#idk i talk about whatever
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important:
🥴 the company training AIs without a regard for ethics acts without regard for ethics
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because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.
you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.
you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.
don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.
if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.
you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:
how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!
aren't you happy yet?
#almost wrote the champagne line as ''effervescent'' but legit could not write it without saying ''effervescent like a snail''#ah tumblr...#writeblr#warm up#idk . having trouble writing rn#ps i don't like to talk about it . it is my medical information. but before you ask. yes this is about being on the spectrum#i really don't like when ppl make my writing about how im [whatever ID]. i want it to ring true for the people who it rings true for#i don't want it to be like ''awwwww look at this person!!! she's the EXCEPTION!!! :)" .....#no.... not really.....#idk something gross happens whenever i admit to certain conditions and i turn into like inspiration p*rnography#like yes they actually let us use keyboards these days#furthermore i just... dont feel comfortable talking about this part of me. i had too bad of a childhood. adhd is one thing...#this one im like. still coming to terms with. which is like. my own journey.#idk. just please be kind. some things are more private than others. this one feels private to me.#i do not know how to help others w/this . and i do not know how to help myself. i will talk about it if im ever ready. idk if that will#actually ever happen#ty in advance i love u im kissing you we are kissing somewhere on the spectrum
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my dad saw ao3 open on my computer and asked if that was like my writing club and just so you know that's what fanfic writers are now, we're all in the same writing club where we all write about the same media and show each other our little stories and that's kind of cool actually
#we should start a writing club#like a legit group where we write whatever and give it to each other to talk about and stuff#idk i wouldn't be good at running it but I would like if someone was obligated to tell me if I wrote good or not lol#ao3#writeblr
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i feel like poolverine easily could’ve been one of those “they’re flirty but it’s mostly unserious” situations, and for most of the movie yeah they were extremely gay, but wade’s been like that with other guys and it was never treated as a serious type of relationship before. they’re willing to die for each other, but even then the romantic aspect of their relationship could be glossed over because it’s a superhero movie, that’s just what they do, and they’re working together to save a whole timeline—it’s not just about them. but then the movie doesn’t end with them saving the day and moving on. i think this’s really the part that sells poolverine as a genuine relationship to me… logan’s leaving, and wade calls for him. he can’t stand to let him go. then he introduces him to his family, and logan stays. he doesn’t really need to stay, but they’ve both decided they’re better off with one another than without
#don’t get me wrong#wade and vanessa are going to end up back together again if there’s ever another deadpool movie#and then he’ll lose her again for whatever reason#because that’s just how it goes#ignore the fact that logan tells wade to talk to vanessa and i’d be convinced that the ending was supposed to imply them being canon tbh#not gonna delude myself into believing poolverine will ever be genuinely and seriously canon#but shippingwise#i think this’s why i’ve latched onto poolverine despite some of the similarities between cable & logan#with cable it was never gonna be serious#despite it being fun to ship them and enjoy their dynamic#but#with logan… storywise… it makes so much sense for them to be endgame#they both were at terrible points in their lives and really needed each other#not just to fix each other’s problems. but they needed someone who was so on their own level that they could fix each other#not in a healthy way. but#yknow#anyway#idk i’m kinda rambling about nothing here#deadpool and wolverine#deadpool#wolverine#wade wilson#logan#um#logan howlett#<- ….i guess#poolverine#deadclaws
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I wholeheartedly believe that the last thing that should be said in response to aspecs hating their identity is "don't worry! Aspecs can still do X, Y, and Z" and I'm so fucking serious about this.
The least helpful thing you can do to someone who have not accepted their aspec identity yet is give them ways to compensate for it. If an aspec person is upset over not being able to enter a romantic relationship, the last thing that should be done is to tell them they can still enter one or instead enter a QPR - not because that's not true but because that is quite literally going to stunt their ability to accept their aspec identity. Telling them they can instead enter a QPR when they're upset over the lack of romantic relationships is at MOST a bandaid for the main issue. Instead of them coming to accept their identity and accept who they are you have instead handed them an amatonormative alternative on a silver platter that allows them to pretend they still fit into amatonormativity without every deconstructing it. This is how we get QPRs getting shoved into an amatonormative framework - these people NEVER got over the "I'm sad that I'm aspec" phase because they were handed alternatives instead of given actual support in deconstructing their internalized aphobia, self hatred, and amatonormative biases.
#text#aspec#aro#aromantic#ace#asexual#aroace#I'm not saying that bringing up the fact that aspecs can still interact in certain ways to be Bad or Wrong btw#I'm not saying we shouldn't talk about how some aspecs have sex or some have partnerships or whatever#but more just that the only response to people complaining about certain issues shouldn't only be “Oh but you can do x”#someone who is mourning the fact they dont fit into amatonormativity shouldn't be told “oh but you can fit into amatonormativity”#Like idk maybe there should be a discussion about how many people use favorability and partnering to avoid properly healing?#maybe there should be a discussion about how often people only accept aspec identities based on how closely they fit amatonormativity?#maybe there is a discussion about how other aspecs play into that and never actually leave their “sad to be aspec” phase#the fact so many can only “accept” their aspec identity when they are told that they can still partake in amatonormativity#like idk i feel like discussions can be had here and i think these sorts of discussions need to be had#especially if we ever want to be on the same page when it comes to dismantling amatonormativity
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payne revelation!!! think it is a nice AFFC parallel that Brienne is running around the riverlands with Podrick Payne as her new squire, whilst Jaime, elsewhere in the riverlands, has effectively become a squire to Ilyn Payne. and I think it's like. Pod is Brienne's past and Ilyn is Jaime's future. Pod is a lonely, discarded child who wants to hone his strength to stand tall and defend himself, even as he desperately craves the company and comfort of others. he has seen something of how cruel the world can be, but is looking for ideals in people like Brienne. which is more or less exactly as we find Brienne when she first appears in ACOK: lonely, discarded, clinging onto Renly's train and desperately seeking his attention and regard, idealising him, trying to be a knight worthy of song. Pod is her inner child, and Brienne is trying to help him grow and build his strength without subjecting him to the cruelties she's known in doing so.
and then there's jaime and ilyn lmao, who I think are easily one of the most underrated relationships in the series. Jaime sees the man he could become in Ilyn: nothing more than a headsman for Cersei's whims, with no agency and no autonomy. and what's more, Ilyn has come to accept that as his lot in life. part of Jaime's project in dragging him out into the riverlands is to see if Ilyn can be rehabilitated, and if so, then perhaps Jaime himself can be, too. but it becomes apparent that Ilyn is past wanting that for himself. he seems to enjoy some of the freedom of the march, but he doesn't change. in fact, he laughs in Jaime's face: he makes it feel as though attempting rehabilitation for either of them is a joke. he's Jaime's ghost of christmas future, warning him of the man he could become, whilst simultaneously making him feel there's no possible alternative. he will never fight like he once did, his darkest deeds were still done, and what can he do but spend the rest of his days in Cersei's service. BUT jaime ultimately rejects that, effectively leaving Cersei's service to join Brienne, and pursuing change regardless.
im about to say something!!!! payne..... pane..... pane of glass.... mirror!!!! reflection!!!!! growth!!!!! you heard it here FIRST
#jaime lannister#brienne of tarth#podrick payne#ilyn payne#asoiaf#i want to write lots more about jaime and ilyn in the next part of the riverlands essay it's on my mind now#i feel like maybe i spoiled part of it there idk#but there wasn't going to be room to talk about brienne and pod in there so whatever i had to say this....
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repaint of an older art piece…
#kaveh#genshin impact#kaveh genshin#kaveh genshin impact#the light of kshahrewar#or whatever idk how to spell it#he’s very baby girl i love him a lot and just don’t talk about him often enough#much less draw him often enough…
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The Beatles find out they're number one in America - Midas Man (2024)
#the beatles#midas man#john lennon#brian epstein#paul mccartney#ringo starr#george harrison#mine#not beating the allegations that i did actually enjoy this film#this scene was just really cute 😭#let's not talk about whatever's going on with geo's hair in this idk
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// pentiment spoilers (implied ig but still there)
more of these because i was inspired
#i hope you guys see my vision on some of these#the claus and andreas one could also work the other way around i feel#also unrelated but why is there like no father thomas content out there sorry#will be talking abt big spoilers here btw#but like i loved him in my first playthrough idk if i was dumb but i thought he was nice and neeever suspected him#even now i can still appreciate him although i do not ‘like’ him for obvious reasons but i enjoy spinning him around in my head#anyway idk ig i was expecting to see more stuff abt him online like posts or fanart or whatever but there’s like nothing !?#to the like 2 people who’ve made fanart of him and/or a discussion post about him pls know u are everything to me#anyway sorry idk when tags became father thomas discussion time but i have a lot to say abt him tbh#pentiment#pentiment spoilers#andreas maler#father gernot#father thomas#brother mathieu#brother rudeger#ok too lazy to tag them all sorry guys#can write about father thomas for 6 long tags but can’t tag like 7 characters
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</3
#seventeen#svt#dk#dokyeom#i tried#idk about the colouring but whatever#don't talk to me i've forgotten how to photoshop#i needed to gif my deekayy!!
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we were sitting on the floor and i was cutting out tiny pictures to make a collage for a friend's birthday. you were on your phone and you laughed about something, and i was still in love with you then, so i asked what had you giggling.
"sorry. i was just..." you took a moment and went back to texting. "i was telling someone about how you're afraid of the dark."
i'm afraid of the dark because something bad happened. "oh." i felt a little slinky of shame crawl down my throat.
you glanced up, and maybe it showed on my face, because you rolled your eyes and held the phone to the side casually so i could see the group chat. "what? was it a secret?"
i looked down to the scissors in my hand. "i just..." no, it's not a secret. it just felt like something private, something serious. saying why would you tell someone that just feels like an accusation. it's unfair. i honestly am not even ashamed of it, it's just a fact about my person that i don't usually share.
what a strange experience. is this a human thing or a generational thing? for our grandparents: did they need to worry about how quickly someone can just... share your personal information? again, i didn't even really have a true objection. what could i say? i want any person in my life to feel they can be honest with their friends. it's not like i said don't tell anyone this.
i cut out another letter to complete the rainbow happy birthday, started hunting for the exclamation mark. i heard you sigh dramatically.
"don't make a big deal about this," you said.
this entire conversation was a pattern for us, and this was when we got to my least favorite part of the pattern. i would get my feelings hurt in some oblique not-technically-terrible way, and then it would be making a big deal about something. you'd get frustrated for me for being soft, but i was born soft. you knew i was soft when you pierced me. it's one of the things that made controlling me so easy.
"i'm not," i felt my voice crack. the question came without my wanting. "why are you guys talking about me?" and why are you saying that thing? why not like - i'm telling them how you're generous and kind and pretty.
you let out this low, tragic groan. "oh my god." you tossed the phone away from your body. "there, see? i just won't talk to them if you don't like it."
the rest of the hour went the way it always went, between us: i said i don't actually mind if you talk to your friends but -, you found a way to call my minor expression of discomfort "being dramatic." you got upset that i had been offended. i ended up apologizing, even though i hadn't actually done anything.
afterwards, you picked up the phone again. after texting for a little bit, you snorted. "okay," you said, "but it is kind of funny you're afraid of the dark. i mean, when you think about it."
#spilled ink#writeblr#i'm trying to write about this really specific and wierd new experience#that i think is specific to the internet generation#where people you trust can just... say whatever??? and while most people are trustworthy#sometimes they'll just like... put ur shit out there????#and the thing is that sometimes it's GOOD - i want you to tell ppl if ur partner is being cruel!!!!!#i want u to be like ''hey is it normal if xyz happens'' ... but stuff like ''she's afraid of the dark''#PARTICULARLY when it's CLEARLY making fun of me....#what is the point of that.#this is huge and complicated and happens outside of romantic relationships too btw#like someone u thought of as a friend will be like . oh did u know she's scared of heights and it's like.#girl why are u fuckin doing that tho?#it's not a SECRET i just ...???????????????????????#and i think that gross feeling of like -- ''i can't REALLY be upset bc there's not a TRUE RULE about this....''#it's just not something talked about. bc it's so specific and yet so complex#bc how could i say like '' this is a violation of trust'' when it... technically I GUESS isn't????????????#idk maybe im just like super sensitive but please tell me in the comments/tags/etc if this is#something u have experienced (a trusted person like spreading ur shit) and if u were cool with it
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what's fun about shipping Tim with Dick, Jason, or Damian is he has, at some point, hallucinated all of them to comfort himself. even when he doesn't like them or particularly get along with them, he has to imagine/hallucinate them just so he has the power to go on. Tim's concepts of the Robin mantle and what it should be is so fun, because he respects the others through the Robin mantle. Tim worships Dick because he was the first Robin. he wouldn't be Robin if Jason hadn't died in the mantle. and a lot of his frustration with Damian is he feels Damian isn't honoring the mantle correctly. when you ship Tim with the other Robins you can't divorce their identities as Robin from it because Tim will always see them as a Robin first and that's so fun and fucked up. like.
batman (1940) #456
Tim perceiving Dick as *Robin* cheering him on, not Nightwing, which is the version of Dick that Tim actually knows? that's just. wild of him. he will always view Dick as Robin first, his personal hero but also the original of the legacy. his love for Dick is shaped by that.
and then of course, even when he's hallucinating/imagining Jason cheering him on, it's *still* through the lense of being reminded how Jason failed? subconsciously believing that Jason got himself killed because of his actions, and that being a lesson for Tim to learn from? Jason isn't a person to Tim, he's a moral lesson about how to be Robin. any potential idolization he could have of Jason isn't because he loves Jason, it's because of the lessons Jason's death taught him.
and then, even though him hallucinating TIm is from the New-52, which makes characterization all kinds of questionable, i do think it makes sense for TIm to hallucinate/imagine Damian after Damian's death in an attempt to cope with it.
teen titans (2011) #18
to an extend, he sees Damian's death as in part his own fault. and even hating Damian, Tim needs the comfort from this to cope with Damian being gone. he's angry that Damian even was Robin, and has to learn something from Damian's death and how it impacts the Robin mantle, and teenage heroes as a whole. like, Tim can pretend he hates Damian all he wants, even getting taunted by the image of Damian, but there's still an underlying love to their relationship.
i think that's just the fun of shipping Tim with any of them. you will never divorce Tim's views of them from the Robin mantle and how fucking Unwell he is about anyone else who's been Robin before or after him, to the point he has to hallucinate them comforting him when he's at his lowest. it's always going to be a little unhealthy, a little toxic, and driven by Tim's relationship with being Robin as well. i need more Tim being weird about Robin in these ships.
#necrotic festerings#batcest#jaytim#dicktim#damitim#this post was first going to just be about tim hallucinating damian but i got carried away thinking about the identity crisis arc#have whatever this is.#idk if there's much of a thesis other than “tim's fucking weird about the robin mantle and that should extend to shipping too”#been meaning to post this for forever#finally got around to it though so yay me.#now i need to go work on my jaytim in the new-52 thoughts bc. i have a whole post planned.#a stack of comics next to me for research and everything. god help me.#ALSO while rereading to grab panels#why is it that everyone talks about how jason says “robin is magic” in an attempt to mischaracterize him as sunshine boy#and not the fact that tim *also* says robin is magic?#like it's not a jason thing. it's a robin mantle thing.#that's just what robin *is*. it doesn't say much about jason's character for him to say that when he's robin. it just means he's robin.#the robin mantle is magic. that's the point.#and you could argue that's more of a meta thing that exists on the wavelength of how children where supposed to project onto robin#moreso than an in-universe commentary on what the robin mantle is#(honestly the same argument applies to tim hallucinating here for like. meta intent vs in-universe meaning.)#i hesitate to even call it hallucination it's more like. daydreaming coping.#giving a face to his internal monologue type thing and this is just how the medium depicts it#also it was just sexy and cool for characters to hallucinate loved ones in the 90s in comics. it was a convention of the genre.#but still my point stands. tim pictures all of these ppl as robin first internally#and he self soothes using their image in his head. that's wild of him like what#tim you are weird about the robin mantle more than anyone else i give you that.
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tourists get to enter palestine, lounge on our beaches, live on our land, eat our food, and explore our (stolen) art, style, and culture. but refugee palestinians who were kicked out of their homes, palestinians who left because they didn’t want their kids to live under apartheid, palestinians whose only options were to flee or get massacred- they barely ever get to enter their homeland again. most are never allowed to even go back.
how is that fair? that other people get to enter OUR country, live on OUR land, share OUR culture, but WE were never given the chance to? how can you just sit by and watch this happen without feeling disgust and pain in your heart for not even speaking up about it? the least anyone could do is just speak up. just say something. please.
#this isn’t anti tourism or whatever. idk. but like. it’s so unfair#i have tons of family who aren’t allowed into the country even though they’re FROM there#idek what to say. it’s just so upsetting#sorry ik i barely post about these things#i’m just feelin it today#free palestine#palestine#no one ever talks about this shit#i’m exhausted
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I have freaking silly little guy disease...
After a full day of work (drawing them) I relax and draw for fun (drawing them)
ON GOD I am going to create and fuel my own fandom. If every post in the tag is mine so be it but it will not be empty. drink from my cup.
Such a big fan I'm making their whole comic and then some
#like yknow what.#it's fine if other people arent doing analysis#or making art#or. idk making shitposts HAHA like#I'm having a freaking good time#I love them#my only fear is like#that people see me making stuff#and theyre like oh I dont have to#or god forbid#I SHOULDNT#like I'd be so so so worried someone would... idk it's silly#but I'm worried someone might see me making stuff and then worry that there's a way to make stuff wrong#there isnt!!! I promise!!!#I promise you can't do it wrong you can make aus you can make fan ocs you can do whatever!#its okay!!!#I just make a ton of stuff because I LOVE them#and I can't help it#theyre straight up my whole life#sorry to all my friends#I dont have much to talk about#other than the them
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i just think they would be friends 👉👈
#arthur morgan#red dead redemption 2#rdr2#aloy#horizon zero dawn#hzd#horizon forbidden west#hfw#ps4#fan art#my art#iz draws#i just think they're neat <3#this has definitely been done before?#but whatever#they would talk about plants and hunting and bandits and crafting and stew <3#idk how i feel about this but it's done and that's what matters#video games
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not related to noco at all but what is katie and sadie’s relationship like now?
pretty good all things considered! while they're both married to two sweet guys and have separate families (none of their kids are other td characters, unfortunately...) they're still really close, and still live next to each other at that same beach town they grew up in, now both running that successful 80s themed ice cream business they've been dreaming of! its safe to say they probably suffered the least on Total Drama, only leaving with a couple of minor scars, good god were they lucky..
#noco family au#total drama#total drama katie#total drama sadie#total drama katie and sadie#where are they now#I mean its ok to ask non-coco related questions here I won't complain#and I guess it makes sense talking about these two since they made like#a VERY brief cameo in the Wayne arc#just thinking but I've been too harsh on these two for a bit now they're actually pretty sweet#like yea they were annoying and gimmicky on the show but#they kinda feel like wasted potential#like their bios talk about so much we don't see in the show#like how they love the 80s#or that they make their own ice cream#or that Katie sews their clothes from scratch?#like#that's fucking adorable#but then they're resorted to annoying filler characters#like I sorta get it from a writing standpoint but..#when Katie was voted off they did sweet FUCK ALL with Sadie#like Sadie didn't even SPEAK until the episode she was eliminated#and then they don't show up again unless its to simp for this seasons hot boy or whatever#idk
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