lease is up in 3 months, she wants to move out, or wants me to move out. idk which. but i’m so not happy. i could write novels abt how fucked up she is, and yet, i’m the problem bc i finally snapped at her and told her the goddamned truth. but fine, whatever. i just need to find a new roommate bc i can’t cover all the rent/bills, but see, i’ve got 3 friends. two are brothers and are NOT going to live with me. that would probs be bad. maybe not as bad as we all seem to think, bc i can stand them more than i can goldilocks atm, but still. they live on campus and like it. i cannot go back to living on campus. it’s too expensive for me and i don’t do well with all the rules. nope. i need my own place (with a roommate). so, that means i’ll have to advertise and shit and find some random human to live with me. gross af and not good for my anxiety. goldilocks probs has another potential roommate already. whatever. i’m not going to keep coddling her and walking on eggshells bc she’s too fragile to handle normal confrontation. she literally goes so far out of her way to avoid confrontation that she lets all of her frustration build up until she’s being passive aggressive abt everything and then she swears she isn’t being passive aggressive to me. but she is. i’ve got 3 months to convince her to chill the hell out and actually come to me with her problems before i have to find a new roommate. but... i’m not sure i want to. like i mentioned before, she’s a literal dark cloud sometimes and it drains me to be in the same apartment as her. she’s decided to stop being friends with pretty boy (she was never fond of rafiki, bc he calls her on her shit, i mean, he’s a bit mean abt it, but hes not wrong) so my friend group is falling apart. we (pb and i) knew this was going to happen and we put a timeline on it. two months ago he told her it’d be two months before she dropped him, and i gave her an extra 3 months before she dropped me. guess what’s happening? motherfucking prophecies. i’m getting tired of them, tbh.

so, i lay here, on the floor, papers and shit surrounding me, trying to find the will to get shit done, and all i can think is that, dammit, i wish i were drunk. or had rafiki/pb/both here. but it’s 7a and they’re probs asleep. i’ll see if they’ll come over tonight, but that means i need to accomplish some things before i go to sleep later (i’m aiming for like 1p, then wake up at like 9p). i also need food, but my ed is kicking my ass currently and i don’t want to. like, i cannot force myself to eat rn. i’ve done good for the past couple of months bc of my gallbladder issues (i don’t want to lose too much more weight and make it worse until i can get something done abt it) but it’s wearing on me and i can’t keep doing it. i was alright, mainly, until i started eating normally, then everything went downhill, like it always does. so, i think i’m gonna go back to counting cals and eating less, but i’m gonna do my damnedest to stay around 1200 so it’s not completely unhealthy (bc that’s the lowest you’re supposed to go, technically) but i’m worried it won’t be long before i’m eating <700 again. but, i was doing better mentally then. maybe it’s for the best? but ik i can’t function like this anymore. it’s wearing on me and i’m spiraling fast. i’m trying to pull myself out of it, but it’s like trying to escape an undercurrent in the middle of the ocean. it can be done, but it’s hard af and dangerous even after you’re safe. so, i’ve got to do something.

so, i’m gonna use the next few days to get caught up with work (at least caught up, hopefully ahead) and organized, then i’m going to work on balancing my mental health and figuring out a solution to my shit. but first, i’m gonna try to write as much of this next chap as i can. bc i rly want to get back in to writing and i think if i do, i’ll be happier and better able to face the world knowing i’ve got an escape again.

i’m also abt to make a to do list so i can keep track of what i need to do before i sleep today, if i can manage it

#i just need like a month long vacation #a bottle of good rum and some pepsi #a couple good movies #and the victory bros #who've been the only thing keeping me together lately and i'm not even sure they realize just how much i've come to need them #it bothers me honestly how much i rely on them #bc i've learned that ppl walk out of your life so easily and that getting attached leads to heartbreak #but i didn't have a choice in getting attached to these two #it was like god pointed at them and said #'these are yours now. rely on them. let them help you. fuck knows you need it. and no complaining bc i /do/ make the rules'#and i just kinda went 'well alright then'#and this is where i am now #completely attached to the most horribly obnoxious republican douchebags i've ever met #and i don't rly feel bad abt it either #even if they have some shitty world views #but pb keeps me sane thru meltdowns and panic attacks #and helps me with all my emotional bullshit that i can't handle on my own #and rafiki helps me with the logical side of things and gives me a chance to just chill out for once #and without them idk what i'd do #i've only just started to get to know rafiki but without pb i wouldn't have made it thru last semester #that fuckwit saved my life and i'll never not owe him for that #iz says stuff #ed mention

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homestucky · 6 years ago

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ok! so im going in to my last yr at university. and its going to be hard. and im very scared. and i am studying things like fluid dynamics which is confusing! and follows on from modules i have gotten 3rds and fails in! but this year its gonna be different? for some reason? idk!! if i get less than a 2:1 it will be fine bcaus its not everything and i respect people who get less than that but i dont know if ill be able to respect myself?? because the whole time ive been at uni ive struggled with pretty much all of it the social stuff the work stuff the lookjing after yourself stuff so if i manage to do ok this year maybe itll mean ive improved or that that doesnt define me and i wont be like this forever?? ill. be very upset. im very scared. i got a 1st in first year but i was half a % from a 2:1 in second year (i got a 2:2) and thats/ bad feelings. i feel like i have a lot to prove being one of the only women in my course and just generally feeling like people think im dumb? but maybe they dont? i dont know!! and so if i do bad this year i will probably go t bed for a whole year because it will hurt!!! i didnt care last year but i sure do this year!! and i want to do well and work hard and stuff even though i find it VERY hard to focus the majority of the time so i think i am gonna limit the tumblr times and definitely try to fix my sleep schedule. and also exercise! and watch what i eat? is that a lot of things? aiming too high? being a functional human? i dont know! but im gonna try. and im gonna try uhhhhhhhh send the form asking help w mental health stuff to the uni bcaus ive been procrastinating it and uhhhhhhhhh learn to read so i can read papers for my dissertation and uhhhhhh uhhhh hmmmhhggghhhhhhhhh

#GOD

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cobrakai1967 · 8 years ago

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on the hunt❀ sam x reader

*gif is not mine. credit goes to whoever made it.*

This one is in third person pov, with fem!reader. ((i realized i have better luck writing in third person than i do in first pov.)) sorry if you guys don’t like that, but it’s the best writing style for me.

Summary: reader is a hunter that works along side brothers sam and dean, but on this hunt, she is attacked by the shifter.

warnings: slight violence, blood, swearing, i guess a little angst?? idk. sarcasm, lmao. probs the worst and longest imagine i’ve ever wrote?? it has like minimal fluff to it.

Y/N had her gun drawn as she slowly made her way around the warehouse, she mentally cursed at herself for choosing the floor with the most area to cover. Dean and Sam had split up as well, everybody had their own floor to check. Her gun was aimed and already cocked back, she pressed her body against the wall as she approached a corner. She peeked around the wall as she checked to make sure the coast was clear, once it was, she began to resume her pace. Her gun moved back and forth as she scanned the room. She barely had even started looking around her floor, and she could already sense that something was going to happen. She just hoped that it wasn’t going to happen to her.

An aggravated sigh left her lips as she shook her head, “Who the fuck thinks it’s a good idea to split up when this thing can literally look like anybody it wants to, whenever it wants to.” She let out a scoff as she continued to search her surrounding, she froze in place as she heard footsteps behind her, she quickly turned around with her gun still aimed, she practically growled when she saw who it was.

“Are you fucking serious?! You think it’s okay to just sneak up on me while we’re looking for this damn thing, did you even finish scanning your floor?” She half-yelled, trying to keep a hushed tone just in case the shifter was around. Her eyes stayed on Dean’s as he stood in front of her, she smacked his arm as he just stared at her. It took her a few minutes before she realized what was going on. “Not Dean?” She spoke as she pointed her index finger at him, once she he nodded, she sighed out.

“Yeah, figured you’d be dumb enough to believe it.” The shifter smirked as he inched towards y/n, she shrugged, not arguing with the shifter.

“I mean, you’re not wrong,” She chuckled before she back herself up against the wall. Before she could even plan an escape, she felt a searing pain in her shoulder. She screamed out in pain as she looked down to see a blade shoved into her flesh. “Holy shit, oh my.” She heard the rushed footsteps on the staircases, her hand held onto her bleeding wound, with the knife still intact. She threw her head back as she began to laugh, she gripped onto the wounded area as she looked at the shifter in front of her. “Oh man, shit hurts,” She spoke through laughter as she loosely held her gun in her free hand. The shifter had tilted his head as laughter erupted from y/n. It wasn’t a laugh of joy, it was more of a laugh from anger, being uncomfortable, and pain.

Y/n raised her sounded arm, “Oh, fuck you, you couldn’t have gone for the thigh or something? Would’ve been a whole lot more effective.” She pulled the trigger, killing the shifter. She threw her gun down as she clenched her fist, she turned to face Sam and Dean.

“Oh my..You have a knife in your shoulder,” She heard Sam speak out as his eyes never left the blade that was still deep in your shoulder.

“No, oh my god, are you serious?” She looked down at her left shoulder, she gasped out in fake surprise as she saw the blade. “Holy fuck, you’re right. How could I not know a three inch blade was impaling my shoulder?” She spoke with sarcasm very evident in her voice. She groaned as she reached up and ripped the blade from the wound, laughter escaping as she looked down at the blade.

Dean and Sam just watched as she walked towards the exit, holding onto her wound. She made her way over to the open door to the Impala, she groaned as she sat down in the back seat. Once everybody was in the car and ready to go, Dean drove off to the motel. She bit her lip as she looked at the amount of blood that had seeped from her wound, she was surprised that she hadn’t busted out crying. After arriving to the motel, she followed the Winchester brothers into their shared room. She plopped down on the bed as she began to remove her jacket and top as best as she could with one functioning arm, she watched as Sam’s face contorted. It showed her that the wound was pretty gnarly, she sighed out as she watched Sammy begin to patch her up.

“Can you be more careful next time?” He muttered out, his nose almost brushing against hers. “Please, I’d go crazy if I lost you..” Her eyes shot up to his as she heard the words fall from his lips, she quickly closed the gap between their lips. His lips were so soft, perfectly forming to her own pink lips. A soft sigh left her lips as they pulled apart.

“I’ll try to be more careful, don’t worry.” She smiled, but it quickly faded as the pain began to actually settle in. “Oh fuck, man, that shit really hurts.” She groaned out as she looked down at her fixed wound.

#Sam Winchester #sam x reader #sam winchester x reader #sam winchester fluff #dean winchester #supernatural imagine #supernatural*#sammy*#oth*

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punkscowardschampions · 6 years ago

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Nancy & Rio

Nancy: Were you really not gonna tell me? 'Cause newsflash, if you were waiting for Buster to grow a pair and do it Nancy: Obviously that wasn't going to and didn't happen, like Rio: It's not just you, I wasn't going to tell anyone Rio: I didn't Nancy: Okay Nancy: Glad to know it wasn't just me Nancy: But you could've said something when they all started finding out and not leave June to break it to me thinking I already knew Nancy: The level of awkward Rio: I'm sorry, Nance Rio: I should've thought Rio: it kinda just happened Nancy: That's my twin brother and I'm the last to know Nancy: You know? Rio: You so aren't Rio: know news is traveling fast but Rio: I don't know, I am sorry Rio: Probably could've done this better Nancy: Anyway its not about me Nancy: So not the point Rio: Yeah but it ain't my intention to make you feel shit with it Rio: or his Nancy: He clearly had no intention either way Nancy: It's actually comforting though, amid this whole personality transplant he's having, he's still able to be a prick Rio: I mean, take what you can get, babe Nancy: I'm sorry but this is Nancy: He's old enough to get married but not mature enough to talk to anyone about it Rio: To be clear, we aren't getting married Nancy: What do you mean? Nancy: You are Rio: I mean Rio: not right now Rio: not for ages, it's not like we've got plans Rio: we would've said then, would've had to Nancy: Then what are you doing? Nancy: Why do you need a ring that costs enough to give my mum and dad a heart attack, right now? Rio: Because we want to Rio: there's no way to say that that doesn't sound bratty but you know what I mean Nancy: Not that long ago he wanted to go to America Nancy: I'm not even trying to sound like a bitch but if I do then it's 'cause I don't understand Rio: I've not said he can't Rio: he's still applied Nancy: I'm not saying that only Nancy: How do you know what he wants? Nancy: I know what it's like to get carried away, like Rio: I know Rio: but this hasn't just come out of nowhere, remember Nancy: It seems like he has to keep upping the stakes, everyone's okay with you being together so he has to take it further Rio: I don't think he wants the fight Rio: like you said, he doesn't even wanna talk Nancy: He says he doesn't, but then does everything he can to have it brought to him Nancy: He's always done it Rio: I don't know what to say Rio: I really don't think he's gonna take it that far, like Nancy: Well, I wouldn't have said so either but it's one drama after another with him lately Rio: There's nothing I can say to convince you, and I'm not going to Rio: but I know he loves me Nancy: I know he loves you too Nancy: But you have to admit, it's intense, right? Rio: Yeah Rio: It definitely is Rio: it always has been Nancy: Are you sure he can handle this? Rio: How do you mean? Nancy: He's always kept everyone at arms length Nancy: Slept with different girls all the time Nancy: Not that long ago Nancy: Has he really changed that much? Rio: I think so, but sure, I can't say so for certain Rio: but it's only me who has to take that chance and trust him Rio: you know Rio: if he hasn't then that's that Nancy: Aren't you freaked out? Nancy: He's already cheated on you, okay not in a cut and dry way 'cause we all know what Chloe is like and what she did but still Nancy: You said yes to forever Nancy: That's Rio: Like you said, not that cut and dry Rio: It was all such a mess idk if we were even together together Rio: it still hurt but Rio: I'm just trying to move on from all that shit Nancy: Yeah Nancy: Sorry for bringing it up Nancy: I'm just Nancy: I'm freaked out if you're not Rio: Nah, it happened Rio: I can't explain how I know Rio: I just do Rio: Maybe it's stupid but it still is Nancy: I don't think either of you are stupid Nancy: Impatient, maybe Nancy: But you're not alone in that, like Nancy: Everything's moving so fast with everyone and I can't remember how to relax anymore Rio: Yeah Rio: It is mental Rio: but this is one of the only things that doesn't make me feel like that Rio: that's what it is, that's how I know Nancy: I can tell its the same for him Nancy: Even if he won't talk to me, I still know Rio: I can make him but you know how well that'll go down Rio: Not got those kind of powers yet, like Nancy: Mum's beat me to the ambush and I can imagine how that went Nancy: I'm not trying to do it Rio: Either really bad or really well 'cos my phones not being blown up so Nancy: Not to be a bitch again, but option 1 is way more likely Rio: Yeah Rio: Reckon your Mum hates me as much as Ro does yet or Nancy: Of course not Nancy: Ro only hates you 'cause she hates herself so much there's no more space there Nancy: My mum would never Rio: Good to know Rio: Self-esteem saving the day yet again Nancy: Not to say she's buying a hat and shoes yet Nancy: But you'll be okay at the next family function Nancy: Mum's mad at Buster not you, and same Rio: What a fashion faux pas that'd be Rio: Make a joke about hiding the bump better than the ring but even I'm not ready for that gag yet Rio: He really is trying, not that I'm going to law school to be his advocate but Nancy: You're getting married before Ro, we're all thrilled about that much, babe Nancy: He's trying my patience, but what's new there? Nancy: We're all trying as hard as we can right now Nancy: It'd be nice if he acted like he gave a fuck about anything besides you and him but Nancy: Just do me a favour and don't have a baby until I'm out of the country, yeah? Rio: Has Drew made an appearance since? Rio: and you've got it Nancy: No Nancy: Even he's not that much of an idiot Rio: Just checking Rio: Don't want 'em sneaking in ahead, like Nancy: If you think my mum is anti your vows she's next level about theirs, don't worry Rio: Ain't we all Rio: Not just 'cos I wanna ride him myself, naturally Nancy: Don't Nancy: So gross Nancy: If that can be the one thing that unites us I'm fine with it Rio: You fancy him too? Rio: Know he's pretty but um Nancy: Oh my god Nancy: Not what I meant Rio: 😂 Rio: Awks, surprised he ain't aiming for the full set Nancy: I'm sure he is Nancy: Happy to disappoint and destroy the myth that he's even pretty Rio: Gasp Rio: Nance, it's all he's got Nancy: Unlucky Rio: Heartless Nancy: Rule 1 of man hating lesbianism, like Rio: I been to the clubs, I basically got the jacket Nancy: You got all the phone numbers too, don't rub it in Nancy: You're already coupled up before me Rio: I didn't get off with anyone 😏 Nancy: Only 'cause you're disgustingly in love with my brother Nancy: You easily could've Rio: Shh Rio: Number one player right there Nancy: Please don't get all boring and domestic Nancy: I need to go out like yesterday Nancy: School is killing me Rio: I don't reckon that's very likely Rio: I do need to ask about and get my name back out so Rio: come with for the crawl, like Nancy: Definitely Nancy: When? Rio: Whenever you can Rio: I was gonna go tonight but gonna take more than one Nancy: I can do tonight Nancy: I need to Rio: Sorted then Rio: Just don't tell your Ma Nancy: She's too busy on labour watch to notice what I do Nancy: Not pregnant or engaged so I'm slipping through the cracks Rio: Aw babe Rio: let's avoid a sister scandal still Rio: Doesn't make the night go with a swing Nancy: Just how hetero is this club if you feel like either outcome is likely for me tonight? Rio: Just 'cos I'm coming for your gayness by getting engaged in a blink of an eye, don't be salty Nancy: Please Nancy: I'm never getting married Nancy: You do you but it's not for me Nancy: I'll keep the cat stereotype Rio: Just saying Rio: you know you could end up wifey'd and ma'd as easy in the gay club Rio: progress, baby Nancy: I could, but I won't Nancy: If I can get through this school year I'll be that career driven bitch Nancy: Glass ceilings to still break, you know Rio: 'Course Nancy: I know you're devastated, babe Nancy: I still love you though Rio: 😂 Rio: How'd you know? Nancy: Settling for the other twin, textbook Rio: That'll be it Rio: Try not to be too smug when you do chat to him, yeah? Nancy: I'll leave that to him Nancy: He does it so much better Rio: Nothing smugger than the higher ground Rio: Sneaky, babe Nancy: You can have that one as a freebie for your married life Rio: 😏 Rio: Still owe me a gift Rio: know you're good for it, McKenna Nancy: Maybe the gift is me tonight, hmm? Rio: Steady Rio: We can't keep doing this Nancy: I know, I know you can't handle me Nancy: I've heard it all before Rio: You heard what they say about redheads too, yeah? Nancy: Absolutely Rio: 😂 Rio: Guess we've said all we need to say then babe Nancy: You haven't told me how high up the bridesmaid rankings I am yet though Rio: You mean you ain't after that best man spot? Nancy: Can't seduce my way up that list Nancy: Also sure that he'd rather die than have me do anything like that for him Nancy: Especially 'cause I'd look better in a suit Rio: Who else would he ask? Rio: Picking the best of his current friends is the best of a bad bunch, like Nancy: You've got more than enough brothers to choose from Rio: Nah Rio: Like you said, kept his distance, who are they to him really, like Nancy: Okay but if you aren't getting married soon who knows what bromances he might form Rio: Who knows how much you'll be twinning Nancy: Gross Rio: You love it Nancy: You do Nancy: I saw you matching him on his feed Nancy: You're such a lesbian now, I can't Rio: Shut up 😖 Rio: we looked 🔥 Nancy: Yeah but it was so gay Rio: I feel hatecrimed Nancy: If you tell me you wanna match me tonight I'm not coming Nancy: Like I am, 'cause I need to, but Nancy: No Rio: 😒 Rio: this is why we're breaking up Nancy: Oh my god Nancy: You could've at least let me break up with you first Nancy: You know how stressed I am Rio: Now you can let off steam with some club hoe Rio: YOU'RE WELCOME Nancy: Now I'll be crying in the club and you'll have to deal with that Rio: Can't keep up with what you want, babe, honestly Nancy: Lesbian 101 Nancy: You never will Nancy: I actually might let off some steam if there's an option though, does that work? Rio: Sounds exhausting Rio: Ooh lala Rio: little TMI but I'm down Nancy: It's a serious question Nancy: Not a proposition for you Rio: Umm, are you asking permission or like Rio: if fucking helps you forget your problems? Nancy: I don't need your permission, we're not engaged, sorry about it Rio: The latter then? Rio: I mean, it's distraction, good as any but it's not fixing anything, like Nancy: If it works as a distraction, I'll try it Nancy: Spoken like I could remotely pull that off after having one girlfriend, okay Rio: Did you Rio: you know Rio: don't have to answer that fully tell me to shut up if you're feeling it Nancy: Yeah but I kind of had my mind elsewhere so I can't really draw on that for much inspiration Rio: Yeah Rio: I wouldn't reccomend going back to old inspiration Rio: goes without saying but that's not gonna help anything Nancy: You're telling me Nancy: Not how I thought my first relationship was gonna go Rio: Cheer up Rio: plenty got you beat Nancy: Is that meant to be comforting? Thanks Rio: Yeah Rio: least you got to be the cunt Rio: feminism, init Rio: the rest of us stuck with our sob stories here, Indie just the latest in line Nancy: I'd rather she hurt me, that's how I deserved for it to go Nancy: As if Buster gets an engagement and I get this Nancy: Such a prick Rio: Well she didn't so you don't get to mope, babe Rio: Come on Rio: Sort it out Nancy: You sound like my mum Nancy: Don't do that around him Rio: Well there's no need for that kinda slander Rio: Might be into it, but I know I can't freak you out with Freud like I did Inds so Nancy: Nothing an old white man has to say about anything is worth listening to Nancy: Even Indie knows that Rio: Harsh Rio: I like him, he knew how to party Nancy: I already know you like old white men, babe Nancy: You can't freak me out with that either Rio: 😂 Rio: Straight up savagery Nancy: Gay culture Nancy: Do I download an app or leave it up to the Gods and fates to decide if I fuck away my stresses? Rio: *Stolen straight from black culture so I trump you bitch Rio: Hmm Rio: Have you lot got a decent app of your own yet Rio: it's easier to swipe away dudes IRL than it is on a screen Nancy: Decent is a stretch Nancy: but yeah, I've swiped away my share of men in the club and out Nancy: Gross Rio: I say leave it then Rio: Plus I know you shy types, you'll front too hard on the socials and feel like dying when the time comes Rio: best to keep all your impressions in person Nancy: I feel so attacked Rio: As you should, direct callout, like Rio: got no time to chill Nancy: Fine Nancy: Acknowledged and accepted Rio: 😘 Love ya bitch Nancy: I'm glad he's not going to America if it means you're not Nancy: Like, I don't know how far away I'll be anyway but still Rio: I know you're hurting rn Rio: but please Nancy: What? Rio: Where you not insinuating you don't even wanna live in the same country as me? Nancy: I'm saying I do want to, not that I know what country I'll be in Nancy: But the way my classes are going I could be stuck here Rio: Ahh, with ya Rio: You cutie Rio: There's no way Rio: even with this bullshit Rio: it's all about your portfolio really yeah Rio: and nothing's fucking with that Nancy: It's just that nobody tells you that when you want to fuck your teacher and it fucks her over none of the other staff are that willing to help you Nancy: She used to help me, you know Nancy: And I can't like hey sorry but can you just help my dyslexic brain figure this essay out please even though you hate me now Rio: Surely there's someone else in that shithole who can Rio: Like, they don't have to be buzzin' about you but Rio: just unprofessional Nancy: I started it Rio: You're a student Rio: in their care, regardless Rio: also hardly the first who wanted to pipe a teacher, like Nancy: I don't know, all I know is everything takes so much longer now and I can't ask mum to help me until this baby comes out Nancy: So we're going out and I'm forgetting that school's a thing Rio: Sure I can't tempt you with a study sesh to go with the pre-drinks, like Rio: may as well, I've got fuck all to do 'til I get a day job again Nancy: You're not married in yet Nancy: You don't have to help me Rio: Come on Rio: Swear, I'm not that thick Nancy: Shhh Nancy: You're smarter than me that's my problem with it Nancy: You think my brother is the only one with an ego? Rio: Babe, please Rio: I'll just help get the shit sorted in your head, I ain't doing it for you Rio: left for a reason Nancy: I mean, if you wanna do it, I'll take the A Nancy: I need all the help I can get Nancy: Especially in Irish, obviously Rio: Don't push it, like Nancy: Come on, homewrecking doesn't end in good homework scores Nancy: Who knew? Rio: Ba mise an dalta ab fhearr liom ach Nancy: You lost me, see this is what I'm saying, I'm gonna fail and then have to go into my uni interviews like well.... Rio: Okay, okay drop the ego at the door and I'll help you out Nancy: You think I'm joking but I've seriously only studied with Buster before I moved schools and my mum since, when she's around Nancy: I wish I could call it ego Rio: Look, I know I can't talk you outta whatever block it is but seriously Rio: no judgment Rio: and none of the others would either Nancy: I know but like, Junior's so smart Nancy: Not saying you aren't, but you left so I don't have to know it everyday, do I Rio: There's different kinds of smart Rio: not to be that after-school special but seriously Rio: you're good at what you want to do Rio: and you'll find a way to make that happen Nancy: I know realistically that you're right but whenever I want to ask someone to help me I just remember what all those fucking girls made me feel like Nancy: About everything Rio: I know Rio: Cunts Nancy: I do need it though Nancy: Help, I mean Nancy: So if you're serious Rio: 'Course Rio: It's no thing, honest Rio: I'll come to you? 'Cos like fuck are you concentrating better here Nancy: Too true Nancy: Okay Nancy: I'll make us food Rio: 👍 Rio: and you say you ain't wifey material Nancy: Oh no, I know they'd be lucky to have me, babe Rio: 😏 More like it Rio: but remember, not why we going out, yeah Nancy: It's all just part of my masterplan to see the engagement ring, don't worry Nancy: There's nothing more important than judging every choice my brother makes Rio: Don't have him taking all the credit like I didn't help Nancy: Lord, imagine Nancy: I've seen so many horror stories Nancy: That straight girl suffering Rio: They love it Rio: First test for hubz to fail so you can cackle with your girls Nancy: They hate men more than I do and that's the truth Nancy: I see you with your separate living rooms Rio: Mhmm Rio: you'd understand if you liked 'em babe Nancy: No thanks Nancy: I refuse to believe the sex is good enough to put up with everything else Nancy: I've heard enough straight girls talk to know it isn't Nancy: Do better, all of you Rio: 😏 Nancy: Don't Nancy: I know what you're thinking and I don't want to hear it Rio: That's why I didn't say anything! Nancy: That emoji speaks for you Nancy: Loudly! Rio: Well, I can't lie Nancy: Disgusting Rio: Moving on Nancy: Thank god I moved before I had to hear that many girls swooning over him Nancy: Just have to deal with you instead Rio: First of all Rio: I'm not swooning Nancy: Sure Nancy: And second of all? Rio: Shut up Nancy: Mean Rio: Deal with it Nancy: Stop hate criming me oh my god Rio: 😂 Rio: The girl who cried hate crime Nancy: The title of my autobiography or no? Rio: Defs a work in progress but don't hate it Nancy: If nothing else the photos will sell it Rio: I know how you meant that and yet Rio: centrefold yo Nancy: Lord Nancy: Go to church please Rio: It sells Rio: we all know it Nancy: If the girl looks like you, sure Nancy: But you're not getting that promo in my autobiography so Rio: Shh Rio: working on my manners but the sentiment's the same Nancy: It's not rude to admit how pretty you are Nancy: You're fine Rio: 🙄 Rio: Such a flirt Nancy: You wish Nancy: You're stuck with my brother now, I'm not saving you Rio: Oh well Rio: that's that then Nancy: Yeah Nancy: Heartbreaking but Rio: Don't break out into a rendition of I Will Survive yet Nancy: I'll save it for the club Nancy: Promise Rio: It is a tune Rio: I'll pick a nice love song to piss you off Nancy: There she goes again with her hate crimes Nancy: So mean Rio: You know Rio: if loving your brother is a crime 😜 Nancy: That was actually the gayest thing you've ever said Rio: I know right Rio: really leaning into this Nancy: Am I proud or am I horrified? Hmm Rio: So proud Rio: Gonna make a speech at the wedding Nancy: If you mean get drunk and call Buster out then yeah Nancy: Of course I will Rio: Please don't ruin my pretend wedding Rio: the drama, this family has had enough Nancy: What do you actually want as an engagement gift though? Nancy: You've caught me unawares and I'm offended Rio: We don't need anything Rio: just get the first round, like Nancy: Did I say need or did I say want Rio: Did I not say a round Rio: you can IOU his Nancy: Fine Rio: Don't be grumpy Rio: So like him Nancy: OH MY GOD Nancy: Is that any way to change my mood? Rio: Facts are facts babe Nancy: Stop it Nancy: I'm pouting 'cause I wanna shop that's not like him at all Nancy: You know he'd just buy it Rio: Yeah he gets so mad when I won't let him splash the cash Nancy: Gross Rio: Mhmm Nancy: Why are you marrying this manchild? Rio: You know you don't wanna hear really Nancy: You don't have to marry him for that Nancy: None of us are religious Nancy: He's slept with girls for so much less Rio: No, I mean Rio: You'd just gross at any reasoning beyond that too Nancy: I know you love him Nancy: We've had that conversation Nancy: My memory's not that bad Rio: Are you drunk already? Nancy: I wish Nancy: But we have to study, right? Rio: Yeah, I can deal with dyslexia but not drunkness, thank you Rio: also omw btw Nancy: I think it's better when I drink Nancy: Like it cancels out Rio: Interesting Rio: still Rio: wait bitch Nancy: I'm not saying we test it now Nancy: I'm just saying test me later compared to now Nancy: Or something Rio: Whips out homework in the club Nancy: I meant my brain in general but whatever you're into, babe Rio: 😂 Rio: You gon be too busy Rio: remember Nancy: Fighting off straight men, sure Rio: Life and times of a mega babe Nancy: Femme struggles Nancy: Woe's me Rio: Poor baby Nancy: But if there are any cute girls there who happen to also be into me then yeah to fucking away my problems, obviously Rio: 😳 Damn okay Nancy: You know how I flirt so you know your blushes are gonna be spared Nancy: You've got more chance than me Rio: You'll be fine Rio: Your Ma ain't about is she Rio: fully avoiding Nancy: She's done her drop in for the day so you're safe Nancy: You don't need to avoid her though, just use the diamond glare like a torch Rio: Bear that in mind Rio: but I'm glad it's safe to come in Rio: get ready to train that brain Nancy: You're really selling it Nancy: Thanks Nancy: We can drink when I'm done, yeah? Rio: Well any jokes about being your sexy tutor are kinda off limits no Rio: Doing my best with what you've left, like Rio: and duh Nancy: Don't this is literally never gonna blow over and be okay, is it? Like Nancy: Excuse me while I move countries again Rio: Oh babe Rio: it will Nancy: If that was true it'd be old news by now, wouldn't it? Rio: Full offense but no one thinks about it as much as you do anymore Rio: it's just part of the craic, like who's fingered who and all that shite Nancy: Ouch Rio: It's gotta be said Nancy: Okay Nancy: Like it did really but you've said it now Rio: I'm sorry Nancy: How did you get engaged and we're still talking about me? Nancy: That's gay culture Rio: 😂 Rio: I like to think if it wasn't to your brother you'd be more receptive but you know Rio: maybe I'm giving too much credit Nancy: Rude Nancy: I want you be happy I'm not that much of a bitter lesbian Rio: I know bitch Nancy: You better know that Rio: Of course I do Rio: it's not that deep, I swear Nancy: You're only getting married, it's not that deep Nancy: You're funny Rio: Oh my god Rio: stop saying it like that Nancy: I'm sorry Nancy: But I can't believe this is something that's happening Rio: You've got plenty of time to get used to it Rio: not like it's happening in the morning, like Nancy: Thank god 'cause I am not having a good skin day Nancy: Club lighting is one thing but wedding photos are another Rio: Nothing but lowlighting I swear Rio: Plus I probably have to go on some mental diet right Nancy: Um NO Rio: Okay, wasn't about to go bridezilla and put all of y'all on it too or else Nancy: If you put yourself on it, I'd kill you, Buster would kill you, my mum would kill you Nancy: We'd all kill you Rio: The family that slays together Nancy: Exactly Nancy: Stop trying to make me give you big gay compliments about how pretty you are Rio: Soz, I'm just SO about it obvs Nancy: Who isn't? With MY track record Rio: Gotta keep everyone on their toes Rio: like you thought you knew our type Nancy: Jesus, I don't even know my own type Nancy: Good luck everyone Rio: We keep it entertaining if nothing else Nancy: One word for it Nancy: I'll just happily accept you and Buster keeping the heat off me with mum for as long as it keeps happening Nancy: Gathering up my free passes to be a messy bitch thank you Rio: Ringing endorsement Rio: You're welcome and cheers Nancy: I can be nice or I can be honest Rio: Why not both Nancy: When they overlap, of course Nancy: Doesn't happen often where my brother is concerned though Rio: 😏 I tried Nancy: You know he's only nice to you, right? Rio: Slight exaggeration Nancy: Barely an exaggeration Rio: Well Rio: I know he tries Nancy: I understand that you love him and you wanna see the best in him but I love him too and that doesn't matter like it should Nancy: Not to him anyway Rio: It does Rio: I know I've not got anything to back that up with but trust me Nancy: Where's he in this conversation? It's just me and you Nancy: And I came to London 'cause I asked you, he didn't invite me Nancy: He never would Rio: I know Rio: he just, does things differently Rio: he thinks that's how you want it Rio: and it's been like that so long, I don't know if he knows how to do different at this point Rio: not yet, anyway Nancy: Things are how he wants them 'cause I burned him years ago by leaving somewhere I literally couldn't be anymore Nancy: And he can't let it go 'cause he'll never talk to me about it Rio: It's not like it's an easy thing to talk about Rio: especially when he did a lot of things he regrets Rio: I get the frustration but it's not easy being the one who has to come on bended knee Nancy: Yeah, he did those things he regrets to me Rio: I know Rio: and so does he Rio: That's what I'm saying Rio: You get it, there's no ego to be salvaged Nancy: I wish he cared a little less about his ego then Rio: It ain't that simple Nancy: Nothing is when he's in the centre of it Rio: What happened happened Rio: There's too much water under the bridge to solve with a simple sorry no Nancy: I don't want sorry, just not to be shut out about everything that's going on with him all the time Nancy: Forget it. It's not like that for you, you don't need to understand how it is for me, like Rio: Well, no Rio: it's a two-way street Rio: he knows as little about you, it takes both of you to keep it like this Nancy: I came to London, I tried, even though he obviously didn't want me there Rio: So that's it, you're good? Nancy: Excuse you, I've been putting the work in since Nancy: He's put the shutters down over this 'cause mum's on the warpath and he can't handle any criticism Nancy: But it's not like I wasn't getting one word answers before then Rio: Whatever, this is ridiculous Rio: I'm not trying to be the go-between for either of you Nancy: Tell him to talk to me then Nancy: He actually listens to you Rio: Why can't you? Rio: You ask where he is but you're in my inbox acting like you expected him to be here Nancy: Please Nancy: I thought things were getting better for a second after the Chloe situation but here we are again, back to square one Nancy: I'm not there 'cause I'm not looking for a fight Nancy: And that's all he wants from any of us about this, for whatever reason Rio: Because he's been making changes since the Chloe situation and has got no positive feedback from that Rio: All he wants is acknowledgment of that Nancy: I know he's doing better but I don't know how to tell him that without sounding like a patronising bitch Rio: I'm not saying it's easy, or even that you have to Rio: but the defensive is his default for a reason and it isn't just that he's a cunt Rio: I'm not having that Nancy: When did it get so hard for us to talk to each other? Nancy: I used to tell him everything and vice versa Rio: I don't know Rio: Maybe it's growing up because even Indie doesn't come to me like she used to Nancy: Everything's so weird Nancy: I hate it Nancy: I'm genuinely glad he's got you, I used to get so worried about him having nobody to talk to Rio: Me too Rio: Yeah, he needs better people around him Rio: I think Uni, wherever he goes, will help Nancy: Yeah Nancy: Where we are in London is like a different world and not in a good way Rio: May can't come soon enough Rio: I am worried what he's going to do 'til then Rio: maybe I can go back and forth but I promised I'd be here Rio: I don't know Nancy: It's not just him, I was a different person there too, more shut off Nancy: It's what you have to do Nancy: He'll come here though, who wouldn't like it better? It's like taking a breath Nancy: Cliche but true Rio: Yeah Rio: It's not good for you though, I mean, you know Rio: you couldn't do it any longer than you had to Nancy: I really do know. I swear I felt too much here for too long 'cause I didn't let myself feel anything there Nancy: And look what happened Nancy: At least none of his teachers are hot, one crisis averted Rio: I mean, Chloe is hardly bangin' but you know Nancy: Therapists don't @ me or my brother, thanks Rio: Your funds, they'll be lining up babe Nancy: Right? I could pay to put their kids through uni before I go Rio: Truly Nancy: Rich kid problems Nancy: I'm aware how I sound Rio: You don't sound any type of way Rio: I'm sorry I had to be a bitch there Nancy: You're not Nancy: I shouldn't put you in the middle, I don't want to but Rio: I know, kind of inevitable Nancy: Tell me shut up next time, like Rio: You got it Nancy: Or you know, do that straight girl thing of 'but I love him' in response to anything and everything Rio: Please Rio: never get you off your soapbox then Nancy: I mean, if you did it enough I'd just die so Nancy: Not that I'm dramatic Rio: 'Course Nancy: Thanks for not pointing out how dramatic he also is Nancy: I could feel you resisting Rio: You know, enough home truths for one convo Rio: Plus I'm here so like, need you to still want me to come in Nancy: Who's more dramatic though, me or him? Nancy: Don't just say him 'cause you don't want me to fight you Nancy: Real question Rio: Hmm Rio: I don't know Rio: you're dramatic in different ways Rio: so diplomatic, I know Nancy: Such a non answer but you can come in anyway Nancy: Hold on Rio: 👍

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