#idek how many words this is
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In a world full of darkness and hopelessness you created something beautiful. People who can do that live forever.
#reita#the gazette#yeah i will never be over him#i was thinking what to put in the desc#like... i never knew hum personally but the fact he existed changed my life for the better in so many ways#and it is still so unreal to me that he is... gone.#i found so much solace in their music i know i kinda abandoned this blog but god knows my mp3 player is full of tG live rips#i've been rewatching their lives recently and looking forward to MASS. and then... this. i can't imagine how his family feels. and the band#idek anymore. may he rest in piece. i have no words. heaven couldn't wait with this one.
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i personally have very complicated feelings on the Gotham Knights video game and the routes it takes with characterization. i think it has a charm to it and it goes in an interesting direction with everyone (especially within the confides of the plot of the game) but it does have certain moments that veer painfully fanon for me. (such as: the dialogue where Tim drinks too much coffee) it's an interesting story for what it is but i don't view it comics-based for characterization and therefore don't care to interact with it much for like. fanfic purposes.
that *said* though. i do have to give the game some kind of credit for giving one of the top five JayTim moments that lives rent free in my mind. every since i played the game, the cutscene lives in my mind daily. it's the specific cutscene where Jason and Tim are arguing about whether or not Jason's non-lethal bullets are too dangerous for the field, and the argument leads to TIm *standing in front of the target* Jason is shooting and telling Jason to shoot him. it lives rent free for me. i never stop thinking about this.
the absolute certainty Tim has that he is in no danger standing in front of Jason, who has a loaded gun pointed at his face. the way Jason *hesitates* for just a moment before lowering the gun. he thinks about it for just a second. Gotham Knights JayTim seem to get along very well and can rely on each other, but Jason still clearly holds a bitterness about his death and Tim that flickers through in some lines of dialogue under the guise of jokes. especially since this game deals *heavily* with concepts of Pit Madness causing an altered state of consciousness, i think it's believable that occasionally, Jason fights the urge to fight and hurt Tim for the feeling of being replaced.
i like their tension so much in this canon. they get along but you can *tell* Tim is afraid of addressing Jason's trauma or even addressing Jason head-on, and Jason leans into spooking Tim about it. which isn't very comics feeling in their dynamic, but it is an interesting way to place their dynamic if you're playing with a more timid Tim who's newer to the role of Robin. (which he seems to be in-game) he really doesn't want to offend Jason, or worse, piss him off. but he'll still face Jason head on for things like this, while completely aware of what Jason could be capable of.
and Jason seems very protective of Tim and respecting Tim as a Robin in typical Jason fashion. if Tim pushes, Jason *will* relent. he knows this is a kid who's proved himself and should be treated with equal respect, sometimes even more than Dick and Babs do in-game.
so for all that to culminate in Tim stepping in front of Jason's loaded gun that he *knows* is on the edge of being too dangerous, just to force Jason to listen? it's the most unhinged way Tim could've gotten his point across in this scene. he was literally daring Jason to hurt him and playing with a very dangerous fire. but he did it anyway bc he believed he could make Jason heel just at the thought of hurting Tim. and he was *right*. they're gay and i'm feral ty.
#necrotic festerings#jaytim#tim drake x jason todd#gotham knights game#i hate their character designs for what it's work#BUT the size difference. jesus.#anyway i could write a gotham knights jaytim fic i think#i'm *very* unsure the ages intended for these characters#bc tim certainly seems to be intended to be a teenager#whereas jason seems in his 20s so i think it's a gap that's bigger than the comics#which also makes it fun. usually you don't get a ton of age gap with jaytim they're just under 2 yrs apart#but this tim is definitely still a teen and jason is an adult.#and seems to enjoy being a bad influence on tim in the game so#there's such good fodder for some dead dove shit#anyway the funny thing is i like this game#you don't want to know how many hours i've played it#it's just best treated as a seperate iteration of the characters than being an adaptation of anything#esp since they're *so* vague and waffly on jason's backstory#as well as not giving a ton of info on how tim became robin#you assume it's similar to comics but some details leave gaps in the timeline. so idek#probably not somehting meant to be thought about too hard.#but i'm an overthinker at heart.#my point is they're gay. this is gay. it baffles me ppl don't look at this as the gayest shit alive.#tim daring jason to shoot him is the most tim drake thing in this game#well that and tim wanting to make a talon in the belfrey.#also NO one say a word about the gif quality /lh#i had to make it MYSELF#i do everything around here to show off their gay shit#sorta tempted to just make a masterpost of āevery gay ass interaction between jaytimā#bc i've seen some clips from the titans show
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I'm curious about something... (and fucked up the last poll. if u saw no u didnt)
*As in, you enjoy listening to it, like it aesthetically, think of it as attractive, whatever. This is NOT about whether or not you understand the language or if you like whatever you associate with it or whether or not it's "useful" (e.g. If you do not speak a single word of japanese but really love how it sounds, vote for it. if you think italian sounds sexy but don't really care about visiting Italy, vote for it. If you like the look of the hebrew alphabet but not how it sounds, DONT vote for that. It's about the sound.)
Before you come at me: These categories are not perfect. Some of them are sub-categories of a bigger family (Indo-European), some languages are in the same category but sound really different etc etc. I had to leave out or group some of these together in a way that I felt made most sense for what I wanna know & the demographics of this site. I'm not a linguistics expert.
Feel free to share your thoughts in comments or tags! š
#languages#Last time i made a poll that got some traction i had soo many ppl get mad. and this one actually does have some non-ideal choices#hence the huge disclaimer. sorry#anyway vote before you read this but#i am curious cause i allllways heard ppl talk about how nice romance languages sound (usually italian or french)#but i always had just. a different taste ig. i dont really like how vowel-heavy those 2 are#idek what to vote for myself tbh. i got a thing for persian rn (dont even speak one word of it tho) and also mandarin#but overall i gotta go with afroasiatic ig. for now at least#i thought about making this a two parter also asking about what ppl actually spoke but making this one was enough work lmao#re did the entire thing to make it 1 week and added more stuff too just now#txt
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ā ā why canāt life always be this easy?
#ā ā šā ā koqenā ā /ā ā mbsā ā #lee minhyuk#or rather..#park taesong#RIGHTTT!#anw ive been SQUNTING at this idek anymore. hes just#euhhhghghhhhh i hate him#i dont Btw....#the blurriness of it all is bec. idk he js feels so (this is gnna sound SO corny) like. a memory???????#HEAR ME OUTT if LOOPiN is a time loop then he would b the beginning. the better days. if there were any#and taesong js feels like the one thatās stuck in the past to me š? heās the type of the guy to be like#āi want things to go back to the way they wereā and then when u ask well what Were they like.. he just flounders#stuck in a past you never lived OHH YOURE A LOSER! me too#+ THE FLASHING LIGHTS LYRICCC that one just YELLED taeng at me from a window like. idk why but yeah#the blues and yellows are for LOOPiN duh! & i didnt realise how many cars were in it until just now so let me make up an explanation 4that#he can cry in cars. he was in a car that one time. he wants. Driving? Driving back to memories. The word drive has connotations of...#i jst like night aes and blue lights pics from car windows sorry oomf. ALSO SORRY IF IM TOTALLY WRONG ABOUT HIM LOVE YOU ššš«¶#messy moodboard#monsta x moodboard#blue moodboard#random moodboard#kpop moodboard#kpop bg moodboard
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Fuck It Friday
Tagged by @disasterbuckdiaz @wikiangela @daffi-990 @steadfastsaturnsrings ... in true Fuck It spirit this is neither on Friday or very PG. I was very inspired by my wife @disasterbuckdiaz's snippet and this kinda spilled out.
No pressure tagging @shortsighted-owl @eddiebabygirldiaz @giddyupbuck @stereopticons @monsterrae1 @spotsandsocks @honestlydarkprincess @eddiediaztho @thewolvesof1998 @forthewolves @chaosandwolves @wildlife4life @spaceprincessem @mysteriouslyyounggalaxy @heartshapedvows @loserdiaz @watchyourbuck @your-catfish-friend @ladydorian05 @statueinthestone @buddierights @911onabc @jesuisici33 @pirrusstuff @cowboy-buddie if you wanna š
āYouāre overthinking again. If you want to ā and Iām pretty sure you do,ā Eddie whispers, tracing his thumb along Buckās lower lip, āI can help with that.āĀ
Eddieās fingers trace along Buckās jawline until they settle on his shoulder where they fit perfectly, his thumb nestled into the divot of Buckās collarbone. A space that may as well have been marked Property of Eddie Diaz when Buck was born.Ā
āY-you can?ā Buckās eyelids flutter closed, but he quickly forces them open again, not wanting to miss anything Eddieās doing.Ā
Eddie presses a featherlight kiss to the corner of Buckās mouth, first one side then the other, another to his cheekbone, until finally heās right next to Buckās ear, his voice low and sweet like the symphony of chirping grasshoppers and glowing fireflies in summer. āYou know I can, sweetheart. Because I know you, and what you need right now. How your beautiful brain is so jumbled with thoughts you donāt know which one to turn to next. How youāre wishing they would all disappear. How badly you want someone else to take control. Because you could distract yourself, but you and I both know it wouldnāt be nearly as satisfying.āĀ
Eddie kisses the hinge of Buckās jaw, sending a shower of sparks racing down his spine, chasing after the offer Eddieās delivering on a silver platter. āBut I need you to tell me. Do you think you can do that, baby?āĀ
āF-fuck, Eddie. Yeah. Yes.ā
āYes?ā Eddie purrs. āYes, what? Yes, you can tell me what you need? Yes, you want me to take you apart and put you back together? Or yes, you want me to fuck you so thoroughly you donāt remember your own name?ā
Jesus Christ. āAll of that, Eds. God, everything. Want everything with you,ā Buck babbles.Ā
Eddie pulls him in for a devastating, earth shattering kiss that would make Buck weak in the knees if he wasnāt already. His lips part when Eddieās tongue teases at the seam, letting their tongues slide together. But then Eddie tears himself away and Buck whines, trying to chase after him.Ā
āShhh, shh, shh. Just wait, itās okay.ā Eddie strokes Buckās cheek, soothing his impatience. āCan you be a good boy for me?ā
The words hit Buck with a force heavier than a tsunami wave, more intense than a bolt of lightning. He canāt help the way he immediately feels gooey and pliant, ready to obey.Ā
āYes, sir. Sāgood. Can be so good.ā Buck preens at the way Eddieās breath hitches on the word sir. He feels like heās been infused with sunshine and starlight, so happy heās done something to please Eddie.
āStand still. Right here. No matter what, okay? Not a muscle unless I tell you.āĀ
Buck nods eagerly.
āWords, darlinā.ā Eddieās drawl coats every syllable, unexpected but reassuring, and Buck wants to fucking live in it. Wants to wrap the honeyed intonation around himself like a second skin and never leave. āI need words.ā
āYes, sir. Wonāt move. Promise.āĀ
Eddie hums in delight, taking a step back, just enough to create a pocket of space. He gathers the hem of Buckās polo and lifts, silently commanding Buck to follow. Buck does, willingly, raising his arms for Eddie to complete his task. Eddie tosses it to the side then bites the tip of his thumb, walking in a slow circle, surveying.Ā
Buck casually wonders if this is how sculptures feel. Pieces put out in the world for public consumption. He would gladly stand here as long as Eddie wants him to, would allow Eddie to caress and carve and smooth him into an ideal shape.Ā Ā
The sound of Eddieās footsteps stop somewhere behind him, replaced by fingers fidgeting with buttons that make a quiet clack when the shirt hits the floor. Then there is only a maddening, heavy silence, leaving no indication of how close Eddie might be. Buck canāt detect his breathing, but knows Eddie ā his partner ā is still there.Ā
Sweet relief washes over him as Eddie wraps himself around Buck, hands sliding over his pecs and down the ridge of his abs, a blazing line of heat where Eddieās chest presses against his back. Buck imagines, if he were to look, their bare skin would glow everywhere it touches. Two celestial beings burning bright and hot like stars in the night sky.Ā
Silent signals traverse between them like radio waves. Communications in the form of every one of Eddieās touches and breaths fanning across the line of his neck, the shell of his ear, the point where the two meet. Itās something Buck supposes was inevitable. Eddie knows him in every other way. Itās not impossible to believe he knows this too. That Eddie would already be attuned to the ways Buckās body reacts, the precise frequency of how he craves Eddie. Maybe itās more obvious than Buck suspects. An aura of overwhelm and too much and too in his head that manifests as a primal, visceral need to submit. He wouldnāt be surprised to learn it radiates off of him in shades of sage, twilight, silver and violet.Ā
Eddieās fingers skim outward, along the vee of Buckās torso, over his wrists, trailing through coarse arm hair, up to the bend of Buckās elbows. Buck wants to turn around, wants to capture Eddieās mouth in a filthy kiss, wants to see the molten desire turning chocolate brown irises to nearly pure black. But thatās not what Eddie told him to do. Eddie had very specific instructions. And Buck is rather inclined to listen. He told Eddie he would be good for him. And he will. He wants to, more than anything.Ā
āMmhmm,ā Eddie hums, planting kisses like tiny flowers along the line of Buckās shoulders. As if Buck is a wild, abandoned patch of earth that Eddie believes can grow something beautiful and transformative. Because, to Buck, Eddie couldnāt do anything less. He would never be capable of making something unsightly or unpleasant, even with Buck as a starting point.Ā
#remember kids#do as i say not as these two do with their vastly under negotiated (read: not all negotiated or discussed) kinks#and consent is *always* important#fuck it friday#unfortunately i have no idea when i'll do more with this#my brain is not super accommodating to sexy thoughts atm#i'm just lucky my gorgeous wife helps things along#fic: i light the match to taste the heat#idek how this many words came out tbh#hippo writes#buddie wip
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This is the exact reason why I hate when people ask to go through my phone. Its always Tsukasaās fault just remember that.
#tenma facts come first because theyre js real like that#who would tsukasa tenma be without his siblings#uhh i may need to change or add onto some of these btw#if you have any cool little facts you can hand overā¦ ahaha.. id love that š (<- shaking)#IM COLLECTING EMUNENERUI FACTS TOO i swear. Unfortunately this blonde freak wonāt let me goā¦ Please.. Dudeā¦#every time ive had a friend ask for my phone ive had to make up some sort of excuse or Hover. I mean hover over them#Like honestly i hate people going throuugh my phone js because of personal info that people choose to open up to me ab thats on there but#Some of them are probably suspicious. It really just is stuff related to my special interests#you open the notes and theres 30 word vomits in the wxs folder and god only knows how many other ones + ouran ideas in another#and 90% of them are unfinished#you check youtube and then theres over 40+ video essays in one playlist idek how many theatre related videos and āsoap tutorialsā and then#Over 100 videos in the wxs/leoni playlist#Mainly wxs videos tooā¦ I have a problem..#You open the photos. 1.2k tsukasa photos in one album says it all. And then the 600 wxs videos#I have at least 3k prsk related photos on my phone How did we get here after 2 years#wxs#wonderlands x showtime#tsukasa tenma#tenma tsukasa#he gives me a headache#wxs tsukasa#facts#ideas
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I cannot believe the wicked games Drabble was 5000 words long like basically a full ass fic and the low amount of notes it gotā¦
#it makes my heart literally SINK likeā¦#now how am I supposed to post wg4 which is 25k words????#it will not get any interaction and Iām just done#like I just cannot post it#itāll legit kill me š„²š„²š„²š„² to see it flop#after I poured my heart and soul into writing something so fucking long and making sure it was good#just bc I knew I had to give you guys something long and exciting to read#but whatās the point#like I cannot believe itā¦ I literally just cannot believe it and I donāt want to post anything anymore#omfg#I know many people will read this and roll their eyes and find this annoying#like Iām complaining or whatever#honestly think what you want to think#Iām just so shocked and legit unhappy#like so fucking unhappy#like bummed the fuck out#that itās come to this#I donāt wanna post shit anymore lol#idk if itās the algorithm or genuinely people donāt fuck with my fics anymore#I just donāt understand#but you guys have to understand how it would kill me on the inside if I posted a 25k fic and it got next to no interaction#like I justā¦.#Iām scared it would make me quit writing completely#bc Iām THIS close#I feel so fucking sad bro idek#like it makes me wanna fucking cry#howā¦ a few months ago everything was fine#now it feels like everyoneās gone#and I wasted my fucking time writing a chapter so fucking long that no oneās gonna read#WHY DID I WASTE MY TIME
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someone tell me why and how is it november already???? anyway i feel like i havenāt written in ages and jakeās bday is coming up,,, thinking rn if i should impulsively start a last minute long story for his bday again-
#i swear iām getting deja vu from last year#this was literally exactly what happened#sksjsk#iām pretty sure i started around beg of nov and last minute writing this whole thing#i think i even planned out how much i had to write each day š#i have an idea and i swear itāll be better than last years š#tbh i started writing this story many months ago#but itās been sitting at 1k words for who knows how long now š#idek if iāll have time š#but itās fun to have smth to work towards tbh š#hmmm WHAT DO YOU GUYS THINK IDK#em speaks#happy jakey month btw š„°š«¶š»
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the golden fruit duologyĀ ā§ jaemin [masterlist]
ā§Ā series word count:Ā 32.0k
ā§Ā warnings (vary by part):Ā it wouldnāt be a starlightkun fic without some cursing!, mentions of death/dead people but like in the context of him being hades, probably more legal jargon than there should be but i tried to make it as easy to understand as possible i promise (and if you canāt understand some of it, itās probably not plot-relevant anyway), oh thereās a short scene with a weirdly graphic depiction of eating fruit Ć la denethor and the tomato in return of the king (iykyk) sorry if that gives you the ick, it gets pretty existential at some points but never overtly angsty
ā§Ā genre:Ā fluff, greek gods/goddesses au, hades jaemin, human reader, itās another nades au but this time two years late to the trend!, paralegal reader, bit of a ham-fisted persephone allegory, inspired by the gods/goddesses assigned to the work it unit in 2020 for this video, with appearances by aphrodite johnny, bestie jeno, coworkers kun and sicheng, and galactic-threat level menace yangyang
ā§Ā authorās note:Ā omg hiiii iām back! anyway, enjoy this fun little nades au iāve prepared for yāall w all the love in my heart! not super accurate to the original greek myths, i was just having fun with hades as a concept rather than a strict characterization. i also watched mike flanaganās āmidnight massā and read john miltonās āparadise lostā during the time i was writing this so get ready for some slight spiritual/religious iconography and overtones
ā§Ā spotify playlist
ā¤· obsidian blackĀ ā¤· pomegranate red
I like to feel your muscles taut and relax, the sinews that bind them pull and release, your blood pump through your veins. I like knowing that all that you are, has miraculously come together and is here, with me.
#s: golden fruit#gf: masterlist#ge: fluff#jaemin#jaem#nct#nct dream#na jaemin#idek what tags to use anymore how do yall find fics#i feel like using the word imagine would immediately brand me a hagzen lmao#whatever#nct imagine#nct imagines#nct dream imagine#jaemin imagine#na jaemin imagine#nct fanfic#nct fanfiction#nct dream fanfic#sure that looks good enough#anyway go listen to my playlist its all certified bangers#carefully crafted there were many a song that did not Make the Cut#and i also arranged the songs to fit the storyline/plot/arc of their relationship!!#writing#mine#text
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working on the timeline on my site this morning ( still a huge wip but i'm proud of how it's turning out so far so here it is ) and just had a giant swell of feelings about my boy, how are y'all today
#i'm playing with overarching themes and interesting motifs i've noticed and i just... am sitting here in awe of#how much incredible change this man has gone through over the show's whole timeline. like sitting here looking over everything and tying#all of these moments together... putting together so many different callbacks to earlier moments all the way out to the final seasons#and seeing so much evolution and so many resolutions and everything is so?? idk. idek. i don't have words for it.#there will truly never be words to express how much i love him#the man that you are daryl. daryl the man that you are#they're hugging in minecraft! ( astraea )
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#oh my GOD. my sister's work (Amazon) really screwed us over and now she's feeling suicidal and idk what to do??#she's at work and they're trying to find her. i'm so scared rn ššš#her amazon building belatedly announced that they won't be giving holiday pay and the days they cut for the holidays won't be paid in full#just the hours they cut. so many coworkers and their families are being screwed over as well. some at risk.#we are too but i obviously can't reach my sister for the exact amount. i just know it's in the hundreds#& now the building also cut people's paid time-off. literally hundreds upon hundreds of secured dollars gone.#if i lose my sister it will be AMAZON'S fault for stretching her thin financially physically and emotionally#i can't help because i can't get paid until next month and our family's too poor...#should i set up a mutual aid post? would anyone care enough to donate or reblog?? idek. i'm so scared.#i'm close to panicking and i feel so helpless š#idk how to word this better. i can't. i'm just in a state of shock at how horrible life is rn#tw sui talk#not sure what tags to use to avoid getting shadowbanned#reblogs are ok
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finally at the cute part of the theo fic (the very end part) and I finally feel good about it instead of wanting to delete it š«¶
#idek how many words it is#I wrote the whole thing on my notes app LOL#it was only meant to be a short one and actually maybe it is like I said idk how many words#ni.txt#ni writes
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let's pretend my first actual piece of writing on here isn't a vent piece and is instead practicing writing genshin Carmen. cool? cool
cw/tw: mentions of alcohol (no flat-out consumption, but mentioned a few times due to setting)
other notes: mostly they/them for oc but also some of their neopronouns are used, in case some find it difficult to read. also no capitalization but there is punctuation if that counts? not beta read. also also fuck you i can use the dodo-communication device if i wanna /lh
there are some things in life that are just unavoidable. things that make people human, or "human" in theory, if only humanoid beings, or completely inhuman at all. emotions are some of those things.Ā
carmen hated this part of humanity, they always had, even as a wee little elf child. frustration, anxiety, anger, grief- they could never handle it well. that never changed even into a lifespan of a few mere centuries. coping mechanisms only worked for so long, until daze became numb to its effects, and the cycle continued.
those days sucked.
today was, in fact, one of those days.
they quietly stared at the entrance to the Angel's Share, wondering if this was a good idea. 'go,' they pushed themself, 'it'll do you no good to be so isolated. you don't have to talk to anyone, but at least be in an area with other people.'
and so, they went in without another word, grimacing at the jingle of the lil bell that signaled a new patron entered the tavern. thankfully it was a rather busy day, tables and barstools nearly completely taken up by people in varying levels of soberness. no one paid attention to the noise, the ringing too quiet in comparison to the chatter. wringing their hands to temporarily calm the anxiety bubbling in their gut, they approached the bar. a little drink may help...something comforting and warm to combat the emotions in their heart. they somewhat hoped diluc would be manning the bar, finding extra comfort in his presence, but they saw the mop of brunette hair when they entered instead. that's fine, charles is a nice guy.
when they were able to squeeze in and order their drink, they slid a tiny sheet of paper across the countertop with their order, thankful storm planned ahead to write it down in case they either forgot it or weren't up to speaking. carmen patiently waited for their moonlit alley to be finished, glancing around at the patrons filling the tavern this evening.Ā
it wasn't the most crowded that they've seen, but it was close. a group was playing cards in the corner, nimrod was in his spot downing his barbatos-knows-what-number bottle of beer, or whatever the guy liked to drink. they almost got excited when they saw green, only to frown upon realizing it was someone else- six-fingered josƩ, if ghost recalled right. their heart ached, the feelings before only growing worse.
it didn't take long for the drink to be finished, and once they gave charles the mora and a thankful smile, they crept upstairs to the second floor. the revelry downstairs seemed a little quieter from up here, and a few more tables were open, thankfully. carmen quickly found their way to a table close to the balcony door, in case they decided later on that fresh air might soothe them a little.
they tried to distract themself with the drink, but kept finding themself glancing up every time the door to the tavern opened, expecting to see the traveler or their own partner.
'i wish i went along too..' they glumly thought, setting their cup down to reach for their pump and give themself the proper amount of insulin. multiple times where they've forgotten, and they didn't want to make themself feel worse. emotions are one thing, but a high blood sugar adding onto the irritability wasĀ wayĀ worse. once they did so, they resumed sipping at the mug.
the pair went off to sumeru for a little while, last carmen recalled. 'or was it fontaine..?' they thought, using their free hand to feel for the dodo-communication device in their pocket.Ā
apparently it was from klee's mother, which somehow wound up in venti's hands, and then daze's own with the promise that they'd both use it to keep in touch while he was exploring with lumine.Ā
and then a month passed, with very little contact.
rationally, they knew it was likely from being too excited with whatever was going on abroad, or perhaps they didn't have the time to talk. they didn't mind at first, but days passed on and it was rather evident to the elf that it hurt more than storm cared to admit. they felt duller and duller as days passed on, and dark circles under their eyes only got worse.
distractions only worked so many times. even trying to think of happy memories made their eyes burn with tears yet unspilled. the more they tried, the more it hurt when they only heard silence in return. the device had limited uses, carmen briefly recalled, which didn't help much in the slightest, making them more cautious in their attempts to reach their partner.Ā
they tried to drink away the pain with a non-alcoholic drink, but after the second trip downstairs to get another, they couldn't bare to go a third time.
they alternated between slow sips at the extra sweet moonlit alley left in their mug, and letting themself space out as silent tears fell from their cheek and onto the table. carmen remained for most of the evening, cradling their head in their arms and hiding their swollen eyes and quivering lips beneath black fabric and teal hair. they tried to imagine being comforted by their beloved bard, but that only seemed to make things worse.
who knows, maybe he'll be back tomorrow... one can only hope, right?
#carmen's writing#og posts#canon x oc#oc x canon#(referenced sorta)#venti x oc#carmen's ocs#oc x venti#venti#unrelated but i might give carmen my vae/vaer prns too bc i think they're neat#idek how many words but idc either honestly#alcohol tw#carmven
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does anybody else say "hay is for horses, cows, and sheep. too bad you're a jackass" when someone yells "hey!" at them or is that another thing my dad made up
#my dad says so many things where i'm just like oh that's normal and then i grow up and lo and behold NO ONE SAYS THAT!#but also sometimes i assume he made it up and he didn't!!#i assumed he made up hitch in my giddy-up and he did not (though i still hold that he uses it nonstandardly (to mean wedgie))#i wasn't sure about 'can be. sure would!' but that seems to be a him original#he also loooooves malaphors. he likes to pair them: e.g. wake up and smell the roses/stop and smell the coffee#which is cute BUT. he thinks he made them up! like each of them individually but also the concept of malaphors (mixed idioms) š#though he doesn't call them that. he calls them [his name]isms (because he thinks he made them up)#one time i was trying to figure out if a term my family uses is unique to us or not and i looked it up and got a hit on urban dictionary#so i opened it and IMMEDIATELY COULD TELL THAT HE WROTE THE ENTRY. HE PUT OUR FAMILY WORD IN URBAN DICTIONARY.#katymacky if you're reading this i am REELING over the knowledge that your dad also says jean-claude pennay!!!#WHERE ARE THEY GETTING THAT FROM??? DO THEY SUBSCRIBE TO THE SAME 'DORKY DADS OF THE PNW' MAGAZINE??????#idioms#or something idek#swears#i guess???#really struggling with how to index this lol#fun with words#my posts#oh also i almost didn't use the oxford comma for once in my life because the cadence of this has a pause after 'horses'#and then 'cows and sheep' are kind of run together#hay is for HORSESā COWS and SHEEP. too bad you're a JACKASS#i actually think in this case this maybe came from my stepmother? because i don't remember him saying it until after he met her#but maybe that's just because she says HEY! a lot more than other people i would have seen him around?
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Glad you were able to go to the Amsterdam show! What was it like perceiving Park Seonghwa in the flesh for a second time? Did you survive the Cyberpunk shoulder move? š
Thank you anon!! š I'm glad you ask because now I can just ramble about this ajsushsh. the thing was that this time i was actually close enough to SEE him, like see the sweat on his skin close, because of the extended stage and like. WOW what a man (all of them though they're all so fine and once again i wonder where kq manages to find them). tbh i knew it was over for me when during soundcheck they did say my name and for the last chorus he put sunglasses on and then did the tongue thing he always gets bullied about with this stupid small smirk on his way too handsome face š„²
the shoulder move yeah....yeah i survived. barely. I usually only have very short and random memories of concerts because of all the adrenaline and whatever but man that's something i do remember Very Clearly. He wasn't even on the extended stage but the main one and yet. just. yeah. user hwanswerland isn't doing well rn bc like he looked EXACTLY obviously like every gif in the black outfit ever but i saw it with my own eyes and i can't believe that. I barely film anything at concerts but i did film his under world part at the end of the song bc I needed to have my own video of it and ASHDUEZDHDUDHDHDHDH. i don't know words I'm sorry he's too powerful
#ask#anon#sorry this is so long ajdjshs but if you give me the impression you're even mildly interested in what i have to say#i will tell you and start rambling and then be unable to find the words because#how could words even do this man and whatever i may be feeling justice#< sorry about tjat i know it's cringe ig but it's 2am and i just#i have many thoughts and feelings about him#also very much unrelated but i have to say that i know there's been differing opinions on mg's hair#whatever they may be the man was on fire and certainly feeling himself and that alone made him really hot with the hair#not to sidetrack this even more but#wy and jh are so cute and yh is just so nice and fine and just INSANE as a dancer#hj is fucking unreal there's no way he's that pretty and same for ys actually#idek what to say about san tbh. he's crazy man what the hell are his genes#okay now I'm done ajdudzd
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"Bloodshot" by Julien Baker is my favorite song right now and here's why.
"I can see myself inside your bloodshot eyes/Wondering if you can see yourself in mine/Or do you just see me?/And of me what you want to see?" The feeling of loving someone but not having the same deep love being reciprocated.
"Middle of the night all I can see are stars/Pulled them from my eyes and your ex lover's arms/Throw hook after hook, and if I were you/After all that I did, I'd have done it to me too" My eyes see beauty but you're not over her yet AND I THINK I DESERVE BEING TREATED BADLY.
"Isn't like I did it on purpose/I just forget the second I learned it/Everything I get, I deserve/You whisper to me 'Don't you like it when it hurts?'" Misunderstandings in the relationship and feelings of inadequacy that allow them to happen.
"Five days out from the initial event/It takes two kinds of pills to unclench my fists/It's too kind of you to say you can help/But there's no one around who can save me from myself" Anxiety, inadequacy, and self-criticism for feeling inadequate.
"Isn't like I do this on purpose/I just forget the second I learned it/Looking for little oblivions/I'd do anything knowing you'd forgive me" Trying not to allow yourself to feel that you are worth less than your partner and not allow yourself to let your partner feel they can step all over you.
"There is no glory in love/Only the gore of our hearts/Let it come for my throat/Take me and tear me apart... Drag me away in the dark/Take me and tear me apart" Feeling insecure of your relationship, whether that is due to the type of relationship you have with your partner, your sexuality, your own problems or theirs, etc. Realizing it relies on both of your extreme emotions along with your situations no matter how tough they are to deal with. Realizing that you are supposed to be there for each other and that you will struggle with each other. At first, I took this as being a negative thing about relationships, saying there's no winning because it will be overshadowed by the situations you get into that make you upset. But, I'm also seeing it as that there doesn't need to be winning because the deep emotional connection they have will allow them to suffer together and for each other.
#ok so im obsessed with julien baker#and im being emotional today bc stuff happens#i cannot explain how much julien baker's music means to me rn#i dont rlly have many role models that i can personally relate to with like my identity and the way i present and everything#so even just reading interviews and listening to her music just makes me so happy and makes me feel less alone with everything#shes so good at words and putting feelings into words#and thats something i rlly admire about her songs even more than how freaking awesome she is at guitar#i saw a video of her performing this song live and she was so quick and precise idek very cool#julien baker#boygenius#music
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