#id be trying to fuck him the whole time
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Vincent Price and Carol Ohmart
House on Haunted Hill (1959) dir. William Castle
#vincent price#carol ohmart#house on haunted hill#the house on haunted hill#horror#scary#spooky#gun tw#tw gun#vinny p#halloween#i fucking love this movie#and hes so fucking sexy#omg#god what id give to be locked up with Vincent Price#id be trying to fuck him the whole time#old horror movies#vintage#movie#actor#handsome#gif#gifs made by me#gif set#bicon#bisexual#icon
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thinking about Eddie & hyacinths again
#as you can surmise im Perfectly Normal about it#this man doesnt make me insane at all. nope.#trying out some new coloring and texture and background things...#on a side note. and i say this so lovingly bc theyre my favorite flowers#FUCK DRAWING HYACINTHS ALL MY HOMIES HATE DRAWING HYACINTHS#that was hell on earth.#ANYWAY THIS DUDE IS NEAT I HOPE HE DIES#nah im jesting im Jesting. am i tho#dead or alive i want him to experience unimaginable horrors and then die ten times and come back Normal#bc eddie strikes me as a 'dying would fix them' character#whether its a real death or a perceived death or Youve Been Dead The Whole Time death dont care dont care#i need him dead on the ground for at leeeaaaast five minutes#id be frothing at the fucking mouth. ragh#scribble garnish#welcome home#welcome home puppet show#eddie dear#originally this was gonna be a Very bloody little piece#but then my brain went 'hey. symbolism. what if the blood was flower petals. from hyacinths'#and ohhhh i couldnt pass that up#i wish i did! i would have had a lot more fun drawing a gruesome injury rather than Those Damn Flowers!#i dont know why ive latched onto the hyacinths outside the post office but my brain wont let go#ITS JUST SO SPECIFIC. why why whyyyyyy put that specific flower by this specific guy#especially flowers with Those Meanings and That Myth#*violently shaking the site* WHAT DO YOU MEANNNNNN#ok im getting myself too worked up i need to touch grass or poke the fire
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fake ep idea + doodles
#i was thinking abt how funny it would be if there was a shiftythrifting blog equivalent in lmk. and half the stuff on there is#submitted by wukong. so i thought a yard sale ep would be funny lol#basically the hoard becomes problem one way or another and wukong figures the best way to get rid of his junk is thru ebay#somehow ends up selling world ending artifacts to random megapolis citizens so mk mei and redson have to scramble to find em#purposely meant to mirror the weekly shenanigans s1-2 style eps that are really goofy (dumpling ep noodles ep etc)#but it gets darker and darker because MK is not fucking ok after that whole thing with the scroll and some unchecked identity crisis#for me id want him to kind of. freak tf out because they have to find MULTIPLE chaos inducing items that could end the world while trying t#be sillygoofy and funny about it. so hes trying to mask his panic with “ohhh guys its just like the good ol days ^_^ remember that ^_^”#ESPECIALLY after that whole thing with the ink scroll. also mei doesnt buy any of it and is worried for him the whole time#as for the B plot it could be monkey king also trying to be very relaxed abt selling 4000 years worth of stuff and tang getting all huffy#like “these are priceless artifacts that could help us learn so much about the past!! wtf man!!!”#and maybe it reveals smth like wukong not wanting to hold on anymore bc his past weighs him down. and theyre all reminders#i think azure mentioned that wukong is sentimental (idk if that was genuine or lying to mk) so that could be touched on to#so basically. the theme would be some sort of conversation abt nostalgia. i think. im not a writer so its very fuzzy in my head#if anyone wants to add on or include their own spin on it feel free. also included undercut redson as a treat somewhere in there#myart#lego monkie kid#monkie kid#lmk red son#lmk mei#lmk MK#lmk xiaotian#lmk xiaojiao#lmk sun wukong#lmk swk#doodles#lmk tang#lmk pigsy#lmk traffic light trio#yard sale ep
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It's missing my father hours rn so imma just dump a bunch of pictures here and cry
( sorry i don't know the source of anything I just had them on my phone)
(also dont read the tags i just need to let it out lol)
#I just realized I can call him dad easier than my real dad and now I understand why am I so damn attached to him#I always knew he was a parental figure for me#but now I connected the dots#How when u have an absent dad and a d34d mom a guy shows up in ur life#that tells u life advice that both of ur parents failed to do so#and makes u feel safe the first time in ur life#ofc ud become attached#i know for sure its unhealthy how much i love and miss him#he occupies most of my thoughts honestly#But how could i not cling to him so much when he was the only one who gave me hope in life#i try to keep going and even tho he is not here i keep telling myself whatever he taught me. i keep reminding myself he wants us to live an#bloom and be free#and that's what ill try to do#but you know somedays i wish i could just disappear and be wrapped in eternal happiness#its so fucking hard to pull yourself out of the slump man im so fucking tired im so so tired#somedays i wish id have the courage to off myself but i know that deep down i want to live and ive always wanted to live but i have no idea#how to live. i feel like i finally found a purpose and someone i love. but at the same time im always doubting myself and im scared of losi#g this little hope again and i know i should cherish and use it instead but each day i have this anxiety because rn i have nothing else if#lose this i seriously will lose everything atp. but ill still try bc rn its this or death so i should try im just damn tired yes anyways#sorry for being depressing some days just dont work out but thats okay#yes at the same time i want to get out of my head and try to find some friends but i cant deny that im highkey fucked up and i just cant le#go of my past and i still feel like that helpless unloved kid and idk how to form relationships this way. i dont trust myself at all so idk#how to trust others. and i feel like in order to find ppl that would love me i have to overshare abt my whole lifestory bc it still dictate#my life heavily. and since i met this band its better cuz im learning to deal w it and i want to heal from everything but yes at the same t#me who would wqnt to be friends w. someone that has like a year of life experience and 18 years of depression lol#so yes its complicated. bc i have friends but im like the funny friend. the one that is as shallow as puddle and has no problems but honest#y im genuinely sufferint qnd have been sufferinz all my life so i want to come out of my funny friend role. but that wojld mean i have to t#ll the shit i went through to all my friends but tbh it would be so random so ye. i do have a plan though. how it could work. But yes im ti#ed have been tired for 7 years now. But this time around i hope i can successfully get out of this torture cycle lol.#ok sorry this is what happens after puberty guys i could beva research case for a damn mental institute atp xdd
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what is your favorite thing about charles and your favorite thing about erik? separately, as in what you like most about their characters :]
a devious question this one is, my friend!!! it's hard enough for me to explain my thoughts cohesively, but having to pick ONE thing i particularly love is difficult. with characters like charles and erik, theres been so much done with their characters over the decades and so they have so many components to them that make them so interesting and fun to observe. BUT I TRY FOR YOU TODAY. under the cut i kinda ramble and the size of this text box makin me anxious
i think if i were to be simple and broad, what i enjoy most about charles is his determination to help others, even if he isn't really thanked and/or if people don't even like him. ofc, this isn't to say he hasn't done wrong- to be honest, the fact he does wrong/questionable things at times is another aspect of him i really enjoy, maybe because- broadly speaking- he's meant to be altruistic (intent vs outcome and all that). i don't know if that's super exciting to most people, but it is for me
as for erik, my reason for liking him is easier to explain tbh. To Be Simple And Broad, his progression from villain to antihero over the decades has been fun to observe (as much as i have so far anyhow) and analyze. i think to be a bit more specific, him using his rage and pain as justifications for his villainous actions is definitely what compels me the most: hurt people hurt and the sort, an idea i've always found interesting (something something vicious cycles and the like). yet now, he recognizes this wasn't really. A Just Thing To Do and is beginning to change that, which i enjoy
#snap chats#may you forgive me anon i always feel awkward explaining things AVELKJEAKLJ#i feel esp awkward cause i haven't read toooo much of the comics yet- like ive read. an ok amount so far krakoa wise#can you guys tell im fighting god himself to Not write a fuckin. NOVEL#im so sorry i have an over-explaining problem my mom was mean to me growing up but anyways#i definitely want to read more and more outside krakoa. the more i read the more im fascinated by these two and their history#but to continue my prattling. as if the three paragraphs above arent enough This Is Not A Thesis RELAX#i think a. 'poignant' moment i think adds to what i like about charles too is that soliloquy where he recognizes people dont like him#yet he could always be worse- like if he's bad now to others imagine if he really just said Fuck It All#it's simple but so am i whaddyagonnadoboutit. i mean that point itself could be discussed but i'm trying to keep this brief bear with me#i so bad want to know what issue that's from tho all i know is that it's from krakoa but i neeeed the whole context#i think like. an additional bullet point to charles i also like is his loneliness#and i say this cause- I Say From My Amateur-Psychology Armchair- it's a component of why he's so earnest to help#but im keeping this point in the tags until i can confidently verify that with myself after some more reading#Unfortunately a favorite pass time of mine is psychoanalyzing characters like why else you think i major in psychology smh#im going to force myself to cap the post here because i ended up typing like 20 more tags just rambling#and as i said id like to keep this simple and clean !!!!! i have sat here for like four hours answering this ngl#ignore the fact half that time was spent getting distracted by solitaire and riffling cards ok I Am Very Easily Distracted#but fr when it comes to charles and erik- charles esp imo#i feel like i need to write a whole paper just so i can mention the nuances of the characters and like. EVERYTHING#because again six decades is A Lot of time for writing decisions to be made and for their characters to change over time#im a glazer but i wanna be a nuanced glazer yk. is that glazing at that point-- w/e anyway#its a lot. so today you will have to tolerate a very Blah answer from me which i must apologize for#down the line once ive read a comfortable amount more varying from multiple eras maybe ill revisit this question more in depth#as of right now tho .... chat i wanna get legion of x so bad i skimmed it and hhhhhhhhim gonna throw UP#i need to shake charles like a ragdoll BUT ANYWAY. bye bye for now lovelies !!!!!!!#please forgive me if i didnt answer your question efficiently ..#here i am saying i wanted to keep the tag count brief and yet !!! jesus christ. shut up My God I REACHED THE TAG LIMIT
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ohhh glitchfell???
Glitchfell!!! It's funny you mention that specifically, because originally it had just been to separate Dos specifically, but I've actually been developing it on its own on the back burner...
Dos is still sort of the star of the show, since, well, he’s the reason it's glitchfell. Dos is [REDACTED]. However, his creator made a fatal flaw when trying to fix a previous mistake and it completely fucked Dos' code. At first, it was just minor glitching and stat instability. But as he got older, and the attempts to fix the mistake only continued making it worse (sort of), by the time he was a young teen, the glitching was causing problems in the Main Code, so when a particularly bad episode hit, he unintentionally collapsed the timeline and threw himself to a "neighboring" au.
...or so he thought (and how I'd initially written it lol).
But I've been working with, at least an alternate "timeline", where the au didn't actually collapse when Dos was thrown. Rather, it became corrupted. It wasn't too bad at first, more like Glitchedswap, where there were new tics here and there, but things could continue on as normal.
Unfortunately though, a tree cannot grow from a severely damaged trunk. At least not well. The damage was done, and as time went on, the corruptions only continuously worsened. There's a good likelihood it would have collapsed on its own by the time Dos met Void, there's just no way an au like that could sustain itself after a point, but it's incredibly interesting to think about how far it could've fallen before that point, and if it's possible anyone from it could've been saved before then...
Or if anyone would've put them out of their misery before it got so bad.
#I wanna make fucked up designs for all of them so bad </3#it's like. really sad too bc no one really understands what's going on. at first they don't even realize. and then they just start getting#confused. sans of course picks up on it immediately (especially because he can't find papyrus) but eventually him and Alphys are trying#desperately to figure out what's happening and stop it. but it was already too bad by that point </3#id love to explore scenarios like Dos finding out it's still around way later down be line only to return and see everything completely#*shattered*. broken beyond the point of reason. and knowing it was his fault. would've been better if it *had* collapsed#or finding out about it after the fact and realizing Void had known and kept it from him#maybe Void had found it after meeting Dos and checking. but finding it in such a horrible state...all he *could do to help them would be...#and Dos finding that out? that Void never told him he found it? that he *manually* collapsed it after he did?#MAN. that'd be so fucked up#Dos would be able to come around eventually but he'd be SO furious and hurt#and that's 100% the kind of thing Void would do lmao#maybe not even initially tbth. the whole thing with Dos stretches out over *several* years. there's a chance Void honestly just forgot by#the next time he re-met Dos#ough...#uselessundertalefacts#ty for the ask sorry for hijacking it with Void#well. only in the tags. still tho#🌟❕💗#clear sky sunset#sun spots#gf dos#glitchfell#glitchfell papyrus
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#tw suicide#idk i feel like i am probably gonna kms after TIT#i would do it sooner but i asked one of my friends to come with me and it would suck if i made him go alone#and it is something to look forward to which is helping me hang on i guess#but ughhhh once uni starts again in september i know everything is gonna fall apart.#i already got an extension on my thesis due to being a useless shell of a person who can't motivate themselves to do anything atm#but i was supposed to get some work done over the summer and have so far done nothing#hence why i want to kms before i have to talk to my fucking supervisors again and admit yet again that i simply cannot do this 😭#and it's not just this. my executive dysfunction has been so bad over the past couple of years and it's only getting worse#to the point where i can't imagine being able to work at all. and if i can't work i can't get out of my parents house#and then what the fuck is the point.#every time i see someone on here talking about bonding with their parents over dnp I'm like damn what's it like#to have parents who actually want to talk to you DSFGJJKL i know they let me live in their house at my big age#but that's only bc id literally be homeless otherwise and they're not like evil. they just don't love me#also went through a deeply embarrassing breakup recently#tl;dr ive been in love with this person for over a decade and i thought they were the dan to my phil or vice versa.#then after 10 years they left me and i'll spare the details but it has me wondering if they ever loved me#i thought it was a “let's live together and get a cat one day” relationship#but now i feel like for them. it was just a “sex and video games” type situation#i am trying soooo hard to at least be creative bc that makes me happy sometimes but it's hard to not be overly critical of myself#and now im getting to a point where i can barely even find any joy in this space any more. for a bunch of reasons#most of which revolve around me being extremely sensitive. and this is like my last bastion of dopamine so that fucking sucks#idk i don't see the point in my life any more. a social worker actually told me recently that i should consider euthanasia so.#it's just completely over for me i fear#this is not even mentioning all the damn migraines. and all the other ways in which my body simply doesn't work properly#sorry for this weird ass vent I'm not in therapy any more bc i couldn't find a therapist willing to treat me+all my diagnoses at this point#and im scared my friends will stop wanting to talk to me if i talk to them about this. several of them already have#the 2 friends i have left anyway. that's a whole other thing. when they said it's hard for autistic ppl to make friends i took that persona#so uh at this point it's vent here or develop a substance abuse problem. and im already halfway to having a substance abuse problem#anyway dan and phil for the love of god please fucking post something tonight. unfortunately you are my only hope
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ok let's catch up quickly
#so i went on a few dates w this guy. long hair beautiful face kinda looked like a girl (good) said yes ma'am when i told him to do smth#(also good) film student great at photography including candids. made a sheath of leather for a sword pin i have . et cetera.#he asked to cuddle and i was like iggg and then i felt Nothing and i was like ohhh yh ok ok yep lesbian#like he meets almost all my criteria but. yeahhh no . also at the end of that date he had some weird takes. anyway broke up w him and told#him actually im p sure im a lesbian (again) and he was like yk thats the second time this has happened to me this week but its ok bc ive#fallen for this girl from berlin. and then we cooked together. anyway . met a beautiful butch lowk in love w her. weve been on (1) date.#have two exams in a few days havent studied enough going to like end it all basically. my research partner kicked me off our research#(expected(it was always skinda sketchy)) which was devastating + it happened in a lidl 15 hours into a journey from bordeaux#to go back to the UK. my friends were kinda busy paying for baguettes but also they heard this whole exchange and are kinda mad at him#my friend of 10+ years is coming over in a few days. my evil ex situationship person that i decided to stay friends w because i kept#insisting they are a good friend and not evil and also extremely beautiful? turns out shockingly enough they were evil. tried to fix them#and then i realised due to their entire friendship group being ppl like me (Every Single One of their friends are ppl they met on dating#apps then led on then dumped and proposed staying friends w) and are collectively extremely attracted to them and not over them they#keep validating the most diabolical shit they say/do to hace a chance w them. they broke up w their ex and the way they keep leading#this poor girl on and making her heartbeeak worse and saying that they want more power over her and want her to beg for them back etc...MY#JAW HAD DROPPED esp bc i didnt even know the ex was in the picture BECAUSE ME AND ONE OF OUR FRIENDS (that they also dated) HAD JUSR SLEPT#NAKED TOGETHER IN THEIR BED W THEM. GIRL. anyway that is the least of the diabolical stuff they said but no we are moving onnn#this was b4 the beautiful butch btw. anyways . i have a mitski concert tmrw i think?? idek anymore#i used to have a crush on this guy very briefly and then it disappeared and then i realised if he fundementally changed everything abt#himself then maybe id like him but ofc i didnt tell him that but i still think abt it sometimes but anyway thats irrelevant now bc 99% sure#even if he did id still not find him attractive (lesbianism). please recommend good overnight moisturisers btw i have super dry skin#right. the friend of 10 yrs. we had a hard convo abt why she essentially bullied me in year 8 and it made me highly bitter but i also love#her and ik things are diff now its been like . Many Years . and shes going to stay a while I HAVE TWO EXAMS I DONT HAVE TIME but i love her#its fine. i think i might just switch into medicine and do the whole become a neurosurgeon thing (which was my plan B) bc plan A is looking#kinda impossible rn. I WANNA TALK MORE ABT WHAT THE EX SITUATIONSHIP PERSON SAID but i wont bc i dont wanna be too mean but also . MY GOD#i had a conversation w a philosopher friend about whether i have a moral responsibility to try to fix them bc unleashing this on society#feels wrong and he said 'probably but...run' so yeah im not talking to them atm. second date w beautiful butch on monday btw IDK WHAT TO#WEAR. she said she likes fems. im just gonna wear the shortest ralph lauren skirt i have w the cute leg warmers and hope 4 the best#its 1:15 AM im abt to drink coffee and start studying bc what the FUCK man. also almost finished watching the boys its very good#one of my best friends is struggling rn it is breaking my heart i want to take the burden from her i miss her very much
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omg i literally love wheelbitten as a comic and ur art is amazing
random question but how long have u been drawing as an artist and do u have advice.............
thank uuuu and I've been drawin my ass off since I could hold a pencil and I'm 24 (25 next month) now so this shit wasn't overnight by any means lmfao idk the way i did it was have A Thing that you like drawing and just draw the fuck outa it and eventually you'll get better for sure whether it be the desire to get better at drawing said thing makes you do research and study something to become better at it or just literal muscle memory from drawing said thing so much. I had lil spouts of taking time to get better at specific things like anatomy, shading, ect. by studying it but overall i just subconsciously got better by mentally picking up new things everytime i draw and analyzing the world around me. Even recently i got to see that with drawing tactical gear (that ive never really drawn before and never wanted to draw in my life) soley bc i just REALLY fukkin love Ghost and Konig
i went from being terrified and intimidated of drawing tactical gear (even trying to put a gun in front of it as if that was any better lmfao) it used to be vague as hell and my brain would shut down just trying to look at the references(i remember having a ''shit man am i even gunna be able to draw these characters???'' moment of dread the first time i was drawing Konig pffft) to absolutely loving drawing tactical gear and seeing how much more detailed i can make it with every new drawing, so a complete 180 but that's bc im just totally obsessed with the characters and drawing is how i express that sO thats mainly what i mean by just have a thing that you love and want to draw and the rest should follow with time, patience, and practice. I think it's about training your brain and motivation to pick up on details or a certain way something looks in lighting (or lack thereof) bc my brain is probably wired a certain way after art being like a centerpiece of my development to the point to where drawing is just What I Do and at this point if i dont draw for even a few days i start getting vaguely antsy and fidgety it's crazy lmfao SO idk if this is worded like i need it to but yeah art and the act of drawing can be frustrating as hell but it should be enjoyable and rewarding above all else at the end of the day!
#i drew bc the piece of shit im unfortunately biologically related to drew a lot when we were kids so id just copy her#then i drew winged wolves and dragons and the occasional horse for like 7 years then The Axel obsession started#where i drew axel from kindom hearts literally all the time and had 870000 aus for him where i would draw for all of them#when i tell you the obsession for him was catastrophic u best believe but it kept me drawing like a motherfucker until i made my monster oc#which was around the age of 15 is when i started consistently drawing humanoids#OH YEAH i had a whole lion king phase too in 2011 where i would strictly draw lions all the time and my first record of drawing online was#on the lion king fanart archive (which i still visit to look back its like visiting an old janky friend:') )#but yeah then my heart was stolen by my ocs and all the potential designs i could make them#and thats where i am now aside from the festering COD masked men obsession boiling over in the corner AHA#so basically latch onto an obsession and pick up that damn pencil#even as a kid if i liked anything the immediate connection was trying to draw it#didnt matter how weird to draw or undrawable it was my ass would be in that notebook bc its the only way i know how to express myself lmfao#this is long as fuck but NOW im out peace skskksk
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i just beat 4/20 mode in fnaf 1 in TWO ATTEMPTS. why is that so easy
#the strat is flipping the camera up for ~ half a second every side check#so like. left door. cams (on 4b ONLY). right door. cams#check foxy OCCASIONALLY if ur worried abt his progression but he only moved to stage 2 (peeking out) the entire night with this strat#i sat at 2% power and waited and freddy barely got to his song when i won#that strat only works for fnaf 1 cuz foxy you just have to look at A camera it doesnt have to be HIS camera#so you can cam stall freddy (keep him from coming into your door) and keep foxy Calm the whole time staying on ONE camera#i checked foxy probably twice per hour at the MOOOOST i dont remember id have to look#ill check later#anyway i beat another 20 mode it was. actually so fucking easy i died once and its cuz i forgot to close the right door to check foxy and-#-freddy got into my room#at like 12 am so BKSDJAFFHSADJFKGHA barely into a run#i cant believe that was so easy hello i had like 47% at 3 am ur sposed to have 50%#GUYS I DID BETTER THAN MARKIPLIER#IT TOOK HIM 7 HOURS? IT TOOK ME 2 TRIES#then again. he didnt have the Foxy Freddy Strat TM#i might try it with his strat later on when i beat some other 20 modes just out of curiosity#xanchats#fnaf
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#uh.... LOL so yada yada yada u know what im gonna talk about JDJDJD GOD HELP ME#i just realized........... that u know. usually on the 15th (bc timezones) im like super hype bc sjs birthday#but LMAO........ i so happen to be seeing.... my .... crusheroo on that day so Zjxjdjkdkdkd HOW LIFE CHANGES WOW#i didnt realize til i saw a bday (old) set of sj n i was like WAIT FUCK DID I MISS HIS BDAY. ONLY TO REALIZE. IT WAS THE SAME DAY....#hhhh but god. ya i did it. i survived a whole month without seeing him. but like bc we message or whatever occasionally (and my#frequent daydreaming lets be real) it didnt feel that long !!! wow !! proud !!@#like realistically i knew i could do it bc i went like. 4 months without seeing him JDJJDJDJDJD#god imagine. i spent the whole summer trying to get over him. only to see him 1 time n have everything come back#but WORSE. BC. RECIPROCATION?????????#god lmao. feel like im never gonna be over this. feel like i could even be married to him everyday n id be like WOW HOW DID THIS HAPPEN????#shits so weird idk. idk. im just NDJJDJDJDJD HOW DO WE GET TO THE NEXT STEP#BUT AT THE SAME TIME. I SHOULD GET TO KNOW HIM BETTER. GOD ITS SO DJFJFKKFKDKDKDKKD#like this is what its like to really like someone huh. all those other crushes i had were like.... a 0 in comparison#like wtf is this. when everyone else had crushes and liked ppl is This what they meant. jfc#idk if i could go thru this again JDJDJJDJDJD. hope hes it. ya#id promise to save everyone n never talk about this again but we both know thats not gonna happen ANDNDNDNDND#personal
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Ykno the suckiest thing about being broken up with for someone else is that like. Well I'm doing generally fine, all things considered, but I Am kinda sad thinking about the things I've lost and all the casual affection that I can't have now.
But she's out there having all the affection she wants from her coworker, and it's just like. Damn this feels so skewed and SO unfair.
#speculation nation#and then U add in the fact that the girl she broke up with me for is already dating someone else (poly sort of situation)#and im just like. WHYYYYY did she break up with me instead of trying to negotiate poly???#she was gonna at first but when i expressed concern about poly given her obvious communication problems about it#then she dropped me like a hot coal. like sorry i wasnt about to let myself be stood up and ignored for basically a whole day#just to accept u trying to negotiate poly. like What?????#anyways i may have a bit of a history with being a bit of an asshole and breaking up with them#but at LEAST ive never broken up with anyone to immediately start dating someone else#and at LEAST ive broken up with them in person and not over text!!! the fuck?????#i keep alternating between 'surprisingly okay with it all' and 'maybe a little sad' and 'absolutely fucking LIVID'#and i keep wanting to yell at her more but i already said quite a lot of things. so id just be repeating myself#and at that point id just be a vitriolic piece of shit. which i try not to be.#so im letting her live in peace while i continue to be So Pissed about it and it just sucks man lmfao#why do i gotta be the bigger person fr. i even apologized for the hurtful things i was saying in anger. literally in that same conversation.#and she gets to pull this stunt and walk free and spend so much time with her new 'love' ignoring the world etc etc#honestly i hope it fails miserably for her. bc sure theres a chance it works out but every single part of this is impulsive and So Stupid.#and even tho my ex agreed with me when i told her it was INSANE. she was just like 'i have to' like OKAY????#jesus fucking christmas she's revealed a side to me that i really hadnt seen before.#so i hope it fails and i hope she tells me about it. i hope she owns up to her mistakes. for my own satisfaction.#but i have 0 intention on ever taking her back. because what the fuck????#i may be a flawed individual with plenty of problems. but i still have basic fucking dignity. and i am NOT accepting this back in my life.#and god damn her friend is moving into the unit across from mine for this coming year#and i may have to see my ex sometimes bc of it 😭😭😭#the friend seemed generally level headed tho. idk if i happen across him & he doesnt avoid me maybe i'll ask him what he thinks of this#bc she was treating me with such love and affection showing me off to all her friends. and then she drops me like a fucking coal.#i wouldnt say i made friends with them myself but we were at least friendly. so i doubt theyd have a good opinion of her for this.#so would the friend loyalty take precedence? or would he be willing to chat with me and confirm Yeah what the fuck?#bc if i had a friend who did this same exact thing id be side-eyeing them SO hard.#id support them bc theyre my friend but i would also be like 'hey uh Why did you do that. that was pretty awful of u you know that right'#& itd also make me more cautious of them too. for being Able to drop someone so suddenly lol.
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I know I've infodumped this before but not as its own post so let's go. what I'd do if I was in charge of making a live a live anime. I am ignoring the fact that I desperately want it to be a musical because that's not going to happen so ask me about my Separate thoughts about what I'd do if I was in charge of making a The Day The Night Slept The Album-ening of live a live.
ok so my Basic Idea is I'd let the show have a 13 episode (maybe 14? does that happen?) first season. I assume each of the first 7 chapters would need about 2 episodes, but I can see some that end in one like wild west or Definitely present day. I could also see some taking longer though, like distant future and near future. it'd even itself out I think to average to 2 episodes each.
it'd be an anthology series basically. a bunch of non-connected stories, but tied together by one key point. a narrator. see I have a Framing Device idea here and it's that we know odio from the very beginning, but never see his face or know who he is. this is very inspired by princess tutu here but here the stories are actively being Read by somebody outside of it, and occasionally he takes the reins to bend the retelling a bit, likely in the chapter boss' favor. note that while the anime is actually Playing and showing the characters, if the narrator does decide to kick in the characters will likely not be doing what he says they are, and they Definitely cannot hear him. it's an unreliable narrator story, but to the point where it's pretty easy to tell that he's biased. in practice how this probably would go would be like in princess tutu, occasionally when a character reaches a point that justifies his own philosophy in some way he'll cut in and monologue about The Nature Of Man Bringing Only Tragedy or whatever the fuck. also maybe cutting in to give the chapter villains some sympathy for the devil, maybe at the end to close each story out as he turns the last page? I dunno I don't want to be Too obvious but like. odio does sound pretty damn evil by default so maybe it'd be obvious anyway.
anyway! that's season one. anthology of short stories. on the final episode I'd leave it hanging on him picking up one last book or something, but I'd let that be told in either a short season (again, do these happen?) or a movie ??? anyway that would start out with the middle ages chapter, which I don't think will have any narration? I'm iffy on this? it'd be cool to see his retrospective thoughts on his own story but also, that's a bit heavy-handed, I'm not sure. anyway the thing is that around the end, when oersted breaks into his soliloquy at the archons roost. there I think we'd get a sort of cut-in, as halfway through our narrator starts reading it out himself. shut book camera pan Blonde Man Jumpscare I think that's the best way to go about the "oh shit the villain is the protag of that story" reveal. also it'd be fun. anyway that'd be either the beginning chunk or the first two? episodes?
from here I'm not Exactly sure how to frame it because all of the endings are Very important, but also kind of. happen at the same time? I do not know how to do this. the easy way would just be to have it remain anthology-ish, and have say the boss rush version of the dominion of hate be one story while the rest is another, but I don't think that fits into the framing device well. mm?? I have no idea. I think we're good without the bad ending of the dominion of hate happening as long as the "if you kill this dude you'll end up just as fucked as him" message gets conveyed in some way or another but I don't think we can skip the whole other version of the DoH.
maybe we can play it less as Actually Happening and more a what if scenario?? more odio just. Fucking Talking Alone Again about what Could be if not for Man's Folly^tm. I think that'd get the point across, be a good intro for the rest of the dominion of hate and stay in universe but it would Not have the added bonus of "ok you kicked around a bunch of jrpg protagonists now what. did that make you feel any better" unless we tried to hammer that home in a different way. and oh boy do I not have a single idea what to do with the armageddon ending. maybe instead just have him mention how if he and the other odios were Still denied he'd have the page burnt entirely or something. maybe at the end. shrugs. there's not a ton I can do here.
eh. anyway the actual dominion of hate would likely be more based in the protagonists than anything, likely picking a main character (Probably Akira) and not having a Narrator as much as just being in the mc's head from time to time. though I Do like the idea of odio still being there Attempting to nudge the protags and them being actually able to hear him this time, it'd have to be used infrequently. or not at all. there is a certain merit to them not knowing anything about him until getting to the archons roost but Us knowing a lot. I dunno. anyway I think this adaptation would have a lot more interactions between the protagonists (desperately needed) and I think that'd take up most of the runtime there, we can incorporate the trials if we want to (trial of heart is necessary to be sure but the rest really aren't, so it can be a good dungeon for the whole team to go through and have some more plot-motivated character moments) but I think Getting The Band Together might already take a good amount of time if we don't rush past good chances for character building or interaction. I want it to feel like the mcs Do actually start to be a team that is the thing I have the Most problems with about the game, though in doing so that will mean we're gonna have to do away with the 4 character party thing unless we want to have them split up sometimes. that's details. the point is that it's going to be All the mcs together most of the time and hopefully it doesn't feel crowded.
anyway from there it kind of goes as expected, except with the aforementioned (we don't need to have the bad ending be its own thing but we do need to mention the consequences). maybe somebody of the team Does try to grant oersteds wish before being held back or something. for similarities reasons I say oboro but this can be wiggled. anyway I also think around the actual Ending ending you'd get more than just one monologue from the mcs, you'd probably get more of like. an actual Conversation I guess? the mcs building off of each other's points to oersted? I dunno I'm spitballing here I do think it would Start Off with akira's ending though and then somebody scruffs him and continues off from there. I dunno the important thing is that everybody should get a word in or perhaps a hug in in the case of pogo. I think that's it though? I probably won't return to the plot device to show like another book being closed or whatever that is purely A Plot Device so it'd be weird to have it come back after oersted was Thoroughly Dead. I will say though if the live a live anime has an ED it's gotta have sin of odio in the A that's the law.
#live a live spoilers#That Was Long#anyway uh#i like ptutu#also if this was an anime i think id let lei be the final mc of the imperial china chapter#mostly for party balance (i trust the writers to not fuck up her character because Shes Girl)#but also because the way she relates to oersted is fun so i wanna keep that for the ending#i think the recruit order isnt Entirely relevant so id probably just go with whatever fits the game's pacing best#like if I were akira id probably start with trying to go to what looks most like it might be inhabited being the castle#and masaru and cube are good characters to pick up at the beginning anyway.#from there theyd probably go to the archons roost pick up oboro and realize the damn doors locked#so theyd then maybe pick up pogo along the way to brion and meet lei there. and then sundowns somewhere#i assume youd get like flashes of sundown through the whole thing. i personally like the thought of#akira/the team getting ambushed and whoever ambushed em just suddenly getting Shot from the shadows#and everybody else being ?????????#idk im spitballing here. sundown being the last to join but being Seen throughout makes the screentime balance a bit more even#though i dont like lei being so late in#i assume trial of heart would be after everybody had joined though so thatd be a little bit more time to get to know everyone#oh shit i just remembered u need cubes battery from the Brion Mountain#maybe akira would go to there earlier. i dunno. oboro being introduced later wouldnt be detrimental to him#hes pretty much what it says on the tin so it wouldnt be a total loss for him to miss some extra screentime#veespeaks
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well shit. just checked out the lineup 4 bluesfest this year and i may have 2 actually brave the crowds 4 once. there might just be enough ppl id wanna see to make it worth it, altho tbh matthew good is almost enough for that on his own lol coz like. matthew good!!! that's the music of my freakin childhood man!! (*the most canadian sentiment ever)
#but also: ben howard; orville peck; charley crockett; mother mother#and of course. motley fucking crue. for some reason. i mean why not right? lol#ftr no i dont know why its called bluesfest when theres so much non-blues. they DO have blues its just. theres a lotta other stuff.#idk. perpetual mystery here in the nations capital.#i REALLYYYY wanna see matt good tho i was supposed to in 2020 and he CANCELLED instead of rescheduling like every1 else 😭#still might go to mtl in april to see him tho. festival sets are just Not the Same lbr#NOW i just gotta see if any of the artists i wanna see are on the same days..... pls..... so much more cost effective....#my whole life ive lived here and ive never been 2 bluesfest. maybe thisll be the year that changes#hmmm. $280 for a 'pick any 3 days' ticket is Not Bad At All.... definitely gonna b Pondering this further....#tho $410 for a full pass is also not terrible. relatively speaking bc tgats is still Not A Small Amount of Money#not sure the full lineup is worth that 2 me tho#HMMM#anyways hey bluesfest. why the FUCK is your website so bad my god the scrolling lag good fucking lord. what the fuck are u DOING back there#also also. on the topic of music festivals. i KNOW its not coming back but.... heavy mtl return W H E N 🥺😭🙏🔥#i just. wanna go 2 a metal music fest. w/o breaking the bank and/or subjecting myself to festival camping. which i refuse 2 try by myself.#not that we really have that sorta festival here at all but it seems the Really Big european ones are like that and uhhh.#it just seems like A Lot to do that solo. for a first time doing smth.#ANYWAYS !! still contemplating whether i want 2 spend altogether Too Much Fucking Money to see metallica and iron maiden later in the year#like on the 1 hand its A Lot Of Money plus id have to travel (edmonton 4 metallica; mtl or TO 4 maiden)#on the other hand. those guys arent gettin any younger. and the FOMO is unfortunately real af when u never know if theyre gonna retire#or like. DIE. (ok ok or like. idk break a hip or smth lol) ( they arent THAT that old just. u kno. fear.)
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im so tough when im alone and i make you feel so guilty and i fantasize about the time you're a little fucking sorry do you think i deserved it all your flowers filled with vitriol you have everything but you still want more and
#this whole fucking song god i need to dedicate to my dad#he never fucking planned to send me away on time he never cared enough always so fucking selfish#ive been here since the fucking 8th and it's been 10 full days and today when i asked ab main kya bolu office mein kyu nahi aa rahi#aur kabse aaungi they need a date#he's like yehi 5000 ki naukri ki padi hai kya padhai kar rahi hai ya nahi#you waited the entire fucking time i was here made me do all your fucking chores from literally 6 am in the morning till night continuously#to bring this up?? how fucking selfish do you have to be#now he's like make a goddamn schedule sit with me for 1 hr we'll make it and only then ill THINK about sending u back#fuck him fuck him so bad#idk why he makes me feel so weak and hurt#he wants me to study on my own plus the subjects they're teaching in tuition and idk man it's impossible i can barely keep up with tui#and whenever i tell him that he says you're just not trying hard enough and as soon as he says that the floodgates open this unbearable#lump in my throat forms#today too he asked why won't i follow it aise kaise chalega and my throat was so choked up i knew that one word and i would start crying?#and i didn't want to do that crying in front of him is never good it just makes him more angry violent even#i braved it out for like an hour and then finally he let me go to sleep then i cried peacefully for like half an hour#idk why can't i just tell him fight him jist say like an adult that ye mere bas ki baat nahi hai mujhse itna kuch nahi hoga#even typing this out is bringing tears to my eyes#maybe because it makes ne feel like a huge fuckinh failure a loser a fuckinh dumbass unintelligent lost unfocused#i feel like id be proving him right by admitting defeat he said ill fail again if i continue like this and im afraid he's right#and i fucking hate that i can't do it but literally everyone else around me can very fucking easily?????#everyone is so. normal okay chill relaxed#they do their homework they don't procrastinate they understand what's taught in class in first go#they're consistent they do it thru months whereas me i last like 2 weeks max then it all goes to shit without fail#and i hate being so weak esp in front of him cause i know he doesn't understand or is sensitive to weakness he only wants me#to be strong inhumane like a machine who never gets tired#im so scared of what ill say in office why doesn't he get it's bad for rep and they'll scold me?? and it's not a fucking naukri it's an#internship where im supposed to learn field work and it's literally fucking mandatory to do it to sit in the exams#i spend like 7 8 hours there how do u expect me to not make it a priority at all#im trying my fuckinh best okay but schedules are suffocating impossible i have no energy to do anything besides some hw after 7 pm
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thoseve yall who were here a year ago might remember that a year ago He was liking tweets like "idk how people can cheat when im in love im obsessed😍" and "the honeymoon stage rlly doesnt die if youre with the right person🥰" and he was liking stuff like that up till recently now shit like this is in his likes something is BROKEN in him
#i feel bad. i dont even mean it in a conceited way but i cant help but feel like a bit of this is my fault#hes so bright eyed and ambitious that the idea of him losing any of that idealism is nothing short of a goddamned tragedy im sorry#yes this is the guy who lead me on (unintentionally???) and flirted with me for a year despite seeing TWO people during that time#the latter of which became his girlfriend (who i told Everything to ...)#and like. he never apologized he never explained what was going on or why he acted like a fucking simp for a year#but basically we're not talking now and we're on bad terms and angry at each other#(me because. well yall were there for that . hes angry because i ratted his flirty ass out )#god that all stings so bad i havent talked about the details of what happened to anyone......#but yeah i just. even still after all this time i hope he stays bright eyed. the idea that he wouldnt is heartbreaking in and of itself.#that one crush situation lol#idk if theyre still together. it was early novembet i reached out to his gf and laid the whole thing out for her#& she said theyd 'take it from here' (??????) and was uncomfortable with me and him communicating with the knowledge that THAT ALL happened#even while they were together. i told her i could respect that (even though i wanted to ask her who the FUCK she thought she was. anyways)#and then i reached out to him one last time to clarify i wasnt dredging it up for retaliation or to break them up but bc she genuinely#deserved to know. then he sorta said fuck my feelings and then reiterated what his gf said that we shouldnt be talking anymore#its been radio silence since then from bothve them. if they did break up id feel bad (cause how COULDNT i?) but if they didnt.#that means the only factor that changed here was. well. his 'relationship'/chances of a relationship/flirtationship/friendship with me.#i dunno. im not gonna act like i have all the facts and im not gonna act like he hasnt screwed me over#but getting back to my main point. imagine knowing him and watching him lose his idealism. try not being heartbroken over that.
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