#idk I’ve seen people disappointed that she isn’t more complex

[octo-pie]

I actually don’t think Kipperlily needed to be more complicated than she is? She’s very clearly an allegory for privileged kids who get bitter ab affirmative action and perceived like “advantages” minorities get. Especially with Riz’s whole journey this season being ab his financial situation and her being rich

[bellatrixobsessed1]

we’ve been mutuals for ages so i thought it was time to ask about your unpopular atla/tlok/kyoshi opinions :D

xD Tbh I feel like my opinions tend to be more controversial with Avatar than unpopular. Obviously I'm open to discussion if anyone wants to have one or if anyone needs clarification on any of these opinions lol. My goal isn't to cause fighting and more discourse but rather open up some discussion. Mostly I'm a to each their own kind of person; even if I don't like a certain ship or agree with certain headcanons I won't be bashing people who do ship/have them. And I don't think that xyz headcanon is wrong just because I disagree with that.

Disclaimers aside lol;

Some of the ones that I know are unpopular for Avatar:

I don't ship Azula/Therapy (there's a lot to get into here and I've done it quite a bit). My bottom line is that I don't mind Azula/Therapy so long as it isn't being used as a means to belittle people who do ship her with other characters. I'm also fine with it in the light that Azula/Character while she's getting therapy or something like that. There's a lot more to it, anyone can feel free to ask for clarification here. But I kind of don't really even see it as a ship so much as a concept. And as a joke I don't really find it that funny as I feel like it takes a very serious topic and makes it sound 'cute' or 'quirky' and that just ain't it for me.

I don't ship Zukka. Tbh I don't really feel strongly about it at all.

I don't ship Mailee either. I've seen quite a bit of Mailee content that is pretty anti-Azula so I tend to just stay away from that. Though I'm down for recs with fic and art that aren't anti-Azula

I don't think that Azula is a lesbian. I feel like she is Bi/Ace or Aro/Ace. Which is probably due to me being aro/ace and wanting some rep lol.

I am very very neutral to Suki. I feel like a lot of people really like her. I think she's just eh. I have no strong opinion on her either which way.

I don't really hate any character. There are some characters I like less/don't find as interesting but I don't really hate any of them.

I do feel kind of bad for Ozai as he was also probably abused as a kid. The reason I don't feel as though he's redeemable though is because he's a grown man who is pretty set in his ways.

Foamy mouth guy isn't funny.

I feel like Katara's power/strength is more in healing than fighting. Like that's her specialty and it kind of bothers me when people downplay that because imo it's refreshing to have a character who is considered great and powerful not because they are the strongest fighter but because they are a great healer and defender. Aang is also a good example of this.

I don't really talk about this much because it really isn't that deep xD but I get confused when people talk about Katara's bloodbending as if she can just do it any time??? Correct me if I'm wrong but she can only do it during a full moon. Amon and his family are the only people who could do it without a full moon. So it kind of bothers me when people just casually toss 'oh Katara could totally kick Azula/Toph/Zuko's ass with bloodbending anytime.'

I like both Azula and Zuko and feel like both of them either get babied or demonized. And that takes away from the complexities of both of their characters.

Iroh isn't completely wise. He has moments where he's not morally correct. And he should have moments like this because it would be unrealistic for him to never do wrong ever.

Kataang vs Zutara is getting really old.

I feel like this fandom can be very hostile to Azula fans and it gets hard to deal with so sometimes I have to just avoid the tag for a while. Idk if this one is an unpopular opinion or if other people feel the same. But then again I've heard that Katara and Aang have also had an influx of hate as well. In general it's just sad to see such cool characters getting talked about in the ways that some people talk about them. I've seen people say that "it's Azula's fault that she's being abused by Ozai" and "Katara needs to shut up about her mom and move on" and "Zuko is whiney and overdramatic." And these statements are just :S Basically I wish that the nice people could start talking over all of the people who just seem to enjoy bashing their least favorite characters more than they like talking about their favorites.

I don't entirely hate the comics. There are aspects of them that I hate but there are also parts that I really enjoyed.

LoK

Not a fan of Suyin. Not just because I like Kuvira but also because of her backstory with Lin. NGL she struck me as kind of a brat.

I'm not a big fan of Opal or Zhu Li either. Like I don't hate either of them but they just aren't my cup of tea.

I liked Tanho from the start.

Meelo is kind of annoying imo.

I don't like Mako at all. He lost me when he cheated on Asami.

Idk if this is unpopular but I didn't really like season 2.

I was kind of disappointed with Kuvira's backstory. I liked aspects of it but I had different expectations.

I don't think that it was a rushed backstory so much as the writers only had like 80 pages per comic to work with. It would have been better if it were in the show or something.

Korra wasn't a bad Avatar. She had her own road blocks to overcome and her own learning to do just like Aang.

I don't really have any for Kyoshi except for maybe that I don't think that Kyoshi is this aggressive murder machine lol.

Again anyone can feel free to discuss. I try to keep an open mind with these types of things.

[alethiometry]

Edward Kenway for character asks!

ooooooo okay i should open this with a disclaimer: i have not finished black flag yet (about 2/3 of the way through i think? i need to level up my ship so i can beat the next story mission lol) so everything i'm saying here is based on the game up to thatch's death, and everything we know about edward in ac 3: forsaken and the comics that came out a couple years ago.

First impression

oh boy... to be honest, one of the reasons it took me such a long time to get around to playing black flag (it was one of the first ps4 games i bought when i got my console in 2016, and i didn't start until about a month ago) was because i didn't really feel particularly strongly about edward's character design. i was vaguely interested in That One Pirate Assassin Game after having watched (and loved) black sails, but was afraid i would be let down; to me edward just looked like Some Dude, and i was still hung up on the black sails gang. to me, black sails and its characters were so genre/time period-defining that any other piece of pirate media just seemed lackluster in comparison.

i'd also heard a lot of praise for edward and for ac4 in general so i was aware that it was a very popular and well-received game. but since i mostly heard that from reddit (didn't join tumblr ac fandom until odyssey in 2018) i kind of discounted it, bc gamer reddit tastes are... questionable at best.

Impression now

I LOVE HIM!!! i always think i want stories about virtuous characters who believe in goodness and kindness and aren't motivated by gold or glory but aren't afraid to do what needs to be done to help others who can't help themselves. and sometimes that's true (coughratonhnhake:toncough). other times i end up clowning on myself because i realize that it's so much fun when said good/kind character has a rough and rugged exterior, and is motivated by personal gain (i think edward and kassandra are kinda kindred spirits across time and space in that regard, but maybe that's another rant for another time). sometimes you just want someone to be a little bit of an opportunistic bastard, and boy does edward fit that to a T. he's an incredibly complex man, and i think what really got me was that even as he was impersonating assassins and then templars and then assassins again, all for personal gain (pickpocketing the templars in havana while he gains their trust and agrees to do their dirty work lmfao my beloved <3), his primary motivation for doing so was to prove to caroline and her family that he is someone worth a damn, that he is capable of great things and that he is worthy of their love and acceptance. and i know from ac forsaken that the marriage with caroline doesn't last (though i haven't played ac4 far enough to see if that happens on screen, or if it occurs between the game and the novel) which makes his backstory in the game all the more heartbreaking. but his optimism and perseverance and determination to prove himself are all what make me love him.

so that's edward the romantic. now let's talk about the way edward is with adewale, his crew, and his friends. and let's also put the rest of this behind a readmore bc girl i am RANTINGGGGGG

he has several lines that he says to adewale that make me physically cringe (namely: "many of [these men] wouldn't accept you as captain" or "what was it like being enslaved?" like i get that someone like edward would be asking that question in good faith and genuine curiosity but also JESUS CHRIST UBISOFT). but on the flip side - cringey as those questions are, he also takes the time to actually listen and learn, and i think he genuinely values the perspective that he gets from adewale allowing him to open these lines of trust and communication. there's a patience and mutual respect there that i adore.

i also love how much edward loves his crew and his other pirate friends. those scenes of him + kidd + thatch + adewale + hornigold (lol) drinking on the beach and having a grand old time and talking about establishing - to borrow one of my favorite chills-down-my-spine phrases from black sails - a nation of thieves, for people like them to live and prosper, free from the chokehold of civilization. and i know he's not as outwardly invested in counterculture/independence/anticolonialism as thatch and vane and kidd are, but the fact that he so wholeheartedly supports his friends' goals, lofty and impossible as they are, speaks volumes about his love for his friends.

Favorite moment

every scene he has with kidd when kidd casually and softly reminds him that they see that he is a good person beneath his opportunistic and rambunctious exterior. i especially love when they discover julien du casse's mansion containing orders for templars to go out and hunt down assassins: the way kidd immediately knows that edward wants to help the assassins as a way to make up for the damage he did while masquerading as a templar, even if he hasn't voiced it aloud himself. the way that they don't force edward to admit anything about himself before he is ready, but still constantly remind him that he has a good heart. they give him space to come to terms with his compassionate side in a world/environment that more often than sees compassion as something to be stamped out or cast aside. i don’t love when characters are forced to be the Moral Compass for a main dude character, but i think it works for edward and kidd.

Idea for a story

not an edward story per se, but there are 2 povs into edward's life that i would cut off (someone else's) limbs for:

jenny's pov growing up in the kenway household. from haytham's pov it seems that she knows way more about his past than haytham ever did (it was hinted at that there are rumors about edward’s past as haytham was growing up that he wasn’t privy to, but i don’t think at any point in the novel does haytham ever find out definitively that his father was a pirate) and i want to know how she knew so much, and more into what her life was like - through her eyes rather than haytham, who is like 10 years younger and by his own admission barely understands her and barely has a functional relationship with her. i'll expand further on edward and jenny in the next question/prompt/bullet point, actually, bc i have a LOT more to say.

connor's pov learning about his grandfather from... idk? who's around to tell him? what's so goddamn sad is that by the time connor rebuilds the colonial brotherhood he's kinda the only one left. sure there's aveline down in louisiana, but as far as we know everyone who was around in edward's generation is dead now, and i'm not sure how much of the kenway saga is preserved for connor to discover, or if all this information about their family line was discovered in the modern-day, by your abstergo employee character, and later by osto berg in the comics. which is why i so badly want a revelations-style game where connor traces his assassin heritage back to the caribbean, relives some of edward's memories, and then makes the trip to london to see his aunt jenny. it would have been such a cool way to round out the kenway saga.

Unpopular opinion

idk how popular or unpopular this is bc i rarely see other in-depth posts about it on my dash, but edward was a terrible father to jenny. he was every bit the wonderful and loving father to haytham for the 10 years that haytham had a father, but i wish we'd seen more of jenny's perspective than just a few lines of dialogue in haytham's diary: i hate the way edward sidelined her and raised her in the same manner that any other wealthy person of the time would have raised their daughter - that is, for the sole purpose of sitting pretty and marrying her off in an arrangement that would benefit the family. it's especially hard to reconcile because in ac4 there are female assassins in the americas, and there are female pirates in the caribbean, so it's not like edward isn't aware that women have as much right as any man to live life on their own terms. it just seems like by the time he returns to england and settles down with his family, he's reverted back to the societal norms and gender roles that the pirates fought (and lost) against, and it's hard not to be deeply disappointed by that.

to be clear, i don't begrudge edward settling down and becoming a Rich Society Man. dude deserves to live comfortably with his loving family. he has every right to dote on his wife and children, and leave behind the hardships of being a pirate. but i think "fightning against deeply-ingrained cultural norms/expectations is a long and bloody struggle, and after losing so many people he cared so deeply about, i think it's understandable that edward wouldn't want to continue that fight alone (and also adewale is still fighting the good fight) (do NOT @ me about ac rogue I Pretend I Do Not See It)" and "i don't love the way edward sidelined his daughter into societally-expected gender roles she did not want; it makes me think that he did not continue drinking his Respect Women Juice as much as i thought he did/wanted him to" are two opinions that can coexist.

Favorite relationship

i don't know that i ship edward romantically with anyone, actually. i thought he and caroline were cute in the beginning, but it's hard to want to ship them knowing that she leaves him eventually. and ofc there'd edward/tessa in ac forsaken, and we know they were very happy together and that he loved her so so much. but we don't see that relationship except through haytham's eyes.

as for non-romantic relationships, i already talked at length above about his relationships with adewale and the other pirates and kidd, and i'll just leave it at that. i'm also vaguely aware that edward's got some upcoming scenes with anne bonny, but i'm not at that point in the game yet so i don't have much to say about the two of them. so far i've only seen them say a few lines to each other at the nassau tavern.

Favorite headcanon

kassandra absolutely rubbed shoulders with edward at some point during his time in the caribbean; i like to think that she needed to lie low for some reason (maybe she was with the assassins idk) and joined his crew. i just need my best stabby gal and my second-favorite stabby dude to be pals!

finally, this isn't a headcanon per se but it is obligatory that any time i talk about kenways i yell for a bit about the fact that EDWARD WOULD HAVE LOVED CONNOR SO SO SO MUCH AND I'M FOREVER DEVASTATED THAT HE NEVER GOT TO MEET HIM. at the same time, if edward hadn't been murdered and haytham not been indoctrinated into the templars the way he had, i'm not sure connor would even have existed. and in a way i'm glad that edward wasn't around to see how broken and cynical and depressed haytham became, because i think that would have absolutely broken his heart.

send me a character!

[tarysande]

It’s the Dose that Makes the Poison: Lucifer Thoughts and Speculation

I’m going to throw the entirety of this under a cut because spoilers. I’ve been rearranging the pieces on the table and I have some meta and a plausible(?) theory about how things might shake out.

...this is almost four thousand words long, and frankly? I feel I’ve barely grazed the surface.

Also, I put it on AO3 for ease of reading and/or in case anyone wants to have, idk, threaded conversations ;D

Okay. Here are a bunch of the pieces. (Or the piece is here, as it were.)

First: The show has always been about redemption; the showrunners throw that word around all the time. Second: I don’t think we’re going to see an endgame or a narrative where God is evil. So, how to make the concept of literal Hell work, then? How to explain or justify the idea of a father who a) kicked his kid out of the house and sent him to Hell for-literal-ever and b) created children for specific “of God” purposes.

Hell

In 5x01, Lee says, “Whose Hell is this, anyway?” and ... I think that’s the crux of the matter. In S3, Lucifer realizes he gave himself the face of a monster because he felt monstrous. But the truth is, he didn’t just give himself the face.

He gave himself the place, too. 5x01 is littered with clues that indicate this. Lucifer says “you to your torture and me to mine.” Lee’s entire speech—the one that pushes all Lucifer’s buttons because of course Lucifer’s projecting all over Lee’s “worst memory”—might as well be Lucifer talking to himself (not unlike Uriel in Lucifer’s hell loop). You know, the part of Lucifer that’s starting to understand all the psychological stuff Linda’s been yammering on about.

Lucifer created Hell. To torture himself for what he believes he did. He created the mechanism that you can walk out any time you like—but no one ever does. None of the doors are locked, right? 

On some level, Lucifer, who is all about fairness and justice, looked at what he did and decided the Hell as we’ve seen it was the appropriate punishment. And with Lee, Lucifer almost figures out that the goal of “Hell” isn’t to eternally loop through guilt-fueled self-torture but to forgive yourself and apologize or make amends or not repeat the mistakes. Most of all, learn that nothing changes if you stay in the loop and the only way to break the loop is to take risk that you might fuck up and do something that you feel guilty for again. 

Names/Family

Something that’s always jumped out at me is that no matter how many millennia have passed, Lucifer—to whom nicknames and names are canonically really goddamned important—always refers to his family by their familial connection to him “brother, sister, Mum, Dad.” When he banished himself from Heaven—and I’m starting to think he did—he didn’t stop feeling like he was a part of his family. Even when he wanted to eat Amenadiel’s heart someday, he still called him “brother.” Even when Uriel was threatening Chloe (and Mum), he was still “brother.”

For that matter, isn’t it interesting that all Lucifer’s estranged siblings refer to him by the name he chose for himself—not the one he was given? Except, of course, when they want to hurt him. We’ve known since what, S1? That Lucifer cannot abide the name Samael. Even Uriel calls him Lucifer. Or Luci. Mum calls him Lucifer. Lucifer was given Poison of God and he chose Bringer of Light. And everyone who loved (and loves) him said, “All right. Lucifer it is.” And though Lucifer is originally a little eye-rolly with nicknames—Luce, Luci—it’s fond, not the “I’m going to rip out your spine and beat you to death with it” response Samael elicits. Essentially, Samael is Lucifer’s deadname. And people who use intentionally are dismissing and rejecting the identity Lucifer chose, which is vile.

When I was researching/writing Taking the Fall and I knew I wanted to talk about the name thing, I came across this quotation ascribed to Paracelsus, and it really resonated: “All things are poison, and nothing is without poison, the dosage alone makes it so a thing is not a poison.” The dosage, in fact, is the difference between whether something is a poison or a cure. And if that doesn’t align with the themes of the show, I don’t know what does. 

Lucifer has spent all this time thinking he is a poison; he has never imagined that he might be a cure. (To angels embracing their free will; to ending the sharp black and white segregation between Heaven and Hell; to darkness, to fear. Yet the more Lucifer learns and the healthier he gets, the more we see cures in what he does: i.e., Brody and also, you know, solving crimes.)

Michael, on the other hand, means “Who is like God?” It’s meant to be a rhetorical question, but in the universe of the show, I think Michael’s twisted version is that he used the question “Who is like God?” to plant the seed of Lucifer’s rebellion ... and is now answering the question “Who is like God?” with the reply, “I am."

Maze

But just in case we head too far down the Lucifer is Great line of thinking, we’ve got a big old example of how he’s still a poison, too.

Contrast this discussion of family with the lesson Lucifer still needs to learn about Maze—he’s managed to absorb that she’s not his servant anymore, but he’s still clinging to that soulless demon/just a demon dismissiveness. And despite self-worth coming from within, bitches, Maze still hasn’t truly absorbed that. She still looks outside for validation—and resents or backslides when she doesn’t get it. Especially from Lucifer. Because Lucifer was the first being to treat her like she mattered. She admires him. Looks up to him. Loves him. In many ways, Maze is the shadow of Chloe—drawn to Lucifer but never, from his perspective, his equal or his partner.

And he, for all the strides he’s made, still default to “demon” as derogatory and dismissive. Something she can’t transcend, even though all the evidence suggests the contrary. As long as Lucifer sees Maze as just a demon, she can’t truly escape from that identity. 

Why does Maze keep “betraying” Lucifer? It’s tempting to think it’s because she’s a demon. Because she doesn’t have “a soul.” But that’s not true. She can learn; she learns from “betraying” Chloe and doesn’t do it a second time. She learns from “betraying” Linda and Trixie. Even she and Amenadiel seem to have reached a real (and much more healthy) understanding of who they are to each other.

She keeps betraying Lucifer because he keeps deserving it.  

Servants 

The thing is, I think there’s something important in Lucifer’s “You’re not my servant anymore” to Maze. Because I think angels believe they are God’s servants. And I suspect the reason God’s been so AFK is because he really wanted them to ... break free of that. On their own. Without him telling them to—because if he told them, it wouldn’t be choice anymore. It wouldn’t be free will. It would be Following The Will of DadGod. 

Here’s another relevant Paracelsus quotation: “No one who can stand alone by himself should be the servant of another.” 

Angels self-actualize. They have powers. Sometimes those powers change (as with Amenadiel). I don’t think angels ever lacked free will. 

What is self-actualization but literal free will? You become what you believe you are; you do what you think you’re supposed to. You literally change based on your choices and feelings about those choices. Angels basically have human free will on a kind of EXTREME SCALE that they’ve remained mostly ignorant of throughout time. But how do you get your kids to figure something out without telling them how to figure it out when they’ve all got this WILL OF DAD complex? He gave them the tool of self-actualization. When they didn’t ... do that, he created humanity. He tinkered with the model. Took away the names and the powers that were such a stumbling block for his angels and such a shining example of how he failed them. If someone hangs on your every word, if you are not just their father but their master, how can they ever know love? Trust? How can they ever be free? Be themselves? I think God wanted his angel children to learn from his human children and was disappointed when they pretty much decided to just be remote and Angelically Superior All The Time, instead. Of course, that's mostly on him, too.

Except Lucifer. Because Lucifer’s curiosity (yes, from the beginning of time) kept bringing him so close to figuring things out. (Better to reign in Hell than serve in Heaven, amirite, Paradise Lost?) And as close as he was to figuring things out, Lucifer was still prideful and selfish and superior. The result was what happened with (and in) Hell. Things got twisted down there; he was in a God role over the demons and he was not hands-off. Cue endless loops of pain and torture and despair and self-recrimination and poison. Lilith may have started their pain, but Lucifer, however unintentionally or ignorantly, continued it. 

At least Lucifer could escape it sometimes. Those poor demons. Those poor abandoned children. They had two rocks.

Pretty sure there’s going to be an echo of Dad abandonment with his angel kids and Lilith of her demon kids, by the by. Because abandonment is a theme. And good intentions or not, well, you know what they say about the road to Hell.

Humanity The more Lucifer interacted with humanity, the more he learned from humanity. And, of course, the entire journey of the series has been about Lucifer learning, growing, adapting, changing because of this. And not in a Superior Angelic Way, but in a person-to-person real way. Not just with Chloe. With everyone.  But yeah, Chloe is the catalyst—precisely because (as Amenadiel says) she’s the only mortal who sees Lucifer for who he really is, without her reflected desires getting in the way. No one, no one else can truly reflect back to him his worthiness or lack thereof.

Does Chloe have a power? It’s not laser-beam hands. But I’ve always thought Chloe has the power of seeing things and, in seeing, encouraging others to see, too. And this is most obvious with Lucifer, whose power has never let him be seen. Because of his power, he can never know if the reactions of others are about him or about their own desires. 

What agony for someone whose chosen path is bringing light: to be forever hidden in the shadow of the light others see.

Until Chloe.

Michael tells Lucifer his greatest fear is that of being unworthy. We know Lucifer has always feared he’s not worthy of Chloe. But now that she’s told him, shown him, his worthiness? You’d better believe that he will never, ever abandon her—will never, ever let her suffer from her worst fear. Gosh, and by suddenly being invulnerable again, it’s almost like he’s assured that, isn’t it? “You make me vulnerable” was about his walls. “My invulnerability ensures I will never, ever abandon you,” is all about hers.

So, back to learning from humanity. We’ve seen Lucifer and Amenadiel do it. It’s been hinted that Azrael has done it, at least a little. Then we have Michael’s frustrated tale of how the other angel siblings are taking note of Lucifer’s actions—with the implication being that maybe they’re learning, too. Maybe they’re starting to understand that they can be more than they think they have been made to be. More than just a “Something” of God.

Control 

Meanwhile, of course, Michael’s concocted some kind of Make Heaven Great Again plot—ironically, it appears, by doing exactly what he accused Lucifer of doing: believing he can run things better than Dad. And, I suspect, by trying to set himself as Master and his siblings (and other assorted peons) as his servants. Only, he’s not doing it in Lucifer’s ultimately forthright (and even honest) way of “This sucks and I’m rebelling” but in a conniving, secretive, Machiavellian way that probably sounds a lot like “Dad says” or “Dad’s not here” or “Who is closer to God than I?” ...

Who is like God, indeed. He even throws down the word archangel when he speaks to Dan: an angel above even other angels. I’m 99% sure that word’s never been used before on the show. Because that’s what Michael desires. To be more. To be everything. To control.

He’s what Lucifer was as the Lord of Hell. He’s everything Lucifer has made such progress toward overcoming.

Incidentally, and also essay-worthy: This is why the progression of the scene where Lucifer and Chloe make love is so incredibly (heh) important: Lucifer of the perfect appearance, perfect pocket square, perfect car, perfectly clean apartment; Lucifer of control control control control ... surrenders. He offers. She accepts. And in these first moments—“Incredible,” he breathes before they’ve done anything more than kiss—she is above him, in control ... and nothing bad happens. Nothing hurts him even though she makes him hurt-able. She doesn’t take advantage of him. She loves him; she treasures him; she protects him. It’s beautiful. It’s everything he’s been so afraid he could never have.

And for the first time (very possibly) ever, he sees himself as worthy. He sees himself as belonging. He believes he is not alone; he is not lonely.

Power

Amenadiel “lost” his power to stop time when he decided he didn’t want to stand apart from humanity anymore. Essentially, just as he lost his wings when he was so horrified and disgusted by what he’d done (to Lucifer, with Malcolm, etc.) he caused himself to Fall. He regained his wings when he made it his purpose to bring Charlotte to Heaven. He stopped time again in S5 when the question of humanity—of his own child being human, and thus ‘not like him’ or ... not that ‘special’—reared its head. With the nuns, he reflects their love of God, right? And in part, that’s because he’s in this father (or Father) role now. 

Angel powers, like all power really, are double-edged. In the wrong hands or twisted the wrong way, a good power can bring about evil. Look at the almost throwaway line with Brody in 5x02: Lucifer’s “desire” power—so often spun as about sin or hedonism—brought Brody peace and forgiveness. That Lucifer doesn’t lie or take without giving in return indicates that, on some level, the level that values true justice—and even a bit of mercy—he was never able to use that power against others (the way we see Michael do with his); he didn’t want to use as he felt he’d been used; he also didn’t want to feel used by those whose desires he provided (this is why the parade of one-night stands and “it was just sex—great sex, but just sex” partners upset him so much back in S2). Favors—and even the give and take of sex—were a way to balance that scale. Again, this could be a whole essay all its own.

This makes me suspect that the dark side of Lucifer’s powers played some part in his Rebellion. That he abused desire the way we’ve seen Michael abuse fear. 

So, about that power of fear, then. I mean, it just sounds negative. How can FEAR be positive, right? But if Michael were using his powers to draw out fears so they’re named and dealt with (LIKE PEOPLE DO IN THERAPY???) instead of manipulated for personal gain—it could be a very healing power (LIKE THERAPY???).

Greatest Strength/Greatest Weakness

The absolute thematic and narrative brilliance of twin brothers having the powers of fear and desire whilst also being held back BY the “power” of their twin is so amazing it really needs its own essay. But I do want to mention this relative to the overall arc heading forward. Much of Lucifer’s work with Linda has been about addressing his fears; he’s made a ton of progress with this. As I mentioned earlier, with Linda’s guidance, Lucifer has been drawing out his fears in a safe(r) space and learning to deal with them and heal. And, in doing so, his own power of reflecting desire has increasingly been less and less about artisanal honey and car batteries and more about drawing out desires that help others heal, grow, become their best selves, release their inner demons.

Michael is (both literally and figuratively) twisted by his desires (to be powerful, to be stronger/better/more admired than his brother). I’ll bet some cold hard cash that if Lucifer’s the source of the original injury to his shoulder/wing, Michael has self-actualized into keeping that injury—perhaps even magnifying it—to a) manipulate others into feeling sorry for him, b) to remind everyone who looks at him how awful Lucifer is, and c) to trick people into believing he’s weaker than he is. 

At the end of the day, fear and desire are two of the strongest motivating forces in the world (universe); the show is showing us all the messy ways those forces come into play. And it’s also showing how connection and love and trust are the forces that both fight the worse facets of these powers and that let these forces be useful in helpful and ultimately healing ways.

Because THERAPY.

Home

So, we know we’re rolling toward what was meant to be a series finale; it’s time to start tying loose ends together, right? Again and again, the question of home comes up. Lucifer only ever refers to Los Angeles as his home. Maze, on the other hand, still defaults to Hell as home. 

Hell as we know it is over. But Hell as a place where Maze tries to impart the lessons she’s learned on Earth to her abandoned, twisted-by-hate-and-loneliness-and-Lilith siblings? Perhaps even with Eve “mother of all humanity” at her side to help clean up some of the mess Lilith made when she decided to abandon connection in favor of more selfish desire? I think that’s plausible, while also managing a significant nod at where Mazikeen ends up in the comics and a heavy dash of “the things we learn from therapy and/or being best friends with a therapist.” 

Now, I know the question of how things will end for Chloe and Lucifer is contentious in fandom. So, you know, grain of salt. I don’t think Lucifer’s home is Los Angeles; the Los Angeles in Hell wasn’t enough because it didn’t have her in it. In a literal embodiment of “Home is where the heart is,” Lucifer’s home is with Chloe. And since Chloe’s worst fear is abandonment, Lucifer will do what it takes to stay with her—because that’s what’s most important to him. The utterly unselfish choice. I think there’s some pretty reasonable foreshadowing (Lilith’s choice—if that choice was even real, of course—for example) that Lucifer may choose to renounce his immortality. Or to give it to someone else. Or that immortality won’t matter at all anymore. 

From his reactions in 5x07/08, we know that Lucifer’s identity and ideas of usefulness/self-worth/worthiness of love are still connected to his identity as an immortal with powers; I think, though, he’s beginning to piece together the complications therein, especially regarding questions of partnership and vulnerability and equality. 

Personally, Human!Lucifer has never been my preferred outcome, but I can see how it might work/might be what they’re heading for. Even if I’d still prefer the “you can use me as a bullet shield” partnership with supernatural elements—because those have always been at the heart of their partnership. The strengths of one make up for the weaknesses in the other (and vice versa).

Hell (Redux)

Finally, I’m still pretty sure we’re going to see a complete overhaul of the Heaven/Hell dichotomy. One with a lot less THIS IS THE WAY IT IS BECAUSE CONTROL and a lot more CHOICES MATTER (maybe Linda can have a turn as a salamander after all). And a major catalyst, of course, is Lucifer and his love for the chosen family on earth (and through them, a renewed love for the estranged family he’s never actually stopped loving; 5x01 basically makes canon that it's not that Lucifer hates his family—it's that he's terrified of disappointing them again, of causing problems again). 

So why does Hell have to change?

Because right now, every human he loves is sure they’re going to Hell. And after all the time and all these friendships, can you really see Lucifer being okay with that? Okay with Ella or Linda or Dan or Trixie tormenting themselves for all eternity? When he wasn’t even okay with Mr. Said Out Bitch doing so? When he gave this guy who he barely knows every opportunity to change his fate in ways he’s never done for any other tortured soul? Because they had a tenuous connection on earth?

Can you see him being okay with Chloe choosing Hell to be with him?

When it boils right down to it, Lucifer has learned to love others. And I think, especially given his revelations about self-loathing last season, that love isn’t going to let him be okay with or encourage the self-loathing in others. Love—selfless love, real love—is, in fact, the cure to the very concept of Hell. 

And it’s also the cure to the very concept of Heaven, too.

How could Heaven ever be perfect if the people you love aren’t in it?

It can’t. It might be more silver and have fewer demons, but I don’t think it’s any less an eternal torture. Eve basically tells us as much.

So, on that note, I’ll leave you with another fine quotation from Paracelsus:

“When a man undertakes to create something, he establishes a new heaven, as it were, and from it the work that he desires to create flows into him... For such is the immensity of man that he is greater than heaven and earth.”

And that, I think, is going to be the takeaway. We create what we are; we choose what we create. And in the act of that creation, we choose whether we are the poison or the remedy. And if we make mistakes, slip up, hurt people, hurt ourselves—it’s not a Hell-sentence. It’s the dose that makes the poison. We learn, we grow, we apologize, we strive to make things better, we love and love and love and love, and we never stop striving to be the cure.   

[the-hilda-librarians-wife]

Potentially loaded question but do you think Frida was forgiven a little too easily? Like considering how much she lashed out at Hilda and David then turned to the marra. I know she's a kid and it's understandable to make mistakes, but from a story structure point of view was it earned or rushed? This came up in a discord chat and

you're the most active Hilda blog I've seen (also you're super cool and I accidentally hit send too early 🤣)

Hey there, anon! Okay, so... I had actually never given this topic much thought before, so after I read you ask this stuck in my head. I even re watched The Black Hound so I could remember things and answer you properly. I’m not the best at media analysis, but this is a very interesting point that you brought up so I’ll do my best to break it down so I can try to explain my mixed feelings about this subject.

(Also please forgive me but this is not at all a straight forward answer, I’ve rambled a bit so there’s even a cut😅)

First off, I think we should consider Frida’s mistakes as two separate things: one would be lashing out at Hilda and David, and the second one would be joining the Marra. It’s clear that they’re both connected and that one led to the other, but their orders of magnitude are so different that I think it wouldn’t be appropriate to consider them the same mistake.

So let’s begin by her lashing out. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I’m pretty sure that the argument scene was right after they fought a ghost. Taking that into consideration, I can understand why she lashed out. She was feeling scared after a life threatening situation, and that plus the emotional stress that she was going through, with questioning everything she’d ever thought she was, made her burst. But even though it was understandable, it wasn’t justifiable, specially since she told Hilda some things that didn’t even have to do with the ghost situation.

And stopping to think about it, it did sort of bother me that this happened, and then Hilda and David after long seemed to have forgotten it. In the Nisse episode, they’re worried about Frida missing classes and sparrow scouts meetings, and so they simply go to her house and... act completely normal. It is normal for people to be worried when they know someone they care about is going through a rough patch in life and it stops them from leaving their house. I mean, it’s a symptom of a few mental illnesses, even. But the fact that they just went to her house, no questions asked, and acted as if nothing had happened just didn’t sit well with me. Especially because it would have been a simple matter to solve. People lash out with some frequency, it’s nothing out of this world. If Frida had just apologized and explained why she had said what she did, things would have been fine, somewhat. But she didn’t really, and things only got worse.

And that takes us to the Marra issue. Not only did Frida all but discard her old friendships without amuch of a reason, she also looked for friendship somewhere else. But let’s think about it, though. Frida isn’t going to school. Frida hasn’t been leaving her house, we know this. So how could she have met Kelly? This whole situation gives me the feeling that somehow the Marra know when someone is vulnerable, and that Frida was manipulated to become Kelly’s friend.

Sounds reasonable, right?

But the thing is that Kelly isn’t just some mean girl that Frida wants to impress (probably because when you’re young you think teenagers are cool for some reason). Kelly is a marra and Frida knew that.

In the end of The Nisse, we see Frida around the campfire, feeding off of nightmares herself, and in the beginning of The Black Hound, we see Kelly throwing Frida forward saying “last to join, first to get eaten”. These two occasions make it clear that Frida didn’t only befriend her, she joined the Marra, even though it seemed like she was at some sort of apprenticeship stage still. And that’s something I can’t wrap my mind around.

This isn’t lashing out in the heat of the moment. She had time to form a “bond” with Kelly, and I’m assuming that she didn’t only learn that she was a Marra after Kelly brought her to the forest. I mean, if she’d just dragged Frida to the campfire and said “surprise, I’m a nightmare spirit and I’m recruiting you!” she’d definitely try and get away, because she’d be scared! So there was some time for her to get used to that idea, not only that Kelly was a Marra, but also that they wanted her to be one as well.

I could argue that Kelly groomed Frida to accept, and it’s a factor that we definitely should keep in mind; grooming is not something to be taken lightly. But after what we see in The Nightmare Spirit? I’m sorry to say this, but Frida should have known better. She saw those spirits torturing her best friends. She had already seen what they were. And I can’t get it in my head that she simply ignored that! That could have been some sort of revenge against them, but it wasn’t, because there seems to be no more resentment from Frida’s side after her blow up in The Ghost. So something that could easily have been vengeance (even though Hilda and David did nothing wrong) was actually just what she chose? Probably manipulated but otherwise unprompted?

And now we get to her “redemption arc”. Let’s take a look, shall we?

This scene happened right after they ran away from the hound. Frida offers to help him, and this is what she says while doing it:

“You were right, you know? About my new, so called, friends.”

This quote actually made me realize something. I could be wrong, but has Frida, at any point in the series, said that David was right? Specially while saying that she was wrong? We see her look remorseful in The Sparrow Scouts, but I don’t think we’ve ever heard her saying that she was wrong before, and I think it was probably very hard for her to say it. Next, she says:

“I’m sorry, I’ve been acting like an idiot.”

And to her credit, she really does look sorry.

For the next few minutes of this episode, there are other instances where she tries to take back what she’s said and done. When Hilda is with her by her door, she says she trusts her and comes up with a plan to help her get a badge. When she is collecting Kelly’s garage sale stuff, she tells him to keep her plushie, because “it’s never a good idea to throw away your real friends”. And while I loved those scenes (and that last one was quite the shade she threw at Kelly, ngl), I’m not at all sure that this serves as a redemption arc (amen, after eleven paragraphs I finally answered the question!)

If all of that had been said before her joining the Marra, I would have thought it perfect. Like you said, anon, she’s a kid, it’s understandable that she doesn’t have a good enough grip over her emotions not to lash out in stressful situations. But this was all done after a more complex and problematic action on her part.

So what would have been a good redemption arc? Well... I don’t think she’ll be completely redempted before she does something to earn their friendship back, instead of just saying apologizing. It would be super cool to have her actually, idk, “resist temptation” for her friends. Maybe if the marra came back and a tried to manipulate her into joining them again, and she refused, that would be a nice way to tie her redemption arc.

Since what you asked was an opinion and not an AU, let’s get back to it. I think it was really easy to have Frida just deliver a few meaningful lines and try to help Hilda earn a badge (though I think she would have done that regardless of trying to apologize, and so would any good friend) and write her off as redempted. But that really didn’t work completely, because it’s easy to be kind and nice when the problem has already passed. How will Frida react when their friendship goes through another tough situation? Will she lash out again or has she learned from her mistakes? We don’t know, because at no point was it shown that she learned.

And now we get to how I feel about it from a storytelling point of view. This redemption is what had been building up since episode 9, and since the Vittra episode we were shown that Frida needed a cold reality shower. Don’t get me wrong, I love her, but if she didn’t realize that she couldn’t be perfect, and that putting her attempts at perfection above her friends was an awful choice, she would only have problems later in life.

What I mean is, with so much build up to this arc, and so much significance to it, it’s disappointing that we had what, half an episode for it? If only the time had been taken to put Frida in a situation where she proved that what she went through made her learn, but no, they didn’t take the time. Which is a shame, because seeing Frida’s character development is always delightful to me.

Summing it up: Frida’s lashing out made sense to me and it was a somewhat easy matter to solve. However if there’s no more said about this topic in season 2, her redemption arc will have been, in my eyes, rushed and incomplete, because nothing was done to show that Frida actually learned. It’s a shame that they didn’t dedicate more time to expanding on that arc, because it was a story that was due to being developed ever since the first episodes.

Thank you for this ask, anon! This was very fun to think about and write, and I’m happy to know I come across as cool :D

[edorazzi]

IDK if you watched the Chat Blanc episode, but if you did, what are your thoughts?

I don’t usually post about my reactions to episodes these days (unless it’s in snarky comic form), but a few people have asked me about this one so why not!

This got super long, so I’ll throw it under a cut (and apologies for anyone on mobile if Tumblr dot hell still opens readmores automatically). 

I personally thought Chat Blanc was an underwhelming episode. Everyone knows how much I adore Adrien so of course I loved all his scenes, and I thought the actual Chat Blanc content was really exciting and well-done (when we were actually THERE), but the rest of the episode was pretty meh for me. For whatever it’s worth I watched this episode in French, so I don’t know if the English dub changed anything.

When it comes down to it I’ve got two big gripes: logical and emotional. My logical complaint is that the plot just DOESN’T MAKE SENSE. I respect that the rules of time travel are very loose in fiction and every work has its own take, but the episode’s “whatever happened today changes the future” basis absolutely doesn’t work when there’s been no interference from outside the timestream. Are they telling me Marinette has to follow a particular set of actions for the rest of time in order for the past to match up with the future, and every time she puts a foot wrong on this invisible path Bunnix will show up to berate her? It’s ridiculous. If Bunnix exists in the future then that path has already been written, so anything Marinette does in the present day she would have done anyway. It doesn’t work and I’m kind of amazed the writers thought it made enough sense to put in at all, let alone hinge the entire plot on. This has to be a Bunnix problem because both her episodes have been full of scrambled logic like this, and it’s really making me not enjoy her.

(I also don’t understand why Bunnix just did NOTHING even when she found out what the cause of the whole mess was. Why did she sit around waiting for Ladybug to defeat Chat Blanc when she could have just gone back to five minutes before Ladybug jumped through Adrien’s window and told her not to do it? I know she was gradually losing limbs to the altered timestream and stuff but she didn’t even try! There were easy fixes in this plot which no one took and that’s so frustrating!)

My emotional complaint might not be shared with everyone, but I was left feeling really irritated that the entire storyline was based on a problem created for this specific episode, which was then retconned into never happening. Adrien has a lot of emotional issues and it’s not been lost on me that Ladybug is starting to treat him pretty badly lately (the way she behaved in Reflekdoll was APPALLING, and I don’t understand people who say Adrien was a brat in Syren because I feel he was completely justified in demanding some respect and proper communication from his PARTNER), so it rubs me wrong that his akumatization - which is a VERY big deal! - was the result of this mangled “oH bUt WhAt iF gAbRiEl rUiNeD tHe LoVe SqUaRe AnD wAs EvEn MoRe eViL LaTer” concept instead of actually addressing the unfair way Ladybug’s been treating Chat Noir this season on top of everything else the poor guy is going through. 

Having Adrien bottle up his problems the way we know he does only to explode in such a drastic and dangerous way, like in the Christmas special which resulted in him running away and nearly destroying the town tree in an act of rage and spite, is SUCH an interesting route to follow for something like Chat Blanc. I don’t want it to be about some half-assed nothing-matters-in-the-end-anyway-lol love square BS laced with a big middle finger to anyone who’s been hoping for an identity reveal sometime this century. It’s just a sign they’re planning to hold on to this formula until the end of time itself, and I don’t know about anyone else but that’s going to make any future identity teases REALLY underwhelming (or terrifying, since now we know that APPARENTLY identity reveals result in the moon exploding all life being wiped out. Tread carefully, Marinette).

And comparing this to the Christmas special reminds me how horribly out of character Gabriel was! Like oh my god, who was this man?! Xmas Gabe was out of his mind with worry when Adrien went missing (and grateful enough for his safe return to let all the plebs into his home for dinner), and in several other episodes we’ve seen that Adrien’s wellbeing is his real weak spot, particularly when he’s suspected he might be Chat Noir (Jackady is a great example of both). Yet I’m expected to believe he’d ruin his son’s happy relationship for the sake of an akuma, then just go full maniacal villain in the event of discovering Chat Noir’s identity and try to physically fight him right after revealing Emilie instead of appealing to him on an emotional level? Hell no! That’s stupid and boring and nothing like the complex antagonist we’ve come to know over three seasons, and considering that’s what the akumatization hinged on that’s really disappointing. 

(Also Nathalie is a snake, but I don’t feel I know enough about her character to know if she’d rat Adrien out or not. She’s definitely hopelessly devoted to Gabe but I like to THINK she wouldn’t.)

I would definitely have preferred a much more lowkey episode focusing on Chat getting akumatized because of something Ladybug says or does, because she’s (canonly!) become complacent and isn’t treating him very well as a partner. Something which explores all his (canon!) insecurities and his (canon!) tendency to bottle up his emotions and not bother anyone. It could have been a great starting point for the pair of them to confront their issues and start fixing their relationship and getting back to that wonderful Season 1 dynamic! And this was none of those things. Nothing changed or progressed and nobody learned anything. :/

There were parts I liked though! As I said before I loved all the Chat Blanc scenes which I thought were really powerful, and Ladybug’s reaction was nice; being so gentle and near-tearfully sympathetic until Chat Blanc forced her to defend herself. I also adored the final scene where - to Chat, who has no idea about all the time travel stuff - it seems like Ladybug called him out exclusively to cuddle. I’m a sucker for that kind of platonic affection and it’s a huge improvement on their uncertain relationship in recent episodes! But that’s about it. I’ve heard this was supposed to be the finale at one point but got pushed back, and oh my god, can you imagine?! I haven’t even watched the finale yet (I wanted to keep my viewing in some kind of chronological order, not that that means ANYTHING with this show) but it cannot be more of a disappointment than this would have been. Extremely hard yikes.

Anyway, I could keep going but I think I’ve put more effort into this than the writing team did with the episode. This was a MESS. 

[spideyscnse]

hey, i saw u were taking requests and i really love your writing!! could u possibly do something where reader is a nerd and she works at a bookstore and peter comes in?? idk where to go from there but i’d like it to be super fluffy and cute if u like :))) thank u so much x

a/n: hi! aw, i’m so flattered that you love my writing! i’m so so sorry for taking so long, but i was so excited by this idea when i saw it because it’s so cute! to make up for it i wrote 3k words and made it extra cute :) hope you enjoy

*

sci-fi

pairing: peter parker x booknerd!reader

word count: 3k

warnings: none :) just super cute fluff and pureness

summary: y/n is so much of a book lover that the moment she hit fifteen, she applied for a job at her favourite, local bookstore. one day, a boy called peter parker shows up at the store.

note: please don’t plagiarise my work!

masterlist

* 

You had your earbuds in as you left the school through the back gate—the gate that would take the least amount of time to get to the bookstore. You had work today, and it was why Tuesdays and Thursdays were your favourite days of the week.

Your school was a small one, almost adjacent to the prestigious Midtown High, where all of the smart kids went. You went to a girl’s private school opposite to it, and while you liked her school well enough, you sometimes wished that you’d applied to Midtown instead. Just because it seemed so much bigger and fun. Maybe it was just you, though.

The store was a fifteen-minute walk away, and you managed to get through four songs on your way there.

Pulling out your earbuds and switching off your music, you pushed the door open with a soft tinkle and made your way into the store. The relaxing smell of worn pages and coffee greeted you instantly, and just at the scent, you felt yourself calm, because it was such a homely feeling for you.This was where you were when you weren’t at school or at home, and it had been your place to go since you were very little.

“Good afternoon, Jane,” You called out to the manager, who sat at the checkout desk, and the kind lady gave you a warm smile, like she did every time she saw you.

“Hey, Y/N,” She responded, glancing up from the tablet she was scrolling through, no doubt checking through book orders, “You got here quickly, today.”

You chuckled, “Oh, yeah, I saw on Instagram that the next book in my favourite series got released yesterday and I rushed here as soon as I could.”

“Alright,” Jane said with an amused, affectionate look in her eyes, “Well, go get changed into your uniform and then you can go find that book you want.”

Eagerly, you nodded and headed to the back room to drop off your bag and change out of your school’s uniform—a white blouse and dark green skirt. The school logo was embroidered over the chest pocket of the shirt, and a silver and green tie hung from around your neck, tucked neatly under the collar.

Quickly, you pulled out your work clothes, which were far more comfortable—Jane was pretty loose on the dress code, so long as you wore the lanyard and name badge. So, today you’d opted to bring a grey sweatshirt and leggings, which would be cosy enough for you to walk between the shelves and look for people who needed help—also, for you to find that book you needed.Once you’d folded up your school uniform and slipped it neatly into your bag, you stepped out into the store again, greeted by the smell again, that you’d never get tired of.You headed to the YA aisle, the one where you knew your book would be, and you spotted it immediately—it was sitting gloriously on the new releases table, and you quickly snatched up a copy, flipping through it and letting out a satisfied sigh. You resisted the urge to just start reading it then and there, reminding yourself that you were at work and there were customers all around you. So, instead you slipped it into the front pocket of your sweatshirt, making a mental note to pay for it when you left.

Despite your efforts to focus, though, the thoughts of that one book remained swirling in your mind. This made it very difficult to maintain a calm tone of voice when people asked you for help finding things, just because on the inside, you were far too excited.

But you still went about your job like you always would—calmly, kindly, and patiently. Even with the people who complained to you about the prices, or tried to haggle you for a deal, no doubt thinking you’d give it to them, since you were young and looked it, too.

You were sorting through a massive stack of books that had arrived the day before, unboxing each, marking them down and then ordering them alphabetically on the new shelves, when somebody tapped you on the shoulder and made you jump…probably more dramatically than you needed to.

You dropped the two books that were in your hands at the time, and yelped, “I’m sorry! What did you need—?”

Your sentence was cut off as you caught sight of the boy’s face, and the words evaporated from your tongue. He had curly, chocolate-brown hair and warm, wide eyes that were currently filled with concern and shock…at your surprise, probably.

But he was extraordinarily pretty, and you found yourself looking away, leaning down to pick up the books you’d dropped. You cleared your throat, “I’m sorry, what did you need help with?”

“Uhh,” He seemed to be almost at a lost for words as he glanced at you, suddenly nervous, “I was looking for some books for my science project? I wasn’t sure where I should start…”

You smiled, and he blushed, and you gestured for him to follow you. It was rare that a high school kid came in looking for books about science—didn’t most people just find things online nowadays for school assignments?—nevertheless, you decided this boy was far too precious to just refer him to online.Especially not when this bookstore had such a great range of science books; while you loved your fiction, the science was your second favourite.

As you approached the wall, even the boy seemed to be kind of in a sense of awe. You began to talk, hiding your amusement at his amazement. “This is the science wall! It’s my second favourite section, and it’s got basically everything.” You pointed to the said areas as you explained, “They’re organised by subtopics, so you’ve got bio here, and then physics, chem, and so on.”

“What would you recommend for a physics assignment?”

You gave him a curious look, “Well, the ones with the green spines are really detailed,” you started, even though you weren’t quite sure exactly what he was looking for. “If you’re into more basic stuff, the ones on the very left of the shelf, and the more complex stuff is to the right.”

He was quiet for a long moment after you finished. You weren’t sure if he was soaking up the information or just blanked out. Regardless, it left you standing there half-smiling, basking in the awkwardness.It was almost twenty seconds later that the boy seemed to remember that you were waiting for his response, and he immediately flushed, “I’m so sorry, thanks for taking me here—um, sorry, I didn’t get your name…”

“It’s Y/N,” You responded, pointing at the name tag that was pinned onto your lanyard, “And yours?”

“Peter,” He responded shyly, running a hand nervously through his curls, “What school do you go to? I don’t think I’ve seen you around on campus.”

“I go to Y/S/N,” You explained, sheepish, even though you weren’t sure why you were so nervous, and why your palms were sweating, “It’s a girls’ private school, which is probably why you don’t see me at school.” You laughed off your nerves, even though you felt heat begin to crawl through your cheeks.

Peter seemed to deflate a bit, the smile fading from his eyes, “Well, then, I won’t be able to see you. I was hoping you went to my school…”

“Guess you’ll have to come ‘round to the bookstore more often, then,” You said teasingly, “To get your books for your smart-kid assignments. Assessments are mostly over now anyway—except for at Midtown, I hear. Is that where you go?”

He nodded in answer, giving a small smile, even as his eyes turned and became glued to the books on the shelves. He scanned through the titles and asked absently, “What gave it away?”

“You’re looking for science books, Peter,” You said with a small giggle, “Isn’t Midtown a STEM school? I just assumed.”

“Y/N!” Jane called from the front of the shop, and you immediately perked up, your conversation interrupted.Peter sighed, even though he diligently kept the kind smile on his lips, “Well, I guess duty calls, huh?”

You nodded, pressing your lips into a taut smile, a bit disappointed as well, that you had to go now. “I’ll see you around, yeah?”

“You bet you will,” He said, giving a grin, “I’ll be sure to come whenever I can to get your expertise on science-y books for my smart-kid assignments.”

You almost choked on a laugh as you tried to swallow it, “Good luck with your assessment! And the science books!”

***

Peter kept true to his word.

That boy seemed to make it his mission to show up every day, and talk to you all about your recommendations and his science assignments. Not that you minded—it was kind of cute, what with how enthusiastic he got when he was rambling.

Today, though, Peter was late. School ended two hours ago, and still. No sign of him. Usually he would’ve been here almost at the same time as you, since he’d taken to doing all of his homework in the shop.

Despite how hard you tried to not let it distract you, you really couldn’t help the glances you kept throwing over your shoulder at the door, to check for any sign of him. To be honest, you weren’t quite sure why you anticipated his arrival so much, seeing as he probably had his own work to do, but still…You did your job fine; you made sure to put all of the new arrivals in alphabetical order and unbox all of the stock for the week, but even Jane noticed that you weren’t as focused as usual. And from the knowing gleam in her eyes, she knew exactly why you looked so much more worried and tense than usual.

“Y/N, are you waiting for that brown-haired boy?” She called out, her chin leaning on her palm and looking quite amused.

You fumbled with the stack of books you were holding and said, suddenly flustered, “No, no I’m not,” You denied, even though your words were broken by a nervous stutter.Internally, you swore in frustration at yourself because why were you suddenly so nervous? Jane hadn’t even said anything, really, but—

“Then why do you keep looking out the window? I know that the boy comes every time that you’re here. We all fall in love at some point,” Jane said, her tone turning into a teasing one.

Fall in love?

“Oh, I’m not in love with him—I’m just—I just,” You stammered feebly, “I just like looking at the window display.”

Jane hummed, finally turning her gaze away to return to clicking away at her computer, probably filing in orders. “Sure thing.” Even though her stare had shifted from you, her knowing smile hadn’t faded and you bit your lip in embarrassment before returning to sorting the books.

You weren’t in love with Peter, you barely even knew him! It wasn’t like that—

“Sorry I’m late!”

And yet at the first sound of his voice you stopped everything that you were doing and spun around so fast your hair gave you whiplash.

“Y/N!” He called, his hair mussed by the wind, eyes wide. He was holding his bag, seeming to still be stuffing something into the back pocket of it, and he seemed extremely puffed.

“Peter,” You said, furrowing your brows, “You didn’t have to rush. If you were busy you could’ve just sent me a text.”

As if by instinct he reached into his back pocket for his phone as you mentioned texting, and he pulled it out as he responded, “I’m sorry, something came up that I had to take care of. It’s all good now, though! What new books arrived this week?”

Even though internally, you were still concerned for his well-being, since he looked so genuinely out-of-breath, but the fact that he’d rushed over to talk to you today was kind of…touching. Cute.

You brushed those thoughts away, though, effectively stopping the blush you felt beginning to form on the apples of your cheeks, “We got lots of fiction this week, actually. There’s some sci-fi I think you would like. Is your assignment finished now?”

Peter rubbed his neck almost shyly, “Oh, yeah, it was due today, actually. Thanks for all your help, I think I did better than usual.”

“It’s nothing,” You replied, giving him a smile, quickly turning to finish sorting out the last couple books, and then leading him to the fiction section. He eagerly followed.

“Do you read fiction much?” You decided to ask him, breaking the silence that had settled between the two of you.

“Sometimes,” He said, “I get pretty busy, though, so I don’t usually have a lot of time to read. I wish I did.”

You approached the fiction shelves and ran your hand over the spines, searching for the new arrivals you wanted to recommend to him, “Here,” You pulled the first out, then the second.

“These are really good, I read them yesterday,” You told him, passing the two to him, and he flipped through them curiously, “They’re about the stuff you’re into. Like, science-y, smart superhero, space-battle type stuff.”

His eyes lit up as he scanned through, murmuring absently, “I love that stuff! I can kinda relate to them.”

That piqued your curiosity, and you couldn’t stop yourself from asking, “What do you mean?”“Huh?”“What do you mean you can relate?”

Suddenly, Peter bit his lip and ran a hand nervously through his hair, “Oh, what, I said that? Uh, I just mean I relate to the struggles of the superheroes, you know? It’s kind of…inspirational.”

You considered his words, “You’re right. We do have a lot of superheroes around here, don’t we?” You chuckled a bit to yourself, averting your eyes because his gaze had become far too intense and focused for you to maintain the eye-contact whilst keeping your heart rate at a healthy pace.

“What do you think of them?” He asked, tucking the two books under his arm, seeming satisfied with your selection, “The superheroes, I mean.”

“They’re cool,” You said with a shrug, “They do cool things and they’re important. I kind of wanna be one,” You laughed lightly, “They actually make a difference, you know? I kind of just hang around here and just…” You trailed off, unsure of where you were going, but Peter seemed to understand.

Your eyes were fixated on your feet now, and you shifted on your feet when he didn’t say anything.Then, suddenly, he poked your cheek gently, making you look up at him, and then he said, “You don’t need to be a superhero to make a difference, Y/N.” He leaned in a bit closer and tilted your chin up with two fingers.

Oh gosh oh he was so close now you could see every shade in his eyes—

You hoped he couldn’t hear your heartbeat, but you swore you noted his ears tinge with pink ever so slightly as well when he whispered, “You’re pretty amazing already, I can tell you that.”

“I—Peter, I—,”

“Right,” Suddenly extremely shy, he quickly pulled away. Okay, his face was definitely burning bright red now, you were sure of it, “Sorry about that, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable—,”

“Peter,” You said softly, taking his hand gently in yours, “I wasn’t uncomfortable, I just…” You shook your head, “Never mind. But, thank you, Peter.”

“It’s just the truth,” He said, meeting your eyes with his own.

You weren’t sure what exactly gave you the confidence to do it, but with a light laugh you leant up on your toes and pressed a kiss to his cheek, “Thank you. You’re pretty amazing too, Peter.”He seemed to be at a loss for words. His cheeks were bright pink and his mouth opened and closed as he searched for the right thing to say. He looked so pretty.

“I-uh,” You bit your lip nervously—shyly, “Are you gonna get the books?”

That shook him out of his trance and he stammered, “Oh, yeah, I will, sorry—,”

“It’s okay,” You laughed, too giddy with the butterflies in your stomach to be nervous about what you’d just done anymore.

After he checked out, you said, “Call me and tell me what you think about those books, okay?”He left with a nod and a beaming smile, and Jane gave you that knowing look again.

“You just like looking at the window display, huh?” She said after the door shut behind him.You half-groaned, half-laughed as you shook your head and began heading back into the depths of the store to keep sorting the stock.

But you couldn’t help the grin of pure joy that formed on your lips the moment you were out of plain sight.

***

Tony didn’t usually pick Peter up, but today he’d been near the store anyway, so he offered to take him to the tower.The moment he got on the car, though, Tony noted his love-struck, dazed expression and said, “So, who’s the lucky person who’s snagged Peter Parker’s eye, huh?”He started up the car, which luckily pulled his gaze away from Peter, because the boy blushed furiously at Tony’s words.

“Uh, Mr. Stark, it’s nothing,” He said, shaking his head, “I just got some books that I like, that’s all—,” he pulled the two books he’d bought out of his bag, and Tony glanced at them.

“Since when did you read fiction?Peter fumbled for an excuse, “Uh, since today?”Tony scoffed in amusement, teasingly saying, “Must be some good books to have you looking so in love.”

Peter didn’t have any reply, or excuse, to respond with because he was really, really bad at lying and he knew that Tony already knew, anyway.“Yeah, they’re pretty amazing books,” He said instead.

Tony didn’t push any further, because it was just too cute.

He smiled fondly.

[iamdeltas]

X, T and K?

X - top 5-10 characters who are yoUR PRECIOUS BABIES AND YOU WILL DIE DEFENDING THEM This depends a lot on what I’m focused on at the moment (also, not all my faves count. Generally if I feel like a fave character has enough fans to defend them or whatever, I’m not gonna feel like I need to defend them. For instance, Elsa. Does Elsa have her haters? Sure. But she’s also crazy popular, so who cares if a few people hate her? That’s why she’s not on this list, even if I do like her.) but here goes, not in order tbh, just off the top of my head: Kamala Khan, always my girl, I adore her so much and I saw a post one day talking shit about her and I wanted to throttle OP. Anyway. Kamala is the best. I cannot wait for her MCU debut. Cassandra, from Tangled: the Series. I adored Cass right from the start, and of course, right from the start, I saw people shitting on her for, IDK, daring to *gasp* not like Eugene, I guess? Wow. So yeah, I’ll die defending Cass, she’s the best, even if she made some bad choices in s3 but hey. Who hasn’t stolen an ancient powerful artifact and gotten manipulated by a demonic Eldritch being, amirite? Della Duck, from Ducktales. I adore Della, she’s such an interesting and complex character who has made her fair share of mistakes but is also trying her best. The whole discourse post-”Timephoon” really showed me that she’s a character I’d die defending as well because holy shit were people shitting all over her for... daring to ground Louie, her son, for literally causing a spacetime disaster because he wanted to make money. Sigh. Anyway. I adore Della. Anna of Arendelle, from Frozen. Oh, Anna. So many people just flat out ignore you in favor of your sister, which is so unfair. Anna is wonderful and determined and optimistic and honestly such a badass? Like that (sadly deleted) scene said, her love could hold up the world. (Fun fact, part of the reason I desperately wanted my brain to get off the Frozen traintrack it was, ah, frozen on from June 2019 to January 2020 was because it resulted in me fixating on how much people flat out do not care about Anna, which wasn’t a fun time!) I am very glad she gets to be part of the bridge with Elsa but am sadly unsurprised that people continue to ignore that and just insist that it’s only Elsa who’s the Powerful, Wonderful, Most Amazing Fifth Spirit. Anna who? Granted, the movie could have emphasized that it’s Elsa and Anna who are the Fifth Spirit, together, but still. 

Alex Danvers, from Supergirl. Still my favorite character on the show! I don’t think she gets bashed as much as mostly just ignored? (I’d say poor Kara gets the brunt of the bashing. It’s very sad.) Unless Lena stans get confronted with the fact that their fave is doing some highly Unethical Things, then they start pointing to Alex for some reason and start saying, Yeah Well, Alex Works For A Shady Government Organization, So Who’s The *Real* Bad Guy Here? (Me: ....it’s still Lena, but go off, I guess.) I guess I just generally relate to her overwhelming Big Sister-ness and the high pressure she puts on herself because what a Mood, amirite? I feel that whole, anxiety that your parents will be disappointed in you because I feel that every day! I also adore how dedicated she is and how smart she is (something the fandom and the show often seem to ignore...) Connie Maheswaran, from Steven Universe. She’s the best! And she was totally the MVP of Steven Universe: Future, telling off all the Gems for making Steven’s problems about them because that was the last thing Steven needed! She’s practical and smart but at the same time so adventurous and brave and willing to stand up to protect the Earth! It’s very admirable. Steven Universe, from... you know. I’ve always liked Steven but I think Future gave me a greater appreciation for this kid. This poor kid has had to grow up so fast and basically play therapist for his Gem moms as well as for Gems who literally tried to kill him multiple times. His compassion is so admirable but wow did it result in him putting himself last! I have a soft spot for these types of characters, the characters who care so much about other people that they forget to care about themselves. (Alex Danvers is in this category also.) I know some people got mad about his downward spiral in Future, but honestly the complaints just strike me as being mad that Steven dares to have his own problems as opposed to being the Happy Boy Therapist Who Fixes Everyone Else’s Problems And Has Zero Problems Of His Own. Martha Jones, from Doctor Who. Oh, Martha Jones, you’re a star. I had a group of college friends who I watched Doctor Who with back in the day, and they hated Martha. (Most notable exchange: one of said friends saying that she thought Martha was just “too smart” to be relatable. Said friend was a physics major.) I hope the Martha hate has cooled down now because Martha always deserves so much appreciation. She had to put up with so much in s3 (incidentally, I think about s3 sometimes and I wonder why the fuck 10 is my favorite Doctor. Honestly, he’s such a dick in s3. Martha Deserved Better.), and I’m so glad she was able to be one of the few companions in NuWho with a nontraumatic exit. I hope she’s living her best life, wherever she might be now. Ninth Doctor, from Doctor Who. Gosh I love Nine. Those same college friends who hated Martha also told me to skip s1, and I’m very glad I did not listen to them. I’ve always liked Jerks with Hearts of Gold, and Nine definitely is that! I just adore how while he had such a gruff and battle-scarred demeanor, he was so sweet and genuinely kind. He’s a puppy in a leather jacket! And not only can he be genuinely soft and sweet, but he’s also just so silly sometimes? Absolutely not what you’d expect from his general appearance but he can be quite a goofball! I love that for him! And while I may not like Doctor/Rose as a ship (honestly I just don’t tend to like Doctor/companion ships at all), his relationship with Rose was so sweet. I also just enjoy that, underneath all the weariness and the surface-level cynicism, he is actually very optimistic.  Twelfth Doctor, honestly, same deal as Nine. I’m very annoyed with people who dismiss him as being the Grumpy Doctor because he’s just so genuinely kind and compassionate? He might genuinely be one of the most compassionate Doctors I’ve ever seen. He even extends kindness to his worst enemies. There’s something really beautiful about that. Being kind, even when it might ultimately backfire on you and might not even work, because why not try? He’s just a punk rock grandpa trying his best, how can you hate that? He’s got some sick guitaring skills btw. He should join a band. (I know Peter Capaldi is in a band, so that just makes me want 12 to be in a band even more.) Sometimes I think there should be a band in the Whoniverse made up of some of the Doctor’s regens but then I get stuck on who’d be in it besides 12. Maybe 2 can be in it, with his weird flute thing. Anyway. His relationship with Clara was great (mostly because of how destructive and codependent it was lmao) but I just genuinely adore his connection with Bill. I’m always here for found family, and Bill being 12′s Earth granddaughter just warms my heart so much! Thirteenth Doctor, but actually the opposite deal of Nine and Twelve. I once saw a post saying that most Doctors can be split into one of two categories: grump with a heart of gold or charming goofball with a dark side. And, despite the two characters I just listed being in the former category, I think I tend to prefer the latter? Mostly because I see plenty of Jerks With Hearts of Gold but I feel like I don’t see as many heroic charming goofballs with a dark side. Anyway, that’s absolutely what 13 is, and I appreciate the layers that she has and am constantly annoyed at people who only see her surface level cheeriness and think that’s all there is to her. I really love it when characters Aren’t What They Seem and 13 exemplifies that. To borrow a phrase from a post I saw a very long time ago, 13 is so facile. She’s so physical, taking up so much space and constantly moving, but is so touch-averse. She talks so much and is very friendly, but is incredibly emotionally constipated and keeps even her so-called best friends at an arms length. She talks a lot about hope and compassion, but boy can she be hella violent and feral! Love That For Her. T - Do you have any hard and fast headcanons that you will die defending, about anything at all (gender identity, sexual or romantic orientation, extended family, sexual preferences like top/bottom/switch, relationship with poetry, seriously anything) Oh absolutely. Off the top of my head: Cassandra is a lesbian. And that’s that on that. 13 is touch-averse! (Also stop yelling that she needs a hug! She doesn’t want one! It’s okay to not want hugs, that’s not a crime!) Alex can cook. Cooking isn’t even that hard?  K -Say something nice about someone in any of your fandoms Ooh, this is hard cuz there are a lot of people in any of my fandoms that I feel like I can say nice things about! Let’s go with Supergirl since I’ve been neglecting that fandom a lot. Uh. I adore @wizardofahz ‘s fics about the Superfam! I’m always craving more gen fic and she delivers! I love her characterizations of everyone, especially her characterizations of Alex and Kara. 

[tartagilicious]

games/routes i’ve played + my favourites

..to be updated

*send me recommendations if you’d like!

(if i give a game a bad rating, it’s just my opinion. you don’t have to agree with me)

MysticMessenger :

routes: Zen, Yoosung, 707, and Jumin Han

my favourite: definitely Jumin Han! he’s more of an unpopular choice, and I see why, but, I love him. his story was borderline obsessive at some points, and im not going to try and defend his weird behaviour, but there was a reason for it. he got everything he wanted as a kid expect for the love of another person, which is why he treasured Elisabeth the 3rd so much, because in a way, she was the only one there for him. but, then after he gets close to the mc, and then Elisabeth goes missing, he sees the mc as the same type of warmth. he definitely could’ve been more casual about his approaches, and less weird about everything, but I see where it’s coming from. the boy’s got some trauma. and, I mean, the mc is kind and stays with him, understands him, and he opens up to her and falls in love with her. I don’t think it’s entirely unrealistic for an otome game. his character development was great. but, enough of Jumin. this is a really well thought out game. the storyline is impeccable, and the characters are all diverse enough that it’s usually not that much trouble picking one guy/girl over the other. but, this game is really heavily dependent on the emotional labour aspects of the boys, which I don’t like. if you want someone’s route, you had to constantly be excited for them and constantly support them and no one else. a prime example being zen’s route, which is still a great route from experience, but there’s too much flattery in the initial stages, if you ask me. also, I don’t have the energy to get up at 3am for a chatroom, sorry Jaehee.

my rating: 7 or 8/10

The Arcana :

routes: asra, julian, and nadia (portia, lucio, and muriel are current)

my favourite: Asra! this magician and his snake familiar got my attention pretty fast, and his heartbreaking past with the mc just sealed the deal for me. his route is so romantic and touching, but has a lot of action. it was honestly perfect. the devs did a great job with the writing of the game, and the storyline is, again, impeccable. I honestly cried when I found out about Asra’s history with the apprentice, and lemme tell you that is a DIFFERENT type of pain. 

my rating: 10/10

+Lost Island :

route: ryo tsuzuki

my favourite: none. ryo was definitely eye candy and a perfect guy, but he was the only route I played, and frankly, was the last. the only good things about this game were the action scenes, which were admittedly heart-wrenching since the game took place on a zombie infested island. But otherwise I hate this game with a burning passion, and will frankly be seeing it down in Dante’s inferno, in the depths of hell with every other shall we date game. It was my first otome game, I found it when I was 11 - just out of the womb lmao - and I was so entranced that I ended up spending sixty Fucking dollars on this game!!! I regret it deeply to this day, because the game was horrible. it moved so fast, it was pretty predictable (and I spent the sixty dollars to move it along even though when I look back at it the game exposed itself so many times??) it was so weird. after we cured the strange virus that his ‘missing’ sociopath scientist father created with an antidote hidden in Ryo’s blood and left the zombie infested island, he proposed to me in a bush! a bush! he popped the question in a bush, beat that level of romance ladies and gentlemen. and, I know now that I type it out it some points sound like a pretty good plot, but trust me, don’t let that fool you. I will argue with you about this until my death. and not to mention this bitch was a horny little shit in the middle of what the characters thought was the zombie apocalypse. all in all this game is the bane of my existence, thank you (I’m sorry this is so dramatic lmao)

my rating: -100000/10

Dangerous fellows :

routes: Zion, Harry, Eugene, Ethan, and Lawrence

my favourite: Zion! omg what a cutie, still highkey owns my heart. he’s your run of the mill rich kid that eventually rebelled, but his sense of humour and toughness is what won me over. His heartfelt promises and uncharacteristic seriousness in the face of danger were my favourite parts. he’s so adorable and owns all my uwus. I’d fight someone for this boy. this was the game the birthed this account a couple of months ago, and I still love it. 

my rating: 10/10

Lost Alice :

route: Owen Chester

my favourite: I know this technically doesn’t really count, but I did like the joker! I never played his route, and he wasn’t involved in Owen’s route much, but what little I saw of him was great.  He was joking, vague, and helped Alice out a lot as a guide in the very beginning. if I had the courage to even download this godforsaken game again I’d definitely go for him! as for Owen’s route, I honestly didn’t like it at all. all of these games have a timeline, and the end point is always the main characters fucking. like?? not the thing where you randomly travel back and forwards in time? no, just both living in her world and ignoring it, because, me and bae are official now and that’s all that matters 🤪 plus, classically, he was like the formal king trying to seduce her for funsies and then accidentally falling for her. 

my rating: 0/10

Modern Cinderella :

route: Rudolf Oak

my favourite: ..I didn’t really have one. I’m sorry this was a shall we date game, need I say more? the ’stoic’ restaurant owner that ’never opens up to people’ saw me stand up for myself literally once and suddenly his entire worldview of me has changed, and surprise surprise, he wants to date me. This was one of the worst ones I’ve ever played. I really had no favourite, except maybe for the guy that let me stay in his apartment in the beginning of the game and gave me food after he found me in the rain 🤧

my rating: 0/10

Ikemen Sengoku :

route: Hideyoshi, Yukimura, Nobunaga, Sasuke, Shingen, Masamune, Kenshin (mitsunari is current)

my favourite: yukimuraaa, yukimuraa, that bean. i can’t explain very well it but I love him :((. i really loved Mitsuhide, but I liked masamune too! I love masamune’s attitude atowards the mc, and his nickname and nonchalance around her (in sasuke’s route where he hesitated on killing him just because the mc yelled ‘stop!’ out of fear?? 🤧🤧), and I also love mitsuhide’s slightly threatening but caring personality, and that he’s deadly smart! you can’t hide anything from that man lol. Plus the mc describes him as a a good person even in hideyoshi’s route, which I respect. (ugh the devs knew he would be too powerful with a route) but, I didn’t like that after you finish a route, your intimacy is completely reset. like :(( it disheartens me in playing a little because it takes days to build up grace, and im not about to go scouring on those offer pages, because i’m not willing to put myself through that again after dangerous fellows. the formatting is a little wack too, but it’s still nice and something to look past, since the game is pretty great otherwise, and it’s a little older. I love almost all of the characters, (the ones I don’t are for personal reasons, not because they’re bad characters or anything) and I don’t think its cringey at all! it’s honestly a great game altogether. 

my rating: 9/10

Ikemen Revolution:

routes: fenrir, edgar, ray, kyle, sirius, lancelot, luka, jonah, loki, and zero (all, idk if I forgot one lol)

my favourite: every time I see edgar my heart goes boom!! I started playing his route literally like a week ago and god, this boy deserves the world. I love his gentlemanly personality and his habit of joking around and giving vague statements or warnings when in reality, he’s very sweet and kind. you’ll never know what he’s thinking, and I love that I constantly have the chance to surprise him when no one else ever does. though, I really love my boy Kyle at the same time. he’s a real one 😤 I really like how the devs handled the Alice in wonderland concept! I’ve seen that go wrong a few times, so this was refreshing. again, with the ikemen games, they’re never really fast paced or cringey in the way some other games are. it takes the mc usually at least 13 chapters to even admit to themselves that they’re crushing on the guy, which I like. it’s more realistic then, say, the nightmare harlem (see other review). also the plot design, the character depth, uGh, as a writer, don’t even get me STARTED. it’s all amazing. and!! the intimacy doesn’t reset, so I can basically just blaze through all of the intimacy checks right away. The only thing I maybe don’t like about this game is about how long it takes to complete one route. it may take you a shorter amount of time to pay, but I always play free

my rating: 9 or 10/10

Mystic Code:

routes: cold case, lost case, happy ending: case closed, wrong suspect (2), true ending

my favourite: this technically isn’t an otome game. I admittedly didn’t really like this game as much as I liked dangerous fellows, but it was still really good! I just thought dangerous fellows’s story was a little better, and there’s obviously the added bonus of being able to romance any of the main characters. You couldn’t romance any of the characters in mystic code, and while the story made up for that a lot, I was still a little disappointed. Plus, romancing the characters could‘ve really made for a more complex storyline.. 👀 I won’t give any spoilers,, but the story really did make up for it for the most part. but, I guarantee you that if you could play routes, I’d choose eliot. he’s got that confident and playful but serious and smart personality I fall into every time, and I would’ve liked to get a chance to see more sides to that.

my rating: 8/10

Love and Producer (Mr Love: Queen’s Choice):

routes: — 

my favourite: ohoho do I have a story about this one. i was going through pinterest one day a few weeks ago when I came across this picture. and idk, something about it had me starstruck, so I looked for what the image was from and found out that it was from a chinese otome game! at the time, I didn’t know that there was an english version out, so I was really disappointed when I found out I couldn’t play it. but!! through a dangerous fellows account I follow on instagram, I downloaded this game by chance and realised it was the same game under a different name. now, I was completely right to be starstruck, because I love Gavin, he’s amazing! He and the mc were classmates in high school, and they have this ~thing~ that happened in the past that’s vaguely talked about, which is a moment with the wind and ginkgo leaves (which is super nice and romantic af, since he has a wind evol) and I think there’s other parts, but I won’t give away any more spoilers that aren’t obvious and/or easily accessible. the only thing I maybe have wrong with this games that the cliffhangers it can leave you off on before it tells you to level up more are emotionally shattering, and the karma levels/movie shootings are a little annoying, but they’re easily fixable and easy to pass if you snoop around the game a little and figure out how it works. I also really like how though there are no technical routes, each “romance” with the other the guys is completely plausible and any could be endgame easily.

(+ damn, Gavin’s one main line ‘as long as you’re in the wind, I’ll find you.’ is really nice and romantic to me also, since there’s another line from a book I love that’s “I’ll be your map. Where you go, I go.” but idk maybe i’m just biased)

my rating: 9/10

The Princess Closet:

route: reo

my favourite: honestly, I hated this game, so I didn’t really have a favourite. It sounds dramatic, but it’s really true. I was snooping through the App Store one night around midnight looking for a new otome game, and I stumbled upon this one with pretty great reviews. So I, the otome hoe that I am, was like ‘okay fuck it’ and downloaded it. Basically, the game’s storyline is this guy comes up to you and is like ‘you’re my princess, I finally found you’ and the mc is like ‘wtf are you talking about’ but is flattered and sorta curious so she goes back to his studio where she agrees to become a model. like?? girl what?? he could’ve taken you into a back alley and killed you, but she didn’t care. then, in the first chapter, she does her first modelling job then the main guy (reo, also the fashion designer) comes up to her, basically pins her against the wall and is like ‘I knew you were perfect, but I didn’t imagine this. Now, since I always get what I want, I’ll have to make you mine because I’ve taken interest in you.” like,, okay bro. I deleted the app after that. if you like that kind of stuff, that’s fine, but it seems too outright and cringe to me. plus, this isn’t really relevant but I didn’t really like the formatting.

my rating: 0/10

Ikemen Vampire:

route: Napoleon, Arthur, Leonardo, Mozart, Vincent (double clear for both Arthur and Napoleon!)

my favourite: oh my god, this game finally came out with an English version and I’m so excited! I barely knew anything about this game before this morning, but it’s seriously good. I was sceptical in downloading it at first though, because vampire related things usually come out in a fashion similar to something like diabolik lovers, but this blew my expectations out of the water. the writing is amazing, and had me literally stopping between moments and being all nerdy about it. plus, all of the characters are based on real people of history, and I like that part. It’s a really cool idea. but the best part!! all of the characters are more or less like normal people. I’m not sure if that exactly makes sense, but it’s relief to me. I’m also really thrilled about some of the stories in the game. like, bonaparte is a half vampire?? nice, I wanna know more! you have to be da vinci’s fake lover?? coolio. but, I’m kinda bummed that there aren’t more routes out. Issac Newton, Napoleon Bonaparte, Arthur Conan Doyle, and Theodorus Van Gogh are definitely my favourites,(Theo is best boy 😤✊🏻) and I would’ve liked to play other routes too, but that’s totally good, because games are hard work. 

my rating: 10/10

THE NIFLHEIM+:

route: Leo

my favourite: I gotta say, this wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be. And that’s surprising, since this is a shall we date game. The storyline was pretty good, sorta like sleeping beauty with a twist, and while it was really cringey at some parts, it wasn’t too overbearing in my opinion. There’s a variety of characters to romance, and while they all have pretty stereotypical personalities in some way, it was still somewhat enjoyable to play. Though, I didn’t finish the game because I didn’t like the route I was playing, the way it was set up or the ticket system was kinda weird (one every 4 hours. you could log in once every month and it would say ‘welcome to your fourth day!’ even if it’s been four months in reality) if I did another route, though, it would probably be Nick, because his route seemed fun from the preview. 

my rating: 3 or 4/10

Nightmare Harlem:

route: oswald

my favourite: honestly, my favourite was still Oswald. (though it’s a close second to Lucas, who never entered the room in any way other than the window) he was a sweet bean and didn’t deserve any of the shit any of the other suitors gave him. now that I think about it, the plot is creepily similar to ikemen vampire’s. the mc is walking home one night when a portal opens up under a red moon that takes her to a mansion full of vampires! but, maybe that’s just an overused plot. this is from the same company as princess closet, but I think it’s a little better. don’t get me wrong, though, it was still cringe to the max. the mc insisted on helping with work around the mansion exchange for letting her stay there until that portal opened again (hello ikemen??) and the main guy was like ‘pfft sure’ and that’s where she met oswald, the gardener.  but, the main thing that turned me off of this game was how fast the romance came. she spent a day outside with him, talking about whatever, then decided she liked the time she was with him and was disheartened when he had to leave. you know, totally not like any kind of normal friendly relationship at all. and after that she was like ‘oh shit what’s this feeling in my chest’ when she saw him at dinner. like, I get the quick crush thing but she’s all like “am I falling in love??/?” and to make it BETTER the next day he’s like ‘oh shit what’s this feeling in my chest’ after, again, spending a day with her and doing nothing more but exchanging smiles otherwise. and the other guys are in on it instantly too! one of them even tries to set them up! and I just- I couldn’t take it seriously after a while.

my rating: 3/10

Ayakashi: romance reborn:

route: Koga

my favourite: honestly, how to choose?? At first, I really liked Ginnojo and Toichiro, but after playing for a bit, Koga and his stupid dice swept me off my feet. I’m only at chapter 20 since I started playing a few days ago, but I can already tell that koga is very friendly and jokes around a lot, and the moment she ever has a problem he’s there to help her. he’s an oni ogre ayakashi, and I also think that’s super cool tbh. the game itself is sort of like mr love queen’s choice in the way that you get cards and have to level them up and that corresponds to how well you do in the game, but there are more romance aspects to this game than mlqc. after you finish book one (comprised of 50 chapters) it branches off into the 4 routes that are available to play. (Koga the oni ogre ayakashi, Kuya the tengu ayakashi, Ginnojo the Mizuchi dragon ayakashi, and Aoi the satori seer) I think it’s a really interesting and fun game, but I don’t like that the only way you can get keys to play the main chapters is through patrols, which can get repetitive, especially when you can only play the same 5 or so locations before the lp cost is more. 

my rating: 9/10

Honey Magazine:

game/route: wanted: son in law // taiga takajo

my favourite: I should really change this label ^^. Honey magasine is an otome app that’s comprised of many stories that you can play at once. honestly, I didn’t have high hopes for this one based on the look of it, but I was pleasantly surprised. I am super super super super picky when it comes to otome games, but this one genuinely could’ve been worse. in the story I played, a journalist was invited to her billionaire grandfather’s estate to pick out a fiancé, but that was unbeknownst to her, seeing as this was the first time she’d talked to her grandfather since she was 5 years old. she went through the whole night meeting these different guys before she had to choose one the next day. I didn’t like this part because I probably got one interaction with each character max, and really didn’t get to go very deep into any of them. in the end, I chose Taiga, the heir to a fortune and the CEO of his own company at the ripe age of his early 20-somethings. honestly I only picked him because he kinda looks like Yuta from nct and since I didn’t really like any of the others, I had nothing to lose lol. He’s emotionless and very cold but subtly caring, and this drives the mc crazy as he claims that he’ll just parade around with her if he needs to and act in front of other people. she promises that she’ll make him fall in love with her, and well, the rest is history. I won’t get into his route much, but, I think it’s about what you would expect from a situation like this, not that it would ever happen. it’s not terrible, and I think that if someone had paid a little more attention to it it could’ve been great, not just okay.

my rating: 4/10

Twilight School:

route: Wade

my favourite: this game was actually recommended to me by a follower, and honestly, I do really like it. but, it’s a good thing that I liked Wade, because I’m not the biggest fan of either Rylan or Hogan. I’ve never liked the idea of werewolves, and Rylan is just the epitome of twilight meets vampire diaries to me. (even though neither of them really have to do with werewolves lol) and, hogan, idk. he’s got a nice personality, but I’m not really interested in him beyond that. Wade reminds me of Eugene, to be honest. that’s not why I like him, but I just thought I should get the observation out there. what I don’t like about this game is the gem system. yes, I wanted to kiss wade’s hand when he was sitting next to me after I woke up from being sick, but could I?? no. and I’m still disappointed about it, thank you very much. I also don’t really like the scene where they all fight over her in front of her. like, uh, can I get a waffle?? can I PLEASE get a waffle? but overall yes! it’s a very good game and I love the storyline and mystery. 

Samurai Love Ballad Party:

route: yukimura sanada

my favourite: (i keep mixing up the name smh) is every yukimura character an absolute sweetheart?? because it sure seems like it. I found out about this game though a discord server I’m in, and honestly, from the looks of it, my expectations were low. Format is a big part of an otome game, and this one is obviously old, and that kind of dimmed my likeness a bit. But, the story is really fun. Kinda cringey, but still fun. I had no idea it was also in the sengoku era, so that was a fun surprise. I played the prologue laughing and joking around the entire time, and it was honestly really fun. i knew I liked yukimura from the moment he appeared, and chose his route immediately when I could. One thing though, this doesn’t bother me, I just think it’s kinda funny, is that the choices you make actually determine a good or bad ending rather than the romantic or dramatic I’m used to. So, seeing that ‘you could’ve chosen better...’ message after a chapter is always refreshing lol. (I get those a lot because I literally have 2 brain cells 🗿)

overall rating: 6/10

Obey me!:

route: — 

favourites: THIS IS A SHALL WE DATE GAME?? it blows my mind, because I absolutely love this game but normally hate swd games (see lost island for reference lmao) the format is cute and modern and easy to navigate, but isn’t in your face bright and not too bland either. there’s a lot of options to go for, like the random calls and messages you get throughout the day plus the person you want to choose from majolish and display on the home screen has little things to say to you ever 15 seconds or so. the ap/stamina system is similar to ayakashi, so it was refreshing to already know how to deal with that, and I do like how while it goes fast, it doesn’t take much to regen. The actual story function is similar to that of mlqc, though, with the mission and then story part. There are no actual routes in the game as of right now, but the game is still being updated, so there might be in the future when the storyline is complete! I really hope there is, because I totally wanna do some of their routes like 😳 My favourite at first was Mammon, because from the get-go he’s the energetic dumbass that’s always by your side like fenrir and I just appreciated that, especially when I didn’t know any of the other characters yet. but then I actually got into the game more and while I still do like mammon, it’s a bit less and I do have some new favourites now. first off is Lucifer, who I really was neutral with most of the time (which shouldn’t have been the case considering he threatened/tried to kill the mc at least twice lmao) but yeah, sometime along the way I went from 😶😶😶 to 🥰🥰🥰 and that was that. Second is probably either Satan or Belphegor because they’re just both adorable and I like belphegor’s voice and sense of humour and satan’s love for books and considerate personality

favourite: Lucifer

—

CURRENTLY PLAYING: mr love queen’s choice, ikemen sengoku (mitsunari), obey me! 

[bayern-moni]

So, given that Fyodor and the Hunting Dogs are more-or-less being the closest, most imminent threat in BSD, does that leave Agatha as the Final Boss? So far, Fyodor's plans have only exempt her organization, wherein every other group is manipulated to some level.

Hello! Sorry for the late reply, I'm very happy for your ask 😁 I warn you, though, I'm not capable of writing a short reply to save my life ahahah. But, as they say in my country "Warned person half saved person"

So, ready to go.

Well, it is a complex situation. Now, the agency's problems seem to be Dostoevskij (and so, the group DotA) and the Government's military of the Hunting Dogs (whose utility I've still many doubts about). But the latter's actions almost certainly are manipulated by Dostoevskij, even if they probably don't know it. They did create problems in Sigma's casino to capture Atsushi and the others, after all, although Sigma is a member of the Decay of the Angels like Fyodor and Gogol. Gogol who recently infiltrated as a spy in the Government's ministry of justice for six months before he revealed himself and did... well, whatever it was the sense of what he did. And absolutely a coincidence, what is the military organization working for the ministry of justice?

Correct, the Hunting Dogs.

So, they are really convinced that capture our protagonists is a just service to the state, but they're playing Fyodor's game. But only his game?

What's the situation? Well, the players on the chessboard are the Agency & the Port Mafia vs the Decay of the Angels. In the middle, there is the ex Guild and Oguri allied with the first party and the Hunting Dogs maneuvered by the latter. And, aside, there is Agatha,who in chapter 12 is seen to be allied with Fitzgerald and Dostoevskij (although their idea of "alliance" is veeery singular, if Fitzgerald's defeat is to say something).

Fitzgerald is betrayed, defeated and definitely out of the alliance, so there remain only Fyodor and Agatha. She seems to not even be present, though. There is really not even a single mention of her in the manga since then, excluding her short appearance in Dead Apple movie, differently from the almost omnipresent Fyodor. Thanks to the movie, we learn that she is in contact with Ango (so Japanese government) who asks for her aid, that of a foreign government association of ability users, to terminate Shibusawa, former ability user protected by Ango himself and then, coincidence, manipulated by Dostoevskij. Situation she was surely well informed about when she accepted (I bet my head) and disappointed when her slightly extreme solution wasn't needed anymore. A solution that could have burned the entire Yokohama to the ground (and maybe even Fyodor himself who was there, too). They were already allied at that point? Yes.

Anyway, wonders of friendship aside, this disappearance is like if Agatha didn't want anyone to know her involvement in the war, maybe in order to have both the alliance with Japanese government and with Fyodor's group to exploit as she sees better fit in the moment. But both Fitzgerald, Mori and Dazai, we absolutely know it, they are aware of her. Anyone else? Idk, sorry, probably not. So...

Will she return? Absolutely

Will she be the final boss? Not sure, probably, but it doesn't convince me.

Not like she's not credible enough to be one, nay, she would be a wonderful final boss to face, but I think it would be too simple this way, too linear for my taste, at least. Why?

As you said, the only organization Fyodor, the current villain, didn't mess with is hers, The Knights of the Clock Tower. And technically, they are still allied, at least for what we know. Both are in search of the Book, "a single novel where everything written becomes the truth". Dostoevskij to exterminate the ability users from earth's face and Agatha ... Boh, nobody knows. By the way, until now, the enemies are come in a linear order: Port Mafia -> Guild -> Dostoevskij (+ Oguri, then Decay of the Angels and Hunting Dogs). Defeated one, another comes (and the defeated one becomes an ally for the protagonists). This scheme has almost no exception until now. And it's boring. We are currently blocked in the last stage of the sequence. So, the problem is still them: Fyodor and Agatha. And this damned book.

To obtain it, we know that are needed: the death of every ability users in Yokohama, Dazai in a way or another, Atsushi's ability. Dazai and Natsume sensei are the ones that know the Book most than the anyone else, probably even its location. Fyodor has done many attempts to obtain it (Shibusawa, the fall of the Guild's aircraft, Pushkin's poisonous ability and the assassin Hawthorne, Oguri's crimes-proof masking ability, Gogol in the Government and finally the Hunting Dogs). To say that he's obsessed with it would be an understatement. But for a so mind-set man, he seems not to care when his attempts are inevitably neutralized. He seems to be even fine with it, as long as he finds it entertaining. He even indirectly gave Dazai the key to his own "failure" in some occasions. And then, he was always like "beh, it was amusing, now we can get to the next step". It is an incoherent behavior for a man regarded as the epitome of logic by both Dazai and Ranpo (and it is surely to say something). We could understand it if we ask if they can really be called failures. And if he's really working for himself.

He's presented to us as a really unbeatable enemy since the beginning. Always. Even Dazai and Ranpo, even Natsume, even Fitzgerald admit that his strategies cannot possibly be defeated or avoided. And indeed he is a step ahead of the others. But for all his capacity, he's behaving like he has all the time in the world to fulfill his goal, not really caring about 1 or 100 failed plans; he knows Dazai and Atsushi are necessary for the Book? Intentionally not kills the former (his nemesis and the main threatening enemy he has) and never makes a serious effort to obtain Atsushi's ability (Shibusawa failed and Gogol only played with him, maybe the Hunting Dogs alone are seriously trying). Then, there is the Decay group. We know that it consists of 5 members (Dostoevskij, Gogol and Sigma, plus the others unfortunately still unknown, that damn lazy mangaka) and one of them has recently obtained a page of the Book. A page which works well as the entire novel, according to the half dead Taneda. So, how and when the fuck do they intend to use it? If my memory doesn't fail me, the use of the page has something to do with the (quite horrible) death of Gogol, but I'm not sure. And who is this mysterious page possessor? It's not Fyodor, that's sure, for he was already put in chains in Meursault prison by then and later he never even mentioned it; Gogol is dead, so he can't be, can he?; Sigma is not very known yet, but he seems too kind and with an air of "wtf is happening now?" for having taken it (but obviously for all we know, it could perfectly have been him). One of the remaining members? Probably. Agatha herself? It would be too soon, I think.

And we're forgetting that Fyodor is a member of the Decay, not the leader. In fact, when in prison, before getting excited like a kid for having descovered his new cell partner, Dostoevskij makes this comment:

They requested him to form a plan, not he planned something and ordered them to execute it. He doesn't seem to be the boss there. He received an order, and he executed it, while probably creating a fault in the plan just to make things more interesting to him. A fault that he surely expects some people to notice. A not perfect plan is still a challenge, isn't it? It'd explain why he can fulfill his goal but seems to having more fun when losing. He knows he can win (the modest bastard), but purposely lets his goal be delayed. And although he has had many occasions to do so (damn, his same touch can kill) he repeatedly avoided to kill his enemies, maybe because doing so would mean to eliminate the only players who can hope to beat him. Him, or a third party. He openly went to the battlefield, attracted everyone's attention to himself for 30 chapters, seems to be the cause of many events in the series, but this behavior could also be a way to lead the protagonists to beat someone else, trough him. A bait. He is quite devilish, after all. And certainly not new to all the ally-exploit-betray strategy, quite the same as Agatha, I bet.

So, he works with the Decay, but the Decay group works alone or for someone? And who are the ones that requested this plan of his, which, I suppose, consists of every manga panel since chapter 42?

Can they work with Agatha, too? Or for her? Both Dostoevskij and Agatha have every interest to get in the way of each other. Could he work with Agatha and, at the same time, lead Dazai (or whoever else) to foul Agatha's plan? A similar way of thinking could be being unraveled now in Agatha's favor: she probably worked with Fyodor on the plan of his own capture, and the prison of Meursault is indeed described as a top secret prison in Europe, whose existence is known only to the highest members of European government. To Fyodor, a way of hiding himself like a proper puppeteer, to Agatha a way of constantly putting a very unstable ally under her most total supervision. So, given that for both the idea of loyalty is fried air, could his plan be a sort of second "mutual destruction" to make his enemies neutralize each other and then, calmly get what he wants? Dazai himself said that he has not the material means to bring his plan to completion. Means that the guild and Agatha do have (so, the alliance).

Sadly, we have still too little information about Agatha and the Decay to be remotely sure of anything. However, I think the reason why her organization is the only exception in the trouble he caused is because they are still formally allied.

When I said that I don't see Agatha as the final boss is because it would be a really too linear sequence of enemies, it would be fun if there were some surprise in the end. But, if she were really the final boss (and there are some probabilities of it happening), I would like it the same. She would be a serious badass boss and her organization members ... Wow! I'm counting the chapters until they join the battlefield since ch. 12! Still, I'm sure it's only a matter of (veeery long) time for their arrival, but I'm not sure if they will be the final boss. Even if they could. Anyway, we still don't know anything about her, her plans or moves. Not theirs. Nothing can be said for sure. Sorry anon 😅

And then, there is also the matter of that strange group of ability users presented in the novels (that I did not read, so I could say idiocies). Rimbaud, Verlaine, perhaps even Hugo, Goethe etc... For what we know, it can also be theirs the role of final boss. Or someone else's entirely. The final boss could be a known character, or someone not appeared yet. Or Agatha. Or whoever you please. Unfortunately, we are all in the reign of imagination, yet. Even possible for Agatha and Fyodor to be part of that group of ability users, given that they are European like the others. Who knows (I'm surely not, too lazy to read the novels ahahah).

I hope to not have bored you, anon 😅😂 I really got myself carried away, but I hopefully answered your questions? I really hope so. I would like to know your thoughts on these characters, now 😉 and feel free to ask something else, if you want. Only then I will try to make it shorter ahahah. Thanks for the ask, anyway!

[oldtvandcomics]

I've seen some posts going around about Crowley/Aziraphale being queerbaiting in the Good Omens series. I'm afraid I will regret writing this, but I have OPINIONS, said opinions being less about Good Omens and more about Tumblr not necessarily understanding the way audiovisuel storytelling and the queer community work, and maybe it's worth taking a moment to think closer about these things.

Spoilers for Good Omens (2019) and some allusions to the Discourse below the cut. Also, long post. You have been warned.

I probably should say here that I liked Good Omens, am myself aro ace, and am of the opinion that Crowley/Arizaphale is canon. So yes, personal bias exists, although I am going to do my best to be objective. Also, I haven't read the book yet, so am only going to be talking about the series.

(Ignoring hereby that they are supposed to be agender. It is a very good series, but they really, REALLY should have found a way to include that piece of information.)

This is a surprisingly complex question, that can be boiled down to three different problems: First, the way people analyze audiovisuel stories (in this case, television, but the argument also stands for movies), second, the term “queerbaiting” not being clear enough and also used too broadly, and third, people's still too narrow view of what is and isn't queer.

In this order, I am going to start with the way tv (and movies) work. It is the least controversial.

One of the things that I love about tv so much is just how complex and layered it is. There is what is directly said and shown to happen, but than there is the music, the acting, the costumes, locations, camera angles and editing, all of which have their own language and add something to how we will see a story. If you watch Good Omens, you'll notice that the exact nature of Crowley's and Aziraphale's relationship never is directly addressed or them confirmed to be queer. However, you will also notice the way they keep looking at each other, the fact that romantic music plays in the background for an awful lot of their scenes together, that they do and say things on a regular basis that goes further than the normal limits of a friendship, and the list goes on. This show is as clear about them loving each other very, very deeply as it possibly can be without directly talking about it.

This, of course, leads us to the question: What is and isn't text? What level of queercoding counts as representation? And this is where things get a little more complicated, because there IS NO clear line. People usually say that it doesn't count, unless the correct term is used. Which makes sense, given everybody's tendency to just... Idk, make a movie about somebody fighting his ex without ever telling us that he is, in fact, his ex, and than hope that they can get away with either the queer fans doing all the hard work of reading between the lines, or just write a couple of tweets about how they're totally gay and get credit for the representation.

Seriously, people, don't do that. If there is a way to use the terms, do it.

But there is a gray area. Welcome to Night Vale never labeled Cecil's orientation, yet we still know that he's gay. That scene they cut from Thor: Ragnarok of Valkyrie leaving the room of a woman? It never said that she was bi. I mean, I haven't seen it, but from what I know, I'd bet A LOT of money that, had they included it, people still would have complained about it not being clear enough. We still act as if including it would have confirmed Valkyrie's bisexuality. What about period pieces, set in times when certain labels didn't exist yet? And, finally, what if a relationship would actually benefit from being left vague and undefined?

There is no clear answer to this. It's a gray are, so feel free to just sit around and think about your own opinion on these things.

Which leads us to queerbaiting: Creators playing up the fact that they MIGHT have a queer character or relationship in their work for publicity, without ever planning to include it. It's a thing that happens both inside and outside of the story. In practice, this usually looks like putting in a lot of subtext between two same-sex characters, including suggestive scenes in the trailers, and going in interviews “well, they could be, it's an ongoing series, you'll just have to wait and see. ;) ”.

Queerbaiting is a VERY vague and very popular term, that is used very broadly, even in cases where it isn't exactly accurate. It is not exactly easy to tell what is actual queerbaiting, and what queercoding because Higher Powers wouldn't let the creators include openly queer characters in their work. Than there is of course the cases where queer characters are kind of there, but it's a blink-and-you-miss-it thing. I've heard the term “queercatching” used for that in a video. Also, queerbaiting is an accusation people like throwing around every time a show disappoints them by not making their OTP canon. (Stop doing that, PLEASE!)

In this context, it is understandably difficult to say if a certain ship is or isn't queerbaiting. However, I would argue that Crowley and Aziraphale are not. I haven't seen all the promotional things going on, so no idea how big of a selling point their relationship was. But I do know that everyone behind the scenes seems to agree that those two love each other very, very deeply, and the show itself isn't trying to hide it. On the contrary, it goes out of it's way to draw our attention to it. To anyone who is watching halfway attentively, it is going to be very, very clear that what those two have going on is NOT straight.

Which leads us to our final point: What is and isn't queer.

Oh dear. It is a topic that is still hotly debated within the community (at least on Tumblr), mostly by people trying to exclude certain orientations or keep other people from using certain terms.

Queer is an umbrella term used for members of the LGBT+ community, meaning “not straight”. It may refer to gender identity, romantic or sexual orientation, and things that don't quite belong in any of the boxes we have. The beauty of the term “queer” is exactly that it is so huge and so vague that it exceeds all boxes and definitions. A really handy thing to have, if you want people to know what you're talking about without needing to give them an hour-long vocabulary lesson first.

Please note here that so far, I have avoided using any labels for Crowley, Arizaphale, or their relationship. Please also not that while I did say that they love each other very deeply, I never used the word “romantic”.

Because here is the thing: I really don't think that they're gay. Or bi, or pan. Or anything else, really. They, and their relationship, like the term “queer”, fall outside of any predetermined categories. It is just, really, really, really clear that what's going on isn't heteronormative.

I have seen many aces being happy and feeling seen and seeing themselves in Crowley and Aziraphale in Good Omens. I've also seen many aros think the same thing. Because here is the beauty of it: We only know that they love each other more than anything else in the world. It is never said that that love is romantic.

I've also seen many allos completely miss this point.

Asexuality and aromanticism, as is to be expected from orientations that are defined by the lack of something, are still very invisible, both in RL and in fan circles.  While we do have our own spaces and our own little community, mostly we are just there between our allo friends and... kind of stand and wait in a corner while they are busy with the sex and romance our society is constantly throwing at all of us. Being ace and/or aro is often confused with “being celibate”. We don't talk enough about what sexless or romanceless relationships could look like. No wonder so many people missed it when they saw one in Good Omens.

The queer community is STILL very strongly sexualized. And this is a problem, because while sexual attraction IS an important part of being queer, it is also not the only one. Queer people are still queer if they are not having sex. They are queer if they DON'T WANT TO have sex. They are queer if they don't enter romantic relationships. There is nothing straight about the close bonds aros can have with their friends. There is nothing straight about having a friend be the person you are emotionally closest to, close enough to openly beg them to run away together. Multiple times.

Queerplatonic or quasiplatonic relationships are the ones that are a bit difficult to define, because they are somewhere between “friendship” and “romantic relationship”. What they look like depends really on what the people involved want them to be like. Some live together, others don't. Some do things together that are usually considered to be romantic, others don't. Some kiss or have sex, others don't.

So far, I haven't really seen anybody really talk about the existence of queerplatonic relationships outside of ace and aro circles. And while I aggressively headcanon Sherlock Holmes and John Watson being queerplatonic, this was the first time that I've really seen an actual relationship onscreen that can be easily, or even best, read as being one.

But almost by definition, this means that it has to be vague, and subtle, and floating around somewhere around the lines separating friends from romantic partners. As such, I think that Good Omens did a really good job, giving us a relationship that is so obviously loving but also so beyond easy descriptions. However, this also means that it is easy to miss and end up feeling baited.

The problem is, I'm not sure that they COULD have done it better. Any explicit discussion about Crowley's and Aziraphale's relationship would have felt forced and out of place, and the term queerplatonic isn't enough known, they would have had to follow it up with an explanation of what that even is. And it isn't as if they could have made it any clearer how much they love each other as they did.

Some people say that they should have kissed onscreen.

Betty and Veronica in the Riverdale tv series kissed, and we all still know that it was only queerbaiting.

And isn't that, wouldn't that be, in the end, reducing queerness once more to the sexual bit in queer relationships?

I don't know. As I said, there is no clear answer, and in the end of the day, everyone is entitled to their own opinion.

I suppose, the best I can say is that what Good Omens did with Crowley and Aziraphale is very beautiful and well executed and also undoubtedly queer. It is, also, not enough. We still live in a time where we don't have much representation, and therefore all collectively jump on anything we can find. As long as this is the case, people will always be unsatisfied with everything. We need more. More explicit, more sexual, more romantic, yes, but also more quiet and subtle and undefined loving ones.

Anyway. I just had to write my opinion on this, because I REALLY didn't like what looked like a group of people dismissing a queer relationship because it wasn't sexual. This isn't even about Good Omens, not really, more about Tumblr being generally Tumblr and not seeing nuance and not thinking things through.

So... Please learn how to properly analyze audiovisual stories. Please be more careful and think a little before you start throwing around the term “queerbaiting”. And, please, PLEASE take a minute to think through if what you are doing isn't in fact sexualizing queer people and excluding parts of the community because of a too narrow definition of queerness.

And finally, PLEASE leave Gaiman alone. One, he has no obligation towards you whatsoever, and two, this was originally a thirty year old book that, three, he co-wrote with a now deceased friend. Being critical of media is one thing, and obviously, Good Omens isn't perfect. But... Just think about what you're doing before you do it, ok?

[whenimgoodandready]

You know, if this were the old days, I’d be writing my reviews by hand on a sheet of paper and posting them on a board to the public about my thoughts and feelings for certain things. Glad we now have modern technology to make things more effeicent, but is it really better? Are the modern things more advanced or are they just eliminating traditional custums that made it original? The debate begins now!

*Bakerix-The episode opens with Nadja Chamack on the news w/ the mayor unveiling the newest form of transportation called the Startrain! A train that can go from Paris to the UK underwater! (Hmmmmm, isn’t there an episode with that name coming up soon?). Boy how well we’ve upped the ante with our industrialism! We’ll get back to that supertrain later, but first, our heroine! Marinette is sewing up a new sweater for her father for his 40th birthday today (oh boy😒we all know where this is goin’), but then she overhears her mother failing to convince her father-in-law to come over to the party on the phone (again) and it’s relived that he’s “traditional” and hasn’t spoken to Marinettes father in 20 years! Marinette never knew anything about him and when she asks more about him, but the parental figures keep saying what they say when they don’t want to answer a youngster. Ask the next parental figure! Womp! Womp! Womp! So Marinette decides to go find her grandfather herself.

Turns out, her mother was right and her partental grandfather, Rolland, is old fashioned 💥TO THE EXTREME!💥. His place looked like it hadn’t been updated since “The Lone Ranger” primered and had become a shut-in (more so than a certain fashion designer/supervillain father). After a few failed attempts, she finally gets in by inpersonating a “delivery intern” (idk why she doesn’t just say “Hey grandpa! It’s me, Marinette! The granddaughter you never knew and I didn’t bother to tell you cuz I know you’re a stubborn old turd who can’t adapt to modern times!”. Her excuse was that he’d say no faster, so she just resorts to trickery) and finds that he’s a grouchy old geezer who hates all things modern and has mice friends like Cinderella. He even has his own catchphrase, “That's not how it's done!”. Marinette continues her disguise and asks him about why he’s so estranged from his son to which he reply’s that he (Tom) used rice in his bread dough that he believes “it’s not how it’s done” and how he doesn’t bother to even try it to see if it’s better, so she challenges him to a bread baking contest, Tradtional vs. Innovative, to see which bread tastes better. During that she hums Habanera (a popular opera song from “Carmen”) and Rolland recognizes it as his and Toms song that only they sang when baking bread and is shocked to find out it’s his own granddaughter he never knew.

He gets upset by this betrayal and is akumatized as Bakerix...................can I say something here.............this is only my opinion and I don’t mean to be harsh but, this is the most stupidest supervilliain I’ve ever seen in the entire show! I’ve seen stupider, but this, this one takes the whole bakery! I mean, sure there was Mr.Pigeon, but at least he had something that was associated with his name, then there was Sandboy and although I was dissatisfied with his appearance, he still had powers befitting him, but Baxerix here, he was a Viking looking pastry man sculpture who’s goal was to destroy all things technologically advanced! WHERE DOES THAT FIT!? Huh? Honestly, where!? When I read comments that if Tom were ever akumatized, he’d be some sort of pastry esque villain, but since that was debunked from this season (“Weredad”), we got his father doing that instead and guess what, I’m very disappointed :P. His form did not suit him on what his theme was and yes I know it “sorta kinda” fits that his main problem was that he was mad at Tom for using a different style of baking bread that was also combined with his hatred of modern technology, but THAT’S NOT HOW IT’S DONE!😳 Holy Sh*t! I sound just like the old turd! Um, I’m gonna take a minute to compose myself after this review.

After his rampage of destroying all things technologically modern (and a good drinking game for this ep every time he says, “That's not how it's done!”) he goes after the Startrain and of course it’s gonna be okay cuz of Ladybugs “Miraculous Ladybug” power and cuz we need it for “Startrain” later in the season. If I thought his supervillain form and goal of using his new powers was stupid, then get a load of how the dynamic duo stop him, it’s-wait for it!....................Defeat by Sandwich! Womp! Womp! Womp! Seriously! Just like what happened to Mama Cass. Only hers was tragic while this was undigestic (that’s not a word, but idk, I’m just trying to make my point here).

God! How I missed writing these reviews! I was busy (and lazy) with my other review (svtfoe finale) and that took forever! But it’s all done now and I can move on to my other shows reviews! These ML eps are commin’ in fast and I hope I can catch up before the seasons all over. As for the ep, we’re foreshadowed on Startrain which I heard that Max’s mother will be akumatized in and I’m guessing from this relieve that she’s probably the conductor for it. We get more family tree history on Marinette and how we meet her paternal grandfather. He’s a family member we can all relate to cuz what child doesn’t have that one stubborn old relative that’s stuck in the past and is strictly traditional and refuses to learn the more modern ways of the current era they’re livin’ in? Totally relatable, but honestly, I’m leaning more towards her maternal grandparents since I hope to God that special, “The Chinese Legend”, where Marinette meets her grandmother from her mothers side, isn’t officially cancelled cuz they said they’ll air it if this show gets a 4th season and Hello people! We’re getting a 5th season and a movie! So yeah, I’m hopeful. I’m still not favorable on Bakerix (the villain) and even though I lashed out about his look being pathetic and his goals of destroying all things modern that didn’t quite fit with it as the critic that I am, it was sorta kinda alright. The detailing on him was crafty, but he’s still at the bottom of my list of least favorite villains on ML. I personally thought his power would be to change all modern day things as old fashioned stuff (ex.a sports car into a buggy and a smart phone as a house phone with the dial ring), but that still wouldn’t have fitted with his akuma name which confused some people on making them think his powers were turning Paris into a gingerbread town! A bit too complex there. The debate on traditional vs. modern was concluded thanks to Cat Noir who points out that both are equally good, but in their own unique ways. The traditional ways are what started the best there in its creation marking it in history and we wouldn’t have our innovative ways of perfecting them to make it more efficient if we didn’t start from scratch while the modern ways help us discover new possibilities to further increase our ever changing lifestyles on a more productive manner. Rolland learned this and even to the point where he had a change of heart seeing as there are some things more important than livin’ in the past. Family. So after 20 years, all it took was a clumsy little “delivery intern” to see that change is a part of life and that it’s best to move on and not stay stuck. Yea Marinette!

[thaumaturtles]

Epilogue Thoughts

So, I finished the epilogues at around 11 AM on 4/21 and spent the better part of today mulling over it internally. Overall, I think I liked ‘em. Don’t get me wrong, they were brutal and tragic and ripped my heart out, but this is my garbage and I’m allowed to enjoy it. I was planning on liveblogging the epilogues but constantly pausing to jot down my feelings detracted from the overall experience. This is probably gonna be pretty scattershot, since I have neither the ability nor the desire to order my thoughts properly. Now, without any further preamble, let’s get into it.

Jane

 A lot of people said they didn’t like the treatment of Jane in the epilogues, and, fair enough, she was pretty awful and Crocker stans have every right to be pissed. But to anyone saying it came out of left field or didn’t make sense, I’d have to disagree (for the most part). Jane was brainwashed by the Condesce for the first 16 years of her life, and we see the effects of this when she goes Crockertier. She’d almost certainly have baked-in presumptions about how trolls were “meant to be” (ie super violent) even before she was consciously aware that trolls as a race existed. Jane was also always really in denial about having been brainwashed by the Condesce and I can definitely see adult Jane flat-out refusing to do any self-analysis and just assume there are no remaining effects of the brainwashing and she’s “totally cured” now or whatever. Jane’s also not super progressive? Like the conversation where she discovers Dirk has a crush on Jake and that Jake might even reciprocate was pretty uncomfortable to experience, and she starts a business on Earth C even though there’s no real need for corporations in a world with infinite resources. This shows that she’s still stuck in the belief that capitalism is inherently good/necessary for no reason other than “it’s what i grew up with.” All in all I could totally see Jane as someone who’d grow up to become xenophobic and have this colonizer mentality of “I have to regulate the Other because they’re not capable of functioning without me”

As for the non-consensual/rapey stuff... I’m actually not gonna touch that shit with a six-foot pole. The narrative is very explicit in the fact that Jane is an abusive partner and what she’s doing Is Bad, but like if she’s your favourite character you probably aren’t going to be all gung ho about seeing her do all the things that she did, which were admittedly very upsetting to read. I completely understand if you couldn’t read past those parts because they were pretty rough.

The Epilogues do get pretty unpleasant to read though :/

The Epilogues are highly antagonistic towards Homestuck’s readers. This is a fact. Whether this is a good or bad thing is up to interpretation, but it is at the very least not a new thing. Listen to Kate Mitchell of the Perfectly Generic Podcast and YouTuber OptimisticDuelist for more in-depth analysis than I could possibly provide on this, but one of Lord English’s greatest weapons is his ability to get people not to care about Homestuck, or even better, to revile it. That’s what the aspect of Rage represents: Plot Contrivance. As Karkat says,

THERE ARE OUTCOMES THAT ARE EVEN WORSE THAN THE COMPLETE ANNIHILATION OF EXISTENCE ITSELF. FORCES MORE DAMAGING TO THE INTEGRITY OF REALITY THAN THOSE CAPABLE OF TURNING IMAGINATION INTO PURE VOID. THEY ARE FORCES WHICH IF HANDLED RECKLESSLY WILL NULLIFY THE BASIC ABILITY OF INTELLIGENT BEINGS IN ALL REAL AND HYPOTHETICAL PLANES OF EXISTENCE TO GIVE A SHIT.

This is repeated, by Hussie himself no less, later on during his smug self-insert, found here. After Hussie dies and loses control of the narrative, LE is free to try his hardest to get you, the reader, not to give a shit. Rose, in the Epilogue’s Prologue, says that if people stop caring about Homestuck, reality as they know it will break apart, which is exactly in line with LE’s plans. So the fact that the Epilogues are very hostile towards the reader is basically par for the course. That said, I can see how it kinda sounds like I’m being all “oh it’s SUPPOSED to be shitty you wouldn’t underSTAND,” but that’s. literally what’s happening. and there’s evidence for it in the text.

Of course, in the past, when the narrative would pull things like this it would be under the guise of, say, Homosuck, which is very obviously meant to be bad and is presented in a fun, satirical way. The Epilogues, on the other hand, are downright upsetting. They’re presented in a much grittier light, which can obfuscate to what degree it’s Actually A Joke, if it even is a joke in any capacity. The fact that they’re tragic, though, should not be seen as evidence that they’re bad.

Some stuff I Liked

Both routes had some really top-notch interactions in them. A lot of folks seem to be overlooking how genuinely good the writing was. I said the phrase, “they’ve still got it” ALOUD to myself once or twice because the dialogue really did have that good ole Homestuck Charm. The Dave/Karkat/Jade interactions early on in Candy (before everything went to shit) were pretty great, as was basically everything that came out of English’s mouth. I dunno who the Antiquities Consultant was, but they did an excellent job at mirroring Jake’s usual speech pattern. I find that a lot of people, when writing Jake, just kinda throw in as many random old-timey words as possible and as a result it feels kinda disjointed, but the writing team for the epilogues managed to make him feel very... would light be a good way to put it? Sort of airheaded I guess. Just very goofy idk

We got to see Rosemary and they were married and raised a kid and it was the best! Rose was really well-written, as was Kanaya; I really loved seeing those personalities balance each other out again. It was nice to see them be good parents in the Candy-verse. The Vriska they raised was such a fucking scamp too! It was nice to see a Vriska who had a positive home environment but still had that same spunk

Also, Dave. Just, all of Dave. He was really solidly written throughout the whole thing. I fucking love his interest in the economy holy shit. I got to hear Dave Strider say the phrase  “neoliberal austerity measures.” That’s the best. “Economically Aware Anti-capitalist Dave” is rivaled only by “Karkat (True Leftism)”. I’ve seen a few complaints that Dave’s interest in the economy was also OOC, but for one thing he’s an adult and can cultivate new interests if he likes, and for another Dave is a pretty clever kid, and very numerically-minded. (Is that a term? I mean he’s good at maths and such). Don’t forget, not only did he manage to accumulate all the wealth on LOCAH in the span of three days by taking over their stock markets, but he also used the hash map modus in his day to day life, showing that he was able to do calculations in his head as quick as breathing. As shown here, the hash map modus is pretty complex and requires you to come up with a word that has the same value as the thing you wanna use in order to use it. That’s not easy to do on a dime and yet he uses it in his rooftop battles with Bro. All of this is to say, he’d certainly learn to be very good at economics if he wasn’t already. It just suits him.

Oh and I also love that Dave still makes SBaHJ and Karkat has a bunch of sockpuppet accounts he uses to defend Dave’s honour. it’s very cute.

Karkat also had some lines in the epilogues damn. I hadn’t realized how starved I was of VantasRage until I read a few of his rants. Also we finally got to see Badass Rebel Leader Karkat and he’s just as great as we all knew he’d be

The davekat kiss in Meat was great too. It was very gratifying to see after all the narrative cockblocking that went down in Candy.

John realizing in the Candy universe that he isn’t responsible for everything and that they’re all still just people with their own autonomy was good. Much as I have problems with the Candy universe on a whole I liked this specifically.

Also, roxygen! I love roxy/callie as much as the next guy but John and Roxy were very cute near the end of the comic and I liked seeing them grow up and have a kid. John names his son after the guy from Night Court because he’s a massive dweeb. Love it.

We got some great Terezi writing as well. The johnrezi at the end of Meat was nicely written and made me feel a whole host of emotions despite me not even having shipped them that hard beforehand.

OH MY GOD THE OBAMA SHIT. I almost forgot to put this in because I was focused on other stuff but my word the whole Obama Situation was beautiful I loved every second of it. It was so over-the-top in the best way and it simultaneously carried airs of being So Serious And Important To The Narrative and being just the dumbest load of crap. I loved it so much

Also, I was very happy with Roxy and Callie coming out. Roxy talking about how he’d already come out as dating an alien with a green skull for a head and how it felt like maybe he was being “selfish” by also wanting to come out as trans was a great illustration of something that already-out LGB people often feel when realizing they don’t identify with their assigned gender. Additionally, Calliope coming to terms with the fact that they don’t have to identify as female just to further differentiate themselves from Caliborn was great. It really helped to show how far they’d come from just being Caliborn’s foil into being their own person. However, this leads into:

Some stuff I didn’t like

Speaking of Roxy and Callie’s transition, Dirk also came out. As a transphobe. Which was disappointing, to say the least. He made a point of misgendering Roxy as often as possible and was pretty dismissive towards NB people when he learned about Calliope’s identity. (You could make an argument that Dirk is being thoughtless by misgendering Roxy and not intentionally malicious, but I don’t see Dirk as the kind of guy who slips up very often. He’s very careful with language.) I always headcanoned Dirk as trans, as I’m sure most people did, so having him just up and become transphobic was kind of the worst. I intend to talk about Epilogue!Dirk a lot more in a later post but yeah. Not a fan.

EDIT: I’ve thought about the Dirk thing a little more and he does eventually start calling Roxy by the correct pronouns, albeit in kind of a “see see look at how openminded im being youre such a manly dudely stud bro” way. Dirk’s initial discomfort with Roxy and Callie’s identity more comes from his own egotistical belief that he should have already known about it than it does from genuine animosity. That aside, he does still say “She probably would have loved being a “they” when she was a teen,” which sorta rubs me the wrong way. I might just be being oversensitive though.

Also, in the Meat universe, Rose and Kanaya split up! I’m very upset about that. Ultimate Power be damned, I want happy, married lesbians! It sucks that we either have Rosemary OR Davekat but not both

On the topic of davekat, Jade really got done dirty by both Epilogues, huh? She was used as a narrative device in one and was an intrusive presence in the lives of Dave and Karkat in the other. TBH I was never a fan of davekatjade for a lot of reasons but I would have preferred they be in a happy poly relationship than what actually happened in Candy.

Actually, the only two polyamorous relationships in the Epilogues both turned out awfully. I doubt any of the writing staff had anything against poly people; I’m sure it was just a coincidence but either way it’s pretty unfortunate. I have a bit to say about this but this is running too long as is.

Gamzee

Fucking Gamzee.

Unanswered Questions

Will there be any further updates? I sure hope there will, because the ending was not very satisfying and creates more questions than it answers. I can sort of see where it might be going but they left way too much up in the air and it feels very much like it’s unfinished. V has referred to it as “the whole thing” on twitter, so it might be finished for good, but i really hope it isn’t

Why did Rose say the session they’re creating will be the most important session of SBURB ever played? Why couldn’t they play it on Earth C? Surely Earth C’s inhabitants would be more used to seeing alien life forms and would know the basics of SBURB, thus making it more likely for them to survive it. Why go to the trouble of seeding a whole new planet? I’m curious.

Can a character be said to be “Out Of Character” if the character’s own creator wrote those actions? What if they passed on the actual writing to someone else but still had to verify it themselves? What does OOC even mean? Does it mean “this doesn’t fit my headcanon” or “there is no evidence for this” or “the author wouldn’t write them like this”? If it’s the last one, can an author merely saying “this interpretation is correct” absolve ANY action from being deemed OOC? I like that I’m being made to think about this kind of thing now

To what degree is each universe truly “Canon”? I’m aware that Candy lost its canon-ness when John decided not to fight LE, but the two universes are intrinsically linked: we see characters from one universe travel to another and it’s implied that Terezi has spoken to both Johns. How canon is Meat, even? Are either of them even still bound by the need to be part of the Alpha Timeline anymore, since Lord English has been created? What does anything mean?

Final Musings

I understand completely if you don’t like the epilogues. Maybe you think they’re too dark. Maybe you just don’t agree with portrayals of the characters. Maybe you hate that they gave jade a fucking tail when she never had one in the main comic. There certainly were bits of it that I wasn’t a fan of, but there are also parts I really wanna go draw fanart of right now. I like the Epilogues, but if I write fanfic or make dumb joke posts about Earth C, I’m probably gonna ignore large swaths of it (such as, I’ll probably keep both John and Dirk alive, and make them kiss a lot)

There has been a great deal of vitriol directed specifically at Hussie about the epilogues despite the fact that other people worked on them. It’s difficult to take these criticisms in good faith when so many people are blaming solely Hussie. I’m aware that he had total control over actual plot elements and wrote a bit of dialogue, but the bulk of the actual text was written by V. Another thing I’ve noticed is that people’s attitudes towards the epilogues are very much like the general attitude towards Act 7 when it first came out. I’ll admit, I left the Homestuck fandom in like 2014 and didn’t return until mid-2017, but people’s Jimmies were definitely still Rustled even then. There was a general atmosphere of “I hate Hussie, and you should too! The ending was bad and no one asked for it!” but as time went on, and people started analyzing the ending and making meta posts about it, everyone sort of grew acclimated to the ending. Suddenly, the general consensus was that Homestuck was Good Again Finally and the ending was Amazing and The Fandom Loved It. I feel like maybe that sort of thing’s gonna happen again with the Epilogues. I really hope that, as it continues to update (if it does), everyone will sort of chill out about it

[cravingmarvel]

Leave Me Lonely - Part Two

Bucky Barnes AU

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader

Warnings: A few swear words, emotional & physical violence

Word count: 3055 (Yeah idk how that happened again)

“I played around with the engagement ring on Bucky’s finger, reminding me that he’s just mine for the late hours. Only when the sky is dark and covered in glowing stars. When the moon comes out giving him permission to touch me in the most intimate places. It means that he can love me and doesn’t have to pretend.”

A/N: I really really really hope you like this! I’ve been kind of scared to post this, because I’m scared that this part isn’t good enough hahahah I’d really love feedback, I’m even more insecure rn hahahah

Have fun!

I marked the parts where it jumps from Bucky’s to Reader’s POV with a vertical line (—).

Leave Me Lonely - Part One

Masterlist // Bucky Barnes Masterlist 

Tagging my muturals & people who I love

@buckisthatyou @buckybarneshairpullingkink @buckystan-plums @buckyforbreakfast @samingtonwilson @spideyjlaw @sgtjbuccky @captain-ariel-barnes @whyisbuckyso

(You are not obligated to read this if you don’t want to hahah)

The afternoon sunlight shone on my face and gave the city of New York a soft and soothing yellow glow. I stepped out of the apartment complex y/n lived in and walk to my car that had seen better days. The blue paint had faded and started to come off, making my car look older than it actually was. I bought this car when I was nineteen years old and had a job at a hardware store. My parents kept offering to buy me a new, more stylish car, but I declined. I wanted to know what it felt like to make my own decision, to do what I wanted to do without asking for permission. My parents have been like this ever since I can remember. Always making decisions for me. What kind of university I go to and what I’m going to study in order to stay in the family business. So when I got my own job and earned my own cash, the first sip of freedom tasted so well.

I sat down at the driver’s seat, put the key in the ignition and put my seat belt on. My phone started ringing as I was about to pull out of the parking spot to drive home. I took my phone out of my pocket and a light shiver ran down my spine as I saw who the caller was.

My mother.

She never calls me unless someone’s dead. And I can’t tell who out of my family hasn’t died already. I pressed the green icon and held the phone to my ear, patiently awaiting my mother’s screeching voice on the other end.

“Hello darling, are you home?”

I hesitated before telling her where I was. “No, I just came out of y/n apartment. I’m still in the car. Why?”

“Oh you were with that girl again?” I could hear the disgust in her voice and the venom as she said y/n’s name. My mother never liked her, she made that clear when she came to my apartment and I introduced them to each other. At the very first glance, fate was sealed that they wouldn’t get along. My mother made it very clear that I would not get together with a woman like that. A woman who studied art and made her money as a waitress. For her, y/n was a lost cause, someone who threw her life away for paintbrushes and aprons.

“Yes I was and she has a name. What did you call me for?” I started to already feel tired of this conversation.

“I called you because the lovely Ana is here and we have something exciting to tell you.” I heard Ana’s giggle and my father’s voice in the background. “We’ll see you when you get here.”

The change in her tone was significant and not something you couldn’t pick up once she started to talk about Ana.

When I rang the doorbell, I could hear laughter emerging from inside and a voice getting closer to the front door. Behind it stood my mother in her best dress, probably Burberry. The sound of violin’s echoed through the living room and a faint smell of roses mixed in with the air. Ana sat on one of the couches waiting for me to sit next to her. I greeted her with a smile and a small nod. I was confused as to why Ana was sitting in my parent’s living room and what the news were all about.

“So, what was it that you wanted to talk about?” My parents looked at each other and then Ana before my mother spoke up.

“Ana is going to have a baby.” My mother smiled widely and Ana turned her head to look at me. I couldn’t believe what my mother just told me.

“What?” I let out a dry laugh in hopes that it was just a joke but from the faces I received in return, it was clear that it wasn’t. I turned my body to face the woman sitting next to me with a look of disbelieve. We had sex twice and she said she was on birth control, so how could this happen? “That’s impossible, Ana.” She shook her head and that’s all I needed. I leaned back an inhaled deeply. “What now?”

“You are going to get married. You can’t have a baby without being married. But don’t worry your father and I took care of everything.”

I thought I misunderstood but my mother already handed me a small box with a ring placed in it. I couldn’t spent the rest of my life with that woman. And what about y/n, the woman I actually love?

“I can’t. I—“

“You can and you will. You can’t get a girl pregnant and then expect to walk away like nothing happened. You have to own up to it and do as we say!” My mother stepped closer and looked down on me. “You have already disappointed us enough, James.”

I felt the tears roll down my face and looked over to Ana, who seemed so uninterested to what is happening before her eyes. My mother pointed to Ana and my throat felt like it closed off completely. I cleared my throat and Ana jumped slightly, turning to me with a smile on her face. I felt every pair of eyes on me and the tears didn’t seem to stop. It should be y/n instead of Ana who I’m going to ask this question to.

“Will you marry me?”

I put my suitcase on the floor to open the door to my apartment. Ana followed close behind me complaining that I wasn’t helping her, but I couldn’t, I had our baby in my other arm.

Our honeymoon was set back until Ana gave birth because she didn’t want to go while she was pregnant. She didn’t want to lay on the beach in a bikini and have a baby bump that made her look fat. I thought it was ridiculous, but even my parents stood on her side.  We lived with my parents for the time Ana was pregnant, so this is the day she is moving in with me. My parents thought it would be better, because they didn’t think I could take care of Ana alone and give her the care she needs. And they were right. I was overwhelmed by everything that had to do with her pregnancy, but not only that, I was also overwhelmed by Ana. Everything I did was wrong and she kept complaining about her pregnancy instead of trying to enjoy it and to appreciate that there is a baby growing inside her, waiting to see the world.  

Her whole personality changed as soon as my parents stepped foot into the room. So I’m not very excited to live with her. I guess this is my punishment.

We got into my apartment and I could barely recognize it. Ana changed everything many times before she was satisfied. I could hear her groan behind me and tuned around to face her.

“They put in the wrong curtains. I wanted dark grey, not this.” She went over to the window to examine the curtains. To me they looked alright but Ana has a very specific taste and wants everything to be her kind of perfect. Ana kept complaining about everything in the apartment. The bed, the colour on the living room walls and about anything really.

I took care of our baby, Lilia. Even though the thought of being with Ana for the rest of my life made me want to throw up, the result of us sleeping together gave my life a new purpose. She is beautiful and I wondered many times before, how I helped create her. She’s still so small, fragile and she means the world to me. Even though the woman I wanted to spend my life with, was long out of my life, because I left her. I left her lonely.

—

I can’t remember how I managed to go home after the wedding. My vision was blurry from all the tears that spilled and my body was weaker than ever before. I was barely able to put one foot in front of the other and walking up the stairs to my apartment felt like torture. I had to stop a few steps and sit down to cry and to collect myself again. I knew the next few months, hell maybe even years, were going to be a nightmare.    

Bucky did as I told him and left me. He went back to the party with the love of his life, Ana. He didn’t even look back to see me falling to the floor. I felt my heart getting heavier and heavier. So heavy I thought the impact of my knees hitting the floor would break the marble tiles.  

When I came home, everything I had inside, every ounce of anger, sadness and pain was spilled out all at once. I hoped that after letting everything out I would feel better, but that wasn’t the case. The days seemed longer, the nights darker and my hopes smaller. I started to feel safer at home, like nothing was able to hurt me here. My bed felt softer and gave me the warmth I needed, even though I wanted to feel the warmth that radiated from Bucky’s chest more.

I started to go to the grocery store thirty minutes away from my home, just so I wouldn’t run into Bucky or Ana. I knew I wouldn’t be able to handle seeing her pregnant with his child, carrying what I wanted to give him, a baby.

I got so consumed in sorrow, that I looked at their Instagram accounts more than a few times a day. I felt so distant to the man I used to feel the closest with, so I assumed seeing him in pictures would be the only remedy. It turned out that it made things just harder. Not only did he post pictures of himself, but also Ana. The same knife was stabbed into my heart over and over again, the same knife Bucky first pushed in my chest the day he told me he was engaged.

But the worst day out of all of them was the day Ana gave birth. She gave birth to the most beautiful baby girl I’ve ever seen. The pain in my chest never really stopped, not even after the past months, but that day they reached a new level. She looked nothing like Ana and I was glad about that. I have to admit, I hoped it would turn out not to be Bucky’s child, but the resemblance was striking. Her nose is just as narrow as his and her cheekbones set just as high. But her eyes; her eyes are the same ocean blue as her dad’s, crystal clear and sparkling like a diamond. They named her Lilia and I remembered when Bucky told me that if he’s going to have a daughter, he’s going to name her Lilia.

I sat on my couch watching my favourite movie with a glass of cheap wine in my hand. The sensation of alcohol slightly clouded my mind and I wouldn’t want to spend my Friday night any different. Everything felt calm and relaxed. The sky was dark but still occupied with stars, mirroring the glowing lights of Manhattan. The thoughts of Bucky shoved into the deep dark part of my brain, carefully placed there to never be brought out again. The movie suddenly became boring and the thought of looking over the city intrigued me. I grabbed my phone and stood at the window of my living room. I turned the music loud and melted into the sound, looking at the city.

I unlocked my phone to change the song that was playing to something more calming. But as I looked at the screen, my heart sunk as I read today’s date. Bucky came home from his honeymoon today. I wanted to scream, why couldn’t he just stay in another country forever? I was fine for the three weeks he was gone. I started shopping at my local grocery store again without fear. I was able to take a stroll through the city without the pounding anxiety, that Bucky could be walking the same streets. Tears rolled down my cheeks and I sunk to the floor. Why did he break me like this?

And I screamed, so loudly that hopefully Bucky could hear it. I wanted him to, I wanted him to hear the pain he is still causing me.

“I could move.”

My head shot up at the words in my mind. If he’s not leaving, then I am. I grabbed my laptop and typed in available apartments in Brooklyn. That was far enough, right? After hours of looking for someplace to move into, I found someone who’s looking for a roommate. Her name is Natasha.

—

Ana was a nightmare, one where you wish you could wake up but you’re paralyzed. Just a week after moving in, she managed to make me feel small and unloved. She started to control every aspect of my life in that short time span. I couldn’t go outside anymore except for work, because I had to take care of everything at home. She was able to spend more money in a day than I ever could in a month. Taking care of our baby seemed like it wasn’t her job at all, and so Lilia was my responsibility alone. She had no interest in Lilia anymore since we came back. The mother of my child, isn’t being a mother to her. And it overwhelmed me. I struggled to give Lilia what she needs. No one taught me how to change diapers, to warm up her milk because Ana refused to breastfeed her and calming her down from crying seemed impossible.

Even worse, Ana was disgusted by her own child. She kept complaining about Lilia drooling on the couch and screamed at our one month old baby. And that was the moment I truly wanted to turn back time.

I was scared to add Lilia to the list of people I love and that I’ve hurt, disappointed and let down.

I came home and was already able to hear Lilia crying inside of the apartment. I was tired and drained of energy. I hoped to get support from my wife, but that will never happen. I saw Lilia sitting in her highchair and rushed over to her. “Don’t cry, princess.” I took her in my arms and snuggled her to my chest while softly rubbing circles on her back. As she stared to calm down I made it my mission to find Ana. This couldn’t go on like this and I was ready to tell her how I feel.

With Lilia in my arms, I gathered up all my courage. I felt like I just went back in time to all those moments I convinced myself I could stand up to my parents. I walked to the bedroom where I was able to hear Ana talking on the phone and rummaging through stuff, probably throwing away clothes for her next shopping trip. With my hand shaking and my heart pounding, afraid it’ll going to burst, I opened the door. Ana was holding some of her clothes in her hands, but seconds later she threw them in a suitcase.

“Ana, what are you doing?” She looked up and she lowered her hand that held the phone.

“I’m packing.” She closed her suitcase and walked passed me. I followed her to the front door, anger bubbling inside me.

“Well, where are you going? I can’t remember us going on vacation. Oh wait, I can’t go on vacation, because I have to go to work to earn money for all the shit you’re buying.” The tone in my voice was poisoned, dripping in hatred for the woman standing in front of me.

“I’m leaving, James. Do you think I can stand one more day in this hell hole?” She took a few steps towards me. “This—“ she pointed her finger to Lilia, who was still snuggled to the side of my chest. “Is the worst thing that ever happened to me. And you are a disappointment of a man.” My jaw dropped at her words and my mind couldn’t wrap around the fact that she was leaving me. “I met someone on our honeymoon, his name is Gordon and he can please me like you never could.” Her voice got lower, darker with every letter. I felt my heart break. How could she not love her own child?

“Do you even know what a fucking brat you’ve been?” I shouted at her without remorse. I wanted her to feel the anger. “You’ve done absolutely nothing ever since you moved in. All you ever do is complain and spend my money!” The look on her face said it all. She was pissed.

Next thing I felt her hand slap my cheek with full force, leaving the side of my face red from the impact. Lilia was no longer peacefully quiet. The apartment was now filled with crying and anger lingered in the air. It was hard to breathe and I felt my chest collapse and rise at an abnormal pace.

“Then leave!” I shouted right into her face. She picked up her suitcase and slammed the door shut. I leaned against the door before sinking to the floor, holding Lilia tightly to my chest. I wanted to soothe her but my cries filled the room. How was I supposed to move on from here? I can’t take care of Lilia when I’m at work.

“Just leave. Leave me lonely.”

Y/n’s words kept echoing through my brain making me shiver. This is probably how she felt. An idea struck me like lightning. I’m probably going to get hurt but it’s worth a try.

—

I stood up from the dinner table when I heard a knock on my door. The music in my small apartment was loud and I bobbed my head as I headed to the door, walking to the beat.

I opened it only to wish I never did.

Leave Me Lonely Taglist: (OPEN)

@lovely-geek @untoldshortsofthefandoms @godohammers @bitemebuckybarnes @photography-to-all @vogueworthy-barnes

Permanent Taglist: (OPEN)

@fuckthatfeeling @funkenniffler @void-imaginations @dewy-biitch @7kindsofpurgatory

PART THREE

[sobdasha]

Why do you think Shigure dated Mayu?

Ihave kind of answered this question before but then when I went backto look for it, it turns out the post is like 2 years old! Already!And I have had plenty of Thoughts in the meantime.

Ifigure Shigure dated Mayuko for any combo of these reasons:

Firsttwo hypothesis: Shigure may be a ~complex character~ but he seems tohave two basic boiled-down motivations for doing anything

1a)This somehow furthers Shigure's plans for Getting AkitoThiswas a thing I mentioned in the original post, but the more I think onit the more I think it's a bit of a stretch. I can still 100% seeShigure deciding for some reason that Kana was unsuitable and,desiring a failsafe, having seen that Mayuko alsolikes Hatori...saying he'll date Mayu so she'll realize how miserableshe is dating anyone other than Hatori and thus making her move onhim. I think that's not unreasonable for Shigure.ButI just can't justify how you'd look at Kana and somehow decide shewas destined for a mental breakdown? Or too fragile to be trustedunderpressure?Or how you'd decide that Mayuko had a greater level of determinationwhen she isn't, unlikeShigure, doing anything to sabotage Kana and Hatori's relationship soshe can move in?I'dlike to like this theory but I think maybe it's me being tooself-indulgent.

1b)This somehow furthers Shigure's plans for Getting AkitoIpersonally don't put much stock in this one but I have seen otherpeople propose that Shigure dates Mayu to make Akito jealous.Idon't really see that because Shigure puts zero effort into therelationship and Akito never brings it up (though you could arguethat yeah but why would you bother bringing it up when it'scompletely overshadowed by the fact that heslept with Ren,that right there is murder and arson combined and a month fake-datingMayuko is just jaywalking). Plus Shigure seemed on board with Hatoriand Kana keeping their relationship a secret, I know I say Shigurehas no morals but it still just doesn't quite feel like him toexplain to Mayuko that what Hatori and Kana are doing is reasonableand smart and then parade Mayuko around in front of the family to getattacked.

2)Shigure's literally just bored, like he saidDogsare known for being dumb, fun-loving goofballs, right? I'vebeen thinking about this very recently. (I'vealso been thinking, "dogs chew on things, right??? that's athing??? I bet Shigure chews up all his pencils. I bet one time inschool he chewed on his pen so much it exploded in his mouth and hehad to walk around all day like that but he's a Souma so he justlooked cool somehow anyway")I know people love to harp on the "omg Shigure is a dog and dogsare loyal!!!"thing while I'm always like yeeeaaaahhh…because when you think of dogs and loyalty you think of man's bestfriend and notemotionally destroying the hand that feeds you??? Anyway. Seeing moreof Shigure post-manga, like the Mabudachi Arc, where he's much moreharmless and puppy-looking, is helping to convince me that plenty ofShigure's silliness is not just an act to cover up his machinations.Thepoint was I'm pretty sure that when Shigure isn't doing things ForEnd Goal Of Akito he mainly makes decisions based on: eh it soundedinteresting at the time!(Istarted off like "it sounded like a good idea at the time"and then I was like no that's not right and I tried "it soundedlike a good (?) idea at the time" but even that was too sensibleso…)SoHatori's bringing Kana around, Kana's bringing Mayuko, Mayuko ispining, Shigure is bored, why not date??

3)Shigure likes MayukoHesays that, that he really did like Mayuko for herself, which I thinkwas a perfectly honest sentiment on Shigure's part. The problem isthat, as Mayuko calls him out on, Shigure doesn't even treat thepeople he claims to like as human beings lol so. Shigure liked Mayu,maybe he was even attracted to Mayu, but the fact remains that whilethey were dating he put in zero intimacy--emotional, physical…Itmay have been enough reason to start dating, but it didn't sustainthe relationship. But hey! Maybe post-series they willbecome……………fr…iends……???????AlsoI want to bring up again that Takaya did a sidebar about Mayuko andhow she'skind of a butch lesbian icon???Shigure possiblywas attracted to her because Mayuko might be a bit disappointed tohave been born a woman. Perhaps that's part of what first caughtShigure's attention or interest, that in Mayu's complicatedrelationship with her femininity/gender identity/genderexpression/idk she reminded him of Akito? And because Mayu remindedhim of Akito, who he loves more than anyone, that endeared the ideaof Mayu to him.(Butstill, not enough to like actually giveany of himself into a relationship.)

4)Shigure's pity-dating Mayu isn't for her/justfor her, it's also his own pity-partyThisis another more recent thing I have considered! That theKana-Hatori-Mayuko triangle is a bit similar to theKureno-Akito-Shigure triangle, or that Shigure saw it that way.Shigureloves Akito, but Akito went and chose Kureno because he's ~kinder~ toher. Even though Mayuko likes Hatori, she can't date him becauseHatori is with sweet and kindly Kana.SoShigure maybe felt a bit sympathetic to Mayuko's position, because itfelt very similar to his--neither of them are with the person theylike, and neither of them stand a chance to steal that person awaybecause their opposition is so very kind to the object of theiraffection. And thus, pairing the spares in a pity date becauseneither of us can get what we want.

Ithinkthat's all I've come up with? And as I said, it might be any one orany combo of these, or maybe it's something I haven't even ponderedyet. Who knows!

[andyourmotherthatslut]

Let's Talk About "The Dirt"

Alright so as always a little bit of information before I begin digging into every tiny piece of this movie and tearing the awful parts to absolute shreds.

This will be a very lengthy post and idk how to do that read more shit so bear with me ok. Also there will be spoilers (duh), swearing, and lots of criticism. Also also, don't rip me to shreds for the shit I say.

So, ever since I was a baby I listened to Mötley Crüe it was and always will be my favourite band in all existence. I almost had the chance to see their final show but due to money issues I didn't get to. Spoiler alert I fucking sobbed when I found out I couldn't go.

When I found out they were making a movie -based on the book- based on the band, I was absolutely ecstatic. I had already seen Bohemian Rhapsody (based on Queen clearly) and was absolutely blown away by the acting, the visuals, the casting, and just the overall story that they were trying to tell you as a viewer.

So, when my mom told me she found the trailer for The Dirt I rushed to her room to watch it and we sat together and watched. And we were very disappointed. The casting was completely off (no offence to the actors at all I absolutely adore some of them) and it just seemed awkward.

Now flash forward to today my mom had watched the movie while I had showered and so I asked her how the movie was and what she thought of everything that I had previously criticized about the trailer. She said it was ok but not her favourite and then we went on to talk about it for a while.

Now, I told my mom I probably wasn't going to watch it because my expectations for the movie were already buried in the ground and I was terrified they'd find some way to still disappoint. But like always, morbid curiosity dragged me in and I decided to watch it at 1am.

Now that you know that let's talk about the casting for a minute.

Let's start with our lead singer Vince Neil. Complete asshole with a "minor" Superiority complex and a shit ton of women lining up at his dressing room door. Vince Neil is played by Daniel Webber. Not good casting on this one boys. Not good.

Then we have Nikki Sixx. Also an asshole but not as much. He's known for his drug addiction in the eighties that stopped his heart (thankfully he's still alive to this day), his boyish good looks, and his wicked skills. Nikki Sixx is played by Douglas Booth. While Douglas is quite attractive and does very well as an actor he just doesn't quite fit the infamous Nikki Sixx.

After him we have our crazy drummer, Tommy Lee. Known for his public stunts, amazing deumming skills, and hotel trashing, Tommy is played by Colson Baker (also known as Machine Gun Kelly). I'd say that Colson as Tommy is the only good casting they've done for this movie, and that's not saying much.

Last but not least, Mick Mars. The wonderful guitarist known for his skills, his awful disease, and his determination. Mick Mars is played by the wonderful actor Iwan Rheon. And while I do think that he's an amazing actor as previously stated, he's just not Mick Mars.

While all of these boys put on a wonderful performance and I do mean wonderful they're all excellent actors. They don't live up to Mötley Crüe. But that's looks and some minor movement and personality nitpicks and I'm being dramatic about it because I grew up on them. To really sell it as this band you have to put in every part of your being the same way they did just being themselves and still do.

Now I still think looks wise the casting is God awful I think acting wise they made the right choice. I've never seen Douglas Booth or Daniel Webber in anything but I have seen Colson Baker and Iwan Rheon and know that they're excellent actors. I think all four really did well doing what they did.

Now less tearing apart the actors and the casting and on to tearing apart the movie. Now, I will be honest and tell you that I've never read the book simply because I've just never had the chance so I'm just going off facts that I personally know about the band and how they came together and all that.

Let's start on the name shall we? Mick did not come up with the name. It was some other guy who saw them (a producer I think) and said something along the lines of "well isn't this just a motley fuckin crew." And it was Mick who said "that's it that's the name" But he didn't just come up with it out of the blue. Thats just incorrect and kind of annoying honestly.

My next point. I'm sure the book had parts where it was talking about how they fucked this person or that person but, did they have to make it pornographic scenes? Hell, not even 20 minutes in and Tommy Lee has already eaten out some chick at a party in front of a ton of high and drunk people who will never remember it the next day. And I get that it's Mötley Crüe and that's their thing trust me I get it, but seriously man you're gonna get this banned in places.

And can we talk about the constant voice overs? I understand you're trying to tell this story and that voice overs are necessary sometimes but not every five seconds of the first half of the movie. Sure narrating their back stories was ok (not as much as they did but whatever I can let that slide) but all the rest i did not let slide. You don't need a ton of voiceover lines in your movie. You also don't need characters (Mick) looking into the camera like they're on The Office.

Why is this movie so short. This movie is an hour and a half long (rough estimate) and glanced over details that NEEDED to be talked about. For example in the second half of the movie with Tommy's hair and the shaved side. That wasn't just a style choice. Tommy fell from his drums (the bungee ones) and hit the concrete injuring himself. He had to have that part of his head shaved so he could get stitches. Afterwards he shaved the other side and Nikki did the same in solidarity. And that is just one important part of their lives that was skipped over.

Now clearly I have many other issues but I'm running out of room on Tumblr and it's very late and I'm very tired. Overall it's not a terrible movie but it's also just not that good.