#idk i’ve been having a really shit time with my mental health for the last six days and tonight was the final straw

[excelsior9173]

sometimes i really fucking hate having any sort of music industry related conversations with my sibling. we see things very differently and that’s fine, not everyone is going to agree on everything.

the thing that bothers the hell out of me though, is that whenever the discussion is centred around a band i like, as soon as we disagree my sibling shuts it down with “oh well you love that band so you’re never gonna see it the right way”

and it feels so ridiculously reductionist and unfair. i am smart enough to separate my feelings for the band/music from the issue at hand. band members are still humans like the rest of us and deserve to be held to the same standard as any average person. so to be told i can’t comprehend any real world issue around a band because i am a fan? that hurts. it pisses me off. i feel like i’m being reduced to nothing more than some stupid fan girl. it’s insulting.

and i’m fairly certain my sibling pulls that card every time because they know it shuts down the conversation. they get to feel like they win. because i get too angry and hurt to respond. i love them to bits but i swear no one knows how to hurt you like a sibling does.

[cherrysnax]

I’m gonna call and fill out a thing for my meds because golly this is ruining my life

[0310s]

gently, by your side | jaehyun

members: myung jaehyun x gender neutral reader

genre: college au, angst, comfort, best friends! to ???, more platonic stuff in this one

tags/warnings: extensive discussions of mental health and chronic/mental illness, y/n is not okay. :(

summary: jaehyun finds you after a bad week.

wc: 2.7k

a/n: this fic’s title comes from this lovely song. as someone who’s struggled with both chronic and mental illness, it really takes someone strong and amazing to keep on going, despite everything. most of the dialogue in this comes from my own musings and experiences with mental health. i wrote this for a dear mutual of mine! i hope better days will come for you soon, whenever that may be. meanwhile, i hope this gives you comfort when things are tough! sending lots of love <3 

𓉞⋆｡˚☁︎｡⋆

5 days ago 1:28 PM 🐶 cutie puppy

(y/n) we haven’t seen each other in such a loooong time imy :(( i mean i KNOW it’s just been a couple of days since we last hung out but still!!!!!!! when are we seeing each other again !!!! tell me ur schedule QUICK !!!!

4 days ago 6:33 PM 🐶 cutie puppy

heeeeyyyyyyyyy (with the intention to hang out) heeeeeeyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy heeeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyy reply to meeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!! tell me when ur free pls i miss u :((

3 days ago 11:58 PM 🐶 cutie puppy

hey i didn’t see u at the party today i thought u said u were going last week!!!  also i asked around and people said they haven’t seen u around recently??? and they don’t know what ur up to

2 days ago 2:05 PM 🐶 cutie puppy

heeeyyyy ?????????? did i do smth?????  or are u just really busy w school and work idk either way pls just let me know :(( i won’t bother u if ur rlllyyy busy

10:35 PM sorry if i’m being annoying btw

Yesterday  11:32 PM 🐶 cutie puppy

ok i thought about it reaaaaaallly hard and i don’t think i’ve done anything to make u mad or upset w me??? well aside from that time last last week that u got mad at me for accidentally messing w ur computer and deleting ur work files WHICH IM LIKE REALLY SORRY FOR but i fixed it!!!!! i thought we were good alrd!!! are u still mad at me 4 that ?

1:00 AM (y/n)?

1:28 AM idk  i thought i was ur best friend :(( did smth change???

2:47 AM pls pls reply :(( i know we can talk this out i don’t want us to not be ok

Today  3:00 PM 🐶 cutie puppy i’m coming over.

𓉞⋆｡˚☁︎｡⋆

Sitting up from your bed, your heart thuds in anxiety as you quickly scroll through your chat history with Jaehyun. Your eyes hurt and your brain feels especially foggy, like you’re looking at the world through a particularly cloudy lens. How long did you sleep? The last thing you recall was working on your assignments last night, then choosing to sleep instead when you got overwhelmed. Even then, you slept fitfully. You remember setting an alarm at 9 AM today to continue working, but even as you sat at your desk, you couldn’t type a single sentence on your laptop. Everything felt muddled and it was as if you couldn’t understand anything at all. Even the cups of coffee you drank in desperation was of no use keeping you alert; all it did was make you palpitate.

Then you gave up, went back to bed, and you’re here now. Checking the chat timestamps, you realize you haven’t replied to Jaehyun’s messages in almost a week, which has never happened before—you talk almost everyday, even multiple times a day. Jaehyun’s last message was at 3 PM, when he said he’d come over. One look at your screen shows you it’s already 3:20. If you’ve memorized his schedule right, it takes your best friend thirty minutes to get to your dorm from his Fundamental Maths class. That means you have ten more minutes to get your shit together and clean your mess of a room. 

But right when you’ve mustered the energy to stand up, you hear a series of knocks on your door. That can’t be— “(Y/n), open up, I know you’re in there!” Jaehyun’s voice echoes from outside the door. “I asked your dormmate and she said you haven’t left your room since yesterday, so there’s no use pretending!” Shit, shit, shit! You immediately spring up and hastily fold your blankets and organize your desk, throwing away stray food wrappers and plastic cups. You open your blinds to let some air in, and the bright sunlight makes your head throb even more. 

On your way to the door, you spot yourself in the mirror. There’s no other word for it—you look like utter shit. Your eyebags are dark and prominent, your hair disheveled from tossing and turning in your sleep. You look horrendous, but Jaehyun is persistently knocking on your door, so you have no choice but to fix yourself up as fast as you can. You splash water on your face and smoothen down your hair and open the door—then there’s Jaehyun in all his glory. Your heart clenches seeing him; he looks as handsome as always, his bangs fluffy and soft and his letterman jacket fashionably oversized. He looks nothing like you in your ratty T-shirt with coffee stains and pajama shorts. His hand is halfway raised, positioned to knock at your door (he could and would probably do it all day if he had to). Upon seeing you, he blurts out: “Did I do something?”

Instead of answering him, you open your door wider as an invitation, and Jaehyun takes the hint, stepping into your dorm. Once the door is shut, Jaehyun peers at your messy room and remarks, “Wow. When was the last time you cleaned up? You’re usually not like this.”

You know he didn’t mean it like that, but his comment stings at you all the same. “Sorry, Jaehyun,” you snap, “not everyone can be at 200% energy all the time like you.” At his hurt expression, you backtrack. “Sorry, that was really rude of me.”

“It-It’s fine,” Jaehyun replies confusedly. Then he looks straight at you, eyes pleading. He’s picking at the stray thread hanging from his jacket, a habit you’ve come to known is something he does when he’s nervous. “You know what, I thought about it. For days, really, if I did anything that would make you mad and ignore me. But I couldn’t come up with anything at all. I was really worried when you didn’t reply to me for days on end, especially when we talk everyday. So if I did something, can—can you just tell me? I just want us to be okay.”

Your throat closes up and your heart pounds even faster, making you feel dizzy. You have no idea how to answer him, when all he’s ever seen of you is the perfect student who does everything right, who’s smart and good at what they do without any flaws or exceptions. How would he react if he saw you for who you really were?

The words can’t form in your mouth, and out of frustration at yourself, you tear up. Jaehyun notices this, eyes widening in worry, “(y/n), baby, no, no,” and pulls you into his arms. Almost instantly, the tears cascade down your face and sobs wrack your body. You feel pathetic crying in your best friend’s arms, but Jaehyun just soothes a hand up and down your back as you break down. His other arm is wrapped around your shoulders, and it feels like your anchor when you’re drowning in all your troubles. “It’s okay, it’s okay,” he says in a hushed tone, “let it all out.” You grip his jacket even tighter as you bury your face in his chest. 

When was the last time you’ve ever been hugged like this? The last time you’ve ever been truly vulnerable to anyone without that mask of perfection you often don? The last time you felt safe just being yourself? You have no idea. All you know that is in the circle of Jaehyun’s arms, you want to be small and imperfect and yourself just this once.

After your cries die down, Jaehyun clears his throat. “I’m sorry,” he whispers. “I don’t know what it is I did, but I’m so sorry for hurting you.”

“It’s not you, Jaehyun,” your voice is muffled by both your sniffles and Jaehyun’s chest. You don’t want Jaehyun to get the wrong idea that he’s hurt you in some way because of how broken he sounds thinking he’s done something to make you sad. “It’s just. Me.”

“You? What do you mean?” Jaehyun leads you into your room from the doorway. He’s holding your hand and doesn’t let go even when you both settle at the edge of your bed. His palm is warm and his grip loose enough in case you want to let go; you don’t. While you muster up the courage to speak, your best friend just sits there, waiting patiently. “It’s okay, whatever you say, I’m not going anywhere.” You don’t know that for sure, but him saying that makes you want to be truthful just this once, damn the consequences.

You take a deep breath, focusing on your intertwined fingers. You’re too scared to look at his face because you don’t want to see his reaction. “Jaehyun, what kind of person do you think people see me as?”

“Well…” He takes a moment to think about it. “Someone smart, talented, and who gets stuff done?”

In turn, you let out an resigned exhale. “Well, that’s the image I project. Of someone who’s perfect… someone who does things effortlessly. People think it comes easy to me. But it doesn’t. When people tell me that I didn’t need much effort to get to where I am now, I feel undermined. When I express I’m having a hard time, people brush it off and think I’m just overreacting. Because they think I’m perfect all the time. But honestly…? That’s the farthest thing from the truth."

Glancing up from your hands, you scan your room—your desk is a mess of papers and assignments that you have yet to get to. You can’t tell when the last time you spent time being actually productive when what you’ve been is fatigued out of your mind. When you try to sit at your desk and work, all you feel is difficulty concentrating and processing work and readings. Sleep has also proven to be elusive—no matter how long you lie in bed, you never feel well-rested. Simple actions and decisions require so much energy from you that you undeniably lack. You also constantly compare yourself to others, whom things like these come natural to them. But you’ve kept these feelings of yours secret for a long time—you’re utterly terrified that you’d be undermined for being useless and overly sensitive.   

“(Y/n)?” Jaehyun squeezes your hand, and you turn to meet his eyes. His eyes are sincere and kind. “I-I know I may not be the most empathic person, but I promise I’ll hear you out without judging you. I want to be here for you… and I hope you’ll let me. Please?” 

At this, you spill everything you’ve been feeling the past weeks—months, even—to Jaehyun. You stumble over your words and your breath gets caught in your throat, but he’s there to pat your back and to encourage you to keep going. Without you knowing, tears make their way down your face once again, and Jaehyun uses his other hand to gently brush them away. “It just gets so hard that I want to just. Give everything up. I don’t know what the use of trying so hard is when I see how other people don’t need this much effort to do even the most basic of tasks. It’s just so… unfair.”

When you’re finished with your rant, you don’t know what to expect from Jaehyun—but you’re stunned to see him crying. He’s sniffling and wiping at his eyes furiously. “Why…” You have no idea what he’s about to say, but you brace yourself for the worst. “Why didn’t you tell me any of this?” he whispers brokenly. “I didn’t know you were having such a difficult time. I feel like such a shitty friend for not even noticing. I’m sorry, (y/n).” Jaehyun’s eyes fill with tears and he starts “I… I thought we were best friends.” The best friends tell each other everything goes unsaid, but you know exactly what he meant.

“I…” You feel awful now for making Jaehyun cry. “You’re just. You just naturally have all this limitless energy. You’re…” Normal. Not like me. “I don’t know how if you were going to take me seriously if I told you what I was going through… There were times I’d see you, and I’d be so disappointed in myself for not being like you. And I was so scared that if I did tell you, I’d be letting you down.”

Jaehyun’s expression grows more miserable at this. “I-I’m sorry, (y/n), I never meant to make you feel unheard. And I never meant for it to feel like you couldn’t tell me about these things.” 

“It-It’s not your fault, Jaehyun,” you protest, but he shakes his head, obviously disappointed in himself.

“No, (y/n), I’m supposed to be your best friend. How stupid can I be if I can’t notice when you’re having a hard time? I didn’t even stop to ask how you’ve been doing because you seemed to be doing fine. But I should’ve known better. I shouldn’t have taken things at face value. I’m such an idiot,” Jaehyun berates himself. “I’m so, so sorry.” 

At his sincere apology, you can’t help but admit it to yourself—you desperately needed Jaehyun’s support as your best friend, but you were too scared to ask for it. And honestly? You felt immensely lonely without his words and presence to comfort you. 

“(Y/n), I hope you know that I see how hard you work. I know your sleepless nights and how much effort you put into every single thing you do. Despite everything you’re going through, you’re always trying to be better than the person you were yesterday, and it’s something I truly admire about you. But I hope you know it’s okay to be imperfect and flawed and to not be okay. I want to be here on your good and bad days. I just wish I could’ve been more vocal about this earlier… I’ve really taken you for granted, huh?” Jaehyun sighs wetly, taking your hand in both of his. He’s still crying; you both are, actually. What a silly pair the two of you make. 

“Thank you for trusting me and sharing all of this. It literally means the world to me,” Jaehyun rambles. “I promise I’ll be a better friend to you, someone you feel safe opening up to about anything, whether that be your achievements or your struggles. And (y/n), if it’s not too much to ask… Could I ask you to be more honest with me in the future?” He stares at you imploringly. “I don’t want you to think you have to go through all of this alone. I want to be here for you the same way you’ve always been there for me… Okay?”

“....Okay. Okay, I’ll try,” you respond softly. “Thank you, Jaehyun. I… I’ve never told anyone about this before. But thank you so much for just listening, and not judging, and accepting me for me…” While you appreciate Jaehyun’s presence at this moment, a new wave of fatigue washes over you with all this emotional vulnerability and talking. “Jaehyun… I’m still feeling really tired, so I might go back to sleep. Sorry, I know you came all the way here to see me, but here I am being shit company,” you apologize regretfully.

“Oh! That’s okay. I’ll see you tomorrow?” Jaehyun stands up from your bed to leave. When your fingers slip from each other, you feel an acute loss of warmth—both in your hands and in your heart. He makes his way to the door, slipping on his shoes, and your heart sinks. There’s something you badly want to ask of Jaehyun, but you’re too much of a coward to tell him what you truly want. You don’t want to be on your own right now, but you’d probably be asking too much of him. Accepting your fate, you settle in bed, attempting to take a nap so restless you’re sure will be of no help to your exhaustion.

However, Jaehyun himself stops in the doorway. He turns back around, a distraught look on his face. “(Y/n)... I don’t want to assume, but are you sure you want to be alone right now?” he begins. “I mean, we just had this really heavy talk. Can… Can I keep you company? I promise I’m great at cuddles—that’s what all my other friends say anyway when I annoy them with my hugs.”

When you nod, that’s all it takes for Jaehyun to shuck off his shoes, strip his jacket, and climb into bed with you. With your ear against his steady heartbeat and his comforting arm around you, you’re asleep in no time. It’s the best you’ve ever slept in months.

[mollycabot]

Alex Cabot X Reader It’s Ok Not to be ok

A/N talks about mental health and struggles with mental health, and SH Scars Alex wonders why her girlfriend hasn’t contacted her in a while

Alex was sat in her office chatting with Olivia a Casey and doing her paperwork however something was playing on Alex’s mind.

“What’s up Alex you been a bit quiet is everything ok?” Casey asked and Olivia looked like she was about to asks the same thing.

“No I’m worried I haven’t heard from Y/N In a while normally she would text me or swing by the office at lunch but I haven’t heard from her the last text she sent me was two days ago staying she not well and was taking some time off,” Alex said Olivia and Casey shared a look.

“Why do you call and we can see if she wants to join us for a girls movie night at mine” Casey offered.

“Not a bad idea” Alex agreed and got out her phone,

“Hello” Y/n said “Y/N hi how are you dear it’s been a while” Alex said.

“Yes my apologies Alex I just been really tried want to come around or something?” Y/N asked secretly hoping she wouldn’t have to go anywhere.

“Well me and Casey and Liv are going to have a movie night if you want to join us?” Alex explained.

“Sure that sounds like fun I get ready and meet you at your office?” Y/N said “alright sounds like a plan love you lots” Alex said and hung up.

“So what it’s it?” Casey asked “she said yes and she coming by the office” Alex relaid the phone call to Casey and Olivia.

Y/N got herself out of bed and worked her way through her mess apartment and walked into her bathroom. She looked at herself in the mirror and started crying she had always struggled with mental health and she was scared of Alex finding out however after a few bad days everything was building up and be became to much.

Once Y/N pulled herself together she grabbed her zip hoodie and bag and made her way to the DA’s office.

Decided against taking a cab Y/N walked all the way in the rain once she arrived she made her way to Alex’s office by this time Casey and Olivia had gone round to Casey’s while Alex waited.

“Hey love you ok, wait did you walk her?” Alex said looking at her girlfriend who was drowning in her wet clothes. Y/N nodded and Alex shock her head lightly.

“What I’m going to do with you Y/N here” Alex said taking out some spare clothes and a towel go get yourself changed” while I tidy up my office” Alex said

Y/N nodded and went to go short herself out. Shit Y/N thought Alex gave me a tank top and some leggings but no hoodie.

Once Y/N got changed she made her way back to Alex’s office as Alex was shorting out some files Y/N saw her hoodie and ran to get it and put it on so Alex wouldn’t have to see her scars however Alex turned around.

“You ready?” Alex said as she turned to look at her girlfriend “oh honey”alex took in her lover’s appearance “Y/N why don’t we sit on my couch for a second” Alex gently said as she guided Y/N over to sit down.

“Y/N I’ve got to ask and I’m sorry but have you been struggling lately?” Alex gently said in the hopes of not upsetting Y/N.

Y/N started crying “I’m so sorry Alex I was going to tell you I promise I just idk I felt so low all my life I struggle and struggle until I got so overwhelmed and I was scared that you would think differently of me or you would hate me I mean look at me and my apartment is a mess I can’t remember the last time I had a actual meal and wasn’t just Pringles or energy drinks or take out.”

“Hun take a breath for me please” Alex said pulling Y/N into her arms “it’s all going to be ok I promise you and please please if you are struggling come to me I will help and I won’t push you away or hate you you are mine and I will always love you and you are funny sweet kind and your my perfect love” Alex said hugging Y/N Tight.

“Come on love we need to get going or Casey and Liv are going to be wondering where we got to” Alex laughed “ok but wait what about my hoodie” Y/N said “well that’s still wet but here” Alex gave Y/N her turtleneck long sleeve. Y/N smiled and put it on

“Thank Alex love” Y/N said taking Alex’s hand as they walked out and got into a cab and made there way to Casey apartment.

“Well if it isn’t the two love birds who took forever” Casey said jokingly as she invited Y/N and Alex In.

“Snacks are on the table and blankets on the couch please make yourself comfortable” Casey said heading back into the living room. Alex took a spot on the couch and Y/N crawled into Alex’s lap.

“Aww look at that so sweet” Olivia said as Alex combed through Y/N’s hair with her hand as the moive was playing Alex and Casey and Olivia where making small talk, “why is Y/N so quite?” Casey asked as everyone looked towards Y/N “aww she asleep” Casey said quietly not wanting to wake the sleeping girl.

“She had a long day” Alex explained “aww bless her” Olivia said “why don’t you take her to my guess room and you guys can stay the night” Casey offered. And Alex thanked her as she picked Y/N up and carried her to the bedroom as Olivia and Casey tidy up the living room.

Once Olivia left Casey gently knocked on the door and dropped some PJs off for Alex and Y/N.

“Thanks case I will change but I don’t want to wake Y/N up so I’m just going to head to bed with her.” Alex said

“That’s alright good night Alex” Casey said closing the door behind her. Once Alex was ready for bed she careful got in to bed and gently scooped Y/N into her arms.

“I will always be her my sweet love and you got me and it’s ok not to be ok and I will help you anyway I can, good night my sweet” Alex kiss Y/N headed and remove her glasses and turned the lights off and close her eyes herself and went to sleep.

[suzukiblu]

Look we all know the existence of certain risks of things like child stardom, mediocre adult supervision, and people who go for specific kinds of positions of authority being fucking bastards, SO: there is an unnecessarily involved omegaverse AU in my head where Rex Leech takes way, WAY worse advantage of a freshly-decanted omega!Superboy in order to pay off all of that money that he owes to assholes, and instead of JUST betting on metahuman fights and making shitty investments and selling Superboy's likeness to anyone who's buying and all that, he kinda just . . . gives Superboy some "tips" for how to win over or get favors from certain people in the entertainment industry and similar fields. Or just anyone Rex is trying to wring some cash out of, basically.

So Rex makes better money! Pays off a couple of debts! Is still irresponsible and shitty with it and making stupid decisions, but look, a couple extra bucks never hurt, and the Kid is fine with it! ‘Course he is!! 

And this read-more will DEFINITELY support that POS POV! Definitely!! For sure!!!!

And so not-even-technically-presented, definitely-not-legal Superboy is hanging out with and being encouraged to FLIRT with skeevy older people and general creeps who are taking full advantage of this naive teenager with Superman's face every chance they get. Superboy doesn't know better, and he trusts Rex; the guy can be a little sleazy sometimes but he's still watching out for him, so . . . this is normal, right? And Rex says they REALLY need this investment/this opportunity/this money, so . . . 

So like, Superboy gets abused and doesn't have the frame of reference to understand it. He really doesn't like that part of this gig, but Rex says it's important and, well, if it's just this once . . . if he already did it last time . . . if it'll only be a night or two, or maybe a long weekend . . .

It's not technically prostitution, but also Rex absolutely DOES just fucking sell the Kid a few times and repeatedly justifies it to himself with crap like "he's a teenager, he's a horndog and a flirt anyway, and obviously he likes the attention" and other fucking awful bullshit like that, because he is more concerned with the money than, idk, anyone’s mental health?? Though he doesn’t mention it to anybody who’s not a client, obviously, Roxy’d kick up a fuss and Moon might get territorial and talk the Kid out of it, and Dubbilex, hell, he doesn’t even understand how show business WORKS!! 

But of course word DOES get around about it, just a little, and then it starts happening more and more often, and Superboy likes it less and less and starts to halfway HATE it, honestly, but Rex keeps saying it's IMPORTANT and NEEDS done and just . . . 

He gets–used to it, kind of. Almost. 

It’s just how it is. 

And then like, hand-wavey convoluted I’m-still-undecided-what-exactly shit happens and Superboy somehow ends up in alpha!Lex's official custody, probably through Lex bribing a lot of people and committing some fraud and shameless lies, and Superboy assumes . . . alright, well, he guesses now he's like a fucking kept boy or something, huh. He doesn't like that idea at ALL, but at least Luthor's only one guy. And he seems like the jealous type, so he probably won't wanna share too much. Right? 

So that could be worse, Superboy guesses. 

Lex, an oblivious supervillain who is actually NOT aware of what kind of way worse advantage Rex was taking: this is great. I’m going to get a good grade in clonefather, something that is both normal to want and possible to achieve, and then we’re going to conquer the world. >:3 

Superboy, simultaneously: . . . seriously, I’ve been here like a WEEK already, is he gonna fuck me or NOT?? 

And thus ensues a not-actually-funny comedy of errors where a traumatized kid keeps expecting to get abused and even Lex FUCKING Luthor is not that much of a prick and therefore totally misses literally every sign of the Kid trying to follow the appropriate “script” with him. Hm, Superboy wants attention for some reason, fine. MERCY, get the kid a black card to entertain himself with. 

. . . now the kid wants attention even MORE? 

baffling. 

Superboy, internally: if he keeps buying me all this stuff he must REALLY want something BAD, but where the fuck else would I go anyway, so . . . 

Lex: I’m putting on a movie and reviewing my files in your general area. Congratulations on receiving my attention, now don’t interrupt me. 

Superboy: . . . . . . what is even happening right now. 

And then a very peculiar experience of very slowly accidentally making a pack happens to both of them, wherein Superboy did not expect a dad out of this kept boy scenario and Lex did not expect an actual PUP out of this world domination plot and they’re both increasingly bewildered by everything the other does.

[xoxoemynn]

Em!!

Hello lovely, I know I wrote you a lovely letter recently during your own love fest but I still wanted to pop in and say hi and spread some more love and give some hugs.

So, just to reiterate what I’ve said a million times before:

Thank you so much for sharing your work with us and for being so awesome and supportive. It’s so beautiful to have people like you in our fandom who do so much to help uplift others and stay positive. Honestly, idk how you do it sometimes, this world can be so nasty and whenever things kinda go sideways you’re always there with the just right thing to say to bring that little spark of hope back. For me at least.

Your post about the show yesterday really hit me hard bc I was feeling pretty low and it’s just nice to know that we have such passionate fans who are willing to stick around and keep this fandom running, even if we don’t get our show back.

Thank you again 🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼 I hope you have a lovely rest of your sunday evening. 💜

Awwww lovely, this is so extremely kind of you to say. And I'm glad you found comfort in that post. Truthfully, I do still circle through all the stages of grief in losing OFMD. Some days are better than others. I know everyone handles it differently — some people go full clown, others prefer to accept that it's over for good. We've all got to do whatever is best for our mental health. For me, that does mean keeping a bit of hope alive. That spark, no matter how faint it may be at times, is what keeps me going. I lose hope, I'm just straight into the abyss.

But hope doesn't just happen. You do have to nurture it. I've gotten much more protective of my fandom space since the cancellation. We live in a reality where it's very likely we will never get more canonical content for this show. Fandom is the only guarantee we have left, and even that will only last so long as we tend to it with love.

Because of that, it's just not fun to me to be a hater, or to spend time dwelling on the parts of the show/fandom that I dislike or wish would be different. It's just not interesting to me and, frankly, I think nearly every round of discourse we get is just a weak rehash of discourse we've been through a dozen times already and that's very boring to me. So I just don't engage. I block and filter liberally. If shit starts getting to me, I log off and come back when I'm ready.

I prefer to spend my time celebrating all the art and fic and meta that comes out of this fandom, or sharing fun head canons, or laughing at shitposts. And I have very selfish reasons for doing that because usually that inspires people to do MORE of it, so I get to enjoy it even MORE, even when I'm busy or emotionally drained and can't offer much myself.

It's a common phrase that you get out of fandom what you put into it, and I do think that's true, but I also think it's only half of the equation. I think you also get out of fandom what you take out of it. And so that's why I spend my time in places and with people that spark joy and creativity and love, because that fuels my own, and that's what keeps my spark of hope burning. That's what encourages me to continue sharing my love for the show and all the fans, because I see it in so many others. And if anybody or anything gets in the way of that? Fuck'em. They serve no purpose to me and are in fact counterproductive to the reason I'm in this fandom at all. Fare thee well.

And so when I see you going around spreading kindness, and dropping these really thoughtful notes in people's inboxes, and reaching out to people who are struggling, and leaving really sweet replies on posts and the BEST comments on fics? That's IT. That's what fandom is. That's the whole heart of it. That's what gives me hope. That's what keeps me going. That's what keeps me out of the abyss.

So thank YOU for all that you do, thank you for showing your love for the show, thank you for showing your love to the fans. That's why we're still here. And that's the only way we'll continue to be here years upon years after the Revenge sets sail for the final time. 💕

[hotchs-big-hands]

I just gotta vent abt smth cuz I think abt it all the time and tbh it’s getting detrimental to my wellbeing and stuff. This is medical related so if you’re not okay with medical stuff in general/PCOS/chronic pain/fatphobia then please do scroll 💖

I have always been fat, except for the years of my childhood where I was taking several different medications daily whilst I was sick. Even then I was still chubby though. I’ve also always dealt with a lot of chronic back pain my whole life (and my father has a curved spine like a hunch, which I’m certain I do as well) worsened by an injury to my shoulder that has never rly healed. I also have weak ankles which roll under themselves all the time and I’ve had a few really bad falls because of it. I also have been diagnosed with PCOS and then undiagnosed by someone who told the biggest crock of shit lies to my face. Ain’t even to mention the mental health stuff and IBS as well.

My health conditions are definitely getting worse, and I know I should go to the doctor about them all. I can barely do much with my back pain, I’m in pain every day and some days it flares up so bad I can’t get out of bed. But I’m fucking scared and don’t trust doctors. Because I know the second I walk into their office they’ve already diagnosed me without even doing an exam or asking questions. I’m just stuck and I don’t really know what to do anymore. There’s a lot I just can’t do and honestly getting harder to manage it all. Idk if to just suck it up and try going to a doctor again or just try dealing with it.

I haven’t been to a doctor for anything except my ear health and mental health since 2018 and this was for my PCOS. I’ve had scans done a few times and they all show that I have PCOS. And then I go to this “specialist” and she says that no, I’m just fat and in fact my fatness is causing my PCOS and that excess body hair only grows in fat bodies. There is no correlation between fatness being the cause of PCOS or for there to be excess body hair growth being caused by being fat. She prescribed me medication to induce periods (I don’t have them) and all it did was give me one period and destroyed my mental health to the point where to this day I do not feel like myself still. And I do not have periods still after that except for one last year after a traumatic event.

Idk why I’m still writing or talking abt this. I guess I just needed to get it out or smth cuz it’s all I can think abt most of the time cuz I’m in pain pretty much all the time. Anyway if yu read this far thank you 💖

[mingos]

oof. so… hello.

i know i’m not obligated to explain my absences, but i figured i should anyway because this is actually a long-standing issue i've been dealing with that, god fucking willing, doesn't happen againーbut that is what i told myself three weeks ago before it happened again. basically, because it can sometimes be so common, kinda just want to give a heads up if i ever start acting weird or distant because apparently i've upset some people i didn't mean to.

that stresses me out because, as i've mentioned before, i kind of have this tendency to shut down completely during stressful situations and not speak to anybody, which eventually turns into friends dropping me for a perceived lack of interest (not their fault, my fault). i'm actively trying to break that habit & be okay with vulnerability, so i want to be honest about where i've been and where i could potentially go in the future if this shit happens againーin a few weeks, in a few months, tomorrow... it all just depends, it's not a situation i can control. i'm not trying to ignore people. i just deal with a lot sometimes.

content warnings immediately below the cut but idk maybe just don’t read this if you’re in a bad headspace, or a really good headspace that you don't want ruined. no one should read this, actually. just jump to the last two paragraphs. this is just me explaining i'll hopefully feel okay enough to be back by the weekend.

-

cw: alcoholism; cw: domestic abuse; cw: gen. bad mental health

　i currently live in a dysfunctional situation with an alcoholic & addict family member as the last person in our family yet to distance themselves/cut them off. reason being is they relapse a lot. like, “an average of at least once every 2-4 months since i was 14” a lot. this is a long-standing problem. they’ve been through quite literally every treatment plan imaginable and nothing has stuck.

i do love this person; the majority of the time they're not relapsing, they’re kind & loving. when it’s good, it’s good. but when it’s bad jesus christ… i gotta level with you and say i've feared for my life a couple times.

they become angry & spiteful when drunk and, as of the last few years, physical. mostly when i try to confiscate things i find because i'm "stealing their property" and it’s therefore, to their drunk mind, justifiable. this is a mindset i’m still trying to unlearn because of course i don’t deserve it—taking a wine bottle away from an alcoholic for their own good isn’t justification for them almost suffocating you in an attempt to get it back, or breaking the lock on your bedroom door—but it’s hard to internalize that sometimes when your brain is beaten down, y’know?

when not being guilted into silence so i don’t “ruin their life more” or get threatened with being removed from the house by police, i’ve pretty much exhausted any sympathy or help i get from the rest of my family. half of them either have my # blocked or don’t answer under the weird assumption my family member is going to… use my phone to contact them? which is something that’s never happened before. the other half kind of just shrug because i’m choosing to say here and am an adult with the ability to leave whenever i want, just like they did.

　but i can’t leave—because, like i said, it’s just me now. no one else checks on this person, no one else lives with us, and i’ve already had to call 911 for them multiple times. living with them during a relapse is hell but so is whenever i have to leave the house because if something happens to them or their dog that suddenly becomes my fault. basically, whenever these episodes happen it’s just several days (or weeks) of nonstop stress. but there's nothing else i can really do. i just have to put up with it & ride it out.

-

　things have finally calmed down again; apologies were made, talks were had, we cleaned out their stash together... i finally have some breathing room. kind of. i still have no energy to do anything because i've just been in survival mode the last week (& also sick), so hopefully i can be back to writing by this weekend but i really don't know. i'm still paranoid something bad is going to happen so maybe i'm not out of that mindset just yetーi need to decompress a little before i can feel normal again.

thank you for your patience, and for those who have checked on me & especially those who were understanding it was kind of hard for me to have the energy to talk outside of my one or two comfort people. i miss you all very many and hope nothing more for you all to be loved, warm & safe. love you all very many.

[wrylu]

Ello

I’m sorry we haven’t been talking much as of lately(in my opinion idk) I’m tired lmao bit uhh

How have you been? Idk how I’ve been to be honest- life’s tough lmao

But uhh I’ve been trying to make Fanart n shit but art block and no motivation is throwing me from wall to wall rn- (I don’t know how to explain it LMFAO)

but idk I honestly consider you an internet friend at this point and just checking in- I call it mental health check in’s? Idfk but Yaur

been drinking, sleeping, eating well?

What was your favorite part of the day! :3

but uh yaaa last thing ima do other then Reblogs n shit since life idk bdhdhdhenrjdjd

buh bueeeree

:333

AYE MON CHERI!!

rambling dwells under the cut :)

no need for apologies love, it's completely fine! i haven't been answering asks lately so that's why , oops

BUT I MISSED U!!!!!!<3

been feeling alright lately!! finally.. i'm sorry that life's been tough on you ;( i do hope you feel better soon

art block sucks, yeah 😭 i was in one not some time ago (not for the past couple of days, though) i kinda just drew what i wanted. stepped away from fanart for a minute!! and i know what you mean AHAHA , my art block is like i want to draw but i have no motivation. which is AWFUL

and aw, i consider you an internet friend too!! one of my best 💗 (mental health check ins!!!>)

sleep has been alright, the usual! i'm not tired all the time, so i guess that's something

I'VE BEEN MUNCHING!!!!!! really, i am eating eating - and drinks? yup, i've gotten my fair share of water (+added koolaid flavour juice 😋)

make sure you drink, eat, sleep, etc as well.. or else!

my favorite part of today was waking up and seeing all of you still here and interacting with me :) just talking to you guys! i love my societea so much I SWEARR I LOVE YOU GUUUYS 😭

ba bye my darling <3 take care, and i love you!

let me get my energy back

I LOVE YOU SM AHFUASDHAS!!!! SEE YOU LATER!! *waving*

[oheck-trainwreck]

Hahhhhhhhhh

Yeah. Okay. I guess that’s that.

I probably won’t continue much with QSMP stuff, I guess. It’s been a fun while (about 9 months for me), but now that the admins for dapper and pomme are leaving the project, I don’t think I can really watch it the same or at all anymore.

Dumb personal stuff below (might be worth a read idk)

I’ve personally had a trying few months, struggling with intense burnout but unable to take a break, trying to survive my senior year of highschool, and all the shit going down in the QSMP sphere. I’m… really tired.

But, I cant take a break. I’ve still gotta finish school, and fulfill all the various commitments.

One of my commitments is making a portfolio for my AP art class. In order to make this easier for myself, I wanted to make it about something I can hyperfixate on: QSMP.

This was a pretty recent decision, I decided that I wanted to make kind of a process-thing for a dapper and pomme centric animation about the egg-stream era. But I’m just not sure what to do now.

I think… since both dapper and pomme’s admins mentioned that they still care for their characters and like to see fanart… I think I’ll follow through. I think I’ll make one last Qsmp animation, then split and find a new interest.

That being said… I’m discouraged. I don’t have a super long time to do this, and I don’t know if it’s the right thing to do, and everything is just hard.

… I don’t know where I’m going with this. I just wanna say, I’ll probably post about the process to kinda keep myself motivated, so maybe y’all can follow along? Even though I don’t know how much longer I’ll be around these parts, it’d be nice to have some company as I navigate the burnt down forest that my world kinda feels like right now.

So, I’ll probably post the process work for this under a tag like ‘the last animation’ or something, in case you want to stick around.

Ough. Yeah. When I’m done with this animation, I’ll probably stop posting on this blog. However, I think at that point, I’ll focus more on original work, particularly on my other blog, @doodlesthebookcat

Hahhh. Take care of yourselves, watch your mental health, support victims, and don’t send hate to anyone. See ya around, I guess

[eddiegettingshot]

no but eddie being in such a happy, relaxed place mentally and emotionally would make this the perfect time for him to have a carefree self-discovery arc. whereas (imo at least) buck had a lot of unresolved shit that he was trying to avoid via natalia catching up to him. idk this is the same way i felt when they tried to act like he and his parents had gotten somewhere new in s6 when they just played out the exact cycle of buck getting hurt-them paying attention that was introduced in buck begins. like buck attempting to outrun his issues by jumping into something new is him falling into the same pattern as always - that doesn't change just bc he's dating a guy now. all this to say that there was a better way to play out buck's bi arc.

yeah i know i’ve been super negative but like, i feel like I’ve been consistent about my thoughts for the last three days - i’m genuinely upset FOR buck as a character because from a storytelling perspective i think he deserved a better coming out arc than “i’m having too many emotions i can’t deal with and my self-discovery is going to come at the expense of my best friend’s feelings (and health!) and at the expense of what the last six seasons have said about me as a person.” i think the entire episode made him look childish in a way that did him a disservice because you’re right, now it looks like he’s on the same hamster wheel but WORSE because he acted like an idiot in a brand new way in the process (which i really really REALLY really really hope is addressed next episode, but honestly, even the apology won’t make up for what a terrible friend he was in the first place).

like i said gay people have problems too and unless they are actually planning on having buck eventually be like, oh shit, it WAS about eddie, it’s literally going to look like every other situation he’s ever been in (and tbh i’m not saying this as someone who wants buddie - i don’t think it would be satisfying rn BECAUSE of this episode. but if they didn’t want buddie then they wrote themselves into a corner again with this by using eddie and by extension chris as plot devices, rather than e.g. the 118 which would have been a great callback to 2x01).

i so wish we had seen buck’s acting out culminate in some kind of thoughtful self-reflection that still could have led him to tommy, instead of having tommy show up (because of eddie right?) to smooth things over, validate buck’s insanity, and then be the one to 100% drive things forward. but idk i guess we’ll see what happens next time 🤷🏾‍♀️

[polyamorouspunk]

hii taking you up on your advice offer 😭 ur poly so maybe u have more experience with this than me, how would i break up with my longterm partner?

we’ve been dating for 2 years, it really has seemed perfect but lately idk its just felt wrong. we’ve kinda planned our lives around eachother and moving in together once we graduate, but i cant make myself want to kiss them or be romantic anymore, i dont want to respond to their texts, i get annoyed at them for no reason. they havent done anything wrong theyre wonderful its a “its not you its me” situation to a T.

all of our friends are mutual friends, but most of them were technically my friends first (all the people they used to hang out with sucked) so im scared if we break up they wont have anyone to talk to about it. i really dont want to hurt them.

i honestly might realize this is just me being dumb and all of this will pass and ill want to be with them still once it does, but since i have no clue how id break it off i feel so trapped. i want to know i have a way out if things dont get better, i want to stay with them because i truly changed my mind not because i didnt have a choice.

Not in a poly sense but just a “have had a few relationships” sense I guess I can offer advice.

So I’ve never actually broken up with anyone before, except for the last guy I was messing around with (Catboy) just because as much as I had sooo much feelings for him it was like the most unhealthy “relationship” for me. Like I finally realized like “oh I’m actually NOT better off seeing him, my mental health is ACTUALLY worse” because of his shenanigans.

However, I did have a long term partner who I dated for 6 years who we had plans to move in together and get married etc. same kind of deal, all their friends were my friends. And they dumped me, and yeah, it was really fucking hard even though I knew everyone was going to take my side. And the one person who didn’t I ended up not speaking to anymore because I was like if you’re not going to realize that I’m the only one whose going to keep talking to you because my ex doesn’t give a shit about keeping in contact with people, then that’s on you.

I was devestated. This was like 3 years ago at this point and pretty much right up until about this year I felt like I was somehow “living in the wrong timeline” and like my entire life’s trajectory had been pulled out from underneath me. Not from the breakup so much as them just deciding they never wanted to speak to me again, that I was bad for their mental health, etc. which I always told them if I’m ever bad for your mental health then break up with me, and I meant it and stand by that and their decision, but it still fucking hurt.

Like if that’s what they had to do that’s what they had to do. If that’s what you have to do then that’s what you have to do. While I am of course resentful to my ex, and I hope they get hit by a car or something sometimes, I do stand by their decision that if I wasn’t good for them then I’m happy they left me behind. I don’t know if other people are going to have that same view upon being dumped. I mean like I said I still hate them. But to say that they should have stayed with me for my sake is hypocritical.

Not only that, but an issue of intimacy was occurring between us during the lead-up to the breakup. And as soon as I wasn’t with them anymore and I was able to be with Catboy instead I got a taste of what I had been missing and GOD it felt so good. For the first time ever I felt like someone actually wanted to be intimate with me. It was an amazing feeling. My ex dumping me opened up the door for me to have things I was missing in that relationship. So it wasn’t all bad, for sure.

You have to do what you have to do for yourself. You come first. If you need to break up with your partner, or take space, or whatever, you just have to go for it if you really think it’s what’s best for you.

[paradoxical-catastrophe]

It’s probably just the Frontal Lobe developing combined with dissociation but… anything even 6 months ago just feels like… not me, though I can recognize it as me. But anything like… 2-3 years ago, I could easily be convinced that was not me.

Vent ig? More just complaining. TW mentions vague of sui. This is all just random jumping back and foward about shit on my mind

Even just comparing highschool to now…

I did so many clubs and extracurriculars in ms/hs, and wanted to do more. I did a military program, band, a team creativity program thing, martial arts… I even wanted to do stuff like chess club, math competitions, orchestra, etc.

I drew constantly, I did my homework, I attended everything, I generally felt productive.

And now like… the last time I drew was over a month ago. I had to drop most things due to lack of time and loss of motivation, I only do band now. And… I don’t practice my instrument. I constantly forget homework, I never study. I was a gifted kid, and I thought the burnout would plateau in college. But it’s only gotten worse. I haven’t made any friends here. I don’t know my roommates names or anything about them. I haven’t made a proper meal (aka actual cooking, not just box stuff) in weeks.

I want to indulge my hobbies more. And I know the biggest reason I couldn’t is because of Friend Issues™️, deteriorating mental health, and school. And like yeah I’m finally getting out of ‘need constant distraction or the Harmful Thoughts will come back, but now it’s just… I feel empty without it.

I miss the kid I was. She couldn’t have ever imagined life would be like what it is now…

She has no idea we’re trans, we’re disabled, we broke up with that one guy who actually turned out to have cheated on us, lost that one friend who meant everything to us, learned how actually disgusting this stupid state is to the point I’m scared and tempted to take down any visible pride things I have because of elections, not even the fact we’re a system.

But like we got cool ass dyed hair and piercings and tattoos that’s sick at least. I want more.

It’s hard to think about what my life would have been like if I hadn’t done this one thing. If I hadn’t spoken to this person, if I hadn’t watched this show, if I hadn’t gotten an account on this website…

Yet, I really don’t think there’s a universe where life is any better than this. There’s a lot of shit, but there’s some wonderful things too.

Yeah I was cheated on, injured my leg, traumatized, constantly sick as a kid, made absolutely terrible mistakes, but. Now I’m in an apartment studying something I love, I’m playing fantastic music and I’m a lovely musician, I’m making fashion choices that I like, I’m doing what I want with my body. I’ve even got a fantastic boyfriend and group of friends that I don’t feel like I have to pretend around. I never realized how much I was masking and pretending and hiding until I met these people.

Idk whether I’m happy or sad. Something something cancelled out I guess. Now that Friend Issues™️ is over after being stuck with them for over a year, things finally feel like they’re (somewhat) going up. Just gotta stay alive until then. And I think working on fixing my sleep schedule is helping. No more staying up till 5-6 am!! Need a Morgana to bitch at me to sleep smh

I should pick up a new hobby. I still kinda feel like I’m distracting myself with my interests instead of enjoying my hobbies. I’d like to do something artistic, but I don’t have the motivation to really draw.

Maybe I’ll have some motivation tomorrow between classes. I do wanna draw my new oc and give him a solid outfit instead of just ‘inspo’…

[bl0odblossom]

wow I haven’t posted consistently on this page for well over a year now, life has been insane the last 6 months so update time i guess !! 🤍

- split up with my ex back in may and moved back home, but it’s okay bc he was awful to me and I completely lost myself when I was with him if I’m honest

- spent the last few months getting back on my feet, getting my mental health better and finding myself again - I basically stopped caring for myself when I was with him, stopped gaming and doing things I loved - my life basically revolved around him

- BUT I started gaming again, so far I’ve completed Horizon: Forbidden West and I’m currently on my second play through of Cyberpunk (first was Nomad, now on Corpo!) and I’m utterly OBSESSED so expect some cyberpunk reblogs and MAYBE art idk yet tho hehe

- decided to switch up my career a little from graphic design, so I am starting a nail tech course in January at my local college - had some really bad experiences at numerous jobs (most definitely undiagnosed autistic, on the waiting list to be assessed, and absolute asshole managers who have treated me like shit) so it’ll be nice to have some control over my own career! I don’t have everything 100% planned out but I’m just seeing what happens! Hopefully things work out with that, but if they don’t I k o I’ll be okay whatever happens :)

- oh yeah and I’m currently in a cast because I dislocated my ankle nearly a month ago - what’s that saying things get worse before they get better? Hahaha

but yeah a little update !! sorry for abandoning this blog for so long, i will definitely try to be more active from now on - still obsessed with red dead redemption and cowboys, resident evil and just gaming in general hehe so feel free to give me a message!! would love to make some friends on here :) if you made it this far, thank you for reading! 🤍

ps i will be making like an intro post that I’ll pin to the top of my blog soon!! ✨

[emeraldbabygirl]

hey Willow. I THINK I'm holding up okay after the news...

I'm a bit worried that what if all my faves are horrible criminals or something, but i think it's always best to assume someone is a good person at first and then be disappointed later if they do smth bad. otherwise, I'd stress myself the fuck out. I'm already a massive overthinker.

seriously though, this was shocking. i feel super bad for the victim and i hope they can get justice.

...

anyways, i also do have a few more light hearted topics i want to talk about. I've heard approximately 11 absolute bangers in the last 7 days. I've developed a massive crush on jay from onepact bc he's a really good singer and also hot af. i can't listen to regret by lee gikwang without sobbing. I started college, this assignment I'm doing isn't as hard as i thought it would be tbh. also i went to cheesecake factory for the first time since i was like 14? i think?

so what've you been up to?

Yeah I like to hope and think everyone is a good person and..yeah, just every time I hear something like this whether it’s a celeb or not it just shocks me like idk how anyone could do something like that.

ANYWHO COLLEGE BOOOOO I HATE SCHOOL I SUCK AT IT. But I’m glad you’re furthering your education! What’s the year gonna look like for you as far as classes an big projects and things? This is your second year tho right? I haven’t been listening to a lot of music, just one specific xg song on repeat lol, you sent me a few of the songs maybe I should check them out. I don’t listen to xixers? or onepact really even tho seungmin but I might try and give them another listen. I’ve mostly been avoiding boy groups for some reason. I love cheesecake and kinda want to go to a Cheesecake Factory but I don’t think there are any in my state

As far as me? had a lot of bad days :( mental health and period shit and feeling sick the past month and this job is starting to go downhill I feel because of something but my sis and I went almost halfsies on a car from our great aunt and it was a good deal and I hope I can start driving in it and become more comfortable with driving so I can get my license. I’m scared of driving but I’m so tired and frustrated that I can’t take myself to work or go anywhere so I hope this new plan will work. Glad to hear you’re doing well. I missed talking to you, I’m sorry if my messages felt half assed :( I wanted to respond but I wasn’t always feeling the best when I did

[witla]

2023 Year Review

Hello!

So first of all I wanted to make this on audio like I did on 2020, but honestly I don’t think I have time and room to record my voice lol.

Second holy shit the last time I did this was in 2020 itself, why I didn’t make this on 2021 or 2022? Idk maybe I didn’t want to talk about it, but I’m going to have a brief mention of things about them here.

So 2023…

It was a very zig zag year for me to be sure

First, I’m quite disappointed on myself because I didn’t make much art like I did before, if you see my archive on tumblr, you can see the gaps between months and the amount of drawings I did (not a lot), I wish I could have made more art, but when you get on a job, your brain gets fried and artblock its inevitable.

Speaking of my job…oh boy, at first I was excited to finally got settled in a job to make my own money and such (I entered last year on August), but the more time I’ve been, the more unwelcomed I felt, let’s just say that I haven’t click much with my coworkers like I did before, my bosses are not there at all, and I just feel like a ghost, not appreciated, but I don’t want to quit yet because I don’t think I can find a job that quickly after quitting one, I want to have more experience and such. I just hope we can have a better environment again like before.

In terms of health, God, it’s been my more painful year yet, sickness after sickness after sickness, at least I went to the hospital once for brief hours, its better because the period of 2020-2022, I’ve been on the hospital like five times a year for days. And let’s not talk about how my moods swings went and so on, my mental health was on the verge of breaking, so much that I was ready to say goodbye to the world like the fifteen time…

But I didn’t

Why?

Because despite all this toxicity and this negativity in my personal life, some things are worth to live for.

It’s worth to hear your dad say “I love you” and cook you the food you love, to say that he will help you no matter what, and appreciate you and say how smart and beautiful you are.

It’s worth to hear your brother say he worries about you, and wants you to be okay, to send you memes, images and videos to laugh with the most surreal humor we gen z have.

It’s worth to hear your sister tell you about her hyper fixations, to hear her silly but funny ideas and contribute alongside her, to see her draw with acuarelas, and show you the weird but funny videos she laughs about.

It’s worth to have your grandma let gift you things you don’t really need, but it’s still appreciated and hugs you and kisses you, when she loves you despite your low self-stem.

It’s worth to hear your uncles and aunts to say how are you beautiful you are, how they love the way you laugh, the way you smile, they say keep that cute smile of yours always.

It’s worth to see your cousins, talk to them, hug them, and play alongside them UNO cards and videogames, especially when they also have the same interest as yourself and understands you when no one else does.

Its worth to see your dogs, pet them, see how they wave their tail at you, how they get happy when they see you coming back home after work,

Even if we bicker and a lot for the most minimum things, we love each other, typical Mexican family lol, but yeah my family has been a big support in this year.

Also I’m proud of myself, I had the guts to join a dance group, specifically an Ori Tahiti group, I learned to dance something that I wasn’t familiar with, not only that, I learned more about Polynesian culture and language, and it that group I made some friends, my teacher is a very open minded and lovely person, after my exam, she wrote on a paper of how if I have more confidence in myself I might be also present as a solo dancer (WOW).

Learning to dance definitely improved my physical and mental health (a little bit yeah because I have my downs) like I lost a significant amount of weight thanks to it, and seeing the others dance and talk with them and dance alongside them, it’s also worth to live for, they definitely boost my confidence.

And even if it’s a bit cheesy, some media I watched and played, it was worth it, it helped me in the bad times, it helped me to have fun, to feel fun again, to enjoy my life, thank you!!!.

So yeah, even if my year had ups and downs, I’m ready for next year

I hope things get better with me, but no only me, to everyone, I hope it becomes a better year around the world, please be a better year for those who need it!

If you read this, well thank you for having the time to read it!

To my followers, thanks for sticking with me, even if I have a small following, I appreciate you a lot and I love you!!!!!!!!

Good news is that I finally made more pieces of art, although it’s my usual personal weird, surreal, abstract pieces of art based on my struggles, good things, just surreal shit and songs I listen too, also made new OCS so… I’m hoping to upload them soon on January!

Happy New Year!

See you soon on 2024!!!

An Witlacosh