#id also like to try ng+

[rosenbergamot]

has anyone done a life series timeloop au. just any of the life series. im cooking up a secret life one but i also want to read some….. is there anybody out there cooking as well….. im shaking the bars of my enclosure!!!

[devotedlystrangewizard]

my thoughts on fire emblem will never be coherent because on one hand you have the nerd part of my brain who hates fire emblem three houses for every second it spends outside of traditional fire emblem gameplay flavours and on the other hand you have the gay idiot who just rewatched ferdinand & hubert's A+ support for the 5th time this year and also has about 280 hours put into fe3h

[todayisafridaynight]

ok i know i just beat ishin but i wanna play it again

[intersex-support]

Hey, I have some questions rated to NCAH. I was AFAB and as far as I know don't have genital variations, but I had an early puberty and symptoms of hyperandrogenism such as acne and excess body and facial hair (noticeable but not severe). I had issues with my periods but I was diagnosed with endometriosis so I don't think they're connected. I did hormone testing and despite everything, my testosterone is average. However, I have high prolactin and 17-alpha-hidroxi-progesterone, which I know is associated with NCAH. Is it enough for a diagnosis though? I've done research on it but I'm not sure. Sadly I don't think my doctor will help in this regard because she already glossed over this part of the test results completely when I received them and wasn't open to the idea of me maybe having hyperandrogenism anyways

Hi anon! I'm sorry that your doctor hasn't been helpful in interpreting your test results. that's really frustrating that you aren't able to easily access medical support. Standard disclaimer that we can't diagnose people or provide medical advice on here, but I'm happy to share some resources for understanding your test results and explaining the CAH diagnosis criteria.

So, you're absolutely right that 17 alpha hidroxi progesterone (17 OHP) is associated with CAH. High levels of 17 OHP is one of biggest signs of CAH. I think it was really, really shitty and irresponsible of your doctor to refuse to test more because 17 OHP plus signs of hyperandrogenism are like textbook signs of CAH.

I'm going to share a chart explaining 17 OHP levels and CAH, sourced from myendoconsult. (Here's another medical journal with more information about diagnosis as well.)

ID: [A flowchart titled "Cosyntropin (ACTH) stimulation test. The first row of the flowchart shows the possible options for 17 OHP levels. Text of option 1 reads "Heterozygotes/Unaffected. 17 OHP less than 200 ng/dL or less than 6 nmol/L." Option 2 reads "Indeterminate. 17 OHP is 200 to 10,000 ng/dL or 6 to 300 nmol/L." The third option reads "Classic 21OH deficiency (CAH). 17 OHP is greater than 10,000 ng/dL or greater than 300 nmol/L." The next section of the flowchart has different options for what to do next if the results are indeterminate, and shares the three options for ACTH stim test results. The first ACTH stim test result option is less than 1000 ng/dL or less than 30 nmol/L, which would be heterozygotes/unaffected. The next category of ACTH stim test result is 1000 to 10,000 ng/dL or 31 to 300 nmol/L, which is Nonclassic CAH (NCAH). The third category of ACTH stim test result is greater than 10,000 ng/dL or greater than 300 nmol/L, which is Classic CAH. ]

This flowchart shows the role that 17 OHP plays in CAH diagnosis. First, doctors just test your 17 OHP levels and see if they can make a diagnosis just from that. If your 17 OHP levels were less than 200 ng/dL, they can see that you don't have CAH. If your 17 OHP levels were over 10,000, they can diagnose you with Classic CAH. However, if your 17 OHP levels are higher than normal but still below 10,000 CAH, that usually means they need to do more testing to figure it out.

The usual way they test this is through an ACTH stimulation test, where they inject you with ACTH and then measure your 17 OHP levels an hour afterwards. For people with NCAH or CAH, their 17 OHP levels will jump even higher, with a change of at least 1000 ng/dL or 30 nmol/L required for diagnosis.

So, long story short, one way you could try to figure out if your 17 OHP levels mean that you have CAH is by comparing your lab results to the flowchart above. If your 17 OHP levels are in the indeterminate range, this is something that you could bring back in to your doctor and say "Hey, best practices mean that since my 17 OHP levels are high enough to be in this range that you need to do an ACTH stimulation test for me so I can get actual results."

High prolactin can also be associated with CAH. Here's one study talking about high prolactin levels. In fact, here's another study specifically talking about high prolactin levels and normal androgen levels in a subset of people with CAH.

So, long story short, high levels of 17 OHP and high prolactin can be signs of CAH. To confirm a diagnosis, you'd probably need to look specifically at your records to figure out your 17 OHP levels, and potentially try to get an ACTH stim test depending on your results, although I know that can be difficult or impossible when doctors refuse to cooperate.

I hope this helps, and please feel free to send in another ask if you have any other questions!

[maya-chirps]

[ID: a screenshot of a reblog by @/fleurtygurl. It reads: "Omg instant follow! I need more Philippines facts in my life!!! 😭😭😭

If you have any facts about filipino myths? That would be amazing. But also I will literally eat up everything you post!

I'm in desperate need of reconnecting with my roots, but I've been so busy that I haven't had any time to do any extensive research...."

/End ID]

@fleurtygurl Decided to make a whole post based on this because I loooove talking about Filipino mythology and researching more about different mythologies within the country and I also hadn't gone around to looking through the things I want to learn about.

Filipino mythology is a pretty huge umbrella term considering that there are hundreds of cultures in the archipelago that have different beliefs, practices, and traditions and especially before the Spanish colonial period. I won't get too deep into it, but basically if you want to learn about some grander pantheon or some general overarching compendium of beliefs that all precolonial Filipinos believe in, you won't be getting that sine historically, Filipinos were not a unified people, but a bunch of different countries and communities that were placed under one governing body for easy management for the Spanish crown.

With so many Filipino cultures and, by extension, mythologies, the best way with trying to reconnect with your heritage, it might be best to figure out which ethnic group you may have connections too and start researching from there. In my case, for example, I would look up both Tagalog mythology, Bikolano mythology, and Ilokano mythology in order to get a good grasp of the mythology of my roots since I'm mixed Tagalog, Bikolano, and Ilokano, and those three have widely different beliefs and especially with folk religion.

I guess the main issue with this is a lot of sources related to Filipino myths are often difficult to find, are unreliable, or plainly just non-existent. Lots of books are often out of circulation and print, or if they are still in print, they are often only sold by specific retailers and often cost a lot of money. Research papers are locked behind a paywall or are only available through specific e-libraries you can only access if you have an affiliation with a university. Online articles may be unreliable and source places that are hard to fact check. Blogs, honestly including mine to be frank, may parrot wrong information from other websites and articles, with their best feature being the possibility that they may have come from oral sources but those are also very few.

Honestly, I was about to go on a long tangent about discussing at least the Tagalog pantheon and mythology because it had a lot of sources I've seen online, but after hours of research, I've found out that there was also a lot of unreliable sources in terms of information about that so I've decided against rambling on further about it for now.

(I am still going to write about my findings on the Tagalog pantheon later but after what I've found out, I might take some time to look through a lot more primary sources which means colonial era texts and harder to find archived works.)

I will say that a good way to connect with more general Filipino folklore outside of mythology itself is probably consuming media that explores folklore and traditional beliefs. I recommend Trese, a Filipino comic turned series on Netflix if you want to see Filipino cryptids being used in a modern-day story made by Filipinos. There are also other comics that focus on Filipino mythology like The Mythology Class and its sequel The Children of Bathala by Arnold Arre.

There's also series and movies that take inspiration from Filipino folklore and mythology with Dayo: Sa Mundo ng Elementalya (English name Niko: The Journey to Magika) as my go-to suggestion. I had also heard good reviews for Amaya, a series created by GMA 7, but honestly I don't think the series clicked with me.

[bbarican]

october 21, 2023; 8:59 pm - weekend

hi tumblr, happy weekend! kamusta naman kayo? how are your weekends so far?

as usual, just dropping by to post some updates here (usually and mostly for myself but if you do end up reading these, thank you ♡)

personal:

today was super lovely, we ended up going to makati for lunch and a bit of shopping

my mom bought us new sunnies and im super happy kasi i have new pair to wear to our trips soon

we tried sunnies coffee's spanish latte and tbh sobrang sarap niya as in super high quality ng lasa niya not like pick up coffee or but first coffee (imo!) which i kind of expected na ganun yung lasa niya kasi theyre primarily not a brand that sells drinks talaga to begin with but it was a 10/10 for me; im excited to try their matcha tho

i decluttered my closet and i feel so light and happy about it kasi super konti nalang talaga yung natira and im 300% sure na yung mga tinira ko is sinusuot ko naman talaga

the clothes i took out, i plan on donating sa h&m since they do offer vouchers in return so im excited to do that too

food today was good too, we had shake shack for lunch, then i made my favorite cheesy bread with hot honey for dinner

im excited for tomorrow kasi my dad is finally back from japan!

im so excited for 1989 taylor's version too! i keep forgetting na i really like the songs on this album pala talaga

its my mom's birthday next week and im just excited to spend it with her; im sad na i dont have extra money to get her anything this year pero babawi nalang ako sakanya for sure

work:

i have quite a bit to do tomorrow to prep for my end of the month mtg on monday

again, for some reason kinakabahan ako pero i know naman na everything's gonna work out

we also have a sponty general assembly kasi we need all the help we can get from the designers na hindi masyadong loaded to help those who are busy to turnover their projects this and next month

im just always excited to see my office besties; i love how makulit we all are tapos nag tutugma talaga ugali naming lahat

oh my god you guys may kinaiinisan ako na officemate kol; tamad na ko to make another post about him pero long story short super tanga niya and i hate him

im so excited as in super super super excited for our company outing

friends:

this is a shocker even until now pero i really feel like 100% break na yung best friend ko and his boyfriend of 7 years

its really sad and heartbreaking kasi the guy even planned on proposing to my bestfriend na pero i know my bestfriend deserves better talaga especially with how theyve been these past few months

i miss them! noel and chesy are officially on their own and chevy is still doing her thing and i will forever be grateful na they are safe and happy

id love to meet new people though; i feel like meeting new people would be so exciting

love:

i still have bumble on my phone and the biggest update i can give yall is the fact na i just adjusted the ange range to 27-40 i think HAHA

cause i really dont want to date younger men UNLESS theyre super mature and not super bata pa talaga ng pagiisip

but yeah other than that wala as in wala akong kausap and sometimes it takes a toll on me but most of the time im fine

again, thank you for reading and caring about my updates, i love you ♡

[jillaxkalangg]

i saw one of my friend's igs yesterday, she was sharing how hard it was to grow up conventionally unattractive and people calling you fat. although i didn't grew up feeling ugly just because i believe i am pretty (my first url has literally dyosa lol) BUT i grew up hearing words like "ang taba mo" or "ang itim mo" OK first of all, im so pissed with people (in general chz) who says maitim ako kasi hindi naman like mas maputi lang sisters ko sakin?? singit ko na rin dito yung mga hs bullies na calling other students na "maitim or blackie" when they are just moreno??? sobrang kakairita tbh hahahaha parang gago lang diba. anyway ayon, i grew up with the mindset that i am ugly because i am fat but looking back naman, i am not fat??? grabe ha yung pinagsasabi nyo sa jhs jill grabe hahaha i remember i can't even look at myself in the mirror because i hate myself. gago im just teenager during that time and all i heard was i am like a balyena (wtf now that i am remembering these memories, i wanna cri) also, i remember that one afternoon where i am just staring in the mirror while crying and cursing myself. oh my god, i am so sorry for my poor 14 years old self. i didn't know better :(

i remember skipping lunch and dinners, not eating rice, working out, running whenever i have time, and just purely crying because of how my body looks. fuck pcos and hormonal imbalance. its so hard to lose weight and i am really trying my best pls (until now ;_;)

it has been 10 years but still, this is my struggle. i still have days that i hate how i look and how my body looks. but i am more confident right now, i can now wear clothes i never knew id wear. hell i can now wear bikinis during beach trips. idk if i just force myself to be confident or it just happened. well, siguro isang factor din talaga yung wala na kong pake sa sasabihin ng ibang tao. like we only live once (sana once lang talaga), i don't want to regret the chances that i didn't wear what i want just because of some stupid idiots hahaha

i am taking care of myself. i still do work out but at my own phase, paiting some stuff for my peace of mind, and reading more books for my mental health. i am learning to love myself more even for days i couldn't.

[kdc705]

My JP Visit (Starting with this most recent one)

There are times where I'm visiting JP Ship 2, the ship in the JP servers that started my PSO2 journey. Of course.... the account I use isn't what I started with... So backstory...

Sometime a bit after the Xbox E3 announcement that PSO2 would come to the west with the Xbox One, and then later Windows 10, I downloaded PSO2 on my PS4. At the time, I didn't have a PC that can run it because I was using my dad's pc cause my old PC was being weird with heating and stuff. That, and my dad's PC's hard drive at the time was dying, so PC was not an option to me back then.

Whether it was on PC or PS4, I was set to move from JP to Global when the PC version released, so I stuck around till that faitful day. Of course, I did do the predownload, so it got some additional time for me to play more of PSO2JP, and then uninstall it when I start Global, or NA as it was called back then.

On PS4, back then, I used what was called "Simple Login", which skipped logging into a SEGA ID account, and pretty much bound my PSN account as the login. As such, I no longer have access to that account anymore today, cause of the IP block on NGS, that and VPNs don't quite exist on PS4.

On PC, sometime back, wither this year or last year, I finally use that SEGA ID I initially made to use on PS4. Using the Tweaker, as that's the only way I'll be able to get in the JP servers today, I made a new account called "GL_Emil" and attempted to recreate Emil, my main, as she currently looked like in Global at that time. Since at that time Slayer wasn't released, I stuck with Braver. Then now recently, I am transitioning my main class to Slayer. I am struggling, cause... well... lack of good gear will do that, but I'm enjoying the challenge that's given to me.

Currently, as of this blog post, and it's long, I am in the Sita Region, trying to get through the Driesen Plant to do some Yellows, probably, to level up Slayer more.

So the main question...

Why did I visit JP after so long in the first place?

Well... If you want my honest opinion, it was to see if my older account, that's the same name as my currently Global account, is still there, and surprisingly, the Lookbook is. Which is a start, so it's still there. I also came to visit some friends from Phasion Arks. I don't go on JP much, but it's nice to get that nostalgic feeling again, despite now seeing things in a different way since JP and Global are all different. O.o

When I moved from PSO2JP, it was before Luster was released. So when Luster was released, and brought to Global, I was in unfamiliar territory, that and my Global self long since overtaken my JP self. So it's a good idea to let JP "Emil Sato" rest and have a visiting "Emil" come by and visit some friends.

Also she looks similar to younger Emil, before I made her look older, because I didn't have all the stuff needed to make older Emil. So in a sense, I could do a lore thing where Emil was dreaming of being in another reality or something. Ehh... who knows.

[fitzverse]

Anyone wanna see the 20 minute rant my toxic friend sent to me, explaining why they and everyone hates me. TW: it is alot. 

(THIS IS VERY VERY TRIGGERING!!!!  trigger warnings: mentions of SH, scars, tr4uma, su!c!de, cyb3rbully!ng, mentions of dr!nking, mentions of w33d, mentions of being h!gh, mentions of being drvnk, codependancy, manipulation, getting b3at up, strong words of hate, isolation.

(LAST WARNING!!!!)

“okay. so basically ive been genuinely sick of you for awhile. like all you do is follow me and austin and all the boys around like a fucking puppydog, then complain that no one likes you and how im your only friend or wtv. like it genuinely pisses me and everyone else off. maki literally said he dislikes you, seven is literally dating someone in grade 12 and never liked you and said yall never went on a date, hunter and austin both complain abt you, sully literally hates you, and ive been sick of you for awhile. you showed me your scars outta no where one time, which was incredibly triggering in of itself, you say you have all these mental illnesses which is kinda odd how you just share them with the whole class?? and its also kinda odd you share your suicidal thoughts and attempts to the whole class??? you got mad at annika for a completely stupid reason as she was right and trying to be protective. i quite literally hate you and have for awhile. Briah also seems sick of you. Like your genuinely such a dick. your toxic, as well. you tell me to stop being friends with one of my friends, just bc you disliked them? regardless of if they were a dick to you, they are my friends. i have many friends like him. and you can tell the whole school abt it bc i do nothing they do, im just friends with them. your friends with sully regardless of his past. do i care? no. heather is also completely sick of you, literally based on her expression when she talks to u i can tell. i dont even understand how you got with heather. and genuinely what the fuck is glitchself. I understand he/they/it but what is glitchself. you also constantly complain about how your high or how ur drunk or whatever. then you post abt all ur issues and lifestories online, for some odd reason. I dont even understand why. sure, i go through shit, do i post it on my tiktok or instagram announcing it to everyone who follows you or sees your profile. no. its just so odd. go ahead  and tell the whole school abt me if you want, i have so much shit on you that idk if you even wanna do that. also, you can go ahead and beat me up. go for it. honestly, all bark no bite. i could genuinely fucking demolish you. id like to see you even try. go ahead and cry about this on ur story or smth. i genuinely hope you never talk to me or any of us again. you got the whole school hating on you at this point. also i assume ur gonna get kai/hope involved? yeah go for it. itd be funny seeing you guys scream at me for being right. LMAO.”

[hangingthoughts]

December 16, 2022

Hellooooo. So, let's see what happened today. I was able to make a lot of memories. Haha! I am so happy. You know what i thought of? I cannot pinpoint the time, but i thought of the popular saying 'whenever i get too happy, something bad always happens'. For a second there i was scared, but then there's also this peace (Of course, I can only credit that to God given that He's the Only who provides it, anyway) then if that's the case, I'd like to enjoy the happiness as much as i can and only worry about the sad part when it finally happens. ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯ i mean, i find it senseless to worry about something nonexistent yet. (But F. Kasi ang tagal niya. Nakakagigil) Unless of course there is some basis to it. But as for my situation, there isn't. There is just... happiness. Hahaha but I know, somewhere along the line, it'll get tired of being a linear, and i accept that. Who doesn't? Even when we all strive for a good posture, my back aches to bend sometimes. Okay, now that that is out of the way. Let's see. Let's break down this day.

1. I was able to start my morning with a coffee talk with my mom. We shared yung napanalunan ko sa raffle na cookies.

2. Hinatid ako hanggang Camella gate kay Flash.

3. Hindi ako late. Hehe. And when i got there, the first two people are Jen and Paulo. And God knows, I'm happy that they are. Because then we were able to make a little chika. I'm glad we're all comfortable with each other.

4. I saw my other classmates na hindi nakapunta nung CASED party. 🫶

5. We finally got our ID lace. I have the official Psych ID Lace. What does that make me? Come on, answer. Oh, as for it, i chose the different one. Wala lang. Just so kunti lang katulad nung akin

5. I was entrusted with the room's key. Hello sir Kenneth 🫡

6. Nakuha ko yung upuan sa harap. Hehe. This is a big deal to me given na i kind of have a short attention span.

7. Hindi naglecture si ma'am. I told the people today na kasama ko na i am not confident today kasi i still feel tired from last night.

8. And today's activity afforded us 50% ng finals sa ITP. Hoorahhh!

9. The activity is just being honest with oneself. Hehehehehehehehehehe and writing letters to another. I apologize to all na sinulatan ko. Wala na po akong mapiga na brain cells kanina. Pagod pa 😭

10. I received so much hugs. GOSH, MY FAVORITE PART. AND I MEAN SO MUCH HUGS. When ma'am ask us to give na the letters, i first went to Shan and gave her a hug. After that, i wasn't able to give the rest because God in His goodness and grace, I was trafficked by hugs. HAHAHAHAHAHA & I am seriously shocked. I didn't expect to receive that much letters and hugs. Aww Lord, You are so kind to me. I feel sincerely comforted and loved. Thank You! And thank you ❤️

11. All those letters. I look like a baliw reading them at public places but hey, i am proud and humbled at the same time. Thank ü

12. We were dismissed early. And what did u know, before i even get out of the room, i received another 2 hugs and an immediate another one paglabas ko. HAHAHAHA Aww this melts my heart. Thank You Lord.

13. I received a chocolate! Yay!

14. I received an invitation to go out for lunch. Unfortunately, i had to decline because i promised today's after class is mine. And i really needed to buy mommy a gift.

15. I went to my happy place today! Yay! Cue happy dance~ bought and brought 6 books home today. And almost all of them are classics. Yay! Praise God! I really missed going there. Really missed it. ♥️

16. It's my mom's bday so we ordered food for dinner. KFC and Pizza. I ate 1/4 of it. I forgot we have rotc tomorrow so good luck to me.

17. And last, we have cake. 🫶🫰♥️😳😍🤭❤️ Mango sunrise. U bet I'm gonna eat.

So far, these are all of them. And i thank God because He let me lived today. I wasn't able to do what I'm trying to be (ehem, Atomic Habits) but I sure am grateful that God planned this and that it pleased Him to let me enjoy this day. All glory to Him really ☺️♥️

So, that's all. Tinatamad na ko. Good night 💤

[choccorin]

i get you so bad ohymogsh some of my classmates are like that too !! YOU ARENT BEING MEAN DW if anything id be 100% worse if i was in your situation like i would genuinely smack the shit out of them no joke

OH WAIT ACTUALLY I HAD A CLASSMATE LIKE TWO YEARS?? AGO AND THEY MADE A SIMILAR COMMENT (like the “bibigyan ng blowjob” one) i cant remember what they specifically said but it was something about how they would let one of the teachers give them backshots?? like ha ate what if nisabi ko yan sa nanay at tatay mo!! anong gagawin mo nun :3 sige lang mg sabi ka pa ng mga ganyan, baka ma sapok ko pa ikaw sa ulo HHAHAH

but i also had a friend who also made jokes about rape and at that point i was like?? HUH? ESPECIALLY BECAUSE AT THE TIME OUR FRIEND GROUP HAD AN SA VICTIM TOO SO IDK WHY THEY WOULD JOKE AROUND ABOUT SMTH LIKE THAT? glad to say i dropped them

anyways you are not in the wrong and i would avoid them even if they’re occasionally nice and stuff. their personalities are icky wicky yucky wucky

- 🐙

sorry for only replying now ... ANW , THANK GOD SOMEONE GETS ME! i actually try my best to avoid them .. like i only talk to them if i REALLY need to . OMG 🐙 YOU'RE FILO ?!???? yay ! OMG EW ???? that's so disgusting ... how did they even say it in a public space ESPECIALLY IN SCHOOL ??? WHAT . that's so insensitive of them , i hope your other friend was alright :( people like that are so weird , it's good that you dropped them . ok , random but i definitely won't try to be friends with the person i mentioned on my post and their friend group too !! people like that give me major icks and i want to keep my circle small and nice <3 ( i only have one “close” friend in my class rn but we rarely talk outside of school lol but it's better than having tons of friends and then having them backstab you for no reason !! )

[thesearethingsetcetera]

were on day 163-177

emergency rocked shout out to those guys. i'd do that for a while tbh. the hours get weird and some days youre pretty fucking dehydrated. but i feel like i'm putting some shit together. 10/10 for a rotation i thought id hate and turned out to be full of nice people, interesting cases and good learning. also love talking to pet owners, who'dathunk. people are wild sometimes good, sometimes bad, almost never dull. bad things: ocd is ever present. also i placed an NG tube and i have some kind of curse where i give everyone a nosebleed, even tho it passed smooth, and also i was worried i tied my knots bad, and the fuckin fractious dog sneezed it out. maybe my fault maybe not idk. sorry to the im team, sorry to the es overnight people who had to deal with that :(

anyway here we are again at pony camp, on sports medicine. i love horses, but i am dogshit at seeing lameness and i feel stupid on this one. but i am trying. ocd is here too. but i did 2 nerve blocks a-okay. fuckin cursed to have long term inpatients on outpatient services, but at least they're good creatures.

also puttin it here that i got into Cornell's clin path residency, so if i want it the next 3 years of my life can be set in stone (relatively). money, stability, an office job with learning and teaching and hopefully less opportunities for my brain to Get Me, but also less dressing up in coverall and wrassling goats, which i do also love. mixed feelings, wish i could just be happy! but that's not where i'm at rn

[smi11ng]

Before session 3

Counseling or therapy

Sabi brief counseling lang for 2 sessions. Is it alright to continue or should i opt for long term kind

Difference between counseling and therapy

Conversations

My current friendships

Martina

Tibs

England

BUT! Before working on my conversation skills, i think, i have a more pressing problem that i need to address.

Fear of taking up space/being seen/low self esteem

I've cried about these past weeks. I feel like no matter what I do. I dont feel enough. I dont feel like I amount to anything. No matter how I strive to be a pretty, thin, academic achiever, and amiable. I still dont like myself. I dont think anyone can look at me and like me. I dont know why I believe that. I would never think about someone else like that.

I think it's unfair to myself to think of myself like that. Even tho the people around me changed, I've changed, circumstances have changed. I'll find myself in the same situations because I dont believe that I have any worth

When i was younger, my parents would be working most of the time. Id see them briefly in the mornings before they go to work. Sometimes, if I was still awake in the evening, I'd also see them. On the weekends too. So, naiwan kami with a distant relative. Siya nag luluto ng food namin, siya gigising ng maaga to help us get ready for school. She would even be the one to discipline us to study.

Idk but i would say that her methods were kinda barbarian. She would hit me and my siblings if we did something she didn't like. Like, a lot of things. I guess that's when I learned to value that stuff because I'd get punished if I didn't do well

So, in school, all I did was study. It became important for me. I was really stuck up. I thought that my way is the best way to do stuff. I found it hard to make friends because I need to go home agad. And I don't think I was pleasant to be around.

It's embarrassing, to be honest, for me, to acknowledge that all these experiences still influence me til today.

I'm so afraid of being seen and existing. It took me a while to get used to going to the gym by myself. At first, I couldn't even walk myself to enter the building. I would cry and be frustrated with myself. Until now, i still get nervous and hesitant doing my routine. I get used to it. It took me almost half a year. A lot of practice.

But I can't seem to do it with people i would be seeing everyday. People i would have more interaction with.

I don't think i have a lot to offer to the world and other people. So, I'm trying to debunk that. I signed up to be a volunteer for an advocacy I care about. I took up responsibilities sa department org namin. These days, I keep thinking that I don't rlly contribute anything much. I don't have great ideas or I don't know many people. But i think, I'll have to give myself credit when credit is due. Showing up is a contribution.

[bbarican]

june 04, 2023; 8:46 pm - should we just keep driving?

hi tumblr! how are you guys doing? how was everyone’s weekend? ako, im ready to talk about my date yesterday so if youre bored and you wanna join me in dissecting the events of yesterday’s date then please feel free to read along

we met up in coffee academics and it felt almost nostalgic seeing him again? kasi the last time we saw each other was early 2022 and alot has happened since then and i ultimately felt like “im so glad he’s meeting this version of myself naman”

it was really fun, like it was so good to remember how fun it actually is whenever we’re together; ang ingay niya, pero ako rin, tapos ang kulit namin saka ang gulo ng mga topics namin and i enjoyed every single bit of it, we talked about serious stuff as in we really wanted to know kung anong nagbago samin and also we were talking about aliens and weird stuff like that basta tawa kami ng tawa

he was nice enough to go with me to atc to buy food for my family and back to molito again kasi he was parked there

we ended up hanging out a bit sa car niya for a bit in the same parking spot just talking and listening to music and eventually thinking of somewhere else to go kasi nga we didnt want to go home pa naman; he also asked if i still remember the name he gave his car and ofcourse i still remembered it and i dont think im ever gonna not remember it

we ended up going to a more quiet parking spot away from the malls and just remembering everything now is making me emotional?

he opened up the back door of his car (the type na paside yung open ng door) and we just talked - we talked for hours as in we were there from siguro 7 pm to 11 pm just talking

okay so ofcourse there was some flirting and i loved every bit of it and he was really touchy which i really loved too pero the fact na he initiated converstations really had me feeling really good and fuzzy inside? i was telling my bestfriends na it felt so refreshing to just talk to someone about everything and anything after months of just keeping everything to myself

we laughed lot - i cant explain why or how but this is so important to me, and i think im craving this more than sex?

we did end up making out but again that was just the cherry on top of everything else just being so good

but there are things na i got to take away from my our date last night which i guess would help me from putting a label on how im feeling right now:

he isnt really looking into dating seriously so thats the catch, and tbh i dont know if he ever will be and if im even going to be on his list of people he would even want to consider dating?

with that being said, and i actually told him this din - i actually dont have enough time and energy to wait around for him or for anyone who would be similar to him

kaya ang sakin lang is - im just glad i got to show him who i really am and i hope thats enough for him to see what he could lose if he does end up not pursuing me

im glad na i also got to show him who i am genuinely and im also glad na atleast now, i really know what i want in a relationship

it wouldve been nice if siya yung person na makukuha ko, but atleast he was the one to show me na it is possibe to have the type of relationship na im looking for and that hopefully it will just take some time before i get to have that experience for real and for good

im a bit sad now kasi nga this just proves na stuff like this always and will always rarely happen to me nalang, but im still trying to be as patient and hopefully as i can be

so yeah - i wouldnt say na back to zero ako, but im just glad na everything happened the way it did; its weird too kasi in coffee academics, the neone sign beside me literally stated “youre exactly where you need to be” and i knew that meant something kaaagd

if youve made it to the end of my post, thank you for reading along. ikaw, what do you think? id love to hear your thoughts (tbh just so i stop thinking about all of this) but also id love the company cause everything feels really bittersweet right now

but yeah - i hope the evening goes well for all of us; we all deserve to rest before conquering another week

[amskvaris]

PSO2:NGS squad. Semi-casual. Ship 1 and 3. Player ID: merula.

Ship 1: Taki - cute minty squishy Deuman. Force that is actually becoming a genuine OC. You will see some OC/canon because Ilmaki is currently my fav PSO2 pair. Sorry!

Ship 1: Sabriel - Hunter/Braver - Sword/Bow multiweapon! - Technically CAST - she is just like the player character personality-wise. As tanky as possible. Technically my player character.

Ship 3: Hibana - That NPC who died ten years ago. Gunner/Bouncer? I will probably move her to Ship 2 eventually. Can't find a nice camo for boots but the butterfly TMG camo looks so cute. Screenshots... someday...

I also have a silly in-progress AU where a few NPCs get the region boss DOLLS possessing them? Think like the Dark Falz host characters in base pso2. They're actually more like co-hosts. Nils Hibana and Ams Tuuli are the only ones I'm 100% set on. Bright golden eyes and the host's hair fades into sky blue at the ends.

I'm trying to get back into drawing a little bit but it's been a really long time so I'm just doing gift art headshots lol. I'm trying to draw all the OCs I see here too but we will see.

Queue is at 3 a day. I think.

If you want, here's some more games under the cut:

I used to play GW2 as Sword/Greatsword Mesmer on a tiny cute gremlin asura (because they don't jog as their basic movement) but the combat system gets too Busy for my tastes. I can't solo things that well because I can't keep up with the system.

Also played FFXIV but the combat system and character creation is not my cup of tea. I played WHM but that was before healers had enough MP to contribute DPS. The lore is nice though!

Blade and Soul my beloved. Force Master then Blade Dancer then Warden. I used to RP in it too... it was so nice. Acts 1-4 (Jinsoyun's arc) live rent-free in my head ever since.

Aura Kingdom and Twin Saga I only played because my former roommate was a Game Sage but I don't really remember too much about them besides my characters... so.

Other non-MMO games:

Pokemon Gen 3-8

Golden Sun (GBA+DS)

Dark Cloud 1-2

Star Ocean 3-4

Persona 3-4

.hack//G.U.

Okami

Digimon Story: Cybersleuth ( & Hacker's Memory)

Rune Factory 4

Will add to this when I remember the last one.

[ktineee10]

Ad Analysis

This particular tide detergent ad which is posted online id for the brands newest “scent” or variation of their powdered detergent. Looking at it, the ad seems to be very similar to all of the ads that Tide Philippines puts out in their facebook pages. It shows their orange branding and their typical cleanest eggshell white colored clothes. However, looking at it closely, the ad shows that Tide detergent is supposedly of highest quality by saying that they can make the dirtiest of shirts sparkly white by just using one packet. The ad also explicitly states that their product is of highest quality because it removes bad odor, sweat, and even smoke that attaches itself on the shirt which is also emphasized by their graphics. To me however, that’s the only information that you can get from the ad, there is no store retail price indicated anywhere, and despite having shown the contrast with the “before and after” of the shirt, there is no real imagery of how the soap should be used or applied to the clothes being laundered. That said, even if we all know where to get the product it is also still important to indicate where the specific product can be found, is it available nationwide, is it a product limited to certain areas or certain types of stores? The ad lacks this information present in the ad.

This ad was so lackluster when it came to information about the product that it seems as if the brand only wants you to know these things about the product nothing else. The only information that you wouldn’t be able to see at a glance is their ASC code, however to me there was barely any information on the poster itself that you wouldn’t even try to search for other information. The ad in itself used the upper part of the poster to provide the information they wanted to come across to their viewers. They used big bold letters and such, to make it more eye-catching and appealing to the intended audience. 

Speaking of audiences, the ad targets a certain market, those of which have this current consumer mindset and behavior that they need products that are effective immediately and are seen as multipurpose at a lower cost, despite them not indicating the price. The ad uses techniques to appeal to adults by showing that this product is so high quality and effective that by one packet you can do all things: clean and remove odor on fabrics without having to use other products. These are exactly what adults such as men, women, and the elderly are looking for with laundry products such as Tide. For children, the whimsical nature of the one swipe to utmost cleanliness on shirts would appeal to them as it is like magic. To me, the purpose of this ad was to gain more sales by encouraging a more favorable mindset towards their product. 

In my opinion, the ad would succeed not because it was good advertisement material  but because it is a brand that is a staple in Filipino households which is already trusted by the consumers and so far has not failed in supplying to the consumers needs for decades. If you look at the ad, their code for the ASC is there so based on that, I am assuming and agreeing that they do conform to the code of ethics, as there also is no damaging information shown, and is following what they believe is the ability of their product in real time.