#than your Kyman things ever did

[delivish]

‎

[kestalsblog]

I have some Stanman headcanons for you! Although, this is more going to be me just yapping about it. Lmao sorry. 🙈

1.) Stan is the only person Eric has ever had actual romantic feelings for. All other relationships he's been in have been transactional for him (i.e. what can he get out of this relationship?), but Stan is different. He GENUINELY cares about him and loves him.

2.) Stan would absolutely confess first, and when he does...OOHH BOY. Eric is in a state of pure shock. He doesn't believe it whatsoever, but it's HAPPENING. He's always felt as if Stan was something that was unobtainable. He always thought Stan was way out of his league (poor boy has low self esteem). My goodness, though, he is over the moon when he finally realizes that his love isn't one sided. 🫶

3.) The reason Eric hates Wendy so much is purely because of jealousy. He feels as if Wendy doesn't deserve Stan and doesn't treat him right. Arguably, it could be why he hates Kyle too. Lmao

4.) Eric has been in love with Stan since he remembers being able to feel that way, but Stan's feelings came a little later; shortly after moving to the farm. Eric was the only one who actively visited Stan, and it's a gesture that Stan grew to love him for. I mean, come on, Eric Cartman can force his mom to drive him to see Stan but Kyle, Stan's B.F.F., can't do the same?

The more time they spent alone together, the more Eric let down his walls, which allowed Stan to see a much softer side of his friend. They realized they had a lot more in common than they thought previously and they opened up to each other about things they've never talked about before. That trust and communication is what made Stan develop feelings.

5.) Eric LOVES to show off Stan. He's very proud of having such a beautiful boy on his arm 💕

6.) Eric is PROTECTIVE. If you make Stan cry or hurt him in any way, run. Lock your doors. Leave town.

7.) Shortly after going public together, people constantly asked Stan "why Cartman? What do you see in him?" It pisses him off and he gets defensive, which Eric finds hot af.

8.) This one is obvious. Stan is a bottom, Eric is a top. Lolol

9.) When Eric held Shelly's baby, it did something to Stan. He never thought he was capable of baby fever, but seeing his big scary boyfriend carefully hold a baby made him weak in the knees 🩵

10.) Stan and Eric both have inside jokes and it drives Kyle nuts. He hates it. Mainly because he can't tell if the jokes are at his expense or not (they're not) 😂 They're also scarily telepathic. They know what the other one is thinking and can finish each other's sentences.

Overall, their relationship is extremely healthy. They never fight or argue. The most they'll do is bicker, but it's all with smiles and laughs. Nobody ever believed their relationship would work, and many didn't understand why on Earth they would be together, but they proved everyone wrong. ❤️

I could go on and on about these two but I hope you like my ultra long Stanman babble 🫶

Ommggg 🙈🫶 This is so CUTE!! I'm going to respond to each one because our views of Stanman are so similar 🙈🤣

EDIT: wow, I wrote a ridiculous amount, so I put it below the read more 😳

I looooove this headcanon, and the show supports it! Eric shows SUCH a soft side for his Stan 🥺 I think that's the main thing that made me drift more from Kyman to Stanman. Like, the spice is good, but there needs to be a foundation of trust and support for that to work, and I see that happening more with Stan than with Kyle.

2. I love this too 🙈😍 Poor Eric longs for Stan for soooooo many years that he convinces himself it's never going to happen, and then one day BAM Stan hits him with the sweetest and most vulnerable love confession. Eric's just a mess after that 🥰 And pretty bad at missing the signs LOL.

3. Omg this actually got me to thinking about that episode where Wendy crushes on Cartman and Stan's in disbelief. Like, I wonder if that went on, maybe the jealousy would transfer from Cartman to Wendy. Like he realizes he's upset not because it's Wendy, but because someone else likes Eric 🙈🤭

4. I always headcanon as Kyle just going away some day because he feels like he has the most successful future ahead of him (not that Stan isn't smart, but he has a lot against him). I think even after the farm, as they're growing toward college and afterward - Stan would learn to see more connections to Cartman apart from Kyle. I also am 100% convinced Eric will mature and become a better person no matter what anyone says 😤

5. I LOVVVEE this. 🥰 One of my favorite tropes tbh, someone obsessed with the other's beauty. I kinda want a whole fic like this where he just shows Stan off 😍🙈 Stan would be shy about it though.

6. You do NOT want to be on Eric's bad side. The person who hurts Stan will have a creative death for sure LOL. The only thing that would hold him back, I think, is Stan not wanting to make a scene. (Gonna admit too I'm just obsessed with chronic crying Stan lol)

7. Yesss! 🙌 Even so many fanfic readers kind of LOL at the idea of one of the other characters choosing Cartman, but like ... the guy is super talented and intelligent and just needs time to work through his issues to become better? Stan will help him do that.

8. There is literally NO argument here 🙈🔥 I couldn't write them switched because I can't imagine it ANY other way.

9. I never even thought of this, but that is SO cute 🥺 I can see Stan adding and adding animals to their family until one day Eric is like, "Uhh, are you trying to send me a message here?" 🍼 (I actually think Eric could be a great dad one day. Like anyone who messes with his kid will die 1,000 deaths. He's a good dad in Post Covid!)

10. I think Kyle would be jealous at first 🤣 He's like "how the hell did this happen??" But he does love his friends, so he'll come around and be happy for them later on, just always a little judgmental.

I just typed FOREVER LOL! 🥰🤭🙈 This was a lot of fun to read, so thank you!! I love receiving asks like this, so anyone always feel welcome🥰

As I was typing the tags, I accidentally wrote "Stan Cartman" ���💜

[roomofshroom]

kyman headcanons part 2 !!!! SFW (cartman oriented!!!)

since yall liked my kyman headcanons so much i thought id give it another try and write down sum more ! :D

part 1: here

cartman would plan little fucking schemes to see if kyle really loves him (text him from a fake instagram profile, pay a girl to make a move on him, shit like that)

motherfucker craves attention so much, so he like pretends he's sick or dying or that something really serious happened to see if kyle comes running to him

kyle quickly realizes this is not a one time thing and is really annoyed w him but manages to come running everytime cartman pulls something like this, eric always treats him with a big smile when hes at the doorstep ("you came! :D " "ofc i came you said ur fucking mom was dying?! where is she?" "oh she just went shopping" "so you made it up?! you know how fucked up that is?!" "technically, my mom IS dying, we are ALL dying every second of every day ever since we were born, kHAL...")

cartman uses like an unhealthy ammount of emojis in every message, sends shit ton of tiktoks, reels, youtube shorts and has a completely different types of conversations w kyle on every social media platform all at once (like on instagram he's venting to him about how he doesnt feel appreciated enough by the world while hes sending him memes on discord and streaming himself playing fall guys or smth i dont fucking know)

kyle's style of texting is very simple, he doesnt like long messages, he doesnt really send memes or tiktoks or anything but he religiously watches everything eric sends him, responds to him asap and writes medium sized messages with emojis because cartman is super fucking clingy and goes on a rampage if kyle doesnt respond for more than 3 hours or if his response isn't "enthusiastic" enough (*eric sends a meme of cats with a "this is so us" comment* kyle: <3 eric: do you hate me? kyle: no wtf i dont??? why? eric: idk just seems like you hate me)

cartman hangs out w kyle's mom and makes kyle's mom unknowingly share embarrassing details of kyle's life just to tease him w the information later, they also look through baby pictures together

eric and kyle's mom love gossiping together and they watch say yes to dress together and critique the dresses ("the mermaid style dress with HER LEGS!? i thought she'd wanna show them off!" "yes, such a shame, wasted potential")

sometimes cartman just goes to kyle's house solely to hang out with his mom ("oh hey cartman, i wont be able to hang out today, i need to-" "no worries, I'm here to watch tlc w your mom")

cartman's love language is words of affirmation, obviously, and he makes kyle say everything he loves about him at least twice a week as a "communication exercise, so that their relationship stays good and they both feel appreciated" (its honestly just a way for eric to get praised, he loveeees that shit)

he knows kyle's love lang is acts of service (hes known him for years, kyle didnt even need to tell him) so while he's at his house he'll wash the dishes and fold his clothes but he won't admit to it, he actually hides it and feels embarrassed, kyle just knows ("hey, did you clean my room while i was downstairs?" "no?" "look, its clear you did, just say so" "i don't fucking know what you're talking about, khal" "...thank you, eric" "...shut the fuck up, jew, as if I'd touch your dirty ass room")

cartman's actually very shy with showing affection when its just two of them and when kyle says something sweet unprovoked, cartman usually blushes and shuts him down, turns it into a joke or straight up ridicules kyle ("you're actually very pretty, cartman" "yeah, you're pretty too... pretty gay, HAHA")

kyle's shy with showing affection in front of others and cartman fucking takes that and runs with it sometimes, doing everything to make kyle uncomfortable, he's being all lovey dovey infront of kenny and stan to see kyle cringe internally and awkwardly smiling on the outside to 'not seem like a bad boyfriend' (cuz when he once couldn't take it and told cartman to shut the fuck up, cartman got fake sad and stan came to kyle afterwards and gave a speech about "sometimes having to put up with stuff you don't like to make your girl, uhm sorry, to make your... significant other happy")

[numbknee]

Enough of the suffering thru the asks abt all the other cartman ships, what abt your brain rot? 🥺 what *are* your thoughts on kyman?? Go ham dude

ooooh dear... where to begin with the kyman brainrot....... I guess I’ll start at the beginning. VERY LONG POST under the cut. this is basically my kyman meta magnum opus lmao

I’ve talked about this ad nauseam before, but I really, REALLY didn’t want to get into south park. I had only ever watched like 2 full episodes before 2021 and I simply did not understand the appeal. I just thought the draw to the show was the shock factors: gross-out humor, children swearing and committing violence, and blatant bigotry played for laughs. I didn’t understand how it could be so popular other than “well I guess there are lots of horrible people out there who like this horrible show.” 

I grew up in a very WASP-y town and had peers in elementary/middle school who learned about the existence of antisemitism and other bigotries through south park. because kids are stupid and don’t understand satire, many of them took it at face value and were able to have shittons of words added to their vocabulary to put people down and insult them. it was horrible tbh. and I hated the show for that, even as a young kid. I personally wasn’t perfect by any means but even as a snot-nosed, extremely sheltered little white girl I knew that you just shouldn’t do that shit. our school system in particular lauded the “golden rule” constantly (we had to do a school-specific pledge after the pledge of allegiance every day... yeah I know, very american) and I was like “cmon, you guys can’t even follow that ONE RULE to be a semi-decent human being?? really??”

anyway at the end of 2021, my younger brother asked me to watch the post-covid specials with him and he was very excited about it. I was immediately hesitant, especially because in recent years he has become alarmingly incel-y and took a hard turn to the right while I became a leftist. I reluctantly agreed to sit through it to try to understand him more because, even though his political ideology sucks ass, he’s still my brother and I do love him. 

so I watched the specials, and I came out the other side of it shell-shocked with how surprisingly good the writing was. THIS stupid show, the show that all this time I thought was bottom-of-the-barrel comedy, was... GOOD??? particularly regarding CARTMAN?? 

the only things I knew about cartman going into it were the following: he’s fat, he says the name “kyle” weird, and he’s a horrible antisemite. and they made him grow up to be a freaking RABBI. it completely caught me off guard and *gasp* actually made me laugh???? what???? 

there were plenty of other things I loved about the post-covid specials, like my depressed ass relating WAAAY too hard with stan, the extremely on-the-nose satire of the state of advertisement/capitalism with the stupid “denny’s applebee’s max” restaurant chain gag and all the old people being shoved into a giant prison retirement home once they aren’t productive anymore, kenny getting sick of the gang’s bullshit and writing “FUCK THESE HOES” on a beloved childhood photo, butters become a snake-oil salesman for NFTs, kyle being told to “think like a kid” and like 2 seconds later realizing they need to look up kenny’s ass. I could go on but you get the point. 

I liked it way more than I thought I ever would. and obviously, I often find south park funny for different reasons than my brother does because matt & trey are very good at toeing the line of appealing to both sides of the american political spectrum, but it’s become a point of bonding between us in the year since I started watching the show and I’m grateful for that. 

of course, since i’m terminally on tumblr and ao3, I also started to dive into the fandom of south park. I had heard about the whole creek thing years ago and waved it off as a stupid gag but then I realized wait, holy shit, there’s actually a GIGANTIC shipping culture around south park??? at first I got into style because of the interesting concept of post-covid kyle and stan reconnecting after decades apart and not being the same people they used to be but trying to make it work anyway (I even wrote a fic about it ahahaa...) 

but after a while I got tired of the ship because as I watched the rest of the show, I realized their relationship just wasn’t as interesting as I thought it would be. like they’re best friends but... why? because they’ve known each other forever? they both like video games? they make fun of cartman together? the fact they’re “super-best-friends” is kind of taken for granted by the show and the audience, but imo matt and trey never really explore the intricacies of their relationship very much. y’all can disagree with me on this but idk, all I know is that I got bored with style as a ship after like 2 months.

while scrolling through ao3 and tumblr, I ran across kyman fics/fanart for the first time back in february or so. at first I was appalled because... why the everloving fuck would you ship the blatant antisemite with the jewish kid??? really???? isn’t style a much better choice??? but sheer curiosity got the better of me, so I did what I always do when I’m curious about a ship: select for fics with kyle broflovski/eric cartman, sort by kudos, and read the first result (or in this case the second because the first had creek as the main ship). y’all know which fic that is if you’ve even slightly gotten into kyman. it was interesting, but I personally didn’t see them as the actual characters from the show in that fic. they were fandom versions of kyle and cartman, with their personalities changed enough to fit the standard mlm shipping dynamic that’s popular in fandom spaces (particularly regarding dom/sub aspects). I’ve seen it happen in plenty of other fandoms so I wasn’t surprised, but I still couldn’t see how it could possibly work if one were to use their canon character depictions. 

all the while I was making my way through episodes of the show cuz it’s long af, and over time I became more and more intrigued with kyle and cartman’s relationship. cartman quickly became my favorite character in the show because of how fucking complex and layered his personality is (see my tags on this post), and though kyle despises cartman in countless ways, he still is the only one who consistently tries to find goodness in him, tries to make him change for the better, saves him when no one else will, and remains his friend despite everything. it’s a remarkably complex dynamic.

little hints of kyman started creeping up on me: cartman being frequently queer-coded as a closeted gay kid. kyle getting extremely jealous of cartman and heidi’s relationship. both of them on separate occasions saving the other from death or injury without wanting any credit for it or lording it over each other. “we've been through a lot together, and... maybe that alone doesn't make us friends, but it makes us something” 

needless to say, I started to get it. and then I encountered the straw that broke the camel’s back: “know your enemy” by elsen on ao3. I’m not exaggerating when I say I’ve read that fic probably over a dozen times. it was shockingly well-written and so in-tune with the style and tone of the show that I was like “is this person spirit-channelling trey parker or something wtf???” and all of a sudden, I could see how, in a different universe, kyman could actually be an endgame ship. 

what sold me on it the most was how in-character it seemed for cartman to be a repressed, denial-ridden sub, especially regarding his desired relationship with kyle. there’s plenty of canon evidence that cartman has a secret crush on kyle (see this vid by johnny 2 cellos), but there’s no way that kyle could reciprocate those feelings, right?? imo kyle would probably rather die than enter a romantic relationship with cartman where he had to submit to him all the time, but if cartman would want kyle to be dominant over him??? where kyle has control and is able to curb cartman’s problematic behavior as he sees fit??? that opens up a whole other door of possibilities.

I think what kyle wants more than anything else in the world regarding cartman is for the goodness he sees deep down inside him to come to the surface, and for kyle to be the one to guide him (or force him when necessary) to becoming a better person through love and patience and inherent understanding of his fucked up little head??? I can definitely see kyle wanting that (especially since I see kyle as a repressed, denial-ridden sadist/dom lmao; see this post for my thoughts on that). 

it was all downhill from there. I found tons of other cool kyman shippers on tumblr and twitter whose writing and fanart helped suck me in even more and I’ve been stuck in kyman hell ever since. special shoutout to the asker for her kyman analysis posts that inspired this fic I wrote! love u boo <3

ANYWAY that’s how I became a whore for kyman lolololol ∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿ have a nice day everybody

[bloogers-boogers]

I have an idea I think you'd like... I shared it on my blog but I'll give it to you directly. So the premise is a soulmate au where you have to stay with your person, because they are your source for your life force/energy. If you go too far from them for too long you will become physically weak and eventually perish. Now imagine this... with kyman.

They can't leave each other or they will literally fucking die

Fine, you’re gonna get me into a emotional wreck bc of this au? Then so be it.

Okay, so I see this insanely with Kyman however I see they project their weakness into anger! they start destroying their own lives bc for some reason it doesn’t matter?

Every time they feel weak they get into a self destructive mood that not even their friends could intervene, I feel in this AU they did not realize they needed one an other just cause they were always together but the moment they split up (after high school) is we’re their lives went down hill.

Kyle has always felt a strange attraction towards Cartman while Cartman has always had this obsessive attraction towards Kyle. They connected immediately since children and they felt STRONGER and indestructible while being together. But it was never something they questioned much.

However, now apart they’re vulnerable, weak, lifeless like a rose that’s about to give up it’s last petal before drying out and finally dying. Cartman’s is Kyle’s rose while Kyle’s Cartman’s spikes.

(Kyle see Cartman’s as his spikes while Cartman sees Kyle as his rose)

They’re each other’s rose beautifully seeing each other in the opposite position of it.

They perfectly balance their energy, soul bonding into one when they’re together. Like they say the yin to its yang.

So of course, being far apart is a deadly thing to do, dangerous even. I see Kyle getting weaker by day just cause I see his energy being more stronger than Cartman’s so ironically he’s the weakest. Having Cartman made him the strongest because being around him even it, and being with Cartman was a automatic win when it comes to beating him in a match cause he is STRONGER.

However Cartman wasn’t far off when it comes to strength, of course, having Kyle made his strength even to his (but never beating him. It’s not like he attempted it either so..) though he was still slightly weaker.

I see Cartman realizing this first after talking to Mephesto about it and having been explained about energies and all that stuff. He runs, and heads searching for Kyle and tell him about his discovering even if there was a risk of Kyle believing it was bullshit.

Kyle was literally going delirious by the pain, Stan was by his side holding his hand and reassuring him that everything would be okay.

The hospital didn’t know what was wrong with him, in just a couple of days his condition worsen by seconds. And he was declared a small percentage of living. His parents were shattered by the news and his brother broke in tears after years of ever doing so. They were all devastated, however Kyle didn’t feel that same sentiment; he was calm, accepting.. as if he was already expecting it to happen.

Laying there feeling his body weaken until a chubby man dash inside his room startling Stan and abruptly making Kyle’s heart burst into flames jumping outta bed and pointing fingers at eachother.

Both did.

Cartman was feeling that same burning passion, life has never been more colorful, livid.

“THE FUCK WERE YOU!? I WAS ABOUT TO DIE!” Kyle screamed offended, finally able to feel that scare his family was feeling, actually fearing the possibility and closeness to death.

Not being able to actually live.

“The fuck you expected me to do!? You never called!”

“I never expected to be in death bed!”

“¡You’re not even dying, you’re seating your ass comfortably there!”

“¡Barely!”

And they just continue bickering but somehow, they deeply connected after that and never wanted to ever fall apart again.

[cheesy-poofs]

I know you posted the question four days ago so feel free to ignore this, but thoughts on Candy? (Cartman/Wendy)

No problem! I like asks in general so I don't mind. And sorry for the wait I just wanted to make sure this post was at least semi-comprehensible before I posted. I'm not super confident in what I wrote but I'm posting anyway. This isn't an analysis just rambling.

I've said this before, but I like Candy because I considered it before I considered Kyman (at least, before I genuinely shipped Kyman). While, sure its not "as good" as Kyman, I fucking love their episodes together and I love seeing art of it. Honestly its been a comfort ship for me at times, especially since I love Wendy and Cartman both individually as characters. In fact, Wendy is one of my favorite characters in general. I do ship her more with Stan, as "basic" as it is to ship Stendy, but I'm fine with shipping multiple things at once.

I find it so funny that Wendy killed someone before Cartman ever did; it was just to exaggerate how jealous she was in "Tom's Rhinoplasty" but it does make me like the idea of an AU of them where they're both very sociopathic and horribly codependent. I'd love to see mutually jealous / would kill for each other Candy. But obviously these two versions of their characters didn't exist at the same time, and Wendy has changed a lot as a character since then. I find them entertaining later on regardless.

I do like their plot in "Chef Goes Nanners" in fact its the only reason I revisit that episode. The scenes where they're working together are adorable, and Wendy's "wet dream" kills me 😭

I kinda feel bad for Cartman at the end, when Wendy admits her feelings vanished after they kiss and he just pretends he's not crushed about it and sadly walks away. But it does help the theory that Cartman very easily develops crushes on people/attaches to people. I'm not great at wording this particular aspect of his character, so I'll move on.

I think this is another one-sided ship though. Wendy...well, is kind of a slut (and I would assume that Cartman calling her one in his book in "Dances with Smurfs" has to do with how heartbroken he was after she kissed him then moved on lol). Later on she genuinely hates Cartman and wants nothing to do with him. Not that I think Cartman loves her or anything, but he likely still finds her attractive. So a lot of my ideas with them as their current characters involves Wendy randomly getting horny for him, leading to her sleeping around with him; maybe it happens when Stan and Wendy are having their 40th break-up of the week or are taking a break from each other (I've gotta give credit where its due, a lot of this is probably influenced by your art). As I mentioned she doesn't like Cartman, so her casually hooking up with Cartman would most likely be a situation where she's thinking more with her clit than her brain...or maybe it would be a hate fuck lmao. Maybe that's OOC though. That all aside, I think they're really cute and funny together. I love characters that are opposites so good to know Trey and I have the same taste in ships.

Sometimes I feel obligated to have ships where I plan on the characters committing to each other romantically, like dating or marriage. But its also fun to imagine them hooking up for the hell of it and that's where I am with Candy. I think people have been shipping it for a long time too (like since Season 1?), but I don't know the full history of this fandom.

TL;DR I like Candy a lot, probably irrationally so.

[roostertuftart]

This meta was sent to me during a argument, and while disagreeing with this opinion, I couldn't line up my thought to why. I want to hear ur opinion on this since you're a Kyle fan like OP and has a lot of meta posts about him. thank u for reading this post and sorry for my bad english! https://curiouscat.live/ginzura/post/1191543937

First of all, no need to apologize for your English, and it’s perfectly legible regardless! I’m going to paste the OP’s exact words here because I don’t know exactly how CuriousCat works and I don’t want to original text to get deleted so no one can see what exactly I’m arguing against, so here it is below: 

Ask: What do u think about those ppl who say  shipping kyman is bad bc you’re shipping a jew with a nazi 🧐

Answer: good question! if people really believe that then i can't blame them for not wanting to have anything to do with kyman, however my interpretation is different. buckle up cause this is gonna get kinda long though....

so first of all, cartman is without a doubt, a bigoted person. he's racist, he's classist, he's shown signs of being sexist too (though nowhere as bad as butters lol), etc. the thing is, his anti semitic remarks towards kyle for being a jewish person feel different than his other very backwards beliefs. i'll expand on this. 

take for example the way he treats token, often alluding to the fact he's black, applying stereotypes to him and commenting stuff such as 'your people'. all this because token is black, nothing to do with token's personality or hobbies, it's just because token is a black person. when he shot token it wasn't because token did something to him, it was because token was a black person, and therefore, a threat to him, a white person. with this we can assume that the first thing cartman notes about token is his ethnicity above all else. he doesn't see him as a person but just part of a minority he looks down upon.

now let's address his relationship with kyle. he belittles kyle, calls him a 'goddamn jew', has threatened his life, etc. to the naked eye you would think it's exactly the same to what he does to token but that's where i disagree. he doesn't hate kyle for being jewish, he hates kyle for BEING kyle. is it cause kyle is smarter than him? maybe. is it cause kyle makes has things he doesn't have? maybe. but the point is that kyle's very existence annoys cartman so he has to put him down and the most obvious thing he could possibly remark about kyle is the fact that he's jewish because it's a low hanging fruit. but that's not the only thing cartman has had issue with concerning kyle. cartman tried to make people turn against gingers and emphasized that daywalkers were the worst type. who is a daywalker? kyle, of course. when he found out kyle was partly new jerseyite, he was against that too. he just tries to single out kyle as a menace as soon as he has an excuse for it. and that's why i don't actually think he's a nazi as much as he's a big fucking dick with an unhealthy obsession for kyle. i'm convinced that if kyle wasn't jewish, cartman would still find an excuse to get on his case

furthermore, and this is something that escapes fans a lot, cartman has pretty much stopped calling kyle 'jew' for quite some time now. the development started in s19 where he promised he wouldn't anymore after getting the shit beat out of him by pc principal. he still did in the ninjas episode, same season, but ever since that habit has died. so, in any case, i think cartman is mellowing out…

---

I’m not sure if this is the answer you’re looking for, but honestly, even as someone who really isn’t super fond of both-sided Kyman myself, I kind of agree with a lot of this take and I have for a while, though I don’t think it’s all because of Kyle either. 

Cartman’s feelings towards Judaism seem extremely complicated to me, ranging from fetishizing the religion to outright hating it, and I think in large part this all does come down to his obsession with Kyle. Whether you believe the theory that Cartman is secretly in love with Kyle or not, it’s undeniable that he is obsessed with him and getting his attention. Maybe even having the envy of wanting to be like him in some aspects. 

I’m not going to go into a deepdive into this because I’m not the most well versed about Cartman’s character as a whole, but I can go over how Cartman’s feelings towards Kyle and Judaism seem to work. 

To start off, to say that his anti-semitism entirely comes down to how he feels about Kyle isn’t really true either. In early seasons, Cartman is already spouting out some pretty nasty stuff at Kyle about him being Jewish, and I would argue that this far back, he didn’t yet really hate Kyle or have any real obsession towards him. Not moreso than the other boys anyway- In fact, he even claims to hate Kenny the most, and there seems to be a genuine effort on his part to be liked by Stan and Kyle who tend to pick on him or show their outright hatred towards him- That’s not to say Cartman isn’t an asshole himself, but that seems like how he is towards everyone- He genuinely seems to crave their attention though, especially in episodes like Prehistoric Iceman. We’ve also seen that Liane seemed to have a pretty bad influence on Cartman at this time, teaching him some fairly bigoted shit. It feels likely to me that Liane probably had some if not full influence on Cartman’s opinion on Jews at this time, as she probably did with everything else he believes, leading to his general bigotry towards most minorities that he still holds today. 

What I agree with OP about though is that if Kyle had not been Jewish, Cartman would not be so intent on his anti semitism. I still believe he would probably be in the same way he is racist towards black people like Tolkien, but I can’t see him being nearly as obsessed with it, nor do I think he would fetishize it as much as he sometimes does. Cartman’s hatred of Jewish people in large part is because of Kyle, not the other way around. Of course, this isn’t at all Kyle’s fault and is still extremely egregious on Cartman’s part, but I think it’s important in meta discussions of how Cartman thinks and feels towards Kyle. 

One thing in OP’s post that does bother me however is the last part- Cartman “mellowing out”. I really don’t like the implications that Cartman’s antisemitism becoming more subtle is the equivalent to it being less, or even an improvement on Cartman’s behalf. Like, I do agree that he’s a child who has had a lot of bad influences and that he’s not beyond outgrowing his bigotry, but the show itself hasn’t really given us that just because Cartman doesn’t call Kyle “jew (derogatory)” anymore. We can’t get into his head obviously and see exactly what he thinks of Jewish people now but it’s pretty clear to me that he still holds a lot of antisemitic values and likes to torment Kyle in targeted ways because he’s Jewish. 

Season 21 and the first episode of season 23 are pretty obvious signs of that. In S21Ep7, he straight up told Heidi conspiracy theories about Jewish people and basically convinced her that Kyle has been manipulating her simply because he’s Jewish, as well as even going as far as teaching her that Jewish people are always “trying to get ahead of everyone else”. This isn’t some micro aggression he accidentally dropped despite showing vast improvement most of the time, this is extreme Nazi rhetoric, and it’s just as dangerous and damaging as the shit he was saying before Season 19. In S23Ep1, Cartman uses ICE to have Kyle’s family separated and placed in detention facilities in an extremely targeted act of revenge. He knows what he’s doing, and it’s obvious. He’s not stupid, and I don’t know how anyone can fall for his very clearly fake act in the episode that he somehow suddenly forgot Kyle was Jewish and that this situation would be something Kyle would be extra sensitive to. I’m going to give the benefit of the doubt that OP just forgot about these episodes but this is NOT an improvement in his behavior. It’s just more subtle and manipulative on his part which is disturbing and dangerous in its own right.

And then to talk about Cartman in the recent specials, I think there’s a strong argument for his behavior towards Judaism just seeming really fetishistic and even disingenuous, so even if his hatred isn’t there he’s still pretty antisemitic. 

So yeah, TL;DR, Cartman’s antisemitism seems to mostly revolve around his hatred/obsession with Kyle and he has not mellowed out in any positive ways since Season 19. 

[omegawolverine]

characters! you said you liked south park! so! I looked up characters and ummm gimme kenny and eric!

omg anon ur so sweet 😭😭 ily so much rn

kenny

favorite thing about them: he is literally so fucking forgiving and for what? FOR WHAT? tries so hard to protect the people he loves, cares so much, i would literally die for this kid

least favorite thing about them: listen as much as you being forgiving and nice is a good thing i also...dont u wanna go apeshit sometime? like ive seen you do it before, but dont you think you should do it more? i certainly think you should, u deserve to kick the shit out of your friends more often

favorite line: idk if this really counts but everything that happened at the end of bigger, longer and uncut...priceless

brOTP: k2, stenny and klyde (clenny? do clyde and kenny have a pairing name???) make me happy :] i also very much like the idea of wendy and kenny being friends even if it isnt canon. oh, also, the obligatory bunny, bc butters deserves a good friend.

OTP: crenny, do not fucking look at me if you dislike crenny, idc, crenny lives in my head rent fucking free and that's on kinning craig tucker.

nOTP: idk if i really have any notps, although i dont really get kenman (is that the pairing name? jesus it's been so long since ive been properly in this fandom ive forgotten everything)

random headcanon: kenny mccormick has a 2 pet opposums in his room that he grabbed off the street. he cant really tell them apart bc they're both just white and fat (also he's a bit blind, but shhh) but he named them lemon and oogie boogie (bc he likes eating lemons straight off the peel and thinks the nightmare before christmas is poggers)

unpopular opinion: @ fic witers: dont be shy, write kenny the way he canonically is: a fun, fairly carefree, protective and loving boy, with a rough life. having trauma does not have to equal edgy man who smokes cigarettes and gets into fights like?? where did this interpretation even come from lol

song i associate with them: ooooh babey, do i have another playlist for this character! heres a few songs off of it :]

bottom - mccafferty

honeypie - jawny

bloom later - jesse

favorite picture of them: angel. honey. sweet child. i love u so much, pls come back soon

cartman

favorite thing about them: the way he canonically does care about his friends to some degree but just Will Never Admit It and will, instead, do absolutely reprehensible things that make them hate him. something about that just gets me every time.

least favorite thing about them: literally problematic in every sense of the word. like its good for comedy but i cant even redeem him when writing fics like i can every other character 😭

favorite line: no fucking clue

brOTP: when people were talking about the possibility of cartman and clyde being step brothers while the last season was airing (or at least i think it was the last season? maybe the one before tho, idk, the one with the birthday party in it) i started liking the idea of them being obnoxious step brothers who kinda hate each other but look out for each other. its not canon, but it lives in my head rent free. i dont really have brotps for cartman otherwise, so ur gonna have to take it. sorry.

OTP: the day i ship eric cartman with someone is the day i fucking die.

nOTP: kyman, no ifs, no buts.

random headcanon: cartman's mommy issues far outweigh his daddy issues, which is why he has so much rage. have you ever seen bitches with mommy issues? they would knock someone out for free and then fucking cry about it 4 months later (i would know, i am one of those bitches) /lh /j

unpopular opinion: making cartman a good friend in fics is way weirder than just blatantly cutting him out or making him not longer friends with the main four.

song i associate with them: the first character ive done without a playlist today, woooo

this is hard but um...i think wolf in sheep's in clothing by set it off is fitting

favorite picture of them: little baby man

[basketballandtextbooks]

Bat how do you feel after watching the special

There are multiple levels to my thoughts.

On a satire level, they bungled a lot of the information. They were trying to take an “all sides are stupid stance” on an issue where people are dying daily and there are actual medical reasons for one stance to be factually incorrect so taking an “all sides” stance is... fucking tone deaf. To be fair to them, I enjoyed the amount of meta that informed their episode about knowing that their episode was doing more harm than good and using Randy as a tool for that particular satire was a smart and effective mood. That said, it was a mixed message that promoted a lot of misinformation. While the meta parts were funny, lamp-shading how poor your satire is doesn’t actually make your satire good. It just means you’re lamp-shading the issue. It was disappointing because I had hoped for better as they frequently write good satire. Stan’s character journey was the only cohesive one throughout the episode and while it was a good one, there was so much of the episode that was tone deaf to the severity of this issue. While I think it’s valid to bring levity to the issue and I was hoping they would, they missed the mark by a long-shot. That said, they usually don’t do well with medical issues. The last time they bungled their satire this badly was the vaccination episode. And they infamously bungle literally every trans-related episode. There were aspects of the episode that were poignant, well thought out, and well executed, but the majority was an under-researched in-cohesive mess. Which to some extent I think that’s what they were aiming for because they view the pandemic as an in-cohesive mess. The issue is that one of the reasons that pandemic is such a pervasive issue (especially in the states) is the mass spread of misinformation so when they spread misinformation to criticize the spread of misinformation... it’s just stupid.

However on a character level I very much enjoyed the episode. It was yet another Randy focused episode and as I’ve expressed on a few occasions I just don’t find him funny. Oh no, he jizzed on the weed, that’s sooooo surprising. Honestly Randy is a very one-note character. He does something horrifying, people are horrified, he faces no consequences, rinse, repeat. That all established, I think it’s important character information that he cheated on Sharon twice in China with no guilt whatsoever. He only wanted to hide his crime because “my wife is a bitch”. Also considering he cheated with non-human entities, I think this is strong proof of Rowelie’s viability so take that as you will Rowelie shippers. Also the fact that people grow Randy mustache’s if they ingest his cum and Sharon had a mustache at the end... I sort of hate that Randy took that as proof that she smoked his weed. Now, even if she had smoked it his behavior still is completely and disgustingly inexcusable but also... everyone in South Park is openly smoking so she could have very easily gotten second hand Randy-stache. Or just given her husband a blow job. Also it’s interesting information that within universe Randy’s cum has mutagenic properties. Again for the Rowelie shippers: you could use this as an excuse as to how Towelie turns into a human, Randy’s cum mutated him. Also I think it’s likely that microwaving his balls could be what caused his radioactive jizz. Or one of the times he was experimented on by aliens. Or both. Altogether Randy was a repulsive bastard within the episode who I find boring at best BUT the amount of meta information that he introduced will be very useful to inform my theories. (Also again, the fact that he so easily and guilelessly cheats on Sharon tells me that he that he has done it a multitude of times. My theory is that after he gave Gerald a handy in the hot-tub and was forgiven he just never stopped, basically assuming the permission to do it once was broad permission to do it forever) (oh and second note: this is the second time within canon that Randy has poisoned people’s weed so uh... that’s fucked up)

Freaked out a lot about Jimbo dying, I’m really scared they’ll kill Jimbo but also since they already killed Ned I wonder if the two of them can be happy in the afterlife together because no one can convince me that Jimbo and Ned aren’t canon. Also Randy’s blatant racism and lack of empathy for Jimbo’s illness was really yikes. I dunno guys, I’ve always had a soft spot for Jimbo. He’s a stupid stereotypical red-neck but he had a sort of charm to him and I thought he was funny. I miss when him and Ned were regulars on the show.

CARTMAN DANCING AND SINGING WAS ACTUALLY THE CUTEST THING EVER ON THIS FUCKING EARTH, FIGHT ME I LOVE THIS STUPID SELFISH LITTLE CRETIN also it’s yet another episode to add to the list of “times Cartman shows he can grow into a better person” and list of “times Cartman seems to show a special soft spot for Stan”. Cartman does tend to listen more frequently when Stan asks and less frequently for literally anyone else. So the Stanman was strong in this one. Also really enjoyed the Stutters. While yes, Stan was completely using Butters as a tool to project his own feelings of unease I think it really says something that he chose Butters for that role. I think to some extent he felt that Butters might be feeling the same mortality-panic he was feeling (whether it was true or not) and that kinship he felt with Butters led him to feel that Butters was also feeling the way he did. He was panicked and he thought out of all his friends that Butters was the one who might share his feelings. I enjoy that sort of subtle connection between them and it’s been a consistent thread within the show that Butters and Stan just treat each other a little different than they do literally everyone else. It’s worth thinking about.

I think Stan was also at his limit because he was already suffering from isolation issues due to Tegridy Farms from before the pandemic. He’s always been a social boy and this brought him to the brink of what he could handle.

THEY SHOT TOKEN AND I SWEAR TO GOD YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW LOUD I WAS SCREAMING AT THE TV I THINK I PISSED OFF MY NEIGHBORS i fucking knew it was coming too. The fucking SECOND they shoved those fucking corrupt ass cops in the same room as Token.... I fucking feared for his life. They’ve killed off fairly major background characters before and killing Token would be... topical. I will make it my mission to personally destroy every fucking cop in South Park (Barbrady gets a pass... BARELY). I hate them all. I’ve hated them all for a long time but they murdered several children (including Kenny, the bastards) and they SHOT MY BOY TOKEN I WILL RIP OFF THEIR FUCKING ARMS SEE HOW WELL YOU CAN SHOOT THEN YOU TRASH BASTARDS

Nothing big Kenny happened this episode, insert sad fanboy noises

There were some strong Kyman moments. Cartman went to Kyle’s house for help at the beginning of the episode, obsessed over whether or not he’d be in the same room as Kyle, tried to vomit on Kyle, AND THEN KYLE FUCKING JUMPED HIM AND BEAT HIS ASS DOWN, FUCK ALL OF YOU WHO INCORRECTLY THINK DIFFERENT KYLE IS A FUCKING DOMINANT TOP, HE DOESN’T TAKE IT, HE GIVES IT

Adding that to my long list of “episodes where Kyle shows he isn’t a pushover, is very violent, and can easily kick Cartman’s bitch ass” because every so once in awhile I have to break out that list when someone insists upon how submissive Kyle is. Bitttttttccchhhhhh, you haven’t watched the show if you think that. My favorite kid doesn’t take your shit

Very interested in Red’s new canon last name (McArthur) but I’m also unsure about it because in the scene’s where it’s shown I couldn’t quite tell if it was actually Red or Powder. She kept being shown from odd angles and her hair looked a little shorter than normal. That said, I’m happy if it is her because I’ve been wanting a canon last name for Red for a long-ass time. Even presuming you go by the cousin’s headcanon for Craig and Red, there’s no guarantee they would have the same last name.

Let’s see, I think I had some other thoughts but those were the main points

OH PAUSE THE SCREEN WHEN THE PARENTS ARE ON ZOOM it’s really cute/funny what the usernames are. For example Annie’s mom is totally just using Annie’s account so she’s probably not very tech savvy. There’s actually a lot of minor character detail that you can infer from those screen-names.

Yeah those are my major thoughts: Randy is trash, nothing new, Cartman was ADORABLE and also lots of good meta for him (I have some hcs that one of the reasons he adored the social distancing so much isn’t because he hates human contact because we know from previous seasons that he’s a bit of a lonely boy, but he likes the social distancing explicitly because it gives him an excuse to reject other people before they can reject him), good stutters moments, good kyman moments, good stanman moments, there were some style moments if you squint? Kyle was one of the people Stan consulted about his feelings of unease but since it wasn’t just Kyle that he consulted it didn’t really feel like that was a special personal part of their relationship, moreso that he wanted Kyle to kiss his booboo and make it better. Although further proof that Kyle is the dom in that relationship. Kyle was agitated over the situation but overall rational, Stan was flipping the fuck out. Stan came to him submissive, scared, and asking for Kyle to make him feel better. Kyle remained calm and logical. I swear to god if I read one more cutesy-innocent Kyle post I might flip a table. Literally Kyle’s canonical self is RIGHT THERE

OH YEAH MY BUTTERS THOUGHTS there’s nothing really new here but it continues the trend of Butters being a self centered prick. (I love him but he is) Instead of even trying to understand the number of people dying or the gravity of the situation, he’s just upset and throwing tantrums because he doesn’t get to play at Build a Bear. And it’s made explicit in the writing that unlike Stan he isn’t struggling with the nebulous fear of death (probably brought on by his uncle getting sick). Butters is just bitter that he doesn’t get to have special things. Also Stan was the only one who tried even a little to save Butters from getting taken by the guards. No one else tried to stop or warn Butters. So again, very cute Stutters moment where Stan is overtly worried for Butters’ well-being even when he’s throwing a bratty tantrum. (I don’t know how anyone perceives Butters as an altruistic person, he’s a selfish twat. he’s a lovable selfish twat, like Cartman, but he’s still a selfish twat. and none of his shitty behavior in this episode was even remotely related to Cartman so you can’t connect it to him. Butters, on his own and without anyone else’s influence, does and acts like a shit-head). There is the excuse that he’s only ten but literally everyone in that cafeteria is only ten. But Butters is the only one kicking other people’s food because he didn’t get his special prize.

This all sounds like I hate Butters. I love Butters, warts and all, I just get really annoyed when fandom ignores his warts because his warts are PART OF THE REASON I LOVE BUTTERS. Also it’s like... blatantly and observably canon that he’s selfish.

I’m going to happily ruminate on Stan feeling a strong pang of protectiveness towards Butters though. That was quite illuminating.

[theunlimitedskye]

This is your reminder and a nice lesson on how to be a decent fucking human being in fandoms.

Hi.

Guess what?

Just because you don't like or don't agree with something doesn't mean you have to be a dick about it.

Just because you're indifferent or uninterested in something doesn't mean that you aren't allowed to see the good things about those subjects or like certain aspects without actually knowing about the subject.

You're allowed to like things. You're allowed to dislike things. It's when you get aggressive and nasty about is when people begin to have negative opinions on you, and by association, the thing you are offending or defending.

I've had so many people who tell me I'm not allowed to like something without knowing it. I've had so many people come to me and tell me that I'm wrong for liking the things that I do. Does liking South Park make me a racist homophobe? Does drawing PewDiePie make me anti-Semitic? Does mentioning a vague interest in Hazbin Hotel without even being in the fandom automatically make me have an interest in pedophilia? According to some of the anons I've had in the past, it does.

But, hey, newsflash guys, I'M ALLOWED TO LIKE THINGS and SO ARE YOU.

I have plenty of shit that I don't like, but do you see me shitting on everyone? Fuck no. That'd make me a dick, and while I am a dick, I certainly don't want to be one when it comes to other people and what they like. Who the FUCK gave you any right to tell me that I can't like something? Who the FUCK gave you any right to tell ANYONE they can't like something?

If you like something, then you fucking like it! You don't deserve to be judged unless the thing you like is morally or legally wrong. If you like a ship or a fandom or a character then that's fucking fine!! Nobody is allowed to tell you what you can and can't like in these instances. If it makes you happy then it makes you happy! You only deserve to be judged, again, if what you enjoy is wrong by society's standards. Not by the standards of some random chucklefuck on Tumblr.

Another thing. If you're uninterested in or indifferent towards something then that doesn't mean you get to shit on the people who DO like those things. In bird culture, that is considered a dick move. People are allowed to like or dislike things, and if you disagree with their opinions then that's just too fucking bad. You don't get to tell people what they're allowed or not allowed to like, or what they should and shouldn't like. I can give SO many examples of this from my own personal experiences and the fandoms that I'm in, and fandoms that I'm NOT in as well.

Take, for example, the lack of fandoms I've been in. Never have I ever been interested in things like FNAF, BATIM, Undertale or Homestuck. I've never been interested, I've never cared to be interested, and I don't think I ever will be interested. Do I dislike these franchises and fandoms? Do I have some personal vendetta against them or their communities as a whole? No. I'm just uninterested. I'm indifferent. Nothing more.

Now, does being uninterested and uninvolved mean that I can't see the good in these fandoms and projects? Hell no!! They all have immensely unique plotlines from what I've seen, and are each special in their own way. The gaming mechanics that came with FNAF and Undertale are distinguishable and wonderful and should really be considered their own genres, a clear and very large amount of effort went into Homestuck and it definitely shows, and I don't know much about BATIM but I'm sure it's great too.

And hey, guess what? I hardly know ANYTHING about ANY of these franchises. Does that mean I'm not allowed to praise them for what I think are good points and aspects? Does that mean that I'm not allowed to appreciate the time, effort and dedication that went into creating these games, and the sheer love and appreciation that the fandoms give them? Some would say yes. Some would say that if I don't know anything about these things then I should just shut my petty little mouth. But you know what? Fuck you. Just because I never had any participation in these fandoms does NOT mean I can't praise and appreciate them.

And on top of it all, the music for FNAF, BATIM, Undertale and Homestuck fucking SLAP. The canon music and ESPECIALLY, E S P E C I A L L Y the fanmade music. I wouldn't even know about OR3O if it wasn't for All Eyes on Me! The people in these fandoms who dispense such wonderful content and such amazing music deserve to be praised for what they are. They fucking deserve it just as much as the creators of the actual fandoms do.

A few more examples come from the fandoms that I'm actually in, mainly South Park, and mainly regarding a topic that usually can hold a lot of discourse in any fandom: ships.

Now, I don't ship bash. I don't hate people for what they like. I can dislike or hate a ship without hating on the people who ship it. That's called having opinions and being NORMAL about them. I try my best to be open-minded on things like ships and characters. There's quite a bit that I don't ship simply because I'm not interested, and yeah, I'll admit it, there's ships I fucking HATE in this fandom. Rebstella, Jyle, Stangory and Creek are all on my list. I despise these ships for multiple reasons, mainly due to other people cramming them down my throat and not taking it well when I say that I don't really care for the ships.

When it came to things like Rebstella and Stangory, I never used to give a damn. But certain events took place that made me hate these ships with a burning passion. The same with Jyle and the same with Creek. They're the holy rectangle of "get these ships the fuck away from me".

Hate is a strong word, but let me tell you, I mean it with every fibre of my being.

Do I hate these ships? Yes. Do I hate the people who ship them? No. Not in the slightest. I know plenty of people who ship Rebstella and I don't shit on them for it. I just ignore the discussion whenever it's brought up because that's what NORMAL people do.

I know how this world works. I know how this platform works. My opinions are "controversial" and I fucking know I'm going to get people in my inbox screaming at me for what I'm saying regarding these SP ships alone. But you know what? I don't give a fuck.

I don't like Creek. I don't like Rebstella. I don't like Stangory.

Come scream at me and tell me what a horrible cunt I am. See if I give a shit. I'm allowed to have my fucking opinions. That's the entire moral of this goddamn post. I, and other people, can like or dislike things without deserving to be screamed at to conform to the every desire and whim of a souring fandom just because we dare to have different opinions from the rest of the community.

Being uninterested doesn't mean you have to be a prick. I don't ship Pockestella but I have friends who do ship it, and I let them ramble at me about the ship whenever they want to because even if I don't care for the ship, I care for my friend. I don't ship what they ship, but they get happy talking about their ships, so I let them, because I want them to be happy. I don't HAVE to ship what they ship to have a conversation about it.

(Oh, and while we're on the topic of Pockestella, they're not fucking cousins. They're cousins in the book. In the show, they're only stated as playmates. Fuck off.)

The same goes for other ships. Just recently I was scouring the Gregory tags for some nice art to add to my folders, and I found an absolutely spectacular Gregstella piece. A ship that I also don't care for. But the art was superb. It was utterly fantastic and I ADORED the way it was drawn. So you know what I did? I liked the post and saved it to my folder because I liked the art, and I'll probably head back to search the tags for it again so I can reblog it because it was just that good.

I don't ship Kyman, but I love the FUCK out of the Helluva Park AU. Nor do I ship Tyde, but guess who loves the Fleur Bleue AU? This bitch right fucking here. I can appreciate the way things I don't care for are portrayed if they're portrayed nicely or professionally. Does liking an AU where Kyle is a demon make me anti-Semitic? Does liking an AU as fucked up as Fleur Bleue make me some kind of smutty rape fetishizer? Some would say yes. And those people are fucking idiots. Liking something doesn't mean that you support what's portrayed. I've been told I was racist because I liked canon South Park as a whole. If liking South Park makes a person racist then I guess everyone in the fandom is a filthy racist, huh?

Basically, the moral of the post is don't be a prick. You can like things without hating on people or being hated on. You're allowed to have your opinions and other people are allowed to have theirs. If they don't shit on you for what you like, don't shit on them for what they like. We're all allowed to have our likes, dislikes, opinions, stances, ships and preferences. If everyone was forced to like the same exact things in a fandom, it would get very boring, wouldn't it? Fandoms need variety.

Don't be afraid to state your opinions because you're afraid someone will dislike what you're saying. Don't hold back on showing love to the things you love because you don't want hate in your inbox. Show love to what you love anyway and disable questions and submissions. It's that easy to ignore the toxicity. Block and delete buttons exist for just these reasons.

You have to be brave and show love for the things you appreciate in fandoms. If someone hates you for what you're saying, so what? If it's an anon or someone you don't know then why the fuck should you care? You don't know them. Let them hate you. If it's someone you consider a friend getting pissy, well, they're not a real friend, are they? If I had a friend getting up in my case over the things I like or support, or the things I don't like and support, I'd drop them faster than the beat drops in a Skrillex song.

Do you like ships that aren't popular? That's fine! Ship them! You don't have to like what everyone else likes if shipping rarepairs makes you happy!

Are you playing a new game without playing the previous games? That's fine! Play the games you like! (I'm looking at you, Animal Crossing fandom. Fuck off the cases of people who are enjoying New Horizons without having played the other games. I just got New Leaf, are you gonna shit on me because I never played Wild World?)

Do you dislike things that everyone else seems to like? That's fine! You can have opinions! You're allowed to dislike things, especially if they're things that the fandom shoves down everyone's throats! Every fandom has things like that. You're allowed to dislike them!

I'll say it real loud for the people in the back.

PEOPLE CAN LIKE OR DISLIKE THINGS.

PEOPLE ARE ALLOWED TO HAVE OPINIONS THAT DIFFER FROM YOURS.

NOT EVERYONE HAS TO LIKE THE EXACT SAME THINGS YOU DO.

PEOPLE ARE ALLOWED TO LIKE AND APPRECIATE THINGS WITHOUT KNOWING EVERY SINGLE LITTLE DETAIL ABOUT THEM.

I NEVER PLAYED FNAF BUT I LOVE THE MUSIC AND I FUCKING HATE CREEK. Are you gonna come yell at me for being brave and telling people my opinions? Are you gonna try and suppress me? Are you gonna try and silence me? To get me to conform to what you like? To tell me that I'm wrong? To manipulate me, gaslight me, threaten me until I step down and admit defeat? If that's your endgame, then find another target, because I don't fucking care. I'm not afraid, and neither should anyone else.

Individuality is key.

This has been your daily reminder on How To Bs a Decent Fucking Human Being in Fandoms.

Love, Skye.

[jewpacabruhs]

what are some of your fave fanfics kween shay

;o glad u asked. it should be noted that i dont rlly read fic anymore so these are all from my original stint in sp fandom (2013-2014) & most of them do the jew/fatass thing we’re all tired of, but they do it better than all the other fics of the time + hold nostalgic appeal for me personally & just,,,,, are good fucking fics idk

better left unsung - my all time favorite kyman fic forever always ... it’s from 2011 & in kyles pov (1st pov) but it jus,,, means a lot to me & still makes me cry a lot i adore it. also has drag queen cartman, and in 2011 ! next level babey

herbert garrison’s night school for unwed fathers - ok ive always been fond of mpreg & ppl make fun of me but it’s not like a weird thing i jus enjoy,,, the problems it imposes on a couple i think ? two of my fav ever fics r mpreg & it’s jus cuz it poses interesting problems ig.. dont shame me. anyway this fic is one of those two, it’s not kyman or anything, it’s,,, style, candy, tyde, creek, bunny,,, i’m a b i g hollycomb fan, i adore all her shit, and this fic is like. her at her best, i just love everything here... some characterizations are dated but, again, nostalgic for me so idk

the smoking section - i always rec this to kymans & they always fall in love w it immediately, it’s just fucking gorgeous, the absolute best... shortstacked is my fav kyman author ever & she knows it fjdkfh this fic is literally so poetic & lovely, & she understood kyle & cartmans relationship when no one else did ... looking over it again tho it has explicit content, jus a note ... many of these do tbh hh

being the cause of immediate withdrawal - this one’s rlly short & rlly old (11 years old!!) but perfectly gets cartman’s side of kyman ... i love it

dulcinea - another hollycomb fic, this one’s kenman/cutters and has literally influenced my writing so so so so much, hollycomb does my favorite characterization of kenny ever & her cartman is amazing too & this fic is like,,,, just so perfect i reread it often & think of it always , the tone is absolutely perfect & i always try to emulate it aaa .. also explicit

this means war - this on a kink meme so be careful, but dont be dissuaded, it’s gorgeously written, another hollycomb fic (i have like 4 authors who i stick to p muc dkfdkj) .. it’s kenny/multi & craig/multi and such a good and subtle character study, good shit. also has adult themes

it’s hard to know they’re out there - oh man, another hollycomb but i didnt find this fic until july 4th 2017, i specifically rmr reading it while sitting outside & listening to fireworks (i’m from las vegas & they go off all along the strip it’s rlly cool). anyway it’s like a kenny-centric mostly gen darkfic (style and kenbe overtones), school shooting tw but it’s jus,,, so melancholy and beautiful it makes me rlly emotional

[iuukees-blog]

I was bored so i wrote this essay(/nonsense ramblings)

I acknowledge Kyman is kinda abusive but I DON'T ship them because it's abusive and i DON'T ship them because they look cute together.The reason why i ship them because their relationship is so complex and fucked up.Like what exactly are they to each other?They want to kill each other yet they saved each other's lives.It's so confusing yet interesting.Aside from that,the hints of it being canon too.I mean Cartman is so fucking gay for Kyle.The thing is when you have an in love sociopathic child,BAM,you have Cartman.

• Cartman is a sociopath which means he only cares about himself and lacks of empathy/feelings.Sociopaths love in a different way than people usually do.Their love isn't based on emotions but enjoyment of their crush's company.

• Cartman is a child.Children,when they're in love usually tend to bully/tease their crushes because they crave attention and are too young to understand their feelings.They're still in the confused state of understanding their feelings and misunderstood it.If you think Cartman is out of the line teasing Kyle,goddamit people it's South Park,nothing is normal there.

• Some people said the reason why Cartman hates Kyle so much is because he's a jew.I don't think so.Cartman grew in a stereotypical environment.The way he views life/other people is always based on stereotypes.(ex : jews are greedy,gays are bad,etc) However,he doesn't actually understand anything at all,i mean he's just a child.He's a confused child but has standards about life with all the stereotypes he learnt.Take as an example that he actually thinks jew is an insult instead of a belief.

So in short,Cartman loves Kyle in a wrong way.He doesn't know how to love him and he doesn't actually know what his feeling actually is.

Now let's move on to Kyle.People are convinced that the least posibility is an one-sided love.Well,i don't think Kyle actually likes Cartman but Kyle actually cares about him (as a friend?).Hmm let's see...It's like Kyle hates him but he also wants the best for Cartman (he's kinda like a mom.Face it that Kyle is a better mom for Cartman than Lianne) Also don't fucking dare to say that Kyle is Cartman's victim because he sure ain't.If he were a victim,he would try to get rid of Cartman,which he did sometimes but remember that the fact Kyle can't go on with problems in his life without Cartman.Even though Cartman kinda did some shits to Kyle,Kyle still needs him in some ways and he still wants to spend time with him.Rivalry and bullying are different things get over it.

BONUS;Here are also some things i noticed regarding some of the episodes.

• Fat Butt and Pancake Head - Hand puppet (Mitch Conner) kissed Kyle and making out with Ben Affleck (+giving him a bj).Hm,i feel like something like this has happened before.*cough* Homosexual persona through a hand puppet *cough*

• Smug Alert - Did Cartman seriously stay quiet about him saving Kyle?He can just blackmail him or something (Like in Ginger Cow).And why did he save the whole family?I mean if Cartman only save Kyle just for himself i think it's better to leave the whole family so he can watch Kyle suffers.Or maybe he doesn't have evidence to convince Kyle.Wait,Butters is a witness and you know damn well Butters can't lie.

• Le Petit Tourette - I'm pretty sure when he said "I love you,man." He's still in the condition of can't controlling his speech.

• Imaginationland Trilogy - I thought from the Cartman Sucks episode he learnt that sucking balls is gay even though he's the one receiving it?I know he wants to humiliate Kyle but isn't there any other way?And dude,remember when Cartman crawled over to Kyle before he resurrected him?He sounds so worried even his voice cracked and that was so beautiful.He may just wants Kyle to suck his balls but i sensed worry and pain in that scene.

• Tonsil Trouble - Cartman didn't say anything when those people said he and Kyle are lovers but lost his shit when someone said he and Butters are lovers (at Super Fun Time).

• Eek,a Penis! - You know what i'm talking about.It's so fucking kinky.

• You Have 0 Friends - I'm so confused every single time Cartman helps someone without him gaining anything from it.

• It's a Jersey Thing - The other kids get raped,Kyle gives no shit.Cartman gets raped,Kyle transformed.Also "You're my little monster." is the cutest shit ever.

• You're Getting Old & Ass Burger - This is not really Kyman related but i need to ask this...why Kyle left Stan in such a state?I thought they were super best friends?So when your super best friend is lamer than before you left them?That's kinda fucked up how Kyle didn't do anything to help Stan.

• Cartman Finds Love - Why would Cartman goes so far as selling himself off by admiting he's a gay couple with Kyle just to get two black people together?I mean i know he's racist but i thought he hates being called gay or something like that.He seriously risked it just to matchmake people?For other people's love life?Really?Also Kyle seriously just sat there listening to the whole confession and didn't fight back.That's not very Kahl.

• Majority of Season 20..Jelly Kahl....

• Stick of Truth - "By the moon and stars in the sky,i swear we will destroy you."

• The Fractured But Whole - Is it just me or Cartman sounds jealous when he said fartkour is pretty gay.And the way a fucking kite flies to space next to the moon and the stars in the sky instead of a sunny and windy day.And also Cupid Me connecting the Coon & Human Kite movies in the franchise plan.

Did i miss some?I think i did.

[brofski]

i don't go here or know who you're talking about but i stan you no matter what. do every prime number on that asky questiony list

oh hanna you are going to HELL for this one.

1. Do you hate eric cartman?there’s a big difference between loving to hate a character and genuinely hating a character. south park would not be south park without cartman, but cartman is also written as a nazi/racist/freak of nature. short answer yes long answer sort of yes

2. Who is the (overall) smartest in stan’s group?i think that stan and kyle are on very similar wavelengths, but stan is emotionally intelligent while kyle is more practical. if i had to choose i would say kyle solely because he’s proven himself to be a computer whiz.3. If any of the kids should be immortal and die all the time alongside kenny, who should it be? (who deserves it or who could support kenny, the choice is yours)this is TOUGH, but i would say stan. it may or may not worsen his nihilism but i think he’s the best candidate for kenny’s partner in crime.

4. Is kyle a hypocrite? no…! kyle is quick to judge, but only because he has a strong moral compass. upon realizing his faults he is usually quick to mediate or explain his intent. of course this can go south a la crackbaby athletic association, but his intent is always good. kyle never consciously does the wrong thing.

5. Who overreactes the most?tweek is an autolock but kyle is genuinely such a drama queen

6. Is creek really that great?no.

7. Do you have any sympathy for cartman?cartman is NOT written as a sympathetic character and attempting to analyze his intent as if he has the capacity to be good is just wishful thinking. so no

8. Should Randy just die?that would hurt stan’s feewings.

9. Who has the worst familly life out of all the main 4?kenny, kenny, kenny. my boy deserves so much more than he’s given.

10. if you had to match each kid in craig’s gang with the kid that was the most like them in stan’s gang, who would be the most like who?stan/craig, token(or tweek!)/kyle, jimmy/kenny, clyde/cartman

11. if you had to kill of 3 of any of the main (minimum importance level is Kevin Stoley or Red) kids, who would you murder?cartman, kevin, firkle.

12. Who deserves more love?in the show, kenny. in the fandom, wendy.

13. What are the 3 worst seasons of south park?i specifically remember despising a lot of season 2. not to say there aren’t some goodies but, you get my point. season 9 due to mrs. garrison, and season 20 because of everything.14. What are the 3 best seasons?season 3, 7, and 16.

15. Name 6 ships that dont already exist (and should stay that way)cartman/timmy, stan/cartman, stan/bebe.

16. Match 5 characters with an animalstan/dog, kyle/stag, kenny/mouse, token/panda, clyde/bearded dragon, wendy/mountain lion, bebe/lop-eared rabbit. (i did SEVEN.)

17. Match 5 characters with a type of drink.stan/birch beer, kyle/sparkling cider, kenny/monster energy, token/voss, wendy/unsweetened iced tea w/ mint, bebe/pink lemonade. (i did seven AGAIN.)

18. Has Mr. Garrison improved over the years?no. actually, i’d say he has worsened considerably

19. What is your darkest south park related secret?i watch gay amateur porn and compare the actors to stan and kyle. you’re all welcome for this

20. Name what jobs the main 4 will have when they grow upstan/vet tech or middle school teacher, kyle/lawyer or credit fraud investigator, kenny/electrician, cartman/used car salesman by day and drag queen by night. season 11 rupaul frontliner bitches

21. On a scale of 1-100, how gay is south park?2.

22. Who is the cutest kid in south park?absolutely kyle middle name broflovski.

23. Name your NOTP(s)kyman, staig.

24. Is butters gay?i don’t actually care

25. Write a headcanon for one of the girlsheidi is anaemic and keeps raisins on her person almost always.

26. Who is the nicest in stan’s group?kenny, he’s a sweetheart w/ a hero complex.

27. What is the worst SP fan drawing/fic you have ever seen?anybody who knows me already knows it’s any variation of nazi cartman

28. is the south park fandom expired?honestly? no. it’s sort of just hitting it’s stride as a real #fandom considering the recent tfbw hype, canon creek content, anti trump sentiment, etc

29. should the south park fandom just end?no i would pee :(

30. What do you hate more, this fandom or yourself?oh easily the fandom… i don’t ship kyman unlike yous b*tches

31. Were the last three questions valid or stupid?you’re valid baby

32. What SP character are you most like?my girlfriend says kyle!

33. Which SP character would be your SBF?i would say wendy… we are likeminded and she is lovely.

34. Which SP character do you have a crush on?if i was ten again i would be balls to the wall for stan marsh. dark hair is something of a weakness you See. 35. Write a shitty poem about your favourite character

he likes towipe counters andhis eyes are hazel,green sometimes.

[kymanss2017]

ss gift for officialcartman updated

Sorry, I just noticed a stupid typo in the title. lol. 

Written for the Kyman Secret Santa gift exchange for officialcartman. Takes place during the episode Super Hard PCness.

Eric Cartman’s Fool Proof Plan to Break Up with Heidi Turner     

By: lonegungal17

  Eric Cartman wasn’t afraid of many things. Not spiders, not the dark and not ghosts. Okay, maybe that one a little. But there was one thing that scared him most: his girlfriend, Heidi Turner. Part of him knew he had created this monster. She had been a nice person, down right sweet, until he had got his paws on her. He had changed her, she was now an overweight, ugly, mean bully that demanded the dreaded snuggles at all times.  He had found it funny at first when she had become more like him, but somewhere along the way she had took it too far. She belittled everyone in their social circle, murdered salient creatures and threated him every time he disagreed with her slightly. He might have been a little bad now and then, but she was worst by a long shot. The last straw had been when she had referred to his mom as a whore. Who did that little bitch even think she was?

It was that exchange that had lead him to the front door of the Broflovski residence with a fool proof plan. He just needed one more person to complete it: Kyle. As much as he hated to admit, the Jew was the only one that could keep him in check, the only one not afraid of his dark side. His biggest rival but also his conscience. If he was going to escape Cartman 2.0, he would need Kyle’s help.

Cartman fiddled with the gift bag in his hand before summoning the courage to knock on the door. The door opened to reveal Kyle’s bitch mom. He had to swallow his pride. ‘Why hello Mrs. Broflovski.’

Sheila frowned down at Cartman, before he could continue, and she turned back towards the living room. ‘Kyle, your little friend is here.’

‘Stan?’

‘No, the fat one,’ Sheila answered, smirking at Cartman before walking away.

Cartman balled his fists at his sides and whispered, ‘Bitch.’

‘What do you want, fatass?’ Kyle appeared at the door, leaning against the frame. His red freshly styled hair hanging loose around his face.

Eric’s eyes locked on the Jew’s hair.  ‘Where’s your hat?’ He had to admit, Kyle’s hair looked better than the normal rat’s nest he normally hid under his hat. The new hair cut suited him and his hair looked so soft. Part of him wanted to reach forward and touch it but maybe he’d save that for one of his midnight visits.

‘In the wash. Anything else I can help you with?’

‘You just look so different…  kind of weird without it. Cartman pushed the gift at him. ‘I got a present and a proposition for you.’

Kyle narrowed his eyes, taking the bag from Cartman and looking inside. ‘Chanukah isn’t until tomorrow.’

‘It’s not more gold for your collection but I thought you might like it,’ Cartman shrugged.

Kyle held up the MC Deidel Saves the World game, examining it before placing it back in the bag. ‘Thanks, but not interested in bribes.’ He shoved the bag back into Cartman’s hands. ‘Bye, fatass,’ he said, trying to close the door.

Cartman jumped forward blocking the door from closing with his foot. ‘Wait! Surely, even giving you, a Chanukah present buys me at least five minutes of your time.’

Kyle sighed, grabbing the bag from Cartman’s hand again. ‘Fine, five minutes’ he said, releasing the door and nodding his head towards the stairs.

Cartman removed his hat and smoothed down his hair with his hand as he followed Kyle up to his bedroom. Once inside, Kyle motioned for him to sit at his desk while he sat down on the edge of his own bed.

‘Okay, spill what do you want anyway?’

Cartman looked away. Part of him hadn’t believed his plan would even make it this far. Now he felt ashamed of the favor he needed to ask for. ‘I need your help…’

‘What did you do now, Cartman?’

Cartman pinched his eyebrows together. ‘I…’

‘Spit it out, fatass!’

‘I need you to be my boyfriend,’ Cartman stammered.

Kyle stood up from his bed, his face resembling a tomato. ‘What the hell?’

Cartman stood quickly approaching the Jew. Kyle was definitely going to punch him. He grabbed Kyle’s fist before he could swing at his head. ‘Wait, calm down. Just hear me out first.’

Kyle growled as he tried to wrestle his hand away from Cartman. ‘What is this? Are you seriously trying to ask me out? Cause that is a big fat no. Plus, don’t you remember you’re dating Heidi.’

Cartman held Kyle’s strong arms at his sides. ‘Heidi is why I want to pretend to date you. Pretend, just pretend,’ Cartman shouted. ‘It’s literally my only way out, without her killing me.’

Kyle shook his arms away. ‘The fuck are you talking about?’

Cartman picked up his beanie again, squeezing it tightly into a ball. ‘Heidi won’t break up with me,’ he explained, each word coming out broken. ‘I can’t do it anymore. She’s horrible, Kyle. She bullies everyone, including me.’

‘You made her that way, Cartman. She’s your clone. You two were just finishing each other’s sentences earlier today, calling me my mom.’

Carman shook his head, trying not to laugh. ‘No, Kyle she is far worst then me. She won’t let me go. She said the only way she would break up with me was if I was gay or dead.’

Kyle laughed. ‘Carman, seriously?’

Cartman fell to his knees, hugging Kyle’s legs. ‘You’ve seen her. I can barely hold her off in a fight. I have to pretend I still like her to keep her from kicking my ass, that’s the only time she stops.’

‘Dude, get a hold of yourself. She’s a girl, she isn’t going to hurt you.’

‘Really, Kyle?  Don’t you remember when Wendy kicked my ass? Heidi is like four Wendys with access to her dad’s power tools,’ Cartman shouted.

Kyle laughed.

‘This isn’t a laughing matter, Jew. She’s dangerous and so mean,’ Cartman whined.  ‘She calls me fat, ugly and says my mom is a whore.’

Kyle frowned pulling Cartman to his feet. ‘Come on, dude. Get a hold of yourself.’

Cartman wiped his nose on his sleeve. ‘She really scares me. I’m not brave like you.’

Kyle rolled his eyes. ‘True but why do I need to get involved with you dumping your girlfriend?’

‘She thinks you’re gay, Kyle.’

‘What? I’m not gay,’ Kyle corrected him, his face burning red.’

‘Doesn’t really matter,’ Cartman assured him.

‘I’m not!’ Kyle shouted.

Cartman put his hands on Kyle’s shoulders. ‘Okay, whatever, Jew. You’re as straight as I am.  As I said, it doesn’t matter anyway.’ Kyle glared at him as Cartman continued. ‘I just need someone that is believably gay, so Heidi will give up on me and move onto her next prey.’

‘I’m not gay, fatass,’ Kyle reminded him again. ‘Why don’t you ask Tweek or Craig?’

‘Really? They are a couple. Plus, you’ve never had a girlfriend, you look like a hot little twink and we have this excellent love/ hate thing going on. It’s perfect,’ Cartman explained.

‘That’s because I really do hate you,’ Kyle said, deadpanned.

Cartman rolled his eyes to mask the hurt in his voice. ‘Doesn’t manner. I consider you to be my best friend, Kyle, and I trust you the most.’

‘I’m not your best friend, Kenny is.’

‘That poor piece of trash? Nope, never. You’re the one that looks after me and calls me on my bullshit when I need someone to. Kenny only cares about tits,’ Cartman explained sincerely looking the Jew in his green eyes as he let his hands run down Kyle’s arms to his hands. They were sweaty and warm just like his. ‘So please be my boyfriend, Kyle.’

Kyle paused for a moment to bite his lip, before shaking his head. ‘Sorry, fatass. You’ll have to find someone else to lie to your girlfriend with, cause I’m out.’

‘Fine, you damn Jew,’ Cartman threw his hands in the air. ‘I’ll just keep suffering then until she finally kills me. Thanks for nothing, friend!’ Cartman shouted

Kyle crossed his arms over his chest and turned away as Cartman stormed out of his room, slamming Kyle’s bedroom door on his way downstairs.

He couldn’t believe Kyle had let him down. He frowned pouting at the snow in the Broflovski front yard. Maybe the Jew was right, maybe he should have begged Kenny instead. He sighed, knowing Kyle was the only one of his friends smart enough to master the level of manipulation needed for his plan to work. Kenny, Stan or either of the gays wouldn’t work. Cartman glanced up toward the Jew’s bedroom window, wondering if Kyle would ever consider him a real friend. His phone buzzed in his pocket and for a moment he thought Kyle had changed his mind. He was hit with disappointment as he saw Heidi’s name appear scrolled across the screen. His red eyes lowered, and his body shivered at the thought of speaking to her. He couldn’t deal with her right now. 

***

Cartman hid behind his open locker door, so far so good. Things were looking up today. He had successfully avoided both Heidi and Kyle on the bus this morning by convincing his mom to drive him to school, with a bonus egg McMuffin on the way. He glanced around him before closing his locker door, if he could make it to homeroom, maybe he could avoid her the rest of the morning.

‘Eric Cartman!’

His body tensed at the sound of his name. He turned to find his girlfriend glaring at him with her hands resting on her hips. Her mid-section was peeking out the bottom of her coat, the buttons holding on for dear life. Had she gained another ten pounds over the weekend?

He shook his head trying to ignore her appearance and concentrated on the floor. ‘Hey…babe.’

‘Don’t hey babe me, Eric, where were you last night? I know you saw my text, I told you to come over, so we could watch TV and snuggle. I called three times and heard nothing back from you. You know better than to ignore my calls and texts.’

Cartman grunted but replied with a whispered, ‘Sorry babe, I was busy.’

Heidi shoved him against the lockers. ‘Are you even listening to me? Relationships are a two-way street, Eric. You make me so angry when you ignore me.’

Cartman rubbed his wounded shoulder. ‘Damn it, I said I was sorry, Heidi. Lay off.’

Heidi smacked him across the face. ‘You never show me any respect. I’m the only one that likes you, Eric. Without me, no one would even talk to such a fat loser like you.’ Heidi pushed Cartman back again, pinning him against the lockers. ‘What were you even doing that was so much more important then spending time with your girlfriend?’

Classmates started to gather around them, Cartman’s tried to wiggle free as he glanced around at all the judging faces. He just had to calm her down, so she wouldn’t kick his ass in front of everyone again. ‘Heidi, babe can we go discuss this in private?’

‘No.  Let me guess the train your mom was pulling last night was so big, it blocked the front door?’

Cartman pinched his lips together as he shook with anger as everyone in the hallway broke into laughter. ‘Don’t talk about my mom like that!’

‘Why, everyone already knows she’s a whore?’ Heidi said.

‘He was with me,’ Cartman turned towards the voice in the crowded and was relieved to see the Jew step in front of Heidi.

Heidi loosen her grip on Cartman and sized up Kyle. ‘Eric, if you were desperate for a new mother figure my mom would have baked cookies with you.’

Kyle’s face went red as the crowded chuckled. She really was a bitch. ‘Shut up, Heidi.’

Heidi sneered between Kyle and Cartman. ‘Why would you go to the dumb Jew’s house anyway?’

Cartman sighed and tried to take Heidi’s hand. ‘Babe. I just needed some guy time, Kyle got a new game for Chanukah.

Heidi slapped his hand away. ‘Again? You idiot, you know if you don’t raise your history grade we won’t be able to run for student council next month. What were you thinking?’

 Kyle held his hands up. ‘Sorry Heidi, I just needed another player. I didn’t know he should have been studying. It was just a misunderstanding, so maybe we can all just go to class now?’

‘Can it, mom! No one asked you,’ Heidi said, pushing Kyle away before poking Eric in the chest. ‘We have to keep you away from bad influences like that Jew. I know what’s best for you and you are going to start treating me with the respect I deserve or pay the price.’ Her fingers curled into a ball and she held it against his face.

Cartman could hear the other kids whispering words like pussy, wimp, whipped and loser around him as the cold eyes of his girlfriend glared at him. He could feel his skin heating up and his breathing shuddered as he managed the word, ‘Heidi,’ as he closed his eyes ready for impact.

Instead a warm hand pulled him down the row of lockers. His eyes opened following the hand to Kyle’s pale arm.

‘I think you’re the bad influence, Heidi,’ Kyle said, venom on his tongue. Cartman’s eyes widened as his hand was squeezed firmly by Kyle’s. ‘Cartman deserves better than a bitch like you.’

Heidi rolled her eyes with a chuckle. ‘Really? I think he’s fucking lucky to have me. After all, no one else wants him.’

Cartman’s face fell. She was right.

Kyle looked at Cartman, noticing the tears building in the corners of his eyes. ‘You’re wrong,’ he said, leaning over to kiss Cartman on the lips.

Cartman froze. Even when he had come up with his plan, he hadn’t thought beyond holding hands in the school hallway to get Heidi to dump him. Now the Jew was holding his chin with one hand to keep him at the right angle and pressing his surprising soft lips against his. Kyle was kissing him, like really kissing him. It felt good, better than any kiss he’d had before from Heidi. It was electric and exciting. Yet, warm and relaxing. When the Jew pulled away, Cartman could only stare at Kyle as he whispered, ‘Holy shit.’

Kyle looked away nervously. Trying not to focus on Cartman or his shocked classmates.

‘You kissed me.’

‘Yeah, I guess I did,’ Kyle agreed, struggling to look Cartman in the eye.

‘That was so hot,’ Cartman replied, unable to stop looking at Kyle’s lips.

Kyle turned completely red. ‘Any chance you want a boyfriend?’  He asked, shooting Heidi daggers.  

Cartman laughed, squeezing the other boy’s hand. ‘Hell yeah.’

Kyle motioned his head down the hallway as he tugged on Cartman’s hand. ‘Let’s go, Eric.’

Heidi grabbed Cartman’s other hand. ‘Where do you think you’re going with this freak?’

‘I’m walking my new boyfriend to class,’ Cartman explained.

Heidi looked like she might explode. ‘You’re gay now? Since when?’

Kyle squeezed his hand again as Cartman answered, ‘Since about two minutes ago.’

Heidi frowned. ‘You leave with him and we’re over, Eric. I will never take you back. I’ll find someone better than you.’

Cartman glanced from Kyle to Heidi. ‘Okay. Good riddance, fatty!’ Their classmates laughed as Heidi took off towards the girl’s bathroom.

When the crowd thinned, Cartman turned to Kyle. ‘Thanks, Jew. That was perfect, she’ll never want to date me again.’

Kyle smiled, dropping their linked hands. ‘I’m glad I could help with your plan,’

Cartman looked down at his empty hand before grabbing Kyle’s shoulders so he couldn’t walk away. ‘Umm… Kyle did you mean any of that?’

Kyle looked around nervously. ‘Maybe… some of it.’ He shrugged.

‘In that case, could we stay together a little longer then? Maybe go on some dates and kiss some more,’ Cartman said, wrapping an arm around his shoulders.

‘I guess there is no extra harm in that,’ Kyle said leaning into Cartman’s shoulder, ‘but you’re coming to Chanukkah dinner tonight on your best behaviour and if you call my mom a bitch we’re over.’

‘Deal. Anything for you, Jew.’

[i-miha]

Did you watch the season finale THOSES CREEK MOMENTS!!!

Okay okay. Before I answer that question, can I say one thing? And I’m really sorry in advance if I sound rude, it’s not my intention. But ever since the finale, I’ve been upset about something and I kinda wanna make a parenthesis and put it out there.

Yes, I’m always happy to see creek moments because I love that ship too. So yes, of course, I’m always excited to see more. But I saw the season finale and thought it was great because damn, that moral about victimhood becoming a way of life being toxic is so relevant in today’s world.Too many people these days justify being awful to others (borderline bullies sometimes) by feeling sorry for themselves. But I bet NOBODY’s going to sit down and reflect on it because they’re too busy focusing on shipping. And to me, that’s REALLY frustrating because this season’s message was WAY more important than creek, kyman, style, heiman or whatever it is people ship.

Anyways... Sorry for this little rant, it was sort of penting up inside. But to answer your initial question, yes, I did see the season finale, and as far as creek moments are concerned, what I liked the most was Craig and his sappy 80s music playsit. He’s such a little dork. :P

[koshertumtum]

gay ask game for gays only

1. describe your idea of a perfect date: a zoo date, back home to a hot bath, getting baked, and playing card games. ((i don't think i class this as a date, it just be something i'd like to do with someone)) 2. whats your “type”? sweet people who remember my birthday 3. do you want kids? kinda 4. if you do, will you adopt or use some other form of child birth? my vagina 5. describe the cutest date you’ve ever been on: um,, maybe deadpool??? idk i really just wanted to see deadpool. or the fireworks with sophie 6. describe your experience having sex for the first time (were you nervous? or was it easy peasy?) it was kind of a nervous and new thing but i enjoyed it 7. are you a morning time gay or night time gay? i'm a morning time gay 8. opinion on nap dates? i love to have nap dates with ellie and jelly 9. opinion on brown eyes? LOVE 10. dog gay or cat gay? definitely a cat gay 11. would you ever date someone who owned rodents or reptiles? YEAH 12. whats a turn off you look for before you start officially dating someone? honestly their politics, whether they are an activist and support feminism. people who excuse feminism i don't have time for. 13. what is a misconception you had about lgbtiq people before you realized you were one? they are 'rare' 14. what is a piece of advice you would give to your younger self? GIRLS ARE CUTE!!! STOP BEING JELOUS OF YOUR FRIENDS !! SUPPORT THEM IN THEIR ATTRACTIVENESS AND INTELLIGENCE !! YOU ARE AS GOOD AS THEM 15. (if attracted to more than one gender) do you have different “types” for different genders? um, i wouldn't say so?? 16. who is an ex you regret? aw James but not in a bad way. i just wish we were friends 17. night club gay or cafe gay? both 18. who is one person you would “go straight” for? no one bc i'm bisexual 19. video game gay, book gay, or movie gay? book gay 20. favourite gay ship (canon or not): i still stand by my kyman children 21. favourite gay youtuber? i don't watch enough youtube 22. have you ever unknowingly asked out a straight person? no lmao 23. have you ever been in love? yUck 24. have you ever been heartbroken? kinda lol 25. how do you determine if you want to be them or be with someone? i don't want to be anyone else but myself 26. favourite lgbtiq musician/band? uhhh 27. what is a piece of advice you have for young / baby gays? yo love urself so much!!! u are important !!! 28. are you out? if so how did you come out? i expect people to stop assuming everyone is straight. i don't need to come out, if someone is curious they can ask. 29. what is the most uncomfortable / strange coming out experience you have? telling my mum >:((( 30. what is a piece of advice for people who may not be in a safe place to express their sexuality? it sucks not to b able to express who you are but you have to prioritise your safety bc the outside world can be harsh but if you can establish a safe place to go i encourage your independence