#idk im at work and im !!! miserable !!!!!!!!
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seafood trio portraits !
+ some alts. with spoilers !
#this is how they look after the 3yr jump 👍#pretty proud that i managed to capture how i usually imagine them :0 ! been in an art slump so this was a pleasant surprise#idk if ill b able to draw them consistently tho . so these designs r for my brain only#might try to color these but i havent eaten lunch yet so thats a problem for another day#solar-drawss#my art#han sooyoung#kim dokja#yoo joonghyuk#yhk#yoohankim#orv#orv spoilers#omniscient reader's viewpoint#omnicient reader's view point#cackling at how miserable sp and 63hsy look compared to kdj in the middle#her whimsy … shes living her best life rn#……i lied i think i just gave him My face straight up jfc . get that off of u asshole#anyways if u didnt already notice ! yoohan have matching eyebrow scars 🫶#kdj has one on his nose in that first one#the second kdj has cracks all over her which i forgot to add is inspired by hehearse’s works !!#the reason why they dont show up in the first one is bc aileen covered it up before he went to 1863#like . hoseki no kuni style ✌️#fun fact i sketched that hsy the night before her birthday skfjsjf had to give up bc it was too late tho#so now im repurposing it for this#NO WAIT I SHOULD JUST GO BACK AND GIVE HSY A CLEFT LIP …. dam lost opportunity. well whoevers reading this just kno she has one now
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Puhpandas had a great idea recently (glitchtrapped Tony.) And I wanted to take a stab at the concept.
More specifically at the "What happens after." bit. Hint- Tony gets lost and ends up back near his old house.
Under a readmore because it could be triggering if you've been physically assaulted before. There's feelings in this that could touch on nerves.
********
He'd traced his steps, along a familiar road. Now he stood on the street, facing his old house. He felt all dazed, and confused.
Why?
Everything hurt- his back, his stomach, his neck, his arms. And something bad had happened to him. His head ached, but not nearly as much as his heart ached.
'... Because it's not my home, it's their home, and I'm wanted no more…'
He couldn't go home. Because it wasn't his home anymore. It was someone else's now. He couldn't remember how to get to his Grandma's from here. He couldn't remember a lot of things.
(He didn't want to remember.)
What had happened? He'd gone to the pizzaplex? Gregory had been there?
Did someone jump me on the way home?
He knew what really happened. But he couldn't believe it- didn't believe it- it hurt too much- He could feel something poking around inside his mind. Something he'd been trying to ignore.
He didn't cry. Or sob. He just hurt.
Get out of my head get out of my head get out of my head-
He was on the swings suddenly, in the park that sat down between their street, and the next street over. He hummed a song absent-mindedly. One of those old songs that Grandma would play on her old record player. A song that his Mom sometimes sang along to.
I'm missing time? Did I got abducted by aliens?
Ellis would laugh with him about it next week, when they'd meet up at school again.
They used to play here a lot, when they were in elementary school together. Pretending the playground was a pirate ship. That the floor was a crocodile infested river- so you'd have to jump from circle to circle, never landing on the soft blue floor. Making the merry-go-round spin so fast, that they both would get thrown off it after a dizzy spell, and collapse to the ground laughing and carrying on-
It just made his heart ache more. His brain pounding against his skull.
He kicked his legs uselessly. He wasn't swinging. Not really. Just sitting. Just trying not to be still. He wasn't going anywhere.
The playground didn't have any lights that stayed on at night. It wasn't that kind of playground, where you'd need to worry about teens going there and doing bad things in the dark. This was a good part of town. Nothing bad could happen here.
The only lights were distant street lamps, and the starlight filtering down.
What time is it?
Tony had a watch. Had a watch- it was missing now. So was his entry pass to the pizzaplex.
Did someone mug me?
He also had a different shirt than he'd worn to school- a Bonnie longsleeve? Hadn't they stopped selling these? Where did he get it?
Did someone… reverse mug me??
The sun was starting to rise in the distance. He could understand why they'd given him a new shirt- his old one. That had... gotten stained, hadn't it?
How long have I been here?
His arms and belly felt weird. He lifted his shirt and sleeves to look at them. Well... He wasn't gonna stain his new shirt, at least. He stopped looking- it just made him feel queasy.
Lights were coming on in the houses, one by one. He could see a light on over at Ellis's house, through the back yard.
He could go there. And they could have breakfast together. They could pretend they'd had a sleepover together, like old times. Ellis could loan him a sleeping bag. A watch. A new head. And nothing bad would have happened to him and there would be nothing weird poking around in his head and his heart would stop aching and-
And Ellis's Mom was there. Standing in front of him.
How long has she been there?
He started a little, nearly falling backwards before clutching the chains tighter.
"Tony- It's okay. It's Olivia, do you remember me?" She had her hands in front of her, in a way that should probably have been calming.
He caught his breath, and felt panic start to ease out of him. He nodded. And she seemed to relax a little, too.
"Oh, good. Sweetie- listen. I've rang your Mom. She's on her way now. And so are the police. Okay?" She looked at him intently, and kneeled down in front of him. While he kicked his legs and stared off into the distant sky. The stars were going out.
"Tony? Did you hear me?"
"Um. Yes. Sorry Mrs Martinez."
He couldn't look at her. This is so embarrassing. Having to be picked up by his Mom like this. Had he and Ellis broken another vase trying to play skip rope indoors? That was a silly thing to do, Tony. You know better-
He could feel her eyes looking through him.
"Do you… want to talk about it, sweetie?"
He shook his head frantically, and choked out "No- no- no-"
"Hey, sweetie. It's okay. You're okay now. Everyone was so worried about you…"
Why?
She looked at him so pitifully. Had he said that out loud?
A car pulled up, on his old street. A familiar car. Mom's car.
And she was there. So quick, he'd barely seen her race up to him. He thought she'd grab him, and swing him around in a spinney-hug. She used to do that, when he was little.
Instead she stopped next to Mrs Martinez. It looked like she'd been crying earlier. She was still crying.
His head kept hurting. Pounding in a rhythm now. He couldn't take it much longer-
She couldn't get any words out. Mouth gaping open like a fish's would. But he could get the message- What happened to you?
He went to answer, but felt… sleepy. Really sleepy. He was gonna fall off this swing any second-
But he didn't fall. Instead he heard his voice talking to his Mom. It sounded strange to him. Like he was listening underwater…
"Mom, I… I lost track of time at the pizzaplex. It got dark, and someone h-hurt me when I was walking home… please don't be mad…"
He went to sleep as Mom pulled his imposter into a hug.
#five nights at freddys#fnaf#tony becker#this was originally part of a bigger project which is why it might seem disjointed#but it didnt fit. but i still liked this work? so it seemed a shame to delete it fully yeah#also- if this infringes on the au idea too much (im not sure how this stuff works?) let me know and ill delete it okay#on one hand- tonys alive? on the other hand- tonys miserable#ill write happy tony eventually maybe idk#summerly writes
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CANDLES!
HAHA YOU THOUGHT ID MAKE SOMETHING WITH THE CANDLESTICKS AGAIN!!!!!! not this time.........
seasonal prompt moment yippeeeeeeee @lesmis-prompts ^_^
#actually.#the candlesticks were actually on the bottom of the stained glass window.#its just jean valjean and the lit candles covered them lmaoooo#anyways this is supposed to be in a church idk i was just fuckin around dont ask me why the pillars are like stone#and everything else is wood#DONT LOOK TOO CLOSELY#AT ANYTHING OTHER THAN VALJEAN.#actually tweaking out about how my work is so incredibly textured the quality needs to literally combust before itll let me post it anywher#tried a new thing w my rendering that cuts down the time it takes by. about half#or more#genuinely amazing#ugh anyways#im tired im gonna go eat leftover pecan pie and lay in bed#yap fest over#les mis#les miserables#art#jean valjean#valjean#fanart
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Im sure you all know I love roleswap AUs by now. Anyways hero Spot AU cause I've seen spiderverse like 3 times now, mans finally put on some clothes ♥
#He's still trying to beat up a child but at least now its... an evil child?#I was thinking about how to make a villain Miles and then I remembered Prowler Miles existed like thats free real-estate right there#spiververse#spiderverse spot#across the spiderverse#the spot#I might change the suit#Im still coming up with how this would work the logistics 'n all#he's still miserable and cringefail thats for sure#and still thinking about that prowler miles wants with the collider. Maybe to bring his dead dad back? idk
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man i hate job interviews. i didnt study enough for talking about myself 😩
#adddna#'whats your dream job' well its being james baxter but we cant all get what we want can we. so im here at Medical Office.#auuugghhh she just meant my ideal hopes for this position anyways but i dont have any of those either man.#i just wanna work somewhere that doesnt make me miserable i can tolerate lots idk....#i rambled about some shit but i feel like i really fumbled that question because it got me off guard
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just learned abt transDID……..
#y’all…. im Tired#i had to read the word cisDID with my own 2 eyes 😞#why would u actively work towards having DID this shit sucks#like#… idk#at least theyre saying the quiet part out loud#unlike most endos lol#anti endo#anti transid#syscourse#transids are all fucked#saying shit like transtrauma & transramcoa Fuck Off#transramcoa is even fucking worse than transdid#its all bad it all sucks pls just go get a hobby i promise u dont need to make urself miserable doing this shit#while simultaneously making the rest of us look fucking stupid!!!
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imagine if westley rlly betrayed wander n sylvia n stayed in the hater empire jk jk unless
#hmmm how do i make him suffer more#hed live such a miserable life#idk i just like that “character gets all they wanted n then realizes it doesnt fulfill them” thing sm#imagine how getting special treatment n then being instantly demoted back to just private again after wander n sylvia escape would feel#im saying like cartoonishly instantly back#its like everyone forgot abt his stupid medal of evil n stuff its just all back to status quo except westley being less enthusiastic n#more n more hyperaware of all the brainwashing#which is actually funny asf cuz peepers n haters brainwasing n propaganda is so bad it only works on westley n maybe like 3 more watchdogs💀#if the watchdogs still have a home planet i like to think they have the craziest propaganda going on down there actually to the point#enrolling in the hater empire is a lot of watchpuppies' dream#its like our thing w every kid wanting to be an astronaut except its every watchpuppy wanting to serve the hater empire#which was def westley at some point#except bro somehow kept that enthusiasm going for 3 years of witnessing hater fuck up n peepers violate workers rights all day every day#wait nvm the propaganda might actually work rlly well considering the eye on the skullship n andys whole thing abt being absolutely#engrossed w haters whatabouts n shit despite never seeing him up close before#damnn imagine that#imagine their war machine evil empire being actually bad n not just silly cartoon aliens (its still just silly cartoon aliens)#this got long asf idk i just lkke#i wanted to say “i just like propaganda” idk how to phrase it right n not sound fucked up in the head#its all propaganda pro propaganda i have a feeling im not alone 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥#pbj
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salary increase so bad and job so miserable i considered walking into open traffic ngl, please share facts about your favorite video game or ttrpg
#should i tag this#suicide mention#i guess#IM FINE and im not in immediate danger to myself or others#but i was absolutely miserable walking home from work today that for a brief moment i was like well#IDK WHY THIS IMAGE IS SO BIG#trying not to be a downer to anyone also is really hard#trying not to think about how i didnt save any money this year either
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this is the worst day no exaggerating
#i am definitely exaggerating#but the fact remains i am in a very shitty mood#i gotta go to the dentist today which sucks alone but paying almost 2k for the services sucks even more#plus im missing an end of semester gathering for the GIS TAs#plus even when i think about cancelling the appointment and going to that instead i dont want to out of spite because like#idk i think it makes me angry that theyd even do it without me and not reschedule as if im even that important which im not#but also i am because i know the most and work the hardest i hope they all are miserable and wish i was there just kidding im normal#also another like 20+ day long period just ended for me so my moods abysmal and also i have to write a final by the end of today#tl;dr i really wish i werent here right now#thots et al
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help! my pretty boss wont stop nagging me and i think it's endearing!
#oh i just know working in the archives was so miserable even before the horrors#jon going out of his way to make his workplace as toxic as possible: this work needs to get done or im killing myself in front of you all#ahhh my favourite genre of martin art. barely holding in lust#hes so funny TO ME. i get it#my art#artists on tumblr#digital art#tma#the magnus archives#jonathan sims#martin blackwood#jonmartin#also i believe in an old tech archives world. idk if thats canon i have a feeling it might be but whatever. its real in my heart#suicide mention
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got my glass of apple juice, my cat next to me, and my computer open for writing the best idea i've ever had:
Les Amis Jurassic Park AU
#half the amis (triumvirate+) infiltrate the park to try to get it shut down#the thenardiers are fake tour guides#eponine works at the shitty cafe while cosette works with the kids visiting the park#feuilly works because it pays well#grantaire does computer shit or smthn idk#joly's a dino vet tech :D#bossuet is NOT allowed around the dinosaurs bc he WILL get killed lmao#enjolras is workign his damndest to get them exposed#im sorry RAtWD is postponed now for jurassic park au#les mis#les amis#les amis de l'abc#les miserables#enjolras#grantaire#eponine#cosette#gavroche#musichetta#bossuet#joly#feuilly#combeferre#courfeyrac#jehan prouvaire#jean prouvaire#bahorel#jurassic park#jurassic world
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the school arc to me is so good because it drags ciel out of his position as a powerful figure and literally places him in the shoes of the person he could have been. the circus arc ALSO drags him out of his position as big bad queens watch dog/head of the phantomhive estate but the school arc feels like a mockery of a future that never was. this is what he could have been had his parents not died. and even then its NOT because he will never be that kid.
he never was.
#ramblings#incoherent beyond belief its 4 am#and im trying to avoid manga spoilers#might add a reblog with more coherent thoughts when i wake up but im off my meds so i cant promise anything#actually correction im being vague w the manga spoilers#manga readers know whats up#idk if there are any anime only ppl who havent been spoiled on The Plottwist Ever yet#but i figured there will be new fans and though im not tagging this it might still get seen so#cant WAIT to see our boy absolutely miserable in animation form should they recreate that arc LMAOOO#which ofc is after the germany arc so thats still a long time away#but STILL. itd be fun i need to see this young teenager lose his mind in color with sound#him relying on sebastian to do all his fag duties (sorry. dredge) so he can work his way up the social ladder#trying to gain power while simultaneously proving that he cant do anything but rely on others#hes always needed help in basically every way and he hasnt CHANGED he just got a demon to do it for him#he learns to lie and charm and cheat and all the while hes a fucking CHILD WHO STILL STRUGGLES WITH NORMAL THINGS#ciel is my little baby and i love him deeply no matter how much of a little bitch he can be#his helplessness isnt just 'oh he was raised in british high society' its also that he never got the chance to learn anything#which to elaborate on that id also have to go into manga territory. iykyk#like absolutely at this point he just refuses to learn how to do things he has a pet demon to do it for him#but.#hi the phantomhives backstory is killing me again its so late#both atlantic and the school arc are just setup for the Big Arc but theyre very good in their own right i SWEAR#also when i rewatched the circus arc a while back and i realised how some scenes were shot#the heavy foreshadowing that i didnt realise. yk. 7 years ago or however long its been since i first watched it#CRAZY#if you are new. to kuroshitsuji. and you havent read the manga. dear god. read the manga#ALSO GRELLE IN THAT ARC IS SO BEAUTIFUL & OTHELLO IS TRANSMASCULINE. OKAY GOODBYE
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when i was in highschool one o my biggest coping mechanisms was drawing all the kids i hated getting killed and eaten and killed. and well. time is a slowly ascending spiral. you will find patterns.(i work as a blackjack dealer. gamblers are FASCINATING
#cw blood#luckys original content#ITS SMALL BUT ITS ART SO IT GOES ON THE ART BLOG#also wwaooooww its meee its my lil persona!!! i dont draw myself enough....#anyway i have bigger things in the works. im slowly but surely chipping away at a pd thumbnail for that pd thumbnail project#FINALLY COLORING. BUT COLORING IS SO HARD AND I HAVNT BEEN IN THE COLORING MOOD#SO IVE JUST BEEN MAKING RLY DUMB COMICS INSTEAD... OOPS..#idk if anything finished n polished will be posted here anytime soon. BUT i post wips of everything on my twitter#and i post jrwi exclusive wips on my slucky blog. you may look at those if u have Truck Art Wishdrawls. as many do. as many do#THIS BLACKJACK JOB IS RLY AWESOME BTW DONT GET ME WRONG#i work three 12-hour days ina row. i gotta take an hourlong bus up to the depths o the mountains and then#i get to stay in this delightful lil hotel that was built in an ooold hospital. its a whole casino town. and an OLD one at that#ITS GORGEOUS HERE. last week my bus home was delayed for 2 hours#so i finally got the chance to head to other casinos and try drinkin n gambling. lost ten bucks to a pretty girl. NOT the first time#i rlly wanna try it again!!! i love interracting w ppl and i love being inebriated in public bc im just so sweet and pleasant and friendly#and pretty girls LLOOOOVEE MEEEEE i think i just need to go to gay bars more#but theres fucking NONE HERE. HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im collectin comrade queers up here tho#we wanna make a Group but we just gotta come up witha name first. i need something weird and strange#yknow i remember being in highschool. and being miserable n unmedicated. my mommas ultimatum was that;#if i dont drop out of highschool; i dont need to move out. she probably wouldntve kicked me out anyway bc my mommas sweet like that but#she REALLY wanted me to graduate. and i remember dreading that i might never do that#i remember feeling like the Resident Idiot. sweet but so so fucking dumb. it took me 7 years of strife n stress before i finally graduated#i remember worrying back then that i might not ever be able to handle myself out there. that i'd be too dependant on others#AND HERE I AM. DID U KNOW I WAS LOOKIN AT HOUSES A WHILE AGO? IM AN ADULT AND IM WWINNINNNGGGGGGG#IM RUNNING OUTA ROOM BUT HERES MY ADVICE TO YOU. BC I KNOW UR FUCKING SCARED TOO. THE ONE THING THAT SAVED ME.#THAT KEPT ME FROM SINKING INTO DESPAIR IS REMEMBERING ONE THING: ITS LITERALLY JUST LIKE VIDEO GAMES#MOST PPL YOU CAN JUST WALK UP TO N ASK A QUESTION N THEYLL ANSWER. THEYRE ALL NPCS THEYRE NOT REAL#LIKE IF U WALK INTO A BANK AND ASK HOW A DEBIT CARD WORKS THEY WILL HELP YOU#AND IF YOU THINK THEY HAVE ULTERIOR MOTIVES RELATING TO MONEY. YOU CAN ASK THE CUSTOMERS TOO. ITS JUST LIKE VIDEO GAMES#ANYWAY STAY SAFE KIDS HAVE FUNNNNN. IM GOING TO GO DO DRUGS NOW. HOPE U CAN DO DRUGS SOON TOO. I LOVE YOU
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ohhhh my fucking god nobody needs to like know any of this medical tmi but it is literally 11 pm and if im kept up one minute longer when i just laid down trying to go to sleep by my mother YELLING REPEATEDLY that she needs to pee. im going to actually go insane. she got a catheter in. Yesterday. it is working. she won't listen to anyone when they tell her that this is the case. help me jesus. im sure if a nurse comes to check on her tomorrow they'll probably get the same response. my brain will simply explode
#crow.txt#the absolute levels of stress im under could create diamonds out of free floating carbon atoms my fucking god#can i have. Literally just one day of peace. just one!! fuck!!!!#at least now i have SOME validation from everyone else of shit that mom has honestly kinda always done#be absolutely furious and bitchy usually for no good goddamn reason and then immediately turn it off to look good in front of someone else#i had a feeling mom coming home was gonna be utterly miserable sooner rather than later#i literally cannot leave my room without her yelling for dad bc she thinks im him i guess. she has gotten him up like 4 times now#what the fuck do you want any of us to doooooooooooo. according to dad shes also just been really fucking hateful today#including to her SISTER who has been facilitating literally everything medically for her for the last month plus#like on one hand i know its hard and frustrating etc etc absolutely. on the other. what the fuck are you yelling at any of us for!#whatd we do! not a damn thing for the most part! holy shit im exhausted#and then im sure she will have the audacity to wonder why i dont really want to interact with her much rn#its very apparent she doesnt really understand whats going on or how much of anything works at this point including hospice care#but i truly cannot help you when your knee jerk response is to yell and be abusive. like. dads not been great either#bc hes also one to bitch and moan and yell abt shit. but like. so is mom. more than usual#and ill actually be damned if i let her treat me like that honestly ever again. like idk for once i can just#walk away from this behavior with zero consequences. i dont have to take it anymore. im not free but at least im fuckin closer than i was#guess my aunt wasnt kidding when she said her being coherent and rational last week might be the calm before the storm
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.
#meg talks#just venting#im in so much pain it’s not even funny#im sorry for being inactive for so long i really was not anticipating this#the good news is ive made a lot of progress on compiling the spreadsheet for vetted gaza funds#so that once ive cleared out the dms i can add additional mods and get the ball rolling properly again#the bad news is that my insomnia is back and my pain is getting so bad i can barely get out of bed or eat#i don’t think it’s related to the fundraising work so much as… everything else -_-#i didn’t want to be out of a job for this long#and having to send so many applications and make so many fucking unhelpful phone calls a day to doctors and help centers…#idk. this isn’t me complaining abt the fundraiser work if anything it’s the only rewarding thing im doing rn#but im frustrated w myself and with my body and with. everything#it’s not just my own family relying on me anymore#and that makes it hard to deal with all this. like i could be using my time and energy way better than this.#but instead im playing phone tag to try and prove that im disabled and need to feed my brothers.#im just cjdhxgxjcncj sigh. whatever if i can just get over this hump then the rest will be downhill#and my friend is going to help me w cooking this weekend so that me and my bros can eat better#so hopefully that will give me a boost too#idr where i was going w this. probably nowhere jdgdjdnxnc im just miserable rn bc i can’t sleep and my leg hurts
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Okay so I know Jean Valjean is like super buff from being a galley slave for 20 years, but I still don’t understand how he just lifts that wagon up like it’s nothing. I mean dude that’s a whole ass wagon. Idk how much wagons weigh but probably a lot, right?
#then again I don’t work out so I really have no idea how much humans are supposed to be able to lift#like I guess maybe it’s plausible#les mis#les miserables#guess the weight depends on what’s in the wagon#idk im not good at math
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