#I WANTED TO GO SO FUCKING BADLY
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forever crying and screaming because i couldn't make it to the Jhariah, Pinkshift and Pollyanna concert happening IN MY STATE 😭
#blaire.txt#I WANTED TO GO SO FUCKING BADLY#I REALLY REALLY DID#but a number of things ended up getting in the way of me going :(#namely it being on a day my mom is working#me not having a phone#me not wanting to go w/ my mom#and not being able to drive#just. augh i like watching the clips jhariah posts of the tour it looks so FUN and i want to BE THERE but. it wasnt meant to be this time#😭😭😭😭#I REALLY WANT TO GO TO A JHARIAH CONCERT SOMEDAY THOUGH... hopefully one day i'll have a phone and friends to go with#the worst part is I ACTUALLY HAD ENOUGH MONEY TO AFFORD TICKETS...#just. PAIN#i want to go to concerts with friends but i dont. have . irl friends. im bad at meeting people irl. how do u do that#like i mainly meet people online by sheer luck or because i followed them or met them on toyhouse or met them through another friend#how do i make irl friends . my main interests are ocs and casinos . how do i translate that into IRL Friendly Interests#i like drawing and art in all its forms so i usually have made friends that way in the past but... im shy /lh#SORRY SORRY OFF TOPIC but. im never recovering from missing jhariah and pinkshift and pollyanna tour .#i would KILL to see jhariah perform RISK RISK RISK! live and honestly i would IMPLODE if i heard flight of the crows or pressure bomb#SPLIT! too i would SCREAM#honestly i'd also die if i heard a lesson in dramatics live but... considering it's a collab between jhariah and save face#idk if that'll happen#jhariahposting
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Sorry for the tiktok screenshot but i’m so completely obsessed with the fact that the donner memorial museum has a stovepot FROM THE ORIGINAL DONNER SITE just like. Rawdogging it? On the cheap polyester carpet? Like no case or plaque or anything? GEORGE DONNER’S BRAIN AND LUNGS WERE PROBABLY COOKED IN THEREEEE can we got get a little bit of decorum holy fuck
#god i want to go to this museum so fucking badly bro i dream about it#btw im turning reblogs off now because everyones replies were so annoying <3#donner party
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you ever just have a lot, a LOT of feelings all at once about a character and not even remotely enough words or brainpower to FORM the words to describe everything you're feeling. so it feels like you may explode. yeah
#sorry i got really into my feelings about mark hoffman again#the very specific version of him in my brain that i really really wish i had the time and energy to properly share with you guys#saw#well until i muster the energy to explode all of my feelings out into a fic. if you want to TRY and understand#know that my three biggest hoffman fic insps right now are as follows#your best kept secret hoffman. a series of mistakes hoffman. and rushed like a dreadful wind hoffman.#there is a very clear throughline just know i am extremely emotionally compromised rn#thinking about theee fics vs the canon path hoffman spirals down#something something the absolute tragedy of watching a man's descent into madness#the transformation of a man into a monster#and what could have saved him from himself and kramer's corruption#sorry i'm rambling so much oh my god i was just having such a crying fit out of nowhere about this#do you think he could feel it happening. do you think he was aware he was losing his mind.#the script version of him fucks with me so bad. the crazed rankings and the longer hair and him not being well kept anymore#it's impossible to think he didn't know he was deteriorating#fuuuck okay i need to either chill or write a whole longfic rn#i project on that guy so much i truly don't know if i could properly write my vision of him#until i do something more substantial the full extent of my hoffman exists for me and my boyfriend only. they get me like no one else#well ginny and jenna also get me. please read best kept secret and a series of mistakes Oh My God#where am i going with this. i like tag rambling actually this is a nice way to do it without forcing EVERYONE to read my delirium#anyways if you've read all of this i think i love you? feel free to dm me about hoffman and my very specific headcanons and aus#maybe soon i'll try and start writing my fics about this tragic man#i could never say any of this on twitter btw they'd string me up for my opinions on him as a sad wet beast who could have been fixed#if only he hadn't been weaponized first#god i'm too tired to even be as embarrassed about this as i should be. thought i unlearned cringe already#but i've been spending way too much time on twitter and they HAAATE hoffman there#rip. i know it's not that serious but i'm sensitive rn and hate feeling lonely in my thoughts#ok bye for real otherwise i'll never shut up. i might tag ramble more often bc this was therapeutic in a way i needed badly#cat chat
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Artificial Condition........ *blows up badly* Also MB 2.0 design that is going to be way too fun to draw :]
#my art#digital art#image description in alt#fanart#murderbot#the murderbot diaries#tmbd fanart#tmbd#asshole research transport#murderbot 2.0#murderhelion#<- just for that third image I uh... yeah that exchange.... fuck man#really wanted to make MB 2.0 a combo of how I like to draw ART and MB so it's got a more humanoid shape than ART but is still spiky like it#urggggg rereading AC in one day did something to me..... I also really wanna draw the ComfortUnit from that book because GRAHHH#I also like... forgot that MB's hair grows TWICE in the series so it's a lil shorter in the third image than how I drew it last time#URG IM SO DEEP INTO THIS HYPERFIXATION ITS DRIVING ME MAD#cannot wait to reread NE it is going to do something to me badly
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being so honest right now heathertail should’ve taken every plotline given to harestar and then built on them & it’s a disservice to the po3-oots arcs that she didn’t. she has a disregard for the parts of the code she disagrees with, and she’s been turned away by a member of the three as a result, first with compassion but then viciously, with him swearing her as his enemy and threatening her straight after nearly murdering her mentor. he comes close to killing her and the book tells us she *knows* it.
seeing the dark forest pick up on this rivalry, on the way she’s been unfairly treated by lionblaze, and taking advantage of it would have been really interesting. it would have given way more set-up to her relationship with breezepelt and given her more agency in it then being the wife who fixes him later on. it would’ve given her an arc of her own. it would have given her a long-lasting and present relationship with lionblaze, making his chapters significantly stronger. seeing this rebellious little apprentice go from a friendly presence to a serious threat created by the flaws of the main character & the clan system would be fun.
and then eventually, after lionblaze has lost his powers and is struggling, we would see heathertail grow behind the scenes and eventually ascend to leadership of windclan. maybe they would reconcile, maybe they would remain a bitter reminder to each other of the past and what could have been, of childhood friendship tarnished with clan patriotism and needless violence. who knows. but id love to read about it.
#heathertail#lionblaze#po3#oots#wc#warrior cats#everything to do with heathertail & lionblaze makes me really angry but also makes me want to cry#she’s treated so fucking badly!!! and we barely get to see how she deals with that!!!#she was so upset when lionblaze said goodbye. reading all her scenes at once is so upsetting#because you see her go from begging lionblaze to stay friends with her to finally accepting it only to have him turn on & threaten her#for something she probably didn’t even do. and even if she did do she only did after he’d already disavowed their secret#this is very rambly. im upset#she reminds me so much of myself. oh heatherpaw we’re really in it now#i just want good things for her so badly
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kaito buying every ticket to every soccer game available just to see that excited look on shinichi's face
#kaishin#kuroba kaito#kudou shinichi#dcmk#detective conan#dc prattles#pls ignore the badly drawn parts lmao i just wanted to let this out ughhhh#okay but kaito takes shinichi to all the soccer games cos he wanna see him get all excited and giddy#it's something that brings shinichi joy that's outside from the usual murder and mystery and the pure unadulterated joy on his face and the#passion he has for the sport is so intoxicating kaito is addicted#plus he just wants to make shinichi happy ;-;#also soccer isn't the most interesting thing to kaito but it's not completely boring either#not when shinichi is excitedly fawning over both the team he's supporting and the opposing team#talking a mile a minute just gushing over their form and their strat and whatever tf soccer things there is to gush about LMAO#BASICALLY KAITO IS MESMERIZED AND BEGUILED BY SOCCER OTAKU SHINICHI OKAY#also i have a lot to say about a kaishin socmed au but that's for another post lmao#i was gonna go on a whole tangent here but i realized i have too many thoughts on that i'll just make a separate post LOL#also i haven't properly drawn in a while pls don't look at it too hard LMAO just know it's shinichi getting excited over a goal or a steal#and literally everyone in the venue is looking on the other side meanwhile kaito is distracted by the biggest smile on shinichi's face#OOOOOHHHH I FUCKING LOVE KAISHIN UGGGHHHH#also in this au the world cup is organized by good people because fuck fifa
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anyways i'm thinking about rodney mckay again and how he's literally the great character on tv to ever exist. the complexities. the contradictions. the way his character growth is so incredible but it's not linear. the way he's soooooooooo fuckable. like there's literally nothing about rodney's character that i don't love. he's albertan canadian. he's an asshole. he's the smartest man in two galaxies. he's an absolute moron. he knows more than anyone. he doesn't understand the reasons behind polite greetings. he strives to learn more. he's hates biology/medical sciences. he's a hypochondriac. he's the strongest character in the show. he has tons of health issues and weaknesses. he hates people. he cares more about the people in his city than he does about himself. he's a selfish bastard. he will risk his life over and over again for other people, even if they don't deserve it. he's also so fucking hot have you seen his fucking arms and his HANDS UGH HES LITERALLY THE. CHARACTER. WHY ARE YALL SLEEPING ON HIM HES SO INCREDIBLE!!!!!!!!! the internet does not deserve him and yet we are blessed with him anyways and y'all need to give him the respect he deserves!!!!!!!!!!
#don't even get me STARTED on his character in relation to john#bc i'll go fucking feral#i'm just#so obsessed#he's literally So Good#he's just Such a Character#he's so good for putting in situations#and david hewlett did SO MUCH#that man deserves every single award there is for acting#beautiful amazing incredible phenomenal wonderful perfection#i love rodney so much#so fucking much#he's such a fucking disaster#he sucks so much i want him carnally#i desire that man so badly#i'd let him ruin me#i'd give him a god complex#ugh i want him#the fuckability of rodney mckay#rodney mckay#sga
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AND THEN TODAY ONE OF MY COWORKERS TELLS ME HOW SHE'S GETTING TO GO TO TIM MCGRAW ON WEDNESDAY WHEN I HAD TO REFUND MY TICKET AND I'M JUST
STUPID FUCKING HOCKEY, I HOPE THE BRUINS LOSE.
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This scene of Till innocently peaceful with such a big smile feels incomplete to me after the events of round 7--But more true to his character rather than a comic with his final thoughts like Sua and Ivan had, it's cruel, brief, like a flashback, and it's bittersweet. Till is probably going to be reserved and ambiguous till the end. He wouldn't be able to bring himself to think about and reflect on his regrets and traumas; that's Till's principle; living in stubborn, childish beliefs, and in those truths, he finds escape into solace, even if it's unlike his reality, it's how he copes enough to make everything bearable for the next day to come. This image feels like a reflection, a memory of when he was happier in life. In Till's final moments, he thought about his and Mizi's childhood, the moment he fell in love with her was when she smiled at him with such radiance, the same moment, he felt like his heart was reborn; it was like he could breathe and smile solely for her. Till thinks back to these moments, these fleeting moments of peace because he can't let them go, he can't let go of the comfort of that familiarity.
--"Oh in a blink Gone. Blink and Gone, relish the present."
This image does bring me back to a lot of lyrics in Round 7. But this one in particular, a line that talks about living in the present before the moment slips between your fingers, in a blink, gone. But Till lives in the past.
Till doesn't think back to round 1 when he killed that alien guitar for Mizi, even though it was fully his decision, even though it was so gratifying seeing "Till win" and Mizi's acknowledgment, do you think he would have done that if he wasn't desperate and just doing what he felt like he had to do to survive? Because he had to stay by Mizi's side in her darkest moment like she was the one beacon of hope and happiness for him?
Till only suffers when he thinks back to round 6. When he's reminded of regret and pain. So, he represses the very memory of it to protect himself, he can't bring himself to even acknowledge it at all until he's forced to, when the aliens were intimidating him with Mizi's missing poster, he fights back out of anger. Just having that weakness, his guilt, and his grief used against him feels like a different kind of collar. Till thinks back to these warm, intangible memories of his childhood because life on stage was never something he could make his own, he didn't want to live for anything Alien Stage offered him, power, fame, etc. Despite his passion for music, Till is gentle and emotional at heart. This throne that is elevated high by bloodied corpses, a life living stagnant and trapped under the suffocating palm of an Alien, at the very top but inexplicably expendable, was never Till's vision of a life worth living. That's why he fought like hell for the life he wanted, for the life that he could've had. It really drives the point home when his final thoughts were centered around those moments when he was the happiest in his life.
It is so hard to feel the beauty, the warmth, in this image when everything around him is inauthentic, and it's off-putting because of the underlying details, especially since because of his gown, this scene might have taken place after one of those experiments or 'classes' it's a very subtle reminder of their reality. But his smile is so real in the moment without the collar, without the pain... he looks so carefree and full of life
And he scrunches his nose when he laughs *gets shot*
#alien stage#alnst#alnst till#alien stage till#i dont think i can talk about it enough...he's so fucking precious to me i fucking hate him (affectionately)#AGH#aghrhhhh#i still want to see a comic of his final thoughts though#this just feels like a vaguer and and more metaphorical way of getting his feelings across in one lense or another#but when i say it feels incomplete. this doesnt feel like all he has to say yet (i hope)#I MISS MY WIFE#cosmic boom of emotions when i see this i dont know how to put it into words#but vivinos has me in a chokehold#he's just a kid. the way he had to go through so many things seeing this face makes me feel happy for him and sad#i really want to kill myself but i miss till so badly#god i am your weakest soldier for till alien stage only#I SMILE AND I CRY HIS FREEDOM THE LACK OF COLLAR HIS HAPPINESS#AUHGHGH#the primal urge to hold him close and burrito him ina. blanket..i love him#till alien stage#till alnst
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if i have super powers i think i would like mine to simply summon eggs. I love egg
#im too lazy to go to the nearest mini market. god i want a sunny side up so badly#KSHDKDKFFKKGGK#delete later#warm sunny side up egg with warm rice and sweet soy sauce…. fuck me
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What. a. fucking. idiotic. question.
#and a leading one at that#like wtf did you expect him to say#at some point these questions are going to push him over the edge and i would pay to see that point#because what the actual fuck#just shut up god#marc marquez#motogp#“like it happened in 2015 i was in the middle and i was theoretically giving points to someone else”#that's the tame answer#do not bring up 2015 challenge impossible#like come on tumblr if you want to talk 2015 and rosquez so badly#no but seriously even if they rephrased this how many ever ways#at the end of the day what honestly did you expect him to say#davide and gigi have already iterated no one's gaining an advantage from the other in terms of support#Marc's not gonna come out of nowhere and disagree with it#and common sense shouldve answered the question before it was asked
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if aradia's death was just in-character for a long roleplay, what's the deal with tavros and terezi's disabilities? did vriska have anything to do with them?
She Did Do Those Things. vriska no!!!!!!
#im insane that vriska is a roleplayer#its so funny to me i love roleplaying jokes#for those not in the know: 'i was just acting in character' is a common phrase used by people Behaving Badly#vriskas like OOOOOOHHH you want me to break the carefully crafted and lovingly acted personality of marquise spinneret mindfang? you monste#listen!!! im playing as my spidersona!!!!! its what she would do shes a spider you want me to not act like a spider???#vriska. you threw the boy off a cliff screaming and cackling to yourself FLY PUPA FLY#thats not '''''''in character''''' marquise spinneret wouldnt have fucking done that you bitch!!! you just got bored and started#causing problems!!!!#her glasses details had to be shifted around because vriska saying to terezi 'its harder for me. i lost 7 eyes you only lost 2' is so fucki#oh my god vriska no. NO. VRISKA#but yeah she did still do those things. i wasnt sure how to handle this but i decided to go this way. a vriska is a vriska#vriska#homestuck#bugstuck#vriska serket#One time I got a death threat in the middle of an in-person roleplaying game. That underclassman just looked at me with hatred in their eye#a panic attack#then later after THAT they began openly weeping.
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I know my opinions on lesbian sex are pretty controversial (aka based on real life and not online discourse) and that most people talking about sex online either don't have much sex themselves or have grown up very immersed in this culture of sex labels? (top, bottom, etc) and so they mostly have sex in those specific ways, but I came across a debate some people were having about a character on some TV show saying of another girl "she can't be a lesbian with those nails" and people were getting super incensed like ☝🏻 stones exists! straps exist! And like yeah sure, but do you only ever do those things? Ever? Like when me and my girlfriend have sex we switch positions like 3-4 times every time we do it. Because variety is fun? Are you telling me you only ever do one thing and therefore the notion that you're touching your partner in any way (hence why the nails are impractical) is seriously so inconceivable to you? Like I know most of these people aren't actually having sex, they just read Stone Butch Blues once and took it as a bible. But seriously, for real now... That's not a universal experience?
#liveblogging my life#i know some lesbians have pretty fucked up views on sex and only see sex as penetration bc they're deeply heteronormative and male-centric#do not argue with me on this they are#but like come on?#you don't even use your hands just a little bit#not even to get things started? you're not living up to your full lesbian potential#and yes this pisses me off especially bc most of these idiots would insist that over half the sex that I've had throughout my life was#not real because you know they only count penetration as the real thing#and i hate them#liberate yourself from your straight male brained chains#or go date a man if you want that so badly
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the thing about clark re: kon's early living situation is that you really cannot argue that clark was negligent for two reasons. a) clark was not responsible for him. cadmus was, and dubbilex was, and if anyone was negligent of kon's needs and situation it should be dubbilex, but moreover b) the writers did not acknowledge that anything about kon's situation was fucked up and the kind of thing that should merit adult intervention.
like, there are plenty of adults in kon's life other than clark who feasibly should have said something about tana dating him. sam makoa was right there! the man's a police officer who watched this adult woman go report on her boyfriend's first day in high school as a freshman and was like "yeah that seems fine haha" like ???
and we know it's because karl kesel & co simply did not see a problem with kon and tana dating. no one at dc did! we see this in sins of youth superman jr and superboy sr. we see this in adventures of superman #541. clark is written to not see anything wrong with it because karl kesel didn't see anything wrong with it! and clark is far from the only adult in kon's life. clark did not live with kon. clark was not kon's primary adult caretaker. not even close.
so why is it that people like to point fingers at clark for negligence first and foremost? is it because people still assume that a genetic link = responsibility, or because clark "should have" known better (despite. you know. being written sometimes by karl kesel) just because he's superman?
like idk man i just think any discussion of kon's history with grooming and abuse that doesn't factor in karl kesel's biases as a writer is fundamentally missing the point. yes, superman is a character that would act to protect a child if he knew that child was being preyed upon and exploited. yes, kon was a child being preyed upon and exploited. no, superman did not know about it, because the narrative was written by a man who would not acknowledge it as such.
of course, that involves doing some restructuring of how it ought to have played out - like, just bc karl kesel saw nothing wrong with kontana does not mean that there's nothing wrong with a 23yo dating a 15-16yo. so clark and lois meeting up with kon and tana during their honeymoon feels off. that convo during sins of youth feels off. there are a good few of these instances, and there are certainly discussions to be had on how to interpret them because of that lens of authoriaal bias. but to pin blame on clark as a character (as opposed to, say, dubbilex or makoa) is such a reductive reading to me.
#rimi talks#its about karl kesel we have got to dissect karl kesel. thats the thing#tbh if i ever meet him at a con i do want to ask him whether he intended to write knockout as abusive#i know he didnt mean to write tana as abusive lmfao but i just so badly want to pick that mans brain. like what the Fuck was that karl#but ugh. man. some posts i see out there in the wild simply do clark dirty and it makes me go :/#because why are you holding clark to this standard and not DUBBILEX???????
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astra navigamus.
got inspired to draw my current rotisserie chicken by @dekariosgale! thank u for giving me motivation to draw again 🙏 it was sorely needed LMAO. anyway. bonus "one with the weave" gale under the cut!
kisses him gently.
#WATERDEEP BOY I LOOOOOOOVE YOUUUUUU#was going to caption it mystra'ryl but then i rememvered how badly i want to stuff her into a cannon with loads of gunpowder.#so.#fuck you mystra#anyway gonna shove a bunch of tags bc im rlly happy w this#gale dekarios#gale of waterdeep#bg3 gale#bg3#baldur's gate 3#bg3 fanart#gale art#per doods#peren schmeren#per-sonal favorites
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suddenly seized with the desire to write/draw a few short little scenes from the world after the events of You Can (Not) Redo (the uh. the yqy timeloop fanfiction. not the evangelion movie which i named it for) because it is, generally speaking, a happy ending, but also yqy is left deeply, deeply broken in ways that would be both fascinating and hilarious to explore
#ramblings#he's like a rescue dog with separation anxiety#sqq's sect relationships are going a lot better here and obv some of that is because The Misunderstanding is dealt with#but a lot of its also thats its hard to take his bitchiness at face value when he is tenderly fussing over yqy with fierce protectiveness#he is obviously and indisputably the only thing keeping everyone's favorite shixiong from falling the fuck apart#also in general its interesting to me to explore what sqq's cultivation would look like in aus where it didnt get fucked over so badly#though if i just wanted to explore THAT the sj ive written in the best position cultivation-wise would the one from the sy!wyz au#also crazy to think about the fact that yqy himself is also significantly stronger in this au than canon#he has been cultivating for LIFETIMES and can command xuan su without any drawbacks#and he is the most unhinged version of yqy i have. terrifying when you think about it!!#mannnnnn makes me think about the fact that i Almost wrote yqy attickwifing sqq in one of the loops oit of sheer desperation#but i ended up not doing that bc it might have fixed them actually. and also would have taken the genre of that fic in a very dif direction#but it compels me
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