#icidy

[vantedaes]

✷ 　 　　 　 · 　 ˚ * . 　 　　 *　　 * ⋆ 　 . · 　　 ⋆ 　Vante's Materialist　　 ˚ ˚ 　　 ✦ 　 ⋆ · 　 * 　　　　 ⋆ ✧　 　 · 　 ✧　✵ 　 · ✵

Hewwo, my name's dani, 23 yo, she/her.

[𝑻𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒊𝒔 𝒂 +𝟏𝟖 𝒃𝒍𝒐𝒈! 𝑷𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒔𝒆 𝑴𝑫𝑰] I write CoD and Resident evil (fluff, angst, smut, and some questionable stuff)

───── This materialist is continuously updated and it's mostly upcoming projects! ─────

❥Call of Duty

⋆ When i get down I'm Bonita Price x F!Reader (Smut, +18, stepdaughter x stepfather) [one shot but will have a continuation...eventually]

⋆Lecture me [upcoming soon] Price x F!Reader (Kind of a silly fic? Reader has a language barrier and she just throws a fit at Price, so, smut, Price is dominant, fluff, aftercare, established relationship)

⋆Unsteady Hands [upcoming] Konig x F!Reader (Yandere Konig! Shy nurse reader, smut, obsessive Konig, maybe dark romance?)

⋆You should know better [upcoming] Ghost x F!Reader (Smut, non-con (but is it?), Ghost is mean, reader it's a brat bratty, name-calling, degradation)

❥Resident Evil

✧Not shy! 1/5 Leon S Kennedy [Death Island] xF! Reader (mutual pinnig, uncommunication, kind of enemies to lovers dynamics but not really, Leon's a smug idiot, reader is shy, slow burn, smut, romance)

✧Unspoken words [upcoming soon] Leon S Kennedy [R4 remake] xF Reader (hurt-comfort, mutual pinning, kind of angst, uncommunication at its finest! sleep depravation smut, romance, fluff, knowledge of feelings)

✧United in grief 1/10 [upcoming] Leon S Kennedy [Death Island] xF! Reader (Yandere Leon! Descent into madness Leon, Obsession, stalking, non-con (but is it?) ANGST, dark, depression, alcoholism, s*icidial thoughts)

♡More will surely be added soon! if you support my writes please send some love in the form of reblogs and comments♡

[pearbunny]

the bucket list ✘ [seven]

series masterlist | prev | next [ ❀ spotify playlist ]

summary: Fly to Korea. Check. Buy a bouquet of flowers for a stranger. Check. Have said stranger come along with you to accomplish your bucket list? Well that wasn’t on the list, but falling in love was. 

pairing: han jisung x afab!reader

genre: 18+ [MDNI] strangers to lovers, non idol au, crack, mostly fluff, later chapters to include: angst, comfort, smut.

general warnings:  tourist!mc, adult themes including but not limited to: suggestive content, nudity, cursing, alcohol consumption, mentions of death in later chapters, overarching theme of mental health, eventual smut.

word count: ~4.8k 

chapter content: death, terminal illness, depression, s*icidial thoughts; all of which are not explicitly said, but described and mentioned. angst / comfort.

author’s note: I apologize for the longer than usual wait, but here's a bit of a heavy chapter.  Also! Big reveal at the end.

The sun shines through the window of your hotel room, reflecting onto Jisung’s face. He groans as he wakes up, turning over to lay on his back, pulling the sheets over his head. He lays there for an additional fifteen seconds before he tosses the covers off of him, rolling over to swing his legs off the edge of the bed. He stretches his arms above him, white t-shirt rising to show his stomach before it drops back down with a slump of his shoulders. 

Jisung rubs the sleep from his eyes and looks around the room, glaring at the open curtains that neither he nor you remembered to shut last night. He looks to the other side of the bed and his eyes go wide, surprised that you weren’t there. Judging by the pristine creaseless pillow, you hadn’t even come to bed. Jisung gets out of bed and slips on the hotel’s guest slippers, searching the small room for any sign that you had left. When he notices your shoes and bag by the door, his brows knit in worry.

“Y/N?” He calls out. He walks to the night stand by his side of the bed and almost grabs his phone to call you to check where you are, but then he realizes he doesn’t even have your number – not even your Instagram. Jisung heaves a sigh of frustration and sits back down on the bed, rubbing his palms into his eyes. 

Where does he start? He doesn’t know your last name, he could look through every single Y/N on Instagram, but who knows how many profiles would show up. Then, he has an idea: He can call that tattoo artist, and get your information. He stands up from the bed again and heads straight for the bathroom. 

When he opens the closet door, he sees you curled up in a ball, eyes red, cheeks puffy, your mouth slightly open, fast asleep. There’s a frown on his face as he approaches you, squatting down to gently touch your shoulder. You stir awake, scrunching your face in the process. You make a little sound, almost like a whimper. Jisung’s frown deepens when you don’t open your eyes. He reaches out a hand to brush the hair away from your face. “Hey, wake up.”

Your eyes finally open and you’re met with Jisung’s concerned face. You slowly sit up onto your elbows, looking around to ground yourself, a little disoriented from sleep. “Jisung?”

Jisung nods. “Did you sleep here?”

You rake a hand through your hair, “Yeah, I guess I did.” You grab your phone off the ground, unlocking it to check the time. “Sorry.” You start to push yourself off the floor. 

Jisung stands up and extends his hands to you. You take it and he helps you up as you plant your feet on the ground. “Don’t be sorry. I’m sorry. You could have had the bed.”

You offer a sad excuse for a chuckle, your voice hoarse and lower than usual, worn out. “No, it wasn’t that. I just…”

Jisung looks at you with so much concern. His brows slightly forward, lips in a small straight line, his eyes looking at you as if he’s hanging on to every word you say. When you don’t answer, he shakes his head and that worried expression disappears. Instead, he smiles and ruffles the top of your head, heading over to the bathroom. “You don’t have to tell me. I was just worried you’d left, that’s all.” 

You sit on the floor of the hotel room, looking out at the floor-to-ceiling windows. Your shared room has a beautiful view of the beach that you can properly admire now that it is daytime. You watch the waves ebb and flow, crashing gently onto the shore as you meditate and think about the previous night. 

‘She’d be proud of you, too.’ Those words echo in your mind. A rush of emotions hits you, manifested in a chill down your spine, a slight prickly feeling traveling all the way to the tips of your fingers. You exhale deeply and count to eight before taking in another breath. You smooth your hands over your hair, closing your eyes while you tie your hair up in a low bun, relying completely on muscle memory rather than using a mirror. You wrap your hair in a large scrunchie before opening your eyes to be met with the same picturesque view of the ocean. Your hands fall into your lap. Your shoulders slump. Your lips form a crooked line as you fight the urge to cry again. 

Jisung comes out of the bathroom at exact that moment and you scramble to pull a smile together. You clear your throat, surprised at how your voice doesn’t crack even after being on the verge of tears. “So, coffee shop?” 

You turn and see him dressed in a pair of faded light blue denim jeans, a white shirt, and a black and white patterned mock neck zip up. He nods at you, adjusting his watch on his wrist. “Of course.” He smiles and looks around the room quickly before deciding to sit next to you. 

You tilt your head at him, bewildered at why he would do such a thing.  He shrugs his shoulders, “You looked like you needed company.” His eyes go to your hands, fighting the urge to reach out to hold them. “You going to be okay today?” Jisung doesn’t even know what made you cry yourself to sleep, but he doesn’t pry. He knows that if you really wanted to talk about it, you would. Of course he wants to ask, but he doesn’t. 

“Yeah. I’ll be okay.” Without thinking, you answer him and nod your head at him for emphasis. 

He gives you a smile and stands up on his feet, offering both his hands. You take a gentle hold of them with your own and he helps you onto your feet effortlessly. 

Jisung grabs his keys on the small table by the door, slipping his feet into his shoes. “Okay, let’s take it one step at a time today then, yeah?”

You follow him to the front door, picking up your bag on the way over. “One step at a time,” You mindlessly repeat his words. “First step, coffee.” 

Both you and Jisung had decided to walk to the coffee shop that you had spotted the night before on the drive to the parking lot. The weather in Busan is a lot cooler compared to the city, mainly thanks to the ocean breeze.  You sit at a table by the window as Jisung waits in line to order your drinks. You scroll through your phone, catching up on all the Instagram posts you missed since you landed in Korea. You didn’t intend on going on a social media break, but that’s what it was. You like a couple of posts, one from Robin who posted a selfie of herself where she was in her work bathroom; she’s facetimed you multiple times from that exact bathroom during her lunch breaks to vent to you about who-knows-what; your careers were different, but you don’t need to know everything about her job to know she just needed an ear to listen. 

You switch apps to your photo album, looking at the pictures you took since you landed in Korea. The last thing you posted was a cliche picture of the view from your airplane window. You debate on a couple of pictures to post: the picture of the sunflower bouquet you gave to Jisung, the new tattoo you got your second day in Korea, the picture of you in your outfit that you wore to the wedding you crashed. You decide on the picture you took at Loud Mouth of Jisung, his co-workers, and the girls at the bar taking a shot together. 

Reminiscing on that night brings a smile to your face. You recall how it felt to go out at night drinking with new friends, how you threw every ounce of your timidness out the window to sing in front of a bunch of strangers. You want more nights like that. You post it onto your instagram feed and caption it, “Geonbae!” You think if you post that picture, Robin wouldn’t think too much about how you felt after the phone call with your dad. 

Jisung comes back to your table with both of your drinks in hand. He sets the latte in front of you, peering at your phone screen in the process. “Oh, you’re on Instagram?”

You take a peek at him before putting your phone down on the table, grabbing your latte and blowing on it gently, careful not to mess up the cute foam art on the surface. “Of course I’m on Instagram.”  

Jisung laughs and chews on the plastic straw of his iced drink as he takes his seat next to you. “That was my lame attempt at trying to ask you for your Instagram handle.” 

You give him a tight lipped smile, trying not to show how shy and giddy that made you feel. Despite waking up upset, he was able to bring something else out of you, if only for fleeting moment. You take your phone in your free hand and swipe up, unlocking the phone with faceID. You open up Instagram and go to the search bar, “Okay, what’s yours?” 

Jisung searches the pocket of his sweater for his phone. “J-I-period-O-N-E.”

You type in his handle and find his profile. You take a look at it before deciding to hit follow. There weren’t many posts, but there were a couple of pictures of him posted a couple of years ago with his blonde hair. “I think you should bring blonde Jisung back.”

Jisung groans and covers his face with the palm of his hand. “It was a phase. My friends and I did it ourselves.” 

You raise a brow at him, curious. “Blonde Lee Know? That I have to see.” 

Jisung snorts, “Good luck. All he posts are really bad pictures of food and pictures of his cats that look like they were taken on the first camera phone.” He places his drink down on the table and starts scrolling through his own instagram feed, mindlessly liking posts. 

Finally, you hit the follow button and it doesn’t take long for Jisung to click the notification to follow you back. He likes the photo you posted just moments ago and even comments with the thumbs up emoji. 

You look up again at him to find him already giving you that gummy smile of his and you can’t help but to smile back. 

He reaches for his iced americano, but he fumbles it and it spills onto the table. He quickly places it up right again, “Shit, sorry.” He leaves his phone on the table to grab napkins at the cafe’s register counter. 

Jisung’s phone starts chiming and you can see the little banner at the top. 

He comes back and starts placing the napkins on the table, letting the spilled liquid soak into the napkins before gathering them and placing them aside. His phone goes off again. He takes a glance while he wipes down the table. “Oh, it’s the guys. Can you tell me what it says?” 

“Me?” 

“Yeah, I told them I’d be by my phone in case something goes wrong with the bar. We just switched suppliers for a couple of things and I’m usually the one that deals with the shipment and where things go.” 

You grab his phone and swipe up to see the different text banners. 

Loudmouths Binnie Where the hell is the stock list???? Loudmouths Lee Know (soulmate) Where it always is. Loudmouths Binnie Well if I knew where it was, I wouldn’t be asking. Lee Know (soulmate) She’s obviously going through a hard time. You were there once, you know what to do. You smile a little at the thought that maybe Jisung had texted Lee Know about how he found you asleep in the closet this morning.

“Everything okay?” Jisung’s voice reminds you that you were only supposed to check the work group chat.

“Um. Changbin wants to know where the stock list is at.”

“Where it always is.” Jisung leaves momentarily to throw away the napkins and comes back only to find that he has a small brown spot on his sweater from his coffee. He takes one of the spare napkins from the stack he brought over and dabs at the spill, hoping it doesn’t stain the sweater permanently. 

“That’s what Minho said.” Once Jisung is satisfied that the stain seemingly disappeared, you hand him his phone so he can text him back. He smiles as a thank you and types a response, reading it aloud as he does so. “In your office. Behind the door.” 

You smile weakly, “Seems like they really need you back there.” 

Jisung looks at you for a second before going back to his phone screen and hitting send. He places his phone back on the table and gives you his full attention. “No, not at all. They’ll be fine. Changbin’s mostly in charge of numbers. Minho is all about the menu and wine pairings for the restaurant mostly.”

“And you?”

Jisung bites on his lower lip in contemplation. “Hm. I like to think that I’m in charge of the awesome music and events.” 

“Don’t forget, you bring in your regulars.” He shrugs his soldiers casually. “We all have our regulars. If you lived here, would you grant me the honor of being my regular, too?” The corners of his lips tug into a smirk. 

The smile on your lips widens a little and you tear your gaze away from him, leaning your elbow on the table and putting your chin in your hand to hide the growing smile. 

He laughs and takes that as an answer. “So, do you have any idea of what you’d like to do today?” 

“Oh,” You look back at him, your hand moving from your hand from your chin to the back of your neck, feeling timid. Your reminded of the emotions you woke up with and you silently thank Jisung for unknowlingly pulling you out of it.  “Yeah. I think – I think want to Send a Message in a Bottle.” 

Jisung and you walk the streets close to the beach until you stumble upon a glass trinket souvenir shop. It’s quite cute. The whole shop has a very beachy vibe. The decor centered around sun-bleached wooden furniture, white worn down shutters positioned on the walls to make it look like closed windows, and a couple of signs around the small store that say, “this way to the beach”. 

You peruse the shop with Jisung leading the way. His fingers run along the tubes of a wind chime, a couple of different tones sounding from the movement. He looks back at you from over his shoulder, smiling warmly. You give him a smile back. 

You pause momentarily to look at one specific art piece on the wall. It’s a large picture made up of shells cracked and dyed different colors to make up a mosaic of a woman and a child at the beach. Underneath the large art piece, scribbled across a small white index card it reads, “Summer ‘96.” 

You continue around the shop, wondering about the story of the mosaic. Who was the artist? Were they related to the two subjects or did they just happen to capture a beautiful moment between mother and daughter. Maybe it was a mosaic based off of a picture taken back in ‘96, maybe the artist was the child in the picture, maybe the mother.

“Oh, what about these?” Jisung turns to you with a small bottle in his hands. Inside of the bottle is sand, presumably Busan Sand that is sealed with a cork at the mouth of the bottle. Very touristy. “We can just empty out the sand and use the bottle.” 

You check the price tag and do a quick conversion. “That looks perfect.” 

Jisung smiles and takes two from the shelf. You follow him to the counter where a middle man was stationed. 

“I saw you looking at my daughter’s artwork.”

“Hm?” You look over to where the man gestured. “Oh, yes. I was. Your daughter made that?” 

The man nods and rings you up for two souvenir trinkets. “That she did. That’s her and her mother on the beach.” 

Jisung hands the man the appropriate amount of cash. “You’re selling it?”

“No. I just hang it up there to keep me company during shop hours.” The smile he gives both you and Jisung is heart-warming; extremely pure and genuine. “My daughter takes care of my wife while I’m at the shop.”

“Oh,” Jisung frowns a little, taking the bag that contained your purchase from the shop owner. “I hope your wife is doing well.” 

“She’s doing fine. Her memory just isn’t what it used to be, but my daughter and I do our best and we manage.” He sighs with a shrug of his shoulders. “You kids be safe out there.” 

You give him a nod, “Thank you, sir.” Your hand slips down to grab Jisung’s, leading him out of the shop and across the street to a dock you had spotted. You look back at him for a brief second to catch his confused and worried eyes. You simply squeeze his hand tighter, trying to convey to him that you just needed to get out of there. 

He doesn’t quite understand, but nonetheless he squeezes your hand back and quickens his pace as he follows at your heel. 

There aren’t too many people around. There’s a couple holding each other at the other end of the dock and a family taking a stroll along the shore. The area was more secluded, a bit farther down than the more touristy area. 

You sit at the end of the dock, hanging your feet over the edge. With your hand still in Jisung’s, you gently tug him down to sit next to you. Quietly, he joins you and hands you your glass bottle of sand. Finally, you let go of his hand to look through your bag, taking out two pens and handing him one. “I took these from the cafe,” You hand him one of the two napkins you had swiped from the cafe’s register counter. 

You bend forward and place the napkin on your lap, scrawling across it messily. There were a lot of things to say and you’re unsure if you’ll ever really be able to fully transcribe your thoughts accurately, but you try your best. When you’re done, you take the souvenir bottle and uncork it, spilling the sand into the ocean beneath you. You slip your message into the glass bottle and close it securely with the cork top. 

Beside you, Jisung writes his own message.  It’s a letter meant for a friend. He asks him how he’s doing, if he was okay. He tells this friend about the things he’s missed. How Seungmin opened up the cafe shop. How Changbin and Lee Know keep him on his toes around Loud Mouth. He talks about his music, how he’s almost ready to show the world his full length album. How hard it was to get through writing the songs. Eventually, he rolls up the napkin, spills his sand in the ocean, and places his letter into the bottle, corking it shut. 

You toss your bottle into the ocean and Jisung does the same. The bottles bob up and down in the water at first, then it follows the waves' ebb and flow, being pulled towards the shore, then out towards to sea. It’s slow, but they travel towards the horizon. 

“Did you write about what you needed to?”

“I did. I sent someone a letter and I hope he reads it, wherever he is.”

You’re curious, but you know it’s not your place to ask. “Lee Know made it seem like you were going through a rough time.”

“I was… I am. I’m not ready to talk about it yet. Soon, but.. Not yet.” Jisung looks off at the bottles, eyes glazed over, lost in deep thought. 

You stay quiet and accept his answer. Soon.

“I fell asleep crying in the closet last night.” Your voice is quiet. It’s just barely noticeable over the sounds of the gentle waves. 

Jisung adjusts his body to face you, giving you all of his attention. He knows you’re about to tell him something important; something vulnerable. 

Your eyes focus on your feet, legs dangling back and forth over the edge of the dock. “I called my friend Robin over FaceTime.  She said I looked happy,” You smile a little to yourself, imagining yourself from someone else’s eyes: happy. “I haven’t been happy in a while. Not necessarily sad. Well, at one point I was sad. Really sad.” You shrug your shoulders, trying to downplay your emotions. 

Jisung places a hand over yours. It’s gentle, it’s warm. It’s comforting. 

“My mom passed away three years ago.” The lids of your eyes droop; you haven’t talked about this. To anyone, actually. Everyone around you in close proximity knew, you didn’t have to explain, they could only assume. “It was hard, watching someone you love that was so strong, someone that was your superhero, become so weak, so fragile.” You stopped swinging your legs, feeling that numb prickly feeling enveloping you again. “But she was still strong, just in other ways. For a long time, she never complained, never cried, never made it seem like there was anything wrong.” You give a sad twisted smile, “I couldn’t even look at her at one point. I was so mad, why wouldn’t she just let us know she was hurting? We could all see it.”  

“Eventually, she grew tired. Tired of smiling, tired of acting like nothing had changed. She was exhausted. At one point, all I did was sit next to her and watch her breathing, scared that every breath could be her last.” You gently rest your head on Jisung’s shoulder, looking for any form of physical comfort. He sits still for you, letting you use him as something to lean on. He hasn’t said a word back to you, he’s simply listening to everything you need to say out loud. “She passed shortly after.” 

You move your head slightly to look up at him. He looks down at you and he takes his hand off yours to wrap it around your shoulder. 

“She left us in the summer. I was… a wreck. I was sad. So fucking sad. Summer passed. Fall passed. I don’t know how many seasons passed, but I was still sad. I didn’t want to do anything; I didn’t want to speak to anyone. I just wanted to stop. Me. Not my dad, not my friends, not work, not the world. I wanted to stop.” Jisung looks at you with a pained expression. His lower lip quivers and he had to purse his lips to stop it. He lets out a shaky breath and his arm around you brings you closer to him, his other hand finds yours on your lap and he squeezes it, hoping that you can feel him there in your current state. 

“I got close, but my dad…” You close your eyes and shake your head. “Eventually, that sadness became apathy. I wasn’t happy, I’m not sure I was sad. I might have been, but I just kept going through everyday motions. I went to work. I ate. I slept. Over and over again. Then it got to the point where I needed that routine to function.” 

“Last night, I also called my dad. He worries about me, you see.” This is where your voice cracks a little. “I told him that I think I’m going to be okay and he said—" You choke back a sob, shutting your eyes and gripping the edge of the wooden plane of the dock to ground yourself, afraid that you could lose yourself. “—he said she’d be proud of me.” You fully fall into Jisung now, bringing your hands into your chest as he cradles your body close to him. 

“She is proud.” 

The tears flow freely with his words. He has no idea who your mother is, he has no reason to believe she would be proud and you almost want to laugh at how he could be so sure, but then you remember your mother’s smile. How she would look at you every time you walked through the front door, happy you were home. She’d greet you with a “You’re here. Good. I’m glad.” Every. Single. Time. It didn’t matter if you went out just to take out the trash, it didn't matter if you hadn’t been home in a month because work was so busy that you’d be pulling overtime and you barely had the energy to make it back to your own apartment. She said it  the last time you saw her and even with how fragile she looked at how frail her voice sounded, she was glad. You think that if she saw you now, knowing what you went through, she’d say the same thing. “You’re still here. I’m glad.” 

The emotions crash onto you like a tsunami. Like waves that rippled from the small earthquake that was the call back home. Perhaps it was even before that. You had thought you had grieved your mother’s passing, that you cried as much as you could, but you’re realizing now that all of this grieving and the emotions comes in waves. You grip onto Jisung’s shirt, tugging and stretching the collar, uncaring to how hysterical you may look. 

“I know that we just met, but,” Jisung’s voice snaps you back. You can feel his voice vibrating in his chest, low and only for you to hear. “I’m glad that you choose to wake up everyday.” 

Those words linger in the air. You focus on them and what they mean to you. You’re not sure how Han Jisung does it. How he knows exactly what to say to you. How you know that statement is precisely what your mom would mean if she were to you right now. Slowly, your breathing calms down, the tears don’t flow as much as they did. You stay like that for a while until your sobs calm down and you can finally take a full breath. Jisung’s shirt is wet with tears, but he doesn’t care. 

You stay at the dock with Jisung’s arms around you, rubbing comforting circles into your back. By the time the sun starts it descent in the sky, you shift your weight off of him and wipe your face with the palms of your hands. You exhale deeply and blink hard, as if to reset yourself. You place your hands on your lap and look at him. “Let’s get out of here.” 

Jisung stands slowly, helping you up. He lets you lead the way, to wherever you want, at whatever pace you set.  He observes you quietly. He contemplates his words briefly, unsure of how to bring what he’s known for awhile now up. “The Bucket List, it’s not yours is it? You’ve never once called it yours.”

You unwrap your arms from around yourself and find that your hand automatically reaches to  find his. You interlace your fingers with his slender ones.  It’s so natural that it surprises you. You look back at the ocean before leading him off the dock and back onto the concrete ground. You can barely see the pair of bottles carrying your messages. 

“It was my mom’s. I found it one day after she passed. I would read it again and again to try and be close to her, but the more I read it the farther away I would feel. I decided to get on a plane to Korea, do something different that my normal routine, I wanted to feel closer to her. I wanted to do her bucket list.” 

“Will you be okay?”

You glance up at him. He’s staring out into the horizon, his hair swept to the side from the wind. 

You sit with his question for a while longer. If you’re honest with yourself, you don’t know. You don’t know what tomorrow brings. You don’t know how you’ll feel in a week, in a day, in the morning. But here, with him, simply walking along the shore together…

“I will be. “

Jisung tugs on your hand, bringing you closer to him. He places a kiss on the top of your head, breathing you in.

“Good.”

ending author's notes:Because I was sitting on this chapter for awhile, I kind of forgot that I had revealed the whole Bucket List ownership and when I re-read it I almost gasped; as if I didn't write it and had it all planned out from the beginning. Because I did have all this planned from the beginning, the terminal illness of m/c's mom really hit close to home with recent events. Hug your loved ones a little tighter for me, will ya'? 🤎 If you enjoyed this chapter or if you're enjoying the series, please remember to reblog. it's not necessary, but it truly helps me out! taglist

@burningchaosdeer @bat-shark-repellant @jisunglyricist @captivq @lixiel0ver @channieandhisgoonsquad @dalamjisung @laylasbunbunny @beanebabyy @leyknowsbin @vixensss @hyunfilms @cutiespaghetti @hanjisunginc @kubuwu @raehawthorne

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[eiuuei]

SUCCESSION SEASON 4 POSTER ANALYSIS TIME!!!

First, I have to preface this by saying that I am basing this analysis very heavily on the roof imagery, so someone is either jumping or pushing someone else off. (shoutout to the official Succession instagram acc post sayin 'Kill the opposition')

Pt 1 - The one I am most confident of : Tom, Greg & Shiv

GUYS! I have been looking at this new poster non-stop, and the image you see above has solidified an idea in mind...

GET READY FOR IT TO HURT, AND TO BE TOTALLY NOT-SURPRISED!

I am forecasting a big Cousin Greg betrayal!!! In all the posters shiv looks right behind Tom, ready to push him down the roof.

And WHO IS GREG LOOKIN AT? Shiv!!!

And I cannot find the scene-screenshots here, but who does Greg side with in the second episode of the first season when he is asked to bring/not bring things from home?? SHIV! So this collaboration was long overdue, they are meant to work together at some point!

Another reason why I think him eyeing Shiv means he is siding with her is the big poster below:

Everyone looks at each other, scheme for different reasons but Greg is looking at himself- LOOKING AFTER HIS OWN INTERESTS!

Pt2 - Kendal, Roman and Logan

Both looking at their father in the reflection, but one is looking towards where their dad is, and the other looks away from him.

MY guess is that we will see the brothers betraying each other, one going after Logan's throat (probably Kendall), and one betraying his brother by working with their father (probably Roman).

Feeling very Abel and Cain with these two.

Also don't forget! Some people kept pointing out that without a safety glass; Kendall & 'being on the edge of falling' is fitting with all the s*icidial imagery from the previous season promo materials. So maybe the dynamic of these three will be shaped by something like that, but we will never know.

Pt3 - I have nothing to say about this

Connor is all alone... Again...

But! At least in these single posters' order, Kendall is looking after him. So maybe there is something between these two coming togehter- or worse, something bad happens to Connor, and it kicks off the conflict of the previous three.

This makes me feel like I am doing a tarot reading, associating all the positioning of the cards and all that LOL

LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK!!

[honeybunnytummies]

An Introduction to this blog!

Hello, there! My name is Honey. I am a 18-year-old genderfluid person looking to share my content and find some friends in a weirder community than normal. I will be writing, drawing, and even doing audio content sometimes! (Also if you want to see me make a game follow me @pie-productions )

WARNING! THIS IS A BLOG FOR WEIRD CONTENT BUT EVERYTHING IS SFW.

-------------------------

here are some of the things that you will find on the blog:

Vore

Giant and Tiny

Feeding People

SFW Pet Pl/ay

Age re//gression

Of course, some of these, (Ag//ere and Pet P/lay), will be in different tags, so no one from those communities can accidentally stumble across this blog.

------------------

here are the tags to find some of my work:

Art in general - Honey’s sketchbook

Reblogs - Honey's Wonderful Stash

Questions answered- the fox demon answers

Writing/stories -Honey’s Journal

Feeding - Honey’s Stuffing

Audio- Honey's DVD player

SFW Pet P//lay - Honey’s Cute Bunnies

Age//re- Honey’s Little Ones

Vore devlogs - Honey's VorLogs

Here are the stories(and aus of stories) I am making:

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(Main story I am working on) In Regards to Hell

(Can be an au but is an og story) The Upside and Downside

(Orginal story) In concept, I'd date you!

(Orignal story)You saw them standing there!

(Au of IRTH)[dystopian au that doubles as a yandere au] In Regards to a Dystopian Hell

(Au of IRTH)[A Cosmic Horror story] A World of Nothings Nowhere yet Everything Everywhere

(Reversed au of Irth) I Send My Hellish Regards

------------------------------

All of the normal story tags:

In regards to Hell = IRTH

The Upside and Downside = TUAD

In concept, I'd date you! = ICIDY!

You saw them standing there! = YSTST

In regards to a Hellish Reality= IRTAHR

A world of Nothing Nowhere yet Everything Everywhere = AWONNYEE

I send my Hellish Regards = ISMHR

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Vore tags:

In regards to vore hell = IRTVH

The preyside and predside = TPAP

In concept, I'd eat you! = INCIEY!

You say them standing there and they were hungry = ATWH

In regards to A vorish hellish hunger = IRTAVHH

A world of Hunger forever yet already full = AWOHFYAF

I send my vorish Regards = ISMVR

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Game Projects I am (CURRENTLY) working on:

N/A

---------------------------------

I hope this gives you a general idea of what is to come from this blog! I do hope you have a good time with this blog! Because I know I sure will! Also if you want to chat please dm me on discord, prettylittlehoney#4115!

The ask box is also ALWAYS opened for everyone! Just use common sense when writing your question!

------------------------------------

DNI IF:

Pedophiles

Zoophiles

Terfs

NSFW/18+ accounts

Micro/Marco

K/ink blogs(even SFW)

Age regression blogs ( nothing wrong with you but I don't feel comfortable with you interacting with this)

‐----------------------------------

[moonrlsing]

so what if like hypothetically i gave yall my discord bc i dont wanna be on tumblr anymore bc it makes me hella anxious lmao

it’s under the cut. mutuals only and pls let me know who you are.

djwubs#1694

lol 69

anyways yeah. i dont do 1on1 rps over dms bc of a lot of bad personal experiences but also personal preference, so if you wanna keep rping, you can dm me and i can make us like, a private server or smth

i’ve also considered making a mutuals only group server for mada so me and some friends can still do stuff and i wont feel pressured

[starrynightsforever]

I was originally planning on moving back to my parents’ house for the summer before I start grad/med school, but after having been home for the past two days, I can confidently say that if I have to hear them listen to contemporary Christian music every time I get in the fucking car with them, I just might k*ll someone.

[crazycatsiren]

-waves-hello, I've been recently trying to reclaim the term disability for my mostly invisible issues, including neurological processing issues, developmental trauma, ocd, and other things. They seems less sever than most but still impact my dayti day energy, hope, s*icidiality and other things. I have a terrible time feeling like I can move thru my day and even practice my craft for years and years, I've just been in healing and autopilot... Masking and trying to fight with my self-loathing everyday. I've had 12 therapist (legit now) a new late diagnosis on my neurological disorder and I've never had a black provider aside from my current pcp of 3 years. I'm also black. But that's not the point..

Erm. Do you have any words of wisdom??? How do you do it all???? I don't have any severe physical barriers and I'm only just not recognizing my fatigue and brain fog issues are really jsut not going to go away even now that I'm in a safe enviroment. I know ur not a God or a therapist but ur blog, ur anti capitalist, disability justice people of color advocacy leanings really makes me want to rest under ur wings so to speak. If you have nothing to offer that's alright. Thanks for existing.

Thank you for sharing this with me.

First of all, you are very brave for talking about this, and I'm sorry from my heart for all that you have to go through.

Second of all, try to turn your mind away from the idea that you have it easier or don't have it as bad as "other people". The fact that your conditions are making it harder for you to function in day to day life and are having an impact on your mental and physical well being means you should have the accommodations you need so you can live your life with minimal suffering.

Many people, especially those with seemingly invisible disabilities (I say seemingly, because in actuality they're not invisible), feel like they don't have it "bad enough" to be disabled and to receive care as disabled people. This is pretty common and I know I myself have been there at one point. But disability isn't a competition. There are not different levels of disability. If you're disabled, you're disabled, and you deserve support regardless of "how much" you're disabled, and that's my personal opinion.

It's ok to not be strong. It's ok to not tough it out and just plow through and cope with it. We shouldn't have to. People who don't have these issues that we deal with every moment of our lives call out sick when they're not feeling well and they have the right to. We have the right to "call out sick" with our disabilities, too. There is nothing wrong with utilizing all options available to make your life easier, to make yourself able to enjoy your life as much as you can. Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. It's our basic human right.

[rurisbeadeddolls]

On progress...⏳ Allá hace mucho tiempo pintaba y dibujaba MUCHO. Soy de la época en que ser fan del manga/anime era s*icidi* social y lo único que te podía rescatar es que hicieras las cosas bien. Qué bueno que ya no es así... O por lo menos eso es lo que veo últimamente. 🌸 Cómo sea hace BASTANTE que no me sentaba a pintar. Tengo malos recuerdos de haber lidiado feo con los lápices de colores (y sí, si usaba un papel terrible y los lápices escolares🤦🏻‍♀️) además de la poca paciencia que en realidad tenía. 🌸 Hasta los ojos, bien. Por algún motivo, los prismacolor se empastan en este papel por lo que la piel me está dando guerra. Y no me encantan mucho, la verdad. Están medio sobrevalorados. Los lyra siguen siendo mis preferidos aunque muchos los ignoren. Son la versión blanda de los Faber Castell polychromos. Para el pelo, que está en proceso aún, usé los tonos de los Faber Castell supersoft que... No sé. Tienen una paleta muy muy interesante. #gojosatoru #animeart #jujutsukaisen #pencilcolours #lyrapolychromos #fabercastellsupersoft https://www.instagram.com/p/Cgr6oh1OqEW/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[that-nd-infp]

The Trouble With “Gifted” Labels in School:

//TW: discussion of s*icidial thoughts and depression

Growing up, I was considered “smart”. I was reading before my peers and had a much larger vocabulary than them. I had better comprehension on a wide variety of topics. My test scores always fell in the “advanced” range. I could carry on conversations with adults with ease. It wasn’t long before I was put in “gifted” classes.

By high school, I was a straight-F student.

“You’re a smart kid,” my teachers would tell me. “You clearly understand the information, so why are you failing my classes?” I never knew how to answer that. They were right, I understood the information. I had no idea why I couldn’t do better. I was told repeatedly that I was just lazy, that I wasn’t trying, that I lacked self-discipline. I believed every word of it, and I was constantly frustrated with myself.

At 21, however, I understand now why I struggled so bad. All that time I was struggling with ADHD in a system that provided no help. Yes, I understood the information, but I had no idea what I was supposed to do with it.

Let’s talk about the role that the “gifted” label played in that.

I was never taught in school how to study, or that I even had to. I just knew that I was “smart” and therefore I naturally understood the information. In 3rd grade I switched to online schooling only, which provided minimal structure and minimal interaction with my teachers and peers. I was expected to work off of my own structure and complete work on my own. I had absolutely no idea what to do.

Imagine you have to run a marathon. Your whole life you’ve been told “you’re so fast, this will be easy for you!” and that’s all you know. So as soon as that marathon starts, you break out into a full sprint and pass all the other runners. But after awhile, you get tired and start cramping up, and you have to stop. Before long, all the other runners have passed you and left you behind. Because the thing is, they were taught to stretch before hand, to hydrate and pace themselves. They were taught proper running form, but you? You were fast, that was all you needed. Now you have no idea why you can’t keep up or even how to move forward at all. All you know is that the people around you are telling you that you’re lazy or that you’re not trying hard enough, even though you can barely stand.

That is exactly what the education system felt like to me. I was not given the resources I needed to succeed and I watched all my peers pass me. I still don’t know how to pick the pieces up, if I’m being honest. I don’t know how to apply to college or choose a career, I still don’t drive, and I have no idea how to fix that.

The thing is, no one would have expected this in the beginning because I was “smart”, and they assumed that my failure to keep up was because of laziness. Teachers need to be trained what to watch for in students to help identify ADHD early on and effectively support the students dealing with it. Because that never happened, though, it led to so many other problems in my life.

I didn’t know what was wrong with me and I blamed myself for all of this. I started having panic attacks looking at a single worksheet because no matter how many times my eyes went over it, I couldn’t process the words that were written (and I should add that I didn’t even know what a panic attack was, I just thought I was dying because I suddenly couldn’t breathe or feel my limbs). I would get so overwhelmed I would freeze in place and stop functioning. By the time I was 11, I was dealing with depression and constant suicidal thoughts. I thought I was broken and useless because I wasn’t able to do what was asked of me.

Ten years later, none of this has gone away. I still get immense anxiety trying to complete basic tasks. I’m still chronically overwhelmed and exhausted, and I still face bouts of depression. I still deal with suicidal thoughts on a daily basis that I can’t seem to get rid of no matter what I do, even when I’m not actively depressed (passive ideation, not active).

I am an adult still trying to undo the damage that the failings of this schooling system did to me. I know that I’m not alone in this, and it breaks my heart to think of how many kids have been through —and are still going through— these things. Kids need to be told that it’s okay to struggle, and receive support when they do. They don’t need to be told they’re smart, they need to be encouraged to give their best and then helped when tasks are beyond their capabilities.

[diaphobic]

(TW) Curious as to how you think Shu is suicidal atm? I might’ve read wrong but I think that’s what you said..? I understand he’s depressed, but suicidal I’m not quite sure. Love your blog and thank you!!

I’m glad you like my blog :> I really love these anylysis questions! I’m finished with Laito’s and Shu’s HDB routes now~ I can’t decide whose to go through next!

Trigger warning for talks about s*icide & depression type stuff.

This is in detail about s*icidial tendencies.

So if you’re umcomfortable please visit my more light hearted posts.

I do think he was suicidal. It isn’t too far off for him to be. He was so distant from everyone and everything that it seemed like he was ready at any moment to leave. At the beginning he had no emotional connection with anyone or anything. There was no real reason keeping him alive (until MC). He was so withdrawn from reality all he could do was sleep.

Some of the warning signs of a suicidal person Shu fits perfectly:

A feeling of hopelessness.

Sleep problems.

Withdrawal in activities or socialization.

Changes in personality/appearance.

Recent trauma or life crisis.

Shu felt nothing was worth striving for. He was so overcome by guilt that he didn’t see a point to even trying to become happy again. That is, of course, until MC showed up and pushed him to feel things again. Even then in his HDB route he didn’t understand why love is so important (the way humans love). Shu was extremely closed off and distant in fear of being hurt or hurting.

He went from being a curious and active child to being a lifeless adult. He used to be on the move and motivated to explore the world as a child. He changed to being who he is after Edgar’s death and the pressure to become the next King. He was crushed by this sense of hopelessness. Shu was told he was a good for nothing right when he was hurting the most. He was told that right as he was watching the flames engulf Edgar’s village. Reiji told Shu he wasn’t fit to succeed the throne and he should stay mute. He really thought about that insult to heart. Shu repeated it and broke down. He felt utterly helpless after that. And that was around the time he went into his ‘motivated’ personality that was really quiet and reserved. He then became who he is shortly after he spiraled.

Here are some instances from his route that kinda reinforced the idea.

Maniac 3: Shu says he wouldn’t mind if he died.

Maniac 10: Ayato says Shu doesn’t have the will to live.

After Story: MC disappears and Shu finds her and says how he loses all meaning to remain in this world of she isn’t there.

Throughout his whole route he was totally indifferent to dying until toward the very end. Even then he still didn’t mind the thought of dying as long as he either died with her or by her hands.

[emolgum]

Request Information

Request Status: [ CLOSED - ❌ ]

General Request Rules:

Please send all requests through The Ask Box, It helps me keep track of them.

Not all requests may be done, I have a right to not do a request that's given to me. I also have the right to add/remove any character requested.

I will always write a Gender Neutral Y/N since that is how I identify. I will not be doing Y/n's who use either She/Her or He/Him pronouns.

Please do not rush requests!

Please read my full writelist/blacklist before requesting! Also please read my Wont's below.

Prompts Wont's

Anything requested that falls into these categories will be deleted and you will be blocked.

Lemon/Lime/Smut, Overall Sexual Stuff

P//dophilla

Inc//st

Yandere / Romanticized Toxic Relationships

Non-Con / Dub-Con / R//pe

S/H / S//icidial Situations

Gore / Heavy Angst

Pregnancy

Oc x Canon / Canon x Canon (Y/N only please!^^)

Fandoms

All the Fandoms I will do, any fandom that isn't here I will not do. This list will increase as I watch different Anime.

Haikyuu

Danganronpa

MHA/BNHA

Tysm for Reading!^^

[dyingfromtheinside]

Writing s*icidie notes at work 🤪

[josephml99]

RT @YOSEISHAWTY: wait constant emptiness and s*icidial ideation ain't normal???? y'all actually happy????? https://t.co/rc1Msh5gHK

http://twitter.com/JosephML99

[stefanstranger]

Favorite tweets

You're right, by selecting both unsaved files in the explorer and then right clicking on one, a "Compare Selected" option is available. Thanks 😁

— Ryan Gunn (@Icidis) May 28, 2019

from http://twitter.com/Icidis via IFTTT

[stefanstranger]

@Icidis @code You can cheat a bit by using @code Extension ;-) https://t.co/jxdiUdk5qO

You can cheat a bit by using @code Extension ;-) https://t.co/jxdiUdk5qO

— Stefan Stranger (@sstranger) May 28, 2019

from Twitter https://twitter.com/sstranger May 28, 2019 at 08:22AM via IFTTT