#idek how many words this is
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In a world full of darkness and hopelessness you created something beautiful. People who can do that live forever.
#reita#the gazette#yeah i will never be over him#i was thinking what to put in the desc#like... i never knew hum personally but the fact he existed changed my life for the better in so many ways#and it is still so unreal to me that he is... gone.#i found so much solace in their music i know i kinda abandoned this blog but god knows my mp3 player is full of tG live rips#i've been rewatching their lives recently and looking forward to MASS. and then... this. i can't imagine how his family feels. and the band#idek anymore. may he rest in piece. i have no words. heaven couldn't wait with this one.
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i personally have very complicated feelings on the Gotham Knights video game and the routes it takes with characterization. i think it has a charm to it and it goes in an interesting direction with everyone (especially within the confides of the plot of the game) but it does have certain moments that veer painfully fanon for me. (such as: the dialogue where Tim drinks too much coffee) it's an interesting story for what it is but i don't view it comics-based for characterization and therefore don't care to interact with it much for like. fanfic purposes.
that *said* though. i do have to give the game some kind of credit for giving one of the top five JayTim moments that lives rent free in my mind. every since i played the game, the cutscene lives in my mind daily. it's the specific cutscene where Jason and Tim are arguing about whether or not Jason's non-lethal bullets are too dangerous for the field, and the argument leads to TIm *standing in front of the target* Jason is shooting and telling Jason to shoot him. it lives rent free for me. i never stop thinking about this.
the absolute certainty Tim has that he is in no danger standing in front of Jason, who has a loaded gun pointed at his face. the way Jason *hesitates* for just a moment before lowering the gun. he thinks about it for just a second. Gotham Knights JayTim seem to get along very well and can rely on each other, but Jason still clearly holds a bitterness about his death and Tim that flickers through in some lines of dialogue under the guise of jokes. especially since this game deals *heavily* with concepts of Pit Madness causing an altered state of consciousness, i think it's believable that occasionally, Jason fights the urge to fight and hurt Tim for the feeling of being replaced.
i like their tension so much in this canon. they get along but you can *tell* Tim is afraid of addressing Jason's trauma or even addressing Jason head-on, and Jason leans into spooking Tim about it. which isn't very comics feeling in their dynamic, but it is an interesting way to place their dynamic if you're playing with a more timid Tim who's newer to the role of Robin. (which he seems to be in-game) he really doesn't want to offend Jason, or worse, piss him off. but he'll still face Jason head on for things like this, while completely aware of what Jason could be capable of.
and Jason seems very protective of Tim and respecting Tim as a Robin in typical Jason fashion. if Tim pushes, Jason *will* relent. he knows this is a kid who's proved himself and should be treated with equal respect, sometimes even more than Dick and Babs do in-game.
so for all that to culminate in Tim stepping in front of Jason's loaded gun that he *knows* is on the edge of being too dangerous, just to force Jason to listen? it's the most unhinged way Tim could've gotten his point across in this scene. he was literally daring Jason to hurt him and playing with a very dangerous fire. but he did it anyway bc he believed he could make Jason heel just at the thought of hurting Tim. and he was *right*. they're gay and i'm feral ty.
#necrotic festerings#jaytim#tim drake x jason todd#gotham knights game#i hate their character designs for what it's work#BUT the size difference. jesus.#anyway i could write a gotham knights jaytim fic i think#i'm *very* unsure the ages intended for these characters#bc tim certainly seems to be intended to be a teenager#whereas jason seems in his 20s so i think it's a gap that's bigger than the comics#which also makes it fun. usually you don't get a ton of age gap with jaytim they're just under 2 yrs apart#but this tim is definitely still a teen and jason is an adult.#and seems to enjoy being a bad influence on tim in the game so#there's such good fodder for some dead dove shit#anyway the funny thing is i like this game#you don't want to know how many hours i've played it#it's just best treated as a seperate iteration of the characters than being an adaptation of anything#esp since they're *so* vague and waffly on jason's backstory#as well as not giving a ton of info on how tim became robin#you assume it's similar to comics but some details leave gaps in the timeline. so idek#probably not somehting meant to be thought about too hard.#but i'm an overthinker at heart.#my point is they're gay. this is gay. it baffles me ppl don't look at this as the gayest shit alive.#tim daring jason to shoot him is the most tim drake thing in this game#well that and tim wanting to make a talon in the belfrey.#also NO one say a word about the gif quality /lh#i had to make it MYSELF#i do everything around here to show off their gay shit#sorta tempted to just make a masterpost of “every gay ass interaction between jaytim”#bc i've seen some clips from the titans show
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does anyone remember the time 4c said smt abt not just wanting to better the server, but how he wanted to better its people. or am i just saying words, making shit up, etc etc
#lifesteal spoilers#im thinking abt the exploited hearts#all of 4c's secrets. how he logs on the server off the stream even during his subathon.#how 4c is so cagey w his secrets that it makes people feel like theyve learned a lot when he admits to one or even hints at one#despite him only ever revealing what he WANTS to reveal#im thinking about how focus as a whole has so many secrets; how squiddo knows things abt spoke nd how even mentioning his name#was apparently revealing too much.#and im thinking abt spokes love for playing people like puppets. how he was the one who showed squiddo the bugbombs to begin with#wasnt squiddo the one who took wemmbus immortality thing last season and made it into something else entirely#so she was as close to being in creative as she could be at the very end when she was trying to save jumper?#i feel like this all paints a picture im unable to even see bc ive been blindfolded#idek i just woke up so maybe im just saying words LOL
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been trying to *properly* get into the self ship community for over a year now and it’s just hit after hit
#as my friend put it; I am very timid and flight-y but despite it all I try my best to overcome my fears#despite them being extremely founded in fact from past experiences like#and to see others get into it much more easily and without as much effort is just heartbreaking like#don’t get me wrong I am super duper happy for them I promise ! it’s just it kinda feels like I’m perpetually going to be left out of things#forever sneislsdjw#this is not to mention how many times I’ve been told ‘I’m gonna do this thing for you’ and it never happening#at this point maybe it’s not overthinking anymore and maybe the truth is I’m just that easy to hate or get annoyed of#if that is the case maybe my best bet is to just leave everyone to it . sorry to have taken up this space#honestly this was all a stupid idea to begin with idk why I thought I could maybe be included idkidkidk#honestly idek why I wrote friend I’m just tired of that word entirely#I really don’t think anyone genuinely likes me enough to want to be friends so I don’t want to consider anyone one fhisakamm#all this app makes me want to do is just throw up every time I log in#if I don’t act like I want it then maybe I’ll be alright#maybe it’s just my sign to stop this whole self shipping thing it’s so horribly stupid when I do it#And if I say nobody cares I’d get ‘what ofc they do !’ But it’s just an echo chamber of my melancholy and nothing else#But in truth I wouldn’t be so sad all the time if I had one place on earth that I could be happy in— just one. Work uni home my “friends” .#All break my heart. And online mauls said broken heart lololol. I wish ppl could be more empathetic. I’m being so fr one of these days this#All will get too much and I’ll end up 🪦#Only a matter of time to be quite frank.
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⠀⠀why can’t life always be this easy?
#⠀⠀🍒⠀⠀koqen⠀⠀/⠀⠀mbs⠀⠀#lee minhyuk#or rather..#park taesong#RIGHTTT!#anw ive been SQUNTING at this idek anymore. hes just#euhhhghghhhhh i hate him#i dont Btw....#the blurriness of it all is bec. idk he js feels so (this is gnna sound SO corny) like. a memory???????#HEAR ME OUTT if LOOPiN is a time loop then he would b the beginning. the better days. if there were any#and taesong js feels like the one that’s stuck in the past to me 😭? he’s the type of the guy to be like#‘i want things to go back to the way they were’ and then when u ask well what Were they like.. he just flounders#stuck in a past you never lived OHH YOURE A LOSER! me too#+ THE FLASHING LIGHTS LYRICCC that one just YELLED taeng at me from a window like. idk why but yeah#the blues and yellows are for LOOPiN duh! & i didnt realise how many cars were in it until just now so let me make up an explanation 4that#he can cry in cars. he was in a car that one time. he wants. Driving? Driving back to memories. The word drive has connotations of...#i jst like night aes and blue lights pics from car windows sorry oomf. ALSO SORRY IF IM TOTALLY WRONG ABOUT HIM LOVE YOU 😭😭🫶#messy moodboard#monsta x moodboard#blue moodboard#random moodboard#kpop moodboard#kpop bg moodboard
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Fuck It Friday
Tagged by @disasterbuckdiaz @wikiangela @daffi-990 @steadfastsaturnsrings ... in true Fuck It spirit this is neither on Friday or very PG. I was very inspired by my wife @disasterbuckdiaz's snippet and this kinda spilled out.
No pressure tagging @shortsighted-owl @eddiebabygirldiaz @giddyupbuck @stereopticons @monsterrae1 @spotsandsocks @honestlydarkprincess @eddiediaztho @thewolvesof1998 @forthewolves @chaosandwolves @wildlife4life @spaceprincessem @mysteriouslyyounggalaxy @heartshapedvows @loserdiaz @watchyourbuck @your-catfish-friend @ladydorian05 @statueinthestone @buddierights @911onabc @jesuisici33 @pirrusstuff @cowboy-buddie if you wanna 😘
“You’re overthinking again. If you want to – and I’m pretty sure you do,” Eddie whispers, tracing his thumb along Buck’s lower lip, “I can help with that.”
Eddie’s fingers trace along Buck’s jawline until they settle on his shoulder where they fit perfectly, his thumb nestled into the divot of Buck’s collarbone. A space that may as well have been marked Property of Eddie Diaz when Buck was born.
“Y-you can?” Buck’s eyelids flutter closed, but he quickly forces them open again, not wanting to miss anything Eddie’s doing.
Eddie presses a featherlight kiss to the corner of Buck’s mouth, first one side then the other, another to his cheekbone, until finally he’s right next to Buck’s ear, his voice low and sweet like the symphony of chirping grasshoppers and glowing fireflies in summer. “You know I can, sweetheart. Because I know you, and what you need right now. How your beautiful brain is so jumbled with thoughts you don’t know which one to turn to next. How you’re wishing they would all disappear. How badly you want someone else to take control. Because you could distract yourself, but you and I both know it wouldn’t be nearly as satisfying.”
Eddie kisses the hinge of Buck’s jaw, sending a shower of sparks racing down his spine, chasing after the offer Eddie’s delivering on a silver platter. “But I need you to tell me. Do you think you can do that, baby?”
“F-fuck, Eddie. Yeah. Yes.”
“Yes?” Eddie purrs. “Yes, what? Yes, you can tell me what you need? Yes, you want me to take you apart and put you back together? Or yes, you want me to fuck you so thoroughly you don’t remember your own name?”
Jesus Christ. “All of that, Eds. God, everything. Want everything with you,” Buck babbles.
Eddie pulls him in for a devastating, earth shattering kiss that would make Buck weak in the knees if he wasn’t already. His lips part when Eddie’s tongue teases at the seam, letting their tongues slide together. But then Eddie tears himself away and Buck whines, trying to chase after him.
“Shhh, shh, shh. Just wait, it’s okay.” Eddie strokes Buck’s cheek, soothing his impatience. “Can you be a good boy for me?”
The words hit Buck with a force heavier than a tsunami wave, more intense than a bolt of lightning. He can’t help the way he immediately feels gooey and pliant, ready to obey.
“Yes, sir. S’good. Can be so good.” Buck preens at the way Eddie’s breath hitches on the word sir. He feels like he’s been infused with sunshine and starlight, so happy he’s done something to please Eddie.
“Stand still. Right here. No matter what, okay? Not a muscle unless I tell you.”
Buck nods eagerly.
“Words, darlin’.” Eddie’s drawl coats every syllable, unexpected but reassuring, and Buck wants to fucking live in it. Wants to wrap the honeyed intonation around himself like a second skin and never leave. “I need words.”
“Yes, sir. Won’t move. Promise.”
Eddie hums in delight, taking a step back, just enough to create a pocket of space. He gathers the hem of Buck’s polo and lifts, silently commanding Buck to follow. Buck does, willingly, raising his arms for Eddie to complete his task. Eddie tosses it to the side then bites the tip of his thumb, walking in a slow circle, surveying.
Buck casually wonders if this is how sculptures feel. Pieces put out in the world for public consumption. He would gladly stand here as long as Eddie wants him to, would allow Eddie to caress and carve and smooth him into an ideal shape.
The sound of Eddie’s footsteps stop somewhere behind him, replaced by fingers fidgeting with buttons that make a quiet clack when the shirt hits the floor. Then there is only a maddening, heavy silence, leaving no indication of how close Eddie might be. Buck can’t detect his breathing, but knows Eddie – his partner – is still there.
Sweet relief washes over him as Eddie wraps himself around Buck, hands sliding over his pecs and down the ridge of his abs, a blazing line of heat where Eddie’s chest presses against his back. Buck imagines, if he were to look, their bare skin would glow everywhere it touches. Two celestial beings burning bright and hot like stars in the night sky.
Silent signals traverse between them like radio waves. Communications in the form of every one of Eddie’s touches and breaths fanning across the line of his neck, the shell of his ear, the point where the two meet. It’s something Buck supposes was inevitable. Eddie knows him in every other way. It’s not impossible to believe he knows this too. That Eddie would already be attuned to the ways Buck’s body reacts, the precise frequency of how he craves Eddie. Maybe it’s more obvious than Buck suspects. An aura of overwhelm and too much and too in his head that manifests as a primal, visceral need to submit. He wouldn’t be surprised to learn it radiates off of him in shades of sage, twilight, silver and violet.
Eddie’s fingers skim outward, along the vee of Buck’s torso, over his wrists, trailing through coarse arm hair, up to the bend of Buck’s elbows. Buck wants to turn around, wants to capture Eddie’s mouth in a filthy kiss, wants to see the molten desire turning chocolate brown irises to nearly pure black. But that’s not what Eddie told him to do. Eddie had very specific instructions. And Buck is rather inclined to listen. He told Eddie he would be good for him. And he will. He wants to, more than anything.
“Mmhmm,” Eddie hums, planting kisses like tiny flowers along the line of Buck’s shoulders. As if Buck is a wild, abandoned patch of earth that Eddie believes can grow something beautiful and transformative. Because, to Buck, Eddie couldn’t do anything less. He would never be capable of making something unsightly or unpleasant, even with Buck as a starting point.
#remember kids#do as i say not as these two do with their vastly under negotiated (read: not all negotiated or discussed) kinks#and consent is *always* important#fuck it friday#unfortunately i have no idea when i'll do more with this#my brain is not super accommodating to sexy thoughts atm#i'm just lucky my gorgeous wife helps things along#fic: i light the match to taste the heat#idek how this many words came out tbh#hippo writes#buddie wip
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This is the exact reason why I hate when people ask to go through my phone. Its always Tsukasa’s fault just remember that.
#tenma facts come first because theyre js real like that#who would tsukasa tenma be without his siblings#uhh i may need to change or add onto some of these btw#if you have any cool little facts you can hand over… ahaha.. id love that 😊 (<- shaking)#IM COLLECTING EMUNENERUI FACTS TOO i swear. Unfortunately this blonde freak won’t let me go… Please.. Dude…#every time ive had a friend ask for my phone ive had to make up some sort of excuse or Hover. I mean hover over them#Like honestly i hate people going throuugh my phone js because of personal info that people choose to open up to me ab thats on there but#Some of them are probably suspicious. It really just is stuff related to my special interests#you open the notes and theres 30 word vomits in the wxs folder and god only knows how many other ones + ouran ideas in another#and 90% of them are unfinished#you check youtube and then theres over 40+ video essays in one playlist idek how many theatre related videos and “soap tutorials” and then#Over 100 videos in the wxs/leoni playlist#Mainly wxs videos too… I have a problem..#You open the photos. 1.2k tsukasa photos in one album says it all. And then the 600 wxs videos#I have at least 3k prsk related photos on my phone How did we get here after 2 years#wxs#wonderlands x showtime#tsukasa tenma#tenma tsukasa#he gives me a headache#wxs tsukasa#facts#ideas
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I cannot believe the wicked games Drabble was 5000 words long like basically a full ass fic and the low amount of notes it got…
#it makes my heart literally SINK like…#now how am I supposed to post wg4 which is 25k words????#it will not get any interaction and I’m just done#like I just cannot post it#it’ll legit kill me 🥲🥲🥲🥲 to see it flop#after I poured my heart and soul into writing something so fucking long and making sure it was good#just bc I knew I had to give you guys something long and exciting to read#but what’s the point#like I cannot believe it… I literally just cannot believe it and I don’t want to post anything anymore#omfg#I know many people will read this and roll their eyes and find this annoying#like I’m complaining or whatever#honestly think what you want to think#I’m just so shocked and legit unhappy#like so fucking unhappy#like bummed the fuck out#that it’s come to this#I don’t wanna post shit anymore lol#idk if it’s the algorithm or genuinely people don’t fuck with my fics anymore#I just don’t understand#but you guys have to understand how it would kill me on the inside if I posted a 25k fic and it got next to no interaction#like I just….#I’m scared it would make me quit writing completely#bc I’m THIS close#I feel so fucking sad bro idek#like it makes me wanna fucking cry#how… a few months ago everything was fine#now it feels like everyone’s gone#and I wasted my fucking time writing a chapter so fucking long that no one’s gonna read#WHY DID I WASTE MY TIME
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someone tell me why and how is it november already???? anyway i feel like i haven’t written in ages and jake’s bday is coming up,,, thinking rn if i should impulsively start a last minute long story for his bday again-
#i swear i’m getting deja vu from last year#this was literally exactly what happened#sksjsk#i’m pretty sure i started around beg of nov and last minute writing this whole thing#i think i even planned out how much i had to write each day 😭#i have an idea and i swear it’ll be better than last years 😭#tbh i started writing this story many months ago#but it’s been sitting at 1k words for who knows how long now 😭#idek if i’ll have time 😭#but it’s fun to have smth to work towards tbh 😭#hmmm WHAT DO YOU GUYS THINK IDK#em speaks#happy jakey month btw 🥰🫶🏻
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the golden fruit duology ❧ jaemin [masterlist]
❧ series word count: 32.0k
❧ warnings (vary by part): it wouldn’t be a starlightkun fic without some cursing!, mentions of death/dead people but like in the context of him being hades, probably more legal jargon than there should be but i tried to make it as easy to understand as possible i promise (and if you can’t understand some of it, it’s probably not plot-relevant anyway), oh there’s a short scene with a weirdly graphic depiction of eating fruit à la denethor and the tomato in return of the king (iykyk) sorry if that gives you the ick, it gets pretty existential at some points but never overtly angsty
❧ genre: fluff, greek gods/goddesses au, hades jaemin, human reader, it’s another nades au but this time two years late to the trend!, paralegal reader, bit of a ham-fisted persephone allegory, inspired by the gods/goddesses assigned to the work it unit in 2020 for this video, with appearances by aphrodite johnny, bestie jeno, coworkers kun and sicheng, and galactic-threat level menace yangyang
❧ author’s note: omg hiiii i’m back! anyway, enjoy this fun little nades au i’ve prepared for y’all w all the love in my heart! not super accurate to the original greek myths, i was just having fun with hades as a concept rather than a strict characterization. i also watched mike flanagan’s ‘midnight mass’ and read john milton’s ‘paradise lost’ during the time i was writing this so get ready for some slight spiritual/religious iconography and overtones
❧ spotify playlist
⤷ obsidian black ⤷ pomegranate red
I like to feel your muscles taut and relax, the sinews that bind them pull and release, your blood pump through your veins. I like knowing that all that you are, has miraculously come together and is here, with me.
#s: golden fruit#gf: masterlist#ge: fluff#jaemin#jaem#nct#nct dream#na jaemin#idek what tags to use anymore how do yall find fics#i feel like using the word imagine would immediately brand me a hagzen lmao#whatever#nct imagine#nct imagines#nct dream imagine#jaemin imagine#na jaemin imagine#nct fanfic#nct fanfiction#nct dream fanfic#sure that looks good enough#anyway go listen to my playlist its all certified bangers#carefully crafted there were many a song that did not Make the Cut#and i also arranged the songs to fit the storyline/plot/arc of their relationship!!#writing#mine#text
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*visibly vibrating* don’t engage just block don’t engage just block don’t engage just block don’t engage just block don’t engage just block don’t engage just block don’t engage just block don’t engage just block don’t engage just block don’t engage just block don’t engage just block don’t engage just block don’t engage just block don’t engage just block don’t engage just block
#I’m doing sooooo well#I actually can’t get myself to even enter the arcane tag and somehow the disregard of caitvi is still seeping in#Honestly since I have so many people blocked it’s like 1/100 posts but it still makes me upset#Why are so many people talking about caitvi fans like we’re ignorant and inexperienced children who don’t know anything?#And why does the sex scene keep being deemed as “them banging in a prison cell”? I don’t get it#For people who love symbolism and complexity you guys just really don’t care about the lesbians#Ill take genuine critique on how caitvi was written this season but the shipping wars and the constant demeaning of every action and word#Written for them is just so useless. You she nothing to say. I’m sorry you only understand purple prose ig#Idek what I’m saying at this point#I just enjoy a lot of the genuine discussions people are having on my dash and in the tags which is a lot more common#Love yall fr#slay on the run
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working on the timeline on my site this morning ( still a huge wip but i'm proud of how it's turning out so far so here it is ) and just had a giant swell of feelings about my boy, how are y'all today
#i'm playing with overarching themes and interesting motifs i've noticed and i just... am sitting here in awe of#how much incredible change this man has gone through over the show's whole timeline. like sitting here looking over everything and tying#all of these moments together... putting together so many different callbacks to earlier moments all the way out to the final seasons#and seeing so much evolution and so many resolutions and everything is so?? idk. idek. i don't have words for it.#there will truly never be words to express how much i love him#the man that you are daryl. daryl the man that you are#they're hugging in minecraft! ( astraea )
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im trying to think of the last time i hyperfixated on something and genuinely i think it was when i was reading tcf and that actively left my grades in shambles
#i dont remember how long i spent reading that#probably a month#id have to go back and see my posts abt it when i was reading it#but it easily was probably a month which is a huge chunk of the semester#on the other hand i kind of cant believe it took me a month to read it?#i usually read wuicker than that#on the third hand it was nearly 800 chapters LMAO#and idek how many words#im curious again#this is a large reason why im wary abt reading it again#like i cant read it during classes else my grades will be in ruins again#michi tag
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#oh my GOD. my sister's work (Amazon) really screwed us over and now she's feeling suicidal and idk what to do??#she's at work and they're trying to find her. i'm so scared rn 😭😭😭#her amazon building belatedly announced that they won't be giving holiday pay and the days they cut for the holidays won't be paid in full#just the hours they cut. so many coworkers and their families are being screwed over as well. some at risk.#we are too but i obviously can't reach my sister for the exact amount. i just know it's in the hundreds#& now the building also cut people's paid time-off. literally hundreds upon hundreds of secured dollars gone.#if i lose my sister it will be AMAZON'S fault for stretching her thin financially physically and emotionally#i can't help because i can't get paid until next month and our family's too poor...#should i set up a mutual aid post? would anyone care enough to donate or reblog?? idek. i'm so scared.#i'm close to panicking and i feel so helpless 😭#idk how to word this better. i can't. i'm just in a state of shock at how horrible life is rn#tw sui talk#not sure what tags to use to avoid getting shadowbanned#reblogs are ok
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finally at the cute part of the theo fic (the very end part) and I finally feel good about it instead of wanting to delete it 🫶
#idek how many words it is#I wrote the whole thing on my notes app LOL#it was only meant to be a short one and actually maybe it is like I said idk how many words#ni.txt#ni writes
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let's pretend my first actual piece of writing on here isn't a vent piece and is instead practicing writing genshin Carmen. cool? cool
cw/tw: mentions of alcohol (no flat-out consumption, but mentioned a few times due to setting)
other notes: mostly they/them for oc but also some of their neopronouns are used, in case some find it difficult to read. also no capitalization but there is punctuation if that counts? not beta read. also also fuck you i can use the dodo-communication device if i wanna /lh
there are some things in life that are just unavoidable. things that make people human, or "human" in theory, if only humanoid beings, or completely inhuman at all. emotions are some of those things.
carmen hated this part of humanity, they always had, even as a wee little elf child. frustration, anxiety, anger, grief- they could never handle it well. that never changed even into a lifespan of a few mere centuries. coping mechanisms only worked for so long, until daze became numb to its effects, and the cycle continued.
those days sucked.
today was, in fact, one of those days.
they quietly stared at the entrance to the Angel's Share, wondering if this was a good idea. 'go,' they pushed themself, 'it'll do you no good to be so isolated. you don't have to talk to anyone, but at least be in an area with other people.'
and so, they went in without another word, grimacing at the jingle of the lil bell that signaled a new patron entered the tavern. thankfully it was a rather busy day, tables and barstools nearly completely taken up by people in varying levels of soberness. no one paid attention to the noise, the ringing too quiet in comparison to the chatter. wringing their hands to temporarily calm the anxiety bubbling in their gut, they approached the bar. a little drink may help...something comforting and warm to combat the emotions in their heart. they somewhat hoped diluc would be manning the bar, finding extra comfort in his presence, but they saw the mop of brunette hair when they entered instead. that's fine, charles is a nice guy.
when they were able to squeeze in and order their drink, they slid a tiny sheet of paper across the countertop with their order, thankful storm planned ahead to write it down in case they either forgot it or weren't up to speaking. carmen patiently waited for their moonlit alley to be finished, glancing around at the patrons filling the tavern this evening.
it wasn't the most crowded that they've seen, but it was close. a group was playing cards in the corner, nimrod was in his spot downing his barbatos-knows-what-number bottle of beer, or whatever the guy liked to drink. they almost got excited when they saw green, only to frown upon realizing it was someone else- six-fingered josé, if ghost recalled right. their heart ached, the feelings before only growing worse.
it didn't take long for the drink to be finished, and once they gave charles the mora and a thankful smile, they crept upstairs to the second floor. the revelry downstairs seemed a little quieter from up here, and a few more tables were open, thankfully. carmen quickly found their way to a table close to the balcony door, in case they decided later on that fresh air might soothe them a little.
they tried to distract themself with the drink, but kept finding themself glancing up every time the door to the tavern opened, expecting to see the traveler or their own partner.
'i wish i went along too..' they glumly thought, setting their cup down to reach for their pump and give themself the proper amount of insulin. multiple times where they've forgotten, and they didn't want to make themself feel worse. emotions are one thing, but a high blood sugar adding onto the irritability was way worse. once they did so, they resumed sipping at the mug.
the pair went off to sumeru for a little while, last carmen recalled. 'or was it fontaine..?' they thought, using their free hand to feel for the dodo-communication device in their pocket.
apparently it was from klee's mother, which somehow wound up in venti's hands, and then daze's own with the promise that they'd both use it to keep in touch while he was exploring with lumine.
and then a month passed, with very little contact.
rationally, they knew it was likely from being too excited with whatever was going on abroad, or perhaps they didn't have the time to talk. they didn't mind at first, but days passed on and it was rather evident to the elf that it hurt more than storm cared to admit. they felt duller and duller as days passed on, and dark circles under their eyes only got worse.
distractions only worked so many times. even trying to think of happy memories made their eyes burn with tears yet unspilled. the more they tried, the more it hurt when they only heard silence in return. the device had limited uses, carmen briefly recalled, which didn't help much in the slightest, making them more cautious in their attempts to reach their partner.
they tried to drink away the pain with a non-alcoholic drink, but after the second trip downstairs to get another, they couldn't bare to go a third time.
they alternated between slow sips at the extra sweet moonlit alley left in their mug, and letting themself space out as silent tears fell from their cheek and onto the table. carmen remained for most of the evening, cradling their head in their arms and hiding their swollen eyes and quivering lips beneath black fabric and teal hair. they tried to imagine being comforted by their beloved bard, but that only seemed to make things worse.
who knows, maybe he'll be back tomorrow... one can only hope, right?
#📝 | my writing#🎭 | og posts#canon x oc#🧵 | oc tag#venti x oc#oc x venti#venti#unrelated but i might give carmen my vae/vaer prns too bc i think they're neat#idek how many words but idc either honestly#alcohol tw#carmven#🪡 | carmen#disabled oc
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