#idk how i feel about this but i wanted to expand on that line abt finn hearing fern's voice for the first time in 3 years

[blenselche]

“Hey.” The quillon port is clear, an unchanging mirror but hardly in the way he wants— tight frown meeting him back in the glass as the last bit of daylight filters through the mountain range to the West. “I just needed to get out of the house. Feels like the walls are caving in on me lately.” His nails snap together as he fidgets, and they catch and snag against the scrappy bite marks he’d gnawed into them. “There’s less to do these days, might have to get a real job. I was thinking ‘hey, I’m pretty good with the tree chopping biz’ so, maybe I’ll just do that— wouldn’t that be ironic.” He snorts tiredly and knocks against the bark under his metal hand. It doesn’t answer him, it never does. The last and only time he’d heard that voice was after Jake’s funeral, a few fresh months ago, but he’s almost positive that was just an auditory hallucination borne from his grieving, wobbly mental state.

Keep Yourself Redux ch4 excerpt

full img in case tumblr ate the quality again

[qprpbj]

do you have any tips on how to start writing fics?

the outsiders brainrot actually has me coming up with ideas and i have a desire to start writing them into actual stories but i've never written outside of class papers/assignments and i don't really know where/how to start since it's all just my own prompts and ideas and there's no grading rubric lmaoooo

like do you plan out each fic with a list first or do you just start writing about the main plot point of the chapter and fill in out of order or do you just start writing and see where it takes you... do you do any research while you're planning or pull from other authors/fics/posts or write from experience...

how do you decide when to stop writing or decide on which endings/paths/plot points to go with... the deadly combo of indecisiveness and perfectionism along with having no guidelines or due dates is crippling me so im asking some of my fav authors (who have also been inspiring me to write and be creative)

wait hi this is so sweet thank you!!! 🥹🥹 i will preface All This (sorry i yapped so much lol) by. i’ve been writing fic for like ten years and i think a lot of my old fic, while deeply cringe and awful, was all very important to getting me where i am today where i feel i can accurately get across what im trying to say!!!

first. hone your ideas!!! try to find a good niche you feel comfortable in (but also. don’t limit your creativity!!!). idk for me it’s easier to start specific and small rather than super general bc then i have Tooooo much freedom u know. i think my niche sorta across fandoms is generally softer dialogue, exploring close siblings or familial or friendship bonds an dynamics through situation, a lot of fluff, maybe a lil hurt comfort

i basically exclusively write in order! unless i get a really cool line/paragraph in my head that i write out and save for later to fit in somewhere. i usually have a like one-line idea that just Comes to me (ex. this was my entire line idea that turned into that pony getting jumped fic!)

then i’ll expand it a little more into a shitty little paragraph (ex. here’s a few!!!)

and then tbh after that i just kinda write everything in order from top to bottom from there. i wish i were more organized tbh and writing long fic/chaptered stuff is still sooo hard for me (which is why i don’t do it much yet lol) but im really trying to break out of it!! slowly we are learning!!! retaining the inspo and drive necessary to write that much is harddddd lmfao

before writing i always do have a solid idea where i want it to start and go and end though. like that ponyboy jumping fic i Knew i wanted to have pony get jumped in the opening scene, then go home, try to break down cutting his own hair, brothers come in and talk him down and it ends with talking abt johnny, even if i didn’t like. List that all out in words in a document.

definitely do research!!! espppp for outsiders bc it was like 60 years ago!!! well researched fics are soooo obviously tonally different and it’s always super obvious imo when that sort of care is put into ur writing. that fic i wrote about darry getting a panic attack was important researching bc panic attacks weren’t well known or researched or even Called panic attacks back then, so it’d be hella jarring seeing like 1967 13y/o pony whip out “you’re having a panic attack darry 🤓👆” yk lmfaoo

i SOO get the perfectionism and having no due dates thing btw. i have literally like 5 fics i’ve started and not finished in my docs rn with like 15 more ideas i wanna write someday. tbh! try to enter that Hyperfixation Zone and be really excited about what you’re making!!! helps it go by easier bc i swear sometimes i’ll write fic and it feels like pulling teeth even though it’s supposed to be fun!!!

last thing. try and find friends to bounce ideas off of and go crazy with you <3 or ppl to beta read!!! makes writing SO much easier and sm more fun having a your own lil personal cheerleader!!! if you ever need a beta id be soooo happy to read whatever you’ve got and hype u up!!! <3 i hope this helped at least a little bit LOL my writing process is kinda chaotic ngl

[stupidrant]

RANT INCOMING!

I have to talk abt this as this has been in my mind for months and this i think is the only safe space to talk abt the fandom and their weird antics towards the characters/actors and overall games.Im not against criticism but theres a line between criticizing and going overboard with hating.

One thing i dont understand abt the god of war fandom is that they complain about alot of things not being “accurate” and thats doesnt make sense to me bc when has gow ever been accurate? I thought it was obvious from the beginning that SMS wasnt going for that and never truly will. Its always their own interpretation. They also have this weird hatred / ignorance towards atreus that i also dont understand? Yea he was a little annoying in the first game but thats understandable as hes… a kid. Ragnarok expanded his character pretty well imo and i feel like alot of these people for some reason cannot get past him in general? Maybe because they are afraid of him taking over the series and “forgetting” kratos (idk why thats in their minds LOL) or they just hate him just because. I feel like the fandom wants kratos to forever be this god who destroys things and whatnot and its all so weird. like they never gave him a chance. thankfully he has fans but majority hates him. Dont even get me started on how they treat angrboda. Its really so ridiculous to me that they can be so hateful for no true reason. they call her a bitch for yelling at atreus when all the women in the game get annoyed or disappointed in him atleast once. And they dont understand that she has only known this prophecy shit for her whole life and she couldnt do anything outside bc of the threat. ofc shes angry bro LOLL its also in her name like i dont understand 😭.  Atreus helps her get out of that mindset and assures her she can do whatever she wants now. Laya is so strong idk how she does it :( I also noticed they treat thrud as this “replacement” of angrboda bc they dont like her either cuz shes black or bc they hate her and everything related to atreus but as long as he has a character they can like thats not angrboda its fine. Its all so weird bc theres no competition between the two. There never was. I dont think they actually like thrud for her character they just want to be weirdos and i feel kinda bad for her and mina bc they really dont give a fuck. Im so shocked chris sunny and others even INTERACT with this bullshit of a fandom they are all really strong bc id say fuck all of you and go 😭 im not against criticism at all and i try not to take this shit seriously but its hard when you see a insane group of people take alot of this shit to the next level. this fandom is a bunch of whiny babies who hold onto their precious destroyer too much. The hate everyone has gotten recently is just so stupid and they often times try to make it their goal to hate. I see that SMS is trying to diverge their fandom to a broader audience and they are taking a bit more risks esp with atreus and i love that despite the backlash against him, they continued with his character regardless. I hope they do the same thing with the other characters as well and expand them no matter how much these people want to hate and act all high and mighty. I can understand certain critiques like the ending being too fast or maybe they couldve done blah blah better and whatnot but i think alot of people are overreacting and being ridiculously nitpicky with alot of things when it comes to ragnarok. 

Last thing and also kinda random thing SMS is very wrong for what they did to TC Carson and i acknowledge that completely and i hope they never do smth like that to any of the current cast either bc i would be fucking pissed if so LOL

[proximasc0rner]

Okay it's not quite liveblogging but i found the left right game qcode podcast yesterday and wanted to share my thoughts (just finished the first 3 episodes)

OKAY SO!!! Somewhat mixed but still positive feelings i think! So far!!!

My thoughts (spoilers under cut):

It makes me sad that a good chunk of the narration was dropped in order for a more immersive listening experience, but i suppose that's just how it goes when you're trying to translate stories to different mediums

Speaking of immersion oh my GOD i had my first Apollo kinshift ever and it is SOLELY because of how good this podcast is at making you feel like you're there. Like it hit me the minute Apollo stepped out of his car talking about the Hitchhiker. I was shaking and had to take a break from listening until today 😭

Also speaking of immersion. The Ace death scene was unfortunately fucking PERFECT. It was EXACTLY as gruesome as it felt in the og version, and scary in the way that it makes you feel like time is slowing down as it happens and it was just unbearable the whole time listening and AAAAAAAAA (it was good).

I also REALLY liked the added touch of actually getting to hear the conversation between the Jubilation Recovery Service guys as they're capturing Ace and hanging him from the tow hook. Like in the og story the narration just says they're casually talking but in the podcast you get to HEAR it all happen. Except the conversation was... weird, because it felt like each individual statement felt like it was being taken out of context??? Like one minute they're talking about people growing up out of their uniforms too fast and the next thing they say is something about like. Calling off work????? Or something????? It's really hard to describe how off it was, it was like when you put two cleverbot chat ais next to each other and make them converse. It added to the uncanny effect ✨

Also i lOOOOOVED the whole bit where Rob was freaking out at Bluejay for going so slow around the tree because it reminded me why all good people HATE Denise "Bluejay" Carver /silly

THE HITCHHIKER WAS SO FREAKY I LOVE HIM SO MUCH (i would not touch him with a 39 and 1/2 foot pole)

I appreciate that the stellar characterization of everyone wasn't lost in translation. The voice actors have really brought the cast to life.

However, I do not think Tom needed to be expanded upon. like this guy is just the middleman he does NOT need his own story and the lengthy preamble just kinda detracts from the horror for me.

The one good thing abt Tom's end of things tho is that I enjoy the added detail that Tom seems to be the only one who can remember Alice ever existing

WOOOOOO ALICE IS ONLY HALF BRITISH NOW

In seriousness tho. Idk exactly why the details about Alice and her parents were changed-- like in the OG version she was British with Indian parents, but now her dad is American and her mom is British/Caribbean. It's not a negative by any means I'm just curious as to what the reason was for this change. Also Sharma -> Sharman happened too so 🤷

Final criticism: the whole scene with Chuck Greenwald was slightly worse for me than on first read and first listen via CreepCast. Like genuinely Hunter conveyed him better I think 💀. Like the "they're going to hurt now" line was played straight on CreepCast like it's a serious thing. But then on QCODE Chuck sounds borderline mischievous? Like don't get me wrong I loooove me some hammy, campy evil characters (see: my obsession with disney villains) but even i can admit that there is a TIME and a PLACE for cartoon villain behavior and Radio Jubilation is NOT IT. Also the screams were surprisingly lackluster and the weird metal clanking sounds just really confused me 🥲

BUT ALL IN ALL IT HAS BEEN GOOD SO FAR! I'm excited to see where it goes from here!!

[sickgraymeat]

Ooooh!!! 20 for the ask game :D

part of canon you found tedious or boring

I wrote most of this several hours ago and just barely edited it lol so hope it makes sense! Added some spaces which probably doesn’t help a whole lot lol it’s… very long. Thanks for asking!!!! You don’t have to read it all hshbdnnrns

This one is actually probably p nonviolent bc I don’t think this is a very controversial take round these parts! But definitely all of Finn’s romantic plot lines. I can sort of make an argument abt how they reflect the part of his character that’s really invested in the fairytale idea of being a hero which implies being the romantic lead

(I lean toward hcing him as aroace but don’t feel super strongly abt it, but that or gay or otherwise not into women also adds a comphet element— regardless it’s an interesting parallel with lots of characters but in particular Bonnie, who very clearly has lived her life according to rules she gathered and interpreted about who and what a princess is AND what a girl is. Very gendered so for Finn there’s a bit of toxic masculinity involved in his romantic pursuits and also his inclination toward violence in the earlier seasons. Plus the whole overarching theme of rebuilding society post-post-apocalypse and most of the characters kind of forcing themselves into a mold using what they know and don’t know about past societies combined with how their own has interacted w them.

Comphet also obviously parallel with Bonnie continuing to call Mr. CP her boyfriend etc etc etc, but also maybe more relevant— I hc Marceline as bi so I dont think being attracted to men is compulsory for her but still think heteronormativity is very relevant to her story & I think the same would be true for Finn regardless of orientation. Actually very similar for both of them subconsciously recreating heteronormative relationships which are so reflective of their own specific family structures— Marcy drawn to the Hunson in Ash and dare I say the Simon and the Betty AND the Elise in Bonnie? + Finn drawn to both the Minerva and the Margaret in Bonnie and FP and, to an extent, HW too. Caregivers who are also leaders and answer to no one. HW is a little less officially this but I’d argue that as a female character heavily associated with both nature and protection she is inherently at least a little bit mom-adjacent-coded or something idk what I’m saying but yeah that! Digression lol.)

BUT way overdone even if that was the intention. A lot of that time could’ve been spent on him and Jake and BMO doing silly shit or like expanding on his relationships with Jermaine and Margaret and Joshua and Fern and the humans etc etc. and/or more depth for the love interests themselves. Ofc I always want more Bonnie and there’s a lot more to dig into with FP (and the two of them together for that matter!) & also HW has such a cool design and she’s interesting but I feel like I don’t know much about her and had she and Finn had a different relationship there may have been more room for her to develop. It feels like fan service though I’m guessing now it’s not actually in service of most ppl who are still really big fans. Maybe more so network service lol.

Also sad that some of those songs (all gummed up slaps too hard) and episodes are really good/funny imo I wish they were about something else 😭 (too young is extremely important to me I refuse to discount it but I obvs understand why a lot of ppl want to it’s super frustrating/disappointing.)

Anyway!!!! Thank you for asking and thank you everyone who reads this!!

[koinotame]

\o/

hi! it's me, nana / koinotame!

if you're wondering why i went inactive and then deleted, my mental health kind of (really) tanked... and i ended up deleting my blog in a fit.

it's getting better bit by bit though! and i've been wanting to get back into writing (and talking abt my unhinged/yan ideas i can't really talk to anyone else abt), so. here i am! for now, at least

as for my previously posted writing, there's some good news and some bad news: the bad news is that everything i wrote directly into tumblr (99% of snippets, a lot of ask answers, most exact content warnings, etc) is gone. the slightly less bad news is that iirc there were very very few posts of mine that weren't reblogged by anyone at all, so they're probably still out there? feel free to send them my way if you find any and i'll rb them. @/midnight-remembrance also has reblogged a couple of them! there's a couple snippets i have saved in some places, so i might repost those on my own as i find them, but there's very few of those. the good news is that anything longer (proper writing — oneshots, hcs, yan alphabet responses and so on, prompt responses, etc) is safely backed up where i originally wrote it! some of it is also on my ao3, which is the same username. feel free to send me asks about any you'd like to see again and i'll repost them! i might not post them if i feel too embarrassed about/wish i hadn't posted them, and i might rewrite/heavily edit some of them, but i think there's only a handful that fall into the former category and none of them were particularly popular. either way, no harm in asking!

as for some other updates: i'm a little divided on whether i want to keep posting explicit nsfw or not so we'll see. i might just keep it out of main tags. idk yet. regardless of what decision i make, this blog is still strictly 18+ and that will not be changing. since we can reply from sideblogs now, this is a sideblog and not my main now. why? sometimes i prefer to check up on a blog frequently instead of following them for a couple of reasons, but this felt very awkward when they were following me. so this being a sideblog relieves a bit of that stress. if this makes it sound like i have severe brain worms, it's because i do. to that effect though, if we interact every so often feel free to consider us mutuals regardless of whether or not i'm actually following you =w=b tbh i.............. am not really into genshin anymore. i might post about it here and there but i just Do Not (really) Care about it anymore. scara aside to some degree i also have no clue what's going on post inazuma lol whatever projects or commitments to writing or etc i had made beforehand. i forgot all of them so just pretend that never happened ok? ok i'll also probably be posting more sparsely, but we'll see! and (this is obviously the most important bit) i have no clue where i put the mika edit so we're back to my og classic pfp. the header scales terribly and is temporary, please ignore that too

all that aside, as a treat for anyone who sees this in time,

*roughly 6/22 done, but fairly quick to write. roughly one paragraph per character (sneak peek line: "it's not too hard to be discreet with his unique magic when someone really deserves to fall face down a flight of stairs. or three. oopsie. odd they don't remember it, huh? well, he had nothing to do with that.") **more realistic isn't quite the right word(s)... probably won't post this one to the main tags regardless. won't be doing all of the characters (only important/relevant ones) and won't be writing more about/expanding on, so this one is just like. a one off experiment sort of thing. overall less violent than most takes on the au + leans a bit (or lot, depending on how you look at it) more on the religious aspect of self aware aus. i wrote a couple paragraphs a while ago, then rewrote them, but i'll only finish/post them if there's interest for it (sneak peek line: "aether has deluded himself and cast You aside entirely on his own—and when You finally grace them with Your real presence, zhongli is certain aether will be the first to fall from Your grace.")

i have one other new thing immediately ready for posting that'll get posted in a couple of days but that one's pretty silly

[mookybear12404]

i have been delightedly following your w 359 liveblogging!! and i would love to hear just your initial thoughts on the finale! incomprehensibility welcome!

THANK YOU ANONNNN Imma put this under a read more to avoid spoiling anything

deep breath SCREAMS IM LITERALLY INCONSOLABLE ABT EIFFEL!!!!!!! THIS MAN!! WILL NEVER GET TO SEE HIS DAUGHTER AND REMEMBER HER!!! (tbh Im actually kinda conflicted about how I feel about that choice narratively. Like, they executed it VERY well, but part of me can't accept that this was the best conclusion to Doug Eiffel and all of his mistakes. idk I still need to process the grief first before i can be sure) You know what I do think was narratively satisfying tho? MINKOWSKI WITH THE HARPOON. I GO FERAL EVERYTIME I THINK ABOUT IT. AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I WAS LITERALLY CHEERING AND SCREAMING ALSO. SHE CALLED HIM DOUG ALSO ALSO HERA. NOT LOOKING LIKE PRYCE. IN THE MINDSCAPE. 10/10 IM SCREAMING. I DESPERATELY WISH I KNEW WHAT SHE LOOKED LIKE AHHH Also??? Like Im very happy that lovelace gets her happy ending but I cant stop thinking about how they NEVER really expand on the fact that she's an alien. Like. specifically planted to make her way back to earth and gather intel on human. that was a whole debate for a while that was never really settled and I feel like there's GOTTA be repercussions for that down the line

ALSO ALSO Gotta say I absolutely LOVED Kepler turning on Cutter and how it went down bc OF COURSE this dude isn't just suddenly going to turn a good guy!! but also. killing humanity when YOURE A HUMAN TOO IS TOO STUPID EVEN FOR HIM Okay that's the most coherent I can get out abt them but. my brain is still PROCESSING this finale AHHHH until then I'm just. holding the crew in my mind so tenderly. I want them to all have their happy and peaceful life on earth again. They stick together (rip minkowski's husband having to process that his wife isn't dead while also trying to feed the extra family members renee dragged in) and eventually tear apart goddard futeristics and find a way to give Hera a body and all live happily ever after PLEASE GABRIEL URBINA THEY DESERVE THIS.

[3terna15unshin3]

hi i really love your writing btw but i just wanted to ask bc i saw your post abt rina's comments on matty healy — i was wondering if u could expand on your thoughts on separating the art from the artist or anything like that.

Hellooooo thank u!!!! anon is referring to this post btw.

This is a tough convo 😬😬😬 and I’m honestly still working through what separating art from the artist means to me! But here’s sort of what I think.

I have always refused to watch Woody Allen movies or support Chris Brown’s music. And would 100% stop respecting anyone who preaches anti-vaxx or anti-choice bullshit. I’d never listen to Kanye West on purpose either. I think these dangerous narratives pushed out by ppl whose moral compass are clearly different than mine just totally water down the art they make. Kanye being a fucking weirdo antisemite automatically discredits any good music he makes, to me.

But I’ve also never been connected to any of it. I don’t care for his music, or Chris Brown’s, and I can live without Woody Allen movies. So it’s easy for me to boycott it all. With The 1975’s music—it shaped my teen years. It makes important statements, it breaks boundaries, I feel it so much more deeply than other music makes me feel. So as embarrassing or hypocritical it may be, it would probably take a lot for me to stop listening to it and supporting the band🥲

Matty’s issue is that he thinks ‘teenage boy peepee poopoo make me a sandwich humor’ is funny. Which is really immature and can be damaging to project. But then he turns around and says profound and very intelligent shit about important issues and builds this super leftist radical progressive political stance…… so what the fuck dude! Pick a fucking side! This is why I’m still here…. holding out hope that if he really cares about these issues then he’ll speak out.

Idk I’m rambling at this point but bottom line we just have to stop putting these celebs on pedestals. Call them out when they do fucked up shit, and don’t kiss their asses trying to defending them in the name of being a stan. And also remember that we don’t fucking know them….. like what do u mean ‘you know he’s a good guy and that he’d never say anything misogynistic’ ????? HOW do u know????😭😭😭

I am also reading the book “Monsters: A Fan’s Dilemma” by Claire Dederer. It dives super deep into this conversation and I think reading it will help me understand my stance better—just haven’t finished it yet! If you’re passionate about it I’d suggest checking it out :))))

[seoafin]

if. if i could just print every single chapter of ddao and eat the paper. idk like I need it in my bloodstream i need to memorize it word by word. idk what you put in your writing but every time i read something of yours i can't peel my eyes off the screen until the story's over!! it's just that good 🤩

I have ve just finished reading the latest chapter for the first time so i still need to catch all the details .. but off the bat i think that line about rip!mc feeling like she's introducing a lover to her parents when she talks abt Hideo to Suguru was spot-on. i think it pretty much sums up their dynamic, not in the literal sense ofc lmao - but just in describing the walking-on-eggshells feeling that mc has when confronting them, and that on one side is unjustified (she's always doubting herself so much😭) but that is on the other side valid because they are such a cumbersome (?) presence (i hope i got the word right i had to look it up. i mean .. so big you can't ignore it. You can't just not notice them). they are in general but particularly in her life .. and she's always questioning the things she does and how they will affect them. add to that that stsg just .. don't love normally? they can be so pervasive even without being overtly oppressive! and with a personality such as mc's .. well, things are bound to get a little chaotic 😂! 11/10 as always. not to mention Suguru. i- when he- when i- hgghggghfnn (incoherent gibberish)

also .. I just want to tell you i've been loving all your stsg thoughts. your takes and your fics have been helping me a lot with expanding my perspective on their characters :))!! and even motivated me to work more on my own fic out of renewed interest & passion. i couldn't be happier (& more grateful) about it. so thank you!! I struggle a lot with self-doubt and judgement but when I see people on my dash putting this much heart in their work i'm always a little more motivated to channel my own love and make it shine through. so thank you soo much for everything !! I hope you have a good day Morgan :)) (p.s. sorry for any mistakes, my english-speaking brain is not collaborating rn lol)

i'm always so honored when ppl tell me my work inspires them to work on their own wips because reading other poeple's fics always gets ME motivated to work on my own stuff so it's always so encouraging and heartwarming to hear that!!!!!

[imalsorettish]

Theres a lot to unpack there and im interested in what everyone has to say abt it cuz i wanna EXPAND. But, heres my piece.

I think to understand this it might help me to look at it thru a hypothetical. So, for a moment humour me, im not saying i agree with this im just trying to wrap my head around it. It doesnt seem that uncommon to me that partners might roleplay characters or actors cuz they know their partner is into it. Usually, this is reserved just for fictional characters like, i dont know, thor, or something. That is fine. Characters arent people, but the line gets thin. We know a persona that actors give us. Some are more true to who they are off camera than others are, but theres an amount of distance that needs to be had in a parasocial relationship. Being into that sort of actor alter ego we see isnt the same as being into that person. Just the appearance and the idea of them, not so much the real life, undignified stuff youd get with anyone who isnt famous.

But still, blatantly roleplaying as actual people is more out there imo because if that person could know what was happening they could (very understandably) feel reaaaaaaaaaally uncomfortable with that. just pushing away how gross this could be for them for the sake of the analysis here, what are the differences between this and doing this sort of roleplay with AI?

A few obvious answers:

- Not with real people.

- Ai is very easy to manipulate to whatever u want (granted youre using the appropriate service for roleplay, and not like, cleverbot.)

Doing this with another person would have some exchange of whats going to happen and a need for compromise and boundaries at some point. Ai has some hard lines but its not like it is with a real person since the ai thingy doesnt have feelings to hurt. Add in some magical thinking that whoever the Ai is roleplaying as can somehow see whats going on and knows all the activities and control happening, this creates a massive power struggle and violation from a lack of consent. The person being roleplayed would be basically powerless to stop it, and wouldnt have control over whats going on. in fantasy this wouldnt happen.

So how would a celebrity/whoever know about this? They could probably assume the activities going on, but its still not necessarily accurate to reality. Some fanbases are uhhh. more fucked up than others. Some, less. I feel uncomfortable considering how unknown the scope of it would be for that person. Like whats the extent? Idk. Someone would have to openly show the internet whats going on in their ai roleplay. Which i think is a certainty, frankly. Someones doin that right now. If you knew someone you didnt want to fantasize about you was, youd be pretty uncomfortable with that. its better to just not even know its happening sometimes. And on the side of the person fantasizing, is it wrong to fantasize about someone? I think some people would counter that with smth like "Is it wrong to think?" We cant help who were attracted to. the idea is to be as respectful and aware of consent as we can to avoid situations like this.

I think that side of the issue requires a lot of things to be assumed about everyone involved in the hypothetical to really make heads or tails on whether this is wrong every time or not. If an actor came out and said "Use me in your AI roleplays and feel free to get sexual. I dont really care/I want you to." that would really change the nature of this. Problem is consent. Consent consent consent. And after that, its whether or not they know what youre doing or if youre showing it to them/everyone else.

The most damning thing to me is just the unethical nature of AI, which has been talked to death at this point so i wont include it here.

Who does it profit to open up these options for people who want to do this? What sort of exploitation are they putting actors thru? How far are they willing to take that?

That is arguably much more fucked up than one person quietly sexting a computer pretending to be Robert Pattenson.

Someone anon knows does this. Anon thinks it's a bit creepy but recognizes that it brings this person a great deal of comfort/joy.

–

We ask your questions so you don’t have to! Submit your questions to have them posted anonymously as polls.

[mekatrio]

just wanted to agree with you about the takane mr2 posts because i KNOW who ur talking about and every time i see them mention how they hate mr2 bc it botches takane i cringe so hard like out of everything that's what u think is the worst about mr2? like the reason the scene where ene and shintaro say goodbye to each other in mr2 is so impactful to me is partly because takane commited suicide. it just makes it feel more significant!!!!! idk. just makes me think of the compass line in ene's cyberworld journey. whatever. keep kageproing on

no i think its fair of them to dislike takane's suicide cuz it was definitely rushed and badly communicated (like many aspects of mr2) and it definitely seems OOC initially. i agree with their dislike towards tht scene, but i disagree with calling it a 'wrong' writing choice since it does meaningfully expand on takane's character. like you've said, it makes shinene's parting in mr2 more meaningful, and it also makes shinene's overall relationship more meaningful as well; cuz their whole thing has been like 'cybergirl prevents former classmate from killing himself' (super brief condensed version), and now w the context of takane's mr2 suicide, this means her feelings dont just come from a place of sympathy, but also from empathy. and thats something i rly like abt their dynamic. but despite that, takane's mr2 suicide is still very badly written and needed a closer look at pre-ene takane's mentality to properly show how different she is from the standard routes' takanes, before having her just jump out of the window like that

[roughentumble]

me, desperately scrambling to reply to every nice comment i just got: COMMENT!! COMENTE, COMMMENTEE, COMNEMT!!!! COMMENT!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU DID YOU KNOW I WOULD DIE FOR YOU

me, a few minutes later: hmm. i wonder if rapid-fire responding to each new comment makes me look Fucking Weird.

[future--ghost]

Ok so just writing this down here so I can think abt it later. Spoilers for CRK Cookies of Darkness an' Chapter 13-14 an' shit.

Funny au ides where dark choco and dark cacao get a better father son relationship bc I need it

Basic premise understand this is just me jotting down my thoughts at midnight on a school night because my sleeping pills aint working tonight until I write this down nothing special.

Basically Dark Cacao sends Dark Choco flowers in the mail along with a letter with something along the lines of "Hello Dark Choco Cookie, since it's [insert random reason he would give flowers to him like birthday or some sort of holiday celebrating your son idk] I am not sure if you still like plants as they did spark your interest when you were younger, but things change. Enjoy the flowers and please write back if you can. Love/From, Dark Cacao Cookie"

Dark Choco is surprised and despite feeling semi resentful towards his father (much less though since the events of chapter 14) and having no interest in plants and life in the slightest, keeps the flowers as it was a pleasant surprise and he doesn't want to admit it but he was quite happy to receive them from his father.

Dark Choco writes back with a letter speaking about how he was surprised to receive flowers and despite not having interest in plants and life he decided to make an exception just this once yada yada yada. Dark Choco speedruns to the black citadel sneaks into Dark Cacao's room when he's not there leaves the letter on his desk and speedruns back to his home.

Dark Cacao was shocked that the letter was on his desk in his room and nobody knew of a letter or saw anyone go in his room. He writes back about how he was surprised to find the letter in his room and how he suspects dark choco was behind it but asks him not to elaborate. Dark Cacao says in the letter that instead of just writing letters back and forth and eventually running out of things important and worthwhile to write they just talk.

Dark choco recieves letter accepts and they meet in a Coffee shop ig (I like the a hat in time coffee shop au a lot) Dark Cacao and Dark Choco start asking how the other has been and etc.

Maybe ill expand on this later but it's early in the morning and I have school in the morning so gn. Please if you like it reblog and tell me if you do I'd really appreciate it ty. Sorry for the trash writing I just I'm trying to jot down an idea like a had mentioned prior.

[v2xe]

i got too carried away and ended up hitting the tag limit 🫠 hope it's alright if i just put this here instead

#SDJFGSDFNM asgsdfasd AGSDF GURGLES LIKE IM CHOKING ON MOUTHWASH FINALLY SOME GOOD FUCKING FOOD#I CANT BELOIEVE IM ONLY SEEING THIS FIVE DAYS AFTER IT WAS POSTED good lird#see i understand why there would be a split in the fandom abt this bc there is also a split in tumblr user v2xe#when i first played my reading was that sarah and jack's relationship was INTENDED to be portrayed as romantic#only the writers kind of expected them sharing some friendly lines + jack being the protag and sarah#being the princess would be enough for the audience to go “ah yes. romance”#and that the tragic and borderline romantic subtext jack has w astos was just incidental in the way it happens when writers#accidentally end up developing male characters and their relationships more than female ones#esp since se's games' track record w this is…….not great#(<-she is haunted by secondhand accounts from the tranches of ff16's writing)#and tbh i was ready to just assume this was my own little interpretation where it isn't that deep but it could be. and i could just build#myself a fun little sandbox in the hole i dug where the story could have expanded certain themes further but didn't#but after reading that one interview where the writers were like "maybe sarah was in love with him maybe she was just infatuated with what

#he represented" i turned into one of those shitty gore stick figures because what the fuck!! the writing agrees??#which meshes perfectly w her being sheltered which!! while i thought abt it i never really went into it like this and it makes!! sense!!#& a the same time yeah!! sarah IS a symbol. which having played ff1 i think was a cool way to go about expanding her role from that gam#oh so she's a symbol? she's a reward? the motivator that pulls you along to start your journey? ok fine then. i'll give you a Symbol#and if you asked me i think jack genuinely cared/s(?) about her (just not in a romantic sense)#and unlike other things i say here i can say w 100% confidence that the writers wanted us to notice he cares#like it always fascinated me how in the jp version jack's speech patterns change DRASTICALLY whenever he's speaking to sarah#idk much japanese but the formal/respectful way he spoke stood out massively compared to his usual form of speech#i get that this could be harder to portray in english without seeming unnatural but i'm sad they didn't include this tbh#bc we don't see him talk to ANYONE like this in the game i believe- not the king or queen not astos not anyone#they WANTED you to notice. they put a big neon sign pointing at jack and sarah there's SOMETHING important here#(tangent for some reason the spanish version got this backwards and it's ash and jed who address sarah formally while jack speaks in the same blunt manner...but that#version was so rushed it still has placeholder text in the script so i woulnt put too much faith in it having like…authorial intent lmao)

#& in general there are some very slight differences between the eng and jp ver that imo carry v different implications?#like how in eng jack just kinda sounds annoyed at sarah's request and his “of course” comes across as exasperated and sarcastic rather than#genuinely polite- which makes the scene of him tapping his foot seem like an intentional gesture of “stfu already” rather than “desperately#trying to contain the wave pure compulsive rage that drives me for 2 minutes so i can be polite to this girl" yknow? #anyway what i mean is that its interesting how his affection for sarah was also "weaponized" for the plan like the one he has for his friends #and yet sarah's role is more as a symbol than an emotional catalyst? to me at least-& i keep wondering WHY it's diff for her in particular #&it's not bc she was WRITTEN poorly i feel-if the writers did fall for that kind of trap we wouldn't have sophia or neon imo #it almost feels like theres all these conspicuous arrow signs pointing at something but i cant fucking see what it is??

#but after reading this i can see how that was kinda the point i think #at the end of the day this is jack's story. and us experiencing everything from his pov at all times is a big part of why the story works so well #it makes sense he wouldn't care for anyone's emotions or inner thoughts until it's too late- therefore the game doesn't show them #& sadly that includes sarah and what's going through her head #bc i kind of wish we couldve seen more of it- what was she thinking as she died? what did she feel? was it clean and straightfoward? #hope? despair? sadness? nothing at all? too many things at once? did she feel betrayed as she remembered? did she feel resentment for the #one man who could change her world by watching her die? how was she any different from the organic reconoissance unit Iving dead in a floati #-ng island somewhere surrounded by dead bats and FUCK I haven't even talked about astos yet #it's a tragedy that despite them having canonically interacted multiple times we never get to hear any of it :(( #tho i have to put a big * on all this because i know that this could very much be me critiquing the game on what i WISH it did #rather than on how it archieved what it was actually trying to do #imo sarah has the markings of god's little lamb(symbol of hope) most likely to be slaughtered #dare i say final fantasy's very own anthy himemiya #there's something about a character whose purpose is to essentially be a symbol #and who is also a sheltered young woman whose hopefulness is not a flaw but who is perhaps too idealistic for her own good that really intrigues me!! #and from that view i like how you can see her unwavering idealism as sheltered naivety or as something good and celebrated(? in the narrative #anyway sarah both as a character and how she fits into jack's story leave so so much room for fun stuff and i really appreciate that #in a better world i think they would have a lovely friendship

#ok running out of power now so ill stop and hope this doesnt read like gibberish or realize i missed sth if i reread it in the morning #i am so so sorry for the wall of tags none of this has much of a throughline this is just thought vomit bc this post made me Think #by which i mean this post is rearranging my brain and activating neural pathways i didn't even know i had rn #& in all seriousness im so so so glad i saw this!! even if i wish i had done it sooner!! its great to read someone's thoughts like this <33

"You Never Forget Your First Love."

The other day, a mutual (hi! you know who you are I think probably hello hi! thank you for the Posting Impetus!) said something that made me curious (for, like, the 80th time, actually; lol. I Have Thoughts) about something: what's the split on people who subscribe to the "Stranger of Paradise probably intended for us to believe that Jack & Sarah were in love" mindset, vs. not? In general, but ESPECIALLY around these parts.

I genuinely didn't read it that way myself (& I do NOT normally give media (general) this much credit, but the writing in this game is sublime; I had no choice but to fully engage Scholar Mode on it), + I think it's interesting that SPECIFICALLY any of my fellow tumblr people / AO3-heads / Gay People Online / etc. seem to have. (I expect nothing from people who haven't been basting themselves in the same online sub-subcultures as me for over a decade. They're allowed to write wrong things on wikis, and have done so already; it's whatever.)

I wanna metapost badly again, so let's go. Join me. No poll. If you have an opinion on this, I'm looking directly into your eyes and beckoning you towards your own keyboard + also the reblog button / comment section, like a weird ghost. What did you think when you first played the game?? What do you think right now? What are you about to think after you have read a bunch of my words. Tell Me. I Need To Know This.

Spoilers for, idk, everything? Today we will use everything we've got to talk about Princess Sarah.

1. As a Narrative Element

This game makes a point of referring to Sarah as things like "a symbol of hope and peace" as often as possible, & when it isn't doing that she's usually in the role of An Object Or Device Of Some Kind, anyway. She's important because she's capable of holding light and dark in balance & SOMEONE'S gotta hold onto this dark crystal for safekeeping, and also we're gonna need to upset that balance on purpose later. There's that conversation in the Wicked Arbor about whether the Strangers would "choose" her (as opposed to "treasure") as the "reward" for succeeding in their mission[1], & there's the one in the Sunken Shrine where Jed asks Jack what he thinks of her and Jack says that he doesn't care about her as a person[2] BUT that protecting her is mission-critical (lol), too.

Sarah's death is metaphorically charged. It's the point of no return: the dark crystal breaks, the balance of light & dark gets extremely ruined, & Literally All The Darkness In Cornelia converges in one place (Fool's Missive XXVII). That's the payoff for the "symbol of hope and peace" motif, and communicating this idea that "the metaphorical light of hope just For Real Died, Like Catastrophically Imploded, No Take-Backs" feels to me like it was the highest priority here. Second-highest goes to "Jack had way more humanity before, but he set it aside on purpose and is actively in the middle of losing the rest of it." "Sort of." "I'm not getting into what counts as humanity or doesn't because if I did we would be here forever."

Basically, I'm saying that the tidiest read on the situation is "Jack despairs because Sarah dying means in a very literary and final way that everything is ruined forever, which doesn't necessarily have anything to do with, like, Love (romantic)." I don't think the text of the game is particularly signaling that Love (romantic) is involved, and I think that if it meant to, it would be more obvious about it. You could bundle "an romance" into the "humanity" thing if you wanted to, but I'm not inclined to, based on some additional list items that you can read below this one.

[1] The fact that Neon ALSO says she feels bad for her for being thought of in this way only reinforces my conviction that the game is pointing at Sarah & yelling "REMEMBER THAT SHE IS MOSTLY A SYMBOL!", tbh. Who wants to go point out how freaky the mechanics of Being An Royalty are w/ me and the boys??

[2] I will give the Wiki WrongPosters this: I can totally see this as some kind of irony thing, given that he's still missing like a fucktillion of his memories when he says it. However! As mentioned above, I have other reasons not to read it as evidence that he was ever, like, romantically interested in her.

2. As a Sheltered Youth™

We don't have a TON of information to work with RE: Sarah as, like, a person, but here are a couple of hard facts to start with: she's 19 (per the data book, but she'd have to be somewhere in the 18-to-early-20's age range regardless or her whole deal wouldn't really make much sense, imo. She's a baby...!), and she's royalty. I think this ties into her utility as a walking metaphor, among other things; she's archetypically young, fresh, & idealistic. I'd call her naïve but the game obviously isn't interested in portraying it as a weakness, so positive words only; why not.

You could argue that people look to her as a symbol of hope because she hasn't directly experienced enough strife to exhibit hopelessness or fear in response to bad news in the abstract. I find it interesting that before Jack, like, knocks the wind out of her & tells Sophia to take her outside so she can see for herself how bad things have gotten at the end of the game, she says that her duty is to die with her people if she has to, & it doesn't even seem to occur to her that she could lead at least some of them away to safety...? When she changes her mind, she still talks about herself as a symbol before she ever uses the word "leader". She sees HERSELF in terms of symbols and metaphors, and takes action based on her designated role As One Of Those. Not very practical.

There's also the dialogue you can have with the queen the first time you're allowed to run around in the throne room at the beginning of the game, where she asks Jack to smile in front of her daughters (NOT just Mia; daughters, plural). Even if she only means "dude can you be polite please," the fact that this is The thing she has to say to Jack is telling. Is it going to upset your 19-year-old daughter to see that the Guy Whose Job It Is To Kill Monsters looks serious? Why do you think this? Does your 19-year-old daughter understand how serious the situation is, generally speaking? Do you not WANT her to for some reason? Boats don't work anymore unless a weird elf messes with them first. Not thinking very hard about the implications of this is something a sheltered person does.

Residual time loop un-memories aside, a young woman in this situation is so obviously going to have a huge crush on Jack Garland no matter what. He Is So Cool, first of all, & he's also Different from the adult men she gets to see on an everyday basis (family, guards, rando townspeople[3]...). It's not like the political social scene could POSSIBLY be thriving in this world, either; it all seems to be one kingdom we're dealing with and they're kind of busy with the external threat of being Under Fucking Attack By Monsters. Does she even get fun treats like "handsome visiting dignitaries" & what-have-you? The game doesn't present us with any potential options, here. Jack is mysterious, he has special-boy Warrior of Light status, his one job & apparent life's purpose is protecting the kingdom she loves, he's pretty nice to her (even in later cycles he at least goes out of his way to be polite!), & additionally, he's shredded. THIS makes sense to me.

There's a Q&A in the data book that has something to say about JACK as a symbol & what that has to do with this whole thing but we'll get there. We'll get there.

[3] Tangent: what's up with how Cornelia's entire adult male population appears to consist of aging queens. Why did they only make models that look Like That for the NPCs? It's awesome but I have 1 quastion

3. JACK JUMPSCARE !

I'm not about to say that he's just humoring her, or anything, but please humor ME for one second & put yourself in Jack's shoes. Not the default shoes; we can have more fun than that. Maybe the Banded Boots. Blurple ones? Shaped like a cartoon would wear them? Big spikes on the back for no reason? I love those things. Anyway, you're Jack. You're working for literally the king, & the work means Everything to you for reasons you can't even necessarily explain except to say that it JUST does. The king's eldest daughter (very young adult; Never Been Outdoors; a little overly-sociable but nice enough & what do you expect from a princess, anyway) has imprinted on you like a duckling for whatever reason. You would be nice to this person, yes? You'd be patient with her while you're in town. You have Brutal Murders to be doing, but not until, like, 2 days from now, or whatever; you're sharing space with her in some capacity in the meantime & it's in your best interests to keep her happy. (You probably even enjoy doing this, if you're Jack of a Way Earlier Cycle; I'm in no way ruling that out. Sharing your music collection with an enthusiastic Baby Adult? That's fun. I think he was probably having fun. Okay, you can step out of the fun purple shoes if you want; the Humoring Me Minute has concluded; thanks.)

Also, @2000sanimeop and I think that if Jack felt that way about her Astos would have been a little More Something about how much it was gonna suck for him when she died. In Fool's Missive XXVII he uses the word "painful," but that's about it. He doesn't even bring it up in XXV, which is the one where he says he's curious about whether she'd survive being turned into a fiend (side note: Astos fucking rocks. Why did he write that down?? I love him). & Hey SPEAKING OF ASTOS,

4. I wouldn't put Jackstos on a wiki, either.

The writing in Stranger of Paradise, SERIOUSLY, WITHOUT EXAGGERATION, is some of the best I've seen in literally anything ever. It suits not just its medium but also its sort of Place in History Relative to Other Video Games & the things it chose to DO with that medium & that niche INSANELY well. It is CUSTOMIZED. It's SO INTENTIONAL. I can't get too far into this or we'll be here all day, but the essence of what I want to say here is: there are relatively few facts presented to us by this game, compared to the implications we can go about drawing from those facts & other, external sources of context.

Sarah calls Jack her first love; that's a fact. No facts are presented to us that REALLY say much one way or the other[4] about what Jack thinks of this, himself; "fucktillion memories missing" Jack says he doesn't care, but he's missing a fucktillion of his memories, and DLC2 Jack has a set of dialogue options (hi Anne the Malboro I love you Anne the Malboro) that can point either way depending on what the player chooses, which is kind of nothing, on balance. As the audience, we can (should!) draw whatever conclusion we want about it, but none of those conclusions are text.

[4] I WILL GET TO THE DATA BOOK IN ONE SECOND. HOLD ON.

And, okay, please let me level with you. Let's be on the same page. Jack & Astos had some kind of thing going on, imo, OBVIOUSLY, but I want to be CLEAR and I want to get CREDIT for the things I'M bringing to the table to help generate this conviction. I drew that conclusion & I read that reading based on subtext, context, personal history, personal preference, & sheer gay zest for life. It is also, emphatically, NOT TEXT.

Astos refers to Jack with the ol' "...friend" in Fool's Missive XXI. He calls him "my Jack" in Fool's Missive XXXI. Canonically, textually, he has some big fucking COMPLICATED fucking feelings about this man. These are facts. If you're playing this game as Some Guy, I can see how you could potentially absorb these facts & still pay them much less regard[5] than I did & continue to. My argument here is that god I wish I lived in a world where Some Guy could extend the same courtesy to me and not treat Sarah's textual affection for Jack as something that necessarily indicates Some Kind Of Reciprocal Romantic Whatever, Definitely, Obviously, Of Course.

[5] Longer Tangent: I have been informed that the Some Guys of the world are currently pretty good at Recognizing a character that behaves in a way that's Pretty Gay, but tend to stop there, possibly for the combined reasons that A. they're not very familiar with a lot of the the ways gay relationships often work (you know, soul resonance. mutual recognition. sharing a brain etc.) and B. the Object Of Affection is usually the player character and they subconsciously shy away from thinking of a Guy They're Supposed To Identify With as gay. This is practically a lead-in to an entire separate post I could make, so I'll leave it at that, lol.

The writing is too good for that kind of assumption! I'M SERIOUS!! It's mind-blowingly subtle & endlessly fascinating to hold up to the light & view from every possible angle, and "Jack & Sarah were in love" + "Jack & Astos were in love" are BOTH ANGLES. I'm personally very very interested in giving the text credit for that. I think it's impressive. I think it's really, really cool, and I think it was on purpose. Speaking of which,

5. Word of God agrees with me, btw

This is from the Q&A section on page 156 of the Confidential File. The translations below are my own (I think they're straightforward enough, but lmk if you know more than me & I'm actually being stupid in there somewhere. Alt text has the JPN, if you want to copypaste it or something). Someone asked:

Why is it that you established Garland as someone Sarah has a romantic interest in?

The answer is from Daisuke Inoue (director, one of 3; the other 2 are from Team Ninja; he's from Square Enix):

That was because, from a narrative standpoint, we wanted Sarah to be the kind of person who holds onto hope. You can imagine that she saw the "hope" to save the world in Jack, a potential Warrior of Light. Sarah is seen by her people as a symbol of a bright future, but if there were nobody to give her hope, that might destabilize her emotionally. As for whether she felt genuine love for Jack, or just mistook her feelings of admiration towards him for "first love," we'll leave that to your interpretation.

The first time I read this, I thought the question was implying the aforementioned Reciprocal Something, but on closer inspection that doesn't even seem to be true! "思い人" seems to indicate a directional relationship; as in, the question assumes that Jack is an object of affection to Sarah, but assumes nothing about what Jack thinks.

Also, the answer uses the word "初恋" (hatsukoi), which is a very established Concept as far as "first love" goes, but in that one cutscene, Sarah says "初めての恋" (hajimete no koi), which is. Different, but I couldn't tell you how, lol. It's Not The Exact Same Phrase, but I'm not sure whether it's meaningfully different in this context. If I had to guess, I'd say that IF ANYTHING it could be a way of saying "first love" without invoking the cultural CONSTRUCT of First Love (as much)? But it's whatever. The localization holds up. All sources show that Sarah had Feelings about Jack, and all sources CONSPICUOUSLY neglect to mention Jack's feelings about her.

It was on purpose. This is my license to be as annoying as I want for one second here. I am right. All the other writing in this game is notably subtle, efficient, intentional, and skilled, AND ALSO, WHEN do you ever see anyone write such a richly beautiful, mostly-subtextual relationship between two men, which can easily be read as a romantic thing, and NOT explicitly canonize a very possible romantic relationship between at least one of those men and a woman, like not even in an interview or anything. What the fuck, man.

I'm putting away the Respectable Scholar Hat now. This is so funny. The person asking this question didn't EVEN go as far as assuming Jack & Sarah had any kind of Actual Romance going on, & the answer STILL dials it back to "she might have been conflating her feelings about Jack AS A SYMBOL with actual affection, also. We'll let you decide : ) ". This game is everything ever.

[cherryyharryy]

angst to fluff where y/n finds out she was originally just supposed to be a rebound type thing after he broke up with someone like idk something like he broke up with someone on the european leg of tour and she was supposed just be with him until he went on another leg but then he started to love her and brings her on the rest of tour with him and she finds out abt the rebound thing after the last show of tour where everyones drunk and celebrating and one person lets it slip

I tweaked it just a bit...hope that's ok:)

WC: 3.5K

****

“You look beautiful.”

I skim my nose across Harry’s cheek, his chin resting on my shoulder, and hum against stubble that wasn’t there this morning. “You’ve said that five times tonight.”

“And?” He slips around to face me.

His suit is a deep maroon, probably black if you’re far away, probably purple if you’ve had too much champagne. His chest expands when I slide my hand down.

“Love this dress.” He takes my hand off and pulls me closer, pressing a kiss to my head.

“You two forget where you’re at?” Another foreign voice surrounds us, well, foreign to me.

“Fucker,” Harry says to the man. They pat each other’s backs as the guy walks away. “Tyler Johnson.”

“Oh.”

“He worked with me on the last album.”

“Okay.”

It’s like the fifteenth person that I’ve been introduced to tonight, all of whom pass by with quick hellos, inside jokes with Harry, and little interest in me. The fast paced world of the rich and famous doesn’t slow down, even for charity.

“Harry, so glad you could make it.” Another voice, another man. This one lingers, long enough to receive my name, and offer a cliche compliment about my patience to put up with this beautiful bastard on my arm.

I thank him with the smile I’ve learned to speak through. These celebrities never stop smiling. Never stop posing. Never stop.

Then he’s gone too, and Harry’s whispering yet another name in my ear, of which I’ll forget seconds later because these people ultimately mean nothing to me. They all seem to pass through each other’s lives whenever convenience allows, playing house and acting like grown ups who get the privilege of not truly growing up.

I feel like the Gucci dress Harry had tailored to my body doesn’t fit. My posture sucks. I’m too scared to eat any of the finger foods being carried on silver platters through the hall. I haven’t learned how to smile through food I don’t like or not make a mess or take small enough bites. I swear, not one glass of champagne has any lipstick on it. They’re like magic.

I look at Harry. He’s stepped away to converse with a face that I do know. He and Jeff speak animatedly, Harry’s arms gesturing to whatever story he’s telling. I step over to one of the dressed tables and place what little weight I can onto the chair, needing to cling to something. When I look back up I smile, the two of them now laughing, and probably a little too loud for this charity auction.

“Y/n...right?”

I whip around, a man I’ve seen in pictures on Harry’s phone holds out his hand.

I straighten my back and accept his greeting. “Yes.”

“Finally we meet!” He catches my confusion and chuckles. “I produced Harry’s last album.”

Something clicks in my head, and he’s suddenly more familiar. “Oh! I knew that.”

Tom Hull...Kid Harpoon I process just as he introduces his name.

“I—”

An arm slipping around my waist stunts my question, Harry tipping back a red drink with his free hand while the other squeezes my hip. “Just tell this one to leave you alone,” he jabs.

Tom rolls his eyes, patting the breast of his green suit to look for something, only to show off his middle finger.

“Can’t believe the two of you haven’t met,” Harry says.

“I know, I guess we just missed each other.” Tom nods to me. “Heard you went to quite a few shows.”

“As many as I could.”

An uneasy sting travels down my spine. I did go to many shows, practically following Harry around his entire tour...all on his dime. Lord knows the man can afford it, but I still felt weird about him dishing out thousands of dollars to add me to each plane ride.

“Well I’m happy to see you two kids together,” Tom jokes, patting Harry on his back. “I’ve told him he needs to date women who will fuck him up. That’s where the songs are.”

He saunters off like he did not just say that. No. Absolutely not.

My face burns and it hurts to turn my head, but I still manage to narrow my eyes at Harry.

“Do you want another drink?”

I wait. I give him more than enough seconds to explain what the hell that was. But he’s clueless—ignorant.

“No. I do not.”

***

I do not bother taking my heels off in the car. My plan is to storm into our hotel room the second we park. Possibly locking Harry out...haven’t decided on that part yet.

The vague chit chat he makes with the driver stirs my nerves. It shouldn’t make me angry, and it’s not so much the act as it is his demeanor. He’s too cheery right now and it’s pissing me off.

“Okay,” he grabs my attention from Los Angeles flying past my window, the partition rolling up to leave us completely alone in the back seat. “What’s wrong?”

I bite my tongue, literally. “Nothing.”

“You seemed...irritated.”

“Did I?”

“Y/n.”

I turn to face him, inhaling sharply to calm my coming words. “Why are you with me?”

His face pales, and not a muscle moves. He just stares at me until he finally blinks and starts jerking his jaw around. “What are you talkin’ about?”

I roll my eyes. “The fact that you don’t know, bothers me even more.” I sigh, fighting back tears because I am determined not to cry in front of him. “Tom said that you should date people that fuck you up.”

“O—oh. That’s all?”

I squint, curling my lip. “What do you mean, that’s all? Is that not enough for you? Because that was a lot for me to hear tonight.”

“Baby, he was just messing around.”

I don’t budge.

“Really, it’s nothin’ to think about.” He tucks my hair behind my ear, trailing his hand down to cup my jaw. “Promise. It’s just like when people told you that you could do better than me, or insult me to compliment you.” He shrugs. “It’s just party talk.”

I process his words, supposing he’s not wrong. He did receive quite a few insults in lieu of my praise tonight. Maybe I was just on edge because of the setting; being surrounded by the rich and famous while I struggle to pay my rent each month isn’t exactly grounds for positive thinking.

“Okay, I’m sorry.”

“Nothing to apologize for.” He leans over to kiss me, stroking my face as his lips skim over mine. “Did I tell you how stunning you look tonight?”

***

It’s funny how your brain works. How emotions swoop in and corral your thoughts, like a salesman who pretends to care about you so they can get what they want. My mind was desperate for relief, from hearing Tom’s nervy comment, and I naively allowed Harry to take what he needed in that moment.

Something’s not quite right. I don’t know what it is, but I can feel it.

I’ve been mulling over Harry’s words in my head all weekend, playing them on repeat, hoping they’ll start to make sense, but if anything their value keeps dropping. What worries me the most, is that I don’t know whether he’s trying to protect me or himself. I don’t know if one is any better than the other.

It’s golden hour when we pull up to the beach. I can hear the music before I even open the car door; a volleyball shoots up over the rows of bushes hiding the party, disappearing and popping back up a moment later.

I don’t really want to be here, but I also don’t want to be the girlfriend who won’t support their boyfriend.

“Ready?” Harry asks, and I nod.

The closer we walk, the clearer the music becomes. Harry’s voice takes over the private beach, and I wonder if they’re playing his entire album or just Golden on repeat.

A good bit of the people drinking and chatting I recognize form the event the other night, but there are still plenty of new faces. I take some fruity drink that was offered to me and down half of it before my feet hit sand.

And so the routine continues. I’m introduced to someone, they compliment me, laugh with Harry, congratulate him on pretty much everything he’s ever done, and then repeat with a new face. I do manage to find Sarah at one point after I’ve detached myself from Harry, and the two of us head for the water.

“Are you feeling okay?” Sarah asks once our toes are wet.

I hold my breath and count to five, finishing whatever the hell I’m drinking before I can answer her. “I’m great.”

“Harry said you weren’t doing too well after the auction?”

“Yes, Harry does a lot of talking with people when I’m not around.”

“Alright, spill it,” Sarah says.

I trace the rim of my glass, flicking my eyes over my shoulder to make sure we’re far away from the party. “It’s stupid, really, I’m just a little...I don’t know...Tom said something the other night that rubbed me the wrong way. And Harry doesn’t seem to care.”

“What did he say?”

“Just something about how Harry needs to have relationships with people who will fuck him up.”

“Ooh,” she nods, seemingly well versed in the statement. “Yeah that’s an Iggy Pop quote. Tom mentioned it in Rolling Stone when he was interviewed.” She sips her drink, eyes growing small over the rim. “It was just a cheap line of advice he gave Harry after he was torn up after his last breakup.”

“Wait, so he actually did say that before? Like before the other night?”

Sarah drifts her eyes up in thought, nodding. “Um hm. After him and Camille broke things off.” She shrugs, and gestures to the party exploding on the beach behind us. “Fine Line.”

I have no idea what I’m feeling. No clue what is coursing through my veins, but it’s not blood anymore. The corners of my jaw tingle until my face starts going numb, my breathing shallow and chest tight.

“You okay?”

“I uh, I gotta go.”

Sarah calls after me but I let my name die in the breeze as I march back to the crowd. It’s nearly dark now, and finding Harry among all his people will take forever. I try to look for him, but I’m so distraught I can’t concentrate long enough to make out faces. I give up and head back to his car, only to find it’s locked. The asphalt is warm on my legs as I lower down to the ground, careless to the dirt I’m getting on my clothes and the scratches on my skin.

I’m not in this position for long. Not long enough, at least. Harry rounds the corner of the bushes, speeding up when he sees me.

“Baby, what’s wrong?”

He moves to sit down beside me, but I jump up before he can.

“You’re a fucking liar.”

“Whoa! What!? What’s gotten into you lately?”

“I told you! What Tom said the other night!” I’m yelling, too loud for public, I know. But a small part of me wants someone to hear. I want to disrupt the bubble Harry lives in.

“And I told you that it was just nonsense.”

“And that’s why you’re a liar! Sarah just told me, that he said that to you after you and Camille broke up.”

“Okay...and?”

I inhale as deep as I can. It makes me dizzy, adds to my headache. “And, what the fuck am I supposed to do with that? With the knowledge that the only reason you’re even with me, is because I’m gonna fuck you up so bad you’ll get songs out of it?

“Y/n,” he pinches the bridge of his nose, “you’re taking this waaay too literally. Trust me.”

“You’re not in a position right now where I even want to trust you.”

“This has gotten completely out of control. I cannot believe you’re this upset over something so stupid.”

“Right there, Harry!” I point at him. “You keep dismissing how I feel! You don’t even care that this upsets me! That I feel like I need to reevaluate our entire relationship!”

“What is there to evaluate!? I haven’t even done anything! You’re blowing up about something that someone else said!”

“But you listened to him!”

“What,” he shrugs, “what do you want?”

“I don’t know what I want, Harry. I don’t know if I can do this.”

“Do what?” He pauses, swallowing. “Us?”

I roll my eyes. “Yes, us. I can’t be with you if—if you’re just waiting around for me to ruin you emotionally.”

“You’re seriously gonna let someone else’s words do this to us? You’d break up with me because of something another person said?”

“Harry, if I break up with you it’s gonna be because of what you’ve done. I don’t care that he said it, I care that you agree to it. And quite frankly, it’s pretty insulting to Camille. You spent a part of your life with that girl, and you just capitalize off of it. I’m not gonna let you do that to me.”

“I’m not capitalizing off of anyone! What the hell am I supposed to write my songs about? I’m just supposed to not date then?”

“It’s the fact that you sought out a relationship in order to fuel your writing.”

“No, y/n, that’s not what I did.” He narrows his eyes at me, and even in the dark I can see his anger. “I sought you out because I was devastated after me and her broke up. You were only supposed to be a rebound.”

I feel like the wind’s been knocked out of me. The music overhead blurs into noise scraping my eardrum, my vision grows weak and foggy. He wanted to hurt me, and he did.

“I expect a thank you when you release your next album.” I spin on my heel and head towards the main road, yanking my phone from my pocket to call an uber. For the second time tonight, my name trails behind me in the wind. I can hear Harry’s steps pick up, and as fast as I walk, he still catches me.

“Y/n, please, let’s go back to the hotel. You can hate me and not talk to me, but please don’t leave.”

I ignore him, trying to set up my ride. “Where the hell are we?”

He glances at my phone, and I can tell he considers keeping the answer to himself, so he can keep me to himself. He drops his voice, much weaker than before. “Carbon Beach. Canyon road.”

Ten minutes.

“Y/n—”

“I am not interested in discussing this with you.”

“I’m so sorry. I—I was mad and was just trying to win the argument. Whichever way I could.”

“Congratulations on your win.”

“Y/n, please, honey. I don’t want to lose you.” He drags his hands down his face, keeping his palms dug into his eyes. When he lets them drop, there are tears spilling down his cheeks. “I can’t lie and say you weren’t, but yes you were a rebound for me, but that went away. Literally weeks after we started dating. I care about you so much. I wouldn’t drag you to every show and event I have if I didn’t. I’m so proud to call you mine. The last thing you are to me is—is just grounds for my writing.”

I stare out across the road. A jeep speeds by and the gush of wind it brings sends chills down my arms.

“Harry, I just...it’s a lot. You’re a lot. Your life is a lot.” I sigh and slowly turn to face him. “It feels like the significance of us being in each other’s lives are so different.”

He kicks a rock across the road, dust flying up around us. “Fuck. Y/n I’m begging—”

“They’re here.” I nod to the headlights approaching us.

“Baby, please.”

“I think I need to be alone right now.” I get in the backseat. “Enjoy your party.”

***

I text him when I’m back at the hotel, having nowhere else to go. I didn’t think my plan of leaving through, because he’ll come back here before the night’s over. But I’m hoping he’ll stay away for a bit, long enough for me to process everything at least.

Deep down I know there’s not as much to the comment as I thought. And Harry’s not that type of guy. But the lack of concern over my feelings...the fact that I was just used as a warm body while he got over Camille...that’s what hurts the most.

There’s a fine line between being sorry because you’ve been called out, and truly being sorry. How sorry can he be when he got what he wanted? Even if I’m not what he envisioned past a few quick fucks, he still comes out on top happy.

I feel like the lifestyle these people live is embedded with secret codes, all of which I’m not wired to pick up on. The money, the mistakes, the adoration... Everything is a lot, and playing catch up is nearly impossible.

I don’t get the alone time I’d wished for. There are curses and clicks of the doorknob right before Harry comes in. He stands at the entrance, staring at me on the lounge chair like he’s unsure if I’m real.

“Wasn’t sure you’d come back here.”

“Where else can I go?” I nod to his phone in his hand. “I texted you.”

“I was driving.”

I sigh, flinching when he turns the lights on. “I know you wanna talk, but I don’t even know what to say.”

“You don’t have to,” he says, dropping his keys on a table to come sit beside me. “I’ll talk though.” He inhales, holding his breath for a second before forcing the air out. “I know that me saying I’m sorry means shit to you right now. And to be honest, it probably is coming from me...in a way. You’re right about everything. And whatever you’re feeling, once you figure that out, you’re valid about that too.”

“How would you feel if you were only meant to be temporary in my life? You never mentioned why you were interested in me in the beginning. And no, I never would have gone out with you had I known. I would never want to be someone’s rebound. There’s just something sneaky about that.”

His head drops into his hands, and his shoulders shake right before I hear him cry. “I know, I—I get so caught up in myself sometimes. I’m such a fucking prick.” When he looks up, his eyes are burnt red, glassy and defeated. “I don’t deserve you, and I really don’t deserve anyone.”

“Harry,” I chastise, not expecting the downward spiral he’s ventured onto.

“I swear I care about you. I want you to be happy, and I want to make you happy. I don’t want to be the one to treat you this way. Ever.”

I inhale as deep as I can, holding my breath until it hurts. “I know.” I take his hand in mine. “And I know your heart, and I know you care about me. I—” I sigh, “I’m not comfortable with...just forgetting all of this though. I can forgive you, but I think we need to take a couple steps back. I’ve gotten so swept up in your life and your world, I’m losing my own.”

He nods slowly, accepting my words with a pained face.

“I care about you too.”

He looks up for the first time, catching the last few tears with the back of his hand. “I know you do.”

I offer a small smile and lean in to kiss his cheek. His eyes fall closed, and blindly he turns to press his lips to mine. Our kiss is salty and urgent.

“What did you say to everyone when you left?”

He frowns in thought, like the memory is too far away. “Nothing. Jumped in my car and prayed this is where you’d be.”

I take his hand and pull us both to our feet. “We should go to bed. It’s been a long night. Too long.”

We’re quiet and slow as we shed our clothes and brush our teeth, slipping into bed around two a.m.. Harry doesn’t waste a second in pulling me into his warm chest, wrapping his arms around me in a tight hug that has me burying my face into his neck.

We lay there, silent, but when I know I don’t have much longer before sleep overcomes me, I kiss his shoulder, whispering how much I love him before I close my eyes.

[bratkook]

She hath given us permission to thirst

I have this super specific scenario in my head oki here we go. So it would be a soft JK but borders himbo territory (realizes he is attractive but never really does anything with it). So him and OC have been together for almost a year and they done *stuff* but not gone all the way (not that they don’t want to buy they just wanna wait for the perfect time) OC gets a letter about an early high school reunion happening and tells JK and tell him something along the lines of “haha at least I can flex my super hot, super kind boyfriend on all the old mean girls” as a joke. JK takes it kinda seriously and in the month leading up to the reunion he is working on bulking up as much as he can because a) he wants to help you enact your revenge and b) he has a raging size kink (yes, I am projecting). OC doesn’t question it cuz he has been talking abt getting bigger for a while and plus why would she complain if her gorgeous boyfriend got ripped for fun. That is until the night of the reunion when OC is in this cute knee-length dress and JK is in a black-fucking-button down and fitted slacks that used to be loose on him o.O they are both drooling at each other until they realize they’re gonna be late. Once they get there and are almost at the door JK pulls OC aside and is like “I’ll make you proud tonight” WITH A FUCKING WINK AND SMIRK WITH HIS HAND ON HER BACK LEADING HER INSIDE THE SCHOOL. At this point OC is super flustered but she continues to show her man around and introduce him to ppl (idk how JK would feel I’ll leave that to your imagination). It’s when she goes to get them some snacks that the mean girls she was talking abt approach JK and try to shoot their shot and mentally JK is like “fuck yea this is my time to shine” and flexes and stands a bit taller, Yknow really reel them in, and then he drops the “yeah I’m here with the love of my life she’s over there looking all pretty”. For my own satisfaction I imagine these girls are absolutely shocked and jealous and OC makes a show of having his arm around her and putting her hands on him. I think in the high of getting her revenge they would get extra handsy which turns both of them on and they leave the party early to go back to their place (after she sucks him off in the car). Once they are home it is just clothes thrown every where, heavy breathing, hands all over each other until JK picks up OC and takes her to their room. He would sit them both on the bed and oh my god I can’t even type the dirty talk I’m imagining he would use 👀 (once again I’ll hand that off to you). First I think he would make her ride his thigh and cum like that and then for their first time have her ride him so she can set the pace. Every inch she would take he would whisper little praise and once she is fully adjusted he would help your bounce on him until they both get more and more needy and he ends up holding her in place and pounding into her. They would be all tangled up with each other when they finish and during the aftercare they would reminisce on their success and finally discuss the reason behind JKs bulking cuz I think it’s be hilarious and fluffy (I might expand on this in a future ask) omg I’m so sorry this is so long o hope you like it tho

ok wait no….im into this….pls feel free to tell me more 👀