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rocketturtle4 · 1 year ago

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Aceness in BL: Let’s go for a Ramble

(I made this post soon after Be My Favorite finished but shadowbanning has delayed the posting) - I'm Freeee (@plantsarepeopletoo @shouldiusemyname)

So, I’ve been thinking more and more about aceness in BL (mainly BL anyway), and to get my thought’s in order I thought I’d make a post.

This post is NOT intended as a blanket rule in literally any context. It is specifically about how 1. I frame aceness in my head based on very surface level research and my own experience and how 2. I apply that to a few characters (In BL) who, to me, have felt acespec.

This post will cover

A brief overview of how I understand the acespectrum (with reference to aesthetic, romantic and sexual attraction)

How I view demisexuality as a kind of doorway (with reference to my own deminess)

How I feel five characters (Ae from Love by Chance, Arthrit from SOTUS & SOTUS S, Kat from The Warp Effect (yes not BL but whatevs), Kawi from Be My Favorite and Khai from the Warp Effect) might fall on these spectrums. (THIS WILL INCLUDE SPOILERS)

A wrap up on acepectrum, transient identities, and labels

First Up the Ace-Spectrum!

(How I frame aceness in my head)

Aesthetic attraction = I really want to just stare at this person, they so pretty

Romantic attraction = I want to have this person with me, I want to hold them close and see them daily and talk to them about everything, also I want to cuddle and sleep together (maybe idk this is the attraction I am vaguest on)

Sexual attraction = I want to have sex with this person, I want to personally bang this person, I stare at this person and think about what it would be like to kiss them with tongue and push them against walls and have them underneath/on top of me. (This isn’t necessarily at like 100% all the time I think)

Kapish?

Romantic and Sexual attraction are both spectrums (obvs) and in my head they go from

Allo (100%) <------- to --------> Ace/Aro (0%) with the percentage reflective of how frequently you find people attractive, (I don’t think 100% is everybody all the time though).

So theoretically anyone not at 100% for either romantic or sexual attraction might identify as acespec, though I IMAGINE most people over perhaps, 30% feel attraction often enough that they don’t consider it, so for headcannon purposes I’m considering under 30% as ace or aro.

Sometimes people might consider themselves grey-ace (or grey-aro) if they fall within the more middling but still low percentages (say 15-50%,) So they experience attraction to individuals on occasion, but less frequently than typical. (But, again any label that people identify with is true for them)

Framing Demisexuality as a doorway

Demisexuality is, to me (in brief), not experiencing sexual attraction prior to the development of strong emotional/intellectual/romantic feelings (also can feel like a significant jump rather than completely 0-100, for me it’s almost like a switch on/off, but it can be gradual too)

Demiromantic people don’t experience romantic feelings for people unless there’s a strong emotional bond in place. (Same caveats as above)

The demi-doorway doesn’t automatically open the moment bonds/romantic feelings are developed, it’s simply that these feelings DON’T occur without the bond first. An alloromantic demisexual person MAY develop sexual feelings for someone they like romantically, but they also may not.

Personally, I consider myself demisexual and demiromantic because (based on 1.5 data points (data points = people), which is really not enough evidence) after bonds are formed both my romantic and sexual interest about a specific person jump up to allo. My deminess also feels tied to the way the changing/wavering of these emotional bonds also closes the door really quickly?? (So I can become abruptly not attracted to someone anymore if my romantic feelings/emotions are gone/destabilised, let me tell you it is weird to experience)

The lines around characters and actors and attraction gets all blurry too. Kind of like there’s a window in my door(s) that can be open or shut, but I can always look through it? (IDK how this metaphor is holding up)

For example, here’s some arbitrary categorites:

1. People are nice looking because everybody is nice looking (e.g., most people)

2. Aesthetic attraction (let me stare) e.g., Jean from The Warp Effect or Ayan from The Eclipse

3. Aesthetic attraction but more?? E.g., Joong (Joong is pretty, VERY PRETTY. But it’s still not really sexual attraction…I just want to stare at him…extra hard…and if he WANTED to fuck me…I mean for science…but I still don’t really WANT to??)

4. First. E.g., AM I EVEN ACE/ARO WHAT IS THIS SORCERY??

Clear as mud I’m sure.

Ace people can also dislike sex, be sex repulsed, enjoy watching, and whatever else without it emphasising or erasing their aceness, since it’s about sexual attraction to an individual more than anything else.

In a similar way you can also be sex repulsed or dislike sex or dislike aspects of sex without automatically being ace.

ALSO Demispec people may experience full (e.g. 100%) romantic/sexual feelings once the door is open without the caveats that I listed (about emotional instability) and this in NO WAY erases their aceness (or their deminess). There is also something to be said for the different ways the emotional bonds are formed/feelings are triggered. My two data points (attraction to people) were both triggered by strong intellectual connections.

ALSO acespec (which includes all aro/ace/demi people FTR) people can have gender specific (or non-specific) orientations as well (e.g. homoromantic asexual or aromantic pansexual or even biromantic bi-grey-ace).

Examples from Thailand BL/QL in my headcannon

I’m only talking about allo/ace/demi here, no gender-(non)-specific orientations.

Ae (Love By Chance) alloromantic demisexual (through the door 100%)

Ae is, I think, a pretty classic example of the most common view of demisexuality. He experiences romantic feelings for someone (idk if it’s the first time for this) and then slowly realises he’s sexually attracted to said person and goes a bit crazy because he doesn’t quite know what his feelings mean because he’s never experienced them before and, well, he’s a horndog (I love Ae and this depiction for the record) his demisexuality is absolutely a gateway to 100% sexual interest!

Some signs of his aceness might include his lack of interest in sex as commented on by his roommate and his confusion over the feelings he’s experiencing for the first time because they’re outside of his frame of experience. Also his sexual feelings seem to take a while to develop, after his crush has begun.

(I’m much less certain about romantic orientation here because we don’t know if he’s had crushes before (without wanting sex) and also he’s only 18, so even if he hasn’t doesn’t mean he’s arospec)

Arthrit (SOTUS & SOTUS S) Alloromantic demisexual (but different!!)

Arthrit seems alloromantic, in his previous feelings for his childhood friend and his clearly developing romantic feelings for Kong.

Arthit’s aceness is less clear cut than Ae’s because even after he develops sexual feelings (through the demidoor) he doesn’t experience allo sexual attraction as strongly as someone like Ae. I found a lot of his reactions to the relationship ups and downs in SOTUS S were very relatable (and prompted my first ever long post lol click for way more info on this) because of how Arthrit’s desire for sex (or sexual touch) seem to waver with the relationship stability. This is not about being uncomfortable with Kong exactly, but more about how even after they’re technically on an even keel and Kong’s sharing his bed and apartment, Arthit still seems uncomfortable with some of his sexual advances. While LATER after they’ve properly talked about it, he goes back to leaning into Kongs space and making flirty eyebrows.

So his deminess kind of means his aceness is variable even through the demidoor, like the door is wavering between open and closed. But it also doesn’t ever feel like his romantic feelings for Kong waver, just that the unstable grounding of their relationship boundaries lead to emotional instability which effect his sexual interest.

(Because I will take every excuse to use my Arthrit screenshots)

Kat in The Warp Effect (aromantic allosexual)

Honestly, Kat being Aro seemed basically canon during my viewing of The Warp Effect. She shows essentially no evidence of romantic feelings for anyone the whole series. (Though obvs people can want and have sex without wanting relationships and not be aro)

While Kat later tells Alex that she likes him (and tells Jean too) I don’t really feel like this mucks with the head-canon for a few reasons:

Kat is shown to be pretty monogamous when in sexual relationships with people even as she want’s no strings (she tells Alex he’s the only one she is currently having sex with (I think), she later tells Captain Asshole this and then later tells Tony this).

Thanks to Captain Asshole she begins to feel unsafe with the way she lives her life.

She initially wants to commit to Alex as the person she is most comfortable with, but we are not really shown any evidence of romantic feelings, just a desire for commitment.

She seems to reach a similar sort of balance with Tony in the OG Warp Timeline, but there still (to me) isn’t really evidence of romantic feelings

Aro people can, after all, want a committed and/or monogamous relationship.

Kawi in Be My Favorite (Alloromatic Asexual (not Demi IMO))

The reason I think he’s ace rather than demi is more about the language he uses even after he’s in love with Piseang (please see my thoughts about ace-kawi coding in ep 10 for more details if you're curious). Even after this wasn’t made explicit by the narrative, I stand by my thoughts around his lack of interest in sex in general. (As well as the coding in ep12 of him trying the rollercoaster and not liking it). It didn’t really feel to me like he gained sexual feelings for Piseang (unlike the vibes I personally got from Arthrit even if they wavered), more than he tried sex and enjoyed it enough to participate again in the future because he loved and felt comfortable with Piseang.

If you feel ambivalent about playing tennis, but your partner really likes playing tennis than maybe you make a point of playing tennis regularly even if it’s not something you’d think about doing on your own, because playing tennis with your partner is fun you know?

Of course, if tennis makes you feel icky, or really bored, you many not ever want to play it even if your partner enjoys it.

Khai in Theory of Love (demiromantic allosexual)

So Khai is my most recent addition to this post given I just finished ToL but he was so demiromantic it crushed me into pieces so he gets to be included! ways Khai feels demirom:

His confused realisation of feelings when he talks to his Phi at the beach.

He likes to keep things uncomplicated with the girls he’s seeing because he doesn’t do relationships.

He actually tries to take his relationships seriously but just never really seemed to genuinely want the romance.

Even after he realises he has romantic feelings for Third, when he returns back to him (after the beach reflection) he notices his sexual attraction more easily than his romantic feelings.

His confusion over how much he hurt when Third seemed to be choosing Un over him, and how it was the first time he realised how much Third must have been hurting because he’d never felt like this before.

The entirety of Ep12 with Third telling Khai what he feels isn't love (because Third has seen time and time again that Khai hasn't loved anyone before). Khai's attempts to prove himself even though he really understand what loving someone means, even as he follows his emotions, and tries hard to be “better” for Third because he does love Third, he chooses Third, he changes for Third, he cries for Third.

He also curls up in his room watching romantic movies for multiple days because Third tells him that what he's feeling isn't love and if it isn't then what is?)

Very relatable and also owie ouchie my brokenness feelings.

Lack of data points makes it tricky:

There are probably lots of other characters that COULD fall into a-spectrum, (just as there are reasons why these characters might not) but the thing I find the trickiest to navigate (for my headcanons) is lack of data points. Most characters in BL are in highschool/college, and this, combined with a desire for lack of messiness in story structure, means characters are often experiencing feelings ‘for the first time.’ Long term pining, childhood crushes, and first attraction to the same gender, all come into play and make evidence muddy and lacking a concrete foundation, from which to draw conclusions.

We can’t ask characters about their preferences, previous feelings, levels of emotion etc. so in my opinion conclusions can’t be drawn, only inferences made.

I don’t have a problem with anyone headcannoning these characters as not acespec.

I don’t have a problem with anyone headcannoning other characters as acespec.

Identities, Transience and Labelling

In discussing this post and my own framework with a couple of people I wanted to add a bit more of my personal experience with the ace label and the ace spectrum. Because the thing about both ace-ness and allo-ness is that they’re not equal all the time. Some people experience sexual attraction first or more frequently and may only experience romantic feelings later or less frequently. Some people feel romantic attraction before sexual, but only sometimes and sometimes people feel both at once and straight away, or both at once but only later on…

The romantic and sexual attraction spectrums are spectrums that everybody exists on and in existing on a spectrum some people have a firm placement and others a shifting one.

People who are ace-identified are typically those who have felt meaningfully different from their peers in the level and/or frequency of experiencing any sexual attraction and/or any romantic attraction and whose attraction is close to zero for one or both of those spectrums. They have thus sought out explanations for their difference and found the ace labels. Demi-ness, on either spectrum, then relates more to the way emotional(/intellectual) bonds, positive or negative, directly impact your ability to feel romantic or sexual attraction.

In the context of TV, for me, it’s picking up a photo of a character you love and being confused when they don’t seem right anymore. Its looking at a cast of beautiful humans and not really feeling anything but awe at their acting. It’s forgetting that characters were shirtless until the gifs show up on your dash the next day. It’s reading the definition of chemistry and not really understanding what it means. It’s not realising that there’s a difference between kisses where the lips move and kisses where they don’t because the way the characters talk and stand and stare means so much more. It’s so many things until you must notice because what you’re seeing and noticing and caring about is just…not the same as the things other people are seeing, noticing and caring about.

In the real world it’s messier, because aceness is sometimes framed as only 0%. Experiencing emotions outside of 0% can make the label feel hard to keep, or wrong or mismatched:

My 16-year-old-self called herself Asexual and was relieved to have found a reason why she felt so weird, even if it didn't quite fit right.

My 18-year-old-self called herself maybe-bi because both boys and girls can be pretty to look at, and this must be what crushes are right?

My 20-year-old-self called herself Asexual again (even though it still didn't fit right) because she’d tried things with one of these apparent crushes and it just felt…weird.

My 22-year-old-self called herself maybe straight afterall because she dreamed about kissing someone for the first time and that person was a boy.

My 24-year-old-self picked up demisexual and clung to it like a lifeline because why else would her attraction just be…gone. Was I broken?

My 25-year-old-self discovered demiromantic was also a label and felt like things finally made sense.

But what’s important to know is that at no point between finding the asexual label at 16 to finding the aromantic label at 25, was I not aro/ace. And that if I had settled on a non-aspec label after any one of my identity-questioning experiences, it wouldn’t have made me a liar at any age or negated the experience of other aspec people in any way.

Because what my 25-year-old-self now understands is that labels aren’t there to put you in a box and squeeze you into shape, nor are labels there to lay across your shoulders and weigh you down with their expectations.

The labels are a lifeline, a hand reaching out, a voice whispering in the darkness…

You are not, and have never been alone.

So, for me at least, to label characters as this or that, is not to box them in, instead it is pointing and gasping, look, look, that one is like me…or maybe, look, look, that one is like you.

When a character acts the way I would, thinks the way I would, talks the way I would I am again reminded that,

I are not, and have never been alone.

So please, label away, I don’t mind if we pick different labels. I just like that I can share my labels with you.

#Rturts is wondering #acespec in bl #for the queer #be my favorite #theory of love #the warp effect #love by chance #SOTUS #SOTUS S #asexuality #aromantic #ace spectrum #aspectrum #demisexuality #demiromantic #demisexual #aromantism #roc talks aro/ace

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mandrathekandra · 2 years ago

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I'm not saying you're wrong, but could you give me an explanation of why you think Kaladin is aro?

Hi! Of course I will be happy to answer. I’m very tired so you are getting a long run on sentence unfortunately lol

In summary he spends words of radiance generally being part of a love triangle he is only barely aware of, realizes he confused his platonic affection for shallan for romance (which can be common in the aro community, how do you really define romantic attraction? Especially when you don’t experience it yourself?), idk how common it is for allos to confuse romantic attraction with being reminded of your kid brother and wanting to be friends like seriously, he repeatedly forgets that the bridgemembers might get married or have relationships, he seems to think about romance very little compared to other characters, he was notably proud of remembering that uh drehy? was gay and that the other one was dating the bartender woman? Which highlighted how little he thought about it, the few times he mentions it it’s almost like he views romance as a nebulous inevitability rather than a desire, many other fantasy books have a tendency to shoehorn in romance even when it’s immensely impractical so I just appreciated that not being his focus, and I like the idea of having a major POV epic fantasy character be aromantic which we don’t see a lot. I want aromantic rep and he’s a genuinely cool character I like and it would be nice to have a popular aro character.

AND! He was also entirely oblivious to the rhythm of war phenomenon where light eyed women were going to his clinic just to flirt which is a huge aro mood, I cannot and will not register if someone is into me I do not think about it at all.

To me as an aro person I think he feels aro and I simply decided it’s more fun for me that way!

I think I specifically head canon him as aromantic grey ace

Sorry if this is a mess to read/breaches any tumblr ask etiquette idk I’m very tired and haven’t gotten real social on here so I’m just rambling at ya :) cheers

#stormgate1?#ask #kaladin stormblessed #stormlight archive #cosmere #brandon sanderson

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grimbluesins · 1 year ago

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din djarin shouldn’t be in a relationship

and here’s why

————

i’m just gonna put it out there: i think bo-katan/din djarin shippers are reaching.

they’re basically never intimate beyond good friends in the show? i literally saw a tiktok saying how bo was concerned about djarin when he was first going to help nevarro in the pirate raid and how that was cute. like romance-cute.

that’s also just friend things.

the other part was just them sitting with their arms touching.

jesus christ. PLEASE chill out allos for once oh my god.

also read an article about how djarin, bo, and the armorer would be a cool power throuple. now idk but that seems kinda weird.

the armorer is more like an… almost motherly figure to djarin. she’s likely way older than him (based on context clues from the show, i’d guess her age to be in her early-mid 60s), and again, BO IS MORE LIKE A FRIEND. bo and the armorer? i can see that, sure. but din has the vibe of a teenager compared to those two very jaded (and older) women. idk i think it would be kind of weird. i much enjoy him being a single dad running around the galaxy with his wizard goblin toddler.

the only piece of evidence actually supporting this is the “these are the reasons i serve you lady kryze” quote. but again, that definitely feels really disconnected from romance. the way he said it was no different from basically any other line, leading me to believe he literally just wants to help her as a friend. bo’s got a whole new planet to rebuild and rule after all.

as an aro-ace dude myself, i really enjoy good ships. but fans need to learn to leave some characters alone. smh. can we have this ONE GUY PLEASE.

often times, i will hc a certain character as aro-ace (shadow the hedgehog, batman, and gray fullbuster come to mind) but still enjoy a certain pairing. din djarin is one of the few characters who i absolutely do not want to see in a romantic or sexual relationship.

so, allo fans: i understand the ship zone. but please leave some guys alone for the sanity of your aspec friends.

not to mention, in the finale, he literally was just a single dad watching over his kid playing in the yard. he never ended up with anyone. not bo, not the armorer, not luke or boba, nobody. it was just him and his silly wizard goblin toddler. as it should be. stop forcing allonormativity on everything.

tl;dr, leave din djarin to the aspecs.

🧡💛🤍🩵💙 🖤🩶🤍💜 💚💛🤍🩶🖤

#the mandalorian #the mandalorion spoilers #small rant #aroace #go away allos #allonormativity #aromantic #asexual #bo katan #din djarin #mando #din grogu #stop forcing allonormativity into every piece of media you get your hands on istg #allos are weird

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mushroom-through-the-stargate · 4 months ago

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i sent this to stick and she said i should post it so have stargate characters based on how strongly i headcanon them as on the asexual spectrum (atlantis edition)

john : 100% certain hes aro, about 80% certain hes ace. hes some flavour of queer and one simply does not make Those Faces when they're being flirted with if theyre allo

rodney : demi!rodney has a hold on my brain especially demigay like boi needs step-by-step instructions for rom relationships (cough unless its with john cough cough) that's not allo behavior

teyla : im not sure if shes aspec or not. she might just be a little too chill. idk.

ronan : melena was his moon and stars hes definitely not aro (not that aros cant have those relationships but it was definitely romantic)

aiden : not aspec but too emotionally immature for a relationship. girls still have cooties to him.

carson : i dont think hes aspec i think hes just picky. like theres demi and then theres Just Picky and he definitely falls into the latter category. the man fell for perna in 3 days and then mourned her like a soulmate (imo they were but ✨️shock value deaths✨️)

elizabeth : not aspec just loyal (to a douche like i get that she told simon to move on bc she wasnt sure if she was coming back, thats not what i fault him for. he shouldve TOLD HER THE SECOND SHE SHOWED UP instead of letting her act and think that they were still together until the last possible moment)

radek : definitely aro. boi raised pigeons.

chuck : not aspec maybe bisexual??? (more like bi himself 🥲)

lorne : definitely not aspec. whoever he dates he will treat them RIGHT

caldwell : too in love with elizabeth to be aro

ellis : not aspec but who would want him

cadman : too slutty to be aspec (affectionate)

keller : not aspec but her I Can Fix Him gene is too strong. babe hes a man not a renovation project either accept his neurodivergence or dump his ass

grodin : idk could go either way. i don't think hes upset about being single but i dont think hed say no to a date

woolsey : romantically a wet cat of a man. the most upsetting part of his divorce was that his ex took the yorkie and that speaks volumes. not sure what its saying but its Loud

just a disclaimer these are just my opinions but if you disagree with me keep it to yourself lol you wont change my mind 😜

#stargate #stargate atlantis #asexuality #aspec headcanons #mushroom rambles

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karkatmybeloved · 11 months ago

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With the caveat that overall it’s a very good game, bg3 is genuinely emotionally difficult to play an asexual character for. I keep wanting to have the nice beats with the npcs but then it gets romantic and there doesn’t seem to be a way to just tie it off as a nice moment and leave it at that. I’m specifically frustrated by the dance with Wyll here, what do you mean I can’t just have a fun little jig with my good friend Wyll without having to end it on a note of rejection if I don’t want to kiss him. At least with Gale I had a friendzone option.

Like idk maybe it’s partly because I’ve been feeling fucking burnt out on horny energy from friends around me irl but it’s truly wearing to have to dodge romance options like fucking touhou while half convinced that doing so is missing out on the actual character paths that are woven in with the sex. I want to progress character storylines and learn more about them, I don’t want to fuck them to do it.

Bg3 is a very horny game and it’s horny in ways that feel very genuine and, if not always true to life, then at least very dimensional. There’s something to be said about the fact that it’s difficult to unpick the character arcs from the sex involved in them - in an allo experience, that’s genuinely just good writing. It’s just kind of exhausting from an aro/ace player perspective and I’m apprehensive about what I might run up against going forward

#bg3 #baldur’s gate 3 #asexual #asexuality #this has also reexhumed my own internal questioning around whether I’m aro or not #but that’s a debacle for another day babey

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kits-ghosts-corner · 5 months ago

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That's a problem of the ace community's own making. Gay means not interested in the opposite gender. Straight means not interested in the same gender.

But ace means... anything and nothing these days. Of course people don't take the identity specifically. "Aces can want sex, feel sexual attraction" okay then it means nothing when a character says they're ace. People can ship them and write them having sex because, well, ace can.

People even argue sex repulsed people can want sex.

Sorry, when your entire communtiy is about how words mean wahtever you want them to mean, people are going to make asexuality mean whatever they want.

Ace doesn't "mean anything and nothing these days". Being asexual is defined as experiencing little to no sexual attraction, and it has been that way for a while. That doesn't mean experiencing no libido or never wanting to have sex, because attraction doesn't equal action. We have enough accounts of that outside of the ace community, plenty of allo folks fuck people they don't find attractive just because they want to. Folks in the ace community can opt to use labels like "sex-repulsed", "sex-indifferent", etc. because it helps them communicate or categorise how they experience their asexuality. It has been this way for some time, and it's not a thing of "these days".

When characters are canonically portrayed as having absolutely no interest in sex - or active disgust towards it - it is uncomfortable (at least for me) to see others write them as engaging in it. Again, I'm going to point towards the example I used of everybody (quite rightfully, I think) getting up in arms if a character who was a gay man was written by someone as being incredibly attracted to a woman. It's an erasure of what tends to be an important part of a character (or, if not important, then at least an aspect of that character). It shows a lack of nuanced and critical thought, to be honest, and it's an indication of a shallow way of viewing a character if you throw out what can be a vital way of how they experience relationships (or lack thereof) just for the sake of like... idk a fic or something. I made the original post because I'm sick and tired of people not treating asexuality seriously, and this ask proves that people still don't.

It's fine if you don't understand asexual experiences, but you don't have to pin that on the ace community. I said the post isn't aimed towards ace and aro people because I can generally trust that what they write is done with these nuances in mind because they are our lived experiences - allo people can write the same things, of course they can, but it would be much better if actual experiences were taken into account rather than slapping on the label of "sex-favourable" and being done with it. (This will depend on POVs of the fics, but it's never difficult to add a little mention of it here and there. You don't need paragraph upon paragraph explaining the specifics, but just a simple thing would be very nice.)

The entire asexual community isn't about "how words mean whatever we want them to mean", it's about asexuality, and there are multiple ways to experience that. There's - and I'm sorry to keep repeating the word - nuance, and it is incredibly frustrating when people do not take that nuance into account when writing. And if you want to write a simple fic about sex, that's fine, but it's not hard to pick literally any other character.

My post was made very quickly and I hope I made it clear that it was a quick rant and not a full take on it all (maybe I need to edit the post to make it more obvious /g), and even this response here doesn't go into all the nooks and crannies of it because it would take a long time and a longer post than this already is. But it's weird to pin other people throwing away characters' sexualities and experiences on the entire asexual community because we have differing experiences amongst ourselves.

#anon I'm not wanting to come across as hateful because I genuinely do believe your ask is coming from a place of just not knowing #or not understanding #because yeah different asexual experiences being so varied can be confusing etc etc #asexuality #asexual #ace

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klm-zoflorr · 24 hours ago

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For the character ask game whose name I forgot… I am also requesting Jon if that’s alright. If not may I request Sasha?

Okayge sorry I'm answering Sasha first because ive got the brainworms right now. Thanks.

First impression: So the first appearance of Sasha we get is the Michael statement I think? Or the calliope bit. I don't really remember. Anyways I think i heard of her before in the fandom perhaps. I... Honestly don't remember what idea of her i got. Maybe that people missed her and wished she had more time lmao

Anyways, her first appearance rolled in and in addition to everything Jon said about her (that she was smart and competent) it struck me how much sheer main character energy i got out of her. She's brave too i feel like. I loved her dynamic with Jon! And her voice is so neat. Idk. I think it was love at first sight (first listen)

Impression now: So i don't feel like listening to the rest of the podcast changed my impression that much, cause obviously, yknow, she has no screen time LOL. But I explored her character on my own a bit i think. She's very only superficially analysed by the fandom i feel and it makes me sad :( anyways she's my wife and my prettiest princess and i love her and i want to wrap her in a blanket and give her everything good and turn her into an eye avatar and feed her innocents trauma lmao. I want only good things for her and she's not dying again on my watch :/

Favorite moment: I think it's when, during the prentiss attack, she gets out of document storage to save tim. It both shows how much she cares and also her absolute bravery and selflessness to the point of foolishness. We were all screaming for Tim to notice Jane. And this badass motherfucker was the one who actually went and jumped at him to get him out. Girl! Hell yeah! Also her quick thinking, she ran towards the exit after that. And the fire alarm... I love her discussion with elias after that, and her recalling her time in artefact storage... And then she dies. The best really are gone first (this says a lot about martin i guess lol. SORRY XD)

Unpopular opinion: So like, you know in episode 161 or 162 when she's talking with tim and she says it could never have worked between them? I feel like a lot of people saw that and went "she's aro" and like power to you obviously hc what you want but i feel like basing it on this singular piece of dialogue is. Meh. Like... Sometimes two people who are hot and smart and funny and nice and allo and get along well just won't work romantically and. That's fine that's normal. Idk yeah that's just that. My hot take!

Idea for a story: gosh. Ummmm. Need to come up with a new one. It's about sasha... And... Okay i want her to interact with elias. What are they doing? Okay okay NO i think sasha and the not them should argue and maybe pull each other's pigtails. In heaven or hell or purgatory or the inside of sasha's mind whatever. I think that would be quite fun.

Favorite relationship: you know what? I was all for Michael & Sasha's fun little thang and I still am. Bite me.

Favorite headcanon: mmmh. I think she would be an excellent eye avatar and wouldn't have many qualms with losing her humanity. I don't think she cares about hurting people because she digs into their lives, at least if it's people she doesn't care about. Like she's nice to her friends, but everyone else? She might actually be a bit of a bully and I am all for it.

Thank you for the ask!!!; i mighte do jon later maybe idk. Bye for now.

#klm-zoflorr #asks #sasha james #tma #the magnus archives

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fogwitchoftheevermore · 1 year ago

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i would love to hear about aro smajor actually 👀

AMAZING.

ok so the first thing i am always obligated to say is that i made a post about aro life series!smajor a bit ago that real life smajor found and told me, and i quote "this might be the most wrong take about any of [his] characters". this is the funniest thing that's ever happened to me and has only made me double down.

also it should be noted that i am on the aro spectrum, so some of my hcs about this are affected by my own experiences on this front. i am also ace, which is not true of my life series!scott headcannons (he is so very gay), so idk if that's gonna color my thoughts, but maybe keep it in mind?

so the thing is that, as scott said in that reply, all his characters are hopeless romantics. hence it takes life series!scott until around double life to figure out that he's aro, and hence flower husbands in third life. the thing about scott and flower husbands is that most of scott's care for jimmy comes around after jimmy dies. he's pre-grieving jimmy the entire series, he's making the widow's alliance, he is constantly a little bit exasperated with jimmy (even if it's fondly most of the time), he's telling grian "once we lose our husbands to the war, we can be free". he's kind of treating jimmy and his relationship with jimmy like it's a burden the entire time he has it. and i think that part of the reason he is so affected by jimmy's death when he didn't really show that he cared about him while he was alive (in this interpretation) is that a: he doesn't have to perform any romantic feelings for the guy anymore, he just has to feel the care he has for him and b: very quickly after jimmy dies, scott loses cleo too, his only other Real ally and friend on the server.

he looses both of the people he cares about in one fell swoop, but he directs the grief and anger he feels about both of them, at least outwardly, into anger about jimmy. he says he wants revenge because they killed his husband, because he feels like he SHOULD care about jimmy more than he cared about cleo, even though he doesn't, he cared for them equally.

and so then last life comes around. and scott has what he has with cleo and pearl. and he realizes "oh, ok, hold on, this is actually miles more fulfilling than what i had with jimmy." but the realization doesn't immediately go to "oh i'm aromantic", it starts as "well maybe i just wasn't compatible with jimmy". but then double life happens and he is not a fan of the soulmate concept, especially not when his soulmate is actively killing him so he runs off with cleo again, and even when he finds out that his soulmate is pearl, he has no interest in pursuing that relationship, even in a platonic way. and it's mostly because she was being reckless and not looking for him, but he talks about it with cleo and that's when the aromanticism properly clicks. and it just recontextualizes literally everything.

anyways scott and cleo's relationship throughout the life series is a qpp and mean gills are canonically a qpp. it's important to me that you know this.

(also scott obviously allos can have qpps but also. if you didn't want me to suggest your guy was a little aro at least. maybe you shouldn't have said that :3.)

#space rambles #life series smp #smajor #im not sure if i should maintag this or not #ill decide later #also “wait martyn also said that mean gills was a qpp does that mean you think martyn's on the aro spectrum”#yes! he can have a little aromanticism! as a treat!#(for martyn it like. truly depends on the day for me.)#this got long whoops lmao

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aromantic-diaries · 1 year ago

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hi! how do u know if ur ace or just have a specific type? like I don’t get how to measure how much attraction you’re supposed to have as an allo and the line between that and being ace. I’m not even completely sure what sexual attraction (without much libido) is meant to feel like bc I’m a very numb person but I do think I have it? idk just in a numb way. I know I’m aro but figuring out ace ness has been way harder. Do u have any insight? what is being allo and ace supposed to even feel like. and I’m not sure how many irl people it’s been towards either so far I know maybe an actor and fictional characters? unsure unsure how to tell!!

Hi! As far as I know sexual attraction is more than just finding someone good looking and involves actually being drawn to them and wanting to have sex with them. I had a similar experience with liking only people who are out of reach (musicians in my case but pretty much the same scenario as actors and fictional characters) and for me it was only imaginary and whenever I'd ask myself if I really wanted to be with them in the impossible scenario that I actually got the chance, the answer was a pretty obvious no

There is such a case where one might enjoy sexual things in fiction or in fantasies but doesn't want to take part in any of it for real. If you feel as though you don't really like sex or don't feel sexually attracted to anyone but you like the idea of it (my explanation isn't perfect) you may wanna look into the aegosexual microlabel which is under the ace umbrella and is pretty much what I've described here

#anon #mail time

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aroaceconfessions · 2 years ago

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I keep seeing the same confessions on here that basically boil down to "You think YOU have it bad? well actually WE have it worse!!! WE are ACTUALLY OPPRESSED by people like YOU" and i think that these posts, while obviously fueled by strong emotions of feeling as if they are being ignored or erased, are missing the bigger picture of us all being oppressed from many different angles. For example: Sex/Romance repulsed aros and aces are facing intense mistreatment from allo people. They get called sex negative and freaks and are told "everyone likes sex/romance" "You're a heartless monster if you don't love!" "you'll find the right person who will fix you" "it sounds like a medical disorder" and a plethera of sexist, ableist, and other such things. This caused Repulsed aro and aces to separate themselves. They begin to actively show hatred for these things besides repulsion because they are constantly being forced upon them and told they are wrong. which then leads to the idea that anyone who doesn't feel this way is actively against them and part of the group that's hurting them. This of course isn't the case but this leads into the problem that Sex/romance favorable (not positive. Positive/negative and favorable/repulsed are two separate things) have within the community, which is being told they aren't actually ace or aro for being favorable/wanting romance and sex. Now this is very obviously wrong. it pushes actual ace and aro people out of their own community and isolates them. It doesn't help that this can also be used against them in terms of allos using them as a talking point and excuse to erase aromantic and asexual characters by completely misunderstanding sex/romance favorable and identities that have the chance of feeling sexual/romantic attraction (such as Grey or Demi) and this isn't a fault of these identities but it is often attributed to them and they are made to be "part of the problem" when they themselves are the ones facing the same problem as everyone else in the community, which is erasure and their identities not being taken seriously.

Idk i think there's a larger conversation to be had here about how a specific oppression of one part of the community had lad to a wider oppression coming from within the community against it's own memebers when in reality the ones who are really causing all the problems are the amatonormative allo society that doesn't care about any part of our community in the grand scheme of things. And yes, both groups should be allowed to express how their specific mistreatment hurts them and the figuration with that but attacking one part isn't going to make allos take anyone more seriously.

sorry this is long I've just seen an influx of submissions to this account that are like this and I think everyone needs to slow down, take a deep breath, and just think about why such infighting is happening before joining in on it. The truth is we are all facing the same oppression, no one group is the cause of said oppression, we are all just being hurt in different ways and we should help each other rather than add to that hurt.

#aromantic #asexual #aroace #arospec #acespec #aspec #aroacespec #arose #infighting

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web-novel-polls · 1 year ago

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Aroace-spec Tournament Round 1

The aroace-spec tournament will be a double-elimination tournament with 4 matches in Round 1. Polls will start Thursday, August 10th, 2023, at noon CST & remain open for 1 week (close August 17th).

Round 1

Chung Myung vs. Shu Yanyan

Kim Dokja vs. Baek Suryong

Zhao Yue vs. Cale Henituse

Song Lan vs. Liu Mingyan

Tag: #aroace spec round 1

Round 2

Shen Qingqiu vs. [Winner of Chung Myung vs. Shu Yanyan]

Yin Hanjiang vs. Wenren È

Xie Lian vs. Cheng Qian

[Winner of Kim Dokja vs. Baek Suryong] vs. Liu Qingge

Chu Wanning vs. [Winner of Zhao Yue vs. Cale Henituse]

Wen Ning vs. Mu Qing

Feng Xin vs. Wen Qing

[Winner of Song Lan vs. Liu Mingyan] vs. Jiang Cheng

Competitor List in Order of Seed under the cut

Shen Qingqiu from Scum Villain’s Self-Saving System

Submission 1: Gay Asexual

I mean have you met the man? "Assuming you're straight because you feel nothing towards either sex but you have to be the default, right? before realizing you're romantically attracted to someone but not realizing you're romantically attracted to someone because it doesn't feel like sexual attraction which is how allos explain what love is until the romantic attraction hits you like a sledge hammer" is both a common ace experience and absolutely his story arc. Also I would have submitted him sooner but I thought he was a shoe in

Submission 2:

Asexual, somewhere on the aro spectrum - I would have submitted him earlier but based on the tags I assumed I wouldn't need to and didn't want op to be spammed with too many submissions ;_; anyhow he's here now!

Mod Propaganda

Was completely okay with not marrying anyone (because all the women in the world “belong to the protagonist”)

So fucking weird about sex. He has to mentally contort his brain seven ways to Sunday to even IMAGINE fucking someone (earning him the title of “most homophobic gay person”)

“He’s not gay, Binghe is”

Reads bad erotica and then complains about the plot inconsistencies

Accidentally wife beams/romances pretty much every single character he meets

Jiang Cheng from the Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation

Submission 1: romantic and sex indifferent aroace

I love that guy, he’s the most aroace guy I’ve ever met. and his outfit is literally the ace flag plus he’s like wearing a ring that looks a lot like wearing a ring that looks a lot like the ace ring. and the fact that he has no canon love interest and is never shown to want a romantic or sexual relationship. he gives me very “romance is something other people do, I just don’t care for it, I got other things to do” you get me??

Submission 2: Aroace

Despite people trying to convince him to get married/get an heir, in 13 years he never finds someone. His list of bride qualities is absurd to the point of "no one like this exists so I'll never have to get married". Is grossed out by displays of sexual attraction. Purple

Submission 3: Both

No spouse. Wears ace colors. Case closed.

Chu Wanning from the Husky and His White Cat Shizun

Mod Propaganda

Mo Ran “unlocking” his sexual desire….ok

Yeah, that’s pretty much it, but it’s pretty definitive. He doesn’t really experience sexual attraction until a little bit after they start dating idk what you want me to say

I wouldn’t say he’s aromantic or aro-spec bc it was more that he was in love with Mo Ran for years, but he’s definitely ace-spec. If he wasn’t, he’d probably be attracted to SOMEONE, but he’s explicitly not even sexually attracted to Mo Ran (who he has a crush on) until much, much later (like, after getting together later), from what I remember.

And in comparison, Mo Ran… experiences a lot of sexual and romantic attraction to different people but doesn’t seem to show/experience it as much after he falls in love with Chu Wanning. It’s clear that he had it for other people, but he’s now devoted to Chu Wanning; even if he was attracted to someone else, I doubt it would be mentioned. Chu Wanning, however, definitely has not experienced sexual attraction to anyone other than Mo Ran, and that was only AFTER they started dating.

Liu Qingge from Scum Villain’s Self-Saving System

Submission 1: Gay Grayace

He spends most of his life with one interest and that's fighting and then when he falls for a man he's confused by it and proceeds to flirt in the most awkward way possible. Also he has the grey-white-sometimes purple colour scheme

Submission 2: Aroace

The idea of him being asexual is presented right there on the page and you can't take that away from me. Yes I think he is in love with sqq yes I also think he is aroace. He can be both!

Submission 3: Asexual/Ace-spec

I think he’s sex repulsed given his icy or horrified reactions when sexual topics are discussed. He was also once forcibly aroused when hit by an aphrodisiac, and he responded in a way that implied he had never experienced that before. Additionally, his instinct was not to do anything sexual, but to commit acts of violence.

Mod Propaganda

Canonically not interest in romance by word of God

MXTX: “[Liu Qingge] isn't interested in Shen Qingqiu. He isn't interested in anyone. He's only interested in fighting. He wants to be the strongest and the best.” (Source)

Canonically had no clue he was sexually aroused in the Succubi Extra / interpreted it as “wanting to fight” (which isn’t the same as not experiencing sexual attraction, but that’s also not a trademark of allosexuality)

Speaking of, he never specifically seems interested in Shen Qingqiu romantically or sexually - he’s usually shipped with him bc of his devotion, not a clear desire for romance. Though that’s pretty much just up for personal interpretation

Xie Lian from Heaven Official’s Blessing

Submission 1: Demisexual

He's heavily demi coded. Man has no interest in sex what so ever for 800 years and then makes a strong personal connection to one (1) person and is shocked when he's suddenly interested

Submission 2: Demisexual

I think he is demisexual. He was canonically celibate for 800+ years and doesn’t seem to have too much of a problem with it, until he meets and binds with the love interest. Suddenly this whole celibacy thing becomes difficult.

Seeing a character similar to me was an amazing experience and I think he deserves all the love!

Mu Qing from Heaven Official’s Blessing

Mod Propaganda

He’s sworn off sex for, like, 800+ years, and also had no romantic relationships during that time (as far as we know).

Feng Xin from Heaven Official’s Blessing

Submission: Sex Averse Asexual and Aromantic

He had a sexual relationship with one (1) woman and had such a bad time he developed a fear of women in general. Also, he's a very good archer, so he has to be an aroace lolgetit?

Wenren È from Devil Venerable Also Wants to Know

Submission 1: Asexual

I haven't actually read this book yet but I've heard it's ace as hell and I wanted to make sure he was submitted

Submission 2: Asexual demiromantic

Resubmitting him because I have now read the book. And oh boy. He is not allo. He spends the whole book being confused about love and romance, and why that, specifically, would be such a huge motivator for people. He has no interest in it besides how it affects someone else and causes them problems. He falls in love by the end but he still doesn't understand how love works for other people at all

Mod Propaganda

“Wenren È cultivated the Path of Slaughter, and when he saw a beautiful woman, his first thought would be what kind of difference there was to fight a woman versus a man.” - Ch.6

The beginning part of the story is just him trying to understand what romance is and why a novel is saying he was in love with Baili Qingmiao.

Interprets “love is always seeing the other person” as “I should force Baili Qingmiao to be able to physically see this boy at all times”

He eventually becomes stupidly in love with Yin Hanjiang, but it’s a Journey. He clearly does not experience/understand romantic and sexual attraction until then.

Yin Hanjiang from Devil Venerable Also Wants to Know

Submission 1: Asexual

I haven't read this book yet but I heard it was ace as hell and I wanted to make sure he got into the poll

Submission 2: Demisexual demiromantic

Resubmitting him too because, having read the book, he is also not allo. He very clearly draws a line between love and desire, which allo people usually don't do. He spends the entire book being fairly platonically loyal to Wenren E and then when someone explains what love is and he notices that it lines up with how he feels about Wenren E, he's mad about it. Plus the aroace feeling of falling in love with someone and having that shake your entire being to the core. Also, when asked, he doesn't know what love is, but none of the characters in this book do, so.

Mod Propaganda

Literally only cares about Wenren È

“And as for Yin Hanjiang, he actually seemed to deeply believe he was an ice-cold sword, blind and heartless, not caring if what was in front of him was a man, woman, or beast, so long as it wasn’t Wenren È.” - Ch.6

One of the only characters that’s clearly in love/obsessed with someone at the very beginning, but the story clearly talks about how he Only Likes Wenren È specifically, romantically and sexually (probably. Haven’t gotten that far).

Anyway, demisexual and demiromantic.

Wen Qing from the Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation

Submission: Lesbian Asexual

She just has the vibe. Trust me, I'm ace

Wen Ning from the Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation

Submission 1: Aromantic ("A Good Aro Boi")

He never shows any kind of romantic interest in anyone. He's definitely in a QPR with Wei Wuxian and tangentially Lan Wangji though.

Cheng Qian from Liu Yao: the Revitalization of Fuyao Sect

Submission: Sex Favorable Asexual

He has the Vibes

Kim Dokja from Omniscient Reader’s Viewpoint

Submission 1: demiromantic graysexual, romance/sex indifferent

bc yoohankim is the most qpr qpr to ever qpr

Submission 2: demiromantic graysexual

yoohankim is soo queerplatonic it makes my chest hurt. and ysa and kdj are THE qpr ever. also i read the submissions list and my jaw deadass dropped when i saw that someone else had the exact same kdj hcs as me like asjdnghfdhdbn!ksnk#**#*@*

Cale Henituse from Lout of the Count’s Family

Submission: Aroace

Not a speck of romantic interest in this man. The only thing he wants to do in bed is sleep

Song Lan from the Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation

Submission: Asexual or Demisexual

I love whenever I'm reading fic where he is ace-spec it feels very correct

Shu Yanyan from Devil Venerable Also Wants to Know

Submission: Hypersexual Aromantic

She likes the sex. She loves the sex. Sex is how she does cultivation. But she states multiple times that she would never settle down with anyone, and when asked what love is she has no idea. Everyone should read this book

Chung Myung from Return of the Mount Hua Sect

Submission: Aroace

He's so aroace! to me!! He's hard on the outside, but soft on the inside, no matter what he wants us to believe. He also says it multiple times that what he loves the most is the Mount Hua sect! He clearly loved his father/older brother figure, and his best friend, and thinks of them every chapter (they have passed away). And his current friends!! I wasn't expecting them to 'found family' this hard and fast, but they did! These kids care about each other so much </3

Liu Mingyan from Scum Villain’s Self-Saving System

Submission:

Aroacespec Liu sibs ftw! Only one of og!Binghe's wives he doesn't have sex scenes with. Writes freaky smut fanfic but has no canon love interest of her own (apart from binghe/in the svsss timeline) despite being an unparalled beauty, which is aroacespec behavior

Zhao Yue from The Bandit’s Strategy / Tu Fei Gong Lue

Submission: demisexual & demiromantic

He has a whole mental monolgue about how when he was a teenager, he never experienced neither sexual nor romantic attraction, when all other boys his age around him seemed to - and how he thought this was simply something that wasn't in his fate. And that this only changed after he met, & spent a lot of time with (the other half of main couple) Wen Liunian. (This happened when Zhao Yue was in his twenties)..........To me, this felt like the closest the author could come to describing a character as demi without using the actual word.

Baek Suryong from Best Teacher Baek

Submission: Aroace

Suryong ignores and shoots down, but mostly plainly doesn't notice any flirting attempts. Rather the ones he does notice make him uncomfortable. He shows no interest in either sex or romance, despite meeting many people he'd describe as beautiful. Found a neat lifehack for having children without the pesky inbetween process, and has since picked up a bunch of disciples. When thinking about his future he doesn't considered marriage, or romantic relationships, as future goals. At one point we get a side character's POV, who talks about the many lovestruck people around him. Said romantic attention just never shows up in his own POV.

#aroace spec character tournament #aroace spec round 1 #brackets #aroace spec brackets #long post #my posts

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aceofwhump · 2 years ago

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Ik this has prob been asked before, but as a fellow ace in whump comm, i'm kinda curious as to how your asexuality affects your perception or preferences in whump? Thanks!

That is such a good and interesting question and I'm so sorry for how long it took me to respond to it but I had never really given it that much thought before and trying to put it into words proved to be challenging. I've written this like 8 times and I'm still not sure I got it. I hope this makes some kind of sense.

Disclaimer: I am only speaking of my own experiences and feelings and how they relate to one another. I am in no way speaking for every asexual, whump lover, or ace whumper. Also my aromanticism and my asexuality are very much connected at times and I sometimes have trouble separating them so some of this is also related to my aro-ness.

There's been a lot of talk in the community over the years about how maybe whump is our way, as asexual whumpers, of making up somehow for our lack of sexual attraction and that whumperflies are our version of sexual attraction and I think there's definitely some truth in that. There's a lot of overlap and similar feelings between the two (as far as I know as someone who doesn't feel sexual attraction) but I don't know how much I personally relate to that theory. It does make some sense I admit that but something about that theory never sat right with me. It's too close that thing that people say that we're missing or lacking something. I've never felt like I was lacking something by being asexual because lacking something means I'm incomplete somehow? And I'm not. I'm just as complete and human as any allo. So the idea that my love of whump or my whumperflies is my brain making up for missing something kinda makes me feel idk weird? I don't know. It's hard to explain sorry.

For me, whump and my enjoyment of it has absolutely nothing to do with my sexuality and in a way I suppose that is how my asexuality affects my perception and preferences. What I mean by that is that when I go in search for whump, when I experience whumperflies, when I like a specific trope or scene or character, there is absolutely nothing sexual about any of it. It doesn't affect who I want whumped. It doesn't affect what trope I enjoy more. Whumperflies are not my version of sexual attraction. In my head, whumperflies just mean I really enjoyed that whump because it made me feel things emotionally and I am reacting to those emotions in a physical way. That's it. Whump is just a genre of fiction I really really enjoy. It's not my kink. It's not sexual for me. It is for a lot of people and that's totally cool and valid but it just isn't for me. Is that because of my asexuality? Yeah probably. More than likely. If I experienced sexual attraction it might make me perceive whump and whumperflies differently. Because I am asexual, whump is just whump.

In terms of my preferences of whump I had a sort of epiphany about this. My favorite kind of whumps are all non whumper whump. By that I mean things that occur not because they are inflicted by another person but more like things that happen to him. Things like nightmares, accidents, natural disasters, sickness, etc. The closest I get to liking whumper whumps are things like gunshots or being chained up. Occasionally kidnapping or torture scenes. All things that don't involve multiple people or someone intimately doing it to another person. And I've started to wonder if that's related to the fact that I am a semi touch averse asexual. If I wasn't asexual would I enjoy whumper/whumpee more? Do I like non whumper whump because I'm asexual and don't like physical intimacy? I don't know. Maybe.

I could also love a trope but if it's not happening to a character I connect with emotionally then it means nothing to me. I need that emotional connection 99% of the time or I get nothing out of it. It's not just the trope, it's the context of it and who it's happening to. Physical attractiveness doesn't really come into play all that often. I need an emotional connection to the character in order to enjoy their whumps.

It also affects the character dynamics I prefer. This is where my aromanticism comes into play as well and gets kinda entangled with my asexuality in a way that I can't quite distinguish between the two so I'm sorry if I get a little confusing here. My preferred character relations are platonic and familial (found or bio). I actively avoid romantic whump mostly because it turns sexual soooo fast. It's become so difficult to find AO3 fics that are not focused on a romantic pairing and are not smut. If that gets into my whump it almost always turns it sour for me. Sex and most of the time romance sours my enjoyment of whump. That is directly related to my aroaceness for sure. 100%. So I seek out friends, siblings, found families, parental figures and their grown "adopted" manchild, mentor/mentees, etc.

The best way I can think of to explain it is the difference between Wednesday Addams and Morticia Addams and their enjoyment of pain and blood and violence. I'm mostly thinking of the Netlfix show right now with this comparison btw. So Wednesday when she's enjoying blood and violence it's because she's just enjoying it for what it is. But Morticia. Morticia's love of pain and violence is much closer related to it turning her on. It's definitely more sexual for Morticia. it is NOT for Wednesday. I am Wednesday (hence why I headcanon Wednesday as aroace among other reasons).

Does that make sense? Does any of this make sense? I'm having such a hard time articulating all of this mostly because I've never thought that hard about it all before. I'm asexual. I enjoy whump. That's as far as I'd thought about it before. Hopefully this all isn't too weird or whatever. It's a good question.

#mod replies #ask #anon #asexuality and whump #about me #whump

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redysetdare · 1 year ago

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As another non-split aroace, you're so correct for saying that we're treated as the punching bags of both aro and ace communities. Like if y'all can accept and support straight aros and aces but are hostile towards aroaces, you're just aphobic. Yes even if you're aro/ace yourself. Aro spaces nowadays literally have the same attitude towards aroaces that exclusionists used to have towards asexuals, that we're weird freaks bringing purity culture into their "safe" communities just by existing and therefore need to be pushed out. And ace spaces still act like we're the bad guys and need to be pushed out of their "safe" communities because we can't romantically love other people, which makes us heartless monsters apparently. It's just exhausting. I've never seen aroaces being so hostile towards non-ace aros and non-aro aces, we're always trying to uplift their voices and bring awareness to their issues. But the moment we try to talk about our own issues in aromantic or asexual spaces we're told to shut up and let them speak over us because we somehow have it better than them. Not to mention the pressure to split your experiences into aro vs ace and prioritise one part of your identity over the other if you want to be taken seriously in those spaces. Like sorry but for some of us our aroaceness is interwined not split. But we're still aros and aces, still a part of your community. Stop trying to push us out of our own communities on the basis of aphobic stereotypes.

Honestly I've been kinda biting my tongue on it for a while because I understand why Aro and Ace ppl have been trying to separate the communities. it can be frustrating to constantly be paired with an identity that you don't relate to - but i feel like so many ppl have taken it way to far. They've taken the relatively understandable stance of "Aromantic and Asexual are not the same identity" and pushed it to the extreme of "Aro and Ace are so completely different they have nothing in common and NO overlap" and the worst part is i don't think anyone has particularly noticed.

Idk I was most active in the aro and ace communities when we still kinda shared communities. the idea that aro and ace were separate was still a thing (hell, aroaces were the ones helping to push that distinction. we wanted people to recognize our aro identities too, yknow.) but we recognized the overlap and similarities and supported each other... now it just feels like im seeing post after post reminding people not every aro or ace person is aroace and that people shouldt tag aro posts as ace and vice versa and "no ace people cant relate to aro experiences" "no aro people cant relate to ace experiences" because "They are so different they are completely not the same and don't have any overlapping problems at all" and as an aroace it sucks!

it sucks feeling forgotten in my own communities.

It's almost feeling like they are blaming us for there being this idea that people are are Ace must also be aro and people who are aro must also be ace. Like they know they cant get mad at the allos so they get mad at aroaces and act like we are the reason allos think this way. It's like aroaceness is only brought up to talk about how "Not everyone is aroace" or "aroace characters are so much more prevalent in media (Proceeds to only talk about ace characters)" or how aroace ppl must have an identity that means more to them - how their aro or ace identity must be more important or effect them more because they can't possibly intertwined and overlap and "hey you tagged your post with aro and ace tags but obviously its only about aromanticism/only about asexuality so remove some of those tags because it's annoying me" or worse I see aromantics being acephobic or asexuals being arophobic and it's like.... where do i fit in?

people think aroace ppl ran both communities as 1 community and they say it was bad and that we need to separate - but from my perspective it was two communities who worked together. the only difference now is that aroace ppl are getting pushed to the side. thrown under the bus. "you dont need rep you have tons of rep. society loves giving aroace rep!" and "not everyone is aroace. you're experience isn't universal and so you shouldn't talk about it" Aroace voices just got smaller. we got quieter. because our own communities decided we were privileged. we were more accepted than they were. or worse that we were actually the real freaks for not feeling both sexual and romantic attraction. we weren't palatable enough - there was nothing that could be used to normalize us. and besides, it was easier to just only fight for one set of rights, right?

and part of me understands it. it sucks. it sucks to always be a footnote. but guess what - aro and aces and aroaces are footnotes of the queer community. we're stuck here together and instead we're fighting over who's the more important footnote. we are all in the same boat and we're acting like we're not and trying to sink the ship forgetting we're all on it together.

#asks #and to be clear this isn't saying that other aspecs asking for rep or asking for recognition is a bad thing that was never the issue #it's not about how aroallo people or alloace ppl are bad or evil or oppressors #this isn't about how arospec or acespec people are all actually out to get aroace people #this is about an experience aroace people sometimes have within aro and ace spaces because certain aros and aces decide we aren't worthy #because certain aros and aces decide we dont belong #anyways sorry this took so long to answer I was trying to word it in a way that was understandable #and hopefully in a way ppl wouldnt misinterpret #but then i realized ppl who have bad faith will purposefully do that #so i shouldn't worry too much #ppl who look at it in good faith will have a conversation with me. ppl who look at it in bad faith are just the people im talking about.

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