#atwh

[honeybunnytummies]

An Introduction to this blog!

Hello, there! My name is Honey. I am a 18-year-old genderfluid person looking to share my content and find some friends in a weirder community than normal. I will be writing, drawing, and even doing audio content sometimes! (Also if you want to see me make a game follow me @pie-productions )

WARNING! THIS IS A BLOG FOR WEIRD CONTENT BUT EVERYTHING IS SFW.

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here are some of the things that you will find on the blog:

Vore

Giant and Tiny

Feeding People

SFW Pet Pl/ay

Age re//gression

Of course, some of these, (Ag//ere and Pet P/lay), will be in different tags, so no one from those communities can accidentally stumble across this blog.

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here are the tags to find some of my work:

Art in general - Honey’s sketchbook

Reblogs - Honey's Wonderful Stash

Questions answered- the fox demon answers

Writing/stories -Honey’s Journal

Feeding - Honey’s Stuffing

Audio- Honey's DVD player

SFW Pet P//lay - Honey’s Cute Bunnies

Age//re- Honey’s Little Ones

Vore devlogs - Honey's VorLogs

Here are the stories(and aus of stories) I am making:

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(Main story I am working on) In Regards to Hell

(Can be an au but is an og story) The Upside and Downside

(Orginal story) In concept, I'd date you!

(Orignal story)You saw them standing there!

(Au of IRTH)[dystopian au that doubles as a yandere au] In Regards to a Dystopian Hell

(Au of IRTH)[A Cosmic Horror story] A World of Nothings Nowhere yet Everything Everywhere

(Reversed au of Irth) I Send My Hellish Regards

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All of the normal story tags:

In regards to Hell = IRTH

The Upside and Downside = TUAD

In concept, I'd date you! = ICIDY!

You saw them standing there! = YSTST

In regards to a Hellish Reality= IRTAHR

A world of Nothing Nowhere yet Everything Everywhere = AWONNYEE

I send my Hellish Regards = ISMHR

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Vore tags:

In regards to vore hell = IRTVH

The preyside and predside = TPAP

In concept, I'd eat you! = INCIEY!

You say them standing there and they were hungry = ATWH

In regards to A vorish hellish hunger = IRTAVHH

A world of Hunger forever yet already full = AWOHFYAF

I send my vorish Regards = ISMVR

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Game Projects I am (CURRENTLY) working on:

N/A

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I hope this gives you a general idea of what is to come from this blog! I do hope you have a good time with this blog! Because I know I sure will! Also if you want to chat please dm me on discord, prettylittlehoney#4115!

The ask box is also ALWAYS opened for everyone! Just use common sense when writing your question!

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DNI IF:

Pedophiles

Zoophiles

Terfs

NSFW/18+ accounts

Micro/Marco

K/ink blogs(even SFW)

Age regression blogs ( nothing wrong with you but I don't feel comfortable with you interacting with this)

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[tamagoroki]

Titwe

[motoko]

WAIT WHAT THERES A FUCKING. JOHNNY TEST REBOOT COMING OUT

[normiewrites]

Midoriya with number 24 (〃ﾟ3ﾟ〃)

izu is a cutie

prompts

atwh masterlist

tags: @birds-have-teeth @jamiesalad @zylith-imagines-and-fics @sapid-rose

Warning(s): nsfw, masturbating, video call sessions, toys

they get asked out and then have a facetime date - Izuku Midoriya x (fem)Reader

“Izu, what have you planned out for this cute little date?” you asked, adjusting the outfit you wore as you sat down at your table, smiling at the flushed Izuku on your laptop’s screen.

“Y-you look beautiful, y/n, as always” Izuku stammered out, rubbing the back of his neck as a small blush creeped up on his smiling cheeks.

You were wearing nothing but his hoodie and some panties, and yet he never held back on the compliments, you so very wanted to just reach through the screen and kiss him. Besides, the tight t-shirt that he had on was looking pretty delicious to you, defining all of his muscles, including his nipples.

“You look just as ravishing, Izu darling” you smiled, chuckling softly as a darker blush slowly rose up on your cheeks.

“A-anyways, for the date-“ the sounds of his phone ringing interrupted him.

“All Might! S-sorry, it’ll be quick, y/n” he said, bringing his phone to his ear and talking to his hypothetical dad, shooting you an apologetic smile.

You didn’t really have any other choice, so you waited. And waited. And waited. And then got tired of waiting, especially with how emphasized your innocent boyfriend’s muscles were as he paced around his room. You drooled at the sight of his scarred biceps flexing as he brought his hand up to the nape of his neck and how his shirt would slightly rise up to expose bits of his v-line. The same v-line that you would ride to tease him. Your boyfriend was anything but innocent, even with the cute little freckles that would jump as he let out sweet chuckles and smiles, because they would jump up when he let out wanton moans of your name too. Besides, you weren’t really innocent yourself, so he couldn’t complain with your own little interruption of the date.

Taking your laptop to your bed, you brought out the dark green dildo from your bedside table before sitting with your back against the headboard. You smirked when Izuku sat back at his desk, his green eyes freezing up and his words getting caught in his throat as you slid your panties down your legs, a small string of ecstasy following after.

You could see the way his light green eyes turned a dangerous shade darker as they seemed to fuck you in his mind, breaking you apart and exploring every inch of your divine body. He almost seemed to forget where he was as he jumped at All Might’s voice from the other end of the line. A darker blush creeped up his cheeks as he gulped and stuttered his reply back, confirming that he was ok.

The way he tried to hide his obvious need for you gave you confidence to start playing with yourself. You slowly dragged your hot fingertips up from your knees to the top of your thighs, sighing softly as you imagined it was Izuku’s calloused ones instead. You let your fingers travel up your body, closing your eyes as they reached your tits, the hoodie now resting above them as you were on full display for him.

You opened your eyes as you whimpered softly, clenching your thighs together as you pulled on one nipple and twisted the other. You watched through your lashes as Izuku’s jaw clench, his fist clenching as he watched you play with yourself and his favourite body part. You saw as he leaned forward, typing with one hand. You couldn’t help but let your eyes trail up his scarred arm, remembering how he let you ride it once. You didn’t notice your actions got more intense from your imagination as a small ‘Stop that, y/n’ popped up on the left side of the screen.

You smirked, shaking your head before typing back, ‘no. also, dont u dare turn off my camera, u better keep watching me, otherwise ill punish u like the dirty boy u r’

You saw his chest puff up as he drew in a deep breath, trying his best not to end the call right then and there as he closed his eyes to compose himself. It was hard ignoring the raging boner that strained against his trackpants, and it did not help when you were teasing your wet lips with your fingers once he opened his eyes.

He couldn’t control the way that his jaw fell down, watching your fingers as you slowly circled your clit with your thumb, arching your back as you felt the sensitivity pull at your abdomen. He watched as your pussy clenched around nothing as you exponentially increased your pace, knees bending, muscles clenching and your tits being pushed out further. But what really got to him was how your lips moved in loud moans, and how they formed syllables, he knew you were moaning out his name. He was so engrossed in the way that your body moved, as if he was there, that his long term mentor had to clear his throat loudly to gain his attention.

“Is everything alright, Midoriya Shounen?”

“Y-Yes, A-All Might!” he squeaked softly, covering his mouth and taking deep breaths as to not alert Toshinori.

You both were lucky as he decided to ignore how things didn’t seem to be fine and continued on about the assignments he had the other day. While you on the other hand, had discarded your hoodie, sitting bare on the bed as you slowly plunged one finger into your pussy. The slight discomfort at first lead to the pleasure that you always chased after as you went knuckle deep, moaning out his name. It felt like every other time when he would have your hands pinned above your head with one hand and the other catering to your needs down there.

“Ngh, Izuku~” you moaned, managing to open your eyes and look directly into his as you put another finger in. The way that his eyes held onto yours and how his fist clenched and unclenched made a fire spread in your body.

He was nearly there, you could tell. You both knew that he didn’t always need to pick up his calls, he had the right, unless if it was an emergency, but he always got ahead of himself. But the way that his body tensed up and his gaze lingered all over your body told you that he might use that right tonight.

However, it wasn’t enough for you, you wanted all of his attention right then and there, and so you moved on to bigger plans. As you fingered yourself, feeling your warm and wet walls clench around your fingers as they prodded your soft spots, you held the dildo in your other hand, bringing it close to your mouth.

The audible gasp that left his mouth gave you the first sign to continue with your teasing, now licking and sucking on the tip of the hard plastic before trailing your tongue from the base of it till the tip. You kept your eyes focused on Izuku’s, as if you were sucking his cock before sliding it into your mouth, the tip hitting your back and making you slightly gag on the cock. Tears rushed to your eyes and drool spilled out of your mouth as you kept the dildo there, moaning around it as you moved your hips around your fingers. You were such a slut for him, it made him want to do unspeakable things to you.

Despite from your throat burning up from the choking and the way that your fingers worked hastily against your bundle of nerves wasn’t enough.

You wanted to hear him cry out to you, beg for you to stop. You wanted to see him jerk off and moan out for you. You wanted him to cum over and over again for you. Unable to hold yourself back anymore, you stood up on your knees, holding the dildo directly below you. You were panting softly, spreading your juices on it with the fingers you used and without warning you sat down on it, moaning and crying softly as you felt the thickness stretch out your walls, the tip hitting your g-spot right away.

You were caught up in your own world right now, you couldn’t even concentrate on the gasping boy as you eased yourself down the length of the toy, moaning and whimpering as it filled you up so well. If you tried hard enough, you could imagine you were riding your boyfriend instead.

His eyes were glued to the screen as he couldn’t ignore the raging boner that pressed tightly against his sweatpants. Without realising it, he started bucking up against the hard surface of the table, a few whimpers leaving his mouth at the sudden pleasure he felt.

“Midoriya shounen?”

“Y-yeah?” he panted out softly, his grip so tight on his phone he thought he would break it.

He had to bite down on his lip as he willed his hips to stop, but his will wasn’t strong enough this time as he bucked up again, pressing his hard on onto the desk, the movement shaking his camera.

“Oh, Izu daddy~” you moaned, looking right into the camera as each time you went up and down on the dildo, you went deeper and your hands massaged your tits harder. The sight infront of you; Izuku’s red face panting, his arm muscles tight and taught as he bucks his hips over and over again, it stirred a welcoming and familiar presence in your abdomen.

Now leaning onto your hands, you couldn’t help the lewd expressions slip out, your eyes rolling back and tongue lolling out for him to see. All you could think of is Izuku gripping your hips and fucking you balls deep from behind. The way he would breathe down your back as his tip would twitch against your g-spot and his balls slapping your clit. You kept plunging the dildo in and out of you, the soft ridges massaging your sensitive walls as the hard tip kept hitting your soft spot. The sensation in your stomach tightening up till the point you curled your toes and clenched tightly onto the bed sheets, making a mess out of them.

You were so caught up in your own ecstasy that you only realised that you were on a video chat with Izuku when his dark voice boomed through.

“All Might, I’ll have to call you later.”

[beadyeyes]

atwh do i do what so i do

[dxitydoo]

Songs that are now forever linked with characters in my mind

Chemical Daydream - Connor (D:BH)

Cola Song - Lance (V:LD)

The Devil Within - Chase & Spike (Lab Rats)

Dream - Alfie/Oscar & Jacob (AMISI) okay yes this is my own original story but I love these characters and I listened to this song on repeat while writing ch10 and... Oof y’know

Fighter - Chase Davenport (Lab Rats)

Fire Fire - Zuko & Azula

How Far We’ve Come - Percy & Annabeth (PJO)

Hush Boy - Adrien/Chat Noir (MLB)

Genius - Chat Noir & Lady Noir (MLB) specifically from an edit I saw on IG

I’ll Be Good - Adrien/Chat Noir (MLB) but specifically from a currently unposted chapter of ATWH so...

Is Everybody Going Crazy - Adrien/Chat Noir (MLB)

Last One Standing - Kirito (SAO)

Let It Die - Natsu & Zeref (Fairy Tail)

Little Lion Man - Rue (from that Hunger Games parody)

Monster - Loki (MCU)

My Demons - Natsu (Fairy Tail)

Oh No! - Tony Stark (MCU)

Perfect Machine - Connor (D:BH)

Play With Fire - Markus (D:BH)

Pumped Up Kicks - Rue (same as above)

Video Games - Lance & Keith (V:LD)

Wake Me Up - Merlin (BBC Merlin)

[winterrose527]

So sad that bicy(atwh) is over, but looking forward for your next robbcella project!

Me too, to both! Xo

[bigglesworld]

Hawker Siddeley HS125 Srs1B G-ATWH cn25094. Built in 1966

[badgalzizi-blog1]

Black Family Home

89 Stewart Rd,Short Hills, NJ 07078 8 beds, 13 baths @amannamedbruise​ 

[snkpomegranate]

atwh

[itsoktheresbts]

(I absolutely didn't vote for ATWH pt2.....🙃)

Vote Results!!

Just posted a writing schedule over on my writing blog (and reblogged before this) that you can check out!

Thank you to everyone who voted! All that we had 2 was VERY popular, and as it is a one shot, I am moving it forward before Inferiority Complex finishes. Silent Dreams was a VERY close second, so will be my next project 🥰🥰

Again, thank you all! Love you all!!

P.S come talk to me more! I’m super down atm and I’d love to interact with you guys more especially as I’m going back to work and will likely struggle due to my poor mental health 🥺🥺🥺

[chriswardman]

We hosted a great house concert last night featuring Alan Gerber. Awesome sketch by @quailgarden (at Denman Island, British Columbia) https://www.instagram.com/p/B46P2M-AtWh/?igshid=9y6cd9kdvz9a

[normiewrites]

hewo bb! can i please have 3 with kenma for the prompt thingies? i love youuuuu 🥺💗

uwu

i just changed the series name to ‘and they were housemates’ cause why tf not.

prompts

atwh masterlist

one is an extrovert, the other is an introvert - kenma kozume x (g/n)Reader

This was it, you were loosing it.

“Kenmaaaaa” you whined softly, laying on your stomach on your bed, your face turned to where he sat cross-legged, his usual Nintendo switch in hand.

“What do you want, y/n?” he huffed softly, sparing you a few seconds as he lifted his eyes up from his game to you, not surprised at the gloomy expression that had washed over your face, like how the water at beaches rushed over the sand, clearing it of anything that could be linked to the past.

“I wanna go outside” you groaned, lifting yourself up to rest on your forearms as you pouted softly, mentally cursing the quarantine. You had tons of work in the past few days and had plans with your friends to relieve the stress, so your whole body was itching to get into fancy clothes and get outside the feel the wind against your face and laughter bubble out your throat.

Despite being quite the extrovert, you found it funny how some people could live without many social connections, and there are others who thrive on those. Humans were all so differently similar, it always had you in awe.

“You know you can’t” he hummed softly, the clicks of his console filling in the silence, almost reminiscent of the clocks that ticked in your workplace, digging the hole deeper.

You knew you couldn’t go out and your chest felt heavy with the big realisation of how fucked up things really were. You wished you could have smiled at your boss brighter and hugged your friends tighter, because all you wanted to do was drown in the conversations and live your best life.

However, not matter how you felt, you had to deal with it. You were going to need to find ways to entertain yourself.

Groaning softly, you got up onto your knees, the bed creaking slightly as you waddled your way behind the distracted blonde, sighing as you let yourself fall onto his shoulders. His hair was silky and smooth against your cheek and his back warm under your embrace as you wrapped your arms around his neck.

“Can I help?” he said, sparing you yet again a few more seconds as he turned his head to look at your miserable state.

You wished he would spare you more time, but then again, you were surprised his introverted persona could handle your extroverted ass in the first place.

You eyed the screen that always lit up his face at night or sometimes even during the day, the sun’s light not strong enough to overpower it. You watched as a pixelated character walked down a grassy path before being stopped by another character with an exclamation over its head. As the music changed to something more upbeat, so did your heart as you watched mystical creatures move around, fire and water erupting from them. It seemed like Kenma was controlling the little bald and blue turtle as it followed each of his orders of which he selected from a menu.

Kenma couldn’t help but smile lightly as you had quietened down, engrossed in the battle, despite just starting the game.

You mouthed each of the words that popped up on the screen, “’You defeated Pokemon trainer Kalvin!’…Babe, did you win?”

You felt his hair tickle your cheek as he nodded his head, pressing a few more buttons before he returned to the same green path lined with trees.

“Wanna play? I just started it anyways” he asked, observing the way that your eyes followed each movement he made.

You didn’t even answer as you moved to sit in his lap, his hands on yours as you held the console. You smiled at how soft yet rough his hands were and it reminded you of all the times you would kiss his hands after his practice, claiming that it would make him feel better. You knew that he played along and never believed you, but you didn’t know that he always played extra hard so that you would give him more kisses.

The rest of the night was spent with you in his grasp as he taught you the ways of the game called Pokemon. As you played, you figured that even if you weren’t outside with your friends in some gaming arcade, maybe what you already had was enough. Kenma Kozume was your anchor, your home, and someone that would always love you, no matter how many times you made his Pokemon faint.

[mhpselcukdonmez01-blog]

OĞLUM VE KIZIMLA Bugün de böyle olsun dedim (Gökkuşağı Eğlence Merkezi) https://www.instagram.com/p/B4pefL-ATwh/?igshid=1041gheh42vzy

[babblingbr00k]

Seek Me & You Shall Find Me

Rule 1: Prescribed medications such as: antidepressants, pain medicine, anti-anxiety medicine, sleep medicine were completely banned at ATWH. The only medication that we were allowed to bring in and take were over the counter medication and Prescriptions that were deemed necessary to prevent harm/or death. The theory behind this is our very first commandment. Thou shall have no other Gods before me.

I remember, as the wind blew the moon and the darkness in, being very anxious and over emotional. I cried uncontrollably. I was petrified of night, scared of being awake and alone. I was completely at the mercy of the monsters my 2nd night wanted to inflict. The only thing keeping me from bolting out the door, was the knowledge that I had nowhere to go.

It had now been over a week since I had my last dose of my Effexor, the antidepressant I had been on for 8 years since my brother died. It had also been 2 days since I had had my beta blocker. The medication that kept my heart from beating too fast.

My body was now detoxing from amphetamines, opiates, antidepressants, and a beta blocker. If I were to label my discomfort on a scale of 1-10, 10 being the worst. I was suffering at an unimaginable 67.3234.

I cannot express to you how much I wanted to die.

I stopped praying for the strength to get through this. I was now praying, begging, albeit DEMANDING for God to give me the strength to kill myself.

Like a child, I was clingy to Emma. Where ever she went I was sure to follow. If she were to sit down or stand still for longer than 2.5 seconds, I would force my way into her arms. Her petting, rocking, and cooing…...helped. But I could tell that, after several hours, she was beginning to get annoyed with the lack of personal space I was willing to give her. It wasn't long till I noticed Emma start to withdraw from me. When I would enter into a room, she would leave. She spent the rest of the evening with Kennedy.

Que private pity party of a catastrophic level. Abandoned again!!!

I was still unable to eat without it coming right back up. I was now crossing into the 48 hour mark of being unable to consume and keep anything of nutritional value in my stomach. I remember not being bothered by this. When I stood on the scale in the bathroom that morning, I was shocked when my weight read almost 270 pounds.

Our bodies start to burn excess fat after 2 days without eating. It’s also around this time that our adrenal glands start to pump endorphins into our system. It’s our bodies way of protecting itself from the pain of hunger pains. I remember looking forward to all small bit of relief that was headed my way within the next 24-48 hours.

Nine o'clock came and it was time for our circle of prayer. We all gathered in the middle of the room, formed a circle and held hands. I angrily “passed,” while the rest of the girls prayed. Immediately following prayers I went and climbed into my bed. Emma, who spent the entire day soothing me, wouldn't even look at me. I layed there wide awake, listening to the other girls drift off to sleep, wondering what kind of hell the dark corners of my mind had to offer the insommed.

I’m not sure how long I laid in my bed, twisting and turning, trying to get comfortable.

The only way I can explain how this feels is: imagine laying down, initially being able to lay still and comfortable for 20 seconds or so. But you start to feel a painful tingling sensation in your feet. It’s similar to the painful tingling your arm or your leg experiences when it’s “waking up” after having been deprived of blood flow for a little bit of time. This “tingle” slowly makes its way up your legs, into your back, then your shoulders, and finally into your arms. Movement of your extremities usually eases this feeling. But once you have done your little bedside boogie and start to get comfortable again, the tingling rallies, crawling up your legs once again for another attack against every inch of your body. It’s called Restless leg. Imagine going through this every couple of minutes for 9 hours straight.

I layed there in that little twin bed for hours, listening to the soft breathing of the other girls as they peacefully slept. I twisted and turned, changing positions every couple of minutes in an attempt to ease the Restless Legs. The sheets were that low thread count, so there were little bubbles that irritated my skin.

I found myself an interesting little rhythm.

Stomach….

Right Side….

Back…..

Left Side….

Now reverse….

Left side….

Back…..

Right side…..

Stomach….

Now do the Stanky Leg and the Dab….

I fought, for what seemed like hours. I didn’t care if anyone saw me. Desperate to try ANYTHING, I even attempted the Hands and Knees Down/Butt Up pose that we all resorted to as a child. It didn’t take long for me to abandon said pose. See, with my bowels being in the shape that they were in due to my detoxing, the only thing that this pose accomplished, was a bit of Brook’s Backdoor Homemade Airfreashner.

Abort!!!!!

Back to the ole Four Turn Tango.

Stomach….

Left Side…

Back….

Right Side….

Now reverse..

Right Side….

Back…..

Left Side….

Stomach...

….Now do the Stanky Leg and the Dab….

I HAVE TO GET OUT OF MY BODY!!!

I jumped out of bed and started running in place, jumping up and down. I was at war with my body. Using my hands, I assaulted every inch of my body. Beating my legs, my stomach, my butt, and finally my head. I thought, maybe, I could beat this feeling out of me.

Winded, I stopped to catch my breath. I realized that I had forgotten where I was. I looked around the room and remembered where I was, and that I wasn’t alone. I closely observed each girl as they laid in their own bed, checking to make sure none of them were awake to witness my self inflicted assault to my detoxing body.

I looked down at my bed and felt a wave of hate wash over me. Hate for my bed, hate for my sick body, hate for Phillip for abandoning me, hate for my parents for throwing me away, and hate for God who had forsaken me.

I never wanted to see that bed again. I grabbed my pillow and blanket made my way into the dark living room on the other side of the house.

I threw my pillow and blanket on the full sized couch and introduced myself.

“Couch...I’m Brook….I wanted to introduce myself. I felt it was the polite thing to do. Ya see….I’m about to lay down and try to get comfortable enough to get some sleep. But...the way this night is playing out….I have a feeling things are gonna be getting real freaky.”

I gave my new friend a gentle pat, laid down, and prayed that I would quickly fall into a peaceful sleep.

I started to count….1…..2…..3…..4…………………

It was around the 27 second mark that I felt the tingling in my feet.

..aaaaannnddddd here we go…..

Stomach…..

Left Side….

Back….

Right Side….

Now reverse…..

I now added the beat from Cat Nie Jo to my new nightly routine.

Right Side…..

Back…..

Insert the Nae Nae

Left Side……

I stopped mid Stanky Leg and burst out into an uncontrollable fit of laughter. I laughed so hard that I started to cry. I even wet my only pair of semi clean underwear.

I know what your thinking, but I’m not going crazy. Well, not completely anyway. See if you have the ability to laugh at yourself or have a little bit of fun in a situation that is fucked up….well...you just learned a valuable coping skill my friend. Good Job!!

I calmed down and finally caught my breath.

I was now pissed off at the couch. She could, literally, kiss my ass. I grabbed my pillow and blanket and shuffled over to the Love Seat.

Politely introduce myself to my new freaky furniture friend.

“Let’s get busy…..”

I remember wondering how long those couches had been there and how many asses they had seen through the years.

Moot…..

Well hello racing thoughts, wouldn’t be a party without you. I was wondering when your ass was gonna show up. Come on in and join this Fuck Fest Of Chaostrophic Proportions!

My thoughts bounced around from one random thought to another.

I went from thinking about the couches to thinking about my 1970’s couch that I got free when I moved into my first apartment when I was 21.

Fox Run Apartments.

What was the name of that Disney Cartoon?

Oh yea...Fox and the Hound.

You ain’t nothing but a hound dog….crying all the time…

What time is it? Where’s the damn clock?

It’s almost midnight.

It’s Tuesday. Almost Hump Day.

Why Hump Day? Who had the bright idea to name Wednesday Hump Day.

Maybe he had a standing reservation with his wife every Wednesday. His designated booty day.

Booty...God my booty hurt. 3 days of diarrhea will put serious wear and tear on the badonk-a-donk spout.

Whale spout. They have to come up for air every 15 minutes.

An alligator can hold its breath 30-60 minutes.

Humans risk brain damage after 3.

Brian Love...the little 5 year old boy that was hit by a car. My first Meritorious Service Award. I got to ride in Air Med because the Paramedic needed an extra set of hands. While he worked on little Brian, I had to squeeze the bag once every two seconds. Delivering oxygen into his little lungs.

Before I could make the transition into my next random, racing thought, I was interrupted by a very familiar high pitched squeaking. I didn’t get up immediately.

I wanted to give God a minute. I prayed that He would take him quickly.

"Please, God, spare me from THIS tonight."

I wasn't too keen on becoming a mouse serial killer. But after a minute or so of waiting for God to do his own damn job, I reluctantly got up. I cursed God, yet again, and followed the trail of audible suffering...my broom at the ready.

This time my dude was in the kitchen. I walked in and turned on the bright fluorescent lights. Curse!! Curse!! Curse!! Damn everything and everyone to hell.

Rule 2:Swearing and taking the Lord's name in vain will NOT be tolerated at All The Way House. If you refuse to abide by this rule, you will be expelled from the program and not allowed to return.

I found my next victim glued to a glue trap under the shelving of cooking supplies. Just one guy, he had only just started chewing off one of his paws.

Broom handle down, heart hardened, tears falling, taking aim, prayer for forgiveness, stab, stab, stab, die, die, die!!!

I stood there with him, watching, keeping him company, until the jerking stopped and he was gone.

“Fuck Forgiveness.” I tried to convince myself that putting the mouse out of his misery didn’t bother me.

But the tears falling down my face told me that that statement was a huge lie.

I disposed of the corpse, then stood in the kitchen and continued to cry. My happiness from new clothes long forgotten. I took stock of the collection of knives and debated on whether I should leave my own corpse for the girls to find.

It wasn’t until after I noticed the 8 foot, side by side freezer that I told myself, "I'll think about that tomorrow," (que Scarlett O'Hara.)

I dropped my killing instrument and made my way to the freezer. I stood there, before this gigantic, silvery door to Narnia, and said a quick prayer.

"Please, for the love of all things good, let there be contents within worthy of my sophisticated pallet."

The doors were heavy and I had to pull past the suction. There was no way in hell I would be denied my, "due and proper."

Once I had the doors opened, I could see stacks of fruit, plate lunches for the next day, and.....gallons of ice cream. Well you could have called me Chunk and told me to do the "Truffle shuffle," for all I cared. As far as I was concerned, God put this mountain in front of me, and by God, I would conquer it.

"Screw this," I said out loud. "If I can't stab myself to death, I'll fucking eat myself to death." I grabbed the gallon of strawberry cheesecake bliss, grabbed a ladle and happily resigned myself to eating my way to 300 lbs, diabetes, heart failure, then finally sweet death.

"How does this fit into your 1st Commandment?" I said under my breath.

I closed my eyes and pretended that I was shoveling Opana laced ice cream into my mouth and down my gullet. It was the severe brain freeze and subsequent nausea that made me stop. I threw my gifts from God to the side and ran to the bathroom, shoved my finger down my throat, and gave the porcelain God the contents of my stomach.

Once everything was up and out, I sat back onto the bathroom floor and caught my breath.

Brook? You are working yourself up. You have got to get a grip. The only thing this is doing is making it worse.

I took a deep breath and opened my eyes. On the toilet and walls was an abstract art piece that would have made Picasso proud. The white, pink, and red spew was a beautiful contrast to the faded green wallpaper. In the corner, an unknown, and suspicious brownish smudge made up a smile that went along with my strawberry eyes and nose.

I looked myself. What a waste. I had regurgitation in my hair, on my face, and down the front of my night shirt. I looked down to the floor and saw that I was sitting In a puddle that I had not noticed before. It was the smell drifting up that informed me that I had soiled myself (#1 & #2) during my peritoneal purge.

You can safely assume that I was at my most lowest point. I didn't just hit bottom. If you had had the desire to seek me out and try to find me, I was there, several 100 feet below rock bottom.

I submit

Uncle!!

I give up!

relinquishing,

86'in this shit,

have no fight left,

abdicate,

retreat,

withdraw,

yield,

abandon!!

I’m going to Davy Jones Mother Fucking Locker!!

I WANTED TO DIE!!! Why have you forsaken me God? Why have you abandoned me in my most desperate time of need?

I laid there, on the dirty, sticky bathroom floor, covered in my own piss, shit, and vomit. As much as I wanted to give up, I decided to give God one last call. This was my Hail Mary.

I distinctly remember whispering,"Help."

Then I waited.

And I listened.

………….

It would have been so easy to lay there, continuing to feel sorry for myself. It would have been easy to admit defeat and finish digging my own grave on the tiled floor. All I had to do was pull that dirt in on top of me.

Bury me here. Peace Out Bitches!!

I, soon, felt my body start to relax as I drifted off to sleep. I started to dream. In my dream I heard a voice and felt a presence that I hadn't felt in over 8 years. It was the comforting, yet insistent, voice of my brother , Coleson.

"Come on El Negro! (that’s what he called me) Not here and not like this. Get up!"

It would be amazing if I sat here and told you that it was the voice of my brother that got me off that floor and into the shower. It wasn't. I sprang up and out of my fetal position with an overwhelming need to throw up again. I dry heaved into the toilet as I #1 and #2'd all over myself for the 2nd time. When the gagging was done, I stood up and glanced over at my strawberry smiley face abstract piece.....and told him to go fuck himself.

For some reason I started speaking in first person.

"Brook is better than this."

“Brook doesn't just give up."

"Brook is a warrior and will fight."

“Brook smells like shit and needs to get her ass in the shower."

After my shower, Laying in my bed, before I drifted off into a semi-peaceful sleep, I promised myself, and whoever else was listening, that I was going to see this through. No more talk of killing myself or feeling sorry for myself. I had two feet, and dammit, I was going to stand on them.

Was that actually Coleson? Taking a minute to boss me around from the afterlife? Or was I finally entering the hallucination phase of death?

Well whatever you wanna call it, it worked. I got up, took a shower, put on clean clothes and went back to bed. It's possible that my self conscious created my brothers voice in a moment of self preservation. My brain told me what I wanted to hear, in a voice I was yearning to hear.

I knew that me giving up wasn't an option. If I wanted to live....I would have to fight.

[winterrose527]

Omg you're back at updating bicy(atwh) and I LOVE IT. You are super talented, I'm so happy and excited!!

omg you are so lovely! thank you so much and yes! I've posted two new chapters this week. So glad you’re exciting xox