#idk if thats. a thing anymore. i hope not that was a few years ago

[yelloworangesoda]

my junecorse take is that people should just pick one im so sick of june/john jegbert ass shit give them a name PLEASE. something. we all know who you mean. well im sure some people dont if its june but. yknow. "i dont have a preference :)" well. pick one for the post then. for me. the most imporatnt person in the world

[bangcakes]

.

[ganondoodle]

Oh man I saw your totk issues post and I agree 100%!! Those are all things that have really bothered me about playing totk, and things that made playing it not nearly as fun (the dungeons, the shrines, the building, etc).

Especially the map!! When I tell you I was so disappointed by the maps on totk, I was hoping for something new! It really just feels like a modded botw, not an official sequel.

I was wondering what your thoughts are on the concept of “what if they had sent link to the past instead”? So the surface map would feature huge differences in the land forms and buildings that exist, and we’d get to see more ganon whenever he visits Hyrule, or go out to the desert to see Gerudo town, etc.

If they really wanted no sheika tech, they could also just have it being newly built? And you could introduce the new characters and such, etc etc.

(I also think the past champions are such a missed opportunity? If botw is about grief and loneliness, and finding hope in the hopeless, and Totk is about coming together despite that, it could have been really interesting if Link had gone to the past! They could have used the past setting as an eerie reminder to what Link and Zelda had lost when the Calamity struck!)

THAT BEING SAID: I’m not as familiar with the legend of Zelda lore, and haven’t played totk very much! I wanted to know your thoughts on this because you seem to have a lot of story and game mechanic knowledge that could explain why this could be a bad/good idea!

(Plus, your discussions are always super interesting to read, as is your custom totk lore, so I’d love to know what you think🩷)

I’m sorry if you’ve already answered an ask like this! If that’s the case, feel free to point that out and I’ll go through your ask tag if you have one:) I hope you have a great day!⭐️

Hi!

im glad you enjoy my rants, i often feel like im being overly mean but tbh were else could i just rant as much as my heart desires without getting spammed by annoying people (certainly not on twitter lol)

i have talked alot, and i mean ALOT, about totk and my issues with it, both lore and gameplay wise, i dont claim to be an expert on any, though i am an old zelda fan and aspiring gamedev, i really only talk about what i feel about it, what i think about it, and by all means im biased as hell xD

if you dont know yet, the "ganondoodles rants" tag is where all my rants go, so if you are interested in reading more on my totk thoughts thats the way to search (given tumblrs search in blog works ..)

and to answers your question, i have touched on it briefly, sending link back in time before the shiekah tech existed would have been an easy way to excuse how they jsut got .. rid of it, bc they didnt, it literally didnt exist yet- and for reusing the map- though that argument falls a little flat bc ... they coud have already done that in present totk, like i brought up in one of said rants, things like flooding gerudo desert, collapsing death mountain, drying out zoras domain etc, and changing the location of the main populations would have already done alot without having to redo the map in its entirety;

the little changes to map itself really wouldnt that big of a deal if they didnt also send you to the EXACT same locations AND repeat the SAME LOCATIONS AGAIN but in the underground, like thats a fact i have talked about multiple times bc its so illogical in every way, anywhere theres a settlement on the surface theres a bigger mine below, its so stupid, the shrines conenct to a lightroot, the same, again, you dont need to explore bc theres nothing TO explore (its also extra weird bc theres one below taburasa (tarrey town) which .... link literally build with dumsda (hudson) a few years ago .. unless that got retconned too idk wth do i know anymore honestly- AND it makes the sonau extra weird bc why the hell do they have a bigass mine under every settlement ESPECIALLY UNDER GERUDO TOWN like, that just adds to my suspicions towards them)

anyway, link to the past was the point and yes, it could have solved a few issues (mainly shiekah tech and the whole "story" taking place AGAIN in the past completely disconnected from you the player) i personally am not so much a fan of it, but that mostly comes down to me just not liking time travel, i dont like going back in time, i want to play and do things in the here and now, i want to repair the damages of the calamity, find out its origins, maybe fix that too, i love to learn about past stuff too, but that more in text, no literal flashback (unless done well), i want to connect to the past but it also holds alot of mystery that maybe shouldnt be touched upon, some mysteries and unkowns are much more interesting when left as such, i want to THINK about things and come to conclusions that are logical and makes sense in hindsight even if it wasnt clear at the start, i dont want information and what to think about it told to my face over and over like im stupid

after botw i really didnt care much about the past, maybe about the acient hero who alot of people specualted to be of gerudo origin due to its red hair- which also got a monkeys paw curled bc in totk they do sth with but its so stupid and insulting that i do not accept it as canon, say what they want, there are no dog people anywhere in the past nor present botw/totk wtf is that i hate it- and its not even .. why is that the reward for that, it has literally NOTHING TO DO WITH TOTK ITSELF I COULD YELLLL AAAARGH

main point is that really, i wanted to explore the past .. in the present, i hoped to find broken old shiekah structures, old labs and maybe some left over damage and records from when the old king persecuted the shiekah for their tech, i wanted to know where the ancient energy the shiekah used was coming from, what the boss arena in the middle of hyrule castle really was- so many things just discarded and acted like they never happened or mattered; i dont want to travel into the past, i want to discover whats left of it, piece it together, discover dark secrets you can ask no one about bc all that knew about it are long gone- thats what intrigued me about botw, it felt like there was so much left to discover only for totk to throw it all away and just do its own thing .. but not commit to that hard enough either so its neither its own thing nor a sequel-

.. that wasnt really what you wanted to know was it? xD sorry i tend to ramble on if someone seems to give me permission to

to sum it up, i think it COULD work, sending link to the past instead, if done well, but so could canon totk have been, it could have been done well but wasnt for reasons i dont know and tbh even fear bc i worry its sets a dark future ahead of zelda; i personalyl am just not a fan of time travel so i dont have that much to say to it :O

[carmenpeach]

hm okay something thats been on my mind for like over a year now. sometime last year? or maybe closer to almost 2 years(!?) i started taking antipsychotics cause i just couldnt stand the paranoia anymore it had been ruining my life and i just could not function as a person and i was sick of the daily panic attacks. but like i thought "if i dont like how this makes me feel, i can stop and just go back to being crazy" and obviously i wasnt enjoying it- mostly it made me feel really numb to enjoyment and i found that my special interests were just becoming background noise for me at most and it was really hard like i didnt wanna draw or even play games it was like "wake up go to work come home smoke weed go to bed repeat"

and it was like my stuffed animals quit feeling like sentient and started to feel like just objects and it made me feel sick. like my toys had always been alive in a way and then suddenly they werent, but thats definitly not the reason i was so distressed being sane, since i know that special objects are bound to over the years not feel like friends etc etc <- mentally ill whatever. it was like there was a sudden wash of clarity over me and i hated it.

like it was like i was split in two in a way, and this is the part thats hard to explain unless you personally know the feeling. a lot of schizophrenic people have this feeling of like another person/ self residing in the back of the head or spine. and it gives this sense of paranoia, of being over your shoulders or under your skin just beneath you. and until a few years ago i didnt know this was something other people felt sometimes, and it was terrifying just feeling this entity of sorts possessing me in a way. i had felt it ever since i was a kid (maybe 9? for sure became a hard issue by the time i was 12 though so you know. early schizophrenia if not life long) but i never mentioned it to anyone for a variety of reasons, primarily because there was this feeling that if i outwardly acknowledged it, then it would know that i knew about it, and it would get me. whether that was killing me, torturing me, pulling me into another dimension, or taking over my body. and after 2 decades it just became part of my every day life, this thing within me that would always look for an opportunity to torment me in some unknown but inhumane way. and it was just this all consuming feeling, even feeling its thoughts inside my head, and not being sure where i ended and it began, and i accepted it as just a part of me for better or for worse.

and so starting antipychotics, they did their job and i felt "normal" and i was sleeping regularily for the first time in my life (would lay awake for hours and hours ever sinde like idk 3rd grade. 5 hours a night max usually and then that was plagued by nightmares. and of course the constant hallucinations and delusions in the meantime made sleep even harder) and i even felt less of that endless anger inside of me. and i hated it. it was like after being on it for idk maybe 2 weeks or a month or something i just suddenly in the day felt this clarity wash over me and just like that, the spine creature was gone. it was quiet upstairs. and ive felt hollow ever since. i quit the medication not long after but ive felt the same. its like it got mad at me and left to teach me a lesson for trying to toy with it. and ive been a half human ever since. its spacious in my body and in my mind, used to holding two people and now its just one. and ive spent so much time trying to induce epiosdes and just hoping(?) it comes back, but it hasnt.

its like im being forced to live as a human when im not. "being human" is this like aspect ive always struggled with, like im not gonna go into it but ive been forced to live as a non human my whole life, and every time i start to feel that feeling of "maybe i could be a person" something fucking outlandish happens and kicks me back down. i feel like a cartoon character the way everything is such a "yeah this sort of shit would happen to me" moments all the time. and like in a weird way, i always had this "evidence" i was a non human, with this otherworldly thing living inside of me and it was me.

for a long time i thought of it as the "original" me before all the events in my life forced me to create a new version of myself, and that it hated me. like i was one person ripped in two, and the part you have now (carmen) is the "active" "half" but its only half of a full person. but the other half certainly wasnt a person either. ive had many theories of what it is/ was, but knew i would never know, all i knew was that i could never acknowledge it. and its funny cause knowing that "its just schizophrenia" doesnt ease that feeling. its hard to explain. but what im getting at is that ive spent the last two years learning to navigate myself as only a fraction of what i was before.

its interesting cause i wouldnt say the insanity is gone, every now and then paranoia rears its head and certain topics that would make me have an episode will still freak me out. but i can walk past mirrors now (mirrors were always a 100% episode inducing thing) and i still sleep regularily and ive been eating stable too. but its still with this feeling of hollowness. im used to there being two people inside my body and now its just one, and its too spacious and its almost like i get lost in there. only one set of thoughts in my head, only one person looking through my eyes, only one person controlling my arms. i always felt like an alien and thought i always would. and i found great joy in embracing my schizophrenia rather than hiding it as some terrible secret. and it was the best thing i ever did for myself, was finally being open about my psychosis. ive made so many meaningful connections to other psychotic people, and im so happy ive met ppl that helped me understand myself and that im not the only one that feels this, and also that ive helped other people realize their own psychosis too.

i thought i could play pretend at being a normal person and go back to myself if i didnt like it, but i ended up staying this way. i know its not impossible for that feeling to come back maybe, but my god its horrifying to lose it the way i did. it feels only the more recent months ive started to adapt to being the only me in my body, and to feel like i could maybe be human too. yeah it was scary, but on the other hand now its kind of lonely in a really weird way, and not something i thought was possible either, i can still feel the impression where it was even as it fills in with my own shape now.

[sunnygrey99]

Honey, Smoke, Lemon, and Oak Pt. 2

~Trigger Warning: Typical TLOU warnings. (minors DNI) If any other Triggers apply please let me know.~

Story Warnings: Angst, Fluff, Violence, Murder, Death, Smut

A/N: I gave reader a nickname to kind of play around with it. so far both chapters are pretty lighthearted but it will start to get darker in the next few chapters. This is going to be between 9 and 20 chapters. Idk where this story is going exactly so strap in. If you catch any grammar or spelling mistakes please feel free to either PM me or comment. I don't have a beta reader.

Wordcount: 2,947

Summary: Plus size!Reader is a Beekeeper and Medical Scientist living in Jackson. A simple meeting of a new friend slowly becomes so much more. Reader is immune. Reader is given a nickname. (This fic will have very dark tones though out. This deals with the unfortunate reality that men do disgusting things to women regardless of the world having ended. All chapters will include warnings and tag warnings. Please take care in reading.)

The sun rose slowly over the hills and trees as you sleepily walked around the kitchen. Already dressed and ready for spending the day in your barn. It doubles as storage and a lab. It’s where you spend a good chunk of time making any medications you can for the town. Some are more from just herbs and others are straight from a pharmacologist textbook. Luckily even in an apocalyptic world you had or could find the resources to make more modern medicines.

As you pour some fresh lemonade into a glass and bite into some toast you hear a knock at the door. You weren’t expecting anyone specific today so your body froze for a moment, hand hovering over the knife on your hip. Another knock comes to the door and you slowly approach and peep through the small window on the door. It was Joel and a young girl. Quickly you unlock the door and swing it open with a smile on your face. “Hey Mr.Miller! How are you settling in?”

“We are settling in alright, ready to get started on that barn of yours. Brought Ellie here too, hope thats alright.��� He pats Ellie’s back before turning his attention back to you.

“That is absolutely fine, Its good to meet you Ellie, I’m Bunny.” You held out your hand to the younger girl. She shook it enthusiastically with a smile.

“Joel said you made all that stuff in the basket, It was so good!” Her energy levels this early in the morning nearly made you want to turn around and close the door, but she was being so sweet. “Do you have a bunch of bees here? Joel said you harvest the honey yourself, do you have one of those bee suits?”

Her questions were only slightly overwhelming due to the early morning. Sighing with a smile you nod, “I can show you later. I don’t really need the suit anymore for my hives but you will definitely need to wear it to meet the bees.” You look from her to Joel hoping to have his approval as well. Ellie doing the same.

He looks between the two hopeful faces and nods, “Lets take a look at that barn first so I can get started and I’ll let you off the hook. You gotta promise to listen to Miss Bunny here and be safe.” He fixes Ellie with a stern look before she nods back.

You can’t help but smile at the two before sliding out the door yourself and starting to lead them through the garden and back to the large barn at the back of the property. Hidden behind apple and lemon trees sits the old red building. It looks to be only held up by the few sturdy poles and one side of the barn is starting to cave in slightly. You hear a low whistle come from behind you and a “Holy shit” in a hushed tone from Ellie.

“I know she doesn’t look great but I’ve at least kept her standing for the last few years.” Your turn to look at the pair sheepishly. “I’ve lived here since I was 18. There was a big storm about 3 years ago and nearly took the barn out. I’ve tried fixing it but I know nothing about construction.”

Joel moves about the side of the building and scratches at the back of his head. “I’m surprised shes still standing at all. I mean no offense by that its just the damage itself looks pretty extensive and this is just the outside.”

“I take no offense to it Mr. Miller, If you can fix it I’d greatly appreciate it. Its a pretty important building. Not only to me but to the town too.” You go to lead him inside to show him. He and Ellie follow with some confusion. As you slide open the big door the building creaks and whines. Its only supports wanting to finally give in and the newer ones you’ve placed taking the rest of the weight. One side of the building is purely food and medical storage for the town that has yet to be transported to the clinic and town kitchen. The other half looks like a fully functional lab. Beakers and jars everywhere on chemistry desks that look to have been taken either from a high school or college science room. “Please forgive the mess I was going to make more rounds of antibiotics and saline fluid bags for the clinic today.”

“You can MAKE the medicine?” Ellie’s excitement launches her into a million questions after you nod. The list of questions just keep pouring out about how you do it and what do you use. How long it takes and do you use this tool? She leaves no room for you to answer any of it so your mouth just hangs open slightly waiting for a moment to answer any of it. That is if you can remember any of the questions.

Joel seems to catch on quickly to what is happening and he decides to speak up, “Ellie quit with all the questions give her time to answer.” He has an eyebrow raised at her as she stops. “And put that down. Don’t need ya gettin’ hurt.” She puts the flint lighter back down on the counter with a pointed look at Joel and then gives you an apologetic look and a soft apology.

You take a deep breath and take the next 30 minutes to go over some of Ellie’s questions as Joel continues his inspection. He takes notes on every major fix that needs done only pausing every few minutes to make sure Ellie doesn’t go off on another tangent. The only reason you stop answering Ellie’s questions is Joel coming over to show you his list.

“Are you sure we can’t just knock it down and rebuild it? The is going to be even more work and take a lot longer if we don’t just start over.” He looks sympathetic as he notices your features drop from the excitement of talking with Ellie to that familiar sadness in his own eyes.

A small sigh escapes you, “I’m sorry we don’t have the recourses to spare to fully rebuild it. And even if we did I don’t think I could say goodbye to this barn. Like I said its important to me. Do you think its stable enough to fix?” You look to him a hope he’ll say yes.

He takes the list back and sucks in a breath. Before the world had ended he would have said no and still suggested to rebuild it instead. He took another look over at the supports you added in yourself and the roof and wall sagging in, the window at this point completely missing. The air he held in his lungs releases again as he looks back to you, “With your supports added in… I can fix that.”

Its only an hour later that Joel returns with a truck full of materials, tools, and Tommy to assist with getting started. Ellie insisted on staying with you to learn more about what you did and help with the days chores. The last 16 years you had done it all yourself so it took a lot of convincing from both Ellie and Joel to accept. He and Tommy were unloading the truck next to the barn when you approached the two with a tall cool glass in each hand. Ellie still content harvesting green beans in the garden. “Tommy, Mr. Miller Thanks for all this.” She handed each of them their drinks.

Tommy immediately drinking the refreshing liquid and Joel watching to see what it might be. He simply nods to Joel to drink. He hesitantly takes a sip and is surprised to find its sweet tea and mint. He takes another bigger gulp of the amber drink. “It’s no problem Miss Bunny, Thank you for the tea and all the food you gave us. Its very kind of you. Ain’t had anything this good in decades.”

Tommy’s eyes widen and he gives an incredulous look at his brother before Bunny is talking again. “That’s very kind thank you…I’ll uh leave you guys to it then if you need anything I’ll be with Ellie in the garden.” You smile at the two and start walking back to help Ellie who is already excitedly talking and trying to show you her haul of green beans.

Joel watches for a moment as he continues to sip the tea in hand. It’s not till he hears a cough from next to him that he snaps out of his trance and looks back at his brother who’s still giving him a look. “What? What’s that look for?”

“Miss Bunny?” He gestures to the woman across the property.

Joel looks from his brother back to her and then back to his brother, “Yeah? What about it? I’m just bein’ friendly. You told me when we got here these were all good people and to be nice. So I am.”

Tommy gives him another pointed look, “That ain’t just bein’ nice, you are flirting. And you are horrible at it. And you let her call you Mr. Miller. You ain’t ever let anyone call you that.”

“I ain’t flirtin’…” Joel gives his brother a fixed look back. “I ain’t…”

“You don’t sound so sure to me.” Tommy ignores his brother’s huffs and continues unloading the truck and assisting his brother in repairs for the rest of the day.

It’s nearly sundown when you and Ellie wrap up making dinner after spending the first part of the day doing chores around the farm. As reserved as you are she found a way to weasel into your heart quickly. You chalk it up to having been so lonely the last few years only having a real friendship with Maria and Tommy. You are friendly with the other people in town but you don’t feel the need to go any further in getting to know them. Ellie excitedly talks your ear off as the two of you set up the dinner on the picnic table outside, Tommy and Joel approach as they each wipe the sweat from their faces.

“What’s all this?” Tommy asks as they reach the table.

“We cooked dinner! Bunny showed me a bunch of stuff on cooking with seasoning. Did you know she makes her own seasonings too? Like she makes everything from scratch not much of it is found from outside the walls.” Ellie’s broad smile gives you more hope for a future where people can heal and go back to a more normal way of life.

“Well that’s awesome, Sorry I can’t stay. Gotta get back to Maria.” Tommy gives your arm a reassuring squeeze.

You chuckle lightly, “That's alright I already figured as much. We made enough for you to take back with you for Maria too. I know how much she likes roasted chicken and veggies.” You pull another weaved basket from the bench and hand it to Tommy. “I also put one of those cakes she likes so much in there.”

“You are a saint, Ya’ll have a wonderful dinner. I’ll be back to help Joel again in a couple days.” With a quick goodbye to everyone Tommy is in his truck and back on his way home.

It isn’t long before the three of you were sitting and chatting about the day and how they are liking Jackson so far. Plates full of food and glasses full of more Sweet Tea.

“So are you going to be going to the school they have here or just jumping straight into a trade?” You take another bite of your veggies as you wait for Ellie to answer.

She rolls her eyes and sinks a little as she answers, “Joel said I have to do school until I’m at least 17. But I think I can just hop in on patrol. It’s not like I’ll use any of that other stuff.”

You couldn’t help but giggle slightly, “Yeah I thought that growing up too. I actually ended up using it a lot. Especially my science courses. Without knowing any of that and math I wouldn’t be able to make medicine for the town or hell even farm.”

“But don’t you just put seeds in the ground and water them?” She seems genuine in her question which made it all the more obvious her previous education was probably more so rooted in survival and combat.

Joel beat you to the answer, “Its a lot more complicated than that Ellie. A lot more steps most rural schools use to have year long classes around just farming not to mention cattle care and environmental sciences.” Ellie looks to you for confirmation.

Conversation continued to flow the rest of the way through dinner. As you started cleaning up Ellie and Joel followed in suit behind you. The way back into the house just barely still being lit up the quickly descending sun. Turning on the lights as you set the final dishes in the sink to be washed later you spoke back up, “Thanks again for doing this Joel. You don’t understand how much it means to me that the barn sticks around.”

“Well I’ll do my best. I wasn’t lyin’ when I said it would take a while to fix. Even if I’m here all day everyday it’ll take 2 months at a minimum.” Joel’s response sure and confident.

“It’s worth it in the end. Which brings me to the next order of business. Your payment.” You disappear past the archway into your living room.

“You've already given us so much ain’t no need to give us anything else.” Him and Ellie follow you into the living room of the ranch style home.

“Non-sense, you both have put in more than 8 hours of work. Thats worth more than just some food.” You pulled the boxes from the coffee table and handed one to each of them. “I would have given you each more if I knew Ellie was coming to work too. So its not much but its better than what I know they probably left you with in that old house.”

Ellie opened hers first and pulls the fabric from the box. “Whoa did you make this? Its so soft!”

You smile at the girl’s reaction. “I did. These are only summer quilts. They’ll keep you more cool through the night but still have some weight to them. Makes you feel just a little bit safer at night.”

Joel opened his and ran his hand over the fabric. It looked like it was made from new fabric too. Plain colors like Ellie’s his in dark greens and creams versus the deep reds and grays of hers. All Joel could do was thank you and have Ellie do the same before parting ways for the night and heading home.

~~~

Joel spent that night covered in the new blanket. He fell asleep much faster than he had in years and without the need of medication and booze. She was right. The weight of the blanket did make him feel just a little bit safer. Him and Ellie would spend the next 2 months going through the same routine of waking up and helping you with chores around the farm. However some days you insisted you still needed to make some of the medications for the town. Joel and Ellie would respect that however both refused days off and would still do what they could to help you. If you were working in the barn they would spend the day transporting what needed taken to the clinic and town kitchen.

You had gotten use to Ellie’s constant company and enjoyed teaching her all about your farm and the bees. Before long you dreaded the goodbye at the end of the night. You’d draw out dinner as long as you could. Sometimes simply enjoying sitting silently listening to Ellie go on about one of her particular interests or tell funny stories about Joel over the time the two have known each other. You loved most the way he’d poke little jokes back at her and tell his own short stories of Ellie. The look each of them had in their eyes while talking with each other. Joel’s looks of proud father and Ellie’s smug look that can only be a result of father daughter bonding. It felt good to be a part of it, but all good things come to an end. Tonight was the last night Joel and Ellie would both be there. Ellie was going to start school tomorrow.

It was Joel that finally decided it was time to head home for the day. “Alright kiddo. I think we’ve stayed long enough. You have school tomorrow.”

Ellie puts on her signature pout. “Fine. But I can come over after school again tomorrow?”

Joel looks back over to you in a quiet question. You nod to him that its up to him. “Alright but bring your homework and do that first before to do anything else.”

Ellie groans and you all start standing from the table. “Alright well I guess I’ll just give you guys the weekly payment and then let you go for the night.” You pulled the same basket you’d been giving to the pair weekly with extra goodies back out and handed it to Joel. Your hands brushing against each other as you hand off the basket. You lead the two to the front door and lean against the frame as you bid them a goodnight.

Part 3

If you would like to be tagged in my works please feel free to message me and let me know who/what fandoms you’d like to be tagged in. I plan to write for at least The Walking Dead, Shameless(US), Marvel(MCU and Comics), DC(All), Teen Wolf and The Last of Us

[jewish-anime]

aaand that's a wrap! finally found a new template that isn't deviantart green lmao

didn't finish as much as i had hoped this year but that's ok. im still pretty happy with the stuff i did finish!

and like last year i have a ramble so thats going under the cut

im trying to forgive myself for not being able to see art projects through as often anymore. there's a lot more competing for my attention now and my art process has been taking longer and longer. i had a lot of times this past year where i sat down and drew something and was happy with what i sketched, but then never made time to color it, or the desire to keep going with it fizzled out the second i put the pencil down.

i dont know what the answer is. i've been struggling with burnout and distraction a lot this year (ffxiv still has a pretty iron grip on my attention), but at the same time i've been getting a lot more out of writing than visual arts the last little while. so idk

my hope for the new year is to keep working on replacing "perfect" with "done". a few years ago i used to experiment and cut corners all the time just to get art out the door and i think i want to bring some of that energy back. i wanna try new things again. i want to find new ways to color that don't take 9 hours over 3 days but are still fun and engaging. i want to change the definition of "done" for my brain.

i ended up rambling for longer than i meant to lmao... anyway, if you read all that, thank you. and i hope you'll stick with me into the new year - no matter what pace I end up drawing at.

[st-danger]

Good evening! I hope you are doing okay! A few weeks ago you said you were looking for a new job so i hope that worked out for you!! I have a question. While writing smut or stuff leading up to smut, do you have any tipps on how to write a more dominant/experienced partner suggesting new things or initiating something new for the partner WITHOUT it having a predatory undertone? Especially with the Ghouls i often find myself slipping into writing the more dominant one kinda.. idk too manipulative so that i then don't like the vibe anymore. Idk if you maybe get what i mean. Like how to write a dominant and assertive character without it getting toxic. Thats really what i am struggling with. Thank you for reading and ya... just have a nice day yeah?

I'm doing alright, thank you! I am TERRIFYINGLY unemployed now. End of year, nobody hires, so January will hopefully see me find something part time. I'm looking to focus on art for a while. And hopefully run away to Antarctica for a hot minute.

As far as the dynamics go, having the more experienced partner make a big point of checking in, of going slower, or gauging the other's reaction would be a good place to start. Also, I'm curious as to why you feel it inherently runs towards being manipulative- this isn't me raggin' on you, but there's nothing inherently wrong or bad about a discrepancy in experience- especially if the less experienced partner is curious and excited about the idea. Just my .02 cents. <3

[crowisconfused]

High Water

Megumi Fushiguro/Yuuji Itadori

CW - Angst, eating disorders, unrequited love

(Cross posted on AO3)

--------------------------------------------------------

Each day was getting harder.

Megumi didn't know what to do with himself, with these feelings he's been having for months.

It really has only been months....

He met Yuuji at the start of the year.

Everything was so easy. He preferred it when it was easy. When he didn't have to keep himself from breaking down in front of Yuuji.

Yuuji who's so understanding and nice. Yuuji who he would do anything for if it meant he could still see him or speak to him from time to time.

They'd stopped talking for a minute.

God. Megumi had almost...

He was almost over it.

Then last week, the walls came crumbling down. The dam broke and all those feelings he had shoved down, they resurfaced.

It didn't help with the way Yuuji was talking, either. Bringing up the past like he doesn't know what it does to Megumi.

Texting him like he's got no clue how hard it is for him.

He likes to think he's made it obvious what's going on with him, but maybe Yuuji can't take a hint.

Megumi fears he won't be able to stop himself from answering him. He won't stop even though it tears him in half each time Yuuji wants to talk to him.

He's such a softie when it comes to him.

But in those first months after meeting, Yuuji made it clear he didn't think they would work out.

There was a sliver of hope, at least that's what Megumi thought, but he was wrong.

Thats what he needs to tell himself.

Yuuji had ranted to him. He could never say no to letting him rant.

Afterwards...Megumi had said he was sorry he couldn't do much else but listen to him.

'I appreciate you Megumi. Even listening just helps.'

It all felt so surreal.

Didn't he have anyone else to rant to?

Couldn't he bother Nobara? His best friend?

He couldn't keep himself from crying.

From sobbing.

It was still so easy to talk to Yuuji. It was still so nice to talk to him. It was nice to hear what he's been up to. Yet he couldn't stop himself from yearning. He was on his mind more than ever it seems.

Apparently he was on Yuuji's mind too. He didn't know what to do when he learned that information. He didn't know what the fuck he meant.

Was he just trying to fuck with him? Just trying to get in his head, under his skin?

He already had been since the first day they met.

'idk you've just been on my mind recently'

What was he supposed to do with that?

Yuuji had brought up a few days prior how he had been reminiscing about....

About the one day they went on a date.

And he said he was sorry?

Sorry for what?

Megumi was never upset with him. Never could be upset with him. Yuuji had certainly said some things that hurt him, but he had already forgiven him.

Yuuji should know he's his weakness. He should know Megumi will always be there for him.

Even if he doesn't want to be.

Even if he sighs when he gets a text from him.

Even if he's the reason Megumi loses sleep at night.

He's also found himself eating less.

Losing his appetite.

He didn't know it would mean he'd get winded faster when training.

He didn't want to worry anyone, but alas he has a very perceptive teacher.

"Megumi, make sure you eat something."

Gojo had normalized telling him that, he was still upbeat at first, and Megumi would just roll his eyes.

"I am, Gojo."

But he knows he means he should eat an actual meal, not just a few crackers....

But even trying to eat small stuff was hard now.

'So you're just not eating anymore?'

A text he got not too long ago.

'i am tho'

Lying through his teeth. But it was for the better to keep up a facade.

He was actually surprised that he didn't even feel hungry. Though, there was a night his stomach was in pain, late at night. He had retreated to the kitchen and made himself something and forced himself to eat the whole thing.

It just made him feel sick.

Not to mention the mood swings he was having. He really hates blaming Yuuji for them.

When he thinks harder about it, it's really his own fault.

Because he should be over him by now.

He knows that Yuuji has been over him for a while.

He has to keep himself from typing out a long message telling him off, because he knows Yuuji has his own issues in his own life.

He's stuck to just asking pretty basic questions.

One of them he had made Nobara ask, he just...couldn't do it himself.

That sliver of hope, it was some stupid internet meme. A vaguely flirty one, and when Yuuji had sent it, it made Megumi blush like a little bitch.

And he had asked him why he had even sent it at all.

'i thought you would find it funny'

He knows that's not what he meant. Doesn't he?

He doesn't know what to do with any of this.

It's all he's able to think about it seems.

And fuck. It makes his chest ache. He feels like he's drowning, feels like no matter how hard he kicks to get back to the surface, he's just dragged back down, and his screams are muffled. Instead of air filling his lungs, it's water, flooding his insides, slowly making him cold.

He'd give anything to forget it all.

But, for the time being he'll avoid his own questions and bury that history deep.

He will try to keep holding his breath.

And he will see If he can hold himself together.

[kv1perr]

Today just might be a good day...

I missed my bus so my brother dropped me off at Nene's bus stop and I'm so happy he did because we stood there

In the light rain

Hugging, specifically squeezing each other

And just talking about the silliest things I was so happy

And I hope it made him happy too.

┈ ┈ ┈ ⋞ 〈 ⏣ 〉 ⋟ ┈ ┈ ┈

because he's been mentally not ok like he thinks of himself in such a negative light I hate it so much and I want him to realize everything he thinks of himself isn't even true and that such affirmations will cause even worse things. He even said he’s attempted suicide and I don’t exactly know how to respond to that and not get upset because he’s so important to me and he deserves the best things in the world

Last night he shared his screen and we watched tiktoks together but his fyp started getting depressing real fast and idk what's worse the tiktok or the comments he left.

I pretended to not pay attention so I could clearly see what was happening and he's worse than I thought I just have to prevent it from progressing

┈ ┈ ┈ ⋞ 〈 ⏣ 〉 ⋟ ┈ ┈ ┈

Only issue is idk how anymore I'm so burnt out and tired

┈ ┈ ┈ ⋞ 〈 ⏣ 〉 ⋟ ┈ ┈ ┈

My mom has cancer and I spent up until midnight trying to help her because she was throwing up and in pain everywhere. I planned on staying home but i remembered him and got the courage to get up and go because I have to be there for him I need to give him as much love and affection and everything I can that may possibly change his mind because I love him so much.. And my mom I know she'll be okay she just has to listen and know it too because she's strong and she's completely able to fight the cancer she's just gotta stop thinking she can't. I refuse to give up on either of them.

See here's the thing people that go through things that are deep that hurt inside and make a false image for the outside are the same people that yearn for the simplest things such as someone to tell them "I love you" or just for a tight long hug or even a paragraph that thoroughly express that they're good enough and how things get worse before they get better and whenever I run into someone like that id do anything just to help them because I was the same way. Just a few years ago that was me and I had nobody so why let the other ones go through it alone?

▬▬ι══════════════ι▬▬

So after my college prep class, when I come back and I see him in chorus I'll simply just hold him bring him close and hold and squeeze and kiss him and remind him how much he means to me and I can't stand seeing him like this that I'll always be here and I'm gonna try my absolute best to just help him and I'll take care of him and that he's enough. Yeah we have imperfections everyone does but it's important to love them because thats what makes u special not only to me but just in general I love you and I'm here; for you.

I'm gonna try to get as much privacy as we can too because I don't wanna embarrass him or anything I hope we'll be given the time and space :<

I love you Leon!! I mean it from the deep depths of my soul, I love you.💜🩷

[dumbbitchfrommars]

im uninspired and feeling like my head is empty, because ive spent a longgg time hibernating in the safety and comfort of my own bedroom.

well a small lie - i did go out to buy groceries today. it seems were all in the same boat. its cold out! no one wants to go outside. but connection and social interaction is what brings us confidence and joy and comfort in the discomfort.

but yet somehow despite that discomfort (my anxiety about returning to the real world) i was completely fine. i was okay. because i think ive finally figured it out. i know how to take care of myself. i know how to make space in the world without feeling ashamed or guilty for it. or im learning. but im so so so much better than i was. a year ago, two years ago... etc.

ive been wondering why i thoughtlessly let myself fall into the trap of nostalgia and request an old friend that i cut off on instagram. hes probably wondering why now? and avoiding it. fair enough. im not going to rescind that decision - its done now. but still i question my logic in that moment. but thats the thing, i wasnt thinking. i was being hopeful. but either way - he doesnt owe me anything, even if we were to become reconnected i wouldnt want to reach out or make any plans together. which again begs the question of why i would even try get into contact again in the first place.

i guess i have just been feeling tired of wondering how everyone from my past is doing, and that things could and would be so chill and relaxed if id never jumped to blocking but actually calmly and slowly distanced myself. which is what i am capable of doing now - after a few years of practice.

but coming back full circle - this friend was not a true friend. my nostalgia is a rose coloured pair of glasses because i remember our friendship and bond and the fun we had and the mischief we got up to. but this person - was not a friend. he was ill intentioned and selfish, and didnt truly care for me. he disrespected me and hurt me time and time again. so no, he is not worth my energy anymore. once upon a time we were soulmates. but i changed. i grew up. we grew apart. it was natural. and for some reason... of all the people from my past i could have done it to... it was him?

to be fair i already did reach out to my ex in march. and then i changed my mind within a week or two. and then he reached out to me... isnt that crazy? the timing? the fact that god had us pass eachother by like doves in the wind or ships in the night... because despite our bond still being there - the memories, the connection, the impact we had on eachother - its not enough. it was never enough. again, i grew up, we grew apart, and it was natural.

so what does this all mean for me? my usual logic is to cut the cord and say goodbye. but my subconscious desire to love, be connected, and honour the relationships that made me the person i am today is becoming stronger and stronger. i can put aside my ego and hurt, because i healed. i let it go. it is in the past. the past stays in the past and all that matters is now. and right now - i am not the kind of person who just deletes a person from her life and calls it a day. people are not disposable. and while i respect that we are completely different people now, and our paths have diverged and we will never replace the connection we once had, it doesn't mean i want to let you go entirely. i remember you. i respect how much of an impact you had in creating the person i am today.

i also respect that i probably hurt you just as bad when i walked away. so while i am ready to let go and forgive and reach out, i dont expect you to feel the same. to receive that energy and respond to it. its in YOUR prerogative to simply ignore and delete that request in the same exact way i did.

but... i probably wont reach out to the other friend. some people stay in the past. idk. im lost now. my point is ive let go and forgiven. but nothing really has to change, only my behaviour moving forward. no mistake is worth my walking away. distance is my friend but i dont need to cut people off anymore. thats the easy way out. life isnt meant to be easy. i want to learn to do the hard thing... i am learning to do the hard thing.

this has been a healing experience. thank you, C <3

[baekhvuns]

Ok, about my life and..updates.

RMR THE WEDDING?? it happened. I ENJOYED SO SO MUCH but it rlly hits u 'oh she's...leaving' LIKE DAMN but anyways about that. I've just been ig, studying again..i took a yr gap AND THT ENTIRE CHAOS THT HAPPENED LAST YR actually tbh, im glad it happened, i got a chance to think what I really wanted, nd if stuff rn is not good, it's definitely better.

Guess, whatever happens, happens for a reason.

So yehh, the exam is like a few days from now JAJSJSJSJ I'm scared 😭. OMG ALSO BESTIE I GOT A JOB!!! I'm so happy 😭😭 (ps one of them is international 😈) nah cuz the brown relations really fucking worked. Other than that, MAN. ATEEZ AT COACHELLA. Fuck.

Actually tbh, I've been a little disconnected from the entire kpop scene, just once in a while enjoying the songs and new things like Coachella performances but like so many new things happened in kpop and idk what to think 😭 Like ITS SO OVERWHELMING we got the hybe drama, ateez at Coachella, new cb, NCT SMOOTHIE??, bp members got solo...so dam yeah.

Another thing, UR GIRL HAS BEEB *OBSESSED* LIKE *OBSESSED* *OBSESSED* WITH DILJIT. Not like i never was But IT GOT STRONGER 😭nah my man so cool honestly nd all his movies are chefs kiss.

ANDD HOW ARE YOU? HOWS EVERYTHING? HOWS LIFE? I hope you're doing good and well, and ur healthy. I miss you so dam much it's crazy, like the only person rn who cn revive my addiction with kpop is you. No questions asked.

And I just checked the updates, the war is still going on....IM SO MAD BROOO it's..so sad i can't even like show my anger all I can do is stay at home and observe. Sucks to be powerless. I'm praying, still am, and will keep praying for the people of gaza. And they will have peaceful nights once again, Amen.

Alright, i shall take my leave but I'll come back, MISS U SO MUCH POOKIE 🫶🫶💞💞💞MWAH!!

THIS IS ALSO VV LATE I JUST DONT GET NOTIFS DROM HERE ANYMORE FOR WHATEVER REASON 😭😭😭

RMR THE WEDDING?? it happened. I ENJOYED SO SO MUCH but it rlly hits u 'oh she's...leaving' LIKE DAMN but anyways about that. I've just been ig, studying again..i took a yr gap AND THT ENTIRE CHAOS THT HAPPENED LAST YR actually tbh, im glad it happened, i got a chance to think what I really wanted, nd if stuff rn is not good, it's definitely better. Guess, whatever happens, happens for a reason.

omg i hope ur outfits slayed! yeah no that part just randomly hits ur frontal lobe and everything just goes 📉,, AAAAAA AND U WERE WORRIED FOR NOTHING IM GLAD IT WORKED OUT FOR YOU!!!

So yehh, the exam is like a few days from now JAJSJSJSJ I'm scared 😭. OMG ALSO BESTIE I GOT A JOB!!! I'm so happy 😭😭 (ps one of them is international 😈) nah cuz the brown relations really fucking worked. Other than that, MAN. ATEEZ AT COACHELLA. Fuck.

omg i hope u do ur very best!! AAAAAA A JOB??? THATS SK GOOD ITS SO HARD TO FIND THEM IN THIS ECONOMY U BETTER MILK THEM FOR THE CASH, the brown nepotism 😭😭😭

Actually tbh, I've been a little disconnected from the entire kpop scene, just once in a while enjoying the songs and new things like Coachella performances but like so many new things happened in kpop and idk what to think 😭 Like ITS SO OVERWHELMING we got the hybe drama, ateez at Coachella, new cb, NCT SMOOTHIE??, bp members got solo...so dam yeah.

u know what, me too 😭😭 i’ve just grown indifferent to it, i mostly find myself listening to whatever’s been in my playlist for years,, YEAH it is so wild how much stuff happened in the last year 😭😭 NCT SMOOTHIE WHAT WAS THAT. 😭😭

Another thing, UR GIRL HAS BEEB *OBSESSED* LIKE *OBSESSED* *OBSESSED* WITH DILJIT. Not like i never was But IT GOT STRONGER 😭nah my man so cool honestly nd all his movies are chefs kiss.

AAAAAAAAA HE WAS JUST HERE A FEW DAYS AGO,,, would have gone if the damn ticket price wasn’t 400$ each 🧍🏻‍♀️ HE RLY IS SO COOL! his laid back swag is truly amazing

ANDD HOW ARE YOU? HOWS EVERYTHING? HOWS LIFE? I hope you're doing good and well, and ur healthy. I miss you so dam much it's crazy, like the only person rn who cn revive my addiction with kpop is you. No questions asked.

IM GOOD! ROTTING ON MY COUCH <3 life’s been boring, i’ve just been studying lots to get it over with but fortunately i have wedding season in my family so i have that to look forward too! ☺️ JDJDJDJSJD I MISS U TOO AND WRITING IT i briefly get inspo to write but bc im indifferent to kpop it just doesn’t hit but iam a yunho bais now 😭😭 im hoping to do at least something abt the fic or move on and write a different one!

And I just checked the updates, the war is still going on....IM SO MAD BROOO it's..so sad i can't even like show my anger all I can do is stay at home and observe. Sucks to be powerless. I'm praying, still am, and will keep praying for the people of gaza. And they will have peaceful nights once again, Amen.

it’s the way they’re using the met gala as a distraction to go all out on rafah, absolutely fucking batshit crazy, your words, truly 💗

Alright, i shall take my leave but I'll come back, MISS U SO MUCH POOKIE 🫶🫶💞💞💞MWAH!!

THANK U FOR POPPING IN!!! I MISSED U I HOPE UR BACK MORE OFTEN!! 💗

[chocoyeo]

ohhh there was a bunch of things but the main is that chan isn’t allowed to do chan’s room anymore bc the last time he did, it caused a fan war (its so stupid. he just mentioned how some of the newer idols don’t greet the senior ones and that he finds it a lil odd and disrespectful. but he literally also said “but idk maybe i’m just old fashioned”)

and he didn’t mention anyone. but stays on twt especially started guessing and decided he was talking ab this one gg and that gg’s fandom are like… all minors lol. bc the gg is full of minors jdhgfdhja so they got really angry. and started sending a lot of hate to chan even though he didn’t mention anyone. anyway. the thing escalated and chan had to release an official apology even though he NEVER mentioned any names and was just speaking in general.

but anyway, yeah. so he can’t do chan’s room anymore. he told a fan one-on-one during a fan meet but someone in the audience was filming it and made it viral. which made stay go crazy and send hate jyp and his family kwjhwgfdjk

and then chan had to kinda low-key tell them to stop on bbl and that they aren’t helping the situation like they think they are. but anyway. all the drama lasted for a few days and then it went poof! as usual AHHAHAHA (in happier news…. skz won a VMA two days ago!! they were so excited hehe)

and awwww summer holidays are over? :( das sad. but hey at least you’ll be one semester closer to graduating~ that’s fun hehe. good luck with uni starting againnnn <3 i hope you stay relatively stress free hehe

sorry for the late reply help but this sounds like a total mess dfsjdkfd i read some stuff abt this but i didnt think it would blow up this bad ! I might not feel that affected from all this since i lost interest completely but im sure if it happened a few years ago i would be screaming crying sobbing since i remember clearly how i would build my schedule around chans room

i saw skz at vma and thats so nice, they've come so far :( <3 !!!!!!

SKDFJHDSKF ONE SEMESTER CLOSER TO GRADUATION IS QUITE THE POSITIVE WAY TO LOOK AT IT but yeah ur right, i also cant wait to finally have a proper schedule (so i can complain abt it i guess since im a mess no matter whether i have schedules or not kjhdskfjdshf)

[blackvail22]

i talk here a bunch each day because i have no one else to talk to.

its sad, honestly.

i couldnt go to my counseling appointment, so i wont be able to see her again for another 2 weeks

thats nearly a month since ive seen her

im not doing very well so this isnt good at all lmao

idk how im going to make it another 2 weeks but all i can do is try ...

i think i start work again next week. im afraid of what has changed... probably not a lot. all i know is we have a new manager, and ive heard he's nice

i have a postop appt on tuesday for my tonsillectomy. finally i will have what my disease means explained to meeee. i keep thinking about it, and its been bothering me. i probably wont know if i have another surgery until after my next ct scan (they have to space them out so i dont get exposed to too much radiation and i had one less than a month ago) and idk when that is

im so bored. i have to be the problem

i really think i am

"my friends wont reach out" but when i reach out its super dry and they varely engage. maybe im seeing it in the wrong perspective. maybe my vision is skewed, and im seeing it in the wrong light.

maybe its because theyre busy

maybe at work

going to work

hanging out with other friends

going to hang out with other friends

i want to have a good friend group so bad but i feel like i cant have one

i feel like my only friend was em even though she used me. oh, i dont know if i ever told u the reason why we arent friends anymore

so, i dont have the best memory of the order everything happened, but ill do my best to sort it out

after spending a bunch of time together, we started to fade away. i would ask her if she wanted to spend the night, she would hesitate for a good 30 minutes, talk to her mom, and then say "sure". sometimes she wouldnt wait until we ate dinner (but a good amount of times she did) until shed say "oh i forgot something at home" or "my stomach hurts" and id walk to her house with her (except the times when she'd tell me not to).

when i walked with her, she would always say "ill be right back" and then shed be gone for 10 minutes and her mom would come out and be like "hey... she doesnt feel well so she's going to say home". and each time i would walk home crying. at this point, she was already blowing me off, not talking to me, and overall being rude, but i still went back to her every time.

this rare occasion was in early september of 2017. we only hung out, and then she said she had someone else shes hanging w at her house. she had become friends with people that hated my sister as well as a girl that honestly no one knows. em started to become them... like literally she became a copy of them. the whole group of girls would tell her that my sister is a fat, ugly whore. they fed her all of this, and they would talk and call my sister names and generally talk shit about her

a few days after i heard abt this, i saw things from em that she was having a hard time. i was outside doing yard work, and she was walking by. i said "hey, i hope you feel better" and she yelled "fuck you" at me while, again, giving me the finger.

i dont know what i did, but that was the last time in years that we would talk to each other. we would be "friends" on the bus the few days she went to school sophomore year...

now, though? i dont exist to her. i saw her at my work TWICE this past year, once being on my recent birthday, and she pretended she didnt know me. i look the same as i did before... this most recent time, she was with her boyfriend, one of the friends from '17 and her mom. as i greeted them, everyone looked over except her... her mom even did a double take.

she claims she doesnt know why our friendship went to shit when we were toxic to each other our whole friendship. it was never healthy.

she seems to be happy though, at least happier than me. shes pregnant again. im not sure of the gender, but i think its going to be a boy. she's always wanted to be a mom, so i hope shes a good one.

[bluntz420x]

When was the last time you wore a full face of makeup? pft, full face? many years. but, the closest ive come since then was probably a few months ago.

Do you own an iPad? technically i still do, but it doesnt work anymore. i should pitch it.

Who was the last non-relative woman you spoke to in person? like legit spoke to, probably ari.

What’s the most hours you’ve worked in a week? psh i dont know that i want to know the actual answer to this lol. i only recently quit my second job, which was part time, but i still work my full time job. do the math lol.

Do you believe in karma? idk sometimes. good things happen to bad people, bad things happen to good people. all we can do is try.

What temperature is your thermostat currently set to? 72F. a/c because it is still summer.

What’s a topic you’ve drastically changed your opinion on? a lot of things, im sure. its been over 20 years since ive started developing opinions on my own. ;)

Are you a kind, thoughtful person? i try.

What’s an achievement you hope to see humanity accomplish in your lifetime? i dont care what people want to fuck, and im tired of someone's sexual orientation being the most important thing about them. i do not care, and i hope that soon no one else will either.

Do you know anyone who has a PhD? no one on a personal level.

Who were you dating in July 2010? Or were you single? i think i was mostly single that year actually. july i was probably single but mingling hard. that was a crazy year.

How do you feel when you’re the center of attention? uh it really depends lol. ive been the center for a lot of different reasons. i guess i dont mind now.

Would you rather be a nurse or a mechanical engineer? mechanical engineer. i dont like people and i think i would faint if i had to put needles in someone's flesh.

Do you like Starbucks chai lattes, or do you think they’re too sweet? ive never tried it. honestly ordering chai from an expensive coffee house, as a coffee enjoyer, sounds like a waste.

Are you and your SO facebook official? yes.

Do you know how to set a formal table setting for a 3+ course dinner? no.

Are you in a good mood today? im pretty all right actually.

Do you know anyone who works as a lawyer? not personally.

Which would bother you more: being told you’re not likable or being told you’re not sensible? being told im not sensible. i do not care if people like me, and that is usually what makes them like me lol. if i were to be told im not sensible, it would be akin to someone telling me im not intelligent, which will piss me off for sure.

Do you have a difficult time relating to other’s emotions? quite the opposite, to a fault!

How many bedrooms does your house have? two.

What was the last electronic item you bought? earbuds for kyle.

Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis? hm, its probable, but not memorable.

Are there any trees in your yard? yes.

What are your most-used apps on your phone? i think siri suggestions show me used apps, right? gmail, chrome, snapchat, messages, reminders… xD i know i play a lot of rupauls drag race superstars and isekai: slow life tho.

Have you ever bathed in a river or a lake? bathed, no.

When you were 15, what did you want to grow up to be? ha good question. probably a writer. i didnt have serious ambition then.

Did you ever achieve that? no, i have never been published lol, but i can write whatever i want whenever i want, so in a way, yes. :P

Have you ever had a dream in which you died? yeah.

Have you bought a bag of potato chips in the past week? nope.

Does the thought of having wrinkles when you’re older upset you? no. dunno when thats gonna happen lol.

How often do you buy a new phone? it used to be closer to the 2yr mark, but now its whenever the old one stops working. the technology is so good anymore that getting something better is negligible at best.

Would you rather live in an apartment in the city, or a cabin in the woods? cabin in the fucking woods! i do not like people near enough to live in a city.

Do you use Snapchat? yes.

Have you ever driven or ridden on a motorcycle? i have ridden on one, i have never driven one.

If so, what’s the farthest you’ve traveled on one? maybe 3 miles one way, so 6 miles overall.

When was the last time you drank coffee? i am currently drinking a coffee drink!

Are you in any physical pain right now? uh i have a muscle in my back that is tight, and my legs hurt when i sit cross legged too long which i have done, so thats about it lol. self inflicted bullshit.

Have you ever used a dating app, like Tinder, Bumble, etc? i have before.

Do you know anyone who’s struggling with addiction? not currently, thankfully.

Are any other members of your household home right now? both the boys are home right now, because i am not and i have the car MUAAHAHAHA

What was your first job? And how long did you work there? schlotzsky's deli. 7mos i think.

What was your favorite school subject when you were in middle school? english, probably. ive loved english for a long time, since it stopped being language arts probably.

How is your day going so far? its okay.

What are you doing tomorrow? bedroom cleaning project! working from home in the morning, football practice for the boy tomorrow night.

What’s your favorite color? brown.

Are you watching television? nope.

What are you watching? i am not.

Do you watch any really lame shows? ha, i mean sure, i guess they could be considered lame.

Are you a bitch? everyone is a bitch of some kind.

Is there anyone of the opposite sex that you trust? yes, just one, kyle.

Do you hook up with random people? ive never fucked a random. i have made out with them though lol.

Are you afraid to fall in love? no. im afraid of losing him, if i were to be afraid of anything at all.

Do you believe that everyone deserves a second chance? no.

Once a cheater, always a cheater? lol no. i have cheated many times, in previous relationships.

What kind of mood are you in? decent. excited.

Do you take naps? i have periods where i take daily naps. im in a period where i rarely nap.

What time do you go to bed? i think we went to bed last night around 11pm.

Have you ever watched the show ‘Bad Girls Club’..? i have watched all of it! thats a "lame" show, haha. trashy. so good.

Are you an optimist or a pessimist? im a realist… 8)

Do you get jealous easily? nah.

Have you ever purposely made someone jealous? sure, probably.

Last beverage? mocha coffee drink.

Quick lyric from the last song you listened to? i havent listened to music today… i think the last one from yesterday was, "Don't push me 'cause I'm close to the edge / I'm tryin' not to lose my head"

Do you let things go to your head? the weed for sure, anything else probably not.

What kind of shampoo do you use? ha, a lot: aussie, bed head, mane & tail, head & shoulders, biosilk…

Have you ever felt completely defeated? yes.

Are you one to just give up? nope.

Do you know how to let go? ha! im trying.

What is your favorite pair of shoes you own? hm, probably my hey dudes right now.

Do you regret anything? i think its important to try to remove regret. everything we do makes us who we are. i dont regret who i am, nor do i regret any part of whats made me who i am, for better or for worse.

If you could go back and change 1 thing.. what would it be? nothing. see above, lol.

Do you have your own tv? yes.

What are you looking forward to? going home to my boys!

Is there someone you need to fix things with? ha, i dont need to fix shit with anyone.

Do you have a laptop? yes.

Are you an outgoing person? i can be.

What was the last thing you purchased online? hm, probably something goofy like a quick pack to a mobile game im playing, LOL.

Quick quote..? do it now cause tomorrow's not promised today. - ludacris

Do you believe that everything happens for a reason? no. everything happens and creates reason in the overarching story of your life. in that way, yes.

What kind of hair spray do you use? i do not.

What movie/s do you really wanna see? i wouldnt be able to list a single one.

Who makes you feel better when you’re dying inside? KYLE.

Is there someone you just can’t get enough of? kyle.

What helps you relax? cannabis and video games.

What color is your bra? coral.

!@$%^&*.. when you see that, what comes to mind? fucker

Does goodbye hurt? it can, duh.

[television-pil0t]

I don’t think of my past too much unless I’m posting it here because my past is shit with some good parts. I miss daemon. I miss him so much. I don’t think I could replace the piece he ripped from me when he left. I miss how he touched me. I miss how he sounded and tbh it’s been so long I don’t remember his voice. I have a voice message from him from years ago and sometimes I’ll replay it. Just to hear him. He was like my brother. UGH THATS SO WEIRD BECAUSE WE FUCKED BUT LIKE. Ughgagayabsu UGH IDK IDK idk maybe he’s the reason I have that kink idk whatever that’s not the point. I miss him. I miss feeling that safe. He was my fp and I was his ep. I miss talking to him. Going to school with him. He accepted me as trans so quickly. Lol a black gangbanger just quck asf accepting that is so rare but god it was so nice. I met him in forth grade when I met Simon. He left in a few months and although I try and cut Dae out of my memory he was the first person I ever had a crush on. I wanted to be around him. Anaja or shaver his name was would tease us for always being around eachother. I remember one time I kinda ditched Simon on the playground to go on the some other part of the playground with daemon and he was leaning in a pole super close to my face and savanna was like “ARE YOU GONNA KISS HER?!” And he did and I literally almost passed out. We pile hug and kiss in the hallway. It was elementary school but god it was so nice. Especially when Simon didn’t even know me like that. A side I’d be felt bad for just leaving him randomly but I was absolutely obsessed with Dae. When he left after a few months with no explanation I hated my life. I experienced depression for the first time since fucking ABUSE! Shit was wild. And then 7th grade this fucker randomly texts me on INSTAGRAM and I pass out and start crying. He lived 2 miles away and I was so happy. It was a little bit of a walk but I still remember the exact path I took. We texted for a while and then he was like “yeah I live in here now” and looked it up on Google maps because I’m insane and SCREAMED when I found it he was so close. Then a week later he was like “so when we hanging out?” And I was like “NWHEHEJW NOW?!?” And I ran there. I ran all the fucking way there and hugged him so tight. He was so tall and pretty. God he was so fucking pretty. He was beautiful. He had cuts all over him. Some that were still bleeding and a fucked up eye but tbh. All I wanted to do was hold his hand. I can’t even explain the feeling I got when I saw him. He hung out every day. He was my first real bf, first person I fucked consensually. First person I ever did anything with.

I know I shouldn’t be mad at him. He did what he did for a reason and for that I can’t be mad. He did what I wanna do and escaped from a house that hated him. I hope to god he’s ok. I don’t cry about him anymore. Although I know I shouldn’t hate him I can’t help it. I do. I hate that it ended like that. I miss him but idk what I’d do if he ever contacted me again. Idk what would happen. I don’t wanna know. I wanna keep him in the past but tbh.

I’d someone could bring him back.. I wouldn’t be against it. I wonder what he looks like now. What he sounds like. Who he’s with. What he’s thinking. Does he ever think about me? Think about me?

Mali is basically like Daemon now. Lol it’s so weird. No matter where I go there’s always someone that I can replace with the person I lost. I can think of 2 people in my life that were truly irreplaceable and that’s Zakaya and Daemon. And my mom. Mali makes me feel safe but not in the way Dae did. Zakaya is a girl I genuinely never met anyone like ever again. Everyone else. And I mean EVERYONE else can be so easily replaced. Nothing interesting about them. Nothing different. If they can’t be replaced than sometimes it’s not really a good thing. Annoying personality, annoying human. Worthless.

I’ve heard I’m irreplaceable and I wonder if that’s true.

[irevanity]

I am new to the mikavanni ship please tell me how you came about shipping them and how their dynamics match.

OHOH BOY. Okay Anon. I’ll try my best….

I heard about this ship from one of my mutuals couple months ago. So I decided to do some digging snd turns out literally no one posted about them or even knew about the pairing at all. The most recent post I saw about the ship back then was a year ago. I found it to be the most tragic thing ever, so I decided to ship it as a joke for a few days then move on with MikaLight/LawLight. Tbh all I thought about the pairing back then was that they looked hot together (All I knew about Gevanni was that he stalked Mikami and copied the deathnote so I was like “The possibilities are endless” and RAN with that)

…as you can see, it is not a joke anymore. What the fuck.

Gevanni definitely has some respect for Mikami’s dedication to his job (and maybe he did some digging into his past and felt a little sorry for him? idk man. respect the grind, not the murder💪) and Mikami would respect him too if they met before Kira existed. They both work for justice, you know? They’re both very hardworking and loyal (my boy mikami takes it to the next level) Not to mention how they’re both the righthand men of two powerful people, and their execution of their given orders could literally mean life or death.

It’s basically serial killer x detective but like with 0 direct canon interactions. Which is why I say we fuck canon! 🥰 Anyways, this is basically a ship that thrives off of “what if” situations, basically. Idk how to explain, but the moment Gevanni was snooping around in Mikamis locker a billion fanfic ideas appeared within my head, i swear. What if he gets caught? What if Mikami knew about his stalker all along and decided to deal with him himself blah blah blah…so many scenarios.

What if they started a fake relationship thats both equally dangerous and exciting? OHHHH BOYYY

Enemies to lovers ending with death fits them, like, a lot. I can see their relationship starting as small mind games and word plays, anticipating the other to fuck up and reveal their plans, but sooner or later they realize that they actually enjoy each others presence and relate deeply with the other. However, both of their respective sides are pressuring them to push their feelings aside and fulfill their duties. One of them has to die for the other to live, and that’s fucking devastating man. There’s literally no win-win for them in canon. Other scenarios involve one of them betraying their side to join the other, Or literally go “fuck it” and just. Elope. Thats a story for another day tho

I hope I explained it well enough for you, anon! Sorry for rambling. Hopefully my friends who also ship this can explain more thoroughly!