#idk i think i'm just overthinking everything like i always do lmao

[ranger-kellyn]

idk. i can't lie. as a writer, sometimes it's weirdly intimidating being Known for a ship or a character. like. oh god what if i sound like a broken record? what if i use basically the exact same words for their kisses in separate stories?? at what point am i jumping the shark?? have i lost the plot??? hello?????? is this thing on?????????

[yeahxsurexokay13]

wrong guy, lando norris

summary: fans think yn is dating max, but they've got the wrong guy [bsf!reader]

been a min since i posted! honestly, these just take me way too long and i usually end up abandoning them because i start hating them halfway through from overthinking lol. hope you enjoy this one though (: xx

y/n.y/l 📍 Ibiza, Spain

Liked by riabish, carlossainz55 and 159.870 others

y/n.y/l we only argued 3 times, cried 2, and got lost 1 (personal record)

view all 579 comments

user9 right so who argued? who cried? and most importantly whO IS THE SHADOW?

user14 can we talk about how u're LITERALLY glowing in that first pic? u look so happy, girl!!

user20 the vibes on this dump… rich people's holidays just hit different.

iamrebeccad ✓ Beautiful girl 😍

y/n.y/l 🫶🏼 miss youu!!

user4 “cried 2 times” is actually impressive ♥︎ by author

user55 lando and max just casually being brothers in the fourth pic 😩❤️

user81 that shot is just *chef’s kiss*!!!! Glad we can always count on this queen for hq content

user63 Okay so I’ve been staring at this shadow pic for like 10 minutes, and I can’t figure it out…

user33 my money’s on max bc that hug pic of them earlier too… feels very coupley.

user63 idk friends to lovers agenda thriving tho

user3 Max and Lando with the face masks are killing me 😂 ♥︎ by author

user6 max or lando? place your bets now. i’m team max but i’ll die on this hill if i'm wrong

user2 which you are, because it’s definitely Lando

user8 guys they’ve literally known each other since forever and go on these friends holidays all the time lmao this is just FRIENDSHIP GOALS. stop romanticising everything!!!

user24 then explain the head kiss?

user8 friendly head kisses???

user24 friendly kisses?? in this economy? be serious. that’s couple behaviour

user12 smells like a third wheel in here…

y/n.y/l sorry, that's just me. i am the third wheel🙋🏼‍♀️

user13 she really said 'stop shipping me with my best friends' lol

user44 max and lando with the face masks in the water might be my new favourite photo of all time

user16 ngl that's not bad statistics for a week long trip ♥︎ by author

user11 If it’s Max, I’ll cry. If it’s Lando, I’ll cry harder. If it’s neither, I don’t know what I’ll do.

user18 i’ve been following these three for years and i’m still trying to figure out if that last slide is supposed to be romantic or not….? HELP I AM SO CONFUSED

user22 what book is that? i need recommendations!!

y/n.y/l just for the summer!!! LOVED it x

user10 i can’t believe she was so chill about posting thAT LAST PIC!??!! miss y/l!!! SPILL NOW

maxfewtrell ✓ Why are you saying 'we'? Pretty sure you were the one who did all of those

landonorris ✓ classic move, shifting the blame

y/n.y/l @/landonorris @/maxfewtrell the getting lost part was definitely a team effort

user1 I need to go on a trip with friends like this ♥︎ by author

user5 being that close to lando AND max and surviving the friendship without catching feelings was too good to be true let's be honest

pietra.pilao 😍😍

y/n.y/l 💞💞

user7 so when’s the next ‘friends holiday'? asking for a friend (me)

15 August 2024

maxfewtrell ✓

Liked by landonorris, y/n.y/l and 98.982 others

maxfewtrell The real girlfriend reveal, for the record 🫡

👤 pietra.pilao

view all 398 comments

user1 WAIT WHAT

user6 so it really wasn’t Y/n??

pietra.pilao ❤️❤️ ♥︎ by author

user4 omg she's the girl who commented on yn's holiday dump!!!

user3 We owe Max and his gf an apology 😭 She’s stunning, btw

user2 omg u two are so cuteeeeeeee! happy for u max :)

user5 your gf is so pretty 😭😭😭

y/n.y/l P!!!! 💕💕

y/n.y/l you two make a better couple than you and I ever would anyway 😂 ♥︎ by author

user9 WHY DIDN’T YOU SAY THIS EARLIER?! we’ve been spiralling for WEEKS

user12 actually he's been saying it from the beginning. we just didn't want to listen 😂😂

user8 max: “here’s my gf. leave me out of y/n’s business”

user12 OK but pietra is STUNNING!! Max, you’ve been hiding her for how long?!

user7 the way he had to clarify this because of us is actually hilarious. sorry, Max.

user11 OMG I feel so dumb now we really had y/n in a whole relationship she wasn’t even in 😭

29 August 2024

y/n.y/l

Liked by oscarpiastri, sophiaaemelia and 289.034 others

y/n.y/l outtakes from ai·bee·thuh

view all 930 comments

user1 AAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!?? MYSTERY SOLVED IG

user12 I THINK THIS MIGHT BE THE GREATEST THING TO HAPPEN TO MY FEED THIS YEAR I AM NOT EVEN JOKING

maxfewtrell ✓ So Lando gets the cute video and I get the passed out in the car pic? Playing favourites, I see. Noted.

user8 Max calling out Y/n for favoritism is peak sibling energy

user33 i can't believe we were full on shipping them not even a week ago omg

maxfewtrell ✓ Also, can everyone stop tagging me in that shadow pic now? Like, I’m good, it’s definitely not me 😅 ♥︎ by author

user11 pietra honestly deserves a medal for surviving this holiday with these three omg

user17 GUYS I WAS ALREADY PRETTY SHOCKED AT LANDO'S VIDEO BLOWING A KISS I HAD NO IDEA WHAT I HAD COMING

pietra.pilao Special week 🤍 ♥︎ by author

user81 the lift photo with the McDonald’s bag is so relatable. even on a fancy holiday, you gotta have your nuggets ♥︎ by author

user25 turns out Max wasn't lying when he said y/n wasn’t his headache... lando’s the lucky one 😂

user10 and y/n and pietra? they do ✨besties ✨ better than anyone ♥︎ by author

user19 can we get a ‘whoops, my bad’ from the ppl who saw them in Ibiza and STILL missed the fact that Pietra was there?

user2 they literally had a front row seat to the full gossip and still didn’t catch on !!!!! like hELLO? u had one job

user14 THE SOFT LAUNCH TURNED INTO A HARD LAUNCH REAL QUICK I AM SHOOK

alexandrasaintmleux ✓ Ahhh loveeee 🩷��� ♥︎ by author

user26 both boys punching above their weight fr. i said what i said.

francisca.cgomes ✓ ❤️❤️😍 ♥︎ by author

user16 The way Max is sleeping in that last pic has me wheezing ♥︎ by author

user3 lando is literally holding y/n like he’s never letting her go boy is WHIPPED

user29 WE'RE GOING TO SEE "LANDO NORRIS' PARTNER" UNDER YN'S NAME NOW WHEN SHE WATCHES FROM THE GARAGE what a time to be alive

user7 not the way y/n is casually posting a McDonald’s bag in a robe and THEN dropping the most beautiful couple pic with lando

user5 waIT SO THE BOY KISSING HER HEAD IN THE SHADOW PIC WAS LANDO??? WE WERE ALL WRONG. I NEED TO LIE DOWN.

maxfewtrell you know, it truly baffles me how this was barely even considered

y/n.y/l no one believed in me enough to be able to pull f1 race winner lando norris. humbling.

user20 YN I - 😭😭😭😭💀💀

user38 it was a couple’s holiday the whole time 😭😭 I need a moment to recover

user9 this fandom’s clownery knows no bounds istg.........

user21 not me crying over the hard launch of the year when I was just admiring Max’s sleeping face 5 seconds ago

user24 Ibiza really gave us everything: friendship goals, couple goals, and max in a food coma

user18 IT WAS LANDO KISSING HER HEAD. I feel so betrayed by my own theories and also pretty disappointed in myself i couldn't tell it was his shadow

landonorris ✓ I see you saved the best for last 🖤

y/n.y/l ☺️☺️

y/n.y/l omg guys i wasn’t being dry i just don’t know what else to say with all you watching 😭😭

1 September 2024

[dead-boys-club]

Just saw your latest take on Keigo/Hawks and normalcy and it sounded legit ngl- probably one of the realest take on a character I've seen in a while so I wanted to ask something regarding the same character again.

How would Keigo/Hawks be with a quirkless s/o? (i have a s/i story and have some ideas to work with- but wanted to hear someone else's thoughts on it too)

I didn't want to go too fanon and just say yes - I know it's kind of shitty to think he'd never have that but I wanted to be honest about it. TT but, I'm glad you liked it, I really appreciate that.

I can't even do a tldr here lmao so. this one is actually shorter than the rest, for the simple fact i don't think there would be TOO much of a difference.

Okay, so - a point that was made in my last one can also stand here: he's going to find himself struggling to balancing his life with someone who has no quirk. It might sound silly to those not analyzing a character down to it's atoms but having a quirkless s/o means they can't go out on missions with him, which equals less time with them if he's busy. It's definitely not something he sees as a bad thing, just means when he gets back, his s/o is going to get a lot more attention.

Hawks would already be protective of his s/o and even more so if they have no quirk. He doesn't think they're helpless or anything but he feels like it's his duty to make sure they're safe.

In a society that values quirks on such a high level, he knows they may face challenges and whatnot that he thinks kind of sucks but he's going to support them in whatever they're doing. He would want to shield them from any type of prejudice they may face. Depending on his s/o, this could absolutely lead to a few arguments.

But, I feel like there wouldn't be much of a difference in how he treated his s/o. He'd still be the loving, protective loser he is. And if it came down to them being upset about it, he'd be more than happy to make sure his s/o knew they were loved, capable, and valued whether they had a quirk or not.

If they didn't have a quirk.. would he show them off? Most people write Hawks with a personality that screams over confident and egotistic, so I think most people would say he would - but, from my pov and thought process, I think he'd keep them as far from the public eye as possible. He would never be ashamed of someone he loved but he'd feel like letting the world know them and their rs would just put them in danger? Or, maybe I am overthinking this detail.

Now, there is one thing I've always been conflicted about when it comes to Hawks and his s/o and it's something I'm kind of hoping to get some other opinions on?

If his s/o had a quirk and was known, I feel like it would be impossible to keep their rs private.

I can say one thing without hesitancy: one of his feathers would be with his s/o at all times.

( + 👉👈 anon, if you feel like, idk, messaging me and telling me more about this story, i'd be happy to talk and learn about your pov of everything. )

[fyeahstormandwolvie]

So I've been drawn back to Storm 3... and I wanted to ask your opinion on the panel with Ororo and Rouge and the way some people are reading the panel as if Ororo is ashamed and disgusted by sleeping with Logan.

maybe I'm in too deep lol but knowing the rolo dynamic and knowing not only how close & understanding they are of each other but how they keep their relationship lowkey... that panel doesn't read as regretful to me at all. Ororo mentions that she set a path for herself... similar to how logan always has in the past, when they have their mind set on something they don't let anything stand in their way especially. to me the only thing I think ororo regrets is being open to be with him in that way again knowing she was leaving when the week ended even if Doom didn't send for her. She wants to be there with her x-family, with logan... but she set a path for herself, she announced herself to the world and it would feel wrong (to her) to push that all to the side just to relax with the people she loves... very similar to how logan is lol.

Murewa left that panel with so many ways for people to interpret it. I find it interesting that people concluded that Ororo is disgusted with sleeping with logan when the last panel shows Ororo looking sorrowful and saying "I'm sorry logan". if she felt bad for sleeping with him I'm very sure she would have told him before leaving... as if they hadn't slept together before, as if they haven't run off and handled business in the past, as if they both don't understand that when it comes to them being together they take any time they can get cause there's never enough time for them... shes sorry for having to leave not for sleeping with him LMFAO!

the narrator specifically explains the situation as "matters of the heart" and singles out logan as "her old lover" and the rest as her friends. the dialogue on the last day of fighting basically reads as "you know me and i know you", the way rolo love to bond by fighting... even with her situation, she could have spent the entire issue with Kurt and Remy, getting to know the kids... i just feel like the issue was very intentional whether it was to give us closure from the last time they were together or to give us some sort of foundation for the future for whatever could come about with them... do i think anything will happen with them soon, no. but i feel like there's potential for something to grow. i don't think this is the last time we'll see Logan in this comic... this is the first time (i think) we've seen them together where Ororo is in control of how the relationship moves, its usually the other way around.

Let's not even talk about how Logan probably definitely heard the whole conversation btw Ororo and the bird, Ororo and Rouge... again if you don't know the dynamic you'd read it as if it was a one-night stand but we know he trusts her enough to take care of herself and knows she'll call if she needs help... which is why he was so calm when he specifically called out Rogue in the morning and asked her if Ororo left... they both know why she left and how she felt before leaving.

idk... sorry for rambling lmfao but it just rubbed me the wrong way that people would rather claim ororo was out of her mind and dumb that she would just fuck Logan, her close friend and it be normal for her to be disgusted by sleeping with someone she trusts... cause if that was the case she could have just slept with anyone else... lmao

Hi! Always happy to chat about things like this (and welcome people to chime in in the replies/reblogs!) - I like that Murewa doesn't spell everything out for us, and we can make our own interpretations based on the text and the context of the art and what happened!

I don't think she's ashamed or disgusted that it happened at all, and that's saying it even without a biased lens. She might have regrets, which I think tracks with her tendency to overthink literally everything (she has so many Thoughts, All The Time - I think she's on record as having the most internal thought thought-bubbles throughout the Claremont run), and maybe she regrets that it happened on a whim, during a visit that she knows won't even last that long. She only planned to be around for a week, and she sleeps with him on a spur of the moment? Knowing that she'll leave in like a day (on this case, sooner than a day lol) because her current plan is to idk.. establish herself as a solo and unattached/uncommitted to the brand even if she's literally safest with the X-Men haha

I don't think they'll get together for real either, not now. I do think j she's gonna get (ironically) the Wolverine treatment where she's single and unattached so that she can have different relationship dynamics with different people. Like Batman and Spider-Man get similar treatment and can run into exes and maybe-lovers all the time. She's hot, and free! Let us see her how she'll navigate being the most wanted woman in the universe!!

I don't know if this actually answered anything lol. Please feel free to add comments in this! Just be nice and please don't say hateful things about other characters and other ships here, let's keep things civil and cool 💕

[cheeseceli]

Proud - Bang Chan

Pairing: Bang Chan × gn!Reader

Genre: little bit of angst with fluff ending, small drabble

Warnings: reader has low self-esteem, reader's mom doesn't help at all, not proof read, and one (1) bad word i think bullshit (idk if that counts as bad word)

Request: by my inner child lmao

A/n: i thought of this last night because i relate to and admire Chan so much, so he is precisely the person that could make me feel better in a time like this. This drabble ain't supposed to be good, I just wanted some comfort and luckily you can feel some comfort as well

"Were you crying?"

You don't know why, but lately it seems like life hasn't been kind to you. You were doubting yourself and your talents (did you have any?) more than usual. Everything you did seemed wrong, seemed like it could be better. Even things you were sure about, like your potential and hard work, weren't certain anymore.

The last straw was when you were calling your mom before you went to bed. You wanted to vent, to try to understand what was wrong and how you could fix it. Instead, she said "you should give up abot that. You're not that good anyways". You doubt she was saying that out of malice, like she was praying for your downfall or something like that. She actually thought you'd be better if you settled down and just gave up in your "dreams". She was actually trying to help.

But now, past midnight, you're in bed trying to hide your tears and silence your hiccups. The overthinking, the pressure and the fact that everything you were doing this past days was collapsing made you cry. The last thing that you needed was to wake up and worry the man beside you.

Unfortunately, luck was not on your side.

"Babe, look at me" Chan said, growing worried because all he could see was your back facing him "Please."

With that being said, you felt like the worst human being to ever live. You made him worry over something that was probably just drama. He'd ask what was wrong and you would explain to just later realise that you were being dramatic. You didn't want to look at him. Not now, not like this.

So you did the most reasonable thing that came across your mind: you pretended you were sleeping. Perhaps he would believe. He didn't see you crying anyways, he just heard the hiccups. Maybe he would believe that nothing was wrong and he probably misunderstood the sounds.

When he laid back his head in the pillow, you thought it worked. You almost sighed in relieve until he hugged you closer from behind. He wrapped his arms around your waist and kissed you softly, you almost couldn't feel it, in the back of your neck going down to your shoulder.

"You know I'm here, right? It doesn't matter what it is, I'll always be here."

That was it. Now that was in fact your last straw. As comforting as it was, you couldn't handle it. Because you thought of yourself as someone who wasn't deserving of love, you forgot you were actually loved. And now you were crying even more.

As a reminder that Chan was never leaving your side, he hugged you tighter. You didn't feel suffocated. You were embraced, you were warm. For a second you believed you were safe.

"Could you tell me that you're proud of me?" was the first thing you said that night, it was almost inaudible "You can lie. Just say I'm doing good or something like that. Please."

For some moment all you could hear was the silence. You knew he was there, you could feel him. But he didn't reply. The overthinking crossed your mind once again. You aren't worth, not even in a lie.

You tried to close your eyes and forget that you even said something until you heard him

"I'm so proud of you. I'm not telling you this because you asked me to, I'm saying this because it's the truth and I should've made it clear from the moment I saw you for the first time. To be honest I'm kinda shocked that you are even doubting it in first place." He giggled silently and God, you loved that small laugh "I don't know what made you think that you're not good enough but believe me when I tell you that you are way more than just enough. You're awesome, you're amazing, I wouldn't change a thing"

You kept your eyes closed to keep back the tears. You hated feeling so vulnerable or a burden, and that was the feeling that ever showed up whenever you cried. But tonight, the feeling was slowly becoming something else. Like you were allowed to fall, cause someone, cause Chan, would catch you.

Chan made you turn around gently and placed a soft kiss on your wet cheek, making you hug him closer. Everything that you needed right now was his comfort. He happily obliged.

"I'm so so proud of you. I'll spend the rest of my life telling you this if that's what will take for you to believe it. I admire you so much, Y/n. I love the person that you are and the person that you are becoming. And no one else's opinion matters because everyone that says bulshit about you is wrong and I'm the only one who is right" you couldn't help but giggle at the last part, knowing that it was somewhat true and that made it even funnier.

"thank you"

When you thought it was impossible for him to hug you even tighter, he did it and hid his face in your neck "don't thank me for saying the obvious. Now let's sleep, mm? It's late"

You nodded, feeling way more relaxed than you were when the night began. You close your eyes only to hear Chan saying "Good night, my love."

Reblogs and feedbacks are always appreciated ❣️

[pseudophan]

idk if this is confirmed or if im insane but i feel like dan in his why i quit youtube video was talking about how he felt like there was Dan content and Dan And Phil content and how he felt like he was split between them....i wonder if hes trying both to see what he still likes to do. he had his internet show and now danandphilgamws is back like. i have a feeling he's trying to figure things out rn

i think dan ultimately wants to do his own thing and has a lot of ideas and aspirations, specifically he wants to be a stage comedian like his passion is clearly for live performances and while the comedy bit is still being fine tuned (i'm not saying he's bad, in fact he's kinda good ngl, but he definitely has a way to go if he wants to be Great) the performance part he's got DOWN like say what you want about that man but he ooowwwnnnsss a stage. also he's weirdly great at audience interaction lmao? that was my main takeaway from we're all doomed, both the pre show and the show itself, he deals with heckling like.. AMAZINGLY well. he's genuinely hilarious responding to an audience like i never thought i'd say this a few years ago but i think he might actually have a future in live comedy lmao????

but i also think he.. needs money LOL like he's said many a time he doesn't really love being a full time youtuber, but also he does enjoy making youtube videos! just, you know.. not full time. but while on his own channel making Daniel Howell(tm) videos he puts a lot of pressure on himself, and then if he does a slightly less high pressure series or whatever (dystopia daily) it's relatively well received and the videos are good enough but like.. it's not the traction he wants, nor the traction he needs

ultimately dan knows that if he wants to keep and potentially build an audience online that lies in Dan And Phil. it always has and it always will. and i think for a long time he struggled with that, and as much as people gave him shit for it i completely get it. like, lmao, of COURSE he wants to be recognised for his own abilities and not just the dynamic and chemistry he's got going with... his literal partner. honestly it would be one thing if dnp were just comedy partners because there are a lot of comedy duos on the world who've made it big, but i think there's something about it being him and his full time actual real life boyfriend/life partner that kinda makes it weird. and as much as i love the dnp dynamic i still do get that feeling so much like honestly who can blame him ?? if your entire professional life is just.. your personal life but on camera ? that's weird. it's gotta feel weird and it's definitely unfulfilling for someone as aspirational as dan and i can't blame him at all for it

that being said, dan clearly does really enjoy making videos with phil. which yeah of course he does, he gets to just turn on a camera and talk shit with the guy he talks shit with all day long anyway. and i think what he's now realised is 1. if he wants to keep/build an audience, the dan and phil branding is where it's at and 2. he needs an income while he works on whatever solo projects he's got going on, and dnp makes a loooot of money

basically my point is - dan seems to really enjoy making videos with phil but he knows that's not really a life long career choice. as much as i'd love them to, it's not really an option for them to be playing sims when they're like, sixty. and while phil is relatively chill and seems to just take things as they come, which tbh is probably the healthiest way of doing things, dan is very overthinking and wants to get ahead of everything and also in general just like.. he wants to build a career! he wants to build something on his own and i can't fault him for that at all. dan knows that one day he's gonna need something more than just Dan And Phil if he wants to keep working, and he's laying the groundwork right now to be able to do that

again, though, i don't want anyone to take this as like 'dan is only doing dapg to make money and rebuild a fanbase' because as much as that is definitely a big part of it... just look at the man. in these videos. he's having a great time. and also, as annoying as we are, he does kinda love us. sometimes. maybe. <3

[cookinguptales]

guess it's time for the vent post

(note: I will be okay. usually my ketamine treatments help with pmdd symptoms, but occasionally a treatment won't hit quite right and things will get worse for a couple days. I'll be okay, though, I'm just feeling... well, a cocktail of self-doubt, anxiety, loneliness, and overthinking. lmao)

anyway, full disclosure, this won't be a very nice or happy post and is probably the kind of thing I would've posted in a locked LJ entry back in the day but that doesn't really exist in the same way anymore so just bear with me. I need to just. get it out somewhere.

lately I've really been worrying that I'm not capable of being in a normal relationship anymore. like, I was never great at social interaction, but I'll admit that things really took a fucking nosedive after a particularly bad relationship with a woman who. well, I don't think it's a night for particulars. she was an adult and I wasn't. I was very lost, very lonely, and very sick back then, and she really enjoyed being the only person I felt like I could count on.

I... was wrong, I guess.

and... idk, I've definitely had a lot of nights since then (and days with therapists) where I try to sort through how exactly that affected me and my ability to form meaningful romantic relationships. I have a difficult time feeling safe with people. honestly, I did even before her (I had... a very fucked-up home life) but it was harder after. and let's just say that a lot of my friends at the time turned out to be... less than friendly when the shit hit the fan.

so... yeah. hard for me to open up to people in a meaningful way, I guess. like, I can tell strangers about my anxieties, but it becomes harder for me to do once we're friends. and even then, I guess I can trust people with my thoughts but not my... idk, emotional safety.

once when I was pretty tipsy I told a friend that I didn't think I could love the kind of person who would actually love me back, and I still worry that it's true. I allow myself feelings very rarely, and when I do, it's always for people who don't feel the same way.

I never... like... set out to do it... I don't think it's a conscious thing. I fell for straight girls a few times. then bi girls with boyfriends. I did eventually make it to single lesbians, but they always ended up either getting girlfriends, not wanting to date at all, or just not wanting to date me.

to be clear, I don't blame any of them. but I'm starting to wonder if maybe I should be blaming me...? like, I never knew that any of them were straight or coupled or uninterested when I developed feelings myself. but I wonder if subconsciously, I picked up on it...?

for a while now, I've been genuinely worried that My Type is girls who aren't into me. :')

like, not consciously. but subconsciously, am I just picking up on the fact that they're not attracted to me? or they're safely ensconced in another relationship? or they are comfortably not dating at all? but either way, they're not looking at me like a potential partner, and I like that?

some days I feel like I've mostly healed from everything that happened, and other days I feel like I'm just going to be broken and fucked-up and unlovable forever. like, jesus christ, have I learned to associate people who actually want me with danger? do I only feel safe with people who aren't attracted to me? is that why that's the only kind of person I ever want to date?

good god, that's fucked up.

I mean, the only two alternatives, really, are that I am just incredibly unlucky or the meaner parts of me are right and people really just don't want a fat cripple with a mediocre personality.

the latter probably isn't entirely true. men are easy, unfortunately, and I'd be happier if they didn't want me.

(and then you run into the special kind of anger that happens when a woman that a man thought was beneath them actually turns them down, oof. guess they thought the girl with the cane would be more desperate, huh?)

and I've been on a few dating app dates with girls who seemed to like me well enough, but like. just no chemistry whatsoever.

is the special spark??? a woman not wanting me???

food for fucking thought.

anyway, I guess I just kind of avoided thinking about it for a long time but I'm in my mid30s now and it kind of feels like I have avoided things for too long now! that's pretty old to have never had a long-term relationship! other than with the fucking creep who wanted to ~teach me about sex~ back when I was young and less disabled and maybe still worth something!

I guess that was uncalled for, but some days I really do feel like there was a window and boy did I fucking miss it. like everyone else had this chance to learn their way around a romance and I spent mine hooked up to hospital wires and texting with a grown-ass woman who fed on youth.

I recognize that a key part of grooming -- and abusive relationships in general -- is their ability to make you feel like they are the only person who will ever love you. I also recognize that these people are very good at finding the one kid in the room who believes at their core that they will never be loved. (or even make it to age 20, I guess. didn't know if the whole intermittent blindness thing was going to kill me or not back then.)

but goddamn do I still feel like she hollowed me out and took all the parts of me that were lovable with her. like maybe she will be the only woman who ever wants me, and that's fucking horrifying to think about.

there are nights where you just stare at the wall and wonder what made you so damn attractive to pedophiles, y'know? I knew enough at that age to shake off the men, but her? didn't even see it coming.

and I suppose there are the worse nights, the ones where you wonder if normal, well-adjusted, not-creepy people never would have wanted you even if you weren't too damaged to carry on a real relationship. like maybe I was insufferable enough without the ptsd. catnip for creeps and not much else.

damn, dude, why am I so good at pulling men who follow me home from the bus stop but not women who actually care about my well-being. that's the question.

idk. I feel like at this point, like... 75% of me has come to terms with it. like, I guess it's just not something that happens to everybody. not everyone finds someone who loves them and who they love in return. not everyone is cut out for that life.

but then I look at my own writing and the way I just keep doing it, I just keep latching onto broken characters who have had the best parts of them hollowed out, who believe that they are unlovable, and I write a story that says no, you're not. Here, I've made someone for you who loves you wholly and desperately, even broken as you are.

and I feel like that must be the last 25%, huh? or at least the part of me that wants to comfort broken creatures, whether those creatures are characters I made up or ones I didn't or my readers or the people I read about on the news or maybe a 15yo kid who just wanted someone to fucking love her.

I want to take care of her so badly now. I want to love her in a good way, not the selfish kind that takes and takes and takes until there is nothing left. But I guess I just don't know how.

I realized the other day that I just wrote a book that I would have loved at that age. Now I kind of feel like I've been writing bedtime stories for a ghost.

I'll be okay. I always am. It's just... a rough night. They come and they have always come and they will always come and all I can do is write.

Just wish it were something more comforting this time. :')

[umepnnn]

3DOLC x ROE — results.

challenge created by @starliet and @cleostoohot 🖤

sorry (and not sorry) for the long hiatus cuz i'm enjoying life :)

so a few days ago i came across several posts about their challenge and i decided to try it out ! i didn't plan to post or anything so there wasn't a "what i'll be manifesting" post, but the results were so insane i had too make one.

ଓ affirmations i used:

regardless of everything...

nothing can ruin my manifestations

i always manifest within 3 days or less

i have everything i desire

ଓ what i manifested:

always confident and friendly, good at socializing

that's exactly what i did. i feel like a social butterfly at school and it's easier for me to join in convos now. making friends and having small talk just became easier for me. and i don't overthink so much anymore

being more included in my friend groups

i have a group i hang out with at uni for like 4-5 months now but i wasn't rlly active until this challenge LMAO now i'm like so comfortable with everyone and felt more like a part of the group. it also went like this with my other friend groups that i just started hanging out since this year. i actually speak to people individually now woah :)

getting closer with an SP

idk i thought this guy was cute so i just included this and at first the situation was: he's close with my friends but he's not in any of my friend groups so we don't hang much at all. but then after 2-3 days since this challenge, our mutual friend suddenly ADDED HIM into the group out of the blue and we all started going out and he is SUCH A GENTLEMAN to me + he added my socials as well hehe

school is fun, assignments are easy & no stress

literally came to school to chit chat and i'm not stressed at all. i get my work done on time and everything goes so smooth fr. and the best part is my classmates are the sweetest ugh SCHOOL IS FUN (they are the uni friend group i just mentioned up there) and they'd always gather around my seat lol and we'd chat the whole class.

bright smooth clear skin

same skin care routine – skin clearer than ever. no longer uneven dark spots or small little bumps <3 smooth like a baby's bottom :) my mom actually thought i was wearing makeup when i literally just washed my face n removed all the makeup !!

no dark circles

i slept like usual but my dark circles rlly went away since this challenge i'm actually surprised (even tho it should go away cuz it's the law lmao) and usually they'd still show when i have my makeup on but now it's wayyy less noticeable

friends from other countries coming to mine so we could hang out

just went out with one the other day lmao so check ✔️ i guess

everyone cares about me and is very nice to me

yoo my friends were so patient and attentive to me and even the taxi drivers are nice, they'd start convos and not in a creepy way. everyone is so nice for real <333

ଓ what i did:

i just read the list and affirm whenever i can, mostly focused on the 4D and know it's inevitable that they'd manifest <3 cuz it's already mine the moment i think i have it. and honestly the "nothing can ruin my manifestations" line helped me a lot.

other than that i did nothing in the 3D. i never initiated anything. they all just came to me just ✨ like ✨ that ✨

i got most of my desires within 3 days but i still continued affirming after 3 days cuz like why not? it's like i'm doing the challenge again or sum but yes i still get desired results after that.

btw i also listened to quite a few subliminals alongside doing this challenge just because i can xD even for the same desires and like they both manifested but anyways i'll make a separate post on my subliminal results.

© umepnnn 2021 – all rights reserved.

[note from a later date //29 jan 2024]

i have been on a hiatus since then until now, because i was busy with a lot of stuff i didn't have much time to learn and post astrology stuff here ~

i am still busy as ever and i don't plan on coming back here anytime soon (mayyyybee idk) but i still come on tumblr quite often cuz i loveee our astrology & manifesting content

and somehow today i checked my draft and saw this whole post here from three years ago i'm like wuhhh totally forgot.

BUT! everything i said is true fr like the "friends from other countries coming to mine so we could hang out" last year literally TEN of my friends came to my place (they're from 4 different countries) and I even went on trips with some of them — mind u i havnt seen most of them in like 2 years at the time

trust me manifesting is sooo easy just think u have it and u have it

thanks for reading and stay healthy stay safe everyone <3 cya

[bethn0tfound404]

Tw: Identity crisis, overthinking, vulnerability, $ui mention, contradicting words. Basic vent stuff along those lines :) fyi, I use humor (emoticons count) to cope, so if I use humor or add a :3 or a :] or smth like that during a bad/sensitive topic, I'm likely using humor as a coping mechanism. And if I'm not using humor or an emoticon, well *shrugs*

Do you ever feel like you just don't know yourself, what you truly like, what you truly don't like, what your personality is, what's true about yourself, what's wrong about yourself, to the point you just wanna give up bc you don't know what life you're playing as yet you don't know what life you wanna play, so you create a different/multiple persona(s) in at least four different universes to play the lives you actually want to play and when you have to live the real world you just.. hurt? And no one knows and will never know/understand the pain you go through pretty much everyday? And when you do have to live in the real world, your mind constantly lives/wants to escape into a different world as a persona? And that hurts even more?

I seriously don't know myself- I feel like I'm just playing a persona that I don't know how to play as and I feel like I'm fucking everything up when I try to play the persona. Idk social/public norms/cues due to going to online school my whole life+not being social, so I feel like I fuck everything up socially as well. It's so.. hard. It's just so so hard, everyday. I'm falling behind on school work EVERYDAY, so I feel like I'm fucking school up as well. I feel like a failure at everything and life itself.

Underline here- I seriously don't know myself, and I feel like I'm just playing a persona idk how to play. And I feel like I could say sorry for a million things, to so many people. I feel like I'm one crack away from letting everything out.

Worst part? Idk if I'm even valid to be venting about this- it's not a constant feeling, but yet I always eventually come back to this feeling.

.. Thinking about the second paragraph, I feel like I might be a hardcore Sunny kin at this point... Or just rlly fcking depressed lmao.

[marveinator]

Afraid- Ellie Williams (4)

Afraid- Ellie Williams (Part 4)

part 3 -> masterlist

Summary: You decide to make the deal a real thing and go over to Ellie´s house...

A/N: I listened to girl in red while writing this. FINALLY STH IS HAPPENING! It´s short but the next chapter will be out tmrw or the day after tmrw, I´ll see how much time I will have to write. BYE!

Chapter warnings: flirting, fighting, idk... LMAO

I turned around and slowly opened my eyes. It was hot and I immediately decided to get rid of the sweater I was wearing. As I sat upright in my bed I noticed how my head began to hurt. I looked down at myself. A gray sweater. Definitely not mine, but the one from-.

"Fuck."

Ellie. I was wearing Ellie's sweater.

As if in one fell swoop, I remembered everything that had happened yesterday. Ellie. Me. Together. Kiss. Well, almost a kiss. But still. Just the thought that I had considered kissing her made me shiver. And then also that smoking had been my idea and I had thus caused everything, didn't make the whole situation any better.

On the contrary, I felt like shit. Sure, it had been nice with her, but where would a kiss have led? She would never talk about it again anyway and… how did I even know I liked girls in that way?

Ellie Williams POV I woke up with rays of sunshine on my face, which surprised me because it was usually really cold, it was winter after all. Slowly I moved from my bed and went to the window, I had forgotten to close the curtains. Today I had no patrol, which is why I actually wanted to sleep in. However, I could only sleep fragilely tonight.

I remembered only a part of what had happened yesterday, so I decided not to write any details in my diary. I opened the book that was placed on my bedside table, dug for a pen and began.

With a sigh I closed the book again. No chance that after last night things between me and her would ever be good again (they never really were, but still). A pickup line was not exactly the best way to settle a murder. Well, looking at it that way, could a murder even be settled at all? Probably not.

I shook my aching head and, to my disappointment, made myself take off her shirt.

Then I remembered something. We had a deal. A date, almost. Today, with me, a duel. Funny way to hang out, but it had been her idea after all, so the only question was whether she even remembered it and if yes, if she would come over...

your POV I had to go to Ellie. Well, I had suggested the "duel" after all. And besides, deep inside I wanted to go to her, too. I wanted to prove to her that I could fight (and I was sure I would do and say stuff that I would probably regret but fuck it, you only live once, right?).

When I stood in front of the big brown door in front of Ellie's house, I felt queasy. Was this really a good idea? Overthinking everything. Like I always did. Now I was already here and I would go through it.

Cautiously I knocked on the door. As if in one fell swoop, it was torn open and Ellie was standing in front of me.

"Oh. Hi," she said shyly. I smiled and returned a soft "Hey."

Cautiously, I stepped inside and Ellie moved aside to let me go through the entrance. "Uh- where do I put my shoes?", I asked and Ellie pointed to the floor under the coat rack where two jackets were hanging.

Carefully, I put my shoes down there and followed Ellie, who was on her way to the living room. "Are you sure you want to do this? I mean-isn't it a little… I don´t know- childish?", Ellie asked.

I shook my head. "It was a deal, wasn't it? Besides, the idea that you think I'm weak bothers me quite a bit." Ellie's eyes widened and she had that grin on her face again, as if in an instant. "Oh, and why does that bother you so much?" She moved a little closer and stood in front of me. She was tall and I felt a little intimidated, but tried not to let it show.

"Are we going to start or not?", I interrupted her, "Any rules?" The girl in front of me thought for a while before replying, "Well, no one should die, but it won't come to that anyway. And maybe not break any bones?" I giggled and nodded, so Ellie was scared after all? "But- I won't go easy on you." Yeah right. She should probably be more afraid of ME. I mean I would already have a reason to want to kill her. But to my surprise I didn't want to do that at all right now, I just wanted to prove something to Ellie.

"Well, Els, let's get started then?"

Ellie Williams POV Els. She had given me a nickname… cute. Before I could answer anything, I felt my arm being twisted behind my back and suddenly my front was pressed firmly against the wall. "Woah, woah, slow there babe." The girl behind me just laughed and tried to trip me up. This time, however, I was faster and managed to turn around. With full force I let my leg slide under hers and so managed to make her fall down. Now she was lying on her back and I quickly crawled on top of her so that I was sitting on her in the area of her hip. I took both her arms with one hand and pressed them above her head so that she could not fight back. "That's unfair, I wanted to kick your ass all week," sighed the girl under me. "Well, this whole situation just shows that I'm stronger," I replied and had to grin.

your POV "Move your hands, Ellie." The brunette on top of me immediately let go of my arms and sat up a little straighter (still on top of me).

"Always on top huh?" The words left my mouth without me even thinking about it. Ellie's facial expression changed abruptly, almost as if she was in a state of shock. She didn't seem to know what to say now, so I said "Would you also get yourself off of me again sometime?" to distract from my previous question. Ellie got off of me and sat on the floor next to me. I sat upright as well, so I was back across from her. "I'm never going to stop talking about this" Ellie giggled. "What?", I asked with a raised eyebrow.

She leaned in closer and I felt that weird feeling in my stomach again. This couldn't be happening…. and this time I wasn't even high-

"I'm better than you at fighting," she whispered. I felt warmth shoot into my cheeks and I suddenly I forgot everything around me. There was just Ellie again. Only her.

"Really good for you Els, but I think there are a lot of things that I am better at than YOU…", I explained to her. She grinned again and leaned even closer to me, almost as if she was going to-

"Shut up for once, babe."

Ellie Williams POV It's Now or Never. I leaned in further and felt our lips touch. A comforting warmth shot through my body, one I hadn't felt in a long time. I carefully put my hand on her cheek and also noticed how she leaned in closer.

After a while we let go of each other and looked into each other's eyes. A smile formed, to my satisfaction, on her lips. "Yeah, Liam definitely wasn't a good kisser-" I had to laugh now as well, finally feeling complete again. That one kiss had healed so much that was broken inside of me. This girl could fix me, I just knew it.

"You should go now, babe, Maria and Tommy are probably wondering where you are…", I said as I brushed a strand of hair out of her face and tucked it behind her ear. She nodded in an understanding way and stood up.

Before she walked out the door she turned around and stared at me.

"Ellie," her soft voice said. "Yes?" She looked down at the floor and began to play nervously with her fingers. "Don't make me regret this." I sighed and nodded.

"I'll do my best."

[aintitfierce]

3 ( if you've got one. if not, maybe a trend you've been enjoying? ), 26 and 36!

o | accepting

What current rp trend do you hate?

'hate' is really wayyyy too strong of a word but i'm very lightly annoyed by what seems to be the current method of dash commentary, which is just making separate consecutive posts on your respective blogs Responding to the other RPer's posts instead of. reblogging. and making an actual back and forth thread out of it

idk how long this has been going on. i can't remember when i first noticed it lmao. it's nothing Huge, it just makes me feel frustratingly Out Of The Loop on everything if i don't follow all the blogs currently interacting with the commentary

so it ends up being just this one-sided stream of nonsense almost entirely divorced from its context orz unless i want to try to figure out the other blogs involved and search through their posts in the hopes of painstakingly piecing together The Full Story rip

How do you feel about vague posting?

mm, it's kinda up in the air a bit. for the most part i don't really think much of it when i see other people do it-- i might have a moment of Intense Curiosity and some brief worry that it's me they're complaining about lmao but. it usually passes pretty quick. and tbf i don't feel that i see a lot of it on the dash anymore

it also probably kinda helps that i'm not. or at least i don't think i'm that heavy of a presence on the dash either, not these days, so it's easy for me to assume whatever post i see isn't about me

on the flipside i kinda hate that it's even A Concept at all bc i'm constantly trying to figure out if my posts veer into it!! bc most people don't like vague posting, which is understandable. and i don't want to irritate anyone XD;; or make them Nervous. it's easy enough for me to kinda shimmy past that sorta insecurity when i spot vague posts, but there's probably plenty others who aren't so lucky and will get Stuck and overthink. there's a lot of posts i write up and then. delete bc i'm scared it falls into vague posting or that it might be taken that way orz

case in point: me squinting at my answer for the first question here wondering if it's too harsh or specific

What’s one thing that other people seem to hate that doesn’t bother you?

oh i feel like there's a lot but off the top of my head it's reblogging posts that aren't RP memes from me instead of the source. it very honestly makes me feel kinda sad when someone reblogs an aesthetic post or a musing or Anything Else from The Source instead of me orz and i know that's silly and probably makes no sense

idk if it's that i'm some kinda old school or something but it's always been a sorta happy Ping for me when followers find posts they like on my blog and reblog them. i start to feel a little Invisible?? perhaps? when it's just a trickle of likes on reblogged posts (if that) followed by spying the same post on the dash but reblogged from the source

and realistically of course i know it Shouldn't-- like in the former's case it's obvious my blog is where they saw the post so i'm clearly not invisible. but it still just ends up feeling a bit lonely for me, haha ;;

i've also never personally had trouble finding my replies in my activity page, even when i had a popular* blog, but that doesn't necessarily mean no one else does or has

[umemiyan]

*cough* how does one become skilled at dirty talking bc that’s like. the one thing i can’t do lmao

well... idk exactly 😭 it sorta just seems to be something that comes more naturally to me?? like when i'm in the moment i can pretty much just lean into it. i've always kinda had strangely strong natural sexual instincts 🥲 i swear i'm not trying to sound like a cocky bitch but like idk how else to describe it. dirty talk falls under my personal umbrella of stuff i can kinda just do if i want

so yeah i don't really have to think about it a lot so i don't have any good skills to share 😭 i mean i've been consuming too much sexual content since way too young basically lol so i've definitely absorbed some things subconsciously but??? idk. when i'm really charged in the moment i go into a sort of "flow" state like an athlete HAHA dirty talk is one of those things that can just. happen. i guess everything i've absorbed from external sources and prior experiences mixes with my own desires in the moment and i start saying and doing wild shit?? i think it's possibly due to the sexual instinct being my primary instinctual variant but i'll refrain from going all psychological on you unprompted especially because it's just a hunch.

does it feel like an overthinking thing for you maybe? or just something that feels weird in general? i mean either way if it doesn't happen to feel natural to you then that's fine!! it's probably something you could learn especially if it's an overthinking/"i need to relax" thing but if not and it doesn't feel right then idk maybe it's something you shouldn't force! you're probably just fine following your instincts in other areas and having a good time so i wouldn't worry about it too much haha but if anyone happens to have any tips then i hope they will be open to sharing their wisdom w/ others 🔮

[imaginespazzi]

PARTTT TENN YAYAYAYAYA

- hi nivi bby your writing has been missed dearly.

- The Bridges Burned Around Us??? i fear im shaking in my boots. apparently ill be flinging myself of bridges not cliffs!

- part two has been sort of reread i went fast because im excited

- poor angie…

- “unlike HER paige” OH MY GODS AWWWWW so why don’t u make it public if she’s “yours” huh

- bruh azzi u could have healthy breathing if u just idk told your friends

- horny fuckers

- haha someone’s in trouubbbbllleee

- i like tessa she’s funny.

- jana my bby

- tessa and jana abt to be menaces together hopefully

- not them basically living together stop that’s so wholesome and cutie pie

- now why are we talking abt who paige’s has slept with azzi…

- RATHER JUMP OUT OF THE CAR IS SO ME CORE

- okay im fearful. is it abt the one year contract and like angie supposedly taking paige’s spot after the year? UGHHHH

- Stephie-bean IS SO ADORABLE

- STOP NOT STEPHIE GETTING JEALOUS 😭😭

- love. okay where is the bridge

- BYE not azzi using her daughter to stop her jealousy

- stephie being a legit mix of azzi and paige makes me so happy

- “do you know if Aunty Chérie is in town?” oh so this girl is a GENIUS

- BYE AZZI BEING A BIT OF A BITCH TO THIS KIDS MOM I LOVE IT

- OMG IS IT DREW??

- FLASHBACK TIME i love these

- awww azzi surprising paige with drew is so adorable

- BYE not the dude trying to flirt and drew stopping it 😭😭

- “you won’t ever hurt my Paigey will you?” yeah so i just died

- OH DAMN HES PISSED.

- trust stephie to make it awkward but also help ease tension

- “I don’t make promises like that kid,” there’s an unspoken accusation as Drew keeps up a smile towards Stephie but his eyes dart for the briefest second towards the two women around him, “but I promise I’ll try.” YEAH IM SCARED There’s a shine of warmth in Drew’s gaze for a second but it flickers away faster than it had appeared and his eyes are cold with flecks of betrayal as he looks at Azzi, “that’s what happens as people get older isn’t it? I wouldn’t look so different to you if you’d been around to see me grow up.” GODDAMN IM CRYING.

- i get why drew is upset with azzi. she was such a big part of his life, but omg ouch.

- the whole uncle drew thing is harming my soul. the day stephie calls paige mom in some way i won’t make it out alive.

- azzi i love u BUT PLEASE STOP OVERTHINKING EVERYTHING BING AND JUST COMMUNICATE WITH PAIGE INSTEAD OF RUINING IT IN YOUR HEAD

- UGHHH THATS THE ENDING WHY DO U END LIKE THAT U EVIL GENIUS OMG

- damn okay. the chapter ate but also the plot just gets building and as previously mentioned i am terrified for the fall.

- questions!! at the end is drew upset with paige too for getting back with azzi or just made upset with azzi leaving to begin with and projecting it onto both of them sort of?

- also like paige being like drew stop and him listening have they talked abt azzi at all since their breakup or is like a we don’t talk abt that kinda deal?

- on a similar drew note im curious as his reaction to paige telling him she’s getting a divorce with ms cunt??? was he like told u so or more symptomatic?

- ALSO OKAYYYY DREW NBA I SEE U!!! question is can he finally beat Paige 1v1

- honestly thinking back on this whole chapter i don’t have a lot of questions more just overall like waiting for everything to unfold

-as always ily!

🤩🤩

Bestieeeee hi <3

- Personally I would love if you could no throw yourself off of anything because I don't want you to die!

- Azzi just likes to make life complicated apparently cause you're so right

- Yep yep yep, it's exactly about that. We all knew that was gonna come back and here we are.

- Stephie knows exactly where to twist the dagger lmao

- Yeah I'm ngl writing the Drew angst has been the saddest I've been writing this fic just cause like he really was just collateral damage and he didn't deserve it

- Drew is mainly mad at Azzi but he's also against the idea of them getting back together because he doesn't trust her to not hurt Paige again.

- LMAO every time you call her Ms. Cunt I giggle but he was definitely just relieved cause he knew Paige's heart wasn't in it.

[theendofuno]

i lied i cant shut the fuck up so here ya go

alr so

i was overthinking uno's hand tattoo :D

ive already talked about his chest mark n all, and anyway his chest/back marks, neck and face are pretty uhh solid? idk a better word

but they somewhat make sense, they give Uno the feeling he's not like other humans, and there's something wrong

honestly, i don't see much to talk about his eye thingy, but his neck thing got me thinking aswell

it is like a wire around his neck, and it feels like its containing something, making it be inside of him, like keeping his blood thirst hidden, and it would be a very cool thing if it deformed when he was full (like closing all way around his neck) or when he was about to snap (fully disappearing or taking my hc, be the start point to his face turn black and his hair turn white)

(wonky af but i did this in like 2 minutes in 2023)

i kinda lost myself i was gonna talk about his tattoo...teehee

but anyway, his tattoo is not natural, it doesn't give any "vibe", its not deformed or wonky or aligned w the rest of the design

and honestly, as a Uno lore expert (self entitled) i cant see any plausible reason on why he was born with that, so i can see it being just a silly lore, like

there was a tattoo artist in the village and they made it for Uno so he would feel more welcomed, something like that

or

we can take in consideration that the hand tattoo is not visible on any lore art, and imagine he gets it...after he joins grand chase

the tattoo is a dragon about to bit it's own tail, devouring itself, hurting and harming itself...just like Uno does (btw i rlly liek this text..)

i am really enthusiastic about this piece of art by tag-devilish and it reminds me A LOT about his tattoo

(it is actually what got me thinking, i was looking at his tattoo render i did for my own tattoo and this piece was roaming around my head meanwhile, lmao)

i'm not sure how or when he would get it canonically with grand chase, but for me, it would be so cool if he decided to get it as a symbol of strength, as motivation to be a better person and give everything he was to not hurt anyone, not even himself, and take care of loved ones, like his bad cycle is about to end

because he found his saviours and he will be again surounded by people who love him and wish him well.

his tattoo is just a reminder of finishing the bad cycle of his live and making him be sure everyday that to be loved is to be changed, and its okay to make bad decisions, but always make effort to be better and show youre not the same from that time

(do i need to say i cried writing this. do i really now. thats all i do when talking about uno)

[lifeafterpsychiatry]

hi kat, i'm just vv scared about this haha, i don't really wanna bother my friends at the moment so, i apologize,

okay um, ive recently had a significant other, this is my first proper relationship, and we're 2 months in it. everything is actually all right and fine, i'm just kinda scared? at what the outcome of this will be? they're very open about their feelings to me and reassures me anytime which just makes me kinda feel more like a burden lol but it actually helps!! i'm just idk

the thing is, i'm kinda scared that i won't be able to love them as much as they deserve to be loved? i've only ever been in one-sided relationships and i don't know how to deal with it when its mutual lmao i know its so stupid but like, i don't wanna disappoint them and i just feel like i never really know how to love and so many things can go wrong and i don't want to back out but i'm scared of hurting him and making a bad decision, it'd be nice if i can get to know what you think? from an outer perspective, because i honestly think most of this is just me overthinking but i still am so anxious idk

thank you for this, as always

I honestly think life is all about figuring out how to live with fear and risk. The fear that good things will end. The fear that someone will get hurt. The best thing you can do about that fear isn't to avoid triggering it, but to learn how to live with it.

[jeonqkooks]

everything you said about jk's solo is exactly how I feel. I'm so happy that he's finally dropped his own music officially and it's something he is proud of. That's all I could ever ask as a fan – that he's still happily working on his music and his style. But since Seven dropped I had mixed feelings that I kept to myself because, yeah, everyone loves it. I feel kind of scared to say or even think about my real opinion on this song (or really the whole direction this first solo album is heading towards given recent news) because I don't want to be perceived as some stuck up, sensitive fan complaining about things that jk is actually happy with. He's my bias and maybe that's why I care that much more about the music he puts out. I would've loved to see jk contribute more to his solo music and I don't want it to be drowned out completely by people who seem to know "best" about the Western market. In saying that, I always knew jk could adapt to any genre and I'm glad he was able to give this one a go. Idk maybe I'm overthinking this too much...

fear not! if you ever have opinions that you feel might make the general public seethe with anger then you can always come to me cuz there's a 97% chance that i'm thinking the same thing lol. i am your local unpopular opinion factory i will give you shelter 😂

if you could read my dm's then you'd know that my reaction to most news is 😑. of course, if he's happy with the music he's making then yes, honestly good for you my dude. but i don't think you should feel guilty about not liking the music he's putting out just bc HE likes it. we're the fans but we don't have to immediately fawn over everything they do. if we don't like smth, then we don't like it. it's not like we don't support them anymore. it's really not that deep. also, we are allowed to have certain expectations for them especially music wise bc we're literally the consumers here. we don't have to be like "YES KING MHMMMM EVERY SONG IS PERFECT GOBBLE GOBBLE".

you don't have to force yourself to like smth just cuz everyone else seems to love it. you're a fan, you're not supposed to be a yes man. a couple months ago i was so excited for jjk1 to come out cuz i was planning to preorder it (it'd be my first ever album purchase) but after i listened to Seven, the first thing i texted my sister was "guess i'm not getting the album" 😕 if he says he likes the music and i don't, then, well, that's not anybody's fault. tastes are subjective

ever since i read the news about the album being in full english (or at least the people involved will be completely english speaking) uggggh i've just been so 😑. of course i understand where you're coming from about feeling guilty about not liking his music. i feel the same way sometimes. whenever he does or releases smth that makes people scream how much they love it, i'm just sitting there talking to myself like yo why r u such a party pooper. and then it's just a little sad and beyond disappointing bc this is the opposite of what i was hoping for lmao

honestly, at the end of the day, it's fine. the fandom experience is supposed to serve us too, to make us feel comforted and happy. if you don't like smth, don't let people bully you into thinking you're alone and weird in having whatever opinions that you have

rn i'm looking forward to kth1 more cuz he's my music taste bestie 😂