#idk i put something for the gay and for the kill

[khyann]

@entityredacted asked me to try draw a pony scott

Believe it or not i've been a fan of mlp since 2012 and i've never like drawing horses XD. The mlp style is just real hard for me!!

[inkskinned]

she's singing in another room and my dog is asleep at my feet. my grandma asked me why i haven't found a man yet and i laughed. oh, you know. i like my house clean.

my girlfriend is also my man is also "my partner" if i'm in a professional setting. yesterday we went to a ren faire and a man mimed at me - you're together? and at my delighted nod, his baffled, you're gay? made me laugh. a woman with rainbow hair said i love the two of you together. you're both so beautiful it's absurd.

my dad introduced my partner as my "..... friend. or whatever" the other day. he knows we're dating. in the same way, i was never able to get my sister's husband to stop saying that's gay like it's 2008. he still uses the word fa***t, and my sister's defense of him has always been well, he's just kidding.

my lover and i dance to old music in a tiny kitchen. we judge new music together and take food critique very seriously. we watch love is blind before we fall asleep and agree that if they had a queer season, it would be bloody but also make for excellent tv. of fucking course queer people would know someone for only 2 weeks and agree to get married. what are you saying.

at a bar with friends, a man puts his hand on my wrist. got a boyfriend? and yes, i do have a boyfriend, she's amazing. i am texting her while i wander around a gas station named after geese. i am visiting a swing state for a wedding. in the candy aisle i overhear: she's actually like a lesbian it's disgusting. two teenage girls with packaged sandwiches in their hands, giggling. no literally, like. i'm not, like. okay with her being there while we're all, like, naked and changing.

my girlfriend and i tailgate, drink gin and cider out of cups. from the frat group beside us, a man corrects himself with one of his friends: bro, i mean, nonbinary entity, and it makes everyone around him laugh, myself included. he razzes his friend the same way i would have killed for at 19 years old - like nothing happened, he continues: you apply sunscreen like an alien. he does a little sassy (and fairly accurate) dance interpretation of the motion. his friend is laughing so hard they're crying.

i am lucky, i live in a safe neighborhood in a safe state. my masc passenger princess comes up from DC. i drive her for an hour to where all the leaves are a violent arrangement of color. we walk along the trails, letting autumn into our blood. in this part of the state, there's a lot of pickup trucks and trump signs. when we chastely kiss before getting into the car, i accidentally make eye contact with a woman holding her child's wrist. she looks disgusted. she looks fucking pissed.

two hours later my girl and i are eating dinner on a patio, soaking in the last warmth of new england sun before the chill of winter sets in. we are giggling and trying to talk through plastic vampire teeth. at another table, i see a young woman sit up straighter. i watch her watch us. she blushes and takes her partner's hand from across the table. shy, like the taste of evening has just become something deeper.

it's worth it for this moment, i think. my lover is still humming the same song she's been singing for four days straight and i don't want to kill her for it. her guitar is beside my bed. her toothbrush is in my bathroom. in a few moments i will make us lunch. we are lucky enough to have found each other. it is lucky enough to be in love.

[n7punk]

what's the worst thing you watched and kept up with (at least for a while) because you were gay and begging for scraps? mine was probably pretty little liars

[bumpscosity]

Actually all gravity falls shipping wars in back when the show was airing were hilarious. i once saw two ppl arguing abt wether pinecest or stancest was better like guys i think its better if we just throw both of you into the bottomless pit forever

[runninglikeabuckley]

i was in the middle of making a post about my predictions for the finale when i realised my buddie stuff could take up a whole other post so here ya go:

this is a bit of an out there theory and i don't necessarily think it will happen, but it's something i'd do if i were the writers. eddie makes a move on buck. i don't mean 'yay buddie goes canon in the last 10 mins of s7', i mean 'eddie fucks up so monumentally they don't know if they can come back from it.' i think he'll try to kiss buck and buck will push him away.

eddie's confused and lonely and heartbroken (not to mention desperate) and he turns to the one person who has unfalteringly been by his side the whole time, the guy who likes to fix things. it's not that he doesn't have genuine feelings for buck, because he really does, but he's not thinking about it AT ALL. he just wants buck (to his core) and is maybe letting himself feel that for the first time.

but it's like a slap in the face to buck. buck, who's in a happy, stable relationship for the first time in years. buck, who eddie told his bisexuality wouldn't change anything between them. buck, who's been used for his body for his entire life. he would be absolutely crushed if eddie did this. and he's matured to the point that i think he might not let it slide. he wouldn't cut eddie out of his life, but i think he'd need space and for once he might respect his own needs over his wants. especially since i don't think he's considered his feelings for eddie and definitely doesn't think eddie's acting out of love/desire

so we get to the end of s7/start of s8 and eddie has fucked up his relationships beyond belief. chris, marisol, even his parents and shannon's memory. buck is still there, because he's always there but things are different. and i think that it could be a great set up to explore who eddie really is and what he wants, especially if/when the 118 get split up. as ryan keeps saying, he'll be isolated. neither buck or eddie will tell the others what happened between them, but that doesn't mean that eddie won't finally look into his sexuality by and for himself.

when i say i want a divorce era 2.0, i don't mean screaming at each other in a grocery store bc to a certain extent that was almost funny - they were coworkers of less than 2 years and it was wildly overdramatic. now they're partners and best friends and co-parents and they've suffered blow after blow, and their kid's gone and eddie betrayed buck and they don't know how to be anymore but they love each other too much to let go

[twpsyn-who]

Soulmate AU in which when you touch your soulmate you swap bodies. It needs to be skin on skin contact and is instant. The only way to get back in the previous body is to touch again, otherwise you're stuck like that.

No matter the body all psychological and physical damage stays with you. That means if you get hurt then swap bodies, you will still feel it despite no longer having the wounds. This is only the case of existing wounds prior to swapping ; if new wounds happen to the hurt body after the swap you won't feel them, but the person in the body when it happens will. A very complicated way of saying that you can't get away from pain by swapping bodies with your soulmate as it will follow you.

There's no known consequences to not changing bodies back once swapped, though some might get sick for a few days after swapping back if they waited a long period of time to change back (say over a month, even longer depending on individual)

Now this but, you know... JeanMarco. And of course they find out during their time in the 104th Training Corps, because there's no way their skin didn't touch at least once in +3 years of training and being as close as they are. It isn't until break when they're able to visit home that they learn what it truly means ; up until that point they used it to swap chores (is the only reason why Jean didn't try to kill Eren during their shared chores- because it was actually Marco all along). At that point they knew each other perfectly.

Of course the whole situation was a little bit awkward for both of them when returning. They probably would end up avoiding each other for a bit because teenager boys and stuff, all until someone finally got the guts to mention the tension and ask them what's wrong- which forces them to talk and stuff. Doesn't matter, this is not what I want to talk about.

But the beautiful battle of Trost and what if, hypothetical speaking of course, they touch skin after Jean gets another ODM? And they're so used with each other by now, they don't even notice until the mission is nearly done anyway. And I don't know man, the idea of Jean dying while in Marco's body? Marco (in Jean's body) saying "I need to find Marco" once the mission is a success and research for his soulmate, just for him to not find him?? Not find him until 3 days later when some of them are assigned cleaning duty in Trost and he finds his own fucking body bitten in half???

The realization that it should've been Marco who died that day, but didn't because he was in Jean's body. The realization that not only his soulmate is dead, but he's stuck living his life. He's stuck living the life Jean can't because he died in Marco's place.

SEEING YOUR DEAD SOULMATE EVERYDAY WHEN YOU LOOK IN THE MIRROR. Poor Marco would most likely avoy any reflective surface for a very long time, unable to see Jean's face looking at him.

The guilt of lying to everyone, because how does one even begin to explain what's going on? Him lying to Jean's mother to protect her from the harsh truth of the reality- that her son actually died and the one in front of her was a fake.

And the sad truth is that no one would notice because they've been doing it for months already. They knew how to act like each other to perfection. Even if Marco slipped at some point no one would question it because they got many traits from each other already.

[faux-ee]

*looks at comments on bsd nikolai gogol's personaility database page* they are all fooled by his act so bad

[burstinn]

THE EVERY GAY MANS DREAM READER

TALL, BUFF, BIG BOOBS AND ASS everything

Can't find no good pic for this so..

This post includes:Ghost, Graves, Price, Soap, Nikto, Riptide, Krueger, Konig, Alejandro, Rudy, Gaz, Horangi, Makarov, Velikan, Keegan, Roach. In that order

Yes I wrote all those, yes because I haven't written in a while

Notes:

- NSFW and SFW (Bottom male and top male reader mentioned)

-since y'all like the big buff n' tall male reader, made him bigger and taller basically mixed everything I wrote about male reader, tall, big buff, big cake, big boobs it's like a package in one this will probably be the last of this type of reader since running out ideas. It was hard making original headcanons 💔💔.

-Omg I haven't written in a while so like this might get idk boring?

- Yes again headcanons,you're favs

- strictly MALE READER not Gn rn

- readers age is ambiguous but if you can't think and want an age for reader my thinking is somewhere near late 30s or early 40s

- Some of the HCS have where y'all ain't in a relationship some HCS have y'all r in a relationship

- these headcanons definitely are mischaracterized but let me pretend for a bit 💔💔

- Tiktok got to me now I have brainrot language, so Trigger warning wooohh braiinroot

- can't believe this post was long enough to make my phone lag just a lil bit

- When he first saw you of course he was 😦😧😮

GHOST

- Like okay overkill, like you're taller, buffer and probably have a huger cock??? (Something he can investigate.. For purposes..)

Like you also got smoobs?? A plumpy ass??

Like save some for the rest Jesus 😒😒

- Nonstop staring secretly ofc, You be like in a room then you feel someone staring just to see Ghost somewhere in the corner of the room. You can't tell if he's staring or not but being that you are in an empty room.. Yknow it's kind of obv--

- BUT if you are not in an empty room you will not shake off the staring I mean holy shit look at you like 😨😨🍑✋

- You can literally hear him breathing heavily under his mask like how can he control himself when HE a person who is supposed to be looked up to literally and figuratively now has to look up at YOU?? do you know what does to a person??

-That's right it makes them freaky..

-Probably jerks off to you too

- I mean who doesn't want to get railed by a 7 ft tall man? Especially ESPECIALLY when you've been the supposed dominant person your whole life??

- OMG immediately Cumming to the thought

- I mean he won't mind topping you it also drives his own ego seeing a dominant man get absolutely wrecked, imagine the begging and whining

- plus he won't mind being the person who feels protected not always doing the protecting like 💔💔 he wants to feel protected too 😞

GRAVES

- Immediate gay awakening

- thinks making his western accent more prominent would make you think he sounds more hot

- Will dress up as a cowboy and will will ask (beg) you to do it as well

- because you know.. Hat thing.. Riding.. Graves grabs your hat puts it on his head or Graves grabs his hat puts it on your head, either way one of you is riding something and it ain't a horse

- because of the amazing quote on who ever came up w/ that is "save a horse ride a cowboy"

- Graves is obviously the type of guy to look at your ass and whistle maybe slap it, nah definitely slap it

PRICE

- He thinks of you like a bear

- like You're soo- big and cuddly? Definitely intimidating

- I mean you're near the same age bracket so it's not bad to have some.. Thoughts right?

- You're definitely hairy underneath or not but pls be he wants pubes to tickle his nose

- if you don't have a beard for reader then he would KILL to see have a beard like aughh perfect bear look, if you have a beard immediately cumming(/j) or (not /j)

- Like imagine you and price who are basically like bears like parent bears and and you the other 141 boys are like your children 🥺🥺

SOAP

- DEFINITELY became more gayer

- errrmmm.. Like his eyes are BASICALLY near like chest height

- bumping into you and his face touches your chest like omgg.. Such an accident 💔💔

- Obviously flirting about going to pound town

- like imagine You and Him? In a relationship? Having the most feral sex??? Like it's obv jokes (it's not)

- He would also do anything to see a big man whimper like a little bicth slut, who wouldn't want to see a demon of a man roll his eyes back and whine like a wheoeororoe❤, I mean if he tops I'd imagine him saying "cmon you're a big boy ain't cha'? You can handle a few more inches". While you are also getting the malevolent backshots.

- He would also want a big strong arm to man handle him as he takes the most vigorous backshots known to man

- Have you ever thought or seen a very tall wall like 10 or 11 ft high and you being you, Soap asks (demands) for you to carry him on your shoulder because he wants to see what's over the wall

NIKTO

- intimidating guy and intimidating guy typa relationship but your not in a relationship.. Yet.

- watch him watch you

- shows off his knife collection to you, yes I think he has a knife collection and he will show it to people that he wants to impress (he wants to get freaky with you)

- I like to think if he strips off the gear he gives the most desperate kind of touchy hug, to those he feels close with of course which is you

- lucky you

RIPTIDE

- Offers to teach you how to swim yknow just in case

- there is none, he wants to see you wet

- tells you to wear a white shirt and shorts because its Essential for training, it's a lie he wants to see the water wet your clothes making it stick to your body.. Yknow the white shirt showing whats underneath and the shorts outlining what package you've been hiding even though you weren't really hiding it

- He gets too distracted, the others are too, he forgets how to teach you

KRUEGER

- indefinite eye contact while your doing it

- likes staring into them, if you get shy and look away he will grab your jaw and make you have eye contact with him

- angry fierce ahh eyes

- he's an emotional grumpy guy, rip off his mask and aggressively kiss his face

- He wants the after sex laying on the chest while the other is rubbing their head, goes both ways.

- trace his tattoos and compliment them the bedroom will be locked the whole day, trust 🙏

KÖNIG

- The same as Ghosts

- Imagine being the one to get carried instead of the one carrying

- König would definitely come up to you and ask to be carried while you kiss his face multiple times❤❤

- Imagine how hard he gets because you have to look down at him to talk like HNGRHRRGGGRGRRR

- Definitely likes giving you homemade arts and crafts gear because you know.. The headcanon where König makes his own gear and what if he does it for other people too as gifts💔

- likes seeing you wear his mask it makes him imagine what people see when they see König definitely a change of perspective. He can see how intimidating you are and he gets hard.

ALEJANDRO

- will definitely compliment you in Spanish when talking about you with other people even when you're in front or behind him.

- I mean you don't understand Spanish right?

- if you don't, you're oblivious and only just watch curiously on what he's talking about. Buuut but but if you do understand you don't tell him you undeestrand this thing literally feeds your ego like Alejandro thinks of you this way? 🥺🥺

- Thigh riding type of guy idc who thigh riding

RUDY

- everytime I look at him he looks like a soft vanilla type

- I know he's a strong guy but look at him

- He wants soft sex 😞😞

- He also likes being complimented if you whisper a praise to him when he's doing ANYTHING. Imagine the babies you'd both have together.

- He likes toddlers and babies and if you do too a plus for him,makes him fall even more 💯💯

GAZ

- One time he Got injured and was sitting on the floor and then He saw you running towards him he simultaneously screamed in fear and how hard he got

- Likes to style your clothes, If he was off the military right now he really really likes fashion and if he sees you.. You can't fashion and he sees you wearing.. That, He's appalled, horrified, mortified I'm over exaggerating. But he is now in charge of your fashion now, But if you do know how to style you both will share tips with eachother. You can share different tips too ❤❤

- drags you in his barracks and strips you of your clothes except shorts.. And he's telling you this because he wants to "style" you.

- We both know damn well that's an excuse to get the boombayah freaky on.. He's just to shy to tell you upfront or he thinks it's fun to tease you like that before you get freaky

HORANGI

- gets freaky..

- Like he understands the women who get all giggly and nervous when they see a big man who can destroy them (ignore König 💔)

- is definitely not above thigh crushing, boob crushing, face sitting he'd do all at as long as it's you

- Like one time he pretended he broke his leg and won't let anyone else carry him until you came, acting all princessy and shit as you carry him bridal style to the medics

- He felt like a prince omg

- will definitely get on you and treat your real life size anime men boobs as a squishy toy

- How long is it and will he be able to take it??? Who knows he will find out!! Basically searched how long can someone's cock be if they are built like a god and is 7ft tall in Google

- someone gotta tell me Horangi's height and basic Google searching ain't doing it for me I'm too lazy to search for one line of a spicy headcanon line mb

MAKAROV

- You're basically ascary dog he owns

- You're tall and intimidating

- You can get information out of people quickly

- And he's not above telling you to torture anyone with a strength and body like yours

- most of the time you get the info done and folded

- Makarov uses you for intimidation and strength buuttt if you ever THINK of betraying him he already has a plan to get rid of someone like you

- Can and will turn you into one of those supersoldiers

- Will make you murder people right in front of him for entertainment and will rewward you!

- you know what reward it will be, Because when he asked what reward you wanted you got a bit to freaky you thought you be dead rn but nah he agreed actually he seems to enjoy it more than you do..

VELIKAN

- He's the dog in this one have you heard his voice?? Rough as hell imagine hearing him grunt

- Sounds cocky as hieeeellll too

- Would definitely like showing off to you since he wants to look cool in front of you

- Like you seen velikans skins?? Definitely wears the best ones to show you he can not only be a trained assassin But can also dress cool as hell

- If you compliment him it like makes his day, will not stop thinking about it

- Like a cool person complimenting a cool person like him? Ego boost (It's him feeling gay)

- This guys definitely a smoker (headcanon!!) Because voice sounds like he smoked 100 packs in 1 day and doesn't drink an ounce of water /jk I love him he's so hot.

- So if you want a smoke he purposely hides the lighter saying.. 'Oh no I asked someone elses lighter.. I don't have mine right now' or like 'my lighter ran out of fuel ohh

- So you have to put the cigarette in your mouth as you touch it with his cigarette to light ur own that type of trope 💫💫

- If you're not a smoker he will try his best to not smoke in front of you will use fresh mints to hide his breath of smoke

- after sex he will want a smoke, outside he goes or you both share the one cigarette

KEEGAN

- is it wrong to want to be choked by a big buff meaty arm?

- yknow the tiktok thing where girls put a ribbon on their boyfriends arm and the girls just put their face in the middle as their faces get squished??

- Yeah he wants that but gay

- will try to compare dick sizes even though yours is OBVIOUSLY the superior one!!

- Heads or tails on who's bottoming tonight

- Would like to be wrapped around your arms if you are hugging or sleeping keeps him warm

- Especially when it's snowing will force you to hug with him. ESPECIALLY when your in a mission and your in the tents he will definitely force you to hug it out with him

ROACH

- remember the other tall HC where the reader wasn't taller than König

- yes roach does the same thing here.. He's crawling on you like a tree

- If he wants a kiss instead of asking he crawls up to you and kisses you

- definitely likes to sit on your shoulders as you walk around, he feels tall like that

- this is like a distance relationship 💔💔

- Likes it when you bend over to talk to him also when you bend over when youre doing sum since it's slappable opportunity

- because bent over = double D cake will be slapped

- How will it fit? By the power of friendship of course!!

- probably more of say gex desperation but you get it

- Obviously switch switch

[charliewrites99]

Me describing characters from Supernatural without ever watching it, based on what I could put together from random tumblr posts

Dean Winchester:

older brother

bi and the closet is glass

psycho-sexual relationship with his car

has a doctor kink

divorced married divorced married widowed by an angel

DADDY ISSUES

don't do this cas

was in hell at one point

shoulder hand print

red-blooded all american hunter manwhore

Sam Winchester:

younger brother

flannel

straight representation (except Gabriel I guess)

Third wheel

dropped out of uni

was engaged to a blond woman (RIP)

a literal walking death sentence to anyone who kisses him

party city wig

was possesed???

the one with common sense???

Castiel:

gay angel

world's saddest eyes

wet soggy orphan beagle

victim of the trench coat epidemic

powerful, but idk about where he lands on the scale

was brainwashed???

the daddy-est of issues (is his father god?)

YOU CHANGED ME DEAN

fish out of water

ditched heaven for the beauty of humanity (Dean's dick)

Jack Supernatural:

destiel child

may or may not be a new god

something celestial

floppy sad boi hair

Gabriel:

just here to have fun do drugs and flirt

trauma

Loki?

Sam's Man Crush Monday

had his lips sewn together at one point

is he dead-dead? or just dead to the writers?

Daddy Winchester:

did not know what he looked like until I went to google the pictures

the worst person to ever exist despite having god and the devil on this show

left the sons the trauma factory that is the family hunting business which killed their mom

doesn't know what hugging looks like probably

Various female-looking objects:

dead girlfriends

beards

that one redhead that called Dean a pussy for not knowing what fifth base is (she seems fun)

another redhead that played Poppy in The Magicians and almost killed Quentin (that I for some reason thought was from Doctor Who)

evil angel girlboss??

This was my contribution for this years November 5th celebration

[elvensorceress]

idk I get incredibly angry at homophobes being cast on my gay shows. anybody want the start of my fic where Eddie dumps her bigoted ass and then has a gay ole sexy time with his husband and his husband's new boyfriend? because here. you can have. it's cathartic 💕

test drive - 2K, BuckTommy, BuckEddieTommy, Buddie endgame forever / Explicit

The restaurant is dimly lit in a way that might be classy and romantic, but Tommy’s hand is also on Buck’s thigh. And he’s having a lot of very not-classy, not even very romantic sorts of thoughts. Everything is far more along the lines of, he could put his hand on my dick, and I know what his cock feels like down my throat, and why are we here in a public place when we could be back at my loft taking turns fucking each other until we’re both a mess of cum and lube and sweat and sexy bruises and love bites? Because all of that is way more appealing than what they are sitting here, waiting to do. 

If it were just one of their dates, it’d be great. Those are fantastic. Tommy likes to pick him up and take him to nice places and he smiles in a really, really soft cute way that also has an air of, I am going to fuck you until you scream and you will love every second. And holy fucking god, does Buck love every second. 

Bisexuality, man. Who knew? 

It’s so fantastic. It’s so different? Or maybe it’s just that Tommy is different because he’s ridiculously cool and hot and Buck always really liked when someone knew what they wanted and would take the lead and he could do everything in his power to please them and make them feel good. Confidence is infinitely sexy and competence even more so. And Tommy has all of that in spades. 

And Buck loves men. Buck really loves men. It makes so much sense and how had he never even considered? Maybe he considered but he sure as hell never realized wanting a man and being attracted to a man was something that fit so well. Fuck, it fits so well. 

Maybe he could even end up with a man someday? Maybe he could marry a man and have a relationship that is like this all the time for the rest of his life? Not that he doesn’t like women still. Women are great. People who don’t identify as either or they identify as both or however they choose— they’re great, too. 

Everyone is hot and Evan Buckley is very bisexual, and it just might be one of the greatest revelations he’s ever had. 

He’s just really, really enjoying being with a man right now. 

He is not, however, enjoying the thought of this dinner. Everything about this dinner makes his stomach a washing machine of anxiety. For no reason. He doesn’t know why. There’s nothing wrong with it. 

Why wouldn’t he and his boyfriend go on a double date with his best friend who is their mutual friend, and his best friend’s girlfriend. What is wrong with that? It’s fine. Should be— fun? 

Shouldn’t be a bad taste in his mouth that the wine still hasn’t gotten rid of and roiling in his stomach that is really killing his appetite. But it very much is. 

Tommy squeezes Buck’s thigh and rubs it in a way that surely is supposed to be comforting. But it makes Buck want to drag him out of this restaurant and back to the loft where he can show Tommy how good he is at fucking him now. Not just because it would be a thousand times better than the prospect of this dinner. The bar is so low on the ground, it’s buried at this point. But also because sex with his new boyfriend is better than— actually, Buck is having a hard time thinking of anything that is better right now. 

Very hard time. 

They’ve been practicing. Everything. Blowjobs, fucking, fingering, ball massages, prostate milking, rimming— all sorts of really fun things Buck never even imagined could feel so good. Not that he was oblivious to a lot of it. He has toys. His ex was into pegging. Buck might have been unaware of how intense and gay— well, bi. He’s bi now. Buck is bi now. Probably always was but he knows it now. He’s bisexual.— his attraction to men could be. But he was not unaware of sexual acts that feel good to his body. 

But it’s totally different with a real man and a real cock and being manhandled by someone who might actually be bigger and stronger than you is really fucking hot. 

He checks his watch again and it’s already 7:28. They’re almost half an hour late. Which is so not like Eddie. He’s not sure if Marisol is like that but he knows for sure Eddie is either fifteen minutes early for everything or he texts if there is a problem. Even then, he’s only ever a few minutes late. If that. And last Buck checked, there were no new messages on his phone. 

He checks again, and still nothing. Not even to Buck’s message of, hey u ok? u on the way? He frowns and sets his phone back on the table and turns to Tommy. “How long before I’m allowed to be really worried?”

Tommy gives him an amused smile. “You can be worried.”

“How long before we need to bother Athena? Ten more minutes? Five? Sh-should I bother Athena now?”

Tommy’s eyebrows scrunch and he looks at Buck like he’s crazy. Okay, it’s probably crazy. Just. He’s worried? That must be the churning in his stomach. “I’m sure Eddie’s fine. It hasn’t been that long. And he’s Eddie.”

Yeah. Yeah, he’s Eddie. But Eddie was also shot downtown in the middle of broad daylight and nearly bled out all over, and there’s not much anyone can do even if they are trained in hand to hand combat and self-defense and those kinds of things. Not many ways to defend against a sniper round that shouldn’t even be a thing. 

Not that Buck is thinking about that. Ever. 

He’s just turning into a washing machine over this dinner. That’s all. 

Five minutes later, some of it finally eases when Eddie finally shows up and sits down across from them. Alone. 

Alone?

“Sorry, guys,” Eddie runs a hand through his hair and breathes like he’s run a hundred miles. He’s hardly been looking distressed at all lately. He’s been glowing smiles and pretty laughs. Not pretty. Nice? Good? Good that he’s so much happier and at peace. 

But he’s not that now. 

“I would’ve—” Eddie checks his own watch, one that was a Christmas present that Buck had engraved with, all the time you need, and must realize how late he actually is. “Fuck. Sorry. Really sorry. I’ll buy? Unless you’ve already eaten and paid and are about to leave.” 

Tommy shakes his head and has that nice smile that’s so reassuring. “We haven’t. Don’t worry about it.”

“We were waiting,” Buck adds and itches to ask him what’s wrong, why he’s late, why he looks— like he isn’t okay. 

“Great.” Eddie nods tersely and it sounds anything but great. “They got anything stronger than wine and cocktails here? Because—” He doesn’t say. But he does make a face the conveys everything. 

“Doubt it,” Tommy says. “But we can get something somewhere else. Is Mar— Mari?”

“Marisol,” Buck supplies. Not that it matters. Not that he cares. Is he supposed to care? There’s nothing wrong with her. She’s fine. 

“Right,” Tommy says, which should say everything. Eddie’s been hanging out with Tommy for months, Buck’s been with Tommy for months, and Tommy is pretty damn good at remembering people’s names. “Marisol. Is she still on the way?”

Eddie’s jaw gets very tight. “No. We’re done.” 

Tommy looks at Buck and Buck looks at Tommy. They’re done? They broke up? Not that it’s particularly surprising. Part of the curse of dating someone you met on a call. Gotta be. Also the whole thing where Eddie has some kind of commitment issues or something because as soon as he gets a girlfriend, he has to spend all his time doing anything besides being with said girlfriend.

“So, drinking?” Tommy says. 

Buck pushes his wine glass across the table. They usually share when they eat together. Drinks, food, anything. And he’s happy to offer it to the cause. 

“Yes, drinking.” Eddie takes Buck’s wine and downs all of it. 

Eddie’s single again. Marisol isn’t coming to dinner and she’s not part of their lives any longer. Not that Buck has a problem with her. She’s fine. She was nothing really. That wasn’t going to last. Eddie likes the idea of being with someone. So he says. He’s allergic to actually having a relationship for some reason. 

The washing machine in Buck’s stomach disappears though. Which is so much better. Now, it’s just Buck hanging out with his best friend and his boyfriend. 

Maybe there’s a little washing machine. It’s nothing though. 

They order food and drinks, and Eddie only goes through a couple shots and three glasses of wine and one beer. But he eats and also drinks water and doesn’t seem inebriated at all. So, they focus on the meal and Tommy’s latest work stories of helicopter rescues. 

It’s not until after Buck discreetly hands their waiter his credit card before they’re actually brought the bill, that Eddie actually starts talking.

“I kind of fucked up. Didn’t mean to. I owe you an apology,” he says and looks at Buck with worlds of regret and sorrow. 

Whatever it is, Buck forgives him. He’s sure he’s done far worse than whatever it is. “Why? What, uh, what happened?”

Eddie doesn’t look at him. Or Tommy. He does shake his head but not like he’s saying no. More like he’s disgusted. “I let it slip that you two are— that you’re. Dating. Together. Boyfriends? Do you call each other that? Are you boyf— never mind, I let it slip. I’m sorry. That was my bad. Not my secret to tell.”

Tommy looks scrunched and confused again and Buck— he doesn’t understand what the problem is? No, he hasn’t told many people yet. But it’s not a secret that he and Tommy are together. 

“Eds,” Buck says and immediately thinks he probably shouldn’t have called him that. He doesn’t know why. But he shouldn’t. “It’s fine. I’m not— It’s not a secret. I’m not hiding. Or— or in the closet? I’m out. Now. I’m bi and—” And he’s really happy about that. He really loves it. He’s bisexual. He loves women and men and whoever regardless of gender. And holy shit, does he love men right now. He really, really loves being with a man. He looks to his side and grins brightly at Tommy. “And I’m not ashamed or embarrassed that Tommy and I are together.”

There’s a cute half smile that curves the side of Tommy’s mouth and Buck so wants to kiss him. And do all sorts of other things with him. 

“Well. Good.” Eddie taps his finger on an empty shot glass like he’s contemplating ordering another. “Still. Didn’t go well. Didn’t mean to out you like that.”

“Didn’t go well?” Tommy asks. “Saying that Evan and I are dating didn’t go well?”

Eddie purses his lips and does a slow, exaggerated shake of his head. “Nope. But at least I learned that now. Has the waiter brought our check yet? Because I’m just going to drink more if I don’t head out soon. Not that I’m sad about her or anything. I’m pissed. You think you know someone, and no. No, she’s a raging homophobe.”

She— oh. Oh, that’s what happened. “She broke up with you because we’re gay? Bi and gay? Or— you know what I mean.” Is Tommy gay? Or bi? Or something else? Buck hasn’t actually asked what label he uses. How he qualifies his sexuality. He felt weird asking. It’s so personal. Is he supposed to ask? All he knows is that Tommy was into him. Tommy kissed him and it was breathtaking, incredible, magnificent and changed Buck’s whole life. He didn’t really think anything beyond that. Couldn’t really think beyond that. 

Eddie definitively points at himself and then at phantom nothingness. “I dumped her. Because I said this was a double date with you guys and she said, well not really, and I said, no really. It’s a double date. Her and me and both of you. Double date. Except not her. Ever. Anymore. Because she had to go off about how it was wrong and made her uncomfortable and I ‘let both of you be alone with Christopher?’ And it couldn’t possibly be a date like me and her would go on a date because she’s a woman and I’m a man and that was normal. But you two are both men. Both muscular, powerful, masculine, manly firemen type men— so it could never be the same especially because neither one of you are flamey or girly or whatever, so it could never work, the two of you since neither one of you is ‘The Girl.’ Which is all bullshit. By the way. Obviously. And,” he finally stops and breathes, and there’s a hard swallow in his throat and his eyes are distant and his whole body is strung tight and if he could breathe fire? He probably would. Holy shit, he’s pissed off. Buck isn’t even sure he’s ever seen Eddie this angry at anyone who hasn’t hurt someone he loves. 

Although. Technically she did? Not hurt per se, Buck doesn’t give a shit about what she thinks of him. But she was insulting them. So. Yeah, okay, of course fiercely protective Eddie would be angry. 

“And anyway,” Eddie says, still never quite looking at Buck or even at Tommy. Never quite focusing on them. “That’s how I’m single and back on the market again.” He smiles a wide, bitter, snarky kind of smile, and steals the half-full beer glass in front of Buck and downs it in one gulp. 

(Read on AO3)

[mulletmitsuya]

Tokyo Revengers Groupchat (final timeline)

Warnings: suggestive, swearing, mentions of grooming (it's not serious), the word "pedophile"

Desc: a discussion about pride month takes a detour

Kazutora: what does pride month mean?

Kazutora: like is everyone supposed to be gay for the month or?

Mikey: yeah exactly

Mikey: basically we all have to kiss each other

Kazutora: oh

Baji: we can do a circle jerk session to start off pride

Mitsuya: Kazutora, don't ask just google it

Kazutora: what's a circle jerk session

Mitsuya: 😒

Mikey: i don't think it's necessary to go that far, Baji

Smiley: some of us, are in relationships

Baji: why did you say that as if you're the one in a relationship?

Smiley: just defending my guy Draken

Mikey: Ken-chin will you still be at pride even if you have a girlfriend

Draken: i mean, i guess.

Baji: does Emma even know you like boys

Baji: nvm she probably does. she did have to compete with Mikey for your attention so idk maybe it's obvious

Chifuyu: are you guys actually going to the pride parade? it's gonna be on tv i'm pretty sure

Chifuyu: which means people from school would see us

Chifuyu: or work

Mikey: we haven't been in school for years?

Baji: are you scared to be found out Chifuyu

Baji: bcs everyone knew in school

Baji: you made it glaringly obvious

Baji: closet made of glass and whatnot

Chifuyu: does it count as actually being gay if it's one guy tho

Chifuyu: like if i cook one time, am i chef?

Chifuyu: something to think about

Mikey: dude you're in a relationship with him, what are you talking about🤨

Takemitchy: Mikey-kun you're actually pretty famous so a lot of people would recognize you

Mikey: i'm pretty sure people know that i've tasted the rainbow

Mikey: people make edits of me and Ken-chin

Mikey: they're pretty cute

Mikey: people also write fanfiction about me

Mikey: guys do i look like a daddy dom

Mikey: serious question

Mikey: could i pull it off

Draken: what are edits?

Mikey: don't worry about it

Draken: no no, Emma was bugging me about it earlier and i had no idea what she was talking about so just tell me

Baji: search "Doramai edits"

Baji: don't know how Emma's dealing with all that

Mikey: Takemitchy are you and Hina coming

Takemitchy: can allies come?

Baji: "ally"

Baji: that's all you are??

Baji: sure

Takemitchy: ?

Draken: what the fuck is this shit

Draken: how do you report this

Draken: this is all taken out of context

Draken: Mikey you need to release a statement about this. what the fuck

Draken: i have a wife

Kazutora: guys i'm still confused

Izana: can you guys please use your own private little groupchat

Izana: no one, of the 15+ people on this group talk, but you 6

Mikey: are you and Kakucho coming to pride

Izana: stop ignoring what i just said

Mikey: do you and Kakucho explore each others bodies?

Baji: who tops?

Baji: nvm, wrong question. who doms?

Ran: if Kakucho and Izana were to be together romantically it would count as grooming

Ran: just putting that out there

Mikey: so what i'm hearing is that Izana is a PEDOPHILE🤔

Mikey: interesting

Mikey: i'm telling Shin

Izana: oh you're telling Shin? i'm so fucking scared

Izana: kill yourself

Mikey: please don't try me. i WILL do it🙏

Draken: wait are you guys actually together? cause that's an actual problem i'm pretty sure

Draken: wasn't he 14 while you were 18

Ran: i'm sorry Izana, that's my bad, didn't mean to make this a thing

Ran: and in his defense, that was 10 years ago

Rindou: 10 years of grooming

Rindou: sorry, i wanted in on the joke but it just looks bad

Mikey: Izana why aren't you defending yourself

Izana: because Kakucho and i aren't in a romantic relationship? i don't know what the fuck you guys are on about

Hakkai: didn't the Haitani's go look for Emma at her middle school when she was 13 and they were 17 because they heard rumours about Mikey's "hot" younger sister

Ran: we didn't know she was 13 😐

Rindou: she was 12, actually

Baji: why did you double down

Ran: jesus christ

Ran: 12??

Ran: we still didn't know

Chifuyu: literally all pedophiles say that

Mikey: i beg your pardon

Mikey: why were you guys looking for Emma

Rindou: people said she was hot

Rindou: those people were definitely pedophiles, yeah

Rindou: which we aren't, btw

Rindou: we saw her coming out of the sixth grade classes and realized we'd didn't get enough information

Rindou: our bad

Baji: what would Ran be doing with Emma anyway

Baji: aren't you gay

Ran: no?

Baji:

Mikey: why would you add that question mark Ran

Mikey: why are you acting suprised that people think you're gay when you act like that

Rindou: sorry Ran i can't defend you on this one

Ran: is it cause i'm flamboyant?

Draken: who describes themselves like that man

Ran: Koko's flamboyant

Ran: do you guys accuse him of homosexuality?

Ran: nvm

Chifuyu: i was about to say

Koko: well actually

Koko: i am a bisexual man

Koko: i like men and women

Koko: the man i like is inupi

Koko: we are in a relationship

Inupi: you didn't have to do all of that dude

Inupi: but thanks ���❤

Koko: i am out and proud

Smiley: i know this is supposed to be sweet but this isn't the place to do this shit😭

Draken: are you guys going to therapy? good on you guys

Ran: didn't you like his sister?

Rindou: she died

Rindou: keeping it in the family i see. i respect it Koko

Ran: that doesn't mean what you think it means

Takemitchy: Rindou why would you say that

Smiley: the Haitani's are weird as fuck

Smiley: can we kick them out

Ran: at least we're not ugly

Rindou: and we aren't even weird

Smikey: i'm fucking adorable, don't play with me

Inupi: Akane isn't dead. what are you talking about

Rindou: the fire

Mikey: what fire😐

Mikey: the fire never happened. i made sure of it

Inupi: what?

Rindou: nvm y'all, i'm tripping

Rindou: i suddenly got a vision of Inupi with a huge scar on his face

Rindou: and his sister being dead

Ran: i told you to stop spending time with Sanzu

Ran: he's schizophrenic

Rindou: schizophrenia isn't contagious🤨?

Rindou: and i don't think he's schizophrenic i think he has autism or some shit

Ran: 2 very different mental illnesses??

Rindou: he has the evil kind

Ran: what?

Rindou: evil autism

Rindou: like he weaponizes it

Ran: that literally doesn't make sense

Rindou: it makes perfect sense, fym

Sanzu: i'm not schizophrenic?

Sanzu: or autistic?

Rindou: sure buddy

Mikey: IT'S AUTISM

Mikey: BAJI, IT'S AUTISM

Baji: what's autism?

Mikey: what's up with Haruchiyo!!

Baji: isn't he just gay?

Ran: why is that your conclusion to everything?

Ran: i'm starting to think you're the gay one

Baji: i've never denied that🤨?

Ran: oh

[kthecritter]

Welcome to my kin care blog!

name(s): Elliott, Eli, K, Kai (for me; the host)

pronouns: they/them, it/its, he/him, xe/xem, meow/meow, bark/bark

I am a psychological polytherian (types shown here)

This is a side blog for @elliott-the-creature !

More about me here!

spam is ok, but not encouraged :/

here are the requirements for requesting something from me!

↑ pls view this before requesting ↑

requests are open from 2:00pm to 9:00pm on weekdays, and 10:00am to 10:00pm on weekends (pacific standard time). I may be late closing/opening them though, sorry!

asks will be temporarily closed if my inbox gets too full (which I consider to be 8-10 asks) until they are all completed

here is what I use to make my stuff!

❗️DO NOT INTERACT/FOLLOW❗️

Basic dni

Anti contradictory queer labels (like mspec gay/lesbian, gaybian, lesboy, turigirl, nonbinary boy/girl, etc.)

Nationalist

Pro-cop

Pro-military/warmonger

Anti cringe

Anti kin (includes those against physical alterhumans, otherlinks, fictionkins, etc.)

Anti age-regre/pet-regre

P0rn/nsfw account

14 years or under (I’m almost an adult and feel weird interacting with people significantly younger than me)

Right-winger

Anti endo/tulpas (basically any sysmeds or anti nontraumagenic)(endo neutral are ehh)

Anti objectum/POSIC+

Political and/or war related blogs. And yes, this includes blogs related to world conflicts like russia/ukraine and israel/palestine. I do not enjoy seeing war and genocide, and I obviously want it to stop and for people to stop needlessly killing and dying, but it can be distressing or frustrating to see, so don’t interact if that’s the main thing you post. this also includes asks related to donations for war efforts and support like that.

Anti self diagnosis (fakeclaimers will NOT be tolerated though)

Accounts with no content (idk if you’re a bot or side account for potential spam)

I only have content under the cut for things like violence, gross stuff, blood/gore, bright colours/eyestrain, and weapons/weapon-like objects. I tag for most things that would be fears/phobias for other people, but I won’t put them under a cut. I do NOT put tags for things like food, swearing, all caps, and other minor stuff like that.

massive (and constantly growing) hoard of userboxes (all made by me). DO NOT USE THESE FOR YOURSELF ⬇️

I hope you enjoy my content! 🩷

[sewerdraws]

Make it for me // Put it on me

it's here ... the convoluted spy x spy x sniper shoe themed page.... very much inspired by this song .

if you wanna read my incoherent thoughts about the ship and this piece in particular it's under the cut !! (warning for sex mention and v unhealthy dynamics)

Basically two ships i rly like are sniper x spy and spy x spy (going from the assumption they are two different people who are somehow magically uncannily similar) and i started thinking about mixing the two...

I imagine red spy and red snipes as having a pretty close friendship and strong sense of camaraderie (they are of few words but understand each other very well) with unspoken attraction towards each other and lots of awkward tension (that sometimes has to break out 😏), basically even with their close friendship they still have too much pride and too much of a shell to admit their feelings to themselves and they're so messy aaaah

where red spy's personality is pretty close to canon, blu spy is v different. he keeps to himself because he's very unstable, much more anxious and paranoid. red has some kind of weird superiority complex / identity crisis over him and toys with him (you hate in others what you hate in yourself etc etc...)

blu spy has an unhealthy obsession with red snipes to the point of being stalker-y. his relationship with red spy switches between trying to gain his favours to get closer to red sniper, and trying to kill him / impersonate him to trick red sniper. i have yet to think about how red snipes reacts to it all but i'm sure i can fit a lot more unhealthy relationships in there :) !

the idea for the art here is that shoes are Gay and Horny. but also. sniper's making the shoe for spy, a craft that takes patience, skill and passion. spy, who is notoriously picky about his clothing, trusted him with this part of his appearance. sniper making the shoe is an act of service, but it stems from the trust between them. meanwhile blu spy only gets to put the shoe on, a trivial gesture that red spy could have done himself, and that also puts blu physically beneath him. idK MAN shoes.

anyways they haven't left my mind for the past 3 days im temporarily naming them the toxic trio until i find something better but there will be more art and if you read all of this we are siblings in arms and i love u

[ladyloveandjustice]

so idk something that kind of bothers the "we must save men from the alt right pipeline" because "we're hating for their immutable traits"

why

why specifically are men the ones who we need to always do this for.

I think it would sound ridic to say this about terfs. Terfs are turning to terfism because they don't feel welcome, we need to be gentler and more loving and more of a community and they'll see the light. Terfs as a class are so oppressed by an unloving society :(

Or hey imagine saying this about white women. You don't have to imagine it it's been done and its bad. I think we've all agreed that posting a manifesto on how white women should be treated nicer by POC and its leftism's job to save white women from going conservative always sucks.

So why is it up to women now. Why is it up to us.

I agree leftism needs to be a more welcoming place that doesn't crucify people for mistakes, or react with hostility to questions. I personally want that. But it's weird to frame this as something we need to do for (mostly white) men specifically, but like, not like conservative white women, conservative woc, conservative trans women??? There's a lot out there.

I dunno. it rubs me to frame the message of this. I don't want to actively go around saving white men and boys from themselves/other white men, I've been asked to do that all my life.

I don't think we should be hostile, I'm not a person that would ever say kill all men (tbh even ignoring the fact there are marginalized men...language like that in general...kill all (enemy) has always been uncomfortable for me. Some people can change) I don't react to them with hostility, you know, men are just fine as long as they're fine with me. I'm happy to have them as allies, happy to get behind trans men, gay men, men of color when they need help.

But I do know some women just give a dni because they're traumatized. And idk, maybe they deserve to be treated gently. Maybe everyone does.

I think leftists need to be kinder and more welcoming sure. I think we need to focus on change and banding together But framing the convo around saving men. That men are special and alienated and we're specifically failing them somehow. It doesn't sit well.

I do thing putting stuff into a binary of good or evil and just kind of reinventing conservatism in that way is a huge probem,...I don't know...Can't we just be nicer and in-fight less for the sake of being welcoming in general? For everyone? Can't we come together and be more accepting of people because a community is stronger together? Can't we have unity and nuance because of that?

I don't want to do it to save men from their own decisions, I don't feel inclined to engage with hostile guys, I just want to be nice and open and we all have less of a feeling people might turn against you over any little thing.

[drdemonprince]

i read in the comments to my last ask about "ordinary unhappiness" the idea of depression as a lack of agency and i feel like that is true? when i feel miserable and in pain, it's not because something is sad but because something is either unachievable or impossible (or at least there is the perception of it). and like i think that's what you were getting at too? this thing that drives you to keep going, this lack of satisfaction. i simply don't have anything i can give into such that i would ever even feel a lack of satisfaction. i've never had anything to give myself into and feel frustrated and perhaps sometimes successful in but instead i just envy the people who do have those things. nothing i've ever done has felt maintained a sense of emotional connectiveness in that way (positive or negative). i guess to wrap this back around to another potential talking point, i'm curious how you find that in your life? is it weird for me that nothing has ever felt worth putting myself whole ass into? idk, i find it envious you've got both writing and gay hypno fetish stuff you're able to just throw yourself into so wholly and utterly

Passion isn't inherent, it can be a choice too. I only look like I care a ton about writing and gay hypno stuff because I have deliberately chosen to pursue those passions, for many years, and cultivated a deep interest in them, anon.

When I was in my early twenties, I felt completely empty. I was a void. If you've read the first chapter of Unmasking Autism, this is the period I'm talking about in that book. I went away to graduate school (because I was good at academics, and I had some illusions about what a career in that field would do for me), but I had absolutely zero zest for the subject of psychology at that point. I had no research ideas. I read psychology books and publications purely out of obligation. I did what was required of me, but nothing additional beyond that, and I spent the rest of my time sitting at home, sometimes literally staring at the wall and crying. I had no friends or hobbies, aside from taking long, long depression walks listening to podcasts in order to fill the silence.

This was when I was at my most depressed, and my most suicidal. Just existing was a pain. I'd sob in bed at night and cry out begging for God to kill me, and I didn't even believe in God. The only thing that distracted me from my pain was a guy I was seeing, who was beautiful and very cruel and inconsistent, and I clung to him through all kinds of lies and abuse because it felt as though my happiness was located inside of him.

I had a friend that I wrote to about how miserable I was, and all the twists and turns that my horrible romance was taking. Her name was Heather. (Unlearning Shame is dedicated to her). She told me hey, you're a really good writer, did you know that? I really enjoy reading your emails, even when you're speaking about the most pitiful anguished shit, you really put it poetically and have a ton of insight. You should write more.

For a while, I ignored her. I didn't care about writing. I just wanted to get my pain out on the page because I had nobody to talk to, and oodles of time to waste. I had nothing otherwise that I felt I HAD to say. I had no PASSION. I did not feel like I was put on this earth to do anything. Other people seemed to have these drives, and I had nothing.

But then one day in a fit of depression I stopped by a bookstore right near my apartment, The Armadillo's Pillow, just to get outside of the house. I happened upon a book I had loved in high school, Jonathan Franzen's The Corrections. I took it home. I read it. It transported me for a few hours away from my pain. I went back to the book store and picked up some sci-fi. A John Varley collection, I think. I was also swept away from my suffering, even when the stories had flaws that I noticed. I was interested in the actual craft of storytelling: what worked and what didn't. And there was finally some beauty in my head instead of the usual dreariness and self-hatred and emptiness.

And so. I made the choice to write. I could have taken it or left it at that point. I didn't care about anything. Caring is a muscle that you have to flex. And when you're depressed, it can be very hard. I needed a lot of nudges from the external world and other people, to realize that I had some things I did gravitate toward, even if I didn't realize it.

All that time of course I WAS driven to write. I was churning out 5k word letters to Heather every day practically. I was reading stupid shit online. And when it was put in front of me, and I had no reason to feel guilt about not working hard enough on other things, I reached for books. But I didn't feel passion strongly under the heavy blankets of my depression. Or usually at all, really. I am a quite internally muted person whose emotions are suppressed. But they're there. Speaking to me softly. And to overcome my depression, I had to decide to listen to them instead of ignoring them all of the time, and give them kindling, and then fan them into a flame.

I started blogging regularly while I was in graduate school (right here, hello, you can check my archive dating back to 2011), and finding a reason to live. When I was writing, I felt like the world was interesting, and beautiful. It gave me new things to do. I attended literary readings and book launches all over town. I submitted work to magazines. I bought old copies of magazines and read them. I inhaled books. I listened to fiction podcasts. I joined writing groups. At first, it felt like a slog, like anything else. Doing these things, I was not "happy". But I was interested. I liked learning about the world of publishing, critiquing people's stories in my head, and commisserating with other Tumblr writers about the stuff that got featured on the Prose tag that sucked.

After YEARS of doing this, of choosing to fan my passions, it became a genuine motivation in my life. But even then? I lose track of it sometimes. I get busy, or there's no place comfy to sit and read in my apartment, and I forget that I like writing and reading for months at a time. And then I have to choose it again. It takes effort to care about something, every time.

It's the same way with hypno. I did have a fetish for this stuff all my life long. But it's a passion that people always thought was weird and gross, and that I thought was bad. I didn't tell anyone about it until my late 20's. I felt ashamed masturbating to it or looking up hypno content online. For years I snuffed out that flame of passion until I could barely feel it anymore. It wasn't until I was super depressed AGAIN in my later 20's that I took a bunch of weird off-label anti-depressant drugs under the table and had a weird dreamy headspace overtake me and make me insanely horny that I remembered how much I loved hypno, and because I was in search of an escape from my tormented brain, I sought hypnotists out.

And I had the time of my life. But I also had boring, awkward encounters, bad hook-ups, and had to do a ton of work.

My passions have drawn me out of depression because I needed them to. I had to find them, listen to them, and then give them lots of food. And it's one of the few things that a person does often have agency over, no matter how dispiriting their circumstances. You can make choices about where to put what attention you do have, in what free moments you do have. When you're on the bus or in line at the grocery store and you're thinking about how much you hate yourself, you can try to think about a story you read or a sexual fantasy you had, instead. It's a lot of work. But it's better work than the work of hating yourself, which takes a whole lot of energy and attention itself.

I hope you can find something like this for you. It doesn't really matter what it is. It can be some hobby you've always wanted to try, or something "childish" you've suppressed. Having a passion isn't like being chosen by the universe to care about something. It's not like love at first sight. Nothing fucking works like that in life. It's always work. It's always a choice you have to make, because no one else will give it to you. But there can be hints that you can follow, sometimes.

[utopicwork]

>finds really cool project

>creator is trans! i love to see that!

>checks blog

>creator believes that if i say that like "hey trans men have some of the highest rates of sexual assault in the trans community, and the erasure of the daily violence that happens to trans men because they are both trans and seen as fertile women as well as predatory in the same way as butch lesbians in the eyes of perpetrators and have their meds restricted because they could possibly ever get pregnant as well as be forcibly impregnated as conversion therapy" then im a horrible evil theyfab monster who thinks that trans women are predatory

i know im like an evil horrible hysteric theyfab tme feminazi or something who should be ousted from queer spaces everywhere and doesnt deserve to be lesbian, gay, or trans (as im chosing to be the oppressor gender) because my existence is disrespectful to womanhood and i will forever exist as a wolf in sheeps clothing but like, fuck, i dont know, im tired of being seen only as an afab (tme), and being told i could never experience systemic violent misogyny indistinguishable from systemic violent transphobia i also experience. i dont see why being beaten, raped, and killed in the dark is somehow any less violent than the same thing happening in the light.

itd be really fucked up to imply that one group of trans people is violently invading feminine spaces w their masculinity or to gatekeep oppression from a marginalized community or to imply theyre exaggerating or are a poser and simply couldnt have experienced the type of oppression theyre referring to.

i dont know, i thought your project was cool enough to try, even though i know i cant code switch away from the tone that historically hasnt ever gone over well for anything ever because something something girls cant have autism something something, idk, if i ever saw someone excluding a trans woman in a group irl id damn well do something but bc of the way i am i know that id be excluded first. i dont know. theres no acceptable trans group to call violent and predatory and privileged by virtue of gender.

i wish they made programming for trans guys too, something unaccounted for by the representation of trans people in cs and women in cs

Well okay but counterpoint, putting words into my mouth, completely lying about what I believe and having this whole whatever this is in my inbox is exactly representative of the problem tme people have with transmisogyny.