#idk how to talk about my cosplay
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dungeons and daddies areas tour dublin live show highlights bcs i Can Not believe i forgot to post this before now:
-anthony going "hold on, i forgot something", going off stage, and bringing out his steam deck
-them doing the pledge of allegiance because "customs told them to" and eeeevery irish person in the crowd booing them
-a grenade got thrown on board of their boat and glenn IMMIDEATLY kicked it towards the nearest npc (he exploded. RIP evan dungeonsanddaddiesareastourdublin)
-anthonys dad fact: "i hate the english" got the most applause ive ever heard in my life
-NPC: "say sorry to me in irish. heres the google translate version of the phrase" ron: "this language is so easy guys!" "ahem. skibidi toilet"
-glenn did a rap break in the middle of the irish national anthem, he went "the socioeconomic factors behind the english fucking you guys over" and then did airhorn sounds. again the most applause i have heard since the anthony dad fact
-matt running a darryl vs. dolphin combat by himself for himself when anthony dissappeared behind the scenes again
-darryl accidentally killing a mermaid that was stuck in the motor of their boat and not telling the other dads. then later, when the mermaid army attacked them (by throwing a grenade on board, of course,) trying to fib that he isnt darryl wilson
-glenn, the boat owner/boat captain 🫡 (oh captain MY captain)
-anthony eating real life sushi off of real life william f. campos' dick
-will constantly going behind the scenes and coming out in different shirts, trying to convince different NPCs that he was a different person
personal ones because I Loved These ngl:
-anthony doing the sign of the cross when, during stuff signing, i told him i was cosplaying tony collette "in memoriam"
-i told freddie tony is my favourite character, then course corrected and said "oh well, WAS" and he said pretty much "oh yeah lmao"
-will fistbumping me after my partner gave him the fanart prints i made for the show (i was toooooooo fuckin nervous and they knew i prolly wouldnt have done it unless they had LMAO it was so cute of them)
-every cast member signing my partners trudy cosplays apron (an apron they had made for the show themselves!!! by hand!!! my partners so mf cool wtf u guys)
-anthony being. ngl so short that he had to do the biggest neck move in history to fit into most pictures and he did it even when he didnt have to lmao (he wouldve fit. just fine into ours without straining his neck but i dont think he saw our phone screen and he was used to it so 😭🫡 thank u king)
-literally everything from the show its been almost a week i cant believe it mfs we saw The Guys in real life!!
#dndads#dungeons and daddies#im the one in the tony cosplay#and my partner did the coolest trudy fit in history#SOOOO many people stopped us it was amazing im so glad we dressed up#i dont think ill legitimately stop thinking or talking about that night for like a year at LEAST#i dont think i can explain how much that night mwant to me genuinely#idk. i keep thinking of the depressed 19yr old i was a few years ago#who had one friend (who i still love to this day! but) who didnt understand any of my interests#vs the 22 year old me who has this deep insanely bone deep love for this one stupid thing. AND#I HAVE PEOPLE TO GO TO THAT THING WITH.#my partner and one of my best friends in the world flew out to another COUNTRY!!!! with me!!!!!!!!! for it and i. fuck man#i dont think i could ever describe that feeling of being there to any old version of me#ANYWAY THIS IS SAPPY!!! but ill keep being sappy about it later#glenn close#henry oak#ron stampler#darryl wilson#dndads s1#dungeondads#dndads areas tour#areas tour#dungeons and daddies areas tour#dndads s2#dungeons and daddies s2
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is it an autistic experience to ALWAYS be the one in a friend group who gets left out, alienated, secretly disliked, then kicked out of the group?
#autistic#autism#actually autistic#autism things#asking autistics#i want/need a friend group but it ALWAYS GOES BAD!!!!!!!! AND ITS SOMEHOW ALWAYS MY FAULT?! idk what im doing wrong. people suck.#but i need people and i hate that about me. why cant i split myself in half a few times#or learn how to do group activities alone....like playing tennis. going to the amusement park ive wanred to go to since i was a kid.#drive alone on long trips where i will fall asleep but talk to myself so i dont or something. walk on the park trails alone where people#get kidnapped and stuff when alone. go to a convention and cosplay a group of characters alone. one for each finger....#if you cant tell im being sarcastic. and doing a bad job. sighs. i hate that i have to do everything i need/want a group for alone because#i cant make friends or make groups keep me in them. assuming because im autistic and they hate me 🙃#eother that or im a piece of shit and dont realize it!!!!! how am i supposed to know when no one tells me!!!! 😭😭😭😭#so is it actually me and my fault or is it because im autistic and people just do this to us for some reason#autism stuff
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people think the theories are getting too crazy well I don’t think we’re getting crazy enough. we need weirder shit. Armand wasn’t Alice. Louis was Alice. how does that work? it doesn’t. but it’s only Tuesday and I can’t day drink rn so we’re gonna work with this until the weekend
#I just think that Luke and Jacob’s comments in interviews have me 👀👀👀#‘there was more there’ WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT WHY WOULD YOU GET IN TROUBLE MR ANDERSON. HUH?#also in this crack theory Armand definitely wiped both of their minds which is sooo funny to me#Daniel: I had a wife named Alice and she was beautiful and lovely and if she called I’d go to her instantly#Louis who has no clue he was Alice: wow man. that’s crazy. have I mentioned how badly I get attached to my exes and miss them after decades?#Armand dressed up in his slutty Rashid maid cosplay: let’s stop talking about the past during this interview about the past shall we?#I can make this weirder actually hold on uhhhhhg#Armand and Louis were BOTH Alice they took it in turns. it’s why Daniel can’t remember her properly#she’s an amalgamation she’s a mix#still Armand did mind wipe them it’s very funny to me that he encounters one issue and is like ‘…I gotta delete all the data right now’#idk I’m bored lmao#iwtv#interview with the vampire
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Can you imagine when Voyager gets back to the Alpha Quadrant and Janeway goes to give her official report on the Caretaker and she starts by plonking a rock down on the briefing room table?
#I see… a stone#idk did suspiria take the rock back?#how very like Janeway to make a report by dumping a corpse on a table (but respectfully)#the admirals nodding sagely like of course it was a fucking rock#it’s a Sporocystian life form#Harry Kim what are you talking about it’s a rock#Kate Mulgrew is so real for selling that scene with a literal rock in her hands#she’s just squatting there having a very believable moment with a literal stone and acting the shit out of it#I mean she’s some sort of genius#first of many official reports that’s why they made her admiral so they could listen to all her stories and she wouldn’t fly away#you know they’re all gossips in starfleet#she has seven years of star base visits she needs to make up for#good lord how many times have I seen this whole show at this point and it’s still not enough#ok my next Janeway cosplay I’m gonna have a rock#VEEEERY tempted to do sacred ground but need to finish time and again#midnight cackling#memeish
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hey mutuals. uhm. guess what happened to me today
#tua#nosolaceofart#special thanks to my brother for giving me a heart attack ✌️#i’m never living this down#it was tua fic if anyone was wondering <333#the umbrella academy#wanted to draw smth for thxg1ving idk#other highlight from thxg1ving dinner include me accidentally cosplaying the onceler and not noticing until the end of the night#and my grandfather talking about how he brought and distributed cocaine at a baby shower once??????#🧍♀️#the card game was called golf also#v fun thx to darcy and also thanks to djsealy (fake names for my cousins) bc she taught the game and i’m keeping dj up for that fanfic grind#fanart*#sorry man
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idk about u but mortis and I have been with the 'multiple medicine sellers' theory for years lol
#linny talks#idk ive been feeling like a fake mononoke 2007 fan lately#even tho ive been here since middle school and im the art mod on the mononoke zine and i cosplay and i make art and i rp and i#because ive never been much of a lore person?? when it comes to my hyperfixations#im much more character driven#but the community here how small wonderful and intense it is#really makes me feel like an ineffectual and a fraud#like damn maybe i shouldnt be the mod for this zine...#idk im feeling some sort of way about it#i feel like im just here for the ride and i dont like... im not passionate enough? is this some weird imposter syndrome#anyways this is the only thing i can say 'ha! i was kinda right' on lol
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MAGLUCK WEEK: DREAMS
THERE'S AS MUCH RHYME AND REAOSN KN THIS AS THERE IS A COHERENT THOIGHT IN MY DREAMS MEANINF THAY THERE IS NONE
#RUFEL WAS DREAMINF ALL ALO G PLOT TEIST#PK UHM ALL OF THE THREE IMAGES WOTH MAGLUCK ARE ACTIALLY MY DREAMS I'VS HAD#ESPECIALLY THE THIRD ONE CHARMY IS NOW COSPLAYING THE MANIC PIXIE LADY THAY KIDNALLED MY LIL BRO#AND THE FIRST OBE. THE DOG CRATE MAGNA IS SITTING IN IS ESSENTIAL. I REMEMBER IN THAT DREAM. SITTING INA DOG CRATE#AND TALKING ABOUT HOW SALTY CRABS IS ILLEGAL#IDK I THINK ELLIOTT FROM SDV WAS ARRESTED IN THAT DREAM?? AND I WAS TALKING TO LEAH ABOUT IT#THE DREAM WHERE LUCK IS SNOWBOARDINF IS ACTUALLY SUPPOSED TO BE MY ORCHESTRA CONDUCTOR WITH HIS 4 GRANDDAUGHTERS THAT I MADE UP????#AND HIS WIFE (IN THE DREAM) WAS WATCHING HIM FROM A POOL. IN A DESERTY LOOKING ENVIRONMEBT. BHT HE WAS ALSO SNOWBOARDING.#AND THEN THAT'S THE SAME DREAM WHERE THE OLD PARK I WENT TO AS A KID FLOODED AND THEN WE RODE A TRAIN TO AUSTRALIA??? EXCEPT IT LOOKED MORE#LIKE UTAH IF UTAH HAD FLOATING SUGAR GLIDER HEADS AND DEAD ANIMAL BONES#BUT NOW...LUCK AS A CELLIST#THAT IS SUCH A GENIUS IDEA I'M SO BIG BRAIN RN#BLACK CLOVER#MU ARY#LUCK VOLTIA#MAGNA SWING#MAGLUCK#MAGLUCK WEEK 2023#RUFEL BLACK CLOVER
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me itching to post some cosplay pics i just found because i look good there but also fighting for my life to Not post them cause i dont want my face online
#plus it feels like cheating cuz i do not look that good irl. idk the spirit of a prettyboy twink posessed me during taking those photos#i would post them on instagram but they would drag me for my cool emo hair and cool emo clothes and#im talking about the time i cosplayed glitchtrap but it was hot so i went a dawktrap route with just head and gloves#and paired it up with the classic ourple guy outfit with the purple shirt and black vest and badge so it was very silly#nobody knew who i was at the con btw. except like 2 kids literally awful#you dont know purple guy????#also found some that were from a project that i fucked up on. i still feel bad about it but oh well. was meant to collab with someone for#an edit and i had to take some videos for them to cut and edit but i suck at taking videos and am terrible on camera in general so i hated#every single take and they also didnt like it iirc. told me to take more and i had enough. and then i got locked out of my account so i was#like fuck it. and i didnt get back to them later so i am the AH#i got some screenshots from it that are cool but i cant post them as that would be mean and lame and whatever#oh well i dont even remember their acc anymore but i should have apologized and explained that i wont do more takes as they wont be better#do not ask me for a cosplay video ever#made me think of how many times people recorded me at cons only for the footage not be used in the aftermovies lol
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oh shit just noticed the only boy i’ve ever been into and who made me question for a long time about being lesbian or bi is liking a suspicious amount of wlw posts on twitter…
👀👀👀👀
…egg?
#not to speculate about his gender/sexuality but…#going through his likes and it’s a lot of sapphic anime fanart (the non overly sexualized ones) a few tweets from sapphic accounts etc#and like it doesn’t necessarily mean anything but i’ve always thought there was something queer about him#and i did ask once or twice if he was gay or bi but he said he thought about it but came to the conclusion that he was only into women#which tracks like he always seemed to genuinely be into girls#like i was his first kiss and it was real cute and he seemed to like it a lot and i did too#even though we never kissed again after that#again not to assign him a gender or whatever but IF he is trans it would explain a few things…#anyway he’s studying abroad so i haven’t seen him in a few years and only keep in contact via twitter so idk how he’s like irl rn#but really wish him the best either way!#also it’s funny that i noticed his likes now cause yesterday i was talking about sexuality with the girl i’m seeing#and i mentioned how he was one of the only things that kept me wondering about being bi until recently#my post#also as as addendum: by only boy i’ve ever been into i mean like after the age of 12 cause before that i had crushes that are prob comphet#OH MY GOD#i was looking through his tweets cause i was trying to see if he's been using any pronouns/gendered words to refer to himself lately#and he doesn't tweet much just likes stuff but a year ago he made a thread about going to a convention and in that thread he said:#'a guy got into the bathroom saw me thought he was in the women's bathroom let's goo'#and then complained about wearing heels for 12 hours for his cosplay#oh yeah#again not to assign a gender but it's looking like trans woman to me#will start adressing them as they/them in my head for now until i see them refer to themselves by gendered pronouns/words again#also their twitter name is their surname and not their given (dead?) name?? yeah... it's looking sus#don't wanna talk about this to anyone i know irl for fear of possibly outing them but dbsoafpdsnf#i wish i could let them know somehow that even though we haven't talked for a while i would support them 100% if they were to transition#it's not my place to do so so i won't but dsaoças sending them good vibes!!!
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can I see a picture of your dad 👉👈
yeah of course here you go
#snap chats#he IS my dad idc. i do call him my dad every other time i post bout him so 😔#BUT ON THE REAL uhhh no <3#i might overshare every bit of my life but i feel weird sharing pics of my fam#even if my dad Is Also chronically online and loves taking selfies and pics of me to post every time we hang out#no guys listen he's a menace whenever we hang out we usually go out to eat or we eat in#and Every Fuckin Time i be eatin and i look up i see him with his phone like :) smile :)#and then i make a demon face and hes like no !!!! an actual smile !!!! and then i do actually smile cause its really funny#wait im just talking about my dad now sorry everyone you can stop reading these tags#i just remember when i did my daigo cosplay and i saw him he was just like 'omg you're like a mini me'#old man you wish you had hair like mine ok ENOUGH 😭#but yeah guess thats what you can imagine if you want a pic of my dad. like. like daigo but if he had a buzz cut and smiled 500% more#so not daigo in the slightest HAH GOTTEM i can bully him that's my boy#idk how i made myself hungry but im hungry. ouuugh curry sounds good but i spent a lot and i dont wanna spend $2 on a cup of rice#cheap ass#noodle time then ;]#ok bye while on the one hand how dare you go against my word when i say 'you can stop reading'#but on the other hand... omg :) hiiii thanks for readin <3
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I SPENT TOO MUCH AT METROCON BUT IT’S WORTH IT I commissioned art of Emma (bc i hAVE to get at least one comm of one of my OCs whenever I go to a con, that’s a rule I just decided) and i also got a shitton of all for the game stuff which had me losing my absolute mind bc I wasn’t expecting to find much, and I got some owl house stuff too!
#win rambles#i'm like a kid on christmas gleefully sorting through all the stuff i got omg#i gotta go to bed i work at 7am tomorrow...#but thE HYPE#oh also i did find one (1) table that had tma stuff (well technically two but one was an artist i've already seen)#and we talked about tma for awhile#and now i'm super inspired to do a nikola cosplay for tampa bay comic con#which i am hopefully going to at the end of the month#if i can trade around some shifts at work#cause i really dont' wanna lose another shift at work for it. but i will if i must.#i love how i still talk on my tumblr posts like it's an online diary even tho idk how many people actually read it#at least some people do so i appreciate that
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going to a con on sunday and watching a live idol concert with a bunch of dudes at 4 am. i truly cannot tell you how excited i am
#i might cosplay nekozawa from ouran host club 👀 if im not a coward....#anyways idk i just never realised how fun it is to be a fan of something and to go to a con and interact with others about your interest#YIPPIEEEEE WOUHOUGHJH#my first european anime con!!! i was spoiled in boston anime i know it it was so so fun and such lovely people so im not putting-#expectation too high that it'll be similar. just an open mind hangin out with my brother and some random doods#cozy talks
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assortment
#uugg#svsss#mdzs#man I don't wanna tag shdjfkg#all of these excluding jiang cheng I plan to finish some day anyways dhfjkg#altho when is the question... hngg....#also the first one is dhfjgkg bingqiu but like... withthat new geisha skin from idv#its called resilience of bamboo and is a rich green with bamboo and a black n red fan... idk man it just makes me think of them 🥺#also I'm djjfjgg stressed rn#I'm making cosplay and I keep making little mistakes that ruin everything shfkgkg#ah.. it's so annoying... I hate all of it... but gotta push through anyways 💪#also I got accepted teehee its an open enrollment so I was going in no matter what but its nice to get rhe email after waiting hehe#but also I think my friend is irritated with me so I've been leaving them alone but they also had like a breakdown so#idk how to go about interacting with them rn#cause like on one hand they completely ignored me earlier so clearly they don't wanna talk to me#but on the other hand they were having a rough time and maybe I should've said something anyways#and now its been hours and I'm still stewing on it shdkfkg so like I wanna say something still but now its awkward hfjfkgkh#man... I'm just gonna keep working UAHDKFKG#aiya.. I've been thinking about it before and moreso recently but I really don't make a good friend do I ?#sometimes I wonder if I'm capable of deeper emotion beyond myself cause moments like these make me think about how I always retreat#instead of pushing forward yknow like its awkward and weird but better going than pussyfootin around but ah I feel too awkward#so I just don't so like.. isn't that just me saying to myself I don't really care for my friend ? like even if its awkward for me wouldn't#it be better anyways? I've always been bad with comfort I've lived a very sheltered life so I lack a lot of experience and in a way empathy#so I've always been more on the cowardly and selfish side of things for sure... for a friend one should do better right but I can't seem to#be capable of doing more I just loiter jrjrjt how much is it base personality and how much is just lack of any real experience ? ehh..#well no need to think too hard or else I'll be more useless sbdjgkg at least lets work and be a bad friend than be useless AND a bad friend
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im also physically incapable of not giving my characters bangs and theres a 75% chance theyll cover their eyes bc i find that very cutesy but i fucking. when im drawing Worlds worst friend group i cant have them be like. 3 girlthangs with bangs covering their eyes and then a DOG (actually a demon). so i try 2 give sanctity shorter bangs but it still looks sort of samey and lu and avarice have similar hair textures so them both having bangs in general it gets too samey. so ive started giving avarice a middle part bc also i like seeing her eyes BUT i also drew her eith long bangs 4 so long the middle part feels fake. so
#and the dog idek what kind of dawg he is. he isnt even rly a dog and he doesnt have a name#but idk hes either like a german shepherd or EL WAWA 📣📣📣📣📣📣📣#EL WAWA SWEEP!!!#i am trying not 2 make him el wawa bc i think demon chihuahua is like overdone. it isnt i cant name one#but eith all the stuff abt how eeeeevil small dogs r. i think itd be cool to have demon dog guy be like. idk. a labrador or something#+ that would fit with sanctity since shes all like. well you know..#sanctitys whole thing is being like. perfect und everything. even tho she actually ISNT and she just has her whole demon thang#where shes like yes hehe. This is my dad we are suchh a happy family ^-^ <- killed her dad and her 'dad' is literally the demon cosplaying#shes so funny to me. esp in contrast to avarice who literally accidentally made a demon deal. and doesnt even know abt it#i keep playing around eith their like first meeting where sanctitys like o_o umm theres only room for ONE demon contract holder at#this school 😡 and avarice is like. what on earth are you talking about#i think theyre aeeesome im glad i decided to make them like. well not rly friends. avarice is very like performatively edgy#so shes like tch.. popular girl 🙄 idc what u think... whatever... tch... but shes also more genuine than sanctity is. she contains#multitudes...#and sanctitys whole thang is like. well she literally killed her dad to deal with a demon. to be a popular girl#so yk.. whatever#i also whenever i talk abt them make thangs up on the spot bc im bad st thinking. so i jusr rotate them rly hard
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i really need someone to talk to about this project. its clear from my tags but i have NO ONE to talk to about this HSHSHS💀💀
anyway I OWE YOU MY LIFE HOLY SHIT😭
I've been wanting to do this post for a while now so here is EVERYTHING I CAN TELL YOU ABOUT THE GHOULS' IMPERA COSTUMES.
Buckle up because I have a LOT to say about those, this is gonna be a very long one.
The costumes were designed by B Åkerlund, a Swedish costume designer who's worked with Ghost since at least Meliora (that's as far back as I was willing to scroll on her Instagram page lol). B Åkerlund has also worked for many other musical artists such as Lady Gaga, Beyoncé, Madonna, the Rolling Stones, Ozzy Osborne, Blink 182 and Hollywood Undead (information from her own website)
The masks were made by Bob Basset, a visual artists who works a lot with leather. I find his work fascinating, you can look him up on Instagram (nsfw warning, there's a few naked ladies).
Fun fact! The horns are real cow horns. That's the reason some of them have gold tips, to hide the imperfections that come with working with actual horns.
He does have a shop where he sells his items, there's a mask there very similar to the Impera ones. You can also buy Papa's batwings if you happen to have 2500$ lying around!
The jackets are made on the same model as one of Papa's. The back is decorated with a spine-like design made from leather and cording. It's adorned with a few of our classic Impera buttons. Some of the hems were left raw and some deliberate weathering was done to make it look old and worn.
Fun fact! The shoulder pieces are not sewn into the garment, I would assume for easier cleaning. I don't know if they're held by strong magnets or snap buttons.
The vest (my beloved 😩) is made from flocked velvet in a paisley pattern, the front hems embellished with satin piping. It closes in the front with custom metal clasps that are riveted into the garment. The D parts are attached with what seems to me like wide elastic, which would lessen the pression on the clasps when moving around a lot. The back is made from two different types of fabric, I'd have to touch it to be able to tell you what they are. I assume the panels closer to the sides have some mild stretch to them. The top of the shoulders are decorated with Impera grucifix patches.
The shirts were not custom made for the ghouls, altho they were altered. The original shirt in the vintage painter linen shirt from Punk Rave and it is still being sold. Some of the cuffs were altered, removing the ruffles for some of the ghouls, but not all. They were removed for Dew, Mountain and Phantom, Aether's didn't have them either. As far as I can tell, all the ghoulettes still have them.
An unfinished piece of linen serves as an ascot, that piece is decorated with a metal devil skull. The colour of the skull doesn't appear to be consistent between each ghoul, Dew's looks gold almost bronze while Phantom's is a silver-like colour.
Another modification is the buttons, a small portion of them were removed in favor of our Impera buttons. Some of the ghouls have more buttons replaced than others, which is still a mystery to me.
The pants are called Jodhpurs, they were invented in the 1800s as horse riding pants. The wide part at the hips and thighs allowing for better movement. The ones the ghouls wear don't reach all the way to their ankles, they stop a bit past the calf muscle, hidden by the boots. (Yes, the ghouls are effectively wearing capri pants)
The boots are motorcycle riding boots, decorated by a grucifix. Like the shirt, they can still be bought online through the All American Boots website, altho the price tag is... Headache inducing to say the least.
The cape is a piece of costume that was only briefly worn on stage by the ghouls, Aurora being the only one who still wears one. I would assume it gets in the way of playing very easily. The cape itself is made of two fabrics, a light blue satin and a dark grey suede. The two pieces are not sewn together at the bottom, they move freely from each other. The cape is attached on the left shoulder with a harness piece that has one strap across the chest, decorated with a metal buckle, and one under the armpit.
Aight that's it for me, have a nice day byyyyye!!
#the band ghost#ghost bc#nameless ghoul#nameless ghouls#swiss ghoul#phantom ghoul#swiss ghost#dewdrop ghost#rain ghost#mountain ghoul#HOLY FUCK HOLY FUCK#BIG TIME AUTISM MOMENT YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW HELPFUL THIS WAS#IVE BEEN STRUGGLING WITH THE BOOTS SPECIFICALLY AND NOW I ATLEAST HAVE A BASLINE OF WHAT TO LOOK FOR/MODIFICATIONS TO MAKE‼️‼️‼️#I AM LITERALLY TRYING NOT TO SCREAM RIGHT NOW CUZ IT’S NEARLY FOUR IN THE MORNING#BUT I AM SO SO SO EXCITED OVER THIS INFORMATION HOLY FUCK#genderlessghoul i am KISSING YOU on your LITTLE FACE RIGHT NOW#i am forever grateful to you my friend🙏🏽#im a cheap motherfucker so i am going to be checking ALL my local spots for anything i can possibly find to match the boots#i have a vest i might be able to get away with using as a base if i modify it#but to be honest idk if i’d rather just make it from scratch? if i use the one i have#there’s an equal if not greater amount of work i’ll need to do just to prep for the other fabrics#and personally i’m about what’s easier and more accurate.#FUCK someone please talk to me about my plans for this stupid cosplay im gonna cry
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#i hate I hate I hate how deeply I feel things sometimes#not every little sad little thing needs to feel like a hole through my ribcage#I’m just so sick of feeling undesirable#jobs don’t want me#no one wants to commission me#nobody wants to try to start a new friendship with me#I feel like I can never say the right things#I get too excited and I talk too much and I say something that’s not Bad by any means but just a little bit odd#and it chases people away#I feel like every conversation I have is a series of blunders#I feel like someone doing a very poor cosplay of a human being#like the whole job search thing is so frustrating#but right now it’s especially just that I can’t make friends anymore#I’m just really lonely#I love love love my d&d group but they can’t hang out 24/7 and I get jealous of them having other friends#(not in a ‘hey you can only hang out with me’ way but in a ‘I wish I had other people too’ way#but I try to make friends with coworkers and they just kind of blow me off during conversations and seem very uninterested#that girl on YikYak bothered me more than I wanted to acknowledge and admit#idk I just got excited at the prospect of making a friend only to realize she decided I wasn’t someone she wanted to be friends with#I’m too scared to talk to anyone in classes and they’re all busy anyway#like even when I try to make friends through things like the D&D club people seem to brush me off#I know I can be A Lot#I’m clingy and talkative and have no filter and I’m horrible with social cues#I’m an acquired taste I guess#I just wish people irl cared enough to acquire it#and to be clear I don’t think any of y’all will really see this but if you do none of this is about you#I love you guys so much and you make me feel so loved and so welcome and so comfortable#I just wish I had that irl#I’m sick of being lonely
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