#idek what i writing at this point
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Imagine (gn!) you as the 14th member of seventeen and Jihoon your group mate has the biggest fattest crush on you. Everyone in the group knows this and finds it very funny because Jihoon is a loser who doesn't know how to act around his crush or show his feelings and you're an oblivious idiot who doesn't realise the very obvious fact that jihoon is wholly and entirely in love with you.
You two are always clingy to each other because Jihoon is your best friend (:D) and ofc you'd love spending time with him! And Jihoon is just going with the flow trying to ignore hoshi and dk who're constantly at his ass to tease him about it. You are almost like a couple in everything you do except you are just two best friends in a group.
So time goes by (prolly years, let's say) and eventually jihoon does some shit and confesses to you and you two start "officially dating". You tell the good news to your group but everyone is just so unsurprised with no trace of any reaction just ._. and jeonghan taps both of your shoulders appreciatively and says, "congrats, you two are the last to know that you are dating."
#idek what i writing at this point#some wound up 14 yo shit#but its still funny#and oddly realistic#like you two would be last people to know that you love each other#everyone else in the room knows#the fucking wall behind you knows#this us why I shouldn't do drugs (sugar)#svt#seventeen#woozi#woozi x reader
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i personally have very complicated feelings on the Gotham Knights video game and the routes it takes with characterization. i think it has a charm to it and it goes in an interesting direction with everyone (especially within the confides of the plot of the game) but it does have certain moments that veer painfully fanon for me. (such as: the dialogue where Tim drinks too much coffee) it's an interesting story for what it is but i don't view it comics-based for characterization and therefore don't care to interact with it much for like. fanfic purposes.
that *said* though. i do have to give the game some kind of credit for giving one of the top five JayTim moments that lives rent free in my mind. every since i played the game, the cutscene lives in my mind daily. it's the specific cutscene where Jason and Tim are arguing about whether or not Jason's non-lethal bullets are too dangerous for the field, and the argument leads to TIm *standing in front of the target* Jason is shooting and telling Jason to shoot him. it lives rent free for me. i never stop thinking about this.
the absolute certainty Tim has that he is in no danger standing in front of Jason, who has a loaded gun pointed at his face. the way Jason *hesitates* for just a moment before lowering the gun. he thinks about it for just a second. Gotham Knights JayTim seem to get along very well and can rely on each other, but Jason still clearly holds a bitterness about his death and Tim that flickers through in some lines of dialogue under the guise of jokes. especially since this game deals *heavily* with concepts of Pit Madness causing an altered state of consciousness, i think it's believable that occasionally, Jason fights the urge to fight and hurt Tim for the feeling of being replaced.
i like their tension so much in this canon. they get along but you can *tell* Tim is afraid of addressing Jason's trauma or even addressing Jason head-on, and Jason leans into spooking Tim about it. which isn't very comics feeling in their dynamic, but it is an interesting way to place their dynamic if you're playing with a more timid Tim who's newer to the role of Robin. (which he seems to be in-game) he really doesn't want to offend Jason, or worse, piss him off. but he'll still face Jason head on for things like this, while completely aware of what Jason could be capable of.
and Jason seems very protective of Tim and respecting Tim as a Robin in typical Jason fashion. if Tim pushes, Jason *will* relent. he knows this is a kid who's proved himself and should be treated with equal respect, sometimes even more than Dick and Babs do in-game.
so for all that to culminate in Tim stepping in front of Jason's loaded gun that he *knows* is on the edge of being too dangerous, just to force Jason to listen? it's the most unhinged way Tim could've gotten his point across in this scene. he was literally daring Jason to hurt him and playing with a very dangerous fire. but he did it anyway bc he believed he could make Jason heel just at the thought of hurting Tim. and he was *right*. they're gay and i'm feral ty.
#necrotic festerings#jaytim#tim drake x jason todd#gotham knights game#i hate their character designs for what it's work#BUT the size difference. jesus.#anyway i could write a gotham knights jaytim fic i think#i'm *very* unsure the ages intended for these characters#bc tim certainly seems to be intended to be a teenager#whereas jason seems in his 20s so i think it's a gap that's bigger than the comics#which also makes it fun. usually you don't get a ton of age gap with jaytim they're just under 2 yrs apart#but this tim is definitely still a teen and jason is an adult.#and seems to enjoy being a bad influence on tim in the game so#there's such good fodder for some dead dove shit#anyway the funny thing is i like this game#you don't want to know how many hours i've played it#it's just best treated as a seperate iteration of the characters than being an adaptation of anything#esp since they're *so* vague and waffly on jason's backstory#as well as not giving a ton of info on how tim became robin#you assume it's similar to comics but some details leave gaps in the timeline. so idek#probably not somehting meant to be thought about too hard.#but i'm an overthinker at heart.#my point is they're gay. this is gay. it baffles me ppl don't look at this as the gayest shit alive.#tim daring jason to shoot him is the most tim drake thing in this game#well that and tim wanting to make a talon in the belfrey.#also NO one say a word about the gif quality /lh#i had to make it MYSELF#i do everything around here to show off their gay shit#sorta tempted to just make a masterpost of “every gay ass interaction between jaytim”#bc i've seen some clips from the titans show
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i was just opening tumblr to send you an ask but your reblog was the first post that popped up on my wall, haha talk about cosmic timing. basically i wanted to complain about how you've not written anything new (l and h related) and how sad that is. like i'm just gonna re-read tts and murmur of yearning again for like the 10th time (and happily too cause i love them so much), but it doesnt mean i'm not gonna complain about it. /jk
hope youre doing well :)
well, that's serendipitous !!
i'm sorry i don't have anything new hl fics for you :( it's been a while since i've written fics in general and even longer since i've written 1d stuff. i guess the inspiration hasn't been there lately... on the plus side, i've finally got a new job (yayy) and i'm knee deep in research for a novel i'm so so so excited about. after suffering from writer's block for like 4 years, it's good to get into that creative spirit again haha.
so yeah, very much not exciting for y'all who want more fics, but very very exciting for me who loves this new idea i've been toying with :))
anyways, thanks for reaching out to (gently) bully me about not writing 1d fics anymore lmao and thanks for the multiple rereads, i hope you're enjoying them ??
#i MIGHT write iwtv fics if i go insane enough or if i have a good enough idea#but atm i'm deep in queer historical fantasy research land and i'm having a blast#about me#not to make this super serious but idek if i could touch 1d fics atm after what's happened to liam. a part of me wanted to revisit some#of my favs to seek comfort in the fandom#but just thinking about it made me so upset that i dropped the project entirely#i know art can be really helpful in moments like this#and maybe at some point i'll feel the need to write 1d fics again to help me process what happened... but its too fraught rn </3
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Can't explain how unspeakably hot Lizzie is in that specific gifset (prior reblog chain)
#the yearning the yearning#the taut and furiously trembling wire of her body#the curve of her arse through the satin#and after the sleek and sheeted softness of the actual sex scene which was really comfort and cradling#that particular stride is what's thrumming with heat and passion#wanting tommy to rise to that (and he can't)#what's hot about those two is never really about penetration#one reason why i like writing sex for txl as just this Thing that happens and maybe it's good and maybe it's bad but what's actually-#-hot is other stuff happening around the sex. more passion in one sentence than in 20mins of sex#also one reason why they feel vaguely queer at some level#one is the performative nature of their heterosexuality (tommy performing 'acceptable' masculinity lizzie performing 'acceptable' femininit#when they were/are both 'unacceptable' versions of both masculinity and femininity)#the other is how sex is the constant and the defining element but#sex is less of the point than the fact they are having sex with each other in that performative context#idek how to explain there's just some dynamic bending going on no matter how i try to parse it
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Okay so about the lore drop 😇😇😇
#best i can do are unexplained drawings of random shit i saw in my head which idek if i would consider lore#i am trying to write it actually but all i have is 7 chapters that all feel like filler episodes with dead ends#i swear i really wish i had any good lore to share but my writing ain't shit i jave literally nothing besides sketches too far into the#future#so like ik how id want to end it more or less or what consequences she would suffer from certain situations#but i actually have no idea how to built it up to reach any of those points
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I cannot believe the wicked games Drabble was 5000 words long like basically a full ass fic and the low amount of notes it got…
#it makes my heart literally SINK like…#now how am I supposed to post wg4 which is 25k words????#it will not get any interaction and I’m just done#like I just cannot post it#it’ll legit kill me 🥲🥲🥲🥲 to see it flop#after I poured my heart and soul into writing something so fucking long and making sure it was good#just bc I knew I had to give you guys something long and exciting to read#but what’s the point#like I cannot believe it… I literally just cannot believe it and I don’t want to post anything anymore#omfg#I know many people will read this and roll their eyes and find this annoying#like I’m complaining or whatever#honestly think what you want to think#I’m just so shocked and legit unhappy#like so fucking unhappy#like bummed the fuck out#that it’s come to this#I don’t wanna post shit anymore lol#idk if it’s the algorithm or genuinely people don’t fuck with my fics anymore#I just don’t understand#but you guys have to understand how it would kill me on the inside if I posted a 25k fic and it got next to no interaction#like I just….#I’m scared it would make me quit writing completely#bc I’m THIS close#I feel so fucking sad bro idek#like it makes me wanna fucking cry#how… a few months ago everything was fine#now it feels like everyone’s gone#and I wasted my fucking time writing a chapter so fucking long that no one’s gonna read#WHY DID I WASTE MY TIME
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do you ever feel casually suicidal? like you're not depressed or anything you're doing fine but also it feels like a convenient option
#if you can't make connections with people or be seen by anyone then like. at least you can feel like you're helping a better cause#to like charities and gfms and anyone else#but you have to tone that down bc you're slowly losing money bc you still can't get a job#and bc you don't have a job it means you're just stuck in the house all day. which gives Way Too Much opportunity to Think about everything#and also so like. i still share a room with my sister but it was fine bc she'd stay at her bf's a few nights a week#but he's got a job that's a bit further away and basically she can't go round his as much. so now it's maybe like once a week#the room is getting messier so it gives me less energy to do anything#you can get really into an unhealthy weight loss obsession bc at least it feels like you're getting towards something#but idek is set weight theory real? bc once i get down to a certain point it suddenly resets#like honestly counting calories and donating money to every gfm i saw and writing a film script was what kept me going#but first one isn't working and second i need some sort of income and third is finished and i have no way of actually creating it#and then there's the whole lack of stable hyperfixation and ability to find new music i enjoy#and realistically what would fix me is having a good job that i enjoy and somewhere to live on my own#but until i get a job that's currently impossible. and even then it probably won't feel like enough#my entire life is lived on my phone i need more physical objects but i don't have enough space#bc i share a room with my sister. it's like all my problems are connected#and i have enough optimism that i still think it'll get better in the next few weeks. maybe i'll be able to get a job and that'll#get everything going again#but at the same time i could easily just die#I've graduated from uni. I've seen the who live 3 times. I've crashed my car twice. I've watched 30 years of corrie. I've met various dogs#what else is there to do with my life honestly#(<- joking)#but yeah like. in summer 2021 i almost got suicidal (it was just letting the occasional thought linger in my mind etc)#but that was bc i was so depressed#but now it feels like i could just kill myself. but more just out of convenience#idek. i'm not gonna kill myself. bc i have a job interview on tuesday. and just in general i won't#but there is this casual feeling of like. well i might as well. i can't describe it#ramble#suicide tw#weight loss mention
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officially 10K into this fic and having a realization about where I'm at on characterization so far, so i'm wondering:
#N posts stuff#i'm like. this first draft is really the writing equivalent of layout sketching: which characters are where / what's the scene About#with the expectation that the second draft will have the building blocks there to build up specific characterization further#but i'm realizing that i am in fact SO broad strokes on the characters so far that i'd need to do extensive studying#of the source material to really hammer in the characterization in a way that i would be satisfied with. a task that at this point#likely wouldn't be very fun. so i had a moment of 'oh idek if i'll be able to finish writing this fic :(' and got sad about it#which was where the 'oh. actually if i'm That loose on characterization right now I could just. shift the characters in#Whatever ways i want them to go and just make them OCs instead of fanfic...' which would actually be like. technically speaking#a Lot more fun bc this fic is so self-indulgent that i keep having moments where i'm pulling back on other elements i'd want to#incorporate into the fic bc 'if it's Too self-indulgent with numerous headcanons it won't be Good to fandom readers'#(ie the character who would Really vibe being a furry and the other begging to be a tgirl)#it Might wind up being something we do no matter what but i am still curious if there would be like. an actual audience for it#and not just something i'm doing all for myself lol; i used to make a LOT of ocs but haven't really done it in Years nd Years#i had a 'no way' moment but i Have had multiple people tell me they read my fics Regardless of whether they've seen source#material or not. so tentatively hopeful the answer is yes? but i'm curious :3
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reading an unpublished partial draft and realizing that the fic isn't gonna finish itself
#i just want yue to become a kyoshi warrior and team up with zuko and later jet... the utter potential of that trio!! the power!!!#but if i want to read this very specific scenario i must write it myself. it's gonna be a MAJOR fucking longfic too. like at least a yr of#precanon as well as books 1 2 and 3. book one would probably be the broad strokes save for minor divergences. but it'd start to veer into#major au territory in s2 and idk what s3 would look like. idek what s2 would look like tbh! and s1 is still in the conceptual phase!! i#have abt 13k precanon written out but even that is a small fraction of what i need to write. at this point i'm p sure it would be a series#which is incredibly intimidating!!! augh. i'm bummed abt the scope of this project meaning it'll probably never even get published 🥲#len speaks
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I am;
I am the fire that burns hotter
I am the water that drowns life
I am the sun that blinds beauty
I am the plants that choke wonder
I am the rabbit that runs faster
I am the snake's head that bites after
I am the pebbles on a rocky shore
I am the cliff on a great gorge
I am the rain after a long drought
I am the colors on the horizons peak
I am the birds in watchful rest
I am the world as it turns slowly
I am the wolves that taste flesh
I am the cicadas screaming in day
I am the owls singing at night
I am every word that has ever been said
I am the lights reflection on water
I am the trout swimming upstream
I am the driving force of nature
I am the artist of every tragedy
I am the feathers on the wind
I am the clouds billowing in the sky
I am the bones that bleach in sun
I am the pieces of life in everything
#poem#poetry#original poem#original poetry#Written by Worm#i forget what inspired me to write this#i think I was scrolling on pinterest for a while and just started writing at one point xd#idek how to tag this-#universe poetry#life poetry#life poem#poems
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No summer ever came back, and no two summers were ever alike. Times change, and people change..
#in my mind#in my feelings#quotes#life qoute#life is crazy#words are poetry#writing words#words#nostaliga#nostalgic feelings#memories#take me baaaaack#oh wow#damn#damn that’s tough#idek at this point#i miss the old days#i miss the old me#what happened
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.
#this is me just screaming into the void#but this week has been hard. like one of the hardest weeks I've had to get through in the longest time#tues was my great grandma's 12th anniversary of her passing#wed I got the news that a friend passed away suddenly#thurs was my late father's birthday#fri was that friend's funeral but I can't go#and there's a whole host of other things going on in my family now that I cannot put out into the internet just yet#personally I'm just so so tired#I am not spiralling. At least I don't feel like I am. but it's been so hard#I cannot turn to my family because of whatever's going on right now#I can't really turn to my friends just yet because my emotions are still percolating#my only consolation and also burden is that I will be away for a wedding soon and after that my last big trip for 2024#I feel so spread thin right now#I actually sat in the car with my sausage McMuffin crying to Hao's Haicheng and Woozi's What Kind of Future this morning#it's the first time I cried like that in a long while because I rarely let myself get to that point#idek why I am writing this#I think I just wanted to scream into the void for a bit#gab irl#thing is with the friend that just passed; he was part of the party crowd I used to run with#we are all kinda spread all over now -- some moved back to their own countries; some married and moved; some with kids...#we haven't partied together since before the pandemic#we kept talking about wanting to link up soon and catch up#I had even been thinking about him lately#and now he is gone and I do not have the place to pour my grief and my regrets into
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i gen need to learn to not beat myself up so much LORD
#it’s 9:20am and i’m already stressing that i won’t be able to write much today like girl that’s the point of the like hiatus#like#shut up stop WORRYING AB THINGS#if u can u can if u csnt u can’t#idek what to clean today bro#「mercury speaks」
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i think if i tweaked some lines on my kevneil fic it could be semi-ready for posting. big if btw. i’m not sure why, even. when i wrote it back in may i was so enamored w the way it turned out. then i forgot abt it lol.
little snippet bcs why not:
#half tempted to just post on anonymous n call it a day 😭#i think what’s bothering me is some of the prose as well as the way kevin turned out….. js slightly too implausible to be thought of as#the actual kevin day lol#idek what that means like 😭#like the point of fanfic is to have FUN n mess around w the nuance n multiple facets of a chat star. n if this kevin i’m particularly is a#little silly then what’s wrong w that ? or so i tell myself 😓#*character#it’s fine tho. i’ll figure out smth#main issue is last 200 words + needed addition of a small andrew reaction cameo#honestly i might js rewrite the entire thing LOL <- (derogatory)#my writing#snippet#kevneil
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girl what the hell are they doing in the mandalorian 🧍
#the writing on thjs show... this is bootlicker behavior.#this is fr bootlicker behavior wtf.#just keep to ur wild west ways bro politicking from ur pages is so fucking. neo-liberal apologist idek what the say.#mando#the mandalorian#the glamorization if the new republic. not as a condemnation. but as something of Awe.. get bent.#ppl literally suffering under the new republic and they are out here wasting resources on fascist rehabilitation.#get fucking bent.#and none of the fuckers living in these HIGH END all provided for fascist homes!! LOOK EVEN A LITTLE BIT REPENTANT.#there's fucking sitting here and throwing jokes. going on DATES having a DRINK.#what the fuck.#i get the point they were trying to make w the complacency of the new republic but good grief.#it did a HORRIBLE job. stop trying to synoathize ur audience to a fascist scientist™
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don't u love that I went from working oldest to newest on my drafts to working newest to oldest?
#I feel bad bc those ones in the middle just end up sitting in there longer#but this is what's working for me now and it's working weirdly well & I'm trying not to jinx it#so I'm just rolling with it :x#I'M GETTING THROUGH THINGS AGAIN that's what matters but I feel bad if I was getting closer to Urs#and now suddenly it's gonna be even longer before I get there abfkgdh#but I usually have stronger muse for the newer stuff so like?? it's def flowing better this way#let's me keep up with the new stuff while also making my way toward some of the older#it was more daunting to do it that way before when I had like 60 drafts but at 30?? I'm kinda just chillin suddenly idek#........i hate the number of typos writing tags on mobile causes me jfc#ANYWAY. point is I'm doin stuff again and also I love u guys I hope ur week's been going well 💜#━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ooc ⋮ don’t @ me.
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