#idk if it’s one of the easier ones or not but the few before it took me at least 4-5 attempts so i am rather amused
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— Mona lisa
genre : tags. fluff, childhood crush, class clown x class president
pairing. high school classmate!woonhak x gn!reader
wordcount. 1110
a/n. we are so back!! i hope y’all like this. idk how often ill be writing here cause school but feedback is always appreciated as usual.
@onedoornet
It was time for english class, one of the few classes you enjoyed, and yet you weren’t rushing in the same direction as your classmates. The echoing siren of the school bell resounded through the halls around you as you stared at your hand firmly locked in his grip, letting the force pulling you forward drag you along further.
With the sudden silence in the air, you brought your feet to a stop and pulled your hand out of his. Honestly, you wanted to yell at him but that would only put you in more trouble. You stood face to face in the stairwell, while you kept your eyebrows furrowed with a slight pout in your lips, he couldn’t help but smile at his accomplishment.
Before you could turn your back to make your way back to your class, his hand met yours once again. Now all your face reflected was worry. You glanced at your hands watching as his fingers slipped in between your fingers, holding onto you.
“Trust me” you looked up at him with the sound of those words, he smiled softly, the same smile you had seen throughout your school years, and somehow this time it felt different.
You gave him a quick nod, pushing all your anxious thoughts behind and letting him guide you into his world, the same way you had done for him.
Once you finally reached the storage room you felt his grip loosen, and through it seemed like the normal thing to do, you felt it in your chest like a stab in your heart. The more you tried to act like you weren’t thinking about it, as you watched him move things around, trying to unlock the window as quickly as possible, the more you found yourself realizing that you didn’t just like the feeling of his hand squeezing your knuckles.
Tutoring the Kim Woonhak wasn’t a good nor a bad thing, he wasn’t a lost cause but he wasn’t interested either. Most days you’d stay behind in class together, he’d have his seat backwards while facing you, then he’d ask about your day, and it never stopped there. With all the preparations you had done, mentally and concretely, he would always find a way to make you talk, and you never really wanted to stop because you never really got to talk anywhere else.
“You know, you have a really soothing voice. Like whenever you’re called up to read out I try to stay awake just to listen to you.” he said that once, while you were lecturing him on pronunciation. You stared at him for a while after that, a mix of embarrassment and relief bubbling in your belly.
The only constant would be the work you would give him to have done for the next session, which he always did, you would let him talk to you while you corrected his answers. You weren’t sure how you got to the point of skipping class with him but that was where you were now.
Did it even make sense to fall for your classmate on the last day of high school? You shook the idea out of your head, you lost your chance, if you ever had one to begin with.
“I’m going to go first, it’ll be easier to help you out from outside.” he told you as you stood by the half open window, he could see your weariness and placed a hand on your head patting gently.
“Do we have to do this?”
“Of course not, but where’s the fun in that?” You hadn’t realized you were holding on to the corner of his shirt till he took your hand off gently, holding onto it carefully, “I promise you’ll feel better once this part is over.”
So you watched him climb out the window, keeping guard incase of any trouble. Before you knew it he was out and it was your turn.
“Be careful y/n. Don’t worry too much if you fall I’ll catch you.” He tried to keep his voice down while yelling these words at you, somewhat reassuring words that helped you put your foot out.
You were a lot slower than he was and he was a lot more patient than you were, the wall wasn’t incredibly tall but you couldn’t shake your fears away so easily. His voice kept you grounded, indications on where you could put your hands to get lower. Soon enough you felt his hand on your leg guiding you and you were able to relax.
“I got you, you can let go.” He held on to the back on your knees and your back, you followed his instructions, keeping your eyes shut, and ended up in his arms.
The moment you opened your eyes, you were met with his face, closer than you expected, closer than he has ever been to you. You turned your gaze away hoping he would put you down, and you could just ignore it, but he doesn’t so you look at him again.
Your wide eyes, lips slightly open, eyebrows confusedly furrowed only made him amused, while your heart pounded louder in your chest each time his eyes would land on your lips.
It was embarrassing. You turned your head away, tapping on his arm for him to put you down.
As soon as you felt your feet on the ground, you created some distance between the two of you walking a few steps further from him. You let him hand you your bag while maintaining the space, trying to avoid his obvious staring at the same time.
His hand suddenly wrapped around your wrist, pulling you back to his side. You tried to release yourself from his grip, struggling to break the bind.
“What are you doing?” He laughed watching you try to shake his hand off.
“…You’re too close.” You looked up at him hesitantly, you hated that his smile had any effects on you, but the more he looked at you flashing his perfectly shaped teeth, the more you wanted to just give in.
“You don’t want me close?” He titled his head, seeming almost offended.
You stared at him confused, he was teasing you, you thought as you glanced at the corner of his lips, curved up as it usually was whenever he made fun of you.
“Should I make it more obvious?” He asked as he leaned in closer. You felt an urge to back up, to look away, you were scared because you knew nothing of this. As his hand found it’s place at the back of your neck, you wondered to yourself. Had it been obvious this whole time?
#boynextdoor#bnd x reader#onedoornet#gs.files#boynextdoor fanfic#bnd fluff#boynextdoor imagines#boynextdoor x reader#woonhak boynextdoor#boynextdoor woonhak#woonhak fluff#woonhak#boynextdoor fluff
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guh i'm alive sorry i've been inactive for over a month. i don't really have an excuse. just that i haven't been feeling up to posting, and i've been distracted. i will try to get back to things, but no promises.
#i got a few asks in th past 24 hours that i was not expecting kgfjkgfj#i will try to answer asks today#and i have some art build up i do want to post#i still haven't finished the tourette's nightmare gang lmao#i might even redraw what i do have at this point#might make it easier to finish in a weird way#also#i am planning on opening comms some time#i just want to finish one i got from a friend before officially opening them#but i'm slow#so idk when that will be kfjgnbkj#didderd talks#i might be back. idk
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so anyway, thanks for reading my little dissertations on byan's gender. sorry for not writing again today, i'm just. i'm fuckin goin through it rn man
#'it' being... *gestures vaguely*#i stumbled across this series of yt shorts yesterday (all by the same creator) that really fuckin resonated with me#and i mean that in the most serious way like. it spoke to me. never have i related to someone talking about their experiences more.#talking about their life growing up undiagnosed autistic & adhd... being in treatment for anxiety & depression for decades...#i can't really explain it but good god it's most exactly my same experience and i just. i have never felt that before.#it was so... idk. it sounds so dramatic bc it's literally a comedy short but holy shit#they verbalized things that I haven't been able to and#fuck. I felt seen and I felt like I wasn't alone in this miserable weird non-functioning barely even a human place I'm in rn#and just. idk. I'm still kinda processing some of it.#once again I am thinking back over my life and realizing things and it's. heavy. and tiring.#but like. in an ultimately positive way bc it's gonna help me change things & get to a better place.#I'm rambling IGNORE ME writing it out helps me process ig and for whatever reason posting on my dumb writing blog is easier than journaling#just. once again thank u all sfm for ur patience with me. it means SO much to me. genuinely.#you have no idea how much and I can't put it into words but. slow as I am... writing here with all of you is one of the few reasons#that I'm still kicking. and I'm just. so very grateful to every last one of you.#ok I'm gonna shut up before I get even more sappy and emotional lmfajdkgksg#love you guys. hope you're taking care of yourselves. 💜💜💜#━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ooc ⋮ don’t @ me.#personal cw
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once again i am frustrated because i cannot understand this when it is not at all that difficult I wanna understand it so bad please please please
#physics is kicking my ass hnggggggg#idk if this would be any easier if I had taken gen physics before this (like I was supposed to)#or if I would still be struggling#worst part is that there's nowhere I can go and ask for help#I can ask a few friends but usually they're all busy and don't have Time and also none of them live near me so it's all over text#I just don't understand like. How to set it up. And if im interpreting the word problem correctly#I've been trying to do this one problem for like. 30 minutes and I have no idea where to even begin#i am so stressed mann#im trying to watch videos and stuff that explain it but i just cannot concentrate at all today and I don't know whyyy#i am just frustrated at myself. i want to do this my brain just does not fucking wanna cooperate with me#i dunno im just bitching ig. idk wtf to do#worst part is that it's like. You use answer A to solev answer B to solve answer C and so forth#so if u fuck up somewhere then it messes up your entire thing#and like. I don't even know how to set up the fucking problem so#im just annoyed. And stressed. And bitchy#this is my only hmwk problem left and then im done#I wish my brain would work with me for five fucking minutes Jesus christ#doesn't help that I barely understood the first unit so now I'm just clueless on the second one#lilac post
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#can’t sleep. can’t stop thinking about him and everything the last few days#it’s so much easier to imagine a world where he’s still here than one that isn’t#damn that hurts to say out loud#or. in the tags lmao#still. GOD#it’s always the thing of like#wishing you could go back in time and just enjoy those last few days before everything changed#hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh#i have therapy for the first time in ages tmrw and i’m lowkey scared#it’s our first irl session and idk if i can bring this up when i already have sm other shit going on lol#anyway#pls let me fall asleep god i’m begging u nicely#rowyn rambles
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I acknowledge I have a very blasé attitude regarding the necessity of survival cannibalism (if you gotta, you gotta, man), and I don't discount that the dark year as it is would be incredibly traumatic for wonkru at large, and octavia in particular, due to the specific circumstances at play (these weren't people who died by accident, like the ones in "the society of snow", for example).
that said, I had built up the idea of ~the dark year~ in my head so much that a part of me will always thing "... that's all?" lol. back when the season was airing I had all this vague theories about octavia being forced to implement rules about population and reproductive control that would mirror those of the ark, eventually landing in a situation that would remind her of her mother, for example. something personal and close to heart that would really, really fuck her up.
so on first watch, the flashbacks were a bit of a low point in the episode, thought that's not an issue on rewatch. the episode really does a good job of showcasing everyone's perspectives* and how it all ominously builds together into the final battle.
*this does not mean all those perspectives are created equally, and thankfully I don't think the show's attempting to say that lmao. I remember this was the episode that made me loathe kane. yes, clarke contributed to the mess by allying with mccreary and warning him of wonkru's intentions, and her actions during this season are explicitly self-centered, myopic, and unwise, but this is BY FAR the most self-aware clarke has ever been of her own hypocrisy (her expression when she tries to argue against what octavia did in the dark year as if she doesn't deeply get it...). meanwhile, kane was wrapping himself in self-righteousness and calling octavia the devil ffs. his death didn't come soon enough, if you ask me.
#then s6 comes and we're all pretending 1.) it wasn't clarke and kane who fucked up the world (let's solely blame octavia!)#2.) that clarke was Making Hard Choices For The Good of The People#instead of selfish choices for one (1) person#which i suspect people would've found easier to defend if clarke hadn't been physically abusive to madi#like. i actually remember that before 5x12 people's defense WAS ''but her daughter!!!!''#and then she goes and electrocutes madi asldñkfj#and suddenly we have to pretend that people were mad about clarke pulling something like#idk. god complex (where she was willing to sacrifice and be cruel to the few for the potential good of the many)#and hon. those are not the same. they are in fact opposites!!#but i disgress#talking to the void#my thoughts#t100 thoughts#the 100#the 100 5x11#octavia blake#clarke griffin#stacked100#antimarcuskane for ts
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planted all my plants for spring ☺️
#i have had a hydrangea in a pot waiting to go in the ground for ages and some little tiny native trees#i have one thing i forgot to plant and a few things in the mail tho#but mostly everything out of the way before starting my new job so that's good#i did order a whole bunch of roses and tbh im not totally sure where i'm going to put all of them#and then i have 500 christmas trees lol#but that is a problem for tomorrow me 😌#also i cleared up an bunch of branches from the winter storms and such#so everything looks nice now :)#anyway#startung to get a bit anxious abt monday but not as much as i was for the other job#hopefully this one will be easier <3#i still have a lot of cleaning and organizing to do at home tho my space is a mess#and i will have no energy once im employed fr lol#also my plan for tonight was to be in bed by 8 to magically fix my sleep schedule which is...not realistic lol#maybe 9 tho idk
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WIP DAY.
tagged by @girlbosselrond @morvaris @aartyom @risingsh0t @phillipsgraves @leviiackrman @indorilnerevarine & @denerims over the past month! sorry it's taken me so long to get to anything at all, i'm sure you guys have heard me address it enough, but thank you all so much for continuing to tag me in things while i've been inactive ♡
tagging @aelyosos @brujah @calenhads @florbelles @jendoe @lightwardens @liurnia @nokstella @nuclearstorms @shadowsofrose @shellibisshe @steelport @swordcoasts @wrymbloods @voerman & all of those who tagged me again cause i'm so behind + anyone else who'd like to share anything they're working on, not just writing! ♡
i haven't written anything since the last wip game i did, but i started trying to put diana's timeline together at the start of january, so i mean... i'll show that instead. as you can see, fatigue hasn't let me do much with it even though i've got all of her timeline already done and strewn about all over the place.
started with 1995 onwards cause it was originally going to be an ewskers timeline situation, but then wanted to include all of her backstory so i went back to the start and still have the late 80s and early 90s to get through before then, but yeah :]
it's going to include like all little moments i've thought of between the ewskers just for me and placing them on the timeline, so you can imagine how long this is going to get if i have to go to 2021 for village... like just 1996-1998 is going to be so much... she's very special to me if you couldn't tell already lmaoo
never sharing this though, it's just for me, and like will help for when i do her timeline page (more in-depth version of what's on her oc page) to just run through canon events and brief descriptions and whatnot. you understand.
everything is blurred out besides 1995 ewskers momence and the years, just cause like idk her i feel weird sharing her in-depth backstory unless it's in dms or something, just cause there's lots going on there and yeah. things. idk
i also made a carrd for twt if you wanna have a look at that :] there's some cheeky subtle things with the two resi items i used as pics hehe
actually, you know what, i'll give a lil bit from where i left of with that rewrite anyways, even though it's been months since i wrote it. but why not
Wesker left a fleeting kiss behind her ear then reached around her and hooked his fingers beneath her coat, prompting Diana to glance back at him. But all he did was gently pull it from her shoulders. She watched him from out of the corner of her eye as he hung it up on the rack by the door, his movements careful and almost calculated, until he turned back towards her, and the warmth of his body returned once more. He pressed up against her side this time, as opposed to her back, and one of his hands found a home on her waist. The way the arm it belonged to was resting firmly against her as he began leading her towards the kitchen was comforting, secure, yet unmistakably possessive. And she revelled in it. He had quite the knack for handling her just the way she wanted.
#tag games.#keep going to do picrews and just zoning out 😭 i'm so behind on literally everything but it's fine it's okay (lying)#i'm having a day and a half even though i woke up feeling okay but oh well. my last month has just been like watching videos during the day#or playing games when i have a bit more energy but like i can't do anything that requires me to actually read or write things like words#are just not computing in my brain at the moment but it's okay like i'm just exhausted and hoping soon i can get back to writing because i#still have over 30 wips going lmao but yeah it's been a time a half with lots of appointments and seeing specialists again and trying to#sort things out. i've been more active on twitter which i've mentioned before but it's just because like it's easier for me to sort of just#like and rt things and not having to do my organisation tags and things like i know that sounds so just small and simple but that's how#i've been lately like to my brain rn that seems like a really big task. so i just keep coming on here randomly for a few minutes then#disappearing so i'm sorry that i've definitely missed so much and i haven't been around to just show my appreciation and love to your#creations!! also just everything that happened in december and then a bit at the start of january too like i'm just a lil paranoid about#being on here honestly so i'm trying to get back to it and be okay with posting again and i'm going to make a promise to myself to actually#filter more tags i think? just to help me with like not exposing myself to things that do make me feel uncomfortable in any way!! i'm#rambling now but sorry sometimes i just need to lmaooo idk but yes so cute lil subtle things from my carrd i wanna talk about cause why not#i didn't have to change the blue herb from re0 besides making it brighter because it's already teal toned which is so sexy but i shifted#the hue on the spade key like SLIGHTLY like it was so little. but anyways. i use this emoji ✨ on my twitter name and yes cause sparkles but#also. three stars. the s.t.a.r.s. badge and logo :] then blue herb because i will have no poison in my safe space!!!! take a blue herb or#leave please!! only good vibes and safe space here!! spade key because i'm ace <3 i was going to include the diamond one in there as well#because am demiro and like those are the symbols in the community. ace of spades for ace. diamond for demis (both orientations)#but wasn't sure how to weave the pink through the rest of the carrd even though cyan and pink together is so pretty omg
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good morning!! ^-^
#ooh so i started planning my s/is for them last night#still a little ?? on that decision but I might go separate#considering i have all the tags made I could just make the polyam one canon later depending on how the game has them interact#but for now... it'd be easier to talk separately about them#as for exploration i made it to like 74% on the area I'm doing#i have a few places to wrap up first before I go to the next thing#though i'll start world quests later (unless the next region gets explored through the world quest idk lol)#anyway i might add my new f/os like tonight or smth#i say this like i'm going to be able to focus on anyone but astarion for a while but *shrugs*#i just wanna be able to scream about them when they /do/ take over my mind <3#anyways...#i hope you all have a good day/night~ <3#morning rambles
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I kinda want the show to include Majima Everywhere with no explanation. Episode 1 jumping out of a sewer manhole encounter. Episode 2 jumping out of a giant traffic cone. Episode 3 Officer Majima. Episode 4 Kiryu takes a break to go to a hostess club and guess who the hostess is? That's right, Goromi! Episode 5 Kiryu jumps into a taxi, taxi driver Majima. Episode 6 zombie apocalypse. Etc, etc.
would be a funny lil thing tbh.. i can see that being like a 'before the intro' kind of gag that doesn't disrupt the actual plot
#snap chats#yk what i mean#sorry im finally watching the last few episoes of super salaryman today (im very slow this time around i know leave me ALONE)#and they always have those kinds of things before every episode: scenarios that arent really related to the main plot#like you know in manga how at the end (or middle) of it there'll be a quick comic strip of just a one-off gag#yeah that's what im imagining#itd be cute#i know there are some majima fans who dont like majima everywhere since it's not really in-tune with his character#Allegedly. idk im not a majima scholar alright that's not my field of study#so having it be something independent of the actual show and where it could be easier brushed off as a small gag would be nice#it'd satisfy both audiences i think. cause i know thered be people who'd see it as canon anyway ☠️#not that i dont love majima everywhere of course that's what made YK1 really fun for me but just approaching it from a story-telling#and character perspective
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oh my god i can’t decide what to do with my time today
#Seven.txt#writing stuff#video stuff#it’s Sunday so i need to log into Genshin and do my weeklies and i also need to grind for primos to yoink Yelan’s C1 before Tuesday#but i also need to record that so it’ll have to be done later once the house is quiet but i also need to record Lyney’s story quest but#then i also want to record Kaeya’s hangout but i also need to see what events are ending soon but i also need to do other non game stuff#like i need to finish going thru my backlog of likes on here and i need to answer asks and i need to work on drafted posts#and i have GOT to start working on ES Ch.4 to get that up by my self-imposed deadline soon but i’m recording that so i can only work on it#early in the mornings or late in the evenings but i also wanna finish this one-shot i’m working on for Dew and get it up on here soon#and that’s easier cause i’m not recording it but if i work on it today that’s not the best use of my time when it’s SUNDAY so it’s GENSHIN#DAY but i don’t FEEL like playing genshin rn i wanna WRITE ugh#but i’ve also got Ao3 comments awaiting a reply and i need to get a few things updated over there and i wanna work on This Is Unconditional#but i don’t have the TIME for that right now and i’ve got a bunch of messages that need replying to and a many hours of videos to edit#and i slept bad bc Nightmares so i just wanna eat and take a nap but that’s such a waste of time and uuuuugh idk man#So Many Creative Endeavors So Little Time#*collapses onto the floor in a frustrated heap*#okay. deep breath. i think. i’m gonna go work on banging out the rest of Hold On to Something bc that’s nearly fully written anyways#and i am Dying to get it out of my system bc Ghost Band fixation u know#i at least wanna get the draft done. i’ll edit/post it another day#then i’ll probably hop on genshin for a bit and do the bare minimum (i only need like 15 more pulls worth so even if i don’t grind and have#to swipe its nbd) and then i’ll hopefully be able to record the first writing session for ES ch.4 later this evening!!!#‘cause good god i wanna get that fic back into production. i miss working on it it’s just so hard to get started again#okay enough rambling. gonna go make Bullet’s lunch and get myself some lemonade. then i shall work
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one day i’m going to write an article about how yes all of my friends are online and no i don’t really want to meet them in person
#i have met one before#and guess what we don’t talk anymore#— unrelated but yknow still stands#but it’s basically for me & my ism#being around people is extremely taxing for me unless they’re my Person#(which is my partner tm)#it’s easier for me to mitigate my emotional responses to people when i don’t have to physically see them#i’m actually more talkative!!! online!!!!#than in real life#i’m less likely to be ignored or pushed out of conversations#i can have a Voice in ways i can’t idk#so no i don’t want to meet you in person bc our relationship is perfect like this#sometimes i do get hit with the longing#wanting to be around people irl#but it’s like#the price i have to pay bc all my irl friendships have blown up in my face and i’ve had very few online ones dk that so#i’d rather this than that yknow#about renjamin
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We would love to hear you sing a song...maybe singing even a sad song would help lighten your load a little, and we would be blessed with your angelic voice...please.
🥺
#again this was a few days ago#but uhm#🥺🥺🥺🥺#do you guys actually like hearing me sing? 👉👈#idk I never wanna be that one stereotypical singer who never fucking shuts up and sings all the time#but I’m trying to get more comfortable with my voice#and also not caring what other people think#the hard part about singing in my car is I have to do a song I know by heart#cause I’m using my phone as a voice recorder I can’t look up lyrics too ya know#unless I plan ahead and like print out/write the lyrics before#but man that’s a lot of work#when I wanna sing I wanna sing#I don’t wanna do all this work to be able to sing ya know#idk sounds weird when I try to explain it#I know I mentioned this awhile ago but I’ve been thinking about making a TikTok of me singing#but I also like audios cause they are so much easier than videos#I don’t have to look presentable for an audio#I just have to sound good#idk idk idk#I always feel dumb when I talk about me singing#cause then I really think about it and I’m like lol no one wants to actually listen to me sing#I should just stick to singing in the car and the shower where no one can hear me#but you are right#singing a sad song might help lighten the load just a little bit#I’ll try tomorrow 💖#ask#anon
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really tiring of the vicious cycle of 'ok revisit source material to poke brain' -> 'ok scroll through own tag to poke brain harder' -> 'berate and belittle brain out of frustration cause poking isn't producing anything' -> 'frustration gets worse doubts get really loud stop poking brain as depresh sets in' -> 'boredom' -> 'maybe if I had an idea for a fic I wouldn't be so bored I should poke my brain into activity!' repeat ad nauseam
#in the last few weeks I have:#abandoned a wip that had over 16k words and talked myself out of writing 2 others#this is all WHILE I'm rewatching source material. while I'm in my own tags. while I'm revisiting my own fics from before.#idk what is wrong with my brain but baby she does not fckn work anymore!#I'm *still* thinking abt the din.cobb idea I got and I go from 'oh kinda cute premise maybe there could be something there'#to 'this is fuckin stupid and also it sounds like too much work to write I just won't do it'#idk why but *everything* feels like too much work to write rn#even just like... a scene. it's like ughhh but that's so much work.#so much easier to have the fleeting thought and then never think of it again and just play a game on my phone instead#and what's fucked up in one case is that I'm *still rewatching the source material*#and STILL I cannot make myself do anything past lol that would be funny dialogue write it down in phone notes#where it sits. and becomes nothing. for all eternity. love it.#erin explains it all
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i'm so bummed i accidentally turned town a job interview for a job where I could have worked with a good friend and mentor 😔
#i was telling her abt the preschool i got hired at and i was like yeah im worried bc the other teacher doesn't seem nice#and the student teacher ratio is really bad they're really understaffed and underfunded im just really worried it will be too much for me#and she was like oh you should apply to the school i work at bc we're hiring snd the ratio is great and the pay might be better also#and i never knew the name of the school she worked at until then#and its one i DID apply to but i told them nevermind after this one hired me 😬#but now i really wish i'd taken that interview#i'm going to call or email first thing on monday tho and hopefullyyy i can get in for an interview before i start my new job on thursday#so i wont literally have to take time off for it#and then if they offer me i will be able to tell the new job nevermind while its still early#either that or i'll try to stick it out a few months then apply to the other one for summer or something#but im not sure whether its best to quit immediately or let them think im dependable and staying then leave in three months lol#but mostly for the other job idk if it would ruin the opportunity to tell them nevermind i want the job a week after i said no#compared to a few months later#they might have forgotten me by then which would probably be good#idkkk#my first reference literally works there which will hopefully help and maybe they'll give me a break#the pay scale looks the same as the one i just accepted but i think they'll offer less bc they're not as desperate#but i literally dont care its such a better working environment#and the pay scale is the same so they would give me a raise after a few months#and the work will be so much easier#and the commute#and i Definitely know i can work with my friend#vs the co teacher at this new job who seems really intense and unfriendly#anyway!!#im really anxious abt this new job and i'll stay if the other place wont take me now#but i really hope they give me another chance#also its super close and easy drive and the commute for the other one scares me a bit lol#this has been a shitpost
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#got to see my therapist again after a few months! yippeeee!!!#got to talk abt my friendship loss and change loss and how it def traumatized be a tad to be shut down after being vulnerable abt my emotion#and they said something that really Stuck with me#‘it sounds like you chose your own integrity over your friendship’ which 😮💨OH MY GOD#never before have i realized how i emotionally put myself away for my friendships bcus i thought it was what i was meant to do#and then being open and honest became a possibility and i was promptly shut down for it and i just thought Well let’s not take any personal#trauma from this. WELP GUESS WHAT THATS NOT SOMETHING ONE GETS TO DECIDE FOR ONESELF#and i feel better now. idk how i’m gonna be able to pay! for any of this however bcus lord knows i have no money#i gotta get a holiday job somewhere soon maybe i’ll look into that today/tmm/this week#personal posting#post therapy tho i gotta say i’m proud of myself for using the coping mechanisms i developed the first round of therapy i think i did well:)#and now maybe it’ll be easier to work thru stuff idk We’ll SEE
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