#idk is this anything?

[sunshineastro]

i have thoughts on occasion. (some of) my mxtx trans headcanons!

xie lian: never planning on medically transitioning. was going to when he turned 18, then Shit Happened, now he’s decided that it just isn’t that deep

lan wangji: going the whole way baby. cannot get that phalloplasty fast enough. also, fish mouth scars but they look Not Great

bingmei: “double” incisions. probably not planning on doing anything else he wouldn’t do anything that would compromise the possibility of him getting pregnant

liu qingge: inverse T/anchor scars (reduction, not removal) and on T. probably going to get a metoidioplasty

[corvidaebreak]

FAITH x Mouthwashing

[bunnymedley]

sorry for sucking on your balls for so long that they now tingle uncomfortably when there's no pressure on them and you need to sheepishly ask to soothe them in my mouth. it was entirely intentional

[hemi-demi]

Sometimes I think about how Jon is such a punching bag in the show and how heavily he was beaten and bullied by the people around him and the narrative and it makes me think about stuff.

On the one hand, it does make me sad. It seems as though the harder he tries, the more people kick him when he's down. It makes it all the more impressive that he kept going regardless, but especially considering my very strong autistic headcanon (not Johnny's fault, he wasn't intending this), it can be a really sore spot. I'd say in a good way, though, in a hurt/no comfort sort of way. It's weirdly therapeutic.

On the character side of things, I do understand why everyone treats him that way. Not that he necessarily deserves it (though Jon has said and done plenty to earn some shit back, he's not perfect either), but everyone around him is stuck with him and fucking pissed about it. It's easier to redirect their hatred and pain to Jon - who just kinda takes it - than Elias or literal Eldritch gods. People hurt easier targets when they can't hurt the people that are actually ruining their lives.

Then I think about it in the meta sense. It's easier for Jonny to beat up Jon as well. I especially saw this in my own writing of fanfic of the series. When you have a main character (especially if that main character shares traits of your own), then hurting that main character is so much easier to process mentally. Not that Jonny won't ruin other characters lives, but they all almost have it easy in comparison to Jon's torment.

This also seems accurate in Alex's way of seeing the characters as well, saying Martin is based on a lot of the stuff he hates about himself when he was younger while also insisting on making their lives worse. (Alex, when I catch you.) It feels like literary self-harm in a way. You're willing to hurt the character you're the most attached to in an effort to give some protection to the rest.

Idk how to end this. Jon needs more hugs.

[clovesnz]

“Oh sweetheart come here”

“...please? Just, come over here for me”

“Hold on, hold on. I know it itches. Let me have you for just a moment.”

“Can you look at me?”

“Bless you.”

“Hey hey hey, uh uh”

“Bless you”

“...fuck, bless you”

“Oh hun. You’re so fucking pretty like this”

[redstainedsocks]

I know there's a well loved niche for royal whump, but lately I've been thinking a lot about royal *guard* whump.

Hurt for being loyal to the old king, punished for doing the thing they were trained to do. Grief-struck at the loss of their fellow guards in combat. Guilt at failing at their most important task: protecting the heart of kingdom.

[zeddylux]

I love the idea of Vi and Gert just taking a stroll at night in the lanes. Looking up at the stars and just talking about everything and nothing. It's after a fight and of course Vi won so she's in a really good mood for once. Shes been hiding a flask of whiskey in her coat pocket so her tongue is loose and she just starts...talking about everything. Gert is a little confused because Vi keeps using the name Powder (Vi still can't always bring herself to call her Jinx) but then they eventually make it to the edge where the old canning factory is. The place where Vander died...and so did Powder...for good. And Vi just bursts into tears. Sinks to her knees and starts wailing. Gert doesn't know what to do shes completely taken aback. Vi is a champion in the pits, tough as nails it's the last thing Gert ever expected to happen. But eventually she snaps back to reality and sinks down with her. Puts Vis head on her shoulder and starts running her fingers through her hair. Does her best to soothe her and bring her back to center. She starts to hum that tune she's heard Vi sing every now and again. Usually before a fight to make sure her head is on straight. In her drunk addled state Vi starts getting flashbacks. Of another woman with violet hair..doing the same thing when she had a nightmare. Or when she got chased and searched by an enforcer. And she slowly starts to calm down as the minutes tick by.

[transchesters]

punished - ethel cain

[sluttyhenley]

gotta catch 'em all

[timelord-of-the-moon]

You know you're fucked if these two randomly show up on your zoom meeting

[acetheta]

“forever he told me” like a fucking liar. “forever” he told me like he meant it. “forever” he told me like he wasn’t in love with someone else.

my name is leo valdez and i’m in love with a dead man.

his name was jason grace, and he was horrible. horrible in the way that he was perfect in every way. horrible in the way he made my bones ache in how much i needed him to breathe. he was my oxygen, and without him, nothing works the way it’s supposed to.

what am i supposed to do? get over him? no. trust me, i’ve tried. it didn’t fucking work.

[we-fucked-up-evolution]

Matt Mercer: "This room in Aeor is filled with chains and people were driven to oblivion by this demon who's being kept from the Abyss by ancient tech"

Me: "Mmh, sure. I wonder what Tharizdun, the Chained Oblivion, sort-of-god of madness who seems to lord over the Abyss, is doing right now"

[aubergine-with-no-peen]

just started playing disco elysium and started connecting dots so behold: the product of me opening ibispaint at 4:am:

alternatively:

[ohbutwheresyourheart]

the phantom as a metaphor for depression and/or substance abuse. you've been alone for so long, been unhappy for so long, disconnected from your art for so long. but one day you find something that helps you cope. and, for a while, your art comes back to you, but there's a greater and greater price to pay. and more and more often you find yourself stuck in this terrible, frightening, dark place you can't escape from on your own. and when you first try to explain it to someone else, someone you trust, they initially dismiss you or act like you're just ~crazy~

raoul as a metaphor for recovery. remembering that the world exists beyond that terrible, frightening, dark place you keep finding yourself trapped in. let me be your freedom, let daylight dry your tears. the nagging memory that love and life and freedom exist, even when the phantom is trying to pull you further and further down into the darkness.

christine, christine, don't think that i don't care, but every hope and every prayer rests with you now

because nothing is more frightening than committing to recovery, but you have to do it. you have to. and nobody else, no matter how much they love you, can do it for you. you are the one who has to face down the phantom.

[hemi-demi]

Finally checking out Malevolent after last week's TMAGP. On episode 7 now. God dammit, I missed gentle spoken British men in my ears, apparently, cause it's really scratching the itch.

Also, this is probably the weirdest thing and will make 0 sense to no one else but me, but John's voice sounds like it's being carried through one of these old plastic straws and I'm not an ASMR person (I have misophonia, actually. I'm picky AF about audio), but I find it satisfying to listen to.

[summ3rhead]

Avatrice: Non Omnis Moriar

The Archer - Alexandra Savior, Twenty-one Love Poems (XVIII) - Adrienne Rich, Fear Of Death - John Ashberry, Tears in the Typing Pool - Broadcast, Twenty-One Love Poems (XII) - Adrienne Rich, Oranges are not the only fruit - Jeanette Winterson, A Grief Observed - C.S. Lewis, Never Seek To Tell Thy Love - William Blake, Autotomy - Wisława Szymborska, A Grief Observed, C.S. Lewis.