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spencers-renaissance · 4 years ago

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The Colour of Waiting is Purple

Summary: Spencer's just trying to get home as quickly as possible when a bad decision to take a shortcut down a back alley leaves him broken and bleeding into the night. // Hotch thinks it's a new case when his phone rings at 3 in the morning. It isn't.

Tags: whump, hurt/comfort, physical assault, major character injury, hospitals, dad hotch, hurt spencer, angst with a happy ending, eventual fluff

TW: graphic descriptions of violence // physical assault (no rape/non-con)

Pairing: Gen, Aaron Hotchner & Spencer Reid

Word Count: 3.7k

Masterlist // Read on AO3 // Bad Things Happen Bingo

Disclaimer: I'm sure there are some medical inaccuracies here, everything I know comes from google, whump tumblr blogs, and my embarrassing obsession with medical dramas. I also have no knowledge of the US medical system aside from what I know from the aforementioned sources so excuse any issues there.

Spencer doesn’t think anything of it when he leaves work at his usual time, the clock pushing midnight and the offices deserted. He packs his few personal belongings up and turns off his lamp before nodding to the janitor, the only other person to be seen, and taking the elevator down to the ground floor where there’s a little more sign of human life at least.

As soon as he steps out into the crisp winter air, he feels the exhaustion of working close to 18 hours straight on far too little sleep hit him. They haven’t even been working a case, he just gets so caught up in his reports and consults that he doesn’t notice the hours whizzing by until he looks up and the bullpen is deserted, dark except for his desk lamp.

Inevitably when spending the day at the office dealing with banalities, he finds something that captures his interest. It tends to send him on a trawl through the internet — or, occasionally, to another part of the building — looking it up in every journal he buys a subscription to until that itch is scratched.

The others always gently touch his shoulder or call out to him as they leave, which he tends to hear about 50% of the time, and Hotch especially tries to make him leave at a more sensible time, but he can’t help the way his brain works. Once it latches onto something it’s not letting go until it’s satisfied.

His feet carry him to the Metro station while his brain absently thinks over his most recent fixation, and soon enough he’s at his stop and back in DC. The streets are slightly more lively in the city, and the noise and light snap him back to reality enough to remind him of his bone-deep fatigue. He usually walks down the main streets to get to his apartment building, occasionally catching a bus if he’s earlier than usual or a cab if he’s later, but tonight he’s just longing for a quick microwave meal, a shower, and his bed. So, he dips down an alleyway and takes the shortcut home.

It’s stupid.

He knows pretty much every statistic there is to know about his city, and at the forefront of his brain are those concerning crime. DC has one of the highest crime rates in America, and a person’s chances of being a victim is 1 in 18, and although it’s slightly lower in Adams Morgan which is one of the safest, violent crimes are still 36% higher than the national average. This is decidedly increased when you take stupid risks like walking through the backstreets in the dead of night when you’re on your own.

Sadly, this does not occur to Spencer before he’s deep in the back streets of the city, being slammed ruthlessly against a wall by two men he didn’t see coming.

He’s winded immediately, and before his brain can catch up with what’s happening, a knife is being held dangerously close to his neck. All his self-defence training, all the moves Derek had spent hours teaching him when he’d first joined the BAU fly out the window and he can only breathe heavily with what he knows must be a terrified expression on his face.

“Well, well, well,” the man holding the knife leers, his arid breath hitting Spencer’s face, “look what we have here.”

The other man doesn’t speak. He’s stood slightly further back, arms crossed as he stares Spencer down. Although he’s physically the lesser threat right now, something about him has ice pooling in Spencer’s stomach.

“Here’s what’s gonna happen, you fucking pansy,” he continues, pushing Spencer further into the wall, pain blossoming across his body, “you’re gonna let us look through your gay ass purse, and we’re gonna take whatever we want from it. And then, you’re gonna let Paulie here do whatever he wants to you. He’s had a real bad day, and a pathetic little queer like you is just the punching bag he needs, you hear me?”

It’s all Spencer can do to nod his head frantically. He wants to open his mouth, to negotiate, to talk them down, but this is nothing like when he’s faced with the FBI’s most wanted. He’s in control there, he’s on his turf, his playing field, it’s his game and he knows every rule, every bylaw, every exception.

Right now, he’s completely at these men’s mercy.

“Paulie, take his bag.” The man doesn’t take his eyes off Spencer’s face, scanning his expression and body language for any sign he’s about to bolt, for any reason to put his knife to work.

He tries to calm himself down a little, enough to catch his breath at least. He’s taken countless beatings throughout his life, he knows how to survive, just… please, don’t let it be anything more. It’s all Spencer dares to hope for.

The other man steps forward and snatches his messenger bag, unceremoniously dumping the contents of his bag on the pavement. Spencer’s just grateful that he doesn’t have anything in there that hints towards his career. He knows this type: they’re intimidating but they’re easily scared. Right now, he’s a weak twenty-something on his way home, he’s not a threat to them, but who knows what they’d do to him if they realised he’s a fed?

They take his wallet and his phone before they rummage through his pockets to find some spare cash. His badge is tucked in an inner pocket in his blazer and his Quantico ID is still hanging around his neck, hidden under his scarf, blazer, and thin overcoat; he’s so glad he never took it off.

An icy tear drips down his face as he stands there, pressed against the wall, awaiting his fate. All he wants right now is to be back at home. No, that’s not right. All he wants right now is Hotch. As soon as the thought of his father-figure crosses his mind, the tears start flowing faster, desperate to feel safe again, knowing Hotch is the only person to really let him feel that way.

The man holding the knife has turned to watch Paulie sift through his bag and rummage through his pockets, but as soon as his steely grey eyes return to Spencer’s face, his face splits into a shit-eating grin. “Aw, are you crying?” he mocks, starting to laugh. “Are the big bad men making you feel scared? You gonna run home to Mommy?”

He knows that it’s exactly what the man wants, but he can’t stop the tears from devolving into full-blown sobs at his words. The whole terrifying experience, the implications, the realisations of what might be coming for him in the next few minutes start to catch up to him and he’s violently shaking as he cries uncontrollably.

“You’re pathetic,” the man spits, releasing his grip on him slightly, letting Spencer’s shaky legs collapse under him and send him crashing towards the ground. “He’s all yours, Paulie. I’m gonna enjoy this.”

His position is quickly taken over by Paulie as the other man leans against a dumpster close by to watch the show, and Spencer looks up at the intimidating man with fear blazing in his eyes as he hangs in purgatory, knowing the hell that’s about to rain down on him.

Paulie doesn’t take long to get started and he doesn’t hold back, his sturdy, black boots kicking him relentlessly in the stomach and his thighs before moving up to his chest, slamming the toe of his boots into each individual rib. Spencer can hear the other man laughing maniacally over the sound of his own bones breaking, over his own choked pleas for mercy, but it’s like Paulie doesn’t hear either of them. His face is blank as he gives Spencer the beating of his life, and it only makes him more terrifying.

He quickly gets bored of kicking Spencer and bends down to yank him up by his scarf, only to land a hard, brutal punch on his jaw, then his cheek, then his nose before dropping him down again, this time so his back is vulnerable, at the mercy of Paulie’s cruel feet.

The torture continues for a few more minutes, and Spencer doesn’t know how no-one hears his desperate cries, but they’re left alone in the alley as he coughs up blood and feels his bones break under the tread of Paulie’s boots. He’s deprived of air as his chest is stood on, as his windpipe is crushed, but finally, finally it’s over.

“I’m bored,” Paulie grunts, giving Spencer one last brutal kick to the base of his back before walking over to the other man. They both saunter off down the alleyway, not casting a single look back at Spencer lying curled up on the ground, surrounded by his own blood.

Soon, the men have left, and he’s alone with only his ragged, painful breaths for company. He can hear the hoots of a bachelor party just a street over, but no-one’s coming to save him. No-one else is stupid enough to venture down the backstreets of DC. Not with crime rates like those of their city. Not in the small hours of the morning. Not alone.

He doesn’t even have his phone to call for help.

⭐️

Hotch expects it to be work when he picks up the phone at 3am. By the time he’s sat up in bed and sliding the bar on his phone to answer it, he’s already half in work-mode, ready to call Jessica and drive Jack over before racing into work to beat the others on the team. He can already taste his first coffee of the day.

“Hello, is this Aaron Hotchner?”

It isn’t work.

“Uh, yes,” he says hesitantly, shifting upright a little further, sleep-addled mind trying to guess who the caller could possibly be, “speaking.”

“Hi, my name is Mary Kutner, I’m calling from George Washington University Hospital. I have you down as Spencer Reid’s emergency contact, is that correct?”

Hotch’s heart plummets, and he leaps out of bed immediately, ready to get dressed as the shock wakes him up. “That’s correct. What’s happened?”

“I’m afraid I can’t divulge much information over the phone, sir, but we’ll need you to come to the hospital urgently.”

He isn’t usually an emotional person, but he can feel tears springing to his eyes already. Spencer is a surrogate son to him, and knowing he’s hurt without knowing what he can actually do about it is an atrocious feeling. Please don’t let me watch another member of my family die, is all he can think as he tries to gain enough composure to reply to the nurse on the other end of the line.

“Can you tell me his condition?” he asks, somehow managing to get the words past the lump in his throat.

“He’s currently in theatre, sir,” Mary replies as gently as one can in such a professional tone. “If you come down to the hospital and report to the ER a doctor will be able to tell you more. I’ll need you to bring identification with you, please.”

“Okay,” he breathes, trying to keep as calm as possible, “okay. Thank you for letting me know. I’ll be right there.”

He throws the phone on the bed as he finishes throwing his clothes on. He packs two bags: one for him (mostly filled with things Spencer might need) and one for Jack, pulls on his coat and shoes before creeping into his son’s room and lifting him out of bed gently, carrying him down to the car.

Jack is a heavy sleeper — he frequently wakes up the next morning tucked in his room at Jessica’s, sometimes in the car on the way — and he’s endlessly thankful for that now. Explaining why he’s dashing out of the flat with a panicked look on his face to a seven-year-old is a conversation he’s glad to avoid.

He rings Jessica on the way who, used to his early morning calls waking her up, has no problem with looking after Jack.

Somehow, he manages to make it to the hospital only forty-five minutes later, and he didn’t even have to park illegally. Thank God the hospital is at least a little quieter in the dead of night.

“Hi, I’m Aaron Hotchner, Spencer Reid’s emergency contact,” he explains shakily to the woman at the front desk, laying down his FBI identification bag down as ID. He could use his driving licence, sure, but… if knowing they’re FBI agents will make any difference to Spencer’s care then he doesn’t give a damn if this could be construed in some way as abuse of his position. He’d rather lose his job than lose his son.

“Oh, hi Agent Hotchner,” the woman says with a tone of recognition, glancing at his ID before typing something into her computer, “I’m Mary Kutner, I spoke to you on the phone. Dr Reid is still in surgery but I’ll go and find a doctor who can explain the situation to you.”

He nods absently, face stern and pinched as furious anxiety toils inside him. He feels like the last forty-five minutes have been a daze, and now the bright lights and noisy machines and bustling action of the Emergency Department at a major trauma centre are slowly snapping him out of it, the implications of ‘urgent’ and ‘surgery’ and it being the middle of the damn night finally catching up to him.

Some number of minutes pass by — he’s too anxious and caught in his head to keep track of the linear passage of time right now — before he’s approached by a young doctor, wearing a mask carefully constructed of confident professionalism and reassuring compassion.

“Agent Hotchner?” She’s clarifying uselessly, she knows it’s him. He knows she probably has to confirm for some stupid HIPAA rule, but he just wants to know what happened goddamnit.

“Yes,” he replies shortly, “what’s happened to Spencer?”

He doesn’t miss her almost perfectly concealed wince, and he feels his stomach sink further. “He was involved in an assault on his way home from work. A passer-by found him in a back road not far from the hospital and called for an ambulance. Luckily we got him into surgery quickly. Upon admission’s initial assessment, he had a ruptured spleen, a collapsed lung, a double kidney contusion, and he suffered a pelvic fracture along with multiple broken ribs, a fractured jaw and cheekbone, and several severe breaks in his left forearm, wrist, and hand.”

Hotch stares at the doctor in disbelief as she lists Spencer’s injuries: he feels like he’s going into shock. How could anyone want to hurt the sweetest person he’s ever met? How could anyone be so brutal? He’s worked with serial killers for nearly two decades and still, nothing could prepare him for this. He sits down in the seat behind him as the world spins, his brain trying to piece everything together.

“Are you alright, sir?” the doctor asks, sitting down in the seat next to him. “Do you want a glass of water?”

“What?” He turns to look at her before her words sink in and he realises what she asked. “Oh. No, I’m fine… I— is he going to be okay?” As soon as the first tear spills down his cheek, he can’t stop them from falling one after another, dripping down his face in his most public display of emotion since Haley died.

“He’s going to need a lot of care,” she reasons, “he’ll need to stay in hospital for at least a week depending on the outcome of the surgery, but we have every reason to believe he’ll make a full recovery.”

“What’s— what’s the surgery for?” He feels like he’s having an out of body experience.

“They’ll address the internal bleeding first by either fixing or removing the spleen and making sure we didn’t miss anything else on the scans. The surgeon will also assess the damage to Spencer’s kidneys and make sure they aren’t contributing to the internal bleeding. They’ll address the pelvic fractures and the collapsed lung as well. You need to understand that Spencer may need further surgery and he’ll definitely need very close monitoring over the coming weeks and months.”

“What about his broken bones?” Hotch asks. “How bad is it?”

She sighs. “They’re bad,” she admits. “The pelvic fractures are likely going to have a big impact on his mobility, and he won’t have the use of his left arm for a long time. We’re looking at a long recovery, Agent Hotchner. But we have every reason to believe that he will eventually recover.”

She pats him comfortingly on the hand before getting up. “Someone will fetch you as soon as he’s out of surgery.”

It’s not until she’s halfway across the waiting room that he realises she never even told him her name.

It’s close to 8am by the time a surgeon walks over to him, still dressed in scrubs. There’s a smudge of blood on his shirt and Hotch winces at the knowledge that it’s Spencer’s.

“How is he?” he asks, leaping up. He doesn't want any screwing around. He just wants to know if Spencer’s going to be okay.

“He’s stable. The surgery went well. Unfortunately, we had to conduct a full splenectomy to stop his internal bleed which does put him at risk for serious infections, but otherwise, it’s good news. His kidneys will need support but should heal in a timely manner, and we were able to set the rib that punctured his lung and reinflate it, although we’re going to keep him on oxygen to be safe. His pelvis was severely fractured but we managed to reposition the displaced bone fragments and inserted a screw and metal plate to hold them together.”

“Oh, thank God,” Hotch sighs with relief. The worst, immediate threats have been dealt with, and it settles a small part of the anxiety he’s feeling.

“He’s in room 338 if you’d like to go and see him. He should be waking up shortly.”

⭐️

Wasting no time, he races up to Spencer’s floor where a nurse lets him onto the ward and leads him down to 338. He pushes the door open apprehensively, swallowing his emotion at the sight of the man he considers a son lying in a hospital bed. He’s lost count of the number of times he’s been rushed to the hospital, but it’s never been like this. It’s always after a case: Spencer knows the risks of the job, they all do, and he puts himself deliberately in harm's way for the sake of others.

This time, though… this time he was just walking home from work. This time he had no say in the matter.

His left arm is in a cast and his face is bruised and swollen, chestnut hair matted and tangled. Opening the bag he packed, he pulls out a comb and gently teases out the tangles until he can comb through the curls completely unobstructed. There are undoubtedly more knots at the back of his head, but those can wait until he’s woken up at least. It just makes him feel like he’s doing something.

It’s only when he sits down in the chair by his bed that he realises it’s Thursday morning now; he’s supposed to be at work today, they both are. No-one except Jessica knows what’s happened.

The first thing, he supposes, is to ring Strauss.

Once that’s out of the way and she knows that neither he nor Spencer will be in today and he’ll inform her of the latest updates as soon as possible, he messages Rossi. He’s the only one who will be able to remain objective enough to inform everyone, and he’s enough of a dad to the team to help manage everyone’s emotional responses.

Just as he hits send on the message, his head snaps up at Spencer’s quiet whimpering as he comes around.

“Hey, hey, Spencer,” he says as soothingly as possible, “it’s okay, I’m here. You’re in the hospital. Are you in pain?”

Spencer blinks his eyes open blearily, wearing such a pained and vulnerable expression that it goes right to Hotch’s gut. He nods in response to his question, his good hand reaching to hold Hotch’s.

“Okay, there’s a PCA pump right here, I’ll turn it up a little. Is that better?”

“Yeah,” he whispers, tears springing to his eyes. Now he’s not in as much physical pain, Hotch knows this is pure emotion, and he thinks that’s somehow worse. Spencer’s been through a horrifying physical ordeal, but the emotional recovery is going to be just as gruelling and last years. If there’s one word he’d use to describe Spencer, though, it’s resilient.

He shushes him gently, bringing a hand to his hair and caressing it lightly. “I’m here,” he repeats. “You’re safe. I won’t leave you, okay?”

Spencer nods and relaxes into his touch, eyes fluttering closed as he calms down a little.

“You rest now,” he murmurs. “I’ll be here when you wake up. Everything’s going to be okay.”

They’ll deal with the fall-out later. They’ll deal with the team coming to visit, with the paperwork for his sick leave and the frustration of government bureaucracy. They’ll manage their way through processing the trauma of what happened to him, the physical, mental, and occupational implications of the assault. They’ll stay glued at the hip while Spencer’s interviewed by the police, while doctors explain to him just how serious his injuries are.

Right now, though, Spencer will sleep and Hotch will sit by his bedside watching the rise and fall of his chest, listening to every steady beep on the heart rate monitor, searing the living breathing proof that Spencer is alive into his mind. Spencer will sleep and Hotch will cry silently over the cruelty of the world, he’ll grieve for the man he said good-bye to 12 hours earlier, knowing he’ll never quite be the same again.

Spencer will sleep and Hotch will be there, holding his hand, waiting for him to wake up again.

taglist: @criminalmindsvibez @strippersenseii @suburban--gothic @takeyourleap-of-faith

#criminal minds #criminal minds fic #criminal minds writing #criminal minds whump #whump #spencer reid whump #aaron hotchner #hotch #spencer reid #aaron hotchner & spencer reid #criminal minds gen #criminal minds gen fic #criminal minds angst #tw violence #tw assault #tw beating

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trans-shuichisaihara · 4 years ago

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fake it till (we) make it - Scene 3

it’s been over two years but here we go again

just in case, a warning for brief mentions of internalized homophobia

(read on ao3)

---

Later in the afternoon, his phone rings.

He slows on his treadmill and glances across the room to the offending device, wondering if he should answer. His manager called earlier and chewed him out, so he really isn't in the mood to deal with any more of that. Still, on the off chance that it's something important, he reluctantly hops off and crosses over to at least pick it up and check it.

He's glad he does; the caller ID shows his best friend’s name. Without any further hesitation, he answers the call, pinning his phone between his ear and his shoulder as he grabs a towel to mop up his sweat. “Hey, Shuichi! What’s up?”

There's a brief, shuddering silence from the other side. He waits patiently and is soon rewarded with a meek greeting of “hey, Kaito.” Then, there's an audible swallow. “I hope I'm not bothering you, but... Um, I tried texting, and, um, it didn't look like... Anyway, how, how are you..?”

He hardly pauses to think about Shuichi’s stuttering; that’s normal, after all. “I’m good, sorry I didn’t answer your texts; people’ve been blowing up my phone all day, so I kinda got fed up and just muted ‘em all.” The brief thought about Shuichi’s own reason for calling crosses his mind, but he quickly sets it to the side.

“I, I see.” There’s a long pause. “What, what are they bothering you about? Is... Is it about your Twitter, perhaps..?”

Kaito sighs; guess it was too much to ask for one unrelated conversation. “So you heard too, then.” He crosses the room to his computer desk, spinning around the office chair placed in front of it so he can plop himself down in it.

“Um, well... Kinda hard not to... Kaede said she and her friends were speculating that your account got hacked? And I wouldn’t be surprised if Kokichi can Photoshop, so... So, um, you, you shouldn’t stress too much if that’s the case? I’m sure Sakakura can fix this.”

If only. “Nah, all he’s done is yell at me.” He snorts, shaking his head. “Because, uh, my account wasn’t hacked. That photo’s real, and, uh, well... The caption was accurate..?”

There’s another long pause. “So, you, you and him are..?”

“Dating, yeah.” He remembers the story they agreed to place down. “About two weeks now, if I’m rememberin’ right.” Then, to make it slightly more believable, he edits it to, “Maybe three?”

Shuichi yet again goes silent for a moment. “... That long?” There’s the faintest hint of hurt in his tone, and panic flutters in Kaito’s chest.

“Hey, don’t say it like that. It, uh, it just...” He struggles to articulate his thoughts and trails off.

“Sorry,” Shuichi finally sighs. “I just... Thought you would’ve told me.” He swallows, and Kaito again regrets doing this at all; of course he would’ve told his best friend the second he started dating.

“I, I meant to- I wanted to,” he lies, the words feeling sour as he forms them, “It just, you know, it was something that just happened.” Literally. “Neither of us were sure it was gonna be more than a brief fling, but, well, here we are.” He forces out a laugh that he hopes sounds real enough.

“Oh, I see... Um, I’m happy for you, then?” He sounds unsure, not that Kaito can blame him for that. “Just... Be careful. You know how Kokichi is.”

He definitely knows. “Yeah, yeah. Don’t worry; I got this.” He certainly doesn’t, but he won’t worry Shuichi with that.

Shuichi doesn’t respond to that, and Kaito changes the topic to something lighter, something that won’t make him feel like his stomach is eating itself. They talk about Shuichi’s band, about the upcoming tour, about both of their workout regiments, about meals they've cooked recently.

By the time Kaito glances at his watch and finds it to be nearing 3pm, he reluctantly ends their call, hoping that the pain he caused Shuichi has been remedied enough. If it was up to Kaito, he would’ve let Shuichi in on what was really going on, but he knows he shouldn’t just tell someone without consulting Kokichi. No matter how much he trusts Shuichi, he knows how easy it is for information like that to spread.

It’s hard enough work keeping a secret between two people, after all.

He sets those thoughts aside as he hops into the shower, washing off the sweat from his workout and mentally preparing for the interview. A week ago, he would've said the questions were going to be about his latest role and those in upcoming films, but he can rightly assume they were scrambling to create a new set of questions at this very moment.

At least he wouldn't be able to complain later about the interview being boring; he's sure he'll have to keep on his toes to avoid screwing anything up.

Once the water is too cold for even him to stand, Kaito hops out and dries off, skipping on styling his hair and going straight to his closet. He scans the line of suits, rolling his choices in his head before settling on his favorite: a rather flashy purple suit that pairs nicely with the bold galaxy patterned tie his grandparents got him. As he begins to tie it around his collar, he stares at his reflection in the mirror.

Will I need to get some new clothes to match Kokichi’s flamboyant style?

As he mulls the question over, he crosses the room to grab his phone to call for Sakakura, pausing when he notices a text from Kokichi - or rather, a series of texts that Kokichi spammed instead of putting everything in one message.

Kokichi: [so boreddddd]

Kokichi: [mom is being]

Kokichi: [SO NITPICKY]

Kokichi: [plz send help]

Kokichi: [ASAP!!!!]

Kaito snorts at the absurdness and opts not to respond. Kokichi knew what he signed up for when he chose to be a lead role in Toujou’s film. He switches to Sakakura and shoots him an “I’m ready” text. As much as he’d rather drive himself and avoid another lecture, Kaito knows that’s not gonna happen.

He idles until he hears the doorbell ring, grabbing a hair tie and pulling his hair back into a quick ponytail as he makes his way to the front door. Juzo Sakakura stands menacingly in the doorway, displeasure creasing every inch of his face.

“In the car,” he orders with a sharp jerk of his head.

Kaito thinks about saying something along the lines of “what, I don’t even get a hi?” but decides against it; Sakakura was already beyond pissed at him and saying anything unnecessary would only make it worse. So, he does as he’s told, trying not to let his own hot-headedness get flared up at the daggers digging into his back. Even when Sakakura makes sure to slam his car door as he settles down in the driver’s seat.

He drives in silence for a few minutes until they hit their first red light. “You understand what you’re doing, right? This is a serious matter that you won’t be able to back out of, even if you decide later on that you’re not going to humor whatever bullshit that Ouma brat’s pulling.”

Kaito crosses his arms. “I’m sure about this. ‘Sides, it was bound to come out eventually that I like men; as much as I don’t want people all up in my personal business, that’s just how life as a celebrity is.”

Sakakura’s fists clench around the steering wheel. “So, you’re really dating him then?”

“Is it hard to believe?” he asks, genuinely curious if it’s as unfathomable as he’s imagining it would be - though he isn’t sure his manager is the best person to ask that question. The people they’re actually trying to fool aren’t so close to them.

“It’s hard to believe anyone would want to date that entitled brat, let alone a guy like you.” Sakakura sighs, reaching up to pinch the bridge of his nose. “I wish if you had to do this, you would’ve picked someone quieter about shit like this.”

Kaito reads between the lines on that one. “Look, I’ll handle all the media shit about me coming out, so you don’t have to deal with it. You won’t have to make any public statements or acknowledge it, just don’t be an ass about it. Hell, you can quit if it makes you that fuckin’ uncomfortable.”

He clicks his tongue. “It’s not like that. Do whatever the fuck you want, but don’t bring it to work and we’ll be good.”

A disgusting feeling boils in Kaito’s chest, some crude mixture of shame and anger. It’s not an unfamiliar feeling, but certainly not one he’s felt in a number of years. He refuses to give Sakakura a response, glaring out the window as he talks himself down from acting rashly. He knows he’s pushing a problem to the side that’ll need to be solved before it explodes, but he doesn’t have the patience for this fight right now.

Dammit. While he was initially more worried about how the public was going to react to all this, it was now looking like he should’ve been more concerned about those around him, huh. He’s starting to feel more and more like a fool, and he’s not confident that that’s going to change before the day ends.

#oumota #kokichi ouma #kaito momota #shuichi saihara #juzo sakakura #drv3 #my post #celebrity au #fanfic

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cal-puddies · 5 years ago

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idk if your doing requests but i’ve had this idea stuck in my head for a days and i think it would be such a cute imagine. you and calum are best friends but you both like each other and after the boys finish recording best years they all invite their girlfriends into the studio to listen to it and they tell you to come because they know calum’s contribution for the song was lowkey about you and while your listening he just looks and u and omg i’m in love with this man

“Hey monkey cheeks... hi little handsome!” You greet, walking into Cal’s. Duke comes right up to you and flops on his back for a belly rub.

“Hey jerkface.” Cal greets.

“How’s the album coming?” You ask, picking Duke up so you could keep rubbing his belly.

“It’s good. I think we’re really capturing where we are right now. Luke just wrote something killer, so I’m pumped.”

“Well Luke is a great writer.” You shrug.

“Yeah... you staying tonight?” He asks, gently touching your lower back.

“Eh... undecided but you know I can be persuaded.” You smirk. “Here, back to your pops, baby Duke.” You hoist the dog into Calum’s arms.

“What’s it gonna take to get you to stay?”

“Beg? Hours of oral? Not sure yet.” You shrug.

“You know id do either.” He smirks.

“Which is why I keep coming back to your bed.” You grin. You grab yourself a glass and make a drink real quick. “Have you had dinner?”

“Nope. Was just gonna see if you wanted to eat together.” He admits.

You help yourself to his fridge and decide to cook him something. “When’s the last time you didn’t eat take out?” You ask, moving easily through his space.

“Been a bit, yeah?” He laughs.

“That’s what I thought.”

You do end up staying the night, and Cal shows his appreciation for a home cooked meal with a couple rounds of oral, and a nice and slow session chest to chest. That usually meant he was feeling some type of way about something. You’d lay next to him and he’d be there with you, holding your or your hand, but you could also feel he was far away. His hand slides up and down your back, his lips kissing the top of your head until you turn to face him.

“You ok Monkey Cheeks?” You whisper.

“Yeah, I’m ok jerkface. Glad you came over tonight, Happy you’re staying.” He whispers back, finally meeting your eyes.

“Me too.” You press your lips to his chest, and he just holds you as you fall asleep.

He takes a deep breath while he watches you sleep, letting your scent fill his nose, your presence just surround him. He can’t shake the feeling that you belong there, but he knows he can’t ask you to be there right now. He can’t be there for you the way he wants to be.

And that starts the internal argument, Luke and Michael have figured it out, and Ash is working on it. Why couldn’t he do it?

But he could, he had. He just didn’t want that for you, didn’t want you sitting alone at dinner tables, and explaining to your family that he couldn’t be there because he was on tour, didnt want you ordering drinks alone at a bar while he was out across the world.

He takes you out with Ash for coffee and breakfast in the morning, he low key pays, but doesn’t touch you in any way, and you were used to it. This is what being with Cal meant, and you accepted it.

You miss him when it’s weeks between seeing him because schedules don’t line up, and you’d never want him to feel bad so you don’t tell him you wait for him. When he’s on tour he asks who you’re dating, and you’ll make up a date or two, but ultimately no one lasts long.

And he doesn’t understand that, because he thinks you’re perfect.

You’re sprawled on your couch one afternoon when Ash sends you a text.

- we’re previewing a couple versions of some songs tonight, why don’t you come by?

You weigh your options, you’d love to see all the guys but it’s basically a guarantee that you won’t get any attention from Cal. You’d like to see him anyway, maybe you could get him to go for a drink after. Luke and Sierra would probably go.

You decide you have to go when Sierra and Crystal both text and to ask you to come and Luke calls.

So you do a little make up, put on the good jeans, and throw on a t shirt you tie up.

You let yourself into the studio Ash directed you to.

“You came!” Luke says in his larger than life way while squeezing you and picking you up. You get hugs from the girls, Ash and Michael, and Cal hugs you so it’s not horribly awkward.

Luke and Ash talk animatedly about the songs they play for your, Wildflower, Best Years, and Not In The Same Way. And there were already a couple versions of each.

You can feel everyone’s eyes on you for Wildflower, but you feel Cal’s on you during Best Years, while you watch Luke’s face as he watches Sierra.

You glance at Cal out of the corner of your eye, and you don’t recognize the look on his face, but you don’t dwell on it.

“You all never cease to amaze me.” You admit, to Luke while everyone’s mingling.

“Thank you!” Luke grins, “think Sierra and I might be going for drinks, you should come, I’m gonna ask Cal too. Michael already said no and Ash needs to go do yoga, I think he said.” He explains.

“I’d like that. I’d just be going home to be on my couch.” You chuckle.

“No cant have that, come out for a couple drinks.”

Sierra comes over, “Cal’s in!” She stands on her toes and kisses Luke’s cheek and then she turns toward you, “what about you? Drinks? Say yes! Please!” She asks, before giving you a chance.

“Yeah, I just told Luke I’d go.” You chuckle.

“Ok! Good! I’m gonna ride with Cal, we’ll see you guys there.” She kisses Luke and turns and he grabs her hand. “So he can’t change his mind.”

“Fair... you wanna follow me?” He looks at you.

“Sure.” You laugh.

Luke gets you guys in VIP, and he gets his tequila on the rocks and lets you order what you want before you guys grab a table, waiting for Sierra and Cal to show up.

Luke talks to you about how work is going for you, and catching up. You’ve been around awhile, hanging out with Cal, a couple years now. But he knows it’s more than that, he knows the way Cal’s face lights up when you come around, or he gets a text from you. He loves getting to FaceTime you. And Luke knows it’s deeper than that. All of them have walked in on you and Cal having a moment or sharing a kiss, the long hugs goodbye. Or even just noticing the little touches or the grins when you lock eyes across the room. And he wants more dirt about it without outright asking you.

But Cal and Sierra show up and Sierra tells him to sit next to you.

“Hey,” he grins at you, face softening.

You’re there for about an hour and Cal keeps touching your thigh or brushing your hands together under the table, and then Sierra is asking for you to come with her.

“Good, girls are gone. Let’s cut the shit.” Luke says, leaning closer to Cal.

Cal finds it abrupt and he’s confused. “Excuse me, brov?” He asks.

“What are you doing with her? Are you gonna date her or just keep dragging her along? She’s so good for you Cal, we all see it. And she makes you so happy. And you deserve that. But she doesn’t deserve this.”

“We’re friends.” Cal shrugs.

“Nah, mate. No one believes that. You don’t even believe that you’re just friends. I don’t know what’s holding you back from her. You’re lying to yourself. You don’t think every one of us saw the way you were looking at her tonight? Even if we all didn’t already know, we would now.”

“I don’t know what I’m supposed to do Luke! She deserves better than what I can give her right now, with our schedule!”

“You’ll figure it out. It might be tough but you’d do it to keep her happy... if she makes you this happy... I saw your face when you saw her here... you can’t string her along forever. Someone else is gonna give her everything you want to give her.”

Luke shuts up, because you and Sierra are coming back, and he doesn’t want you to hear this.

After another drink you look at your phone and laugh, “it’s so late. How does this always happen with you!” You accuse the table.

“Do you need to go? I’ll get an Uber with you.” Cal offers.

“Ummm...” you look at him and glance at Luke and Sierra giving you intense stares. “Yeah. I mean I can stay too, just didn’t realize it was already this late.”

“No, it’s fine, I’m ready to go.” Cal says, leaning into you.

“Yeah.. were gonna go too. You two stay safe. We’ll swing by tomorrow and bring you to get your cars.” Luke says. You grab your phone and your jacket and the four of you make your way outside.

“You coming to mine?” Cal asks, quietly, though he doesn’t know why because obviously all of his friends know about you. He pulls out his phone to get the Uber.

“Uh, no I think I just wanna go home, sleep in my own bed.” You shrug.

“Ok.” He nods. You all wait together til the cars come, hugs are shared. Cal calls Luke big fella when he wishes him goodnight and Sierra and Luke call him sweet boy. And you melt a little at that exchange. You love the way Cal is with his friends. You ride quietly to your place, only about a mile from Calum’s. He walks you to your door to make sure you make it, and he shoots you a goodnight text, which included a picture of him and Duke in bed.

And Cal can’t sleep. His mind is just going over and over what Luke said. And how you look at him, and you always come, and are always there.

And fuck, Luke’s right. You could have anyone, and he doesn’t want to chance that you’ll find that anyone while he’s gone on tour. You’d figure it out. This only doesn’t work if you don’t want him too. And he really doesn’t want to get hurt that way.

- if you aren’t already with her, go to her. Luke told me he talked to you. Sierra texts him.

He checks the time, it’s almost 3 am. You’re bound to be asleep. But he figures he’ll try anyway.

-awake? He asks.

- just barely.

-I’m coming over.

He almost waits for a response but he’s already climbing into the Uber when he gets a thumbs up from you. He lets himself in with the key he has and makes his way to your room.

“We gotta talk.” He says, slipping in your bed after taking his sweats off.

“It’s 3 am, do we really gotta talk now?” You chuckle. You lay face to face with him, because he has that serious tone.

“Yeah... I like you, a lot, probably more than like, but I don’t want to scare you, and I’m so tired of avoiding that topic just because I’m gone. It wears on me. When we were listening to Best Years earlier I just felt so strongly about that message toward you. And I know we’re comfortable doing this, but I don’t wanna hear about you with other guys and I’m happy when it’s us... and the guys know, they see through my shit. And my ‘just friends’...”

“Calum... shut up for a second.” You interrupt. You watch as he closes his mouth. You lean in and kiss him briefly on the lips. “We’ll try, I want to too. But we need to talk about it after I’ve slept, please.”

“Yeah... absolutely.” He agrees, pulling you back for another kiss.

#calum hood #requested #its kinda angsty #anon i loved this #thank you #cass #angst #but cal #right in the feels #5sos #5 seconds of summer #luke hemmings

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plusultrachaos · 4 years ago

Note

Me? Using the soft asks to learn more about your favorite things? I would never. On an unrelated note: 2, 3, 4, 7, 9, 13, 1425, 28 👀👀👀👀

2. what is your favorite feel-good movie?

so, oddly enough, i dont rewatch movies a lot so i dont like have one that i just go to when i need to be boosted. id say the disney movies, but revently those havemt like brought joy when i watch them. just pure rage. so i dont really know.

3. what is your favorite candle scent?

my mom has always lit up fruit flavored candles, those are her favorite, but mine differ. I like the ones that will make you feel warm. Like the smell of cinnamon on a cold day or chocolate. another one that i havent really had the chance to fully explore. (my mom is afraid of me becoming an arsonist with good reason. i just think fires neat.)

4. what flower would you like to be given?

literally all of my childhood, ive always wanted to recieve roses. little sol just wanted to be a hopeless romantic. and while that is still there, throughtout the years, that has faded more to the background. i would be happy with any flower that is given to me, a treasure to hold onto until it withers.

7. what color brings you peace?

now, this really should surprise literally nobody, but red is my peaceful color. red and a light grey. (like my current blog layout) they work so well together and i like them.

9. what calms you down?

reading something light, singing, talking with my people, hugging my dogs, reminding myself that whatever has upset me will pass and i will be okay.

13. what is your comfort food?

okay so those of you who were close with me at the beginning of this year know that i am a huge fan of sour patch kids (essentially i ate two 2lb ,about 1kg, bags of spk in a month). i am also very much into chocolate. ice cream is big and then my biggest comfort food is chicken alfredo. favorite meal. have been having it every birthday and when ever i can get away with it for the longest time. i alsp just really like any food. i will eat what is given to me.

14. what is your feel-good show?

so much like the feel-good movies, i dont really have a feel-good show. i really enjoy a lot of shows, but i dont really do rewatches.

25. personal gift (couldnt remember the full question)

I WILL LOVE ANYTHING GIVEN TO ME. I WILL LOVE THE PERSON GIFTING ME THE THINGS. (i will also feel guilty for having you spend money or time on me like that, but thats just from being raised poor)

28. hugs or handholding?

tbh im probably touch starved and i will melt into either. i dont have my hand held a lot at all so i mean.

#ask #anon asks #iloveiloveilove #them #ask meme

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szopenhauer · 4 years ago

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Are you more positive or a debbie downer? Debbie Downer should be my name lol

What would you love to drink right now? I’m drinking water rn, second mug in a row, my belly is going to explode

Is that an alcoholic drink or not? it’s not this kind of water :P

Oh good. What would you love to eat right now? I’m not hungry...

How many meals do you eat a day? depends

Do you brush your tongue with your tooth brush? sometimes

What are you favorite type of jeans? I’d say skinny even tho I don’t wear jeans anymore ^^”

Do you eat your nails? wait what swallow? ewww I don’t even bite them :o

Do you enjoy making or taking surveys? taking them more

Name something that is blue that you like Sadness from Inside out

Name something pink that you like PYNK music video by Janelle Monae? XD

If you could have one more pet, what? meh

If you could sleep next to a tame wild animal what? woah

Would you rather have an owl or a snake? both are cool

What would you name it? Bowl for owl and for snake either Ksysio or Wonsz żmieja?

Do you eat the ice in your drink? no

Have you ever been addicted to cigarettes? I had one cigarette in my whole life but I still keep a package in my room :x

Which do you use more? Facebook or Instagram? fb, I don’t care for insta

Do you watch beauty videos on You Tube? nah

Do you like Star Wars? love

What kind of surveys do you like the most? interesting, not just YES or NO questions, I want to go deeper

Have you ever dropped something down the garbage disposal on accident? omg luckily not

What CD would you never buy for yourself? anything Justin Bieber for sure

Is sex a must in your life? absolutely not

Would you rather be cute and ugly or hot and stupid? cute and ugly? lmfao ok

Are you evil in any way? everyone is, more or less

Would you rather be a clown or a garbage man? can’t decide :D

Would you rather be a rockstar or a librarian? librarian but rock star ain’t that bad of a choice ;)

WHAT IS THE MEANING OF LIFE? again? I just got this question on ask today and that really made me anxious

Did you and your mum ever have a big fight that caused you to move out? sigh... Has the last person you kissed ever been to your house? yep but not to my room as I’m super ashamed of it, it’s not what I really want, it’s more like a storage room for mine and my mom’s things, I wish I could move and out and do what I want instead of cleaning this mess just to have it ruined days after, not that I have money now to fix things the way I imagine my bedroom to be someday :( Have you had a good day today or was yesterday better? yesterday was better but today I got a T-shirt so that was a good moment Do you have any plans for the upcoming weekend? hospital

Could you date someone very attractive, but who thought they were better than everyone else? blergh, r u kidding me?... Do you always feel like you’re making mistakes? constantly Does anybody have a tattoo with your name on it? not because of me but someone somewhere definitely has that name on them for another reason How would you feel if you got the person you liked? I'm in a relationship Is there anyone who likes you? it seems If the last person you kissed saw you kissing someone else, would they be mad? of course What’s the first thing you heard this morning? you mean a sound (doorbell) or words (I don’t remember)? If you fell pregnant to the last person you kissed, what would you think? not possible Are you young or old? young, at least according to my ID and being childish Are there always other fish in the sea? there are but maybe I don’t want them and/or they don’t want to be catched etc. What can your tongue do? pfft Do chickens have feelings? sorta Do you think the body is the most beautiful thing that was ever made? ... So how are you feeling today? not good enough Where is your sister right now? don’t know nor care What do you smell like? it’s so hot, I smell like sweat and I can’t stand it but I can’t shower all day long What colour is your mum’s hair? grey When was the last time you talked to one of your siblings? last week Do you like fire? as an element of magic in fantasy movies Does your mum vacuum early in the morning while you’re asleep? she’s noisy in different ways Does wearing glasses really make people look smart? that’s a lame stereotype Do your band-aids have cartoons on them? they’re useless but one time I bought Moomin ones because I’ve been walking through the store and they fallen right under my feet and there was nobody around nor the shelf/aisle that they could come from so it was weird and I love Moomins so I took them home (I paid) and they’re probably stored somewhere Have you ever kissed someone you shouldn’t have? what do you mean? Who’s the funniest drunk person you know? my gf apparently - in a cute way - that’s surprising for a teetotalist like me What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up this morning? my tee came! When was the last time you saw your father? he just left for work and I was waving to him through the window which is our tradition What if your partner went through your cellphone? I have nothing to hide Has anyone ever been with you while you were throwing up? my parents and sister

Robert Downey Jr. — Bet you have a crush on him. he’s handsome but I’d prefer to be him instead of having a crush on sex I’m not attracted to

What would you do if you were to get stuck on a ski lift overnight? ... freeze? and pee myself Have you ever received an anonymous gift? one time when we were really poor that we couldn’t afford food someone left a package under our door, knocked and ran, bless this person whoever knew we have hard times :* What kind of laugh do you have? many kinds that happen randomly Will you have a Valentine next year? I have a bigger chance than any other year before Macaroon or a cupcake? cupcake Did you kiss or hug anyone today? hug my mom and my dad too Are you currently waiting on someone to do something for you/to you? kinda Do you know anyone, personally, who is in an abusive relationship? Are you? I’m not in an abusive relationship but I know those who are as it’s common and it’s really sad that ppl think only beating makes relationship toxic Are you planning on going anywhere with someone, some time today? I’ll stay home Do you find your school to be loaded with hot guys or not so much? I remember E.W. once said that we have a lot of elves around because LOTR movie had very ugly ones as we did in high school, I tried to find that pic someone posted back in the day but I failed, it was from the council from what I remember

Is there anyone you are currently trying to get out of trouble? Why? mostly I just keep my eye on my father and my mother all the time because of covid (and not only because of it) if that counts Are you plotting anything at the moment? another chapter of the book? Have you ever wanted your significant other to get rid of a friend? because they were evil to them, it wasn’t about ME If you have siblings, have they moved out or do they still live with you? she moved out :3

Do you have a therapist? no longer Have you ever gotten a good grade in math class? yeah, in middle school I was getting awesome grades in math class What do you think of the last person you texted? we’re dating Have you ever gotten a bloody nose from snorting cocaine? I’ve never done cocaine wtf

Do you post pictures were you look good but your friends look bad? I ask them first Are you friends with any of your exes? me and one of my exes are together Are you a whiskey person? I’m a no alcohol person

Has anyone ever made fun of your taste in music? tiny bit, wasn’t that bad

Have you ever overflown a bathtub? I have not Have you ever thrown food at a stranger in a movie theater? not in a movie theater Are you somewhat of a perfectionist? somewhat Do you like sour candy? by Lady Gaga not eat Do you usually wear sunglasses when you’re driving? but I don’t drive Is there ever a time that you enjoy cold showers? brrrr no way Are you good at painting nails? am not but it doesn’t matter Are you good at filling silence in awkward situations? doubt it What word should you really probably remove from your vocabulary? kurwa Do you rip out the page if you make a mistake writing, or cross it out? cross it out, if I ripped the page then there would be nothing left Do you use a full length mirror daily? we don’t own one Can you walk in heels, or do you feel awkward in them? I think they don’t match my style and they’re uncomfy in a long term Mac or PC? PC Will you tell someone if there’s something in their teeth? sorry but probably not Do you ever actually make your bed? when I have guests Do you make an effort to eat healthy? yup The last time you kissed someone, what color of shirt were they wearing? black, that’s easy What’s something you want to purchase next time you’re at the mall? food If you had to choose between a million dollars or to be able to change a regret? money because one regret won’t help me and even might make things worse Are you taller than your mom? almost 10 cm What would you do if your best friend told you they were moving today? my gf - break up my dad - try to stop him or move out with him You’re locked in a room with the person you last kissed, problems? no problems Do you have any ‘naughty’ photos on your phone? 0 Could you handle living with a male roommate? my dad, no one else What were you doing at 10:00 this morning? waking up Why aren’t you texting the last person you kissed? who said we aren’t texting? Do you think you’ll actually live a happy life with somebody? don’t feed my paranoia Connection between you and the last person who messaged you? love Where is your biological father right now? bus/job already Who else is in the room with you? I’m alone Water with ice or no ice? no ice Are you wrapped in a blanket? too hot for that

Has anyone done anything nice for you today? I’m thankful for all those nice things people do for me - big or small The last time you hung out with your sibling(s), what did you do? took a walk

Do you usually bring or buy a lunch for school? bring

The last time you had sex, was it in their bed or yours? their

How old were you when you figured out you were definitely straight, or bi, or whatever? middle school was the beginning

Do you fit in at work or in school? I was always an outcast

Have you ever looked in the mirror and thought, “Oh God, Ew.”? 99% of time

Have you ever cried at a real wedding? nope

Is there someone you need to forgive? *annoyed sound*

What’s your brother(s) / sister(s) names? personal

Suppose you saw your crush/bf/gf kissing another girl/guy, what would you do? why tho

What is your favorite color for bridesmaid dresses? whatever bridesmaid wanna wear besides white

Do you have a secret crush right now? it’s no secret

Do you know anyone who doesn’t want to have kids? me

Would you rather visit Tokyo or Paris? dunno

Do you think you would like living in New York or Chicago? Why or why not? too overcrowded/loud etc.

Name 3 celebrities who are the same height as you. Lady Gaga, Ellen Page, Reese Witherspoon

Are you happy with your height? I’d like to be taller, not too much tho

Do you have big or small hands? small

Have you been baptized? I have been

Have you ever been abused in any way? sadly

Do you like unicorns? they’re fine

Is there one book you have read over and over again because it’s so good? if so, which is it? I don’t reread books

Do you play games on your phone a lot? recently I became obsessed with LOVE ISLAND game

Have you ever had to put out a kitchen fire? my mom took care of it but it wasn’t a big deal tbh

Have you ever been kidnapped? wut

Do you have anything glow in the dark in your room? stars

Do you wear a scarf, if so, what does it look like? not rn

Is there a video or computer game that you can get lost in for hours? mhm but not too long

Do you get breadsticks with your pizza? breadsticks and pizza? it’s like bread with bread - no thx

Did you ever have a waterbed? I hate those

What toy from your childhood do you miss? rubber toys?

Did you sleep in late today? yes

When was the last time you were disappointed? this day

Do you like listening to love songs? I like a variety of music which includes love songs

In your group of friends, are you the smart one, athletic one, etc.? funny mom friend... ok, fine, a dad because my puns are daddy jokes

Has any of your friends’ family ever yelled at you? no but they said bad things about me behind my back

Did you ever watch the show Full House? with my sister What was the last thing that scared you? how I feel physically Do the librarians at your library know you by name? they do

What ten people would you most likely bring on a roadtrip? 10 ppl?! shoot me...

Is there anything you’re really stressed out about right now? health issues

What was the last thing that made you cry? I’m about to cry...

What are the last three songs you listened to? Crystal Castles - Suffocation frnkiero andthe cellabration - neverenders Major Lazer - Be Together (Feat. Wild Belle)

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marshmallow-phd · 6 years ago

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Lies Untold

Part of The Untamed - EXO Wolf Universe

Genre: Supernatural, Wolf Au

Pairing: Luhan x Reader

Summary: For generations, your family has been the protectors of mankind. You were considered one of the best and due to that reputation, you were sent on what could be the most important mission for the organization. Going under cover in a college to sniff out a particularly large and threatening wolf pack seemed easy enough. But when you meet one of the members, everything you’ve known since birth will be overturned and your loyalty to your family and heritage will be tested.

Part: 1 I 2 I 3 I 4 I 5 I 6 I 7 I 8 I 9 I 10 I 11 I 12 I 13 I 14 I Final

The wind became a calming force more addictive than any drug. Faster and faster Luhan ran, to chase the high, to keep that numbing effect alive. If he didn’t keep digging his paws into the forest floor, pushing himself forward until his legs gave out, he’d just constantly think of you and for the past few days that meant wallowing in misery.

It was only by some strange miracle that he wasn’t as easily found out like Tao. Perhaps he’d done so well in the past of going under the radar, none of his brothers could see it in his eyes. Or maybe it was because while he should be walking around on cloud nine, happy for the turn of events, he was wrestling with himself, unable to leap for joy at the circumstances.

He couldn’t boast to his brothers about how beautiful his mate was. He couldn’t bring you around the house and introduce to the rest of the pack, all because of that mark on your wrist.

While a triquetra was a popular tattoo, only hunters of your particular faction added in the arrow points. Did Hae In know that you were the sworn enemy of everyone she held dear? That you wouldn’t hesitate to shoot Baekhyun because you were raised to believe they were all monsters? Would you hurt your cousin like that?

Luhan skidded to a stop, the rush of the wind no longer doing its job. He shook his white mane in a sad attempt to get rid of the negative thoughts. There was still one that lingered in his mind no matter how hard he tried to shove it away: would you kill him, too?

Up ahead, Sehun and Minseok turned around, noticing their brother no longer running alongside them. They took cautious steps towards Luhan, unsure of what had caused the sudden stop. Minseok narrowed his sharp eyes at Luhan to question “why” without words.

Letting out the closest thing to a sigh he could in his wolf form, he pawed at the ground. Sehun yelped with a force that made Luhan look up at him. It was funny how much they looked alike, both as wolves and humans. The others used to joke around about how the two just had to be related. Technically, they were all very distantly related, but that ruined the fun.

It was a bit awkward, just standing there in silence, no one moving or urging to get back to running. Unable to continue on the run, Luhan started walking in the opposite direction, back towards the farmhouse. The other two followed silently, not protesting in the least. When they reached their piles of discarded clothes, all three shifted back into their human selves and still as quietly dressed behind the garage.

“Luhan?”

Keeping his face as composed as possible, Luhan turned to Minseok, who’d stopped him with a hand on his shoulder before he could get too far away. “Yeah?”

Minseok tilted his head to the side and his sharp eyes were getting that calculating sheen in them. “Everything alright?”

“Of course,” Luhan replied, perhaps a little too quickly and enthusiastically. Both of his brothers were giving him looks that clearly stated they didn’t believe him. “I’m just tired lately.”

Sehun opened his mouth to voice his disagreement, but Minseok elbowed him, shaking his head to just let it go. Luhan took that as his chance to escape, hurrying into the house without breaking into a run and ruining the illusion.

The staircase leading down to the basement became a safe haven. With his head back against the hard beige plaster and handrail digging into his back, Luhan took advantage of the hidden time and evened out his breathing. Instead of focusing on what you were, he tried to piece together the little bits of information he had on who you were.

The odds of you actually being a freelance graphic designer were slim. You were still with the order by the condition of your tattoo. If you had left, only rippled and bubbled skin would remain from where they burned the mark off. Once a hunter left the family, they weren’t shunned, per se, but they were left to go on their own, no longer considered one of the order. Would you go through that pain and that chance of never seeing your family again for him?

Luhan bit back a growl at the very thought of you having to go through something so excruciating. He wanted the chance to get to know you – be with you – but he didn’t want to tear you apart in the process.

“But there has to be something else going on, hyung.”

Sehun’s whine hit Luhan’s ears, making him perk up. Didn’t they remember how dangerous it was to talk about someone who wasn’t around in this house?

“Of course there is,” Minseok scoffed. “Just because you’re indifferent about finding your mate and Tao was always whining about it doesn’t mean that everyone hates the idea. Luhan has always wanted to find his mate, ever since he first joined the pack. He’s a romantic. He doesn’t like being alone. Now take that mindset and put it right in the middle of a crowded room of mates and their wolves every single day.”

There was a short pause. “Would it really be that bad?”

“I never had to experience it,” Minseok admitted with a sigh, “but I can imagine how much that would hurt.”

Hurt didn’t even begin to describe it.

It wasn’t a pain that had been settling in his stomach, growing every time he watched the others be so happy. No, it was more like an emptiness that had begun to consume him. As if any moment it would become too much and he would just disappear, cease to exist. But when he locked eyes with you, it was like that hollowness had been filled. He wasn’t clinging onto to existence anymore, he had a reason to keep going. Now, though?

Now he felt like he was drowning.

It was taking all his energy just to stay afloat. A plan never seemed to form no matter how hard he thought and his legs were about to give out from wading for so long. If he wasn’t careful, he might just get pulled under by the crashing waves.

The phone in his pocket vibrated, relieving him from the thoughts in his head. Caller ID on the screen told him it was Baekhyun. Did he want to talk to Mr. Sunshine right now? Ignoring it felt rude. “Hello?”

“Hey, Luhan!”

Yup. Just as cheerful as ever. Luhan couldn’t help but laugh at the energy this guy was always giving off. And he was already starting to feel a little lighter.

“What are you doing?”

Luhan glanced around as if to double check if he’d been in the middle of something. “Nothing at the moment. Why?”

“Good! We’ve got lunch plans at the pizzeria. You should join us!”

“I’m still at the farmhouse,” Luhan sadly informed him. Although, pizza with the guys sounded really good at the moment.

Baekhyun, however, was undeterred. “That’s alright! We can wait for you! We’re not at the place yet. We’ll just wait until you’re in town and then head over. Let us know when you’re in the limits, okay?”

“Deal.” Luhan hung up and ran down the stairs as fast as he could without tripping, swiping his keys and a pair of shoes from his room before booking it back to the main floor. He couldn’t explain why he was so excited. Something was driving him towards town. Maybe it was because – outside of nightly runs – he didn’t get quality time with the others anymore.

As soon as he passed the city limits sign and reached a red light, he sent a text to Baekhyun. Luck didn’t seem to be on his side, though, since he was catching every light, tapping his foot impatiently as he waited for the traffic signal to turn green again.

Once parked outside the pizzeria, he headed inside, stretching out his limbs while hoping that his brothers didn’t mind that he didn’t shower after his run. When he crossed the threshold, his heart sank.

It wasn’t just his brothers sitting and waving at him from the table. Their mates were with them, greeting him with equally excited smiles. Luhan pushed himself forward, unable to find a way out. And his stomach was growling at him anyway. As he sat down next to Jongdae, the latter slapped him on the back.

“I’m happy you could join us.”

Luhan shrugged. “I had nothing else to do and a plate full of cheese and grease sounded really appetizing.”

“Yeah, it did until you described it like that,” Jongdae whined, making Luhan laughed.

With Jongdae’s attention being taken by Jiyoung who had a question about splitting a meal (which might not end well considering how much they all liked to eat), Luhan let his eyes wander until they focused in on the two empty chairs. His heartbeat began to jump when he realized Hae In wasn’t with them.

“Hey, Baek, who’s the extra chairs for?”

Baekhyun blinked as if it was taking him a second to understand the question and then stared down at the seats beside him. “Oh, those are for Hae In and her cousin. What was her name again?”

“You seriously forgot the name of your mate’s cousin?” Lanie scoffed, shaking her head.

“She’s going to kill you when she finds out,” Chanyeol warned.

Baekhyun just shrugged it off lazily. “She’s always about to kill me. What’s new?”

Jongdae snickered. “Such brave words coming from you.”

“I can just ask it again. It’s not that big of a deal.”

“Oh yeah?” Jongdae raised an eyebrow before pointing behind Baekhyun. “Then go ahead and ask right now. I dare you.”

Baekhyun whirled around, wide eyed as Hae In walked with you right behind her. Luhan could feel his own face lighting up. Gone were all the previous thoughts of your heritage. Just seeing you was enough to ease his worry, even if it was only temporary.

You sat down across from him, visibly uncomfortable in your surroundings. No one else seemed to notice, but Luhan assumed that was because he was watching you so closely and each interaction was making him more in tuned to you. Did you know what they were or were you just uneasy around strangers in general? Only time would answer that question for him.

Leaning across the table, he gave you a warm smile, hoping to help loosen you up a little. He should have known that it wouldn’t work in the slightest. “Hi, (y/n).”

You murmured back a small “Hi”, barely meeting his eye before settling your gaze down on the table cloth. At least your tattoo was covered by a thick leather cuff.

When the waitress came by you simply asked for a water and didn’t make any attempt on joining in on the conversation. Neither did Luhan, but he was too busy trying to come up with something to say in your direction.

The waitress was back only a few minutes later with a tray carrying the already condensation covered drinks. She placed each drink in front of its respective owner before depositing a pile of straws in the center of the table. The others dived right in for the drinking device leaving only two left. When you thought the coast was clear, you reached out for one of the remaining two.

Luhan, taking full advantage of the situation, also reached out for the other straw, purposefully letting his fingers brush up against yours. Immediately at the contact, you stiffened, unmoving for a split second. There was a pleasurable flow of electricity where your skins met. It made Luhan want to grab your hand completely in his to keep the connection alive. But you pulled away, too soon for his liking.

After looking around frantically, you whispered to Hae In that you didn’t feel well and had to leave. You were up and out of your seat, zooming towards the door before Luhan could process what was happening.

Right as you hit the doors, Luhan jumped up as well, nearly knocking the chair over in his hurry to catch up with you. Arriving out on the sidewalk, he searched around for any sign of you still being around, but you were already gone. Shoulders slumped, he turned back around and went back inside.

“What was that about?” Jongdae asked as Luhan sat down.

“I wanted make sure she got home okay if she wasn’t feeling well,” Luhan lied smoothly. Well, only partially lied. Yes, he actually wanted to convince you to stay, for him, but he would have seen you home if you’d let him. “I didn’t catch her, I guess.”

Hae In pursed her lips. “I don’t understand why she’s not feeling good all of a sudden. She was fine on our way over here.”

“Maybe it’s a slow moving bug,” Baekhyun suggested, not too concerned over what just happened.

Luhan sighed, still very much worried about you. He didn’t really think that you were coming down with something, but that didn’t stop him from worrying about you. Were you really that uncomfortable around them? Were you sensing what they were? Or was the literal spark that occurred when you touched hands what sent you running for the hills?

The world around him a little darker now, he couldn’t find the energy to participate in the chatter around him. Hae In eyed him a few times, but she looked away whenever he flashed her a very fake smile. His appetite was completely gone and he didn’t order anything when the waitress came back. He was gone before the pizzas ever arrived.

Luhan was doing a good job of minding his own business in the kitchen. By some miracle, he’d managed to make himself a pretty decent snack without any other housemate coming to sniff around and ask for some of the food. He was peacefully enjoying his midday meal until his ears caught a bit of the conversation happening in the front living room.

“How did the tutoring session go, Tao?” Lanie giggled from the other room. So the young pup was back from his “non-date” as he so put it last night.

“It could have gone better. But don’t worry, there’s plenty more charm up my sleeve.” He could practically hear the smirk on Tao’s lips from here. Was this girl smart enough not to fall for Tao’s usual tricks? Good for her. Make it hard for him.

“We don’t doubt it, Tao,” sweet Dana replied softly.

Luhan caught a glimpse of the back of Jongin’s head as he came down the stairs and then Mei’s squeals went wild. Food nearly went flying out of Luhan’s mouth from trying not to laugh. He knew that Tao had to be pouting that he didn’t get the same exuberant greeting.

Right then, he caught Tao running up the stairs. Scarfing down the remaining food, Luhan cleared his plate and rinsed it off before putting it in the sink. At the bottom of the stairs, he nearly ran into Sehun.

“In a hurry?” Sehun chuckled.

“Just going to go check on Tao.”

Stepping back, Sehun motioned up the steps. “Go right ahead. He’s probably hiding away in our room. You can just go on in.”

Luhan ruffled the youngest wolf’s hair. “Thanks. Your next drink at the bar is on me.”

“You’re going to regret that!” Sehun called out after him as he headed up the stairs. Luhan knew it was true. Knowing that punk, he was going to get one of the most expensive drinks on the menu whether he liked it or not.

Luhan tried knocking at first when he reached the door to Tao and Sehun’s room, he really did, but there was no answer. He even checked the bathroom, but it was empty with the door wide open. So, he turned the knob and let himself in.

Tao was lying face up on his bed, bright red headphones over his ears. His eyes were closed and Luhan could catch the faintest melody of a ballad that he practically had memorized by now after hearing Tao play it over and over again. Poor kid was really going through a rough time if he was listening to that song after stopping for so long.

Feeling a little cheeky, Luhan leaned over Tao and waited for him to open his eyes.

Perfect.

As soon as Tao’s eyes opened, he screamed, throwing himself off the bed, hitting the floor with a hard thump. Luhan couldn’t help but laugh so hard he was nearly doubled over from the abdominal pain. He was nearly wiping tears from his eyes.

“What the hell?” Tao shouted as he jumped up from the floor.

Luhan through his hands up to feign innocence, like he hadn’t gotten exactly what he wanted. “It’s not my fault you didn’t hear me knock. Sehun told me to go ahead and come in.”

Stretching his neck, Tao tried to look behind Luhan as if Sehun would be waiting in the wings. If he knew what Luhan would end up doing, he definitely would have been just behind the door with his phone out to record the whole thing.

“Did you need something?”

Luhan shrugged. “Just checking on you. Heard you spent some one-on-one time with your mate.”

Oops. He hadn’t meant for any harshness to come out. It wasn’t entirely his fault, though. The wolf in his chest was seething with jealousy. Tao got to spend several uninterrupted hours by his mate’s side without her running away for any reason. Luhan wanted that. Luhan wanted to be by his mate and just get to know you without any worry. But how would he ever get that?

“I wouldn’t necessarily call it a success,” Tao grumbled. “But I’ve got time. She hasn’t outright told me no, yet.”

Told him no. Would you tell him no? Would you put him through that pain, that torture?

Luhan nodded, scared of what the answer might be. “Good for you.”

Seeing right through the act, Tao tilted his head. “Is everything okay?”

Crap. If anyone was going to be able to figure out what was going in Luhan’s head, it would be Tao or Minseok. And one of them was studying him a little too hard right now.

“Everything’s great,” he replied with way too much enthusiasm. He even checked his phone to try and “remain casual”. “But I should probably be heading out. I picked up an extra shift tonight at the bar. No idea why. It’s going to be dead. I’ll see you later.”

Spinning on the balls of his feet, he nearly ran out of the room, praying that Tao wouldn’t come after him. Keeping you a secret until he figured out what the hell he was going to do wasn’t as easy as he originally thought. And he didn’t want to think of the consequences if the pack were to discover you before he could step in. That was a scenario that he absolutely didn’t want to come true.

#exo #exo fanfiction #exo fanfic #exo wolf au #exo wolf!au #exo werewolf au #exo werewolf!au #luhan x reader #luhan #lu han #exo series #exo supernatural au #Lies Untold #untamed wolf universe

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starting-now · 5 years ago

Text

Try (Sally Reed x Reader)

A/N: Sally deserves more content and I am in love with her that is all. Let me know what you guys think!

Warnings: none really? crying i guess??

Word Count: 1799

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“Life is but a walking shadow, a poor player that struts and frets his hour upon the stage, and then is heard no more. It is a tale told by an idiot. Full of sound and fury. Signifying nothing.” Sally read as she walked dramatically across the stage. The footlights illuminated her beautifully, reflecting off her green eyes which were wet with fake tears. You leaned forward in your seat, mouth curving into a small smile as you watched her rehearse. She dropped her act and turned towards you, wiping the tears from her eyes and shooting you a concerned glance.

“How was that?” she asked, pulling you from your daze.

“Oh, amazing! I feel like you’ve really unlocked another level in the piece.” you responded, offering a smile. Sally wrung her hands nervously.

“Are you sure? It wasn’t too much?” she questioned.

“Absolutely not, you nailed it Sally, I mean that. The class is gonna absolutely lose it when they see you perform.” you said as Sally walked down the stairs and off the stage towards you. She picked up her bag from the seat next to you and tucked a piece of golden hair behind her ear.

“Listen, I really appreciate you staying late to help me...I uh, I owe you one.” she said, gesturing with her hands and smiling. She took a step to walk away but hesitated, turning on her heel back towards you.

“...Are you hungry?” she asked, brows slightly furrowed.

You smiled, “Yeah I could eat.”

Sally had taken an uber to class that day so you both got into your car and drove to a nearby bar and grill that Sally suggested. On the way, you asked her about her latest audition, and she was happy to share each and every detail.

“...And of course I want the part, but it’s honestly insulting that my agents don’t think I’m ready for something bigger, right?” she finished and you nodded, eyes focused on the road.

“I mean I think-” you started but Sally interrupted.

“That I should just be happy that I’m booking work, I know.” she said but you shook your head.

“Well no, I was going to say that I think your agents should work for you. What’s the point of having them if they’re holding you back? I mean, I’ve seen you act, Sally, you’re more than just ‘girl #3’ or ‘secretary’.” you said, and Sally opened her mouth but didn’t say anything. She sat back in her seat and smiled thoughtfully as you pulled into a parking spot outside the bar.

You walked in and got a table, a corner booth away from the bar where it was a bit quieter. You both ordered drinks and food and got back to talking. Sally was telling stories about people from class. She had a funny anecdote about basically everyone, and she was a great storyteller. Her eyes lit up as she moved through each story, her expressions changing and following the mood, treating each story like it was a play of its own. This time her main character was Nick.

“And I swear to you, he was completely covered, head to toe, in chocolate syrup. I have no idea how that happened in the span of 5 minutes, or where he even got that much chocolate syrup in the first place, but that is why me and Sasha call him Hershey.” she finished with a smile, taking a sip of her beer. You giggled loudly.

“No joke, for the first MONTH of class I thought that was his actual last name.” you responded and Sally threw her head back in laughter.

“No way!” she exclaimed and you nodded, chuckling.

Sally looked down at her plate, which was still practically full. She hadn’t even had the chance to eat yet between talking, but you had finished your meal. Her smile turned into a small frown.

“I’m sorry.” she said and you gave her a confused look.

“For what?” you asked.

“Just, I talk a lot, and I guess I don’t listen a lot.” she said quietly.

“No, don’t be sorry. I-uh, I like listening to you.” you said, feeling the heat rise to your cheeks. Sally looked up at you. She was gorgeous. Her wavy blonde hair fell perfectly to frame her face, which lit up with a beautiful smile. Her green eyes glimmered from the neon lights of the bar signs, her eyes and nose crinkling softly in a way that made your heart skip a beat. Sally was the first to break eye contact, looking around nervously.

“So,” she started, picking up a fry and finally digging into her food. “Why did you move to LA?” she asked.

You told her your story. You wanted to pursue an acting career. Being a woman in an acting was difficult as you both knew, especially when neither of you had much experience prior to moving to LA. You talked about how hard it was, how people doubted you at every turn, including your friends and family. Sally listened attentively as you spoke, nodding and responding with small comments or questions as she ate her meal. You two split the bill and sat in the booth with your last drinks as you continued.

Sally liked listening to you just as much as she liked talking to you. You were always so passionate and well-spoken when serious, and quick witted and animated when joking around.

“I guess I would just rather try, and fall on my face, than never try at all.” you finished, taking a sip from your drink and Sally nodded. She opened her mouth to speak, but her phone screen lit up and the caller ID said ‘Gersh’. Sally looked up at you with wide eyes, you smiled and gestured for her to go take the call.

You waited for a bit, finishing your drink and sitting idly on your phone. It had been about 5 minutes, so you decided to meet Sally outside and make sure she was okay. You grabbed your bag and headed for the door. Stepping out into the humid night air you looked around for her. You slowly started for your car, rounding the corner of the building. When it came into view you saw Sally leaning against the car. It was dark, but the dim street lights above her allowed you to see that there were tears streaming down her face. Your smile fell and you rushed towards her, placing a hand on her arm.

“Hey, hey, what’s going on, are you okay?” you asked with concern.

Sally turned red with embarrassment, anxiously wiping her tears away with the sleeves of her gray sweater. She smiled weakly.

“Oh, it’s really nothing, I’m sorry.” she said, waving her hands in front of her face. You furrowed your brow.

“Seriously, what’s going on?” you asked again.

Sally sighed deeply and avoided eye contact with you.

“I didn’t get the part. Here I am going on about how I deserve something bigger but I guess I’m not even good enough to land these ‘nobody’ parts.” she said, tears welling in her eyes again. She pressed her palm to her forehead, moving it back to smooth her hair.

“Are you kidding me, Sally?” you asked incredulously. “That’s ridiculous. Just because one casting director made a bad call doesn’t mean you aren’t ridiculously talented. I’ve seen what you can do.” you said. Sally scoffed sadly.

“You mean that stupid stuff from class? (Y/N), no one really cares about what I do in there.” she said.

“...I do.” you admitted, looking down at your feet. You looked back up to see Sally staring at you with tears in her eyes, but also a small glimmer of hope.

She opened her mouth, then closed it again, not sure if she wanted to ask, but the question came out anyways.

“...Do you think I’m gonna be a star?” Sally asked hesitantly and you paused for a moment, carefully choosing your words.

“When you get on that stage, you shine, Sally. Like, like it’s where you’re meant to be. And if that asshole casting director could see what I do, they wouldn’t have passed you up. You’re amazing and anyone with a brain can see that.” you said, your voice growing softer towards the end, not wanting to cross a line.

Sally looked conflicted. She wanted to believe you. Her whole life, people told her that her dreams were stupid or impossible. Her family, her friends, and especially her now ex-husband. And she had listened for years, blindly putting everyone’s beliefs about her above her own dreams. And now that she was finally putting herself first, people turned away from her. Called her selfish, bitchy, egotistical. But you hadn’t run away. Since you first joined Gene’s class you had been supportive of her. Offering your time and advice, or just lending your ear when she needed to vent.

She leaned on you, and you leaned on her. Sally was there for you. Not always physically, but she was always guaranteed to be a phone call away. She was the first person to invite you out after class when you first joined, including you in the group and making sure you were having a good time. She had happily helped you with countless scenes for class, getting just as excited as you did when you finally nailed your line, or fixed your inflection.

You had both been staring at each other as a million thoughts raced through your minds. Sally’s face inched closer to yours. Her emerald eyes locked onto you. You followed suit until your faces were mere inches apart.

“I think we’re just drunk.” you whispered.

“I’m not drunk. Are you drunk?” she responded, getting closer still.

You shook your head no, and Sally closed the space between you, pressing her soft lips to yours. The kiss was slow and smooth, and Sally snaked her arms around your waist, pulling you closer to her. You ran your fingers through her golden hair, relishing the feeling of her skin on yours. Her hair was soft, just like her skin and her lips. Like the sweater she wore or the touch of her fingers on your hips. Sally was the one to break the kiss. A smile spread across her face and she bit her lip to keep from breaking out into a wide grin. You returned the smile, neither of you letting go of each other yet.

“You were right.” she said softly.

“About what?” you asked.

“I would rather try, and fall on my face, than never try at all.” she said with a smile, her hand moving up to cup your cheek and pulling you in for another kiss.

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Taglist: @moon-390

#sally reed #sally hbo #sally barry hbo #sally jane reed #barry hbo #sally reed x reader #im NOT sorry bill hader #ur welcome bill hader #Sarah Goldberg

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sukunasdirtylaugh · 5 years ago

Text

“If You Ever Wanna Be In Love,”-Bucky Barnes (2/?)

word count: 1.5k

Pairing: Bucky Barnes X Female Doctor

Warnings: None. BUUUUUT, some angst. Some.

Summary: l really wanted to yell at Bucky at the beginning but, can you blame him? We get some of the interactions you guys wanted but its somewhat there lol. He’s not that much of a jerk here but hopefully this makes up for it. Also, who do you think the person behind the Doctor is? Let me know what you think(:

After working under Hydra for decades, medical visits from Hydra Physicians weren’t the best. In fact, Bucky despised them. Whenever he would get injured on a mission that would mean another evaluation. That’s why he would almost never get injured during a mission. He would do whatever it took to come back in one piece and not be reevaluated by Physicians and scientists again and again.

“So it looks like they’re keeping you here for a little over a week, bud.” Said Steve not even looking back at Buck as he read the whiteboard. The board itself was simple to read- you had the basics, patient name, date, and what the Nurse’s name was (in this case Jacqueline), what their injury was, what they needed, and what their meal plan was.

“You can’t be serious…” trailed off Bucky in disbelief.

Steve gave his best friend an apologetic look, “Sorry pal,” he said as he sat down on a chair next to him, “I tried my best to tell them you hated these places but they did their best-”

“-And you’re telling me 10 days is their best?” asked Bucky irritated.

“Hey,” said Steve sternly almost like a mother, “at least you’re alive. The staff have done nothing wrong but to help you so don’t you think it’d be nice of you to try to be nice to them?”

Bucky huffed, Alive.

“Nice to me? You mean not letting me go home is considered nice?”

“You have me, Nat, Banner, and the gang.” reasoned Steve, “Besides,” he said as he moved a handful of Get Well Soon and It’s a Boy! balloons to Bucky’s direction, “You’ve got Thor too. He actually felt bad because you took a hit for him and he got you these,” he gestured to the balloons.

Buck raised an eyebrow cross armed.

“He said that he wanted to get you as many balloons as he could but they had very few ‘get well soon so he went with the ‘its a boy’ balloons. Some of the staff didn’t let him add all of them because it took all of the room space in here -including the hallway- and because it looked like the balloons from ‘UP’ so, with the help of one doctor, she suggested Thor could give those balloons to the kids from down below. You know, the very sick ones. Said they’d be happy to have some color in the halls.”

The former Winter Soldier shrugged slightly and changed the subject. A conversation later and a visit from Sam later, it was his scheduled meal time.

“So you’re telling me, that I can’t have Jell-O?”

The Nurse nodded, “No Jell-O. You have to eat your food,” said his Nurse (whose name was Jacqueline according to her pinned ID) as she pushed the plate of microwaved steak and mashed potato his way. Is that thing even edible? Wondered Bucky.

Hesitantly, Bucky took a sniff and immediately gagged. The smell of burnt Tupperware burned his nostrils and regret filled his stomach.

“There’s no way I’m eating that,” he shook his head.

“You have to.”

“Well I’m not,”

Steve jumped in, “Yes he will. Don’t worry about him. You’ve had a long 12 hour shift. How about you go home and get some rest? He’ll be fine with us.” He offered her another one of his ‘charming’ smiles and the young Nurse eagerly nodded.

After she left, Bucky shook his head, “I’m still not eating that,”

Steve frowned, ‘’You have to. It’s part of your meal plan. The sooner you eat, the better you’ll get better meaning the sooner you leave incase you didn’t know,”

“You mean the sooner I’ll die,” Bucky corrected him. “There’s no way people get better by eating this junk. It’s worse than what they’d give us back in our days.”

His friend smiled at the memory. “Yeah,” he said but he was quick to pull himself back into reality, “but I’m not getting you hotdogs. Not happening,”

Bucky groaned in frustration.

“Just...eat, okay? Look-” as soon as he started his sentence, a knock was heard on the door.

It turned out to be you.

“Hi Mr. Rogers. I’m Dr. (honestly add whatever you want in here lmao it’s 1am here so I might add a filler name for her) and I just wanted to check up on Mr. Barnes.”

“It’s Steve,” he said politely, ‘’And you can just call him Bucky. We’re not much for formalities but maybe you can get him to eat? I have to leave real quick because I’ve got a meeting so-” his phone rang and he answered it.

“Hello? Yeah, it’s me. Look, I’ll be there in a sec okay? Yeah, Buck’s doin’ great. Good hands. Yup.” he mentioned if it was okay if he could leave and you smiled at him mouthing ‘go ahead’ to him. He thanked you and turned to Buck.

“I won’t be gone for long. I might come back in an hour or during the night. I’ll let the staff know though, okay? Just eat. Please,”

Again, you saw their interactions almost the same as a mother and a child or a brother to a younger brother kind of love and that warms your heart.

After he left, you were alone with a now fully conscious Bucky for the first time since your last encounter. You wondered if he remembered anything from them.

“So…” you paused, “Steve said you didn’t want to eat?”

Bucky exhaled, “I do want to eat. I’m starving’ but the food you guys give out is the worst. How can you eat this and not get sick?”

You smiled sheepishly, “Well, you’re not the first to complain. We’ve been trying to improve our cafeteria but I don’t eat the food here,”

The man raised an eyebrow, “So what do you really eat then?”

“I just bring stuff from home,” you say, “Actually,” you look down to see your watch. It’s 7 minutes till your next lunch break. All your current patients are either sleeping or stable. “I’ve got some lunch with me today. My break is in a few minutes too so would you like some?”

Now interested, Bucky leans forward, “I don’t know, whaddya got?”

Shrugging, you answer, “I’ve got some pasta, fruit, granola, and some other things. Do you want some?”

********************

“So,” Bucky started as picked at the bowtie pasta, “you normally give your patients food?”

You shake your head and take a sip of water. “Not really. Sometimes, I over-pack, and I might give some Nurses some snacks or even patients waiting for their families. For example, one day, I had this elderly man who had a stroke. His wife was there every step of the way and I noticed all she had was coffee. She never ate. So the next day, I pack some extra snacks and offered her some. She seemed to not want to accept but I told her I had enough to eat and I gave her some fruit and this chicken and rice plate I cooked. I’d bring her food whenever I got the chance until I saw that she’d be staying here longer. I told some of my co-workers and we all pitched in and gave her a card so she could buy whatever she wanted from the cafeteria. Of Course, the nurses also gave her snacks and things from their pot-lucks but you should have seen the look on her face. It was like letting someone eat, like, we let her eat but she couldn’t- I...it's hard to explain. It’s just that, the system shouldn’t deny anyone food or-”

“Water?” finished Bucky. You laughed a bit exasperated.

“Yeah. Just, things like that. Any who, how’re you feeling? Got any headaches? Nausea?”

He shook his head, “Nope. I’m feeling better. Maybe your pasta helped,”

“Well they do say that happiness is homemade,”

Bucky, with a mouthful of pasta, pointed at you with his fork, “Hey that’s what my Ma used to say,”

You raise your eyes holding back a grin, “Well, your Amnesia seems to be better. What do you remember from the accident?”

“Uhhh, I remember getting hit?”

“Try to be more specific,” you say trying not to pressure him.

“I remember Steve carrying me out. Then I remember being put on some wood? I don’t know but it was hard and the next thing I know I was talking about socks. But why? And then as I was leaving I remember something about a desert. After that, I passed out. Do you know what happened?”

“Well…” you trail off, “I’ll give you a word. If it rings a bell, let me know but it’s Jell-O. Does that ring a bell?”

You could evidently see the man in front of you furrow his brows together in thought. Maybe he did remember.

“Yeah,” he nodded. “That was the desert!”

You mirrored his actions, “Well, would you like some?”

Not even a second later, the room in which you two were in was filled with a loud and somewhat-heavy thump!

“Doctor! There you are!”

chapter 3

#Bucky #Bucky Barnes #buchanan #James Buchanan Bucky Barnes #james buchanan barnes #marvel #steve #endgame #marvel fic #marvel endgame #avengers endgame #Sebastian Stan #sebastian #stan #sam wilson #thor #Avengers infinity war #infinity war

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strawberryspeachy · 5 years ago

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I have so many time periods in my life that were fucking miserable (my whole life so lol) but most of them im like

Man. I wish i could go back with the knowledge i have now and change shit

But my senior year of college still takes the cake. I would not repeat that fucking year given the chance. I legit for real am npt exaggerating at all when i say I HAVE NO IDEA HOW I GRADUATED. What strength i had. How did i do it??

I lost all of my friends. I lived with girls who made me feel worse about myself. My classes were super difficult and busy. My mom had finally admitted to me that she knew she was forgetting things.

I BECAME bulimic. That wasnt something i did before that year. Bulimic to the point where if i ate more than one peice or bread i felt guilty. Sometimes i coild rationalize to myself that i ate a healthy and appropriate meal but after 20 minutes id start panicking. That i HAD TO go throw it up. I HAD TO. if i didnt id regret it so i hadddd toooo

I didnt eat some days

And it went beyond the point of. All i have is my skinny body. It went to i hate myself and my life and i deserve to suffer. I dont deserve food. If i keep doing this maybe my body will fuck up enough that i die.

And speaking of death. It was the first time i fully tried to kill myself. I played with the idea before. Id do risky things on the off chance that id die doing it. Sometimes risky enough that i was surprised i even did it and got really scared afterwards thinking about ever doing them again. But id never made a plan. Got materials. And tried and fell asleep thinking id really never wake up. And i did it a couple times. And honestly i think i killed a part of me that year.

I cried all the time. I was just a zombie with a painted smile on my face so i could get help in class from other people. But i never actually smiled. And the second i walked in my room id start crying. All that bottled up energy released. And there was too much.

I used to fall out of my chair cause i was crying so much and id just roll around on the floor and then yell at myself to get my ass back in the chair and to keep studying. And i did. And id keep crying. And i kept studying.

And i took adderal several times a week. It wasnt even working. But it had a crack effect on me and would make me really happy and optimistic for no reason

I dont remember ever feeling confident in my studys. I walked into every exam terrifyed.

I was scared the entire year that i was gonna fail.

I was so out of it that i didnt even notice the stress permanently altered my apperance. Eveyone said i grew up. No the stress aged me. I didnt notice my hair fell out or how my chin seemed to grow. Or how my skin greyed

Theres no way to make thay year better. That was an awful year.

I have no point in this.

Just like that year and the two following it... which... issss 2014-2015-2016 to 2017

Like id completed three years of college. I had to graduate. I couldnt get out of that with a clear mind. And then coming home. None of my friends lived at home. I couldnt find a job. I took what i could get. I couldnt leave home. I had to stay for my mom. I had to and i wanted to.

Im thinking about it cause i could have immediately came to japan out of college. And i knew it then. I chose not to. I wanted to go home and be with my mom. And my family made that a nightmare. And watching her and taking care of her while she went downhill... i dont think ill be able to face those feelings... for many years to come. (I mean hopefilly not if i died while writing this id be happy) but theres really no getting around the fact that having completed my finance degree in college. My only choice was to end up as a server

My 13 year old dog died. My 18 year old cat died. My mom was shitting all over the house and refusing to sleep or eat. The woman who i hated so much that i went to work early and smiled while offering to stay later because “at least im not at home” finally died.

One day she told me she was gonna kick me out of the house (for the zillionth time) she screamed and yelled at me. And i went to work. And i came home and she was standing outside of the front door. I thought about continuing to drive and coming back later when shed moved. But for whatever reason i stopped and got out still hoping shed be gone by the time i walked up. She wasnt. She didnt even notice i was there. I was tempted to walk past her and go in. But i didnt. I asked her what was wrong. She said she could take the step to the sidewalk. And i helped her. And she rambled to me about how she thought shed be stuck there all night and how she didnt know what was wrong. The last time i saw her she had been screaming at me about how im a worthless spoiled lazy rude mean old adult acting like a baby. So. I really didnt have much sympathy to give her. I couldnt even talk. I was still mad. She thanked me. I said she was welcome. Thats all i remember. That was about 3 months before she died. If i went back to that exact moment knowing that information. I honestly dont think id change anything... she was.... so mean... so needlessly mean... im still mad about every time i was mad at her

Unlike my mom. Who i dreamed about this week. I had a dream that i was home just living my regular life in high school. And i did something. And my mom was yelling at me. And we got into an argument. Just one of those nonsense arguments that dont mean much. And in my dream i was like ugh my moms so annoying. And i woke up. And i miss her so much. What i wouldnt do to listen to my mom yell at me about something like taking too long to get ready. Or putting something in the wrong place. Or forgetting to do some chore she asked me to do. My mom with her fully functioning brain yelling at me because ive inconvenienced some plan that she has made for hersef that day. Thats shes fully capable of doing herself. And will do no matter what anyone says cause you dont mess with her schedule - you work with it.

I actually woke up and smiled. When you grow up do you ever think youll think about your parent full blown going off on you about something kinda dumb would ever make you smile...

Anyhow... that boy at work i like. I tried to be cute. He said he texts his friends back when he wants to when i pestered him about having not responded to my mesage. I was like

Oh thats the second time youve called me your friend! :) were friends :D

I just wanted a chuckle and for him to say yea yea were friends

But instead.... he said no. Were coworkers.

And i said you can be friends with your coworkers

Which led to a super long.... turned into argument...

Where he told me no. He doesnt need more friends. He only talks to me because he has to. He doesnt like me. He doesnt want to talk to me. He doesnt like when he has to talk to me. He has plenty of time to hang out with friends but not me cause im not his friend and he does not want to hang out with me. Dont ask him questions. Dont talk to him for more than a minute. He only said yes to hanging out with me because i was new to the country. His girlfriend didnt want him to and he decided he didnt want to after thinking about it. He wont change his mind. And he got really mad while telling me that his dumbass gf gets mad when i text him. And that he doesnt wanna talk to me out of work and at work only about work nothing else.

Most of that was unprovoked information. Like.. a quarter of it came from my “so were friends?” Remark. Another quarter of it came from my “coworkers can become friends” remark. And given half of it.... i brought up that he liked talking to me enough that he said he wanted to hang out with me - so you fan guess what quarter of the information came from that... oh sorry did i say quarters. I guess i meant thirds.

Extra shitty cause its a big jump from the boy who was engaging in actual conversation with me yesterday and moved so close to me that he was cms away from resting his head on me shoulder. Many times. Actually over the past couple days.

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heycasbutt · 6 years ago

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From the Beginning

A/N: This is my first attempt at Dom MGG, requested by @princesswagger15, and also i decided to try my hand at it since my Dom Spence fic was so well received. i was hesitant about this one, but I really honest to God hope you love it as much as I do. This one focuses on ageplay, and it’s more of a Daddy Dom/Little Girl type situation. It was inspired by @dontshootmespence ‘s Long Shot Series-which is amazing and every one of you should check it out.

Warnings: Daddy Kink, Age Play. No actual sex occurs in this one, but there is some fingering and spanking so don’t say i didn’t warn you.

Enjoy!!!

You had become enamored with Matthew since he walked into the coffee shop where you worked when you were 16. He came in daily that summer and always ordered the same thing. A large black coffee, and a blueberry scone. By the third day you had his order memorized and had it waiting for him.

It was 2 years before he officially asked you on a date. You had grown close during your encounters at the coffee shop. You’d sit with him during your breaks and talk about classic literature. Chaucer, Jane Austen, Edgar Allen Poe, Ray Bradbury-your personal favorite. Being nearly 18 years your senior, Matthew was hesitant to pursue a relationship with you, and you understood. So you told him to wait till your 18th birthday, then you’d be in the clear. Nothing to worry about. So he did just that. Technically he took you on your first real date the night before your 18th birthday, but he didn’t kiss you until he took you home just after midnight. 3 days later you graduated from high school and he asked you to be his girlfriend to which you wholeheartedly accepted. He took you to dinner again that night and later you made love for the first time in his living room.

At 19, you were moved in with Matthew, content in life, and almost done with your sophomore year of college. Matthew insisted you let him put you through and you vehemently rejected having saved every penny you could since you were 5-in addition to getting a small scholarship that put you through your freshman year. But of course, he couldn’t listen and you found that out when your first bill arrived for your sophomore year and said your semester’s tuition had been paid in full. You called the school wondering who had paid it and the sweet lady on the other line, her name was Tanya told you your husband had done it. You thanked her and hung up the phone, stalking across the house to find the offending figure of Matthew. When you found him, he was sitting in the garden, reading a book, a picnic laid out in front of him.

“What’s this?” You asked coming to sit by him. He just smiled and pulled you close.

“Shemar once told me that it takes about 3-5 business days to fall in love. Anything faster than that is faster than Amazon Prime and that’s just unrealistic. But I knew I loved you from the first day I met you in that coffee shop. I knew that my life had come full circle and was complete when I took you on that first date and kissed you. I knew that I loved you when I watched you graduate and then we made love that night, the first night of many thank God!” Matthew chuckled softly. He produced a small box from his pocket and opened it, revealing a simplistic but gorgeous engagement ring. You gasped softly and before Matthew could even ask you to marry him, you had pinned him to the ground and began kissing him hungrily.

“I take that as a yes?” Matthew laughed and kissed you again sliding the ring on your finger. You nodded with another smile as Matthew stood up and carried you into the house.

You eloped 3 weeks later at a courthouse in Pasadena. Shemar and A.J. were the only ones there to witness the ceremony. Your parents had all but disowned you after finding out you were dating someone nearly old enough to be your father and Matthew’s parents were of the same mindset, not too happy their boy was dating a girl fresh out of high school. But that didn’t stop either of you, You smiled the biggest, dorkiest smile you’d smiled in years when you slid the gold band on Matthew’s finger and officially made him yours.

Now you were 20, a Gubler, and happier than you had been in your whole life. It was quickly approaching your wedding anniversary with Matthew and he was due home any minute. You took extra care to change the bedsheets to the deep burgundy silk ones that Matthew loved. You fluffed all the pillows and covered them in silk pillow cases before placing the large white duvet back on the bed and situating the decorative pillows. You had cleaned every inch of the house, and prepared Matthew’s favorite meal, your grandmother’s lasagna. You still couldn’t legally drink but that didn’t stop Matthew from keeping a few bottles of wine in the house for dinners like these. A red wine you had received as a wedding gift had been chilling in an ice bucket when the lock on the front door sounded and your favorite person in the universe stepped through.

“Hey you,” Matthew muttered against your lips as he kissed you over and over again. He had only been gone a week, but Skyping just wasn’t as good as having the real thing.

You ran your hands through his hair and smiled as his eyes rolled back in pleasure. You peppered kisses along his neck and popped open the top two buttons on his shirt.

“Much better,” You cooed in his ear as he slowly backed you against the wall.

“Dinner will get cold,” You reminded him as you tugged on his hair. His stomach growled loudly and you both laughed rather loudly at the interruption.

“Let’s eat then. I want to talk to you about something,” Matthew said releasing you from his grip. You made your way into the kitchen and spooned up some of the hot food for Matthew and yourself. Pouring you both a glass of wine, you sat at the small kitchen table.

“Alright. Go for it, Matthew,” you smiled as you took a small bite of food.

“So, you know how I’m nearly 18 years older than you?” Matthew smirked taking a sip of wine and leaning back.

“Yes...” You replied tentatively.

“So I was doing some research and reading on the flight home and I thought maybe we could try something in the bedroom,” Matthew looked down shyly and your mind started spinning with all the possibilities.

“What is it?” You asked walking around the table and sitting on his lap. The food long forgotten now.

“I was thinking how sexy it would be if you were my little girl” He kissed your shoulder “And I was your daddy..” Matthew trailed kisses up to your neck and began sucking softly eliciting a delicious moan from deep inside you.

“Oh daddy, I’d love that,” You groaned again, gripping his knee. His hands traveled up to your breasts and kneaded them gently.

“Now, while daddy has been gone, have you been a good girl? Have you touched your sweet little pussy and thought about daddy?” Matthew cooed in your ear. You felt all the blood pool in your nether regions and you thought you were going to explode.

“Yes daddy. Every night. I missed your hard, thick cock thrusting in and out of me making me scream,” You moaned breathlessly. One of Matthew’s hands had made its way up your skirt and he was lazily circling your clit. Your breath hitched in your throat and a low guttural moan came forth.

“Well, the rules are going to change my sweet baby girl,” Matthew said picking you up and carrying you bridal style to the bedroom. You squealed in anticipation of what was to come.

He laid you softly on to the large bed and kissed down to the swell of your breasts.

“God you’re gorgeous,” Matthew moaned as he slid your shirt and bra off, his lips attaching to one peaked nipple. You moaned and knotted your fingers in his delicious locks.

“Let go,” Matthew cautioned as he lightly dragged the tip of his tongue between the valley of your breasts.

“But daddy...” You moaned and bucked your hips against him. He pinned your hips to the bed and got closer, a fire flickered behind his eyes.

“I said. No. You are my sweet little girl and my naughty little slut and you do what daddy tells you to do when daddy tells you to do it. Do I make myself fucking clear?” He growled and nipped at your ear. You groaned as he enveloped your lips in a heated sensual kiss.

“Oh yes,” You groaned in his ear, desperate for any sort of friction between your legs. As quick as the words escaped your lips, Matthew had pulled you upright and grabbed your ass.

“What the fuck did you say?” He whispered low and huskily to you. You knew what would happen if you lied but you took your chances anyways.

“Oh yes,” You repeated more breathily and sensuous than before. Before you could see the reaction on Matthew’s face, a hand came and whacked you on the ass. You squealed and then let out a small moan.

“Do you like that? Do you like when Daddy punishes you for being the naughty girl that you are?” Matthew crooned into your ear, his sex voice always sent pleasurable shivers up your spine.

“Y-Yes Daddy,” A loud moan escaped your lips as Matthew pushed you onto all fours and slid 2 long fingers into your slick center.

“Good girl, you’re so wet. Is that all for Daddy, hmm?” Matthew trailed a finger down your spine, making you shiver. You arched your back into him and grunted in reply.

“I didn’t hear that, girl,” Matthew commanded, slapping your ass again. The sensation sending you face first onto the bed. You were flipped over onto your back and Matthew kissed and nipped along your collarbone as he slid 2 fingers back into you and rubbed your clit with his thumb.

“Yes Daddy, it’s all for you,” You whined softly and reached for Matthew’s head to push him further down your body.

“That’s more like it. Are you going to come for daddy?” Matthew growled in your ear and shoved his fingers deeper inside you. His thumb rubbed feverishly on your clit, you could feel the ecstasy building within you and you cried out in pleasure. Matthew groaned and sucked roughly on your hardened nipple. Your walls clenched around his fingers as you rode out the first waves of your orgasm.

“Oh my fuck, Matthew!” You cried and buried your fingers in his hair. Your orgasm slowly subsided and Matthew tenderly pulled his fingers out of your center. Making eye contact with you, he sucked the remnants of your ecstasy from his fingers.

“You’re such a fucking slut. But, you’re my slut, understand,” Matthew whispered into your ear and then kissed you softly.

“Yes, Daddy,” You nodded with a smile and kissed him again. Pulling away slightly, you pursed your lips in thought, “But, can we make love now? Just as Matthew and Y/N?” You asked innocently, as you scraped your nails up his still clothed chest.

“No,” Matthew said firmly and got up walking into the en suite.

“But-“You called after him.

“Patience my little girl. Good things come to those who wait,” Matthew said coming to stand in the doorway of the bathroom, his shirt hanging open.

The ever elusive ‘They’ always said Patience is a virtue, but tonight, you weren’t feeling like such a virtuous woman.

#criminal minds fandom #Criminal Minds Fanfiction #criminal minds #spencer reid #SR #reid x reader #Matthew Gray Gubler #mgg x reader #mgg #spencer reid fanfiction #Matthew Gray Gubler Fanfiction

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yoosungs-blush · 6 years ago

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Through Each Other’s Eyes

For @yoosungweek Day 3! I’ve wanted to do a 4th wall thing for a while so I had to dig deep for the feels for this one. Hope you enjoy!

When he blinked suddenly everything changed.

He felt different somehow; something was out of place. It was only when he became aware of the phone he was holding in his hands that that difference stuck out to him. The screen showed someone very familiar, so familiar it could have been a mirror.

Except how could it be? Was it a photo? He looked on the verge of crying, a bittersweet smile on his face with one hand pressed up against the glass as though he were attempting to reach right out of the screen.

This certainly wasn’t real, right? He didn’t remember having such a photo taken. And there was a box outlined in green at the bottom of it, filled with Korean subtitles.

Yoosung? … Look in the mirror.

Prompted by the screen, he took in his surroundings; noting for the first time the bed he was sitting on cross-legged. Everything seemed so… vivid. More colourful. Like a photo filter that made every detail stand out. Even his hands were– Was he wearing nail varnish?

Spying a mirror on the wall across from him he quickly got to his feet, bracing himself for something strange; maybe you had painted his nails as a prank while he was asleep or something? It only added to his disorientation that he couldn’t remember what he had been doing before this and that he didn’t recognise the place he was at all.

His eyes widened when he saw his reflection - they weren’t his eyes. This wasn’t him at all! Different eyes, different hair, and… why did his chest feel so heavy? He poked his chest, confirming his suspicions immediately, a blush creeping onto the face that wasn’t his.

“This has to be a dream right?” He muttered with a voice that didn’t belong to him; words awkward on his tongue, as though he hadn’t spoken in a million years. There was a desk in the room, piled high with textbooks: all in English. If it weren’t for his high school classes, he wouldn’t have been able to understand what he was seeing. There was a purple box balanced on top of everything, adorned with three letters that he did know: RFA.

“R.F.A VIP Pac…kage…?” The English sounds that should have been distorted and nonsensical, were smooth sounding and natural. This person could speak English properly but not Korean? And this package… RFA? As in the RFA? He had to know for sure.

The box only had two things inside - clearly, someone had already gone through and moved around most of the contents. But the bad feeling in his already heavier-than-normal chest was getting worse when he went over what he could see.

His student ID card…

… And an RFA membership card issued to MC.

Before he could completely lose his sanity, the phone in his hand vibrated. The photo of him was still there, but there was a voice coming from the phone - his voice. But he could barely understand the foreign words that were being said; opting to read the Korean subtitles instead.

��Yoosung? Did you look in the mirror?”

A lone option popped onto the screen and he tapped it quizzically.

“I did but… who are you?”

His heart was pounding, his head was light. This strange dream was too much. He wanted to wake up, to be back in the world where he was in his own body in his own world where he had the most wonderful person he had ever met as his wife.

Thinking of you made him nostalgic - it felt like years since he had last seen you; last stroked through your long brown hair; stared into your… What colour were your eyes again? Had it been that long or was it the side effect of being in a dream…? Why couldn’t he remember your eyes?

“You haven’t realised yet…? That I’m… MC?”

“You’re…. what are you saying?! You’re just a picture on a screen, and I’m just having a weird dream as someone I don’t know. That’s the only way to explain all of this RFA stuff in a foreigner’s room.”

“It’s… my room,” the voice said, “I’m sorry if it’s a bit messy. I… wasn’t ever expecting something like this to happen.”

“Like this…? What do you mean?”

“We’ve switched bodies Yoosung - like in the movies. I’m in your body and you’re… in mine.”

The phone began to shake.

“Then… this person in the mirror… is you? But you look so different! You don’t look at all like I remember!”

And then he recalled the last April Fools Day, when he and the others had teased Zen. Everything about the bright, colourful world he was in seemed to make sense.

“Yoosung…?”

His eyes watered. His heart ached. The headache only got worse with this new revelation.

“We’re… in different dimensions aren’t we?”

He understood what you said next without even glancing at the Korean characters on-screen.

“Yes.”

A sob escaped him before he could cover it up. Heart throbbing with hot pain, he wiped the tears away as they rolled down his face - your face. He returned to the mirror, taking in your reflection; the shape of your face; soft hair; the lovely curves of your figure. But mostly, he was lost in the eyes that stared back at him, heartbroken. This was you. The real you in all your beauty.

The picture of Yoosung Kim was still on the phone screen, an answer ready for him to pick.

“All of the things I say are already pre-determined. Is it the same with you?”

“ I usually get the pick of three options…”

The crack in his heart was splintered apart even further.

“So all those times in the chatroom when I felt like you knew exactly the right thing to say to me…?”

“ …I always tried to be true to myself.”

“What about these subtitles? And these English books?”

“ … I had to use the English version of the app. I can’t speak Korean - but ever since I met you, I’ve learned a lot more than I did.”

This was too much. He felt strange, a million emotions fighting for control over his mind. He was in a different dimension - your dimension - where he was staring down at a phone with his face on it that was supposedly his dimension. You didn’t speak Korean. He didn’t speak English. Was your marriage a lie too? He’d never actually met you. Did he even exist?

“It’s a lot to take in. Are you okay?”

Not at all. But… But you were still MC. Even if everything he had ever learnt about you was now in question, at the core you were still the person he fell in love with in 11 days. The person he had pledged his life to. The person he wanted to have a family with. His MC.

“I still don’t really understand. But my heart hurts. I’m never going to get to meet you?”

“You still have the avatar I was using to interact with your world. She’s still me, even if she doesn’t look like it.”

“But… doesn’t it hurt… to see me with someone who isn’t you? To hold hands with someone who isn’t you… And kiss someone who isn’t you…”

“Our hearts are connected. And I want to love you no matter what. So… don’t worry about me. As long as you feel happy and loved, I will too.”

No sooner had he read it, the phone began to ring: Yoosung★

“MC,” he whispered after picking up, “You must have felt so lonely this entire time; knowing that I hadn’t met the real you.”

“I’m sorry,” came your reply, subtitles covering the call screen, “There was never an option to... And I didn't want to see you upset. If I had to shoulder that burden so we could feel happy, then it would be worth it."

"Damn it MC!" His voice cracked under the pressure of his thoughts, "Didn't you realise after everything I went through trying to talk to V about Rika?! I want the truth - even if it hurts! Because then I get to try and heal."

"I know... I'm sorry." He could hear you sniffling on the other end and his shoulders slumped, heavy with guilt.

"Hey, MC... Don't cry... I'm not angry with you... So please don't cry."

*sniffle* *sniffle*

"I'm just... even if this is the only time we'll ever get to talk freely... I feel so happy. But when I think about never being able to talk to you without constraints and limits on what I can say... I want to cry all over again."

"I know..." he murmured.

"But I want to use this chance to say this properly because I've never been able to say just how I feel. So will you listen?"

"Okay."

He heard you take a deep breath.

"You probably didn't know because I didn't talk a lot in the chatrooms about myself unless prompted but... when I joined the RFA I was in a really bad place. And I was so happy being a part of the organisation because I felt like I had a family. And then when I got to know you, I fell for you really hard. You are always so kind to me; checking I was eating three meals a day - which at first I wasn't - and asking me how my day was. You made me feel loved and cherished even before we confessed. I loved getting your calls and hearing your voice... and..."

"And..?"

"I saved that picture you sent of those roses as my wallpaper..."

He blushed, "You did?"

"But sometimes when I logged out of the chatroom I'd feel really sad because I wanted more than anything to meet you and hug you and hold your hand while watching some romance movie on Valentine's Day... Sometimes it made me feel this unbearable pain in my chest and I'd feel really lonely. There was always a part of me that wanted you to know about the gap between us... Sometimes I'd even write stories about telling you and what you'd say to me, and it made me feel better on bad days..."

"MC..." On the other side of the phone he could detect the emotion choking you up further and further the more you spoke. Loving him had been a double-edged blade that you had wanted to bear all by yourself and it made his entire body tremble.

"I understand if this is too painful for you... If you don't want to love me anymore because of this... I- I wouldn't blame you if you hung up and never spoke to me again."

His heart lurched, "I would never! You're still my precious one! I will always love you. And if that means loving you across dimensions for the rest of my life then so be it! That doesn't make that love any less. I don't love you any less. I love you more! You dealt with this secret by yourself for years - so... let me help you carry it now."

You had broken down, sobs echoing on the phone, "Y-Yoo...sung," you sobbed, "I love you! I r-really love... you... so so so... m-much."

A tear trickled down his cheek, but he wiped it away. He had to be strong for you. He had to protect you.

"Calm down Jagiya~" He cooed, "I'm right here! So focus on my voice and breathe." You did as he said but you were so worked up that it took a couple of minutes; hiccuping the only noise that told him you were still there.

"I'll never leave you," he promised, "I told you didn't I? I will always love you. So try not to worry - we can do this together now."

"Y-yeah."

"And on bad days, you can log into the RFA app and I'll be there waiting for you, 'kay?"

"Okay."

"And-- OH!" He shivered as something pulled him forwards; barely managing to stop himself from cracking the wall mirror with his face he shuddered. The force was still pulling him downwards and he noted the phone he had dropped from the sudden pull now discarded on the floor.

"MC!" He called, "I- I think we're going to switch back."

He didn't hear your answer, too busy trying to imprint the picture of your real face in his mind forever. Then the mirror was gone. He was caught in a whirlpool, being pulled in until it was hard to even breathe.

When something hard hit his gut, he was too winded to even exclaim in pain, but afterwards, he noted the return of his own body. He was back to being Yoosung Kim.

"Yoosung!" A voice screamed amongst the chaos, "Yoosung!"

There was a face, then a body... and a hand reaching out for him as it was being pulled away.

Instinctively he stretched out for you, ready to embrace as much of the real you as he could before you were taken away from him. The tide worked against the pair of you but with one last grunt of effort on his part, your fingertips brushed. For a split second, he felt your warmth and love without any screen dividing you.

Before you were pulled away again, forever.

~★~

He was back to his life.

Blinking, his eyes adjusting to the sudden dimness; the only available light the morning glow shining through the curtains as he sat up in the bed he shared with you. There was a groan as you rolled over to look at him, brunette hair tangled, splayed across your pillow.

"Good morning, Yoosung," you whispered, stifling a yawn.

He remembered the dream he had and the face he had seen. With a bittersweet smile he kissed the tip of your nose:

"Good morning, MC."

#mysme fanfic #mystic messenger imagines #mysme yoosung #mysme #mysme angst #mystic messenger angst #mystic messenger fanfic #yoosung route #mystic messenger yoosung #mm yoosung #kim yoosung #Yoosung Kim #mystic messenger #breaking the fourth wall #yoosung x mc #yoosung x reader

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purplesurveys · 4 years ago

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1218

Have you ever been to Australia? Nope. Not really on top of my travel lists when it comes down to it, but it would be lovely to visit nonetheless. I'd be most excited to try their local food.

Who was the last person you know to have a birthday? Kate, our HR officer.

Are you wearing a necklace? If so, describe it. I am not.

Do you know anyone who is left-handed? Aya. But we’re not really friends anymore.

Ever wear out a CD? What was it? I don’t think so. I’ve broken CDs before but it was always because I had been a kid then and I constantly mishandled them.

What’s your favorite card game? I’m not into card games.

What’s your favorite fast food meal? I usually flock to burgers and fries. Fast food rice is blechhh so I never get any meals with them, which are usually paired with fried chicken.

Where is the best restaurant you’ve ever eaten in at? Torch. Prices are no joke either, so I don’t get to order from there a lot.

Lamb chops or pork chops? I have pork chops more frequently and I love them, but I’d go with lamb chops. More expensive so I get them less often, but I do like the taste of lamb more.

If you HAD to pick ONE song to listen to for the rest of your life, and that would be the only song you ever heard, what would it be? I imagine this would be so inconvenient after just a few hours...but idk. Based on my mood now, maybe Still With You by Jungkook.

Ever heard of Shinedown? I have. I used to have a mutual who was obsessed with them. Never listened to their music, though.

What size is your bed? Just a twin-size.

What is the first meal you remember eating? I no longer remember that.

What was the first movie you ever saw? Stuart Little 2.

What percentile of your class were you in? I’m not sure about percentile, but I was just above average. Never topped the class but wasn’t behind academically, either. In our batch of around 165, I remember my ranking peaking at like 26. I don’t know what the equivalent percentile for that is.

Can you name every place you’ve ever had sex? Yeah, I didn’t like being too adventurous anyway.

What forms of birth control have you used? Same-sex relationship.

Do you use sponges or dishcloths when doing the dishes? Sponge. OMG I hate touching wet cloths/fabric.

What’s your favorite song on the top twenty right now? Butter.

Ever punched a wall? Nope.

What was the last bug you killed and what did you use? An ant. My finger.

Ever get pulled over by the cops and get away without a ticket? Yes, because he noticed I was in uniform, as were my orgmates then. And I’m guessing it was also because he could tell we were all young, so he let us go.

What was your first legal alcoholic drink? A margarita, I think? < Hey, same!

What’s the most expensive things your parents ever bought you? My education.

What’s the most expensive thing you’ve bought? I’ve spent the most on my merch collection so far; but as for an individual item, I’ve spent close to 5k on a photobook set. I haven’t really ventured out to start spending on more adulting stuff yet, lol.

What is your favorite cover song? Paramore’s cover of Passionfruit by Drake, or Hayley Williams’ cover of Teardrop by Massive Attack.

Did you ever drop out of school? Nope, I did everything in one go.

Ever raise a child that wasn’t your own for more than 3 months? I have not.

Strangest medical procedure ever performed on you? I’ve only had basics done on me.

Does the place you work have music playing? What sort? The extremely few times I had to go to the physical office, my co-workers put on some music, yeah. It had been a very chill atmosphere and they simply turned on YouTube on the TV and put on a playlist of BTS and Taylor Swift songs.

Do you use Windows, Mac, Linux, or something else entirely? Mac.

Do you cut tags out of clothing so they don’t itch and bother you? Yes, I hate how the tags feel for the most part. The only time I don’t cut them off is if the brand is on the pricey side.

How many times a year do you go on vacation? Under normal circumstances, around 3-5 with my family.

What is your favorite time period in history to learn about? It’s easier for me to say what periods I find a little boring: medieval/dark ages and anything about wars. Every other period I’d happily soak up like a sponge.

What’s the saddest report you have ever seen on the news? Mmmh, probably kids dying from freak accidents and seeing the parents get interviewed. Just last night I had to hear about a 4 year old who ran towards a car while playing outside. Hearing the dad cry and plead was gut-wrenching.

In your honest opinion, what is the scariest sea creature you know? Idk, maybe those that live in the super deep sea and look nothing like what we would usually perceive as normal sea creatures.

What superpower do you think would be the most handy in times of trouble? I guess it would have to depend on the issue you find yourself stuck in. But I think being able to control time would be convenient, since you can just easily undo mistakes.

Do you believe there is just one love for everyone, or…? No. That would invalidate experiences for a lot of people. :/

Why are you best friends with your best friend? She’s always been supportive and stuck by my side no matter what I’ve been through. We also have great chemistry and have always shared the same sense of goofy humor.

Do you world peace is truly a possibility in the future? No.

Pretend you are a really good cook, what meal would you make? I’d just make sashimi everyday.

What do you think of when you look at the stars? I tend to reminisce when I do so. Think about what’s happened in the past, people who’ve left, what I’ve lost...and that there’s probably good reason why things are the way they are now.

If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked? Dead? Their shells are part of their actual skeletal structure. < Well there we go.

What’s one thing you feel you must do in your life before it ends? Travel the world.

What Disney princess are you most like? Personality-wise, I mean. Ariel. Pretty fucking clumsy, prioritizes the wrong things out of love.

What do you think is the most important thing in this life is? Happiness.

Do you use any acne medication? Nah, I just splash my face with water every morning.

Have you ever tried to learn another language? How did it go? [This survey seems to be a mix of a few surveys, so some of the questions - like this, I’ve already answered. I’ll be striking out the ones I’ve already delved on but if you’ll take this survey as well, feel free to remove the strike!]

Do you still have a landline phone in your home?

Throughout a typical week, which places are you likely to go? LOL just home. I work from home, and I’m usually exhausted during the weekend to want to go out.

How often do you use your webcam, if you even have one that is? A few times a week for work. Most of the time we communicate just through audio, but there are a few meetings or clients that prefer video.

Do you have a lock number or pattern for your phone? It’s a number combination, but I seldom get to use it. I usually rely on thumb ID.

What was the last thing you bought from a liquor store? Not a liquor store but I just got a few bottles of beer from 7-Eleven.

Is there any cereal in your house? What kind? We don’t. We’re not really a big cereal-eating family.

What's the most number of people you've ever lived with? 11. That’s a set of grandparents (2), my family (4), my mom’s older brother’s family (4), and my mom’s younger brother (1).

Do you celebrate St. Patrick's Day?

Do you have any pets? How long have you had them? I have two. 13 years with Kimi, a year with Cooper.

What's your favourite kind of cheese? Feta and mozzarella.

Have you danced in the rain? Once or twice, when I was a lot younger.

Who is your favorite person to text? I don’t text anymore, but I frequently communicate with Angela on Messenger.

What’s your favorite brand of jeans? My favorite pair is from Zara, but I don’t have a go-to brand for jeans per se.

Do you enjoy Mario games? Not all of them, but sure.

What’s your favorite online game? I don’t play games.

Have you ever been hit with a ball in gym class? Possibly. Not remarkable enough for me to remember though.

Who was last to cook for you? Dad.

Would you ever wish to explore a cave? I would love to. I had the chance to explore one during our trip to Sagada, but the tour guide decided against it since I had the wrong footwear and it wasn’t going to be safe if I tried. :( I did get to go to the underground cave in Palawan though, and that was a really fun experience.

You see the person you fell hardest for. What do you do? I’d give her a small, polite/curt smile and maybe wave, then go on with whatever it was I’ve been doing. Of course, I doubt it would actually go that way because I believe she’d run for the hills if she ever spotted me.

Have you ever ridden in a car with someone who was high? No. I would refuse to, especially if they were the one driving.

Did you ever date the last person you kissed? Yeah, for too long.

Have you ever held a snake? I have! A few times.

How often do you have friends over to your house? Almost never. Angela and Hans coming over for Sowoozoo two weeks ago was just an exception.

Have you ever had a boss who acted unprofessionally? No, I wouldn’t say that.

Who was the last person who cried around you? Why did they start crying? Was it unexpected?

Do you have any exercises you do everyday?

Are you more of a dog or cat person?

Have you ever had a dream of stabbing someone?

Would you ever have a bird as a pet?

Have you ever had to speak at a funeral?

Do you know someone who’s been cremated?

What is your favorite animated movie?

Did your grandparents teach you anything? Just some religion stuff and how to be a nice Catholic and all. Doesn’t apply to me, obvs, but I still outwardly listen out of respect.

Do you want/have a Bachelor's degree? Yes.

Are you into superheroes? Who's your favourite? I am most definitely not.

Have you ever played Cards Against Humanity? Did you like it? Sure, a few times. Yes, it was fun and hilarious.

Have you ever played a drinking game? Which ones? Just the basic ones like truth or dare and never have I ever.

Did you ever play Neopets when you were younger?

Have you ever been to Mexico? No, but would be nice to travel there.

Have your parents ever worked in medicine? No, not their field.

Is there anything unusual about your house? We don’t have a gate, which has always bugged me.

How many serious relationships have you been in? One.

Do you listen to Rise Against? Much more when I was in high school. I haven’t revisited their music in years.

When was the last time you congratulated someone? Reggy since she posted her graduation portrait the other day.

Have you ever taken care of a newborn baby? Nah.

How old were you when you got your ears pierced? Like a month old, I believe.

Do you snore when you sleep? Rarely. A snore or two would usually come out only if I’m extremely exhausted.

What was the last type of burger you ate? A Baconator from Wendy’s.

#survey #surveys

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seouliloquy · 7 years ago

Text

I am a complete disastrous wreck

I have been so depressed and so anxious and so apathetic, hypersensitive, easily irritated and downright miserable all at the same time for weeks now

My school has failed at helping me find a tutor for algorithms and seemed to given up trying at all since i havent heard from the education and learning center for two weeks now, despite them making false promises to get in touch with me soon about a solution to my problem.

I have skipped more classes this semester than ever on the excuse that i was not to be bothered to leave my room and needed a mental health day - which ends up being an even more miserable say because i feel guilt and shame and get even more nothing done than if i had been busy in classes. Othertimes i would skip so i could study for a test or take some time to actually be productive or get errands done that desperately need to be done during the day time that i dont have time to do.

I even called off work around 3 times.

I go to soccer to put off reality even more. I tell myself its because i’m a dedicated member of the team, because i need to social interaction, because it’s exercise and good for my health...but after practices i’m hardly feeling any better. I was coerced into playing goalkeeper in the freezing snow at the last and biggest most important tournament (all the more reason for me to be goalkeeper instead of anyone else because no one else can do it decently but me and i’m obviously not good enough to trust on the field so id i hadnt played keeper i likely would have barelt played at all and either way i felt like i wasted my entire weekend. In goal i hardly do much moving. They never take time to help me warm up. It was snowing and i’m standing there with 4 layers on still freezing my ass off and my toes completely numb and against Yonsei, the most important game, the 3 times i had to move at all i fucked up and let a goal in, letting us lose AGAIN and i know everyone blames me. Yeah i’m the better choice to do it but compared to the other teams goalkeepers i’m complete shit.

Whats the point of playing and doing something i’m supposed to love if doing it constantly makes me feel guilty and inadequate. I’m not skilled enough, i’m not fast enough, i still can’t fucking cross the ball and i still cant fogure out how the others who can do things well are so good at what they do despite the fact that i have 10 years of experience over everyone else...

Really the only reason i’d been going to soccer was just to escape from everything and avoid my other stressors because its all too much. I didnt have to think about algorithms or syntax or paying the tuition and rent bills or being lonely and unloveable.

I tell myself i go to the gym so i can have me time, to work on improving myself. Work towards getting the body that i want so i can feel more confident in my own skin. Work towards being stronger and faster so i can be a better athlete. Have a healthy routine so i dont develop athritis yet and have some stability to hopefully prevent flare ups.

Again, its jist another way to procrastinate. And even then i procrastinate or neglect going to the gym sometimes too. I survive off the temporary adrenaline high from cardio that tricks me into believing i’m okay when i’m really not.

Then i leave and i realize i could have spent that time getting extra sleep i need because my sleep lately is so poor and i never wake up feeling rested. If i didnt want to sleep then i should have gotten up and completed that homework assignment early or caught up on some studying that i desperately need to do.

Now with final exams looming over my head only two weeks away and i’m out of passes to skip class and i cant afford to cut my work hours anymore i’m stuck witg super limited studying time and no room to give and no motivatiom or energy to study when i should.

When i do sit and study, i cant concentrate. Nothing is retained in my memory. I struggle to understand things or comprehend a single paragraph of text and i fall asleep at my desk constantly or purposely distract myself with other things.

I’m gonna make a plan.

I’m gonna balance my budget.

Do laundry.

Clean my side of the room.

Organize my sock drawer.

Count my spare change.

Do some basic low-budget meal prep and pretend i’m actually going to eat less calories and eat less bad foods and treat my body like the temple that it is and feed it only the good stuff! Lies, she said, as she forgets about the container of a single overpriced cucumber in the fridge that cost 2$ and eats .80 cent ramyun noodles instead.

I keep forgetting to take my medicine - including my birth control- which i take for its contraceptive effects (like i could actually believe i’d be having sex anytime soon but at least i’m safe if i get raped because thats what i’m supposed to do, right? Be prepared for the worst) but i also take it to regulate my periods but i’m under so much stress and keep missing my pills thay my period is fucked up and my hormones are out of whack too only exacerbating my depression amd anxiett tenfold.

I have a fear of abandonment but i avoid getting too close to people because i know they are just going to leave me anyways. No, not leave. Forger me, dump me, use and dispose of me after my purpose is served.

I want so desperately to be the alpha female. To actually have my shit together and not merely seem like i do all the time. I want control of my life. I want to have less intense feelings about everything. I want to be invincible, admired and awed. Respected.

But what do i do to get that?

I’m mediocre at everything.

I dont have any special hidden talent. No one says, “oh you should talk to Lilo about that, she’s really good at that thing!”

I am a shoddy student and a shoddy musician and a shoddy artist and a shoddy athlete and a a shoddy cook and a shoddy friend (cause if i were anyone’s first choice they’d call me first for once)

I have no money, no academic merit or special skill set.

I’m completelt useless.

And i’m not pretty. I could get away witg being all of the above things if i were at least just pretty and still have a chance with society- getting a decent job, getting opportunities, being loved by someone else who isnt family....

In my current circumstances, how on earth is ir even possible for me to just “be happy” and “find happiness from within”

Being grateful for what i’m able to do doesnt help me feel better. It doesnt put things in perspective. I makes me hate this world even more that there even has to be people more worse off than me out there. I cant handle the cruelness and unfairness and superificiality of this world and all the people in it.

My body knows i’m not okay. My digestion is weird. My sleep and dreams arw wwird. My skin breaks out and i got hives on my hands and sores in my mouth from stress. I cry almost every day and spend the day with a tension headache from fighting the tears so i can appear “normal” in public because i’m embarassed and when anyone looks at me i want to scream at them and say “what daduq are you looking at, punk?” But i dont becauasw thats dangeous.

I’m just so sick and tired of everything and i’m tired of pretending. I’m tired of explaining myself because i’m not like my “normal” self. Where actually my real self is constantly screamig from inside my head and inside my chest to be let out like a child victim of abuse.

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