#idk if that'll happen
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I desperately need Max's next merch drop to include that zip-up hoodie in green
#idk if that'll happen#but I've been wearing the same zip up The Wonder Years hoodie for like...12 years#and I will continue to use it until I destroy it#but it would be nice to have a back up other hoodie ya know#and I already have too many black pull over hoodies#i say like I didn't buy lando's nowins hoodie this week#but still#i want the MV zip up hoodie in green#that is all#max verstappen
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forever crying and screaming because i couldn't make it to the Jhariah, Pinkshift and Pollyanna concert happening IN MY STATE 😭
#blaire.txt#I WANTED TO GO SO FUCKING BADLY#I REALLY REALLY DID#but a number of things ended up getting in the way of me going :(#namely it being on a day my mom is working#me not having a phone#me not wanting to go w/ my mom#and not being able to drive#just. augh i like watching the clips jhariah posts of the tour it looks so FUN and i want to BE THERE but. it wasnt meant to be this time#😭😭😭😭#I REALLY WANT TO GO TO A JHARIAH CONCERT SOMEDAY THOUGH... hopefully one day i'll have a phone and friends to go with#the worst part is I ACTUALLY HAD ENOUGH MONEY TO AFFORD TICKETS...#just. PAIN#i want to go to concerts with friends but i dont. have . irl friends. im bad at meeting people irl. how do u do that#like i mainly meet people online by sheer luck or because i followed them or met them on toyhouse or met them through another friend#how do i make irl friends . my main interests are ocs and casinos . how do i translate that into IRL Friendly Interests#i like drawing and art in all its forms so i usually have made friends that way in the past but... im shy /lh#SORRY SORRY OFF TOPIC but. im never recovering from missing jhariah and pinkshift and pollyanna tour .#i would KILL to see jhariah perform RISK RISK RISK! live and honestly i would IMPLODE if i heard flight of the crows or pressure bomb#SPLIT! too i would SCREAM#honestly i'd also die if i heard a lesson in dramatics live but... considering it's a collab between jhariah and save face#idk if that'll happen#jhariahposting
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congrats on 15k hits clipped wings. what the hell 😭😭😭😭
#personal#its also getting close to 900 kudos which is INSANE#but idk traction has slowed down so that'll probably be a bit#but still HOLY SHIT??? HOW HAS THIS HAPPENED GENUINELY
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Me, several years ago: "I'll never try digital 3D art... just have no interest to learn it. Already have learned other art forms that I barely use anyway... so why add to that ?..."
Me, currently: [Is attempting to model a donut in Blender] "... uh... I can explain..."
#7rambles#idk what compelled me to attempt Blender finally but gosh...#no... actually I know why...#so I was thinking on how hard it would be to animate PJ... (yep it all comes back to that sass blob) in 2D...#and then I visualized him in a 3D art style and just went ....“welp - gotta at least attempt that...”#but man this program - even with my knowledge of ADOBE products and LIVE2D - feels overwhelming...#so... gotta go through a tutorial and the donut one seemed like the most comprehensive one!#soooooooooooooo will I ever get to the point of modeling PJ?#uh... after I give him an updated reference sheet XD#and who knows when that'll happen#gosh... this plus wanting to do that Miku Miku Beam meme thing... and a separate drawing thing I want to do for a KPop group...#now I'm running into the “all inspiration - zero time” rut of creating things XD
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It's officially been over a year (HOW??) since i've been a neil newbon enjoyer and an unofficial Tom DeVille Meme Purveyor so i'd like to bring you all some of my favorite neil faces
(the uh-oh hands are always a delight and there are so many of them that i can't put them all here but. you can find a bunch more in my tag
#it has just been wonderful to see him blossom over this past year#i am so grateful for his infectious joy.#i hope to draw him at some point but idk if that'll happen#i have a couple unfinished astarion drawings that i might at least get to the point where i can post them#neil newbon#nobigneil
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wip wednesday
thank you @whatsintheboxmh @paperstorm @strandnreyes @carlossreaders
@heartstringsduet @henrygrass @nisbanisba @carlos-in-glasses for the tags <3
been a super busy week without much time to write so here's just a little bit from the grief group au
He's different. He knows that much. He keeps having nightmares. His body feels like it's in another universe, going through the motions while he just exists on the outside. Like living life in slow motion. Write about it, he remembers, for some reason. The girl wearing a baggy t-shirt and looking over at Pink Hoodie with a sheepish smile as she suggested it, the dumb therapy thing she'd seen firsthand actually work. Pink Hoodie – TK Strand – is a paramedic at the local fire station, the 126, but originally from New York. His bio on the library's website also told Carlos that he loves animals, baseball, and helping people. Fitting, Carlos had thought, rushing to close the tab and pull the checkout screen back up, as an elderly man had approached the counter with a stack of books and his library card. There was a picture, too. When he'd finished checking out the small line of people that had formed, he pulled the page back up again, events the library offers and the people who run them. In his, TK smiled widely at the camera with his head tilted to one side, hair lightly tousled, the kind of friendly face Carlos imagines when he thinks of support group leaders. He doubts that's necessarily a qualification – looking the part – but it can't be a bad thing that TK looks comforting to talk to. Like everything said in the privacy of that support group would be safe with him.
open tag!
#i had big ambitious plans to post my second coda before i leave for my trip but idk if that'll happen lol#this week has been so long and it's only wednesday#911 lone star#neha writes#grief group au
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*sigh* I need the tf1 sequel so bad 😩
SAME
I want to see the new rhythm that was set in the tfone ending in full action
I want to see what things are like when the fighting really gets started, and with the Quintessons still in play??
I want to see the more long term changes that happen now energon is flowing freely on Cybertron again
I want to see more of Megatron as a leader in this timeline
I want to see more of Optimus as a leader in this timeline
I want to see the dynamic of decepticon high command after it's had time to settle
Ohhhohoh boy I want to see how Optimus and Megatron interact now that things have changed— I want to see their more familiar autobot vs decepticon dynamic play out on screen
I want to see what I know is going to happen next, and I want to see what I don't know will happen yet
#transformers#maccadam#tfone spoilers#transformers one#I WANT TO SEE IF THEY CALL IT TRANSFORMERS TWO AND IF THERE'S TAG CONFLICT WITH TEAM FORTRESS TWO ON TUMBLR#which is a kind of mean want but i need to see how we'll end up tagging the sequel#...i want to see tfone cybertron transform into the wartorn husk we see in some continuities#an evil part of me wants to see what happens when Iacon burns— not because i think it's better off gone_ but because i know it's coming#i want to see things get worse for the cybertronians before they can get better#a lot of ''i want'' statements here i know#tf1 megatron#tf1 optimus prime#Quintessons#I WANT TO SEE HOW ELITA AND BEE INTEGRATE INTO THE NEW AUTOBOT HIERARCHY#i want to see who waffles between the autobots and decepticons because gee golly they're not sure if they want to join either#if they DO end up calling it transformers two i apologize in advance for the amount of robots that'll flood the preexisting tf2 tags😔#or!! maybe they'll do what bayverse did with it's sequels and give it a cool name#idk
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i think its some of damiens responsiblity to think what kinda relationship he cultivaded with his fans. and why is centering his need for explaning, defending and further protecting his self/image is his knee jerk reaction. unless you do those things a social media break is just another way of image management. plus it wont feel better when you come back and you are still centering your image which causes you too act defensive/childish. you cant support things thru acts of fear and nervousness and not expact them to crumble! i know people joked abour his virtue signalling in the past, and they are jokes, but its a curious thing people notice that around him enough to point that out. i hope he can actually look into that part of himself with a more honest critical lense.also these twitch stream where he wants this magicaly ''positive'' enviroment where people can ''escape'' is just unrealistic at best. this is a livestream where people rush on each other to talk to you. its by nature feeding into these things im afraidi positivity is not the warm blanket you think it is, its more of a trap lol
#some thoughts#blocking fans in general is a very emotional but stupid move lol(to me) as a somewhat public figure he must understand that block feature i#practically useless to him other than get his frustration out maybe for a minute? then what?#it only creates a snowball effect.#idk its feels counterproductive altho i can still understand where the frustration is coming from#stan twitter can be nasty. getting cussed by 17 year old with no emotional regulation and too much time lol#anyways this is absolutely not about him having the perfect response/apology.. that'll happen and idc about pr managing his reactions lol#also personally i dont find the joke much of a big deal. its whatever. lazy lowblow at worst#he just needs to be realistic about his internet presence and how it interacts with his defensive/nervous personality#and in grand scheme of things the way he interacts with ''activism''.. its not for him/about him.#at the end this reaction is a part of him! he can do what he will with that#hope he has people around him that can be critical about his intentions/reactions without it being taken as a personal attack
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Imagine briar country wins they war and the humans offer KoD as a tribute as part of a piece treaty and Maleanor offers him to Lillia as a way of thanking him for his services. So now Lillia has this pretty little pet, what will he do? Get that man pregnant, obviously, and so KoD gives birth to Silver
Omg... I'm imagining this happening if Briar Country takes action way faster than they did in canon. When there were only a couple small towns worth of humans in the entire country, if they didn't hesitate when they realized humans were taking their resources, and they stamped them out right then
I don't think KoD would have been born at that time, so maybe a select few were saved for breeding. The docile ones, still strong enough to survive briar country's powerful magic in day to day life... They'd all have that sweet demeanor that we know Silver and KoD for (and that I'd imagine Sebby's dad has as well) it's cute <3 by the time 400 years roll by, they'd all be properly bred into adoring little dogs for the fae awe
But anyway, this is about Lilia.. Meleanor giving him a human pet is so silly to me LOL trying to drag her husband off that little bat fae for herself, sorry Lilia, here's a consolation pet though have fun. And Lilia doesn't even want him...
Thinking about KoD following Lilia around, asking him if he needs anything, bringing him drinks and snacks, cleaning his messes. Lilia will ignore him and tell him to go manage the garden if he's so bored.. Uuuu and he sleeps at the foot of Lilia's bed..... <3
(nsfw under cut)
I think it's reasonable to assume that KoD wouldn't know even the first thing about sex, but he WOULD have a sex drive like crazy (hormonal teen...) whether Lilia reciprocates it or not, he's the only one KoD has there to think about and pine for. He wants to be good like he was trained to be from the moment he was old enough to walk, but he can't help himself if he grinds against him a little or gets touchy at night. Lilia scolds him for it every time, but he doesn't know what he's doing, it just feels good!!
Lilia snapping at some point and teaching him properly what his body wants is good 🤤 KoD isn't expecting it to be so hands on and dirty, he tries to stop Lilia over and over because he shouldn't be dirtying his hands with his own pet's wet fluids, but the words never quite come out right because he gets overwhelmed!! Lilia is really good with his tongue, poor little dawn...
#twst#twisted wonderland#lilia vanrouge#lilidawn#sure?? That'll work as a ship name#idk if there's a more used one and I just forgot it lol#knight of dawn#book 7 spoilers#twst book 7#not totally sold on lilia getting him pregnant with silver... we didn't get to see much of leia but she's still part of him </3#but I DO think#lilia sets up a playdate with KoD and leia to keep him occupied while he goes and fucks with I mean have a professional talk with laverne#and he comes back to his extremely hormonal 16 year old pet human pregnant like really lilia what did you expect to happen#asks
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obviously they won't say anything about it because they only comment on things that are nonsensical, but even kcarats are mad about this collab so i do wonder if they'll end up saying anything or will just act stupid lmfao
#like at a certain point you gotta address it#you can't simply brush off every valid criticism as just ''haters''#like don't post a video of you fanboying over the fuckass in prob hopes of fans going omggg his dream came true#i often think artists don't owe their fans anything in terms of music their time and privacy#but they do owe fans some respect and being linked with this dude for sure is not it lmao#like were they truly expecting for their fanbase who is mainly female to be liek yaaay a song with a dude that hates women!! so fun!!#ah so sorry i'm just still so annoyed will be annoyed for a while#thought about getting back into giffing them this month but yeah i don't think that'll happen#not that anyone cares i could deactivate and people wouldn't notice LMFAO#yeah idk it's just shitty i get liking an artist and not knowing anything about them truly me with so many#but when you're gonna collab when you're gonna basically invite them to be a part of your brand your project....#you need to be a little more careful about it and think is this going to alienate my already existing fanbase#is this someone that i want to be associated with basically#b.txt
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bringing back readers erratic behavior in this chapter we love to see it. shes swinging around with 'this can't be real I'm dreaming' 'this is real this is depressing' 'this cant be real i want my home back' 'wait if this is real what does it even matter its not MY life' 'wait shouldn't i try to make this a good life what if I'm stuck with it' and so on and so forth till eventually she hits a wall face first
#sophie speaks#series:www#me: is anyone going to give this girl the worst coping mechanisms on earth?#and i dont wait for an answer#like eventually shes gotta chill out about it but idk when that'll happen#shits gotta stop happening to her for her to stop reacting in increasingly bizarre ways which. it wont be#i mean spoilers but im sure u can see how this fic is going to go#reader is a magnet for chaos and I'm like. not even sure that's metaphorical
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You don't have to draw all the requests sent your way! As you get more popular (and you will because your art is good) that will become literally impossible to do. I promise you not a single art blog answers every single ask.
But, but I HAVE to you don't understand :( the pressure is killing me, I don't want to disappoint people
#I've gotten 4 asks today alone#there's not enough time in the day to draw everything#but the people will be disappointed#realistically I know most people aren't here only for the asks but I did have someone block me because I didn't draw their request#the logical thing would be to close the ask box but I still like just talking to people :/#I'll figure it out (I won't)#not art#text#ask#anonymous#the idea that I'll get more popular because my art is hood is so. bizarre. like 'sure that'll definitely happen'#but I've seen accounts on Instagram with thousands of followers that draw things objectively “”“worse”“” than I do so maybe it's possible#nit saying that they don't deserve it but I've been on the internet long enough to know that skills mean nothing. the algorithm is bad#the hardest thing is when they ask me stuff I've never drawn before. then I have to find references + translate them to my style#I'm rambling sorry#nice asks like this make me wag my tail (if I had one. flap my wings? something idk)#it's the fact that I post literally every day regardless of the asks that gets me#how much more do people want help
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uhhh. taps mic. feel like i should probably let you guys know at this point. i still absolutely very much want to continue + finish all my fics, and i still absolutely hope to do so eventually, but i have been hit by a deadly combo of 1. Can't String Words Together Good 2. the mental health and 3. new hyperfixation beam so uh. no promises and there probably won't be any new updates anytime soon </3
#talk tag#ik i'm like. not Obligated to ik i'm doing this for fun but i still feel bad u know how it is </3#unfortunately everything else aside i do not control the hyperfixation and. the turtles hyperfixation was already on its way out so. yknow#i! do have the next chapter of permafrost mostly written it just needs editing so. hopefully i can get that out at some point at least?#but still idk when that'll happen so. still don't wanna make any promises there either
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Teen Raz and Lili designs aw yeah baby
I was watching an interview with Nikki Rapp on YouTube because she's the best and I love her, and she actually talked about Raz and Lili a lot (yippeeee) and she talked about how interesting their dynamic is, and how it would develop as they got older, when their teenagers, etc. AUGH isn't she just the BEST
But yeah, that made me want to draw some teen designs for these two
I like to think Raz at this point is an absolute polite and sweet little fella. When the adults are around at least. Once they leave he's a menace :) saying stuff like: "Okie Dokie! I promise we'll be on our bestest behavior!" And then turns around, illuminated by dramatic light, "Alright, which one of you mother fuckers is getting their ass beat for stealing my Psi-cards"
He's tall as hell now, so everyone asks him to grab stuff from shelves for them. He's also tried to cut his own hair because he had "a vision of what it looks like and I can't find a picture for it" and that's why it looks so choppy. He'll definitely let Ford fix it up for him in the future
Lili is probably just as much if a menace as Raz is, if not more. She's besties with her dad, now her mom is her enemy. Absolutely convinced she's goth and evil, but anytime she catches you making fun of MLP she'll beat the shit out of you.
She has a lot of drawings on her upper thighs from when she gets bored, and since she hangs out with her uncle (moms side) and he runs a small tattoo place, she likes doodling on her friends arms and legs too.
Raz is super awkward and clumsy because he's not used to how he's pretty much getting an inch taller almost everyday, so I like to imagine whenever he and Lili play fight he accidentally just-
He gets his ass burned later
#Razs voice also cracks a lot and its hilarious everytime#Idk how his voice can get higher but it can#He's also hoping that now that he has an adams apple his voice will drop soon (one punch to the throat and this kid is done for)#But we all know that'll never happen :)#doodles rants#psychonauts#razputin aquato#psychonauts 2#lili zanotto#They'll literally wrestle and pick on eachother#But then they're two awkward to even make eye contact#Teens
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Another year flew by and I'm turning 28 in five days.
So uh yeah Time makes u bolder children get older I'm getting older too and all that other shit Stevie Nicks said that's literally haunted me since childhood, even when I was too young to fully grasp just how fast the years would pass me by while simultaneously always knowing those lyrics would one day resonate heavily with me.
#is there a specific word for that feeling btw? i never knew how to write it out until now but ive felt it with several other things#it feels somewhat related to nostalgia and deja vu except it's with things you always knew would happen/become relatable in time#like you were self-aware enough to know at a young age that it didnt apply to you right now but it literally will someday without a doubt#I'm gonna feel so fucking stupid if theres a common term for this that my shit ass brain just cant remember for the life of me#last thing: it's the feeling of being oddly present and introspective as a young child#and having the hyper-awareness to know that you literally just created a formative memory that'll stick with you for life#Idk if this in particular counts but i remember a very specific instance when I was rly young#I was falling alseep on my childhood home's living room couch#And while laying there I vividly remember thinking 'im gonna take a mental photograph and remember all the things I see in eye view rn'#I still have that exact image saved in my head to this day#thoughts
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Something so soft about Barbatos drying MC's hair for them 🥺
Bonus: You VS. the guy he tells you not to worry about (or, why I don't mind this card was in the guest room of the castle instead of MC's room at Cocytus Hall like on the deflower)
VS.
#Spoilers for the end of OG season 4 under the cut? I feel like we all know about it and it's a meme by now though#if only they'd actually give barbatos romantic content in the main story <3 too bad that'll never happen#anyway I did really like this card + the wanderer's whereabouts scenario was very cute#obey me barbatos#barbatos obey me#obey me#barbatos x mc#obey me shall we date#barbatos#idk if anyone's noticed but lately i've been trying to post screenshots of every barbatos crumb we get since it isn't a lot.#i just need to feel alive!!!#long post /
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