#idk im all over the place and idk what to do about it lol
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project-lumen · 2 days ago
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Stray Concepts By Us Crazies LOL
Hi-hey-hello, my Lumenfolk! (thats what im calling you sillies now) (PLEASE DONT JUDGE ME FOR THAT,,)
So just for any missing context of any sort, I copy pasted some scraps of notes about LUMEN :D idk I just felt like it. Warning it might be a lot of scrolling so umm beware!!
If I remember to do so, this MIGHT be updated!!!!!
CHAPTER NAMES:
CH 0: The Watchers' Apprentice
CH I: Curse Of The Desert
CH II: A Tale Of The Honorable
CH III: Wicked Witch Of The Moon
CH IV: Ticking Whispers
CH V: A Rather Lonely Sunflower
THE LOST PAGES: April Is For Apocalypse
CH VII: Of Cards and Cars
CHAPTER ∞: Our Will Be Done
Chapter 0 is an introduction to the main plot, as WC is really excited to see how the Life Series goes. Chapter ∞ is the very end.
Both take place in the Watcher Realm
Throughout all of Chapter 1 (AKA Third Life), the player solely plays as Grian. At the rare times in which he sleeps/is alone, the Watcher Child visits Grian, only confusing him further ("Get out of my head, please!")
After Grian jumps from the cliffside at the end of Third Life, the WC joins the Watchers again. At first, it seems like they're cheering that Grian won and that the Life Series were a success. But at the end of Chapter 1, after the celebrations, it is revealed that the WC doesn't approve of the Life Series as much as before Third Life.
The WC vowed to make sure the player they chose from their tarot cards would win. They plucked another card from the pile… "THE STAR".
Chapter 5, Secret Life, has the most Watchers moderating and controlling it because of what happened in April (The Lost Pages---Real Life's Malfunction)
Chapter 6, Wild Life, will be the LEAST controlled by the Watchers. This will be because of one of the two undecided reasons:
Option A: The Lifers (aka mainly Grian) broke the system and caused the Watcher Realm to malfunction
Option B: Same as Option A, but it was the Watcher Child who did it.
You can change the background plot as Watcher Child; for example, in Double Life, maybe Watcher Child causes Scar to realize that he's literally being cheated on and he goes to join the Broken Hearts Club!
The Watchers have many forms, but two that stand out are specifically:
Creature Form:
The Watcher takes up the form of a humanish creature, but it still looks alien. It has no face. The watchers' talking sprites will be represented via Eyes.
They will be differentiated by the shape/form of those eyes.
Pure Form:
Lovecraftian Cryptid. Never goes well for mortal eyes.
If you see it, you will probably go blind.
REAL LIFE'S PROMINENCE EXPLAINED:
Real Life would be a "failed experiment" of the watchers, hidden to the world and erased from all the memories of the lifers---all except Cleo.
See, while you're playing through the game, it'll be a free roam world whenever you're in the middle of a quest which requires you to go somewhere. Hidden (but also more out in the open) around the Secret Life map will be these torn out papers from an unnamed Watcher's journal, who was documenting how Real Life went. So the player is aware that these papers exist, the first one will be given to you, and you'll have a side quest to find the rest.
Once you collect all the papers, you go on to complete Secret Life (as Scar, since the Watcher Child is watching from his perspective, like how they do with all the other winners). When Secret Life is over, you'll be notified of an option in the MENU to play Real Life, aka The Lost Chapter. Real Life will have an old timey, brown worn down filter to it, as you will be playing through Cleo's Memory---the only other live proof that Real Life exists.
The reason that A. these papers are torn out from a journal and B. only Cleo remembers Real Life is because remember, Real Life was a failed experiment. (Remember how Real Life really only lasted one episode? That's why it was failed---it wasn't prolonged, and to the Watchers, it wasn't very entertaining, either)
The Watchers thought that the failure of Real Life was a clear weakness to their everlasting power, so they simply got all of the Lifers and removed their memories... but before they could end the series, Cleo had already won. The main and number one rule in The Life Series of Experiments (I literally just made that name up on the spot) is that all winners, no matter what, will remember the series they won. So they forgot that they couldn't erase Cleo's memory.
So, Cleo is not bound to the Watchers like the other Lifers are. And thus, she remembers.
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why-the-heck-not · 2 years ago
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hate hate hate the feeling of turning in a part of an assignment and being hella embarrased abt how it is :3 like, feeling someone’s just gonna email me like ”hey?? what the fuck ??? what are u doing here this is garbage” like yeah dude i dont know what to tell you, things did not go well this week
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skunkes · 2 years ago
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very often ill see bears following my nsfw account and ill end up looking thru their profiles as i check for ppls ages in bio and theyre 99.9% bear4bear. That one anon lied to me.
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terrorbirb · 10 months ago
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I'm bored at work so I'm seeing if I should report my old company for violating labor standards.
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hopkei · 10 months ago
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10.25.23 Itsuki ig story
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dandyshucks · 7 months ago
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me waking up at 6am this morning and immediately having the thought "maybe Guz still gets angry a lot because strong emotions are difficult if not impossible to control esp if its rooted in abuse trauma BUT he learns how to apologize, and thus - especially in the beginning - he would lash out as an automatic response but quickly realize what he's doing and apologize for it and we'd move on and be okay" like it had been beamed into my brain from some divine source.
also junebug (waves. thats literally just me.) would have to do their own hard work to learn to not automatically fawn when someone starts seeming the littlest bit potentially displeased or unhappy (because that is unhealthy for all parties involved). they'd BOTH be putting in the work to make it work !!!!!! 🎉
#i keep looking at my extremely strong fawn response and idk what to do about it#but in pkmn world if i got away from parents then I'd probably have some kind of chance at unlearning it fjfkdl#u cannot get better in the place u got sick or whatever the saying is#anyways uhhhmm i think so much about them and the ways in which they make things work even with all the trauma on both sides#by they i mean both Guz and Junebug fjdmfkl#it may not look healthy to outsiders with no knowledge of trauma but it IS genuinely healthy. it is steps to make things work!#so yeah he might yell for a minute but then he immediately apologizes and steps back and they talk it out together#anger especially is a difficult emotion to handle and if you've been physically abused i think yelling is like... pretty mild tbh DBDJLDL#i feel like sometimes a person will never be able to reach NormalTM. sometimes u do the best with what u ARE able to do#and i would be very happy to make space for his automatic anger reactions as long as he recognized it and apologized for it#and im sure it'd lessen over time as we both work through our shit bc brains do slowly rewire themselves over time and practice#and he would also be happy to make space for my (likely tiring and irritating) automatic fawn response as long as i made sure to catch it#and backtrack it and apologize and then work through whatever was coming up that triggered that response#we both are somewhat burdensome but thats okay bc we are happy to carry that burden for each other as long as we're both trying !#UMMM ANYWAYS LOL. i could ramble about trauma work and recovery and making relationships work ALLLL day sdfjkl#💜a boy and his bug🪲#💜so good at being in trouble#junebug🪲
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kateis-cakeis · 5 months ago
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people are really so weird and so fatphobic huh
(and oops most of my commentary is in the tags XD)
#people really out here acting like some chocolate is gonna kill you#idk maybe you should check how stats and data actually work and not just blindly trust things that get it wrong and such#because hate to break it to ya but increased risk does not equal absolute risk#it just increases the risk which is normally only by a small margin and doesnt mean anything in reality because it doesn't mean that it's#absolutely 100% going to happen that's not what risk or increased risk means#anyway this reminds of when a friend of mine took part in a study#and they were like oh yeah you have a 6% chance of a heart attack in the next 10 years#they asked if they lost weight would that decrease by a lot and the person was like uhh by like 1% it's really not the big deal everyone#makes it out to be people are just fatphobic because that's the society we've built that at all times you must be skinny#or you aren't worth anything or worse when people act like you're such a strain on the system#and that you dont deserve to have healthcare like i will scream#everyone needs to stop being so damn weird about it!!!!!!!!!!#it's literally fine it's so literally fine#you know actually thinking about increased risk with alcohol and smoking - to which is totally your choice and up to you btw#i knew someone who smoked like a chimney and drank like a fish and lived to his 70s and died of something completely unrelated#increased risk is just that increased by a certain percentage which is like not a lot in the grand scheme of things to really put it into#perspective when you have like 1 in 100 chance and the increased risk is 100% that just raises it to 2 in 100 which yes is just 1% to 2%#i will scream when people act like food is going to kill you - especially when it gets so bad people act like fruit is bad for you because#of sugar like i will cry i will start sobbing because all of this is why im pretty sure most people have disordered eating#if not full on eating disorders and that's the real concern how our attitudes make people change their behaviours and develop mental health#conditions because society is just so insistent on this one issue that you can't escape it's bad it's so bad and i hope one day#we get past all this and people can just live how they want without others getting on their backs#fatphobic people are the reason why so many people i know think they're worthless and ugly and i just that's so upsetting to me and yes yes#there's the major issues like doctors ignoring symptoms in favour of just lose weight! and then just send people into the world with 0 help#in that oh and oops now they've got an eating disorder when the problem in the first place was not weight <.<#and even if it was (which it rarely ever is) it's like okay where's the help then because there is no help and then study after study is#like oh btw dieting doesnt work lol and then what do you do what do you do im gonna start screaming hdfghsdfg#anyway sorry these tags are long im just so tired and so frustrated at the world and i hope one day people get over themselves
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deerlisteners · 1 year ago
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do u ever think abt how 3houses/hopes position dimitri’s relationships w his friends in relation to his relationship w the goddess & feel rlly rlly normal or is that just me
#head in hands……….#few3h#it’s about the thing he says to byleth ‘we lack the means to reach out and grasp it’ and then everybody continuously reaching out to him#again and again over and over forever#ESPECIALLY in the king awakens cutscene. felix & dedue reaching out & dedue being the one to physically take dimitri’s hand#it’s like yeah faerghus worships an absent goddess and you’re SUPPOSED to believe in her and trust her and be good for her etc#and dimitri just can’t do it until it’s for his friends#and the scene in the rain after gronder in houses too obv#obviously it’s more blatant too considering the byleth sothis situation but ykwim it’s not sothis doing the reaching out there#like#we can talk abt glory and honour etc all we want but is that a truer motivator than the ppl u love???#for dimitri it isn’t bc he disagrees w all that honour anyway esp after duscur where he saw it fall apart w Glenn’s death (ingie support)#honour and glory are what get his friends killled for him but if he resolves to make the world a better place FOR them#that’s much easier to stomach#(and. the church being intertwined w the knighthood honour thing etc.) lol#idk if this makes sense im having SO MANY issues rendering a film in maya rn lol im slamming my head thru the wall#feposting#fe3h#deertalking#im being very brave not derailing my initial point to just talk abt dmlx here i hope u know that#i love him so much. mimi relationship w faith b like ‘true personal connection is inherently as impossible as seeing the goddess herself’#(teacher proceeds to become the goddess 2 prove him wrong)#im gonna come back and talk abt this before bc its my fav dimitri topic my brain just isn’t working rn o7
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streetdumpster · 2 years ago
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I think (as much as I annoyingly complain and whine about not having a partner) being single this long has been good for me. I'm learning a lot about myself and I'm learning why I was a shit person, and through finding the root of the problem I can kind of... start to heal. I can be nicer to myself so I can grow and get better. Because TBH.. being mean and cruel to yourself doesn't make you become a better person. It just makes you believe that thats what you /are,/ and thats what you /always will be,/ as opposed to realizing that you are a product of your circumstances but that does not mean you can't get better and become a better person. Accepting help and trying to get better so you can eventually love yourself – even if no one else does – is the greatest and loveliest thing you can do for yourself. You deserve that love, you exist and you live and you feel and that is a truly beautiful gift.
#uhm well anyway I hope everyone finds people and a place where they feel safe and loved#I'm feeling really emotional sorryy#basically. tldr; found the problem! trying to get better now through loving myself instead of hating myself#its been really hard. its going to be really hard. I feel like ive barely made any progress#I wish I had a therapist to talk about this stuff with. but I dont.#btw the uh root problem: finding out my mother was actually hugely abusive & I already knew my dad was#so basically ive been having to confront the fact that Ive been living a lie and my mother is actually deeply terrible as much as my dad#and my parents should have never had children & ive never had one single decent adult in my life#so basically uhm yea lol. I was born into dysfunction. I was never going to turn oit normal or okay.#so its been hard to like. figure all that out alone. learning I have ptsd and extreme ocd + dissociation because of them hasnt been easy#its made me so deeply miserable because I guess I assumed what my mom was doing to us was normal this whole time?#because I thought no. surely not. surely i cant have TWO terrible parents. I need at least 1 good one right?#but yea no actually every adult has hurt me in some way. and I was never going to turn out alright because#I am the king of obsessing and cycling over everything in my life#Im like. not okay right now but not being im in danger just because I wish I had someone to talk to about all this.#I just need to learn to drive so I can get out of here. I need to get out like#all these realizations have been really really heavy on me and ive been having trouble sleeping#Its been hard to process and I dont really know where to go from here. I guess I cant properly heal and grow until I move out?#idk this has been really long im so sorry.#vent#tw vent#tws ->#abuse ment#parents ment#<- in tags
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atomicengineerdetective · 1 year ago
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No one talk to me I just came back from a family vacation to find out my favorite youtuber ever is leaving the platform.
I am devastated.
(I am actually happy for him, he has given me so much happiness for like 8 years. He deserves to let the channel go an enjoy his life. It just hurts, but I'll get over it
I'm so thankful for MatPat and Steph. I Hope every future endeavour or project they take on is successful and that over all they have a happy and fulfilling life with Ollie.💚❤️💛💙)
#I leave to a place with no cellphone signal and come back to this?#may be the lord was protecting me idk#What do I call this? a personal rant? Im not really ranting more like letting my feelings out#venting if you#never done this on my blog before but I feel like I have to#I've been a Fan of game theory since I was like 13 or 14#He was like the first youtuber I ever suscribed to#that spoke english cause my first language is spanish lol#His videos and overall community meant a lot to me. I dont know how could I possibly express that#Of course Im going to still watch the videos after he is gone with the new hosts but still it wont be the same#Hope this doesnt sound too like sad. I dont mean to be negative. I am legitemetly so proud and happy for him#I mean He had one of the classiest goodbyes of YouTube at least I can say my favorite youtuber was never cancelled thats a win haha#But seriously he has achieved so much and has over all been such a positive influencer how could I not be proud to call myself a Fan#so truly I am not sad He ended on the highest note you could ask for. I cannot ask for anything more from him.#I am not sad However I did cry like a Baby during the Video. Man I just. Im tearing up even thinking about it#but anyway#You bet I am going to watch every single one of his videos the second they upload until march 9.#And then I am going to dedicate the day to the celebration he supposedly plans for then#I will probably vent some more in a bigger post then too. like I did in this tags lol.#Right now... I just cant. I need to process a little more heh#MatPat#Matthew Patrick#The game Theorists#game theory#goodbye matpat
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opens-up-4-nobody · 2 years ago
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...
#yesterday i was wandering around the campus where ive resided these last 4 years bc ive banned myself from running until my leg heals#and i was thinking like. what am i gonna miss about this place when i leave? bc im always thinking abt the things i cant wait to get away#from. and its a real short list. ill miss the palm trees bc i never get sick of seeing thrm. theyre so weird#ill miss the yucca. again bc theyre so weird looking. ill miss the way u can see where all the ants r bc in the non human populated areas#there isnt grass everywhere bc desert. ill miss that there r so many birds of prey hanging around. and the road runners and all the lil#lizards. and maybe in an abstract way ill miss being so close to the boarder bc when u live near a boarder boarders feel like bullshit#like staring down the road into another country. idk theres something i like abt that. ill probably also miss being able to run outside#all year long bc in the winter during the day all u need is a light jacket lol. where im going it gets real cold 🥶#maybe ill even miss the constant blue skies. but idk ive always liked a cloudy sky better. makes me think of home haha#ill def miss how convenient my apartment rn is. the loft bed. the low cost. the 5min walk to campus. sigh. but thats pretty much it. i#dont think ill miss anything else. im not really close with anyone. my boss was the reason i came here and she left this school in January#so thats it i guess. i think i stayed a year too long and was not well for a lot of my time here but so it goes#just gotta move to the next place. just gotta pray pray pray that i find an apartment soon. i dont even wanna say anything abt it bc im#afraid to jinx things. even tho thats irrational. like. i just gotta somehow project how good a tenant i am. im so quiet u will never see#me and i never complain abt anything bc i have brain problems. sigh. i cant wait for this transition to b over#im so so so ready to be in a new place doing new things. but at least my energy is back. im back to high energy on little sleep lol#i dont understand how my body functions lmao. somehow when i get a normal amount of sleep it's a sign that i feel awful#unrelated
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emypony · 1 year ago
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#damn babygirl i wish people checked up on me more#this self conscious catgirl is so tired#sometimes i WISH people just came into my dms to ask me if im ok#i do it constantly to others because i hope theyre not as sad as i am feeling in that moment#genuinely afraid to have made someone feel bad and drive them away from me#and omg i feel nyself running thin again just bc im afraid to lose the interactions we have altogether because i cant process certain media#in a healthy way whatsoever and i get super hung up on thinfs that really dont matter that much in the end#YEAH IM RAMBLING IT'S 5:30 AM AND I COULD BE SLEEPING RIGHT NOW BUT INSTEAD IM JUST CRYING FOR A STUPID REASON!!#i think ive only had one person check up on me based off the vibes in chat i gave off alone in the past couple of months#which was baffling and surreal btw and i think it broke something within me#it came from someone i wouldve never expected to even notice because sometimes it feels like its such a vast difference between us#i sometimes even wonder how are we friends in the first place#like do i even deserve to call this person my friend do they feel like that? or are we just discord acquaintances?#anyway all this just made me sad and my dumb ass is crying and yearning to be loved by my online peers thats all lol. meows pathetically#idk i guess i just.want to hear / see it more rather than just teying to tell myself that over and over hoping im not deluding myself abt i#personal#sorry for the emotions dump idk whats wrong with me tonight actually#me having to come to terms with the reality that i actually have a following and this might get boticed by more than 2 ppl#bc not everyone follows 3k blogs like i am :skull emoji: yknow#im probably gonna delete later because im actually a super self conscious person to the point i get nauseatingly anxious about it holy shit#i dont vent often and im 120% keeping it in but when i do oh boy#the dam bursts and im left like a sopping wet dog on the floor looking like a sad blob#which i am feeling like right now!#vent#emy rambles#ALSO LIKE THIS ISNT TO SAY IM NOT GRATEFUL FOR MY FRIENDS OMG I AM#k really am#sometimes its still like. idk. unbelievable to me that people are genuinely interacting with me and the things i write or headcanon#and i shouldn't expect them to know whats wrong with me or if i feel bad if i dont say it or communicate that to them#but yknow one can yearn
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orcelito · 1 year ago
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Feeling some buyers remorse for buying 2 shelves yesterday online. But it's getting eclipsed by the excitement of thinking about where I'm gonna put them and rearranging my apartment a little bit
Is this what it's like to be an adult? Lol
#speculation nation#work sucked today but in brighter moments ive just been buzzing in excitement about furniture#i bought some storage shelves and then a bookshelf#im gonna put the storage shelves at the far side of my living room & put as many of my boxes as i can fit on it#removing Box Island from the center of my living room lol#i wanna also sort thru the boxes to figure out what things would be considered permanent storage (archival things)#which would be priority placed on the storage shelves#and then figure out what boxes i would potentially want to unpack in the coming months. to keep in easier to access locations.#yes ive been living here for 2+ years and yes ive only got like half my shit unpacked. such is life.#for my new bookshelf i wanna do a little more rearranging#the cats' fancy litter box is in the little hallway leading into the bathroom#placed there bc it was the easiest to access outlet for the self cleaning litter box#but it's chunky and gets in the way and with the non clumping litter those things are like fucking legos on the floor#crunch crunch crunch under my slippers. id like the litter box more out of the way.#so im gonna put it in the cat area of the living room. rearranging some stuff over there to make it fit.#and then where it is rn in the hallway. im gonna put my new bookshelf.#i dont know what books im gonna put on it yet. probably my less personal books. probably no manga.#im supposed to get a bookshelf from my dad sometime that's bigger than both my current and my new bookshelf#and im gonna put it in my room. clear the space behind my TV. and Theres where i wanna put out all my manga thats been in storage#idk. shelves!!! potential!!!! its all so exciting.#nothing like new furniture to make me feel like im gonna try to get my life back in order.#and Honestly having the living room suddenly so much cleaner has been... nice.#im gonna work on cleaning my room soon. it is Long overdue.
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domesticated-whores · 2 months ago
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choked so hard swallowing my drink down the wrong way that I almost puked and I'm still kinda nauseous hours later, so lol. also, friend (the mutual work friend of me and my man that actually hangs out with him outside of work) witnessed and started saying something about how some people choke on things like that bad enough that it kinda spooks them from drinking and they get dehydrated out of paranoia (no idea if that's true, sounds fake but whatever, he's one of those people yk?) and my dumb ass, full of autism and pure thoughts only, said "damn, if that were a problem I wouldn't be able to put nothing in my mouth, my gag reflex is shit 😞😞" which has probably made it's way to my man. because I'm stupid and was really woozy from coughing til I almost vomited and totally didn't think of what I was saying.
#doesnt help that a few days ago we were all hanging out smoking#and i dont get high easy with others evidently but they all have MAJOR tolerance and experience and im baby#so i feel pretty mellow and dazed pretty quick when we do anything despite them all feeling almost nothing#(even though my man is very quick to tell me when something isnt even strong so idk what everyone else ive smoked with is smoking)#(because i hardly get the slightest bit chill from it any time i smoke with anyone else usually)#(but i digress)#and so i was higher than i mayhaps should have been from what i had because again hella baby#but i heard friend say *SOMETHING* that 100% had my name and i think had the word “head” in it#in like a whisper to my man who was sitting on the couch between us#and i was like “okay im feeling kinda dazed and shit and i have hearing issues and hes very much talking so i cant hear--”#“--so i shouldnt make assumptions on what he said because im probably REALLY mishearing what i did hear lol”#but then my man kinda glanced at me and made a noise (an almost laugh??) and said “nah not yet” quiet but not as much as a whisper as friend#so i do lowk wonder if i heard right lol#and if i did thats a whole other story#because pooki cmon#babygirl get real#i sleep over there not infrequently and we cuddle hella intertwined and kiss and all#ive told him that im stupid as fuck and have anxiety so i need things EXTRA communicated with me#ive hinted at kink#ive told him that i trust him fully not to force me to do anything that i dont wanna do and that as long as hell take no for an answer--#--id have no issue with him telling me what to do more often because i again trust him and would say no if i really didnt want to#(in nonsexual situations like him asking if i wanted to go run an errend with him or wait for him at his place and such)#that i was hoping hed be more confident in making a move by now#but im acespec and in zero rush because sex is take it or leave it to me#id do it for him and i really do want to but its so not a need or even much of a craving#but i might bring it up eventually if he doesnt because he is so sweet and cute and i think he just doesnt wanna assume#because he had to be told that its okay to kiss me and that he can and should talk to me at work like a normal person#so i deadass think he just doesnt want to force me into anything but is also bad at communicating so he doesnt really ask either#its just funny that i think they were talking about me giving head a few days ago and i choked and said something stupid today tho#whores lovesick musings
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yongseungkim · 9 months ago
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#trying to get slightly mentally healthier has turned my life into disarray#its definitely not easy on my own so maybe i should give therapy a try again#but its been hard to find one that clicks like idk#cuz ive been thinking ltos of thoughts id ont know what to do with#and i feel bad for my closest friends bc i talk about the same things all the time#at least with a therapist i wouldnt feel as bad to talk about this same girl for the nth time lol#things are just so confusing#finally moved in with her and like#the worst part in me is like wow this is so disappointingly platonic LKSJDLFK#god to a friend whos been nothing but nice to me and has graciously offered her place and her bed#but idk what i subconsciously expected#i kinda wanna do things w her when shes home and like#yeah ive talked to her about this bc theres so many feelings involved#bc im used to visitng her place for more social things right and we did talk and talk a lot when i came over#but now that we're living together its not the same like everyone has their own wind down routine and stuff#and like while i might wanna talk w her and do things w her that feels so incredibly selfish of me :((((((((((((((((#its so weird to room with a friend bc of that lol i havent had roommates ive considered friends#so i was more than okay with like locking myself up in my room but like w her i just wanna talk#and i think what was subconsciously eating at me too was just comparing myself w how she acts w other ppl which is the root to all sadness#*ik but like ahhh idk
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widevibratobitch · 1 year ago
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do i let feminism lose and spend all of my savings on a rhinoplasty or do i continue to just. live Like That lol
#kms idk what to do#it's doing research on best surgeons in your country hours while your friends with normal noses are sleeping#anyway it's been a great little vacation and i had a lot of fun but the absolute fucking dread whenever someone is taking a picture#and i cant control how it looks. is ruining all the fun.#i said fuck it once today and then saw that picture my friend took of me and wanted to yeet myself into traffic straight away#the worst thing is im obsessed with big unusual conventionally unattractive noses. i love them.#but mine is not this hot sexy aquiline kind. its just a huge round bulbous fucking potato in the middle of my face#its the kind of nose no one will ever find pretty or hot or even interesting. its just comical. it looks like a fake clown nose.#and while it is indeed very in character of me to have a fucking clown nose attached to my face 24/7 forever#its literally making me wanna wear a paper bag over my head#goddd idk. cause like. what if something goes wrong lol knowing my luck it definitely could#and then uhhhh idk i guess i really would just kms lol#funny thing - didn't even really notice it before uni. like i always knew there was something seriously fucking wrong with my face#but could never put a finger on what it is exactly#and then this uni friend made that one comment about my nose and suddenly everything clicked into place#you're absolutely right queen the fucking nose aka the CENTRAL thing on my face is the main culprit here lol#anyway not a day has gone by since then that i wouldnt look into the mirror and felt awful and pathetic about it <3#i am ready to go against all of my ideals and just do it. ill have no money left but maybe its worth it. to get a little peace of mind. idk.
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