#idk how I will recover from this like actually
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Note
Hi! "Are you sure everything is okay?" for the 5 sentence thingy? 💜 ive been thinking about the new fools in a fable chapter all day idk how i will ever recover
Tina!!!!! Thank you for the lovely prompt, here is…..a Wilmon!soulmate/soulmark something 😖 hope you’re somewhat satisfied haha.
“Are you sure everything’s okay?”
Wilhelm looks away, gnawing at the ragged flesh of lip. Despite Erik’s voice echoing faint and tinny over the phone, his tone is far too knowing for his liking. “Yeah,” he repeats, slamming his locker closed. “I’m fine.”
“Wille, you know I can’t help you if you never tell me anything.”
“There’s nothing to tell,” he insists, “I’m just really fucking tired.”
“Fine,” Erik sighs, sounding exasperated, “if that’s how you’re going to be, then - ”
“Then what?” Wilhelm snarls, “if I’m going to be like what, Erik?”
“If you’re going to be like this,” Erik snaps, sounding frustrated. “I just called to check up on you, Wille, you don’t need to jump down my fucking throat about it.”
“Yeah, well, what part of I’m fine do you not fucking understand?”
There’s a long moment of silence. Then, Erik scoffs. “Okay,” he huffs an annoyed laugh, “you can call me back when you’re done being a dick.”
“Fuck you.”
“Yeah,” Erik says coolly, “fuck you too, little brother.”
The line goes dead then, and Wilhelm has to fight against the urge to throw his phone across the hallway. Instead, he finds himself slamming a palm against the front of his locker, the metal rattling loud and sudden around him. The resulting, sharp pain makes him hiss, even if his body is still thrumming with tightly wound rage.
He blinks down at his hand for a long moment and the cheery, golden heart etched into the back of it stares back at him mockingly. What is supposed to be a promise of love and understanding has quickly turned into Wilhelm’s worst nightmare. There has to be some way to get rid of it. Wilhelm can’t spend the rest of his life looking down at it, imagining and wishing for what could have been.
The soft sound of a throat clearing behind him interrupts his spiraling, and Wilhelm spins around at once.
Sure enough, it’s Simon standing there. Because of course it is. Simon in all his beautiful, curly-haired glory, looking as though he’s been touched by the sun itself.
He’s clutching a set of notebooks to his chest, eyes wide and worried. Wilhelm can’t help the way his own gaze zeros in on the back of Simon’s hand, desperate for even a glimpse of the matching golden heart that resides there.
It’s easy to find today, peeking out from behind Simon’s deep purple sleeve.
“Hey,” Simon says. He sounds awkward, hesitant.
For a second, Wilhelm is seized with the hope that Simon has sought him out, that maybe, Simon actually wants to talk to him. He wipes his palms on the sides of his jeans. “Hi.”
They stare at each other for a moment, caught in a breathless dance of silence.
Then Simon tilts his head towards the lockers behind where Wilhelm is standing, gesturing to the books in his arms. “Sorry, could I - ?”
The hope rushes out of him so fast that Wilhelm feels woozy with the loss of it. “Yeah,” he slumps, moving over, “sorry, go ahead.”
He watches as Simon moves to his own locker, twisting the lock open with long, elegant fingers. As he slides the books in though, he hesitates, eyes flickering over to where Wilhelm is still standing there, staring. “Are you - okay?”
Wilhelm swallows, his voice coming out hoarse. “Fine.” He grits his teeth against the urge to do something pathetic. “You?”
Simon’s arm jerks as he closes his locker door, turning the lock once more. “I’m good.”
“Yeah?”
At that, Simon’s eyes narrow. The first sign of a fight. “Should I not be?”
“I don’t know,” Wilhelm scoffs, “you tell me.”
Simon makes an aborted movement, almost like he’s contemplating making a break for it. At his side, his hands turn to fists. “What the fuck is your problem?”
“What’s my problem?” Wilhelm asks incredulously. “What the fuck is your problem?” There are distress flares going off at the back of his mind now, but Wille stamps them out as quickly as they light.
“What’re you talking about?”
“I mean - I’m not - ” Wille gestures wildly between them, “I’m not the one who doesn’t want this. Us.”
Simon’s expression crumples. “Wille - ”
“No, like, it’s fine, it’s not that I - care that much. But - ” Wille laughs, the sound ringing hysterical in the empty corridor, “you’re supposed to be mine.”
Simon’s face floods with color. He looks outraged. “Don’t ever say anything like that to me again.” He turns his back to Wille, turns to the door, turns to leave him behind once more, and a panic so vicious claws its way up Wille’s chest that he can barely breathe.
“Wait,” he begs, reaching out to grip Simon’s warm shoulder. “Wait, Simon. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that.”
Simon stills, uncertain eyes flickering back to him over his shoulder.
“What I mean to say is,” Wille struggles for air. He has to get this right. It might be his last chance. “I’m yours. We - we’re a match.”
Simon is quiet for a long time. When he finally speaks, it’s only to say, “So?”
“So - we - we’re supposed to be together,” Wilhelm hopes he doesn’t sound like he’s begging but he’s not sure if it’s really working.
“Says who?”
Wille swallows tightly, tracing the soft, delicate curve of Simon’s jaw with his eyes. “I don’t understand. Did I - did I do something wrong, Simon? Is that why you don’t - want me?”
Something jolts across Simon’s face then, a raw emotion that’s gone before Wilhelm can fully catalog. Suddenly, he scrambles towards the door. “I have to go,” he tries to duck out of Wille’s grasp. “The bus is going to - “
Wille catches his wrist, tugging until Simon turns to face him, his eyes wide and wet. “Just tell me why,” Wille begs, “I’ll leave you alone after this, I promise. Simon. I’ve had this mark since I was four. I’ve been looking for you for - for - ”
“And I’ve had this mark since last Wednesday,” Simon breaks, voice loud enough to make him wince.
Wille flinches, his insides going cold. “What do you mean by that?”
“Come on, Wille,” Simon rolls his eyes. He looks angry, brows pulled together unhappily. “Your friends shit on me all the time. Your cousin shits on me all the time. And you just stand there and laugh.”
“I don’t laugh!”
Simon looks at him in deep disbelief. “Uh - yeah you do. And it’s whatever. It’s not like I expect you to stand up for me or something. We barely know each other.”
“But we could get to know each other,” Wille shoots back hotly.
“For what?” Simon lets out a breath of bitter laughter. “It’s not like you would’ve looked twice at me if it weren’t for that fucking mark.”
Wilhelm feels his mouth part in shock. He does a double take of Simon, of the lovely silhouette of his slender shoulders, his soft looking curls, his smooth, unblemished skin, the button nose, the fire that lights his dark eyes, the steel that lines his spine. “That’s not true.”
But Simon only rolls his eyes. “Wake up, Wille, we literally have nothing in common. You’re not my fucking soulmate.”
Wilhelm bites back a sharp flare of hurt. He lets go of Simon’s wrist. “Okay. Fine,” he concedes, vision blurring with tears. “Maybe I’m not your soulmate. But you’re definitely mine.“
From his pocket, his phone buzzes twice. Wilhelm shoots Simon one last smile, drinking in his sweet, wide-eyes gaze before he turns, pulling the offending device out just to give his hands something to do. Perhaps he should call Erik back now, maybe even come clean about everything.
He waits for the telltale sound of receding footsteps, but they never come. Instead, there’s a quiet shuffling, followed by a blissful line of heat pressed along his back.
Simon buries his nose in crook of his neck, and Wilhelm almost jumps out of skin from how good it feels. The heart on his hand feels like it’s singing, warm and alive.
“Alright,” Simon whispers, looping an arm around his middle. The fear in his voice is palpable. “Let’s try then. If you’re so sure.”
Wille reaches down to thread their fingers together, hearts lining up as one. He shakes his head. “Not if you don’t want to, Simon.”
“Of course I do,” Simon’s voice is very quiet, “that’s what makes it so scary.”
Wilhelm squeezes his hand tighter, too afraid to breathe. “You can trust me.”
There’s a long moment of silence, weighted in its intensity. Against him, Simon’s frame shakes. “Okay.”
Wilhelm exhales deeply, nodding. He tries his best to ignore how it sounds like Simon is lying.
88 notes
·
View notes
Text
Pure
Mattheo Riddle x Fem!Halfblood!Reader
Warnings: Mattheo is a jerk, insults towards half-bloods, idk
Mattheo and you have always been enemies. Mattheo insults you perhaps to try to distract himself from his undeniable feelings for you, you insult him back, thats part of you routine. One night, in the common room, Mattheo goes too far and you cry. He feels guilty and tries to fix it, but you have had enough.
The Slytherin common room was dim, the flickering green fire casting shadows over the stone walls as you tried to focus on your notes. It was late, and you were hoping to get a few minutes of quiet studying, but the familiar sound of footsteps approaching made you tense up. Without even turning, you knew who it was.
Mattheo Riddle strode in, his left foot repetitively tapping the floor as he lingered just close enough for you to feel the weight of his gaze. He watched you for a moment, his face unreadable, his stance unusually calm. Normally, he was quick to throw in a smug remark, but tonight he just stood there, looking at you with an intensity you couldn’t quite place.
“Still studying?” he asked, his voice softer than usual. You almost missed the gentleness there, but it was quickly overrun by a familiar sneer as he added, “Thought you’d be used to all this by now.”
You glanced up, surprised to see him looking at you with something close to curiosity. “Some of us actually care about our studies,” you said, keeping your tone neutral, trying to ignore the flutter of nerves his stare was stirring up.
“Oh, I know you do,” he said, an almost mocking note creeping into his voice. “Trying to prove you’re as good as the rest of us, aren’t you?”
The words hit a nerve, but you ignored it, burying yourself back in your notes. This was how it always was with Mattheo—him throwing barbs, you dodging them, refusing to give him the satisfaction of a reaction.
He moved closer, leaning over your shoulder, his voice dropping to a low whisper. “You can study as much as you like, but you know you’ll never be more than what you are. You’re never going to be one of us.”
You stiffened, feeling the familiar ache that his words always seemed to stir up, but you didn’t let it show. Instead, you forced yourself to stay calm, to keep your voice steady. “And what exactly do you mean by that, Mattheo?”
His smirk widened, and there was a flicker of cruelty in his eyes. “Come on, don’t make me spell it out,” he sneered. “You can wear the Slytherin crest, you can memorize all the spells you want, but it doesn’t change the fact that you’re not pure. That’s something you can’t study your way out of.”
His words hurt, they were calculated to wound, and for a moment, you felt the sting of tears in your eyes. But you forced them down, refusing to give him the satisfaction. This was Mattheo’s favorite way to get to you—digging at the one thing he knew would make you feel like an outsider. But tonight, the anger in his words seemed more intense, his gaze harsher, and you couldn’t shake the feeling that he’d come here tonight with every intention of making you feel as low as possible.
You took a steadying breath, meeting his gaze with as much strength as you could muster. “I didn’t realize blood status was so important to you, Mattheo. Didn’t think the Dark Lord’s son would be so old-fashioned.”
A flash of anger crossed his face, and his smirk faltered. But he recovered quickly, stepping back and crossing his arms, his expression hardening. “It’s not about being old-fashioned. It’s about knowing your place,” he said coldly. “I don’t know why you’re so desperate to prove you belong here when you’ll never be a real Slytherin.”
Your chest tightened, his words sinking in deeper than you wanted to admit. You looked away, trying to keep your expression calm, but his voice just kept cutting through the air, each word sharper than the last.
“It’s pathetic, really,” he went on, his tone dripping with disdain. “Watching you pretend like any of this matters, like you’re somehow the exception. But the truth is, you can’t change what you are.”
“Why do you even care?” you shot back, unable to hold the question in any longer. “Why are you so determined to tear me down every chance you get?”
He opened his mouth, a flicker of something softer crossing his face, but it was gone in an instant, replaced with that same cold, calculating look. “I don’t care,” he said flatly, though his tone wavered for a second. “I just think it’s pathetic, the way you try so hard to be one of us.”
The words sank in, every syllable feeling like another twist of the knife. You could feel the heat of tears in your eyes, and you quickly blinked them away, refusing to let him see how much his words had cut. But he saw something in your expression��some tiny flicker of pain—and for just a moment, his own face softened, like he was almost… regretful.
He shifted awkwardly, glancing down and rubbing the back of his neck, clearly uncomfortable. “Look, I didn’t mean it like that,” he muttered, his voice low, almost unsure. “I just—”
“Yes, you did,” you interrupted, your voice trembling despite yourself. “You meant every word. You always do.”
He looked at you, his face falling, the usual arrogance nowhere to be seen. For a second, it almost looked like he wanted to take it all back, but he seemed lost, unable to find the words.
“I just…” he started, but you cut him off.
“I don’t care, Mattheo,” you said, swallowing hard to keep your voice steady. “I don’t care what you meant, or why you feel the need to make me feel like this. Just leave me alone.”
You watched as the regret in his eyes deepened, his expression twisting with something almost like pain. He looked away, his shoulders slumping as though he was trying to hide the guilt etched across his face. He hesitated, lingering for a moment, like he wanted to apologize but couldn’t bring himself to say the words.
“Fine,” he muttered finally, his voice barely audible. “If that’s what you want.”
There was no arrogance in his tone, no sneer in his expression. Just a hollow, defeated look as he turned and walked away, his footsteps echoing through the empty common room. But just before he reached the door, he stopped and glanced back at you, his eyes shadowed with something raw and unspoken, as if he was silently begging for another chance.
But you stayed silent, your eyes cold as you watched him go, refusing to give him even the slightest hint of forgiveness.
And as the door closed behind him, you let out a shaky breath, the weight of his words settling heavy in your chest. He was gone, but the ache of his insults lingered, echoing through the empty room.
#mattheo riddle x reader#mattheo riddle#mattheo x you#harry potter boys react#harry potter fanfic#harry potter boys#harry potter#slytherin boys react#slytherin boys#slytherin#mattheo riddle x you#hogwarts fanfiction#oc fanfiction#harry potter fandom
78 notes
·
View notes
Text
Desert duo is a disease and I am on my goddamn death bed
#limited life spoilers#I am not ok#idk how I will recover from this like actually#THEY’RE JUST SO. AHG#this episode was for the desert duo enjoyers#life!desertduo is so tragic and awful and lovely and I CARE ABOUT THEM#‘-what do you need?’ ‘..love’#HEAD IN HANDS.#Scar hasn’t had love in any duo he’s been in in any season so far#Grian sure as hell didn’t give him any#and he was practically completely isolated in last life except for red life Joel#but red lives don’t have alliances so naturally he wouldn’t get love from there. red lives don’t do love#not really#the clockers is the first alliance Scar has ever been in where he has actually been loved for real#(found family stay winning)#Grian was the closest to love Scar really had#but even then it was only really an unstable loyalty held together by guilt fate and the cruel forces of the universe#the clockers trust him with weapons#with tnt#they care for him and they love him and they TRUST him#even when he makes mistakes. even when those mistakes cost lives. they still love him#that’s new to him#sorry for the mental illness on that specific quote it just GOT ME#anyways#this is all platonic btw#desert duo#life series#limited life#limited life scar#goodtimeswithscar
38 notes
·
View notes
Text
The Curse Of Hope
_
Danny is in another universe. He had a reason, but he doesn’t remember anymore. He can only stare, horrified and disgusted, at the sickest city spirit he’s ever seen. Shivering and swaying with every step, core exposed, and ectoplasm leaking from wounds that are decades old. A ratty blanket was thrown over their shoulders, barely hiding the spirit’s pale grey skin and protruding black bones.
The spirit didn’t even sense him until he reached out to touch its wispy shoulders. The spirit flinched, clutching at the dozens of trinkets hanging from their neck and tucking in on themselves like they were expecting a blow.
“Oh, shit,” He swore, floating back a few feet, hands in the air, to show he meant no harm. “I’m sorry. I promise, I’m not here to steal from you.” The spirit shivered again and rolled a pearl necklace in between their fingers. A nervous habit. “Uh, I like that pocket watch? It’s very nice.”
That got their attention. They peeked at Danny, and he saw that more tattered cloth was covering their eyes, blending in with the stringy hair that reached the ground. Their blanket fluttered weakly, revealing hundreds of thousands of tiny marks etched into their skin. Scars, really. Scars that wrote out curse after curse onto the spirit’s very being. They burned with evil intent, and even reached inside the spirit’s body and wrapped around their core.
Occasionally, blinding specks of color raced across their body, temporarily erasing the writing, but it always returned quickly. He watched, a little detached, as one particular line rewrote itself across their rough forearm, drawing fresh ectoplasm like someone was writing it with a thin knife.
“Are you…alright?” Danny stuttered. A stupid question.
The spirit cocked its head. He couldn’t see their eyes, but he felt their burning gaze as they pondered the question.
“The pain of others becomes mine own.” They rasped. “The lights of the city dim as rotten wealth clogs mine veins. Magicks long forgotten have eaten mine skins, pulled mine cloak, and darkened mine skies. Helios has refused to grace mine doorstep, and the seasons of the Earth have revoked their kindness.”
Danny held his breath. It felt like he was the one with the exposed core, not the spirit.
The spirit shivered once more. “Tell mine soul, little lamb. How could this Forsaken City know peace, when it was long since ripped from mine hands?”
Shit, he needed Frostbite. And maybe Clockwork. Now.
-Or-
Danny meets the spirit of Gotham City. The villains and rogues that have plagued the city for decades are literal curses that are taking quite the toll on Gotham, and honestly, Danny isn’t sure how much longer they can hold out. The heroes seem to be doing some help, and are probably the reason Gotham made it this far, but the poor city needs help from the Realms if they want to get better.
Luckily, Danny can provide that help.
But only if he could get Gotham to leave their city behind. Because recovery is going to take a very long time.
#dpxdc#pondhead blurbs#Gotham is very lanky and tall and had dozens of necklaces around their neck#the necklaces are just cords filled with lost things the citizens have lost over the years#like bits of glass or wedding rings or hag stones made from a destroyed gargoyle#actually I have a weird picture of Gotham in my head I might draw it#it’s giving Bloodborne to me but idgaf#basically Danny meets Gotham and is trying to convince them to go with him for medical help because what the fuck#those curses are the equivalent of leaving hundreds of leeches stuck to your body for ten years#Danny is BEGGING Gotham to come with him#there’s potential for angst but if you want crack then Danny probably replaces Gotham#I think there’s already a similar fic where he becomes the new spirit of Gotham but I haven’t read all of that#anyways the Batfam are like#invasive animals that are actually helping the ecosystem recover from an even WORSE invasive species#but they aren’t supernatural heroes and they don’t understand that the issue is deeper#I’m calling this the Curse of Hope because Danny is offering hope to Gotham#but Gotham is just so tired and sick and hurt that they don’t want to risk it#they think Danny is another curse come to plague them#should he just straight up adopt the city at this point?#idk it probably depends on how it’s written#sad course is to let Gotham die. happy ending is where they are treated and returned#crack ending probably has Danny adopting the city and introducing them to his own city spirit Amity Park#oh shit is that a new ship#guys please I can’t keep doing this#Gotham City x Amity Park#how the fuck do you come up with a name for that#Burger Joints?#Wet Pavement?#bro idk I’m putting this down before I make something I might regret#low key wanna write this but like. I have so much to do
460 notes
·
View notes
Text
i drew a streamer i started watching recently who was playing LN1~
their name is obakechan !
#my art#art q#cell shading#chibi#misc bg#little nightmares#fanart#in other news i am slowly recovering from the whole like#being possessive of my art and artstyle#after the whole bunsong youtube series of unfortunate events plus dailycelebi#so if you wanted to ask how i do any certain things i am very likely to share now..!#i still say dont heavy ref my art and post it#like u can do that to learn privately#but otherwise idk i am overcoming it#oh and dont heavy reference my commission work ofc thats for the paying customer#anyways this took me like 20 or 30 mins#actually i can check#yeah 21 mins#i should stream little nightmares again#also i recognise my possessiveness of my art was partly cuz like i was not at all used to being seen outside my friends anyways#and my art is a big part of my identity#so seeing someone copy it as best as they could was very unsettling at the time#but after a lot of introspection and breaking down why i felt that way i started to recover after realising that like#people doing that arent stripping me of my identity and wearing it right#they just liked my art#except the users who traced or heavy reffed my shit and didnt credit me nor ask and then sold it those guys dont count#but yeah im still figuring it all out internally#actually making those bases really helped !!
46 notes
·
View notes
Text
one thing i really deeply wish is that i'd had access as a kid to the plural community and information that are more easily available today, instead of my first experience with plural community which both took it seriously and was nonjudgmental having been 10's era tul/pa.info lmao
#moogletalks#in some ways it was a wonderful community; and it taught me a lot of really helpful things#and made me feel validated and hopeful that This is a Thing That You Can Continue to Be and Develop in an Adult Life#instead of feeling like there was a time limit for when plurality stopped being Childlike Imagination and started being Craziness(tm)#(lots to unpack there lol)#.....in other ways not only was there Some Real Fuckery going on in the community in general; on an interpersonal basis#but i cannot overstate how horrifically toxic and damaging some of the things it taught me about plurality were#and how when i entered the phase of young adulthood where i realized the approach it had demanded of me was unsustainable to my survival#instead of having other perspectives on hand to go 'hey yeah you're not torturing your parts to death out of laziness if they go dormant'#'and/or if you don't spend hours of extremely grueling intensive work at minimum into maintaining them every single day of your life'#'and that if they dissolve into nothing because you Didn't Pay Them Enough Attention and you try to recreate them it won't be the same one'#'and if they DO actually come back as themselves they'll be horribly broken and traumatized and probably hate you forever'#'who the fuck told you that. oh my god?'#all i had to go on was 'either you're plural or you live an actual functional life in the real world; and i can't not do the latter atp'#and the result was repressing myself in an incredibly traumatic way i have just never fully recovered from even now#the fun cherry on top was that later when i *did* try to ask (very kind and well-meaning) plural ppl from another mental health community#if anything i described sounded familiar to their own experiences; or ones they had heard from other people#their response was pretty much 'idk that doesn't sound plural to me; i'm sorry; it's something where if you have it you know :('#me crying my eyes out for days afterward: obviously this reaction is bc i want to appropriate plurality to feel special#and am throwing tantrums at having the bubble broken by Reality#anyway. it's been a lot and yeah i really wish i'd had literally any other affirming plural community as a kid lol#ableism cw#internalized ableism cw#pluralitag#traumatag#adventures in mental illness#disabilitag
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
always found this little parallel between how scott speaks about buddy cole vs danny husk fascinating:
(top quote is from this 2017 vulture interview, bottom quote is from paul myers' 2018 book "one dumb guy")
'he's smarter than me. braver than me. he's better than me'' vs ''danny may not be the smartest or the bravest but he's a very decent man''
#on its own this is a cool (probably unintentional) echo of how scott talks about two of his biggest characters#but of course being the buddy-cole-documentary person and the only person who's mentioned scott's ptsdiva podcast to him upon first meeting#(true fact he hadn't heard anyone mention that podcast since it finished releasing and that was a big part of my first impression)#i'm so excited to hopefully dig into the deeper implications of this#bc throughout scott's career he's used buddy as a way to process his thoughts on a variety of topics and to speak his mind#BUT. after he recovered from his cancer. he didn't immediately launch another buddy cole side project like he did so many times#(and i mean MANY times that's why i have a whole goddamn timeline for buddy cole side projects)#no. after he recovered from cancer he wrote the *danny husk* graphic novel#and there's also an interview from around that time (i can't find it rn but i know i have it bookmarked) where he low key blames buddy cole#for how he's always been typecast as the gay-best-friend. which while buddy cole is proudly a stereotype#he's still the exact opposite of that trope bc he has agency. and that's why scott made so many buddy cole side projects#while he was paying the bills with gay-best-friend roles in the late 90s#so what was it in this case that made him go ''actually i don't want to write from the perspective of someone who's better than me''#and embrace a bit of danny husk energy?#i haven't read his danny husk graphic novel yet but i do have some theories#but idk actively theorizing on here (especially as someone who is friends with scott) feels a bit too far so i'm gonna leave it at this#a cool parallel. an interesting timeline pattern. an indication of one of the questions from my next interview#i would say ''i wonder if anyone else has noticed this'' but come on jess you're the only one who would have seen both these things
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
-
#ive got this awful feeling i just want to scoop out#i feel stupid and sensitive#like ive hardened myself to all this shit so the fact that i’m being affected by it is also making me mad at myself#my family didn’t want me around for thanksgiving and didn’t want me there for the family christmas party and didn’t want to#spend christmas with me because my mom doesn’t want me around the extended family because of how far in my transition i am#and my gf put off asking her fam about bringing me over for christmas for a month#and barely just asked and it sounds like they don’t want me there either#and tbh i kinda knew they wouldn’t#but also i feel like my gf also didn’t actually want me there which is why she put off asking for so long#and idk#i felt like with how far along i am in emotionally and physically recovering from stuff#and then also having a partner for the holidays for the first time#i would’ve left my sad sandra bullock era. but i have not#the only person who wants me around for the holidays is my dad and ive got such a weird relationship with him#and it literally would just be me and him alone#my dads side of the family doesn’t want me there either bc of the trans thing i just feel really fuckin#disgusting#feeling very goop monster
19 notes
·
View notes
Text
once again thinking about my ideal 3rd drb match up and how it’d stack up with plot beats and so far all i got is
🔴💥⚪️: true hypnosis mic opponents, maybe jakurai ends up on a side for further development to save yotsutsuji and that’s against ichiro’s current goal
🔵💥🟠: haven’t quite figured out why, but rei vs samatoki is the angle i’m thinking about
🟡💥🟣: all plot stakes division vs no stakes division lol idk really but i’m leaning towards a bonds angle or if hypmic wants to be real freaky, the side effects angle 🤔
#this is vee speaking#i still think a new format could happen but idk lol there’s so many unknowns rn#like what’s next specifically lmao#i personally feel it would be a waste not to have jakurai working to finalise development for this potential other true hypnosis mic lol#like they teased him joining chuuoku but then didn’t commit?????? huh??????#what about his struggle with causing more harm vs saving that one?????? like come on now??#so here’s me trying to put him back on that track lol#why not sasara vs samatoki you might ask lol and my answer is that’s the poster fight but the real fight is between rei and samatoki lol#samatoki was weirdly interested in rei watching bb vs dh and there’s a panel in showdown battle where samatoki looks……#he’s very hard to read actually while listening to ichiro#samatoki and rei are paralleling in the block party as individuals moved by ichiro’s ideals#so while i’m not sure if ichiro would be the reason to fight (🎋hahahaha🎋) i think there’s potential for strife#*sighs at bat* why doesn’t kr want to do anything with y’all lmao#if they went the side effects angle it’d be cool to have ramuda the guy whose clones die using the true hypnosis mic#vs kuukou who might be suffering from side effects (and against the guy that caused them tho he’s forgiven ramuda lol)#jyushi’s hypnosis ability to ‘recover’ is genuinely interesting because what is he recovering???? and why haven’t we seen it yet?????#maybe they’re lying in wait lol (delusional)#bonds angle is me grasping at straws lol but here’s how i can get my ideal match ups—
23 notes
·
View notes
Text
Just finished Fool Night vol 7 (chap 63) and clutching my head. Mayhaps I shall never be the same. Oh Mukuru Izumi the villain that you are… "What’s back teryas? Veer usses?" "What’s oxygen? Is it like air?" "What’s that? What are you holding?" "Do you think I can live happily one day?" Just shoot me mysterious masked guy it’ll hurt less idc anymore just do it. This is my csm Aki I feel the tragedy in my bones even more here
It’s the cycle of revenge right, that goes on and on until there’s no one left to avenge the last one murdered— And the thought that there’d be no one that would remember or care or want or try to avenge Mukuru is the fucking saddest thing I’ve ever heard.
Trying to be as vague as possible to avoid spoilers but man. Fool Night, the manga that’ll make me cry over trees… Like so far I’ve only cried once and it was during the first umm trees field scene right, because it was simply too fucking real yeah that’d happen yeah, but my god. They’re not just trees they’re lives and they’re not just lives they’re humans and more but does it matter and what are souls???? What are feelings????? What is communication?????? "Oh sure I’ll bring you to Shiika." then that. evil.
…….. And also today I started NegaPosi Angler!!! Great and comfy so far very looking forward to watching it every week. For anyone who didn’t know yet I have a weird ultra fixation on fishing in media in general, Tsuritama and River King are two of my fave things, sooo this is perfect for me lol, came around just at the right time too. Big recommend. Surprisingly topical since both NegaPosi and Fool Night deal with poverty hm. It’s csm Denji meets FN Toshiro except this guy fixes his life through fishing. Bless.
2 works that make me say "I want to live!!" in very different ways! 😀 Fool Night’s out in english through Viz what are you doing here go check it out
#Fool night#kasumi yasuda#A renewed sense of gratitude for the education system flawed as it may be#I’LL FORGIVE YOUUU MUKURU I’LL FORGIVE YOUUUUU…… 😭😭#Apparently Viz isn’t doing a greaaat job…… thankfully the french manga translation industry is on my side so#Holding my head and staring at the floor for 2 mins#If the world moves on from Mukuru’s death just reset it actually just make a do-over just blow it up tbh#I want to make fanart…….. i’m……….. mukuru……………………………… and SHIIKAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAA#That’s bacterias and viruses btw idk how clear that was lmao. I tried bc again i read that in french so the mispellings were different#-remembers it again- aughhhaughhhhhhh punching the floor……#Like the protagonists dying would be less sad than Mukuru dying and that stopping there tbh not even joking. I’m?????? I need a hot sec#No one left to avenge Mukuru :((((((#That doctor lady btw i stan in my heart Mukuru Shiika and doctor lady are living together surviving trudging along#Like I can’t overstate how much this hit I took like 2 mins to recover from every other page and pace myself if this was some episode#that I wouldn’t have put on pause I’d have been a sobbing mess on the floor prob ngl#I’ve been on an horror binge since last month and I’ve watched stuff like The Coffee Table or The Devil’s Bath and even Speak No Evil right#… ok well maybe not more intense than speak no evil but this made me way more emotional than the coffee table tbh#Like my god. I need to breathe 🚬#The candies. The snow. Life :(#Cw organs
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
my doctor was sooooo fucking worthless and unhelpful im going to masturbate and i hope it fucking kills me
#“no need for follow up”#“yeah you did have several cysts we scrapped off your remaining ovary but. dw about it. idk why they were there. dw about it. oh also your#ovary on that side was freakishly huge but. dw about it. it might go away. dw about it#*doctor shrug emoji* “#“go see a gyno next year maybe. but not me im too important for that. go find and onboard a gyno to your situation. next year maybe idk lol”#he barely even looked at my incision like#this fucking appointment could have been an email. or a phone call. or they just could have let me start driving again. also i forgot to ask#if i can stop drinking ensure now or after the 6 weeks? cause that shit cost $$$$. but he probably would have been super unhelpful if i had#fr fr this guy only wanted to give me the time of day when he thought i might have fun cancer inside and now he's like gtfo!!!! get your#fugly cancerless ass out of here!!!! recover from a major surgery on your own you swagless cancerless loser 🤣 we arent helping your#swagless ass!!!#anyway it seems weird and fucked up that im was never offered to see a physical therapist and i guess am going to have to blindly trust my#abs they sliced thru are healing or whatever and to rawdog my own physical recovery of my muscles? even just dumb shit like. my center of#gravity has drastically changed since the mass removal and my back hurts like shit all the time because all my posture muscles were built up#for when i had an extra 30 pounds of cyst hanging in the front and my posture and walking reflected that. and i lowkey don't know how#hard i am able to be with my healing incision because its really tight and makes me hunch forwards still. like i would really like to know#how much i can safely or maybe should be forcing my skin and incision to stretch. without damage? is that crazy#am i crazy???#this shit is why i didnt see a doctor for 2 years until my problems had snowballed into a 30 pounds ovarian cyst that was crushing my other#organs and had one of my kidneys all backed up with piss. and even getting emergency treatment for it everyone was like. how did you like it#get this bad?? how could you not know you needed to seek medical treatment???? like. bro. seeking medical treatment isnt even a guarantee to#get medical treatment.#anyway he said my “remaining ovary seemed low key polycystic but dw about it. don't quote me on that im not dealing with it.”#bro i dont want to doctor google it i wanted an actual doctor to deal with it. fuck you.#like. maybe even a doctor who knows my situation so i dont have to struggle with getting someone to believe me and take me seriously.#but whatever. back to trying to figure out the daily protein and extra calories my body needs for recovery via doctor google i guess.#its fine 🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
gonna start subjecting u lot to my rambling abt classic viet authors
#bakuspeech#nhân văn+giai phẩm#thats gonna be the tag I guess#anyways. idk shit abt shakespeares. gonna give yall a taste of what that feels like#jk that's mean I just like rereading this stuff once in a while#it's fun! I'm recovering from viet public literature education on main now#like. idk sometimes I talk to foreign friends and we both realize how we each are privy to#hundreds to thousands of years of stories and records and writing#that the outside world knows basically nothing about.#it's insane to me every time. I'm entering vibe mode. I will never shut up again#I feel like in ~5yrs I will become the most wrong person about nguyễn trãi specifically#and I need to own it early. so this is actually not gonna be a learning moment for anyone#actually tho it's so funny I'm invested in nguyễn trãi as a historical figure I don't even like his writing#it's mid! sad to say this but it's aight at best. nguyễn khuyến is much more my speed#and YOU will learn what all of that just now means! one of these days! when I get to it!#for now. oh baby we are gonna talk so much shit.
85 notes
·
View notes
Text
being an adult SUCKS i’m naked standing here in the kitchen searching ‘soup how to’ bc i forgot my towel in the clean laundry bag on other side of the flat
#stream#miserable !!!!#delaying the shower therefore i’m going to eat and then create a SCHEDULE whereby i will SHOWER …. THEN GO STRAIGHT TO BED#eventually i will incorporate idk a skincare routine at some point#‘skincare routine’ re: putting lotion on before bed#need a new morning routine bc it’s just ‘scramble to take pills if need to shit immediately then make coffee chug it then shit then recover#from the shitting’ but also getting high is definitely in there before shitting but i thought that was implied#by me waking up#OR it’s me ‘making coffee then taking the meds w the coffee if i don’t need to squart immediately’#congrats: u now know how to kill me; when i’m weakest !!! in the morning & wanting to DIE#actually my True Weakest is post shit where i’m like the withered gary the snail meme#me leaving the bathroom ravaged by war & experiencing shellshock#bc before then is I’m Going to Kill U For Impacting my Schedule#& at Night i’m at my Peak Form when things (my medication) are wearing off & i’ve gotten increasingly more & more high where i’m#particularly jumpy
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
Casually flirting with the idea of fucking around and getting a master's degree. The time will pass anyway, right?
#lynx thinks#oh nooooooooooooooooo#nooooo i can feel the urge to be crazy and act on my hubris#ive just been talking to the grad students in the theater program and theyre taking like 9 credits a semester#and its all stuff that seems interesting or fun or at the very least useful unlike my undergrad degree#and im like... i can already sew as well as if not better than these grad students. i can for sure draw better for any designs i come up w#heck i can draw better than the current head costume designer faculty member for the university#so the little overcommitting gremlin in my brain is like ''yoi could totally do it. do it.''#and the other part of me is like ''im already so tired just from working again after needing to recover from burnout. how would i even?#so I'm sitting here Thinking about it...#a masters degree in theater might be better for finding work at a pre-existing institution than just a bachelors in art#and it might be better than a masters in art too#I'd have to stop taking commissions completely probably if i did it for the sake if time#but if i somehow got an assistantship position? then maybe?? i could do it?#oooooooh i hrm so hard y'all#its only been a week since moving and ao much is still in boxes. im only working part time but I'm tired now so much#idk if its just because my stamina levels have atrophied or what but im so. tired. these days#and by these days i mean in the last week.#maybe a week isn't long enough of a sample to work from.#im hoping my energy levels will even out a bit but with the time zone change and the fact that I'm almost 30 I'm not sure if it will?#so thats worrying#i actually kind of see why people seem to drink coffee every day now#I've definitely been eating a lot more normally since i started. both in timing and quantity#i still have projects of my own to work on i cant afford to be so eepy orz
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
im home and already swallowed by despair. can you believe i was in CHICAGO a few hours ago. and now im here. lol
#i know i know. and i need to let the anguish motivate me to get out of here. but it feels like i dreamed it all#purrs#chicago#i had a rough time getting out of the hotel and through the airport to my gate and also im bad at math so i fucked up the calculation about#when my flight lands bc of the time zone change and i gave my parents the time in central time not eastern time so my dad was waiting for m#for like a half hour and texting me and i wasn’t answering bc i was still in the air and he was pissed at me and snarky in my texts with hi#and i was sitting there on the plane and could just feel his words ripping into me and the horrors rushing back in and i still haven’t#recovered from it honestly. it wasn’t that big of a deal he just said something that i misunderstood as him saying he was giving up waiting#for me and going home bc id already wasted his time and even though that was not what he actually said it just kinda burrowed into me that#my parents were mad at me and were probably also mad at me for not communicating with them AT ALL the entire time i was in chicago. and it#just was eating me alive. im home now and we haven’t talked about it but they did say things disapproving of the fact that i did a lot of#stuff by myself which i probably shouldn’t have told them. idk. it’s not even that bad i just am torn apart by their rejection of me and#utter inability to just like be happy for me without criticizing some part of it or restraining me. plus the house is just as much of a#biohazard as it was when i left and all the broken things are still broken and it’s like. a lot. i miss the hotel LOL#i think im just sleep deprived and not in my head right today but i do not want to be here. sinking in quicksand unable to breathe. but i#have to be the one to get me out of it and i should have learned how in chicago but i didn’t it was just a break and now im stuck again#delete later#kind of terrible that instead of being so proud and happy about what i did my immediate reaction is to be miserable that im home now lol
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
youtube
this video makes me want to sob and throw up and scream and cry and collapse onto the floor
#actually like sobbing through it this is going to kill me genuinely#god ive not cried these kind of tears in a while LOL#i cry a lot but not whete it makes my chest hurt like this#everyone should watch Get Back. best docu ever made actually :)#but no theres smth about getting a beatles song in the year 2023#like its not smth i ever imagined but now that it exists its like wow. its truly over. its a fucking solid conclusion and it hurts so badly#im going to rip up my pillow the emotional pain this is bringing me is actually heart wrenching#my one brother one time was like the Beatles are so mid and overrated and i wanted to leap up and strangle him across the table#THEYRE LIFE CHANGING OKAY 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#idk its just so much my childhood :/#and this song is ripping my heart out </3#and hearing them talk about this being the last beatles track ever. like yeah i KNOW but god fuck ouch#the way they talk about george and john im going to bang my head into a wall#mayne i shoulf rewatch get back and have a mental breakdown#i told my friend about that docu when it came out and hes like wow that sounds incredibly boring#how dare you how fucking dare you. 8 hours of content????? fucking...great#but no seriously to listen to this song released now and it sounds exactly like their original work. im gonna throw up i feel so ill#never recovering from this actually 😊#catie.rambling.txt#Youtube
7 notes
·
View notes