#idk if anyone will ask me but it's worth a try
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ask me about my twfa characters!
50 QUESTIONS FOR YOUR SIM
I thought it’d be cool to share the list of questions I work from when I’m developing characters for my screenplays irl. I adapted the questions for sims and I hope someone finds them useful. also u can tag ur friends to do this if u want but I cba.
SIM OC QUESTIONS (50)
sim’s name:
how old is your sim?
when is your sim’s birthday?
what is your sim’s zodiac sign?
what is your sim’s ethnicity?
does your sim have any nicknames?
do they have a job? if so what is it?
where does your sim live?
who does your sim live with?
what environment did your sims grow up in? (i.e strict, loving, cold etc.)
what are your sim’s favourite foods?
what is your sim’s favourite drink?
if they have one what is your sim’s favourite colour?
does your sim believe in any cliches? (i.e love at first sight)
what is your sim’s sexuality?
what is your sim’s gender identity?
is your sim type a or type b?
is your sim introverted or extroverted?
is your sim neurotypical or neurodivergent?
is your sim a pet person? if so what is their favourite animal?
does your sim have a best friend?
what is (/was) your sim’s favourite school subject?
is/was your sim a high, mid or low achiever in school?
are they planning to go or have they already been to college? if so, what would be or what was their major?
what are your sims political beliefs? (if they have them)
what is one thing your sims wants to do before they die?
does your sim have a favourite tv show (cable) and/or movie?
is your sim a netflix viewer? if so what are their top 3 shows.
does your sim like books? if so what’s their favourite one?
does your sim enjoy video games, if so what is their favourite one and do they play on pc or console?
what is your sim’s personal style?
does your sim have a lucky charm?
is your sim religious?
what kind of music does your sim listen to and who is their favourite artist?
is your sim a festive person? if so what’s their favourite holiday?
what is your sim’s favourite type of weather?
does your sim prefer to start fights or finish them?
does your sim have a dream job?
does your sim have any siblings?
does your sim get along with their family?
what is your sims favourite hobby?
what does your sim look for in a romantic partner?
what is a secret about your sim?
what is a wish your sim has?
what is a flaw your sim has?
how do others generally perceive your sim?
Does your sim have a greatest achievement? If so what is it?
If they have one, what is your sim’s greatest regret?
does your sim have a favourite emoji?
does your sim use simstagram? if so what’s their @?
what is the last text your sim sent (and who did they text)?
#idk if anyone will ask me but it's worth a try#sim questions#sims 4 legacy#sims 4 story#ts4 legacy#ts4 story#the sims 4#twfa outtakes
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is the harringrove fandom still alive because i reread old fic i wrote for them and past hyperfix bit me
#harringrove#steve x billy#stranger things#steve harrington#billy hargrove#all of these stupid tags just to ask a question Eye roll emoji#idk if anyone actually remembers me i was Pretendimstraight? i wrote a lot of harringrove nsforw as a teenager and that was fun and all but#it's been five years and i wanna try writing something for them again#this Might be a reach but it's worth a shot
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If you feel like you need "permission" to do something in fandom, this post is for you!
Something I've noticed a lot of in this fandom is that people hesitate so much to do so many wonderful things they want to do because they feel like they need someone else's "permission" in order to do it.
Understandably, there was a HUGE history of people dog-piling, harassing, and bullying people for doing things that were not explicitly approved by either the creators or the fandom at large. I am so happy that the tumblr fandom in particular has moved away from that horrible time, but the effects it had on people still linger, even beyond things that "weren't allowed."
So if you need permission to do something you've been thinking of doing, I'm giving you permission. 💕
Do you have an idea for a fan event but you need someone to tell you that you can? I'm telling you right now that not only can you start that fan event, but you will do a great job AND people will love it.
Do you have an idea for a fanfiction but you're worried that people won't like it? I'm holding your face gently and promising you that there is an audience for everything and if absolutely nothing else, you deserve to make that fic.
Do you have a headcanon that directly conflicts with common headcanons in the fandom? I support you having that headcanon. YES, even if other people dislike or even hate that headcanon. YES, even if some people are upset about that headcanon. It's their job to avoid that headcanon then-- it's not your job not to have it.
You deserve a space to be heard, to make your creations, to hold you headcanons. Anything that brings you joy, amusement, euphoria, validation, healing, catharsis, anything that you find interesting or enjoyable, you deserve to engage with it.
I promise you are capable. I promise you are not doing anything wrong. I promise you are not hurting anything.
Whatever you thought about while reading this post? I am giving you permission to do it.
#I just saw another person on a discord saying they couldn't do something because they'd never done it before#You don't need to be good at something to try it#What you love doesn't need to be popular to be valid#If you still feel like you need permission to do something specific literally send me an ask and I will tell you you can do it#I love fandom *so much* it's by biggest hobby and biggest source of joy#it hurts my heart that people are afraid to be great.#We're all here because we're full of love. Your love is not worth less than anyone else's just because they're more talented or popular#idk if this post will even reach the people it needs to reach but just like.....#GAH!! FOR ME!! PLEASE!! Create that thing you wanted to make!!#I don't even care if I personally wouldn't touch it with a 10-foot pole!! I WANT you to make it!!!
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feel like the global tasks sweep strat should probably be nerfed somehow. my thought would be, give each team an individual ten minute overall cooldown on global task claims. that is to say, a certain team can only claim one global task per ten minutes. say, deliver gas masks, and then in ten minutes you're allowed to deliver tea, and then after another ten minutes you can claim hot chocolate.
another teams would be able to claim a global task for bananas during this time, and their own ten minute cooldown would start.
(the global tasks can either keep their individual ten minute cooldown [i.e. after tea is claimed no one else can claim tea for ten minutes] or a slightly shorter cooldown, say 5-7 minutes)
when a global task is claimed, everyone is notified, right? if not, in my hypothetical, they will be.
then, a team trying to sweep six tasks at once would actually take sixty minutes to do, allowing another team to swoop in and have a chance to stop it in cinematic, entertaining fashion rather than tubbo having to grind resources and then log out in front of the merchant to counter this, which is boring for everyone (including the person delivering). plus, if a team cuts it down to the last second and ends up getting delayed, they physically wouldn't have time to make a delivery, meaning even being a BIT of a nuisance could be a viable strategy, even if you can't manage to kill; if you can STALL you could still wreck their plans.
that's my dream anyway idk i'm not a game designer. just think it would be interesting for most players
(i elaborate under)
red team would have to shake up their strategies, which is fun since they're a team that kinda has to rely more on strategy than outright brawn (overall the team's pvp can't be relied on unless they have carre or phil, as seen today when pierre, bad, and etoiles attacked phil cellbit foolish and baghera, and cellbit and foolish both died to etoiles in the attack, despite it being a 4 on 1 at the time. baghera was killed by bad soon after. phil was the one to get the kills. the first day, when blue attacked [niki, tubbo, and bad as i recall] carre got both kills)
the other teams would then still have a way to stop a global sweep since a sweep would have to start earlier, allowing not only more time to arrive at global to pvp about it, but ALSO allowing another team to swoop in and steal the goal out from under the team again
i'm gonna use it in a scenario bc i'm badboyhalo and i can't stop myself from making examples:
so, tonight, if the proposed cooldown was in place, bad and tubbo would both still had roughly 17 minutes when red team would have HAD to start the sweep process if they wanted all six global tasks: 1 hour until the server closed at absolute MINIMUM. more for safety's sake.
therefore, in this scenario, there's a lot to happen
blue team could wait at globals, knowing red will probably try this strategy, and attempt or perhaps SUCCEED in killing red. if they kill red entirely, the operation is a wash; red doesn't have to gear to come back from scratch and take out blue team, and even if they could, the travel time to return to globals alone would mean they wouldn't get all the global tasks, potentially meaning they don't take the lead. if blue team is unable to kill red and dies themselves or has to retreat, but succeeds in delaying red, red would face the same problem.
if red sends in all of the task items on one person, and that person dies, even if the rest survived, blue could loot the items from that person and would be able to either use the items themselves, if green is currently the owner, or could run away with the items, effectively wasting red's time and again, meaning they wouldn't get all tasks claimed even if they were able to overtake the runner and reclaim their items.
i'm unclear what would happen if red divided the task items between them since it seems like the person claiming the task doesn't have to have all (or any? again, unclear) the items in THEIR inventory in order to claim so long as a teammate is nearby with the items in their inv (evidence: pac's vod "voltei... o que tá acontecendo no QSMP?!" at roughly 3:00:00; tubbo claims tea and tea is taken out of pac's inventory. i don't know the limits of this strategy)
blue team also has time to swoop in and steal a global task out from under red during this time. say, if red team had claimed the task for 10 tea leaves, upping the price to 15 tea leaves, and then blue team snuck in and claimed the task and set the price up to 20 tea leaves, (since the proposed 10 minute cooldown on claims would be TEAM LIMITED; red's cooldown applying to red only and so on). if red waited until the last second, they wouldn't have the time to reclaim this task even if they did have the resources, possibly forcing them to start their sweep earlier to counter this possibility, at which point team members who had logged on earlier and are out of time by the end of the night, OR members who live in time zones that don't allow them to stay up until server close, may have an easier shot at participating in defending against a global sweep.
all of this DIRECT CONFLICT would make for good audience entertainment and heighten the stakes of an attempted global sweep, since it would practically have to be one team defending globals for an hour while they pipe all their resources into it, knowing that if they die another team could easily swipe their task resources and use it themselves (along with the rest of their gear). it makes it more interesting, while still mostly viable.
plus it would force more strategizing for red team which is maybe just a personal plus, i just really like seeing people planning both in advance and in spur of the moment. it's really satisfying to see how a plan comes together and succeeds or fails; plus, since red team is the main team using this strategy at the moment and their main draw and strength as a team is cohesion and communication this would be completely fucking riveting for me as a viewer so maybe this is just a personal thing. but i really really think it would be fun
but again, i'm not a game designer, or a qsmp player, or a qsmp admin, or honestly even really a gamer? so maybe i'm off my rocker and out of my gourd and this isn't viable or balanced in any way shape or form but YKNOW what is this blog except putting stupid thoughts into the void and seeing if this time the void spits back hate mail so. i'm folding this into a paper airplane and throwing it into the abyss. hopefully it made sense.
k love you appreciate you getting this far, have a good week!!
(i hope your team gets a win in dramatic fashion and celebrates together!!! i hope they come together and unleash a plan so spectacular it takes the server by storm!!! i hope it's so good it becomes a vod you go back to even years in the future!!!! i hope you have a good week!!!!!)
#qsmp#qsmp purgatory#shut up vic#block game brainrot#yes it's long beneath the keep reading no i'm incapable of being succinct#i color coded the important parts though i just wanted to try to be clear#examples are my bread and butter i do programming and math they make everything easier for me to understand#god i hope this makes sense to other people i didn't ask my biological peer reviewer so idk if this is stupid or not#tbh it's just a tumblr post so i guess it's whatever if it is but i put wayyy more work than necessary into double checking timelines lol#(i didn't watch blue today sorry :/ idr if i mentioned in the body of the post but i main red team)#(their energy is just more entertaining for me personally; though i kept an eye on pac once i could multi-watch!)#anyway other team mains feel free to weigh in if i'm making weird assumptions about what the teams are capable of#heaven knows my pov is biased here LMFAO#((for what it's worth i am fully aware this means red team aren't rly underdogs anymore and i super want them to be kicked in the stomach))#((back to the drawing board; what will they do??? I WANT TO KNOW :O))#((seeing them crawling back to victory from being like two pixels on the bar on sunday was great. more of that pls))#idk i've rambled enough#long tags#ignoring daylight savings it's technically one am goodnight friends i hope this post doesn't suck hahahaha...............#OH AND IF ANYONE THINKS I SHOULD TAG SOMETHING FOR FILTER PURPOSES ABSOLUTELY LET ME KNOW#i want to be courteous but i think this post is pretty neutral in tone? but if you think it deserves a tag i will absolutely add it!!!!!
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i’m beginning to think there’s a kind of indestructibility that comes with the territory of your first heartbreak being from your parents.
like, what are you going to do to hurt me? my superheroes chose religion over me. good try though
#alex talks#not writing#idk how to tag this#parental trauma#toxic family#no contact#if anyone has suggestions for how to better tag this lmk#i was just thinking about how i am relatively unbothered by people hurting me like yes it sucks but is it Worse?#i’ve literally been divorced because the idea of me post Hypothetical top surgery was not worth staying married to#and that was like. ok damn ouch. and it really hurt for a while#but nothing will touch the og hurt!!#(i am thinking about this because i had two facetime calls with my parents in the span of a month#in which it was reiterated that i am an Unreasonable Child for asking that my sexuality and gender id be Acknowledged let alone respected#and that the Love Of God is our example and we can love each other through differences of opinion#finally got to vocalize how hurt i’ve been over the last decade by their bigotry and got Literally ignored)#🙂 (heartbroken)#i’ve been trying to decide whether to even post about this where anybody could see it because it feels very real and raw and scary#but you know what i have no qualms about my own side of this story being public#and i think that if my parents didn’t want to look like villains they should have behaved less villainously#thank u for coming to my ted talk that is all#wait no it isn’t#if you’re reading this and your parents have ever made you feel like who you are is not important: they are NOT always right#you deserve to exist as you are#and that isn’t possible for everyone but it doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to take up space#ok that’s it for real
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miss molly!!! my love, my life!
i haven’t been online in a bit and in an attempt to catch up was speed scrolling and skimmed “won’t write fan fiction anymore” and came to a screeching halt
i thought i was seeing a goodbye or deleting my account type post and my heart was immediately in my ass. after some profile stalking i gathered some context and i need to say that you do whatever you need to do for yourself, and absolutely no one else.
that being said, anyone that has read anything you’ve written knows you CLEARLY don’t support or agree with the person who just named YOUR characters. bc while she may have written them down first, every story you create you build them new from scratch for us to fall in love with all over again, and none of that love comes from what she did but from what we as a community have built in spite of her.
I will support and love whatever you decide to do from here. your wolfstar is without a doubt my favorite and your fics are so special to me, but if this is what you need to do for you i back you 1000% and will be first in line to read anything you publish next.
just wanted you to know that youve brought immense joy to my life so far and i will forever be grateful you share your art with the world<3
xoxo, ur biggest fan
FRIEND 😭😭😭😭😭😭
I sincerely got weepy reading this, you have no idea how much this means to me! It makes me sad that she effectively ruined our fandom by being such a hateful person, but if I'm being honest, I'm also sort of excited about having something that is MINE and not attached to her in any way (kinda fun to figure out new names lol)
That being said, I'm not sure what I will do with what I produce. I like the IDEA of trying to actually get something original published in print, but I don't really know how to go about doing that. I considered it with DYH, but it was easier (and less scary) to write it as Wolfstar for ao3.
I haven't looked into posting original fiction on AO3, it is evidently a thing, but would anyone even read it?? (except some of my friends, including you, my darling anon)
#I got an ask!#Thank you so much friend#This is so reassuring#I'm glad to know you'd stick with me for original fiction lol#Think I'll probably lose a lot of my followers when I move away from Wolfstar#Most people only follow me for Wolfstar#If anyone else is reading this#Send me an anon if you would consider reading original fiction written by me#No hard feelings if not I get it#Just curious if posting on AO3 would be worth it#Or if staying active on Tumblr is worth it#Tumblr has been my way of sharing WIPs and things#But if it's not Wolfstar Idk if people would want snippets and things on Tumblr anymore#ANYWAY I'm rambling#Just trying to figure out...#Where To Go From Here
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had a plan today. it was
remember that there's a place nearby where you can rent a fancy gaming pc for $12 (for an hour)
realize that this would probably be able to run the dawntrail benchmark
i could use this to see what i want to fantasia ahris'a into...
attempt to go there after bounsweet community day
its closed :(
#ominous rumbling in the distance#ahris'a adventure#my newer; dumber idea is to ask a friend and have them stream the benchmark for me#but idk if anyone would actually want to do that. plus i would be like#ok now try all the skin tone options i wanna see what looks best!!#and i really just need that for myself#this is the curse of having a mac#i have wondered if i could enable the benchmark using wine. but honestly i dont think my computer has enough space left to pull that off#... but it is worth a shot esp since this didnt work#EDIT: oh shit its like 4gb i do have that much space
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im still so tired mang like fuck. fuckkkk
#i dont have anyone in my life who gets it like no one i know is trapped like i am it seems#i just want to know how to fix it all and myself yk#more than that though i just wish i had someonewho could stomach fighting this by my side. i genuinely dont think i can do it alone#like i feel like im slowly drowning in mud#and everyone wants to stand at the edge and cheer for me for a bit but like i dont need that#i need a hand#or 10#but no one wants to get themselves all muddy and it's generally frowned upon to ask anyone to get themself all muddy#and it's also frowned upon to freak out at the people cheering and i dont even want to do that like.#i dont hate the cheerers. I dont want ppl to feel bad. when im slightly better i appreciate it for what it is.#but it just. really emphasizes that feeling of untouchableness ig. and sometimes i feel like a show#ik it's just like. i wasn't properly socialized as a child and i dont know how to experience gratitude or how to place value on the words#and platitudes that seem to really help other people feel better#but like the second i think about it it's like yea i can do a lot of things to make myself FEEL better. for like a second or two#but nothing fundamentally changes in my life so what is that even worth?? genuinely? and for what it costs is it even a fair trade?#idk what im trying to say but basically. if you've offered verbal support to me-- thank you. and im sorry it doesn't have the desired effec#i too wish i wasn't like this. i too wish my problems started and ended in my own feelings.#kindness is kindness and it should be appreciated as such. pls dont let my mental breakdown convince you otherwise#just know that this is me keeping a lid on it and not getting myself another involuntary hold
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i think i gotta pl;ay fallout 4 ..
#YAPPING this morninh#i tried watching the show i DIDNT LIKE IT. i would rather play the games#in middle school i tried fallout3 but i never felt incentivized to explore the world after getting out of the vault .#i think beth esda games are just like that though idk. ive been playing wolfing stein 2 (2017) and it feels like. beth esda uncharted#i think its just bc its an action adventure and you have like a little team and so far it hasnt been open world the way it was advertised#but ive been getting into the lore of the world in falloiut and im really enjoying it so maybe my game tastes have changed idk its worth a#shot :D i watched this video abt ghoul being an embodiment of the mythologized wild west genre in american pop culture history and how#pervasive a fantasy like that is. the continuation of manifest destiny and rooted in white supremacy yk. but also through the fallout lens#of 'Look at this idealized nuclear family/ american dream and look who it excludes look how it fails' and its really making me wanna try#playing again. i think one of my biggest flaws that i hate is that i cannot tolerate playing old games that are ugly in retrospect .... i#just cant.... i cant play the first red dead its too ugly im sorry... but i WILL research the lore and stuff#anyway thats why i think ill try 4. im just worried i wont like it bc you know.. i like platform action adventures.. not corny shit like#uncharted but idk maybe its an antiquated way of designing games but i like levels i like being given a campaign. i think my favorite way a#game works is like the way red dead does it. the story progresses but you can also explore on your own time. and the world changes as the#story progresses. idk i think i just maybe am not the target audience for any bethesda game LMFAO. anyway if anyone wants to give some#wise words regarding this Advice opinions etc feel free to send asks leave replies dm me :D
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Cancelled the in person interview for today after discussing phone interview with Mum and Housemate last night (and the numerous red flags and cost of the lyft there and back for a job that ultimately the place wouldn't be able to convince me to take if offered, bc the general consensus was 'this is literally likely to be as bad as the current job BUT with the added cost of lyfts back and forth that they wouldn't be paying enough to offset, why on earth would you (me) take this job lmaooooo')
Which works out good bc the ongoing Mum trauma stuff is hitting hard as soon as I've woken and maybe I can get the Big Cry out today. Or write down any of the memories that have been playing on repeat in my mind
(with all this said, yes, I still asked and do legitimately care abt my mum's opinion and experience with jobs despite this; yes it feels weird; no I don't know how healthy that is or not lmao but I'm gonna lean towards Not Healthy bc im discovering that the work my previous doc did certainly uncovered this codependency and trauma which absolutely was a great help but like...we didn't actually really untangle any of it so I could try and untangle myself from my mum, even from 1600+ miles from one another. So. probably not healthy.)
#text post#Housemate was the far more helpful one of ae and mum tho and im very grateful ae took the time to talk over the interview with me#to help me figure out if doing the in person was worth it#mum did kind of help in that she pointed out several dakota eye like red flags from the employer that in retrospect yeah#were flying right in front of my face but i just. want to find better work so it's hard to ignore the red flags sometimes#until someone else goes uhhhhh hey maybe not this job no matter how desperate you feel#which is what it boiled down to more or less in discussion with both of them last night#it's just a weird thing of mum was still helpful and im glad i had a call with her but also it was low key triggering#and part of me wants to call her back and ask if she knows that she's a major part of why i struggle to say no to anyone#who feels even vaguely an authority figure over me no matter what my feelings are or if im being hurt#because id rather be obedient and pleasing than independent and honest (& possibly disappoint ppl with the latter)#but let's be real she wouldn't have an answer. it's beyond her to even think of this stuff#she'd be upset and offended and I'd be groveling like usual to try and make up for daring to question any part of our relationship#the same groveling i do on autopilot for any potential offense because it doesn't matter even if i asked & was given permission#im still always finding there's something i need to ask her forgiveness for anyway#but i love her and am incredibly grateful for her and how much she's given of herself to me as a single mum#idk im gonna shut up abt emotions for now and figure out what on earth im doing with myself today
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4 am and I can't sleep bc my joints are in so much pain 😒
#im so tired too o<-<#miss the days i could draw in bed easily at night. i share my bed now.. but would be worth trying djdndjdb#my puppy sleeps in the bed now too i really like it!#except in the morning if shes up she will dig us out of the blankets.. its cute but ridiculous dhdndh#also omg... this evening i forgot to give her dinner (so much going on w me 😞) and didnt realize until a few hours late#but like. it made me also realize that she doesnt really ask for food. i dont think she knows she can ask...?#i was like omg are you hungy ? and she was like omg yay ☺️#idk why this is a thing w me rn. like she doesnt know she can ask for dinner. babey..... ;_; ...#anyways i think i just came here to complain as usual#nothing new with me other than new art. reading more. think thats abt it..#my partner and i have been reading together before bed. he reads out loud to me#i like it a lot. were really into horror right now and looking for more !#he does voices and the whole bit and i love getting to freak out together mid chapter and stuff.#its different than while watching a tv show or movie idk.#and currently on my own im reading ag/e//ls bef/ore man. maybe 80 pages in or smthn its nice so far#what ive been REALLY wanting to read is medieval horror. surprisingly hard to find.#i asked someone who works at the bookstore and she was so like. baffled by it o<-< she was trying so hard but couldnt think of or#find anything but genuinely trying so hard i felt bad... and i tried to say it was okay but she was dedicated atp 😭#and then at the checkout she came by again like. medieval horror..... thats a tough one. and i just profusely apologized again djsbsusbshsn#so if anyone had some medieval horror they enjoy 🧍♂️ id love a recommendation
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#yeah frankly im 100% overreacting to everthing again because im sensitive asl for no reason rn#but like. what happened to change everything#like idk whats going on with me but every little thing that i do wrong has made me so upset i genuinely cant handle it anymore#like on monday i got yelled at and started crying in class . it was so bad i had to go home#and today i accidentally hurt someone and that sent me into a full spiral#thank god maddie was there cause i genuinely started having a panic attack#i felt so bad and i kept trying to apologize again but i was ignored so i like . genuinely freaked out so bad i couldnt even play music#i couldn't breathe and i was shaking so bad#then it only got worse when we were packing up and he wouldnt leave#like i was so paranoid i just started shaking and crying and i just had to hug maddie for a good while before i genuinely passed out from#not being able to breathe#i dont understand my grind AT ALL and its making me so sad#like ok why couldn't i talk to my friends during study hall#what the fuck is this nonverbal grind#im just so incredibly sensitive right now for no reason and it hurts to be hit with so much negativity and then want support from my friends#but i cant ask them because im basically just attention seeking at that point . because i dont want them to complain to me and that makes me#a hypocrite. cause im just telling them about all my problems and then they start acting weird cause they probably dont want to hear about#it either but i need to tell SOMEONE cause what if they just think im being weird cause im acting strange and they dont understand why im so#freaked out or upset and everything and its just like . i wish people could understand exactly whats happening without me telling them#its so hard to tell them . genuinely difficult to get it out and when i do they look at me like im crazy and shouldn't talk to them abt it#so im just . stuck . like i need help someone pls see me im suffocating here i just need someone to tell me its okay and im not worthless#and that everythings worth it and i need to feel it.#and i know im asking for way too much because no one should have to be constantly making sure i dont kill myself but like. i cant help it#i seriously wish i wasnt this way but when u ahve a literal mental disorder its hard not to be#trust me i feel so shit about this i wish i wasnt so needy all the time#maybe i should just shut up and never worry anyone else again
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Deconstruct the idea of "good" people and "bad" people. As a kid I would sit and cry about how I was a terrible person. I knew this because adults in my life would frequently tell me so. Thing is all this spiraling about my moral worth kept me from thinking in terms of actions. In reality I was doing bad things! Because I was mimicking the behaviour of adults who liked to constantly tell a little kid they were inherently bad!
Once I accepted I may be a bad person but I could still try to be kind things drastically improved.
I don't believe in good or bad people anymore. Everyone's the protagonist of their own life. We're all unreliable narrators. Try to treat people the way they ask to be treated and try to listen.
every post i see that's like "if you're scared of being like [bad person] that's means you're better than them and won't be like them" and it's like. lmao. my dad used to have crying sessions where he would confess his fear of being like his mother and causing me to grow up to hate him. usually after he did something fucking awful, to redirect the attention to his own pain. the girl who sexually assaulted me had panic attacks sometimes about the idea of maybe being a rapist, making it impossible to set sexual boundaries with her without her freaking out. whether you're afraid of being some kind of bad person has basically no bearing on whether you are that way
#i hate the whole good people vs bad people dichotomy people have#i volunteer! i donate 10% of any money i earn to charity! i try to bring a smile to everyone i meet! i am NOT better than anyone else!!!!!!!#god i hate when people act like doing a few prosocial actions makes you better#like i spend some time trying to unpack bigotry ive learned and asking ppl close to me for feedback on how to improve as a person#these are all skills and choices. anyone can do it!!!!!!!!!!!!! its like assigning moral worth to buying milk or getting good at kazoo#humans are social. we make each other who we are. who i am reflects on everyone ive ever been influenced by#everyone whos been affected by me reflects on me#we're a society#this is a group project baby! theres no individual grade!#now could you stop trying to pass fail or whatever and just think of something you can add#idk i think my mouth runneth away from me i just really REALLY hate this dichotomy yknow
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#I think I’m lonely in a way I can’t fully describe#I have a partner and friends and family but still often feel alone even when I’m with them#I don’t feel close to anyone at times and I don’t know if it’s outside circumstances or just me#like with my partner being asexual we don’t really do certain activities that I’d like to partake in more often and I can’t hold it against#them for how they do/don’t feel but at the same time I’m craving a physical connection I can’t have and am struggling#doesn’t help that I think about sex all the time nowadays and would really like to be having it and experiencing/exploring certain things#it’s not always easy to take care of oneself that way and still also try to console the ace partner apologizing for who they are#and yeah hall passes are great but only if you have someone to use it on and I’ve never had anyone want to be with me sexually#moving on to bestie I don’t feel my same love and affection being reciprocated and that sucks because I really do anything I can for him#and am like that with pretty much all of mt friends where if they need me for something I’ll be there#but a lot of the time it seems like he really only wants to talk/hang out with me if he’s at work and I can come visit with him#any time I invite him to do something with me outside of work he flakes and so it’s not even worth inviting him anymore#and yeah there’s rare times where he’ll call me a bunch in one day but it’s always just to tell me some gossip from work#not that gossip isn’t fun but still don’t you want to jus talk to me? I always want to just talk to you even if it’s about nothing at all#I’m always the one putting myself out there for him and being there for him when he calls me but I almost never get that same response back#and it’s like I know he has a family so I know he can’t always drop everything for me nor would I ever expect that but just some matching of#my energy would be nice you know? but then I feel guilty/selfish because I feel like I shouldn’t ask that of him when he does have a life#away from work. and I mean I guess I do too but it’s different because partner and I don’t have kids and don’t do much aside from sit around#together or have tea or other things most often done at home. and I don’t live with partner full time yet so I also still have other freedom#outside of just being with them. and other responsibilities I take care of but not on the same level as a wife and kids I guess#idk now I just feel like I’m whining but tbh all this stuff is weighing on me and just making me feel really shitty#I don’t know how to fix these issues without sounding like a selfish bitch and I’m obviously not going to cut anyone off but I don’t really#see any other solutions forming either. so it’s like I guess I’ll just keep my mouth shut and keep feeling bad until the end of time since#that’s the easiest thing to do and then no one else is hurt or upset aside from me#I just feel like I’m destined to float through life never getting back what I need from my relationships but still giving everything because#I don’t know any other way to be. I don’t know how to set boundaries even for myself so I’ll just keep giving and giving until I’m dead#and yeah I guess I am still a lot happier than I used to be and I appreciate the people in my life#just sometimes feels like they don’t really appreciate me back is all#so now I have to lay here next to partner and have all this shit running in my mind and try to get over it on my own#reasonably I should just go to bed but the loneliness is gnawing at me and idk what to do to make it go away
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It kinda confuses me how some ppl can just say anything on this app and they somehow get 16 likes ☠️
#And it’s not even something related to the content they post it’s like#literally random personal stuff#like dang on my old account with actual followers nobody did that ☠️ in fact the ppl who then complain abt not getting interactions shouldnt#even open their mouths cause I don’t see 0notes under their posts LMFAO I’m scared of even posting a thing on my other account with some#followers cause that 0 notes literally feels like rejection and it makes me rlly idk#like dang I’m the one who should complain yet I don’t bffr 😭#dora daily#at least not publicly and as if anyone would even listen I’ve spoken abt how those grooming allegations about that person and how them#telling me that sends me into a spiral yet nobody even tried to help me or asked if I was okay#at this point I just don’t know yall can’t convince me I’m important or worth anything when ppl see that and don’t even try to help or be#empathetic
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#ah. i think i get it#the clones and brotherhood and all that. friendship and loyalty#i have friends who reach out and ask if im good or tell me they're here if i need but also im afraid#im bad at feelings. bad at talking. bad at needing. i need a lot and feel a lot but i hate expressing it#the clones are the perfect friend/family depiction. they experience a lot of tragedy but they come out stronger as a unit#they'll do kind things for one another and protect one another even if someone refuses#i think im frustrated at myself for making myself hard to access for others#ppl want to do that for me and be that way for me but i cannot.#whether its the parts of my brain or just who i am idk but i just. cant. i cant#and i need and im lonely but im also so adamantly against needing and being helped#but im looking at echo and he's looking at me and we both know i fixated on him bc of it#hes angry and grumpy and so hurt and even when he turns the 99 away they still push back and help#this isnt a fantasy world where i can be difficult andppl will still try and help. im the obstacle to my own problems solution#i want a fake sort of brotherhood and comradery i will never get#it doesn't matter if we share experiences of trauma or situations. i feel like im so far away from everyone#this is why i have fox. he gets it. echo gets it. we're so far away from anyone.#fuck this shit sucks.#this is why i feel like i have no friends or family. im being such a fucking brat#i want relationships that feel like in the end everyone collectively agreed it was worth fighting for#that im worth fighting for
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