#idk how many tags i can put before tumblr decides not to put this in tags lol

[creylune]

Added P4 stamp washi tape and P3P planner stickers to my store!! You can get them here 💌

[chwedout]

chwedout has finally reached 1k followers! thank you to everyone who decided to press the follow button, from those who followed me way back in the spiderstingle days to those who only followed me recently, i really appreciate it! to celebrate this milestone, i've decided to do a few things.

first of all, i've finally started a tracking tag — #chwedoutbox. you can find more about it in this post. i can't wait for you all to use it so i can see and share all the cool things you create.

secondly, i've decided to open up my ask box to requests! all you need to do is choose one of the following prompts and send a request through my ask box.

seventeen member + music video (e.g. vernon in rock with you)

seventeen member + going seventeen episode (e.g. mingyu in svt's kitchen for two)

this or that (e.g. left & right era wonwoo or 24h era wonwoo/ long haired jeonghan or short haired jeonghan)

there's no limit to how many requests you can send, go wild if you want to. i just ask that you be patient with me as sometimes i do like to go outside to breathe in fresh air and touch some grass. sending requests on anon is okay too! however, i won't be able to tag you when i do eventually post your request.

now i just want to say a massive thank you to all of my mutuals! being sappy lowkey makes me cringe but i couldn't have reached this milestone without any of you. to my og mutuals (i won't tag you dw) who were here way before i turned into a kpop blog, to my newest mutuals who i probably haven't spoken to, thank you! i hope you all know how much i appreciate you and that you all mean so much to me ♡

first of all my ride or dies- the hhu wives- sarah @vertiny, bec @storyoflight, and alex (idk if you deactivated </3) i literally would not be here without all of you. we've been through so much together and i just want to say that i love all of you so so much! let's all hope that we can one day go to that svt concert together.

j @vcrnons - my dolly in crime and my first ever caratual on tumblr! if i remember correctly, you followed me way back when i hadn't fully committed to being an svt blog yet. thank you so much for being so kind and supportive to me when i first started. i mean it when i say i don't think i'd be here if we didn't become mutuals since your work always inspired me to start creating myself.

ophelia @lee-sanghyeok - another one of my fave vernon stans! thank you for always being a joy to see on the dash! you're so incredibly sweet and i know i can always count on you to send me vernon content when i ask for it.

kashi @jeonsupershy - one of my fave wonwoo stans fr! seeing all of your wonwoo gifs always puts a smile on my face. every time he does something i just know that i'm going to be reblogging one of your stunning gifs later in the day. thank you for always being such an awesome presence on the dash. i'm so grateful to be mutuals with you!

max @scouped - you are so incredibly talented and i really hope you know that! i'm always in awe whenever i see one of your creations on my dash. you definitely inspire me to push the boundaries of my creativity when it comes to making content. i do miss your presence on tumblr but i'm always happy when i see you on the dash from time to time.

tiff @uservernon - my beloved dolly moot! thank you for always being so sweet. you always bring such a fun and bright presence to caratblr and i love seeing you on the dash or in my notifs especially when you're screaming about vernon. the url is still a powermove in my opinion!

maddie @jeonwon-wonwoo - you are genuinely one of the kindest and friendliest people i've met on tumblr. i've had so much fun talking to you about the most random things. i'll never forget our chats about the walking dead and teen wolf. i hope you're doing well!

yena @fairyhaos - my fave joshua stan! i hope you know that every time i see the couch shua pic i think of you lmao. i always love seeing you lose your mind over shua and you never fail to make me laugh with all the tags you leave on posts. thank you for bringing such a positive energy to caratblr! i'm so glad to have you as a mutual.

zaynab @galatariel - another one of my insanely talented mutuals! your gifs are always so gorgeous and always inspire me to go out of my comfort zone and create something new. i always enjoy seeing you make content for the things you love. thank you for being so kind and helpful.

nuri @jjunhui - again, another mutual who is extremely talented! everything you make is just stunning and your svt as text posts gifsets never fail to make me laugh. thank you for being so supportive and kind. i am so grateful to have you as a mutual.

nana @kyeomies - so glad to see that you're back! i've always enjoyed seeing your pretty gifs on my dash and can't wait to see more of your content. i hope you're doing well!

yo @redrcbin - literally one of my most beloved mutuals! i'm still not 100% sure when we became mutuals but i think it's pretty funny if it was because of the c-word game. i always love seeing you on the dash and in my notifs, especially when i see you losing your mind over wonwoo or mingyu. i'm so happy i get to call you a friend.

and to all the mutuals that i haven't talked to or interacted with that much - @jeongtokkie, @kimsmingyu, @wonboos, @leedonghun, and @soonhoonsol - thank you so much for being awesome! i really hope we do get to talk more in the future.

now i'm going to kick myself because tumblr won't let me tag anymore people and i'm pretty sure i've missed out on so many beloved mutuals of mine. i'm extremely sorry if i did, but please know that i appreciate every single one of you so much!

[worldsfromhoney]

Greetings, plebeians

This is your resident unknown and attention-depraved author/writer, BEE/bee/beE/🐝

Here’s some stuff about moi:

I like… tea. YES I LIKE TEA 🍵🍵🍵 it’s quite honestly the greatest invention of all time

I also like reading. That’s kinda like a hobby that all writers are mandated to say. Which is reasonable.

I’m a fan of miniatures and piano. Yeah, I did try them out. Yeah, I did fail spectacularly, thank you! ☺️

I also like painting but the therapy one and not just a blank canvas that sucks the soul out of artists lol

What do I write?

I write… stuff. BEAUTIFUL, HEARTBREAKING STUFF, mind you. But it’s still stuff, so lemme elaborate.

Speculative fiction - if you idk this, it’s really just a mix of fantasy and sci-fi; the ‘what if’ genre

Urban fantasy - don’t get me wrong, I love high fantasy, but urban is waaay easier to worldbuild

Steampunk & other punks - PUUUUNK 🤘🤘🤘

Horror and thriller - mostly psychological and body horror, don’t worry! I don’t do jump scares or anything ☺️

Slice of life - mwah my heart and soul mwah

Others - yes, I am capable of doing other genres 😤 I’m a multi-faceted bee, you know?

DISCLAIMER: what I write might only reflect upon my psyche and state of mind but that is not a guarantee

My WiPs

I am proud to say that… I DO NOT HAVE ANY!!

*gasp* what ever do you mean bee? Are you quitting writing? *sobs*

No, my darlings.

i just have no big projects to boast about right now. I feel like big projects aint my thing at the moment and pushing myself only led me to disappear from the internet for a month 😞

What i do have are short works i randomly choose to write and post here on tumblr !!

✨ FICLET MASTERLIST IS HERE ✨

🐝 POETRY MASTERLIST IS HERE TOO 🐝

If you’re interested, please comment on this post or reblog or DM me if you want to be put in the taglist!!

Does that mean you accept… requests?

…………yes. Yes i do. Go and flood my askbox you plebs !

Am I anywhere else?

Please. It’s 2023. Of course I’m… everywhere *cue evil laugh*

Bluesky - if you haven’t heard it yet, tis the new Twitter… cuz it’s literally made by the old creators of that glorious blue bird *cue a moment of silence*

Tiktok or Twitter - do not look for me here

Tumblr - EYYYYYYYYYYY i post ALL my stuff here !! They’re really just bait to hook some writer friends 🥹

Ko-Fi - ehem ehem i know first drafts are considered shite but BUT i have decided to make them available for perusal yes you can burn your eyes to anyone who buys me a cup of tea ~

Patreon - i finally have one!! I’m still setting it up tho and prepping all the content 💛💛💛

I’ll be doing a patreon soon enough actually so look out for that

How I organise myself

Well i wish this is applicable to actual life because i’d very much like to know how 🫡

Jk, here be the tags:

#bee writes some stuff - my micros, my flash fics, my text posts

#bee plays some games - tag games !! which i have never played before till now !!

#bee does some prompts - this will definitely see the light of day… someday

#bee stalking some writers - what it says on the tin

#bee answers some asks - omg i only added this because someone actually sent me one *faints*

#bee saves some stuff - there are way too many resource posts that i’ve scrolled past cuz idk how to tag

[unknownpisces002]

Bleed me dry, Make me blue

" She was born in limbo, with the, need to be as simple. As her, makers and the made up things she dreamed."

Shuri Udaku x Reader.

Summary

Fairly different from your peers around you? You're labeled as an outcast. For being far too incompetent to complete certain task and request from your leader, K'uk'ulkan.

As well as from your sister, Namora. Who doesn't make it easy, or let you go without knowing that you'll never be as dexterous, predominant, or treasured as she is.

Which you learned how to accept and live with after while. Because being reminded that you're nothing but a powerless individual everyday, who'll never be anything more except the useless being that you are? Tends to brainwash you and cause you to start believing that those assumptions might be true. Until you find yourself being intrigued by a prisoner, that is. And one of royalty from the surface world, who's encounter will leave you questioning everything you believe in–as well as yourself.

Word count: 6.7K

Themes: friends to lovers to enemies, and then lovers again, angst, eventual sexual content later in the series, slight violence, verbal abuse, reader just wants to be accepted and seen for who she is, forbidden romance i guess you could say?, reader is Talokanil, but we can pretend that she's black, because i wasn't 100% sure if they had any black Talokanil people during the movie?, eventual fluff, and etc.

Tag list: @inmyheadimobsessed @vixentheplanet @shurismainbxtch @pinkwright ( this is my first story ever on tumblr so as we grow together and embark on shuri and the readers journey? just let me know if you'd like to be tagged, and i'll be glad to put more names here in the future ❤️ )

Divider by: @firefly-graphics

Author's note

hi, i'm niy! and i'm a new writer who's decided to branch out from wattpad even though i love writing on there? to tap into something new and write about what i've been interested in lately? which is shuri/letitia. this story will be a series with idk how many parts yet? but i've been putting some thought into this for a while before actually typing anything out? so most likely? there will be a decent amount of parts lol. i don't really know if i have anything more to say, except that i hope you all enjoy part one, and if so? please feel free to follow me and things of that nature. as we proceed to experience this journey of shuri and our kind hearted reader together. 🥹

inspiration for this story period, came from jhenè aiko's souled out deluxe album. which you all probably would've noticed had i not said anything? because majority of the upcoming chapters? will feature a song from there and possibly her other albums she has. but this song specifically? really helped me piece everything together and it got my inspiration and ideas flowing.

but now with further ado? let's get onto the story!

There was an uproar occurring within the city of Talokan, as you paced around nervously in a circle, with knitted eyebrows and an accelerated heartbeat. Outside the front of Namor's cave, where you were being watched like a hawk by the guards who blocked the entrance. As you awaited for him to send some kind of message or bless you with his presence himself.

After Namora had showed up into your quarters unannounced, looking highly displeased and angry, like she always does. Whenever she's forced to take time away from her second in command duties? To be a sister to you–which she hates. And you know that she hates it.

Because she reminds you of it every single time, when the two of you are alone. And far away from other ears to hear, like they've done in the past. Which you were honest to God? Quite a bit thankful for. Knowing that she finally decided to belittle and tear down your demeanor in private? Rather than carelessly doing it around others, and ruining your chances at forming normal friendships or acquaintances with other Talokanil people, who were close around your age.

" Y/N?" Your breathing stilled along with your heart, at the sound of your name rolling off Namor's tongue. " K'uk'uklan." You kneeled before him, holding out both your hands in front of you, as you paid him your respects.

" Ba'ax ts'o'ok in meentik ba'al k'aas?" Rising to your feet slowly after he returned the hand gesture, you tried to steady out your ragged breathing. Seeing that your question had gone unanswered, and that Namor's eyes were boring into yours, with a glint of what looked like disappointment in them?

Translation: Have I done something wrong?

" In ch'ujuk ch'ùupalo' yéetel talamilo' ob?" Namor's eyebrow raised slightly, as he tilted his head to the side. Continuing to stare at you intently, as if he could see straight through you. " Are you unhappy here?"

Translation: My sweet troubled child.

" Because if you are unhappy, and not completely satisfied with the way that things are here? You know there are ways, for me to put you out of your misery and discomfort, Indefinidamente."

Translation: Indefinitely.

A tremor of fear rushed throughout your entire body, once the realization of him threatening to kill you? Had settled inside of your crowded up brain, that was full of thoughts and many different scenarios. As you found yourself trying to imagine what he would do to you, and how he would do it? If you were to continue being the failure that Namora had cursed you to be.

" I am not unhappy, K'uk'ulkan." You responded to his question with a shaky tone, after standing and being silent for what felt like forever.

" Bey u, much sa'asik in." Translation: So please forgive me.

" Much sa'asik in tumen decepcionar, in Ajaw." It didn't take long for the warm feel of tears to come rolling down your face. As you fought to maintain eye contact with Namor, despite it being very intense. As he circled around your small body, as if he was a lion stalking his prey, preparing to pounce.

Translation: Please forgive me for disappointing you, my king.

" Shh, shh, it's alright." His hands came in contact with your skin, as he cradled the bottom part of your chin. Using the pads of his thumbs to dry your face free of the tears. That kept spewing down your face uncontrollably-nonstop, like a waterfall. Or a dam that had been broken and left unfixed.

But at a time like this? You couldn't keep your emotions in tact and prevent your evident occurring sadness from showing, like you'd normally do? Whenever you'd failed at completing a special task that Namor requested. After he'd given you a warning not to screw up or disappoint him. 

Which for some odd reason you blamed the God's and Namora for? Seeing that whenever you attempted to try and redeem yourself for all the fuck ups and mistakes you'd make, while trying to be as great and respected as your dear loving and kind big sister? That you always ended up failing.

And digging yourself into an even bigger hole, that not even Namora couldn't save you from, after you had messed up and displeased the king. " Y/N?" Namor called out to you once more. Allowing you to be snapped out of the small trance you were in, as you continued to weep in front of him softly. Hoping that he'd forgive you for what felt like the hundred millionth time.

And spare your life, instead of putting you out of your misery. Despite your small disliking for your home and some of the people who lived here. Who'd make existing and trying to find your place and what was meant for you? So much harder than it already was. When you had an unsupportive and callous older sister. Who already did that regularly, as if she got some sort of satisfaction, out of making you feel like you were nothing more than an ungifted and worthless individual.

That would never amount to anything or ever be anything. Except for the person that you were right now. Which hurt a lot at times, if you were being completely honest? But over time you grew accustomed and numb to her vile words, and derogatory attitude that she'd show towards you.

And despite how deeply it made you want to put yourself out of your own misery, with the way that her and others had treated you? You refused to let her or anyone else who'd defied and depreciated you in the past, and even still now in the present? Push you to the point of no return.

" Y/N, I need you to take the initiative that I know you have? And that I've distilled inside of you? To be more like Namora. And try harder, way more harder than you do now? So you can be prepared and take charge, like everyone else. So when I call out to you in a time of need or if we're at war?"

" That you'll be ready to stand beside me, Attuma and your sister. And assist us in fighting for our people."

Hearing the word try come out of Namor's mouth, caused your tears to come to an abrupt stop. As you struggled to mask away your apparent frustration and anger, that was slowly beginning to settle over your features. Try, you thought to yourself.

He wants you to try, and be more like Namora? When you've given and lost almost all sense, as well as your peace of mind, trying to force yourself to be a person that the universe and God's above? Clearly didn't want you to be. Seeing that whenever you did attempt to follow up with Namor's commands, as a way to try and regain his trust and respect? That you failed.

Every single time.

No matter how hard you pushed yourself, to be more like your sister or Attuma? 

You've always failed nevertheless. But with a forced smile and eyes full of determination? You nodded and told him you would. Which made him release the hold he had on your face, and smile back at you warmly.

After detaching his lips from the top of your forehead. " In wa'alike' u meent nukuch ba'alo'ob, waal mía." He stepped away from you, inching back near the entrance of his cave.

Translation: I believe you will do great things, my child.

" Kux betpajal ichil le ba'ax yaan Máax ku ya'alik yóok'ol a Buka'aj u ba'al tu beel nojoch? Chúuns tu intentndo yéetel Ma'atech a desanimes, tuméen kolnáalen le k'áate' u páajtal juzgar máak waye'."

Translation: And despite what anyone says about your capability of being great? Keep trying and never get discouraged, for I am the only being allowed to judge anyone here."

" Yes, K'uk'ulkan." Kneeling a second time, you repeated the hand gesture from earlier. Bowing your head down slightly before him, as he did the same. Before disappearing back into the entrance of his cave, where he probably was finishing up a wall mural or painting a new one, as he normally would.

But as quickly as the assumption came? It had faltered away much faster. When the special guest, who you're assuming was the one of royalty, from the surface world. That had the entire Talokan city, as well as the people murmuring and gossiping about? Came walking out of the entrance way of the cave, shortly after Namor had entered back inside of it.

As she was followed behind closely by the guards, who shot you a look of distaste, that clearly meant get lost. And not to watch where they were going, which of course? You ignored and instead went with your instincts, that always led you to get into trouble at times.

But how could you not? After being blessed by the sight of an actual being from the surface. Who was cloaked and wearing a white gown, which you recognized from seeing earlier. When Namora had came into your quarters, and stated that Namor had wanted to see you. After you failed to complete your mission he'd sent you out on.

When a U.S ship had came and tried to steal away vibranium, that was detected outside of the Talokan city walls. And had it not been for Namora coming to save you in time, after a bullet had wounded your side? While you were attempting to fight off one of the U.S agents, who had caught you off guard and snuck up behind you? When you were attempting to fight off another one?

Then maybe you wouldn't have been alive. And of course? Namora wasn't going to let you live without knowing that she'd been the one to save your life. But her doing that and holding it over your head? Was already something you expected she'd do. And despite how annoying it was that she felt the need to bring it up, whenever the two of you talked since the situation occurred?

Apart of you felt grateful to her nonetheless, that she had saved your life. Instead of leaving you to die, like you assumed she would? With how mean and unloving she always acts towards you.

The walk down the hall of the cave was quiet and a bit nerve wracking. As you crept slowly and stealthily, trying your hardest not to look too suspicious if you were caught. Or seen by anyone who'd realize you were somewhere you weren't supposed to be during the moment.

As you approached one of the cells, that had a guard on the outside. Who held onto a staff tightly, as she stood up straight. With her shoulders upright, facing her head forward. In the direction of the entrance, which had allowed you to catch a quick glimpse of the well familiar slightly curled hair, from the female you had seen earlier.

Along with the shaved sides she had, as well as the white gown that was embroidered with teal colored beads. That Namor had made specifically for her, as you watched her from the shadows in awe, from where you were currently standing, with your body slightly crouched as a way to hide yourself from being seen.

Which let you know right away that you were in the correct place.

Seeing how many guards were on patrol. And standing on the outside and inside, which also confirmed that she must've been from a line of great royalty. With how closely her and the other individual, who she was standing beside. And having what looked like an intense or secretive discussion? Were being watched.

" Ba'ax juntéen! Ba'ax ka beetik husmeando ti' le nu'ukulil le áaktuno'? Xeen tu xíik, Wa informaré k'uj. uk' ulkan." One of the guards who stood outside the entrance shouted at you, with her hand pointed in your direction.

Translation: Hey! What are you doing snooping around this part of the cave? Leave at once, or I'll report to K'uk'ulkan.

" I-i was sent down here by my sister, Namora." You spit out quickly, with your hands raised in the air in surrender.

" Yaanten permiso utia'al u yaantal waye'." Taking small steps forward you inched closer towards the guard.

Keeping your eyes locked on hers, as a way to show that you were being honest. Despite the fact that in actuality? You weren't. But of course she'd never know that. And you prayed to the God's up above? That she'd never find out either, once she stepped aside and granted you full access to enter inside of the cell.

Translation: I have permission to be here.

That honestly in your opinion? Wasn't really like one. Nor did it give off an imprisonment vibe, with how the other guards that were located inside? Were offering fruit to both the Princess and the smaller female beside her. While being kind and doing small gestures that you would have never expected them to do, being that they were supposed to be prisoners after all.

But due to the Princess's status of royalty? You assumed that Namor had ordered the guards to treat them both with kindness. And not to bring any harm unto either one of them. Which still felt quite odd and unusual? Especially for him to do? With all the rumors you'd heard about the person standing to the left of the Princess.

Who'd apparently created the machine, that had detected the vibranium, that was located outside the Talokan city walls. " Oh shit, behind you!" The smaller girl shouted frantically.

Alerting the Princess of your presence, as you approached the both of them slowly. With wide eyes full of curiosity and astonishment. And a bit of amusement, as well? At the sight of how afraid the girl who shouted had looked, once you made your way directly in front of both of them.

With a blank expression settled over your features, and crossed arms. That soon unfolded and went down by your sides. As you extended out your right arm, with your hand held out.

" Hi." You said slowly, gazing upwards at the Princess. " I'm, Y/N."

" And you must be the scientist, who created the machine that detected our vibranium?" You turned your head in her direction next, feeling a small smile tug at the corners of your lips. At the sight of how much more afraid she looked now? Than she did just a moment ago. When you were beginning to approach them, after entering inside the cell.

" I made that machine for class man, and I had no idea that the U.S were going to use it to detect vibranium." She held her hands up in surrender, stepping behind the Princess shortly after making that statement.

" I-it was just a class project–"

" And I didn't mean to upset anybody." Continuing to blabber on about her innocence and not knowing that the machine she built, was to detect vibranium? You found yourself letting out a light chuckle at how frantic she'd gotten.

Before extending your hand out to the both of them once more. " I'm not angry." You told her, speaking in a light voice.

" Namor might be angry? But I'm not angry at you."

" And I'm sorry that you're in this situation. Because it's fairly obvious that you're innocent and knew nothing about the machine, being used by the U.S? But I'm not here to bring any harm unto either of you."

" Then why are you here?" The princess muttered out questioningly, raising her eyebrows at you in suspicion.

" To meet and greet you properly." You answered quickly, halting in your footsteps when she stepped back away from you, when she had felt that you were getting far too close.

" Meet me?" She let out a chuckle next, tilting her head towards the side.

" Yes." You nodded your head up and down, continuing to keep your eyes locked with hers.

" I've never met anyone from the surface world before, well? I have actually. But it was a U.S soldier who almost killed me. So, I guess that doesn't really count as actually meeting one and greeting them properly? Like how I'm trying to greet the two of you."

" But if my presence is making the two of you uncomfortable? I can leave." Turning on your heels, you let out a deep sigh. Feeling foolish all of a sudden for coming down here, and thinking that the two of them would be delighted to see you?

When you were nothing but a stranger, who lived in a place that neither of them would be able to survive in. With a completely different appearance than they had as well, but even still? You had hoped that they'd be a bit more welcoming.

Seeing how they weren't so uptight, with the guards who were currently still inside, before you approached them. " No..wait." You paused immediately upon hearing that, with your backside still facing the two of them.

" I am, Princess Shuri. Of Wakanda." She spoke aloud. " Daughter of Queen Ramonda, and King T'Chaka."

" It's a pleasure to meet you, your highness." You turned back around facing her, proceeding to bow and greet her properly, like you were taught to do by Namor. When being in front of the presence of royalty.

" And it's also a pleasure to meet you too." You glanced over at the scientist next, hoping that she'd tell you her name. And quit being so afraid as if you'd hurt her? When in reality? All that you wanted to do was get to know them.

And possibly learn more about their life on the surface world? Before Namor decided to do whatever it was that he'd do with them. " I'm, Riri." She finally revealed her name, after a long awkward moment of silence.

" Riri Williams."

" Nice to meet you, Miss.Williams." Another smile settled over your face, as you clasped your hands together nervously, and averted your focus back towards the Princess. Who was already eyeing you intently, as if she was in deep thought about something.

" So.." You trailed off, taking a seat against the floor. " What's Wakanda like?"

" Because I've heard Namor mention, that the air there? Is pristine. And how the water is nothing compared to the water, here in our ocean."

" It's beautiful." The princess spoke quietly, smiling a bit to herself. At the thought of her homeland and the people who lived there. " Beautiful and peaceful."

" But your home here in Talokan? Is quite beautiful too." Her gaze returned to your face, when a small, cheerful laugh–had erupted from the back part of your throat. Which puzzled her and Riri for a moment? As they wondered what is was, that you found so funny.

When Talokan, was just as beautiful and full of joyful individuals? Like Wakanda.

" Have I said something that's amused you?" Shuri questioned, with confusion settled across her features. " No, and yes." You answered, taking this time to pick with the bottom part of your mouth mask, that had covered up your mouth and nose.

With water being on the inside, that allowed you to breathe properly. 

" You don't think that Talokan is beautiful?" There was a hint of amusement and disbelief in Shuri's tone. As she watched you closely, looking as if she were trying to read you. And figure out why you had given the response you did.

" I do." You nodded. " But some of the people here? Aren't quite as joyous and kind as you think." Mumbling the last part of your words so lowly, that both the Princess and scientists had glanced at one another afterwards. As a way to see if either of them had heard what you said.

Made you laugh for what felt like the thousandth time, as you rose to your feet again slowly. And smiled cheekily at the both of them, before repeating yourself. Once you saw how stressed they both had looked, while trying to decipher what you had muttered out moments ago.

" I love being from Talokan, and living underwater. With the fish and whales, and all other beings that exists here. But..sometimes? It gets a bit overwhelming. Trying to exist inside a place, where you'll never be able to fit in or be accepted? Regardless of how much you try to make other's, see you as an equal."

Opening up about your troubles to strangers? Had never been something you'd think you'd ever do. With how much other Talokanil people your age? Had judged you off the mistakes you've made. While trying to be as great as Namora, who never had to try too hard, to be respected or treated fairly.

Unlike you, on the other hand? Who went through hell and back, just to have someone smile at you. Or acknowledge your existence, on the days that you walked alongside of your sister, with eyes full of hope and admiration? That you could be as gifted as she was some day.

And be the one that Namor called out to, for help and to be a listening ear. But of course? You knew that those dreams of being as great as Namora, Attuma, or any other guard here? Would never be an actual reality.

Because you were ungifted. And far too incompetent, to be as great as any of them were.

" I know how that feels." Riri glanced up at you, with eyes full of sincerity. " To want to be accepted and fit in with others? To the point that you work yourself to death and jump over mountains, just to please them? When all they'll do is reject you and laugh in the end."

" But you wanna know what helped me get through that?"

" Yes, please." You nodded eagerly, with eyes full of desperation.

" I said fuck them, and chose to do what it was that I wanted. Because I realized that being like others? Was lame as hell and unoriginal. When I could just be in my own lane. While doing something that made me genuinely happy? Instead of forcing myself to be someone? I knew that I wasn't."

Her words of advice were kind, as she flashed you a warm smile. Before placing her hand atop your shoulder hesitantly. Causing fresh tears to rush to the brim of your eyelids. As you threw your arms around her tightly. Which had caught both her and the Princess completely off guard.

But she returned the gesture despite that, making your heart pump with happiness. For what felt like the first time in forever. Being that for once in such a long time? You had been seen and understood for who you were, without having to do anything to show them that you were worthy of receiving their kindness and respect.

" Thank you." You sniffled, stepping back from the hug after a while. With your hands wiping away at the tears, that were falling continuously down your cheeks. 

" So, so much."

" No problem." She patted your shoulder once more, offering you the sleeve of the robe she wore, to clean your face. Causing you to smile and shake your head, declining. Before you shifted your focus back towards the Princess.

Feeling your stomach go into knots, when the corners of her lips curved upwards. And she smiled at you. Allowing her perfect, pearly white teeth to be seen. And the sharpness of her jaw to pop out, and catch your attention. Sending you shying away from her gaze and inching near the exit of the cave, so you could leave.

And be gone, before Namora or even worse? Namor showed up unexpectedly.

" It was a pleasure meeting the two of you." Turning around a final time, to face them and wave goodbye. You couldn't help but avert your gaze back to Shuri. Who had already been watching you as you were proceeding to leave.

With an unreadable look in her eyes, that had left you wondering what she might've been thinking about? But you figured that there was a possibility she could be homesick? Since she had been taken and brought into a place, full of people and things, that she wasn't so familiar with.

" Same to you, entle." Shuri was the first to speak back, a surge of confidence and amusement filling her body. As she watched your brows knit together in confusion, while you tried to figure out what it was, that she had said to you meant.

Translation: Beautiful.

" And perhaps maybe one day, if you're allowed and granted access to leave? Then you can come to Wakanda and visit. So I can show you just how beautiful and pristine, the air is there."

Nodding on that note, you said a quick 'yes', with a voice full of excitement. Hoping and praying to the God's, that Namor would allow you to visit her? And experience being in another place, that was far more different and clearly advanced than here? Seeing how the black beads on the bracelet, that was wrapped around the Princess's wrist? Began to glow a light blue color.

Which you're assuming she hadn't noticed? With how closely she was eyeing you while smiling uncontrollably, with a smile so infectious and warm? That you found yourself returning the expression. And soon your cheeks began to grow sore, with how widely you had spread your lips, to mirror her exact grin.

" The two of you, might as well go ahead and fuck each other. Instead of doing the shit with your eyes." Riri let out an exasperated sigh, plopping down to take a seat against the cot that was behind her.

Fuck? You thought to yourself with a frown. Growing confused at what the smaller girl had meant. As you wondered why the Princess had began shooting her a glare, with a face full of what looked like embarrassment?

" Please excuse Miss.Williams, vulgar language." Shuri turned back around to face you, speaking in an apologetic tone. " She has a tendency of being very..blunt? And talking without thinking about what comes out of her mouth."

" If I'm being honest? I have no idea what she said even means, but I have to get going now. And I hope to see the two of you again soon? If Namor grants me access to leave, that is. Oh, and Riri?"

Your eyes glanced over your shoulder, watching as she sat up from her slouched position and raised an eyebrow questioningly. " I hope Namor forgives you, and allows you to go home."

" I hope he allows the both of you, to be reunited with your families. Because the two of you are far too kind, to be held here? When neither of you have done anything wrong."

And with that, you walked away. After waving goodbye a final time. Feeling much more lighter and happy? After being in their presence and experiencing their kindhearted energy. Which was something you were going to miss, very much.

Had Namor decided to get rid of them, like he'd been telling Namora he would do? If the Princess hadn't complied with whatever wishes he had. For Riri, the scientist.

You're awoken out of your slumber, by a rough hand being pushed against your shoulder. Which causes your body to shoot up, and your eyes to open on automatic. As you rubbed your hands against them lightly, trying to get used to the bright lighting that was now on in your quarters. Causing you to squint slightly, and rise your body upwards from it's curled position.

When you made out Namora and Namor's faces, being not too far away from your bed. As looks of anger and dissatisfaction? Were evident in their intense gaze upon you.

" Jump'éel guardia kíinsa'abij le áak'aba' tuméen juntúul intruso." Namora approached the side of your bed, urging you to stand. Without caring about how rough she was handling you. As you struggled to catch your balance, after she'd shoved you onto your knees. Allowing you to be directly in front of Namor.

Translation: A guard was killed this evening by an intruder.

Who had stooped down to meet your level, as he cupped your chin tightly. And gave it a light squeeze, making you squeeze your eyes shut in fear of what he'd do to you? After he opened his mouth and spoke the next words.

" Ba'ax seguramente k'a'abéet a yaantal jump'éel extraña inclinación? Ka lela' p'u'ujul, in waal."

 Translation: You surely must have a strange penchant? When it comes to upsetting me, my child."

" And before you deny being anywhere near the caves where the cells are, this evening? It has already been told to me? That you were there. So please, Y/N? Make this easy for all of us. And most importantly? Yourself. And tell me exactly why, you were seen conversing with the Princess and the scientist? In the first place."

Each of his words hit you like a bullet, with how harshly he was speaking. All while keeping a neutral like facial expression present, which honestly? Had to be one of the things that you feared about him the most. The way he could be threatening your life? And not look angry or frustrated.

Unlike Namora? Who allowed all of her rage she felt right now? To be showcased off. So you'd be able to know that she was pissed at you, and of course? Disappointed–as always.

" In ajawo', Sa'asik in, Béet." You pleaded, turning your head away in discomfort, when his grip on your chin had tightened.

" I was only curious and I wanted to meet them." You added.

Translation: My king, please forgive me.

" I knew nothing about the Wakandan's plan, to come and retrieve them. In ts'aiktech in jach t'aan, I knew nothing about it!"

Translation: I swear to you.

" I see." Namor finally spoke, as he released the grip he had on your chin. Which made you collapse backwards and fall against the cool floor. As you scooted away from him near your bedside. With hot tears rolling down your cheeks, and ragged, labored breathing. 

" And the air in Wakanda? Was very pristine." Pausing in his footsteps, he snapped his finger loudly. Making Namora rush towards his side, eager to comply with whatever task, he was proceeding to ask of her.

" Beetik a querida kiik utia'al sáamal." Namor's eyes peered down at you from the side, as you continued to cry uncontrollably. Cradling the bottom part of your chin, as your heart rate began to accelerate, upon hearing his words.

Translation: Prepare your loving sister for tomorrow.

The demanding request left both you and Namora, staring up at him in confusion. While he on the other hand, kept his same neutral like expression present. Pointing over at you as he eyed Namora closely, and waited for her to come to your side like he'd requested.

" Beetik u ba'ax, in Ajaw?" The confusion in Namora's voice was evident, as she approached your side slowly. Despite the fact that you could tell, she wanted nothing but to grab you up by the chin herself? And scold you for being so foolish and careless, as if you sneaking down to the caves, to talk to the prisoners? Wouldn't have been discovered.

Translation: Prepare her for what, my king?

" Y/N, mentioned her distaste for living in Talokan to the Princess." Namor announced what you had mentioned to Shuri and Riri aloud, the statement making Namora crane her neck. And snap her head down in your direction, which allowed you to almost feel how much her anger was beginning to radiate from off of her body.

" I-i never said I hated it? I-i just said th–"

" Chan tonta, Bix a atreves t'aan k'aas u k wotoch!" Namora raised her voice, as she gripped the bottom of your chin, forcing you to face her. Without caring about the fact that the gesture was starting to hurt you.

Translation: You foolish little girl, how dare you speak badly of our home!

" Teech jump'éel su'utalil!" Her shouting continued, and her choice of words had caused your chest to ache. As you widened your eyes and stilled your breathing. At the sound of a choked out sob erupting from your mouth, following light sniffing.

Translation: You are a disgrace!

" N-namora, please." Seeing your sister this angry with you? Was a sight you hadn't witnessed in a while. But just hearing her say that you were a disgrace? While looking at you as if she was ashamed to even be related to you? Had caused what little bit of hope you had of the two of you rekindling your bond? Shatter into millions of pieces, like broken glass from a mirror that had been cracked.

" Enough!" Finally speaking again, after allowing Namora to tear you apart with her words? Namor had motioned her back beside him, causing her to let go of your chin, all while adding a bit of force as she did so. Which made your head fly back and bump into the edge of your bed, leaving a throbbing sensation present on the left side of your head.

" Y/N?" 

" Y-yes, K'uk'ulkan?" You stammered out nervously, rising up to your feet with your chest puffed out. As you awaited for him to say what he wanted from you. " Come." He curved his index finger, beckoning for you to walk towards him.

And you did so slowly, with your hands clasped together tightly, as they shook and began sweating a bit? After you finally made your way in front of him, and his intense, intimidating eyes? Were now gazing down at you.

" Tomorrow? We will be going to Wakanda for revenge." He started off slowly, causing you to swallow hardly, and just nod. " And the Queen and scientist? Will be killed."

" Which will leave the Princess, with no choice but to be crowned Queen. And that will put us one step closer? To getting Wakanda to form an alliance with us, so we can go to war with the surface world."

" And I know what you're thinking, my child." A deep chuckle left his lips, as he began circling you like he'd done earlier. " You're thinking that the Princess won't comply?"

" And that she'll refuse my offer? Because the death of her sweet, loving Mother. Am I correct, Y/N?"

Shrugging your shoulders, you muttered out ' I'm not sure' incoherently. Feeling what little of a heart you had left? Break for Shuri. At the mention of Namor, admitting that he was preparing to murder her Mother on tomorrow, after they had just been reunited this evening.

" Ah, I see." His circling around you stopped abruptly, making you glance up at him with glossy eyes and raised brows. While Namora stood off towards the side, continuing to stare at you with nothing but disgust and disappointment, and if you weren't mistaken?

A look of hate.

" I can sense your pity for the Princess, Y/N. And I know that this is a lot of information to take in? And that you're probably angry with me, for preparing our soldiers to tear down the home, in which your new found friend lives? But I warned her Mother, before their people came and killed one of ours."

" So whatever pity or sadness you feel for them? Lose it!" Flinching from his tone as he shouted at you? You dropped your head in shame, struggling to keep back your sobs when he opened his mouth and spoke his last words, before proceeding to leave from out of your quarters.

" People from the surface world? Only care about themselves, Y/N. And as pure hearted as you are? I apologize in advance for what I'm about to request of you. But just know? That you refusing my command? Will leave me with no choice but to kill you."

There it was again, you thought to yourself. As you reflected on how your body had felt? When he had threatened to kill you earlier today, with no hint of remorse in his tone as he did it. And as you looked over at Namora, she didn't seem the slightest bit phased about Namor's threat to end your life either.

And that there? Had stung, and before you knew it? You were crumbling right in front of both of them. Not caring about how weak you may have looked, as you wept uncontrollably. With loud, painful, sobs escaping from out your mouth.

" Tomorrow when we go to Wakanda? You will be accompanying us. And when we get there? Your job is to find the Princess, and convince her to accept my offer to form an alliance with our people. So that Wakanda and us Talokanils, can go to war with the surface world together."

" And I'm also aware, that after I kill her Mother and the scientist? That she will not be too elated to have you in her presence. And maybe? She'll have you thrown into a cell where you'll be held as a prisoner? But despite that possibility? Your job is to convince her to join me."

" Ka wa leti' u niega?" You choked on your words, staring up at him with anger. That you weren't afraid to mask away, like you'd normally do. When he had taken it upon himself to make you feel in the exact same way, that Namora would make you feel.

Which was worthless. And like your feelings about things? Didn't matter.

Translation: And if she refuses?

" Then you sing to her, and you make her agree." He stated sternly, referring to your siren abilities, that helped you perform hypnosis. And place someone under a trance, that would beckon them to you, and allow you to be in complete control of them.

" Do I make myself clear?" Inching near the exit of your room, he paused in his footsteps. Refusing to leave, to go and alert the soldiers of their task for tomorrow. Until you spoke up and answered him.

" Yes, K'uk'ulkan." You said quietly, drying at your eyes with the palm of your hands.

" I understand."

Inching back towards your bed, when he remained silent. And continued to stand in your doorway, you shot Namora a look of hurt. Hoping that she'd feel guilty for not having your back, in the way that you tried to have hers–despite your lack to be as dexterous as she was?

But you knew that deep down? She didn't care. And that she'd rather watch you fail and be punished, than to assist you in being better at the things you weren't as good at.

" Oh, and Y/N?" Namor said your name lowly, as he was halfway out of your quarters.

" Yes, K'uk'ulkan?"

" You mentioned that you wished to be granted access to visit Wakanda? So despite your mission? I hope you take the initiative to enjoy your time away from Talokan. Because after one week time has passes, and I return ready to conquer the surface world? You'll never be able to leave these waters again."

" So enjoy your stay, In ch'ujuk ch'úupalo' yéetel talamilo'ob." He laughed menacingly, turning around to face you fully with a look of amusement present.

Translation: My sweet troubled child.

" And please do not fail to disappoint me, Y/N. Because if you do? Then you'll leave me with no choice, but to put you out of your misery. Like you've so desperately been wanting for the past year."

[timeregistry]

omg dude i love ur sebastian!!!

and if u want, i’ll tag u when i post my painter design

i’d also like to hear more of ur ramblings about pressure or anything of the sort :3

have a good day!!!

TYSM!!! I'm glad people like him 🥹He's been my everything since I got into Pressure, let's just say that the AU of my fic had lived in my brain since forever before I started writing LOL

OH and also I would ADORE to see your Painter design PLEASE 🙏🙏🙏 I LOVE PAINTER SM I LOVE ALL PAINTER DESIGNS

ALSO sorry for answering this so late I got injured (again...) and it was hard to write but also I’m INSANE like IM CRAZY you literally put on a silver platter that I can talk about ANYTHING like DUDE. IM CRAZY. I jump around fandoms a lot so to say that I have a lot on my mind apart from work is an understatement (let's just say earlier I went crazy about regretevator...... it's bad)

SO to organize my thoughts, I've been really wanting to actually talk about like... some thought process stuff of my fic (A Human's Touch) and things that happen before the fic... since SO MUCH happened but I don't mention it because we are put at a specific moment in the story... VERY VERY Sebastian and reader focused so TW: Sebastian Solace 😔

Under cut because its LONG. LIKE. REALLY LONG. I HAVE TOO MUCH TO TALK ABOUT LMAOOOO

SO pressure's lore is a MESS don't get me started on how I feel about the current lore so I decided that since no one really saw the timeline or pretends it doesn't exist as they should, I feel it's a bit unlikely Sebastian would be able to convince Painter to start killing people after meeting it TWENTY MINUTES PRIOR T_T (and hacking all of Urbanshade network in that time?!) so that's why I actually made (in chapter 7 that is not on tumblr rn LOL) them meet. I mentioned in a comment on AO3 since someone had asked smth about Sebastian and just to give an idea, the start of A Human's Touch happens a couple of months before the events of Pressure. SO at that point, Sebastian and Painter have known each other for months. I would LOVE to go into detail how I see their relationship is when the lockdown happens + what happens with reader but I DONT WANT TO SPOIL ANYTHING T_T so maybe when I finish the fic I'll go into detail as I'm not actually really planning on writing the actual like.... events of pressure w/ reader instead I guess, idk how to put it, just to let you in a little secret, Painter does know part of Sebastian's plan when the lockdown happens in this universe.

So enough about Pressure lore and what I changed from that, I wanted to talk a bit about before the events of the fic... I didn't write it since I felt it would be very Sebastian and reader centric and since it was most likely going to be in a platonic sense I wasn't sure if people would be interested! To admit something since I don't imagine many people will read this but originally I had written a fic that was with Sebastian (it was more romance with him tho as I was down HORRENDOUS I wrote so much Sebastian y’all have no idea I got jumpscared trying to find some of my old things to reference and seeing the sheer amount of Sebastian) which was actually where the original summary of A Human's Touch came from HELPPPP LIKE ORIGINALLY IT WAS A PARAGRAPH OF MY FIC I JUST EDITED IT T_T I never post what I write I'm surprised that I even posted A Human's Touch but I digress. Anyways I had originally considered writing a platonic version of that fic (not like that one was finished) but in the end I never did since again, I didn't think anyone would read it--

Either way, here is a TLDR of how reader and Sebastian met. Basically reader came in as an intern to Urbanshade right? How I imagined it was that they actually had seen Sebastian when he was still in his big ol heavy containment aquarium. While I think he still needs to go there when Urbanshade wants to contain him, I imagine reader met him when he was MOSTLY in there... While he could leave as his status as an MR-P made it so that now he could leave and free-roam, I imagined that he never really saw a reason to do so... I think atp Urbanshade hadn't really found a good reason for him either, as he was soo unpredictable because of how aggressive he was with them. SO they just leave him in his cell basically, its good to see if there were any longer terms effects of his… condition. He would normally just look into the window and look at any of the scientists.

Now how I imagined his heavy containment cell was that like, an aquarium. Like there is this big window where you can see him but I imagine that he had this like area at the surface of his cell that there is like a walking area but it was specifically because not only is he an MR-P so its like a little better than his old cell but also because he was exactly for an experiment that was to make humans be able to breathe over and underwater so I like to think they want him to take in oxygen naturally anyways–

MS Paint jumpscare but something like this

ANYWAYS I imagine reader had seen him from the window that you can peak in from just him swimming around and being completely fascinated by him. Stuff happens, and they decide to try to see him without their superiors knowing so... I decided I would pull directly from one of my old fics:

You first met Sebastian fully at night, when most scientists were already resting in their own quarters. You were already shown where you would stay, yet you couldn’t get the image of Sebastian out of your mind. You wanted to meet him directly. He was the first of the subjects that you met, against all safety protocols and you remember he himself mentioning it. He was rude and in all ways, a certified asshole, immediately tricking you by making you walk a bit too close and effectively making you fall in his tank. He didn’t keep you there however, you knew he didn’t like your presence but you couldn’t resist wanting to learn more about him.

How I imagine reader's and Sebastian's relationship was just, a really rocky start because we have reader who wanted to know more about him and then we have Sebastian who didn't want to know anything about reader because they are just another scientist. He never left his containment either because I imagine that the other prisoners would give him funny looks and dislike his presence because of how he was. I think... he was very bitter. It took a lot for him to warm up as he did… Especially with someone who was one of the scientists! 

“You really don’t know do you?” Sebastian snarled slightly, his casual facade crumbling briefly as his expression went more of pity. “Of course you don’t, you keep coming in here as if I can’t kill you right here and now.” You frowned at him. “I’m here to learn-” “You are trapped. They have you right where they want you. The moment that you have served your purpose they will kill you.” He put a claw near you, his other hand flaunting his sharp nails. You took a step back, sensing danger unconsciously. He noticed, his trained eyes on you like a predator. “Word of advice, start making yourself useful and leave me alone.”

I always saw that reader was treading on treacherous waters... always seeing Sebastian secretly at night and after talking with him, he would eventually warm up because whether he liked it or not, I think he was lonely. Because he would live without speaking with anyone and talking to someone who's a lot more genuine... I don't think the reader is like the other scientists at all, I don't think that it would even be known what Urbanshade was doing! I think Urbanshade just flaunts a lot and doesn't hide anything, but makes any new interns or hires go through the longest paperwork part of their work EVER to see if they are dedicated before kinda forcing the unethical experiments... basically like roping in with mundanity and beauty, the curiousity on how these beautiful sea creatures are made only to find out that it was all done with torture--

SO my point is that reader didn't know what happened to Sebastian, nor knew why he was so standoffish, they were forced to do ONLY paperwork and their free time went into seeing the subject that they can see very very easily. It was like... just the curiousity of what Sebastian was, what he was capable of, etc etc. I don't think reader even knew that he was... human. And he doesn't mention it either... I think he only mentions it soooo much later... As for Sebastian’s side of things, I imagine he decided to entertain the reader only because atp he’s thinking he can probably use their naivety for his escape!

ANYWAYS to skip ahead because I have JUST SEEN THE SHEER LENGTH OF THIS IM SOOOO SORRY I LOVE LOVE TALKING ABOUT MY CREATIONS IDK lore dump moment

So at one point, Urbanshade notices that reader is interacting with Sebastian, however, instead of like, stopping them, I imagine that Urbanshade instead saw an opportunity. Sebastian doesn’t talk to ANYONE so suddenly finding out that he’s talking to someone??? 

It was only much later that he actually warmed up to your presence, choosing to follow you around when you were stuck doing your boring paperwork. You were starting to regret applying here as they wanted to wait a really long time until you could actually do any hands-on work. However, Sebastian’s presence made the situation a lot more bearable, as he would sometimes read over your shoulder and mention things that you would outright forget to write down. Because of his seeming attachment to you, your higher-ups completely changed your temporary job of reading and copying down paperwork into instead… still do the same thing but also look over Sebastian’s behaviour. They would say how you were the only person that he got along with, which meant it was the opportune moment to find out more about him and fill his file even more as it was severely lacking apparently. And so started your Behavioural Scientist job with no hiccups whatsoever. Especially not after begging Urbanshade not to let you go after the internship ended, convincing them that you were the only person who managed to get even remotely close to Sebastian’s good graces. No issues at all... 

OH and at some point reader is given their own office and it’s because they had a normal desk like other people before but because Sebastian is.. big… he would push the desks all the time and he would apologize to the scientists but you can tell he wasn’t being genuine as the malice was obvious on him SCREAMING but after having TOO MANY complaints about Sebastian following reader around and reader insisting that they need him to follow because it’s their job, Urbanshade just gave them a temporal office (that became their permanent office for years to come)--

I think it’s there where Sebastian starts seeing reader as a “friend”, they never hurt him and quickly realise that reader was genuinely not evil like the scientists that experimented on him. While Urbanshade made reader the behavioural scientist, they started working with other subjects as well (as you guys know) and Sebastian started seeing reader in a much more positive light. 

Reader goes on vacation sometimes, brings a lot of trinkets and pictures of the outside world to Sebastian. I think he tries to keep a strong face when he gets some of those things, he misses the outside world. I like to think reader asked him once what was his favorite snack and he would mention something from Chile and reader would get it for him and that’s probably the first time that he does cry in front of them because of the whole emotion of having something that’s basically a comfort food after so long. It was like a taste of freedom. Something to look forward to and not give up to Urbanshade. And seeing as how reader didn’t look disappointed or in any negative emotion I think that’s when Sebastian just completely changed his perspective. The idea where now in his grand plan of escaping the Blacksite that he had been making the moment that Urbanshade stopped doing the extreme experiments and let him walk (slitter?) freely now would include reader. 

While he knows reader is there for the other subjects too, he also knows that they are mostly there for him counting as I imagine there is a lot of subjects that reader can’t understand (like the angler… or pandemonium…) and while Sebastian knows a lot of them thanks to working with reader so closely (him reading all these classified documents) that he weights if he would escape the Blacksite he would want to take reader with him. I think at first when they met he was like they might die but its a sacrifice for his escape (they are but another scientist), but now he’s like if they die I die (“I have failed.”).

BASICALLY I imagine their friendship that is very slowburn but in the end they become extremely loyal to each other, reader doesn’t know that they are part of his plan now. I mention it in A Human’s Touch but Sebastian has this hidden room where he keeps all these things and he probably has written (in a coded language) a whole plan of his escape + what he would do once he gets out of the Blacksite. At first it only included him but the longer he spent with reader the more he kept in mine their safety as they are the only friend he’s had for years and they are ATTACHED. 

Oh and a final note, Sebastian’s bracelets were given by reader, but i wanted to talk briefly on the obsidian one because I went with spirituality and symbolism as to why I took that material… obsidian bracelets mean protection, grounding and emotional healing… a lot of mental clearance and transforms negative energy to positive ones. I like to think that reader got it for him after learning more about him, because just as he wants them to be safe, they want him to be safe too. Their biggest fear is that Urbanshade would want to experiment harder again with him again and/or kill him. Sebastian shares the same fear.

OK I think I am... done... I'm so sorry AGAIN if something doesn't make sense... feel free to send an ask.... That goes for anyone ofc but yes... I'm crazy but if you got this far here's a quick doodle I did for your troubles dear reader

[gamora-borealis]

long rambling essay under the read more about twt phannie discourse / discourse surrounding how people talk about dnp's relationship because I have thoughts I want to get off my chest:

ohh I am so glad I am using twitter less the twt phannies are having discourse again about if you are allowed to think dan and phil act cute together (which yeah most people assume it's in a coupley way but if on the off chance they're actually not a couple then they are still cute and gay besties??? literally doesn't change much???) or that it's bad to wonder if they are soft launching their relationship because of stuff they have said that implies it? like obviously don't tag them in stuff and I get being nervous that they will get recommended stuff on twitter but like, if you keep it to tumblr or discord or your small or private twitter then whatever I don't think it's that big of a deal. they didn't like the speculation when they were in the closet because it became such a huge focus that people were messaging them about it, violating their privacy, other YouTubers were making fun of them or trying to expose them, it was putting a lot of pressure on them to come out, etc (which I think that is what Dan was addressing in BIG and people misunderstand that part because what he said was a little bit clunky in terms of how he organized it because it was hard to talk about!) but I don't think they care if people in fan spaces have opinions on what their relationship is a long as we respect their right to talk about that kind of stuff on their own terms. like the way I view it is like if you had some friends that you thought were maybe dating or flirting and then were like "aw yeah they're cute" or "hmm I wonder if they're..." to your other friends. like I don't think it's cool to say it to the people in question's faces if they haven't openly talked about it yet but I don't think it's bad to wonder based on things you have observed??? idk personally I'm always noticing details and analyzing things because my personality is just like that and sometimes I like to talk about it, not in a spreading gossip way but like an, "in confidence" kind of way to get a second opinion out of curiosity. and like ultimately your want should be for people to be happy and they are the only ones who can decide what kind of relationship/s make them happy and you can respect that while wondering or having an opinion that you don't announce to them (and like, dnp tend to understand that indirects / tumblr / etc are meant for other fans and not them and that if they go looking through tags and stuff that they are going to potentially see these opinions or observations).

also like, I think they really don't care as much now that they are out because the pressure / fear has gone away and now they make jokes about it and call themselves phan and make fun of phannies lol. I think part of the reason that so many people are drawn to their relationship in the first place too is because they are these funny relatable (neurodivergent?) queer parasocial figures in what appears to be a strong / supportive relationship, whether they are together or are queer exes who are still besties and/or queerplatonic and roommates. like we love to see them being themselves / being queer together, whatever that means for them!!! because they've even acknowledged that before they were out they were still queer representation in the sense that a lot of times they subverted society's expectations of masculine friendships in their videos just by being themselves.

also dnp have been very loud about certain things lately I don't think it's weird to be like... are they going to finally reveal something because their behavior lately has been kinda wild! (although maybe they won't because they don't want the general public / locals / news attention about it that might actually be more annoying than the standard/familiar attention from a lot of their fandom and like that's completely fine too).

Idk there is just this weird virtue signaling on twitter that is very annoying to me. like personally I am like yeah a lot of stuff points to them being in a romantic relationship but I could be wrong and either way I really love them and the relationship that they do have and show us on camera. but one doesn't have to qualify with that every time when saying "aw they are cute!" or making an observation about something on your own blog or small account...

honestly if what comes off as virtue signaling to me is actually coming from a place of care, I do respect that... I just also think that some people go out of their way to police or denounce behavior because they are afraid of being identified with people who were actually harmful to dnp when I don't think the behavior they are being mad at in this instance is actually harmful and more so just a natural side effect of being parasocially invested in these two queer guys who have spent most of fourteen years together and have confirmed that their relationship has been "more than just romantic."

[its-all-papaya]

FIC WRITER INTERVIEW

ty for the tag @bright-and-burning booping u like a tumblr cat paw

How many works do you have on AO3?

uhhhh six if you count the lestappen i put on anon and the comp thing that's just a collection of kiss prompt fills that did not become their own fics

What's your total AO3 word count?

35,045

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

even if it ends (460)

anybody, nowhere (319)

the devil in me (310)

gentle with the ache (236) i am this fic's deadbeat dad like i'm not going to pretend i didn't write it but you can only interact with it if ur gonna be nice bc it makes me want to scream cry & throw up

the hollow hereafter (217)

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

i literally respond to every single comment ! if i don't know what to say i will think of something ! comments literally keep me alive. like i joke about writing for attention but genuinely the thought of receiving comments and reblog tags is what keeps me going on my wip's. i have the biggest praise kink that has EVER existed and god knows nobody is praising me for anything ever in my real life, so i gotta take what i can get. it's insane that real people read my words and have enough thoughts about them to like... type those thoughts out. so i must thank every individual person with a heart and a virtual kiss on their head.

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

even if it ends for suuuure. i had people threatening self-harm in the ao3 bookmarks of that one in a loving way, and that's without even knowing about the rich inner life that i didn't expand on the way i originally planned to. in my brain, oscar has already decided to leave mclaren by the time the events of that fic happen bc their teammateship has gotten so self-destructive, so lando's "you can't stay" and oscar's "i know, but i want to anyway" is so much more knife-to-the-heart than y'all even realize.

What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

uh. i don't really want to count the kiss prompts because they don't really exist to me as fic, so... anybody, nowhere i guess? the devil in me is not NOT happy. can i cheat and say dad lando even though it doesn't actually exist yet?

Do you write crossovers?

no jesus christ i can barely write characters outside of oscar and lando (and apparently max fewtrell according to like two people). adding in even MORE variables is making me nauseous just thinking about it.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

"hate" is a strong word but there is a reason that my lestappen is on anon now.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

i do write it sometimes, but not very successfully (glaring at u lestappen garbage). i have two landoscar wip's that are basically pwp, but i just don't really think i'm good at smut, so idk if they'll ever go anywhere for real. the pacing is simply so impossible to me. like how soon is too soon to have an orgasm. also like 90% of my writing is just knockoff versions of my own emotions from various points, and so as someone who only hooks up with people for reasons not really related to actually getting off, i find it really really hard to write the build-up and come-down from smut WHILE ALSO really struggling with the actual acts. like what are normal people's brains doing before during and after making someone come? bc i guarantee it is not what my brain does. it just doesn't really compute unfortunately.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

i don't think my fics have existed long enough to be stolen tbh.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

no

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

no but i wrote literally millions of words while roleplaying in any number of ships back in the day.

What's your all-time favorite ship?

i think probably steve/bucky of the marvel universe? i don't really fw it much at this exact moment because endgame literally ruined my life for a bit, but that's probably the ship i've enjoyed the most over the years.

What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

honestly all of my wip's outside of dad lando and that nutcracker thing i'm definitely not writing shhh. I will fight shave fic eventually i think. the wip that's absolutely never getting finished the most securely is the fake dating thing based on that kiss prompt i filled in like july. like it's a 50k concept that i have like 5k worth of motivation for.

What are your writing strengths?

um. i think just, like. prose that sounds nice? i think i did a good job putting readers inside of lando's head in anybody, nowhere, so i'd say i'm occasionally good at translating emotion/headspace too. actually i'll go ahead and say that about all of my published landoscar, because i think that's even if it ends' strength too. dad lando is less that way, but it has other things going for it.

What are your writing weaknesses?

i'm really really mean to myself, so it's hard to pick just one. i'm bad at writing characters distinctly i think. like i just make them do things based on what feels good in my brain and just hope that y'all don't think they're OOC, but whenever i stop to think "what would oscar say here?" it's like... blank. bc i don't know. and it's really MUCH worse with everyone outside of landoscar. i also don't think my pacing is very good and i get hung up on details people won't care about and also i have a compulsive need to make EVERYTHING a metaphor. i'm going to stop there bc insecurity isn't very cute but i also over-edit and introduce too many threads and i could literally go on all night

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

i don't honestly see the point? because either you provide a translation, which defeats the purpose, or you don't, which makes it a secret for some readers but NOT the ones who speak the language in question. i'm spoiled by native-english-speakers landoscar as my primary ship, but i think if i ever wanted to write a convo between like. charles and pierre, ig, i would just write it in english and be like "they said in french" afterwards of smthn, idk. i think the only time i've written in not-english is that lestappen "after a long wait" kiss prompt and it was like a language device (haha) and not dialogue.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

i've only ever published on ao3 for F1. way way back i used to fill prompts on tumblr for one direction, which was the first fandom content of any kind that i wrote. the first actual fanfic i ever typed into a word document was finnpoe from the star wars sequel trilogy. so depends how you wanna define!

What's a fandom/ship you haven't written for yet but want to?

i got really really spooked by my lestappen adventure because it actually broke my brain for a bit, so now i'm scared to write anything but landoscar. i think the most likely non-landoscar ship i'd write is maxiel, probably? i saw them across the bar and loved their vibe. daniel feels kind of impossible for me to write though so idk if i ever will.

What's your favorite fic you've written?

anybody, nowhere i think, because i think it's the most complete thing i've done. i also really love how even if it ends turned out too, which is crazy bc i haaaaated it mid-writing process. i think it feels really like... i don't know. gritty? messy in a way that makes it authentic? idk how to describe. i think even if it ends has my favorite characterizations i've written for both lando AND oscar. but anybody, nowhere is my firstborn and i treasure her, so. yeah. tie, maybe.

tagging @fear8not1 (i know ur like. not on tumblr. but in case u would like to) and @volantium !!

[hollowsart]

I sorry for the strange question, but how do you understand that this is a bot and not just an inactive person?

A thing to understand about tumblr: even if you're a big popular blog (not a good thing and not something you really wanna become..) you don't get 35 random follows in under 5 minutes if it's real people. Real people also usually will like a few posts or more before and/or after following you. These bots? They don't.

Tumblr is also known for these random influxes of bots from time to time. So the long time users, such as myself, are very vigilant about this sort of thing.

600+ notifications upon me waking up just a while ago, this is a record, and it's 99% ALL JUST BOTS FOLLOWING ME:

Inactive: they wouldn't be following you in the first place. Inactive means there is NO activity. Perhaps there was at one point, but there is no activity anymore.

New and lurking: if you're going to be joining tumblr. PLEASE put some semblance of "PLZ DON'T BLOCK, I'M REAL, I JUST WANNA LIKE AND BROWSE! I'M SHY/LAZY AND TRYING TO GET SOME FEEL FOR THIS PLACE BEFORE I DECIDE IF I WANNA POST OR REBLOG STUFF!" It would honestly help protect you from being blocked and reported as we have far too many instances like this where bots come in swarms at random.

Real: You have posts on your blog that a normal human person would and have customized your blog, too (ie, your pfp and header image, or if you're a desktop user, you also customized your blogs overall theme!)

Bot: bots are not real people and can come in a few different varieties:

1) The s3xy men & women bots: they have links that will steal your info if you click them. Don't do that. Their blogs will have tons of posts of HIGHLY EXCPLICIT nsft content, which are also links. DO NOT CLICK THE LINKS. BLOCK AND REPORT FOR SPAM AND/OR BOT WHEN YOU SEE THEM IN YOUR ACTIVITY OR WITHIN TAG SEARCHES!

2) Fake company: "Divorce Law Firm" or "[name] Beauty Academy" etc etc are all fake. They have changed their icon to a company logo and have a link post on their blog. Don't click the link. Don't even give them the time of day. Block and report. They aren't real, and it's just weird to see some random "company" blog following you when all you post is random fandom related junk or whatever the heck you dedicate your blog to that has no reason to be followed by such a blog.

3) Default: they have the default icon, default blog theme, default header image, default description (usually in Spanish, Cyrillic, etc). Their names will usually either be a keyboard smash, something that looks vaguely real but very much came from a name generator, a select few letters repeated, is someone's name (likely not a real person, or it's identity theft idk).

4) Default, but sus: Similar to the last one, but these guys have mismatched foreign text (Persian, Korean, uhh I can't identify the differences specifically between Middle Eastern/some South Eastern languages, but just know those are also used) and sometimes you'll see some with English or with numbers in the description like "1." Or "101" if you translate the text, you'll get suspicious spam email type sentences.

Once again. Just block and report on sight if you see these bots.

Bots #1 and #3 may interact with your posts as well. As well as a different type of bot, I didn't mention as they aren't nearly as incessant or as prominent, but those bots are the "sugar daddy looking for sugar baby for allowance" types of blogs you'll see leaving replies in the notes of popular posts.

I'm sure other people can add on to this post with further information about how to identify each type of bot and what not to trust about a blog if they seem suspicious at all in a "are you a bot?" way.

[alegator]

hiii everyone :D i miss tumblr so bad and the ability to make long form blog posts ugh twitter is not the same plus the site and app are literally so shit. even though the tumblr app is not much better sometimes!! ive decided i want to post more on here to continue my little virtual diary…. I love the tagging system and most of all, love being able to look back and read my own updates!!! it’s crazy how it can help me recall the exact feeling of that moment… it feels special :) Twitter is great for quick fleeting thoughts so i wanna make lengthy life posts on here as a little time capsule, so i can have fun looking back and reading all my posts 10 years from now (if this site still exists. but i joined in 2011 and its still here so who knows). plus ive been posting my entire life on here for YEARS so who cares i will be vulnerable and over share and shit!!!!!! as is tumblr tradition… fuck it if youre my cousin on my homestuck side you can have my SSN.

moving on, here are fun life updates:

- celebrated my 11th anniversary on Feb 14th with the love of my life, Tenma!!!! i have been affectionately calling it the 7/11 anniversary since it’s been 11 years together, but also 7 years married 🤯 it actually fucks me up so bad that 2017 was 7 years ago like. genuinely lol FUCKKK HOOWWW 2017 should’ve been like 3 years ago. we choose to get married on the same day Tenma asked me out, which is also Valentine’s Day, and it was the best decision of all time for SO many reasons. maybe i will make a fun big post detailing those thoughts that another time!! we spent our anniversary day trying out a new coffee spot (so cute and SO pink omg), taking photo booth pictures at a new spot, exploring cute shops, and having an insanely delicious set menu i think maybe 6 courses? at a very fancy restaurant. i think 3 years ago we tried a new restaurant on our anniversary w their set Valentine’s Day menu course and it was so good, fun, and the best way to try out new foods so we’ve kept it going and i LOVE IT!!!!! i am already excited to see what tenma picks out for next year lol. finished the night by watching In The Mood For Love at our favorite local movie theater and i LOVED the movie, the whole end until bedtime we were just talking about it and dissecting it together. i love our life!!!!!!!!!

-tenma and i went to disneyland at the end of February for our anniversary trip!! ive gone before but they haven’t. IT WAS SO FUCKING FUN i am not a Disney fan at all but i love disneyland idk it’s just fun as fuck… um my feet were fucked afterwards lol but so worth it. one day at disneyland and the next at California aventure i wanna go back already but most importantly, tenma was already talking about wanting to go back and that makes me so happy bc it means they really enjoyed it!!! yay!!!! they even went on rides they thought were really scary just so we could try them together just once and that filled my heart with joy. then we also got to meet my online friend and had hotpot together. DELICIOUS i want to go back and explore LA next time and see more friends!!!! we are maybe planning a trip to San Fran in a few months though as the consulate is there to get my passport so that will take priority over any other trips☝🏼

-I GOT MY GREENCARD YEAGHHRHRHFJF!!!!!!!! ok actually i got it last year lol i wasn’t sure if i should put that on here but actually im so happy so fuck it!!! and then we celebrated by having a fancy dinner and I shared the news w the waiter who said he also did the same process w his wife! and yes i cried when i got my greencard idc i am HAPPY! crazy bc i got DACA for the first time in 2013 and then in 2023 i got my greencard… it’s been a fucking rollercoaster. and tenmas been there literally every step of the way…. Tenma is my rock I love them so much im crying typing this bc of how much i love them and how much they always support me and augnfngnfmg

-concerts this year have been Sonic symphony, kikuo/bo en/gus, Hannah Diamond, and hatsune miku (mikuexpo 2024)!!!!!!!! i loved all of the concerts genuinely so fun and next month i am taking my youngest sibling to a concert of a guy I don’t know but they love him so we will go and have a blast 🫡 idk if I’ll buy more tickets to more concerts but even if I don’t, it’s been a really really good year concert wise and i got to experience so many fun shows i never thought i would see live before!!

-spent time with lovely friends and celebrated old friendships and new ones yaaaay i love my friends and im blessed to have a good support system and I can’t wait to see what new friends I make in the future….

-I have a cold rn and took nighttime meds and unfortunately they are starting to hit so it’s time to say goodnight to tumblr…

If you read this far ummm ok weirdo… lol just kidding but i will try and post my lil life updates and pics more often so that not all my posts are like. months worth of writing… or maybe I won’t and the next time I make a post will be in a year idk!!!! this site is full of so many memories both good and bad and it’s dear to my lil heart, even if the feel isn’t the same since everyone mass migrated to Twitter, I want to come back here more often and make new memories whenever I can. goodnight 💤

[call-me-copycat]

Hiii

This is going to be reallyyyyyy random but i wanted to ask you for an advise

(Ofc if you dont feel like answering me its just fine 💕)

So i wanted to start writing fics but idk how to get to people and that people read me. So i wanted to know how you did it.

Thanks so much 🩶🩷🤍

Hi! Don't worry about it, I always enjoy getting any type of asks to answer ₍₍ ᕕ(´ ω` )ᕗ⁾⁾

For me, I started straight from scratch as I had no previous online presence anywhere at all

I did read a lot for years before I decided to post anything, but to others I seemingly just popped up out of thin air (´>∀<｀)ゝ

I literally only got Tumblr to be able to read more, and eventually I gathered the confidence to write a fic and post it

Bear in mind, it was small and rough, as I had no common theme or layout, and alongside that it felt as if I was screaming into the void as I didn't expect many people to check it out

But for me, consistency and tagging was key.

I wrote my first fic and immediately made a masterlist for others so they could see what they could ask of me, since I went off of other writers who allowed people to request from them

I mainly just went off of what other writers were doing, mimicking them a bit in order to gather my bearings and create a base for me to go off of

Eventually people began sending asks, and I would write what they wanted. I tagged each post with as many relevant tags as I could get it, and in turn more people saw my works

Now, I haven't written anything from scratch since that first fic, as all of my fics come from me fulfilling asks sent to me (people are certainly very creative! I love receiving such complex asks, as it shows how much these people trust me to write their ideas)

I think communication is also important to your audience, as I also read and respond to any comments suggesting things

I do think it helped that I mainly write for a popular character (Aizawa) in a popular fandom (My Hero Academia)

I also feel I should mention that even if you put your whole soul into a story, there's a large chance it'll still flop. The audience decides what they like more in the end, and I just go off of that

For example; my Escaping The Night series is my absolute favorite to write, yet it gets very little interaction (though there are some that really are into it), compared to my short story that I barely put any thought into (A Runaway's Hope) getting tons of attention out of nowhere

There are highs and lows, but we all start from somewhere, I believe it just starts with taking that first step and going from there.

I do hope this helps just a little bit, the beginning is normally a little rough for most people, but I have faith you can do it! ଘ(੭ˊ꒳​ˋ)੭✧

Start off small, because as long as it's there then it's something to start you off of (๑>ᴗ<๑)

I hope you have a lovely day! If you have anymore questions feel free to send in more asks \(❁´∀`❁)ﾉ𖤐´-

[the-al-chemist]

Fic Writer’s 20 Questions!

Thank you so much @whatwouldvalerydo for tagging me in this game - the original post was getting very long so I thought I would post separately.

How many works do you have on A03?

18!

What’s your total A03 word count?

789,856

What fandoms do you write for?

Harry Potter, including spin offs

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

The first five Hexley Saga stories, though not in order. In descending order it goes: Mystery, Portrait, Figures, Forest, Staircase.

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I do, because I appreciate every comment I receive. I am slow to respond, because I don’t always see them when it’s convenient to reply, and then I forget what I have or haven’t replied to. I’m very disorganised.

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I’m not sure if any have truly angsty endings, I tend to like my angst mixed with happiness and humour for something bittersweet. In that vein, maybe Into the Light of the Dark Black Night. However, The Wilderness Years ends on an open and not overly optimistic note.

What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Again, not many have a wholly happy ending… Probably the Hexley Saga, though there is a touch of sadness even to that.

Do you get hate on fics?

I haven’t done, no. I’ve had readers (understandably) drop out after one specific character death, but no actual hate for it. I guess there’s a first time for everything.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I have done, once or twice. I’m not good at it. As for what type… Bad smut? Awkward smut? Idk, I’m just too British for this.

Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

… I’m not even 100% sure what this is so I’m going to say no.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

A touchy subject. No, I haven’t, but I have had and occasionally continue to have issues with aspects of my stories being taken and put into others’ works in ways that have made it obvious that it isn’t a coincidence, but not in ways that I have felt justified in reporting plagiarism on any publishing sites. I have, however, learnt how the Tumblr block button can come in handy.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

No. When in France this spring I considered translating the Hexley Saga into French to help me get my language skills back up but I quickly realised how much work this would be and decided against it.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes - When Stars Ignite was (and still is) a collaboration between me and @lifeofkaze. It was (and still is) an amazing experience and massive learning curve.

What’s your all time favorite ship?

Forever Gomez and Morticia Addams.

What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Whichever one I’m currently writing - I get to the point in every long form story that I think I’ll never finish it. So far, I’ve proved myself wrong.

What are your writing strengths?

Generally: I’m dedicated and very deliberate in my approach. For every single choice I make in my writing, I have a rationality behind it. There is a lot of method in my madness. Also, when I get the wind in my sails, I’m speedy.

Technically: characterisation, humour, emotionality, dialogue.

What are your writing weaknesses?

Generally: good old impostor syndrome and being an incredibly disorganised person.

Technically: action scenes, angst, smut.

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Ahh, this is awkward. I actually… am not a massive fan of this. Before you call me a hypocrite (which is a fair criticism here), I think foreign language dialogue is great when it works, but when it’s not done right, it’s completely alienating for a reader and can ruin the story. And it’s hard to get right. So, although I do use it, I don’t enjoy using it, because involves so much work and causes so much anxiety.

My rule when I do use it is that it has to add an extra layer of meaning and enjoyment for people who do understand it or want to look up the translation without taking away from the meaning and enjoyment of people who don’t. I have broken this rule once, because sometimes it’s fun to break the rules, and because I wanted to alienate my readers. I’m actually really proud of the effect it created, so here is a link to this rule-breaking.

First fandom you wrote for?

Jill Murphy’s The Worst Witch, circa 2001.

Favorite fic you’ve written?

That’s a mean question. The answer is probably On This Wild Night, but that one isn’t published yet, so I’m going to choose a few. Figures in the Shadows, because it was the first one where I first felt like my style came naturally to me, Eggshells because it was the first one created in a moment of inspiration, When Stars Ignite because of the friendship that was strengthened in the writing process, Learning to Fly because Charlie Weasley, and Return to the Riddles, because finishing the Hexley Saga was such an achievement and the culmination of two years of hard work that I really hope paid off.

Tagging: @katherinewilliams221b @liiilyevans @turanga4

[starredforlife]

Jeez, do really so many people say they find you intimidating? Granted, I don't know you irl, and even here through Tumblr I'm just one person who follows you and that's it, but still, to me you always seemed nice? Enthusiastic. Goofy, even. I like your style, it IS masc and #cool, but like... I don't feel like that makes you intimidating. "Nomás sos canchera", to put it in Argentine terms.

Btw I'm just sending this due to your tags on that poll 'cause Ik you have mentioned that before andbI felt like the outsider who doesn't find you mean and intimidating, don't pay that much attention to me 😅

Idk it’s like conversations I’ve had with a couple people recently and it absolutely isn’t all based on appearance BUT that’s part of it that’s been told to me. Not suggested but cited. So!!

However I would say it’s more personality. Ofc on here I’m more fun n goofy bc it’s Star’s Mind Palace. I repost pictures and draw werewolf art and I’m vain and silly in the tags. It’s relatively earnest. When I meet people I’m not like, guarded in a mean dog way, but I put up a front. Most of how I talk comes out as a mask of metered and Sharp jackassery, with a confusing blend of genuine interest in people. I’ll talk to you like I need you to prove yourself to me. But also I want to make sure you feel included. This, I’m learning, terrifies people. Mostly I learned this when I was young bc I had to prove my intelligence constantly, so I emulated that intense scrutiny in conversation, I think, and I work in a v male dominated industry that absolutely hates the gentle approach to conversation (for the record, I do not hate it and respect it immensely. It’s also just not how I naturally work unless I’m in a more vulnerable setting).

It can be summed up by the fact that I shake girl’s hands when I meet them in gay bars. Apparently. That is not. The expected thing to do.

Idk I had a whole paragraph after this but it disappeared. I was saying smthn abt how I was. Working on it. Essentially. I Don’t Care how people perceive me bc I trust my perception first. I’ve always designated it as the other person’s problem if they dislike me. I’m learning how people perceive you matters for specific things. Especially friendships. This is very hard for me to grapple with bc I don’t like when others tell me what to do or how to be, At All.

It’s all in moderation ykwim. I’m not going to give up my confidence or my standards but I will work on trying to not make people feel like they’re cornered into a social pass or fail exam when they first meet me. I am intense and I can’t stand bullshit and sometimes I’m genuinely belittling or judgmental if I’ve decided I don’t like you off the bat (if you have failed the Vic Standards, which are always under deconstruction) and the latter is, in some parts, fun if the other person is a proven asshole. But it’s not really healthy. And I can’t start conversations with earnest intentions that way. So I have to grow. I have to let it matter a little bit.

Sorry, you got like. A Vic psychology breakdown. I’m also intimidating bc I’m great at lying, I speak very professionally, and I respect myself enough to make others feel like they have to do the same. I’m not scared easily and I like making arrogant men feel one step behind me. I maxed out on whatever deck makes you both charismatic and completely unapproachable. You’ll probably never meet me irl but I do think it’s v interesting how im perceived on here and so I appreciate the insight and the question!!

[myreygn]

REQUESTS and COMMISSIONS are OFFICIALLY OPEN ♡

this is the most colorful and extravagant i have ever gone with this announcement and probably ever will but this is ✨special to me✨ for two reasons

first, i have surpassed the 300 follower mark somewhere throughout january in the midst of little writing, much bullshit and the porn bot apocalypse and i was thinking about doing an event. however i couldn't think of anything, so i decided to simply reopen requests and commissions and hope that's enough 💀

it also is february 5th, meaning it is my birthday today (well today for me, maybe yesterday for you, idk) and what better time to give the people i love (that's you) something back or rather give them the opportunity to ask for something from me ♡

the usual: before you request or commission anything, please make sure you check my rules and fandoms. if you commission it would be amazing if you could send me your commission on tumblr first so we can make sure it's something i would write because paypal is an sob with the exchange rates.

how long i leave requests and commissions open entirely depends on how many i get but going by my usual pensum i think y'all should be fine for at least the rest of the month 😅

anyway, i hope you're having the most amazing time and stay hydrated out there!

(and one more thing: if you don't wanna miss out on my writing, feel free to put yourself on my tag list :3)

(and one last thing: if you send in anything demon slayer i will literally kiss you but from a distance because i still have covid)

[bucksfucks]

an indefinite hiatus ♥︎

hey friends, to start let me just say that i will summarize all of my rambling at the end so you can just scroll down to it, besties.

before i begin, i just want to say thank you to each and every single person who has ever liked, reblogged, read, or interacted with this blog. this has been a wonderful chapter of my life and i don’t think i can put into words how meaningful all of our interactions have been!

i’ve had this blog for almost 2 years, but i have been on tumblr since 2014, so too fucking long one could argue. basically, tumblr has become a very large part in my life (YIKES). so i’ll try to put into words how i feel:

i am exhausted, drained, and completely and utterly burnt out.

there was a time where i could pump out stories after stories while answering asks and doing au days while juggling everything else, but i no longer have the mental energy for that. and it is to no one’s fault but my own—i did this to myself.

as many of you know, i’m a graduate student. i’m at the end of my masters and truthfully, i have no fucking idea what i want to do after. i haven’t decided if i can manage a phd (or if it’s worth it) or if i want to take time off or jump right into a job.

but what i do know, is that i need a break.

before august of 2021, i was really active on this blog and i think many of you remember those days and truth be told…i miss being able to be on here as much as i once was!

in all honesty, i’ve hit a creative roadblock. i love bucky barnes and i love marvel, just not like before. something shifted a little while back and i haven’t felt inspired to write something i enjoyed.

i took a bit of a break a few weeks ago and before that, i wasn’t on here very much at all. that felt nice. it was refreshing and something that i clearly and very desperately needed.

i also realized that i want to do more than write pure smut. now please let me clarify; i love writing filthy and sinful things. but i want to explore other areas such as character and world building. so, maybe that’s something i’ll pursue after some time as well.

WHAT’S HAPPENING TO FAKING IT?

this is a story that i really like writing and while i cannot PROMISE to update it….any updates will be done on my a03.

this leads me into the next point: what’s happening to the blog and my writing?

this blog will NOT go anywhere. it will remain up and i will NOT take down any of my stories (though i will transfer them slowly onto my a03). that being said, please do not copy, save or plagiarize any of my work in my absence.

i might come back, though, most likely not on here. if i do, it will be under a new blog and if you happen to find me later on i promise you’ll know it’s me.

masterlist | masterlist ii. | my a03

to finish…i guess i’ve been feeling this way for a really long time, but i’ve been desperately holding onto this blog for some unknown reason. this is my safe space and i always knew that i could come back, but today, i got a sign that it was time.

please remember to protect your mental health first. take time for you and focus on yourself always. i want everyone to know that i have loved being besties with anyone and everyone who interacted with me. i mean it. so many of you are such wonderful, genuine people with hearts so big it makes me feel like the luckiest person on the internet.

this is becoming too long for no reason other than i’m a virgo. so. let me wrap this up real quick <<3

TL;DR — i’m blipping out. nothing will be deleted. i may come back (not on this blog). i’ll always be a slut for bucky. i love u all oh so very much. thank you for absolutely everything.

i would tag mutuals but…that feels weird. idk. i have this weird idea in my head that i’m a burden (something i need to work on) so if you’re seeing this and you’re my mutual…lots of forehead kisses for you!

side note: this is oddly something i’m struggling to do. to leave this blog—i’m hesitating. but i know i need to do this. so here i am, ripping off the bandaid.

much much love,

nora.

[olderthannetfic]

After talking about nostalgia, I thought it would be interesting to take a look at posting patterns. And since I can’t get at fandom’s posting patterns overall, I decided to look at mine. This is a product of jetblackcode and my archive pages on DW and Tumblr.

Both DW and LJ share some info about you on your profile page. It doesn’t precisely match what I found in my calendar view. Does it include posts to communities? One’s total comment count definitely does. And of course, plenty of people have left and aren’t showing on profile pages anymore, but I think there are still some instructive points of comparison.

Tumblr:

According to Jetblackcode, 96.60% of posts are reblogs and over 50% of blogs have >5k posts. They average 617 original posts on the blogs they look at.

My tumblr has:

1,094,647 notes

25080 posts including 13,687 original and11,393 reblogs

935 original photo posts

534 original text posts

12218 other original posts (i.e. ASKPOCALYPSE)

I follow around 700 people and am followed by 6k, 1k of whom have arrived in the last 4 months.

As you can see, askpocalypse only took off in the last couple of years. Before that, I had bumps of activity when I was reblogging the MFU movie or deadpool or some other then-current fandom every day and started to get a few followers who were there for topic-specific posting. I started going viral a bit more around the porn ban because I’d posted the prescient A History of Fandom Purges just before, but all of my viral meta from back then combined is nothing to now.

DW/LJ:

According to DW:

4,989 comments received

5,606 comments posted

792 journal entries

I have ~300 subscribers and follow similar numbers, but that’s not because DW is quieter than LJ. That’s in line with what I would ever have had on LJ.

According to LJ:

2,192 comments received

16,433 comments posted

713 journal entries

The actual number of journal entries I counted on my calendar on DW for the chart above is 680. Did I miss a bunch? Did I really have that many in communities? Possibly.

Anyway, you can see on the graph above that I was highly active on LJ from 2003 to 2011 with a dip in 05-06 for moving to Japan and then NYC and being busy with personal life stuff. After that point, I was still crossposting from DW to LJ and I was still in the journal world, but things were tapering off.

A big thing to notice is how many more comments I posted than received on LJ: that’s the product of me being active in other people’s comments sections and not being a BNF at all. I didn’t post much fic, and I didn’t have anything serialized in my journal in a way that would have brought in big crowds, nor was I making most of the popular top-level meta posts in those days.

Comment counts got more even on DW, but that’s not a good thing: it’s a symptom of people talking 1:1 but I don’t mean in private. A thread will be ABABAB, not the branching, multi-person conversations of the height of LJ.

The other big takeaway from my LJ/DW is that I have always been garbage at tagging. Heh.

Let’s look at a BNF:

Astolat’s LJ info page shows

28,969 comments received

11,703 comments posted

1,203 journal entries

262 friends

2,829 followers

And DW:

32,996 comments received

4,166 comments posted

1297 gives access to

2149 followers

Those are more BNFy numbers. IDK whether astolat used to follow a thousand people on LJ instead of a few hundred, but it’s possible the move away from calling them “friends” made her more open to following people back.

We can see the typical skew in more comments received than given, but we’re still looking at a very different kind of distribution than on Tumblr. These sorts of numbers are what you get on a platform where a higher percentage of interactions are contentful and meaningful.

(If you’re curious about astolat’s tumblr presence, you can put her blog into jetblack code. She apparently has 51,590 notes 395 original posts and 1669 reblogs.)

As we bemoan on modern platforms all the time, producing solid work of our own is slow and difficult and easily drowned out by viral sharing and repackaging activities. DW/LJ show a glimpse into what a slower, less viral site looks like.

[sixstepsaway]

[tw sexual assault mentions/discussion for the content of this post. if that's a trigger for you or something you're uncomfortable with, but i've tagged you in the post and you are uncomfortable or can't handle it, please feel free to ignore it, or ask me to untag you, or mute the thread (if that's a thing you can do on tumblr?)]

before i get to my inbox, i got to thinking about @treesofgreen's interpretation/headcanon of izzy as a survivor of sexual assault, about the comments @ourflagmeansdemise left on my post about the aftermath of what ed did to izzy, the tags @aromanticjangofett put on that post: "#you guys are driving home what a breach of trust this was from ed and i am all the more sad for izzy AND worried#what it will do to me if this isn't given the appropriate weight in s2#BUT i love everyone ITT#of meta#correct opinions about ofmd#ed x izzy" (love the "#correct opinions about ofmd" tag so much 😂) and, finally, my post about the framing of the toe scene as sexual assault

and, obviously, we don't have confirmation of izzy being a sa survivor in canon, that's just a (very good and unpleasantly likely accurate) read, and most of my metas are drawing from the immediate text (things explicitly said/done) rather than a more speculative angle

but

i cant get it out of my head.

when i first read that meta i was like, "damn, this is really good, but idk if my personal read is the same as yours. great analysis though!" and then, without me even realizing, it wormed its way into my head as my own headcanon, to the point it's become a big factor in the fic i've been writing the last few days

so, naturally, when all of those additions and thoughts happened above, i tacked them all together on a corkboard inside my head with pushpins and red string and what i got from it was: oh god

because the main point that @ourflagmeansdemise and i were making on that post up there was how awful what ed did to izzy was on so many levels, including that if izzy has an icky tummy (like chronic IBS or something), especially an icky tummy that is triggered by stress and anxiety and fear, and ed knows this, the cruelty of feeding izzy his own toe, especially in a moment of heightened anxiety, stress and terror is immeasurable

but god, then i got thinking about those thoughts in correlation against the framing of the scene that's so much like a sexual assault, and the idea that izzy is already a survivor of sexual violence

and fuck.

imagine if izzy has chronic IBS and he's a sexual assault survivor, and the thing that ed decided to do to him in 1x10 was to creep into his bedroom in the dead of night, with dim lighting and a soft voice, assault his body without consent, feed him his own body part while crooning that it's okay, it's just the pinky, stop crying, swallow it down, shut your mouth, there you go, threaten me again and i'll do worse, okay, clean yourself up and come find me, whilst invading his space, his body poised over izzy's, the two of them horrifically alone with no one coming to save izzy who screamed when he woke up in such agony, mostly naked and vulnerable and assaulted

i am having a lot of feelings about this