#idk if anyone else is experiencing this but like
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They un-goofed my goofy Skeletal Pirates...
#light's spot#w101#wizard101#idk if anyone else is experiencing this but like#literally I was heartbroken replaying the opening area#they look less goofy in the model update!!!#it'd probably not a *new* update but I haven't seen that intro sequence since before they started updating the models for the first time#and it's just weird#those gibberish guys were my childhood!
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Trainer Bakugou who you're a little terrified of the first day you're paired with him. when asking for a trainer at the gym, you had expected the friendly redhead who always looked so sweet and encouraging and cut as hell. you weren't expecting his grumpy looking blond counterpart, who was all glares and shouts for his clients to keep pushing themselves.
you were hesitant at first, before you quickly realized that it was all a ruse, for the most part. he pushed those who needed that extra encouragement, but was more lenient to people like you who simply wanted a professionals guidance. so, after a few weeks, you liked him for the most part, and his looks damn sure made it easier to cozy up to the big guy.
the only issue you've been having with Bakugou though are the...coregasms, as you've seen them been named on social media, that you keep experiencing. the first time, you weren't sure what it was, why your stomach and pelvis kept tightening up. you couldn't have...climaxed, or anything. you hadn't even been touched!
but, as the weeks go by, and the workouts get more strenuous, they've become harder and harder to subside and ignore, and so had Bakugou's commands to keep going when you suddenly stopped. you can only lie and say its cramps so many times before he realizes that something is up.
you're midway through a good morning, when that familiar feeling starts tightening in the pit of your gut. you clench your eyes shut, shaking your head a little, as if you could ward off the impending feeling. bakugou notices though, frowning at your almost pained expression in the mirror, walking up behind you to stop you as you pull yourself back up. his hands are on your waist, and as you come up, you feel his bulge glide over the curve of your ass, and something in you snaps.
you gasp, buckling over, one hand on your knee as the other reaches back for bakugou's hand to keep you up as your thighs shake. you can feel yourself spasming, clenching and unclenching around nothing, secretly wishing you had something that could fill you up, something that you felt throb against you as bakugou leaned over your form.
"Another coregasm, huh?" he asks you lowly, his lips brushing your ear as you bite your bottom lip to hold back your moan. your eyes buck open though, when his words sink in, head tipping back to look at him in the mirror, only to find his gaze already on you.
"You knew every time?" you ask quietly, panting now that its finally starting to pass over you. but bakugou doesn't let you up from this position, especially since the area you're in seems to be desolate for now.
"It's hard to ignore how pretty you look when you cum, sweetheart." Bakugou seals his words with a firm press to your ass, his cock rubbing the seam, and you can practically feel the heat and veins of it through your thin bottoms. you groan under your breath, getting lost in the feeling of him grinding against you, when he suddenly speaks again.
"You still feel it?" he asks, voice low as he looks at you through his lashes. you nod, biting at your bottom lip as you meet the steady rock of his hips, watching how he smiles before slotting his lips against your ear.
"Want me to help make it go away?" and he does, in the employee locker room after hours. he makes it go away, and rebuild, and go away again and again until you're hoarse and your legs are weaker than they typically are on leg day. bakugou helps the ache go away, but not for that sweet redheaded coworker of his, whose fists have fucked his cock the entire time of watching bakugou rail you over the locker room bench again and again.
#remember when I said in my lion bkg tags that I would write that long fic#sorry but I lied 😔#idk its been so hard to write long fics for me lately!!#I thought it would be better since the brunt of everything in my life has passed#but the creative energy isn't all the way there yet#so I won't rush the process of it!!! when I let it come to me I typically bang out like#3-5 fics in two weeks lol so im waiting for that feeling#but anyway!!! I love trainer character aus they're so seggsy#also I had to throw in eiji sorry what else could I have done#NOT put him in this somehow???? I don't think so#okay bye im gonna write another Drabble ive had in my drafts for a few weeks now LOL#—new treat in the streets! 🍫#bakugou treats! 🍬#also has anyone ever actually experienced a coregasm before??? I saw it on insta and was amazed LOL#I need to start working on my core more to get one lol if im LUCKY
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eddie being invited to girls night on the basis they clocked his gay ass & his persona seemed exhausting. and it quickly becomes the closest thing he’s ever had to experiencing “girlhood.”
because although, yes, he’s not a girl—never has been—he grew up hearing all about sleepovers, parties, lunch groups, that he never was apart of. he never had much of anyone, frankly, there was one girl he can’t remember the name of, but he moved away when he was eight. and by then, he was already trying to drop who he was told to be—and just be eddie.
and boys, well, boys are drastically different. the roughhousing, teasing, and constant need to puff your chest up to be seen as cool. he only started doing that when he couldn’t take being alone anymore. at least that way, he still has a good group of guys to lean on.
but the long and short of it is: he never got girlhood. not even something similar. he never got sleepovers, doing each other’s hair and makeup, gossiping about crushes while painting nails, and giggling over romcoms.
he never thought he’d get that. he also thought he never would’ve felt comfortable trying.
yet here he was, in the middle of another girls night at kimmy’s. feeling everything but uncomfortable. he can relax, not care how his voice sounds or how he phrases things. not care if he’s the odd one out because they actually want him there. not care when they tease or pick on him because he knows it’s just fun and they could actually care less.
they didn’t know when they invited him, purely inviting him on the basis of just eddie. but when they found out—when eddie mentioned it offhandedly—they where quick to confirm then clarify that was not the reason for inviting him, obviously. he reassured the girls that he knew that, he just thought to mention it. and my god, nothing changed. it’s was refreshing to just- be. with people. feel comfortable around people.
he just never expected it to be at girls night.
#eddie munson#stranger things#archive#my writing#anyway#trans eddie munson#tran masc eddie munson#he is a man in this btw dont get it twisted#maybe a lil bit of gender fuckery but yk. its me so.#idk if anyone else has experienced this. but yeah.#for some reason lately ive realized girls are easier to feel comfortable around then boys#queerness#transness#gay ass motherfucker who can’t catch a break#i love the idea of the girls immediately reassuring eddie like#ur still a boy to us btw. like ur dumb. like boy dumb sometimes. you can’t fake that#hey. don’t call boys dumb. 🫵#eddie u literally couldn’t find the bag of chips and it was on the counter. it would be a challenge to see u as anything other than a boy#steddie#oh my god i can’t spell ** THAN boys
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Honestly two years after catastrophic breakup I am shocked by how much my life has changed for the better and how much smaller the whole experience becomes as time goes on but the one thing I did not expect is even now the less I care I still can’t think fondly of the good memories it’s just empty to me like they mean nothing. I really thought as time went on I’d think back on good times but I don’t and when I do it’s like a notification pops up in my head that says readers note: you spent your 14th birthday with someone who would proceed to show you some of the most callous cruelty you’d ever experience in your life in adulthood. IshaanWiki updated this memory means nothing anymore
#idk @ anyone else who has experienced really bad treatment from someone you knew for a long time did#you eventually look back on your memories fondly or just best left behind#also I’m kind of unsure if it would even be good to think that way honestly but it’s also like man that was a LOT of my life
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writing a fic abt rick having an ed bcs why would i recover when i can just project all my issues onto fictional old men in cartoons and pretend everythings better now ‼️
tw eating disorder, minor self harm and vomit near the end
Morty stopped in the open doorway of the garage, watching Rick who was sat scribbling down some kind of invention idea, or equation, or whatever it was he did when Morty wasn't around, for all Morty knew he might well be writing fanfiction.
An involuntary smile pulled at his lips at the idea of his almost 70 year old genius grandfather spending his free time writing silly little stories at his work bench. What would he even write? Ball Fondlers fanfic? Maybe he wrote about his stoic bird friend, Rick had always been touchy with him and Rick wasn't touchy with anyone.
When Morty focused back on Rick he wasn't writing anymore, the slightly crumpled piece of paper shoved to the side as he fiddled with what looked like a small metal box with a bunch of brightly coloured wires poking out of the sides. A small spark shot out of one of the wires Rick was holding and he cursed loudly, shaking his hand.
"Fuck, Morty, are you just gonna– gonna stand there, or are you gonna pass me the fucking, uh– the thing."
Rick waved his hand in the general direction of the shelf nearest to Morty, but there were so many assorted trinkets on the shelves, Morty had no idea if Rick wanted a wrench, or a hammer, or one of his laser guns, maybe the box was like a new battery for them?
"W-what thing, Rick?"
"The thing, Morty! The fucking– the uh, destornillador."
"What? Rick, I don't know what that means. W-w-what is that?"
"Jeez, Morty, what are they teaching you at that crap school you love so much?" Rick scowled, tossing the box to the side and getting up to grab the screwdriver himself.
"I havent been to school in like a month, Rick!" Morty exclaimed. "And even then I only got to stay for like an hour before you were dragging me out again!"
"Whatever." Rick said with a burp, "School's dumb, Morty. I'll teach you Spanish myself. B-but, uh, not now."
He turned back to his box, done with the conversation, but Morty stayed hovering in the room, remembering what he had come for in the first place.
"Okay, um, w-w-well lunch is ready."
"I'm busy."
Morty sighed, having expected that answer already. "When's the last time you ate, Rick? Or slept? Or... showered?" Morty said, wrinkling his nose a little.
Rick ignored him, pulling at a blue wire.
"Rick!" Morty frowned.
"What, Morty? J-jesus christ, what the fuck do you want?"
"I want you to have lunch with the family."
"And I said no, so screw off."
"Rick, come on, it would make mom so happy."
Rick glared at him, not bothering with an answer.
"...Wouldn't y-you do it for your original Beth if you could?" Morty tried.
Rick slammed the box on the table, causing the thin metallic shell to crack, sparks flying from it, the sudden noise making Morty jump.
"The fuck did you just say?" Rick snarled.
"S-s-sorry!" Morty squeaked. "I didn't m-mean– mean it in a bad way!"
"Get the fuck out." Rick said icily, eyes blazing.
Morty stumbled out of the room, shutting the door behind him to the sound of something crashing. Probably Rick throwing the damaged box across the room.
Morty winced. In his defense he was worried about Rick, and sometimes, depending on his mood, something like that would've gotten Rick to cave, clearly he wasn't feeling so sentimental today, more annoyed and angry.
"What was that about?"
Morty startled a little and turned to see Summer looking at her phone behind him.
"Just, y'know, Rick being... Rick."
"Mhm, pro tip, don't bring up his dead daughter to try and blackmail him into something he hates." Summer drawled. "You can only do that if he's already half convinced, or if he's feeling especially depressed sometimes.
"Summer! That's– that's messed up!"
She quirked an eyebrow. "Oh, yeah, so only you can manipulate grandpa Rick?" Summer scoffed. "God forbid women do anything." She said sarcastically and turned to walk away.
"Wait!" Morty fidgeted with his hands. "Can you... help me? To get him to have lunch w-with us? Please?"
"Yes, but not now. He's already upset so if we double down on trying to get him to eat he's only gonna clam up."
Morty nodded. "I know that– but how do you? You don't spend as much time with Rick as I do."
"Because he's like mom. Who do you think got her to stop drinking before parent-teacher conferences at school?"
"Wow. That's pretty fucked up that you had to do that, though, y'know, Summer."
"Yeah, well, we're the Smiths, Morty. Is anyone in this house not disordered?"
Morty winced at the blunt statement, Rick really was rubbing off on her. But it was kind of true.
"Guess it runs in the family." He muttered
"Guess it does."
---
Morty hadn't been planning on seeing Rick again until the next day. He knew that when Rick got upset he needed his space. Morty didn't quite get it because when he was upset all he wanted was for someone to hug him and tell him everything was going to be okay, but Rick wasn't like him he supposed.
If he was being honest it made him nervous to leave Rick alone in those bad headspaces he got into. Rick was volatile and unpredictable and a borderline danger to himself and often others. He'd walked in on a couple... compromising situations where Rick had had to explain away why he was passed out in his chair or why there was blood on his hands and his lab coat despite being the only person in the room.
Morty pretended to believe him when he said he had been doing a messy dissection experiment or that "This isn't blood, this is Balorkian dust I mixed with red Squanchenite fluid from Planet Squanch, Morty." But truthfully those moments haunted him.
However, he didn't want to invade Rick's space, so he let him be and tried to eat and sleep until Rick emerged like nothing had happened, even though Morty knew what habits of his went on behind those closed doors.
Of course Morty's patience had it's limits, like when two hours after he had left Rick in the garage, angry, there was the sound of something smashing, closely followed by an unmistakable sound that Morty had grown too familiar with since Rick had moved in. The sound of a body thudding to the ground.
He was up from the sofa in a flash, at the garage door before Summer could even put down her phone, flinging it open.
He felt like he couldn't breathe, but the only sight that greeted him was a smashed bottle and rick lying on the floor next to it, not looking any more dead than usual, looking up at Morty blearily, cracking a smile.
"Oh, hi Morty. H-hey buddy." He slurred, clearly drunk out of his mind.
"Jesus fucking christ, Rick." Morty said weakly.
"What happened?" Summer breathed, now standing at his side.
"He's just drunk." Morty muttered, wrinkling his nose at the overpowering smell that he hadn't registered before between his state of panic and shallow breathing.
Summer ventured into the garage, picking up an empty bottle and sniffing it. "God, grandpa Rick, what the hell are you drinking in here, fucking rubbing alcohol?"
"Sum-Sum! 'M just having some– some fun drinks. Fun drinks just a lil' bit. Besides I only ever drank rub-rubbin' alcohol once, n' it was– tasted like shit."
"What? I was being sarcastic, why would you drink that?"
"Because I was sad... was sad 'nd lonely after B-b-blood Ridge, couldn't find anythin' else. But 'm not s-sad now."
"What's Blood Ridge?" Summer frowned, "Actually it doesn't matter right now, you need to sober up."
"Get him some water," Morty interjected. "I'll clean up the glass. I also know where he keeps all his hangover serums and stuff, but he told me not to let you into any of his drug stashes."
"Fair enough." Summer shrugged, leaving to get Rick some much needed water.
While she was gone, Morty felt along the wall until he found the small hidden panel under Rick's desk. He fished out the light blue vial of fluid for hangovers, the red one he'd forced Rick to make that would sober him up and a green one that basically equivalated to getting your stomach pumped if you took it, just in case he'd taken more than just alcohol.
He shut the panel securely and placed the three coloured vials on Rick's work bench, grabbing a purple tube-like gadget from a shelf. He pressed a button on the back of it and typed in "Broken Glass" on a small hologram keyboard that emerged, then pressed that first button again. A blue ray shot out, scanning the garage, and the pieces of smashed bottle disappeared in a matter of seconds.
Morty looked over at Rick, who was still lying on the floor, but now he was tracing his fingers along a crack in the cold ground, his expression so solemn he almost looked sober.
"Rick?" Morty asked hesitantly.
"I miss her." He said flatly. "I miss her s-so much."
His words were still a little slurred but his tone had lost all the previous levity.
"I tried to save her, Morty, I t-t-tried, but I couldn't bring her back. And no one could ever replace her." A rough sob escaped his throat. Morty felt frozen. "I'm a crappy fuckin'– piece of shit father but I didn't want to be. I was gonna fuckin' give– give up everything for them, and I would've been happy. I would've been so happy as long as I had them, but he fuckin' took that from me! I nnever even got a chance."
Rick was crying, he was crying so hard that his tears stained the concrete dark grey and snot ran down his face sideways. He was shaking like a leaf and gasping for air.
Morty crouched down next to him, fists clenching and unclenching, unsure if he should hug Rick, or if that would make it worse. What else could he do?
"Oh– oh shit, Rick, I–"
"My little girl, my baby." Rick continued between sobs. "She meant everything to me. S-so yeah, I would be better f-for her if I could, but she's gone. There's no point."
Rick's sudden fit of violent sobs was calming down, replaced by a look that Morty could only describe as pure hoplessness and defeat washing over his features.
"'S no point in anything."
Shit, this was bad. Rick didn't admit defeat, and he certainly didn't talk so openly about his feelings like this.
"Aw jeez, Rick, come on don't– don't– don't say that. we killed Rick Prime, remember?" Morty said, wringing his hands anxiously.
"Yeah, I remember." Rick said, tone now devoid of emotion. "I remember killin' him with my bare hands, watchin' the life drain out of his eyes as his blood dripped down my fists. And I remember nothing changing. W-w-what d'ya do when you achieve your life long goal and nothin's better? It didn't bring them back, it didn't– didn't give me closure or give me a reason to live. I still can't sleep, petrified he's in the fucking house, comin' for my new family, that he'll kill all of you to teach me that t-that's what happens when I-I care about people."
Rick wiped his face with his lab coat sleeve, rubbing away the snot, drool and dried tears while Morty just kneeled next to him, frozen and unsure what to say.
"Rick..." he started but then Summer stepped through the doorway and Rick's demeanour instantly changed.
"Summerfest!" he called out and Morty watched, a little shocked, as Rick's whole face changed in the blink of an eye, going back to the cheerful, goofy expression he'd been wearing when he and Summer first came in. It didn't look artificial to Morty at all, even now that he knew it was. How could Rick just switch it on and off just like that?
"I brought water and coffee." Was all Summer said, placing two mugs on the workbench. "And a cereal bar."
The second statement sounded a little more unsure and Morty could've sworn he saw Rick's jaw clench for a second.
"Gimmie coffee." Rick said, making grabby hands, still lying on the floor.
"Water first." Summer replied, handing him the larger of the two mugs.
Rick pouted a little but as soon as the mug was in his hands he drank thirstily, finishing the whole thing in one go.
"You want more?" Summer asked, taking the mug, but he just shook his head quietly.
"Okay," Morty cleared his throat when his voice came out a little shaky. "drink this."
He handed Rick the red 'get sober' vial and Rick chugged it obediently, making a face. "Tastes like– like shit." He offered.
While he seemed a little calmer after the water and serum, his eyes were still unfocused and his voice sounded thick, like his tongue didn't fit in his mouth properly, hints of his accent were slipping through too.
"Did you- are you on drugs r-right now?" Morty asked, reaching for the green vial of serum.
"Maybe." Rick mumbled. His eyelids were starting to droop a little and he curled up more comfortably on the floor.
"Hey, Rick, don't go to sleep okay? What did you take?" Summer asked, crouching down next to him, shaking him a little. He groaned. "Come on, we just have to make sure you're not overdosing and then you can sleep. Maybe not on the floor."
"'M not overdosing." Rick grumbled.
"What did you take?"
"I dunno. Just some random alien drugs I found i-in my pocket." He said dismissively with a burp. "Actually one of 'em was probably adderall. Look at me bein' all responsible an-and takin' my meds n' shit."
He of course immediately showed his 'responsibilty' by gagging and then throwing up on the floor.
Morty winced, reaching for the purple device again while Summer tried to coax him into drinking the green liquid, frowning deeply.
Finally Rick gave in, sipping from the small vial, and almost instantly his eyes began to clear up a little bit.
"Why'd I make these work so well?" He groaned. Then, "My head is killing me, I want coffee."
Summer passed him the second mug and he gestured toward the hangover serum, which Morty promptly passed to him and Rick poured it in his coffee.
He gulped down half the coffee and sighed, wiping his mouth with his already rather dirty sleeve. "Fuck, that's better."
He downed the rest of it and placed the mug on the ground, getting to his feet shakily. He swayed and nearly fell, leaning onto the wall to steady himself as the dizzy spell passed, and then stretched, his back cracking loudly.
He took a few wobbly steps towards the door but Summer blocked the way.
"Fuck– fuck off Summer I gotta– I'm gonna go take a nap."
"Could you maybe eat something first?" She asked firmly, holding up the cereal bar.
"No."
Rick tried to sidestep her but she blocked the way again.
"Summer, don't fucking piss me off right now, I'm serious."
She stood her ground. "Just eat the cereal bar, grandpa Rick. Please."
"Summer, for fuck's sake, I said no!"
"Grandpa," She sighed, the arm holding the bar dropping defeatedly back down to her side. "Do you have an eating disorder?"
The garage was deathly quiet for a second.
"Wha-What?! I'm not a teenage girl in a f-f-f– goddamn netflix drama, Summer." Rick snarled. "What the fuck kinda question is that?"
He gestured wildly, taking another step forwards, which quickly seemed to be the wrong option as a sudden wave of dizziness hit him hard, making him almost loose his balance. He blindly tried to grab onto the back of his chair somewhere behind him, but missed and fell on his ass.
"Rick!" Morty and Summer both rushed to his side, Morty's eyes beginning to well up a little from all the stress of the day.
"I'm fine, don't– don't fucking touch me." He said, shaking Summer's hand off his shoulder, which caused another wave of nausea to hit.
"Please eat this." Summer said nervously, voice shaking as she pushed the cereal bar into his left hand, his right one gripping at his hair.
"Summer, I promise you if I eat that shit right now I'm gonna throw the fuck up."
"Please?" Morty pouted, eyes big and teary.
All it took was one look at him, and with only a brief moment of hesitation Rick snatched the cereal bar from Summer, muttering angrily under his breath.
Morty only caught "Me cago en la puta." and "Maldito cabrón." which he more or less understood, more familiar with swear words than any other words in the Spanish language.
Rick peeled away the wrapper slowly with unsteady hands and took a small bite.
Morty and Summer watched in silence, not wanting to discourage him by saying the wrong thing—which with Rick could be anything—as Rick uncomfortably ate the cereal bar.
"There you fucking go." He said weakly, Throwing the now empty wrapper at Summer, but missing as it was too light to travel more than a couple centimetres, landing somewhere by his feet.
"Thank you." Summer almost whispered.
They sat in silence for a while, Morty sniffling and rubbing at his eyes and Summer shuffling a bit closer to him for both of their comfort.
Rick was sitting with his knees losely bent and his head braced in his hands, trying to overcome another hit of nausea.
He wouldn't exactly say he tried super hard to keep the cereal bar down, but it wasn't deliberate when he vomited it down the front of his shirt.
"Oh! Aw jeez..." Morty winced.
"I did warn you."
"In our defense, you had every reason to be lying to us."
"Fuck you, Summer." It sounded weak even to his own ears.
She sighed softly.
"Morty, get his shirt off. Do you have pijamas or do you sleep in jeans and a lab coat?"
"Jeans an-and a lab coat."
"...I was joking, but okay." Summer said, flipping the switch that opened Rick's garage closet and grabbing one of his sets of identical outfits.
Rick squirmed, making noises of complaint as Morty tried to take off his current shirt.
"Rick– stay still, you have vomit on your clothes."
"I'm not fucking two years old, Morty." He scowled. "I can change by myself."
Rick tried to sit up but wobbled and then slumped back against the wall, needing more time to recover. Morty reached for his shirt again and this time Rick let him pull it carefully up over his head without resisting. Morty took the new set of clothes from where Summer had left them on the floor next to him.
Summer wasn't looking but Morty still shielded Rick's body from sight with his own, pointedly not mentioning the raised scars and jagged, angry, red cuts littering his arms which he had already suspected would be there.
Rick shifted uncomfortably, seeming relieved when Morty didn't want to talk about it.
"Okay." Morty said, helping Rick pull on his clean lab coat too.
"I'm going to bed." Rick grumbled, not waiting for him to continue, just getting up slowly.
He felt weak and shaky and his brittle old bones weren't exactly helping out. Despite his thousands of cybernetic implants he was still human, much to his dismay, and he couldn't treat his body as badly as he did when he was 30. Not that that ever seemed to stop him, managing to still maintain the same shitty habits he'd had for years at the ripe age of 67.
He stumbled through the dining room, Morty and Summer trailing after him, not discouraged by the glare he sent their way.
As soon as he reached his room, he slumped onto his bed with a groan.
"R-rick?"
"Fuck off, Morty." He snapped into his pillow, a little muffled by it.
Morty hesitated, exchanging a glance with Summer, who shrugged.
"...Ookay, Rick. Uh, see– see you at dinner, today? maybe?'
"Don't count on it."
Summer frowned, Starting to say something, but Rick interrupted, "I'm gonna apply my room's Lock Protocols in ten seconds, so i-if you're still in here, I'm not letting you out until I'm done sleeping. A-a-and if you're standing in the doorway, you're gonna get fucking squashed in the doors."
"Whatever, Rick, fuck you too." Summer huffed, pulling Morty out of the doorway with her.
"Room, activate Sensory Protocol 2. And t-tell Summer to go fuck herself."
"Sensory Protocol 2 activated." Came the mechanical voice and a heavy metal door snapped shut. "Go fuck yourself, Summer."
Summer scoffed. "Dick." Followed by a sigh. "What are we gonna do?"
"I-I don't know." Morty admitted. "There's not much we can do if Rick won't accept help. And he won't."
"So what? We just give up on him?" Summer asked accusingly, putting her hands on her hips.
"No, Summer, J-jeez. I just– We're gonna have to get creative."
"Fuck."
---
thats it thats the end i didnt know how tf to end this but my goal wasnt to rewrite like the bible idfk it was just to put rick through shit and put completely unfair expectations on summer and mortys shoulders so that they could ALL suffer in this fic !! :3 also this is so mf long i sincerely apologise if u read all that
#i feel like all the few rnm fics ive written are set in the garage im sorry 😭#thats where rick mostly is when hes not out in other dimensions tho ig#also even tho my fics r all rick centric i cant not have my boy morty in them#i just love him too much#also obligatory birdrick mention in the start bcs theyve been on my mind#also in regards to is anyone in this house not disordered let my drop my smith sanchez family disorder hcs >:)#okayyy#so starting off strong with beth: an alcoholic like her father probably anxiety stemming from her abandonment issues and possibly depressio#next up my boy morty: anxiety also and most likely ptsd from all the shit hes experienced ik a lot of ppl hc him as autistic but i dont#possibly adhd dyslexia or dyscalculia tho or all of the above idk#oookay next up jerry: i really spend incredibly little time thinking about jerry so idk im open to hearing hcs abt him tho#wait back to beth: maybe also ocd or smth like that#okay now summer: my girl has a lot of substance abuse issues as we see and fomo but idk if anything else maybe social anxiety or smth#aaand its rick time: alcohol and drug abuse definitely ptsd for sure depression and autism possibly adhd or bpd or both#in this fic he has an ed also so that#paranoia too#and thats it i think#also going back to the topic ofautism tho#i just cannot see it with morty at all like he shows no symptoms?? i dont see them at least idk i could be wrong#i honestly see it more with beth or summer maybe#but idk#also i almost never put the accents when i write in spanish lol but i did so#vey professional of me ik#gotta let rick say cabron properly#alex says shit#rick and morty#rick sanchez#morty smith#summer smith#rick and morty fanfiction
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#idk if it always was but i think now that ive lost so much weight#i think my dick is bigger#has anyone else experienced this?#i looks so much longer lmao#i could always see it but i looked at it yesterday when i was bricked and it was long as fuck im like okayyyyyy lmao
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I've been bothering people with this in dms so much but that's not enough so I'm sharing my insanity here.
Scar who doesn't need physical touch. He's not exactly touch averse (tho you could see it that way), he just. Doesn't need the affection. He likes the occasional hand holding or a quick hug, but he also likes his personal space and freedom. Hugs and cuddles are too warm and too stifling and he needs his freedom for movement.
He's not sad about this. It's not anything tragic or awful. He likes the idea of cuddling and he loves seeing other people hug and cuddle. It's just not for him.
He also doesn't understand touch starvation. He's never experienced it and probably never will.
In 3rd life, in the desert. Grian noticing scar taking a step back when someone is standing too close, shying away from physical contact and never being the one to initiate it. He stops trying to touch scar, only when it's necessary.
He notices how much more comfortable scar looks after he stops giving him so much physical affection. But... this leads to grian maybe becoming a bit touch starved.
Grian telling scar in the desert he feels a bit touch starved and scar asking him what it means. Grian explains.
After that, grian notices scar holds his hands much more often. It's not much but it means the world to him.
Hermitshipping under the cut
Also. Comedic potential.
Let's take redscape for example (or scarian. Works both ways. Just imagine whichever ship you prefer sjcjdksk). Scar and mumbo start dating. But since scar can't really provide all the physical affection mumbo needs, he goes to grian. Mumbo gets cuddles and hugs from his best friend and he gets hand holding and occasional short kisses from his partner. It works for them.
Now imagine tho. The hermits thinking it's mumbo and grian who are dating. They will often see mumbo and grian cuddle or hug or hold hands. A lot of the times scar is even with them, but keeps distance a bit.
Sometimes scar holds mumbos hand, but that's about it.
It's actually scar and mumbo who are dating but they don't know that.
Or
The mumscarian option where they are all dating. Grian and mumbo get the affection they need from each other and scar is happy to just be with them.
Sometimes, when sleeping on the same bed, grian and mumbo will cuddle while Scar just holds one of their hands. Or not even the whole hand, just have their pinkies interwined.
Also scar definitely has a ton of plushies to hug close at night
#stiff talk#gtws#this is literally me djcjdkk#im happy with the minimal touch i get and long hugs or cuddles are not my thing sjgjrjcks#and like im not sad about it. i dont need the contact.#to others this would probably look like i should he touch starved but i genuinely never experienced that djvkdkzmq#so this whole thing with scar not needing as much physical affection is such a weird comfort. even tho i dont need the comfort#its just a very specific fluff thing for me i guess sjvkrkckskf#hermitshipping#grian#mumbo#this is so sweet im giving myself cavities actually#idk if this looks like fluff to anyone else but its fluff for me#self indulgent fluff basically#mumscarian#desert duo#idk man these tags are getting out of control djvkdkskc#no touchy touchy scar
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I am once again going down the rabbit hole of trying to figure out the ages of the Gallifrey characters
#idk why my brain gets so caught up on this but it does#I’m also talking like start of gallifrey because I’m not getting into all that for them now#what bothers me the most is that we’ve got basically nothing on Narvin#I can’t remember for sure but I don’t even think we know what regeneration he’s on#I don’t think it would be hard to assume his first but also it could not be#like for brax we know he’s older than the doctor so that puts him at at least 1000#and romana is around 600 years younger than the doctor so she’d be around 400#and then I’m going with 50 ish for leela because we don’t know her actual age so I’m using Louise jamesons age plus the time she spent#married to andred#also with romana that’s assuming that her and the doctor experienced the same amount of time in between them traveling together and the#start of gallifrey#I guess that could also count for brax too but whatever#for narvin what we’ve got is that he was above the rank of a junior agent under vansell during the time of the fourth doctor#(at least probably)#so we can make the assumption that he wasn’t fresh out of the academy/cia training#which makes me inclined to say that he’s older than romana#but that’s really all I’ve got on him#doctor who#gallifrey#romana#irving braxiatel#narvin#leela#clearly this is a subject I am normal about#if anyone else makes it this far in my rant and has any insights I’d love to hear them
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tough pill i have to swallow is realizing that “getting better” doesn’t mean “getting to do more things,” getting better for me means taking better initiative in protecting myself. and THAT means making sure i do LESS things
#sounds kinda obvious but i only just realized it lmao#feels like i have to grieve a lot of my goals now but no one said the healing process would be easy#danbles#and for anyone else that has a disability that prevents them from doing smth#or trauma that makes certain triggers limit their opportunities#or neurotypes that make it harder for them to love smth like they used to#or whatever else#i don’t want to make it sound like you have to give up on the things that make you happy#I’M certainly not going to#but a huge value of mine has always been experiencing everything life had to offer#and everytime that backfires (whether it’s burnout; triggering a flashback; triggering an episode; putting strain on my body; etc)#i always just thought to myself ‘it was bad timing’ or ‘i haven’t gotten better yet’ bc the endgoal was to always get to that point where#i could experience it. i want to try new things all the time. i want to feel normal and be included in everything#but if smth keeps Making Me Feel Bad then maybe there isn’t a version of myself that can take it on#it’s not resilience to put yourself in harm’s way#idk how well i’ll be able to put this into practice tbh. i rly rly like exploring different experiences#even negative ones are valuable to me#but the least i can do for myself is recognize that i might not always be the problem#maybe i’ve already hit the limit on all the self-work i can do. maybe it’s the environment or situation itself that’s the problem#fuuck guys i feel like i’m going thru a stage of grief here why is this shit so hard 💀
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#this is exceedingly stupid#and i promise y'all i'm not that pressed about it don't worry#lmao#but isn't it kind of a Feel Bad™#to get more notice on a ship you're only. like#lukewarm about#versus one you're absolutely rabid about#like if you were a dedicated Kyman shipper#then one day decided to do a throwaway Style thing#and your Style thing got like#way more likes/comments/kudos/retweets#whatever what have you#than your Kyman things ever did#IDK IDK that Feels Bad™ right?! 😭#like. nothing serious. But#Has anyone else experienced this? Pls tell me LOL#I need a sanity check!!
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has anyone else had issues with self ship artists making you skinnier than you are or is that just a me thing 😃
#ik i should’ve said something but like it’s so damn embarrassing to be like actually🫡 i am unfortunately not that skinny 😍#i said something to an artist once and she just made my hips slightly wider i was like ok cool solid thank you#so i have 2 comms where i’m like….. that’s just not quite me#and i sent them irl pics of me for reference so it’s not like it was just based on a picrew or something#like flattering i guess thanks but it’s just not quite right hgfvbhjbvb#anyway i’m rambling but. idk it’s been on my mind#this is me being very vulnerable but i just wanted to know if anyone else has experienced it
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I just cannot engage with Lord of the Rings in typical fandom style. That is a religious text to me.
#Ive tried so many times and i just CANNOT#that is a testament of love and pain and sacrifice. the fragility and strength of the human spirit#gandalf has provided me with more comfort than the entire bible#fanfiction fanart shipping its all impossible. the only thing it leads me with is arguing with goons on reddit#lotr#lord of the rings#the lord of the rings#the fellowship of the ring#two towers#the return of the king#return of the king#tolkien#idk if anyone else has experienced this. is it because its already perfect in my eyes???#like do i not feel the need to engage with it on the same level because i dont need to imagine anything else???
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back to self-analyzing what the fucks going on in my brainium
#txt#i need to go back to a therapist methinks#cuz why am i only now reading about OSDD-1a#bc errrmmmmmmm.........................#i know C-PTSD is very comorbid with dissociative disorders#but like given things ive experienced and struggled with its always felt like there's something More going on idk#idk it's like...i can see OSDD CPTSD or even...BPD i guess#but its just like i dont feel like ONE of those fits me its like i relate to a bit of all three#mostly so CPTSD but thats bc DUH I HAVE CPTSD#my lifes been trauma after trauma there's definitely not simply ONE traumatic event that's defined me#also wondering in another area if it's just adhd autism overlap#or maybe i AM autistic afterall just VERY VERY good at masking it or compensating for it#or if i have the same subcategory of Bipolar a former friend had that commonly gets misdiagnosed as the former two#which is likely bc all my blood relatives have gotten diagnosed with a form of bipolar and im not joking#idk man i just wish i knew wtf is wrong with me and how to like...do something about it but like actually#and not just focus on the depression or anxiety because that's CLEARLY NOT HELPING#yes im depressed and severely anxious but dont u think they might have a ROOT CAUSE#i'm definitely convinced and have been for years that they stem from something else#deeper and more of an issue than anyone trying to study wtfs wrong w me has figured out including me
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I just met the rarest type of person on earth- a best buy employee who helped me without trying to sell me stuff that I didn't need.
#he was nice? and pleasant? and conversational? and not shilling me ten different things?????#probably helps that he was probably about my age and not one of the middle aged men working there who think they're god.#idk if anyone else has experienced that but I've had HORRENDOUS luck at best buy in the past but this guy was nice.#I'm astonished.#He was helping train some other guy the entire time and was apologetic about it#and he was like 'hey. at least now you know how to run a health scan on an iphone‚ too‚ right?'.#like. yes. it was riveting. thank you. an educational half hour all around. and you didn't try to sell me an ipad.#Once in a lifetime experience‚ honestly. A best buy employee did their job without being condescending or selling me shit!
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sometimes i truly do feel so isolated and alienated because even if people on here are lonely and sad they still have friends and partners and they're capable of having jobs and getting educations ... and im like ok wow im like actually the only one who doesn't just "feel" those things but also is completely worthless and insignificant. cool 👍
#and it's why i cant feel connected to anyone even if some ppl are nice to me#bc ok yeah but at the end of the day i still AM a loser while u have a life and ppl who care abt u........#nobody gets me. like for real...... ☹️#having avpd is fucked up and a curse tbh#idk rn im also in an avpd moment where i cant even reply to anyone at all#im like ok wow.... i both feel like im only worthless and stupid and awkward anyway why even bother trying#plus im genuinely like tired...... i just wanna be the most important to ONE person and be chosen by them over everyone else#never having experienced that just makes everything else pale away in comparison like i cant even find it in me to feel anythinf#anything*#im just feeling so fucking sad and im realizing how fkn alone i an#AM* god trying so hard not to cut myself since i cant even type properly#and since i have avpd that only makes me isolate myself more which makes me more miserable#but also the thing is... my only choice IS to isolate myself bc i dont have anybody#having short shallow social exchanges w ppl who i only exist a little bit to is making me feel more empty#i so badly need deep strong emotional connections#but actually i dont even care abt that... really truly all i want is to be no 1 to one person#so.... i dont know i dont fkn know all i know is that im so lonely#and even if shallow impersonal things can sustain me sometimes im in an avpd mood rn where i feel so fuckinf#fucking***** broken and worthless and all i want is to further isolate myself#bc when i try to talk to ppl im reminded of how stupid i am#bc they mean sm more to me than i do to them#bc they have real lives with real ppl that matter to them!!!#it's not what my soul needs so i just cant bring myself to.....#idk i also feel like an asshole bc i truly appreciate nice messages#idk i just wanna cry tbh and kms bc i will always have avpd and be broken 🩷
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This is a difficult post for me to make, but to anyone whos commissioned me and is waiting on it, it may take a little longer than I wanted. My cat, Sammy, passed away last night and its really taking a toll on me and my mental health. Its difficult to work through but I'll be doing my best. Thank you for the patience so far with it all, and I'm sorry to ask for more of that patience. Thank you for understanding. Let me know if theres any issues regarding the wait, sorry again.
#cant guarantee ill be on top of my game. yknow#he passed in my arms#he was well loved but he was sick and there wasnt much else we could do#its been weighing heavy on me since he got sick but having him pass in my arms on the way to the vet was horrible. i cant#even begin to express how devastated i am. he was my baby. my youngest cat. but he always had health issues yknow?#i guess it was inevitable but it all feels like a bad dream#idk. sorry guys#im used to death. used to grieving. but it still doesnt feel real. or right#the last time we experienced a pet death was for our realllly old childhood dog. she lived a long time#my sammers was so young.#he deserved so much more time. he was so loving and sweet. and he had little fangs and tufts on his ears.#and hed lay over my boots when i came in the room. hed curl up against my legs and purr like a motor.#hed always be making biscuits when he saw people. with his big paws. they felt so big compared to his long lanky little body.#misha and rin (our other two cats that were around him most) have been laying with me for hours. rin slept on me all night#misha slept in sammys cat bed. like he knew#idk. im sorry#ig ill tag this for any triggers#pet death#animal death#sorry.again thank you all for being patient with me. i have unending guilt. im sorry#seraph.txt#if anyone has questions or comments youre welcome to comment or reach out. ill try and reach out too.sorry
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