#idfk its just so frustrating
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FUCK aroace erasure
#yes i am still salty about that one fandom#anyways#as an aroace person i feel realllllly annoyed at some fandoms that just actively forget some characters are aro/ace#idfk its just so frustrating#aromantic#asexual#aroace#print.calishit
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hi moots! im losing my mind
#technical difficulties w the vr headset so no hw2 yet#two days feels like such a long time when you spend hours and hours grappling w ur vr headset and doing Fuck All#and looking up the error codes im getting gives me Fuck All#its just very unfortunate and frustrating#i might try a link cable instead? but idk if thatll solve the issues#sigh#im tired#i already bought hw2 on steam#idfk#vent#i guess#losing my fucking mind over here can u telllll#x#x chatter
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i hope all my professors die they keep ruining my chances of getting i to a decent masters program
#fine art college is a scam#i nwver worked as hard as i did this year and i keep getting 14s that feel more and more arbitrary#and the people i see getting higher grades like they dont care about this#they are trust fund babies killing time in here bc their rich pappies dont want them killing themselves#its been so frustrating im working my ass off way from home all the time trying my best#barely getting anything above a mid fucking grade yet people who treat this like camp and dont deliver shit in time#are doing better#im honestly distraught#defeated#idfk what i am rn but its just hell
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venting so much i ran out of tags lmao
#i think im hallucinating ?????#i have my headphones on (listening to boyfeel on repeat n choppin up some paper)#and keep feeling / seeing shadows in my peripheral vision#im probably just dehydrated and having bad floaters but i dont like it :)#today has also been bad dramatically awful#life isn't serious there's no reason to feel this heavy#oop very emo thoughts incoming#life can't be meaningful or ill miss my parents too much but can't be meaningless or im living without them for nothing#im just. struggling very hard this year. idk#i had so much health bullshit going on for months that i put off going to a psych n now im so busy that it feels bad taking time off for it#and im also scared of getting on meds bc the idea of being dependent on something that i might not have access to is.. auuughhh#idk dude my adhd has been debilitating lately and i feel so stuck and sometimes i think i have ocd bc my compulsions are so fucking bad and#all my mental bullshit with my breathing has slowly been driving me wild and peaks my anxiety#and sometimes i worry abt being bipolar bc my mom's mom is and my mom's best friend told me she thought my mom might have been#bc the way my moods are so low or so high is exhausting it feels like i haven't had a “normal” day in so long#but also atp when im happy i feel manic bc idk how to healthily experience happiness anymore#idfk y'all !!!! im also very nonverbal these days#ugh and still going back n forth on telling my therapist ive been suicidal again bc i dont want him to have to report me or anything idk#a few months ago i made a joke about offing myself and he got rly serious n said he'd have to take action if im serious so im leaning no#like. i wouldnt actually kill myself. i just don't want to exist sometimes in this life#its just been very very very very very very very very very very very very very very hard lately without my parents or grandma#and even after all these years it's still heartwrenching to think about continuing to live this life without them#like. i just want to make them laugh. i just want to feel their arms around me in a warm hug. i just want to dance to their favorite songs.#i don't want to think of them and see their dead bodies anymore. i want to remember them healthy and smiling.#i would take care of them again in every lifetime but fuck dude. i just want to remember their good days instead of the end. can i please#please fucking invision them at their best. i want to remember the dad that played baseball and video games and whose laugh filled the room#i want to remember my grandma who was so sassy but kind. whose button nose crinkled when she smiled. who taught me to happily be dramatic#i don't want to remember them being frail. i want to forget the frustration i saw in their eyes. i want to forget seeing them struggle#(insert sadness about not remembering my mom at all)#just. fuck dude. my life is simple and i am safe so i shouldn't complain. but things feel so fucking hard sometimes. i feel so heartbroken
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getting so fed up about the lack of trans voices in rhetoric on an academia level while trying to find sources for a class project that i am considering changing my career goals
#i'm supposed to lead a class discussion on intersectionality in women's rhetoric#so of course i want to look at queer women! so i've got alison bechdel of course.#gonna figure out an excerpt from gender troubles by judith butler to use#debating stone butch blues by feinberg? not sure yet#but what i really want is a trans or nonbinary rhetor to examine#but i am having A LOT of trouble finding a single one!#it was fucking difficult to find a trans masc journalist for an assignment in another class but i did it#this? this feels damn near impossible! WHERE are my trans academics rhetoric academics!!!!#but yeah this is literally making me consider doing a 180 on my '5 year plan' or whatever#maybe i should get a masters in rhetoric instead of aviation management#bc like. i do always say 'be the change you wanna see in the world' bc i do enjoy the sentiment at the very least#maybe i should fuckin pony up then and listen to my own damn self#be the trans rhetor examining our space in not just academia but the rhetorical sphere for the next queer kid looking to do a presentation#idk! idk! idfk!!!!!!!!!#gahhhhhhhhhhhhh its so frustrating just. in general. to lack sources that you know SHOULD exist#but they DONT >:(#max is talking#damn those are some long ass tags
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bro idk i was already so out of wack today from having shitty dreams AGAIN where i dont even seem to care or want to stop whats happening to me and then just wake up feeling like a broken person
but then my internship boss texts me like "hey so can you make PDFs of those maps i asked you about last night?" and like it shouldnt reasonably have me so pissed off but
A. no im not fucking working you twat what do you think OUT OF COMMISSION means and
B. i cant open that program/file on my home network without it crashing and i have told you this multiple times
#like yall aint even paying me yet. relax.#if you wanted a PDF you shoulda said that initially#idfk its just frustrating bc on one hand i love office life cuz its so cushy and bullshit#but on the other hand im too fucking autistic for this shit#its like my friend was saying yesterday people expect you to read their goddamn minds#and i like my boss too!! shes decent!! but wtf#thots et al
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It's gotten harder and harder for me to even give a shit about art I iust dont want to fucking do it anymore
#not fallout#kal talks#like i dont want to quit quit but i need a break fr#its been so long since i wanted to do a project and then came out with a finished product that i felt really good about#like the kallista painting is good and i like it im just. idk#i just dont have any creative energy anymore#usually when this happens i get super frustrated and angry but im like idfk i dont even want to try ill iust sit on my phone#and watch youtube#its like im just bored with art#and i think its because i know i need to do studies and stuff and work on what makes me unhappy with it#but i iust dont want to#i definitely think part of it comes from like. doing art for a living?#because that is truly soul sucking#its exhausting#and it leaves no room for me to care about anything else in my life#fuck man i just need to schedule another therapy appointment lmao
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Man one of my friends has a habit of accidentally saying or doing stuff that hurts me and I never know what to do cuz like I dont wanna be criticizing her/telling her off every 2 days cuz I KNOW she never means any harm so I know when she says/does hurtfull stuff she doesnt mean it but like it still hurts yk ??? But anytime i do tell her i feel like an ass and the thing is it doesnt make me feel any better cuz when she apologizes i just feel bad for her. But likee also i notixe the frustration building up within myself from her repeatedly hurting my feelings. But its never super big stuff and i dont wanna make her feel bad cuz like idk man shes so. Just like, fragile I guess that anything that makes her sad or upset immediately makes me feel horrible like its the emotional equivalent of yelling at a child or.something. BUT ALSO SHE JUST KEEPS HURTING ME !!!! genuinely from the bottom of.my heart askimg wtf im supposed to do like do I just swallow it down and wait for the feeling to pass. Or what. Cuz like its never lingering serious hurt or anything but it just keeps building up but like also she never criticzes me for anything and so by comparison i DO already "criticize" her a lot I guess and like. Man idk genuinely I dont know what to do
#Ok so like for example. I was wathcing a show rn and a character died. and i had been texting my friend a bit about the show over the last#few days as i was watching it so its not like it just came completely out of the blue . and i sent like a video of the death scene and#said something expressinf sadness about it like 'NOOOO WTF' or whatever and she just didnt respond to that at all and started talking about#something else so i thought maybe she missed it so i like drew attention to it again and she was like 'i dont know that character i had#nothing to say'#BRO ????#I dont. know most of the things my friends ever talk about and i still go along.#and like she does stuff like that at least once a week and its like. idk man obviously its not a big deal but its just something that#stings yk??#and like she has a lot of idk mannerisms or habits that just make me feel dumb or like im being stupid and its so frustrating idk#and like idk cause sometimes she acts idk normally enthusiastic but randomly out of nowhere she says stuff that makes me feel like im being#stupid if that makes sense ??#or like she ALWAYS has something negative or disagreeing to say and on one hand it feels dumb to get annoyed by it but like idk??#for example one time i was watcbing a movie and texted her a pic of the lead actor and said 'his face is like the exavt opposite of mine'#like as a sort of joke cause my face is soft with idk prominent features and that guys face was sharp with well idk sharper features like#he just looked like the opposite of me yk?? and it was clearly a joke#but.like she replied like 'i dont really see it' and started in detail comparing our faces ??#and like idk cuz like it annoyed me and made me feel stupid and also she has a habit of overanalyzing her and other peooles.looks and i#fucking HATE IT#but like at the same time well if that was her organic reply am I not a dick for getting annoyed ??? but like it just annoyed me idfk#and its always stuff like that but i feek like an ass if im always tellinf her everything she does wrong (obviously i dont do that but itd#feel lime that) and being so idk overly critical but also some small part of me just has started to resent her cause ???#she keeps accidentally saying stuff that hurts me and makes me feel stupid and in school she always keeps touching me and making annoying#noises and like ???? idk what it is cause i usually really like her and we are very close but sometimes she just does stuff that#IMMEDIATELY drives me up the wall ????#but like honest to god what if im the problem. ?? like am i overreacting or like accidentally being mean??#But like . the way she communicates i dont see a point in trying to tell her that she has a habit of accidentally hurting me cuz#what would it change except make her feel bad if that makes sense ??#and also its like. like then she'd probably be less comfortable around me cuz shes worried abt hurting me . or like itd be#awkward like when you kmow someones only doing smth cuz you asked them to yk ??
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We're better now, probably.
The consistency is hilarious, I say, listening to rock music again (punk rock? Idk. It has to be like. A specific kind of energy for me to wanna listen lmao)
I wanna do smth besides sing to shit now (I'm all sung out) but literally what am I supposed to do? Nothing feels like something for me to do. And 100% I'm gonna criticize literally everything if I do specific things so like. What do I do?
Whatever, I'm sure I'll figure out smth :/
#sepiasys.txt#consistency being 'ah; things have gone to shit. I am sitting in constant frustration' to 'Im just gonna sing to this shit as my outlet now'#idfk. I can feel resting bitch face tho which is always funny. I think.#Idk typing this shit made me confused but I'm gonna ignore it. we're more stable now which is good so yk its a win#The music is getting kinda random now bc typing this means less focus on the music lmao; I'm still skippin shit that sucks tho lmaooo
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#the understaffing at my job is insane rn#to the point where im making a vent post on TUMBLR THE APP about it#im like Girl what if i just. died#the fact that im the only one working legitimately half the time is insane!!#all the other students work like. 10 hours. and then theres me#its at the point where im frustrated and angry constantly both at work and outside of work#which is not good for me or anyone else lol#and i just literally do not have time to do schoolwork so im failing like two weeks into the semester#idfk what to do about it other than threaten to quit#i dont even need the money theres no fucking reason i should be working 30 hours a week lol#😀🔫
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ngl hate it when ppl conflate robotics engineers with AI grifters. We hate them as much as y’all do lmao, they’re not doing our asses any favours.
#seriously though the whole aibro techbro nonsense is so fucking stupid#and then you get well-intentioned folks directing their rage at robotics ppl which sucks#seen it happen a few times#but like there is a HUGE difference between your average robot and the shitty AI grift#some robots use stuff that can be construed as 'AI' sure#but hilariously enough robots have existed LONG before AI#which is kinda funny when you think about it#in alot of scifi stuff I read it tends to be the other way around#where they 'invent' AI before 'inventing' robots which is#kind of hilarious#idfk where i was going with this#but like also alot of robotics ppl are also artists on the side#i know i am#yeah i know im technically still 'studying' engineering rather than having industry experience#but im aware of folks in the industry who are also engineers who do art on the side too#so i ain't special in all this#its just kind of funny and a little frustrating#again idfk where i was going with this#i think im going insane#also the AMOUNT of shitty AI art that's flooding the mecha art tag on Instagram is HORRIBLE I hate it#AI has no clue how to draw mecha#that's how you know robots and mecha are superior#true robots were made with love and passion and im getting mushy now#yeah#but anyways the stupid techbro grifters give engineers a bad name and it sucks#even though those assholes are usually silicon valley business majors pretending to know how AI works from what ive seen#its really dumb#we live in the worst timeline ngl#also for the record there's more folks in engineering who enjoy humanities than you'd think#so dont even give me THAT bullshit
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Duty
Jacaerys Velaryon x female reader smut
After a rough start to your marriage, whispers from the palace cause you and your betrothed to start what you should have done months ago; produce an heir.
w.c: 1487
c.w: SMUT 18+, NO use of Y/N, not exactly enemies but y'all beefing, hate sex (if you squint, but more like dislike sex and its more just sass idfk), mention of pregnancy, breeding kink, afab reader, p in v sex, fingering, overstimulation, pls let me know if i've missed any
a.n: so i recently watched the queen charlotte bridgerton spin off and i absolutely loved it, this is very inspired by charlotte and george's earlier dynamic tee hee.
Four months and 3 days. That is how long it has been since your wedding, and how long you have loathed your husband. The two of you were not exactly close before your betrothal on account of the rapidness of it but the tensions that spread between parts of his family did not help. You both seem to fight every conversation you had thereafter, so it became easier to avoid each other. That was until around 3 months into your betrothal that questions of when you would need your dresses altering had you worried. You were supposed to making heirs but you both exploded whilst in the same room as each other. You’d visited the prince in his separate room and communicated the issue, he was reading by the fire. You played with your fingers in your hands as he eyed the flaw, thinking intently. He placed his book face down on the table as he petted the bench beside him. You hesitated for a moment, before sitting next to him. “Once a week, we will fulfil our, uh, duty to try and produce an heir. Once you are with child we will stop.” You thought for a moment, before nodding. You couldn’t help but feel your heart sink. This was not what you had wished for in your marriage. Jacaerys was a painfully handsome man, dark curls that framed he chiselled features.
“It is the end of the week today, your grace.” You spoke, not fully considering the implications of the statement. But the quicker your belly was full the better.
He turned to you, hesitated for a moment before moving closer to you and pulled you onto his lap. You were surprised by the sudden closeness of someone, let alone your husband. He looked up from beneath you with a glimmer of what he had on your wedding night, without the naïve hope. His hands slid up from your hips to the bust of your dress, he looked into your eyes before giving the bodice of your dress a quick tug down allowing your breast to spill out. You gasped as his hands cupped over your breasts, massaging them before running a thumb over your nipple. You brought your bottom lip between your teeth as you felt a warmth spread over your body. You didn’t dare look him in the eye, keeping your eyes shut or trained on the ceiling. You felt as one hand left your breast and hike up your dress further up your hips. He sighed to himself slightly, at the sight of your exposed cunt. He could not believe his luck the first time he had saw you. You were quite possibly the most beautiful woman he had ever seen and unfortunately that did not change the more you both disliked each other. If anything, it grew. Seeing you from across the room at formal engagements, gluing to his side when you needed to seem like the happy couple. It made the frustrations between the two of you even more palpable over the past few months, given the lack of relief. You opened your eyes to see his dark eyes looking up at you. He brought his two first fingers up to your lips, “Open.” His soft tone contradicted the demand and look upon his face. His fingers slid into your mouth, gliding across your tongue as you closed your lips around them. Out of sheer lust you grinded your hips against him, needing to feel some release and gaining small jolt at the feeling of your cunt rubbing against his clothed cock. His free hand shot to your waist, fingers digging into the soft flesh. He removed his fingers from your mouth, admiring his spit covered fingers for a moment before they reached between your thighs and lightly grazed across your clit. You jolted, leaning forward to grip the bench behind him.
You could not stop the moan that escaped your mouth as his fingers slowly ran circles across your clit. He smirked as the noises that fell from your lips, knowing how much you couldn’t bare to be around him but fell apart in his arms was a satisfying feeling. “I did not know you were so needy, dear wife.” The honorific felt like a pin prick. Insincere and laced with sarcasm.
Despite the tightening growing in your stomach, you could not let him have the final word as usual. “You hadn’t been paying close enough attention, your grace.” A flash of frustration flashed upon his face as his hand moved to grip your hair and fingers plunged inside of you. A gasp left you as his fingers thrusted deep inside of your cunt, you had gone from strolling towards an orgasm to being thrown at it. The tips of his fingers curled slightly, deliciously massaging that spot inside your pussy that drove you wild. You jaw fell open, eyes going wide at the loss of contact when he removed his fingers from you. You went to protest before seeing his cock in his hands, brows furrowed as he stroked the length.
You couldn’t hold off any longer before you took a hold of his wrists and pushed his hands away to his sides. You took his cock into your hand giving it a few pumps, watching an expression of lust spread across his face. You leaned over slightly, letting a ball of spit leave your lips and watch as it slid down his cock. He hissed, returning his hands to your hips pulling you closer to him. You took the hint, angling his cock towards your pussy, rubbing the tip over your clit for your own pleasure a few times, before lining him up and sliding down slowly, a large groan left his lips as be bottomed out inside of you. You had forgotten just how big his cock was, and just how good it had felt filling you up. You began to raise your hips up and down, moans leaving your lips as you did. You worked at a steady pace but after being accustomed to his hands began to push up and down with the movements of your hips moving you faster. Your fingernails dug into his shoulders as he pounded into you, no matter how much your stifled your moans, you gave him the satisfaction of them loudly leaving your lips. His hand reached up to yours, removing it from his shoulders and moving your fingers between your legs. You immediately got his instruction, fingers latching onto your clit. You worked tight circles into it as you got filled over and over with Jacaerys’ cock. A familiar tightness returned to your stomach as your head dropped back and numerous illicit words left your lips. Recognising your peak, he pulled you forward by your thighs, almost pressing your bodies against each other as he quickened his pace. Your orgasm cascaded over you, feeling your pussy tighten around Jacaerys’ cock and your body buzz from the overstimulation. You rode out your high atop of him, watching as his eyes screwed shut and his thrusts became sloppier.
You took the opportunity to return your knees to the bench either side of him and bob your hips up and down as fast as you could. His fingers reached the lip of the bench gripping it until his knuckles turned white. “Mmm, my grace,” You moaned out. His eyes shot open, his heart pounding at your remark. “Please fill me with your seed.” You pleaded and moaned, half doing it for a reaction, half because it felt too good. His jaw hung open in shock for a split second before he sputtered a moan from his lips, hips snapping into yours. You felt satisfied as a warmth filled your pussy. Your hips moved slightly, slowly thrusting his cock inside of you still. His hand shot to your hip, mumbling something, before you placed your hand flat across his chest. You bobbed a few more times on his cock, being sure to be as full as possible with his cum. You smirked to yourself seeing his head throne back, lip quivering, veins prominent in his hands gripping your waist, sweaty curls sticking to his neck. You slowly raised yourself off of his cock, standing to your feet and trying to mask your wobbliness as adjusting your dress.
You stole a glance his way, admiring his beauty before he spoke and ruined it. He panted through his mouth, arms outstretched over the sides of the bench. You smirked to yourself, admiring how he too had crumbled for you. The opening of his doorhandle caused him to call your name from behind you. You glanced at him and smiled. “Goodnight your grace, see you in seven eves’.” He opened his mouth to response, but you had already shut the door behind you. You hoped it would be sooner before he fucked you again.
#jacaerys x reader#jacaerys x you#jacaerys velaryon#jacaerys velaryon smut#hotd smut#jacaerys smut#house of the dragon#hotd#hotd x reader#jacaerys velaryon x reader smut#jacaerys targaryen#prince jacaerys#hotd fanfic#jacaerys velaryon x y/n smut#jacaerys imagine#game of thrones#game of thrones smut#asoif#asoif/got#fanfic#smut#jacaerys fluff#fluff smut#hotd jacaerys#jacaerys fanfiction
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| 𐂂 | 𝐑𝐮𝐭 𝐒𝐳𝐧 | 𝐃𝐨𝐞!𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐱 𝐀𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫 | 𝐇𝐚𝐳𝐛𝐢𝐧 𝐇𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐥 | 𝐒𝐌𝐔𝐓 | 𐂂 |
𝐍𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐬: FINALLY LMFAO. sorry for the wait i got a wee bit busy and took a break so yeah! here you go. btw i suck at smut! enjoy :]
𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: Your boyfriend enters his season! He's constantly in heat and stubbornly won't give in to his desires. As his season ends, you enter estrus, causing a hot sticky mess for the both of you!
𝐂𝐖: breeding kink behavior, possessive behavior, p in v sex, no protection, rough sex, idfk horny-ness 𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 3,617 𝐒𝐌𝐔𝐓𝐒𝐌𝐔𝐓𝐒𝐌𝐔𝐓𝐒𝐌𝐔𝐓 𝐌𝐃𝐍𝐈!
It was no secret that your boyfriend is in his heat season. This became apparent when you were woken by the screeching sound of antlers rutting against the bark of a tree. You look around, the bluriness of the room fading as you wake up a bit more. Lifting your hands to your face, you rub your eyes and groggily turn towards the noise. Your eyes flicker to the bayou section of Alastor's room. Immediately, your previously groggy state disappears, eyes widening at the sight before you. "KRRRRRRRRK KRRRRRRRK KRRRRK KRRR-" "Alastor!" The scraping comes to a sudden halt as you speak. Alastor still had his back facing you hunched over beside the tree, antlers just barely inches away from the torn bark. Nearly every tree in the bayou was scraped bare of its bark, how long had he been doing this for..? Realization hits you like a truck, "Ooohhhh you're in-" "Not a word. I can control it", The Deer demon curtly states, "Go back to bed." You knew he didn't mean to be dismissive, but that didn't prevent the pang of sadness that tugged your lips downward. "Aren't you gonna come back to bed?" Alastor sighs and turns to face you, his hungry eyes boaring into yours. "Go back to bed, I'll join you later.".
Without a word, you lay back down and sigh, trying to go back to sleep without the embrace of your partner. Alastor’s expression softens, he needed some time to work through his season, he never meant to distance himself in the process.
“Goodnight, darling. I love you.”.
A smile spreads across your face, those three little words were all you needed, “I love you too, sweet dreams.”
—
Despite what the demon said, he was anything but in control of it. Alastor desperately tried to remain celibate the next few weeks of his heat season. Which, confused you because it’s not like you hadn’t had sex before or anything. And while it happens sporadically, this seemed like a good occasion to do it. All he’d have to do to get rid of his pestering urges is to fuck you, yet he remained stubborn. What’s holding him back?
When you asked him, he rambled about something along the lines of wanting his desires to be on “his terms”. In other words, he just wanted control. You rolled your eyes at this. All this trouble because of reluctance to give in to an easy-to-fix solution? ‘Whatever, it’s just a few more weeks of this…’ you thought to yourself. He hated how much he needed release, how much he craved and yearned for it. Alastor needed to be the one to decide when and where he’d want to have sex. However, with his current irresistible urges, he needed sex everywhere, all the time. As a result of this, Alastor decided it would be best if he slept in a different room for the time being. Which, again, didn't make any sense. Why couldn't he just fuck you and get it done with? But, nooo he had to be in control 24/7, leaving you lonely in the large desolate bed. You never complained, of course, despite how much you wanted to. It was frustrating sure, but, you know what it's like to be in your season so you kept your mouth shut. It had put some strain on your relationship, however, you knew it would only make things worse if you argued with him. He's tense enough already. Besides, it's only a few months out of the year! You can argue for the rest of eternity after said period. --
As time passed, the deer’s strained behavior only worsened. His animalistic instincts were kicking in and intensified. Let’s be honest, Alastor’s hygiene wasn’t the greatest (especially when it comes to dental hygiene). But, it got exponentially worse when he started smearing mud on himself to 'enhance his scent'. You knew it was all typical heat season behavior, but still, gross.
Possessiveness was another unfortunate symptom of the season. If Alastor saw another male just simply looking at you, he’d take it as a challenge. Large black tentacles would stretch out and slam whoever you were with into the nearest wall. And while, yes, it was nice to have a protective boyfriend, it certainly wasn't nice to have a daily hospital visit and apology card to whoever Alastor felt threatened by. Luckily, the season was almost over! No more hiding from Alastor when talking to another guy and having a smelly boyfriend! Yay! Everything seemed to be clearing up on its own... that was until you entered estrus.
—
“No no… Nonono…”. You mutter as you pace around the room. Just as the season was about over, you just had to enter estrus. Great. Now, not only did Alastor have to suppress his urges, you did too. Not because you wanted to, but because you didn’t want to tempt Alastor anymore than he already was.
Facing a large full body mirror, you try to to cover up any possible signs that your in your season. Your tail lays flat against your backside, and while that wasn’t the most obvious trait, you knew Alastor would figure you out easily. Pheromones were being released in heavy doses, a scent that could attract a buck from miles away. Luckily for you, Alastor’s taking a visit to the doomsday district to “Blow off some steam.” Phew.
Frantically rummaging through the closet, you look for something, anything that could hide this for him. You didn’t really have anything large enough to hide your tail, and if you did, the imprint of your tail would stick out of the fabric from the back and make it obvious. Crap.
A spare of Alastor’s coat hangs teasingly against on the other side of your shared closet. Temptation sweeps over you, making you realize just how horny you were. Hesitant hands reach out to grab the soft fabric and lift it up to your nose. ‘Fuck… Am I a pervert? Oh well.’ you think to yourself as you inhale Alastor’s scent through the fabric. Bourbon and vanilla scent hits your nose, sending shivers down your spine.
Suddenly, an idea pops into your head. You slip your arms into the coat and walk towards the mirror. The coat perfectly hid your tail and Alastor’s lingering musk on the fabric masked the scent of your pheromones. For once in your life, being kind of a pervert paid off! __
Currently, you’re sitting at the bar nursing a drink, trying to ignore how badly you want to be fucked so hard your organs rearrange. As far as hiding your physical symptoms went, it was pretty easy. But the internal turmoil was eating you alive, and not in a sexy way. Every position, sound, scenario, and feeling was being conjured in your mind as you sit there “calmly” on the barstool. Your mind was so preoccupied that you didn’t notice Alastor approaching you.
“You know darling, if you liked my clothes so much you could’ve just said so.” The deer jests.
The sudden noise startles you, snapping you out of your thoughts. “AH!” you practically jump out of your seat before realizing it’s just Alastor, “Oh! Hello love. How was the doomsday district?” His shoulders bob up and down, a soft grin on his lips, "It was fine. Very effective. Perhaps I'll be able to join you in bed tonight.". Fuck. If he slept in your room tonight, the coat will have to come off and all will be revealed. "O-Oh! Are you sure? I don't wanna pressure y-" "Nonsense, dear!" The deer interrupted with a smile, "I've had quite enough time away. I'm sure I'll be fine for a night!" "Yes, but, honey... What if your instincts take over?". You hesitantly try to put the thought of not sleeping together in his head. Alastor waves a dismissive hand, "Nonsense, dear! I'll be alright." "Honey, I don't think this is a good idea-" You stated firmly. His smile strains as his eyebrows furrow, "Why? Is there something you're hiding from me?". "No I-" "Have you grown accustomed to sleeping without me?" he accused. "No, no... Al," you reluctantly begin, "I'd love to sleep beside you again... I just wanted to be sure you were okay with it.". Lies. Well, partly. You did want to cuddle with your partner just... not with the current 'circumstances'. But now you had no choice but to find some way to hide your growing urges and instincts. -- The door shuts behind you as you walk into your room. You feel your heartbeat pick up as your palms start to moisten. 'Deep breaths, Y/N," you think to yourself, 'he won't find out... Just stay calm and act normal.'
The two of you get ready for bed: brushing your teeth (well, you are at least), washing your face, and are currently putting on PJs. You changed in the closet, away from Alastor, which he thankfully paid no mind to. After putting on a lacy nightgown, you hastily throw the coat back over your shoulders. In hindsight, this was definitely a dead giveaway that you were hiding something. But, what choice did you have? Putting on a tranquil facade, you enter the bedroom. Alastor's sitting at the edge of the bed when you walk in, finishing buttoning up his nightshirt. 'Damn, even in pajamas he's still hot as fuck' you think. You ogle at your boyfriend for a moment, heat rising in your chest. "Ah ah, dear, don't look at me like that" He playfully reminds you. His words snap you back into reality, you smile softly at him. "Sorry, sorry!" you stammer. Walking to your side of the bed, you stare directly at the floor as to not get distracted by your growing arousal. 'Keep it together Y/N!'. Alastor's eyebrows furrow, "Darling?". "Yes?" you respond. A sharp red claw gestures to the coat, "Why are you still wearing that?". "Oh!" beads of sweat form on your forehead as you clammer to find some sort of excuse "I justtttt.... get a little chilly at night! Yep, just a case of uh cold-ness... yeah...". 'God damn it... Am I fucking stupid? "Cold-ness" isn't even a word!' you mentally berate yourself. Your boyfriend turns to fully face you on the bed, "And why does it have to be my coat, hm? Can't you use one of yours?". Fidgeting with your hands nervously, you reply, "Well I just like yours! It's nice, it reminds me of you.". "Pray tell, my dear," he begins, "Why must you be reminded of me when I'm right beside you in bed?". You take a deep breath, "Well, in your... 'condition'-". "Watch it, Darling," he warns. "Right right," you sit up straighter as you become more confident in your convoluted excuse, "I just figured you wouldn't be able to handle cuddling me. In fact, you’ll probably just stay on your side of the bed all night. Hence why I wanted the coat". You feel a little prideful at your on-the-spot reasoning… until you see your boyfriend’s expression. Yeahhh, he looked pissed. Alastor's wide grin twitches, "Excuse you, Darling! I am perfectly capable of controlling myself for one night!”. “Well, then why didn’t you sleep in here for a month?!” you retort, immediately regretting it. You weren’t actually mad, just defensive. Oh well, no going back now. "That's it!" He reaches for the sleeve of your coat, pulling on it roughly. "Hey!" you exclaim. Trying (and failing) to yank the sleeve back, the coat flings off your shoulders and into Alastor's tight grip. He discards it on the floor beside the bed. Luckily, he wasn't in a position to notice your tail, however, that didn't affect your boyfriend's sense of smell... Holding his nose high in the air, he takes small quick sniffs near you, his ears twitching at the smell of your pheromones. His pupils dilate to the size of quarters, any restraint he had before was now completely gone, "My dear," He crawls toward you on all fours, making his way across the bed, "I've spent the past few months aching for release, but I've restrained myself...". You inch backward away from him, "Alastor... Be rational... You've tried so hard, I don't want you to regret this.". As soon as you finish speaking, you inch too far off the bed and suddenly fall back, eliciting a yelp. A slender arm reaches out to grab yours, lifting you up and saving you from the fall. Alastor pulls on your arm, lifting you up so that your faces were inches apart. He takes a deep breath in, the scent of pheromones filling his nose. His eyes bore into you with a hungry, desperate, gaze, lips slightly parted as his breath grows heavier. “My dear… I would never regret making love to you… If I did have any regrets, it would be that I didn’t do this sooner…”.
Half lidded eyes meet his lustful gaze, “Your sure about this?”. Alastor’s eyes linger on your lips as he speaks, his voice low and raspy, “I’ve restrained myself for far too long… I would hate to you holding back as well. This has been a long time coming, darling, and now…”. Reaching over, his lips teasingly brush against your ear as he whispers,”I’m taking whats mine.”.
You cradle his face in your hands, thumb brushing over his flushed cheeks. Suddenly, he captures your lips in a firm kiss. The tender kisses turn sloppier, his tongue swiping past your lips asking for entry. As soon as your lips part, his long slender tongue slides against yours. You moan against his lips at the feeling which only fuels his desire more. Intertwining your tongue with his, his hand cards through your hair at the back of your head, pulling you closer. The kiss deepens, drawing out a stifled moan from Alastor. You position yourself so you’re straddling his lap, his boner poking against your thigh.
As the two of you make out, you slowly roll your clothed core against the tent in his pants. Alastor pulls back from the kiss, his head jerking down into the crook of your neck. “Darling,” his large hands grip your hips, keeping them from moving, "I have a better idea...". He lifts his head back up and instantly closes the distance between the two of you. Your tongues intertwine and sloppily kiss one another, your lips lubricated with his saliva.
He moves his hands to the straps of your nightgown. The thin silky straps gently pull off your shoulders. Alastor places his palm under your elbow and pushes up gently, a silent way of asking you to put your arms up. You oblige and lift your arms followed by Alastor briefly breaking the kiss and slipping the nightgown over your head. His eyes rake over your almost naked body. One of his large hands reaches out to cup your breast. The sudden contact sends a shiver down your spine. His thumb brushes over your nipple, the bud hardening at his cold touch. Meanwhile, his other hand travels down your body and hooks his finger under the lacy thong. Stretching the lace strap, a soft hum escapes his lips. Your breath quickens as you eagerly await his next move, needing his touch and release.
Unhooking his finger, he moves his hand to the damp spot on the underside of your thong. A breathy moan escapes your lips, "Fuck, Alastor... Don't tease.". Removing his hands, he holds them up in a gesture of surrender, "Can't handle a bit of foreplay, darling?". "Hush" you reply, your hands working to unbutton his nightshirt. Once unbuttoned, you toss the shirt off to the side and gaze at his toned torso. "See something you like?" he jests. You playfully roll your eyes and get to work on sliding off his pajama pants. Once his pants are off, his aching member frees the confines of the fabric, his tail twitching in anticipation. Alastor shudders at the cold air hitting his throbbing, erect cock. Your gaze tears away from his dick and meets his face. His eyes are half-lidded with a deep shade of pink dusting his cheeks, mouth slightly agape as he pants heavily. "What? Can't handle a bit of foreplay?" you tease.
Alastor's eyebrows furrow, a tight-lipped grin forming on his face, "You know what? No, I can't.". In a swift motion, he grabs you by the waist and tosses you on the bed. As your stomach hits the cold dark red comforter, you make a small "oof!" sound. Alastor's hands slither to both sides of your waist and lift you gently, propping you up on your hands and knees. A slender finger slides against the drenched folds of your pussy, a single digit dipping into your tight center. You let out a soft pleasured gasp at the feeling. As much as you enjoyed this, it only made you crave more. He tantalizingly pulls out his finger and brings it to his lips, sucking your juices off it. Pulling the finger out with a satisfying 'pop', he leans over your body. His chest presses against your back as he whispers in a husky low tone, "My my, little doe... You taste divine.". A needy whimper escapes your throat as your dripping cunt aches to be filled.
He kisses his way down your back, leaving a final kiss at the base of your perked-up tail before lifting his head back up. Alastor gently spreads the beads of pre-cum around his dick for extra lubrication, not that you needed, it of course. Large hands clutch the sides of your hips, claws dimpling your supple skin. Pre-cum and saliva from his hands spreads onto your skin, the moist texture making your stomach flutter. -- Alastor aligns his shaft with your opening, gradually penetrating you. A choked gasp leaves your mouth as he stretches you out, filling your needy cunt. After a bit of getting used to his length, he slowly thrusts into you. "That's it, little doe," he coos, "taking me so well... You'll look great as a mother".
Alastor pants heavily as he continues to rut into you, his pace picking up as he reaches closer and closer to a climax. Sparks of pleasure hit your core and he enters you at a rough tempo. "Mmph~ Al... That's it- D-Don't stop." you whimper. "Stop?" he begins, sliding into you at a more rigorous pace, "Wouldn't dream of it... After all, I couldn't leave my precious doe without filling her properly couldn't I?". Pleasure clouds your mind, all you can respond with is a cry of satisfaction. "Ah ah ah, use your words dear. Tell me how much you crave my seed.". "Need you to fill me... Need it so bad... Please..." you mumble, focused more on your approaching climax. Your words encourage Alastor further, thrusting into you deeper and hitting spots you didn't even know could be reached. His pelvis slams against your clit, sending sparks through your already trembling pussy. He speaks through strangled grunts and pants, "That's right, my doe, I'm gonna fill you over and over until you're filled with my fawns...". His large hands travel from your hips up to your chest, cupping your breasts in his hands. Mewling at the added pleasure, his thumb and index finger rolled the sensitive buds in his hands. "These would look so nice and pretty when they're swelled with milk, don't you think?". His dick slams into you at a ruthless pace. The sounds of skin slapping against skin along with moans and grunts of pleasure filled the air. Alastor takes a deep breath in, inhaling the scent of pheromones. His pupils widened further, his primal instincts kicking in. Releasing your tender breasts, he lifts your thigh up over his shoulder to get a new angle. His cock drills into you at a ruthless tempo, "Gotta - Nnnph~ make sure my seed's deep inside you... Gonna- load my fawns into you...". You feel your stomach tighten as you reach your release, "Al- M'gonna-". As your orgasm washes over you, hot loads of cum fill your greedy pussy. Your cunt clenches around his drenched cock as he rides out your orgasm. His pace gradually declines as the pleasure begins to fade. Alastors upper body goes limp from his climax, torso resting against your back. The two of you take a moment to catch your breath, panting heavily as he remains buried inside of you. After taking a beat, he pulls out of you. Cum spills of your cunt, loads of semen dripping down your folds and onto the bedding below. "You've made quite the mess my dear." he jests breathlessly, plunging a finger into your pussy to keep the seed from spilling, "Though, we can't let this go to waste, hm? I wasn't joking when I said you'd make a lovely mother.". You chuckle wearily and plop onto the mattress.
Rolling over onto your back, Alastor grabs the discarded clothes and helps you put your pajamas back on. He slips the silk gown back on you and presses a kiss to your forehead, "You did so well, my beautiful doe...". A smile stretches across your face at the praise. Returning the favor, you help him dress as well - buttoning up his night shirt and sliding his pants back on.
His arms wrap around your stomach as he pulls you into a loving embrace. Alastor bundles the two of you in the dark red comforter, spooning you and nuzzling his face into the crook of your neck. "I love you, Alastor" you whisper. "I love you too, darling. Sweet dreams.". With a final kiss pressed onto your cheek, you both drift off to a pleasant slumber.
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YAYAYAYYA i tried rlly hard so if u dont like it then FUCK U (jk). but yeah i hope u like ittt. pls leave feedback guys :,) good or bad idfc but i rlly wanna improve and feedback is important for that!!! i hope u liked it :) i meant for the smut to be longer tbh, sorry if it wasnt as long as u were hoping. im still new at this so I tried to keep it short and sweet. I felt as if i kept it too long the quality would decline and that sucks so :/ hope u liked ittt!!!!! also i didnt edit this bc im tired lol but if u see a mistake point it out
𝐁𝐔𝐓: 𝐅𝐔𝐍 𝐅𝐀𝐂𝐓, 𝐈𝐍 𝐀 𝐑𝐔𝐓, 𝐁𝐔𝐂𝐊𝐒 𝐖𝐈𝐋𝐋 𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐃𝐎𝐄 𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐓𝐋𝐄𝐒𝐒 𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐄𝐒 𝐉𝐔𝐒𝐓 𝐓𝐎 𝐌𝐀𝐊𝐄 𝐒𝐔𝐑𝐄 𝐒𝐎𝐎…. 𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐄 𝐀𝐋𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐑 𝐖𝐈𝐋𝐋 𝐖𝐀𝐊𝐄 𝐔�� 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐁𝐑𝐄𝐄𝐃 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐄𝐑 𝐀𝐆𝐀𝐈𝐍??? 𝐋𝐌𝐊
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𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓: @l3rittany, @sirens-and-moonflowers, @ratsematary, @reath-solia, (if i missed anyone I'm so sorry)
#hazbin hotel#hazbin#hazbin x reader#hazbin fanfic#hazbin smut#hazbin hotel x reader#hazbin hotel smut#alastor fanfiction#hazbin alastor#hazbin hotel alastor#reader x alastor#alastor x reader#alastor smut#hazbin alastor x reader#alastor x reader smut#reader x alastor smut#alastor rut smut#alastor rut#doe!reader x alastor#rut szn#RUT SZN
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literally how do i keep failing my adhd diagnoses 🧍🏽♀️
#marine myths rambles#like the psychiatrist who screened me said it was 'borderline' adhd but like.. just unter the criteria??#but like.. they always ask abt school n work but not home?? n i can never remember to bring tht stuff up#but they also kinda railroad me into talling abt school n home#and the thing is is tht ive ALSO got OCD n specifically obsessions tht are based around how ppl view me#so at school or at work im not gonna seem outwardly ADHD-esque or w/e aside from being like. relatively forgetful.#n thts bc the OCD has subconsciously taught me to mask a lot of the ADHD stuff to Not Be Perceived A Certain Way#in public#and SO when the psychiatrist asks abt that stuff i dont give them the amswer they wanna hear bc thats just not how my symptoms manifest#and all in all its kinda frustrating but im also like. maybe its not even adhd (which is possible of course)#but i hate having to ask for second. third. fourth opinions bc eughgahsjkdld#maybe its everything maybe its nothing maybe its maybelline idfk at this point#ignore me
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idfk but maybe its cause the twitter qsmp people are newer to fandom? (or not i dont know these people at all) but they know they can engage with media critically and not pretend like characters they love arent from that same media right? right?? they can believe the qsmp is flawed while also still enjoying the content of the characters and rp and whatever. that can co exist. they know that right? like this isnt a new concept and in fact exists in basically every fucking fandom. i understand their frustration but pretending and trying to erase the fact these characters are from the qsmp is so fucking stupid because they just are
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The reason why i dont think its a tour is the way they did the ‘sign to be first one to know when it drops’ thing because if i signed to something to be know right when it drops just to find out they are not coming anywhere near me i would be so fucking pissed and frustrated! Thats why i think its going to be either a digital project or something physically you can buy. (English isnt my first language sorry if doesnt make sense)
yeah i totally get that!! i mean other artists do drop tours like this (with a teaser and a "sign up to be the first to know" type of thing), so it's not unheard of. but it is something that hopefully d&p would be aware of! bc definitely it would suck a lot. what also makes me think it's something digital u can buy is phil saying "something might happen in the next month" when asked what he and dan have been cooking. like to me that implies whatever the proj is will be happening within the month, it's a weird way to phrase it if it's only an announcement of something happening in many months (unless he was trying to throw us off but then? idfk. and again the fact that he ignored the part about saving up makes me think it's low cost but also what do i know 😭)
also your english is great! and no need to apologize, even if it wasnt :) <3
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