#idek what we were supposed to be something it just seemed like we were all

[yeehawbvby]

Had a dream about viktor arcane…… we were in uni together except it was one I didn’t go to/I was actually living on campus instead of just commuting and taking online classes like I’d done irl, and we kept staying up super late in the library or a dorm with the intention to do work, but ended up just hanging out and being silly together instead….. it was so fun I wanna cry and throw up

[of-a-chaotic-mind]

Against Instincts

Summary: Dean made a very serious mistake but much to his surprise, Reader forgives him & the two share a special moment.

TW/CW: Abuse (by Reader's father), Mention of Dean hitting Reader, Dean doubting himself, Mentions of injuries (bruises, welt, etc.), Angst Angst Angst, Dean Winchester x Reader

Requested?: No

Word Count: 1,979

A/N: Idek where this came from. It sorta spawned from me wishing Dean could show up & rescue me from my dog shit life (I'm not being abused I just have a lot of bullshit going on with my parents) & also just me feeling angsty as fuck. Anyway, I hope you enjoy the read. REQUESTS ARE OPEN! Much love to all!

(Y/N)’s POV 

    John Winchester was a hard ass at times but he was never cruel. I think that's why when his teenage son, Dean, returned from what was supposed to be a quick grocery store run with myself around the same age in tow claiming, "Her dad is a monster. We have to help her," he couldn't just ignore me & send me on my way. He visibly stowed his anger at Dean's tardiness & observed me. I’m sure he took note of the bruises scattered across the little bit of skin I had visible, some were old, some were new. He probably noticed the split lip paired with a blossoming black eye. Yet, he ushered me into the car with orders for Sam & Dean to stay put. 

    When he pulled into my driveway my face felt warn with embarrassment. From the outside, my house looked like no one had lived there in years. He walked me to the front door & knocked. When there was no response, he knocked again.  

    I looked up at him, “He’s probably asleep.” I opened the door & walked in. Inside, the house was spotless. When I entered, my father stirred on the couch & sat up.  

    He was very clearly drunk as he slurred his words, “Where the hell have you been, girl?” 

    I looked down at my shopping bags in my hands, “I went out to get milk & bread.” 

    My father rubbed his eyes, still having not noticed John standing just outside the front door, “Ain’t you got something to clean? Make yourself useful & get me beer first.” 

    I hid my face from John as I shuffled over to the fridge & retrieved a beer as instructed. I walked over to the couch & handed it to him, “What would you like me to clean?” 

    He looked up at me, furious, “Are you dumb? You should be able to figure out how to clean by now.” Dean was right, this man is a monster. I took a few steps back & looked around me for something to clean.  

    In the blink of an eye, my father jumped up from the couch & grabbed my arm, “Get your useless ass into the kitchen & wash those damn dishes,” he yelled before shoving me so hard toward the counter that I lost balance & hit the floor. John rushed over & offered his hand to me as my father lazily wandered over to the couch & plopped down. I gently took John’s hand & was hauled to my feet.  

    Suddenly, my father noticed John’s presence, “Who the hell are you?” John said nothing & simply pulled the me to the front door, placing himself between me & my father who was still plastered on the couch. Before the door shut behind us, I heard my father grumble, “Good riddance. She’s worthless anyway.” Tears rushed to my eyes but I fought them back as John pulled me toward the car. Once we were safely inside, he sped back toward the motel. 

    There was never a missing person’s report filed or police involvement. My father never bothered to look for me. People we encountered never questioned why I was with the Winchesters. It seemed everyone assumed I was their daughter & sister. Sure, life on the road was never easy & sometimes John was hard on me but I would much rather stay with the Winchesters than to go back to my father. At some point, I stopped only giving my first name when introducing myself & began introducing myself as (Y/N) Winchester. They were the closest thing I had ever had to a family. 

    I am pulled back to the present at the faint sound of voices outside my bedroom door. They’re too quiet to make out what is being said but I roll over grabbing my headphones to play music to drown them out completely. 

Dean’s POV 

    “What are you doing?” Sam asks, shaking me from my thoughts. I stay silent. “Dean, what’s wrong? Why are you sitting outside of (Y/N)’s door in the middle of the night?” I look down at my lap. “She tried to get you to talk to her didn’t she?” I nod. “What’d you do? Yell at her?” 

    I clench my jaw, “And hit her.” 

    Sam is taken aback, “You-” It’s quiet. “You can’t apologize to her if you’re just sitting out here on your ass.” 

    “She’s hasn’t cried,” I mumble. 

    “How do you know?” Sam asks. 

    “When she ran out of the room, I realized what I did & followed her. By the time I made it to her door, she had already shut it.” 

    “So, you-” 

    “I’ve been sitting here trying to convince myself to knock & she hasn’t cried at all,” 

    “You know when she doesn’t cry she’s-” 

    “I know,” I grit my teeth, “She’s angry.” 

    “Well, like I said, you can’t make it right sitting out here.” 

    “Not long after she left her dad & hit the road with us, I promised her that I’d never let anything happen to her. I’d always protect her.” 

    “Dean-” 

    “I hit her, Sam. I’m no better than that piece of shit that calls himself her father.” 

   “Dean, don’t. That man let a stranger walk out of his house with her. He didn’t give two shits that he hurt her. He wouldn’t be sitting outside her bedroom door nearly in tears trying to convince himself to apologize. You’re better than that guy. You’re her best friend & you need to talk to her.” I tossed Sam’s words around in my head for a few moments before he walked off saying, “If you do decide to get up & knock, I might think about rescuing you when she beats the shit out of you.” 

    “I deserve whatever she does to me,” I mumble to myself. 

(Y/N)’s POV 

    After a few hours of listening to music, my headphones beep that they’re dying. I pull them off & toss them toward the end of the bed, making a mental note to charge them later. For a few moments, all I can hear is the music still playing through my dying headphones. Then, there’s a knock at the door. I hold my breath hoping they’ll go away. I’m sure it’s Dean but I’m hoping it’s Sam. If I face Dean right now, I might kill him. Okay, maybe not kill but definitely maim. 

    Another knock sounds. I begrudgingly toss the covers off of my legs & get up. As I pad over to the door, the knocker speaks, “(Y/N), please let me in. I am so unbelievably sorry. I know I don’t deserve it but please let me check on you.” I’m quiet, mentally arguing with myself about whether I should open the door or not. “Okay... I understand. I’ll leave you alone.” 

    I rush to open the door. His head shoots up to look at me. The worry & fear on his face hurts my heart. I know Dean. I know him better than I know myself sometimes, which is why I never expected the outburst from him that I got. I clench my jaw, “I’m fine.” Dean scans my face before breaking eye contact & looking down at his feet. I leave the door open & return to sit on the end of my bed. He stays put at the open door so I give him a look that says, “Well, come in.” 

    He begins making his way to me, “(Y/N) I-” he drops to his knees in front of me & drops his head into his hands, “I’m so sorry. I don’t know what came over me & I know that’s no excuse but please know I never wanted to hurt you I just got angry.” When he looks up again, there is tears in his eyes. His voice cracks as he reaches up, “Can I?” 

    I nod. He gently runs the pad of his thumb over the welt & slowly forming bruise on my cheek. I notice his jaw clench as he pulls his hand away, “Let’s hear it...” 

    I tilt my head at him with confusion on my face, “Hear what?” 

    “How you never want to see me again & I’m a piece of shit. I’m sure you’re probably wanting to give me a couple good right hooks for what I did,” his voice is small & quiet as he continues, “I deserve it.” 

    I think for a moment, “You’re right. I want to beat the shit out of you. The crazy & scary thing is I’d rather crawl into your lap & you hold me like we used to do when I would wake up screaming from a nightmare about my father. I want you to tell me everything is okay & that you’re here & you’ll keep me safe.” I let my words hang in the air for a second & it breaks my heart to see him break a little too. “But... you hit me, Dean... You’re supposed to make sure no one ever hurts me but you hurt me. I want so badly to just brush it off & move on but I can’t. Every instinct in my bones is screaming that I can’t trust you.” 

    He nods solemnly, “I understand. I’ll leave you alone.”  

    He stands to leave but I grab his arm, “Contrary to my usual belief, my instincts aren’t winning this time.” I tug him to sit beside me on the bed, “Dean, you’re the most important person in my life. Somedays, you’re all that keeps me going... I can’t lose you, not when I know that outburst is not who you are.” He’s quiet but a look of hope grows on his face. I continue, “I forgive you.”  

    A small smile graces his features, “Thank you. You don’t know how much this means to me. I promise I will never hurt you again. I promise I’ll do better.” I nod & we’re left in silence for a few moments before he speaks again, “You were trying to get me to tell you why I’ve been distant lately.” I nod, he takes a deep breath, “I-... I’ve been trying to distance myself from you because... because I love you (Y/N). It terrifies me because I know you deserve better & I know you don’t feel the same way so I was hoping distancing myself would make those feelings go away but if anything, it made them worse & I was just super frustrated that it wasn’t working so when you came to me asking what’s wrong I just exploded.” he pauses, “I’m sorry you got caught in the blast radius.” 

    I take his hand in mine, “I’m gonna break this down piece by piece. First of all, idk how on earth you think I’m gonna find anyone better than you. You always take care of me & keep me safe. You know me better than anyone. You understand me better than anyone. I won’t find that anywhere else. Second of all, how dare you assume I don’t feel the same way,” I giggle, “When did you become a mind reader? Thirdly, why didn’t you just tell me you needed space? I would’ve understood. I didn’t enjoy just being left in the cold by my best friend & the man I love.” 

    He looks me in the eye, “I don’t deserve you, ya know that?” I shrug. He chuckles, “I’m sorry I didn’t just say something. I’ll add it to my list of things to be better about.” 

    I squeeze his hand, “While you’re at it, add stop doubting yourself to the list.” I place my free hand on his cheek, “I wish you could see yourself the way I do.” 

    He leans his forehead against mine, “I love you, (Y/N)” 

    I smile, “I love you too, Dean.” 

More Dean Winchester

Masterlist

[meo-on-prairie]

No Body, No Crime

Satosugu x reader

Prompt: You know in your soul that he did it, but there are no ways for you to prove a feeling. But you can play this game he started, and you won’t give up until the day he dies.

Words count: 6.3k

Tags: Satosugu x reader established, Fluff, angst, murder, Slightly suggestive, crime. TW: death, murder, dismemberment, disturbing actions, infidelity, manipulation, and revenge mdni.

Rambling: I was on the verge of tears when I finished this fic, idek if I like it anymore lmao, so if you don't like it, idk what to tell you lmao. I honestly don’t know what to tag this fic as. Just like beware that it’s inspired by: “no body, no crime” by Taylor Swift (of course), The Glory K-drama, and the countless murder podcast I listen to while driving. I hope yall enjoy.

/////////

Odd. Shoko is late, 2 hours late to be exact. She’s not exactly the most punctual person you know but she has never been this late. Especially not on the monthly dinner with you, Suguru, and Satoru. After graduating college together, the 4 of you have made a point to have dinner together at least once a month.

This monthly dinner is something none of you would ever miss. All of you have been making it work for years, through the career changes, through your shitty ex-relationship, through the time when you were confused about how you feel toward Satoru and Suguru. Even after Shoko decided to get married to this Neonatologist named Andrew she met at the hospital she works at, the 4 of you still keep up the routine. 

The three of you took turns calling her the past 2 hours and nothing. Straight to voicemail. Not even a text saying she can’t make it today and to reschedule. Odd. you can’t get rid of this nauseating feeling in your stomach.

“Let’s go” you stand up abruptly and begin to walk out of the restaurant toward the parking lot.

“Where are we going?” Satoru asked. Both him and Suguru hurried after you. Satoru unlocked the car, and Suguru opened the door for you to get in. Ever since you joined the relationship, they made a point to never let you drive or touch the car door, ‘you’re our treasure, you will be treated like one’. 

“I want to drop by Shoko’s place, maybe she’s got tired from her night shift and overslept or something, I don't know, I just want to make sure nothing is wrong.” You’re panicking, they can see that. During college, if Satoru and Suguru were attached by the hips, you and Shoko were never one without the other. You can’t simply just shake off this anxiety you feel when it comes to your best friend. 

They nodded and got into the front seats. They don’t question you. They know how much Shoko means to you, not to mention she’s their friend too. Satoru drives the three of you to Shoko’s place while Suguru tries to calm your anxiety. 

“It’s okay, Sweet. You’re probably right about her being deep asleep due to her night shift. She seems pretty stressed and tired lately from her text.” Suguru reasoned.

Satoru gives a slight nod and adds, “Her phone could be dead, and she missed the alarm that would wake her up for our dinner”.

“Yeah… I hope you’re right.” You feel slightly better from the reasonable and likely scenarios they proposed. Still, it couldn't get rid of this sinking feeling you feel in your stomach.. 

After a short drive, you three reach Shoko’s house. You notice that her husband's truck is in front of the driveway, the tires are brand new, it looks like he just got them replaced today. Odd. Very rarely do people replace all their tires at once. You chalk it up to just coincidence. You walk toward her door and ring the doorbell, Andrew answers the door. 

“Hey man, is Shoko home? She was supposed to meet us for dinner around 2 hours ago.” Satoru greeted

“No. She’s not home. I don't know where she is.” Andrew answered abruptly. 

“Well, did something happen? Did some emergency come up with her family? She’s your wife, out of everyone she would at least tell you where she is.” Suguru pressed him for more information. It doesn’t make sense for him to not know where his wife is at this hour.

“I told you! I don’t know where she is! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a night shift to get ready for.” With that, Andrew slammed the door to your faces. 

Odd. He sounded agitated, and anxious. Like he’s trying to hide something… deny something. Your whole body is shaken in fear with the thoughts of the worst. Nothing makes sense. Shoko would never just vanish without telling anyone. She literally messaged the group chat yesterday saying she’ll see you three at dinner and she has something to tell you all. Nothing makes sense. 

Satoru noticed how pale your face had gone and immediately pulled you in for a hug, “It’s going to be okay, Love. She’s going to be okay. We’ll wait till tomorrow and see if she’ll contact us. Then we’ll figure out what to do from there okay?” he said in a hush tone. 

“Everything is going to be okay, Sweet. We’ll figure it out together.” Suguru gives your temple a long kiss as he runs his hand up and down your back in a soothing motion.

The three of you drove home in silence. You didn’t dare to leave your phone for one second, you went to sleep with your phone unmuted. Suguru and Satoru make sure at least one of them is by your side at all times. They worry about Shoko too, but they know you need them to be there and keep you grounded. They make sure to hold you extra close that night, you fall asleep in their comforting arms, hoping for the best, but the sinking feeling makes you expect the worst. 

/////////

The worst did come. At 6AM, 2 days since you last heard from Shoko, you were woken up by the loud banging on your door. 

You groggily lift up the two arms that’s trapping you in bed, then reposition their arm so your boyfriends can cuddle each other instead, you gently close the bedroom door behind you. You walk toward the front door, silently cursing whoever knocked on your door at this crack of dawn hour. When you opened the door, your heart dropped to your stomach. 

“Good morning. We recently got a missing person report on Miss Shoko from her husband. Is it okay if we come in to ask you a few questions that could be helpful toward our investigation?” One of the two police officers standing outside your door politely requested. 

“Yes…” you answer barely above a whisper, open the door wider for the officers to come in, you call out for Satoru and Suguru for them to wake up and come down to the living room. You lead the officers toward the living room and invite them to sit while you get them water and wait for your boyfriends to come down. 

You don't remember much after that. It felt as if time had stopped and the world was crumbling apart. Satoru and Suguru answer the majority of the question, you seem to only be able to answer in ‘yes’ and ‘no’ when the officers specifically address you. You were on autopilot. Your best friend, missing without a trace. Not a single hint on whether she’s dead or alive. 

You closed the door after the officers. The moment you hear the ‘click’ of the lock, your legs give out and tears begin to fall from your eyes. You sob uncontrollably, gasping for air. Your shoulders shake violently. This can’t be real. No. you refuse to believe this is reality. Shoko, the person you just talked to on the phone 2 days ago, vanished completely leaving no trace behind. 

Satoru and Suguru immediately rush to your side, they wrap their arms around you and hold you tight. They place soft kisses all over you and rub your back in a soothing motion. 

“I promise you, Sweet. I’ll make sure to find her for us, okay?” Suguru whispered. Never in a million years did Suguru think he would ever have to find his own missing friend as a detective. 

You, Satoru, and Suguru sat there, right in front of the door for hours. Just sitting in each other's embrace and comfort as you three mourn your friend, who you do not know is dead or alive. 

/////////

After crying to the point your body can no longer produce anymore tears. You get started on breakfast. Well, not you, you’re too out of it for anything, Suguru is the one cooking, you tried to set up the table but Satoru just guide you to the table and told you to not worry about it. 

With nothing to do, you decide to scroll through old messages between you and Shoko. Most of them are about how useless her husband is.

“He can’t even wash the dishes that he used! He ate from them, and then just left them in the sink!”

“This fucker think the laundry magically fold itself! Oh god I want to kill him...” this one makes you giggle a little.

“He said he’s going to work but the nurse just called me cuz they couldn’t reach him and there’s a car accident with a baby in it, where the fuck is he?”

“I just found a big purchase for an expensive bracelet, a month ago in our joint account, he said he thought I bought it. lol maybe he’s cheating on me.” This one caught your attention. It was from 3 weeks ago, you thought Shoko was just joking, you didn’t think too much of it since Shoko said it so casually, unlike the other times she vented about her husband. 

No. No. No. No. It can’t be. But the brand new tires, 4 of them, his attitude and response, this message that Shoko sent to you. God, you feel like throwing up. 

“He did it…” you breathe out

“What was that, Love?” 

“He did it! Andrew killed her! He killed Shoko!” you scream out, throwing your phone across the table so they can see the text message.

“I know he did it! All 4 of his tires are brand new and his attitude when we ask where she was and- and this text from Shoko, he killed her!” Your speech becomes frantic as you explain your reasoning. You rest your head on your hands, trying to just process it all.

Satoru’s eyes widen as they read Shoko’s text. He did it. Satoru feels his stomach sinking as he connects the dots. Everything is as you say, it all points to Shoko’s husband as the culprit. Andrew killed Shoko.

“But we have no proof, until we can find evidence or Shoko’s body, he is innocent” Suguru pointed out. Coming around to the table with the french toasts he was making for breakfast. He placed 2 on your plate. You push your plate away, not feeling like eating with everything you have to take in. Suguru grabs your hand and places a kiss on your finger to make you look at him.

“Sweet, you need to eat, at least half, you’ll only feel worse if you don’t eat. We’ll think about this some more after breakfast okay?” Suguru tries to reason with you. He understands how distress you're feeling right now. He looks over at Satoru, his boyfriend's grip on your phone is making his hand turn white.

Suguru walks over to Satoru, he wraps his arm around Satoru, hugging him tightly from behind to snap him out of it, he then takes your phone away from Satoru’s hand. “You too, ‘Toru, let’s eat first, we’ll figure out what to do after, okay?”

If you and Satoru didn’t know Suguru like part of your soul, you would mistake his calmness for indifference. But that couldn’t be farther from the truth, Suguru is like the calm before the storm, you won’t notice his anger until after it’s all said and done. 

You three eat in silence. Suguru is an amazing cook, the french toasts are far from being mediocre. Yet, none of you seem to find the appetite to eat with all the information you need to process. 

After breakfast, you tell the boys you’ll clean up and wash the dishes since they cook and set up. Though they agree to not argue with you about it, they end up helping you with washing the dishes anyway. 

“What do you want to do, Sweet?” Suguru decided to be the one to talk about the issues that have been weighing yours and their minds. 

“I’m not sure, Suguru. There is nothing I can do but hope that they'll be able to find some evidence, or at least her whereabouts.” you said softly, defeatedly. There is truly nothing you can do in this situation. 

“Alright then, I’ll ask my boss to put me on the case. Just like I promised you.” Suguru smiled at you. 

You feel a pair of arms snake around your torso. Satoru gave Suguru a peck on the lips then rested his head on your shoulder, “We’ll find her, Love. We’ll use whatever means we have and find her.”

You can’t help but smile at their words. Sometimes you ask yourself how you are so lucky to find 2 of your soulmates. You’re so incredibly lucky to be able to love and be loved by them. They make the fickleness of life much easier to navigate. Despite your storm of emotions due to Shoko’s disappearance, you find yourself still able to let go and feel grounded around them. They’re your rocks. You trust their words. You trust them.

/////////

Everything is easier said than done. It has been 6 months since Shoko’s disappearance. Suguru did become head detective of the case just like he promised, but every lead he got resulted in a deadend. At this point the case is considered cold, but Suguru refuses to let it go and continues to investigate by himself. Satoru used his company’s along with his own influence to get the case into headlines in the media, in hope that someone would be able to give Suguru more intel to work with. Satoru even hired someone to spy on Andrew and report back to him once a week. 

But with all the walls you've been facing, you’re starting to gaslight yourself into thinking that Andrew is actually innocent, and your intuition is just plain wrong. That is, until the spy on Andrew sent Satoru the weekly report while the three of you were cuddling on the couch watching Barbie. 

When Satoru’s phone rings, you don't bother pausing the movie, thinking it’s just gonna be mundane like the other reports the past 6 months. Satoru got up to grab his phone along with some water from the kitchen. His knuckles turn white when he sees what the spy sent him. 

“Suguru, Love, you guys need to see this.” Satoru calls out to you two with gritted teeth. 

You pause the movie and quickly go to the kitchen, Suguru following you.

“What’s wrong?” Suguru before you could. 

“The rat bastard actually brought home his mistress.” Satoru hands you the phone, he’s fuming now, his other hand balled up tightly. Suguru immediately notices and takes Satoru’s hand, holding onto it so Satoru won’t dig his nails into his palm and hurt himself.

You look at the pictures on Satoru’s phone. Andrew holding hands with the mistress. Them carrying boxes from his truck. Her wearing Shoko’s favorite designer dress, a silver bracelet on her left hand. They were going out for dinner. Bastards. 

You can feel your gut burn, your heart aching, and tears of anger threaten to spill from your eyes. Suguru’s face is grim, his hand squeezing Satoru just as hard as Satoru squeezing his. All the 3 of you can see is red. Boiling pit of lava in your stomachs. This nuclear waste of a human, not only killed your best friend, but brought his mistress into the house that your best friend bought, let his mistress wear your best friend’s favorite dress, and slept with his mistress in your best friend’s bed.

“I’m going to kill him.” Satoru said with conviction. 

“No.” Your tone is scarily calm, “simply killing him won’t be enough.” 

Suguru grabs your hand without letting go of Satoru’s hand, brings it to his lips and places a gentle kiss. “What are you thinking, Sweet? We’re ready to be your executioner.”

Satoru nodded in agreement. The red in their eyes can’t be missed. They’re just as furious as you are.

Looking into their resolute gazes, you pulled both Satoru and Suguru into an embrace. They return your feelings by wrapping their arms around you. You always know this, but now more than ever, you truly believe that even if the entire world were to condemn you, these two would burn the world down for you; and so would you for them.

You all know in your souls that he did it, but there are no ways for you to prove a feeling. But you can play this game he started, and you won’t give up until the day he dies. Together with your executioners, You will make the two rats pay for their action.

/////////

Good thing your boyfriend, Gojo Satoru, is filthy rich. The private spy he hired gives you a lot of information about the mistress. Her name is Maruka, she’s 10 years younger than Andrew, clearly a sugar-baby. She used to work as a cosmetologist but quitted around 3 months ago. From the words of the people that used to be in her life, her biggest love is money. They can’t fault her for it though, she was one of those orphan kids that was passed around in the foster system, she grew up with her whole life stuffed inside a single garbage bag.

You pitied her life for a bit. Thinking maybe she’s just an innocent bystander that also got rope into Andrew’s scheme. Unfortunately, giving people the benefit of the doubt hasn't been working out for you lately. 

You first interact with her at the luxury spa she often frequent after moving in with Andrew. You have the spy let you know when she’s going to the spa so you can join and strike up a friendship with her. When you spot her entering the spa’s sauna, you quickly prepare yourself while reciting the script you have in your head. 

You enter the sauna, sit directly in front of Maruka. You wait for a few minutes before striking up a conversation. 

“Hi, I’m Ina, do you go to his spa often? I haven’t seen you around before.” You lied, a fake name in case she recognizes your real one. 

“I’m Maruka, and yeah, I’m pretty new to this spa. It's been getting pretty serious between me and my boyfriend recently, I even moved in with him so I want to take care of myself for him.” she giggles. 

“Aww, that’s cute. How did you meet?” Your inquiries. 

“Oh we met at a bar, he bought me a drink and we started talking and we just hit it off, he was so charming.”

“You must be very happy then.” you give her a slight smile, “the way you talk about him, it seem like your relationship is full of sunshine and flower”

“You would think so, but unfortunately he had a wife, so we have to date in secret. But he promised me that he would divorce her for me” she laughs. That pisses you off  but you hold down your anger. 

“You said you moved in recently, did he finally divorce his wife recently?”

“Oh. My. God. That’s the best part. She disappeared! 6 months ago! She might be dead for all we know so he gets to keep the fancy house. It’s as if we’re destined to be and god was helping us out!” you squeal in excitement. 

If Suguru and Satoru were here, they would nominate you for the Oscar for how well you’re able to hold back your anger and continue to be friendly with this piece of work. This shameless woman considers someone’s misfortune as her blessing. Disgusting. 

“Wow, that’s impressively lucky, maybe you are being watched over by god.” you said in feint amazement. “We should grab lunch together, you’re fun to talk to, it'll be on me. And I’ll bring you to a nice place where we can test your blessing”

She giggled in happiness, “Sure!”.

You know she would agree as soon as you invite her, this is a luxury spa after all, only those with money and membership can enter. She won’t let go of an opportunity to form connections with someone who is wealthy enough to be in this spa.

/////////

Just as you proposed, you bring her to the most expensive restaurant in town, you have to show your wealth (by using Satoru’s card) so she would want to stick to you even closer. Afterward you bring her to Toji’s horse racing ring.

Toji used to be Shoko’s and Suguru’s smoke and drink buddy in college. He wasn’t necessarily close to your group, but you consider each other friends. So when you come asking him for a favor to avenge Shoko, along with the money to reimburse him. He told you to keep the money and to use his horse racing ring however you please. 

“Where are we?” Maruka asked in confusion. 

“A horse racing ring, owned by my friend, you should place some bet to test out your blessing.” you giggle.

“If you lose, the ring will only take half of what you bet. But if you win, you’ll win twice the amount you bet, and the ring will only take 10% of what you win. It’s a win-win scenario for everyone. People who play will gain more than they lose, and the ring gains a small revenue to keep it going.” You entice her further.

“Oh, I have never placed a bet before…” She hesitated a little, but clearly still interested.

“Here,” you hand her a slip of paper “Just write down your name, the amount you're betting, and the number on the horse you think will win, then put it in that box at the front.”

She takes the slip, she looks at it, contemplating for a moment. She then put down her name, $50, and horse number 3. She places it into the box at the front and you nod at the worker standing next to it, giving him the signal. 

“Now what?” she ask nervously

“Now we watch!”

You two sit down in one of the seats in the VIP area. You glance at her, she’s anxious, first time gamblers always feel anxious at their first bet, but this adrenaline is what keeps them hooked. You watch as the horses race each other. Number 3 won. You watch as Maruka jumps up in joy and you smile at her. 

“Would you look at that! You truly are blessed!” You feint excitement, hyping her up even more. This is the adrenaline you want her to feel, the high you want her to feel.

“Oh my gosh oh my gosh!! Ina!! I won!!” she said excitedly 

“Yes you did! You're now $90 richer.” you smile, handing her another slip of paper “Want to go again?”

She took the paper from your hand immediately without hesitation this time. She excitedly wrote down her next bet again, $200 this time. You can’t help the grin being formed on your face. You got her hook, line, and sinker.

/////////

Good thing that your other boyfriend, Getou Suguru, is a famous detective. He knows the in and out of the law well, knows what evidence is crucial and what is useless. He’s the person that composes files on Maruka and Andrew that would help with your plan. In fact, Suguru is in his office filing out the new updates and pictures Satoru’s spy sent him. 

You walk into his office to see him sitting at his desk with papers and pictures all over the table. You slide your hands on his shoulders and give him a small massage, you kiss his temple then rest your head on his shoulder. 

“I love you.” you whisper softly

“I love you too” Suguru replies, turning his head slightly to give you a quick kiss on your lips. 

You look at the pictures scattered on the table. The spy has been documenting Mamuka and Andrew’s day. Andrew’s day tends to be pretty boring now that he got what he wanted, he just went to work, went home, took Maruka out for dinner, nothing special. Maruka on the other hand, with no work to occupy and her new addiction to gambling on horse races, has been blowing through her money like water. 

You made sure that the workers at Toji’s ring would let her win frequently at first, building her confidence in her luck. Then, you make sure she’ll start to lose. Of course, she will win when the worker notices she’s getting frustrated and about to give up. To give her that high. To keep her hook. 

From what Shoko’s work friend, a nurse, at Andrew’s hospital has been telling you, he has been more and more agitated lately. Looks like Maruka’s spending habits are slowly affecting their relationship. You made sure to decline every single one of her invites to dinner with her and Andrew. You can’t risk them finding out you and Shoko’s best friend, and you as Ina are the same person.

“How is everything going on your side?” Suguru ask softly

“Oh, you know, just occasional lunch and dinner with the bitch, keep the ‘friendship’ going. The way she talks pisses me off though, she talks like a child. Sitting with her makes me miss Shoko even more. That should be Shoko’s place at the table with me, not her.” you complain with a sign, making Suguru chuckle. 

“I miss her too, Sweet” He reached his hand up to pat your head, “What about Satoru? How’s his task going?”

“Magnificent actually, this whole life insurance company plan actually brings in money for the company, so it’s like killing two birds with one stone.” Satoru chimes in from behind you two, he leans down to give both you and Suguru a soft kiss. 

“Seems like everything is going smoothly as planned then.” Suguru stands up from his chair to go to his vinyl shelf, he picks one and puts it on his new record player that you got him last Christmas. Lovers by Taylor swift come on and he reaches his hand out to both you and Satoru. 

“How about a small celebratory dance? We can go for a celebratory dinner tonight” Suguru suggested. 

You giggle and walk over to take his hand and so did Satoru. You spend the next few minutes twirling between them and watching them dance with each other. You’re genuinely happy, the happiest you have felt since Shoko’s disappearance. Revenge tastes oh so sweet, but it tastes addictingly sweet with your lovers around.

/////////

“Ugh, my boyfriend refused to give me an allowance today. Something about that he needed to save up for my ring. He’s bullshitting, I know it.” Maruka complained to you during your lunch with her. “I need money so I can win, I need to win so I can pay back my loan, this is so annoying!”

“That does sound annoying. I hate seeing you so upset like this. Is there any way I can help?” you asked in a concerned tone.

“I don’t know, Ina. I feel like the only way to solve any of my problems lately is money.” Maruka sighs. You smirk, pulling out a wad of cash from your purse.

“Here, $2000, for you.”  You hand the stack of money to her. Smiling slightly.

“Wha- why? Thank you but…” Maruka start

“Oh don’t mention it, I recently invested in this new Insurance company owned by Gojo Corp. Their life insurance policy is pretty interesting. You can file for policies under someone else's name as long as you have their paperwork such as birth certificate, citizenship, social security number, things like that” You lied with the nonchalant attitude

“I recently filed one under my boyfriend’s name after finding out he was cheating on me and planning on buying a one way ticket to disappear to Russa.” You shrug. “Good thing the insurance company reimburse you double the amount you invest for disappearance cases, something about the owner having a friend that disappeared without a trace.” 

You know it sounds too much like a lie. You know this lie sounds too good to be true. But you don’t need Maruka to believe you right now. You just need her to take the bait. After all, she ran out of money, in debt, with a gambling addiction. It shouldn’t take long for her to crawl to the insurance company from the prospect of easy money. 

“Huh, interesting. Anyway, thank you.” She take the wad of cash

“No problem, just a small gift.” you reply. You can already see the cogwheel in her head spinning.

You parted ways with Maruka after eating and returned home. You send a text to your boyfriends before submerging yourself in your hot tub, “bait placed”. You enjoy the warmth of the hot tub and the water massage from it. You reminisce about your times with Shoko. 

She would often tease you for how dense you were. “Everyone and their mother could tell that Satoru and Suguru have a thing for you, everyone but you apparently”.

Everytime you’re sad about another failed relationship, she would drag you out to go shopping or to the bar with her. Then you two would go to 3 different fast-food places, order an ungodly amount of food, and eat away your pain. 

When you told her, you think you might like Satoru and Suguru more than friends, she said “fucking finally. go tell them that, I can’t handle those two being sad little puppies every time you get into a relationship with someone else anymore.”

You were maid-of-honor at her wedding. You can still remember how she looked in her wedding dress so clearly. You two went to pick it out together. You held her hand before she walk down the aisle, “anytime during the wedding, if you don’t wanna the do this anymore, I have the car readied”

She just laughed and said, “it’s just a marriage, I can handle myself, I don’t need you to worry about me.”

You should’ve grabbed her hand and dragged her to the car. That’s your biggest regret. 

Your phone rings and snaps you out of your memory lane. A message from Satoru that said “she took the bait”. You smile at the text and step out of the hot tub. You’re thinking about making Satoru’s favorite dessert and Suguru's favorite food for dinner. Your boys have been working so hard for you. You should reward your favorite executioners tonight. 

/////////

Good thing Satoru’s dad made him get a boating license during the summer of his 15. It’s a reason you three get to enjoy the weekend on a private yacht, in the middle of the ocean. You're currently enjoying a glass of champagne with some chocolate covered strawberry, sun-bathing in the lounge chair as your boys race each other in the water. 

It's been a week since Maruka last contacted you to hangout. And according to Shoko’s nurse friend, it's been 3 days since Andrew came in for work. How interesting. Maybe you should give her a call. 

You pick up our phone and click on Maruka’s contact, it rings 3 times before she pick up. 

“Ina! Hi! What are you calling for?” She sounds panicky. She sounds like a kid doing something they shouldn’t be doing. 

“Hey, I just wanna call to check up on you, haven't heard from you in a minute. What cha up to?” 

“Oh nothing, just cooking… for my boyfriend! Yeah.”

“Oooh, what are you making?” you ask casually

“Just a beef stew, nothing special, just plain ol’ beef stew” Maruka answered rapidly, her attitude reminding you of Andrew’s attitude on the day of Shoko’s disappearance. 

“Well, I’m just checking in, I would invite you out shopping with me but I’m on vacation right now. I’ll let you know when I’m back.” 

With that, you and Maruka say bye to each other. You get up from your relaxed position and walk over to the railing on the yacht to call out to your boyfriends, who are trying to drown each other in their water splashing war.

“My loves,” You shout out to them, mischief in your voice. They stop what they were doing to look at you, enjoying the view quite a bit with the minimal amount of fabric you have on you, “it’s time for the anonymous tip and the wellness check don’t you think?”

A smirk grew on both of their faces as they swim back to the yacht to make some important phone calls. You lean on the railing to enjoy the sight of you boys. Their muscles flex in the most delicious way as they make their way through the water. 

Your eyes didn’t leave their body as they climbed back up to the yacht. You're still staring as they both grab their phone to make some phone calls. You can’t help it, the way their skin glistens in the sun due to that water. The fact that they’re half naked right now with the short they’re wearing clinging onto their skin, giving you the sight of their defined thighs. Ah… it’s not as if you have never seen them in nothing but their birthday suit before, but still… your boys are just too attractive for their own good. 

“If you stare any harder, you’ll burn a hole through us.” Satoru tease, you were too busy staring to notice he’s already finished with his phone call.

“I blame you two.” I joke, leaning into his body as he wraps his hand around you. Your smile gets wider when you feel another body pushing you closer to Satoru’s from behind. 

“Oh? Please, do tell us how it’s our fault…” Suguru whispers into your ears, he nibbles on your ears a little before looking up to kiss Satoru.

Oh… you already know you’re gonna be in heaven for the next few hours. It’s a good day today. 

/////////

Sunlight peeked through the blind of your shared room, waking you up. You look over to see Satoru and Suguru cuddling, you can’t pinpoint where one begins and where the other ends. You grab your phone to check the time, it’s 10am too early for lunch but too late for breakfast. You three just got back from your vacation in the middle of the ocean so you’re taking it slow before going back to work. 

You get out of bed to go brush your teeth and get started on making brunch for yourself and your boys. You have a feeling it’s going to be a good day today. Eggs and bacon for brunch sound oddly enticing right now. 

You take out the bacon from the fridge and place them slice by slice on a metal tray. You put them in the oven and get started on frying the eggs. Satoru likes his egg scramble, while Suguru likes sunny side up.

“Good morning” two voices greet you, not quite in sync because they’re not fully awake yet. 

“Good morning, My Loves” you greet them back, “you could’ve slept in some more.”

“Nah, you weren’t in bed with us.” Suguru replies, he walks into the kitchen to help you cook. Satoru decides to go to the Living room to turn on the TV to a news channel before going to set up the table. 

The TV in the living room drones on about the weather, politics, and current events as you guys eat. You three discuss how you are gonna spend the rest of your day as you finish up your brunch.

“Breaking news: Woman murders her boyfriend with the intention of cashing in on his life insurance policy to support her addiction.” The new anchor announces as the three of you wash the dishes and clean up the kitchen table.

“This morning, the police conducted a wellness check on Mr. Andrew, the husband of Ms. Shoko, who vanished without a trace a year ago. This check was prompted by an anonymous tip reporting his absence from work for three consecutive days, during which no one at his workplace could reach him. However, upon their arrival, law enforcement discovered only Ms. Maruka, Andrew's current girlfriend, present at the residence. Subsequent investigation of the home led to the unsettling discovery of fragments representing approximately 20% of Mr. Andrew's body, alongside three pots of meat stew. Analysis of the DNA extracted from the bones within the stew suggested the disturbing possibility that Mr. Andrew may have been used as an ingredient in this unsettling concoction.” The news anchor further elaborated on the case.

“Gross.” The three of you cringe at gruesome action.

“What was her plan with those stews? She isn’t thinking of eating it right?” Satoru commented, grimacing at the thought.

“Who knows, maybe she plans on feeding it to the stray dogs.” Suguru entertains Satoru’s thoughts. 

“Ew. Even dogs wouldn’t want to eat that human waste.” you laugh, joining their antic.

“Based on an alternative anonymous tip, it appears that Ms. Maruka might be struggling with a gambling addiction and substantial debt. Additionally, she recently acquired a substantial life insurance policy in Mr. Andrew's name just one week ago. At present, all the available evidence strongly indicates that Ms. Maruka is the primary and sole individual under suspicion in connection with Mr. Andrew's demise.” The law enforcement officer being interviewed said with conviction.

You can help the wide grind forming on your lips as you wipe the dishes dry, “I can’t wait to tell Shoko about this.”

“I can already hear how much she's gonna enjoy this.” Sugar commented, chuckling at the thought, handing you another plate he just cleaned.

“We’ll tell her about this together. All three of us” Satoru said as he leaned down to place a kiss on your shoulder. 

Yeah, the four of you will have the dinner you missed again. You, Satoru, and Suguru will tell Shoko all the mischief she missed. It won’t be now, or anytime soon. But you’ll tell her all about it, all three of you.

[call-me-chips]

Long vent warning 🙃

So if you came here for my typical carefree content, don't feel forced to read this at all :)

Ik I won't care if you do or don't, but I just need to get this to someone

I see a lot of people talking about having no friends and having bad friends, and both are really bad and I'm not trying to put down anyone's experiences, but I feel like there's a different kind of hurt when your friends just don't like you. Like, they're good people, but they just don't like you.

Like, I have this one friend (J) where, he's the closest thing I have to a best friend (aka, we see each other once a week and seem to enjoy each other's company), but I really don't think J likes me

He always has an excuse for not hanging out. Always. My sibling and I wanted to go to a comic con and invited J and his girlfriend, K. He mentioned a few weeks before that he might not be able to go because he might have to babysit a child or something. Closer to the con, J said that he, infact, wouldn't have to watch the child, which we were happy about, but then immediately he said that he "wasn't allowed" to go to this con. The reason he gave was "My dad thinks comic cons are cults." Even though J's been to several cons, one of which was in the US (We're Canadian).

And just yesterday a group I was going to had a Halloween night, and J promised he would go. We all made plans to be there, but the night of, I texted him and asked him if he was coming, to which he responded with "I'm not allowed", even though he's at the age where that shouldn't matter at all

I asked him why, and he never got back.

Everything I want to do, everything we try to plan, he's got a reason to not go.

He says he likes me and likes hanging out with me, but I don't believe it. Every excuse he uses is bullshit.

And it really sucks because I truly thought he'd be a friend that sticks around. Every friend I've ever had has left the moment I got too close.

And it's not like I can easily make friends, as I've never gone to school and I'm not in college

My parents keep scolding me about how I have no friends and that "God designed people to need other people" and that I "can't live life alone", but I don't know how the fuck they just expect me to summon new ones.

I've exhausted all groups I'm in of potential friends. And it's not like I don't try to make friends. I've been rejected dozens of times

But I know I'm just about ready to stop reaching out to J. I'll just stop asking if he wants to do anything and see if he initiates anything. When he doesn't, at least I'll know for sure that he doesn't really like me xD

Slightly different topic, but I really feel like I can't ever open up to anyone (which is why I rant to strangers on the internet). Literally everyone I've opened up to has either left me or betrayed me with it

I shared my struggles with a licensed therapist, and she made me feel like my feelings were nothing. She told me it was a phase and refused to hear any more

I shared one of my phobias in a trusted friend group chat, and one of the dudes (W) sent me a gif of it, have me the worst panic attack I've ever had, and then W called me sensitive when I complained about what he did (I was crying non stop for 30 mins, couldn't calm down completely for the next couple days, and got triggered my a simple household item that has NEVER triggered me before. I mean like, I saw this simple thing, froze in place, started hyperventilating, and nearly had another panic attack)

And there are a few other examples, but the worst one is when I opened up to my best friend at the time (N). I opened up, shared my story, cried in front of her. She left me the following week. N suddenly started talking to her other friend more and I could barely get a moment alone with her anymore. We barely talk now

I'm just tired of people. Tired of trying. Idek what I'm supposed to do at this point. I only rant to strangers cuz it's a lot less painful if someone online unfollows you than if a friend leaves you

Anyway I think that's enough for right now, I got pretty carried away 😅

If you read all this, here's a cookie :3 🍪

[asexuwales]

i dont know who i am

what is my identity

i like lots of things

i also dont like alot of things and i know what they all are

i appreciate some things but sometimes they dont really hit the same when i actively think about them

like shadows and such

they seem so pointless out of context

idek who im trying to be

well

im trying to be someone with a sense of self

but as a nihilist it doesnt work out too much

people say im not a nihilist because i have a job i want to do and hobbies

nihilists dont just sit around doing nothing we do get bored

but how we would love to

there isnt a point to anything

maybe were big thinkers who see too much outside of the big picture

whats the point in spending so much time earning money when it was just a system set up because we accidentally discovered fire

if you dont comply to the government in anyway the only way is jail

maybe jail is a nihilists endgame

i wouldnt mind being in jail

but other parts of me are relieved that ive finally found somewhere to belong

my insides clash i guess

growing up without a stable base or stable reliable people in my life leads me to want to find a home

but my personality wants to just give up because life is so fucking boring anyways

so why dont i give up its supposed to be the easy way out

but it really isnt

the paperwork

the possesions

the relationships

having to change my stable base again

japan has become the longest stable place ive ever had

which is crazy to think about

the longest ive ever stayed in one place is like 2 years

the dragon was 5 years but i changed house and people like every 2 years

even before i started boarding we didnt stay in a house longer than 2 years

but why do i desire a stable place to stay

was it really that awful

because i didnt notice it was awful

it was just life

idk how it would have affected me

this stupid sense of self affects every part of my life and my work

the problem i have with literally everything stems back to who am i

i really dont know who i am

its messing me up

i dont know how to find out who i am when i already know what i like and what i dont like

what am i missing

i really feel like im missing something

its not as simple as what i like and what i dont like

theres something else

that everyone else seems to have no trouble understanding

i really need help with that

but i dont know how to work around to that because everyone always stops at what i like and what i dont like

what other parts are there to me as a person

what creates a personality

INTP

im introverted i get my energy from being alone

im intuitive i activley search for new things and enjoying changing my opinion and evolving

im a thinker i make decisions logically and analyse things before i feel them

im a perciever im more random and spontaneous

but that doesnt tell me anything i dont already know

if i enjoy learning things why am i a nihilist

who do i think of myself as a nihilist if i constantly want reasons and answers

WHAT THE FUCK AM I MISSING

when i talk about my likes i dont actually like them

but when i see them i like them but i think about how i dont like them when talking about them

that doesnt include my interests

specifically naruto ive never been bored talking about naruto

what music do i like

all music music is better than no music no matter what it is

what movies do i like

dead poets society

which is crazy but its a movie about optimism

i know i dont like romance

unless i do

then i do like romance

a very specific lack of fluff but not toxic kind of romance

i wear tshirts and baggy trousers

i dont wear skinny trousers because theyre uncomfy to sit in

that's probably because they dont fir properly

but i dont have the money for properly fitting skinny trousers

they gotta have a stretch

i lie about alot of things

i paint myself as not a lier

but i really am a chronic lier

lying gives me a sense of security i think

i can control what others perceive me as

but i dont want others perceiving me

do i want control

i know people find me annoying but thats been so oversaturated in my life that i really dgaf anymore

everyone finds me annoying and theres nothing i can do about that

i like the dark

idk how to talk about things deeply

im so surface level

so why do i do therapy

i feel like i have nothing deep to talk about

because im so surface level

so why am i like this

i wish other poeple would try to understand me as much as i understand them

if im surface level why do people not understand me

maybe my worst fear is that im making all this shit to be way bigger than it actually is and that im just a normal person with some sort of victim complex

just sick and tired of life i just wanna lay down and never wake up again

i wont be losing anything when i die

[eerna]

Heyyy i actually really loved the first Throne of Glass book back when the book first came out, I was rereading and rereading it before the 2nd book came out it was so good imo

Assassin girl who loves shopping but then who also has morals? Hot guys in the opposing side? Evil guys idek why they're evil for now (then)? Mystery and magic? Sure! Premise any 17 year old would love!

No my innocent 17yr old mind couldn't comprehend the killing off of the one poc character was totally unnecessary for the drama effect. Not yet by then but my senses were tingling. I was learning.

And then the 2nd one came out and she just began butchering the story. Look I'm not saying I'd be a better writer but the way she just ripped apart the characters that were supposed to have been on the mc's sides in the first book, blaming them for everything, moves on...and then uses the conflicts to basically make them into the bad/gray characters?

....then in the same breath just meets these new characters who's cooler (?) have more powers, and then she keeps unlocking more names (??) and became infinitely more powerful like a pokemon,

...her choices were All Right and the people she left became the Enemies?? It could've been sm more interesting to have the mystery and magic actually have had terrible cause and effect, an actually Good magic system instead of basically plummeting the mc into....magicdom of rightness

This is why HB magic series is so much better

ToG was just....it reeked of something like...a child's story, like if a teenage girl had a writing idea and then became too hormonal to write an actually good story. If we can rename an entire series, I think I wanna rename ToG as 'She Was Always Right'.

I'm not saying we can't have characters make bad decisions but to totally dunk them to make the mc look good?? No accountability on the mc because she's just All That?

And so I began hating on the series. I kept following up on the rest of it tho to see if it gets better. Spoiler, or not, it doesn't.

Then Acotar came out and i heard more things about it. What I picked up on was that the main male character Rhysand kept coming back to the bad guy to just rip him apart even when he's not doing anything to them. Rhysand is also a hot fae (im gonna vomit) similar to Rowan who's basically the Best male main character there is compared to anyone else

And it made me theorize, of how...this may have been venting of some sort by the writer from their own experiences lmao like what if sjm had an actually bad breakup that she keeps using as the punching bag in her mind for the characters that she dislike? just like Chaol that she hates sm to the point she had to cripple him, then make it like all was his fault? And then whoever this guy in Acotar is? Who's basically the placeholder for bad bad guy because now...that seems personal the way her main characters are always right.

I can't be the only one who thinks she's projecting herself into her characters, and not even in a good way

And so now i stay away from her books. You could've been cool, SJM, I'm sorry I thought you were

ToG anon here, lol i just wanna say that. I think for me and my bestie who adored the first book, and now can't and won't touch sjm books with a 1000ft pole, we were just really disappointed with how it turned out. And hate as we know is sm stronger when it actually started with loving something a lot. It Could've Been Good. Lots of magic stories are good in a way that her stories aren't. She just takes alllll the magic system and make it the mc bitch because she buffs them up sm her mcs are basically untouchable beautiful powerful ladies, it's Stupid. It became a fanfiction of selfprojection and self-righteousness and no accountability. If other people think we don't like her books because Sex. Then they're wrong. I couldn't care less about the sex. I read lots of books that have em that don't annoy me. Ok I'm gonna stop now sorry lmao

(I hope this is the ask you meant to continue on, my inbox is a mess rn so I'm sorry if I connected 2 different people)

Vent your frustrations, you're welcome here!! She has a tendency to discard the initial cast and write a whole new one for the MC and this romance/friend group is the bestest and the most powerful and the coolest found family in the WORLDDDD!!!! Years ago there was a supposed interview where she said she names characters she dislikes after her ex boyfriends, but I can't find a source for that so take it with a grain of salt. BUT I do have to say that in ToG she at least tries to fix it, giving Chaol an entire 600 page solo book and allowing Chaol, Dorian and Aelin have their entire "besties who have forgiven each other" conclusion in the final book. And also I didn't mind that retcon all that much bc all of my fave characters showed up thanks to it, and I really disliked Chaol from the get-go so I liked how everyone kept clowning on him bsdjakbaksfk. But it is totally a valid complaint, it is understandable that seeing characters you're interested in be discarded and character assassinated is really annoying.

[xxxg0ryygurlll13xxx]

i really don’t feel like a teenager ever

like i feel more like a 50 year old woman than a 16 year old girl. i don’t really talk w my friends abt anything but schoolwork mostly cause that’s the only thing my one school friend talks abt besides her bf and one hobby. i don’t talk abt current shows i gossip some but i find myself not really talking to ppl at all, i don’t go to the movies, i usually only go to the mall alone, when i go over to my bfs house sure we do teen stuff like kiss and cuddle but we don’t talk much mostly just touch, idk i just feel like i wasted all my youth and i feel like an old woman now like my life has been so much longer than it has been. i worry abt all kinds of adult things and i’ve never even really felt like a kid when i was a kid. idk i just see ppl my age having so much fun w their friends and such going places doing things and i just do most things by myself and my life mostly revolves around school rather than the few friends i have. i just feel kinda lonely but not really in a way that more friends would fix it i don’t want a huge friend group. what i miss was the feeling of friendship i had w my middle/elementary school friends it was mostly just the 4 of us and i’ve never had a connection like that since it’s just got me feeling weird abt myself. idk idek if this makes any sense to y’all. i made this acc and started blogging in it the summer before high school cause i felt lonely i lost 3 of my bestest friends and didn’t know what to do and here i am feeling such a similar way and i have been for awhile idk i feeel like isolating myself but i still crave that feeling of not being lonely. idk i’m hoping i can find that in college but i fear i’ll be too old to do all the fun high school things. everyone’s always busy and no one really texts or calls me anymore just my bf and we mostly text and then i ask if he can call. i just feel a bit casted to the side in ppls lives. y’all are really my new best friends cause i just tell y’all everything since i have no one else to tell no one else cares to know. i used to be so happy and idk what happened. i feel like i’m too young to be this sad and depressed these r supposed to be the best years of my life but i’m just angry sad and depressed 90% of the time. snapping at ppl and wanting to run away and go missing or smthn. just to see who comes out of the woodwork (if anyone) to help. i don’t feel like myself anymore i can’t even draw well anymore. like someone took my brain out and replaced it w a diff one. a worse one. i miss that excitement i had the fun other ppl seem to have all the time going out on weekends, going to games w friends, hanging out gossiping and chatting reading magazines. i feel stuck in this limbo of angst and sadness. there must be something wrong w me (more than there already is). i know i had to grow up fast cause of my parents who cause they were always working and my ma in chronic pain couldn’t take care of the house so i’d always spend all of my time cleaning and doing their work for them. i went away for 2 days once when i was like 10 and i came home and rhe house looked like a tornado went thru a frat house. i walking the door there were pizza boxes on the table cans a bottles on the floor garbage everywhere. idk i just feel like i’m too young to already be so tired w life.

[zenlesszonezero]

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hey! Opinion anon here

So... a lot has happened... idek how I feel about it.

(this may be a bit too long so prepare urself)

Basically, I got sent to a boarding school in april. It wasn't anything bad or "camp like", it was a general boarding school with no hidden intentions or anything.

But the people there were such cunts (not in a good way) that I literally cried MULTIPLE TIMES for people the literal embodiment of a trash bag istg.

Anyway, there was a 2 month break and another 4 months of hostel after that u til I returned in the end of October and it's legit been the worst experiance of my life.

In my 1st month, I had a group with 3 other girls. And we also talked to the other newcomers - which also enrolled in the school this year.

But there were only 14 newcomers, and the rest 28 were the people who has joined the previous or the years before. And at first they seemed sweet and then turned out to be lying backstabbing cunts. Only a few of them are nice tbh.

Basically, the whole population was divided into groups. There were 2 groups before, and 2 groups of newcomers. My group (6 people) and the other one. (My group had us 4 and 2 more people that were a duo)

ANYWAY, in april we 4 were really close, but after we came back from holiday, I realised that one of my friends was distancing herself from the group and instead hanging out more with the duo. And my other two friends ignored her so much that she eventually left the group all together.

So the group of 4 became a trio, and you know what happens to them eventually. Unfortunately, I was the one they decided to exclude. And they had these little inside jokes and didn't tell me ANYTHING. one of them turned so rude to me that she didn't even talk to me or look in my direction.

Eventually, something Huge™ happened with one of them (the rude one) and I'm not even exaggerating when I say that - even though I was a part of their supposed little trio - I WAS THE LAST ONE TO FIND OUT. This was obviously so hurtful that I finally started considering the possibility that they don't want to be my friend anymore.

I usually need to confront people about these, so I tried to talk to her about why she was doing this and ignoring me, and she legit said that she didn't want to be my friend anymore. Which was fine tbh, I just wanted closure, but when I asked her why, she got super irritated and legit said to one of my other friends to tell me to "stop being so irritating".

In the end, she told me that she would talk "normally" to me (whatever that means) but I still want to know the reason.

And ik that people have their reasons for leaving and they don't have to explain it, but the fact that she just did it so out of the blue, and the fact that we still have a very close mutual friend just leaves me confused??

Just...idek what I'm asking. Advice? Consolation? Whatever you've got in the store ig.

P.S. I left my trio (read: was exiled from) and - since I was still close with the other girl who left before i did - I joined hers. But they still exclude me out, though not as much. Ig it's expected given that I joined a little late, but it's still a major upgrade from my previous one (vomit)

as always thanks aa always cas <33

P.P.S I finally finished reading clandestine and legit felt so sad that I wasn't there when it was officially completed I was rotting in my terrible situation. I am so happy though it's amazing.

Hi! <3

I think you absolutely have a right to feel confused and hurt by how you've been treated. If I was in your position, I'd want an explanation too! You're right, though, you can't force an explanation out of someone, no matter how much you want one. It sucks because it makes you feel like you don't have closure, and I've definitely been there before, I know how jarring it is and how much it makes you question yourself.

My advices it to focus on what you can control. You can't make this person give you an explanation. You CAN focus on the friends you have now, and not waste your time worrying about some jerk who clearly doesn't care about you. I know it's easier said than done but try not to give her the satisfaction, you know?

[webslingingslasher]

hey Jbae

needdd advice about this boy because i feel like I am going to go insane just thinking about him

so. BASICALLY last year he kinda caught my attention like out of any guy that goes to my school because i am so bad at talking to guys and there was just something that stood out to me out of all cute guys ive seen.

great. cool. we join the same club coincidentally and he speaks to me first- found out we’re both locally from texas since my parents moved there a couple years ago and we start talking on if we would stay where we’re at (out of state school) or go back to texas and what. he remembered weirdly we were living on the same floor and we got to know each other pretty nicely for small talk.

fast forward he always would say hi to me when he saw me around and we collectively (my delusions) decided to stay in the club for the next year because there was some staff changes and we both were unsure if we wanted to stay until i told him i felt the same way— he was coincidentally the last person i saw before leaving and moving out my dorm—ik crazy—

NOW- it’s the fall semester and i’m a ra and he’s a sort of ra but like helps out basically but is not technically in charge of floors it’s more for honors students. we attended training together and literally we were the only ones who didn’t wear the same color as we were supposed to but ended up wearing the same color and shirt 😭😭 it was really freaky and i got really jealous because he’s a nice and quiet but social guy so a lot of girls knew him and i avoided him because i thought too much of the coincidence but we ended up going to the same seminar session COINCIDENTALLY again and then he started talking to me asking if i was interested in rushing and i was like not really because it seems a lot and that was pretty much it and that’s how it usually goes he talks to me and i never initiate convos.

he texts me sometimes but it’s never personal things so i’m like ughh idek how to feel or make a move because everything we are both in is really on a professional level. BUT here’s the weirder thing now he lives in the SAME EXACT dorm i did last year…… which is really messing with my head

but another fast forward to now is accidentally liked an old pic of his on insta and i ran into him twice today (we both were getting) 😃 and this time he didn’t say hi but i also tried to really avoid it because i’m embarrassed so

🫠🫠🫠 if you got any advice pls pls pls pls tell me how im reading this

and all this time there was someee invisibleeeee string, tying you to meeeee.

[lesbiansanemi]

the projection of your internalized transphobia is literally radiating off of you. leave trans men alone holy fuck we can't even speak about our oppression without someone who isn't even a transfem yelling about how we're taking the spotlight or something. while many transfems actually pitch in and are glad that we talk about things that never get talked about in the trans community bc yes it is mostly passing binary white trans women who get the spotlight 99% of the time lmao. like not only are u speaking over trans men ur also speaking over trans women who benefit from these conversations. idek why i'm writing this tbh im just holding onto some small hope that maybe you'll listen but i really hope you just grow out of this separation type mentality abt other trans ppl. no ONE type of trans person should get the 'spotlight' literally everyone's trauma and ways of talking about our oppression deserve attention equally bc erasure is not cool or sexy. im sorry that it seems like u have trauma or something from ppl who happened to be trans men (im guessing transmeds?? but those literally affect trans men too lol) but literally what makes you think that making an over generalization that all trans men are violent misogynists or something is not transphobic??? like ur not owning the evil trans men ur literally just vilely transphobic. like i genuinely hope you realize that someday or something. for the record this isn't supposed to be hate, i just wish you guys would see how terrible you treat trans men, like ur literally pointing out someone's marginalized identity on why u hate them. idk man just... we are supposed to be allies not enemies. please just find it in yourself to see that. if you wouldn't make that overarching statement about other trans people/marginalized groups, then genuinely why is it okay to do to trans men? just think about that. have a good day.

1. You are putting words in my mouth I did not fucking say, and 2. You are ignoring the ones I did

I never said binary trans men couldn’t talk about the issues they face. I never once said that anywhere. I never once said I hated trans men. I never once said being a trans man made someone a “violent” misogynist

What I DID say was that the community of trans men had issues with misogyny (internalized or other) but that any time someone pointed that out, they were accused of being transphobic (exactly what you are doing right fucking now)

Criticizing a community for an issue within it is not “hating” them and it’s certainly not hateful or transphobic. You are the one reacting in such an extreme way to someone criticizing an aspect of your community. If I see misogyny (internal or otherwise) from trans women or genderfluid or non-binary ppl or or or I’m also going to point it out. I’m not “hating you” for your identity. I never said “hate” anywhere. You are blowing a valid criticism of your community way out of proportion to paint me as nothing but transphobic so you don’t have to consider your own biases

A lot of trans men ARE misogynistic (some internalized, some not). A lot of trans men ARE transmisogynistic. A lot of trans men (ESPECIALLY gay trans men) are lesbophobic

I’m saying this as a trans masc person who has tried interacting with your community and people in it a lot, and has dealt with these issues on multiple occasions in multiple ways

You are also proving my point that you don’t see afab nonbinary ppl as “””””really”””” trans in comparison to binary trans men from the way you’re talking to me. MY experiences don’t count, obviously. MY opinions on the trans community don’t matter because I’m not REALLY trans cuz I’m not a binary trans man and therefore basically cis, right? That’s what you’re implying, after all! I’m “talking over” the REAL trans people

As a trans masc person, saying “wow, this community has a lot of unchecked transmisogyny” is not speaking over transfems. Transfems have SAID this and pointed it out and you don’t fucking listen to them either

You’re right. We are supposed to be allies. But if we are to be, you need to accept that other marginalized subgroups within your community are sometimes going to point out that you have your own biases to examine, and when they do, maybe you should actually think about that and consider it rather than scream “YOU SAID SOMETHING NEGATIVE ABOUT ME THEREFORE YOU ARE OBVIOUSLY A RAGING BIGOT WHO FUCKING HATES ME BECAUSE OF MY IDENTITY” You can’t just accuse everyone of transphobia if they say something you don’t fucking like

And I’m not even gonna touch the “cis passing white trans women get 99% of the spotlight.” Like wow. Not even trying to hide the transmisogyny there bud huh. That is such a generalized blanket statement that is not true in ANY capacity. Also very funny of you to go on and on and on about how “spotlights” don’t and shouldn’t matter when it comes to oppression and then say that. You are just… proving my point. You want a reason to get bitchy about trans women so bad you will literally make them up

Don’t come into my inbox, do exactly what I was saying the community had a problem with, make assumptions about my so called “trauma with trans men”, accuse me of being “vilely transphobic”, and then tell me to have a good day

As I said in my original post, gay trans men be fucking normal about women for once, and don’t accuse everyone of being transphobic when they point out misogyny in your fucking community

[cto10121]

Twilight Clown Takes—Part 5

Featuring not only fan dumb but anti fan dumb, which is arguably worse, Team Jacob dumb, and just another whole set of clownery. Without further ado, let’s get to it.

Anti Fan Dumb

“I own all the Twilight books and movies and have made custom T-shirts but also Twilight is garbage and it’s not hypocritical or bullying to say so!!1!!1 😡”

(Also, Twilight’s themes and even plot are anything but simple. There are so many interpretive lens you could apply, even critical lit crit ones, it’s dizzying. Like R&J, it only seems to be that way because people assume romance = dumb. Because they think romance = women, and women are inferior. It’s Sexism 101.)

This is going to sound truly crazy, but hear me out…if you don’t like something, just don’t engage with it? Ignore it???? Go be a fan of literally anything else????Out there, I know.

“I got what I wanted and I still hated it!!1!!11 😡”

Meyer Is Racist Round ♾️

…You know, I honestly can’t tell what this comment is supposed to aver. “Meyer’s portrayal is racist but also her series was ahead of its time in its portrayal of NA characters”????? Idek.

Anyway, it’s canon that Forks is neutral territory for both Cullens and the werewolves, so them looking after Charlie should be fine (I know Jacob says differently in New Moon but I have a feeling it is because of Alice’s presence—there is definitely a “we won’t be anywhere near you” component to the treaty). In Midnight Sun Edward says specifically it’s a five mile radius from the Cullens’ house.

There are so much wrong with this one sentence, it’s breathtaking. As in, I can’t breathe from choking with laughter.

1) “Despite its”—Because of, you idiot. It was Meyer’s success in tapping into ancient and nigh universal tropes and modernizing them without diluting their power.

2) Just because Twilight doesn’t have sex doesn’t mean it is chaste. There is nothing chaste about the erotic and sexual tension Meyer builds. It is literally off the charts.

3) “Forbidden love” and “steep imbalance of power” are not opposites. On the contrary, they are complementary. Literally every forbidden love romance has that aspect. Even Romeo and Juliet with its beautiful relationship of equals has Romeo’s privilege raised as male vs. Juliet’s raised as female. And yes, it does affect their tragedy.

4) “Damsel—” She is a human amid vampires and werwolves, idiot. Of course she is not going to girlboss her way out of danger. That would have been a one-way ticket to literal death. And she would have deserved it, for being too stupid to live. But Bella is not an idiot; she has more wit in her elbow than any of her antis combined.

Team Jacob Dumb

Ugh, kill this fanon with fire.

Meyer makes it clear that Bella is not attracted to all vampires the same way she is attracted to Edward. She isn’t taken in by James, she isn’t fooled by Laurent, and the vampires in Breaking Dawn are referred to in fairly basic terms. Even the way she describes the Cullens’ beauty differs—Carlisle’s and even Rosalie’s beauty (!!) she likens to Hollywood and Sports Magazine respectively. Very clichéd and emotionally empty descriptions. Most tellingly of all, she doesn’t describe other vampiric scents at all.

Meanwhile every little thing Edward does makes this girl cream. His voice, his scent, his crooked smile, his windswept bronze hair…because she’s in love with him, duh.

You may have had a point some years ago, Clown OP. Unfortunately for you, we now have Midnight Sun. There Edward does correctly guess Bella’s thoughts and feelings around 80-90% of the time. The only time when he’s consistently off is her attraction to him. He, like Bella, just sells himself short, as he relies on his mind reading too much.

Even if it were true that Jacob just naturally gets Bella better…in actual practice it’s mostly due to the fact that they are much closer in age. So their brand of humor (the running joke about ages, banter, the Simpsons allusion in Breaking Dawn) and style of communication are not that different (hence why Bella thinks he is so easy to talk to). Bella can truly be a regular 17-year-old with Jacob, and that is understandably attractive for a parentified teen.

Aside from that, though, Bella/Jacob don’t have much in common. Bella’s tomboyishness begins and ends with her truck and stretches to its limit to motorcycles. Otherwise she is a parentified class-conscious bookish Austenite and Jacob is your basic mechanic native boy who by all accounts is perfectly fine at the rez. He takes care of his father, but his situation is far from being as parentified as Bella.

Overall Edward is much closer to Bella in personality and likes than Jacob—he just has the disadvantage of being born in a different time and living a hundred years. Also, Jacob’s understanding of Bella doesn’t translate very well into respect for her—see forced kiss and manipulative second kiss.

Edward Hate Dumb

…I’ll give it to this one, this clownery almost sounds like a legit criticism. Almost.

First of all, it is clear beyond the shadow of a doubt that Edward would have never given up on Bella. Even when he left her he always planned to return and see how she was doing. In Midnight Sun he confesses that had he seen New Moon!Bella in her screaming nightmares he would have woken her up and stayed with her. And in Eclipse he tells Jacob explicitly that even if Bella did choose him he would always “be waiting in the wings,” seeing if she was okay and happy and watching out if Jacob imprinted on someone else.

So no, Edward would always be there for Bella, if just in his stalkerish way. That’s the problem with Edward, or what he feels is a problem: He wants to be this noble hero, but he is a simp at heart. He and Romeo could go neck to neck just on love clownery alone.

For fuck’s sake—

1) Edward telling Bella he cannot live without her is not and never was manipulative. For such a thing to be manipulative he would have said it in order to convince Bella to stay with him. He never does; he says it only as a simple statement of fact. Actually, Edward preferred Bella living her life as human—with or without him—so long as she is happy. That was literally his original plan except for Bella’s horror of growing older.

2) Edward actually does accept—deep down, but he does—Bella’s desire to be a vampire, even if he disagreed with it. He even accepted his family’s vote to turn Bella into a vampire quite fast. That’s because deep down, despite himself…Edward actually does want Bella to be with him forever. He just thinks it’s selfish of him to pursue that especially when he believes that humanity would be so much better for Bella. How do we know this? He admits this explicitly in Eclipse when Bella says she is afraid Edward doesn’t want her to become a vampire because he doesn’t want her to stick around for a millennia.

3) “Coercion” For fuck’s sake, it was just a proposal. Bella was free to reject it or negotiate (which she did! And Edward accepted her rejection!). Y’know, what actual irl couples do.

4) Ugh, I’m sick of these clowns whining about Edward dismantling her truck. Yes, it was shitty!!! Bella was annoyed and angry!!! He apologized for it!!! He said he was wrong to stop her and would not impede her from going to La Push from then on!!!! It’s called character development!!!!

Clown OP knows Twilight is horribly written because they’ve never read it. Works for me! Into the clownery bin you go.

[feuqueerfire]

Jazz For Two Live Blogging

Another kBL, here we go.

Ep 1 (Apr 11)

ASTCO boys

I think I heard something or other about bullying and I wasn't sure if it was between the main couple since it's enemies to lovers but it seems like it's between the second couple? is homophobia gonna be an aspect of the bullying?

ah, somebody dear to him used used to play piano but is... probably dead now?

Taejoon, Taeyi they were probably brothers ig

but did Taejoon die on Taeyi's birthday then?

Ep 2 (Apr 11)

lol this is the "that's my boyfriend" scene that's in so many edits/clips for the show

lmfao tripped and spun long enough in each other's arms for it to basically be a dance

I was kinda expecting Doyoon to walk in but makes sense it's the other guy Juha since Doyoon went home

hm Juha being weird to Seheon... is it to get back at Taeyi cuz he thinks they have a thing? Well don't harass Seheon

Ep 3 (Apr 12)

I really fucked up starting this right now agh... I'll try to go back to doing my work after watching a few scenes

Juha gotta stop playing with Seheon like this! Creep >:(

but what is Juha telling Taeyi

woah Seheon is such a fool lmfao first being like Juha sunbae doesn't seem like a bad dude like no way... and second being like oh! The reason Taeyi doesn't like Juhee is because he likes Juha lmfao. clocked him being into guys lol but wrong guy

this show kinda funny lol the way Seheon asked everybody for help and is not even telling Taeyi that he apparently likes Juha

okay y'know what at least Seheon is indeed in the noraebang so I'm sure he'll step in... at some point... right? Becuase I was worried what Juha was gonna do to Seheon but he really just seems to have the most fun when he's playing with Seheon right in front of Taeyi to make him jealous. creep tho

I actually don't get it, is Seheon dumb af regarding what Juha is doing?

bruh Juha is such a creep and so scary too D: Is Doyoon really gonna end up with him :(

NO ! >:( what fuckass kiss already no !

Ep 4 (Apr 12)

...welp I watched full ep 3 unfortunately, smh

agh i do get the appeal of the bully romance aspect but it’s so agh like how dare Juha treat beloved puppy cute Doyoon like that

taeyi having trouble sleeping but falling asleep listening to seheon play piano

even the therapist being like hmm you got any feelings for him?

watched this much in bed before going to sleep lol

dang, Taeyi is ill?

Ep 5 (Apr 12)

Juhee saw her brother punch Doyoon (but not Doyoon kissing him first?)

Doyoon and Seheon are cute friends, can't they end up together and not Juha with Doyoon? Or at least give me something to warm up to Juha/Doyoon soon

Ah, scene from the beginning of Taeyi coming to Seheon with the umbrella

another fakeout kiss, this time from the main couple lol

Ep 6 (Apr 12)

so did they kiss in-show or no?

i'm gonna assume no and it was just supposed to be a trick with the umbrella smh

hah only one bed

dirty?!

ah, everything falling apart for Juha but he's still scary so no

i hope this turns out to be a real Taeyi/Seheon kiss

Ep 7 (Apr 12)

i hope Taeyi doesn't react badly to the kiss...

I was like okayyy Juha/Doyoon convo but idek how I feellllll cuz like I'm into it with one foot while with the other I'm like it's not... enough yet to make up for his creepy/weirdo/scary behaviour but it's still... cute idk

Oof Taeyi really wiped his mouth

Taeyi talking about whether he's a girl to Seheon or Seheon considers himself a girl is kinda crazy actually

omg why are these love interests all so scary T.T Taeyi stoppp wtf is this sexual assault kinda

okay didn't take too long to make up apparently

both the couples have become so ooey gooey cute, is it earned? who knows

What's up with the Jazz For Two thing, did their brothers have something too or what? Or is it plagiarism?

Ep 8 (Apr 12)

Did he die because of you is a crazy thing to ask fr

Taejoon and Sejin whole history goddamn but it also parallels the two couples' stories (except sad ending)

ah, Seheon wants to break up with the Taeyi cuz of all their brotherly mess?

they usually make up quickly which is good cuz we're literally at the last ep hah

hehe Seheon and Doyoon besties

ah Juha in the group now

kiss

idk if I wanted more of Juha/Doyoon or not like... I might've warmed up to them more? because theoretically I could like the dynamic if it's more developed

Overall:

Nobody in this drama asks before kissing lol not Doyoon, not Seheon, not the little kiss that Seheon's brother gave to sleeping Taejoon, and the other two, Juha and Taeyi, are experts in being creeps and having internalized homophobia that they direct outwardly to the guys they like as well (Seheon's brother fits here too lol). Yet, I enjoyed it a fair amount, the story was coherent, the acting was fine, I was endeared by Doyoon (is he the Omega X kid?), and the dynamics were enjoyable, if iffy on certain counts. Not super attached though.

Rating: 6/10

[girlvinland]

Every year since I was like. Idek early or mid twenties, I’ve kept wishing so much that people were allowed to take life one day at a time instead of feeling immense pressure to plan out each life stage with this absolute assuredness that it’s going to go exactly how they think it will.

For instance,

I don’t think 18 year olds and younger should have the pressure to go to college and know what they want to do for the rest of their life placed on their shoulders so early.

I don’t think there should be a “relationship escalator” that’s like “need to be married by x, need to have kids by x” or life is ruined.

I don’t think the narrative that there is one true “dream job” just waiting out there for you is a healthy one.

I don’t think anyone should read these things and go “oh yeah that’s fine for other people, but it’s never going to happen to me/I couldn’t deal with it if I didn’t have those things”. (I add this last one because I used to think this way. It was fine if other people didn’t achieve these things, but I needed to for some arbitrary reason I didn’t even understand).

It just makes me so frustrated and sad sometimes to watch friends and family (and myself with aspects of it) fall victim to this mindset that you need to do these things, and do them in a “timely manner” in order to have found success. I include my older relatives in this too who never questioned the status quo because they didn’t want to or because they didn’t know how/didn’t know they could, and who still pressure younger relatives to follow suit.

There are so many various priorities you can allow yourself to have, there are so many ways of looking at life and living in general. The more toxic ideas were pushed on me when I was so young and for so long, and frankly, I was too naive and inexperienced to understand that there were any other options.

I just think of my own experience with things and how I often see it reflected. When I went to college at 18, I was supposed to know exactly what I wanted with no prior experience, down to the specific classes I’d want to take four years later. There wasn’t even a question of if I even wanted to go to college (and if so, where) or if I was really prepared for it, so it was just like. This is what you’re doing, this is where you’re going. Have fun paying for it later despite not fully understanding how loans work yet. And I was too controlled and sheltered to have any knowledge that it didn’t actually have to be that way or to go against what my family expected.

When I met the first person I started dating in college, people were asking me if he was “The One” within months. Even my own mother asked something like that after the very first date I had with him. Why….are we doing that to people? This kind of thing sets people up for unrealistic expectations and can potentially lead them to put themselves in situations where they might endure unhappiness or even abuse because they think it’s normal or that the first choice of anything (college, job, person) is the correct one, or the only one they should ever have.

I think to imply that anyone has to do any or all of these things is honestly part of what sets a lot of people up for failure or becoming depressed when something doesn’t go “right”. Life is so unpredictable in so many ways. That isn’t to say that happiness and good fits don’t exist, because they very much do, but I wish there was more of a push on giving people the freedom to explore their options rather than conform. It’s also unfortunate to me that families seem to do so much of the perpetuating the whole mindset around this stuff because they put so much emphasis on their children being a reflection of themselves rather than seeing them as individuals. I look at my younger family members and couldn’t really give a rat’s ass if they do or don’t fulfill certain societal standards as long as they are happy and healthy. Like, their emotional and physical wellbeing come before anything else.

Anyway. You should be able to say something isn’t right for you and grow from the experience without judgement, whether it means dropping out of school to pursue something else or leaving a job because you’re not getting what you want or need from it or ending a relationship because you just aren’t being fulfilled. What is right for one person isn’t always going to work for another person and all of that. I hope that as future generations come along, these expectations will shift and allow more room for trial and error and exploration.

Edit: I want to add a disclaimer that there is nothing inherently wrong with wanting any/all of these things. The problem comes from how prominent the expectations are and how little wiggle room there tends to be or how much judgement people tend to face when they don’t conform to those expectations.

[emeraldbabygirl]

I saw a few comments on one of e’last’s relay tiktoks where people thought Romin was an a.i and cause they couldn’t believe he was real and at first I thought it was funny ya’know I was half laughing half crying cause why would you even ask that but now it’s unsettling. The fact the we’re at the point that sometimes we as humans can’t tell when a person is a real human or an a.i that is realistic. It scares the hell outta me. It’s like that stupid a.i movie that I want to burn the vhs tape to cause I fucking hate it so much.

There’s even been a few video games I’ve seen people online play where the characters look human but it’s just like advanced cgi. It’s creepy to me. I want to be able to tell the difference between a human and and robot ya’know? Like I feel like with all these new advances in technology people should be making flying cars like we all hoped for in the 50’s not like robots that look human and act and talk human it’s creepy. Not to be dramatic but there’s all kinds of books and media where robots out smart humans and take over. I don’t want some creepy a.i to clone me, kill me and pretend to be me. When I look at someone I want to be able to confidently say “that’s a living breathing real human” not “oh shit wtf it that a human or not?” I don’t want to question if something is real of fake.

And recently in kpop and like other things like that Instagram person like a.is are idk if people actually want this stuff or if they think it would be cool to see it blow up but I hate it. I was completely against the whole idea of Aespa being real members and a.i member, and like tbh to me Aespa is just four members. I mean the a.i version’s of themselves that don’t even look like them have appeared like once or twice? But like superkind I legit though all the members were real and it took me like their entire debut mv to realize that one member is an a.i and that creeps me out that they made an a.i look so real that I assumed it was. There’s also Apoki that’s literally an a.i rabbit thing and now there’s this mave group where no one is real and just the other day I saw a video formatted to look like someone reacting to the pandora mv BUT IT WAS A FUCKING A.I so what are companies making a.I’d to specifically react to other a.is or making a.i trainees it’s fucking creepy and I hate it. But some people are eating that shit up they actually like it which is fine but good luck fighting for your life when your a.i boyfriend tries to murder you. Even with that Megan movie it’s a robot child that’s supposed to have human features but it’s like a killing machine fucking hell not a.i 2.0 I just don’t understand why people want to make people that aren’t people. It quite literally gives me the heebie jeebies.

And it seems like some people are so used to idols not being human that they are starting to question other idols. Like is the kpop industry going to shift towards more a.i idols? Are we going to irl that episode of Arthur? They even had that Apoki rabbit do a relay and go on it’s live with two rabbit dancers? Like what the actual honest genuine fuck?

ALSO I KNOW ABOUT GORILLAZ OK BEFORE ANYONE SAYS ANYTHING but they’re like clearly not a.is and neither is Hatsune Miku and like even tho both have had like weird hologram concerts how are these idols, like superkind and Aespa and mave supposed to have like concerts and fansigns if they made the a.is “attend” like pretty sure Aespa and superkind are just running around and doing stuff without the a.is. Like what are they going to do if someone..ugh idek how are companies going to have groups or whatever with all or including a.is and what about like Aespa and superkind how do they feel about it. Bro if I was going to debut and the fuckig company said “here’s your fellow member” and a fucking a.i hologram popped up I’d high tail it outta there no thank you. Like superkind they literally have just a place holder. I don’t understand why this is becoming a thing unless they just want the industry to eventually become all robots so it’s like no contact which I guess it good in some ways as a.i’s don’t have feelings and can’t get hurt or stalked by whack fans but I was hoping that I would be dead before I saw any of this shit happening.

Like I cannot explain how creepy and unsettling it is to see and hear about things from the past coming true like robots and like the entirety of The Simpson’s predictioning crazy shit that comes true later on or like Orsen Wells some of the stuff in those books that are coming true because then that’s not just someone with a wild imagination that’s someone that is so whack that they predict the future no matter how fucked up but call it fiction. Does anybody else find any of this just straight up unsettling? Like I’d rather see a ghost in my room then a fucking a.i that looks like a human. I’m so creeped out just thinking about this shit ugh and I can’t stop thinking about how it’s getting harder to tell what’s real and what’s fake whether it’s a robot or a photoshopped picture because technology is advancing and it makes me want to shrivel up like a raisin and die.

[pookiecowpoke]

Hi!

I don’t usually request anything, but I’m super curious! Could you write something for Bonnie Macfarlane and Arthur Morgan? They are one of my favorite pairings from Red Dead. I also have a couple of others that are pretty rare; Bonnie/Algernon Wasp and Micah/Mary-Beth.

I’d be excited to see any of those :)

Flowers by the Shoreline

Pairing: Micah Bell/Mary-Beth Gaskill

Fandom: Red Dead Redemption II

Rating: Mature

Word count: Just over 2000

Tags: Warnings: Sexism, racism, animal abuse (this is micah we are talking about, but that doesn’t make it okay), gift-giving, acts of affection, insecurities

Comments: After a very long break I’m back to writing requests! All other peeps are on the way I promise! 

So, I’ve been playing Red Dead Redemption lately and I have to say I can’t stand Bonnie. I’m sorry, I know she’s supposed to be this head strong independent woman, and I support that but I can’t stand her voice anytime I’m doing a mission for her. Why is she screaming at me, why is she insulting John so much, please Bonnie calm down QAQ. And I like the idea of Micah and Mary-Beth ever since watching Micah get rejected by Mary-Beth in Chapter 3 (was it chapter 3? idek it was so long ago). I may have went a little overboard focusing on Micah’s insecurities and emotions, and may have turned it into a character study, but it’s okay XD. I hope you enjoy this! 

Micah Bell the third only ever had 2 things on his mind: money and women. Money was easy. He had always had a knack for landing a score, whether that was through violence or his cunning mind. Money turned him on almost as much as women did, but women were a much more difficult thing for Micah to conquer. 

They were a mystery that usually just frustrated him more than it was worth to touch their soft flesh and feel their warm bodies. Even whores stayed clear of him. It was humiliating. The women at camp only glared and gave fake smiles at best when he was around. 

But oh, when Arthur fuckin’ Morgan was around all the women flocked to him. What did Arthur have that he didn’t? He drank just as much booze as he did, sure Morgan was maybe a better shot then Micah, but they still did about the same amount of chores at the camp. Well… when Charles or that O’Driscoll cunt didn’t already have them done…

Yet, all the women, even Abigail who was techincally John’s, would go to him for every one of their needs or wants. Morgan was gone most days and they still gathered around him when he returned and asked after him every waking second of the day. It disgusted Micah that they blantantly held favortism. 

He would never approach Tilly, even if she had the most beautiful dark skin and wore that yellow dress that made her look like a little sunflower. He wouldn’t stoop that low. 

Karen had nice tits and wasn’t afraid to drink, but she was loud. God awful loud, like a bird choking on a fish. Plus, Micah was sure Sean would throw a fit if he ever tried to make a move on Karen. Sean’s annoying Irish whine was almost worse than Karen’s drunken squawking.

Abigail, oh she was pretty. He cursed the day John went and got her pregnant, officially ending her whoring days five years ago. She even had a cute snorting laugh, but only Morgan and Hosea seemed to get her to let it out. Her kid, whatever his name was, was a pest that would run around without a care in the world. Not to mention if Micah was messing around with her, he’d have Marston, Morgan and the Old man gunning for him. Blegh, no thank you. 

Miss Grimshaw was too old for Micah’s standards. She acted like there was a stick up her ass, and maybe there was. She used to be Dutch’s bitch all those years ago, making it a bit of a taboo to even attempt to approach her. Same went for Molly, as pretty as she was. Those two were off limits, as far as Micah could tell. 

Mrs. Adler was just about as wild as she was attractive, and she would probably cut his pecker off if he approached her. She was sobbing most the time anyway.

That just left Mary-Beth, the hopeless romantic. Micah genuinely liked Mary-Beth and her low cut dress. Sure, he didn’t really understand some of her rambling wants about some fantasy guy who oftentimes sounded a lot like Morgan, but her freckles and the way she smiled when talking about her book always made his heart thump a little faster. 

He had tried being nice to her before Blackwater. Greetings here and there, tips of his hat, that sort of bullshit. The damn freeze of Colter happened and everyone was in a piss-poor mood before they traveled down to New Hanover. Then he got imprisoned in Strawberry and was away from camp for nie on two weeks. 

But now that they were at Clemens point and things were quiet, Micah planned to make his move. He had been in the Rhodes General store buying cigarettes when he saw a leather bound jounral on the shelf. He wasn’t one for journaling, it was a waste of time to write down his own thoughts, but Mary-Beth liked writing those silly little romances. 

He approached the counter with the pack of cigarettes and the journal, laying them down in a huff. His heart was jerking uncomfortably in his chest, and his back was sweating through his shirt. The clerk tried to make small talk with him, but he just shot him a glare from under the brim of hat and went on his way. 

Baylock greeted him with a snort and a stomp of his hoof. The tempermental nag even had the balls to sidestep when Micah went to mount him after putting the journal safely in his saddle bags. 

“I will cut those damn balls off, boy, test me again.” Micah hissed through his bristly moustache. 

The cobalt steed calmed and allowed Micah to swing himself into his saddle. On the way back to Clemens Point, Micah made it a point to stab his spurs into Baylock’s flanks as punishment for his transgressions. Baylock pinned his ears and wheezed as they galloped through the thick woodland that kept Clemens Point hidden from prying eyes. 

Williamson on guard duty could hardly ask who was there before Micah flew by and cantered to the designated horse area. The O’Driscoll looked up from the detailing of a saddle when Baylock nickered and came to a sliding halt. 

“Hey, O’Driscoll, unsaddle my horse.” Micah shouted while sliding off Baylock and searching through his saddle bag for the newly bought journal. 

“M-mister I ain-”

“I don’t think I asked, O’Driscoll. Are we gonna have a problem?” The O’Driscoll shook his head, bowing to hide under his ridiculous straw hat. “Good, now be a good boy and do what I asked.”

Micah didn’t turn around to see if he followed through with his orders, his mind more set on the beautiful Gaskill sitting at the center table. Her hair was done up with half of it up and the other cascading in curled locks down her back. Clad in a maroon skirt, white low cut shirt and dark pink waistcoat, she looked radiant with the way the bright sun caught on her necklace made her breasts pop. 

The only problem was that damn Morgan was talking to her at the table. He couldn’t just go up and give her the journal without an explanation, especially with Morgan right there. He’d be made a laughing stock. With a growl, Micah made a beeline for his tent. He would wait until that night, corner Mary-Beth to give her the journal and express himself to her. Yes, that was a good plan. 

Micah sighed softly as he sat on his bedroll and looked down at the leather, flipping through the pages. They were good quality, or he thought they were. Surely, Mary-Beth would appreciate the gift. An uneasy feeling settled in his gut, something he only felt when something went wrong. He wasn’t a nervous human, but the thought of courting Mary-Beth made his stomach twist up and heart skip a beat. Maybe this was a bad idea? No, any idea he came up with was never a bad one, just needed some improvising if it went wrong. 

In the heat of the Lemoyne sun, Micah laid out on his bed roll and tipped his hat down to hide his face, hands cupped under his head. His hair felt greasy and tangled, maybe he should go to the Flat Iron and wash up a bit before approaching Mary-Beth? His shirt also felt damp and rough against his skin. 

With a snarl of frustration, Micah sat up and trampled around his tent to grab a sliver of soap and a ragged wash cloth. A clean dark grey button up lay at the bottom of his chest, he hadn’t worn it since… he didn’t know when. Rolling his eyes, he grabbed the shirt and left his tent with a flourish. The things he did for women. 

No one spared him a glance as he walked to the lakeshore, following it until he found a partly hidden cove. He stripped down and waded into the water, scrubbing at his skin with the soap wrapped in the cloth until the blonde hairs on his chest were suddy and the faint smell of cedar filled his nostrals. He spent more time on washing his hair, dunking his head under the water and latehring it with soap. 

Scratching at his moustache made him think maybe he should shave too, but the stubborn part of his mind told him he was already doing too much to impress Mary-Beth. He shook his head like a dog and wrung out the long strands before exiting the cove and using his old shirt to pat himself dry. Before leaving the cove he saw a flower nestled in a patch of bulrush. Its petals were white that bled to a dark pink. It reminded Micah of that marooon getup Mary-Beth was wearing at the domino table earlier.

He picked the flower without a second thought and hid it in the folds of his red shirt.

He returned to camp dressed in the grey shirt and his dusty white pants, hat low on his head. He knew people were looking at him now, freshly bathed and in a new shirt. It made his skin prickle unpleasantly, but snapping at that scrawny mutt that wandered into camp made him gain some control back of the situation. 

After storing the soap and his dirty shirt back in his chest, Micah flopped on his bedroll, the flower stem pinched between his fingers. He wondered briefly what kind of flower it was, but he was sure Mary-Beth wouldn’t care. His mouth felt dry and his heart did that stupid pitter patter in his ribcage. A sip or two of whiskey calmed his nerves before he gathered the journal and flower in his hands. 

The sun was just starting to bathe the sky in a mellow orange color, and most people were off doing whatever after dinner. Marston, Uncle, and Javier were sitting around the main fire, and Morgan’s horse was gone. 

Slicking back his still damp hair, Micah slinked around the tents toward the girls’ tent. He got lucky enough that Karen and Tilly weren’t anywhere nearby, but Mary-Beth was curled up on the ground scribbling away in a journal. 

Micah stopped a few feet off to the side of her tent, working his jaw and trying to figure out the right words to say. Morgan would know what to say without a problem, prolly something flirty or a greeting-

“Uhm… good evening, Mr. Bell…?” Mary-Beth’s quiet voice broke him from his thoughts and pushed him to action. 

“Good evenin’, Ms. Gaskill-” Micah awkwardly shuffled closer to the bedrolls before playing with the leather of the journal in his hands, “I uh, I came to- Shit. Here.” With a severe lack of flattery, Micah held the book out to Mary-Beth. 

Mary-Beth tilted her head and confusion flashed on her face as she slowly set down her pencil and journal. “What’s this for?”

“I uh- saw ya like to write, and I saw this at the general store.” Micah said dumbly before remembering the flower he was worrying in his calloused hands. “And uh saw this at the shore line, thought ya might like it.” 

Micah could have imagined the light blush that colored Mary-Beth’s cheeks in the evening lighting, but she took the flower, their fingers brushing. “Oh, why… I’m sorry, Mr. Bell this is all very… odd.” She twisted the flower stem in her grasp, not meeting his eyes as she chewed on her lip. 

Micah turned away, teeth gritting together as anger surged up through his body. Of course she would reject him just like every other whore-

“Thank you, though. It’s a very lovely gift, and the journal too. Mine is on it’s last few pages…” Mary-Beth took one of the curled locks of her hair and tugged on it bashfully. 

Micah blinked, the anger draining from his body like a long needed piss. “Oh, uh, you’re welcome, Ms. Gaskill. I-I’ll leave ya to your writin’ now.” As Micah swiftly walked away he heard Mary-Beth’s muffled giggle. It wasn’t born of ill-humor, but it sounded like it was a flustered one. 

He could get used to hearing that more often.

[kachulein]

I just saw that the little brother of a former classmate of mine followed me on twt and I legit had to do a double take because huh? I've never spoken to him in my entire life, why is he following me? And then I was like okay wait, is that weird if I follow him back? I mean I do know who he is.. and maybe it'd be rude if I didn't follow him back? but then maybe he'll regret following me because the only things I do on twt is like/reblog idol posts and some astrology stuff, so like....that might be awkward but then again, I was just like ehhh not my problem if he decides to follow me right? ...right?😅